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Hoofstuck


Nov 22 2011
"Hoofstuck"


Your name is Applejack, and you are sleeping sound. Twilight ain't fooling round your farm with her magics, Rainbow ain't looking to test you in no race, and none of them other friends of yours are bugging you right now neither. After that hootenanny at Pinkie Pie's last night in honor of her new gadget, you'd bet they're all five sleeping just as sound as you are right about now.

CRASH.



Well, nuts and shoes, what was that noise? Couldn't rightly tell where it came from, neither, with your eyes fast shut like that. Somepony's got some explaining to do.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Don't bother. Keep sleeping."


Now there's a thought! You're none so froufrou as Rarity, but everypony knows the value of getting her beauty sleep. Trouble is, when you try and drift off some more, the dreams don't come. You can kinda see what looks like your barn instead, only all orangish, but can't seem to get no closer. Mighty strange feeling, not being in charge in your own head. Reckon it ain't no use going back to sleep just now.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Recall Pinkie Pie's latest invention."


Yeah, here's the thing, sugarcube. You were really plum tired last night after sampling some of Granny Smith's new mead that you brought over to the party, and lit out afore Pinkie could explain it to you too good. Plus you never were too clear on those inventiony things. If it don't run on some nice strong colt pushing it along, then it probably ain't your cup of mead. Tea. Consarn it.

You reckon you had really better look into whatever made that sound. First, though, you gotta figure out where you're heading to look for it.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Take a good long look around."


Righto. Well, there's Carrot Top's house off there a ways. She rents a parcel of y'all's land and's always been the best of neighbors. Bit retiring, maybe. Don't see nothing wrong with her place.



There's the old barn, looking normal. Home comforts upstairs, pigs and storage space downstairs, except lately the pigs've been acting nervous and you've been sleeping in the barn proper to keep'em calm. Fluttershy offered to help, but you've been calming them farm animals since you were littler than Apple Bloom. Not a thing to it.



Most of the farm is apple orchard, a course. Apples 'n trees 'n apples 'n trees as far as the eye can... aw, hay nah. Is that a box in your tree?



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Head toward the barn."


Sure thing. That box can hold for a spell while you make sure your barn's in order. That orange dream thing was pretty strange. Everything looks fine in here, though. Your trusty ROPE hangs from one peg on the wall, right near a PITCHFORK. Don't look like no one's tampered with either of'em. There's also a BUCKET OF APPLES for when you get hungry in the middle of the night, and...

See, one day Apple Bloom took it into her head that she was really cut out for toy making, and Scootaloo got involved, and next thing you knew you had gotten this little RAINBOW DASH FIGURINE. You keep it around cause she's your best gal and it reminds you to stay athletic for whatever fool things she decides to compete against you in. It don't look too much like her, really, but it's cute enough and it's not like you'd ever take it with you no place.

Somepony starts a knocking at the other door. Sounds like ol' Bubblecup saw you come in here and decided to chat.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Berate your mailpony."


Well, "berate" sounds a trifle strong. Poor Bubblecup... well, you're not sure she's quite all there, y'know? Dedicated worker, heart of gold, but a little off in the head. You'd feel right awful laying into her for an accident like that. Never let it be said that anypony was treated with anything less than respect and dignity at Sweet Apple Acres. Even if this pony does start to say things a bit weird when she gets too excited.

"I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!" she says, her wings flapping mighty agitated-like.

"Whoa! Calm down there a moment, sugarcube," you say, and wait until she begins to relax a little. "Why don't y'all tell me what the matter is?"

"I had a mail for you!" she answers. "Um, a box! A package! And I was flying it straight here when it just dropped out of my hooves! If the mail hurt your tree, I promise I'll bits for it." She leans forward for what you guess is a conspiratorial whisper. "Just please don't tell Mr. Brown about this, I can't drop any more or he says he'll have to let go of me."

"Don't you worry none about that, BC. Way I see it, you got that box right close to me and that's all we can really ask of the mail, ain't it? What's in this box, anyhow?"

"I don't know! I was flying by the Cakes when Pinkie Pie sent me this to give it to you. Oh no, I didn't awake you, did I? Pinkie Pie said you might be sleeping when I got here and I'm sorry if I did!"

You grin hesitantly. "Well... maybe you woke me up a little, but I wouldn't make a fuss. You just sit down a spell before going back to work, is all, you look mighty upset right now."

"That sounds good!" she says, instantly overjoyed. "Can I come in and rest in your place?"

"Umm... no?" Hospitality's hospitality, but Carrot Top's told you what happened when she let Bubblecup rest up in her home. Bubblecup looks sad, you think, but she flies away soon enough.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Use rope and rake to construct a rudimentary slide for the package that will totally not result in it falling on your head."


One step at a time there, cowboy. Carrying all that stuff around with you sounds like a job for your SYLLADEX. Most ponies can't do that fancy levitating magic that unicorns can, and some things you don't relish putting in your mouth, so that's where sylladexes... sylladices... those things step in to make your life easier. Sure, in practice they feel more like one of those Flim-Flam Brothers' fool inventions, but every once in a while you can get some good use out of them.

You gather up the ROPE and CAPTCHALOGUE it. Inside your sylladex, the rope ends up in one of the CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS of your CAPTCHALOGUE DECK. Now you can carry it around with you anyplace you go, practically without anypony even knowing. Each of them cards can hold some pretty substantial things, and you've got seven of them! You captchalogue the PITCHFORK next, and it ends up in a card of its own as well, snug as a bug in a rug.

Of course, putting things into cards don't help none if you can't get'em out again, so sylladexes have other stuff besides just captchalogue decks. In this case, you'll need a FETCH MODUS, that is, a tool for picking a card and then getting out the stuff you put into it. Your particular fetch modus is called APPLES TO APPLES: APPLE TURNOVER. Seems in addition to your red captchalogue cards, your sylladex has also got a much bigger deck, made up of GREEN APPLE CARDS. You've got five of them dealt out in your HAND right now, namely "Small," "Strong," "Harsh," "Miserable," and "Enchanting."

Whenever you want to get anything from the red captchalogue cards in your sylladex, you gotta play one of the green apple cards from your hand. Then some anonymous judge'll give you whichever of your captchalogued things best matches whatever green apple card got played, and another green apple card'll be dealt at random from the deck to make up for the one y'all used up. T'ain't nothing to it. Usually.

Now, you'd like to create some sort of slide from these things, but you're not quite sure how that'd look just yet. Let's get specific.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: You could just fire up Ponychum and ask Dash to just fly up and grab it for you."


The thing about rivalries is, they don't work if you don't maintain them. Sure, Twi may have gotten you to accept some help last applebuck season, but that was when you really needed it, and you sure as apples don't need anypony's help getting something down from a tree! Certainly not from Rainbow. That flashy speedster would crow about it for days.

...wait, what the hay is "Ponychum"?



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Walk to the box and play green apple card "strong.""


On your way to the box, a whole mess of ideas for how to get this thing down enter your head. You could head into town and borrow Spike's ladder, you could climb up a stack of hay bales... still, you reckon you've got all the tools you need already. You play the "Strong" card from your green apple deck and end up retrieving the PITCHFORK. You get dealt a new "Loud" card to fill the hole in your hand.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Tie each end of the rope to one end of the rake, tie the middle of the rope to the branch under the crate, pull taut, jostle crate."


T'ain't much you can do with just a pitchfork, so you play the "Harsh" card (on account of its being mighty subjective and unpredictable) to get out the ROPE. Your hand gains "Neglected" for its new fifth card. Seeing as you already got out that pitchfork you figure you might as well get some use of it, so you TIE the rope to the pitchfork. Still, that crate's up too durn high to reach any of the branches it's nestled in...



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Just use the rope and yank the package out of the tree."


A' course! You're a right champion at aiming ropes when they're all tied up like lassos, and this ain't too different. Really you could almost use a lasso for this too, but you don't yet know how heavy that there package is and the pitchfork can probably handle the stress better than your mouth or mane. You loop the rope round the package, stick the pitchfork firm in the ground, and give it a push. The package starts to move!



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Eeyup! Just look at that thing come sliding on down.



...oh, horse apples.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Why don't you just buck it out of the tree?"


...yeah, that'd have been a real good plan now that you think about it. You'll be fine. You can push this thing off of you no problem at all. Just... hold on a sec. Ow.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Let's see what some other pony is up to."


Oh, um, do you have to? Surely you have better things to do right now...? With, um, other ponies?



Nov 22 2011
"FS: First, be Applejack again. Second, slide out and read that note on the side."


Either you were paying that pony less heed than you thought last night, or she's just really bad at explaining things. Log in? Server? List? Other side? None of these things make any sense to you, since you have definitely never experienced this setup before ever.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Get the crate into the barn and this time remember to captchalogue Rainbow Dash figurine for safekeeping as you work on this."


You head on back to the barn and captchalogue pretty much everything in sight as you go! You'll be calling in Big Macintosh in half a second, and he don't need to see that. He wouldn't ask no questions or nothing, it's just the way that he wouldn't.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Mess with your strife specibus."


You have no idea what a strife specibus is! Your sylladex does contain a FRIENDSHIP SPECIBUS, however, which is preset to HONESTYKIND.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Get Big Mac over here. His fancy mathematics may help."


You call for your brother, and a few minutes later in he comes. "Howdy, sis," he says, "heard you shout my name and thought I'd come see what was cookin'."

But hang on a tick, you forgot to decaptchalogue that stupid box to show him! Your green apple cards are currently Small, Loud, Miserable, Neglected, and Enchanting.



Nov 22 2011
"Loud"


You play Loud, and... consarn it, out comes the ROPE. At least you get a new "Bitter" green apple card to make up for it.



Nov 22 2011
"Miserable"


That did the trick all right! Y'all are kicking some serious patooty right now. The box looks pretty bad, though... less of a box and more of a bunch of boards barely held together with some rusty nails. Heck, you ain't sure whether it was likelier Pinkie or Bubblecup responsible for this poor thing.

Your new green apple card is "Elderly."



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Make Big Mac open it. I mean, you brought him over and showed him the box for a reason... didn't you?"


Big Mac jus' loves opening boxes! It's like he has a secret second cutie mark just for boxes or something.

...hold on a tick, what are y'all implying? You're a hardworking farmpony and don't do nothing without a good reason!



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Set FRIENDSHIP SPECIBUS to Sassygaykind."


You cannot change your FRIENDSHIP SPECIBUS because you have no SASSYGAYKIND card in your FRIENDSHIP PORTFOLIO! You wonder who came up with this whole cockamamie system.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


While y'all were messing with specibi and portfolios and whatnot, Big Mac shuffled on out with the boards and packing material. Reckon he was a bit embarrassed by that whole display. Turns out all that was in that there enormous box was a few STRIPED RODS and some red TABLETY THING.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Put the stripey things into the holes on the red thing."


You're pretty sure you were calling them STRIPED RODS and a TABLETY THING, but you can't be bothered with such details right now! You've figured out the puzzles of constructing machinery! You've built...



...well, what the hay have you built, anyway? Half these words don't make no sense at all. Just what is that Pinkie Pie playing at?
Cutie marks, now and hereafter, from this post. Author unknown.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Press the apple button. Maybe you get apples!"


There's already a whole BUCKET OF APPLES sitting just behind you, but anything with your own cutie mark on it's gotta be safe. The words on the front of the TABLETY THING change right before your very eyes. You've heard tell that in Princess Celestia's castle they've got some fancy doohickeys that somehow display information on flat surfaces... maybe this is something like that? Anyhow, you're not rightly sure what a nerf is, but Granny Smith didn't raise no fool and you've got a funny feeling this thing is insulting you. Time to get back to business.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Press the red rhombus at the top right."


Well, that almost makes sense, at least! Still, you're not about to let no insulting gadget tell you when to press or not to press buttons.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Rainbow Dash being a good friend, press her button. A button representing one of your best friends can't do anything bad, can it?"


And just like that you're back to not understanding jack hooey. "Online"? Well, there's one thing you haven't tried yet.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Press the BOTTOM groove button in an urge to fight da powah."


In a flash, the glossy black part goes white, with Rainbow's cutie mark sitting perkily in the top right. A series of seven tiny holes appear on the other side of the device. It seems to be waiting for you to do something else, but you've pushed every type of button already. You think you preferred Pinkie Pie's more straightforward pranks, like dying your apples or swiping your nice brown hat with a pink one. This time you figure the girl's just flat out lost it.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Insult the red doohicky."


There! Your friendship specibus ain't honesty for no reason, and you sure showed this contraption what for. You feel a mite better. But now it looks like the durn thing's recorded every word you said. Shucks, you hope you didn't hurt its feelings none, in case it has feelings. Sure, it don't look alive, but you never know with Pinkie, and you did get it out of that tree and build it and all, so maybe you oughta feel more responsible for it. Maybe... maybe you'd better go get some work done and cool off? None of those buttons are glowing, so t'ain't as if you can do much more with this thing. Yeah, work sounds like a real good plan about now.

Let's see what somepony else is up to.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Be Rainbow Dash."


You are now Rainbow Dash, and... yeah, there was basically no way this wasn't going to be what you were doing.
Background ripped by SWFlash.



Nov 22 2011
"Crate: Fall on Rainbow Dash."


Huh?? That's total crazy talk. Yeah, you guess you got a crate last night at Pinkie's party, but nothing sneaks up on Rainbow Dash! Okay, no inanimate object, at least! You've got this crate thing totally covered.



See, what happened is last night Pinkie was all "Rainbow Dash! You should take this totally awesome gizmo I made, because you're awesome, and it's awesome, and you can hang out and be awesome together!"

And then you were all "That sounds great, Pinkie Pie!"

And then she rambled off this whole big technical explanation that was INCREDIBLY BORING so then you had her put it in a crate so you could fly it up to your home more easily. Like, it was so boring that Twilight was enjoying it!



And Pinkie Pie was all "But Rainbow Dash, wouldn't it be easier to fly it up WITHOUT the crate? I mean, it's smaller!"

But you were all "Nah, my fetch modus might mess that up, a crate's safer."

And she was all "Okay, Rainbow Dash! Just make sure you say goodbye to everypony before you use it!"

And you were all, "Oh, Pinkie Pie, you are so random."



So after that totally rocking party, you flew back home and left the crate there while you took a nap. See, mostly PEGASUS MAGIC is just used for walking on clouds, but if you're good enough at it -- and you're the best -- then you can enchant other things so they can sit on clouds too! That's how you get to have furniture and stuff. Of course, you were pretty tired last night, so you weren't able to enchant that crate all that powerfully. By your calculations, you'll need to give it a more powerful dose before it wears off at around...

Wait, what time is it now?
Dash's house vectorized by BoxDrink.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Be awoken due to CRATE TO THE HEAD."


Owowowowowow! Stupid unreliable pegasus magic! You bet this kind of thing never happens to Applejack.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Waste no time. Use AWESOMEKIND specibus to open crate."


Don't be ridiculous! Your friendship specibus is preset to LOYALTYKIND and always has been. Although now that you think about it, you have no idea what a friendship specibus is even used for. You guess maybe they could be used to open crates?

A sudden cracking sound suggests that you may not need to worry about that.



Nov 22 2011
"Crate: Break open from the fall."


As you pull your head out from under the crate, it totally falls apart. On the inside are a lot of BALLOONS. Oh, that Pinkie Pie and her crazy packing materials! But hold on, the balloons are escaping into the sky.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Ever since you were a little filly in flight school, you've been told one important thing about balloons. Never let them fly away, because when they run out of HELIUM, they come back down someplace else. And if they land in the OCEAN, then some innocent SEA PONIES might eat them and die!

...not that you believe in sea ponies or anything. You're not a baby. But you still can't let those balloons get away!



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Why don't you leave it to Fluttershy? After all, she probably knows more about Sea Pony biology anyway."


Pfff, yeah, right, Fluttershy can handle it. Fluttershy? More like Flutter... actually, that works pretty well.

Look, these balloons just got released right here, capisce? They're gonna fly up and up for about five miles, if you remember your old flight school lectures, at which point they should freeze and disintegrate because complicated altitude reasons you can't be bothered to explain. Let's just say Luna likes it cold higher up and move on. Thing is, these balloons Pinkie used have got strings on them, meaning they probably won't fly high enough for that. Instead they're gonna get as high as they can and just, you dunno, hang out until all the helium drains, and then they'll come floating on back down to Equestria.

Sound good? No, because there's wind up there, genius. All that weather stuff you're paid to keep controlled for Ponyville isn't nearly so controlled higher up. And the higher they go, the more they're gonna move around. By the time those babies fall back down, they could be anywhere within, oh, you don't know, OVER A THOUSAND SQUARE MILES.

So yeah! By all means! You think you'll just pop on over to Fluttershy's cottage and tell her, hey by the way Fluttershy, in a few hours there'll be some balloons coming down, better make sure nothing chokes on them and dies. Where? Oh, hard to say. Sure, she could go after them right now instead of waiting for them to land, but this is Fluttershy you're talking about here. Girl forgets she has wings more often than Pinkie throws parties.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Just fly up and pop them with kicks. They'll fall back on the road harmlessly."


What was that? 'Cause it kinda sounded like somepony said "Rainbow Dash: Do something awesome."

So you do.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


All gone! That's the kind of awesome flying footwork that really deserves an audience, but... oh, hey, there's somepony down there! Time to go rake in some applause.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


It's... Pokey Pierce, you think? Pinkie's not too crazy about him, something about that one time at horn camp. Well, anypony's fine. "Hey Pokey," you say, "here for an autograph?"

"You popped those balloons," he says. "Popping balloons is my job."



"Dash, Celestia gave me a gift."

"I pop balloons well."

"I pop balloons very well."



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Captchalogue Pokey. You never know when more balloons will show up when Pinkie's around."


That... could work...

So here's how your fetch modus works. It's super easy to put things in, and super easy to take things out. But when you take something out, it's not quite the same as when you put it in. It's, like, cooler. You couldn't really say exactly how much cooler, but you bet the Wonderbolts could get you a precise index of elevated awesome. If you were best friends with them, which you're not. So anyway things that go through your modus get changed unpredictably. Twilight tried to explain it to you once in terms of what she called "lossless versus lossy compression" but hello, egghead much?

So you could put Pokey in your captchalogue deck, but you don't know what would happen to him. Man, making decisions is hard.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Wait, does it also affect what's inside of the objects you captchalogue? If not, there should be a sack somewhere handy."


Nah, it doesn't seem to affect anything inside. That's why you had Pinkie put her gadget in a crate in the first place, so your modus wouldn't mess it up. But even if you went and found a sack or something, you'd bet it'd be pretty tough to get Pokey in the sack.

...omigoshomigosh you are going to forget you ever even thought that.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Captchalogue the popped balloons and take them back out. They might reinflate themselves to make themselves cooler."


You suddenly get a brilliant idea for how to defuse this hothead hornhead! "Just a second, Pokey!" you say. "I betcha I can depop those balloons for you!"

Pokey is agog. "You can?!"

"Yeah huh! Just wait for the bits of popped balloon to stop falling, and I'll work my magic."



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


You rapidly captchalogue and decaptchalogue the pieces, and in no time a bunch of new balloons are rolling around your hooves. Looks like a single pass through your sylladex isn't enough to get helium into the balloons, but hey, easier for Pokey this way.

Oh right, Pokey! He's totally psyched. "How did you do that?!" he asks. "Can you teach me? Show me how show me how show me how!"

You explain about your awesome fetch modus and how anything that comes out of it is cooler than when it went in. You can totally see the gears turning beneath those delicate lashes of his. "Anything?" he asks after a moment.

"That's right!"

"Could you... could you captchalogue me?!"

Okay, you're kinda weirded out by that, but he keeps right on going like Fluttershy when she's just found something adorable. "If you made me cooler, I might come out with two horns! Do you realize what that means, Dash?! I could pop twice as many balloons at once."

"Uhhh, yeah!" you say. "Totally! And, like, if you had three horns..."

"Three... three times as many! Dash, you have to do this! You have to! I have to know what it's like!"

"Oh yeah? You want me to captchalogue you, huh?"

"Yes! Oh, do it now, do it now!"

"You want to go in my sylladex and come out unpredictably cooler?"

"Oh yes please please please please!"

This is the worst idea.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: DO IT ANYWAY"


You do it anyway.

Suddenly life is a lot quieter! That guy was really really annoying. Maybe now you can get a good look at Pinkie's new contraption.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Explain the presence of APPLEJACK FIGURINE."


That was kind of a stupid plan all round. Basically you got the thing when Apple Bloom and Scootaloo tried their hooves at toymaking -- no duh that they didn't get their cutie marks there, what the hay happened to Applejack's hat? You decided to carry it around, so in case Applejack ever started talking about being the Iron Pony again, you could pull it out and be all "you don't look very iron to me!"

Then, of course, you realized that you'd have to take the figurine out of your sylladex to do that, and it'd have changed! What if it really was made of iron? Iron's cool, right? You'd look pretty stupid. But if you took it out to check what happened, then what would you do? Put it back? Really this modus is a danger to everything it touches.

If only you could just sorta show her the figurine while it was still in your captchalogue cloud? But you don't think that's how it works.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: See how cool Pokey is now."


Nah. Maybe later. You just need some "me time," y'know? Anyway, you finish digging through the remains of the crate and put together Pinkie's gadget. The assembly's really simple, you bet even Applejack could figure it out. Let's see here...



What the hay?



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Press the button with your cutie mark on it, because it is the best button."


You can't argue with that kind of logic! Looks like the best button is just an excuse for this machine to insult you, though. Maybe you should just play along for now... those things on the right look like they might be GROOVEBUTTONS, you guess.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Hit top groovebutton."


The powers of democracy work their magics and you press on the uppermost rhombus. Or parallelogram. Or something. Why did flight school even teach geometry in the first place? Anyway, you're... not really sure what any of that stuff the machine is saying means, but you do get a strange feeling your next actions could turn out to be incredibly significant.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Press Rarity's button. Then you can press AJ's."


That makes sense. You don't want to miss out on doing one thing just because you were told to do something else. Rarity's button just brings up more strange words, though, which isn't too inaccurate now that you think about it.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Press the glowing one. You need to speak to Applejack."


You figure you've left that little flashing light hanging long enough, even if you're not sure what that has to do with speaking to her. As you press the button, the main part of the machine changes from words to a photo of Applejack bucking her trees. But the photo is... moving? It's like you're actually watching Applejack at work, but from the vantage point of some random street in Ponyville. Maybe this machine is showing you a memory? Is this what memories look like?

Another bunch of buttons has also shown up, this time mostly pink. They're a little small to press, but a small CYLINDER THING, attached to a stretchy string, pops out of the side of the machine. With a little experimenting, you find that the new buttons respond to having the cylinder thing dragged across them, by causing larger copies of their pictures, next to short phrases, to appear below them. The phrases for those main seven buttons are as follows:

SELECT
REVISE
DEPLOY
PHERNALIA REGISTRY
GRIST CACHE
EXPLORE ATHENEUM
ALCHEMY EXCURSUS

You vaguely remember Pinkie mentioning a few of these things, but for the most part, these terms are completely unfamiliar to you. You have definitely never before watched anyone else encounter these same tools.

As you continue to watch Applejack doing her farmwork, you again remember that you are, in fact, in the middle of the street surrounded by balloons and crate fragments, staring at moving pictures of your best rivalfriend. You kinda don't want to find out what anypony else would think if they found you here.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Put balloons and crate parts in your sylladex."


All this stuff is pretty complicated, so you take a timeout and captchalogue the remains of the box. Fortunately your modus seems to accept the nails and boards as a single card. You think about taking everything back up to your house, but you're not really sure what you'd do with a bunch of wood and balloons, so instead you notice how full your sylladex has gotten. Maybe it's time to let Pokey out and see how cool he turns out. Heh, he's a blue unicorn and all, so maybe he'll turn into another Trixie or something! That would sure be wacky and unpredictable!



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Let Pokey out of the Captchalogue already!"


He's...

...some sort of friendly flightless waterfowl?



As mysteriously as he appeared, Pokey leaves, talking about alcohol. You have altered his life and character forever.

Nopony can ever know about this.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Fly to AJ to show her these moving memory things."


You figure it's time to get back on task. You're not sure what's up with this moving picture of Applejack, but she ought to know about it. And ooh, what if you bring it to her and it shows you there bringing it to her? And then in that picture is a picture of you bringing it to her with that picture, and... okay, that's too complicated to think about anymore.

You manage to get Pinkie's gadget to rest astride your back so that it doesn't interfere with your flying. Off to Applejack's! Before you get there, though, you should probably plan out what you want to say. After that one time you told her to jump onto a catapult and she just flattened herself on the ground instead, and then eventually launched you into the stratosphere, you've figured you've gotta be pretty careful in explaining things.



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Realize that your newfound powers of surveillance over Applejack make you........... a spy. Undergo an ethical crisis."


An ethical crisis? Pssh, you don't even know the meaning of the words! You are simply the best spy in all of Equestria. See, it all started back at Summer Flight Camp during an intense game of Capture the Flag. It was ponies (red) against griffons (blue) and the griffons were winning. Not like you'd expect anything else when their flags were the color of the frikking sky!



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


The coach asked for a volunteer to venture behind enemy lines and report on their movements and flag placement. Everypony was totally terrified of the idea and pretended not to hear her, until finally you put your hoof up, ready to be a national hero!



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


The whole team got together at half-time and painted you up like the awesomest griffon ever. The game resumed, and off you flew to buddy up with the enemy and bring back super-valuable intel. The fate of the summer flight camp rested in your hooves! From the moment you crossed into griffon territory, visions flew through your mind of the praise and accolades you would win from everypony at the camp!

...okay, yeah, the griffons figured out who you were in no time and stuck you in jail for the remainder of the game. You still say it'd have worked if your stupid teammates had remembered to give you a beak. Anyway, you did get to meet Gilda that day, so spying's cool.

What were you doing again? Right, going to Applejack's.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Take a break."


You've been taking care o' these trees for some time now, and you figure it's about time to get a little breather. Maybe you oughta take another look at that machine of Pinkie Pie's and see if it's decided to be any politer now you've given it some alone time.

Huh. You hear the sound of some pegasus wings flapping at high speeds. Round these parts, that usually means...



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Arrive at Applejack."


"Applejack!"

"Whoof! And hello to y'all as well, Rainbow. We really gotta stop meetin' like this."

"Huh? Listen, this is crazy! Remember Pinkie's party last night?"

"Bits a' it?"

"Well, I took a look at the machine she gave me, and it shows pictures of you!"

"Me?"

"Yeah! Or just one picture! But it's moving!"

"Well, why don't we take a look at it, then? Assuming y'all can get offa me first."

"Oh... right." You grin sheepishly and scoot backwards. "Sorry."



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: KISS THAT GIRL"


Kiss... Rainbow? Your best gal for ever an' ever? Wow. Not that you never thought of it before, but still, that's a mighty big move and warrants some serious thinking. Gosh.

...what's that she's talking about now? Something distracting? Perfect!



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Focus on that distraction."


Right! You grab your hat and check out what's got Rainbow so agitated all of a sudden. It's a lot like the one Pinkie Pie gave you, naturally, 'cept on this'un Rainbow's button is red instead'a yours, and yours is flashing.

"Omigosh, now I'm in it too!" says Rainbow. "Look, it's us, looking at this machine! Somehow it's showing exactly what we're doing right now!"

You take a look, and she's right. You tilt your head around a bit, wiggle your hooves, and the darn thing picks up on every single motion. You start to wonderin' if maybe this time Pinkie's gone and cracked into the secrets of the universe.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: CLICK THE APPLE BUTTON"


You press a hoof down on that flashing apple button. Nothing about the setup changes at all, and the button keeps on flashing.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Revise the orchird, maybe copy a tree."


You don't know what that means!



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Randomly press a button."


What? No, you're better than that! If you can convince the real Pinkie to come to her surprise party against her will, you can get a simple machine she made to stop flashing at you! Okay, so that "convincing" you did was more like "physically forcing," but whatever! You've totally got this!

You start to zone out a bit and consider what you've already done with this thing. The last button you pushed before coming here was Applejack's, so it kind of makes sense that pushing it again didn't do anything. When you pushed Rarity's, it wasn't flashing -- or glowing, you're not totally sure if that's the same thing or not -- and so maybe you'd get the same results with Twilight's or Pinkie's or Fluttershy's. That just leaves one button you haven't done anything with, not to mention the "voice mode" that Rarity's text mentioned. Detective Rainbow Dash is all over this case.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


You press the bottom right button, and lots of stuff happens! The little pink thing retreats back into the main body of the machine, and seven little round holes appear in the upper left corner instead. The picture of you and AJ goes away and now there's mostly just white instead with some words. Also Applejack starts talking, but you check and it's not actually her: it's the machine, reading those words on its front, but with Applejack's voice.

When it finishes talking, you glance over at Applejack, who looks rightfully embarrassed. "Fancy-painted piece of nonsense, huh?" you ask her.

"Wha?" She kicks at the ground. "Rainbow, I was talking to the machine, not to you! Pinkie gave me one of these things too, just the same as yours, and I got right mad at it earlier and gave it what for. Looks like it told your one everything that it wrote down me saying, too."

You grin, relieved. "Oh, that makes sense! I shoulda known you wouldn't say that kind of stuff about your best friend, after all!"

She grins back at you. "Yep! Y'all can trust me, Rainbow -- element o' honesty and all that! Definitely not hiding any secret thoughts about you or anything!"

You grin still wider. "Yeah! And why the hay would you say Pinkie Pie made me, anyway? I mean, I'm just like everypony else! I totally have parents!"

You stare at each other for several seconds. That went well. Anyway, Applejack's button isn't flashing anymore!



Nov 22 2011
"RD: Be the Luna."


You try to be Her Royal Highness the Princess Luna, but she rebuffs your efforts to be her. It looks like she's a little busy right now, and maybe not too happy, and also kind of mysterious. Gosh, what could she be up to? Maybe her sister will be more cooperative.
Luna vector by Gig Mendicil.



Nov 22 2011
"Luna: Be your sister."


Or... not. Um, Princess Celestia? What's wrong? Are you crying? Hello?

Okay, it looks like she's not really responding to commands either. Maybe princesses are just hard to deal with, you know? Seriously, what is their deal? It's time to be some other pony, a more ordinary one whom no foreseeable plot twist could ever possibly reveal to be a princess as well.



Nov 22 2011
"Celestia: Be the other pony."


You are now one of a multitude of other ponies.

Specifically, you are now TWILIGHT SPARKLE, the librarian and primary homeowner of Ponyville's own GOLDEN OAK LIBRARY. You were sent to Ponyville by your MENTOR FIGURE, PRINCESS CELESTIA, in order to learn about the MAGIC OF FRIENDSHIP. On your very first day in town, you successfully found five ponies who chose you as their friend without asking for your input, and this was enough of an accomplishment that you have scarcely made any further connections since then. Your interests include BOOKS, LIBRARIES, MAGIC, and FRIENDSHIP.

Behind you is a BOOK, and then ANOTHER BOOK, and ANOTHER BOOK, and so on. What will you do? For that matter, what have you been doing?



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Examine the SBALE tablet that you have been meticulously studying since last night's party."


Well... you've been meticulously studying it from afar. Pinkie Pie was her typical ebulliently loquacious self last night, but listening between the lines, you got the sense that this thing she has created may in fact be EXTREMELY DANGEROUS. She talked about accessing another world with an EPIC YET ETERNAL combat between two equal and opposing forces, and alluded brightly to IMMENSE DESTRUCTION visited upon Equestria as a direct consequence of said access. Throughout your discourse she expressed a sustained conviction that everything would however work out for the best. You were less convinced, and so betook yourself to what can only be described as STUDY LUST. After much perusal of the literature pertaining to alternate realities, you think you found the RIGHT BOOK.



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Review your most recent topic of interest."


You are not sure where this book came from. It had no publishing information. You even had Spike dig out the old records that your predecessor kept, but there was no explanation to be found therein for the book's origins. And, given its subject matter, such mystery concerns you.

The book -- you do not really understand its title -- treats on an elaborate series of devices that facilitate access to an alternate reality it titles the INCIPISPHERE. The writing style, while somewhat labored, is engaging enough, although frequent references are made to such unfamiliar words and concepts as "humanoid" or "bar code." You would write the entire text off as an elaborate fantasy were it not for the occasional inclusion of non-words spoken also by Pinkie Pie, not just last night, but in preceding months as well. You are not sure whether such concepts as "cruxite" are inventions of the book and the series of concepts it describes, or whether they are part of the extensive knowledge base the book's author erroneously presumed you to possess, but their co-incidence here and in Pinkie's more freeflowing dialogues leads you to suspect a connection nonetheless.

You ended up placing the book in your sylladex while you took a break from reading it. Allusions to the end of Equestria, however curiously framed, are very unnerving. But you suppose you could open it up again.



Nov 22 2011
"Twilight's Fetch Modus: Be the Dewey Decimal system."


Please! You can do better than that. Moyle Dewey's system is perfectly satisfactory as a classificatory system for libraries -- though you have to admit a certain perverse fondness for simply alphabetizing everything instead -- but your fetch modus isn't a library. At any given moment it could contain items that, shockingly, are not books at all, and its major categories aren't really weighted properly for your daily needs.

Instead, you've configured your HASH TABLE fetch modus with an OCTAL classificatory system of your own invention. It's still weighted heavily towards books, but it's your own creation, and you're proud of it. Each item you captchalogue is assigned to the category in your system in which it best fits, and occupies that card in your captchalogue deck, namely
0 = MAGIC
1 = COMMUNICATION
2 = HISTORY AND BIOGRAPHY
3 = LITERATURE AND PSYCHOLOGY
4 = ZOOLOGY, BOTANY, AND GEOGRAPHY
5 = MATHEMATICS
6 = SCIENCE AND OTHER RECREATION
7 = FANFICTION

You were a little unsure about where this particular book belonged, but you eventually assigned it to SCIENCE AND OTHER RECREATION instead of MAGIC because of Pinkie's insistence that "SBALE," as she calls it, is a game. Such potential ambiguity in assignment worries you, but your system is admittedly only a work in progress.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Actually, speaking of books, you have one about numbers that could explain this whole octal/decimal thing! It's really a thrilling read, although somehow you've never been able to convince any of your closest friends of this fact.



Here we are! "Fancy Mathematics: A History." This book has got all sorts of fascinating stories, but at present you're just interested in the history of numeric representation.

Today everypony uses MAREABIAN NUMERALS, but the earliest recorded system was QUARTAL, that is, base 4. Ponies would count 1, 2, 3, 10, 11, 12, 13, 20, and so on, adding to the next highest column every time they hit what one nowadays calls four. This was based on ponies having four hooves, but as time went on it became analogously linked to other quadripartite distinctions, in particular the four breeds of ponies: EARTH ponies, PEGASI, UNICORNS, and ALICORNS.

Understandably, the earth ponies came to resent being associated with the lowest possible of numbers. Nopony wanted to risk dissent among breeds, lest they incur another GREAT BLIZZARD of the kind that covered Equestria before the earth ponies, pegasus ponies, and unicorn ponies joined together, and so the quartal system was scrapped and, after a brief flirtation with OCTAL numbering, replaced with the DECIMAL one everypony still uses. Your octal fetch modus is admittedly something of a pretentious throwback to that brief octal period, in the hope that somepony will notice your fetch modus, discern the reason for its number system, and comment on how obviously brilliant and well-cultured you are.

...in practice, not even Colgate has made that connection, but a girl can dream.



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Retrieve mysterious book from fetch modus."


You captchalogue "Fancy Mathematics: A History" into MATHEMATICS in case you want it again later, and then focus your thoughts on a game of pin the tail on the pony. This counts as RECREATION, and so card #6 yields up its contents for your attention. Here you go again.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


It... doesn't have the most intimidating cover.



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Imagine the adventures of the heroine/author of this book and how her group succeeded under her leadership."


You've certainly thought about it. The book is fairly sparse on descriptions of Rose and the other three players, in part because it seems there were originally photographs of some sort included with the text that were not printed in your edition, but you've managed to piece together an idea of what they might have looked like. And for a time, reading about their adventures was inspiring stuff. You didn't necessarily agree with all of their choices, but it was a gripping tale when you could forget for a moment that what you were reading was actually a portent of doom. But the book is unfinished. Intentionally so. And much as you would like to think that they brought peace to the incipisphere and were victorious in their game's ill-defined objectives, you can't really convince yourself of that idea.

You see, Rose reminds you of yourself. It's not just that purple appears to have been her thematic color, it's also her intelligence, curiosity, and so forth. But she doesn't remind you of yourself today. She reminds you of yourself at Canterlot, before you came to Ponyville, back when you were too busy studying to go to Moondancer's parties or just to notice that other ponies cared about you. That's what you see in this author. You see somepony who still wonders -- or perhaps has given up wondering -- what friendship could be. Somepony who treats her friends as means to an end, even though she herself doesn't really know what that end is. Life, and Princess Celestia, gave you a second chance, but you don't think Rose ever got that. She had to enter the "Medium" too soon.

At the end of the book -- you confess you skipped to the end, you haven't read it all yet -- Rose explains that she is going rogue. She has blown up a "gate," and she is done playing by the rules of the game. She doesn't seem to have consulted her other players about this at all. Well, you've been in a situation like that yourself, when you thought Discord had hidden the Elements of Harmony in the hedge maze in Canterlot. And when Rainbow Dash broke the rules of that game and took off by herself, it took all five of you to get her back and save the day. You don't think Rose would have helped with that, and that's why you don't think she's a good leader. Which, of course, makes everything else she says in the book somewhat suspect, but that's an entirely different kettle of fish.

The book's postscript is "magic is real." Your time in Ponyville has taught you that the real core of magic is friendship. And if Rose was only just finding out about magic... she must have had a long way to go in everything else.
Ponies rendered in General Zoi's pony creator



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Of course, none of that is important. You didn't start reading "Lodestar" to learn about its author, somepony whom you'll never meet who's probably been dead for centuries, but rather to learn about Pinkie's creation. And to whatever extent its narrator is reliable, this book is definitely a good source for that. Information is brought together from numerous sources: from direct experimentation, from inscriptions and native creatures in the various strange lands that Rose and her friends were transported to, from the "sprites" that the game provides its players with, and from a series of mysterious godlike forces and malevolent "otherworldly antagonists." The resulting work is rife with speculation, frequently contradictory (since Rose did not apparently have time to go back and modify her earlier writings upon new discoveries), and yet refreshingly comprehensive, at least to your untrained eye. Were you in the "Medium" itself, of course, you might well find inadequacies or total errors that you could not discover with no actual knowledge of the subject matter.

Be that as it may, the book's greatest strength is you suspect in the first few sections, where it details the entry process to the world of SBALE, or SBURB as Rose apparently knew it. Apparently players of the game form a sort of daisy chain of "servers" and "clients," each pony being somehow, incredibly, in charge of the world around their "client" player. The "server" deploys certain bizarre objects into the immediate surroundings of the "client," who uses them in a complicated series of steps explained through unhelpful analogies to create some sort of mystic artifact which itself will transport them into another world.

This transportation is referred to as a "getaway," or simply as an "escape."
Ponies rendered in General Zoi's pony creator



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Rose insists throughout the book that her world is doomed and that everypony is going to die. She is somewhat unexplicit on exactly how this is going to happen, perhaps taking the knowledge for granted among her intended readership, and even less explicit on why. Sometimes Rose seems to believe that it is specifically the act of playing the game that causes the end of the world, but she goes back and forth on the issue. You kind of wish she knew the answer to this, because you would really like to know whether Equestria is doomed or not. For the most part, though, she emphasizes the activation of one of the bizarre objects, namely the "cruxtruder," as the event to avoid until one is completely ready.

Here's a strange fact. Regardless of some of the unfamiliar terminology she uses surrounding it, Rose, just like Pinkie last night, is insistent that what she is describing is a game. And given how little she seems to have known about the game before she and her friends began playing it, you have to guess that the only reason that they -- and lots more ponies all over their world, as far as you can tell from her writing -- participated in the first place was that they just thought it was a game. Nothing special, nothing world-ending, just a game. But you know better.

So assume for a moment that the world is not doomed unless a "cruxtruder" is activated. Maybe the number of cruxtruders affects the amount of doom, you're not sure, but just assume no doom at all. Nopony has this game but you and your friends. So if you can all just refrain from activating any cruxtruders, you've saved Equestria! ...again!
Rose rendered in General Zoi's pony creator



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Speculate on how and why Pinkie Pie would get her hooves on something so dangerous."


You honestly have no idea, at least on the how part. The Pinkius Piecus has certainly shown inventing skills before. You've heard about her flying machine the day Rainbow Dash's old friend Gilda came to town, and you personally witnessed her Pinkie-feeding-seesaw device and actually you had resolved never to think about that day again. Ever.

The point is, she has technical skills, and you guess it makes sense she'd have gotten better with time. But good enough to tap into another world? What's more, to tap into another world in exactly the same way as was done someplace else, and, if Rose's suspicions about her "otherworldly antagonists" were correct, in a third place as well? That just doesn't make any sense. Maybe Pinkie found the idea somewhere -- maybe even the same place Rose's book came from -- but she can't have invented it herself. Even for Pinkie, you're pretty sure that would be impossible.

Pretty sure.
Pinkie's invention #2 from Rhythm is Magic: Peckish Pony 2, used with gracious permission.



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Try to warn Celestia and Luna to evacuate everypony to the moon or something."


You should. But... you don't actually know if Equestria is doomed yet. And you're really not sure how to send that kind of warning in a way that wouldn't get Pinkie in an awful lot of trouble. Sure, Princess Celestia didn't banish you and Fluttershy that one time the two of you tried to take care of Philomena, but that doesn't mean that she couldn't do it for real if she learned what Pinkie has done. And surely nopony should be punished just for wanting to play a game with her friends, so long as the world doesn't get destroyed?



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Inspect SBALE."


You guess your next step is to check out Pinkie's machine in detail. If you're right, all you really need to watch out for is the cruxtruder, and you'd need a server player for that anyway. Besides, maybe Rose's book isn't actually about what Pinkie's made at all! Maybe this is all one big coincidence. Rose called it SBURB, after all, not SBALE -- surely those could be two different things?

Yes, you know you're reaching. But you really don't want to see Pinkie get in trouble. Or Equestria, for that matter.



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Play a wicked trumpet solo to unwind a little."


Never. Think about that day again. EVER.

Ahem. Moving on! Pinkie explained some of how to use this machine last night, although not all of it, because she didn't like spoiling surprises. Rainbow wasn't listening, of course, and Applejack looked to you like she wasn't feeling too well, but you and Rarity paid quite close attention. Fluttershy mostly looked frightened.

In any case, she said that the "groovebuttons" are those large parallelograms on the right side, and they're tied to the two "modes" of the console: the top one triggers STARE MODE, which lets you check in on your friends, and the bottom one triggers VOICE MODE, which lets you chat with them. The bottom row of buttons, with your cutie marks, obviously let you choose which pony to check on or talk to, although you don't think Pinkie mentioned why they would be glowing. Your own button is tied to various personal stuff.

"Groovebuttons?" you remember asking her when she stopped to take a breath.

She bounced happily. "Yeah! Because they're groovy!"

"Of course."
Twilight with a trumpet on her head still from Rhythm is Magic: Peckish Pony 2.



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Hit the large button on the right."


You press the top groovebutton with a careful hoof, and the main screen area changes to a brief welcoming message from Pinkie. It also explains why three of your friends' buttons are glowing. You're not completely sure what "logged in" means, but you are suddenly worried it may be equivalent to Rose's term "installed," which would mean that three of your friends may already be playing the game. And if they're playing it, then up to two of them might already be server players, which means they could already have deployed things, including...!

You feel a panic coming on. Still, perhaps you had better take what good there is to be had in this situation. By becoming somepony's server player yourself, you can ensure that at least their cruxtruder is not deployed. Whom is it most important for you to keep out of trouble?



Nov 22 2011
"Rainbow Dash"


It's really no contest. If Rainbow Dash, by her own admission one of the top fliers in Equestria, can't keep from crashing into your library on a near-daily basis, what's to stop her from crashing into another world just as easily?



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


It's not that you have anything against her, of course. It's just that she's a bit of a wildcard. Nopony expected her to take the buffalos' side in Appleloosa, and yet that's just what she did. She likes adventure, and it's up to you to make sure she sees what the consequences of this particular adventure would be.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Rarity, on the other hoof, is more reliable. Sure, she did try to steal the Best Young Flyer competition from Rainbow, but that was just the once, and overall, you can trust her to keep a clear head about these things. She has far too many connections and aspirations in Equestria to want to throw it all away on some adventure, and even if she did, she's best friends with Fluttershy, who'd be sure to talk her out of it.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


You can count on Rarity.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


You still don't know what you're going to do about Pinkie, though. She's a far greater element of chaos than Rainbow, and even though her button isn't glowing yet, that could change at any time. Besides, she created this entire series of machines -- who knows what else she might be able to do with her impressive technical skills? You wonder if you could maybe strap her into your brain signal reader again, but you're not sure what you'd even be looking for, and it was hard enough getting her to sit still for that once.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


One way or another, you should probably go talk to somepony about all this. The fate of Equestria is a little much to hold in your hooves alone, and if there's one thing you've learned since coming to Ponyville, it's that your friends will often have ideas and perspectives that simply wouldn't have occurred to you. Besides, maybe it's just all this pressure, but...



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


...you feel like you're being watched.
Original image by Blackfeathr.



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Enter voice mode, call Rainbow Dash."


You contact Rainbow Dash to let her and Applejack know what's going on. Unfortunately, entering VOICE MODE means you can no longer see what the two of them are up to. You can see how Pinkie's design might be a little confusing to certain ponies who didn't pay attention when it was being explained last night, but you find it totally fair, with your mega-brain. Which isn't to say that you don't get a little, um, distracted by some of the console's more advanced features.



Nov 22 2011
"AJ: Respond."


You took over the controls so that Rainbow couldn't mess up your orchard none, and by now you figure you've just about got this SELECT business figured out. Seems that it lets you move stuff around in the real world, and since this is Rainbow's gadget and it's set to focus on you, that means anything in your surroundings is fair game. Huh. Twilight's button's flashing. If you remember from when you got your old message from your own copy to show up on this one, you just gotta hit that bottom groovebutton, plus Twilight's flashing one...

Swell! Twilight's voice comes out bright and clear. She seems to have gotten a bit distracted again, so you give her a friendly reminder that she's probably meaning to talk to the two of you.

"Oh!" she says, embarrassed. "Um, originally, yes! Hi there!"

Rainbow says "Ahem," like she's annoyed about something. You turn around to check out what's bothering her.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Aw, shucks, you reckon you were still floating that bucket around when Twilight started in on trying to reach you, and then when you responded, down it fell. Heh. Rainbow don't look none too pleased.

"I didn't take you for a prankster, Applejack," she says, nice and flat.

"Oh, heh, that's me all right!" you say. "Why, I reckon we got just loads in common when y'all think about it!"

Wow. You are not good at this. Whatever this is that you're doing.



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Wonder idly what kind of pranks Applejack would pull."


Well, let's see. Applejack's two main claims to fame, as far as physical skills go, are bucking and lassoing. You don't see how kicking Rainbow Dash would really equate to a prank, not to mention you think that you would have heard the impact. So that leaves... oh wow. That's quite the series of mental images you had not planned on having. You could of course take a look for yourself and collapse the uncertainty, but just in case you're right, you're not sure you really want to check. Pinkie's universe-endangering shenanigans aside, you should respect the privacy of your friends' own apple orchard. Friends let friends make decisions about their bodies, even if those decisions might be kind of bizarre. And Rainbow didn't really sound all that perturbed, so you're sure everything's fine.

That said, it's really time to get back on task. You try to explain the situation as best you can:
RD: Ahem.
RD: I didn't take you for a prankster, Applejack.
RD: Oh, heh, that's me all right!
RD: Why, I reckon we got just loads in common when y'all think about it!

TS: Girls, let's stay focused, okay? Whatever you're doing is not important right now.
TS: We need to save Equestria!

RD: Well, you coulda found sweeter ways of putting that, sugarcube, but we're listening.
RD: Yeah! What's the big deal, Twilight?

TS: These machines that Pinkie Pie made are extremely dangerous and could directly cause the end of the world.
RD: How?
TS: ...I have no idea.
TS: But anyway, what's important is that you do not deploy any cruxtruders, and if you or anypony else do deploy them, make absolutely sure not to activate them.

RD: Crux... whats now?
TS: Cruxtruders, Rainbow. If you activate even one, it starts a countdown to some sort of immense disaster.
RD: All right, then, Twah. You tend to be right about this sort of stuff, so I reckon we won't set up none of them cruxthings.
RD: What should we be doin'?




Nov 22 2011
"===>"


You're not entirely sure what Applejack and Rainbow Dash can do to help, so you send them off to try to intercept Pinkie Pie at Sugarcube Corner. She might not be there, of course, since her button still isn't glowing and she spends plenty of time out and about even under more ordinary circumstances, but it's worth a shot. In the meantime, you need to tell your friends about what's going on, as straight-forwardly as possible.

You leave a brief message for Fluttershy advising her not to deploy any cruxtruders. You consider explaining why, but there's no use in frightening the poor girl more than you have to. She's probably worried enough about her console as it is, and you shouldn't add to that worry just yet. Hopefully she won't need to find out until everything's safe and taken care of.

You are less sure of what to say to Pinkie Pie, because hard as you try, you still can't understand her motivation in all this. You leave a message warning her about the cruxtruders and the end of Equestria, and you ask that she talk to you, either through the consoles or in person, before doing anything rash. You consider briefly that you're not exactly sure what Pinkie Pie would count as rash, but you don't go into any further detail because you don't want to dilute your point. Why does Pinkie Pie have to make everything so difficult?

You contact Rarity last, because her button is glowing and you should be able to have a conversation with her:

TS: Rarity?
TS: Hello?
TS: Rarity, are you there? I need to talk to you.
TS: Okay, well, talk to me the moment you see this, all right? And whatever you do, don't deploy any cruxtruders!
TS: Deploying cruxtruders leads to activating cruxtruders leads to the end of all Equestria. Really bad stuff!

No answer.

Well, maybe she's just in another room, or else she didn't remember all the details of Pinkie's explanation of voice mode last night. Nothing to worry about. It's time to focus on figuring out what SBALE can do that doesn't involve dooming the world. From what Rose had to say, it's an incredibly powerful system, capable of magics that even you would find difficult, and if worst comes to worst, perhaps you can put its powers to use in defending Equestria somehow. This is important research that has to be done for the survival of ponykind, and besides, doom aside, it's such an awesome toy!

You begin your experimental research. It's cool, you learn a lot, and it's probably a blast to watch. So just grab a seat, and...



Nov 22 2011
"TS: Be the fashionista pony."


Huh. Well, okay. You are now the fashionista pony.

Oh, no, dear, you can do better than that! Watch this.

You are now Rarity -- the best pony.

Yes, of course you know that many ponies consider such titles subjective. Were you inclined to agree with them, you could draw a beautiful analogy with your dresses and how each is the best for the pony who desires it and the social occasion she desires it for. But you know better, because you are the best pony, and with that comes unquestionable knowledge of such things. Wit, charm, beauty, generosity; why, all these qualities and more are yours in spades, as dear Applejack would put it!

Unfortunately, it just so happens that you are a trifle busy right now. You see, your close friend Twilight has just contacted you to warn you about the end of Equestria. You do wonder where she got such an idea, but you are hardly surprised that she would choose to warn you about it. You are, after all, a superlative judge of character, one not-to-be-named stallion excepted. Anyhow, dearest Twilight is no doubt expecting you to take her side against the unbridled chaos that is Pinkie Pie -- Rainbow Dash too, perhaps? she can be so headstrong at times, and you are positive that there is something brewing between the two of them -- but you are afraid that you shall have to disappoint her. You see, for once in your life, you are entirely on Pinkie Pie's side in this matter.

That is a large part of why you are so busy at the moment. You waited with immense patience for Twilight's button to begin its hopeful shine, and you became her server player the moment it did so. Now you are quite thoroughly engaged in watching over her, so that you will know if she does anything especially troublesome. And there is such an awful lot of context necessary to understand why, and darling, you simply do not have the time to explain it all right now!

Perhaps if you were Rarity somewhere else on the timeline instead? There are so many possibilities -- after all, nopony could ever accuse Rarity of being anything less than generous with her time.



Nov 22 2011
"R: Be Rarity at the point in time that would make things as confusing as possible."


You are now Future Rarity, observing a favorite statue of yours: the STATUE OF HARMONY. Those were good days, and they are quite passable likenesses. Certainly the typical apologism led to the neutralization of certain of your features -- you are quite positive that the only reason the sculptors allowed Rainbow Dash to retain her wings was that she was in flight at the moment of portraiture -- but your personalities shine through nonetheless. However, fond as you are of this work, you are here today to visit a different statue entirely.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


The STATUE OF VICTORY was one of the original five statues of the Canterlot Statue Garden, and it has withstood the intervening years as well as anypony could expect from her legacy. Someday you may look into covering up those cracks and restoring it to its original glory, but plans of restoration are always such a bother to pull off politically. For now it will have to remain as is. Poetic, is it not, coming to view this statue at the very onset of daylight?

No?



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Tsk! My dears, one can scarcely expect to be Future Rarity without understanding such basic concepts! Yes, you are here today to provide answers, but it seems the answers that you have to provide are to questions that have not even been asked yet. This will not do at all. You suppose you will allow yourself to be watched just a little while longer, out of the generosity of your heart. Still, this is no time or place for one who is only just beginning to understand the story of SBALE. That particular adventure is behind you now, and you are in the future -- or at least a possible future? You will confess that you never understood all those details quite as well as somepony else you could name. You were never the TIME player.
Possible Future Rarity rendered in General Zoi's pony creator



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


This charming indentation has rested in the base of Victory for many years, and many ponies in that time have been most thoroughly baffled by it. Here, though, as in so many other things, you have an advantage.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Specifically, you have a KEY.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


The underground passageway your key unveils is somewhat cramped, but a lady never protests such minor indignities, and you make your way down the cool stone steps. This is where you must say your goodbyes for the present. You would love to be a better host, and perhaps later on you will be, but now is hardly the time. Those who wish to appreciate your story should begin not at the end,

but at the beginning...



Nov 22 2011
"R: Be Rarity before she realized she was the best pony."


You are now Filly Rarity, and you are bouncing up and down in your ATTIC BEDROOM. It just so happens that today, the 22nd of Cloptober, is your birthday. Soon your MOMMA will be back from her work at the JAM HOSPITAL and you can celebrate together! Like many other fillies, your wall is adorned with PORTRAITS OF FAMOUS EQUINES, such as the legendary MAPLEJACK presented here. There are also a few of your momma's RECORDS atop your dresser. What will you do while waiting for her to get back?



Nov 22 2011
"R: Examine records."


You levitate the records off of your dresser. You are still new at using your magic, and controlling multiple objects like this is good practice. Otherwise you would not need to look at the records, since you know very well what they are. The first two are songs from musicals and not at all what your momma usually likes to listen to at her hospital, so she gave them to you instead. You love getting presents!

PUTTING IT TOGETHER is a strange song that you suspect you do not fully understand. It's all about art and how much hard work ponies have to go to in order to make it, but it's not a very happy song, even though art is so beautiful. Sometimes you worry that the life of the artist must not be a very happy one. Your momma thinks that the song will grow on you with time. She has this funny idea that you will be some sort of artist yourself someday, but she is wrong. You are much more drawn to the second record.

ON THE STEPS OF THE PALACE is about a beautiful princess who attends a big dance party, like the Grand Galloping Gala in Canterlot. At the dance she meets a prince, and she leaves behind a shoe so that he can find her and marry her! You cannot conceive of a more wonderful future. Once, very earnestly, you informed your momma that you were gonna be a princess someday and marry the most wonderful prince in all of Equestria! All she did was laugh and ruffle your mane, but you were undaunted. Someday your prince will come.

The THIRD RECORD has no name and you do not know what is on it. Your momma gave it to you once and told you not to play it until the right moment, but she was really solemn and refused to tell you when the right moment would be! She said something dumb about how she might disappear someday, and if she did, the record would tell you things that she never had. You are quite curious about the record, because to be perfectly honest there seem to be an awful lot of things that your momma doesn't tell you, but you try to be a good daughter and you have never played even a single second of it.



Nov 22 2011
"R: Go tease Sweetie Belle in her crib."


You don't know who that is!



Nov 22 2011
"R: Look around the room you're in."


This is it! It's not much, but Ms. Sharpener has always taught you that austerity is a virtue. Your momma hopes that when you become an artist, it will be in the area of music, and so your room is decked out accordingly. Becoming a musical prodigy and a dignified lady is a lot to ask of a little filly like yourself, but you try your hardest, because you don't want to disappoint her. Anyhow, you've got a HOOFCRAFTED BED, some DISCARDED SCHOOLBOOKS, a BALL... really, everything's plainly visible, so there's no need to go all out in describing it.



Nov 22 2011
"R: Rock out."


You place the record of On the Steps of the Palace in the phonograph and go to your little piano to play along. You do love this song. You are carried away upon visions of beautiful castles and handsome stallions and happy, happy, ponies.

And then what if you are?
What a Prince would envision?
Although how can you know
Who you are till you know
What you want, which you don't?


Which... you don't?

A lady? A musician? A princess? There are just so many possibilities! But your momma has sacrificed so much for you already, and you know what whatever you end up doing, it has to be perfect. If only your cutie mark would hurry up and appear already!

(It will, in about two months' time. But you don't know that yet.)



Nov 22 2011
"R: Play with your ball!"


Yes. Hay yes. Hay--



"Oh hi momma! I didn't even hear you come in!"

"Hi there kiddo. We... we need to talk."

"Okay! Anything for the best Doctor of Jamology in all Equestria!"
Vinyl Scratch rendered in General Zoi's pony creator



Nov 22 2011
"R: Have a talk with your mother."


You climb up into your bed so that you and your momma can see eye to eye. Well, eye to sunglasses, at least. You honestly have no idea what her eyes even look like under those big things. Oh well!

"So what's on your mind, momma? Did you have a good day at work?"

She nods. "Yeah, I did, Rarity. A little too good."

"What do you mean?"

"Rarity... I've got a gig. Some ponies came and bonked hooves with me saying they were in need of some fresh jams, and hay, my jams are the freshest in town. So I said I'd do it. It's a big event: lotsa guests, lotsa publicity, lotsa bits. An' if I'm good enough, they're thinking of hiring me on fulltime."

You bounce up and down on the bed a little. "That sounds spectacular! What's wrong about that?"

"It's not in Ponyville."

"Oh." You deflate. "But my school is here! What would Ms. Sharpener and everypony else say? Are there schools there? Could I join one partway through the year?"

"There's not really a 'there' for there to be schools, little lady," she says. "It's more of a touring gig. They -- we -- won't be staying in any one place for more than a couple days at a time. If I took you along, it'd be the end of your education."

You are starting to get a really bad feeling about this. "What do you mean... if you took me along?"

"Rarity..." She reaches out her forehooves and pulls you into an embrace. You hug her back worriedly. "Rarity," she continues, "I'm not cut out to be your mother. Hay with that, I'm not cut out to be anypony's mother! I've tried my best, for my princess and just for you, but you deserve somepony better than me. I'm still young, much too young for a filly. I'm wild and reckless and I belong on the road. The road just came by to get me today! But this is your home, and I can't take you away from that. That's not something a real mother would do."

"But you are my real mother!" You feel tears beginning to form in your eyes. "Can't you stay just a little longer, until I get out of school... then you can go on the road wherever you want and I can come with you and--"

"In Celestia's name, don't you see I'm doing this for you?!" You shrink down. She has never yelled at you before. "Rarity, you're so much better than me, okay? Me, ol' Vinyl Scratch, DJ flavor of the week -- there's nothing glamorous about me. But you're meant for bigger things. You've got elegance in a way I'm never gonna have. You're gonna be the best pony ever someday, Rarity, got it? The best pony. But you need me out of the picture for that."

"I..." the idea that you might be better than your mother is a strange one, but you have other concerns. "Where will I live...?"

She takes a few deep breaths before continuing. "I chatted up Mr. Annequin at the Carousel Boutique, and he agreed to take you on as a live-in apprentice. We'll head over there tomorrow morning. I told him you've never actually worked with clothes before, but you're an artist, and he's willing to give you a shot. Don't worry, Rarity. You're going to make me so proud."

"But..."

"Please." She sounds like she's pleading with you, even though you're her daughter. You don't understand why this is happening. "Please, Rarity. I just... can't do this anymore, don't you understand? I'm not meant to be a mother! I got myself into this for all the wrong reasons, and I've found you a new place to stay!" Her voice rises again. "What more could anypony want from me?!"

You try to find in yourself the elegance she has always insisted you possess. You look for the perfect words to tell her that all you want from her is her, your mother, the pony from whom you got everything you know about yourself. But you are much too young still to express such ideas, and before you can get started, she has told you to go to bed. "It's only 6 PM!" you say, but she is already leaving.

You are new to tragedy. But you are pretty sure that of all the worst possible things that could happen, this is the worst. possible. thing.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


It is not until later, as you lie hopelessly in bed, that you realize she did not even wish you a happy birthday.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


The next day is the midweek, and that morning the two of you go to the CAROUSEL BOUTIQUE, the building that is to be your new home. You have to admit it's very pretty. Annequin, the owner, smiles warmly when he sees you. "And you must be little Rarity Scratch!" he says. "Are you excited to become a clothespony?"

You aren't, really. You steal a glance at your momma, and she gives you a shaky smile. You remember that she wants you be the best pony. "Yes," you say.

The rest of the day is a blur of moving, becoming acquainted with your new home, and signing forms. All too soon it is nighttime, and your momma is leaving so she can be at her gig in time. You cling desperately to her legs. "Don't go don't go don't go don't go--"

She shushes you as kindly as she can. "Dignity, poor little lady," she says. "You make sure to always have dignity, and all of Equestria will be at your hooves."



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Over the next few days you begin to learn all about the Carousel Boutique. Mr. Annequin is patient, but you are determined that his patience be unnecessary. Somehow, no matter what you have done to deserve all this, your momma still believes in you. If you are going to design clothes, then the clothes you design are going to be perfect. No, better than perfect; they are going to be fabulous. You learn about sewing and clipping and shapes and colors. You sit in the room while Mr. Annequin talks to customers and tries to sell them things. You meet his cat, Opalescence...



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


...who hates you immediately.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


When Ms. Sharpener asks the class for a volunteer to make the costumes for the school talent show, your hoof shoots into the air. With the help of a little magical providence, you make the most fabulous costumes you are sure the school has ever seen, and you get your cutie mark besides. Later you will come to wonder why your cutie mark is three gems, and not something more explicitly related to clothing design, but for the time being, you feel completely validated. Your momma was right all along: you are an artist. The records and phonograph and ball go into the closet, and you throw yourself into work at the Boutique with a renewed vigor that surprises even Mr. Annequin. You also begin to train yourself in dignity and elegance; two months of success in clothing design are hardly enough to rob you of your dreams of becoming a beautiful princess.

Mr. Annequin is not your mother. You do not even view him as a father. But he is a kind pony, and you do learn from him, more than just business skills. One day, laughing in response to something you said, he informs you that your momma was never a Doctor of Jamology at all, and that a DJ is actually something called a Disc Jockey. When you get over your embarrassment, you realize that a lot of things actually make a lot more sense with that new information.

"Besides," he says, "what crazy university d'ya think'd give a doctorate to Vinyl Scratch, anyhow?"



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Eventually Mr. Annequin tells you that he is quitting the Boutique to spend more time with his young son, Snips. The building and business are to go entirely to you. You are giddy with delight and only barely manage to maintain your dignity as you accept. You are in the prime of life, self-sufficient, talented, beautiful, graceful... you have everything a pony needs besides, admittedly, friends. But even that is to change in a few months' time,



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


on the day that brings with it the event that will change your life forever.



Nov 22 2011
"R: Try to be Fluttershy again."


You are quite confident that you have never in your life tried to be Fluttershy, but you give it a go nonetheless.

You are now sometime-before-Nightmare-Moon-escaped Fluttershy, and oh goodness gracious you just dropped a frog on somepony. You were taking a load of them to Froggy Bottom Bog when one just... slipped. What do you do? What can you possibly do now???



Nov 22 2011
"FS: [size=34px]PANIC[/size]"


oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no--!

You panic so hard that you accidentally captchalogue yourself. Again.



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Now would be a good time to remember how your fetch modus works."


Oh! Um, yes, that would be... wise...

You have a standard-issue ARRAY MODUS tied to a CAPTCHALOGUE CLOUD. They were given out to all the students at summer flight camp when you were young. The "array" part means that you can add and retrieve items freely, so long as you do not exceed your carrying capacity, which is five. Unfortunately, much like your wings, you are not actually all that good at using it, and so in practice, you end up captchaloguing and decaptchaloguing things pretty much by accident. Because you're so used to taking care of animals, you tend to want anything you come across, even inanimate objects, to be wherever you think it will feel safest, so you end up captchaloguing things that you feel are in danger and letting them out if you think they should be safe. And so when you panicked, you felt you'd be safer inside a captchalogue card than out in the sky.

(The fact that you use a CLOUD instead of a captchalogue DECK means that items you captchalogue are not stored locally in your own sylladex but are instead stored in a central sylladex server in Cloudsdale. All this really means in practice is that your items could be deleted or your modus privileges removed if anypony reported illegal substances in any of your captchalogue cards, but since nopony can see into your modus, and you are hardly the sort of pony to carry around anything dangerous anyway, you don't really consider this a bother.)

All right, time to get out of here. You need to recover that poor little frog, and besides, when you stay inside your captchalogue cards for too long you start to hear weird voices. Okay, Fluttershy, you can do this! All you did was drop one little frog on somepony. Maybe... maybe she liked it! Frogs are so sweet and adorable and how could anypony mind having them fall from the sky? Why, you bet you'll be best friends forever because of this, if you just get out there and talk to her about it!

...using your fetch modus really involves a surprising amount of lying to yourself.



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Be glad you don't have Rainbow Dash's modus."


Poof! Oh, good, you made it out! You were starting to get just a little teensy tiny bit worried.

Rainbow Dash? Oh, you remember her! It was actually because of her that you ended up getting your cutie mark, but maybe that's a story for another time. You haven't really run into her very often since summer flight camp, though... plus, as far as you know, she doesn't have a fetch modus at all, since she was busy napping the day they were given out. Maybe you should find her and give her yours? It does seem to give you nothing but trouble.

Oh no, the cart's not up here anymore! The little bit of pegasus magic you gave it to float behind you must not have worked to keep it airborn without you hitched to it! What if it's broken? You can hardly bear to look.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


OH NOOOOOOO



Nov 22 2011
"FS: First, get her a towel. Second, apologize profusely."


You narrowly avert an infinitely regressive loop of panicking, captchaloguing, decaptchaloguing, and then panicking again. The pony, and the frogs, and your cart all need your help, and you wouldn't be much of a caretaker if you left helpless animals and inanimate objects in their times of need. You even briefly consider using your FREAKY KNOWLEDGE OF SEWING to create a TOWEL out of nearby LEAVES AND SMALL TWIGS, but you realize that wouldn't actually work very well, and besides, how could anypony get drenched by falling frogs? Her hair is probably just down for DRAMATIC VISUAL EFFECT and will return to normal in SOME RANDOM SUBSEQUENT SHOT.

"Oh no, I am so very very sorry!" you say as you flutter down to ground level. "I really truly didn't mean to drop anything on you, and, um, I'm very sorry!"

She sort of smiles. You are not very familiar with pony expressions, but hers is the same look you have seen Harry make when you are pulling a needle from his paw. She is trying desperately to maintain her dignity in a moment of extreme duress. Your kind heart goes out to her, even as you feel guilty for causing the duress in the first place.

"Sorry? Oh, my dear, do not trouble yourself!" she says. "Why, frogs" -- she twitches -- "frogs are, ah, only the newest thing in cosmetic treatment! Why, I am sure when I go to the spa absolutely immediately after this they will just cover me in" -- another twitch -- "frogs."

"Oh!" You smile weakly. "I'm very glad to hear that, Miss...?"

"Scratch," she says, and then frowns. "But, ah, you can simply call me Rarity, dear. Now come, do tell me why you were transporting these, ah, delightful creatures?"

You explain, softly, hesitantly, about ecosystems and biodiversity and how there were too many frogs in the nearby river and how you were going to take some of them to Froggy Bottom Bog instead, only now your cart is broken.



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Remove valuable cosmetic treatments from new acquaintance and repair the cart."


It takes several seconds after you remove the frogs from Rarity, but eventually she seems able to move again. The two of you check out the broken cart.

"Well, it doesn't look so frightfully bad," she says, "only the wheels are off, that's all. You should be able to repair it in no time."

You smile uncertainly. "Oh, well... I don't actually know anything about, um, carpentry, really. Um, do you suppose your horn...?"

"I'm afraid my magic is most unsuited for such heavy labor, my dear... I'm sorry, but I do seem to have forgotten your name."

"I'm, um, Fluttershy."

"Well, Fluttershy, you are a pegasus pony, after all. Why do you not simply fly the wagon without its wheels?"

You look hesitantly at your wings. "You see, pegasus magic is... well, it's very finicky. I can enchant it to float, but it has to think it's rolling, or it won't get anywhere. I'm sorry."

"Ah." You both stare solemnly at the cart, and the frogs jump around without any understanding of the predicament at all.



Nov 22 2011
"R: Get to the spa. NOW. And take this nervous wreck with you, she could stand to relax."


I-deeeeea!

Wasn't it just the other day that you were pondering your lack of friends? Well, perhaps fate has dropped one right in front of you! ...after dropping some rather less appealing creatures beforehand, that is. This Fluttershy is a trifle nervous, to be sure, but she does seem such a gentle soul, and perhaps the two of you could get along fabulously. Besides, how could you claim to be the best pony if you did not extend a helping hoof to others in need? Perhaps you could even get her into your shop sometime to model for you; she is not like some of the other ponies around here, such as that rough and tumble Applejack you've run into on occasion, who wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything besides a beat-up old hat. So be it. You and this sweet pegasus shall become the very best of friends, once this whole froggy business is out of the way.

"Don't fret, Fluttershy," you say. "While I cannot repair your cart itself, that scarcely means that I and my horn can be of no assistance to you. I propose a deal. You shall accompany me to the spa, so that we may get to know one another better and I can get the odor of frog off of me, and afterward, I shall use my magic to transport your troupe of amphibians myself by levitation. What do you say?"

"That's very kind of you," she says, "but, um, I wouldn't want to inconvenience you so badly."

You scoff. "Don't even think of it! Come, this shall be a pleasure for us both."



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Ask about the new frog cosmetic treatment."


You begin walking about and collecting the frogs. Unfortunately, they are such distinct individuals that you cannot quite bring yourself to captchalogue them all into a single card as multiple frogs. Just look at them in there, after all! Each one completely different!

"Do you think," you ask, "that this spa might be able to give these poor little froggies a good home? You said how useful they are for cosmetics, so maybe the ponies there would just love to take them in..."

She laughs, a little unnaturally. "No, I'm quite sure that they don't need any more. Do just leave them in the fountain or something, and we can return for them later. Unless you are worried about some rogue frognapper?"

"Oh, no," you say. "Um, but thank you again for everything, Rarity. After we do all this and get the frogs into the bog, you must let me treat you to dinner or something, you're being so very kind..."

She smiles, the most comfortable expression you have seen her wear so far. "That sounds just lovely, darling. Shall we go?"



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


The spa is a intimidating building you would never have dreamed of visiting alone, but Rarity seems to be recognized enough that she has her own personalized robe. As the spa's main workers, Aloe and Lotus, pamper the two of you in a dizzying variety of ways, you and Rarity begin to get to know one another better. She seems extraordinarily willing to trust you with the details of her life, and her kindness towards you is infectious enough that you are able to overcome at least some of your shyness and respond a little in kind. Admittedly a good deal of what you talk about is how amazing this experience is and how grateful you are that she brought you here, but you do find time for other conversation nonetheless.

After avoiding the subject a couple times, you compliment the peculiarity of her surname and she finally relents and tells you about her mother, Vinyl Scratch. You are not entirely sure you quite understand how Rarity feels about her now, but you can tell that this Vinyl was an enormous presence in her life, both before and after leaving home. You react with surprise when she tells you, in utmost confidence, about a mysterious record that she received from her mother, with vague instructions to play it when the time was right. "And you haven't played it?" you ask. "I think that if there were any way of finding anything out about my parents, I would jump on it like a rabbit."

She tilts her head. "What do you not know about your parents?"

"Oh, everything," you answer. "In fact, I don't even have any idea who they were."



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


You tell Rarity how your earliest memories are of life in the Cloudsdale orphanage under the watchful eyes of Old Yarn, the headmistress. When you were old enough to have it explained to you, Old Yarn told you that you had arrived at the orphanage one day accompanied by another filly only slightly older than yourself. Neither of you, however, had had any knowledge of your lives prior to that day. The orphanage workers named you Fluttershy because of how quiet you were, and the other filly was named Bubblecup after her nascent cutie mark. You mention that you think she's now working in the Ponyville area as a mailmare, and Rarity purses her lips, evidently knowing exactly whom you are talking about.

You also speak briefly of your later life: how the orphanage sent you away to Summer Flight Camp to develop your weak wings; how while attending there you fell from the clouds and landed in a rabble of butterflies; and how using your newfound ability to communicate with and take care of animals, you were able to convince the mayor of Ponyville to pay you a living wage to live among the birds and beasts and not interact much with any other ponies. Rarity responds that she is quite honored that you seem to be able to be so free with her, and offers her fondest wishes that you will someday learn more about the identifies of your parents.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


All the previous luxuries the spa offered, however, pale in comparison to the sheer sensuality of the massage. You have stroked the backs of numerous forest creatures, to be sure, but never have you been on the receiving end, and it is pure heaven. All conversation falls away as you lose yourself entirely in the gentle yet firm hooves that seem to be building for you an entirely new back. Even your awkward wings, cramped as they are beneath your robe, feel utterly at peace with the world. You feel yourself slowly losing control of your faculties, until finally...



oh no. Maybe... maybe you really should have just gone to Froggy Bottom Bog right away.



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Don't panic! Don't panic!"


All the relaxation built up during your time in the spa begins to melt away and you can feel the cold hard walls of shame and your fetch modus closing in on you. How could you have forgotten to decaptchalogue those frogs before coming here? What will Lotus think of you? ...what will Rarity, your new friend, think of you, given how squeamish the frogs seemed to make her beforehand? At least there are cucumber slices covering her eyes.

But maybe those same ponies, now to be terrified by your little green companions, are exactly why you shouldn't panic? Your friend, and one of the gentlest ponies you have ever met, have a problem. Just because the problem in this particular case happens to be your doing, doesn't mean that you shouldn't try to help them, right? That's what a good friend and customer would do. And the poor dear frogs themselves are probably terrified out of their minds as well, being suddenly unleashed in this unfamiliar environment!

...but oh goodness, all that sounds awfully, well, courageous, and courageous is not something you are.

Now, as a matter of fact, courage is among your aspects -- or at least something very similar to it -- even if you don't know it yet. Unfortunately, you still have many friendship reports' worth of character development to go through, and at the moment this kind of predicament would likely leave you unsure and hesitating for the rest of the indefinite future. Fortunately, providence appears to be on your side, for Lotus does not sound terrified at all. She's thoroughly enthused.

"Oh heavens!" she says. "Frogs! Why, how splendid!"

"Um... yes?" you say. "Do you really think so?"

("Frogs?" asks Rarity in a small voice. "Are there frogs here too? Oh, don't let me see them, I couldn't take it!")

Lotus smiles. Her face is warm and comforting. "Oh, yes, Miss Fluttershy! Some of the very newest perfumes and other treatments rely most heavily on frogs for their potency. To have five such lively specimens delivered, well, even closer than our doorstep -- it is an act of fortune! Are these yours?"

You decide against mentioning that you got the frogs from Whitetail Woods, within easy walking distance. Perhaps sophisticated ponies like Lotus and Rarity are above such directness. "Um, in a way, yes, I suppose," you say instead.

"Miss Fluttershy, I believe I speak for my sister and myself in saying that we should be most grateful to take these frogs off your hooves. Name your price."

Price? "I don't really know much about prices... the mayor mostly takes care of my living expenses, and--"

"Miss Lotus?" The light yellow stallion who had been massaging Rarity is speaking. "Why don't you offer them some complimentary treatments? You know we all love having Rarity in."

Lotus claps her hooves in delight and quickly retrieves a clipboard. "Wonderful, Quake! Now, Miss Fluttershy, shall we say... weekly treatments, for a month?"

You gulp at the idea of experiencing this kind of luxury again. "Um, the frogs... they wouldn't be, well, harmed, would they?"

"Oh, no," says Lotus sincerely. "It's all about scents and such; we don't dissect them or anything awful like that! This is a place of comfort, Miss Fluttershy, not death."

"Well, all right," you say. "Um, you wouldn't want any more, would you?"

"I think five will be plenty, Miss," she says. "Now, Quake, could you take these specimens away and bring in Aloe? I believe these customers have not received their full treatment yet!"



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


After a SERIES OF REFRESHING ADMINISTRATIONS which bear REMARKABLE VISUAL SIMILARITY to ones you will undergo in the future and which need therefore not be viewed, you and Rarity are out the door, with everypony involved thoroughly satisfied. "Gosh," you say, "that was very clever of you to know about the cosmetic purposes! I don't know what I'd have done otherwise."

She giggles. "But of course! A lady never fails to be knowledgeable about such subjects, after all."

(Sometime later, you will both learn a lesson about the importance of not keeping secrets from each other, and she will confess to you that she was making up the entire thing and was as surprised as you were when it turned out to have been mostly correct. Your friendship at that point, fortunately, will be much too strong to be harmed by such a minor fabrication.)

You are two beautiful young mares in the prime of life. You have successfully found a purpose for FIVE (5) of the frogs that you began this trip with. You have also made ONE (1) new friend and managed to desecrate ZERO (0) mystic ruins. There are still however SEVEN (7) frogs back at the fountain in the park. What shall you do?



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Make small talk."


As the two of you return towards the fountain, it occurs to you that Rarity is very pretty, and you briefly consider the possibility of wooing her. Not for sexual purposes, you wouldn't dream of such a thing, but maybe... some nice peaceful cuddles? Or high fives? Are high fives even a thing that ponies can do? You suppose you have relatively little idea of what ponies do or can do with one another, given how little contact you've had with your own species since Summer Flight Camp. Certainly you had to speak with the mayor in order to get yourself set up as animal caretaker, but that was just a businesslike conversation, and anyway you had to psych yourself up for that days. So what about Rarity? The two of you have already agreed on having dinner afterwards... is that what Raindrops at camp used to call a "date"?

Well, but she talked so much in the spa about her dreams of marrying a prince! Maybe she's just not into other mares. And even if she is, she certainly isn't acting like she's in the market for one right now. Besides, you're not sure if you're into, well... other ponies. Is that normal? You're perfectly happy living by yourself, and you've never felt the urge to go out and find yourself a marefriend. Or, really, a friend of any kind. But Rarity does seem nice. So maybe you should just take things one step at a time and get used to the idea of having a friend, and maybe sometime later when you're more used to having friends if by any chance you still think you might have a thing for her then you might possibly say something to her about it maybe.

...okay, you're pretty sure that you'd never actually say a word, but it feels good to tell yourself that you could have that kind of courage. Your fetch modus isn't the only area of your life that involves lying to yourself. But more importantly, right now you don't think you're qualified to know if you do have feelings for Rarity or if you're just caught up in the rush of having a true friend.

Everything would be so much easier if you'd been more social growing up, but surprisingly enough, you were very shy. And when you did establish connections with others around you, they were invariably the ponies that everypony else liked to pick on, which didn't exactly result in you becoming very popular. You don't know what it was that drew you to Bubblecup and Rainbow Dash -- maybe the very fact that they were picked on? -- but they were certainly the closest you ever had to friends before meeting Rarity, even if you don't see much of either of them anymore.

"A bit for your thoughts?" asks Rarity. You blush as you realize how long you've been silent and oh no what if you're letting down your new friendship already?

"Oh! Um, I was just thinking about, um, Rainbow Dash?"

She looks at you, evidently puzzled. "Rainbow... Dash? Isn't she that one pony from the weather team who's always sleeping?"

"I think so?" you say. "I mean, I think she's on the weather team. Does she sleep a lot? I guess I wouldn't know."

Rarity rolls her eyes. "My dear, the only thing Rainbow Dash does more than sleeping is crashing into buildings. Why, twice this month alone I have had to reorganize my shelves after she has knocked everything down from them, and I hear that our poor librarian is thinking of retiring, the library is impacted so often."

"I'm sure she means well," you say. "Um, Rainbow Dash, I mean. She used to be very protective of me when we were young, and if she's tired a lot now, well, I bet she's just doing a lot of really hard work!"

"Perhaps," says Rarity, although you suspect she is very skeptical of everything you just said. "Nevertheless, I imagine her to be quite the ruffian. And what a bizarre mane! Fluttershy, you have no idea how glad I am to have found such a sweet and gentle pony as yourself to befriend. Celestia knows I could never imagine being friends with anypony like Rainbow Dash."



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Well, back on your quest of saving the remaining seven frogs!"


The two of you make it back to the fountain in the park where you left the frogs, and you begin rounding them up. One, two, three, four, five, six... the seventh seems to have gone missing!

"Rarity," you ask, "do, um, do you see a seventh frog around here anywhere?"

"I'm afraid not, dear," she says. "No... wait! Goodness, Fluttershy, you really should come see this!"



The seventh frog has... changed in your absence. Its skin has gone pure white, its eyes are flashing multiple colors, and it seems almost to be glowing. Rarity looks at you in confusion. "Fluttershy," she asks hesitantly, "is this indecorous behavior... normal for frogs?"

"Oh gosh," you say, "no, it isn't at all! Oh, Rarity, isn't it pretty? I wonder how it's doing that! I wonder if maybe it ate something magical, we should look around and see if we can find any strange-looking plants, oh no, do you think it's hurt? Maybe you should stay here and make sure it's all right while I go home and get some medical supplies and--"

"Ahem," says Rarity politely, and you remember that not everypony is quite as comfortable with frogs as you are. You let out a nervous giggle.

"Or... we could take them all to Froggy Bottom Bog like we planned and I could come check on the dear thing a little while later."

Rarity beams.



Nov 22 2011
"R: Help Fluttershy captchalogue frogs with your best pony modus."


You would if you could! However, you do not actually have a fetch modus. Nothing you have seen on offer has ever felt quite right to you. A pony like yourself deserves a truly refined modus, and until the powers of destiny deliver one to you, you shall be abstemious and simply go without. Saddlebags are in this season, after all, and even if you did have a fetch modus, you are not at all sure you would like a bunch of frogs sliming up the insides of your sylladex. Especially not if they are going to start flashing various colors without the least bit of warning.

Instead, you use your basic levitation magic to carry the frogs in a disorderly bundle as you and Fluttershy walk to the bog. You express some trepidation at the idea of passing through the Everfree Forest, but Fluttershy assures you that the bog is only on the edge of the forest, and the two of you can simply go around and avoid all those trees and unknown monsters. This suits you fine. You are happy to help your newfound friend with her tasks, but generosity only goes so far. Certainly you shall never again be roped into helping somepony collect frogs.

(You are, as it happens, correct in your resolution. It is not your destiny to be the DAME.)



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


Froggy Bottom Bog, once you arrive, is exactly what you had expected it to look like.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


While Fluttershy goes about her business of settling the frogs into their new home, your eyes wander about the bog. At first there is nothing interesting to be seen, only innumerable muddy threats to the safety of your perfectly arranged mane, but eventually your eyes alight on a curious structure resting in the mud in one corner of the bog.

"Fluttershy," you ask, "would you happen to know how this Froggy Bottom Bog acquired its name?"

"No," she says. "I've never actually been here before, you see. I just assumed it was because frogs liked to live here."

"I... see," you say, staring at the structure in puzzlement. "Then you would not happen to know what that thing over there is?"



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


"Oh my!" says Fluttershy. "I'm... not sure. But it looks kind of like it might be a mystic ruin?"



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Investigate with reckless apprehension."


After some discussion, you and Rarity make your way across the surprisingly sturdy LILYPADS and enter the MYSTIC RUIN. It's surprisingly well-lit, and your apprehension vanishes in an instant as you discover an adorable WHITE RABBIT inside the temple. The poor thing must have gotten lost in the bog and come in here for shelter! Rarity, for whatever reason of her own, finds this somewhat less exciting than you do.



Nov 22 2011
"FS: CUT OUT THE RABBIT'S TONGUE"


As you stare at the white rabbit, something mysterious awakes within you, and you find yourself consumed by an all-powerful rage that demands only blood. Somehow you know that if you take this rabbit into your life, he shall make it a living hell. Never again shall you know the true joy of home life as your own mistress. The only conceivable solution is to murder this upstart lagomorph while he still gives you a chance. In fact, murder will solve most of your future problems. "Listen to us," intone a series of largely imaginary voices within your head, "we are here to help you."

This panel also available as a screensaver! (Probably requires .net runtime framework.)



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


But fortunately, the rabbit is just so cute that the feeling quickly fades away! WEIRD.



Nov 22 2011
"FS: Follow the white rabbit."


You approach the wicked adorable little rabbit so you can chop off his miserable tongue with Rarity's horn kiss him all over his darling face, wait what? He takes off running and leads you onto the immense stone disc that purports itself to be the HUB of the temple chamber.



Nov 22 2011
"===>"


All of a sudden, the disc begins to descend into the floor, taking you and the rabbit with it. You feel your wings lock up in alarm. Above you, your friend Rarity is trying to decide whether she should jump in after you or stay up top.



Nov 22 2011
"R: Decorate mystic ruins."


Decorate? But they're decorated already! Just look at these magnificent carvings. Some sort of PARTIAL STAR CHART, you believe? Those are probably stars you've seen before, although you must admit your knowledge of astronomy is rather limited. And an excellent impression of Princess Celestia's cutie mark, and also, you suppose, the moon? Although it seems to lack the traditional Mare in the Moon iconography...

Oh, wait, Fluttershy needs your help!



Nov 22 2011
"R: Jump!"


FOR FRIENDSHIP



Nov 22 2011
"R: Fall in a more fabulous manner."


This is how a real lady falls. A lady's lady.



Nov 23 2011
"R: Quit falling and land already!"


You land as fabulously as you fell. The stone disc isn't actually descending all that rapidly, presumably so that its passengers do not enter freefall, and so you catch up with it before it has gone down past the SECOND LEVEL OF INSCRIPTIONS.



Nov 23 2011
"===>"


However, your smooth landing does not prevent Fluttershy from rapidly cycling you through her captchalogue cloud a few times in the interest of safety. The three of you settle down to wait and find out how deep the rabbit hole goes.



Nov 23 2011
"===>"


Apparently it goes rather deep indeed.



Nov 25 2011
"FS: Captchalogue the bunny."


This is absolutely no place for bunnies. You take dear, sweet HELLBEAST ANGEL into protective custody.



Nov 25 2011
"FS: Go south."


You got a bit turned around back in Froggy Bottom Bog, so you're not quite sure which way south is. Arbitrarily, you head towards the wall opposite the one with the seven levels of portentous imagery. This wall is also covered in carvings, but instead of pictures, the scratch marks look to you like some sort of intricate CODE. As you stare at it, bits and pieces slowly begin to make sense, but you can also tell that no pony could fully comprehend every detail here encrypted. Somepony of sufficient dedication could perhaps, with time, harvest a surface understanding from the intricate seeds of thought that have been sown here, but the full message would yet remain obscure without the aid of some golden-tongued translator.



Nov 25 2011
"R: Provide light."


Your inner magic springs forth through your horn, and you illuminate the tall chamber around you.



Nov 26 2011
"R: Take a look around the tall, illuminated chamber."


The only objects in the chamber are two LOTUS TIME CAPSULES against the far wall. The one on the left has a full pink flower, and the numbers on its gray portions are counting down second by second. The one on the right has only a green bud, and there are only unchanging dashes in place of the other one's countdown. You notice that the one on the left should hit zero in less than two minutes, and decide to wait and see what happens while Fluttershy busies herself staring at walls.



Nov 26 2011
"===>"


At the twenty-four second mark, the pink lotus blossom opens, revealing a glowing white ball.



Nov 26 2011
"===>"


The timer reaches zero, and the glowing white ball produces an exceedingly tacky FETCH MODUS.



Nov 27 2011
"R: See if the room has anything less tacky."


There's nothing else down here!
Blueblood's cutie mark by RilDraw.



Well, after some careful searching you're able to find a FEATHER. But it's hardly an especially glamorous feather.



Nov 27 2011
"R: Do something with the right Lotus Time Capsule."


You levitate the feather onto the top of the right lotus thing. Nothing at all happens.



Nov 27 2011
"===>"


Looking closer, you notice that what you thought was a flat gray surface is in fact a series of small independently rotatable gray ellipses. However, manually rotating a few of the ellipses reveals that their surfaces have only more dashes on them, rather than numbers like on the other one. It seems there's really nothing to be done with this time capsule, or at least not until its little green bud manages to blossom into a full flower, and you have no idea how long that could take.



Nov 28 2011
"R: Give the bud some magical light."


You focus some of the magic you've been devoting to illuminating the entire chamber, and try to bathe the recalcitrant bud in an approximation of sunlight. Sunlight makes plants grow, right? Unfortunately, while your mother was always very talented at light spells, you do not seem to have inherited that particular skill, and your focused light isn't too visually impressive and fails to have any effect.

"Um, are you all right over there?" asks Fluttershy. If nothing else, your light seems to have distracted her from staring at the walls.



Nov 28 2011
"R: Give feather to Fluttershy."


"Here, Fluttershy," you say, "this suits you rather better than it does me."

"Oh, thank you, Rarity!" she says. "I'm very honored to receive a gift from a friend!"

"You needn't thank me too graciously, my dear," you say. "After all, it was simply lying upon the ground here."

"Really?" she asks. "That's odd... I'm pretty sure this is an EAGLE FEATHER, but I don't know what an eagle would be doing down inside a mystic ruin."



Nov 28 2011
"R: Look for any eagle marks on the walls."


You point Fluttershy towards the wall behind the time capsules. "Are those markings the work of eagles, do you suppose?"

"I don't think so," she says. "Eagles are very intelligent creatures -- in fact, there's a chick back at my cottage whom I'm teaching to knit! -- but I've never heard of them possessing any sort of written language, although I suppose if they did, it might look something like this. But these marks are much too deep and precise to be the work of eagle claws."

"Just one more inexplicable mystery in this odd place, then, I suppose," you answer. "Now, perhaps we should work on finding a way back up?"

"Oh, yes, of course," she says, and then notices the time capsules. "What are these big things?"

"I'm afraid I haven't the foggiest idea. The pink flower on the left used to be all folded up, but then it opened and revealed that garish fetch modus. I can't get the one on the right to do anything at all."

Fluttershy looks thoughtful. "You know... I don't think Rainbow Dash has a fetch modus. That one would suit her perfectly, don't you think?"

"Of course, darling, of course," you say, already a little tired of this Rainbow Dash. "Now can we please focus on getting out of here?"



Dec 01 2011
"FS: Fly up to look for any hidden switches for the lift."


Well, all right. But first you'll captchalogue that fetch modus, if that's all right? You're just worried otherwise everypony's going to forget about it, and it is kind of pretty, um, in its way...



Dec 01 2011
"===>"


You start flying back up the shaft. You don't remember hitting any sort of special switch to make the platform descend in the first place; you just followed the rabbit into the center and it started going down right away. But maybe sending it back up again is more complicated? It'll take you a little while to get to the top, since you're not Equestria's best flyer, so Rarity will have time to do her own investigations down below.



Dec 02 2011
"===>"


Before you get very far, the stone platform surges up from beneath you. Rarity, her horn still illuminating the shaft around you, looks rightfully smug.

"Well done!" you say. "How did you get it to go up?"

She tosses her mane gracefully. "I followed your example and walked into the center of the platform, of course. I had thought about sending the rabbit in first, but then you would have had to drop him -- is it a him, by the way? -- and that didn't seem at all wise."

You smile. "Yes, I think he's a him! I think I'm going to name him Angel Bunny, because he's so white and soft and innocent! Oh, um, and he's a bunny too."



Dec 02 2011
"===>"


In what feels like no time, the two of you are at the top floor of the frog temple. Outside you can smell the distinctive odor of Froggy Bottom Bog welcoming you back to the surface. Rarity is obviously ready to get going.



Dec 02 2011
"Random Pony: Bust in at the last minute."


Now why would you do a silly thing like that? It's best that they don't even know you're here.

Sure, you were disappointed to find that you had come too late to see the second time capsule blossom. All this time you waited, only for two random ponies to show up at the last minute and reap your glory. But that's okay. You still have the object from the first, plus everything you've been able to figure out of the coded carvings. Your studies are coming along nicely, especially with the help of your assistant. You'll never understand the temple's riddles enough to create the game yourself, but you're sure somepony else will in time. They must, after all, or the temple wouldn't be here in the first place, now would it? A seed must be planted before it can grow.

You do wonder who these ponies are, or at least why they're here. You recognize one of them; Rarity, runner of the Carousel Boutique. She's brilliant! You'd take her fashion advice any day. The other... Posie or something? Was she the one with the animals that got into your field that one time? You're not sure. Certainly you've never noticed anypony else visiting this temple before, so this is really weird. Maybe... maybe they are two of the six Heroes? And oh gosh, if they are, could either of them be one of your... well, okay, no sense in wondering about that just yet. But you should probably keep an eye on these two, see who else they know, that kind of thing.

Sure, you could just go and introduce yourself right now. But that would be more Love Lock's style than yours. You're all about hidden greatness, after all... or should you say great hiddenness? Heh heh heh.

This is fine. This is nothing to worry about. This could even be the next big step to your finally joining the Crusaders.



Dec 02 2011
"R: Get going."


By the time you leave the bog, you are both feeling rather hungry, and have your planned dinner right away. Fluttershy seems to have picked up on your impatient attitude in the temple, and asks worriedly if she was grating on you and if there's anything she can do to make it up to you, but you smile and assure her that you'll be fine. "Just never enlist me in helping you with frogs again," you say, "and we'll be right as rain."

"Oh, I promise," she says.

After that, the dinner goes very pleasantly, and you talk about nothing of any great import. Neither of you have any real ideas what that mystic ruin was about, but for the time being, at least, you are happy to talk about other things and further cement your friendship. Certainly you got rather more adventure than you bargained for today -- it's a dangerous business, really, walking out your front door -- but you believe you have found a true friend, and surely that makes it all worthwhile. You and Fluttershy exchange contented smiles across the table before you get ready to leave. You have outfits to adjust, and she has a new rabbit friend to install and a fetch modus to deliver to her old friend Rainbow Dash.



Dec 02 2011
"===>"


In the evening, as you prepare yourself for bed, you notice your old phonograph sitting by the door. You use it sometimes to provide musical accompaniment while you sing the Sleep Song, but tonight it reminds you instead of your mother, and of the unlabeled record that she told you to play at the "right moment."

You remember what Fluttershy told you earlier today. "And you haven't played it?" she asked. "I think that if there were any way of finding anything out about my parents, I would jump on it like a rabbit."

Is this the right moment? Is it? You're still not sure.



Dec 05 2011
"R: Don't play it, it isn't the right time yet."


You decide not to play the record. You believe you will know that you are ready when the time comes, and right now you are far too uncertain. It's better that you simply go to sleep and hope not to dream of frogs.



Dec 05 2011
"===>"


You don't dream of frogs.



Dec 05 2011
"===>"


This is the first night that your DREAM SELF awakens, high within a tower that rises up from the moon of the golden planet of PROSPIT.



Dec 05 2011
"===>"


In the months to come, each night you will drift off to sleep and find yourself once more in Prospit. You will come to meet the planet's residents, and learn something of the politics surrounding it and its sister planet DERSE. You will find much to be inspired by, and certain of your designs in Ponyville will come to inherit an otherworldly quality, even as certain of your designs in Prospit shall incorporate more Equestrian themes. Perhaps most importantly, though, you will learn to study the clouds.



Dec 05 2011
"===>"


The CLOUDS OF SKAIA will show you many visions of the past, the present, and the future. You will see details of a great quest involving you and five other ponies, one of them Fluttershy. You will see the six of you on varied and fantastic worlds, struggling with unthinkable problems, and experiencing tremendous rewards. Together you will work to save Prospit and Equestria both from the massive war that shall be waged between Skaia's two orbiting planets. The clouds will not reveal to you whether you will succeed, but you cannot imagine why such beauty should be shown to you for no purpose other than to give you false hopes.

Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, and Applejack are all ponies you know or at least recognize, and you will keep an eye on them all while you wait for the sixth of your group to make her inevitable appearance. When she at last arrives, on the day before the Summer Sun Celebration, you will be appropriately surprised. Nightmare Moon will return, sealing Equestria in eternal night, and you will take the initiative in gathering all six of you together in the Golden Oak Library to make a plan to defeat her. In the end, you will discover that defeating Nightmare Moon was not the adventure shown in the clouds, but in the process you will also discover something even more important: four more close friends. The fact that you will have effectively orchestrated the rediscovery of the Elements of Harmony and the saving of all Equestria, of course, will not be lost on you, even if you will be unable to explain to the other four (three of whom you will have barely even known at the time) just why you insisted they all accompany you to go see Twilight.

You and your five friends will have more adventures as time goes on, as well as numerous lessons in the magic of friendship, and the eventual war between Prospit and Derse will almost slip your mind until one night Pinkie Pie throws a party in honor of her new invention. Listening to her, you will be sure that the time has come. Soon you will be able not only to share with your friends the golden world that has made itself a second home for you, but also to save it from its war against its dark counterpart. The next day, you will take the first chance you get to become Twilight's server player, knowing full well how suspicious she will be of Pinkie's entire plan. You will all six play the game, whether Twilight likes it or not; that is the message of the clouds.

But none of that has happened just yet. Tonight, your very first time awake in your dream chamber, you know nothing of Derse or Twilight Sparkle or Nightmare Moon or any of the visions or adventures that will soon fill your life. Instead, you are fixated on two little words inscribed on the placronym beneath what you can only guess is a giant portrait of you.



Dec 05 2011
"===>"


"Princess Rarity."



Dec 07 2011
"R: Be Lyra."


You are now Lyra and oh gosh, really? At last! You've been waiting so long for this chance! Listen, this is important! Somewhere out there are aliens. You have proof, honest you do! You have charts somewhere if Bon-Bon hasn't found and burnt them yet. Ponies are being changed by supernatural forces! Even right here in Ponyville, some ponies are referring to you as "Heartstrings." This isn't natural! Somepony has to believ



Dec 07 2011
"What??"


You are once again Twilight Sparkle, although you're not at all sure the boldface is still necessary when you've already been introduced. As you may recall, you were about to start experimenting with the tools of SBALE while Rainbow and Applejack go find Pinkie Pie. It looks like they're still talking right now, so you've got some time to practice. Without deploying any cruxtruders, naturally.



Dec 08 2011
"TS: Explore Atheneum."


The Atheneum appears to be quite empty! That was easy. You make a note on your MENTAL NOTELIST to at some point create a PHYSICAL CHECKLIST so that you can check off exploring the Atheneum.



Dec 08 2011
"TS: Ponder the Select, Revise, and Deploy Icons. Are they supposed to be stylized hooves?"


You don't think so. They look more like pink silhouettes of Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie's workplace. Going by the name, you would think that pink bales of hay would be more appropriate, but you must admit that bales of hay do not have especially distinctive shapes. You're not quite sure why Sugarcube Corner is divided into several pieces in each of the icons, but there's probably some bizarre reason for it.

Speaking of those icons, you think you'll try deploying something, so that you have a better understanding of how deployment works in order to avoid doing it with the wrong thing. (The wrong thing is the cruxtruder.) From what you remember of "Lodestar," you need to open the Phernalia Registry in order to deploy anything...



Dec 08 2011
"TS: Check out registry."


The Phernalia Registry, unlike the barren Atheneum, is populated with three items, all of which you recall reading about in "Lodestar": a CRUXTRUDER, a TOTEM LATHE, and an ALCHEMITER. Arbitrarily, you decide to deploy the alchemiter.

Calling the device an "alchemiter," and the entire process in which it is involved "alchemy," rubs you the wrong way, but you're not sure what to do about that. Your old classmate Moondancer recently published a very cohesive work, part literature review and part field research, denouncing the idea of alchemy entirely. She researched or visited unicorns from practically every part of Equestria, as well as some other magic-using species, such as zebras, and was unable to find any evidence that alchemy has in fact ever been practiced.

And yet, you know only too well that there are phenomena that lie even outside the range of conventional magic. You mean this as no slight to Moondancer, who is an excellent scholar; you mean only that Pinkie Pie has defied explanation since the day you first met her. You don't know how her Pinkie Sense works, but she did force you to admit that it does, and maybe this will turn out the same way. And possibly, if you study this "SBALE" enough, you may even be able to understand how she does the things she does?

...that's kind of a worrisome prospect, actually.



Dec 08 2011
"===>"


You deploy the alchemiter. Unlike the bland-looking icon in the phernalia registry, the real thing seems to be tied to Rainbow Dash's color scheme. Curious!



Dec 08 2011
"TS: Try using an apple with the alchemiter."


It's experimenting time! It looks like Applejack and Rainbow Dash are already trying to figure out what you just deployed next to them by, uh, standing on top of it, but your studies of "Lodestar" give you an advantage. If you recall correctly, the alchemiter is used with CRUXITE DOWELS to alchemize things, but what if you tried placing something on that little reception pillar that isn't a cruxite dowel? Surely Applejack won't mind if you pick one little apple for the sake of experimentation. Careful, now, careful...



Dec 08 2011
"===>"


Buy some apples!
...is what you're going to have to do now to make this up to her, you bet.



Dec 12 2011
"TS: Try replanting the tree."


You pan downwards in hopes that the tree can be replanted, only to discover that its ROOTS were severed from the rest of the tree and remain in the ground. At least Rainbow Dash seems to find your mistake amusing.



Dec 12 2011
"TS: Quick! Hide the tree!"


In a desperate move worthy of Spike, you pan rapidly upwards and rest your cargo on top of two other trees. Oh, you've really gone and put your hoof in it now. Hopefully you can still salvage the situation, and your figurative hoof hasn't become... what's the word? Ah, yes: mired.



Dec 12 2011
"AJ: Demand explanation from Twilight."


RD: Hey, Twilight?
RD: Me and Rainbow were just standing here inspecting this colorful blue gadget that appeared next to us, when all of a sudden Martin flew up into the air.
RD: You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?
RD: Wait a minute... Martin? Pffhahahaha!
RD: Aw, pipe down, Rainbow. Don't think I believe you never name none of your clouds.

TS: Oh, hi there, girls...
TS: Um, Applejack, I'm really very sorry for uprooting your tree.
TS: I was only trying to pick an apple, I swear!

RD: You were trying to pick one of my apples... from where, your library?
RD: Look, Twah, I know you love your magic and all, but there must be a better place to practice your long distance tellykismesis.
RD: Gesundheit.

TS: It's telekinesis, actually. And it wasn't my magic, I was trying to pick it with my SBALE console.
TS: Honestly, Applejack, I'm very sorry. Can you give me a chance to try to fix the damage?

RD: Well... all right. But just one chance, mind, and if it don't work, I don't want you practicing anything else on my apple orchard. The poor thing gets into enough trouble with Apple Bloom and her crusader friends.



Dec 12 2011
"TS: It's time to see if REVISE can help."


Well, you've tried SELECT and DEPLOY, so you might as well see if the last of the trio will do you any good. You draw a red rectangle in the air extending upward from the stricken roots, and withdraw the pink selecting tool from the surface of the console. A brand new tree forms in place of the old. It's not the same tree, but at least it's not just a hole anymore!



Dec 12 2011
"TS: Level up."


In celebration of your friendship-healing achievement, you begin the scaling of your ECHELADDER! From your lowly rung of FORKS SLOSHINGTON you climb upwards to become ONE TRICK PONY.

Whatever that means.



Dec 12 2011
"TS: BOONBITS"


How could you forget about your status enhancements?! Your GEL VISCOSITY is boosted by FOUR, your CACHE LIMIT by TEN, and you gain a whopping TWO BOONBITS! That's easily enough to buy... a boonapple, you guess, if you were to find a proper boonmarket.



Dec 12 2011
"AJ: That's not Martin! That's not Martin at all!"


Nah, he sure ain't. But darnit, you can't say Twilight didn't try her best, and technically she did abide by your wishes and not use any of her own personal magic on your farm. Looks like you've got a brand new tree to welcome to the family, and already laden with apples at his age! Why, you could just weep. You reckon you'll wait on schooling him on the farm policies on perennial displays of affection until Rainbow ain't around to listen in, but first things first: this overgrown sapling needs a name.

What will the name of this young tree be?



Dec 13 2011
"Enter name."


Fluttershy's not a tree, silly!



Dec 13 2011
"Try again."


The tree is now named GREAT SCOTT. May he never fail to uphold Martin's weighty legacy.



Dec 13 2011
"Great Scott: Donate an apple to Twilight."


Great Scott is a tree! Great Scott cannot respond to any user commands other than "Conduct photosynthesis."



Dec 13 2011
"AJ: Lasso an apple for Twi."


You would, but it seems you left your ROPE back in the barn. Along with, now that you stop to think about it, your SBALE console, which as you just now witnessed first hoof can be mighty powerful. You're right glad that Sparkler is watching Apple Bloom and her crusader pals today, so they can't get up to too much mischief. Life's sure been easier ever since that girl started foalsitting. Still, leaving the console right there for the picking does strike you as a mite unwise.



Dec 14 2011
"AJ: What do you need a lasso for? Just buck some apples out of a tree!"


Honestly, sugarcube, what do you need to buck for? There's been an apple on the ground here since well before Rainbow Dash showed up -- let Twilight use that if she's so set on playing with that blue machine she appeared.

You explain your concerns to Twilight using Rainbow's console. "All right there, Twilight," you say, "it just occured to me that my own console�s back in my barn unattended, and I reckon I should go keep it safe. You and Rainbow can keep on experimenting if you like, so long as you don�t mess with no more of my trees, got it?"

You and Rainbow Dash share a smile of confidence, the kind of smile shared by two old friends who know they can count on one another and who are friends. "Rainbow," you say, "I�ll meet you at Pinkie�s in a few, partner."

Twilight's voice cuts in from the console. "That�s a good plan, Applejack," she says. "Thanks for being on top of things!"



Dec 14 2011
"TS: Stare at Applejack's butt. Imagine complimenting said pony on her rear end. Experience emotional confusion."


You consider studying Applejack's well-toned body and developing homoerotic fantasies about her, but quickly shake off the idea. While you're sure she's physically attractive enough, you have no wish to "play the field," as Rainbow Dash once called it. Not that you and Colgate are together or anything, of course, you've only had a few casual dates and you haven't seen her for several days anyway because she's been really busy with some sort of "secret project," but still, you have no reason to drop whatever connection you do have in favor of lusting after one of your best friends. If there end up being any wacky romantic misadventures involved in this SBALE business, you rather hope to stay out of them entirely.
Applejack by darkpandax; Twilight and main animation by pageturner1988.



Dec 14 2011
"AJ: Trot over to get your rope and console. Neither of which have mysteriously disappeared."


You whistle a merry tune as you go.

"Fire on the mountain, run boys, run.
The devil's in the house of the risin' sun.
Chicken in the bread pan, pickin' out dough.
'Granny, does your dog bite?' 'No, child, no.' "



Dec 14 2011
"===>"


Well... they ain't disappeared! But that sure don't mean that "mysterious" is out of the question.



Dec 15 2011
"MDW: Unmask and/or abscond!"


What? No, that's dumb. Why would you go to the work of dressing up like this to talk to Applejack and then throw it all away? You're not doing this for your health! Although you'll admit it'd be pretty amazing if you could throw a smoke bomb and disappear. Maybe if... well, you really hope you don't have to do this again, so never mind.



Dec 15 2011
"AJ: Ask "Mare Do Well" what she is doing here."


You take a good look at your visitor. That's an authentic Mare Do Well outfit, all right. Rarity's craft work, can't even tell if she's got wings or a horn under there. Times like this it gets awful inconvenient that seven out of ten ponies have the exact same body type. "So... what are y'all doing in my barn, and where'd y'all get that fancy costume, anyhow?" you ask.

"Your closet was unlocked," she answers. You're pretty sure it's a she, anyway, though the voice is too darn muffled to identify her.

You shrug. "Ain't usually no problem with thieves round these parts. Didn't get much in the way of masked ponies breaking into our property, least ways not till y'all came along."

"Oh, and this costume was in your closet because you've never worn it before in your life, huh?"

You grin. You kinda like this girl; she's got spunk. "Fair enough. Still, don't excuse your stealing my stuff, does it? Weren't you gonna tell me what you were doing here?"

"Right!" She straightens herself, probably trying to look imposing or something. "Puny Applejack! I come to you... with a warning... from the future!"

"The future?"

"Well... not really, I guess. Hopefully not. Look, what do you know about time?"



Dec 15 2011
"===>"


"Thyme? Well, it's an herb, ain't it? Some folks use it at funerals, I reckon, place it on the coffins for good luck."

She groans audibly from beneath her hoof. "No, seriously, Applejack. Not thyme. Time."

"Ohhh, time! Well, why didn't y'all just say so in the first place!" You keep talking, ignoring her muttered protests. "Time is... well, it's like a great big wheel, I reckon. Or maybe a whole series of wheels, all spinning at different speeds. You got your little wheel that measures out ten hours at a time, three times a day, and a bigger wheel with the sun and the moon going 'round and 'round Equestria, and an even bigger one for the seasons and years, and so on. All spinning and spinning, day and night and summer and winter and stuff coming over and over again forever as we all busy ourselves with work and friends and getting older."

She's silent for a moment, and you think you hear her mutter "same old Applejack" or something. "Well, okay," she says at last, "I guess I can work with that. So tell me, Applejack, what do you do with wheels?"

"Fix'em to things? Carts, mills, whatever?"

"Exactly! So imagine all your different sized time wheels are all attached to this one cart -- hey, hey, let me finish!" she says as you raise your hoof to object that fitting a cart with a bunch of wheels of all different sizes would be pretty stupid. "They're all on this one cart, and that cart is, I dunno, Equestria or the universe or something. Got it?" You nod. "And all the time everypony's pushing the cart forwards. But then one day somepony decides to start pushing the cart backwards, and all the wheels go backwards with it, the sun and the moon and everything. Pretty soon you're somewhere -- sometime -- you've already been. And then that gives you a chance to do things differently than you did them the last time you were then! Am I making sense?"

"Well, you're sounding a little bit loopy," you say, "but then here you are wearing a giant hat and a big purple bodysuit, so I guess I should trust you."

"Celestia, I had almost forgotten how stubborn you can be," she says, though she sounds more affectionate than angry. Mysterious costume thieves sure are weird. "Look, you don't have to understand it, okay? Just accept that I'm from a future -- not your future -- and I'm here to give you two... no, let's make it three warnings! Everything's cooler in threes. And, um, maybe it's best if you don't tell anypony else about this? I have no clue what kind of weird effects that might have."

"Ain't promising nothing."

"Fine," she says, "here goes. First, you're going to play Pinkie's game. I know you're not gonna want to, but you will, because you did, which is to say... okay, I don't totally get it all either. The point is, there's no sense in fighting it, because things have already happened because you are going to play it. And the sooner you accept that, the less fighting there'll be and the happier everypony will be with each other!"

"Second, um, you're the element of honesty. So... if you ever get a chance to be honest about, uh, how you feel about, uh, somepony... take it, okay? Trust me, this one's important, even if I can't tell you why."

"Third..." she starts to snicker beneath her mask. You get the feeling this third point might not be so very serious.



Dec 15 2011
"===>"


"Third, if you ever have a daughter who, when she's eight years old, accidentally sets fire to the living room rug, go easy on her."



Dec 19 2011
"===>"




You are the Cutie Mark Crusaders -- Apple Bloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle -- and you have just set fire to Sparkler's living room rug. You were reenacting the hit stage show "2600," and Sparkler stepped out of the room to see if her peanut butter cookies were ready. As it happens, one of the pivotal scenes of "2600" involves Pony John Cusack setting fire to the room. In the show, firefighters come in and rescue him, but... you didn't think quite that far ahead.



Dec 20 2011
"CMC: Throw the rug into the fireplace."


As Cheerilee once taught you, "fire belongs in fireplaces; those who say differently are liar faces!" Sweetie Belle likes it when she rhymes like that. Scootaloo finds it sickening. Anyway, you gather up the burning rug and throw it into the fireplace. The flames continue to burn through the rug, but also spread to the log.

"Awesome!" says Apple Bloom. "Hey, Sweetie Belle, can you use your unicorn magic to make it look like the rug is still just fine and on the floor and stuff?"

Sweetie Belle frowns. "I don't think I know how to do that. That sounds pretty complicated."

"Well... Sparkler's a grown-up unicorn, ain't she? I betcha she could make that illusion to fool Sparkler and... oh. Right. Never mind."



Dec 21 2011
"CMC: Paint a rug on the floor. Sparkler will never catch on!"


While Apple Bloom keeps watch, the other two of you run outside to get your leftover PAINTING SUPPLIES from your WAGON MODUS. Well, okay, none of you have a real fetch modus, you just cart things around in a wagon behind Scootaloo's scooter. Whatever. It's silly, but fun.

"All right!" says Scootaloo. "We are so set to paint Sparkler her rug back!"

"Yeah..." says Sweetie Belle uncomfortably. "Um, I don't exactly remember what it looked like, do you?"

"Not really. It had some stupid gems and stuff. I bet we could totally paint her a better rug."

"Definitely! We could be... Cutie Mark Crusader rug designers!"

"Yay!" you both cheer together.



Dec 21 2011
"===>"


In the end, your new rug painting is a little rushed because you don't really have very much time to paint it, but you're pretty sure it's a masterpiece. You are all set for the ritual checking of flanks when you hear Sparkler returning. "Who wants cookies?" she asks from the next room.



Dec 21 2011
"CMC: Act like nothing happened. Deny everything!"




You cluster in front of the fireplace so that Sparkler can't see the remains of her old rug. "Oh!" she says as she surveys your work. "You girls... lit a fire?"

"Yeah, uh, we were wondering... if your log was made of real wood?" says Apple Bloom.

"Everypony likes setting things on fire!" says Scootaloo, helpfully.

Sweetie Belle glances nervously at the ground. "Um... we were cold."

Sparkler raises an eyebrow. You worry that the tart side of her Sweet/Tart bipolar diswhatever may be taking control. "And it looks like you brought a bunch of paint buckets into the house?"

Sweetie Belle stares at her desperately. "We were cold."

"Ah huh." She purses her lips. "What did you even use for kindling for the fire, anyhow?"

You exchange quick glances at one another. "Fabric!" says Scootaloo at last.

"Right!" says Apple Bloom. "Fabric! Heh, you know Sweetie Belle; she's just like her sister, always carries some fabric around with her just in case!"

"Oh, um, that's me!" says Sweetie Belle with a satisfied smile. "Like, when I was in the race in the Sisterhooves Social, I was just covered in, um, fabric! I guess?"

"Really," says Sparkler. She appears to be thinking hard. "You know, I was in that race, and I don't remember you wearing anything like that."

Scootaloo goes all in. "Gosh, that's too bad! You're awful young to have your memory going like that, Ms. Sparkler!"

"Maybe so..." she says. "I mean, I feel like something else's different in here, but hay if I can tell what." She gives you all one last suspicious glance. "What were you doing wearing all that fabric to a race?"

"She was cold!" answer Scootaloo and Apple Bloom simultaneously.

Sparkler heaves a heavy sigh. "Dammit. Maybe Nurse Redheart is right about there being something wrong with me, if my mind's going like this."



Dec 21 2011
"Sparkler: Notice the paint that the CMC tracked across the floor."


This mess? Meh, you've had worse. Kids'll be kids, and you can get this doodle cleaned up soon enough. Maybe you can get Goldlight to paint over it for you? Sure, he's not exactly a floor painter, but you've bought enough of his art that he might do you the favor. And the thought of those amazing hindquarters bent over in front of you... meeeee-ow!



Dec 26 2011
"Sparkler: Start dreaming about Goldlight."


You fondly revisit a memory of a meeting with Goldlight. You see, after you passed your correspondence class on SLEEP MAGIC from the School for Gifted Unicorns, you began working on your main thesis, that DREAMS are just MEMORIES as viewed through the filter of sleep. Sleep leads to 'simplified cognition and partially randomized choices of actions,' or in laypony's terms, a dream is when you remember something while asleep and then act kinda funny. You believe that these memories take place in little magical worlds you call DREAM BUBBLES, within whose metaphorically soapy walls you and most or all other ponies have crazy memory-based adventures most every night. You asked Goldlight to paint you a picture of your theoretical bubbles, and he accepted, once you'd paid him his regular number of bits.



Dec 26 2011
"Sparkler: Be the only heterosexual adult female pony in Ponyville."


Only? Pssh, as if! Unless you mean the only smoking hot heterosexual young adult, in which case maaaaaaaaybe, but nah, you and Rarity and Daisy and Blackberry Cake and the rest of the gals get together every weekend to plan who's gonna get which guy the next week. You've got all sorts of crazy insider code lingo, and a map of eligible stallions' houses, and secret whistles, and ahahah you can't believe any of this horsefeathers and you're the one saying it. Look, it takes all kinds to fill a village, all right? There's room for everypony in Ponyville, and whether or not somepony wishes they could pay a little extra for one of Big Macintosh's hay rides, you'll be their friend if they'll be yours and you'll watch their foals any time of day.

Oh dear, speaking of, where'd those charming girls go?



Dec 26 2011
"CMC: Congratulate each other for a deed well done."


You dance the dance of victory. Sure, Sparkler's cool and all, but you have cutie marks to discover and it'd just tie you down having to sit around in her place all day long. You have managed to escape her foalsitting tyranny and make off with her entire sheet of cookies, in exchange for your leftover paint buckets and a little relatively minor property damage. Now the three of you just need to get out of here before she notices your daring escape. Where shall you... oh, hold on, you need to check something first.



Dec 26 2011
"CMC: Check flanks for Criminal Mastermind cutie marks."


You fail to receive cutie marks for criminal mastermindhood, arson, or pattern recognition.



Jan 07 2012
"CMC: Go to Sugarcube Corner! Also, discuss Sparkler and Goldlight."


You load the cookies into the bottom of the newly emptied WAGON MODUS and pile in after it, except of course for Scootaloo. This bird's gotta fly! And by fly, you mean scoot, and by bird, you mean pegasus filly. Scootaloo isn't any kind of bird, get it?

Sweetie Belle looks fondly behind you as you make your getaway. "Sparkler's really nice," she says. "We should probably apologize to her later for running away!"

Apple Bloom nods. "Yeah! Maybe you could sing her a song of apology, Sweetie Belle!"

"Sing? You mean, like... in front of other ponies? Oh, no, I don't think so..."

"Hey, she probably hasn't even missed us," adds Scootaloo, and scoffs. "I'll betcha she's just pining over that Goldlight fellow some more. Ick!"

"Oh, yeah, what's up with that?" asks Apple Bloom. "She does seem pretty into him."

"It's super romantic," says Sweetie Belle. "I bet they'll fall in love and get married and have lots of magical babies!"

"Ick!" says Scootaloo again. "She should just have the babies herself, so we don't have to keep putting up with all her mushy nonsense."

The other two of you give her funny looks. "All by herself?" asks Apple Bloom after a moment.

"Sure!" says Scootaloo. "You don't really need more than just the one parent to make a wish, right? Why, where do you two think foals come from?" She frowns. "Have I even ever met your parents?"



Jan 07 2012
"CMC: Misinform each other about the facts of life using your elders as examples."


"Well... Apple Bloom, you should go first because you live on a farm, so you know all about this sort of thing!" says Sweetie Belle.

Apple Bloom nods uncertainly. "Well... all right. Uh, Applejack won't tell me all the details, 'cause she says I'm too young. But I think I've got it mostly figured out! The main idea is this thing called 'breeding.' See, you take a whole bunch of animals, like pigs or sheep or chickens, and decide which of them you like the best. And then, um, I guess you somehow get at their main essence and combine'em all together and then you get these, uh, super animals! They're based on all the best of the ones you already had, and you just keep on doing this and doing this and getting better and better farm animals all the time, and that's breeding!"

"Huh," says Sweetie Belle. "How do you get this... this 'main essence' stuff?"

"I dunno!" says Apple Bloom. "That's the part I haven't got rightly figured out. But it's gotta involve something coming out of you, right? So maybe you get the animals together, or you get the ponies together, and you get them to... vomit in a bucket or something? I guess that could work. And you stir it all together and then it comes out as new babies!"

"Ewww!" says Sweetie Belle. "That can't be right. I know Rarity wants to find a prince and all, but I can't imagine her ever vomiting in a bucket with somepony, even if she was in love with him!"

"Yeah, yeah," says Scootaloo from in front, "but what about my other question? Why haven't I met your parents, Apple Bloom?"

Apple Bloom hesitates. "Well... Granny Smith once told me that they died in foalbirth, but I don't know what that means. So I'm guessing I'm just another daughter of the whole darn Apple family!" She brightens up considerably. "How about you, Sweetie Belle?"

"Oh..." says Sweetie Belle. "Um, Rarity won't tell me anything about our parents. She says that they're 'irresponsible villains' and neither of them deserve to have had me, so she doesn't want me to find out about them. I asked her really loud and even promised to make her breakfast every day for a whole week, but she still wouldn't say a word. I'm pretty sure there are two of them, though!"

"Why?"

"Because whenever anypony falls in love, they only seem to fall in love with one other pony! What's the point of coming from more than two ponies if you're only going to live with two of them? I bet if, for example, Lyra and Bon-Bon ever decided to have a foal together, they wouldn't get Berry Punch to help them out no matter how good she can vomit!"

"I guess that could work," says Apple Bloom. "So wait, that's just who the parents are, though. Where does the foal come from?"

"I asked Rarity that!" says Sweetie Belle proudly. "And she told me it comes from magic, but I knew she was just kidding because only unicorns can do magic! So here's my idea. You know that time when we tried to be Cutie Mark Crusader Archaeologists, and some ponies like Carrot Top and Twilight had weird sciency things in their basements? Science is kinda like magic, right? I'm guessing there's some weird sciency thing that can take any two ponies and make a new foal that's like a combination of both of them!"

At this Scootaloo bursts out laughing. "Vomit? Basement science? Oh man, you girls are so out of it! Let me tell you how it's really done, right from the horse's mouth."



Jan 07 2012
"===>"


Scootaloo slows down a bit so she can talk to the rest of you better. You're almost at Sugarcube Corner anyway. "You girls remember my parents, right? We had that lunch in Whitetail Woods that one time?"

"Ember and Nth Degree," says Sweetie Belle, nodding.

"I still don't get why we had to have lunch in the treetops, though," says Apple Bloom.

"Hey, we pegasus ponies want to feel close to the sky!" says Scootaloo. "That's part of why they're always touring and flying around and posing for fashion photos and stuff instead of hanging out in Ponyville."

"At least you've got your cousin to watch out for you!" says Apple Bloom.

"Yeah, an awesome cousin!" says Scootaloo. "And one night when she was visiting, I couldn't sleep, and I overheard her talking with my mom and dad. She asked them to explain again where she had come from, and they explained everything!

"You know that one time when we all went up with Rarity and Applejack and Rainbow Dash and their friends to watch a meteor shower? Well, it turns out that meteors are where foals come from! When they land, you just go over to the meteor and there's a foal for you to raise as your very own. Simple! What do you need more than one parent for?"

The other two of you find this story somewhat dubious. Scootaloo's hero worship is something of a familiar subject to you, and her adding on a dramatic birth from the heavens doesn't seem much of a stretch. "What was that about a wish that you were saying before?" asks Apple Bloom.

Scootaloo brings her scooter to a halt and removes her helmet. You've arrived at Sugarcube Corner. "Oh... well, that's just my guesswork," she says. "Ponies are always talking about wishing on shooting stars, so I think you have to wish for a foal to get one! Otherwise there'd be way more foals than anyone could need."

"Well, I dunno about that," says Apple Bloom. "It's not like meteors fall from the sky every day, after all."



Jan 12 2012
"CMC: Wreak havoc."


Obvious targets for your interest include the LARGE CRATE and the LETTER in the MAILBOX. However, you're not quite sure it would be a good idea to open the letter, since it's somepony else's property. Sweetie Belle cites an instance of her using Rarity's gems to make a picture, which went somewhat unappreciated; Apple Bloom recalls Sparkler's disappointment the time you three made off with her mind reading-testing machine; and Scootaloo has too long a litany to be recounted here of times that she borrowed Rainbow Dash's stuff. You don't exactly decide not to open the letter, but you do agree that the crate is a more pressing issue, given that you jointly identify it as a crime against woodworking, aesthetics, and awesomeness.

"Get outta my way, crate!" yells Apple Bloom.



Jan 12 2012
"CMC: Open crate."




From the wreckage of the crate explode a large number of STREAMERS. There is also a red TABLETY THING inside.



Jan 13 2012
"Apple Bloom: Level up for slaying the crate."


Apple Bloom dizzyingly ascends her APPLELADDER to the hallowed rung: PONYSPIN POMMEL, and earns some 45 BLOOMBITS.



Jan 14 2012
"CMC: Ignore tablet in favor of the streamers, which look more fun."



Jan 15 2012
"CMC: How do you not have fashion cutie marks after that?"


You wish you knew, okay? The three of you have probably tried more things than anypony else in the history of Ponyville -- that is to say, since Granny Smith was in her prime -- but you haven't gotten a single mark to show for it. You just don't know what you're doing wrong, and Twilight Sparkle's knowing little smirks and reminders to "do what you love" don't help you at all. How the hay are you supposed to know what you love if you don't have a mark for it yet?

You wish Cheerilee had been able to tell you what Princess Celestia told the original Crusaders the day she created cutie marks, because there's clearly something you're missing here. But who would know anything that detailed about stuff that happened over a thousand years ago?



Jan 17 2012
"CMC: Press lots of buttons on the tablet and spend a really long time looking at it."


You are now flipping finally Pinkie Pie! Hi everypony! Or wait a second, not everypony! Everyhuman? No, that sounds dumb. You guess you could say everyman, but why would you greet anypony with an old morality play? That's like the opposite of a party. Anyhow, you're Pinkie Pie: Ponyville's premier partytician, newly anointed heiress of Sugarcube Corner, the Element of Laughter, and the B-- wait you're not supposed to reveal that last part yet. Whoopsie!

Wow, you're totally messing up this introduction! But that's okay, you can have a PINKIE MESSED UP HER INTRODUCTION party later when you're not busy hiding for your very life. You can invite Dashie and Twilight and Rarity and Flutters and Applejack and it can be on your very own planet! You wonder what your planet will be like. Will it have candy? Oh gosh what if it doesn't have candy?? Okay, calm down, Pinkie, you can live without candy. Everypony always tells you how freakishly flexible you are! You can throw parties anywhere.

Speaking of which, where are you now? Where's Pinkie Pie?



Jan 17 2012
"PP: Emerge from mailbox."


HERE YOU ARE!!!

You take a quick look around. You don't see her anywhere! Looks like your cute little behind is safe for now, but you'd still better hurry. Time flies like an arrow, and Pinkie Pie likes parties! You never really bothered to learn the second half of that saying, so you just make something up, which has served you pretty well as a life plan so far!

Ooh, it's the Cutie Mark Crusaders! Are they having a costume party? And you didn't know about it??? You call them over to talk to you so you can check this out.



Jan 17 2012
"===>"


They trot on up. "Hi girls!" you say. You think it's so cool how they're all like the littler pals of you bigger kids, or at least Applejack and Dashie and Rarity. You wonder if you could get them to take little Pumpkin as a member. She doesn't have her cutie mark yet, after all, does she? But then what if Fluttershy and Twilight felt left out, like poor Dashie when she found out about your super awesome pet playdate parties? You guess Angel and Spike don't have cutie marks either, but then they don't seem to like each other very much. Maybe it's something about their names? Life is so confusing when everypony doesn't get along.

"Hi Pinkie Pie!" they say in chorus. Scootaloo tilts her head to get a better look at you. "Pinkie, why are you in a mailbox?" she asks.

"For safety, silly!" you say, and giggle. "Mr. Carrot Cake and Mrs. Blackberry Cake just made me the heiress of their pastry empire, so if I go outside then Ms. Mean Stupid Rival McRivalface might try to assassinate me! But I figured that when you're in danger of assassination, the mailbox is the absolute safest place ever to peek out from. I mean, what could possibly go wrong?"

"I dunno, Pinkie," says Apple Bloom uncertainly. "What if the mailbox, I dunno, exploded?"

You gasp. "Oh gosh you're right! What if the mailbox did explode and I was all blown up into itsy bitsy teenie weenie Pinkie pieces??? That would be terrible! Unless maybe if something magical saved me at the very very very last minute even though it looked like I had died, but that would be super dumb. I need to get out of here! But where!? Ooh, I know! Sugarcube Corner! Come on, I'll meet you girls inside!"

You see them exchange glances with one another in the way that ponies often seem to while talking to you. Maybe you make them all forget that anypony else exists and they have to keep checking to make sure? You'll need to think about that some more later. "Well... all right," says Apple Bloom. "Oh, hey, Pinkie, there was a weird red thing in the box you had out front. Should we bring it in with us?"

"Ooh!" you say excitedly. "That must be the console that I mailed to myself! I was wondering when it would show up." You glance around. "Ooh, there's a letter in here! Could you take the letter with you too?"

Sweetie Belle hesitates. "You want us to take your letter? Are you sure you wouldn't rather bring it in yourself?"

"Don't be a silly filly! How could I possibly get it without going outside?? Oh, and you should take off your disguises when you come in, so that if anypony saw you talking to me just now then they won't recognize you!"



Jan 17 2012
"===>"


Soon you are all four safely inside Sugarcube Corner, the bestest place in all of Equestria. You take the letter and console from them and set them down behind the counter. "Now," you say, "you look like three fillies with a lot of questions bouncing around inside your heads! So I'll tell you what: you can each ask me one question, and anything you want to know, I'll explain! Even if I don't know the answer!"



Jan 19 2012
"Apple Bloom: Ask."


"Well," says Sweetie Belle, "Rarity does say that there can sometimes be interesting things inside of rocks, I guess."

Scootaloo just grins ear to ear.



Jan 24 2012
"Sweetie Belle: Ask."



Jan 25 2012
"Scootaloo: Ask."


"Now that we all know how I was totally right and you two were totally wrong," says Scootaloo, "I'm gonna ask a real question. Pinkie, we are ready to be your sworn bodyguards; what's all this about assassination?"

"Duh!" says Pinkie. "How many ponies do you think there are in this town who hate me and my friends and would just love to see the heiress of Sugarcube Corner out of the way?!"

You think about it for a moment until Sweetie Belle arrives at the answer. "One!" she says triumphantly.

"Exactly!" says Pinkie. "And who's that queen of mean?"

"Oh, I don't know who you're talking about," says Sweetie Belle. "I just thought that since you asked us, that meant there was only one of them. And I guessed right!"

Some catchy music starts playing in the background. Scootaloo sighs, but gamely continues with her question.



Jan 25 2012
"===>"


As the first bridge begins, you try to get a sense of how serious Pinkie is. "So," says Sweetie Belle, "because Bon-Bon said she didn't know who Rarity was that one time..."

"...she hates all six of you?" finishes Apple Bloom.

"Oh, nopony could hate Fluttershy!" says Pinkie Pie quickly. "But don't worry; I've got tons more evidence than that!"



"Waitwaitwaitwait," says Scootaloo, while Pinkie repeats Bon-Bon's name to herself in time with the music. "This is dumb. Bon-Bon's in my official Rainbow Dash fan club! Why would she want to kill one of Rainbow Dash's best friends?"

"That's a really good point!" says Sweetie Belle. "You should sing that to Pinkie Pie, Scootaloo."

Scootaloo blanches. "Oh no. No more singing for me. You girls do it!"



The somewhat slanderous song is suddenly stopped by a speedily sagittate spectrum. And then a crash, and then a silence, broken by Pinkie's happily exclaiming "Dashie!"



Jan 25 2012
"RD: Crash into taffy-stretching machine."


Oh. Is that what's going on? You haven't felt this beat up since the Running of the Leaves. Boy, when you go to visit Pinkie, you expect to have a good time, not to be turned into some sort of colorful food! Maybe you should have slowed down a bit on your entrance, but you had to make up for lost time after stopping to eat all those peanut butter cookies from that wagon outside. A hero's gotta eat, after all! You'd nod sagely at your wisdom, but you're kind of busy being painfully stretched into taffy.



Jan 26 2012
"RD: Clearly you are too awesome to turn into taffy, at least, safe taffy. Anyone that ate Rainbow Dash Taffy would die of awesome-overload, except for you, of course, because you're the only pony who can handle so much radical, excellent--"


Yeah, yeah, that's great, but none of that gets you out of this taffy machine! Sure, maybe you won't actually get turned into candy, but this still really hurts.



Jan 26 2012
"PP: Have a huge spadescrush on Bon-Bon."


You used to have some pretty slick spades, but you left them back at the rock farm when you moved to Ponyville! Besides, trying to crush Bon-Bon with spades sounds an awful lot like violence, or even assault. The last time you assaulted someone, he destroyed half of Sugarcube Corner, and that's kind of what you want not to happen. It should get taller, not shorter!



Jan 31 2012
"PP: Begin pony romance exposition, while our sparing human intellects assume the most ingratiating posture of surrender imaginable."


Sorry, but you're not exactly the best pony to ask about that kind of stuff! Romance is a big mystery to you, and not the tasty kind of mystery that you find inside of pastries. You don't get romance. Twilight and Rarity and all tried to get you to understand that it was something to do with wanting to spend time with somepony else, and wanting them to be happy, but you feel that way about everyone, sillies! That's why you throw so many parties! If you didn't want everypony else to be happy all the time, you'd... you'd... you'd have to be a big jerkface and steal their fruit and bap them with your tail and break your spectacular flying machine and yell at Fluttershy.

Whoopsie, hold that thought! Your tail's twitching again. It's been doing that on and off all day long, but this is the biggest twitch yet! Something preeeeeeetty big must be falling down. Figuring out love will just have to wait, and besides, Rainbow Dash is still stuck in your taffy machine!

twitch twitch twitch



Feb 02 2012
"All: Help Rainbow Dash."
Your browser does not support the CANVAS tag.





Feb 07 2012
"Taffy machine: Tip over and start rolling uncontrollably."
Your browser does not support the CANVAS tag.

Propelled by the internal momentum of its inner workings, the taffy machine builds up speed and begins to traverse a geographically implausible (and somewhat abstracted) circuit through Ponyville, startling numerous civilians as it goes. It passes by so many ponies, in fact, that its path makes for a serviceable CHARACTER SELECT SCREEN, although the options are reduced somewhat from the full range of ponies encountered on its path. Ponies like Lyra, for instance, obviously don't need any more screen time than they've had already.



Feb 27 2012
"Fluttershy"


You delay being Fluttershy long enough to notice that she is trying to conduct a song with her animal friends. Unfortunately, when the taffy machine rolled by it startled them all so much that they forgot which of them were singing and which stumps they were supposed to be sitting on! Are you enough of a mastermind to help them out?

Drag one or more ANIMALS onto the STUMPS, and then click on FLUTTERSHY, who will tell you how close you are to recreating the song she was conducting. The HISTORY PANEL on the left displays a record of your guesses. Each WHITE ORB represents an animal correctly placed, and each BLACK ORB indicates an animal who is indeed part of the song but who happens to be on the wrong stump. When all five orbs turn white, you've put Fluttershy's animal friends back in the right order!



Feb 27 2012
"FS: Level up."


You start being Fluttershy just in time for her (which is to say you) to receive your (which is to say her) FRIENDSHIP SPARKLES! As a result, you flutter up your echeladder from HOLY CONEHEAD to the new rung of WHAT'S A WAIFU?. Additionally, your gel viscosity is now 14, your cache limit is 30, and you have two boonbits. Yay~!

Now what?



Feb 27 2012
"FS: Well done! That will make a great impression at... where were they going to sing again?"


Oh, it's an extremely high-profile concert, serenading all of the beautiful land of Procrasti Nation! Visiting badgers, rebalancing bird feeders, sorting old magazines, conducting impromptu concerts in the park... why, it's amazing how many things suddenly present themselves to you as important when there's something you're putting off doing. Like, um, playing with Pinkie Pie's new machine. You really want to do that, really truly, but there have been so many other things that you felt really needed doing!

Oh dear, Iron Will would be so disappointed in you right now, even if you're not entirely sure whether that's a bad thing. Dizzy would be too, though. Sigh.



Feb 27 2012
"FS: Exposit on Angel Bunny."


Well, okay, you can do that...?

Angel is one of your very best friends. You discovered him one day in this strange temple place in Froggy Bottom Bog, the same day you met Rarity and reconnected with Rainbow Dash, and he's been a permanent fixture in your life and household ever since. He's ever so helpful to have around, and you'd swear he knows your schedule better than you do! He's sometimes a teensy bit disrespectful of property rights, specifically other ponies' gardens, and he doesn't always get along with others quite as well as he does with you, but still, you can't help but think of him as more of a friend than a pet. He loves carrots, but then doesn't everybunny?

Of course, Angel isn't your only bunny friend. This little gray-furred cutie from your concert here, for example, is DARLA BUNNY. She's helpful too, although she doesn't actually live with you like Angel does. You think it would be wonderful if they got together someday, but so far Angel has shown no signs of interest in her. Oh well.



Feb 28 2012
"FS: How does Angel feel about the grand nation of Procrasti?"


At first he was very disgusted with it, but you've managed to do some great work in orchestrating peace treaties between him and the Procrasti nobility. It helped that you offered to do all the work of drawing up the treaties while the nobility mostly played badminton. Now it's a great vacation spot, although your time there is always limited and you don't have a work permit because they don't believe in the idea of work. Winter stays un-wrapped-up practically year round! It's quite the concept.

Sometimes you suspect other ponies don't have inner lives quite as detailed as yours, but then, that's just the result of your high IMAGINATION stat.



Feb 28 2012
"FS: IMAGINE what Pinkie's machine might do."


It's nice to have some sort of protection around you for your flights of imagination, but there isn't much here in the park to build a fort out of. You settle for fitting as much of you as possible underneath the BENCH that Lyra and Linky aren't sitting on anymore. You try to imagine the effects of the "SBALE Console" that Pinkie gave you last night.



Your imagination is both instantaneous and unexpected. This isn't Procrasti at all! Still, you suppose you can give it a shot, as...



Feb 28 2012
"Fluttersleuth"


You don't mean to brag, of course, but some ponies have said that you are one of the city's top Fluttersleuths. Lots of ponies ask you for your service in figuring out what's wrong with their pets, and of course you get compensated by the mayor! You're really a very lucky pony when you stop to think about it. It's a beautiful summer's afternoon, and you are feeling particularly adventurous today.

So, um, what will you do?



Feb 28 2012
"FS: Shit on the desk."


You blush so hard that your blush overrides the newfound color scheme of your imagination!



Feb 28 2012
"FS: Open the door."


You try to open the DOOR, but you don't have enough VIM!

As you struggle with the doorknob, it occurs to you that you recognize this door. It shows up in various forms -- a door, a safe, a brooch -- in many of your imaginary adventures, but you're never able to open it. Not all the way, at least. From time to time you've managed to open it just a little bit, but never as far as it could possibly go. In any case, it needs a lot more vim than you have right now.



Feb 28 2012
"FS: Decide which Fluttersleuth outfit you want to wear today."


On the same wall as the door is a CLOSET containing a single VEST, which you suppose is your sole outfit. The insignia strongly resembles the cutie mark of Nightma... sorry, of Princess Luna. Otherwise, it's pretty similar to the Winter Wrap-Up vests that Rarity designed. You suppose you should put it on. No self-respecting Fluttersleuth would try to solve any animal mysteries without her vest.



Feb 28 2012
"FS: Fondly regard composition."


What you took to be a mural of your cutie mark turns out to have been three enormous butterflies perched on the wall! Your fond regard disturbs them, and they begin flapping all around the room. It doesn't look like they were hiding anything on the wall behind them, though.



Feb 28 2012
"FS: Peruse peculiar pony painting."


Peculiar? Plenty of ponies possess such portraits. It's not uncommon to keep around pictures of one or more inspiring historical figures, or as Rarity puts it, "famous equines." Really you think all of your friends have one, except for Applejack. This particular famous equine is DIZZY PINWHEEL, and she reminds you of the value of RESPONSIBILITY, something very important to a Fluttersleuth like yourself.



Feb 29 2012
"FS: What does a RESPONSIBLE Fluttersleuth do in a situation like this?"


She gets her hooves dirty and stays on task! You're here to imagine what Pinkie's machine might do, and that's more important than all this other weird stuff you've dreamt up. Sadly, it looks like your imagination isn't making things easy for you today. You're going to need to figure out some sort of PASSCODE before you can do anything. Your extensive fluttersleuthing experience gives you a hunch that you'll be able to find the passcode somewhere nearby... but where?



Feb 29 2012
"FS: Break glass on door by throwing the table through it."


You pick up the imaginary remains of your once-beloved table and throw them at the door's window, hoping to find the passcode on the other side. The table, or modern art piece, or whatever, hits the glass and seems to pass through it without any sort of impact. After a moment, you hear the sounds of someone or something eating the table on the other side. Maybe trying to open that door isn't such a good idea? Oh dear.

Though it's been a long time since Sweetie Belle and her friends wrecked it in the first place, you feel as though you have just lost your table all over again. Your VIM creeps slightly upward in frustration.



Feb 29 2012
"FS: Check the back of the Dizzy Pinwheel poster."


Your wings make it easy to fly up and pluck the portrait from its peg. You find another rendition of your cutie mark hidden on the wall behind where the poster used to be hanging. You're initially concerned for the poor butterflies getting squashed by the portrait, but no, this time they're really just a painting.



Feb 29 2012
"===>"


The symbols "#1" have been written on the back of the portrait. Oh good, you might be getting somewhere!



Mar 01 2012
"FS: Barricade the door with your desk."


You put your marginally-boosted vim to work and shove your desk against the door. Yay! Nothing's going to come through there to eat you now! You afford your spinny desk chair more than a few glances, but you're here to be responsible: you don't have time right now for spinning around in a circle.

Maybe later.

...definitely later. Squee!



Mar 01 2012
"FS: Check desk."


You open the single drawer in the desk and discover a KEY! Now you need to find a passcode and a lock. It's like your imagination is getting beaten up by your paranoia again.



Mar 01 2012
"FS: You are obviously hiding information from yourself."


You try to imagine where you could have hidden the passcode, but it doesn't seem to work! You try imagining a few other things too -- a hat, Angel, colors, and so forth -- but you don't have any luck. You don't appear to have any control over your surroundings. You begin to wonder if you're really in your own imagination anymore, or if maybe this is somepony else's imagination, or somewhere else entirely? This line of thinking begins to give you the heebie-jeebies and you find yourself desperately in need of a distraction.



Mar 01 2012
"FS: Turn around to check the fourth wall."


Somehow you managed not to look at the fourth wall of the room while putting on your vest or collecting the table, so you look at it now. Wow! It's all covered in encouraging party-related painting. You'd guess Pinkie Pie did this, it wouldn't be the first time she's appeared in your fantasies, and... meep!

...that last bit sounded a lot better in your head. Or is this all in your head? So confusing!



Mar 01 2012
"FS: Check the ceiling."


Oh, so that's where those butterflies went! Aww, they're so big and adorable perched up there. Their wings are perfectly blank from this angle, although you vaguely remember seeing some markings on the other sides when they flew past you earlier.



Mar 01 2012
"FS: Try to look through the door's window panel by putting your head through it."


You can't help yourself, you're just so curious about that door! All these myriad appearances in your imagination and finally it has a window. You poke your head through the not-quite-glass to take a look.

On the other side stares back at you a truth that nopony was ever meant to see.

You feel your mind slip away until nothing is left within you but unquenchable fury. In time, another pony appears in your dream room and you make short work of her. When at last you wake from your imaginary trance, you embark on a rampage throughout Ponyville, your murderous rage not ceasing until at last your entire timeline fades away into nothingness. You are... well, "dead" isn't quite the proper word. You have completely ceased to exist, soul and (later) body.

<- GO BACK



Mar 01 2012
"FS: No wait, don't do that."


You don't do that. In the nick of time you remember Rainbow Dash reading you a passage from Daring Do and the Lady and the Tiger. In that scene, Daring thinks there's a tiger lurking behind a door, but she decides to open it anyway to make sure. Her amazing reflexes save her, but you're not confident that you could rescue yourself as easily should the need arise. You don't want to go through that window, um, if that's all right?



Mar 04 2012
"FS: Put key in door key hole."


You have this feeling that opening the door would, well, just give whatever's on the other side even more space to attack you? You, um, really don't want the tiger to get you.



Mar 04 2012
"FS: Press some buttons."


Realizing you don't even know how to input the passcode once you learn it, you act RESPONSIBLY and spend some time pressing buttons on the SBALE console and watching for effects. Pressing the cutie mark buttons makes those respective cutie marks appear in the four leaves of the big white symbol, but you don't guess the right combination. The two parallelograms on the right don't seem to do anything at all, at least not right now.



Mar 04 2012
"FS: Blow out the candle!"


...candle? Oh, that candle! You try very assertively to blow it out, but it's only a painting and not a real candle at all. You don't notice any other interesting details about the painting on the rest of the wall. The paint is dry, though you aren't sure whether or not that's important.



Mar 04 2012
"FS: Examine the markings on those butterflies."


You would examine the markings, but they're on the wrong side of the wings! You call to the butterflies with your sweetest voice, and you try to confuse them by pretending that you want them to stay on the ceiling and they're the ones who want them to come down to you, and you even try to entice them by wiggling your hindquarters so that they see your cutie mark, but nothing seems to draw their interest. You wonder if there's anything here that can help you, though it feels like you've sleuthed out most of the room already.



Mar 04 2012
"FS: Check the vase."


Oh my! It's less of a vase and more of a large BOTTLE, you guess? It seems to contain some dark APPLE NECTAR, although the cap is locked.



Mar 05 2012
"FS: Use key with bottle cap, get nectar, offer it to butteflies, retrieve code from their backs."


You busy yourself about the room. The key fits snugly into the lock in the bottle cap, and you pour a generous portion of apple nectar onto the floor by the second wall. You leave a little bit in the bottle, though, in case you think of any other uses for it later. The timid giant butterflies come slowly down from the ceiling to drink in the nectar, and you give yourself a silent cheer. There is no animal that a Fluttersleuth like you can't charm!

The butterflies allow you to inspect their wings, and you discover that they each bear the cutie mark of one of your friends on one corner -- APPLEJACK on the upper right of one, RARITY on the bottom left of another, and PINKIE PIE on the bottom right of the third. You compare these four corners to the four walls of the room and suspect that you had enough evidence already to complete the deduction, but it's nice to have the butterflies confirm your fluttersleuthspicions. You enter the series of four cutie marks into the console and wait excitedly for something to happen.



Mar 05 2012
"===>"


"Hi!!!!!!"

"AAAAAAHHH!!!!!!"



Mar 05 2012
"FS: Unflappably invite Pinkie into the office like a hardboiled fluttersleuth. Begin internal monologue."


Right! You welcome Pinkie Pie as calmly as you can and try to act hardboiled. If they make you lose your cool, you'll just look like a fool!

Ahem. You take a good look at this bouncy broad while she wiggles her way into your office. You know her name -- everypony knows her name. You even know where she lives. The only thing you don't know is what she's doing here. And, well, how she got here, but that's probably just Pinkie being Pinkie.

"Hi Fluttershy! Ooh, it looks like you're a Fluttersleuth, I guess? I had you pegged for more of a Hysterical Dame, but that's totally cool too! Something just felt right about it, I dunno. Oh no no no, I don't mean to be rude by calling you hysterical, I like hysterical things! Hysterical is my middle name! Well, that's not true, but it should be. Hello? Fluttershy, are you even listening to me?"

The broad keeps talking, and scaring the butterflies to boot. Despite the number of words she's producing, she sure isn't saying much. Maybe you'll have to enter the conversation yourself, slip in a few questions, be assertive. That's the way to learn what you want to know.

"Wait a minute, you're doing an internal monologue, aren't you?! Ha! Can I play too? Ooh, let's see, let's see. The wizened pink Party Instigator really super-likes this office! It's pretty chaotic and the yellow inside kinda crashes with the purple outside and it smells like apples and that's just the things she does like about it. There's a Fluttersleuth in the office, which is kinda like a regular sleuth only way cuter and better with animals and there was that one time she had trouble climbing up a mountain but that was like ages ago and I'd hardly have to sing to her at all if she tried it again today!"

This broad's got the monologue thing down pat, but you're not sure if she knows what 'internal' means. Oh dear, this isn't working so well after all.

"Not that I don't want to sing to her, of course! Fluttershy's a great singer and maybe we could have a duet? Or a rap off? I don't really know what that is but I'm pretty sure it involves singing!"

"Pinkie," you say, and she stops talking in an instant, leaning forward to stare at you expectantly. "I'm, um, very happy to see you here, in the pink and all, but... what do you want?"

"Oh," she says with a happy bounce, "I'm here to help you figure out how to use your console! See," and she points to the console she climbed out from, where the passcode image has been replaced with some plain text, "it wants you to confirm that you're Fluttershy! Uh, you are Fluttershy, by the way, aren't you? Like, real nice old non-imaginary honest-to-goodness animal-loving Fluttershy?"

"Um... yes?"

"Great! Then just put your hoof right there, on the top groovebutton!"



Mar 05 2012
"===>"


You tentatively press the top groovebutton, ready to leap away in panic, knowing that the last time you did anything with this console a pony came out of it. This time, though, the only effect is that the text changes.

"Okay," says Pinkie, "now you'll need to choose somepony for your client player! It looks like your only options are me and Rarity, so that means you won't have too hard a choice."

You stare at her, trying hard to remember the details of last night's party. Most of what you took away from it at the time was that something very scary was going to happen soon, and 'client player' isn't really a term that stuck with you. "Client player?" you ask.

"Uh huh! When you have a client player, you can deploy stuff around them that they can use to enter the Medium! All six of us need to have client players in one biiiiig long daisy chain, or else somepony might get left behind and that would be really sad. So yeah, me and Rarity have glowing buttons, so you should choose one of us!"

"Glowing?" You stare worriedly at the console, trying in vain to tell which buttons are or are not glowing. "How can you tell they're glowing when everything's black and white?"

She blinks at you rapidly. "Black and white? Huh, you must be seeing things funny! For me, everything's made out of felt! Anyhow, if I were you I would choose Rarity, because she probably trusts you and that way maybe you could be my client player and I could make sure everything's safe for you! Not that I don't think you can take care of yourself, but I guess I'd be more comfortable that way. It's totally 100% up to you, though, and I don't want to try to make your decision for you! There are no wrong answers, Fluttershy! Just like in physics!"



Mar 08 2012
"FS: Choose."


You think about it for a while, your gaze switching back and forth between the two supposedly-glowing buttons on the console. You wonder if it might not be better to ask for more information about what these client players are for. You consider asking Rarity for her opinion, or picking one totally at random, or even avoiding the question altogether. But... you're not sure if you want to do that. Pinkie, in her own way, is trusting you to make this decision right here and now. A decision that she clearly thinks is an important one. Wouldn't putting off the decision, or passing it along to Rarity, or any of that other stuff, mean letting Pinkie down? Even if your client player doesn't end up being the one she suggested, the important thing is making a decision in the first place.

So, um, Rarity or Pinkie Pie?

Rarity is your very best friend in all of Equestria, even moreso than Rainbow Dash or Angel. She stood by you every step of the way the time you became a fashion model... well, she didn't literally stand by you, but she did the best she could, no matter how it was hurting her on the inside. It was her insistence that brought you to the Golden Oak Library after the return of Nightmare Moon, leading you to become the Element of Kindness and meet new friends. You owe her so much, and she, as the Element of Generosity, has never begrudged you one bit of it. Taking Rarity as your client player and 'making sure everything's safe for her' is the obvious thing to do, but... you have a nagging feeling that it's also the safe thing to do.

Pinkie Pie is chaos and laughter, but she's never been anything but kindness and warmth to you, a few accidental kicks into walls aside. She's protected you from Rainbow Dash's pranks, and probably other things you'll never even find out about. She tries her hardest to pull you out of your comfort zones, and you have plenty of comfort zones. The time you all climbed up the mountain to talk to the big red dragon, nopony besides maybe Applejack was more understanding and supportive of you than Pinkie Pie, not even Rarity. She even just said that she hopes that you could be her client player, so she can continue to keep you safe.

You owe a lot to both of them. Rarity is supportive in the things you already want to do, and Pinkie encourages you to want to do new things, often out of nowhere. When you think about it, though, you can't keep doing what other ponies want or expect you to do all the time. Taking Pinkie Pie, not Rarity, as your client player, is the riskier option. It's the more chaotic option, it's the more assertive option, it's the option that reminds Pinkie that you don't need protecting all the time like some sort of shrinking violet. If you're going to be going on another adventure with your friends... well, it doesn't make sense to start off doing the safest thing you can think of, protecting your best friend while your carefulest caretaker watches over you. You've got a hop, a skip, and a jump to make.

"Fluttershy?" asks Pinkie Pie. "Did you just come to a decision or something? Because, like, my knee just now got all pinchy, and..."

You press Pinkie's button and wait for something to happen.



Mar 08 2012
"===>"



Mar 12 2012
"===>"



Mar 13 2012
"Applejack"


You're starting to feel a little bad about poking fun at this Mysterious Mare-Do-Well impersonator, whoever she is. On the one hoof, a lot of what she's saying is pretty weird, but on the other hoof, this is a game made by Pinkie Pie that y'all are talking about here. "Pretty weird" for Pinkie is just what she calls "normal," or maybe "doorbell" or "toothpick" or "ghoti." The point is that trying to predict Pinkie is only so easy, and if this girl's from the future, then she's got you at a disadvantage on that front. Either way, she seems to believe pretty strongly in the things she's telling you, and as the Element of Honesty, you've got to respect that.

"Well... all right," you say. "You've given me your three warnings, and I've promised to think'em over. Now what?"

She sighs. "I dunno. This time stuff is kinda hard. Maybe I'll just stop existing?"

You can hear the worry creeping into her voice now that her mission is apparently over. Never let it be said that anypony went away from Sweet Apple Acres feeling sad. "Aww, sugarcube. Now you're pulling my rope -- ponies don't just stop existing out of the blue."

"Most ponies don't, but I'm hardly most ponies!" she says. "Look... Applejack. I'm here because in the future -- my future -- things didn't turn out so good. I warned you so you'll be able to make things better, so that the future will work out great and I won't have to come back and warn you again, because I already will have, and..." she trails off, apparently about as confused as you are.

"Sounds good to me," you say. "Y'all made the future better, and now you can go back there, right? I guess I don't see the problem."

"No!" She flings her hooves in the air. "I can't go back there, because there's no there to go back to anymore. I talked to Twilight Sparkle before I left, all right? She and Pinkie did a lot of thinking and researching and stuff, and they think that when I came back here to change the future, so that my future won't happen, I'll really have made it so my future never happened at all. Everything I came from doesn't exist anymore.

"But I can't stay here, because then there'd be two of me, dang it! It's not fair... Twilight and Pinkie and everypony got to heroically sacrifice themselves so that the future would be better for you guys, but I'm still alive, and now I don't know what to do with myself!"

She's getting hysterical. You pull her into a rough hug, and the two of you stand there for a couple minutes while she calms down. There's something about this gal that really makes you feel for her... now, hold on. You remember her third warning, about not getting riled up at your daughter if she sets the rug on fire or something like that. Could this be your daughter? From the future?



Mar 13 2012
"AJ: Attempt to bluff your apparent future daughter person by casually referring to her as whatever you were going to name your first daughter if you ever had one."


Heh, were it only that easy. What some folks don't realize is, the Apple Family is awful large. Ponyville ain't the only town your relatives have founded, not by a long shot, and so you've got distant relations all across Equestria and maybe even beyond that. Because of that, it's mighty hard to ensure that everypony gets her or his own unique apple-related name, and so there's a sort of central naming authority -- "Apple-ations," they call it -- that lets new parents know which names are or aren't available for when new foals get born. Ah, you remember how much paperwork Granny Smith had to go through back when y'all adopted Apple Bloom. You've had ideas, but there's no sense in making any definite plans since any name you might want could've got taken by the time you finally have a foal of your own. Still, you guess you can try to throw a few names into conversation and see if you get lucky.

"Aww, it can't be that bad, Candy Crisp," you say, trying to throw just the littlest bit of affectionate knowing emphasis onto the last words. "So what if there's two of you hanging about? There's plenty of times I've wished for another me to help out on the farm to help get a Bountiful Harvest."

"Hah, like Ponyville's big enough for two of me," says your visitor. "Besides, having to see all my friends all my day, but knowing they're not really my friends, they're really hers, the other me?" She starts to shake a little. "I'm not wearing this for the fun of it, you know. Well, okay, mostly not. This would be so much harder if you knew who I was."

"I guess that makes sense," you say, "...Cinnamon Spice. But at least you've gone and made a Bright Future, right? That's sure something to be proud of."

"Yeah..." she says, and then hesitates. "What's with those weird things you're calling me?"

You can feel your eyes turning around, just like they always do when you're being less than truthful. "Huh? I don't know what y'all're on about, Apple Latke! ...Spiced Apple Sundae? ...Applesauce Muffin?"

The Mare-Do-Well begins to laugh. "Oh man, I get it! You're trying to guess my name, aren't you? You think if you just name enough apple-sounding things, maybe I'll react somehow to show you that you got it right?"

"Well..."

"Wow," she continues, "classic Applejack! Wait till I tell... oh." The laughter stops, and you feel your heart go out to her again. "Look," she says, "if you really need a name so bad, you can call me... Apple Cider. Okay?"

"Apple Cider," you repeat after her. You have to admit you can't think of anypony in your family who's currently called that. "Is that your name?"

"Not telling," she says. "I'm here to give warnings, not personal details. You'll probably get those on your own, in time."



Mar 14 2012
"AJ: Tell Apple Cider that you're off to do the thing you're supposed to do, but let her know that she can always come to you if she needs someone to talk to."


You walk past Apple Cider to captchalogue Pinkie's machine, like you came here to in the first place. "Look," you say, "I gotta get to Pinkie's and see what she's up to. Listening to you, I reckon it's pretty inevitable, but I told Rainbow and Twi that I'd be there. Don't suppose you want to come along?"

She shakes her head. "Nothing doing. Way too confusing."

"Time stuff or personal stuff?"

"Heh, both."

You manage a grin. "Look... things are a bit busy right now, which I guess you know a lot better than I do, come to think of it. But once they've gone and calmed down a bit, if you need a job, or a family, or anypony to talk to, or anything at all..."

"Thanks," she says, "but I've really gotta get out of here. I've got friends elsewhere in Equestria, and I think I'll go hang out with them for... well, for now. Less weird that way. Don't screw this up, okay?"

The two of you walk towards the barn door in silence. "Look, Apple Cider--" you say, just before she crosses the threshold.

"Huh?"

"Thanks. For coming back to try and make things better, I mean." You pull on your hat awkwardly and close your eyes for a minute. "Ya know, girl, I kinda hope maybe y'all are my daughter, just so I could be proud of ya."

There's no answer. When you open your eyes again, she's already gone.



Mar 14 2012
"AJ: Pretend to leave, then go follow where Apple Cider goes."


Nope. Plum disappeared.



Mar 14 2012
"AJ: Tell Big Mac you have a hunch you might be gone for a while, due to adventures with your friends."


"Oh, hey, Big Mac," you say, walking over to your brother. "Working the farm?"

"Eeyup."

"Look... I've this feeling I'm gonna be pretty busy for a while. Me and RD have gotta... well, it's complicated, but Twilight thinks she's got it all figured out. Long story short, do you reckon you can manage the farm and look after Apple Bloom and Granny Smith for a bit? I promise I'll make it all up to you when things get back to normal."

"Eeyup."

"Thanks, big brother! Uh, I think Apple Bloom's off at Sparkler's right now, but she'll be back later and you can tell her then. You're good with little girls, I hear," you add, giving him a playful nudge. You and Granny Smith couldn't keep from laughing for days after you heard about him and poor Ms. Cheerilee.

"Heh... eeyup." You look at him, but there's really never any way of knowing if he's blushing or not.

You're about to leave, but another thought occurs to you. "Say, Big Mac... do y'all happen to know if there's anypony named Apple Cider in our family? Maybe a filly?"

"Nnnope."

"Huh." Well, you did offer her a family if she ever wants one. "Think you could get together the paperwork to add one in, just in case? You know me, I'm no good with that government stuff."

He seems to think about it. "Eeyup."

You smile. "Thanks! Wish me luck on my next weird adventure, big brother!"

You walk away, hearing another "Eeyup" as you go. You're sure lucky to have such a terrific, understanding brother. You really oughta have that kind of talk with him more often.



Mar 14 2012
"===>"



Mar 15 2012
"AJ: Get a move on already!"


You start heading off towards town. You've got the console, so nopony's gonna make any sorta trouble with it, and you've got some secondhoof news for Twi and the rest of the gang besides. You think you'll keep the second two warnings to yourself for the time being, but it can't hurt to tell your friends that a girl from the future says Pinkie's game is inevitable.

"Applejack!" calls Big Mac from by the barn. You turn around, surprised as ever to hear him start a conversation.

"Yeah, Big Mac?"

"Be careful!"

Aww, now ain't that sweet of him. "Don't you worry none about me," you say to him. "But I really gotta get going; ol' Rainbow's probably getting awful impatient waiting for me by now."

You resume your journey, only to be interrupted again by the noise of something loud a'coming. There's a pegasus walking by -- name of Cloud Kicker, if you ain't mistaken, nice enough gal -- and it looks like she hears it too. You go check it out.



Mar 15 2012
"===>"


Is that... a taffy machine rolling up the road?

Cloud Kicker boggles vacantly at these shenanigans.



Mar 18 2012
"AJ: Buck it!"


"All right," you say to Cloud Kicker, "whatever that machine's doing, it probably shouldn't be doing that, and Bucky McGillicutty and Kicks McGee here are set to stop it. You wanna help, sugarcube?"

"...cloud?"

Uhh. Well, going by Rainbow's sleeping habits, clouds must make for nice cushions, and you suppose that couldn't hurt for trying to stop something. "Um, sure, I guess?"

"Cloud!"



Mar 18 2012
"===>"


In no time, Cloud Kicker whips up a big cloud wall right in the middle of the path. Pegasus magic can be pretty neat. "Cloud!" she says again. You take your place in front of the wall, hooves at the ready.

As the machine draws nearer, you suddenly wonder about the practicality of bucking something whose center doesn't actually come down to the ground. Either you kick the taffy itself, or else you kick it on one of its sides and send it veering off-course into your apple trees. This... this might not have been the best idea?



Mar 18 2012
"===>"
Your browser does not support the CANVAS tag.

  



Mar 23 2012
"AJ: Captchalogue taffy machine."


You try and reach out with your fetch modus, but the machine's too big to fit inside. You do manage to captchalogue something else, though -- looks like another one of Pinkie's consoles. What the hay was that doing inside of a taffy machine?

Come to think of it, that's probably just as well. Captchaloguing something with yourself inside of it sounds like a bad plan, because then how would you get out again? You can't exactly get at your green apple cards from within a red apple card, and you need those to fetch anything out from your sylladex.



Mar 23 2012
"AJ: Gain control over the taffy machine with your rodeo contest skills."


All right. You've not been having the best day of it so far, but this is something you can do. It's time to forget about the crate that fell on your head, the tree that got displanted, the machine you tried to buck in the wrong place, the blue ribbon you didn't actually win for doing this sorta thing, and the end of Equestria. You're an earth pony through and through, and you can feel the earth that the machine's rolling its way along. You can feel the contours flowing beneath you, and if you shift your body just so in this taffy maelstrom, you can redirect its movements a bit. You are Applejack, you are the earth, and you are riding this taffy machine like a (mechanical) bull.

Specifically, you are trying to ride it up a hill so it'll slow down. And it's working. Already you and Cloud Kicker aren't getting bumped around nearly as fast, and the slower it goes, the better you can steer it. Just a few more feet and y'all should reach the peak, and then...



Mar 23 2012
"Scootaloo: Offer to clean Rainbow of the taffy."


Wait, what? But the character select! Applejack! Dramatic character moment! Foreshadowing!

Okay, fine, whatever. Congratulations, Scootaloo! You're the new Applejack! ...or something.

So yeah, you're Scootaloo now, and you're seizing the moment. You jumped into the taffy machine to save your idol, some stuff happened, and now she's safe. That's a win in your book! "Hi Rainbow!" you say. "How are you doing?!"

She rises groggily to her hooves. You guess not everypony is as used to getting sucked into taffy machines as you are. "Huh?" she asks, and rapidly shakes her head back and forth. "Oh, hey there squirt. What's going on?"

"You flew into Pinkie Pie's taffy machine!" you say. "I jumped in to rescue you! Do you need any help getting yourself clean? You're kinda covered in taffy." You guess you've got taffy all over you too, but Rainbow is the top priority.

"What? Uh, nah, I'll be fine, kid." She pulls at some of the taffy on her face. "Ugh! How does this gunk even come out?"

You glow at the opportunity to explain something to the great Rainbow Dash. "It gets brittle when you freeze it," you say, "and then you can chip it off using Sweetie Belle's sister's scissors! Or if that doesn't work, sometimes you can try and pull it off with apple butter."

Rainbow narrows her eyes at you. "So hang on, why do you know so much about this?"

"...crusading?"



Mar 27 2012
"===>"


"Urrraagh!" Rainbow flops down onto the dirt path. "I just lost Pinkie's taffy machine and my console, and now I have to take time out to get all detaffied and stuff! Maybe Pinkie will try to catch up with her taffy machine and she won't be at Sugarcube Corner anymore and I won't know where to look for her! The world's gonna end and it'll be all my fault."

"The world's ending?" you ask.

She looks embarrassed. "Uh... no? No, of course not! Don't worry, squirt, I'll save it somehow, just like always."

"Can I help?!"

"Umm... we'll see. Where are we, anyhow?"

You take a look around while she stares at the sky. "Looks like Sweet Apple Acres," you say. "We can get all cleaned up here!"

"Great," says Rainbow. "Heh, I wonder if AJ's still here? It'd be just like that slowpoke cowpoke to have not even left for Pinkie's yet."



Mar 27 2012
"===>"


You walk towards the big barn that is the centerpiece of Sweet Apple Acres, and she refuses to give you any more details about the end of the world.

"Howdy, Ms. Dash," says a deep voice, and you both jump a bit to find Big Macintosh standing in front of you. For such a big pony, he can move really quietly! You wonder if maybe he's a ninja or something, and if so, maybe he could teach you to be one too? The problem is, a ninja cutie mark might be invisible, and you're not sure how you'd know when you got one...

"Ah," he continues, "and the elder Ms. Dash too. On a walk with your cousin?"

"Huh?" she asks, and then looks at you. "Oh, sure, I guess. More or less. Say, Big Mac, wanna do us a favor?"

You tune out Big Mac's standard "eeyup" to squee to yourself. She must be in a better mood today than you thought, she's hardly ever willing to admit that you're related, let alone cousins! How can you exploit this? Maybe she can teach you to fly? Or, no, wait, she's supposed to be saving the world again. Maybe she can teach you to save the world, and then flying after that? Or maybe flying is part of saving the world?

While you've been making plans, Big Mac's apparently agreed to let the two of you use the ice chest in their cellar to freeze the taffy off. "Awesome!" says Rainbow. "So we'll just nip on down there, chill out a bit, and then we'll be out of your hair before you can say--"

"Nnnnope."

Rainbow stops in mid-sentence. "Huh?"

"Only one at a time," he says.



Mar 27 2012
"===>"


"I'd like to talk to you in private, Ms. Rainbow Dash."



Mar 27 2012
"Scootaloo: Realize this situation seems awfully familiar."


Rainbow volunteers to go first, saying something about being in a hurry. The two of them walk off together... wait a minute. Walk off together? Into a dark, secluded cellar where they can talk in private? Oh no, you know what's going on here! This is just like Hearts and Hooves Day all over again, except instead of your teacher it's your cousin, and instead of talking in stupid lovey-dovey talk non-stop they're still acting natural, and instead of it being your fault for giving them a potion they're just genuinely getting along!

Wait. Do you actually have a problem with this?

Big Mac is a great stallion, and he's really strong, just like Rainbow Dash! Also you've been a flower girl before at that royal wedding, and that went well! ...mostly. Besides, if they got married then you and Apple Bloom could be cousins-in-law or something, and that would be pretty awesome! Maybe you could get Applejack and Rarity together so that you could be related to Sweetie Belle too? Well, food for thought.

Still, you probably shouldn't jump to conclusions just like that. It's your job as a responsible cousin to make sure that Big Mac is treating her right.



Mar 27 2012
"Scootaloo: Be the ninja and spy on them."


You're relatively certain that this is what ninjas do!

"Heh, well," Rainbow is saying as you get close enough to the cellar door to hear them, "I don't know how you knew about that, but yeah. I'll basically be doing all the work. Some stuff shouldn't be left to apple farmers, am I right?"

"Eeyup," says Big Mac. You're kind of worried to learn that your cousin will be doing all the work in the relationship -- whatever that means -- but you cheer up when you realize that you can still probably make Apple Bloom make Big Mac make Rainbow teach you to fly. Chain of command!

There's a pause, and then Big Mac speaks again. "You are a very... loyal pony, Ms. Dash."

"Aww, shucks," she says, "you call me Rainbow Dash, big guy." They're flirting! "But yeah! I'll totally take care of her, don't you worry."

Her? Wait, who's her?

"Good," says Big Mac. "Last question. I know your athletics... are important to you. So..."

So? So what? Who's this her Rainbow will be taking care of?

"Are you ready to bear a filly?"



Mar 27 2012
"===>"


THEY ARE MOVING INCREDIBLY FAST AND YOU DON'T KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS ANYMORE

ALSO

WHAT DOES BEARING HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING YOU THOUGHT PONIES JUST WISHED ON SHOOTING STARS???



Mar 28 2012
"===>"


Rainbow Dash absconds the hay out of there.



Apr 01 2012
"Scootaloo: Deduce."


Nah! "Deducing" sounds boring. You'd rather figure out what's going on, based on the evidence you already have.

Rainbow went by way too fast for you to see whether she was scared or excited or what, so that's not much to go on. You could ask Big Mac what's going on, but there's the possibility he might think you were trying to interview him for the Foal Free Press, and he didn't like it much the last time his picture appeared there. Hmmm. Okay, well, what do you already know?

You know foals come from meteors, though you can lose the wishing on shooting stars part if necessary. That was only ever a guess anyway. You know meteors come from the sky, specifically the night sky filled with stars. The last two times meteors seemed important were the centennial shower that Rainbow took you to see -- but that's only every hundred years, and foals are born way more often than that! -- and the meteors that are part of the Zap Apple signs. Zap Apples come originally from the Everfree Forest.

Bears... you try to think about what bears might have to do with foaling. And then it hits you like a Sonic Rainboom. There's a family of bears living in the Everfree Forest. Magical bears. Bears whose skin looks just like the starry night sky that meteors come from!

The URSAS.



Apr 01 2012
"Scootaloo: Ask Granny Smith what bears have to do with Big Mac wanting to have a foal with Rainbow Dash."




You're going to play this one a bit safer than that, since you're not sure if Big Mac has quite clinched the deal yet, and you don't want to go spreading untrue rumors all around town. You'll take a few ideas you've got floating around, put them together, and ask Granny Smith if there's any connection. She may be a bit... strange... but this kind of obscure knowledge might be right up her alley!

"Well howdy, li'l Scootalipse!" says Granny Smith as you approach. "You here for a history lesson too?"

You grin at her. "Yeah, if you mean like the history of my cousin! Listen, Granny Smith... you know about the Ursas living in the Everfree Forest, right?"

"Course! Why, I know all about those poor critters, you can believe me. I'd've given that old Celestia a piece or two of my mind if I didn't, living practically next door to them."

"Uh... right! So, like, do they have anything to do with where foals come from?"

She gives you an uncannily knowing expression. "Aha, I see what you're on about! Your pappy's one of them Rainbow Ponies, ain't he?" You nod, not at all sure what that has to do with anything. "There's plenty of ponies as will tell you that the rainbow ponies are all gone touched in the head, but I know a thing or two about weird beliefs, and I reckon that lot's not as bad as they're made out to be. If you're gonna pick someone to worship, you could do a sight worse than the Ursa Major."

You don't remotely know where this conversation is going anymore. Your dad never told you much about what being a rainbow pony means, other than mane color, and Rainbow's never had much to say about that either. "Worship... the Ursa Major?" you ask, hoping that'll get her to explain a bit more.

"Why sure! Though I suppose they'll use some other names for him, won't they? Father of Rainbows? Fallen God?" Your face is blank, and maybe she notices, leaning in close for this last one. "Chrysaor?"

"Chrysaor?" Your wings leap up in excitement. "But... dad always used to say that my cousin Rainbow Dash was a gift from someone named Chrysaor!"

Granny Smith looks incredibly smug.



Apr 03 2012
"Scootaloo: Ask what a bear made of stars has to do with rainbows."


"Eh, that's a good question!" she says. "How about you let me know if you ever figure that one out?"

You deflate a little. There was something weirdly appealing about the idea of Granny Smith knowing absolutely everything ever. "But I thought you knew the rainbow ponies or something!" you said. "How do you know all this stuff?"

She gives a goofy grin. "I only ever talked to the one rainbow pony, other than that cousin of yours, and... why, that must have been way back when Applejack was littler than you are now! Can't expect me to remember every last detail of everypony I ever met."

Well, when she puts it that way, it sounds almost reasonable. "What about Princess Celestia?" you ask. "You said she told you about the Urs... about Chrysaor?"

"You bet your little britches she did! Not long after Ponyville really got to flourishing, she came down from Canterlot to see how things were doing. And you know what I did? I told her off! She sent us to live next to the Everfree Forest without an ounce of warning about what lived in that jungle, and I nearly got eaten by timberwolves! That's no way for a princess to behave, I should think."

"You told off Princess Celestia?" Your eyes are wide.

"Told off, nothing! I laid into that fancy-maned goddess!" Granny Smith draws herself up proudly. "So she apologized, and more, she told me where the Everfree Forest had come from. Seems that way back when, before there was a Ponyville or an Everfree or even a Canterlot, there was the Ursa Major."



Apr 03 2012
"===>"


"Now, I'm sure everything feels big to you, but the Ursa Major, well, he's enormous, and you don't get that big without a pretty big appetite. So what happened is he up and creates a forest around him. A big forest, and not made of any ordinary pony magic, so ordinary pony magic don't work none too good on it. Makes its own weather, the animals are different, you've heard the stories."

"He just... created a forest? But don't trees take a really long time to grow?" You learned that lesson the hard way.

"Most trees, sure! But the way the princess told it, the Everfree just sprung on up practically overnight, and what's more, I believe her. Zap Apple trees come from the Everfree, you know, and those grow up in no time! So I wouldn't put it past that old Ursa Major to have made a whole forest of trees that don't take hardly any time to grow at all."

Some more links are coming together in your head. "But Zap Apples have rainbows all over them! Is that why you said he's called the 'Father of Rainbows'?"

She shrugs. "Could be! Never learned quite enough about them rainbow ponies and their beliefs to be sure, I'm afraid. You'd have to ask your pappy."

"Aww," you say. "But he's never around!"

"Well, what do you want from me, young'un? If I don't know the answer, I can't just make it up for you. Wait till your pappy's back in town, I guess, unless you want to ask the Ursa Major himself. Reckon he'd know why he's called whatever he is, he's been around long enough."

At some point this conversation stopped being about where foals come from, but it's still pretty exciting. "Ask? You mean he talks?"

"How should I know? Never met the fellow myself. But if you're going to be worshiped for all these centuries, I'd think it'd be because you've got something interesting to say. Take me, for instance! Macintosh and his sisters don't keep me around just because I'm pretty. Why, such tales I could tell you 'bout when your pal Apple Bloom was just a wee baby filly."



Apr 06 2012
"Scootaloo: Collect blackmail material on Apple Bloom."


Yes! This way you'll definitely be able to make Apple Bloom make Big Mac make Rainbow Dash teach you how to fly! With this flimsy excuse in place, you begin to pump Granny Smith for stories of your friend's early childhood.

"This one time," she says, "I came back from market with a load of produce for the evening stew. Heh, that was back when I was spry enough to do all the shopping by myself, no matter what that sister of hers had to say! So I leave the fruit on the kitchen table, and li'l Apple Bloom happens upon... now let me see. It wasn't an apple, I'm sure enough of that. Maybe a cabbage. So she happens upon this artichoke, and starts a weeping and a wailing like you wouldn't believe, and it takes all three of us to calm her down enough to figure out what's the matter with her! She shoves that dang rutabaga in our faces and says 'it ain't an apple, it ain't an apple!' Why, the poor dear didn't realize there were fruits that weren't apples!"

Okay, maybe this isn't the blackmailiest of blackmail materials, but Granny Smith's full of stories. You've just got to keep listening.

"...and she comes home and is moping around like a raven on a writing desk, and it turns out she's depressed because everypony thinks she's gonna grow up and have to work on the farm! The little moppet had got it into her head that she might want to do something that ain't apple-related at all, and Macintosh asks what, and she says she wants to be the president! The president! Ain't that the most ridiculous notion you ever done heard of? She and Applejack decide to hold a mock election right then and there, just us Apples, to make her feel better, only I put my name in for president too. Can't never go wrong with more power, I always say. All three of them young'uns vote for me, especially after I threaten to tan their hides with my cane if they don't, and for my first act as president I take a nap, and after that she didn't want to go into politics no more."

Yeah, you remember that day. She wasn't very happy. Also this isn't really about her early childhood anymore...

"...only Applejack weren't too good at mathematics back then, and Mac was off working the fields, so it came down to good old Granny Smith to help her with her homework! This was her first day, mind, so it weren't too difficult stuff. We set out a whole bunch of apples on the table, maybe sixteen or twenty in all, and I'd have her count them. Only by the time she'd got done counting I'd have eaten one of them, and then she'd have to start counting all over again! By the end of the day I don't rightly know if she had got any better at addition, but I had sure as sure had a good supper! Then she said we should try again using something besides apples, like maybe persimmons. Ha! Did I ever tell you about the time she came home and found a persimmon and started in a crying because it weren't an apple?"

...this isn't blackmail material at all. This isn't even stuff you could pretend was blackmail material. No, you know exactly what this is...

"...got a little concerned about her weight, so Mac started keeping a chart of how much she ate every day! I'm sure I still have it around someplace... ah, here we go! See here, the first day she ate seven and a half apples. Then the second day she ate seven and a half apples again, except one of them was a bit larger than the rest. The third day she only ate six apples, I can't for the life of me remember why. The fourth day she was right back on track, though, and she ate eleven apples and five of those were in a single sitting! Why, the rest of us just sat there and stared, I can tell you. 'Apple Bloom,' we told her, 'you can't eat all those apples!' But she went and said..."



Apr 09 2012
"===>"



Apr 09 2012
"Scootaloo: Dream."




You are Scootaloo. You live with your mommy Ember Dash and your daddy Nth Degree Dash. You meeted your cousin Rainbow Dash for the first time today! She is really super and really cool. You will be exactly like her when you are big, but you will still be orange and purple. You promised this to her and she laughed.

You were asleep, but your mommy and your daddy talked to your cousin. You want to know what they talk about!



Apr 09 2012
"===>"


"...really is sensational to see you again, dearest," says your mommy. "I do wish they gave you more vacations at that flight school of yours."

"Heh, you and me both," says your cousin. "I mean, flying's cool and all, but all that homework? Total. Dragsville."

"A good education is important," says your daddy. "We cannot know what Chrysaor has planned for you."

Your cousin laughs. "Yeeeeeah, I'm sure that'll work itself out somehow."

"Are you very popular?" asks your mommy. "I'm sure that mane of yours attracts all sorts of attention. Nth Degree never fails to inform me how little his kind interact with the rest of Equestria."

"Uhh, kind of. I mean, there are some bullies, and a few cool kids, but no one too awesome. I miss my pals from camp, you know? Gilda visits sometimes, but I haven't seen Fluttershy since she quit camp." No one says anything. You wonder who Gilda and Fluttershy are. "So," she says, "I'm digging this new chick of yours! She may be tiny, but she's got some sick spunk."

"Thank you, Rainbow!" says your mommy. "We weren't sure at first if we wanted to have another one, but you turned out so well that eventually your father gave in. It's a bit peculiar having a nest again, but we'll get used to it."

"Ember," says your daddy, "I am not Rainbow Dash's father. We are not her parents, and you are not to pretend otherwise. She is a direct gift of Chrysaor!"

Your cousin groans. "Come on, da-- uncle! Do you have any idea how wack it is to tell everypony you came from a meteor? Like, I could kinda relate to Fluttershy because she's an orphan, but seriously. Are you telling me the whole story here?"

Your daddy answers her. "Rainbow, your aunt and I were alone when a great portal opened in the sky above, directly beneath the sign of our great father. From that portal came forth a meteor, and on that meteor was you. That is the whole story."

"A portal? What the hay did this portal look like?"

"It rather resembled a circle," says your mommy, "but composed of a number of smaller, interlocking circles. In the center was a ten-pointed symbol that somewhat resembled a flower."

"Interlocking circles, and a flowery thing in the middle..." Your cousin stops. "You're kidding me! I've totally seen that symbol before!"

Your daddy talks fast. "What?! Where? Rainbow, has Chrysaor made some of his secrets known to you?"

"Look," says your mommy, "why don't we discuss this outside? We don't want to wake little Scootaloo."

You hear them leave. You wonder if you want to follow them or if you want to go sleep again.

Another voice speaks: "Oh, hi Scootaloo! Did you know your parents are seeking you?"



Apr 09 2012
"===>"


You turn and see a giant eye. How is an eye talking to you?

"No they're not," you say. "They just left with Rainbow to talk about her coming from a meteor and stuff." Somehow you seem to have gained several years of maturity since the eye first spoke.

"Don't be silly!" says the eye. "You're just sleepdreaming something that happened to you before. This isn't now.

"Your parents need to find you in the now."



Apr 11 2012
"Lyra"


Huh? Oh, hi again! The stupid camera is pointed too high -- they're trying to make sure you can't get your message out -- but that's okay. You've got a lot of practice bouncing up and down.

Hey, so, it's really awesome being on-screen again, but you've actually got a lead to pursue right now. You were just talking to Linky -- or "Shoeshine" -- and she thinks that Colgate might know some stuff about what's going on in Ponyville. Sure, her source on that is Bubblecup, but any lead is better than none, right? Besides, Cool G's a friend.

So yeah, thanks for checking in again, but you've gotta go. You're so close to figuring everything out, you can just taste it. Keep it real! Lyra out.



Apr 11 2012
"Commissions Info"
NOTE: If you've happened upon this page somehow, note that it's kind of outdated.


Do you want to support the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, but you're uncomfortable buying any of its products for yourself, for your own personal reasons? Alternatively, do you just really like Hoofstuck and think it's a shame that more of your money doesn't belong to me instead? If either of these things are true, I can help you out!





See that button? Assuming everything works out, that button should let you give me money. Why should you give me money? Because I will take that money and use it to buy pony. Most likely pony toys. (Or else recoup losses from pony that's already been bought, because I'm currently operating at a loss.) While I've finally managed to complete my Wave 1 collection, there are two new waves on the way filled with real background ponies and special mane 6 editions, and unemployment doesn't pay the bills. Especially not since the blindbags have literally doubled in price since they were first released in the US. Since Friendship is Magic is secretly a commercial for pony toys, this supports the show!

But wait! That sure sounds great because I end up getting pretty pony toys to play with, but where's the benefit for you? Well, there are actually multiple possible benefits for you to choose from. If you give me certain amounts of money or more, you can commission me to do something creative for you, because I happen to like doing creative things! Here's the chart in US Dollars:

For $4.13 or more, I will insert a character of your choice into some Hoofstuck panel as a background pony.
For $6.12 or more, I will rewrite the lyrics of a song to be about a character of your choice, filk style! Examples: Bon-Bon; Rarity; Big Mac; Octavia
For $10.24 or more, I will create one or more bonus panels in response to your suggestion, in the style of Problem Sleuth's fan-requested game commands. Like the originals, these will be departures from the Hoofstuck storyline, though it is still possible they might end up influencing canon in some unspecified way. The number of panels might correlate loosely with the amount over $10.24, but really, it'll more likely correlate with how many panels I feel are justified for the idea you suggest.
For $24.07 or more, I will write a short story about a character of your choice. This will likely be posted on FIMFiction if about a pony character, or AO3 otherwise.


For all items, characters from works other than Friendship is Magic are acceptable, though if you choose anything other than Homestuck you'll be making a gamble that I'll know what you're talking about. Gambling's legal, right? For all items, add 50% of the quoted cost if about an OC. (Ponies who exist only as pony toys and have not appeared in the show do not count as OCs for this purpose.) If you want to give me, for instance, $30, you can definitely count that as one instance of $4.13 and one instance of $24.07 or some combination like that.

After donating, should you feel so inclined, I'd suggest emailing me the details of your request, in case I have followup questions and so that it'll be easy for me to send you a link to the final product when complete.

So yeah! I'd like to emphasize that I have no plans to charge for Hoofstuck itself, since that would be ridiculous and almost certainly illegal. I just want pony toys, and I am willing to prostitute my creativity in my search for them. Is that so wrong?



Apr 12 2012
"Rarity"


"Back, back, you glistening hoodlums! Thus far have you progressed into my lands, but no farther! You may take my life, but you shall never take my fashions!"

Wait, wait, this is all wrong. This isn't the Rarity you're supposed to be. Is it really so hard just to be present-day Rarity for once? Is this even the right universe?! Let's try this again.



Apr 12 2012
"??? Rarity: Be present Rarity."


Twilight doesn't seem to have done much of anything yet, which you suppose is a good thing. She's played with her console a bit -- with Rainbow Dash, you think, although it's hard to make out such details at this size -- but you don't know what she's been saying to her client player. Sadly, you never quite thought to take up the skill of lip reading in your youth. She did send you a message a while back, something about not deploying any cruxtruders, but you saw no reason to reply to her at the time. Still, all this waiting is rather beginning to grate on you. You'll have to talk to Twilight about things eventually, after all; why not get it over with? Maybe you could all six get together in her library, like so many times before, and talk things out?

Ah! Somepony is knocking at your door, even though you made quite sure to close the boutique today. Who could that be? The knocking grows rather insistent, and you resolve to investigate. You set down your console and go to open your door.



Apr 12 2012
"===>"


Why, it's Sparkler! You've always felt a sort of fondness for the young girl; her name appeals to you for some undefinable reason. "Hello, darling," you say, "is there anything I can help you with?"

"Oh, Ms. Scratch!" she says. She must be in one of her politer moods. "Oh, I'm so sorry! Your sister, and her friends... they've disappeared! I looked away for just a second and they all ran away!"



Apr 13 2012
"R: Use your fine eye for detail to grasp the full severity of Sparkler's mane status."


You employ the ancient art of PILUPHRENOLOGY to gauge Sparkler's report's veracity by looking at her mane. She appears to be sincere.



Apr 13 2012
"R: Drama like a pro!"


"Oh, Sweetie Belle, my sister!" you moan. "Escaped into the wilderness of the city, unsupervised in a world of danger and intrigue! How has it come to this?! Did I teach you nothing of the respect due to one's elders? To disappear into Ponyville is one thing, but to abandon your caretaker and bring her to this state of distraction, her mane subtly unkempt? You have failed her as a foalsittee, but more importantly, I have failed you as a role model!"

(A lot of this is to make Sparkler feel better by shifting the blame away from her. Sweetie Belle and her friends explore Ponyville on their own all the time. Running away from their foalsitter without any notice, however, is quite unkind of them.)

"Sparkler, how I wish I could express my sorrow to you! That they have treated you so callously, so unthinkingly -- it is simply the worst! No, my dear one, dry your eyes --" you assume without looking that she is crying by now, if only at the power of your performance "-- you are not to blame in this. It is I who have erred, by failing to instill proper diligence in your charges. Alas, for I am a poor and incapable sister!"

You feel this speech needs a little something extra. Maybe you need to swoon. And to swoon, you'll need your COUCH...



Apr 13 2012
"R: Decaptchalogue couch."


You prepare to try to decaptchalogue your couch using your JEWEL BOX MODUS. This glittering coffer used to hold the Elements of Harmony in Canterlot Castle, but you were able to convince Princess Celestia to give it to you as a reward for saving Equestria. Later you managed to repurpose it into a fetch modus.

Currently, six of the seven cards in your sylladex are in use. Besides your trusty couch, you have the MYSTERIOUS RECORD from your mother; your GLASSES, for use in emergency fashion design; a RARITY FIGURINE, from when Sweetie Belle and her friends decided to take up toymaking; your FIRE RUBY PENDANT, one of the most generous gifts you have ever received; and a pair of FAKE EYELASHES, in case... hmm. Well, just in case.

Whenever you want to retrieve something through your fetch modus, each card in your sylladex gets split up into three or more copies of its contents on an abstract playing board. In order to fetch a certain item out, you must remove all instances of that item from the playing board by rearranging their positions on the board so that they disappear in rows or columns of three or more at a time. (Moves that do not remove anything from the board are not legal.) For example, were there seven instances of your figurine on the playing board, removing all seven would cause the real figurine to be fetched from your sylladex, but removing only six would have no effect at all.

Here is the arrangement that your fetch modus presents you with this time. You must now present a MOVE LIST that successfully fetches one or more items from your sylladex.



Apr 13 2012
"727377674546414033323031333416152322"


Several slightly different ways of getting the couch occur to you, but this one is quickest and therefore the most elegant. Your couch springs into existence and you throw yourself onto it in an affected agony of self-incrimination.



Apr 20 2012
"===>"
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Apr 30 2012
"R: Be outraged."


You are outraged. "Sparkler," you say, "how could you? Are you seriously trying to take advantage of my distress and generosity?"

She looks startled. "Oh, no!" she says. "No, of course not! I swear, I'm really very interested in dreams and I'm truly sorry if I was pushing too hard with the studying you thing..."

"You were pushing a trifle too hard," you answer, "but I can handle that. Celestia knows I've experienced worse. However, you were being very disrespectful of my friends, and that is something I cannot allow. Rainbow Dash trusted you with what might be among her most deeply held secrets, and that does not give you the right to tell it to me without her consent! And if Fluttershy doesn't want you to visit her dreams, then surely it is your duty as a lady and a scholar to respect her privacy!"

"You're right," she says. Her eyes are starting to water a little, and you feel a touch of remorse for speaking to her so harshly. "Oh, gosh, Rarity, you're right. It's just, all the stress from losing the kids and I guess I just let my mouth run away from me a bit. I'm sorry I was so pushy, and please don't tell Rainbow Dash I mentioned that to you, if you think she wouldn't like it."

That last clause strikes you as a little iffy, but you are beginning to feel more sympathetic to her again. Clearly the poor dear didn't mean anything hurtful by it. "My lips are sealed, dear. Now, how about we put this whole awful argument behind us, go find Sweetie Belle and her friends, and maybe we can talk about dreams some other time?" This is kind of a vacuous promise, to the extent that it's a promise at all, since you have a feeling that you and your friends are going to be helping in the war between Prospit and Derse very soon indeed -- probably today, even. By the time that whole adventure gets finished, your dreams are probably going to be a lot less interesting. One way or another, given how interested she clearly is in the subject, it should be fine for Sparkler to hear about them by then.

She wipes her eyes and smiles. "Thanks, Rarity. That sounds good. Do you mind if I cast a quick perfume-freshening spell before we get going?" A few green sparks begin to gather around the base of her horn.

"Of course not! A lady must always look her best, after all."



Apr 30 2012
"===>"


Sparkler says you look very pretty and asks if she can hear about your dreams.

You tell her you'd be more than happy to sing about them for her.



May 09 2012
"[S] R: Sing."
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Display subtitles

(Rarity voiced by Lauren Simister.)



May 10 2012
"===>"


You return your attention to Sparkler as you wrap up your song, and while you may be flattering yourself a little, you'd say she looks most impressed. Clearly she was not expecting that kind of a performance, and so informative too! You've never told anypony about your dream world before, particularly not in so much detail, but then how could you refuse a dear friend like Sparkler? Especially after she paid you such a lovely compliment of... whatever it was she said?

"Wow!" says Sparkler at last. "I... and you say all your dreams are there on Prospit? 'Cause, I've never talked to anypony with dreams anything like that..."

"More or less," you answer. "The specifics differ, of course, but my presence on Prospit, or at least on its moon, is quite constant." You hesitate, thinking how bizarre that must sound to a trained dream studier who is probably accustomed to far greater variety. "Oh dear, you must think me some sort of unimaginative fool."

"What? Just because you're controlling another you? Don't worry, I'd bet it's perfectly natural for one mind to exist across multiple bodies."

You smile warmly at this peculiar platitude. "No, I meant.. well, never mind! How much of that were you able to see? Those were quite peculiar visions, I must say; usually I see more of Prospit itself, or of my friends, but those looked like they were mostly right here in Ponyville."

"Snatches," says Sparkler. "Mostly still images, I guess. So, like, was that me in there? Near the end?"

You think back. "I believe so! It looked like you were in Canterlot Castle, speaking with somepony with a party hat. Do you know her, dear?"

"No... she didn't look familiar at all. But hey, that's not important!" She is filled with renewed energy. "Tell me about the big picture! Like, what's this war about? Someplace called Derse? So you and Applejack are on Prospit's side? Do you know who the Derse dreamers are?"

You tune Sparkler out for a moment, thinking through some of the other visions the two of you just experienced. An enormous ruby, larger even than the fire ruby that Spike gave you? That green-maned mare you offended that one time, whatever her name was? And a lively band, featuring... your mother?

Certainly, the last couple times you and your mother ran into each other were not unfriendly, but it's still always a shock to see her. You suppose you never quite got out of the habit of thinking of her as a doctor of some sort, and seeing her as a real-life disc jockey, or apparently now as a singer, is most confusing. And in particular, seeing her working with Pinkie at that wedding! You hope you never enter into so intimate a position with any of Pinkie's progenitors, however unknowingly.

Anyhow, your mother does appear to be doing well nowadays, and you're glad, though you still haven't persuaded yourself to explain to Sweetie Belle about her... Sweetie Belle!

You have no idea what Sparkler's been saying, so you simply cut her off. "Darling," you say, "we will need to discuss this later. My sister and her friends are still missing!"

She gasps considerately. "Oh gracious, you're right! I'm sorry, Rarity, I didn't mean to get you so sidetracked! Let's find those girls. I'm right behind you."



May 13 2012
"R: Dramatically call out to Sweetie Belle."


"Sweetie Belle!" you call, as the two of you leave the boutique. "Sweetie Belle! Come out, little sister!"

Sparkler turns a wry smile to you. "Does that ever work?"

"Aheh. Sometimes. Those three have a sort of natural instinct for getting in trouble, as I'm sure you have noticed, and sometimes her reaction is to come find me immediately and insist she hasn't done anything wrong. Sadly this doesn't seem to be one of those times... I don't suppose you have any idea where they might have gone?"

"Nope. I told you, I ignored them for like one second and they all disappeared. Scootaloo on her scooter, I swear...!"

"Ignored them?" You speak with the appropriate level of chastisement for addressing a foalsitter who has just admitted to ignoring her charges.

"Uhh..." Sparkler gulps. "Not like ignored ignored. They'd painted this crazy picture on my floor, and I was looking at it and trying to think if there hadn't been something on the floor before that, and if so, what it was. I get these crazy blank spots in my memory, y'know? Sometimes I'll think back and find there are just whole topics or periods of time that I can't remember anything about at all. Does that ever happen to you?"

"I'm afraid not, darling," you say. "You're the brains expert here, not me."



May 13 2012
"===>"


You wander about town, listening for sounds of chaos.

"You know, when she's not getting into trouble with her friends, your sister really is remarkably well-behaved," says Sparkler. "It's impressive that you've raised her all on your own. Um, please stop me if I'm asking about anything sensitive, but are your parents...?"

"Alive, dear," you answer. "Or at least my mother is. She works in, ah, the entertainment industry, you see, and that's been very much a full time job for her for some years now. I haven't seen her outside of her work since... oh, since I was about Sweetie Belle's age."

"I'm sorry," says Sparkler, with real sincerity in her voice.

"Don't be. Not everypony is as good at taking care of children as us two, after all. A while back she had this affair with some technician or something, and, became, ah, with child. After the foal was born, she deposited it on my doorstep with a note of explanation and left without even coming inside to speak with me."

"That's horrible! And... the foal was Sweetie Belle, I guess?"

"Indeed."

Sparkler appears to think this over. "She's never even brought up the idea of having parents. Have you, um, told her?"

"Not a word. My mother is... better of late, and I think of her better in turn. I'm not so very disappointed that she left me when I was so young. But I doubt she shall ever earn the right to call Sweetie Belle her daughter, and as far as Sweetie is concerned, it's better if she doesn't even exist."

"Wow. Kinda makes me glad I'm way too young to be having kids just yet. No offense."

You give her a playful swat. "Well, you'll have had plenty of practice, especially once we find out where those girls have gone! Besides, it isn't as if you don't have your eyes set on somepony, is it? Goldlight, I believe? The painter fellow, from the market?"

"Mmm, yeah," she says. "I mean, if that Big Macintosh offered to open my box one of these days, I wouldn't say no, but otherwise..."

Suddenly you hear the faintest hints of a long, drawn out scream in the distance. You and Sparkler look around to determine what direction it's coming from, and head off towards the sound of "OOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!"



May 13 2012
"===>"






Some metallic monstrosity is rolling down Cliffhanger Road at top speeds.



May 15 2012
"R: Quickly pull out your couch and position it like a cushion."


You cannot pull out your COUCH because you didn't recaptchalogue it before you left! It and your SBALE CONSOLE are still in the boutique. You guess it simply didn't occur to you at the time to bring them with you.

You look up at the machine, which has left the relative safety of the road above and is now plummeting towards you, and gulp. Whatever that thing is, there's pretty much no way it isn't the fault of your sister and her friends. Given the screaming, it's a safe bet that they're inside of it. If you can't cushion it with your couch, you can at least try to cushion it with your magic. That's what sisters do. That's what heroes do.

Still, as you ready your most reliable levitation magic, and Sparkler absconds in terror, you begin to wonder...



May 15 2012
"R: Hero mode, activate!"


...for all that you just told Sparkler that you don't get blank spots in your memory...



May 15 2012
"===>"


...suddenly, you cannot for the life of you remember, in all the visions Prospit has shown you of your friends on this upcoming adventure...



May 15 2012
"===>"


...did you ever appear in any of them?



May 15 2012
"Pinkie Pie"


Hi! Did you decide to keep right on being me without taking a break to read about Applejack or Fluttershy or Rarity instead? Wow! I'm super-duper flattered! Or if you were following one or more of them first and then just got to me afterwards, that's cool too! I mean, the important thing is that we get to hang out together, right? A little wait more or less isn't a big deal.

Huh? Oh, yeah, us hanging out is what I came out here to talk about! See... I shouldn't really be here right now. This is something called "breaking the fourth wall," and some people think I'm really really good at it! Like, half the time when I'm in some story or other -- I know, there are whole stories about me, isn't that so amazing?! -- there'll be a moment where I mention you readers or something, and everypony else gets really confused. That's really fun and all, but it kind of breaks the immersiveness. That's a word Rarity taught me in the desert! It means that if you're reading stuff about me and suddenly I break out of the story and talk to you, like I'm doing right now, it makes you remember that you're just reading a story!

So I guess what I'm doing here is saying goodbye. I don't want to break the immersiveness, so I'm going to stop breaking the fourth wall and be part of the story like everypony else. No, no, don't worry, you can still "be" me whenever you want, just like with Dashie and Twilight and all the rest, and I'll love it every time you do! I just won't talk to you. It'll be all "you are Pinkie Pie" this and "you decide to throw a party" that and so on and so forth. Okay? I'll still be me, I'll just be on my own side of your monitor!

Aww, don't make that face! Look, I'll tell you what. If this whole story goes really really well and we save the day and everypony lives happily ever after and stuff, I'll throw a big huge giant ENORMOUS party and everyone will be invited, even you! Especially you! So even if you do make a sad mopey frowny face all the time, at the end we'll get to have a party, and everyone smiles at a Pinkie Pie party. And that's a Pinkie Promise.

Besides! It's not like you'll be totally alone. In a while you'll meet another pony who wants to talk to you and is going to help you understand everything that's going on. And I guess Lyra seems to know that you're there too? I dunno! Lyra's pretty strange, even by my standards. For now, though, I'm going back behind your monitor. Goodbye! Enjoy our adventure! Make sure it ends happily!




May 15 2012
"===>"


Wow, you kind of spaced out there for a second. And now the Cakes' taffy machine is rolling away, and Dashie and Scootaloo are stuck inside of it! Sometimes your Pinkie Sense can be so unhelpful. All day long tail twitch, tail twitch, tail twitch, nothing at all about taffy machines. And as Sugarcube Corner's new heiress, you're preeeeeetty sure that taffy machine was your responsibility. Whoops!

"Wow!" says Sweetie Belle behind you. "My magic worked!"

"It did?" asks Apple Bloom. She's got the same kind of voice that Twilight uses when you explain something to her that you thought she really should have known already, and she asks 'Oh, really?' and you tell her yes. "You were tryin' to cast a spell to send that taffy machine right through the wall, so now we can't just go on over and turn it off?"

"Uh," says Sweetie Belle. "Well, not exactly. But at least it passed through the wall without breaking it! That's something, right?"



May 16 2012
"PP: Throw a party so amazing that no-one will remember this tomorrow."


Serving alcohol to minors is ILLEGAL.



May 16 2012
"PP: Surely you know... less conventional methods."


Huh? Like... oh. Oh! Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

That could work. You do know a gal at the zoo who owes you a favor! But where would you get all those roller skates from on such short notice? Also you don't know if sugar's meant to be used that way, though that one's never stopped you before!

Wouldn't that mean abandoning Dashie, though? And little Scootaloo, and this SBALE console that just finally got delivered to you?



May 17 2012
"PP: Check what time it is on your watch."


Good heavens, just look at the time! But how can you throw a party when your friends are in trouble?

...unless...



May 17 2012
"PP: Recruit random bystanders into a rescue party."




Yes! A rescue party! You quickly outfit Sugarcube Corner with the appropriate decorations while Apple Bloom creates INVITATIONS. You take a gander at her finished product.

"I helped!" adds Sweetie Belle.



May 17 2012
"PP: Fire up the invite-a-tron and load the party cannon for RSVP."


You fill your PARTY CANNON with the rescue party invitation and blast it into the sky. To solve a missing pegasi case, you'll need more pegasi! After all, they can cover a lot of land quickly.



May 17 2012
"===>"


You receive THREE VOLUNTEERS.



May 21 2012
"PP: Assign a duty to everypony."


You rapidly decaptchalogue and equip your best WAR HELMET, in order to properly rally your troops!

"All right, girls!" you say. "It's time to get dangerous! Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are missing, and you know what that means!"

Cloud Kicker looks hopeful. "Cloud?" she asks.

"Exactly!" Golly, it's great to have such helpful and understanding troops. "We need to form a rescue party! Or you three do, anyway, and the kids and I can wait here at Sugarcommand Headcorners. Now, they were last seen rolling away in a rogue taffy machine, so they should be pretty easy to find, I mean, unless there are any other rogue taffy machines rolling around Ponyville, but that sounds awfully unlikely."

Parasol raises a hoof. "Hey, boss, I saw your taffy machine just a few minutes ago."

You smile hugely. "Ooh, neat! Where did it go?"

"Not so fast," says Parasol. "What's in it for me to give you the info?"

"Cloud?" suggests Cloud Kicker.

"Exactly!" you say again. "Rainbow Dash is your captain, and you can't let your captain get turned into taffy!"

Parasol shakes her head. "No, see, I'm not regular weather team, I'm freelance. I do personalized miniature rainstorms and stuff. You're gonna have to make this worth my while, or I'll try to sell what I know to somepony else."

Apple Bloom pipes up indignantly from behind you. "What the hay?! Who else would wanna pay y'all money to tell'em where you last saw a taffy machine?"

"Dunno," says Parasol. "It's not my job to ask questions."

You allow yourself the teensiest weensiest little frown. You know what Parasol's after here. She's been bugging you about it for a while now. You keep a healthy supply of UMBRELLA HATS stashed all over Ponyville in case of UMBRELLA EMERGENCIES, and she wants to know where you keep them. Normally you'd say no -- your emergency stashes are strictly proprietary! -- but Dashie is in trouble, and besides, your tail has been twitching all day. Just in case, it could be a good idea to have some extra distribution!

"Deal!" you say, and grin widely. "You help find Dashie, starting with where you saw the taffy machine, and I'll tell you where my umbrella hats are!"

She gives you a calm smile, but you're preeeeeeeetty sure she's just masking her true emotions. After all, who wouldn't be totally super-duper-hyper-excited to get access to a whole treasure trove of umbrella hats? "You're on, boss," she says. "Your taffy machine was in the park, heading towards Sweet Apple Acres."

"Awesome!" You survey your troops with redoubled enthusiasm. "Okay, girls, I need a volunteer to stake out Sweet Apple Acres! Who's in?"

"Cloud!" says Cloud Kicker.

You turn to her. "Wow, really? Are you sure?"

"Cloud!"

"Well, okie-dokie then! You're my Sweet Apple Acres girl, and Parasol, you just fly around and look for them all over the place, okay?"

The two of them fly off on their respective tasks, leaving you with only the third member of your motley crew to find a task for.



May 21 2012
"PP: Step lightly when dealing with Medley."


Step lightly? Hehehe! Medley's not made out of eggs, silly! If she were, then she'd be white instead of green and not nearly so good with music! Or you guess eggs aren't totally white, but still. Ponies aren't eggs!

"How about it, Medley?" you ask her. "What do you wanna do?"

"...do?" she asks. You notice that she looks kind of frightened. You'd better be extra nice to her! "Did I do something wrong?"

"Of course not, silly!" You give her a reassuring pat. "Or, well, I guess I don't really know! Did you do anything wrong that I should know about?"

Her eyes go wide. "...no?"

"Awesome! You should just keep on not doing anything wrong, and then everypony will be happy!"

"Um, okay," she says. "So... what do you need me to do?"

"That's totally up to you, if you want it to be! I mean, you want to help rescue Dashie, right? You like Rainbow Dash? Everypony likes Rainbow Dash!"

She's still looking panicked, despite how friendly you're being. "Of course I do!" she says loudly. "Rainbow Dash is a great weatherpony and I have no reason to have anything against her! What are you insinuating?"

You can't help yourself and start giggling. "That's such a funny word!" you say between giggles. "Don't worry, I'm not 'insinuating' anything! I'm just talking about Rainbow Dash!"

"Am I in trouble?"

This question takes even you by surprise. You look closely at her, and even try to check if you feel something about to happen to her using your Pinkie Sense, but you don't feel anything. Although really your Pinkie Sense only works for your friends... "Probably not!" you answer. "After all, we're friends, right, Medley?"

"ohdearcelestiaIhopeso," she says, super super fast.

Awwww! You give her a big old hug for being so sweet. She feels really tense! "Then there you go! As long as we're still friends, you're not in any trouble! But don't worry, if you are in trouble, I'll be sure to let you know!" You give her a wide smile and she shrinks away from you.

"Okay," she says after a moment, "I think I understand. What do I need to do to remain your friend?"

"You don't need to do anything at all, silly! What kind of awful friend would I be to make demands on you like that? I just want your help finding Rainbow Dash, but if you don't want to help with that, just say the word, and I'll never bother you about this kind of thing again!"

"Never... again?" She gulps, and then looks at you very seriously. "All right, all right. I'll find your taffy machine somehow. Thank you for your mercy."

She takes off. You look after her with a quizzical expression. For a second there, it kind of sounded like the two of you might've been having two different conversations! You'll have to remember to hang out with her later when everything's back to normal, see how she's doing, maybe have a party or two. But you've got other stuff to do in the meantime!



May 21 2012
"PP: Place your CONFECTIONARY MEDALS into your WAR HELMET medal sockets to improve morale."




Hehe, they're really just painted on, but you smash a cupcake against your helmet a few dozen times anyway!



May 24 2012
"PP: Form a hunting party."


You begin hopping around in excitement. "Now what?!" you ask. "Ooh, I know, let's form a hunting party! We could smear some more cupcakes on our faces for war paint, and maybe sing some awesome tribal chants, and carry some nets around. The first party to find the taffy machine wins! But then what would we win? I'd say a party, but can you win a party when you're already a party? Or would that be toying with forces too powerful for me to control?"

"Pinkie!" says Apple Bloom. "Are y'all taking this whole thing seriously?"

"What whole thing?" you ask, with your best look of wide-eyed innocence.

"All of it!" says Sweetie Belle. "Like, Rainbow Dash and Scootloo are missing, and your taffy machine's gone too now that you're supposed to be in charge of Sugarcube Corner, and--"

"Weren't you taking responsibility for that one just a minute ago?" asks Apple Bloom.

"Shh! And what about that weird letter you got? What's this world you're supposed to be creating? What was with that console in your crate? And you just sit there and... and... and smash cupcakes on your helmet and talk to random pegasi and I don't even know how you got that helmet in the first place and nothing makes sense anymore!"

You and Apple Bloom give her a few seconds to calm down before you answer her, smiling indulgently. "Aww, it's not all that confusing!" you say. "Sure, there's a lot of stuff going on, but if you don't stop and have fun from time to time, it's all going to be pretty exhausting, don't you think? And even if everything looks random now, it can still turn out to be important later on!"

"Everything?" asks Sweetie Belle, a little faintly.

"Maybe not everything. But if something is just random and for fun, we'll all forget about it later so it won't matter that it was never important!"

"I dunno," says Apple Bloom. "Sweetie Belle does have a point, I mean. Some of this stuff is kinda scary. Besides, what was with Medley just now? She seemed downright terrified of you, and you think that Bon-Bon wants to kill you... is there something dangerous about being Heiress of Sugarcube Corner that we oughta know about?"



May 24 2012
"===>"


"Oh," you say, "Medley's just like that! I'll check in with her later and she'll be just fine. But I never thought about it that way! Maybe Bon-Bon's afraid of me? That would be so weird!"

"Why would she be?" asks Sweetie Belle.

You shrug. "Maybe she thinks I'll take after Sugarcube Corner's founder?" They look confused, and you gasp. "Are you girls telling me you don't know the story of Love Lock and the Batterqueen?!"

"Uh... no, can't say as we do," says Apple Bloom.

"Ooh, then I should tell it to you! It's a gem."



Jun 18 2012
"PP: Retrieve Love Lock and Batterqueen figurines from Rule of Funny modus."


Just... take a couple figurines and directly decaptchalogue them? That doesn't sound awfully funny to you. Besides, you keep all your pony toys in your LYRA PLUSHIE!

"Is that..." You can hear Sweetie Belle's eye twitching without even looking at her. It's a knack you have. "Is that Mad Lyra?"

"Yep!"

"You keep your toys in a plush version of her?"

"Yep!"

"Why?"

"That's actually a really tragic story! See, I used to stash them in a special hole in the ground in the middle of Ponyville, in case of pony figurine emergencies! I had a whole lot of toys in there and it was super great, but eventually it just got too darn full. Plus some moles wanted to move in and make it their home, and I worried that if I left the pony toys in there I'd just be feeding the moles. So I moved everything out."

A single tear takes a surprisingly long time to appear in your eye. "Rest in peace, pony burrow."



Jun 23 2012
"===>"


You begin to poke your snout around inside the plush; it's a tight squeeze, but you make it work in the end. You cheerfully ignore your audience's further questions like "yes, but why Lyra?" and "why is the hole there?" and "is this really age-appropriate?" Sure, your storage methods are a bit unusual, but it's not like it's actually made of flesh, right? Everything's fine in the last analysis. It's not that your decisions are totally arbitrary; it's just that you don't really feel compelled to share every detail of them. There's always room in your life for something that's secret.


















But fun.



Jun 23 2012
"===>"


Ta-da! Love Lock, in all her glory! Her short-haired glory, at least -- sadly they don't make a model of her with long hair. Still, you should count your blessings; they've never made Batterqueen toys to begin with, and Love Lock's one of the few in this line that's on-model at all, since for the longest time there were only five different molds and everypony else was just a recolored version of her or one of the others. Heh, you remember how totally mad Twilight got when she discovered that the Star Swirl toy didn't even have a beard! You could have cooked an egg on her! Wait, you think maybe you did. Or was it some toast?

(Recently there are a few other models, prompted by that royal wedding with Twilight's brother that happened a while back. Isn't that silly? You're not a hardcore nationalist or anything, but Celestia and Luna do raise the sun and the moon. And yet they couldn't start making alicorns until some measly princess of the Crystal Empire got married? Pfffff!)



Jul 02 2012
"===>"


They got her cutie mark all wrong, though. One heart instead of five? Come on!



Jul 02 2012
"===>"


"So this all happened back around the beginning of the, what's it called, classical era! Clover was busy getting better, and Canterlot Castle wasn't done yet, and in the meantime the rest of Canterlot was basically just one big old marketplace. Lots of stalls, a few houses, not much else. No big stores, at least not right away. Sugarcube Corner was the very very firstest one -- until it moved to Ponyville later, after Canterlot got all formal and fancypants and stuff, of course.

"Back then, ponies from all over Equestria would come to Canterlot to buy and sell stuff, but that wasn't all that was going on. Equestria was really confused back then, everyone getting back to normal after that silly old Discord had messed things up, and there was a lot of... hmm. What's that thing called that's like a temper tantrum, but instead of a pony having it, it's more like a whole city or country or something?"

"Unrest?" suggests Sweetie Belle. "Upheaval?"

"Right, one of those! Everything was all topsy-turvy, and in particular there was this one gal who lost her whole kingdom. Or queendom, I guess! It got taken over by somepony else, and the old queen got..." You pause, looking for the right word.

"Exiled?" suggests Sweetie Belle again.

"No... supplanted, maybe."



Jul 02 2012
"===>"


"So that gal turned out to be the Batterqueen, although at first she was more of a Bitter Queen than anything else. Love Lock got to meet her before anypony else when they came to Canterlot, the queen and her bunch of loyal followers."

"Retinue?"

"No thanks! Never before supper."



Jul 06 2012
"===>"


"Love Lock and the Batterqueen and a bunch of the queen's followers walked around Canterlot for a while, and the queen explained where she came from and all that. Obviously Love Lock was all super understanding and sympathetic and stuff, but the queen kept acting kinda standoffish like she didn't really belong there. Now I'd have noticed that sort of thing right away, but it took Love Lock a few minutes, but then she did ask what was up. And the queen was all like, 'I'm not used to not being in charge.'

"Love Lock was considerate, and suggested a bunch of jobs the queen could try and get where she could be in charge of stuff, like she could be a dogcatcher or a guardspony or something, but the queen wasn't having any of it. She insisted that she was better than everypony else at everything, and so obviously she ought to be in charge of everything. Or Canterlot, at least, because that's where she was.

"'Everything?' asked Love Lock.

"And the queen said yes, everything! She explained that her followers were mere pawns, and anything they could do, she could do better, so she was sure it would work the same way with everypony in Canterlot. Even stuff she'd never done before, she was still sure she could outperform anypony else at. Love Lock was super impressed by this, but she didn't want Canterlot to get invaded or conquered or anything, so she had to be really tactful. Or tactical. Maybe both!"



Jul 06 2012
"===>"




"So Love Lock looked around them for inspiration and saw all sorts of stalls selling various foodstuffs, because duhhh, they were in a marketplace! You'd have to be pretty blind to not be able to find food in a marketplace. She asked the queen if she'd ever done any baking, and the queen was all 'no, have you?' and Love Lock was like 'no, but I'll bet you that me and my friends are better bakers than you!' So they made a bet, where if the Batterqueen could outbake Love Lock and the rest, she'd get Canterlot, and if Love Lock won, then the queen would have to stop wanting to take over the city and they'd all just live peacefully like normal folks.

"See, Love Lock didn't actually have the rights to give Canterlot to the Batterqueen if she ended up losing, but she didn't wanna get into some kind of battle and she was absolutely sure that she and her friends could do anything so long as they did it together, so she was totally fine with making the bet."

"Now hold on!" says Sweetie Belle. "She was risking the fate of a whole city on a single competition? That's stupid!"

"Yeah!" says Apple Bloom. "What if it didn't work out, and she'd have to explain to this Batterqueen that she weren't even able to give away Canterlot in the first place? Isn't this just that thing everyone's always trying to warn Rainbow Dash about? Whobris?"

You give them a knowing smirk.



Jul 06 2012
"===>"


If there's one thing you learned from Granny Pie -- wait, no, that's ridiculous, you learned loads of things from Granny Pie. Why would you even say that?! Anyhow, among the things you learned from Granny Pie was that when you're telling children a story, make sure there's a moral to it! Lately most of the morals you've gotten to use have been things like 'don't put that in your mouth' and 'don't put that in your mouth either' and 'don't hit that' and 'don't hit anything your sister has in her mouth' and so on, so it's nice to get a chance to break out something a little bit weightier!

"Your Auntie Pinkie is gonna let you two in on a little secret," you say, laying your front hooves across their backs. "There's no such thing as 'hubris.' Or 'pride' or 'vanity' or 'dieting' or any of those other things your teacher is always warning you about. All that stuff comes afterwards when other ponies are trying to figure out what you just did, and whether it was a good idea or not, that kind of thing. If they think you made the right decision it's called 'confidence' and you're supposed to feel good about it, and if you did badly then it's called 'pride' and you're supposed to feel rotten and stupid. But they're really just the same thing!

"Love Lock and the Batterqueen were confident in two really different ways, but both really strongly! Love Lock was super-duper confident that her friends could do anything, like Fluttershy or usually me. The Batterqueen was confident that she could do anything, like Dashie or Rarity. That's what they found so intriguing about each other, too!"

"What about my sis?" asks Apple Bloom. "And Twilight?"

"A bit of both, I guess! Like, Twilight loves us all, but she's also pretty sure of herself, at least after that Trixie Lulamoon character showed up!"

You smile at them. "If you're talented and confident enough, and take lots and lots of precautions, you can change the world. Don't forget!"



Jul 18 2012
"===>"


"The thing is, there wasn't anywhere in Canterlot for them to have their bakeoff! So they decided to build a grand bakery for the contest. This took a while, and in the meantime all the Batterqueen's followers found new places to live there, and became friends and lovers and crazy bee ladies, generally not taking over anything at all! Love Lock was such an awesome negotiator! An army wanted to invade the city, and she suggested baking stuff instead, so then everypony just moved in and forgot about their differences. Sure, it didn't totally work when I tried it with Gilda, but it's still a pretty good idea!

"Meanwhile the Batterqueen had moved into Love Lock's house so they could both keep an eye on each other. They spent lots of time together designing their bakery, and even though they were really different ponies, they started to respect one another. The Batterqueen wasn't really used to many emotions other than anger and hate, but Love Lock was a really great influence on her. Back then you didn't need a bunch of silly permits or anything to build bakeries in the middle of town, so they could do and design whatever they wanted. The Batterqueen had a bunch of awesome ideas, and Love Lock was generally pretty impressed by that and good at finding ways to make those ideas work out, so they got along great!

"They were also practicing baking, of course, using Love Lock's normal-sized kitchen. Love Lock practiced with her pals, and the Batterqueen rounded up all her followers who were good at food-related things and challenged them."



Jul 18 2012
"===>"


"She got to the point where she could make desserts just as well as her followers..."



Jul 18 2012
"===>"


"...or a little bit better..."



Jul 18 2012
"===>"


"...or a whole lot better."



Jul 23 2012
"===>"


"Finally they finished their bakery, and they called it 'Sugarcube Corner.' I guess that part woulda been more surprising if I hadn't told you about it at the beginning. Anyhow, they picked up a local timekeeper to, uh, keep time, laid out rules for which ingredients were allowed, how long they could take, all that stuff, and finally they were set to see who was the best timed baker!"



Jul 23 2012
"===>"


"The Batterqueen made this colossal candy-coated confection, liberally libationed with lovely luscious lollipops, conspicuously covered in cute curvy candy canes, and secretly sporting more sumptuously sugary selections than you could shake a stick at! It was a total Madcap Marzipan Multilayer Mashup!"

"MMMM?" asks Sweetie Belle.

"Mmhmm! The very first MMMM. The recipe's been passed down through the generations ever since, all the way down to Mr. and Mrs. Cake and soon to me, fine-tuned and made even more stylish and delicious every single time!"



Jul 23 2012
"===>"


"But Love Lock did things really differently. The Batterqueen put every single thing she knew how to do into that cake, but Love Lock had a vision -- a beautiful, rosy pink vision of huggy hearts and silly shells and giddy gems -- and everything she and her friends did was part of that idea! It was a simpler design and wasn't as technically difficult, but it was also a lot nicer to look at, and just as delicious! In the end, their timekeeper ruled that Love Lock was the big winner.

"The Batterqueen just didn't get it. She pointed out all the really super tricky stuff she'd done with her cake, and in such a short time period as well, and how much more complicated hers was. Like, do you girls know how hard it is to bake an ice cream cone? Or a lollipop? In the end, she demanded Love Lock to explain why she had won, threatening to gather her followers and invade Canterlot after all, even after all they'd been through together.

"Love Lock did her best to explain that yes, the Batterqueen's cake really was super awesome, but what Love Lock's cake had going for it that hers didn't was a single idea. All the parts of Love Lock's cake were relatively simple, but they all came together to form something bigger and greater and tastier than any of them on their own, and that was why she had won. 'It's just like how we put our skills together to build this bakery,' she said. 'Technically I'm supposed to call it the Element of Synergy, but there's another word for it that I like a lot better.'"



Jul 23 2012
"===>"


"'Love.'"













"...FOALS' STORIES?!"



Jul 23 2012
"===>"


"All of Equestria is in danger, Rainbow Dash is flying around like her tail's on fire and I don't know why, none of our friends are talking to me, and you're sitting around at home recounting foals' stories?!"

Oopsie! Looks like your story will have to get finished some other time. Freaked out teleporting unicorns tend to take priority over that kind of thing! Maybe it's just as well... the end of that story is kinda depressing, anyway, so really this was a pretty good spot to leave off.



Jul 24 2012
"PP: Greet Twilight the only way you know how!"


"Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle;
The most magic unicorn.
Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle;
Like a sister with a horn!

"She has a dragon number two,
Our favorite Spikey-Wikey;
No peril she can't get us through,
With the power of her psyche!"






"Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle;
Yes, she's come to visit me at last.
Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Sparkle;
Yes, we'll save the world and do it fast!

"The magician and librarian
We'll rally to her clarion
Twilight Sparkle's very funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn--"






Mmph.



Jul 25 2012
"PP: Mmph."


"Sorry, Pinkie," says Twilight, "but I've been having a pretty harrowing day and I'm not in the mood for one of your clearly rehearsed yet remarkably lyrically-specific songs right now."

"Mmph?" you ask through your zupperlips. Er, zipper lips. Whichever.

"Yes, I'd be happy to tell you about it!" she says, and launches into an emotional and detailed explanation of everything she's done today. In short, she found a mysterious book in her library called 'Lodestar in the Skaia' which is all about your new invention and the awesome planets and stuff it'll take you girls to. Then later she chose Rainbow Dash as her client player and sent her and Applejack to go check on you. She notices that Applejack doesn't appear to be here, so that's just one more thing she has to worry about! But Rainbow Dash, as she saw through her SBALE console, crashed into your taffy machine, followed by Scootaloo, and while attempting to get them out she accidentally selected the whole machine and moved it out of Sugarcube Corner. She tried to stop it from rolling all over Ponyville, but messed up the controls somehow, and duplicated the entire taffy machine instead. That part's so weird that you don't totally listen to the rest of her explanation, something about Rainbow Dash managing to get out of the taffy machine but going into a cellar or something and flying around scared and she doesn't know all the details either so that's that.

You unzip your mouth. "So you found 'Lodestar in the Skaia'?" you ask her.

"Yes! Why, do you know where it's from?" Her eyes narrow. "Did you write it?"

"Not that I know of! Some earth pony actually sent me a letter telling me I should tell you to go find that book, but if you already did, I guess I don't need to tell you about that. Sometimes things just work out that way!"

"Some... earth pony?" You nod happily. "You don't even know who sent you the letter?"

"You know, Sweetie Belle asked me pretty much the exact same thing! But the answer is still... no! I have absolutely no idea."

She groans and sinks to the ground.



Jul 25 2012
"===>"


Spike hurries over to her like the loyal assistant he is. "Are you okay, Twilight?" he asks.

"I'll be fine, Spike," she says. "I'm just really worried and confused. And for one insane moment I thought that maybe coming to Sugarcube Corner would make things make a little more sense."

"Hang on," says Apple Bloom. "Twilight, did you say you copied the taffy machine?"

"I did," she says. "It was one of my biggest boners yet. Uhh..." -- she looks awkwardly around her -- "...from the Old Zebrican Bon, meaning 'Clone,' of course!"

Everypony nods understandingly.

"But Scootaloo was in that taffy machine!" says Sweetie Belle. "Are you saying we're going to have two Scootaloos to deal with now? And Rainbow Dashes, too?"

"I don't know," says Twilight. "We'll need to find them first, and with Rainbow Dash escaped, my console isn't showing either of them anymore."

"Oh!" you say, happy to have something to say that'll make Twilight feel a bit better. "Don't worry about that! I've got a crack team of pegasi on the job, and I bet they'll find those taffy machines no problem at all!"



Jul 25 2012
"===>"




"Haha! Now I've got you, you dumb taffy machine! It took all my knowledge of rainfall patterns, basic laws of motion, and music theory, plus a few way too close run-ins with some quarry eels, but you've stopped rolling at last! ...right here in Ghastly Gorge!"



Jul 25 2012
"===>"


"Don't worry, Rainbow Dash! I just need to pull this one switch to stop the taffy pulling, and you'll be safe and sound and good as new! Then we can be best friends forever, and we can hang out and play with clouds every day, and you can listen to all my music and maybe even provide the vocals, and nobody will ever try to con me ever again because they'll be too afraid of you to try anything, and you can make me Weather Team Co-Captain on a permanent basis, and everything'll be so great! I saved you, Rainbow Dash! I'm a hero! I'm--"



Jul 25 2012
"===>"


"Doomed. Yep, I'm doomed. I managed to turn one of Equestria's greatest heroes into a pile of green sludge and I'm totally, irreversibly, no-holds-barred doomed."

"...well, I hear the Crystal Empire is nice this time of year."



Jul 26 2012
"===>"


Right on cue, there's a knocking at the door! You go open it and find Parasol, reporting back from assignment and looking a bit anxious.

"Hey boss," she says. "So... I found that taffy machine of yours."

"Ooh! Where is it?"

"Well, maybe it'd be best if I just showed you. It's... hey, so, that deal with your umbrella hats is totally non-rescindable, right?"

"Of course! Nopony breaks a Pinkie Promise, Pinkie Pie included!" You turn to address the room. "Come on, everypony! Parasol's found us a taffy machine! Let's follow her!"

Parasol raises an eyebrow at how many other ponies you have with you. "Just a word of warning," she says as you parade after her, "it's not pretty."



Jul 26 2012
"Okay, I've been all those ponies."


"What are all these planets doing here?!"



Aug 02 2012
"===>"


"There aren't supposed to be any planets yet! There... look. Here's how it's supposed to look right now, okay? Skaia, containing the Battlefield, rests at the center of all things. Orbiting Skaia are Prospit, the Veil, and Derse. That's all! Those six planets, belonging to the heroes? They're not supposed to appear until they're needed, which, need I remind you, is not yet. Not a single kernelsprite prototyped. Not a single hero entered. What in your name are the six planets doing here already? Why do you always insist on doing these things to me?"



Aug 02 2012
"===>"


"Are you even listening to me, Skaia?!"



Aug 07 2012
"Skaia: Cloud!"


You're clouding as hard as you can, but she's not impressed!



Aug 07 2012
"Skaia: Speak."


"...I'm not supposed to be talking to you," you tell the Whinnying Quibbler. Err, White Queen, rather. "I'm Skaia. I'm supposed to just hang out in the center of the Medium, waiting for the Reckoning. Not, like, talk."

"Well, you're not supposed to have brought forth the planets of the six heroes either," says the White Queen, "so I hardly expect you to start standing on protocol now."

"Oh, yeah, right. You're, uh, kind of bent out of shape about those planets, huh?"

She frowns. "It is the Medium that is 'bent out of shape' by your actions, Skaia. The orbs on my ring -- and no doubt, the Black Queen's as well -- glow with the light from the planets, though your battlefield remains unprototyped. I demand an explanation."

You are physically incapable of shrugging. "Honestly? I was getting tired waiting for the heroes to show up already, and the Medium looks cooler with a few more planets floating around. What's the big deal? They've been here forever, you know. That's how it works. I make them show up, and poof, they've previously existed for eons. They'd have existed right now if I'd been going to appear them later anyway."

"I... suppose that is true. Truly, it is the principle that bothers me. Skaia, my people are prepared to give their lives in your defense. The King and I shall die protecting our relics, all for you. I need to know that I can trust you."

"Now, wait," you say, "that's not quite how it works. Sure, Prospit gets defeated, but that doesn't mean the two of you always die."

"True. We could be exiled."

"Actually, you're gonna die. But that's just something that's gonna happen, not a rule of the game."

The White Queen is silent for a moment. "What are you playing at, Skaia?" she asks. "You feel so... dismissive of the grand game. Do you have some other motive?"

"Well, uh... there is Applejack."

"The Heir? I wished to speak to you about her as well, in fact." She glares. "Although, I would rather you took physical form. I feel ridiculous standing on a balcony yelling at the sky."



Aug 07 2012
"Skaia: Reveal yourself."


The White Queen looks mildly impressed, which is about as much as you could expect from her. "Much flashier than you usually look."

"You're a Queen. It's only polite to dress up a bit, right?"



Aug 07 2012
"Enter name."


Name? You don't need a name! "Skaia" works just fine. It's not like there are a whole bunch of different Skaias wandering around and you're just one of them, putting together your very first session and making a few beginner's mistakes. You're Skaia, the one and only! All shall look on you and see miraculous visions! Even White Snooty over here!

Actually... she could use a name. It must be tough, going through life as a game construct and only getting called "White Queen" all the time. Maybe that's why she's so insistent on using the heroes' titles, calling Applejack the Heir and all, because a title is all she has. You should give her a name, and then maybe if you do she'll be a little nicer to you for once.

You're so understanding.



Aug 15 2012
"Try again."


The White Queen is now named GOLDEN RULE, because she's going to get what's coming to her. Looks like she likes the name, too, so that's cool.



Aug 15 2012
"Golden Rule: Discuss the issue about the Heir with Skaia."


"So," you begin. "The Heir. Applejack. Whichever."

"What about her?"

"I have told you before, Skaia: she belongs on Derse. There is nothing about her that resonates with my people and their culture."

"Really? Even though she's orange and yellow?"

"Is that all we are to you? Pretty colors?!" You stop for a moment to compose yourself. "Look. She is a fiercely dedicated traditionalist, not unlike myself, and I admire that. But she is not suited to be a princess of Prospit. Prospit is a place of growth and innovation and change, maintained in defense and deference of you as the Medium's ultimate creative energy. Applejack is none of that."

Skaia grins cheekily at you. "Well, heroes need a good challenge! Look, think of her as a gift, okay?"

"A gift?"

"Yeah. Prospit loves me, and I love Prospit, right? So you get the best pony as one of your princesses!"

You stare at the ponification of your goddess-creator in disbelief. "The... you think Applejack is the best pony?"

"Who else?"

"Rarity, of course!"

"Oh, come on! Applejack could kick that frightened brat from here to the Asteroid Veil! Plus, have you tasted her cider? Amazing!"

"Of course I have not tasted her cider, and neither should you have. Being a proper Prospitian Princess is not about physical prowess. Rarity is a designer. Her outfits have graced many of my people, and will hopefully continue to so when this war is over. Applejack is a inarticulate fool whom you could not even muster the syllables to title Heiress."

Skaia looks almost hurt. "Applejack doesn't need that sort of thing! She's beyond gender. I mean, I bet if she were a guy she'd still be called Applejack. Not like Rarity, who embraces the feminine association with clothes in order to subvert it by making it a business model, or even Rainbow Dash, who deliberately and all-too-tellingly eschews the stereotypes."

"Ah, yes... Rainbow Dash."



Aug 15 2012
"===>"


"What about her?"

"Skaia, I cannot help but notice that of the three towers on my moon, only two are occupied. Where is my third princess?"

"Oh! Uh..." -- she waves a hoof around -- "I'm getting to that. It's just not been at the top of my list, I guess."

"But yet you made time -- rewrote time, rather -- to bring in the planets ahead of schedule. Skaia. We need our three princesses. They will be entering soon!"

"Yeah, but, um, it's a hard decision. Rainbow Dash vs. Twilight Sparkle? That's a lot of pressure, you know?"

"Rainbow Dash is almost as perfect for Prospit as Rarity. Twilight Sparkle is practically a Derse devotee! I fail to see the issue. Besides, that would give each of us a pegasus, a unicorn, and an earth pony. The pattern justifies itself!"

"That's just it!" says Skaia, hovering farther up to be more at your eye level. "Patterns! Real life isn't patterned that way, Golden Rule! Have you seen their server-client chain? I have, it's written into the fabric of the game, and let me tell you, there is no pattern to it at all. Doesn't that feel more natural to you?"

"There is nothing natural about us two to begin with," you answer. "You are letting yourself become overly obsessed with your Applejack if you think there is. This game is built on patterns and strange connections, and you would be a fool to place Rainbow Dash in Derse and deny me my pegasus princess."

"Hey! I created you, you know! You can't just call me a fool!"

"Why not?" you ask, throwing caution to the winds. "My death is already guaranteed; I have nothing to live for but finding my people the best princesses to represent them, even with the apparently necessary inclusion of the Heir. I am the White Queen of Prospit, and you are nothing but a foolish, spoiled, insanely powerful child."



Aug 15 2012
"===>"


"Never. Call me. A child," says Skaia, lightning flashing from her mane as she speaks.

"I..."

"You'll get your stupid pegasus princess. All right? And then you will die, and I will celebrate."



Aug 18 2012
"Golden Rule: Thank Skaia kindly for giving you your pegasus."


You sink to the floor in supplication, desperately trying to contain the anger simmering within you. She created you. She created all of this. Surely you can respect her for a little longer. "My apologies, Skaia," you say. "I spoke out of turn. I thank you for your gracious gift that I had so informally requested, and look forward to welcoming Rainbow Dash to Prospit. Uh, that is, if it is your will that I survive that long...?"

She begins to subside back to her more regular colors. The lightning fades away. "Yeah, sure, you'll live to see your pattern-filling pegasus, all right. Hay, you can meet all your princesses if you like, if you have anything to say to Applejack whenever she wakes up."

You smile shakily in anticipation. "You are bounteous and kind, Star of the Medium. I shall not raise my voice in anger to you again."

"Good!" She looks genuinely satisfied. "Really, is a little appreciation from time to time too much to ask for? This is all me. Well, and Pinkie Pie too if you want to go down the hazy road of paradox causation, but mostly me! But no, I do one little thing in a different order than you'd been expecting, and you yell at me like the hordes of Tartarus are on your segmented heels. It's enough to make a girl want to shove the whole thing and give up, and I'm not sure if I can even do that."

You brush aside her provincial terminology for the time being. "Skaia, I..." You swallow. "May I ask you... one personal question? Not a complaint?"

"You can ask. I might even listen."

You suppose you deserved that one. "Why am I like this? I'm the White Queen, aren't I? Shouldn't I be wise and loving and thoughtful, not... angry? Certainly we have our disagreements, but I escalate them far out of measure, and I just... why?"

"Oh, that," says Skaia. "You're a queen."



Aug 18 2012
"===>"


"See, ponies know how their royalty is supposed to work. Princes are hot, charming, elegible bachelors. Princesses are loving and inspiring. Kings don't really come up much. And queens tend to be kinda, well, wicked."

You take a moment to absorb this. "So... I'm a compromise? A wicked good queen?"

"Yep! That's why you're a jerk."



Aug 18 2012
"===>"


"But hey," she says, "time's a wasting, the game's gonna start soon, and we've got jobs to do! If you're so eager to greet your princesses, you should get upstairs and talk to Rarity. She's about to wake up and could use a bit of your expert gentleness."

You hesitate. "Where are they in their timeline at this point? Or Rarity, at least?"

Pony-Skaia looks up at real-Skaia to check the visions in her clouds. "The taffy machine just fell on her. So she's going to be pretty freaked out."

"Thank you. What will you be doing next? Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle? The gates between the worlds?"

"Hmm... actually, I've got some extra carrots I should eat. But I'll get to that other stuff later!"

You can feel the anger rising up inside of you again and simply give up on restraining it. "Carrots? When did carrots get into the Medium?" Your eyes widen. Does that mean... "Are you saying the Sage is going to--"

"You'll see!" she says. "Or no, wait, maybe you won't, will you? Ta-ta!"



And then she is gone. That smug, frustrating, infuriating, indolent, recalcitrant, stubborn, unmanageable, unbearable, ungrateful, selfish, impossible child!



...

Rarity needs you now.



Aug 23 2012
"R: Wake."




What? Oh... huh... wha?!?! You jump to your feet. "Princess Celestia?!"

The figure smiles smugly. "I'm afraid not, though her resemblance is striking. My name is Golden Rule, White Queen of Prospit. I apologize that I have not introduced myself before now."

You look her over hesitantly. On further reflection, they are clearly two different... ponies? The manes are totally incomparable, of course, and the eyes a different color, and this White Queen has none of Celestia's enormous wings, and her body has less a coat and more of a segmented shell, like the other Prospitians you have met.

First, though... why are you here? You don't remember going to sleep recently. You and that dear Sparkler girl were walking somewhere, weren't you? And then the screaming, and the taffy machine, and you tried...

"I'm deceased!"

The White Queen inclines her head at you. "I'm sorry?"

"I have died and gone to Prospit, haven't I? That's why I'm not wearing my vest! Oh, don't sugarcoat your words; I can take it. My sister and her friends were plummeting to their deaths in that contraption, and my heroic sacrifice was all that stood in their way!" You wipe the beginnings of a tear from your right eye and then gasp in shock as a new possibility presents itself to you. "Unless... were my poor magics too little or too late?! Are they, too...?"

A gentle, shell-encased hoof is laid across you. "No, my dear, you are not dead. I suspect you simply took your vest off before you last returned to the waking world. Come, I have a cloud to show you."



Aug 23 2012
"===>"




"You see?" she asks. "You were encompassed by a green glow before the machine could land on you, which transported you away to safety."

"A... green glow?" Oh dear, it looks decidedly tacky against your mane, but you suppose you do have more pressing matters to worry about. "Whom do I know with green magic?"

"I'm afraid there are rules in this game that prevent me from telling you," says the White Queen. "Suffice it to say that one of your companions has greater powers than you realize, and that she used them to save your life, even as you used yours in the service of those in the taffy machine. Who, might I add, were not your sister and her friends."

"No? But who else could be so careless as to entrap themselves in..." Your eyes narrow. "Rainbow Dash."

"Among others. It's a long story which your friends can tell you in person once you awaken."

"Awaken? ...and, ah, my apologies for harping on this issue, but you are quite positive that I'm not dead?"

"Completely. Certainly if you were, a Prince or Princess could have kissed you and revived you here, but you were teleported clear of the impact. Still, I imagine your friends will find you soon enough and begin trying to wake you, which leaves us only a little time to converse.

"War is coming, Rarity. The next time you visit Prospit, it shall already have begun. Your first task must be, as it has always been, to convince your friends the other five Heroes to enter the Medium and join the battle alongside us."



Aug 23 2012
"===>"


"Forgive me if I repeat what you already know," she says. "But this is a vital time, and your friends must know why this is so important. In the center of the Medium floats Skaia, a..." -- she pauses, and seems almost to scowl -- "...an indifferent sphere. Around Skaia orbit six planets, one for each Hero, on which you will face various challenges in order to prepare you for the war between the worlds of Prospit and Derse.

"Prospit, as you know, is a golden world of creation and innovation. My people -- our people, dear Princess -- value the good and the courageous, and we shall do battle in defense of Skaia, the ultimate creative energy within the Medium. From Skaia came forth all that you see, and it is our soldiers who shall fight to protect her. It is a war that we shall fight bravely in, and it is a war that we shall lose.

"Derse, on the opposite side of the Veil of Asteroids, close to the unnatural and multivarious Horrorterrors that lurk outside Skaia's realm of influence, is our opposite and our opponent. Dersites value nothing but destruction, and resent Prospit and Skaia for their creative forces. Those fiends will stop at nothing to see us ground to dust!"

"And, ah," you begin, interrupting her carefully, "you say that they are going to win?"

"Yes."

"So... what exactly is it my friends and I are doing here?"

"You must defeat them and save Skaia after they have already won. You, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash shall be our Prospitian Princesses, figures of legend that serve to inspire our troops before the final battles. Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight Sparkle shall be the Dersite Princesses, whom the enemy shall try to corrupt to their cause through lying speech, false friendship, and the dark powers of the Horrorterrors. It is also your duty to make sure this does not occur."

You weigh the White Queen's words. Surely Fluttershy is too sweet and kind for such things, but if pressed, you suppose you could imagine Twilight being swayed by the promises of dark magic. Whereas... well, trying to predict what Pinkie might do is nothing but a one-way ticket to Ponyville hospital, physical or psychological. Tsk! "And the stakes?" you ask.

"You will fight for Prospit," she answers, "where you have spent so many happy nights. For Skaia, who created us. And for a third goal, which I am forbidden to reveal, but in which you, Princess Rarity, shall play an integral part."

Your heartbeat quickens. "A third goal?!" you ask. "And you can't give me just the tiniest little hint about it?"

"I cannot."

"Just the littlest, itsiest-bitiest of hints?"

"No."

You bat your eyelashes invitingly. "I promise not to tell anypony..."

"I SAID NO!" she shouts, and you fall to the floor in surprise. She spends several seconds appearing to calm herself as you watch, worried. "...my apologies," she says at last. "My anger was uncalled for. The third goal of this game shall be revealed in due course, and when it is, you will be the best judge of what you need to do. That is all I can say on the subject."

"Aww," you say, pouting but inwardly relieved that she has calmed down again. "Well, then, am I done here? Should I be meeting back up with my friends?"

The White Queen looks thoughtful. "I have nothing further to say," she says, "but... would you like to take this opportunity to listen to your mother's record?"

"The... record?" you ask, eyeing her dubiously. "You know about her record?"

"I have paid much attention to you," she says, "even though I have not permitted myself to meet with you before. I... suspect I know what is on that record, and if I am right, it might give you one more piece to bargain with in the hours ahead. If not... well, we all have issues with our mothers, do we not? Surely a little wisdom from her couldn't hurt."

"Do we?" you ask, somewhat absentmindedly. "Even you?"

The White Queen looks out one of the windows for a moment and glowers at... something. "Especially me."



Aug 26 2012
"R: Ask why Skaia is worth the lives of all the combatants Prospit can muster."


Now that Golden Rule is no longer drowning you in exposition, you take the time to reflect a little. What she says does line up with what you have heard from other Prospitians since your first night here, albeit with greater detail. Still, you don't truly know if she is Prospit's Queen, or whether she intends to lead you into some sort of trap. Especially after what she said about Derse seeking to mislead Fluttershy, Twilight, and Pinkie Pie. You had best tread carefully. Fortunately, you have a great deal of experience from your days in Canterlot dealing with those you cannot be sure are completely on your side.

"May I ask one little question?" you begin.

"Of course," she says. "Though the rules may not allow me to answer."

"Well, it's only that you said that Skaia created all this, and also that your subjects will be fighting for it. But if everything's already created, please forgive my bluntness, wouldn't it be simpler not to get killed? What's so important about protecting it?"

For a moment she looks amused. "Believe me, the thought has crossed my mind. She -- that is, Skaia is needed for the third goal, the one I am forbidden to discuss. More immediately, I'm afraid this war is rather all or nothing. If we lose, Derse will destroy all that we value and no one shall ever live on Prospit again. Short of that, any losses we do incur are replaceable."

"Replaceable?" You bristle a little at the word, and are most glad dear Fluttershy is not here with you to hear lives spoken of so... disdainfully. Still, you take care not to let your reaction show through. "Is that really the best word for it? I cannot imagine your followers' morale would be especially high, to be thought of as no more than expendable."

"You misunderstand," she answers. "This is a grand game of chess, and we are pieces in it. Even the dream body you currently inhabit is a piece. Game pieces do not age or die on their own, but many -- neither of us, but all the pawns and knights and other such warriors waiting for combat -- are created from codes in a dedicated laboratory. Short of a few exceptions, such as myself ruling here on Prospit, or my husband the King leading the troops on the Battlefield, or you and your fellow heroes' dream bodies, all pieces may simply be recreated exactly as they were in the event of their destruction. It is only if Derse can destroy our laboratory or prevent our access to it that Prospit will truly lose."

You frown. "Chess? And you, the Queen, remain at home while the King enters the fray? That certainly sounds like no game of chess I have ever heard of."

Golden Rule smiles. "No one ever said that Skaia was an especially good chessmaster. But, your record? I fear you will not remain here much longer before your friends discover and revive you."



Aug 26 2012
"R: That record is private."


Yes! Most definitely. This queen is describing her subjects as if they were bolts of cloth, and you do not feel comfortable sharing your mother's most important message with her. "You're so right," you tell her instead, and quickly take refuge in overdramatics. "Imagine how rude it would be of me to fall asleep in your presence! You, a queen! Why, Ms. Rule, it would simply not do. No, no, better by far for me to wait in private for my return to the waking world. I'm positive I can find a moment of privacy sometime in the future to play the record in, should the mood strike me! Thank you ever so much for your visit!"

She frowns, and a look of anger begins to creep into her face. You do your best not to take notice of it. "I am ruler of this world, Rarity. I am sure I can find a way to keep you awake here a few minutes longer if need be."

"Well, ah, that's frightfully generous of you," you say. "And I do appreciate generosity! Why, I'm quite known for it back in Equestria. But honestly, it's really a very private affair, don't you think? Surely you can understand if I would feel more comfortable listening to her words alone? We could always compare notes afterwards and see if your guess was right, but really, ah, such a private little moment..."

"But you have no reason to keep secrets from me!" she says. "I am Prospit's Queen, and you are a princess! We are practically family!"

Oh! Right, then, you give up. "I'm sorry," you say, icily, "but I'm afraid I already have a mother. Her name is Vinyl Scratch, and you are not her. However much she may have been absent from my life, you cannot hope to deny that your absence far outstrips hers. Why, I have never met you before today! If you intend to continue to dismiss my true family, then with all due respect to the great skill I'm sure it takes to run this planet, I shall have to ask you to leave my chambers."

She has nothing further to say. She raises one hoof, briefly, and then slumps into a posture of defeat. Wordlessly she walks to your window and flies from the room. You... you guess you won?

Huh.



Aug 26 2012
"===>"




"Were you listening?"

"Me? Nah, I had some carrots to get through, like I told you. Actually I tried to pawn some of them off on somepony but that didn't work out. How'd your chat go?"

"I was too eager. I assumed she would welcome me with open hooves, though I had never given her reason to appreciate me. Where I had hoped for love, I got only distrust."

"Aww, that's too bad. But hey, you've still got one princess to go! I bet you'll make a really strong impression on your precious pegasus!"

"Maybe so. In the meantime, though... I think I understand you a little better now."



Aug 29 2012
"RD: Wake."




Huh? Wake from what? You weren't asleep! You were just, uh, napping. That doesn't count, does it? Anyway, it was strategic napping! You were emotionally drained after that thing with Big Mac, so you took a nap to calm yourself down! That's what your therapist says to do!

Wait, no, you don't have a therapist! Therapists are for ponies who have problems, and you don't have any problems.

...okay, so you do have a therapist, but really, it's only Fluttershy and she hardly counts, right? It's not like you have regular appointments or anything. Tuesdays are... they're like super-irregular. They're basically the Bubblecup of days of the week.

...what just woke you up, anyhow?



Aug 29 2012
"===>"


"Aunt Ember?"

"Hello up there, dearest!"



Aug 31 2012
"RD: Go see what Aunt Ember wants."


You would, but it looks like she's coming up to you. That's the kind of family relations you can dig: relatives who visit your home, rather than making you go out and visit them. Not that this random cloud is your house, you mean. Confusing the two would be like thinking your house was actually all of Cloudsdale.

"Hey, Aunt Ember!" you say instead. "How's life? How's work? And, uh, what are you doing here?"

Aunt Ember winks at you. "Why, Rainbow! What a question! We do live here in Ponyville, you know."

"Well, yeah, but when are you ever home? Usually I have to watch out for Scoots on my own." Which is to say, usually Scoots has to watch out for herself on her own. You're pretty hooves-off. But whichever.

"Not so often, I suppose," she says. "What can I do, dear? Nth Degree is always in training, or flying races, or dashing around the world meeting with various important rainbow ponies. And of course my fashion work keeps me so terribly busy! Dressing in style never quite goes out of style, it seems, and there are always new designers entering the field who need me to model their outfits. Right now, of course" -- she nods at her bare body -- "I'm traveling incognito. It's really quite exciting!"

You do your best to express an interest in fashion. "So, uh, do you ever get to wear any of my friend Rarity's designs? She's a Ponyville local too."

Aunt Ember scrunches up her face in thought. "Rarity, Rarity... no, dear, I'm afraid the name doesn't ring a bell. Or wait, wasn't that your old friend from flight camp? The orphan girl, not that ruffian griffon?"

"No," you say gently, "that was Fluttershy."

"Oh gracious me, yes, Fluttershy! Now I remember. She was a model herself, wasn't she? Quite the sensation for a little while. After she retired, it was months before you could get a job acting anything but timid. I'm sorry, dearest... Rarity and Fluttershy, they're really two quite different names, aren't they? Modeling doesn't call much for thinking, truly, and sometimes I'm afraid my mind is going."

"Aww, don't be too hard on yourself," you say, making a horrified mental note never to model anything ever again. And, uh, not to tell Rarity about this conversation either. "You were saying what brought you to Ponyville?"

"Of course, of course! Well, it was mostly your uncle's idea. We were in an aerie the other night, you see, and a meteor crashed beside us. I dare say it would crashed onto us, if Nth Degree weren't so quick! Since then he's been checking with some of his rainbow pony friends, and they're convinced that the crisis you were born for has arrived. That it's time for you to protect Equestria or rescue Chrysaor from his current form or something like that."

You spring to attention. "Wait, you mean this thing Pinkie's been working on... this is it? This is what Uncle Nth Degree was trying to raise me for?" You try to convince yourself of this. Sure, Twilight was really worried, but you've spent so long not doing whatever it is old Chrysaor supposedly wanted you to do that you just got to assuming it would never actually happen. Plus that way you got to be a free spirit instead of spending all your time reading through stodgy old prophecies like Twilight used to.

"Well, we can never say for sure, darling, but he certainly thinks so! I hear even Rainbow Flash from up north is convinced, and you know him. Just interested in clothes and calling everypony 'darling' and the like. Ridiculous man!"

"Uhh, yeah, sure," you say. Honestly Uncle Nth Degree had you meet way too many rainbow ponies over the years for you even to try to keep track of them. "So you're here to warn me?"

"Well," she says, drawing herself up proudly, "I'm here to wish you good luck, love! Not that you'll need it, I'm sure. You've saved the world so many times already! But we're also here to find Scootaloo and take her somewhere a little safer. How is my dear little chicklet, by the way? I do feel terrible, leaving her alone so often."

"Oh, she's great. Still tearing up the town with her friends, looking for their cutie marks. Actually I was just hanging with her a little while ago at Sweet Apple Acres, but, uh, something, uh, came up, and, uh, I... left."

"Rainbow," she says, with a disturbing level of delight, "you're blushing! Tell me everything."



Aug 31 2012
"RD: Profusely deny any involvement, relationship and/or plans of progeny with Big Mac."




"Everything? Heh... about what? I'm sure there's nothing to tell..."

"Nonsense, dearest! Nopony blushes like that without a story behind it! Now, let me see, it's been absolute ages since I talked to those charming Apples. What was that girl's name who you hit it off with? Applejack?"

"Yeah," you say, "but nothing happened with her... because nothing happened at all! With anypony!"

"Of course not. There was an older brother too, wasn't there? Big Maiden's Blush?"

"Macintosh... I mean no!" You jump backwards and send some cloudstuff flying. "There's no such pony! Their family, uh, it's awfully strict with newborns and they only accept girls! No boys at all. None."

"None? But my goodness, where do all the boys go that they don't want?"

"The cellar... wait!" You grin feebly. "I mean... not the cellar. Like, anyplace but the cellar. They need the cellar clear because it's got so many, uh, girls! And ice." Suddenly you feel a burning desire to know exactly how far away the opposite side of the world is.

"Ah, the cellar!" she says, seemingly blind to your discomfort. "My, my. You and this Big Macintosh in the cellar! If such a pony were to exist, I mean." She looks at you kindly. "Rainbow, sweetheart, it really isn't anything to be embarrassed about, you know. We all have our pleasures, and our bodies and what we do with them together are nothing to be ashamed of! Why, if your uncle and I hadn't been awake when he saw the meteor coming, I might not be here talking to you today! I think it's just wonderful you've found somepony to share that special time with.."

Okay, denying things clearly isn't getting you anywhere. Anywhere not filled with really unwanted mental images, at least. "...it's not like that," you say, looking down at the clouds.

"It isn't?"

"He... he asked me to have a child with him."

Aunt Ember gasps, though not quite in the way you were hoping for. "Oh, but Rainbow, that's marvelous! I had no idea you were even seeing this fellow in the first place! Dear, I couldn't have hoped for better news... well, actually, the timing is rather awful, isn't it?" She makes some disappointed clucking sounds. "Really very awful, with you needing to save the world again and all. But that can't be helped. Oh, but it can serve as a test for your love! He'll have to wait for you, and when you return, your devotion to each other will be that much stronger for the torture you endured spending that time apart!"

"Whoa, hey," you say. "Torture? Aunt Ember, I don't think I'm ready for any of that by a long shot. Like, anything with him. At all."

"Oh, darling, I understand. Commitment is such a scary thing, isn't it? But sometimes we find the pony who really is right for us, and then we just have to get over that fear so we can live better lives together. Actually, it was a certain filly who really brought your uncle and I together! Did I ever tell you that story?"

You think about it for a moment. "Not really."

"Then why don't I? I think it'll be just the thing to help you get over your nerves so that you and Mr. Macintosh can make sweet love together all you like! Oh, I can't wait to meet him again! But first I really should tell you my story. The story of..."



Sep 02 2012
"Ember's Dream"


"Of course, I should really start some years before that, when I was just about as old as dear Scootaloo is now. Oh, I'm sure you won't believe it, but I imagine I was quite the wild child back then! I would spend every day outside frolicking with my friends, watching the brilliant wings of painted butterflies, wildflowers dancing in the meadow, fluffy clouds floating in a crystal blue sky, or the blazing colors of the rainbow. But I'm afraid I wasn't completely happy, darling. You see, all my friends had special talents like flying fast or jumping high or teleporting, and there simply didn't seem to be anything special about poor little me! I just couldn't wait to find out what set me apart from everypony else, no matter how my friends told me to be patient."



Sep 04 2012
"===>"


"Picture it, dearest: there I was, an especially un-special little pony with no prospects for the future. So I did what any self-respecting young lady would do in my position!"

You think about Aunt Ember: bubbly, loving, selfless. "You sat around patiently at home until you figured out you were destined to be a fashion model?"

"Oh, goodness no! I ran away from home."

"What?!"

"Well, it wasn't quite so bad as all that. I had my best friend Velvet with me! She already had her cutie mark, but she thought I might like some company, especially some company that would teleport me out of danger when I got into it." Aunt Ember smiles fondly at the thought. "That was her exact word, you know, Rainbow. When. Not if."

"Danger?" you repeat. "So where'd you go... Manehattan?"

"No, we ran into the Everfree Forest!"

"What?!"



Sep 04 2012
"===>"


"It was there in the forest that we met the Rainbow Ponies. There were six of them there when we showed up, though they and others came and went over the years. Let's see... Sunlight was there for a little while, until she got sick of how dark it was in the forest, and Stony Lulamoon, though everypony called her Moonstone, and..."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up," you say, before you catch yourself interrupting your aunt. "Uh, sorry. But six rainbow ponies? Plus I guess more later? Am I really going to have to keep track of all these ponies I've never heard of to understand this story?"

Aunt Ember looks a little miffed, but quickly smiles it away. "No, of course not, dear! Most of them were of an older generation, poor dears, and are probably old and retired by now. You needn't worry about them at all. Only the Dash siblings were in my age range, Nth Degree and his sister Star."

You try to place the name. "Do I know this Star girl?"

"Of course! She's Holly's mother. You remember your cousin Holly Dash? Unicorn, kind of pastel, strawberry cutie mark?"

"Oh yeah! She visited a while back, and..." You stop, remembering how the day Holly visited was the day Ponyville got eaten by parasprites and she hasn't dared come near you since then. But you don't need to mention any of that. "And... it was great. Yeah, great."

Aunt Ember beams. "Oh, isn't that just lovely! I'm so glad you're getting along with all your family. Now, where was I? Ah, yes... Nth Degree!"



Sep 10 2012
"===>"


"Well, your uncle and I hit it off right away, and soon I'd dare say we were inseparable. He stayed in the forest while the other rainbow ponies came and went, and he and Velvet and I had the times of our young lives. Oh, I'm sure you'd never think it to look at me now, dear, but your Aunt Ember used to get up to quite some adventures before she settled down to be a caretaker and model! My, my, those were the days. You see, there I'd been longing for some way in which I could be special, but among the rainbow ponies, why, I was special because I looked so ordinary!" She smiles ruefully. "Nowadays, of course, it takes a little more work than that, being a model and all. Ah, the freedom of being able to do whatever I wanted."

You can't argue with that sentiment. "So what happened?" you ask. "You make it sound so temporary."

"I suppose it was, in the end," she says. "But really only because everything is! By the time things did have to change abruptly, why, I suppose they were really rather different than they'd been by the time Nth Degree and I first met that day in the forest." She gives you a sage look. "Time passes, dearest, and nopony can fight against that. Eventually Velvet met a nice blue unicorn colt from Canterlot, vacationing in Ponyville for the summer, and at the end of the summer she went home with him. And you know, it's been months since I've even heard from her, close as we were in our youth. Two children, I think she has, can you believe it?

"Then my parents moved away, and I chose not to go with them but to stay with Nth Degree and the other rainbow ponies in the forest. Ha! Oh goodness, it does sound dreadful, I know, but we were really very comfortable, and of course we had such a great deal of privacy, so few ponies go into the Everfree voluntarily. Oh, and the sex! Let me tell you, Rainbow dear, your unc--"

"Aunt Ember!" you exclaim, sinking into the cloud a little from embarrassment. "I don't... no! Skip that part!"

She heaves a big put-upon sigh that would make Rarity proud. "Oh, all right, I won't go into details if they'd make you so uncomfortable. But Rainbow, you really do need to learn to love and accept your body. We all have needs, dearest, and that's something to welcome, not to be ashamed of! Why, when your uncle isn't at home..."

"I'll be sure to love and welcome and all that stuff my body in my own time," you say, somewhat desperately. "Just... can you not? Like, can't you talk more about living with the rainbow ponies or something?"

"Well, I suppose so. It wasn't at all like it'd be today, you know. The Everfree, being the Ursa Major's home and all, is something of a holy place to them -- sorry, to you -- and so we'd get rainbow ponies from all over Equestria traveling there sort of on pilgrimages. I imagine just by staying there in that one spot we met more rainbow ponies than anyone else might in a lifetime, except maybe for Windy. She was always the fastest of them all, even though she was a unicorn. Why, I imagine she'd have given Nth Degree and you a good race back in the day."

You lick your lips in a wide grin at the thought of a unicorn -- even a rainbow unicorn -- giving you any challenge at all. "Sure, yeah, as if."

"No way of knowing now. Anyway, we got only the most dedicated rainbow ponies showing up there -- not ones like your cousin Holly, who barely self-identify as rainbow ponies at all -- so it was only natural, and expected, that I be taught all about Chrysaor and everything. Everypony was always very good-natured about it on the surface, but you know, I suspect I'd never have been allowed to mate with your uncle, let alone live in the forest with them all, without learning everything. For instance, do you remember the Song? Oh, it took me weeks to memorize that one, and I'm sure I've forgotten half the lines by now."

You smirk. "Yeah, I guess having it sung to me every night gave me a bit of a leg up there. You know, it wasn't until I met Fluttershy that I learned most lullabies aren't like that. They're all gushy and babyish and stuff."



Sep 10 2012
"===>"


Should you ask me, whence came ponies?
Whence the four-hooved, colored ponies
With the symbols o'er their stifles,
With their manes from high descending
In each color of the rainbow,
Every color of the rainbow,
From the backs of heads of ponies,
From between the ears of ponies?
Whence among the warlike races
That surround our fair Equestria,
Both without our fair Equestria
And within our fair Equestria,
Came the grandest of the races,
They who hold supreme dominion
Over all the other races,
They who do not hold the favor
Of the gods who made the cosmos?
Should you ask me, fast, beseeching,
Whence the origin of the ponies?

I should answer, I should tell you,
Answer you in song respectful,
Singing of the queen Latawnya,
She the mother of the mothers,
Mother of the blessed father,
Of the ponies the grandmother.
I should sing of queen Latawnya,
Of the naughty horse Latawnya.

Should you ask me, now impatient,
Why I mention queen Latawnya,
Howin she is so important,
Howin she is the beginning,
Earlier than both the mothers,
And great Chrysaor, our father,
I should answer, I should tell you,
Of the land of all our origin,
Of the land before our origin,
Of the land of glee and whimsy,
Where no species stood triumphant
But all animals were equal
Underneath the worlds unnumbered.
Where the worlds could yet be numbered,
There the worlds remained unnumbered.
In this land begat Latawnya.

Threefold were Latawnya's children,
Threefold were her godly scions,
Three of them to earth descended,
Two of them from life ascended,
One of them in stars remaining.

First Latawnya bore a daughter,
Bore a brightly-colored daughter,
Pegasus, whose sides were feathered.
Feathered were her flapping pinions
As she flew above the country,
Flew above the tall Orion,
Flying high above great Tirek,
He who stood between the races,
Could not choose between the races,
Born of none yet knows which races.

So she flew, and so she counted
All the races there assembled
In the land from which we traveled
At great Pegasus's urging
And the urging of her sister.
Though the races there were many,
One omission Pegasus saw,
Only she and poor Latawnya
Filled the role we now inhabit.

Pegasus brought forth the ponies,
She brought forth the first of ponies,
Not the best created ponies,
But the first created ponies.
Theirs the magic of extension,
Reaching out into the ether,
Altering the tickling ether,
Leaving magic where the hooves were,
Where the wings and where the mouths were,
Theirs the magic of extension,
Leaving magic where the wings were.

Yet Latawnya was not finished
And she bore a second daughter,
Equuleus, or Celeris,
Second daughter of Latawnya,
Youngest daughter of Latawnya,
Foalish daughter of Latawnya.
Equuleus too made ponies,
Ponies wingless, like Celeris,
Ponies cheerful, like Celeris.
As for Equuleus' children,
They too felt the pull of magic,
Felt the world's inherent magic
And resolved to share its magic.
Not the magic of extension
But the magic of the harvest,
Of the working as companions
With the world itself below them.

Still Latawnya was not finished,
One last time she bore a child,
Bore a strange and rusty child,
Bore her daughters two a brother,
Bore us devotees a father.
Chrysaor she named her child.
Should you ask me, in your folly,
Of the ponies that were brought forth
By the son of poor Latawnya,
She whose folly lost her children,
She whose folly saved her legend,
I should tell to you this answer.
Chrysaor, the third and greatest,
Parented the rainbow ponies
With the magic of surrounding.

Yet the world denied them kindness,
Stole away the rainbows' father,
Changed him from his rightly outline,
Gave to him new forms aplenty,
Made him blade and stone surrounding.
This was not the final torment
Forced upon his mother's family,
For it was Latawnya's burden
Every day, her eyes all teary,
To behold her child's colors
In the sky above her shining
Where she could not reach and touch him,
Higher still than Pegasus flew,
Higher far than young Celeris.
Queen Latawnya, fool Latawnya,
Found inside a doomed desire,
Found she wished to taste the rainbow,
Made a deal to taste the rainbow,
Lost all that she had remaining.

Then our song became disjointed,
And the narrative inconstant
With the rules as we conceive them.
Still we ponies live and prosper,
In this new land of Equestria,
Interbreeding in Equestria,
That the three lines of our origin,
Brought forth by Latawnya's children,
Are all mixed and intermingled.
All we have is song and story
To ensure we still remember
Where we came from, whom our father,
What the origins of our cousins
And ourselves, the rainbow ponies.
We must ever be most careful,
Not to let our line diminish,
Not to suffer from dilution,
Never to forget our story,
Bearing proudly all the colors
Chrysaor of old bequeathed us.

Pegasus is long departed
And her sister likewise absent
From their naughty, grieving mother.
Of the godly, giving family
Drawers of the lines of ponies,
Only Chrysaor stays with us,
Proving, in his still staying with us,
Proving our eternal greatness.
But his form is altered greatly,
And his mind is but a shadow,
Nothing like its former sharpness
In the land before beginning.
Where all races played together,
Where the hunter chose the hunted,
Where Latawnya learned addiction,
Where the stars bore worlds in orbit,
Where we barely fled extinction,
Where no more the earth hangs ample,
Where no more the light illumines,
Where no more the time is passing,
Where no more the space is finite,
Where now only doom and rage are,
Where our cousins call Tartarus.



Sep 12 2012
"===>"


"Anyhow!" she says, drawing you back into the present -- well, the past, really -- after your consideration of the Song. "Eventually Rainbow Flash turned up to tell us how the rainbow ponies were restructuring themselves. This was when a lot of them moved to 'Rainbow Mountain' and set up all the rules and titles and stuff. You know the story... too much interbreeding, not enough pure rainbow ponies, obvious solution was to bring them all to one place where they could camp out together for a few generations. Well, not really camp out, I suppose, except maybe in Rainbow Flash's case.

"The thing is, suddenly I was very much a symptom of their larger problem, and Rainbow Flash wasn't at all pleased to see me and Nth Degree together! Apparently they'd been grooming him for inclusion in some sort innermost fraternal order of rainbows, which was a really big honor since he isn't even a unicorn and so really only secondarily pure. I, of course, not being a rainbow pony, was not allowed in at all. Besides, can you imagine little Ember in a male order? Ha!

"Nth Degree and Rainbow Flash spent the better part of the day arguing about me, and I can tell you, under other circumstances that'd have been very flattering! If you really need a proof of this Big Macintosh's commitment to you, love, you should find some other stallion to take an interest in you, and see if you can't get them to square off against each other! Even if it's not the most practical way of resolving differences, you still get the sight of two big, sweaty stallions, wrestling one another while..."

"Aunt Ember."

"Oh! Sorry, dearest, sorry. I can't think where you got this prudishness from -- was it that Fluttershy girl? The point is, eventually Rainbow Flash agreed to let me and your uncle stay together, as long as he agreed to be a rainbow pony ambassador and fly around Equestria representing his kind to other ponies. Specifically other pegasi. It meant the end of us living in Everfree Forest, of course, but then all the others were already moving away to Rainbow Mountain anyway, so it's not like there was anything to be done about that. Finally he left, and I settled down for what I thought was going to be a lovely night's sleep... until I had my Dream."



Sep 12 2012
"===>"


"In my dream, I was walking in the Everfree, when suddenly I was visited by an angel! Or, well, that's my best guess. All I saw of her was one big round eye, golden like the sun. The angel pony sounded very anxious, and she told me that a meteor was going to fall from the sky with a filly in it, right that very night. I'd never had a dream that felt that real before, so I roused your uncle and we went to wait for the meteor."



Sep 12 2012
"===>"




"We found ways of keeping ourselves busy while waiting, but I suppose you'll just say you don't want to hear about them! For shame. Just when... well... just when what we did was going especially well, the skies opened up into a big red portal! And as you know, just as the angel pony predicted, that's how we got you."



Sep 13 2012
"===>"


"No offense, dear, but you did make our lives rather more complicated. On the one hoof, I was the one who dreamed you would show up! On the other, you had one of the purest rainbow manes there was, you'd appeared in the Everfree Forest, and the portal opened just under the sign of Ursa Major in the sky. Really the obvious conclusion was that you were going to be some kind of savior of their kind, and your uncle had to fight even harder for us to keep custody of you. And really, dear, I think that's what's held us together so well over the years. Keeping you ours. I know your uncle must have seemed a little stern sometimes while you were growing up, but he was doing his best to make sure you lived up to the expectations of his whole tribe. But he's never stopped fighting for you to live as normal a life as possible, every single day of your life." She dabs at her eye with one hoof, where some drops of moisture have appeared. "You can call me a silly old woman if you like, but that's really what I wanted you to know."

"Well... okay," you say. "Like, not to be ungrateful and all, but, what's stopped you from telling me that before? Like when I actually lived with you?"

She smiles mischievously at you. "Well, love, Nth Degree always asked me not to. But I think I'm rather grown up enough not to do whatever anypony tells me to do, don't you? Plus if the world is ending, I might never get another chance!"

"The world's not going to end," you tell her. "We'll fix it."

"Of course you will, dear," she says. But you can't quite tell if she really means it, or if she's just being a mom. Or aunt, in this case.

"Does Scootaloo know about how you two came together?" you ask, trying to change the subject. "I mean, she's actually your daughter. I guess if you should be telling anypony why Nth is never home, it's her."

Aunt Ember looks pained. "Well... there's one last little detail to the story. You see, here Nth Degree was picked out to be an ambassador to all pegasi, and we'd just gotten a new pegasus daughter who was already flying around the forest a couple days after she came out of the meteor. Your uncle and I weren't sure how I was going to keep up. So we banked on your being some sort of chosen one and went to visit Chrysaor himself for blessing. Chrysaor is very old, of course, and it turned out he still has some of the old magics left, and he used a little of them on me. And because I'm sure you're quite tired of me prattling on and on at this point, to make a long story short..."



Sep 13 2012
"===>"


"...that's how I got my wings!"

You stare at her blankly, and she begins to look embarrassed. "Oh!" she says. "Oh dear, that part would have been more impressive if I'd mentioned at some point that I used to be an earth pony, wouldn't it?"

"You think?" Again you catch yourself before you say anything more, reminding yourself that this is your aunt and you need to show her respect. "I mean... how is that even possible? He just gave you wings?"

"Well, if the rainbow ponies have it right, he did create unicorns," she says. "So I can't imagine one single pair of wings would be so much trouble! But I think you can see why I've never told Scootaloo?"

You sit there for a few seconds, putting the pieces together in your head. "Scootaloo... can't fly," you answer.

"Exactly."

"She tries as hard as anypony I've ever seen, but it just doesn't work. And... and your wings are basically made of magic, and you think that... that messed up her wings somehow."

She smiles sadly. "You always were a clever one, dear. We've had her tested, you know, subtly. Some of the best unicorn doctors money could buy, and they all agreed that there is something unnatural affecting her wings, but they can't for the lives of them tell us what it is or what it's doing or how to turn it off. But by the same token, they don't know for sure that she'll never fly, either, next year or next month or even tomorrow, and she's still so young, and..." She stops, and blinks a few times. "I guess what I'm saying, sweetie, is that I would never want to tell her if they're right, and I would never need to tell her if they're wrong."



Sep 17 2012
"RD: A pegasus doomed never to fly? NOT ON YOUR WATCH!"


Your LOYALTYKIND friendship specibus kicks into action! The squirt's your responsibility -- usually, anyway -- and you're not letting her go flightless! But how? A really big number of ideas dash through your head, most of which would require Twilight's help, none of which could be done instantly, and all of which would require Scoots actually being here instead of... back at Sweet Apple Acres, you guess? Eh, you're sure she's fine. You even briefly consider giving her a run through your fetch modus, but quickly decide against it. Pokey was one matter, but you can't risk your little cousin in that thing. She might end up flying, but if your modus felt especially perverse... well. Even Pinkie would have a hard time laughing at that.

Then it hits you. "It's okay, Aunt Ember!" you say. "I'll take Scoots back to that Ursa Major right away, and he can fix her!"

She doesn't look as cheered by this as you'd hoped. "Oh, sweetheart... that won't work."

"Huh? Sure it will! I'm supposed to be his chosen embassy or whatever, right? I'll just march in there and be all like hey Chrysaor, if you want me to do any super-big missions for you, you'd better fix my cousin first! Easy peasy."

"Emissary. We've already tried, Rainbow. We knew it was such a trivial matter to be bothering a god with, but we were so worried for her. But Chrysaor refused. I got the idea he was worried his magic wasn't reliable anymore, after it had affected her that way in the first place. Like he was fading, under a curse. Something about the stars waiting for him."

Ugh! There it is again, uncertainty. Gambling with Scootaloo's everything. "Well... okay. I'll still find a way to keep her safe, though, and maybe even get her wings fixed on the way! She said she wants to come on this adventure with me, and..."

"No."

You look at your aunt, startled. She's not usually so... direct. "Huh?"

"Rainbow, dearest, I know you mean well, but your uncle and I did come here to take her with us. I hear Canterlot's Captain of the Guard is a rather impressively powerful shield-caster, and even if he's not there, I can't think of a safer place for her to be than Canterlot in case things get dangerous! I'm sure we have connections aplenty enough to get her in there. Then of course your uncle will volunteer himself to help keep Canterlot safe, that's just the sort of thing he does, and I... well, I'm not sure yet, but no doubt I'll think of something. And there'll be plenty of time to find a way to make her fly afterwards, if there is a way in the first place."

"..." Her plan -- their plan -- sounds perfectly logical, but you can't deny feeling a little put out by it. As can happen with you and perfectly logical plans. "Aunt Ember," you say, "you know I'm cool with you not being home too much and all, but... I've watched the squirt a lot of her life, okay? And now you're saying you don't trust me to protect her?"

"Oh, Rainbow," she says, and hugs you. "Of course I do! I'm trusting you to protect all of us, don't you see? All that mixed-up nonsense about meteors and curses and Rainbow Flash and everything aside, you know I love you like a daughter, and I'm letting you go away and be a hero! In exchange, can't you let me be a mother?"



Sep 18 2012
"RD: Get impatient."


"Well..." you begin, "I guess Canterlot is pretty locked up, and it's not like they destroyed anything when they were there for Cadance's wedding." You tactfully don't mention what happened on their previous visit. "But okay! So you want to be a mom so bad? Great. Prove it."

Aunt Ember hesitates. "Rainbow, dear, I'm afraid I don't quite understand..."

"Be my mom! I know we're not, like, related, but do your whole big mom thing and listen to my problems and make everything better so I can go save the world instead of sulking up here in the clouds!"

"My goodness, love, that's really rather a tall order. I'll do my best, of course, but I couldn't promise anything even if I were your mother! This is still about that Big Macintosh you're suddenly feeling so shy about?"

"Yes! And no!" You try to stomp the ground, though that only works so well when it's made of cloud. "I mean, there's nothing suddenly about it, except for him. I can't remember if we've ever even talked! We're not in any sort of relationship, we never were, he just cornered me in the cellar and... euugh! Asked about babies!"

Her face falls. "Oh. Oh, Rainbow, I'm sorry, sweetheart, I misunderstood. Now, he isn't dangerous, is he? Do you think he might try to hurt you if you told him no?"

You almost laugh at the very idea of Big Mac trying to hurt anypony. "Nah! I just... maybe it'd be kinda slightly awesome to have a kid someday, but so so so not right now, especially with a guy I hardly talk to. But obviously he's all, I dunno, super-deep in love with me, and I don't know how to turn him off."

"You'll have to tell him, dear," she says, giving you a warm nuzzle. "Tell him you're very sorry and very flattered, but you just don't think of him in that way. I suppose you are into colts, aren't you?"

It's a totally obvious trick to get you to talk about your love life, but you guess you don't mind. You did just ask her to be your mom, and it's nice to have somepony you can talk to about stuff and know it'll never reach your fanclub or the Wonderbolts. Also you're still shook up from how insane Big Mac was to ask you about this stuff in the first place! Talking about your feelings is totally justified right now and totally a one-time thing and totally not uncool. Though you're still going to play it cool if at all possible. If you sound too excited, it'll just set her off again.

"Eh. I dunno. I figure it doesn't really matter unless I do start wanting a kid someday, and even then only for, uhh, you know. Before that it's all about if we get along and stuff, stallion or mare or whatever under the sun. Right?"

Aunt Ember beams. "Oh my! Dearest, I'm so glad to hear that you're so open-minded! In certain respects, that is. And so have you met anypony that you do get along with?"

"...not really. Like, you remember Gilda? She could keep up with me in a race, or in a fight, and she really meant what she said, and that was all great. Or I met this buffalo once who was kinda similar, really fast, really dedicated to her family. Still miss her. Also they were all brown and stuff, which is good, 'cause they couldn't outshine me. But they're not ponies, and I dunno for sure if any of that was even the same as, uh, romance, anyhow."

"Well, it's a start, love. And is Big Macintosh any of those things?"

"Nah. Or, no, I think he does care about his family, and he's strong, but... not so much the other stuff. He doesn't talk much at all. I need somepony who can give as well as take, you know?"

"I know far better than you want to hear. But there you go! You can tell him that you're sorry, but he just isn't the type of pony you're looking for right now."

"Yeah, but..." You pause, thinking of numerous times you've been rebuked for some apparent insult or another. "I really really don't know him that great. And if I said something that hurt his feelings, then I bet Applejack would be super-pissed at me... wait." Bells ring in your head. "Oh, of course! I'll just tell Applejack about everything and make her tell him I'm not his baby factory!"



Sep 19 2012
"R: Wake."


What, again? Didn't you just a few minutes ago... oh, of course. In the real world. Certainly, you can do that!



You wish you could say this is the first time you've woken up to this.



Oct 16 2012
"[S] R: Walk around."



Oct 16 2012
"Cloud Kicker: Cloud!"



Oct 18 2012
"TS: Keep Applejack from viewing developments, lest she see something that would distract her from slightly more pressing/apocalyptic issues."






Done and done.



Oct 18 2012
"AJ: Be distracted from pressing/apocalyptic issues by dancing Pinkie Pie instead of your brother's developing romance."


Uhhh, thanks for the suggestion and all, but you've got bein' distracted pretty much covered already. Don't need to do any more work on... hold on, instead of your brother's what now?

Also, do you hear some pegasus wings flapping at high speeds?



CRASH.



Oct 18 2012
"===>"


"...Rainbow, remember what I said earlier about us not meetin' like--"

"APPLEJACK YOUR BROTHER WANTS ME TO MAKE BABIES WITH HIM"



Oct 22 2012
"All: UM"


"Ummm...?"



Oct 22 2012
"===>"


"Um?!"

"UMMMM!?!?"



Oct 22 2012
"===>"


"Um."

"Yum!"



Oct 22 2012
"===>"


"Umm!"

"Um?"

"...um?"



Oct 22 2012
"===>"


"CLOUD?!"

"Uuuuuuuuuuuum."



Oct 22 2012
"===>"


"Ummmm..."



Oct 22 2012
"===>"


"uuummmmmMMMMmmMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmMMMMmmmm"



Oct 22 2012
"===>"


"ummmm"

"Umm!"



Oct 22 2012
"FS: Help! You're upside down!"



(Click on Fluttershy!)



Oct 23 2012
"FS: Squeak?"



"No no no, that's Prospit. Derse is pretty much straight-up evil! But it's okay, they haven't caught me yet, so they can't be too good at it! Want to go exploring? I'd love to show you around a bit, it'd be awesome if you six had some idea of what's going on here before you get onto your planets and stuff."


"And you said there were these two planets, and... Derse was the nice one, right?"


She gives you a magnificent grin, the kind that actually makes you feel a little better just by looking at it. "Sure are! Well, floating above it, that is. Or maybe below it?"


You blink a few times, though it doesn't seem to help much. "No, um, that's okay. I think you did mention Derse last night, it's just, um, I'm very disoriented, and... you say we're on Derse? Like, right now?"


"Oh gosh, you don't know about Derse yet?" she asks, instantly mortified. "I'm sorry! The way you were going along with everything with the console and all earlier, I just assumed you knew about the game already, but I'm not spoiling you, am I? Were you just being nice kind sweet polite helpful Fluttershy and not objecting to anything I said? I wouldn't want to teach you about Derse before I got to explain what Derse is!"


"...Derse?" The name does sound familiar.


"Derse!"


Under other circumstances you might tell Pinkie that up and down aren't honestly cardinal directions, and maybe go off on a brief tangent about how sweet cardinals are and how funny it is that cardinal directions are named after them when they don't even migrate, but you're too preoccupied right now. "That's very valuable advice, Pinkie," you tell her instead, "but, umm... really, where are we?"


"The ground? It's down there, silly!" She looks thoughtful. "No, wait, it's really more up there, isn't it? This is what happens when you start floating upside down, Fluttersleuth! Your cardinal directions get all muddled up and you start sounding crazy!"


"Squeak?" you manage after a moment. "Pinkie, what's happening? Where are we and why are we floating and and and" -- you break off for a moment and gulp -- "oh Celestia where's the ground?"




Oct 29 2012
"===>"


"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure!"


Well, there are quite a number of things you want to know, starting with how Pinkie learned to fly and moving on to such things as how she got in your console, why you're still all black and white, and so forth. But those are all obvious questions, and your Fluttersleuthing instincts are kicking in to remind you that a lot of things Pinkie's been saying aren't quite adding up the way you'd expect them to. Quite literally, in one case. So you're going to make your first question count, and... hold on.

"Pinkie, would you mind not being upside-down anymore?"


"Of course! It's so cool to be on the giving end of explanations for once, instead of just listening to great stories all the time! Ooh, I hope you stick around here for a while and maybe we can have our very own adventure. So what did you want to know?"


You've all but given up trying to decide how real any of this experience is, but Pinkie does seem insistent that it's connected to the adventure the six of you will be going on. A journey you don't begin, you remember Iron Will saying, is a journey you never win! And she did say it was empty, or, well, almost empty...

"If I explore Derse with you," you ask, "will you please tell me what's going on here?"


"Sure! Derse is a big almost empty place, so what else could we do? Just think of it like you're preparing for your planet."


"Ex... exploring?"




Oct 29 2012
"FS: Ask Pinkie Pie who the sixth pony she is talking about is."


Properly oriented towards the ground, the two of you start descending towards Derse. Or... its moon, you guess. "You said it would be good if six of us knew about this adventure before we started," you begin, "but it sounded like you weren't one of those six."

"Yep!"

"But Spike isn't a pony, so... who is? Oh, are we bringing Colgate along? That would be nice..."

"Nope! Come on, Fluttersleuth, you can figure this out! I mean, I kind of hope you can't, that'd be totally flattering, but I bet you can anyway."

You do have a guess, but it feels sort of rude to say it out loud. Adventure...! "You, um. You're not the real Pinkie Pie?"

She does a bizarre dance in midair. "Bingo!"

"So, are you... oh!" Suddenly this all makes sense. "You're a leftover Pinkie from the magic mirror!"

"Awwww, so close," she says. "That's a good guess, though! That was sure a wacky adventure, wasn't it?"

You nod hesitantly. Whatever else may have ended up happening, you can't deny that it was definitely wacky. Unfortunately, the other possibility isn't nearly as pleasant. "You're not a changeling, are you?"[js]document.getElementById("slide").setAttribute("class", "adventurepage");[/js]



Oct 29 2012
"PP?: Reassure Fluttersleuth."


You wait just long enough in answering for the Fluttersleuth to start looking nervous. "I don't think so!" you say at last. "Or, I mean, I have no idea how you'd know if you were a changeling or not, but I sure doubt it. One more guess!"

You watch as she struggles to figure out what you could be within the rules of her bright, cheerful, multi-colored world. "Well, ummm... are you some sort of illusion? To cast an illusion, you'd have to be a unicorn, of course, but you can fly, too, so you must be... an alicorn?"

You burst into laughter. "Hehe! Like the world needs another pink alicorn! No no no, I'm what you call a dream self. So are you, come to think of it, in a sorta different way!"

She looks down at the ground unhappily. "I don't think I understand at all."

So you start to explain. "So this is a game about six heroes, right? That's you six. And you all have these neat extra bodies called dream selves, which you can occupy when you're sleeping. It takes some sort of trigger to get access to your dream self, but once that happens, you're basically in control of one body or another at all times, and your one body sleeps while the other one's awake. Off, on, off, on, etc.! Does that make sense?"

"I... yes?"

"Great! Before the trigger, your dream self just sleeps in its tower all day long like a big sleepyhead, and you have to make do with regular dreams and all that stuff. It looks like you're a sort of in-between case; you haven't really woken up in your dream self yet, and that's why you think some things look funny, but you're still controlling it. I guess by sheer force of imagination? Pretty cool! Whenever you do wake up in this body, it'll be just like your normal life, except with all your dream self powers!"

"Like what?"

"Like flying, of course! You don't need wings to fly if you're a dream self. In fact, if you want you could get rid of your wings for now. You're basically able to shape your dream self body however you want, like give yourself extra limbs or whatever."

She does appear to consider it for a moment. "I, um, think I'll keep my wings, if that's all right with you? I think that trying to fly without them would feel very confusing."

"Fair enough! Want to see me with wings instead?!"

"Oh, I'm not sure I could handle that."

You shrug. Realworlders, are you right? "Anything else bugging you?"

"Well... I'm still not sure who you are. I mean, you said you're, uh, a dream self, but you make dream selves sound like, well, costumes that we can take on and off. But if you're not really Pinkie Pie, then, um, who's wearing her costume right now?"

From what you understand, that's more like a Rarity metaphor, but you guess they must rub off on each other. "Oh, that's easy!" you say. "I am her costume. No, wait, how about this: I'm the fabric before it's made into clothes!"

"...what?"

"Think about it! You've been alive, uh, some number of years now, right?" You have no idea how pony aging works. "And Pinkie about the same!"

She glowers. "I'm a year older than you. Um, than her, that is."

"Okay! The point is that I'd have had to be asleep waiting for her to wake up in me a really long time, and eventually that got super-ultra-mega boring, so I just woke up on my own. Later I found my way into her dreams, and she tells me all about Equestria and her life and friends and all that and we take turns cheering each other up when we're feeling dark and lonely and sad!" Your eyes shine with wonder. "Isn't Pinkie Pie basically the most amazing pony ever?! I try to be just like her, I even pretend to have my very own pinkie sense!"

"She's, umm... nice," says the Fluttersleuth. She doesn't sound incredibly enthusiastic, but you don't care: your admiration for Pinkie Pie wins out over whatever anypony else might think. "But, well... you said that dream selves -- like you -- are supposed to wait for us to wake up in you, right? So... what happens when Pinkie does that?"

"Then she'll have two separate bodies and I'll basically stop existing. I'm just a resource for her, after all!"

"Oh." She is silent for several minutes. "Doesn't that prospect, um, bother you...?"

You give her a big happy shiny warm reassuring smile. "Of course not!" you lie.



Oct 29 2012
"FS: Ask what Pinkie Pie means by "haven't caught me yet.""


You don't really know what to say next. You don't at all like the idea of Pinkie Pie -- even a strange copy of her that just likes to act like Pinkie Pie -- suddenly not existing anymore. On the other hoof, she sounds so cheerful, and what would be the point of trying to make her unhappy about it? And it's not as if you have any ideas for how she could avoid this. So you change the topic instead.

"Pinkie -- oh, is it all right if I call you Pinkie, by the way?"

"Works for me! We're basically the same pony, you know. Although if that gets really confusing I guess you could call me Diane, I do live on a moon after all."

You smile. "Okay. Well, anyway, you said that Derse was almost empty, right? So who would be trying to catch you?"

"Aha! You're such a good listener! Okay, so, Derse is almost empty. All the soldiers are basically hanging around in their headquarters, waiting for the kernalsprites to get prototyped so the Battlefield will expand. The Battlefield's the big chessboard thing in the center of Skaia, dunno if real me would have mentioned that. The only folks still skulking around here are the Black Queen's agents, a bunch of creeps called the Midnight Crew. They're in charge of keeping order, and you know how me and order get along!"

You know that for sure. Well, you know it for the real Pinkie, anyway, and this other Pinkie, or Diane, or whichever, does seem pretty similar. "You aren't saying that you provoke them, are you?"

"You know it! Really it's the only thing to do for fun around here. But don't worry, I always make sure to keep one trick ahead of disaster." She gives you a knowing wink. "They're fast, but I'm much faster."

"And this... you said Midnight Crew?" She nods. "Are they, um, ponies? Like us?"

"Nah. Well, one of them is, but not the other three! They're basically Derse's pride and they're way more complicated than the rest of the soldiers, so they get to be all different species and stuff. Actually, I've heard whispers that they've got a fifth member now, but I don't know anything about him or her or whatever. Most dersites are basically pony-shaped, though. Come in this house over here, it should feel just like home."

It looks less like 'home' and more like 'Canterlot,' but you suppose even Canterlot is home compared to this place. "Just... walk into somepony's house?"

"I told you, everything's empty!" she says. "Nopony's going to get offended and there's nothing to worry about."



Oct 29 2012
"===>"






"Sooooo... turns out I was wrong about this house being empty."

"Oh?"

"Yeah! Now the good news is, I think I found the fifth member of the Midnight Crew!"

"...oh?"

"The bad news is, I think I found the fifth member of the Midnight Crew..."



Oct 30 2012
"===>"



Nov 07 2012
"SLK: Be Lobster sized."


Course you're lobster-sized, sweet-mug. What, think you was jigging with your 'Mobster Kingpin' handle? Nothing doing. Not much shakes up the punks like a lobster-sized don, see? Don't go teaching your granny to suck eggs.

Sure, sure, so you're not at your kingiest just now. Throwing in with another mob, especially a buncha flat feet like the Midnight Crew, don't regular look so good on your sheet. But Jack's a clever man, see? Clever enough to know you're not muscling in on his gang, and clever enough to have some real interesting notions for Derse. So you'll play along. And it looks like you've found the very moll he's been looking for. The pink broad -- Diane, you hear -- she's nothing special, can knock her off no problem, but Jack wants to talk to the yellow dame, and you're just the crustacean to rope her in.

But wait. Are them skirts laughing at you? Well, you'll show them what a lobster can do.



Nov 07 2012
"===>"


You ROLL THE NUMBERS and reassign some of your IMAGINATION ATTRIBUTE into HEIGHT. The broad and dame aren't laughing now.



Nov 07 2012
"FS: Animalcoddle this clearly misunderstood fauna."


On it! Whatever bizarre allegiances this poor non-draconic animal has, he's still an adorable animal. An adorable suddenly rather oversized animal. Animals... animals are your territory, your expertise, your special talent! YOU KNOW THIS.

"Oh, hello!" you tell the enormous lobster. "Um, is that your house you just broke out of, then? It's very nice. I've never met a lobster with a house before, but I suppose a shell isn't enough for everyone, is it? I'm really very impressed with how much you're moving up in the world!"

The lobster looks distressingly unfriendly. "Shut it, pigeon."

"...pigeon? Oh, I guess I see how you could be confused, but really I'm a pony! You have ponies here on, uh, Derse, don't you? Some of us have wings, and..."

"I know what you molls are," says the lobster. "You think I'm some dumb animal, huh? Well, I'm Shadow Lobster Kingpin, and I'm cock of this walk, see? The boss, see? Stay on my good side, and you'll find me reasonable as any mouthpiece on the street. Tick me off, no promises no nothing."

You gulp, but quickly move to nod understandingly. This lobster isn't a normal animal, is he? He's more like Iron Will or Gilda or something. And he obviously doesn't like you very much so far. "Oh, I'm sorry! I really didn't mean to offend you at all. We're quite reasonable ourselves, you know, and I'm sure we'll try not to say anything to provoke you! Right, Diane?

"Umm... Diane?"



Nov 07 2012
"Diane: Ask him where the Prawn shop is."


"RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHH!"



Nov 08 2012
"FS: Abscond!"


Part of you wants to yell right back at this oversized shelled bully, but most of you recognizes this as a really bad idea. Diane seemed to say most of her encounters with these "Midnight Crew" characters involved her running away from them, and you can see why. The two of you take to the air -- void? -- in fright. Shadow Lobster Kingpin takes a moment to react, but quickly launches his enormous claws after you... it looks like those shadowy arms of his can stretch quite far indeed. Oh dear oh dear.

Fluttershy?


"...yes?"

Diane looks at you, puzzled. "Yes? Yes what?"

You look back at her. "Didn't you just say my name?" You try to ignore the giant claws clicking ominously below you.

Fluttershy?


"Me?" She looks shocked. "No, I was too busy flying away from the giant enemy lobster!"

Fluttershy?


"There it is again!" you say. "Somepony -- um, I think somepony from a distance -- keeps calling me."

"Oh no!" says Diane, horrified. "Someone must be trying to wake you up! Oh, this is bad, this is bad, we need to get you somewhere else fast!"

"Why?" You look down at the claws, which you two are beginning to outpace. "Um, not that I mind the sentiment, but what's so bad about waking up?"

Fluttershy?


"Don't you get it?" Diane points to Shadow Lobster Kingpin below you. "When you wake up from a dream..."



Nov 08 2012
"===>"


"...you fall."



Nov 08 2012
"===>"


"Fluttershy! Are you all right? You were shaking like you were having a really bad dream under that bench."



Nov 11 2012
"FS: Feint from shock."




There's a face in your face! Specifically Carrot Top's face, and you've never seen eye to eye with her on bunnies, but you're seeing eye to eye with her right now! Ahhhhhh! In shock, you grab the first instinct that presents itself, and... pretend to attack her.

Umm?

She jumps back, clearly very startled by your courageous feint. You would be too. You are, in fact! Before she can recover, you take a fast look around. You're still in the park! That's good. You're very far from your own house, but you're right between the Carousel Boutique and the Whitetail Woods, both nice safe places, plus you're close to Cheerilee's schoolhouse and various other parts of town. Also you think you smell something... burning?

Now what?



Nov 28 2012
"FS: Go check out the burning."


That is the responsible thing to do. You do consider going back to sleep, but all this sudden excitement with Carrot Top and burning smells and such has left you a little too wired to relax just now, at least without a much more powerful fort than a simple park bench. So instead you run away from Carrot Top before she can recover, following your nose. The burning smell is coming from the direction of the Whitetail Woods, and as you round the bend to the Woods, you

see

...



no

you don't



you don't have words to describe what you see.

Carrot Top catches up to you. "So, yeah..." she says, "this is the other reason I thought you should wake up now."



"Umm..." she continues, "I'm... sorry?"



"...Fluttershy?"



Nov 28 2012
"===>"



Nov 29 2012
"FS: Save the animals!"


"Animals!" you cry.

"Well, I never!" says Carrot Top. "Or... wait, you probably mean real animals, don't you? Or, okay, what do you mean?"

"The animals! The deer, and the bunnies, and the squirrels, and the otters, and everyone! I need to save them! Immediately!"

"Ohhhh, right," she says. "Sorry, I take things the wrong way sometimes. Don't worry, Fluttershy. They all made hay while the sun shone and split like peas."

You stare at her blankly, unsure if you can believe what she's saying and if you understand what she's saying in the first place. "Um... what?"

"As far as I can tell, all the critters got out of here before the fires started. They've got some sort of sixth sense, I guess?"

"Oh... good," you say, not sure what else to add. You do dimly recall Applejack telling you about her pigs acting funny recently, and your animal choir friends were already a bit distracted even before that taffy machine rolled by. "What's... what happened here?"

"Rocks fell," says a new voice. "Everything died."

The two of you look up to find your old campmate Raindrops hovering there, clearly upset. "A bunch of meteors came crashing down from the sky a few minutes ago and now the whole place is ablaze!" She shudders. "Rainbow Dash isn't here, and Medley's nowhere to be found, so I'm taking charge of cleanup and I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm just yelling at everypony and hoping it works out and I don't like yelling and I hate this!"

"Who do you have?" asks Carrot Top.

Raindrops looks surprised to notice her there. "Umm... a bunch of pegasi, basically. We're going to be bringing in all the rainclouds we can get to put out the fires -- Seafoam's great with her water magic, but she can only be in one place at a time. Silverspeed's in shock, and I need to get her out of it so she can go get clouds, since she's our fastest right now. Rainbow Dash's not here, and I think Thunderlane's off canoodling with Blossomfourth, so..."

"Are they together?" you ask, vaguely. You're only half-listening to her; the Whitetail Woods are on fire and that's claiming a lot of your attention and you have no idea what to do.

"Yes!" says Raindrops, with a big smile on her face. "Finally! Isn't that so great? Do you know how hard I've been pushing them both to admit they're into each other? I swear, if I'd had to sit through one more late-night crying session with--" she stops, and blinks. "Right. Disaster response management. Cadance, I'm terrible at this."

Carrot Top looks strangely stern. "I'm sure you'll do fine."

"Thanks. Um... hey, I'm sorry, but I'm totally blanking on your name."

"Call me Carrot Top."

"Oh, are you related to Carrot Cake? Isn't it so weird how he had those two completely non-earth pony kids, and no! Bad Raindrops! Focus! Meteors! Fire! Real and immediate dangers!" She shakes her head. "I've really got to go pick up some rainclouds or talk to Silverspeed or something. You two please just help out any way you can, all right? Um, you're an earth pony, so, um, if you know anything about what looks the most flammable, or..."

"If you don't mind," says Carrot Top, sounding much less self-assured than she did a moment ago, "ah, I should probably just go back home and make sure Bubblecup hasn't gotten into, uh, any trouble. Lately. I'm sure you don't want her trying to help out around here."

Raindrops grimaces. "I guess not. Wait, you live with Bubblecup? So are you two, like, together, or just friends or something, or..."

"Or something." She looks uninterested in saying more. "But I don't think Fluttershy should stay here either."



Nov 30 2012
"FS: But you want to help!"


Oh goodness, it's Pinkie Pie all over again. Well, Diane. "Um, thank you, Carrot Top, but you don't need to protect me... I want to help, even if all the animals are safe." You look at Raindrops, suddenly worried. "They are safe, aren't they? You haven't seen any poor critters running around in panic?"

Raindrops thinks about it for a moment. "No, actually. Nothing but plantlife."

Carrot Top cuts you off before you can voice any more objections. "Protect? No, no, I'm not trying to protect you. You're a hero, remember! You need to cut this off at the root, don't just prune around the edges!"

She really does have the most peculiar way of speaking sometimes. "Cut... 'this' off at the root? What, um, root?"

"Look, Fluttershy." She stomps a hoof energetically. "I'm a farmer, right? Simple mare, simple dreams, bla bla bla peas and carrots peas and carrots. I know when something's natural, and this meteor storm isn't it. Someone's attacking Equestria, and you're a hero, so you need to go find who's doing it and stop him!"

Raindrops looks uneasily at the sky. "She's got a point. Meteors and me aren't exactly a match made in heaven, but this still doesn't feel right."

"It can't be that simple," you say. "I mean, there's nothing special about me. You could be a hero too, if things came out that way, and..."

Carrot Top bursts out laughing for several seconds. "Oh, completely!" she says at last. "But not in this lifetime. Come on. You saved us all from Nightmare Moon, remember? Discord? The changelings? I was huddling in an alleyway with Colgate's boss from just a pair of them, and you six plowed into their whole army!"

"Oh, don't forget the mountain dragon!" says Raindrops. You worry that somepony really does need to remind her again that she's supposed to be in charge of saving the forest. "Rainbow Dash says that getting rid of that thing was basically all you!"

Carrot Top smiles enthusiastically. "Right! And Cerberus? Same story."

"Yeah, and the hurricane for Cloudsdale..."

"Even besides all that," says Carrot Top, "you're another kind of hero too."



Nov 30 2012
"===>"


"A fashion hero."

Your cheeks go red, even without the ambient heat from the nearby fires. "You... still have one of those?" Redder still. "And you carry it with you?!"

She has the good graces to look slightly embarrassed herself. "I... keep a lot of things. You never know what'll grow from a seed until you plant it. But Fluttershy, if you -- you! -- can live the life of a model, there's nothing stopping you from saving Equestria."

Her questionable logic is admittedly very inspiring. You turn desperately to Raindrops. "But... fire! Clouds! Trees! Help!"

"You have come a long way from flight camp, Fluttershy," she says, and offers an uncertain smile. "All you can get here is being another pair of wings, but compared to saving the world..."

"It needs saving," says Carrot Top. "Whoever did this isn't going to stop at one forest. He's going to keep on breaking things, and maybe next time somepony or some other animal will even get hurt, unless you and your hero friends stop him. We need you. Do it for us simple mares who'll want autographs on their old magazines afterwards. Do it for the pegasi working cleanup when things get broken."

Raindrops shrugs apologetically. "Do it... for yourself, I guess? I really gotta go."



Dec 01 2012
"TS: Break through the awkwardness!"


You've had enough.

"QUIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETT!" you shout. All your time as a librarian pays off as everypony turns around to pay attention to you, instead of their webs of romantic intrigue, or Pinkie Pie's antics, or popcorn, or umbrella hats, or -- well, Parasol's gone already, so you suppose that last one isn't really applicable. The point is you have everypony's attention. Time to put it to good use.



Dec 01 2012
"===>"


"Equestria is in danger," you say, "so we're going to cut to the chase a little bit. Big Mac!"

"Eeyup?"

"Are you in love with Rainbow Dash, or otherwise interested in siring foals with her?" You wonder for a moment if this might be an inappropriate discussion topic to have around Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, but they have sensible big sisters, so you're sure they're both well versed in the topics of life and reproduction. It just wouldn't make sense for young fillies like them not to know absolutely everything they could find somepony to teach them.

Big Macintosh frowns. "Eenope."

"Then why does she think you are?"

He thinks about it for several seconds. Fortunately nopony is impolite enough to take advantage of their silence to start disrupting things again. "Applejack inferred to me that she was," he says eventually, causing you to wince at his misuse of the word. "So I asked Ms. Dash how she felt about it, to make sure she was ready. And... I think I did it wrong."

"Geez, you think?!" asks Rainbow Dash.

You glare at her. "Shh! I'm the librarian here and there'll be no speaking right now until you are spoken to. Applejack, are you attempting to have foals with Rainbow Dash?"

Applejack suddenly looks very interested in some distant point in the sky. "Uhh... not jus' now, I reckon?"

"Great! Why did Big Mac think you are?"

"...because I think I was just chattin' with my daughter from the future, and... I wanted to fix things so she could exist?"

"Of course you were," you say, not even caring anymore. "Rainbow Dash! Are you planning on having any foals at all? With Applejack or otherwise?"

She looks properly embarrassed for being the center of all this nonsense. "Uh... not right now, no."

"Excellent!" You clap your hooves. "Neither you nor Applejack want to have each other's foals right this very instant. You're made for each other. Big Mac, no hard feelings?"

"Eenope." He looks behind him to where Cloud Kicker now isn't. "But there's a very nice filly I just met who's sure got some, if you don't mind me leavin'."

"No," you say after a moment, "I think you're done here." He nods, gives a very brief apology to Rainbow Dash, and hurries off.



Dec 01 2012
"===>"


"Who's next?" you ask. "Rarity? Sparkler? What are you two doing in the grass over there?!"

Rarity looks offended. "Since you seem so intent on robbing me of the chance of hearing anything remotely salacious, I was taking this opportunity to look for my poor Opal, in hopes she was not flattened by the fall of the taffy machine."

"..." You blink. "That's... completely understandable and I wish I knew some way to help you out. Wow. Sorry."

She shakes her mane. "Quite all right, Twilight. Oh, Opalescence, darling! Mommy's looking for you!!"

The wind now thoroughly out of your sails, you turn to the last source of potential mayhem, who's been keeping mercifully quiet thus far. "Pinkie Pie? I don't suppose you're secretly madly in love with Cloud Kicker or anything, are you?"

She giggles carelessly. "Not that I've noticed! I'm with you, Twilight, we should talk about SBALE and saving the world and stuff! Especially now that Fluttershy's here."

"Fluttershy?" You snort. "Come on, Pinkie. You can't expect me to believe that all six of us are going to somehow magically show up here without our hardly trying."

"I sure can!" she says, and points. "Because there she is...! Uhh. I... think?"



Dec 01 2012
"===>"


You look in the direction of her pointing hoof and gulp. Pinkie's uncertainty makes total sense -- this is not Fluttershy as you prefer to see her. "Uh, hi, Fluttershy!" you say, grinning nervously. "We were just talking about you!"

"The Whitetail Woods have been destroyed," says Fluttershy.

You all look at each other nervously. Spike reacts first. "Destroyed?" he asks. "Like, destroyed destroyed? The whole thing?"

Fluttershy nods her head angrily. "Meteors fell and killed everything but the animals." Pinkie gasps and glances at her tail. "Pinkie Pie," Fluttershy continues, "this adventure you want us all to go on... is there a big bad? Someone wicked and evil who's in charge of everything that goes wrong?"

"Uh huh. You're talking about the Black King?"

"How should I know, Pinkie Pie? Is this Black King in charge of Derse?"

"Yeah..."

"And the Midnight Crew, and everything else?"

"Wow, how'd you learn about the Midnight--" begins Pinkie, but stops when Fluttershy scowls. "Uh, I guess so! Sort of! Indirectly."

"And could he destroy the Whitetail Woods if he wanted to?"

Pinkie looks down. "Um... possibly?"

"Okay," says Fluttershy. "Then I'm going on this adventure so we can save the world and teach him a lesson he won't forget. It's like Iron Will said. If somepony ruins your day..."



Dec 01 2012
"===>"


"...make him pay."



Dec 01 2012
"===>"


"Umm, if that's all right with you, of course?"



Dec 04 2012
"RD: How did she do that?"


"Whoa, Fluttershy!" You fly over to her eagerly, effectively ignoring the gravity of her message. "You got all freaky-maned and green-eyed and scary-voiced there for a minute! What'd you do?"

"Oh! Um..." She looks at the ground. "Well, after Carrot Top suggested I'd find you all here, I spent the whole trip getting sadder and sadder about the forest and animals, and angrier and angrier about, um, the Black King. Apparently. Eventually getting overcome with anger was the only way not to get overcome with grief."

"That's so awesome! And then you turned the whole thing off, bam, just like that! You're doing great with your assertiveness stuff!"

"Thank you, but, um, I think there are more important things to worry about? The meteors, and Derse, and..."

"Yeah, yeah, you're right. But still! Do that more often, 'kay?"

She sighs. "All right, I could rage for you. Umm... that is, if that's okay..."

Twilight coughs displeasedly behind you.



Dec 04 2012
"===>"


"Fluttershy," says Twilight, "you're saying that you want to play this crazy game of Pinkie's? Even though it's supposed to destroy Equestria?"

"Um... yes?" You and Fluttershy walk over to join the rest of the group. "I mean," she continues, "I don't really want to play it, in a way, but, I think it's necessary. Also it seems to be trying to destroy Equestria already? So I don't see how our playing it will change anything besides maybe stopping it."

Twilight freezes, and you watch with interest as one of the hairs in her mane makes an effort to snap loose. "You're right," she says, barely moving. "Oh, Celestia, you're right. I've been hoping and hoping that it was the cruxtruders that were to blame, but if meteors are falling anyway, then that was wrong! This must be the end of the world that Rose wrote about!"

You laugh, and keep smiling even as half your assembled friends glare at you. "Rose? Come on, Twilight, Roseluck predicts the end of the world at least three times a week! I think Bubblecup signed me up for her mailing list by mistake one day, and..."

Twilight cuts you off. "Not that Rose. This is an alien who wrote a book that I found in my library after an anonymous earth pony who sent a letter to Pinkie Pie put it there." You mutter something sarcastic about that making much more sense while she begins to pace around in the grass. "No, no, no!" she cries, apparently to herself. "Okay, Twilight, calm down, it's not proof. Meteors happen, don't they?" She turns back to you. "Meteors happen all the time, right, Rainbow Dash my friend who's an expert on weather? They're a totally normal meteorological phenomenon! There's nothing to associate them with Pinkie's game specifically, is there?!"

You cough. "Well..."

"Is there?"

"Eheh, yeah, funny story..." You think about it for a moment. "So, you know how most ponies have, like, parents, right? And how I'm not like most ponies, but way awesomer? Heh, turns out that extends to the whole having parents thing, too." You explain about your miraculous birth-by-meteor, how you're essentially a religious figure among the Rainbow Ponies, and how Pinkie's game is supposed to be your destiny. By the time you're done, Twilight has begun to twitch a little.

"So you were born from the heavens so that you could play this game," she says. "Fluttershy, you want to go to Derse and beat up the Black King who you think is responsible for destroying the Whitetail Woods. Pinkie, you built this game after the designs for it just, I don't know, appeared in your head one day and you can't explain how. Rarity, you've been dreaming about this game ever since before I even arrived in Ponyville." The four of you nod in unison, a little guiltily. "Applejack," she continues, "have I ever told you that you're my best friend? My most honest, logical, sensible, dependable friend!?"

Applejack coughs. "Well... actually, Twi, my daughter from the future came back to warn me 'specially that we should play this game and not spend too much time frettin' about it."

Twilight explodes.



Dec 04 2012
"===>"


"AM I THE ONLY PONY IN THE ENTIRE WORLD WHO THINKS THIS IS A BAD IDEA?!"

"Uhh... Twilight?" asks Spike, from beside her.

"Yes, Spike!? Did you have some wonderful pearl of wisdom to contribute to the discussion? Some unique perspective on why all the ponies in this town are crazy?!"

He looks incredibly uncomfortable. "No..."



Dec 04 2012
"===>"


"But I know somepony else who might..."



Dec 10 2012
"TS: Snatch the paper out of Spike's claws."


Dear Twilight Sparkle,

Permit me to tell you a story of my very first student, if I deserve to call her that. Her name was Clover the Clever, and she lived in a time of great turmoil and epic confrontations against the forces of darkness, even as you do today. Her former mentor, Star Swirl the Bearded, had moved on to his great journeys, and so Clover and I began a mutual study. I taught her of the workings of magic from a more intuitive perspective than Star Swirl had been able to offer, and she taught me of this world that Luna and I were then new to. Magic I could help her with, but it was the first time I had ever been called upon to be
wise.

One day she came to me, troubled, as you did many a time in your youth when I had the good fortune to have you living and studying by my side. She was worried about the sun and moon. In the time before Discord came to Equestria and overturned the natural harmony of nature, as you know, it was the task and privilege of the unicorns to raise and lower the sun and moon each day. But this was no longer possible. Clover herself had tried, in secret, but even her own considerable magical talent had failed to move the sun one inch; only Luna and I held any power over them. With the same spirit of curiosity that had drawn us together to begin with, she wished to know why. And I, of course, did not know.

I told her all I could think of -- that no matter what weather patterns the pegasi might bring under their control, what intricacies of magic we might discover, what secrets of agriculture the earth ponies might develop, the universe would always be larger and more powerful than us, and there would always be facts that could not be discovered or overturned. With this answer -- that there was nothing we could do, to change or to understand -- she was dissatisfied, and I was too. It was only that evening in the privacy of my chambers, looking at beautiful Philomena, that I realized the better answer.

My own teacher, a great monarch named Aurelia, once told me that all reality derives from two things: the force of creation, and the force of destruction. But they are not simply opposed. Instead, they are a cycle, much like the sun and the moon are a cycle. What is created, will eventually be destroyed; and when it is destroyed, it is to make room for something else to be created. Sometimes, what is created is created simply in
order to later be destroyed! Yes, the unicorns had lost one aspect of their powers, but this freed them to live lives of their own and pursue other interests unrelated to the skies.

And now, of course, it is Equestria -- and the rest of the world surrounding it -- to which, as you once wrote me so eloquently, something really bad is about to happen. And so I ask of you two things. The first, as I asked Clover the next day, is to understand the value of destruction. And the second is not to blame yourself. No, nor Pinkie Pie either, nor anypony else you may think to name. That this is happening now -- that the Medium is opening its gates to you and your friends -- means only that what Luna and I had expected for so many years has come to pass.

All of Equestria -- indeed, the entire universe within which it resides -- was created for this purpose, Twilight: so that you six could pass through the veil and become the heroes Prospit needs. The clues have existed for a long time, and I am indescribably proud that you and your friends have been chosen for this final adventure, even as I mourn for what will be lost. These meteors that now rain down upon us are the natural end for our world; we have served our grand purpose as a culture for the six of you to learn and grow in, and it is now our time of reckoning. Give my deepest regards to Aurelia, should you meet her; leave us behind; and save those who are counting on you now and those who have yet to be conceived.



Dec 10 2012
"===>"


Do not believe, however, that the citizens of Canterlot -- of Equestria -- of the world -- shall simply lie back and wait for death. The story I told you is just that, a story, and any story, particularly one told before the events it describes, may be wrong. No, we shall stand together in the name of creation -- or at least, in the name of what we have already created -- and see for ourselves whether this is truly Equestria's dying day, or whether we shall withstand this latest threat as we have so many others. I have assembled skilled flyers and magic users from throughout Canterlot, and nearby regions besides, and together we shall make our stand to save our society and our lives. I have no doubt that across the world, other such efforts shall be and are being made... the Foundation of the Crystal Empire, for instance, contains much advanced technology and spellwork that can be put to use in their defense.

There does exist another hope for our survival: the First Guardian of Equestria. She is a nigh-omnipotent being, white-skinned and green-eyed, in place to protect Equestria and ensure that it reaches this moment of ascension. Unfortunately, while I have found excuses to invite her to Canterlot and ask for her support, I have found her to be a selfish, thoughtless creature interested in little but herself and the hero of Space, her chosen ward. I cannot reasonably expect to receive her aid in repelling the meteors that even now seek out our demise.



Dec 10 2012
"===>"


There are familiar faces here in Canterlot, from your former classmates among our recruits, to others as well. I have just spoken with a most impressive pegasus, one Nth Degree Dash, who brought his daughter Scootaloo here for safekeeping. I understand that he and his wife plan to collect both Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom and bring them back here with them, and I assure you that they both are more than welcome here in Canterlot, for whatever security we may provide. The Medium is a dangerous place for foals, and I swear that we shall do all in our power to maintain their safety. Luna swears so as well -- she attempted earlier today to call on the power of the Elements of Harmony in our aid, but confirmed only what I had already thought: we two are no more still bound to those artifacts than are unicorns to the sun and moon. Luna is surprisingly good with children, and would seem to have had some past friendship with Scootaloo in particular, and so I am hopeful for the effect their presence may have on her. She has been, I regret to report, most moody of late.

This shall likely be the last letter I shall ever write to you, my dearest Twilight. Soon the meteors shall reach Canterlot and begin to test the mettle of your brother's strongest shield spell, and eventually, as Princess of Equestria, I shall be called upon to join the effort to safeguard our race. Either I shall meet my end in the battle, laying down my life in my subjects' defense, or I shall find myself too cowardly to risk what I have sent so many of my subjects to risk, and shall suffer a deserved death for my inaction. In the battle to come, I suspect, whatever the specifics, the curse of Whimsyshire shall claim its final victims.

Twilight Sparkle; Pinkamena Diane Pie; Applejack Smithsdotter of the Apple Family; Rainbow Danger Dash; Rarity Scratch; Fluttershy; you are six of the most extraordinary ponies my sister and I have ever had the privilege of meeting, and it is small wonder that you six shall represent Equestria in the defense of Prospit. I am -- we are -- so, so proud of you.



Dec 10 2012
"===>"


Your most faithful princess -- or so I hope --
Celestia Firstborn



Dec 11 2012
"Everyone: React."


Applejack and Rarity are quick to go talk to their sisters, who have largely been left out of the conversation. "So, uh," says Applejack, "did y'all get any of that?"

Apple Bloom looks anxiously up at her. "Twilight was gettin' kinda loud there by the end. Do we hafta go to Canterlot now?"

"Shucks... I think I know by now I can't force you to do anything you don't want to do, li'l sis. But your pal Scootaloo's there, by the sound of it, and I know I'd rest easier knowing you were someplace safe. I guess you'd be going to Scootaloo's house, seems the most sensible place to find her folks."

Rarity gives what might generously be called an encouraging smile. "Applejack is quite correct. Despite the rather, ah, fatalistic tone of her letter, Princess Celestia is the single most powerful magic user in Equestria, and if she offers her protection to the two of you, by all means, take it!"

"But..." Apple Bloom looks at the ground. "But what about Big Mac an' Granny Smith? Are Scoot's folks gonna fly them to Canterlot too?"

"Don't you worry none about them. Mac can take care of himself, wherever he went, and I'll tell Granny to take shelter when I get back home. Reckon our apple cellar should be a good hiding spot from meteors, though Celestia knows that ain't what we built it for." Her gaze softens. "You'd fit down there too, of course. I know Canterlot's a big city, and..."

Apple Bloom shakes her head firmly. "Uh uh! I'm goin'. Scoots'll be lonely without us there, and if there's anything we can do t'help out, even if it's just cheerin' up Princess Luna, we can do that better there than here." She turns and whispers excitedly to Sweetie Belle. "Just think -- meteor resistance cutie marks!"

Sweetie Belle looks briefly tempted, but then scowls up at Rarity. "I don't see why I have to go to stupid Canterlot at all! We're supposed to be like apple pie, remember? I'm tough! Why can't I come with you?!"

Rarity and Applejack exchange worried glances. "I know you're 'tough,' little sister," says Rarity after a moment. "And brave, and beautiful, and everything that makes me so deeply proud of you! But..." She thinks for several seconds, while Sweetie Belle gets increasingly impatient. "...but, in fact, you do have a perfectly good reason to go to Canterlot, a reason I ought to have given you long ago. Can you remember an address?"

"Of course I can!"

"Excellent. In Canterlot there is a street named Disc Drive. And at 413 Disc Drive -- only once things have calmed down, of course! -- you will find a unicorn named Vinyl Scratch, who..." She breathes. "...who is our mother."

Sweetie Belle's eyes go wide. "Mom?! ...and dad? Is dad there too?"

"Oh, I doubt that!" says Rarity with a laugh. "Save your questions for her, though. Now may I ask of you to go to Canterlot, so I can rest easy that you're not in constant deadly peril? You know how little I like deadly peril."

"Oh boy oh boy oh boy!" Sweetie Belle begins hopping up and down in circles. "I'm going to Canterlot! I'm going to meet my mother! Thanks, Rarity, you're the best big sister ever!!!"

"Uh, Ms. Scratch?"

Rarity turns, somewhat wistfully. "Oh, yes, Sparkler! I'm sorry, you quite slipped my mind for a moment there. I suppose you will be wishing to terminate your employment in light of, ah, imminent potential destruction?"

Sparkler blushes a little. "If it's all right with you, Ms. Scratch, I'd much rather go to Canterlot with the girls. It sounds much safer than here, and I'm sure everypony there will be too busy to watch after three little fillies, so..."

Rarity cuts her off with a gentle wave of the hoof. "Say no more, dear. If Scootaloo's parents can take you, I see no reason why you shouldn't ask them to. I wish you the best of luck."

She smiles shyly. "You too. Um, if you find a way, do try to save the world, okay?"

Hugs are exchanged. Sisters are bidden farewell to. Partings are made. It is a quiet, heartfelt, touching moment, completely ruined by Rainbow Dash swooping down to ask if she just heard right who Rarity's mother is.



Dec 11 2012
"===>"


Rarity looks up in some alarm. "I... couldn't say? Why, do you know her?"

"Well, duh!" Rainbow Dash lands in a flurry of excited wingbeats. "Vinyl Scratch? You said Vinyl Scratch, right?"

"Yes..."

"The greatest, most rocking, most phattest DJ this side of Appleloosa? Of course I know her! I mean, I've been to her shows, but I never saw a way to get to know her, but with you I have an in!" Her eyes sparkle. "Man, I didn't know you even had a last name! I thought maybe it was 'Belle' or something."

Rarity looks somewhat uncomfortable with the sudden attention. "I'm, ah, glad to hear you hold her in such esteem... Sweetie Belle, thankfully, did not appear to recognize her name, so I am spared the uncomfortable task of answering why they never got to talk, for instance, when she performed at my fashion show, or at Twilight's brother's wedding, or..." She frowns. "Or, well. Really, it's only fair that I get to saddle her with an unpleasant conversation for once, don't you think?"

Rainbow Dash shrugs happily. "Search me! But look, could you get me free tickets? Or, I dunno, backstage passes, or..."

"Sometime when the world is not ending, perhaps? Really, though, I can't see how this is such a big deal. Surely we all have important relatives of some kind or another..." She pauses and looks shocked. "Oh my heavens, I'm sorry! How insensitive can I be? You don't have parents, do you? But... were you raised by wolves, or...?"

"Oh wow, I wish! Leopards, really. That would have been so awesome! No, Scootaloo's parents took care of me, Ember and Nth Degree. It was cool and all, but they're no leopards..."

"..." Rarity freezes. "Ember... Dash? Your mother... sorry, your mother figure... is Ember Dash? The Ember Dash? The most divine, fabulous, sought-after fashion model in all of Equestria? The Ember Dash I have spent years trying to induce to wear my creations?"

Rainbow Dash backs away a few steps in surprise. "Uh... yeah? Really she's not such a big deal, I just think of them as good ol' Em Dash and En Dash..."

"Darling," says Rarity, stepping forward to take hold of her hooves. "I don't think I tend to vocally appreciate you nearly enough. Have I mentioned lately that we two are absolutely the best of friends?"

Rainbow Dash thinks about it for a moment, then smiles broadly. "The best."



Dec 11 2012
"===>"


"So that's it," says Twilight Sparkle, apparently to no one in particular. "My last letter. Ever. I'm never again going to hear her tell me that she's proud of me, or what she thinks about my latest writings, or even that we need to come to Canterlot to learn about some petty invader. This is the end. She's going to be dead, my teacher's going to be dead, and I'm supposed to stroll happily off onto some other planet and defend some aliens I've never even met while my teacher's dead and my family might be dead and everypony I've ever known might be dead."

Fluttershy, cradled in Spike's arms, sobs something unintelligible about Angel and also about badgers and muskrats. Pinkie Pie giggles.

"This doesn't even make sense. How can Princess Celestia die? She's an immortal alicorn, she's not supposed to die! And didn't she just say that only she and Princess Luna can raise the sun and moon now? Is Princess Luna going to take over everything? Is Princess Luna going to get to live when Princess Celestia doesn't? How is that fair? Or if not, are the sun and moon never going to move again? That makes no sense! Oh, why am I thinking about this!? Princess Celestia's going to die, and that's more important than what'll happen to the sun!"

Fluttershy worries blubberingly about otters and dormice and squirrels and one particular family of shrimp. Spike coughs awkwardly. Pinkie Pie giggles.

"Why didn't she ever tell me any of this before? Like who's this Aurelia person I'm suddenly supposed to accept as somepony so super-important to her life, my teacher's teacher, like that's something that would never be mentioned under other circumstances! No, this letter feels awfully fake to me! What does 'Aurelia' even mean? Golden or something? So she rules over what, Gold Ponies? That's ridiculous! I bet anypony could have forged this letter, and known about everything that's happening right now, and sent it to me by Spike's magic fire, and directly quoted one of my letters to Princess Celestia, and... and..."

Fluttershy begins to freak out about Bubblecup and Raindrops and even Hoops and Parasol and everypony else she never really liked, but oh gosh, what if they get hurt? Pinkie Pie giggles.

"But how does she know so much about this? Pinkie just finished inventing this yesterday. Has Princess Celestia read the Lodestar book? If so, did she leave it in my library? Could she turn into an earth pony to do that? And this mention of her being new to the world after Clover's Shield dissolved... what does that mean? How could I never have thought to ask her where she came from? Haven't the princesses always been here? They're immortal! What's Whimsyshire? Oh, how can Princess Celestia be about to die when I still have so many questions!?"

Fluttershy dissolves into tears about bears and monitor lizards and gazelles. Pinkie Pie giggles. Twilight explodes again.



Dec 11 2012
"TS: PINKIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING"


You shout that at her. Honestly, you feel a little better for having shouted. Pinkie smiles at you with the innocence of a newborn foal and says that she's giggling.

"I can tell you're giggling. Why are you giggling when Princess Celestia just told us that everypony is probably about to die?!" You hyperventilate a little just from saying it.

"Oh, that's easy!" Pinkie grins ear to ear. "She's wrong!"

You can feel your mind crumbling away, a not unfamiliar sensation when dealing with Pinkie Pie. "Wrong? She can't be wrong! Okay, I guess she just sent me a whole letter about her sometimes being wrong about stuff, but she can't be wrong about something this big!"

"Sure she can! Haven't you ever been wrong about something? Like about my Pinkie Sense?"

"Well, yes..."

"Then there you go! She's a pony too, isn't she? Ponies are wrong sometimes!"

You glare at her. "Her theory is that the meteors currently falling towards Equestria will continue to fall towards Equestria and will kill everything they land on. How do you possibly disagree with that?"

"I told you, everypony's going to make it out just fine! As long as we don't do anything to save Ponyville, at least. If we did that it might be really bad news for everypony else, but otherwise, there's nothing to worry about!"

Right, her secret plan that she wouldn't reveal until all six of you had shown up. Well, that's now, isn't it? A dozen questions occur to you in the span of an instant, but they all boil down to one: "Why not?!"

She looks puzzled. "Honestly, I have no idea how this is going to work out. You're right about the meteors! But my Pinkie Sense says that nopony's going to die, so nopony's going to die!"

You twitch. "Your... Pinkie Sense?"

"Yep! There's a special combo for when somepony I care about is going to die. Tummy hurts, eyes cross, knees lock. And I've been paying super close attention, and I haven't felt that at all! Just a whole lot of twitchy tails."

"But that's not good enough!" You twitch again. "Somepony you care about, okay, the Cakes and so on, but you're not taking into account the possibility that those particular ponies might happen to avoid dying at least right away! You'd need a bigger sample size! You'd need... you'd need to be..."

You stop.

You suddenly remember one very basic fact about Pinkie Pie, perhaps her very proudest accomplishment.

"You're friends with every pony in Ponyville."

Pinkie Pie says nothing. There's nothing for her to say.

If she's friends with every pony in Ponyville -- and she is -- then she'll know if any of them are going to die. And just like she said, as long as you don't do anything to save Ponyville, then Equestria itself should be safe, since there's nothing else that would set it apart from the rest. Abandoning Ponyville saves Equestria. It's horrible. It's Pinkie Pie logic. It shouldn't make sense. But you can't deny that it does.

Still, you just can't let yourself believe her this easily, not when the stakes are so high. "And... it hasn't happened? At all? Not even now?"

"Nopey-dopey!" She flexes herself. "All I get now is... huh! Ear flop, knee twitch,  eye flutter!"

"Which means?" It sounds familiar, but you're in no state to retain a mental catalogue of her myriad bizarre physical signals.

"That we're going to see a beautiful rainbow instead! It'll be over there... ooh, right by where Candy Mane's standing!" She waves happily and shouts into the distance. "Hi there, Candy Mane!"



Dec 22 2012
"Candy Mane: Run away!"


You don't command Candy Mane to run away, since in order to give Candy Mane a command, you would first need to be her. And you don't want to do that, because nopony has ever wanted to be Candy Mane.

Candy Mane was born one of a pair of twins, but while Dizzy Twister inherited their parents' wings, Candy Mane did not. Her birth forced her family to move into a land house, lest she fall through the floor one day and perish, a fact which she always felt responsible for but could never of course do anything about. Certainly her parents never said anything in complaint about their new home, at least not with their daughters present, but few pegasi live on the ground by choice. Candy Mane never dared to bring the subject up on her own.

As time went on, their father began spending more and more time at work, which Candy Mane worriedly interpreted as a sign that he was ashamed of her, especially after he began bringing Dizzy Twister along with him. She could not think of a tactful way to mention her worries, and began unconsciously avoiding her father so as to avoid having to deal with the thoughts she refused to mention to him. In response, her father spent even less time with her, and so on, until sometimes Candy Mane felt a perfect stranger in her home, speaking only to her mother, and even that only sadly or sullenly. She found that she and Dizzy Twister spent little time together while out of the house, in part to avoid the constant confusion over why one of them had wings and the other did not.

School was a welcome respite from the agonizing silence of her home, and she got solid and unremarkable grades, but Candy Mane became gradually more and more aware that her classmates were one by one getting their cutie marks while her own side remained totally empty. Increasingly desperate for something to distinguish herself, she volunteered to design the lights for the school play and threw herself wholeheartedly into the project, staying up late sketching fantastic colors and reading through lighting manuals from the Ponyville library. On the night of the performance, she was crushed to hear Ms. Sharpener's decision that the gemstones the costume designer had used provided so much natural light that no artificial lights would be necessary. The next day -- following a miserable session in the back of the room of watching while her entire class oohed and ahhed over the costume designer's beautiful cutie mark -- was the first time Candy Mane ran away from home, though not the last. When she finally moved away for good, as a young adult beginning a carpentry apprenticeship, she felt sure that her family was relieved, though none of them said a word.

She never tried lighting design again.



Dec 22 2012
"===>"


The first time Candy Mane felt true joy in her adult life came from a young stallion named Colton Vines. He came from a long line of grape-growers and wine-makers, and was dispatched one day to her carpentry shop in search of new trellises. She found him soft-spoken, modest, and charming; she never could think what he saw in her. Nonetheless, they dated for nearly a year, going on quiet walks through the Whitetail Woods, dancing by firelight, and talking about his family because she couldn't manage to talk about hers. She was completely faithful to him and never had reason to suspect him of not being the same. They were never intimate -- they tried, once, in celebration of a particularly good grape harvest, but she felt ashamed of her still cutie mark-free body and refused to profane him with it, despite his protests. They spent the night together chastely instead and tried to talk of cheerful things.

Around this time she met Junebug, a paying member of the Flower Pickers Union and fellow earth pony, and was amazed to discover that Junebug too had no cutie mark despite being also a fully grown adult. Candy Mane and Junebug became best friends and began volunteering together at the Pierce Daycare Center, where she met a never-ending stream of cheerful colts and fillies and tried not to compare them to her own foalhood. While Candy Mane was a dedicated volunteer at the Pierce center, and always put on her brightest of smiles for their benefit, she was never any of the foals' favorite.

Eventually her relationship ended, as many do, with her and Colton solemnly pledging to remain friends. He started going out with a detestable mare named Daisy instead, whom Candy Mane always suspected he had met through Junebug somehow, though that was not an accusation she felt like making. Candy Mane and Colton always smiled and waved when they passed each other on the street, and said how sad it was that they hadn't talked to each other lately and that they really should make plans to change that sometime, and then they both walked away. She was very firm that Junebug shouldn't tell her any of the details of how Colton and Daisy were getting along, but always broke down and demanded to know everything whenever more than a couple weeks had passed since the last update.

Gradually she began to worry that having her only friend be a fellow blank-flank would only ensure that she would never get her cutie mark, and that Junebug was dragging her down somehow. She started seeking out what she could identify as the more fashionable or exclusive social circles within Ponyville, and tried to endear herself to them through compliments and favors and offers of free carpentry work and the like, suspecting but refusing to admit that she was only making herself look pathetic rather than companionable. She couldn't reasonably explain to Junebug what she was trying to do, in particular because none of it was Junebug's fault in the slightest, and the old familiar distance began creeping into their friendship, even as they continued to see each other frequently.

So Candy Mane lived, not doing anything horribly wrong but clearly not doing anything especially right, attracting neither envy nor enemies, and generally being a largely unremarkable pony, until today. Today is the day that Candy Mane distinguishes herself. For in all of Ponyville, in all of Equestria, in all the world, as more and more meteors fall down towards the earth below, Candy Mane is the very first.



Dec 22 2012
"===>"


The very first to die.






"Pinkie?"

"Yes, Twilight?"

"Does... does that look like a beautiful rainbow to you? Does it look at all like a beautiful rainbow and not like a pony crushed by a meteor strike?"

"No."

"And that pony... she was your friend? You cared about her?"

"I thought so." A sniffle. "Yes."

"Okay, until further notice we are declaring your Pinkie Sense broken and we are not making any future decisions based on it. Understood?"

Another sniffle. "Understood."



Dec 30 2012
"R: Suggest burying poor Candy Mane, if there's time."


You can do one better than that. The fence suddenly no obstacle -- honestly, one could easily jump over the thing! -- you hurry over to the deceased pony's side and prepare your best funeral spell.

"Whoa whoa whoa," says Twilight from behind you. "Rarity, you know funeral spells?"

You cough. "Only the most elegant ones, I assure you. Be a dear and light these candles for your old Princess Platinum stand-in, won't you?"

She calls a few sparks of fire to the candles, but still seems unsatisfied. "Elegant or no... funeral spells?"

Memories of a very unhappy period in your life rise to the surface, and you wince. "Suffice to say," you answer carefully, "that there was a certain stallion whom I entertained a great number of unpleasant thoughts about, and plans were, ah, made accordingly. I'm calmer now, of course, but magic lingers on, even after the most malevolent of intentions..."

"You were set to be judge and executioner both, huh?" asks Pinkie Pie. You risk a glance back at her, taking pains not to accidentally set your dead charge on fire or anything as you do so. She looks about as well as could be expected, and you suppose it's a good sign that she's trying to make jokes? Certainly they're inappropriate given the circumstances, but they're appropriate given the joke-maker, and... oh, you don't know what is appropriate! It was so simple to abandon Ponyville in the abstract, but here, with this somewhat familiar-looking pony hovering before you, waiting to be deposited into the casket... well, perhaps it's better to focus on other things.

"And jury too, surely?" you ask, choosing to play along with her.

Pinkie makes a small grunting sound. "There are no juries in jokes."

Twilight spares you the trouble of trying to figure out what that means by once again taking charge. "Okay, everypony, we've got to get going," she says. You can hear the restrained panic in her voice and nod appreciatively at her self-control, hard-won as you know it is. "Princess Celestia wants us to play this game, and... and I don't think there's anything we can do here. With Pinkie's Pinkie Sense broken, Ponyville's all out of our hooves now." You don't have to look behind you to guess that all eyes are on the pony whose wounds you are delicately cleaning.

"Um," says Fluttershy, to your great surprise. "Twilight's right, I mean. We don't really have any other choice."

"Thanks," says Twilight, "I think. So right now we all need to go to our houses and transport them onto our planets. Rose says our houses are important -- no, I don't know why -- and they're also potential targets. For the meteors, I guess. Has everypony got their consoles? Here, or at home?"

There's an embarrassed cough that you readily identify as Rainbow Dash's. "Yeah, so... Twilight, just supposing I might have lost mine somehow, do you think..."

"No worries," says Applejack, sounding confident. "I reckon I picked yours up while I was stuck in that taffy machine. Hold on..." A brief silence ensues, you suppose while she wrestles with her fetch modus. "There! One gadget, somewhat the worse for wear but should still work, I hope."

"Whoa, thanks, Applejack! You're the best!"

"Really?"

"Uhh... yeah?"

Twilight growls at them as you allow yourself a smile on the grounds that nopony can actually see your face right now. "Girls, focus! Libido later, got it? We need to get home and, uh, get out of here!"

Gently, you deposit the dead pony into the coffin and the coffin into the earth, and turn around just in time to enjoy a long series of choking noises from Applejack and a bright red blush overtaking most of Rainbow Dash's face. Oh, for simpler times. "Ah, point of order, Twilight," you say. "From what I saw of my console, it looked rather frightfully complicated. Is there any sort of pocket version of your book you could give us, or some way we can all keep in contact from our respective houses, or...?"

Twilight thinks for a moment, looking worried. "There aren't any mind-joining spells that can be cast so quickly," she says, "but I guess I can try to summarize the entry process in advance! Princess Celestia always said my book reports were very thorough, so..."

Pinkie raises a hoof. "Or we could use the group chat!" She sounds almost lively again, to your -- and you imagine everypony else's -- relief.

"The what?" you ask.

"The group chat!" She reaches into Twilight's tail and pulls what you assume must be her own console out of it, causing Twilight to jump several feet in surprise. "It's really simple, you just need to be in voice mode and you press your own button instead of somepony else's who you want to talk to, and that way you can talk to all of us together at once! Did nopony ever try that combination of buttons?" There is silence, and she shakes her head. "Huh! That's a weird coincidence."

"Pinkie, dear, you're a lifesaver," you say, and then instantly fall silent as Pinkie looks at the ground and everyone else glares at you. Seriously, Rarity? Seriously? Lifesaver? You couldn't think of anything better to say than the worst possible thing? You sigh. "Well, ah... you know what I mean. I need to finish up here, saying her prayers and all, but otherwise it sounds like we have a plan."

Twilight trots over and rests her head briefly against yours. She's cold and sweating slightly and you wouldn't be surprised to learn you're not much better. "Are you sure, Rarity?" she asks. "Going by what Fluttershy said, this was hardly the only meteor in the area, and your boutique could get hit at any time..."

You try to smile. "I realize that, but... well, I can't help but think we owe this poor dear at least a proper funeral. Besides, she looks almost familiar."

"She should," says Pinkie Pie. "You went to school together."

"Thanks, Pinkie. Your intimate knowledge of every detail of my life is as reassuring as ever."

Twilight looks worriedly back and forth between the grave and the direction of her library. "If you're late..."

You cut her off before she manages to convince you. "Then I shall be fashionably late. Now shoo! All of you!"



Jan 17 2013
"Mane 6: Let's go."


TS: Testing, testing...
TS: Is anypony out there?

AJ: All clear here, Twi. This little gadget just never stops getting weirder.
RD: Or awesomer!
RD: I'm flying, and I can still hear you girls! If I just carried this thing around all day, I'd never even need to land at all.

TS: Wait, Rainbow Dash, you're flying right now? While talking to us?
RD: Yeah?
AJ: You sure that's safe, sugarcube?
AJ: With those meteors falling around, and you not paying attention to where you're flying...

RD: Come on, AJ, I can fly Ghastly Gorge in my sleep! Mostly. A little in-flight conversation's not going to hurt me, I've got my eyes on the road.
AJ: Well, if you're sure...
TS: Uh, so, Pinkie Pie, are you here with us?
PP: Yep.
TS: Great. So I've got Rose's book to guide me, but I'm working mostly from memory, and maybe the details are different anyway. Can you help me explain the entry process to the others, in case I get anything wrong?
PP: No problem.
RD: Ow!
TS: Oh gosh, Rainbow Dash, are you okay?
RD: Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. Just this dumb tree came out of nowhere.
AJ: Eyes on the road, huh?
RD: Yeah, well... turns out roads aren't really where you find trees.
TS: Anyhow.
TS: I think the first thing we need to do is figure out our server-client order. Rainbow Dash, you're my client. And Applejack is yours, right?

RD: Right.
TS: Applejack?
AJ: Don't think I have one of those, Twilight. I haven't much touched my console since Bubblecup first dropped it off.
AJ: Or jus' dropped it, honestly.

TS: That's fine. We'll figure out if you have a choice or not.
TS: I think Rarity's my server. She didn't really say, but I got that impression, so...

PP: Yep, she told me she was. So that's four in a row! We're off to a good start.
TS: Okay, so that leaves... Fluttershy? Are you there yet?
FS: Yes! I'm sorry, but I had to run home and then unpackage my, um, console?, and it was packed in an awful lot of seeds, so it took me a moment.
FS: Thank you very much for all the seeds, by the way, Pinkie.

PP: You're welcome! Carrot Top was having a super sale, and I could never say no to cheap seeds.
AJ: Do folks offer you cheap seeds often?
PP: Not before Carrot Top! But thanks for the straight line.
TS: Speaking of lines. Fluttershy, if you just deseeded your console, you aren't in the chain yet, are you?
FS: Um, well, actually.
FS: While I was in Derse earlier, I tried to make Pinkie my client, but then my console exploded. My dream console, I mean.
FS: So maybe that happened in the real world, too? The client part, not the explosion.

TS: Maybe so. Can you switch to stare mode and see if you can see Pinkie Pie?
TS: That's a working test, right, Pinkie?

PP: Sounds good.
FS: Oh, yes, that worked. So I guess I'm her server.
FS: Pinkie, do you know why it exploded, by the way?

PP: Hmm! Well, I guess if it was a DREAM console, it would point at DREAM Pinkie Pie. Was I there?
FS: You were! I mean, she was. I mean...
PP: Neat! Anyway, if it was showing her, and she was next to it, then it probably tried to show itself too, and then it was showing itself showing itself, and then it was showing itself showing itself showing itself, and eventually it got easier for it just to explode!
PP: I know that's usually my solution to that sort of thing.

TS: Pinkie Pie, I really wish your brilliance made itself more obvious under less dire circumstances.
PP: Thanks!
RD: I don't.
PP: Thanks!
TS: In any case, that leaves us with one chain of four, and one chain of two. So we just need Applejack to choose Fluttershy as her client, and Pinkie Pie to choose Rarity. Great!
TS: Now, everypony, there are several steps involved in our entry to the Medium. First, we all need to deploy our clients' cruxtruder. Can everypony find that in the Deploy menu in stare mode?

AJ: Uhh... the cruxtruders?
TS: Yes.
AJ: The same cruxtruders you were so gung-ho on us not touching, just a little bit ago?
TS: Yes, when I thought the end of the world wasn't inevitable!
TS: But now everypony's clearly doomed, so we've got to deploy everything as quickly as possible.

FS: There's no other choice.
AJ: You keep sayin' that, but... I dunno.
AJ: It seems to me that we were set on following Pinkie's plan back when we thought nopony was going to die, but as soon as that turned out wrong, we decided to follow Pinkie's plan anyhow.
AJ: Shouldn't what happened to poor ol' Candy Mane mean SOMETHING's different?

FS: But it can't!
TS: Like what?
TS: Applejack, if you have a suggestion for saving Ponyville, obviously I'm all ears, but...

AJ: I don't, but then I don't reckon as I have all the information I'd need.
AJ: Supposing we finish this entry thing. What exactly happens to us?

TS: Well, our houses...
TS: ...
TS: Oh my gosh.



Jan 17 2013
"===>"


RD: What?
TS: Pinkie Pie, roughly how many ponies would you say can fit in my library?
PP: A hundred and twenty-four. Twenty-five if you don't mind getting your sink dirty.
TS: I... huh.
TS: That's counting the basement?

PP: Yeah?
TS: Okay, but leaving out the basement, it should still be a decent-sized number. And Applejack, you hold family reunions at Sweet Apple Acres all the time, right? And Sugarcube Corner holds lots of ponies whenever there's a party...
AJ: Dunno if I'd call every hundred moons all the time.
TS: Fluttershy, your hut's pretty small, but that's okay, because so is Ponyville. And Rainbow Dash, your house can always take on some pegasi, and...
TS: Oh gosh, this could work!

FS: What could?
RD: Yeah! Let us in on the gag, Twilight.
TS: It's not just us that enter the Medium, right, Pinkie Pie? We bring our entire houses with us?
PP: Ooh, yes!
TS: So anyone we pack into our houses before we leave... they can come along! Sure, they'd be on one of six strange new planets, but that's better than being the target of a meteor storm, right?
TS: We could save all of Ponyville and sacrifice nothing but a little personal space!

PP: Well...
TS: Well?
TS: Well what?

PP: I mean, that's a great idea, Twilight. But don't you think we should deploy the cruxtruders first?
TS: The cruxtruders...?
TS: Oh, of course! The countdowns! Hit the lid on top of your cruxtruder and it'll come off, revealing a big glowy ball thing called a KERNELSPRITE, and starting the countdown until...
TS: ...wait, what exactly are those FOR? Rose was infuriatingly vague.

PP: When the countdown on your cruxtruder ends, your house gets hit by a meteor.
PP: Unless you've already entered, of course.

FS: So however long it says on our, um, cruxtruders, that's how long we'd have to find everyone?
PP: Yes.
FS: Oh.
FS: I'm sorry.

TS: You're sorry? Fluttershy, what's there to be sorry about? I'll have Spike make a list of everypony we need to track down, and...
FS: It's just... this says I only have five minutes left to enter.
FS: And I know you said my hut wouldn't be much use anyway, but if mine is so short, then, well...

TS: Applejack? Has Rainbow Dash deployed your cruxtruder yet?
AJ: Seven minutes. Enough time to get Granny Smith downstairs in the cellar, but not much more.
PP: Four here. Um, Fluttershy, anything else you could deploy would be appreciated, as soon as possible.
FS: I'm sorry, Twilight. It was a good idea, but...
TS: ...but life isn't fair.
FS: No. It isn't.
TS: I guess... I'll just have to make the instructions quick, then.
RD: Twilight!
TS: Yes?
RD: You're my server player, right? So when do I get in on this action? I wanna know how long I've got!



Jan 17 2013
"===>"


TS: Oh. Heh, that's a good point. I can't really deploy these devices to your cloud house, can I?
TS: Your house being made of clouds and all.

RD: It's more stuff like that Alka-Seltzer you put in Applejack's orchard?
PP: Alchemiter.
PP: But I like your name for it better, Dashie!

TS: Yes, more stuff like that.
RD: There's no way I'm pegasus magicking all that stuff up into my house, no. Especially not if I've only got a few minutes.
TS: Okay. Okay, I can work with this.
TS: Rainbow Dash, I'm going to deploy all your parts to the orchard next to your alchemiter, all right? There's even a chance they'll get entered into the Medium with Applejack, if the definition of 'house' is broad enough.
TS: You only need to be inside your own house when you do the actual entering; all the preparation can be done on the ground.

RD: So... back to Applejack's again, then?
TS: Yes. Is that a problem?
RD: Huh? Of course not! It's just, uh...
AJ: Heh...
TS: Oh, come on!
TS: Libido later, damn it! Your lives are in danger here and I am NOT having any of my friends die just because they're blushing every time they go near each other! Is that quite clear?

RD: ...yes, Twilight.
AJ: Sorry, Twilight.
TS: Good. I'll deploy your things now, Rainbow Dash; the rest of you should take this opportunity to deploy everything from the list as well.
TS: There'll probably be some things that cost 'grist,' but don't worry about those yet; only the free items are necessary for the entry process.
TS: Oh, and Pinkie, are you Rarity's server yet? Can you see where she is?

PP: Yeah! She's on her way back home right now, and I've left a whole set of entry thingies waiting for her there.
TS: Wonderful.
TS: Okay, I'm going to keep talking because we don't have much time. Besides the kernelsprite, your cruxtruder should have a colorful cylinder inside it. That's called CRUXITE.
TS: Pinkie, WHY is it called cruxite, anyhow?

PP: Dunno... the name came with the game.
TS: Shame.
TS: Take the cruxite and put it in the TOTEM LATHE. That's the one that's long and thin, not squarish like the cruxtruder and the alchemiter. Everypony with me so far?

FS: Yes.
AJ: Keeping up somehow.
RD: No prob.
R: Darlings!
R: I have the most spectacular news!



Jan 17 2013
"===>"


AJ: Rarity! What happened?
TS: Did Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom and Sparkler make it out of Ponyville safely?
PP: Did you somehow prototype your kernelsprite with Candy Mane while I wasn't watching?
PP: No, I guess you don't have your kernelsprite yet...

RD: Did you weave a big magic safety net around all of Ponyville, like in Daring Do and the Alicorn War?
R: What? No.
R: Weaving ambient magic is EXTREMELY difficult, I'm afraid, and there'd need to be existing stores of recently-cast anti-meteor magic for me to draw on, which there simply aren't.

AJ: So...
R: Opalescence is alive!
R: I got back home just now, and what did I find but my own dear, sweet Opal waiting for me? The dear must have frighted at that falling taffy machine and run back here for safety!

FS: Oh, Rarity, that's just wonderful!
FS: Is she all right? Is she traumatized at all?

R: I'm afraid I haven't the faintest idea how I'd figure that out.
R: She doesn't appear injured, and that's all I can really ask for. So, what are we doing now?

TS: Entering the Medium.
TS: Open your cruxtruder by banging the lid open, take the cruxite cylinder inside it, and put the cruxite in the non-square-shaped totem lathe device. Tell us if the countdown on your cruxtruder looks dangerously short.
TS: Oh, and please deploy everything to my library. I'm feeling incredibly vulnerable over here!

R: Hmm, I see...
R: Three minutes. Is that bad?

AJ: That's how long before your home gets destroyed, 'less you've entered by then.
R: Oh.
R: Can't you stop time or something?

TS: Tried it once. Didn't work.
TS: The only time spell I could find was for going BACK in time, but it only worked once per caster.

R: Only once...? That's quite unusual, isn't it?
TS: Yes! But all of Star Swirl's spells are supposed to be unusual one way or another. They're very abstract and logic-driven and, ugh, this isn't helping at all.
TS: Cruxite in the totem lathe! Now, there should also be a PRE-PUNCHED CARD, which is like a captchalogue card but with a lot of holes in it. Put the card into the totem lathe, and turn it on somehow.
TS: The lathe should carve the cruxite cylinder into a cruxite TOTEM.

PP: You can use other punched hole arrangements on cards for putting in the lathe, too!
PP: But I guess we can get to that part later when we're not about to maybe die.

RD: Yeah! Like, time may change us, but we can't trace time.
TS: Rainbow Dash... what?
RD: Hey, I wanted to say something insightful-sounding too.
TS: Uh, well, that's very helpful, I think, but...
AJ: Maybe save that sort of thing for the experts, hon?
RD: Geez, fine.
RD: So now what do we do with these totems?

PP: Now it's time for the Alka-Seltzer!
R: I beg your pardon?
TS: She means the alchemiter.



Jan 17 2013
"===>"


TS: The alchemiter is the last major component of the entry process.
TS: There should be a sort of small pedestal on one corner, and you place the cruxite totem on that.
TS: The alchemiter scans the totem and creates a unique CRUXITE ARTIFACT based on the way it was carved.
TS: Rose says the artifact can vary from player to player, so don't worry too much about how it looks. The important thing is to destroy it.

FS: Destroy it...?
TS: Bite it, smash it, tear it apart, whatever you need to do.
FS: Oh, I understand how to destroy things.
FS: This 'artifact' just isn't something I think I want to destroy.

PP: Same here.
PP: But we've gotta do it!
PP: It's destroying that artifact that finishes up the entry, so your house can go whoosh, bang, whoosh! onto your new planet.
PP: Instead of just bang.

AJ: I know we're short on time an' all, but... Pinkie, you really mean planet?
AJ: I doubt any of us have ever been outside of Equestria, and now we're going to different worlds?

PP: Actually, we're leaving this entire universe!
PP: But yes. We each get our own planet, spinning around this big cloudy star thing called Skaia.
PP: I know, I know, planets spinning around stars instead of suns spinning around planets sounds pretty bonkers, but that's the Medium for you.
PP: The planets are where we do the first main part of the game, doing our quests.

RD: We get quests?!
PP: We get quests!
FS: The... first?
PP: Remember when Princess Celestia had us all go to the Crystal Empire, so it would be all awesome and shiny again? It's a lot like that!
PP: Except we each get our very own Crystal Empire to save for ourselves.
PP: Our planets will each have been taken over or corrupted or something by a DENIZEN, and we'll get to meet the natives of that planet, our CONSORTS, who can tell us what our quests are.
PP: It'll probably tie in somehow to discovering our true selves or learning to use the new powers from our titles or something, you get the idea.

FS: Titles?
PP: Yeah, we get new heroey titles. If you check your profile on the console after entering, you'll find it there. Like you could be Maid of Hope or something like that.
FS: Oh, that sounds nice.
FS: Is that my title?

PP: Nah, kinda the opposite, actually.
PP: But don't worry, all the titles are great, and there are various ways of getting from one planet to another, even if they can be sorta complicated, so it's not like we'll be alone all the time.
PP: We just need to enter the Medium.

RD: Yeah, about that.
RD: You girls know I can be a pretty destructive pony, right? Twilight, back me up here.

TS: Uhh, yes, completely.
RD: So I am NOT having any luck breaking this artifact whatsit, and just because I can't see my clock anymore, doesn't mean it's not still ticking...
R: Same here, I'm afraid. Twilight, Pinkie? Is there some step we're missing here?
PP: Oh, we need to prototype our kernelsprites!
TS: That's right! I'm sorry, I totally forgot.
R: There's a glowing orb of spirals and light following you around speaking unintelligibly, and you forgot about it?
R: Granted, I've had similar thoughts about Sweetie Belle sometimes, appearance aside, but...

TS: Look, Rarity, all my things only got deployed very recently, okay?
TS: I haven't had a whole lot of time to settle down and pay attention to it!

R: True.
FS: Um, but the countdowns really are running out, so if one of you could explain these kernelsprites, maybe very quickly?



Jan 17 2013
"===>"


TS: Very quickly...
TS: You need to PROTOTYPE your kernelsprite by throwing something into it.
TS: Whatever you throw in there will merge with the kernelsprite and become a SPRITE, which is a sort of personal guide.
TS: Its personality and mannerisms will be partially determined by the nature of whatever you prototype it with.
TS: On the other hoof, prototyping will ALSO affect the nature of the enemies you'll encounter, so you may want to select something that would make both a good guide AND an unthreatening opponent.

AJ: Enemies?
TS: We really don't have time to talk about that right now.
R: Very well.
R: But the rest of this process has been so thoroughly invariant -- take this, put this here, turn this on, and so forth -- and now we have complete freedom in our choice?

TS: Exactly.
TS: How are we all doing on time?

PP: Half a minute.
PP: I think I've gotta go, but I'll talk to you all again on the other side! Good luck!

TS: Good luck, Pinkie!
TS: I've got about seven minutes left myself, so I have time to make sure everything works out.
TS: Anyway.
TS: Yes, complete freedom. This is our last big decision -- each of ours -- before the game starts.
TS: After we prototype something, our artifacts will let us destroy them, and then we can enter the Medium.
TS: May Celestia smile on you all.



Jan 18 2013
"Bubblecup: Fondly regard catenation."



Jan 18 2013
"===>"



Jan 20 2013
"===>"



Jan 20 2013
"===>"



Jan 20 2013
"===>"



Jan 20 2013
"===>"



Jan 20 2013
"===>"



Jan 22 2013
"Golden Harvest: Retrieve yams from fridge."


Retrieve... what now? Yams? You don't see how that's even possible.

But hay! Golden Harvest, huh? Now there's a name nopony's called you in a while. Pretty much not since you started dying your mane and tail orange, and "Carrot Top" really caught on as a nickname. You used to say that you'd take Rarity's fashion advice any day, and you've got to admit she was right about this one. Green wasn't your color. You wouldn't be surprised if there were plenty of folks around who don't even remember Carrot Top's not your given name -- heh, perks of being forgettable.

Still. Golden Harvest? Sure, okay! This is a time of sowing and of reaping, after all. You'd be okay with going back to Golden Harvest for a while. It's not like it's your true name, but you've got a little ways to go yet before that tree flowers.

Thanks for the thought, poorly-defined interactive suggestion mechanic.



Jan 22 2013
"Golden Harvest: Ask if the specimen cooling chamber has been emptied. Again."


That strikes you as a perfectly reasonable question. You approach your assistant/visitor/houseguest/friend/housemate, making your way across the remains of your monitoring equipment she seems to have left in her wake. "Hey, Bubblecup."

"Carrot Top!" She whirls around, all smiles and strabismus. "Hi, best friend Carrot Top!"

"Two questions," you say. "First, how's my specimen cooling chamber today? Empty?"

She frowns intently at you -- well, half at you -- before brightening. "Oh! You mean your fridge, positive? It's stuffed."

"Stuffed. Stuffed as in... not empty?"

"Right! I know how you can get cranky when I borrow all your food, so today I decisioned to make you not cranky!"

D'aww. What more could you ask from an assistant? Besides the, uh, breaking everything in your lab, and the usually eating your food. You feel kind of guilty that you're leaving her behind. "That's peachy. And, so, second question... what are you doing down here?"

She beams at you and is clearly very pleased with herself for destroying your hard work. "Fixing things!"

"Bubblecup... is this one of those tricky words we need to talk about? Because what you're doing here looks a lot more like breaking things to me."

"Nope! See, these boxes were doing stuff things shouldn't do, like spying ponies. There was one that was spying Princess Celestia, and she's in charge of everypony! So I broke it, and now things are fixed so she isn't spied anymore!"

"Really." You can't help but let a little sarcasm into your tone while she hovers around. "You, of all ponies, are suddenly opposed to spying."

"Aw, Carrot Top!" Half of her face looks at you very seriously. "I'm not a spy, I just visit! I do the mail, after all -- visiting is my job!"

Plausible deniability -- she really is the very best of assistants. "Fair enough. But look; this is my basement."

"You're right!" she says.

"Haven't I always asked you not to go in my basement? In fact, don't I keep the door locked expressly to keep you out of here?"

"Correct!" She lies back on one of the desks, overturning another piece of unique, priceless equipment in order to get a better look at the ceiling. "So I ping the door every day to check if I can come in yet, and today it wasn't locked, and I descended."

Oh, right, you remember now. She was leaving to do her morning mail run, and you rushed upstairs to give her that letter for Pinkie Pie before she could go. You must have forgotten to lock up after yourself. Well... you couldn't have picked a better day for this to happen, at least.



Jan 24 2013
"Bubblecup: Ask why Carrot Top is spying on ponies private and/or romantic lives."


While you watch the root-filled ceiling, you start to wonder where all these spy things came from. This is best friend Carrot Top's basement. She doesn't act surprised that she found them here. Maybe she made them? But then best friend Carrot Top would be a spy! Better you ask her about this, before you start to treat her as guilty before innocent. You ask her why she's spying ponies.

"Spying on ponies. And, well, I'm not. Not exactly. The ponies are just convenient markers."

"Markers? Like when I made you a picture on your wall?"

She looks in pain. "Look... Bubblecup. Can I trust you?"

"Of course! Why else do you let me live with you?"

Her hoof rises pointedly. "I don't. You don't. You have your own house, remember? Over on Drury Lane?"

"Not anymore!" You clap your hooves in enthusiastically. This is why you love doing the mail so much, bringing happy news to everypony. "I came to tell you when I noticed your basement was open! I stopped sending my rent, so I'm here to live with you instead!"

For a while she looks broken, like the spy monitors. You feel worried. Then she gives you a big hug and everything is better again. "Okay," she says. "I'll explain. Can you handle a technical explanation?"

"Yes! You're the best at explaining, Carrot Top!"

"Golden Harvest."

"Huh?" Oh no, did you get your best friend's name wrong too? You know you sometimes get word mistakes, but this is your best friend who you live with! That would be terribad!

"I think I'm going back to being called Golden Harvest. You know, like before I started dying my mane? Heh, and you wanted to dye yourself too, and spent Winter Wrap-Up with like half a dozen different color schemes over the course of the day?"

Ooooooohh. She's just changing her name. That's good! She's still your best friend, and it doesn't matter if you tell her Carrot Top or Golden Harvest. You nod at her and wait for explaining times.

"So most of these screens... they're more for monitoring reality. Mostly this reality. I based them on this code I found in a temple in Froggy Bottom Bog, and the code was written to monitor ponies, so the screens focus on individual ponies, but it's what's around them that's really interesting. You just have to learn to see the pod for the peas."

This makes sense! You love explaining times. But some of the things you've been seeing aren't too happy, and you should probably ask about those. "Um, Golden Harvest?"

"Yeah?"

"Why are some of the ponies... dead?"

She looks stern. "Things aren't doing so well in this reality right now. It's all rotten. But I think I can contain the rot if I do some digging at the root."

"Huh?"

"I'm going to fix it by breaking it."



Jan 24 2013
"===>"


You're not sure you understand all that, so you talk about other monitors instead. "I also saw a lot of this other place! It looked a bunch like here, but sometimes the ponies did different things, and sometimes there were different ponies!" You think for a sample. "Rarity and Sweetie Belle had these strange parents, a pink unicorn and a white stallion in a big hat. I don't remember them at all!"

"Oh, yeah, that's another possible reality. I kind of like it... it feels simpler than here, you know? They do some really weird stuff there from time to time, though. Do you remember Discord?" You clap your hooves to show her yes. "Right, so, in this other possible reality at one point they reformed him. Fluttershy did it. Can you imagine that actually working here? Thank Celestia he's still in stone and not likely to come out unless Equestria devolves into total war or something."

You shiver. Discord made you into a huge pepper shaker and poured you on Berry Punch. It was a very odd day. "What's a possible reality? Is that like time travel?!"

"Uhhhh. Not exactly. I'm not Colgate, so I'm no expert, but time travel's more within a possible reality, and you change things from the past. Realities differ in the future, or at least, that's what we're saying for now.

"What we live in is the THETICAL REALITY. It's the way things really are, however arbitrarily. Then there are whole fields and fields of HYPOTHETICAL REALITIES, like where Fluttershy reforms Discord. From their perspectives, I guess they think they're thetical and we're hypothetical, assuming they know about us at all. It's all relative, you know?"

"Nope!" You have no concept who your relatives are, but you'd never let that stand in the way of a good explanation. "So every screen is the thestral realty or a hypotenuse realty?"

"Not quite."



Jan 24 2013
"===>"


"A few of the screens show a way things could be that's still based on the way things really are here. They're like offshoots of our thetical reality, instead of totally separate plants. Uh, I mean realities. And as we progress, the impossible offshoots can get pruned away until only the ones that really happen still exist."

You try really hard to understand. "What are those called?"

"HYPOPARENTHETICAL REALITIES," Golden Harvest says, looking very happy with herself.

"What do they look like?"

She shrugs. "It's hard to say. Sometimes it's obvious. Did you see the screen where Fluttershy wakes up earlier today and goes around murdering everypony?" You shudder a yes. "So that obviously didn't happen when I woke her up, and it's probably impossible that it ever even could have. These hypoparenthetical realities... they can be kind of like thought experiments, really. I'm not sure if they even exist at all, or if the screens are just showing ideas somehow. It's all really weird stuff."

You look around you at all this really weird stuff. "Ooh! I also saw Rarity as an alicorn, and she was in Canterlot! What was that?"

"...no idea. Maybe a hypoparenthetical. Maybe just a hypothetical. Or maybe it'll happen! There's no easy way of knowing short of waiting to see what she sprouts... and I don't plan on waiting around that long."



Jan 24 2013
"===>"


Explaining time is done, and you try to force it all make sense. It doesn't, and that's okay, you're used to some things being always confused. But there's something else you don't understand that you want to, and think you should. This isn't normal, is it? Best friend Golden Harvest is a carrot farmer, not a whatever this is. What's going on? Your head hurts.

"Bubblecup?" She doesn't sound all sciency now, just worried about you. "Are you all right?"

Are you all right? Your life feels wrong, and if your life is wrong, you're wrong, and if you're wrong, you're not right. So... no. "Golden Harvest," you say, "I am not a clever pony."

"Aww, Bubblecup! That's a horrible thing to say."

"No!" You stand again, flaring your wings a little. "It's okay! I don't mind! I like being me! But Golden Harvest, you're not a clever pony either! Remember? When Princess Celestia came to visit, you couldn't fit her name on her flag!"

She smiles at the floor. "Heh. Yeah, Twilight Sparkle wasn't going to suspect me of any hidden greatness in a hurry after that."

Your eyes go big and you force them to both look at her at once. It kind of hurts. "That wasn't a mistake?"

"...no?"

"So you are a clever pony?"

She goes quiet for a while and looks at all the monitors and things you didn't break yet. "I'm an extremely clever pony. Look, Bubblecup, I understand if you're jealous, but..."

"Jealous?" You glare at her, and one of your eyes goes loose again. Oh well, you're used to it. "Golden Harvest, I'm not jealous! I'm happy for you! But you lied to everypony in Ponyville. For years. You lied to me. Am I intended to forgive that?"



Jan 29 2013
"Golden Harvest: Explain..."


You've made it this far keeping Bubblecup out of your lab with a locked door; surely you can plant some sort of conversational locked door now. "Lying... lying isn't the best way to put it. I'm just being practical. Look at all these things around here; they're pretty strange, right?"

"Yes!" Her wings flap a little. "That's the problem."

"Right, so, imagine each of these strange things -- for example, the screen monitoring Princess Celestia -- is a seed. If I plant it -- if I let everypony else know about it -- it just sprouts into lots and lots of different conversations and explanations as everypony else wants to know why I have this monitor, and what it does, and how it works, like we were just talking about. Right?" She nods warily. "Then multiply all those explanations by how many more projects I have -- how many more seeds I plant -- and it gets to the point that I don't have time to make any new seeds, because I'm too busy tending to all the old ones!" You run a hoof through your mane for effect. "I have entirely too many seeds in the pantry to go around explaining them all."

She looks at the ceiling in alarm. "You keep your monitors in the pantry?!"

"No, the pantry was part of the metaphor."

"Oh." She thinks about it, and you're relieved to see that she's looking less angry with you. A mailmare knows the importance of time, after all, and, well... well, it's not exactly a lie, is it? Maybe?

You don't like other ponies knowing too much about you... that's always been true. You're much more comfortable watching than being watched. Even sending Pinkie Pie that letter, semi-anonymously, took a lot out of you. That's why you broke up with Written Script: a romantic relationship just wasn't the right thing for you, especially not with a single dad with a curious filly poking around everywhere. But could you really explain why you're so uncomfortable being watched? Would Bubblecup be satisfied with that as an answer? Are you?

There's also the question of whether what you're doing is strictly legal, of course, but you won't mention that if Bubblecup doesn't. Sure, Linky likes your carrots, but you don't think that would keep you out of trouble if it came to it. Which, of course, it won't, with Ponyville soon to be a thing of the past. Or, uh, some time period, at least. Heh.

"But Golden Harvest," she says, "you like explaining things!"

You put a conspiratorial hoof over her shoulder. "I like explaining things to you. There's a difference! Can you imagine showing any of this to, oh, say, Applejack? Applejack who thinks the be all and end all of a farmer's life is farming?" She looks mostly convinced, and you can beat yourself up for this later, but you add another argument. "Are you saying that you'd be comfortable explaining everything about your life to ponies who wouldn't like hearing about it? Like Hoops, or Dumb-Bell, or Parasol?"

She looks down. Partially. "No, I estimate not. Okay, I'm sorry, Golden Harvest. You're explaining stuff to me presently, so I guess you must be right."

"That's right, I am!" you say cheerfully, steering her through the lab. "Like, look at this big thing over here! It's a map of meteors that have landed or are going to land on Equestria!"

"Whoa!" She delivers an appropriate level of astonishment. "What are those white numbers down here?"

You take a moment to figure out how to summarize them. "Uh... remember how I said this is all based on the codes I found in an old temple? That's a list of the ponies who've connected themselves to that code somehow. Twilight Sparkle and her friends in the first two rows, and then me at the bottom."

"How about all the colored rounds?"

"Meteor landing spots. The red ones have already landed... there aren't very many of those yet, though. The yellow dots will land soonest, then the green, then the blue."

Bubblecup examines the map more closely, and looks worried. "What does it mean that there's a yellow round over your house?"

You glance at the unestablishment countdown from across the room -- it's still got some minutes left, but then it's not the important one. "It means we have to leave."



Jan 29 2013
"===>"


"Leave?" She jumps up in the air and flutters agitatedly. "Why? Where are we leaving towards?"

"Upstairs, first of all. Then you're... you're..." Ugh. Days of mental preparation and resignation fall away as you look at those big golden eyes of hers and think of her trying to fend for herself with meteors falling everywhere. She's been a good assistant and housemate and you guess you owe her the choice. "You're doing one of two things. Either you can get out of this house right now, fly away somewhere safe, and never look back. Or... if you really want, you can come with me."

"Of course I really want to come with best friend Golden Harvest!" She trots towards the stairs behind you. "But where?"

"I'm going home."

"Home?!" She looks totally confused again, and you can't blame her. You know you're right, you know you don't belong here, but it's hard to put into words how you know. "Up the stairs?"

"Yes, but then farther away than that."

"Reverse to Hopteego Village, with your sister Noi and your parentals?"

"Heh. Nope."

She scrunches up her face, then looks excited. "Oh! Is this one of those 'my true home is my garden' quotes? Are we having a garden party?!? Can there be maypoles?"

You smile. "More of an adventure than a garden party, though I wouldn't rule out the maypoles. I'm going far, far beyond my garden, Bubblecup -- are you sure you want to come with me?"



Jan 31 2013
"PP: Prototype your LYRA PLUSHIE."




That's a great idea! Someone as cheerful and wacky as Lyra should be a great companion on your adventure, even if it is just a sprite version of a questionably designed plush version of her. Given how much you and Twilight know about the game already, you probably don't even need a guide all that badly, so if you're going to have a sprite she might as well be cute.

You take a few precious seconds to dump all your figurines out of her patootie -- who knows what weird creature you'd get with all those still in there?! -- and chuck her into the kernelsprite.



Jan 31 2013
"===>"


You create LYRAFLESHLIGHT wait you mean LYRAPLUSHSPRITE.



Jan 31 2013
"PP: Quickly do those other things you need to do to enter the Medium."


Yeah! You assume Lyraplushsprite's a great chatter, but you've running awfully short on seconds to skedaddle in. On the bright side, there's only one thing left to do! You grab a KNIFE and prepare to cut open your CRUXITE RAINBOW DASH.

...

It's only cruxite. It's only cruxite. It's only cruxite.



Jan 31 2013
"===>"



Jan 31 2013
"PP: Enter."



Jan 31 2013
"===>"


Sugarcube Corner vector by DaAfroMan.



Jan 31 2013
"===>"


You take your place as the BARD OF DOOM in the LAND OF FROSTING AND TREASURE.



Feb 01 2013
"LoFaT: Just like Skaia, be a pony."


Konbanwa! You are now LoFaT-tan, and you cannot believe that you could ever be just like Skaia-sempai! Skaia-sempai is simply the greatest, most intelligent, most amazing STAR PONY there is here at MEDIUM HIGH, and you are a lowly PLANET PONY. If Skaia-sempai ever wished to drink tea, you would let her use you as a hoofstool. Your dedication is inversely proportional to your self-worth, wai!

But it will never be, because there are other, prettier planet ponies for Skaia-sempai to spend her time with. Stupid bakas like LoRaF-tan, who keeps teasing you about your weight. *sob* Shut -- shut up, LoRaF-tan! We can't all have magic weight loss programs like you, okay? Baka!

Wait... is that Skaia-sempai behind you? Is she going to look this way? Is today the day Sempai notices you at last? WAAIIIIIIII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Feb 01 2013
"===>"



Feb 01 2013
"===>"



Feb 01 2013
"===>"



Feb 06 2013
"===>"


It'th time.



Feb 06 2013
"===>"



Feb 07 2013
"Twist: Demand candy, ath promithed by agreement for thervitheth."


Yeah, that'th the plan! You ruth into Bon-Bon'th Thweet Thpot. "Bon-Bon!" you thay, "it'th happened!"

"What's happened?" The thoundth irritated, which ith to thay... perfectly normal.

"Thugarcube Corner!" That getth her attenthion. "You wanted me to watch it, and it'th dithappeared! Umm..." You look around in the darkened Thweet Shpot, wondering where ecthactly itth owner ith. "Bon-Bon, did you forget to pay Electric Thky her lighting bill again?"

"Darkness is like a home to me," the thayth, and you laugh. Bon-Bon ith alwayth tho full of curiouth aphorithms! "So it's gone? And what about the Cakes? Still... still with us?!"

"Thtill here. I wath talking to Mthth. Blackberry Cake and Mr. Carrot Cake about peppermint when we thaw it dithappear!" You thmile adorably. "Tho do I get my candy now?"

"Candy?!" Bon-Bon beginth to laugh. "Ha... ahaha... mwahahahahahaha! Twist, my optimistic little darling, you can have more than candy. You can have my entire candy shop! I've got bigger fish to fry now... pony-shaped fish!"

You are caught between ecthitement for your new rethponibilitieth and conthern for your erthtwhile employer. "Ithn't that illegal?!"

"Mwahaha! Oh, Twist, I can't expect you to understand. Pinkie Pie, that party-throwing simpleton, is nothing less than the most evil being in all Equestria. She has become the bane of all the long and noble line from which I spring, and it is my duty -- my pleasure to end her stupid meddling once and for all. Yes, Twist my dear, it's pony season, at last!"

Thuddenly you are having a whole lot of thecond thoughtth about your choithe to work here. Maybe Lyra was wrong about Bon-Bon'th villainouth monologueth being nothing more than a harmleth, amuthing, endearing nervouth tick. "That'th... that'th definitely illegal," you thay, thtarting to back towardth the door.

Finally Bon-Bon enterth your field of vithion, puthing a large thcary dark object. "So it is! Fortunately I serve a higher queen than Celestia, and our laws are our own! And don't think for a moment I wouldn't do the same for you, little one, if you feel a need to go telling on me. In fact, if I were you, I'd forget you ever even saw me here... I shan't be in Ponyville much longer, after all." Her eyeth move patht you, and the beginth talking to the air. "Yes, you hear that, Pinkie Pie? I'm coming for you! None of this needed to happen, but you forced my hoof, and now you pay! Yes, pay! Pay the ultimate price!" You are entirely outthide the building now, but you can thtill hear her thcreaming. "Sitting inside Sugarcube Corner day after day, earning Blackberry's favor, you with your stupid pastries and your stupid parties and your stupid knives and your stupid alligator and your stupid songs and your stupid mane and your stupid big blue eyes and your stupid little rump and all the rest of it! Well, that's going to change, Pinkie Pie! When I'm through with you..."



Feb 07 2013
"===>"


"I will make certain you never buy knives again!!!"



Feb 07 2013
"Bon-Bon: Have a huge spadescrush on Pinkie Pie."


Yeah.

And?



Feb 08 2013
"AJ: Prototype Granny Smith. It's probably her best chance of survival."


Now, that's not cut and dry true. Your apple cellar's stood up to Apple Bloom an' her pals all this while, to say nothing of Pinkie Pie, so it can probably handle a few meteor strikes. But with you adventurin' off-planet, and Mac chasin' after Cloud Kicker, and Apple Bloom off in Canterlot, Granny could probably stand to be a sprite just so she doesn't get lonely. You do rummage through some of your other things -- mostly apples, if you're being honest -- but nothing much catches your fancy. You create GRANNYSPRITE.

Now you just need to figure out how to get rid of this CRUXITE TIMBERWOLF.



Feb 08 2013
"===>"


Or not! Heh, one look from you and it fell right to pieces. Didn't even have to touch it. You knew those critters were fragile, but that's just silly.



Feb 12 2013
"AJ: Enter."


You take your place as the HEIR OF EARTH in the LAND OF FIRE AND WATER.



Feb 12 2013
"LoFaW: Be a pony."


You can't be a pony because you're too busy being a pony, baka! ...wait, what was that?

Ahem. Sorry. Your mistake. Moshi moshi; you are LoFaW-tan, proud daughter and disciple of the WATERFIRE DOJO OF MIXED MARTIAL ARTS, besides your studenthood here at Medium High. You are the toughest Planet Pony... bakas like LoFaT-tan may earn their nosebleeds by raw cuteness, but you prefer some good smacks to the kisser, see? Anypony tries to get a peek at you in the hot springs, you're walloping them right out of this loosely defined geographic area. Preferably with a hammer. Now, you really have to go; you have some books about butterflies to catch up on to maintain your secret intellectual side.

Huh? Skaia-sempai? What about her? Yeah, you're not afraid of her! If Skaia-sempai ever wants a fight, you'll be there! You two will gallop across rooftops, throwing chimneys at each other, until finally she chases you down on the top of a grassy hill, just as the cherry trees are losing their blossoms and the wind is carrying them everywhere around you. You will ready your ultimate move, FLAMING AQUEDECKER OF THE PUMA, but will lose control at the last minute, for your dojo masters had warned you that you weren't prepared enough yet! You will scream as your hooves catch on fire, and Skaia-sempai, at great personal risk, will save you. You will curse her for daring to touch you, but in that moment, as you stare into each other's eyes, her cloudy mane bent and disheveled from your grand duel, with your power level for the very first time descending below nine-thousand, you will hope, just for an instant, that it could be safe to love again, that this mare might not tear your heart atsunder...

Asunder.

Dammit, you mean asunder.

...none of this conversation ever happened.



...baka.



Feb 12 2013
"===>"



Feb 13 2013
"===>"


"A new world! Can you believe it, Bubblecup? We're here! We're really here!"

"Bubbles!"

"...yes, there are bubbles here, too. Isn't this exciting?"

"Oh, yes! Don't you witness, Golden Harvest? This might be my chance!"

"Your chance to what?"

"To discover what my cutie mark means!"



Feb 14 2013
"RD: Explain picture of bipedal creature with triangle shades."


Oh! Eheheh. That old thing? How'd that get on your wall?

That's DIRK STRIDER. He's one of the kids from this comic series that Scoots likes, HOMESTUCK ALPHA.



Feb 14 2013
"===>"


Homestuck Alpha's about this weird fantasy world where albino apes can talk and wear clothes and sometimes don't have any forelegs, but mostly it's about these four kid apes called the MAN FOUR. Okay, so they're not actually called that in the comic, but fans, or HOMESTALLIONS, like to call them that. Or so you've heard. It's a weird comic... the original author wanted it to be about the kids having lots of awesome adventures and meeting awesome bad guys, but then it got really toned down and most of the issues are about them not going anywhere at all, just hanging around their hometown and doing little slice of life activities. Sure, sometimes they do go on little adventures, but most of the time, it's like they're... stuck at home... oh, now you get it. Wow.

Anyhow, it's really the squirt's thing, not yours. It's a comic for little foals, and anypony who still read it at your age would have to have some weird deep-seated emotional issues with their childhood or something, like they were never allowed to be a foal when they were younger, and it's only by reading about the innocent adventures of these kids that you really get to let yourself get in touch with your real inner pony.

Uhhh... say, he'd make a great guide, though, wouldn't he? He's so self-disciplined.



Feb 14 2013
"RD: Prototype poster of Dirk Strider."


DIRKSPRITE: What the TV-Y.



Feb 14 2013
"RD: Pulverize cruxite artifact."


Yeah... it feels kind of depressing, but you guess you can't make an omelette without BREAKING a few HEARTS. Then again, Fluttershy never let you back in her kitchen after last time... heh, joking, joking. Seriously, what else could you do? Sure, you could move your cloud house, but you don't know exactly where this meteor's gonna hit -- maybe it'd hit where your house used to be, or maybe it'd hit where you moved it to. How are you supposed to know? It's like in Daring Do and the Recipe for Brilliance, when she keeps getting warnings that she's going to die, so she hides out with one of her best friends, but then her friend takes out a knife, and...

Right, anyhow, no time to lose. Either this heart gets broken or your head does.



Feb 14 2013
"===>"



Feb 19 2013
"RD: Enter."


You take your place in the LAND OF YOUTH AND LONGING...



Feb 19 2013
"===>"



Feb 19 2013
"===>"


...as the SAGE OF TIME.



Feb 26 2013
"LoYaL: Be a pony."


Ohayouuuuuuuuuuuuuu, welcoming everypony! You are exile princess no LoYaL-tan, youngest student of Medium High! When your mean subjects on PONI YSLAND rebelled against your father the king, you were launched out of a cannon. Now you are supposed to build your strength until you can get your ysland kingdom back, but that sounds boring, so you enrolled as a student here instead! Now every day is a constant wacky struggle between your ysland culture and the school norms, as you repeatedly subvert your teachers' authority in the only example of subversion you or any of your friends are familiar with.

That little green sweetie who's flying around you is Kame-pi, your SHELLPONI. Shellponies are just one kind of PONIMON, the wild and highly marketable natives of Poni Ysland. Fortunately you brought a whole Ponimon Booster Pack with you to Medium High, so all six of you get to train Ponimon of your very own! Besides Kami-pi, you think your favorite is LoRaF-tan's PURRPONI Neko-pyon. But you all need to train your Ponimon together if you ever want to beat Skaia-sempai's elite Ponimon collection... she's just so good at everything, you can't ignore the girth of her knowledge! Gomennasai, you mean breadth~! You are still learning this language.



Mar 13 2013
"FS: You can't prototype your adorable little animal friends."


That's right! What if being prototyped hurts? But that's not the only worry you have for your animal friends... you're going to another planet, and taking your house with you. Do you bring your friends with you, not knowing what the new planet will be like or what kind of food it would have for them once the stores in your hut ran out? Or do you leave them here, to deal with meteors maybe destroying everything like you saw in the Whitetail Woods? There's no good answer, so you gather your friends together and explain the situation to them instead.

It ends up being a very speedy conclave, since none of you have much time, but in the end all your animal friends except Angel choose to stay behind in Equestria. Raindrops and Carrot Top said that the forest animals ran to safety, so surely your friends here will be just as good at taking care of themselves... right? Oh, but you do feel like such a traitor.



Mar 13 2013
"FS: Prototype a nice pretty flower instead."


Okay, yes! You like that idea. But which nice pretty flower? This is supposed to make the personality for both your guide and your, um, enemies, right? And flowers are so very tied up with symbolism, and you'd need to choose the right one. Do you want cypress, out of mourning for Ponyville and the Whitetail Woods? The loving feeling of a rose, the innocence of a daisy, or the passionate aspirations of a colorful lily? Dignified dahlia, or courageous protea? Rambling, self-aggrandizing violet? So many choices, and such riches aplenty.



Mar 13 2013
"===>"


In the end you throw all the flowers you can find into your kernelsprite at once, and create POSEYSPRITE.



Mar 13 2013
"===>"


Next, you reluctantly smash your CRUXITE BUNNY into tiny pieces...



Mar 13 2013
"FS: Enter."


...and take your place as the DAME OF RAGE in the LAND OF SAND AND DISCO.



Mar 13 2013
"LoSaD: Be a pony."





...

Hajimemashite.

You are Sailor LoSaD, otherwise known in your secret identity as LoSaD-tan.

...

Being a magical sailor mare is a rare privilege, reserved only for you and your fellow planet ponies. You are honored to be considered worthy of your magical powers, although...

...



Although they aren't enough.

Your world is in danger, and it is getting smaller. You tried yesterday to visit a favorite okonomiyaki shop of yours, and it was no longer there.

...

Where it was was no longer there.





...

There are... at the edges of your vision, you have seen dark purple tentacles. You are uncomfortable with this prospect.





Skaia-sempai?

You can't remember seeing her around much recently...



Mar 19 2013
"===>"



Mar 19 2013
"===>"



Mar 19 2013
"===>"



Mar 19 2013
"===>"



Mar 19 2013
"===>"



Mar 19 2013
"===>"



Mar 19 2013
"===>"



Mar 19 2013
"R: Prototype one of your ponequinn things."


Yes, a divine notion. Under other circumstances you might like to spend a little more time and creativity arriving at something to prototype, but you're working on the clock here. You can always prototype something else later... besides, you've been waiting for this moment for such a long time now, any additional delays would just be torture.

Oh, look, your kernelsprite is teasing little Opal! How adorable.



Mar 19 2013
"===>"


You throw one of your CAROUSEL HORSE DRESS FORMS into the kernelsprite to create a PERFECTLYGENERICSPRITE.



Mar 19 2013
"===>"


For lack of better ideas, you pick up your CRUXITE UMBRELLA and simply CLOSE it. After a brief moment's delay, it blindingly explodes into a number of smaller umbrellas, which in turn disappear as your boutique shakes around you.

You can scarcely dare open your eyes. Is this it? Are you entering the Medium? Is it time to see your planet? Is it time to discover your destiny?!



Mar 22 2013
"R: Savor the moment."






You don't open your eyes for a few seconds, and instead imagine what riches, beauty, and fabulosity await on your new, semi-permanent, tailored to your being, non-refundable world. It's fun for a while, but you have a destiny to embrace.



Mar 23 2013
"R: Enter."


You'd been assuming that you've entered already, but there is something to be said for parallelism.

So! Let's see, now. JUDGE OF SPACE sounds respectable enough, as long as you don't have to wear one of those ridiculous powdered wigs. And your land...

...



Mar 23 2013
"R: Do the whiny thing."


"MY DESTINY
IS ROCKS?!"



Mar 23 2013
"===>"


Why? Why is it always rocks? Just before you got your cutie mark, your horn pulled you for hours, and when it finally stopped... a rock! Your cutie mark? More rocks! When Discord made you believe you had found the world's most wonderful diamond? Another rock! And now here you are on a planet full of the things!? Is there no justice in the world? Do you have to make it all yourself?

Sigh. Okay, okay, deep breaths, Rarity. Rocks... they're not all bad! Gems are rocks too, and you like gems. Maybe there are gems around here? And look at that glow in the sky, that's interesting. Why, yes, you're sure this land of yours has all sorts of interesting and attractive features! You don't even know what half the land's name is yet. Rolls, perhaps? You could go for a nice dinner roll right now.

Yes, things look bleak, but you are Rarity Scratch, and you can overcome this! It's time to put a smile on your face and learn about your brand new jurisdiction. Hmm. Rocks and... Fabric? Laurel? Xenobiology?
Carousel Boutique vector by DaAfroMan.



Mar 23 2013
"===>"



Mar 23 2013
"===>"



Apr 08 2013
"LoRaF: Be a pony."


Nya! You are neko neko LoRaF-tan: elite P-pop singer, superstar gymnast, most popular girl on campus, and all-round cutie pie. Also you like to dress up like a cat for fun. In your glory days, your face appeared all over the world in a constant stream of commercials, cereal boxes, and record-topping music videos, everypony in love with your cute little kitty ears and striking blue and silver coloration. "The ice princess with the heart of gold." It was a great life -- perfect in every conceivable way, just like you -- and you always did your best to help your less popular schoolmates shed their personal problems and overcome their obstacles. You even invited them to join you on your singing tours, but for some reason they never accepted. It's lonely at the top, nya~

More recently, though, Skaia-sempai has become DESU Commander ("Daredevil Equestrian Salvation Unit") and inducted you and the other five planet ponies into its ranks as the first line of defense for the entire world. Which, by the way, is apparently getting smaller. A purple, amorphous enemy is making itself known from the surrounding darkness, and it's up to the six of you to defeat it. Ordinarily this would be a daunting task, since being a gymnast is a far cry from being a warrior, especially when nothing you do ever seems to please Skaia-sempai. She does sometimes show favor to some of your friends, making you feel flashes of evanescent jealousy, but never to you. Ordinarily you wouldn't be sure you could stand this new life, so dangerous and so divorced from your former luxury. Ordinarily.



Apr 08 2013
"===>"


Fortunately, you've got a GIANT PONY MECHA to make everything better.



Apr 08 2013
"TS: Prototype... yourself! That is, a picture of yourself."


Hmm. That's an intriguing idea, but you could see it going wrong far too easily. Daring Do and the Recipe for Brilliance has a few sections about the perils and/or annoyances of living with a duplicate of yourself, and while there's obviously a difference between fact and fiction, you trust Stellar Scriber's understanding of the equine condition and are suitably warned away from the prospect. Or, less eloquently: it sounds like it could be unpleasant, so you don't want to try it. You don't even really know what these sprites are going to look like... what if you ended up with an exact duplicate of yourself? And what if your friends liked the new you better than the real you? That would really bring twilight to your sparkle.

So, no. You'll need something else instead. Something like...



Apr 08 2013
"TS: BOOKS. Preferably one that contains harmless but helpful information."


Yes! Your favorite problems are always the problems that are solved by throwing books at them, and in this case, you're literally throwing a book at it. You giggle delightedly, earning yourself rather skeptical looks from your assistants.

Okay, but which book? You have so many of them. You consider Lodestar in the Skaia, but you still don't have the best impression of Rose Lalonde, and worry that prototyping it might just get you a copy of Rose to talk to. And talk to, and talk to, and talk to. Or The Elements of Harmony: A Reference Guide is tempting, being both fascinating and mostly harmless, but it's also pretty rare and it would be the end of the world before you let yourself destroy a rare book.

Ignoring the part where it is the end of the world, probably, possibly, hopefully not.

Eventually you settle on Super Naturals. It's purely benign -- it doesn't contain spells to banish mirror pool clones or anything else that could be dangerous for your game enemies to get imbued with -- but it might help you identify plantlife on your new planet if it's at all similar to Equestria. You toss it in, creating SUPERNATURALSPRITE.

"Spike!" you shout. "How much time do I have left?"

"Uh... a little over six minutes, Twilight!"

Huh. You thought your dithering had taken longer than that! Sure, you could just destroy your cruxite artifact right away and get it over with, but your artifact's disturbing enough you're honestly kind of okay with the chance to put that off for a while. Besides, you've got a little extra time; you might as well put it to good use?



Apr 08 2013
"TS: To test if prototyping worked, ask Supernaturalsprite to describe Poison Joak."


Supernaturalsprite flips to a pair of blank pages, and writing begins to appear in response to your question. You guess that's how it communicates, by writing on itself. The text it produces looks like a reasonable enough explanation of poison joak, although you can't compare it to the one in the original book because, well, you prototyped it. Hindsight is 20/20 and all that. Anyhow, test successful? You could conduct further tests, but this doesn't strike you as an especially time-sensitive priority... certainly not something that must be done prior to destroying your artifact and entering.



Apr 08 2013
"TS: What exactly is your cruxite artifact?"


Sparkler.

You guess what you're getting at isn't so much that your artifact is itself disturbing, more that the prospect of destroying her is disturbing. It. Destroying it. Fluttershy and Pinkie both alluded to similarly disturbing artifacts in the group chat, so maybe this is a common theme? You consider asking the others about it later, if it doesn't feel too sensitive a subject. Rose wrote about the objects her friends used to prototype their kernelsprites being rather morbid -- dead relatives, dead animals, and so on -- maybe a certain morbidity is simply a guaranteed feature of the entry process, only in your case it got transferred onto the artifacts instead of the prototypings. That strikes you as a pretty good working theory.

So yeah, even if you'd decided on a method of destroying her, it still doesn't sound very fun. Although you guess it doesn't technically have to be Sparkler! It could be, what's her name... Diamond Mint! Or Lemon Tart! That's a pretty common cutie mark, after all. You just naturally assumed it was Sparkler because you saw her so recently and she's in charge of the CMC right now, but it isn't necessarily her!

(It's definitely her.)



Apr 10 2013
"TS: Stuff as many townsponies in your house as can be gathered within five minutes."


Oh yes, yes, yes! Just because the others had much stricter countdowns, doesn't mean you do! This foray is going to be perfect! You only wish you had the time to plan an optimal route through Ponyville that passes the most (and most populated) houses in the shortest period of time, but you'll have to be satisfied with running around at random. You bet by now there'll be frantic ponies all over town, waiting for a voice of respected authority to tell them what to do. All you have to do is be that authority and say something simple like 'come with me if you want to live,' and they'll follow along without asking any time-wasting questions.



Apr 10 2013
"===>"


Oooooooor you could run into a group of ponies who could probably keep talking at you for all the time you have. And who, given you and your friends' track record of getting mixed up in odd adventures, have every reason to assume everything going on right now is your fault.



Apr 12 2013
"TS: The townsfolk should know better than to question your judgment or organization skills at this point."


"Right," you say, "let's get this sorted out. I'm sure you're all thinking this current crisis is either one I caused, or one I'm solving, and I'm happy to say it's the latter. In something like six minutes, my library is going to escape Ponyville to a place without meteors crushing everything, and if you hurry inside it then you don't have to get crushed either. Go!"

Some of the ponies assembled before you exchange glances. Then Mayor Mare gives an unhappy cough. "Thank you, dear, but that shan't be happening."

You wonder if your various body parts will ever stop twitching today. Maybe this is what Pinkie Pie feels like all the time. "What? Yes, it will! Those meteors are going to keep on falling, look, I've got a book that says so!" You remember that you left Lodestar in the Skaia in the library. "Okay, so I don't have a book, but I'm still a trustworthy source! Run! Save yourselves!"

"Twilight Sparkle," she says, "I do understand. Such a frightful occasion, and such a generous offer! But it just wouldn't do for us to gallop away to safety by your side. We are the public sector, you see. It's our duty to help the good citizens of Ponyville, not to run away when there's trouble stirring."

You pause, struck by the unexpected response. This is not a calculation you are in any position to do at the moment. Your base goal is to save as many lives as possible, with an unstated premise that the lives saved be essentially random, to avoid any issues of morality/guilt that might arise from favoritism. But you have been assuming it's possible for ponies to survive while remaining in Equestria, provided they possess some combination of shelter and common sense. If these public servants are able to remain calm in the face of danger -- you glance worriedly at Ink Well, who is shivering with terror, and at Swift Justice, who appears to be teetering between anger and fear, and at the receding form of Ponyville's panicked timekeeper -- it's certainly possible that they could do more good by being left behind than by coming with you. And it's not abandoning them if it's their idea in the first place, right?

Still... "All of you?" you ask. "Mr. Wright, you're a notary!" He gives the faintest of dismissive nods. "Are there really so many ponies who'll be needing things notarized in the apocalypse?"

"Immaterial! I am a public servant; ergo, my service is ipso facto to same public."

"Cheerilee?" You turn desperately to her. "Cheerilee, please, you're my friend. I don't want to lose you."

She walks tenderly forward. "I'm sorry, Twilight. You're a great friend, but I have responsibilities you don't have, and vice versa. You need to... well, I'm guessing it involves saving the world somehow. But Berry and I need to look out for all the foals, and make sure they're safe and not too frightened."

"Think of the children!" shouts Berry Punch, in what you'll charitably assume was an intentional response to what Cheerilee said.

Mayor Mare smiles a little. "Don't fret about us. We've held up against those parasprites, and that dragon, and that Trixie's little invasion, and even the Cutie Mark Crusaders! Why, I've written up a new town evacuation plan I've been just dying to test out! Forget about Ponyville, and be on your merry way."

"Good luck, Twilight," says Cheerilee. "We all believe in you."

The clock is ticking, so you accept their arguments and steel yourself to go. Then Linky darts in and you hear a clicking sound below you.



Apr 12 2013
"===>"


"Oh, come on!"

Linky, slipping away from your freshly-cuffed forehooves, gives you a not-very-apologetic grin. "Sorry! Ombudsmare's orders."

You look down at her in disbelief. "You're arresting me? On what grounds?"

"..." Linky hesitates. "Dunno. Just following orders, like I said."

"Sure," you say, "from an ombudsmare! Whose job it is to investigate other ponies' complaints, not to go around arresting ponies without prior provocation!" You glare at Swift Justice. "Is somepony complaining about me?"

Swift Justice fidgets, having enough character to appear embarrassed while being paranoid. "Uh... you clearly know something about these meteors, and you have to tell us, for the public safety!"

You sigh. "I recognize that, and I'd be happy to. But my point is, you're an ombudsmare. Did someone complain to you about me or not?"

She gulps. "Umm... yes. Yes, of course! Berry Punch did!"

You all turn and stare at Berry, who appears to be half-asleep and is clearly not participating in the discussion. "Will nopony think of the children?!" she murmurs to herself.

This is why you never want to be part of the government.



Apr 15 2013
"TS: You have no time for political nonsense."


You really, really don't. And when you don't have time for something, sometimes things wind up getting destroyed. Hopefully Linky wasn't too attached to those, cutie mark notwithstanding.



Apr 15 2013
"===>"


"Look," you say. "Swift Justice, I respect your position, even if you don't seem completely clear on what it entails. And I respect that you're under a lot of stress. Linky, you've been doing a great job ever since you decided to stop loitering around the apple orchards all day, and that was some great cuffing. But right now what Ponyville needs you two to do is help keep everypony safe, like I'm going to go do. If you're still alive on the other side of this, great; do your jobs then. But now you need to get ponies to shelter, preferably underground or into my library. Can we go now?"

"You exploded my cuffs!" She sounds more petulant than anything else, like a child whose toy got stepped on.

Okay, one last try, then you're out of here. "Look... Officer Linky--"

--and then you hear it. Background music. Instrumental accompaniment. There's a song starting. This could go one of two ways... either you could be stuck here arguing with these ponies until you're out of time, only it'll be set to music, or else this could be a really easy way of traveling all across Ponyville and warning a whole bunch of ponies in a short period of time. Which will it be?



May 15 2013
"Song: Be about running around Ponyville."






You and your newfound entourage -- well, okay, you and the Mayor's entourage, which you're kind of borrowing -- spend the first bridge of the song doing the titular running around Ponyville. Helpfully, a lot of ponies were already gathered or gathering at Town Hall, as is customary during crises. And since crises in Ponyville are themselves somewhat customary, a lot of ponies have gotten pretty used to gathering here. You find some more stragglers and bring them all together for your words of inspiration, as introduced by Mayor Mare herself.



May 15 2013
"===>"






Okay, that went poorly. You need to nip this in the bud before Ponyville turns to its other customary crisis response: running around in blind panic, screaming and crashing into each other. You take a few seconds to collect yourself, coinciding conveniently with the second bridge, and seek out the source of the chaos. If you can get these three to quiet down, maybe the rest of the crowd will follow suit!



May 15 2013
"===>"






Seafoam briefly introduces herself and explains, both to you and to the crowd, that her special talent is water. Not, say, just filtering drinking water or talking to dolphins or being a great surfer; water. All of it. And if she takes the water from the Ponyville dam, suspends it above the village, and freezes it, it'll form an enormous dome of ice to block out the meteors with.

"Have you ever done anything of this magnitude before?" you ask her.

"No, never. But I have to try, don't I?"

If she feels she has to try, she has to try. Even if it goes wrong somehow, you can't see her making the situation any worse than it already is. An earth pony, Cherry, also steps forward and volunteers her plan: to take anypony who wants to go away with her, in the Twinkling Balloon, before the dome is erected, in case areas of Equestria that are not Ponyville are being targeted by fewer meteors and thus safer.

This is what Rarity was hoping for, isn't it? Ponies besides yourselves stepping up to defend their homes? It's beautiful.



May 15 2013
"===>"











May 15 2013
"===>"



May 15 2013
"===>"



May 15 2013
"===>"



May 15 2013
"[seizure warning]===>"



May 15 2013
"===>"


"Hmm... nah."



May 15 2013
"===>"


"Nah?!?" Swift Justice is all but foaming at the mouth. "What do you mean, nah?! That was a direct order! Do your duty, policemare!"

Linky chuckles. "Right, right! Order, duty, etcetera. Well, madam, let me tell you what I think about that. One, you're an ombudsmare, and not only are neither of us sure if you can give me orders, we certainly haven't got any time to check.

"Two, Twilight Sparkle was just one hay of a lot more useful than you've been, y'know? So if she says Princess Celestia needs her to go somewhere else and save something or other, sounds good to me!

"Three, even if I did try to arrest her again, it wouldn't really do much good on a unicorn who can teleport away at any time." She gives you a very meaningful look. You blush and mutter something.

"And four... being a police officer's been fun and all, but with meteors falling down and everything changing, I think it's time to change along with it, don't you? So I quit! But good luck surviving! ...I guess."

She walks off, whistling a catchy tune quite unrelated to the song that you were just singing. Swift Justice stares at her in fury for several seconds. "Come back!" she screams at last. "You can't walk away like that! I'll have you arrested!"

"Can't arrest me, you're an ombudsmare!" says Linky, in a singsong voice.



May 15 2013
"===>"


You follow her example and take your leave as well, albeit a little more flashily.

You'll see Linky again. But the next time she speaks to you, you'll be much less happy with her than you are right now.



May 16 2013
"TS: Check the time!"


You warp back to your library. A mare's home is her castle, even if yours is going to take flight in the very near future. "Spike!"

"Hi Twilight!"

"How much time have I got left?"

"Just over fifty seconds, Twilight!" He looks impressed. "Did you just save Ponyville?"

"No, but Seafoam just might, I hope." You don't have time to elaborate. "Are we bringing anyone with us?"



May 16 2013
"===>"


"Yeah!" says Spike. "This one pony showed up a couple minutes ago. I told her it might be dangerous, but she's got her own cannon!"

You wave cheerfully. Bon-Bon does not reciprocate. "Just the one?" you ask. Sure, you didn't exactly give anypony much time to come join you, but you kind of hoped you'd be seen as a slightly safer bet than that.

Spike scratches his chin. "Well, uh, there was another pony, but she ran off when I told her you weren't here. Said something about figuring out what some hourglasses were telling her, and how we were all going to die. Y'know, typical Ponyville stuff. That mare who used to come by a lot, what's her name..."



May 16 2013
"===>"


"Uh... Colgate."



May 16 2013
"===>"



May 22 2013
"TS: Please know where she is."


There's no way she's here.



May 22 2013
"===>"


Why would Colgate panic, come to your place, leave, and then go right back here? You're grasping at straws.



May 22 2013
"===>"


You made a deliberate decision to save the greatest possible number. You placed quantity above personal connection. That was the ethical thing to do.



May 22 2013
"===>"


Of course, you don't want to find Colgate because it's ethical, but because she makes you happy and she's in a panic.



May 22 2013
"===>"


This is a test. If Seafoam's plan is safe enough for an entire village, it has to be safe enough for one pony. You already agreed to this.



May 22 2013
"===>"


Given enough time, you could find her. But your library would be gone or destroyed, Spike and Bon-Bon as well, and you'd have no way to enter the Medium.



May 22 2013
"===>"


Or you could do as you planned, follow Princess Celestia's instructions, and ally yourself with your five best friends to win an impossible game and save a distant world.

That's no decision at all.



May 22 2013
"===>"


"Spike?"

"Yeah, Twilight?"

"How do I destroy the Sparkler figure?"



May 22 2013
"===>"


"Well, I found this comb thing on the alchemihoozits. So maybe... brush her mane?"



Apr 02 2014
"Hoofstuck: Be canceled."

Yep. Too much work and not enough desire to do it. I've enclosed the intended plot of the remainder of Hoofstuck below, and you can read it as your leisure and see what would have happened to all the many characters introduced in the preceding 550+ pages, as well as to several more characters who hadn't gotten introduced yet at all. Note that unlike the adventure proper, the conclusion is written with the assumption that you have read Homestuck, in that certain concepts and events from that comic are named without being explained; my apologies if apologies are appropriate. In any case, thanks for the ride and all the great suggestions along the way!

(I occasionally post pony stories to FIMFiction. I also presently maintain the Adventures in Ponyville tumblr, which depicts (mostly through a series of quick vignettes) the lives of Sunset Shimmer and five of the background humans from Equestria Girls, acclimating themselves to new lives as ponies.)




[S] TS: Brushie Brushie is set to "Somewhere Super New" from My Little Pony Twinkle Wish Adventure, and covers many sets of characters embarking on journeys to super new places. Some parts of the next few paragraphs would be in the animation itself, whereas others would slowly come out later on in the next act. To begin with, the Twinkling Balloon is being run by Cherry, the aviatrix pony, and carries Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Noi (Carrot Top's sister), and Alula (Cloud Kicker's sister, who has a thing for Diamond Tiara). They run into a squad of warlike griffons, who force them to crash land on top of a mountain, where the griffons keep watch over them while they can provide occasional interludes for exposition about Carrot Top and Cloud Kicker.

Carrot Top and Bubblecup find a gondola and ride through a Venice-like section of LoFaW. Meanwhile Applejack embarks on a platform game-themed adventure of her own, until she falls off a cliff (or maybe a bridge explodes beneath her), leading to her falling image shown in [S] R: Sing. She lands in water and is rescued by a group of sea ponies, who are LoFaW's consorts. Her denizen+quest were never decided on.

Rainbow Dash encounters a giant white star on LoYaL when the song sings "we'll find our wishing star." In time she meets the consorts of her land, little flying fairy creatures, and her denizen, the Robot Unicorn itself, who is very much awake. This is something of a reference to Rainbow and Ember discussing her being outraced by a unicorn. The Robot Unicorn reveals its plans to dash around LoYaL, smashing the stars found on that planet, until it builds up enough speed to smash the giant star at the center of the planet. This star serves the same purpose as the record on LoHaC in Homestuck, and smashing it would scratch the entire session. Rainbow Dash doesn't want this to happen, and the two agree to race.

(When other players visit LoYaL later while traveling through their series of gates, they'll find that it looks different to every one of them, based on the various locations in the sequel game Robot Unicorn Attack Evolution. Just as the world as Rainbow Dash sees it is an expression of her childhood dreams of huge skies and freedom from responsibility, the others too will find the world to connect with them in ways that may or may not be for the better.)

Nothing much was planned for Fluttershy on the Land of Sand and Disco, other than referencing every song about San Francisco I could reasonably get away with. No doubt there would be something about kindness vs. rage.

Twilight Sparkle takes her place in the Zone of Rods and Sterling (ZoRaS) as the Thane of Light, named for the creators of the Twilight Zone series as suggested by someone or other. Her consorts are the Zoras from Zelda, because same name. Bon-Bon escapes from ZoRaS and goes to LoFaT, where she and Pinkie Pie spend a good deal of time in Roadrunner/Coyote-type altercations with one another.

Medley flies north to the Crystal Empire, but gets tired, and lands on top of the very train containing the spa twins Aloe and Lotus. A crystal pegasus pony meets her on top of the train, having spotted her approach, and offers her a hoof of friendship. Medley repeats that she's doomed, and the pegasus says that she's actually been looking for a doomed pony...

Meteors fall all over Equestria, including at Scratch and Pepper's Lemon Hearts Club Band's concert that was seen in [S] R: Sing. The performers and audience have given up hope of salvation and resolve to at least be having a good time as the world ends.

Seafoam does her best to hold the dome together over Ponyville while the meteors rain down, and Sassaflash (unnamed, because her fanon name was "Wind Whistler" and that was stupid) and Caramel lend her their support. Her eyes lose their pupils, blood begins to leak from around her eyeballs, and eventually her horn breaks in half and she falls to the ground as the dome cracks to pieces and Ponyville is flooded. Shining Armor's shield over Canterlot is likewise destroyed, leaving Celestia and the rest to defend themselves as best they may.

Cloud Kicker sits morosely atop a cloud, tearing petals off a flower to decide if Big Mac loves her. As she gets to the final petal, she is struck by a meteor and killed. Fade to black. "End of Act 5" reads the text, eliciting mass confusion from everyone who assumed they'd been reading Act 1 the whole time.

ZoRaS-tan is revealed as the black turns out to be her eye zoomed in on to a ridiculous extent. She is surrounded by the other five Planet Ponies, with Skaia nowhere to be seen, the six of them floating alone in a featureless void. ZoRaS-tan explains that the dark forces invading their world grew stronger, and though they tried everything -- martial arts, mecha suits, ponimon, etc. -- nothing stopped it. "Nothing can stop the Smooze." Their eyes turn white, indicating death.

The intermission begins with finally meeting Colgate (apart from her brief visual-only cameo in the Ponyville Park when the taffy machine rolled by), who's very much alive. She's in her basement, but clearly not the one Twilight visited, because all seven hourglasses are fully intact. She rejects attempts by the reader to take control of her, explaining that it will be easier if she just receives suggestions instead, so as to be a better narrator, and maybe says something about being an excellent host. Then Lyra shows up, like she said she was going to do in her semi-hidden scene at the taffy machine character select, and Colgate begins to explain what's going on.

Colgate explains that she and Lyra are in a different timeline than practically everything witnessed so far, hence the hourglasses, and says that Hoofstuck thus far had been told through Carrot Top's monitors, but now those are destroyed. Instead she'll be taking charge and showing events with her hourglasses, though she'll do her best to present the events with minimum narrative interruption, except when there's some sort of time travel confusion that really warrants her explanation.

She also does some talking about colors. Red, of course, is the color of Time--she mentions Rainbow Dash's and Skaia's red eyes--and Green is the color of Space. (and changeling magic, just to make things more confusing.) Lyra mentions having the obscure magic power to show up wherever the story is, mentioning her appearances in Appleloosa and Cloudsdale and Canterlot to illustrate, and Colgate agrees that might be a Space power. Purple and Yellow are of course the colors of Derse and Prospit respectively. Lastly she explains that Blue is the third dimension alongside Time and Space, the dimension of Narrative, which she explains is broken into three parts: storytelling, which is her role; random chance, handled by Skaia; and choice, done by the readers, for which she points at the primary color of the Hoofstuck adventure background being blue.

Then someone else knocks on the door, and Colgate excuses herself to go find out who it is, and instructs the readers (and Lyra, who's now sort of one of them) to review some of the long-past Act 3 while she's gone.

Act 3 opens on a red-maned mare named Snowcone, last seen in the painting in Rainbow Dash's house. Though she is a full grown mare, it is only today that she will receive her cutie mark. Cutie marks, for the record, are not a concept that exist yet. Days, also for the record, are not a concept that currently do any good. It turns out that she was raised by snow leopards--as RD wished had been the case for her too--which, this being MLP, are literally leopards made of snow. Her life is interrupted by Maplehoof crashing defeated to the ground outside her house, as shown in [S] R: Sing. Maplehoof has been defeated by some suitably evil pony--ideally Sodomuffin, if I could secure the cameo--and entreats Snowcone to deliver her message in her place.

Snowcone's adventures take the form of browser-based RPG segments, emulating Earthbound even more than the Homestuck walkaround segments do. She travels from her home and meets with Princess Platinum, Commander Hurricane, and Chancellor Puddinghead, who explain that the message she brought is the location of the one thing that can stop the evil force who is ruining Equestria: Discord. (Platinum and the rest are kept safe by the shield magic of Clover the Clever, which takes all her strength--and nearly her life--to maintain.) Snowcone is sent to find this place and stop Discord, along with a pegasus named Dizzy Pinwheel (last seen in Fluttershy's imagination) and a unicorn named Daylight Saving (last seen in a portrait in Twilight's library). They do some grinding and then defeat Sodomuffin as the first boss battle. It's important to note that these ponies have strife specibi, but no cutie marks.

Act 6 begins. This being the middle period of the story, there are a lot of events that happen without a specified order being exactly planned for them, so I'm just going to focus on all the separate storylines more or less one at a time, with the obvious caveat that there'd be a lot more switching back and forth in a proper telling thereof.

Back on LoRaF, Parasol explains to Rarity that she took over the fraymotif from some random other pony, and tries to sell Rarity some of her wares. Then the imps attack, destroying part of the Carousel Boutique and leading to Rarity's "you will never take my fashions!" line from that one time she got viewed in the wrong universe. If the readers think of it, Rarity convinces Parasol to give her a fraymotif for free so that she can defeat the imps and save Parasol's new businessplace.

At some point the friendship specibi get explained (or simply figured out) as how SBALE players level up. Killing enemies does nothing; being a friend gets you friendship sparkles, again in the style of the Adventures in Ponyville webgame, and friendship sparkles get you levels.

The consorts of LoRaF are the Twinkle-Eyed Ponies, including Mimic, seen leaving in a huff after Parasol stole her workfront. They explain that Rarity's quest is to light the Forge. For this task, she will need to retrieve the millions of gems that surround the planet in a bright blue ring. To retrieve the gems, she will need to collect the four Golden Horseshoes, which are scattered across the six planets of the Medium. As for Rarity's denizen, there isn't one. Her denizen was Echidna, but a powerful wizard came to LoRaF a long time ago and killed Echidna and took all the gems from the planet--including the ones in the twinkle-eyed ponies' eyes, which is why they can see now--and blasted them into orbit.

Rarity asks for more details about this wizard, and the twinkle-eyed ponies show her his hat. It was Star Swirl the Bearded.

Rarity asks for more details about the forge, and the twinkle-eyed ponies show her the large rock that Star Swirl the Bearded lodged in its opening. It's Tom. She blasts Tom into space in a single furious burst of magic.

As Rarity, over the course of Act 6, works to gather the four golden horseshoes, Parasol takes more and more control over the consorts of LoRaF, shaping their culture into her own heartless capitalistic ideal and rendering the twinkle-eyed ponies increasingly her slaves, and Rarity turns something of a blind eye to this on account of their bizarre friendship. Finally she returns with the fourth golden horseshoe, and one of the twinkle-eyed ponies--Galaxy?--plays the classic trap motif of telling someone about their sins and asking what their punishment should be, without telling them who it is you're talking about. In this case, the twinkle-eyed ponies are mad at Rarity for allowing Parasol to enslave them. Rarity decrees lifelong imprisonment, and so the twinkle-eyed ponies use the power of the four horseshoes to throw both Rarity and Parasol in prison.

In prison, Parasol reveals that there's one thing she never got around to trying to sell Rarity: the pendant that carries/summons her sprite, which is still in Perfectly Generic mode. Parasol sadly explains that the consequences of her actions on LoRaF, her friendship with Rarity, and her continued dreams of the accusing golden eye, have all together led her to realize what an awful pony she is, a pony who does nothing but feed on others' success and ruin things. Parasol implores Rarity to think well of her or something like that, and merges with the Perfectly Generic Sprite to form Parasprite. As Parasprite, she eats through the prison wall to give Rarity an escape route, then travels farther into the void, where she lands on an asteroid that will later travel back in time to Equestria as part of the reckoning, where she will meet and try to reconcile with a pony she treated terribly when she was younger: Fluttershy.

Of course, we all know how well that turned out. And that's Rarity's portentious cruxite object taken care of.

Rarity reconciles with the twinkle-eyed ponies somehow and lights the forge and does all the normal spacey stuff, with the help of Fluttershy, fulfilling all that obvious foreshadowing about Rarity not being the Dame and Fluttershy never again asking Rarity for help with frogs. At some random point Rarity has to fight with Shadow Lobster Kingpin and his Crabnasty army, because, you know...

Rainbow Dash is visited by her future self, who teaches her to time travel by flying really fast and creating a Chronic Rainboom. She uses this skill and probably the magic of friendship and stuff to defeat the Robot Unicorn and save the fairy consorts and prevent the session from being scratched.

Rainbow Dash and Applejack have a confused conversation about their feelings, leaving Applejack so distressed that she gets killed. Rainbow Dash goes back in time to prevent this from happening, becoming the Rainbow Dash who wore the Mare-Do-Well costume and gave Applejack three pieces of advice, which advice ends up making the feelings conversation go differently, thus preventing Applejack's death.

Later Twilight Sparkle contacts Rainbow Dash with a letter from Luna, announcing the deaths of Celestia and a large portion of the rest of Equestria besides. After some talk, Rainbow Dash agrees to go back in time to try to stop this from happening as well. In a long sequence, Rainbow Dash manages to save every single living creature on Equestria from the meteors, except for hundreds and hundreds of dead copies of herself. This, it turns out, is the real reason that Rainbow Dash has her wings in the Statue of Harmony in the Alicorn Rarity flashforward. Of all the copies of her that went back in time, only the the Mare-Do-Well copy ends up surviving, and even her with an injured wing. She stays in Appleloosa with Little Strongheart.

In the resulting timeline, Candy Mane doesn't die. Instead, just as Pinkie Pie predicted, a beautiful rainbow appears in the sky: the trail of Rainbow Dash saving her life. Twilight is thus freed from the worry of trying to save everyone in Ponyville, and instead of meeting with Mayor Mare and Officer Linky and Swift Justice and the rest, she takes the time before her meteor hits to visit Colgate. It's thus revealed that it was Twilight Sparkle who was the third visitor (after the readers and Lyra) to Colgate's house during the intermission, which prompted the revisit to the beginning of Act 3.

Cloud Kicker and Seafoam are among the many others who are no longer killed by the reckoning. Instead, Cloud Kicker meets up with Cloudchaser and Flitter, who give her a makeover to help her score with Big Mac. It probably works; this subplot honestly isn't remotely important. Cloud Kicker's main plot purpose is to work at the array modus cloud storage, in case Fluttershy's foreshadowy line about never using her modus for anything illegal ever got followed up on, and Big Mac is just eyecandy.

Seafoam just goes about her normal life, having no idea that she died a hero in an alternate timeline. Apple Cobbler (the tanning pony) is saved by a beautiful rainbow just like Candy Mane, as Pinkie was seen to have predicted in one of Carrot Top's monitors. Vinyl Scratch is rescued from her concert and brought to the same hiding place as Octavia, last seen in portrait form in filly Rarity's room.

At some point Rarity ends up finally playing her mother's record. It tells the story of Vinyl meeting Octavia at a party, and how Vinyl was utterly smitten and Octavia was utterly unimpressed. Vinyl vows to become a better pony, and finds Rarity, who has fallen from the sky on a meteor. Vinyl raises Rarity as her own daughter until she gives up and returns to her old life, pausing only to send Sweetie Belle to Rarity when she's born, although she and Rarity do end up reconciling somewhat offscreen in Suited for Success, A Canterlot Wedding, etc.

Eventually the readers notice that Rainbow Dash's fetch modus and Fluttershy's fetch modus share the exact same item pool: if one of them puts an item in, the other can take it out. The reason for this is given when Fluttershy gets a new fetch modus somehow and tries to give Rainbow Dash her old one, and Rainbow Dash accidentally captchalogues it instead of taking it. Then when she decaptchalogues it, it's her modus, and she doesn't need two so she puts one of them in a lotus time capsule.

The spa twins Lotus and Aloe arrive at the Crystal Empire, where they are greeted by their distant cousin Lily Blossom, the crystal pegasus who met Medley on top of the train. Lily Blossom brings them to the Foundation of the Crystal Empire--alluded to in Celestia's farewell letter to Twilight--which is a top secret underground lair built for the safekeeping of the Crystal Empire and all Equestria. To get to it, Lotus and Aloe pass through the Door of Worst Fears (or whatever it's called) that Twilight had to pass through to get to Sombra; this is an opportunity to distinguish Lotus and Aloe's characters by giving them different worst fears.

There Lotus and Aloe meet the rest of the team they're going to be in: Rainbow Flash, rainbow pony ambassador to the Crystal Empire (last seen in Ember's Tale); Daisy Dreams, professional dream researcher (mentioned by Sparkler), and Star Swirl, a mechanic earth pony mare who believes she's the descendent of Star Swirl the Bearded. (Like Snowcone and Dizzy Pinwheel and the rest are the ponies from the MAD-TV parody, Lily Blossom and Rainbow Flash and Daisy Dreams and Star Swirl are the toyline-exclusive ponies who got unique designs instead of being recolors of the main characters. Except that Rainbow Flash and Daisy Dreams are dudes here, for ~diversity~.)

Lily Blossom, who it turns out is a general in the Save the Crystal Ponies foundation--or more simply, the SCP Foundation, which houses many dangerous threats to Equestria--reveals to the readers that Lotus and Aloe have mentioned the Frog Temple in Froggy Bottom Bog in their letters to her. It turns out that there's a second frog temple--as sighted in the zoom from LoSaD to Dream Fluttershy in the Derse prison--located by the crystal empire, and Lily Blossom brought Lotus and Aloe onboard as the closest thing she has to experts on it. This frog temple has no lotus time capsules, since both were in the Froggy Bottom Bog temple, but it does have transportalizers to Prospit and Derse.

Lily Blossom plans for the six of them to join the SBALE session in progress and serve as backup to the mane six, helping them save the universe. For this purpose, Star Swirl has constructed a mechanism for converting them into dream self bodies so that SBALE won't reject them like an immune system. She explains that there's room in the game for six more ponies, because of the scratch mechanic: they'll simply take on the six classes and aspects that aren't being used in this timeline because they'd be allocated to the mane six's potential transtimeline anscestors/descendents. (When Carrot Top showed off her big monitor of meteor strikes, there was a list of IPs--or whatever--connected to the session. Six were for the mane six, but there were three more. One was Carrot Top. Star Swirl is the second.)

In a side conversation, Lily Blossom inquires after the attempt to create and prototype a kernelsprite for them to use, which they tried to make work by finding someone or something that was doomed. It's made clear that this attempt was a failure and Medley was killed in the process.

There's another series of "takes his/her place as the ____ of ____" sections, with Daisy Dreams and Rainbow Flash and Star Swirl all getting assigned to Derse or Prospit and each given a class and aspect without any trouble. Lotus and Aloe, however, are both assigned to the role of Maid of Heart. And Lily Blossom is assigned to Prospit as the Thief of Blood. The White Queen, Golden Rule, is there to meet her, greeting her as her long-missing third princess, but Lily Blossom freaks out--thinking she's an attacker--and murders her, only after the fact realizing she probably made a mistake. This of course resolves all the stuff Skaia was saying, particularly her refusal to say that Rainbow Dash would be the pegasus princess that Golden Rule ended up getting before her death.

Lily Blossom's SCP squad don't end up contributing too much else to the story, being mostly there to have strife specibi instead of friendship specibi and help the mane six learn to fight back against the various monsters. Eventually Lily Blossom gets out of control, and she's returned to the SCP and placed in one of the holding cells. Only Star Swirl stays in the session, who takes advantage of the dream self fluidity to change body to that of a stallion, in order to be more like his famous presumed ancestor.

Back when Twilight Sparkle first enters the Medium at the end of Act 5, she gets an anonymous message on her SBALE console, greeting her "Hello, Twilight Sparkle. I want to play a game." It quickly becomes apparent that this is Trixie, on account of her inability to stick to the first person. Pinkie has once or twice mentioned creating a prototype SBALE console, and it turns out Trixie took it at some point offscreen in Magic Duel. Trixie is the third and final non-mane-six IP connection to the session, besides Star Swirl and Carrot Top. Trixie believes that Twilight Sparkle must have found a way to protect everyone in Ponyville from the meteors, but doubts that Twilight could ensure the safety of the rest of Equestria, so she resolves to keep on talking to Twilight until the moment she dies, as an effort to make Twilight feel guilty. In the Act 5 timeline, she succeeds at this. In the Act 6 timeline, Rainbow Dash saves her life (though the prototype console is left to be destroyed by meteor strike) and she is placed in prison in Canterlot for her own safety.

Also arriving in Canterlot are Ember, Nth Degree, Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, and Sparkler, to meet with Scootaloo who's already there. This quickly goes awry as Sparkler encounters another Sparkler, who is talking to Moondancer, as seen in [S] R: Sing and speculated about thereafter. It turns out, to no one's great surprise, that the Sparkler from Ponyville is in fact a changeling, but one who got so into her role as a completely mentally unstable pony that she managed to forget her changeling status, aside from occasional moments of recollection when she'd send her reports on the mane six's dreams to Queen Chrysalis. Before Changeling Sparkler can be interrogated much further, however, she is teleportaled away to an unknown destination.

Moondancer visits Trixie in prison. It turns out that Trixie's full name is Trixie Lulamoon, and Moondancer's is Dancie Lulamoon, both of them granddaughters of Moonstone (Stony Lulamoon) the Rainbow Pony from the Ember's Dream story. Later Moondancer (who is totally besotted with Luna, in addition to her genuinely useful magic talents and knowledge), Zecora (recruited to Canterlot to defend against the meteors, as seen during Celestia's letter to Twilight), and the real Sparkler join Luna in fleeing Canterlot while Celestia is distracted, on a secret mission to cure Chrysaor.

At some point, Queen Chrysalis is sitting morosely on her throne in the Changeling Kingdom, staring at a painting of Love Lock, because Queen Chrysalis was once the Batterqueen until old age claimed Love Lock's life. A griffon comes to see her, who turns out to be Gilda. Gilda tells Chrysalis that the griffons are going to march on Equestria in service to their old master, and they hope for the changelings' aid, but Chrysalis sees no reason she should get involved in this conflict. However, she is sufficiently curious about this proposition to venture forth into Equestria to see what's going on, where she meets Luna, awake while her traveling companions sleep through the night.

Through some combination of a) Luna talking with Chrysalis, b) Celestia writing to Twilight, c) the CMC talking to Celestia, and d) further RPG flashbacks to Act 3, the backstory of Hoofstuck gradually comes into focus.

In another universe, there lived a mare named Latawnya. Over time, she discovers three baby-bearing meteors carrying Pegasus and the Foal and Chrysaor, who use the powers of myth to bring forth pegasus ponies and earth ponies and unicorn (rainbow) ponies respectively. The great hunter Orion captures Chrysaor, who is Latawnya's favorite, and turns him into his sword and belt, and Latawnya gives him Pegasus and the Foal in exchange for chances to reunite with her son however briefly. Later Orion, Pegasus, the Foal, and forty-five other creatures of various species play a vast game of SBALE/whatever it would be called, but because of the massive number of players, the enemies are immensely powerful and all but Pegasus and the Foal are killed either by the enemies or simply by Orion. (Pegasus and the Foal in fact end up killing Orion, which is a large part of why they survive.) Although one of the players is a phoenix, so dying doesn't hurt much. Pegasus and the Foal, who are Prospit and Derse dreamers respectively, come to live on their respective dream worlds under the tutelate and surrogate motherhood of their respective queens, neither of them having any reason to hold any love for Latawnya.

The universe created by this forty-eight player session is of course that of Hoofstuck, populated by the ponies brought forth by Latawnya's children, who were sent there after its creation. For a time nothing of great noteworthiness transpires. Then Disord comes into power after the events of the Hearth's Warming Eve tale, and so Snowcone and Dizzy Pinwheel and Daylight Saving embark on their quest, later joined by Love Lock and another earth pony named Maplejack, relative to the fallen Maplehoof. Discord can only be defeated, according to Maplehoof's message, by use of an immense ruby called the Heart Stone, deep within a mountain near to Discord's home. Along the way Snowcone and the rest battle various other obstacles, none story-important, until they reach the mountain, which is guarded by three dogs made from rocks. They're able to get past the dogs and use the Heart Stone, which is a tool to focus magic and make it more powerful, to create a portal to another dimension, which is to say, the session from which their universe was created.

Pegasus and the Foal and the Phoenix agree to help the Crusaders (as they become known) against Discord, although the Foal is very angry at Pegasus for semi-recently exiling all her closest friends on Derse. Still, they work together and use the belt of Orion the Hunter, which is engraved with six (three visible in the night sky, three on the opposite side) magic stones. They defeat Discord and take the stone from the rock dogs and use it to create a living prison for Discord instead. The dogs merge into one and become Cerberus; the belt splits apart and reveals their lost brother Chrysaor, whose mind is seemingly irreparably damaged, and who has become the Ursa Major. The six stones become the Elements of Harmony.

On learning of the Crusaders' quest, the many battles they fought along the way, and other facts about pony life, Pegasus and the Foal use the final vestiges of their mythological creation power to create Cutie Marks, the idea behind them being that ponies should always have some special talent. If a pony doesn't want to base their life around their special talent, that's totally fine, but no pony should ever again be in the position of being in the military simply because they could find nothing else to do. With this comes also the transition from strife specibi to friendship specibi.

To their horror, Pegasus and the Foal discover that the Medium they came from no longer exists, including all the inhabitants of Prospit. They and the Phoenix were the final surviving players of the session, and once they had all entered the universe they had created, that session was uncreated. Pegasus and the Foal then take rulership of Equestria from Platinum and Hurricane and Puddinghead, becoming known as Princess Celestia and Princess Luna respectively. The Phoenix is of course Philomena.

Through some random time mechanic -- don't really care which one -- Luna discovers a way to send a message back to Derse before it was uncreated. It thus turns out that she, not Celestia, was the one who exiled the Dersites, and she did so in order to save them. But Luna has no idea where her old friends went, only that they are alive. The Black Queen and her retinue come to Canterlot under the guise of the Batterqueen and her followers, where they meet with Love Lock and find love and fellowship, until Love Lock dies and they become Queen Chrysalis and her changeling horde. The presence of forty-eight players in the session made for forty-eight prototypings, resulting in the Dersites' bodies becoming extremely malleable, hence the changelings' ability to change form.

Before the Black Queen (later the Batterqueen, later Queen Chrysalis) met Love Lock, however, she had a black romance with the Archagent of Derse, Jack Noir. In their session, Jack did not take her ring, but he did end up taking the White King's scepter before the Black King could get it, without which action Celestia and Luna and Philomena would surely never have won. The power of the scepter, plus the ridiculously malleable forms from the forty-eight prototypings, drove Jack insane, and after being exiled to Equestria by Luna, he became Discord.

The true opposition of Prospit and Derse is not Creation vs. Destruction: it's Innovation vs. Tradition. Jack Noir, a Dersite armed with a powerful Prospitian tool, therefore becomes chaos: creation so constant that there is no longterm change.

Back in the present day, Luna and Chrysalis share a relatively cordial conversation. Since Chrysalis was Luna's effective mother on her days in Derse--even as the White Queen, Aurelia, was Celestia's effective mother--the two bear each other no emnity, which is why Luna refused to aid in the defense of Canterlot when the changelings invaded in season 2. Then Luna lets slip the information about Jack Noir being Discord, which Chrysalis had never known, and Chrysalis leaves immediately, to Luna's alarm.

Diane meets up with a grinning Skaia on Derse, and Skaia resolves to help Diane get dream Fluttershy out of prison. She'll do so by rewinding time to an earlier point whenever Diane makes a mistake in her attempt. This produces a multi-pathed section of the adventure titled, naturally, Bardquest.

Before dream Fluttershy is rescued, however, she encounters most of the Midnight Crew: Hearts Basilisk, who can turn hearts to stone (but has done so only once); Diamonds Dog, who's a diamond dog; and Clubs Drake, who's a Spike recolor. (Clubs Drake has a dragon girlfriend named Drusilla, who bears a strong visual resemblance to Whimsey Weatherbe from Twinkle Wish Adventure. She ends up getting together with Spike instead.) They sing to the tune of the Gaston song about "Jack Noir," their leader, and how great he is, and explain that they captured (dream) Fluttershy because Jack needs her advice on a certain subject.

Finally, Rarity at some point in her quest meets a dashing black stallion with whom she shares a mutual romantic attraction. This stallion, of course, is Jack Noir. Jack seeks to end the war between Prospit and Derse not through warfare but through diplomatic alliance, specifically a marriage between Rarity, Princess of Prospit, and himself, who the Black Queen has named Prince of Derse in absence of any helpful action from Skaia.

Ultimately this doesn't work out, in some part due to Rarity's hearing from Twilight about the last Jack Noir and his turning into Discord.

With Jack Noir a Prince of Derse, and Lily Blossom apparently a Princess of Prospit, this leaves Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash in a strange position. It turns out that their dream selves are not on Prospit or Derse at all, but are instead on the Battlefield. This can be rationalized by "Twilight" being the period between day and night, and "Rainbow" being the combination of all colors. Rainbow Dash's dream self is maintained in great pomp and solemnitude, for she is believed to be the savior; Twilight's is buried deep beneath the battlefield's surface, for she is believed to be the heretic.

At some point, Pinkie Pie's dream self finally wakes up properly, in that her normal consciousness is in it. She asks "Diane?" There is no response. The camera zooms out to make her look suddenly very, very lonely. After this, her Pinkie Sense stops working.

Meanwhile she's also having her battles with Bon-Bon. Eventually they run out of weapons and other gadgets and just stare at each other angrily for a while, yelling insults, until they give up and just make out with each other. Lyra is still listening to the story as told by Colgate, as she has been since the beginning of Act 6, but she leaves just before the makeouts begin, thinking she needs to save Bon-Bon. Also it turns out that Bon-Bon was a changeling, because she uses that power to have tentacle hatesex with Pinkie, but this was already clear from some prior point and Pinkie was just oblivious until then and Bon-Bon mutters something about hating her so much.

Basically Bon-Bon is actually the latest in a long string of changelings taking on the role of "Bon-Bon" in Ponyville. (Whether there was ever a real pony by that name is left ambiguous.) This Bon-Bon, as it turns out, is the first one who can actually stand Lyra, and actually genuinely loves her redromantically. They all come from a rogue group of changelings who see Sugarcube Corner as their rightful heritage from the Batterqueen. They were relatively happy with Mrs. Cake, who is a direct descendent of the Batterqueen's, but have no love for Pinkie Pie, especially after she was named Sugarcube Corner's heir. Fortunately, formulating a black romance with Pinkie Pie provides an alternate solution to the issue.

Lyra shows up, having used her powers of being where the action is. Pinkie and Bon-Bon saucily ask her to join them. She's shocked, and then she does. They get along quite well as an OT3, with Pinkie and Bon-Bon both redromantically interested in Lyra and blackromantically interested in each other, and Lyra just pretty darn satisfied with the whole situation.

Pinkie also visits the cloning labs in the Veil, as foreshadowed by Rainbow Dash insisting that she hadn't been created by Pinkie Pie. There she creates twelve babies:
* The Crusaders are all sent back a thousand-plus years, where they are found and raised by snow leopards and the Maple clan and so on.
* Rarity is found and (initially) raised by Vinyl Scratch, who later has a biological daughter Sweetie Belle with a stallion who is probably never identified.
* Rainbow Dash is found and raised by Ember and Nth Degree Dash, who later have a biological daughter Scootaloo.
* Twilight Sparkle is found and raised by Twilight Velvet--Ember's old friend--and whatever her dad's name is, who already have a biological son Shining Armor.
* Fluttershy's meteor lands on and kills Bubblecup's parents, and knocks one of Bubblecup's eyes out of sync with the other. Nonetheless, Bubblecup carries Fluttershy to the Cloudsdale orphanage, where they both come to live. Over time they meet other ponies, including Rainbow Dash, Parasol, and Medley. (Parasol wasn't always a bully; Fluttershy and Bubblecup were actually her best friends, until Hoops and the rest of the gang made fun of her, and then she joined them instead. This is why Bubblecup is so mad at her forever afterwards.)
* Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Carrot Top all ride on the same meteor, which lands on and kills Big Macintosh's parents, who are at a large farmers' convention. The three babies from the meteor are taken in by the Apple, Pie, and Carrot clans respectively. Later the Orange family in Manehattan have a daughter, but after their failure to make Applejack happy in the big city, they have no confidence in their parenting skills and agree to send the girl to Sweet Apple Acres instead, where she is named Apple Bloom.


Backing up a bit: at some point it has become clear that the Crusaders are the ancestors of the mane six. Twilight is the ectodaughter of Daylight Saving (the only unicorn) and Love Lock; Rarity is the ectodaughter of Daylight Saving and Maplejack; Rainbow Dash is the ectodaughter of Dizzy Pinwheel (the only pegasus) and Snowcone; Fluttershy is the ectodaughter of Dizzy Pinwheel and Carrot Top; Applejack is the ectodaughter of Carrot Top and Maplejack; and Pinkie Pie is the ectodaughter of Love Lock and Snowcone. This is why Pinkie Pie refers to Twilight and Rainbow as being like her sisters: they are literally her sisters. Carrot Top, on the other hand, refers to Pinkie Pie as her sister because they rode in on the same meteor together.

The Statue of Victory, which Alicorn Rarity approaches in order to enter the exile center in her flashforward, is a statue of Daylight Saving. The stars surrounding it match her shooting star cutie mark. It was mentioned at some point that there were originally only five statues in the garden: the other four were Maplejack (Activity), Snowcone (Bravery), Dizzy Pinwheel (Responsibility), and Love Lock (Synergy).

Carrot Top is by rights the sixth crusader, the hypothetical Seer of Hope in a hypothetical timeline where they were the players and the mane six were the ancestors. However, she was born in the present day. Her reason for entering the session is to find a way to go back a thousand years to the time she believes she belongs in. The reason Lotus and Aloe both become Maids of Heart on entering the Medium was that Carrot Top was in the session at that point; Star Swirl assumed there'd be six classes and aspects to choose among, but there were only five, with both Seer and Hope being in active use.

Bubblecup's cutie mark is of dream bubbles. The golden eye that finds itself into the dreams of Scootaloo and Parasol is hers: her special talent is that her wandering eye can see into dreams. Carrot Top is fully aware of this and has used it to her advantage in the past, hence her references to spying.

None of those babies on meteors are sent until the Reckoning, however, and Pinkie Pie can't wait around in the veil until then. So she gets a foalsitter by using the transportalizer technology to summon Changeling Sparkler from Canterlot shortly after she's discovered to be a changeling. Changeling Sparkler asks why Pinkie's trusting her with the twelve fillies, since she's a changeling, but Pinkie feels she can be trusted because obviously nothing will go wrong because obviously nothing did go wrong. Even if Changeling Sparkler wanted to do something evil, she wouldn't bother, because history's established that it's pointless.

Applejack, as noted, does not end up dying after her feelings conversation with Rainbow Dash. Instead, she meets Skaia, who asks if Applejack recognizes her. It turns out that Linky, the carrot-eating police officer with the light blue coat and curly white mane and red eyes, was Skaia all along, and she even mentions a few occasions with multiple instances of Linky--which is to say, Skaia from different points in her own personal timeline--showing up at different events to watch Applejack do things. Skaia tries to seduce Applejack through various means, including noting her strong resemblance to Rainbow Dash in coat and eye color. Applejack however remains aloof, and Skaia grudgingly accepts this, leaving Applejack to do the normal stuff on her planet with her sea pony consorts and her quest and denizen and whatnot.

At some point, however, Skaia returns, apologizes in advance, and zaps Applejack away from whatever was going on. Skaia is, it seems, a rather young member of the Skaia species, and Hoofstuck is her very first session. There's about to be a family reunion, and she needs Applejack to pretend to be her date. There's a redo of her Enter Name segment now that she actually needs a name in order to disambiguate her from the other Skaia entities. It doesn't go incredibly well, because none of the other Skaia entities approve of her choosing to look like a pony, let alone date a pony, and she's childish and rebellious, but Applejack mostly handles the situation and she and Skaia part on pretty good terms.

Skaia also helpfully takes the time to explain how the universe of Equestria works, and specifically how the sun and moon get away with rotating around the earth: it's a very, very small universe, albeit an intensely creative one (reference to bronydom). In a normal universe, the stars are suns, around which rotate planets. Above Equestria? The stars are eyes... horrorterror eyes. The world is extremely close to the void, aka Tartarus, aka "Tar Nation." ("Tar" is Zebrican for "Terror", and Zebrican reduplication means "species given to", so "tartar" are "Horrorterrors"--with "-us" being a locative suffix--and "Bon-Bon" means "changeling.")

She moreover talks about sessions and how they have Purposes, though she won't say what this one's is. She notes that most sets of players are fully mixed-sex, for ease of continuation of species, but the mane six are all female. She allowed in the SCP Foundation team primarily in service to this, although Lily and Lotus and Aloe are all related, Daisy Dreams is gay, Rainbow Flash is only interested in rainbow ponies, and Star Swirl changed sex and is probably infertile. So what's to become of the new universe, if they make one, Applejack wants to know? Skaia won't say.

Medley is Rainbow Dash's best friend, and Rainbow Dash is Medley's best friend. But then one day Rainbow Dash dives down to the ground -- "Danger is my middle name, Medley!" -- and meets Applejack, and Medley's life is forever ruined. But then it turns out this is just a memory and she's already dead. Skaia shows up, wondering if maybe the pony who got rejected by Rainbow Dash would be interested in pursuing a relationship with the living-goddess-who-kind-of-looks-like-a-pony who got rejected by the pony who's somewhat involved with Rainbow Dash.

As part of the general adventure stuff, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie get blasted through the surface of the battlefield into an underground cavern, where there's not enough room for Rainbow Dash to travel through time, and no obvious other way for them to escape. Until they notice that they've actually arrived in Rainbow Dash's Quest Crypt, and all Pinkie needs to do is kill her, and she can become a god. Pinkie produces a knife--referring back to her cruxite object, and some obscure fanfic--and her hair goes flat. "Pinkie Pie?" asks RD. "Not exactly." "Pinkamena?" "No. You can call me... Pinkechidna."

After Echidna was killed by Star Swirl the Bearded many years ago on LoRaF, she floated around as a general ghost self thing. When Pinkie woke up in her dream self, Diane joined Echidna in the void and they hung out together. When the meteor containing Pinkie, Applejack, and Carrot Top heads to Equestria via Skaian time portal as part of the reckoning, baby Pinkie passes through the ghosts of Diane and Echidna, and they're incorporated into her. Echidna gives her all the random Space-oriented powers that never made any sense for a Doom player, and Diane is her Pinkie Sense, because Pinkie Pie was her most cherished friend and always told her everything that happened in her life, right down to the falling pots. The reason the Pinkie Sense--Diane--predicted beautiful rainbows when Candy Mane and Apple Cobbler were killed is that Diane comes from the alpha timeline, and so predicted the events she expected: Rainbow Dash saving them.

Pinkechidna kills Rainbow Dash, but Rainbow Dash doesn't go god tier. Pinkechidna realizes that this is because Rainbow Dash isn't a princess. Portunately Pinkie Pie is a princess, of Derse, so she kisses Rainbow Dash back to life in her dream self, and the newly rebodied Rainbow Dash is able to save Pinkie Pie and all her many subpersonalities.

(Later Echidna, through Pinkie Pie, teaches Rarity how to teleport, as foreshadowed in [S] R: Wake (masquerading as yet another reference to Dangerous Business). This is too late to save Parasol, of course.)

Back on Equestria, the company of Luna and Zecora and Sparkler and Moondancer is progressing. Luna's hair is switching back and forth between S1 and S2 styles, and she blames this on her deal with the Horrorterrors in her original session, which (along with Jack stealing the king's scepter) was a vital ingredient in their ultimate success. She went grimdark, then eventually became Nightmare Moon and was later banished to the moon. But now the Horrorterrors are acting up again, and she's losing control and wants to take this one last chance to try to save her long-lost brother before it's too late. She's stolen the Elements of Harmony for the purpose, having lied to Celestia and said they weren't there in the tower when she went to look for them.

Meanwhile the prospect of seeing Jack Noir again, even in his Discord form, has energized Queen Chrysalis, and both the griffons (who were originally created by Discord, along with manticores, chimeras, and all other creatures that seem to be made of multiple other creatures mashed together just like him) and the changelings wage war on pony society in an attempt to stir up so much chaos as to break Discord from his prison once more. The griffons have long been keeping track on the frog temple in Froggy Bottom Bog--hence the "eagle feather" and the markings on the wall. Pinkie Pie originally got the inspiration to build the SBALE consoles when she met Gilda during Griffon the Brush Off. The inspiration first took the form of a general mechanical talent, as first manifested by her flying machine, and later the cupcake seesaw thing, and later the prototype console that Trixie stole, and finally the six consoles used by the mane six. The griffons were waiting for SBALE to begin so that Discord--Jack Noir--could be united with the Black Queen of the new session.

(With the griffons gone, Cherry and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon and Noi and Alula are left on the mountain to starve. They're rescued by Pokey Pierce the Penguin, who knows everything about balloons and helps them repair Cherry's hot air balloon.)

Oh, and when Rainbow Dash dies on her quest crypt, somewhere deep below the Crystal Empire, Lily Blossom the Thief of Blood goes god tier.

At last it comes time for the final boss battles of the session. The Black Queen is overpowering them, until Fluttershy gives in to her Rage, aka the Tiger in her imagination, aka a Horrorterror, and goes FiMdark. She beats the Black Queen, but is generally out of control until she is able to transfer all the negative energy into Angel, whom she originally created (like Gamzee creating voodoo dolls) for that very purpose, unconsciously, when she first encountered her inner Rage power upon entering the frog temple with Rarity. Angel is destroyed by this, fulfilling Fluttershy's cruxite object.

As they approach the Black King's chambers, though, the Black King is thrown before them, scepterless and obviously defeated. "The Black King has left the building," says a familiar voice...

"You're talking to the Seer."

Carrot Top having secured an awesome and unexpected Kid Radd reference, switch back to Equestria, where Luna's mission is complete, and Moondancer is putting together the last touches on the potion. Before she finishes, Moondancer proposes to tell the story of two sisters, one of whom was loved by all, and one of whom was feared by all, no matter how hard she tried to make everyone happy. Luna, whose powers are getting rather unstable, interrupts and says they all know the story by now, and Moondancer asks in seeming confusion how that could be, oh, unless...

"You thought Trixie was talking about you."

It turns out Moondancer was entirely too trusting of her own sister, and Trixie took her place back at Canterlot with her great skill at illusion spells. "MOONTRICKER" reads the triumphant caption, which was a pretty obvious plot twist if you bothered to think how "Moondancer" would be derived from "Dancie Lulamoon." Then Trixie drinks the potion and levels up to "MOONTRICKSTER."

End of Act 6. No intermission or anything, move straight along to Act 7.

The seven acts of Hoofstuck, it may be worth mentioning, correspond to the seven panels of engravings in the Froggy Bottom Bog frog temple, as follows:
1. Constellations of Pegasus and the Foal, representing the forty-eight player session.
2. Discord surrounded by spades and swirly lines, representing the Hearth's Warming Eve tale (specifically the winter winds) and Discord's subsequent raise to power over Equestria.
3. The Crusaders heading towards a spirograph symbol, representing, uh, the Crusaders heading towards the portal they made to the forty-eight player session's incipisphere.
4. The Elements of Harmony surrounded by stars. This is roughly the thousand year period of absolutely nothing happening between Nightmare Moon's banishment and return.
5. Lots of stuff, starting around the time that Rarity first met Fluttershy. The 1 set aside from the 5 is Carrot Top, who's separated from the other Crusaders. Next to that is her cutie mark, missing the stalks. There's a symbol of a frog, for the frog temple. Gilda's face and wings, for the griffon conspiracy. A SBALE console. Rose Lalonde's book. Seven plants, for the lilypads heading to the frog temple, which in turn symbolize the seven gates. Colgate's cutie mark.
6. The Medium, with Skaia, the two scepters, the two rings, and the six planets.
7. The Smooze.


In Act 7, Carrot Top uses the Black King's scepter to begin the Reckoning, and hops on to a meteor traveling back to the age of the Crusaders. If you replay their RPG sections, she is now a playable character, accessible in an area that was previously bizarrely empty. This replaces the timeline, and the world begins to fade away, like in Back to the Future or something. But Rainbow Dash isn't giving up, and resolves to fly "faster than time," claiming that "time may change her, she can trace time." (Unlike near the end of Act 5, of course, she is now an expert on that sort of thing.) So she does.

Rainbow Dash spends a while with Carrot Top in the new history, checking back in with her every few months or so to try to convince her to come back and leave the timeline alone. Carrot Top is unmoved by arguments about free will and how she's ruining everyone's choices by selfishly changing a thousand years of history by becoming the sixth Crusader. They're nothing new to her as the seer of Hope with her old basement full of monitors. But she comes to miss her sister Noi, and her best friend Bubblecup, and she finally agrees to let Rainbow Dash take her back and restore the alpha timeline.

However, someone had to go back in time to the Crusaders' era once Carrot Top did it, or time would be off-kilter, so Rainbow Dash brings Star Swirl instead. Star Swirl, in his immortal and malleable dream self body, becomes his supposed ancestor Star Swirl the Bearded, who wears a hat to hide the fact he has no horn, and covers that hat with bells to make it so gaudy and obnoxious that nobody would ever think it was being used for that purpose.

At this point, SBALE has been won. Four of the planets in the Medium are colored blue, and two of them are colored yellow. Pinkie Pie's cutie mark (since it appears once on either side of her back) symbolizes these six planets, with the players' houses fully constructed (those being the strings on the balloons). The Black Queen and Black King are both defeated, and the players make a new universe without any idea what to do with it. They prepare to return to Equestria, only to meet Skaia along the way, who is in her Linky form. Skaia and Medley have fallen in love, but the power difference is kind of in the way, so Skaia has decided to relinquish her entire heritage in favor of being a dead pony like Medley. She passes all her Skaian powers to Rainbow Dash, because they look so similar, and is never more seen among the living. Rainbow Dash, being totally unused to this new powerset, is stuck as Skaia in the traditional sense--the center of the Medium--and the rest of the mane six quickly go there to talk to her.

There they find six dead ponies they've never seen before: the Planet Ponies. They completely sympathize with Rainbow Dash for having been wronged by Skaia, and are there to help her figure out how to regain control of herself. But first, they have to report their findings. They were wrong to think that nothing can stop the Smooze. It can be halted by rainbows, and it can be stopped by flutter ponies, whatever those are. The players ask what this "Smooze" is, and the Planet Ponies say it's another name for the Horrorterrors. On that note, the players should probably go back to Equestria right away.

Equestria is in chaos. Discord is unleashed. Griffons and changelings are battling ponies. And Trixie Lulamoon, now Moontrickster, has her own magic to cast. Rather than taking Chrysaor's curse and storing it in Luna, she does the reverse, causing Chrysaor to go mad with destructive power. The Horrorterrors that could always be seen through his Ursa Major body and Luna's mane begin to pour through him into the world. The Everfree Forest that Chrysaor once built he can now unbuild, and he converts the entire forest into one enormous timberwolf to defend him while the Horrorterrors advance.

Opalescence, the First Guardian of Equestria, joins the battle against the Everfree Timberwolf. They seem pretty evenly matched.

Moontrickster is feeling quite pleased with herself, guiding Chrysaor around on a mission of destruction, when she is confronted by God Tier Lily Blossom, who remains sworn to defend the Crystal Empire and the rest of Equestria. At first it doesn't seem like a fair fight, with the Trickster powers easily overcoming the God Tier powers, but Lily Blossom remains confident. As they trade attacks, she explains that Chrysaor's creating the Everfree Timberwolf was actually very convenient, since it allowed her to find something that her cousins Lotus and Aloe had written to her about.

There is a shout from above: "Here comes Tom!" A rock smashes down from the sky onto Moontrickster, thrown by a team of thirty or so God Tier Lily Blossoms from the now-uncovered mirror pool. Moontrickster is initially worried, but then seems to recognize the rock from somewhere.

Meanwhile the mane six minus Rainbow Dash are doing what they can. Queen Chrysalis, whom Love Lock reoriented from black romance to red, is paired off with the Jack Noir who courted Rarity to try to unite the two kingdoms. Discord, who remains firmly on the black side, is likewise paired with the Equestria session's Black Queen, who is the one person whose heart Hearts Basilisk was said to have turned to stone. But time is still running out, with the Smooze still flowing out of Chrysaor and slowly covering Equestria, and they still only partially understand their various SBALE powers.

It's Pinkie Pie, as the Bard of Doom, who figures out that they need Star Swirl the Bearded, history's greatest expert on understanding forms of magic that he didn't in fact possess, to come be their strategist. And she knows exactly where to find him. All through their adventure, the Daring Do books have mirrored certain details or provided helpful insights, and she reasons this is because they were based on their lives. Except for the one in Read It And Weep, which was based on the Crusaders, with e.g. the three rock dogs being represented by the three fierce animals and the one tiny kitten. "Daring Do and the Lady or the Tiger" was based on Fluttershy, "Daring Do and the Recipe for Awesome" was based on Rainbow Dash, and so on. For fulfilling her role, Pinkie Pie gets to go god tier.

Rainbow Dash is MIA, and Twilight isn't sure she can teleport that far, but Rarity can, thanks to Echidna. Rarity (or Twilight Velvet, Twilight Sparkle's mother, whose special talent is teleportation... really either one would be fine) brings back Stellar Scriber, the author of Daring Do--aka Star Swirl the Bearded, the mentor of Clover the Clever--aka Star Swirl, Lily Blossom's mechanic--aka Stone Seller, who sold Spike the fire ruby that he gave to Rarity.

Star Swirl explains he already came up with a plan, and documented it in "Daring Do and the Alicorn War," but Rarity needs to be a more powerful magician for it to work. At this point Trixie shows up, battered and depowered but very much alive, dragging behind her an unconscious Lily Blossom and also Tom. She knows enough about Tom to know that it gives her a chance to go down in history as a hero, and that's good enough for her.

Together, Rarity, Trixie, and Star Swirl piece together Tom's history. Trixie got it after a crew of mirror pool Lily Blossoms dropped it on her earlier. Lily Blossom found it covering up the mirror pool, where the mane six put it some time after Rarity threw it out of Carousel Boutique. It got there after being carried all the way from Canterlot and the hedge maze, where Rarity found it in a Discord-induced delirium. Celestia installed it in the hedge maze after being given it as a gift from Pinkie Pie's father, upon recommendation from Trixie while she was working on his rock farm. Pinkie Pie, Applejack, and Carrot Top had all ridden to Equestria on Tom as a meteor, and Pinkie's father had been keeping it as a memento afterwards. Before it held the three fillies, Tom entered the asteroid belt of the incipisphere when Rarity launched it off the surface of LoRaF, that being the third time she'd met it in her own timeline, though the first time in its own. It got to LoRaF when Star Swirl brought it there to plug the Forge, but he'd gotten it inside a certain mountain near the gateway to Tartarus.

Rarity's fetch modus finally produces an arrangement of cards that allows for the fetching of the fire ruby Spike gave her, which is used as a key to open Tom and reveal the Heart Stone. Rarity uses the magic focusing power of the Heart Stone to capture the trails left by the hundreds of Rainbow Dashes circling the world saving everyone. She weaves the trails into a tight protective net around the entire planet, saving it from further Smoozification. And I guess she goes god tier along the way.

Being wrapped in a rainbow net is however smothering the planet, and the SBALE time powers mixed into the trails are killing the planet's natural magics. So Applejack the Heir of Earth does the only thing that can be done: she takes the magic into herself instead. All of it, indiscriminately. The Everfree Timberwolf crumbles to pieces, fulfilling her cruxite object. Changelings lose their ability to transform themselves: Bon-Bon is stuck as Bon-Bon, and Sparkler takes on the form of Concept Art Rarity (who looked an awful lot like G1 Sparkler). Ember's wings disappear. And so on. She gets to be god tier.

Because of the magic going away, Scootaloo can finally fly, just in time to save someone or other who was probably thrown off of something. She also has an encounter with Gilda and, citing their mutual respect for Rainbow Dash, is able to convince Gilda--and by extension, a significant portion of the grifon forces--to stop attacking Equestria. (During Scootaloo's dream memory, Rainbow Dash mentioned having seen the SBALE spirograph before. This was at Gilda's house when they were little kids, since her parents were part of the general griffon thing of waiting to revive Discord when there'd be a suitable Black Queen for him. Gilda's friendship with Rainbow Dash, however, was true, not motivated by this long-term mission.)

It's left to Fluttershy to confront the Smooze, aka the Horrorterrors, and do her Fluttershy thing--or perhaps her flutter pony thing?--and figure out why they're invading Equestria in the first place. It turns out they need a new place to live. Something is killing the Horrorterrors, and with so many direct pathways into Equestria--Luna's mane, the Ursa Major's body, Cerberus' gateway, Fluttershy's brain, and even just the night sky of the ridiculously small universe--it made for a very appealing option. Everyone suddenly understands why SBALE had them create a new universe but not do anything to populate it, and the Horrorterrors are thrilled with that idea. Fluttershy gets to go god tier too I mean why not at that point.

It's up to Twilight Sparkle, the Light player, to help the Horrorterrors find the new universe. Fortunately, she has a big brother who taught her shield spells to help keep her safe from the Horrorterrors as she leads them there. She has a mother who taught her teleportation to get her there. And she has a father who taught her light spells so that they can follow her. So that happens. Hooray!

Oh, but Twilight doesn't get to be a god tier, because she's not a princess. When Rainbow Dash gets back from figuring out how to be a Skaia, she'll manifest as an alicorn just so that everyone but Twilight is an alicorn, because Twilight's introduction stated that no possible plot twist could ever reveal her to be a princess and I'm sticking to that.

Chrysaor is cured. Luna and Celestia are delighted. Moondancer is freed from her false imprisonment. Trixie and Lily Blossom are not pardoned but may at least get some time off for good behavior. Star Swirl manages to escape without anyone learning his identity as the greatest (earth pony!) sorcerer who ever lived. Rainbow Dash tells her Auntie Em that There's No Place Like Home. She and Applejack go on an epic quest around Equestria to restore magic to the world, and raise the possibility of a child named Apple Cider. Rarity and Fluttershy don't turn out to be lesbians, but they do spend a lot of time with the parasprites for some reason. Twilight breaks up with Colgate for being so fixated on being a narrator and keeping so much useful information from her the whole time, but they get back together again later. Rarity visits the statue garden in Canterlot at some point and goes into an exile station (how she got the key or found the station in the first place are neither explained nor important), where she gives someone at some time some piece of advice that was never decided on.

Cloud Kicker and Big Mac live happily ever after. So do Little Strongheart and Mare-Do-Well Rainbow Dash. So do Skaia and Medley, except for the living thing, and maybe they even befriend the Planet Ponies someday. So do Discord and the stonehearted Black Queen. Jack Noir eventually helps Queen Chrysalis get over Love Lock's death. Candy Mane gets inspired by her near-death experience to live a more fulfilling life or something like that. She doesn't fawn over Colton, who's firmly with Daisy by then; instead Raindrops helps her get together with Pokey Pierce, her fellow volunteer, who got turned back into a pony when Applejack absorbed all the magic.

Changeling Sparkler, stuck at the end in her Concept Art Rarity form, nervously returns to Ponyville, where she is fully welcomed on account of never having really done anything evil. With the help of Nurse Redheart, she eventually discovers that she's allergic to peanut butter and this is responsible for many of her mental problems. Pony Sparkler also returns to Ponyville, and she and her changeling impersonator lead very strange lives full of differentiating themselves from one another and chasing after that poor painter guy.

Vinyl Scratch teaches her daughter Sweetie Belle about music. She also very slowly comes to win Octavia's favor/approval. Carrot Top and Bubblecup return to the life they'd always been living, but without any of the secret basement stuff on the side. Carrot Top is genuinely happy to be there with her best friend and her little sister. Thanks to Rainbow Dash having become Skaia, the SBALE session's incipisphere thing never gets uncreated. Its six worlds (plus Derse and Prospit) become vacation spots, particularly for Lyra, who's fascinated by the unknown, and Daisy Dreams, who's fascinated by dream seles. Lyraplushsprite goes on to live with Pinkie and Lyra and Bon-Bon, while Twist takes over Bon-Bon's old candy shop. Lily Blossom, Rainbow Flash, Daisy Dreams, Lotus and Aloe, and Granny Smith (in sprite form) all get to live forever. Ombudsmare Swift Justice gets therapy. Berry Punch thinks of the children. Dr. Hooves is never remotely important.

Oh, and on the way back from the new universe, Twilight runs across a meteor traveling through the void, where she meets Rose Lalonde (among others). Rose helpfully alchemizes her GameFAQs guide together with a book, and the result is sent into one of the lotus time capsules somehow, even though the reckoning is long over by then. Time is weird in the void I guess.

END