UPDATE 2[MARCH 29TH]
FUCK IM SORRY THIS IS TAKING SO LONG
IM NOT EVEN GOING TO MAKE EXCUSES BUT ITS COMING EVENTUALLY I PROMISE
UPDATE [MARCH 7TH]
Gee whizz that loading bar sure is slow, huh?
As I stated before, my motivation has been really lacking, so the animation process has slowed to somewhat of a crawl over the past couple days. That, coupled with high expectations for the animation and learning a new movie making software have really impacted my work.
I'm still hoping to get a chunk of the animation done over my break (the week of March 13th), but as a whole it probably won't be done as early as I'd hoped. I'm now expecting it be finished around late-March or early-April. Fingers crossed for the former!
I don't want to keep you guys waiting forever, though! To keep you guys semi-entertained, I'm going to try and put out a few more guides over the coming weeks. It's not an update, but it's some bonus information you might be curious to learn about, so be on the lookout for those!
Sorry again for the delay, and thanks for your patience!!
There we go->
Feel free to lead the way->
But I should warn you->
This isn't going to be pretty->
"Barge in there."
This is getting us nowhere->
stylish cult guy?
are you in there, man?
we're here to help you!
if you could just let us in!
"Reluctantly knock on SCG's door."
You knock on the shack's door, but predictably, nobody comes to unlock it.
hold on, were you about to say...
is stylish cult guy your brother?
Yeah he is->
Why the fuck else do you think I'm so protective->
But considering the circumstances->
I'd rather not talk about it->
uh, sure, i understand...
Let's just get this show on the road->
"strip to relieve tension"
Well, yes, that would calm you down a bit, but you also think it'd stress everybody else out even more.
You elect to keep yourself clothed in this situation.
If only it were that simple. You're fairly certain death isn't something that's easily reversed.
Besides you don't really have the time to run around and look for such an item.
You have a bad feeling not everyone is going to live happily ever after.
Yeah-> None of us do->
My br-> My friend could be gone too->
But you don't fucking see me moping about it->
It's not going to change a thing->
So if you're all done wasting our time->
I'd like to get this nightmare over with->
whaT If ThIs doesn'T work?
I've been sITTIng here expecTIng good news, but...
my frIend Is dead.
and ThIs Is all the hope I have lefT.
and yeT even worse?
whaT If IT does work?
but IT's not hIm anymore.
IT could be ThIs oTher guy I don'T even know.
I don'T know whaT To expect.
"Sincerely ask demon mercenary if he is nervous about the upcoming soul transfer with stylish cult guy."
uh, hey buddy.
oh, There you are...
yeah, sorry i'm so late.
i got caught up in something in the netherworld.
yeah, yeah, ThaT's fIne...
how are you holding up?
so, is this stylish cult guy's shack?
door's locked from the ?ns?de.
we would've gone ?n already, yeah.
but the demon ?ns?sted we wa?t for you.
and beardy over here's been gett?ng antsy.
so, hope you're ready for a sh?tshow, hehe.
thanks for the hopeful words.
? actually don't g?ve a sh?t.
we've got far more ?mportant matters, yeah.
the soulless cult?st.
and the mercenary's soul.
oh, fuck, that's right.
"brag about meeting a supreme diety"
well, if you must know.
i was talking to the one and only deva.
resident deity of the netherworld?
yeah, she was super into me.
oh, ?t's just you.
? thought you were a threat, yeah.
okay, rude, but i'll let it slide.
what took you so long?
haha, we've been wa?t?ng for a wh?le now.
This kiss lasts about 0.05 seconds before he whips around and punches you square in the face.
"smooch.....psychotic asshole "
You quickly sneak up behind him and plant a big ol' kiss on the psychotic asshole.
You promised yourself that you wouldn't cry, but it's just so... beautiful! You really missed the Overworld.
Looking ahead, you see a fraction of your group waiting nearby another shack. Everybody else must be wondering around the island elsewhere.
You eventually make it up the escalators, emerging behind one of the cultist shacks.
How did you not see this before? It's really not that well-hidden, though you guess it doesn't really matter anymore.
hey guys, check this out!
hey, be carefUl!
yeth, thethe ethcalatorth are not a toy.
don't hurt yourthelf.
oh come on, i'm just dancing!
i'll be fine!
You board the escalator and begin your ascent.
uh, how about we uthe thith one?
it'th much fathter...
pff, yeah and way more boring.
let'th jutht go.
we have a lot to do above ground.
alright, alright, fine.
"Walk up the down escalator."
That appears to be way more difficult than it seems.
oh, we're here.
time thure doeth fly when you're theorithing!
is that a fucking escalator.
yeth; it wath inthtalled rethently.
i'm very glad you athked!
thee, i have thith theory about deva and ohm.
they theem to really hate eachother, right?
but there'th no evidenth why!
no recordth of demon or thelethtian warth.
tho why would they hate eachother tho much?
i believe ohm and deva uthed to be loverth!
but thomething caused them to break up!
there'th tho much evidenth for it!
according to old rethearth,
deva made demonth after ohm made celethtianth.
wath deva jealouth of ohm'th creationth?
the wanted to thow off to him!
pluth, it would explain the overworld.
it wath not originally ohm'th realm!
ohm wath only deity of celethtia!
but after the overworld'th deity vanithed...
ohm obviouthly took over to get away from hith ex!
it maketh tho much thenthe!
i jutht have to figure out what broke them up!
i wath thinking that-
that's kind of a weird question.
uh, but deva was pretty adamant about avoiding him.
she didn't want to talk about him at all.
why'd you want to know?
oh, that'th really nithe of you!
but i actually only have one quethtion.
did deva talk about ohm at all?
"Tell him about deva as payment for the punch. This just might be the beginning of a long partnership."
uh, so like...
i know you said it was okay and all.
but i still feel bad about punching you.
so if you want, you can ask me about deva.
and i'll tell you all i know.
You have no idea who that is.
You continue making your way through the corridor, except its far more awkward than before.
h-how about we jutht keep moving, yeah?
we've got a lot of g-ground to cover!
let'th go hah ah haha...
how else was i supposed to get your glasses off?
and look into your beautiful eyes.
i could get lost in these for hours...
you know, hitting you wasn't all that bad.
there is one good thing about this.
i find that difficult to believe.
but pleath, do inform me.
"Sincerely apologize to the nerd."
ugh, it doesn't matter.
lame prophecy or not, you didn't deserve that.
i'm really sorry i hit you.
it'th alright, i gueth.
at leatht you didn't break my glatheth...
i had a reason for punching him!
i was upset about the prophecy.
it's not nearly as cool as i thought it would be.
well that'th not my fault!
i didn't write it!
you awakened a demon goddeth!
how much cooler could it get?
"Vendor girl: explain to nerd that your pal is a giant douche with no self control, and that the less time you spend with him, the longer you will probably live"
if i were yoU, i'd stay away from my friend here!
he's a walking fUck-Up with no self control!
and no sense of right and wrong!
try not to spend mUch time aroUnd him!
yoU jUst pUnched this gUy for no reason!
yoU deserve a bit of harshness!
i have no fucking idea.
what the hell wath that for?
tho, uh, what wath the like?
the goddeth, duh!
you did get to talk to her, right?
You begin following the nerdy theorist through the corridor. Everything looks the same down here. You're not sure why it was off-limits.
hey, do you happen to know where my friends are?
they came through the portal earlier.
yeth of courthe!
i could take you to them if you'd like!
that'd be great!
juth follow me down thith corridor.
the thtairth were dethtroyed when you firth uthed the portal.
but there'th an exit thith way!
so you're a fan, huh?
i'd be happy to give you an autograph.
for the right price, of course.
(i could really use the extra cash.)
i'm really more of an enthuthiath.
i juth wanted to thee you in perthon!
and thay thankth for awakening our goddeth!
oh, yeah, don't mention it.
"Punch him in the face."
Would you stop saying that? Sure, he has a very punchable face, but just because his voice is shrill and annoying and you could easily deck him doesn't mean you should!
Jeez, look at this guy. He's the textbook definition of a dork. Look at how far apart his eyes are. No wonder he's got such large glasses.
the prophethy proclaimth that three individualth:
a cultitht woman, oneth a vendor...
a common demon, outrage common...
and an outthider, thoul mithplathed...
would one day awaken the demon goddeth...
i hope i didn't thtartle you!
it'th justh i'm tho exthited to meet you!
two of the three chothen oneth!
where ith the demon?
oh, uh, he didn't want to come.
i wanted to thee him too!
did you say chosen ones?
as in like, the prophecy?
sorry dude i don't even know what the prophecy is.
though i'd be happy to explain it.
uh, hey, who is this guy?
why are yoU asking me?!
you're both cultists.
i've seen him aroUnd the island a few times!
i think he's a scientist!
but i've never seen him do any actUal science!
he jUst comes Up with absUrd theories!
"Punch nerd to assert dominance."
What? No way! He's not bothering anybody, and you don't want to be a bully!
Who the fuck is this nerd?
ah, it'th you!
i've been waiting for you!
uh, aren't you coming with us?
to the overWorld? no fucking thanks.
i've had enough interaction With Mortals for one day.
i'M not going anyWhere.
oh, suit yourself.
what are you gonna do instead?
i don't knoW; probably fucking relax.
noW that the overlord bullshit is over With.
look, just go.
and could you try not to bother Me for a While?
don't count on it!
anyway, see ya!
You take a short stroll back to the portal. Your demon seems unwilling to get on with you.
"Use your multi-dimensional communicator to check in with the psychotic asshole and ask where everyone went."
hey, what happened?
where are you guys?
oh, haha, r?ght.
you ran ahead and we lost you.
we thought you just went back to the portal.
yeah, so we just went through.
so you're back in the overworld?
you should probably come back asap.
there was some guy look?ng for you.
haha, no ?dea.
okay, well, i'm on my way.
WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GO?
oh for deva's sake!
Would you quiet doWn?
you're going to attract attention to us.
i can't handle any More shenanigans right noW.
jeez, alright, sorry.
You exit the temple, but you don't see any sign of your party. Maybe they got sick of waiting and went back to the portal without you?
Oh, right. You've been in here for a while. You should probably see what the rest of your crew is doing.
"consider possibility of returning to netherworld bazaar: you got nether, and there is probably much higher level stuff there then on cultist island"
All this nether is really starting to burn a whole in your pocket! Unfortunately, you just passed the bazaar on the boat ride back. Besides, you should probably get back to the Overworld!
You can go back to the bazaar to do some shopping later!
The Duplicator whirs to life, shaking every couple seconds. It kind of sounds like popcorn!
This could take a while, so you decide to put it in your wallet for now. You can check its progress later.
Fortunately, nether doesn't seem to have any kind of distinguishing codes or features. Duplicating it is probably fine.
You drop a nether into the Duplicator and close the panel.
"As neat and useful as the duplicator is, you won't be able to duplicate human money because of serial numbers."
Yeah, that certainly puts a damper on your plans. Copying money must be one of the most illegal things you can think of.
Probably better to avoid it at all costs.
Thankfully, you purchased a Power Core back at the bazaar!
You put it in the machine, and the top panel opens up. You guess this must be where you insert stuff to be copied.
You decide to try out your new Duplicator. You're not so keen about making copies of your friend's soul, however. Maybe we should start with something smaller?
Either way, it needs a power core first.
"Read your flashy new handbook!"
You take a peek at the field guide. Deva wasn't kidding about the infinite pages; this thing goes on forever!
You don't have time to check it out in depth right now, though. You can read it later.
oh, yeah i'M alright, i guess.
i've been Waiting My Whole life to Meet deva.
and of all tiMes to appear.
she shoWs up When you're around.
and she spent so Much fucking tiMe talking to you.
that's such bullshit!
okay i guess i'M not alright.
oh, jeez, i'm sorry.
you can chat with her next time!
if there's a next tiMe...
well, i guess that's finally over.
hey, by the way, are you alright?
you've been really quiet.
With that, Deva exits the temple.
aren't you gonna like, teleport or something?
I'M GONN▲ GET ▲ COFFEE OR SOMETHING FIRST.
▲NYW▲Y, ▲DIOS FUCKERS.
WELL THIS H▲S BEEN...
BUT I THINK I'M GONN▲ HE▲D OUT NOW.
oh, well alright.
thanks a lot for all your help!
it was nice to meet you!
I'M SURE WE'LL MEET ▲G▲IN.
THERE YOU GO.
aw yeah baby!
back in business!
oh, actually, there is one more thing!
do you think you could do something about this?
i need my sexy, slender body back.
how else am i supposed to seduce my way through life?
OH, SURE, JUST ▲ SECOND.
NOW, ▲RE YOU SURE THERE'S NOTHING ELSE YOU W▲NT?
OR ▲RE WE GOING TO END WITH ME KILLING YOU?
wait, wait, stop!
H▲VE WE LE▲RNED OUR LESSON?
yes, yes, i'm sorry!
please don't kill me again!
dying isn't that fun!
here, i'll put my clothes back on...
You are promptly ripped out of existence from the inside out, only to be brought back into existence and killed again. Over and over.
"STRIP FOR DEVA!!!1"
it's pretty godlike isn't it?
well, i think that about does it.
i'm all out of questi-
WAIT I ALMOST FORGOT!
BUT DON'T WORRY.
I'LL BE IN TOUCH.
vague, but i'll take it.
"Ask for Deva's phone number."
how about your phone number?
then you could call me up anytime!
I DON'T H▲VE ▲ PHONE EITHER.
how am i supposed to contact you?
"Ask deva to add you on social networks so she can keep up with your whacky misadventures in case she'd like to drop in at some point."
let's see, what else...
oh, do you think i could add you online?
that way you could see what i'm up to.
uh, i mean if you wanted to, of course.
I DON'T H▲VE ▲NY SOCI▲L NETWORKS.
I'M ▲ GODDESS.
HERE, TRY THIS.
what the fuck is that?
I STOLE IT FROM THE ▲NDROID DIMENSION.
IT'S C▲LLED ▲ DUPLIC▲TOR.
SUPPOSEDLY IT C▲N M▲KE INFINITE COPIES OF THINGS.
M▲YBE YOU COULD USE IT TO DUPLIC▲TE MONEY?
IT'S THE BEST THING I C▲N COME UP WITH.
i'll give it a try.
IT NEEDS ▲ POWER CORE TO WORK.
BUT I'M SURE YOU C▲N GET ONE OF THOSE YOURSELF.
HMM, I'M ▲CTU▲LLY NOT SURE.
I'M NOT VERY GOOD WITH CURRENCY.
I'M ▲ GODDESS OF LOOKING GOOD ▲ND KILLING THINGS.
NOT SO MUCH ▲ GODDESS OF MONEY.
BUT LET ME SEE WH▲T I C▲N DO.
now, uh, i know i've asked for a lot.
but this next question is really important.
see, i have this huge debt to pay my landlord.
but i'm running out of time.
and i need money; lots of it.
is there any way you can help?
I DON'T RE▲LLY H▲VE ▲ SIGN▲TURE.
JUST ▲ SYMBOL.
oh, well this is fine.
well if that's the case.
do you think i could get your autograph?
well i mean you're the coolest deity.
and it'd be a huge honor.
OH, SURE, WHY NOT.
JEEZ, WHERE DO I EVEN ST▲RT?
THERE'S ▲ BUNCH OF GODS ▲ND GODDESSES.
EVERY DIMENSION H▲S ITS OWN RESIDENT DEITY.
BUT HONESTLY NONE OF THEM ▲RE ▲S COOL ▲S ME.
"ask about other gods."
oh, here's a good question!
so obviously i know you and ohm.
but what other gods are there?
and what are they like?
HOW ▲BOUT THE POWER OF ME KILLING YOU?
FOR ▲SKING OUTR▲GEOUS QUESTIONS?
uh, on second thought...
i think i'm good on powers, thanks.
let's move on, then.
is there any chance that you could, like...
give me a power or something?
like some kind of deva-exclusive ability?
I H▲VE NO IDE▲ WH▲T YOU'RE T▲LKING ▲BOUT.
I M▲Y BE ▲ GODDESS.
BUT EVEN I DON'T KNOW EVERYTHING.
ah, well no big deal.
have yoU not been listening!?
when did you become relevant again?
the prophecy is strictly a cUltist thing!
demons don't know anything aboUt it!
not even deva?
"Ask Deva about the prophecy."
so, what do you know about the prophecy?
because i'm apparently the chosen one.
yeah it's pretty important.
i'm kind of a big deal, you know?
SO I G▲VE THEM THE OVERLORD H▲T.
EMBEDDED WITH ONE OF MY GEMSTONES.
▲ND LET THEM GOVERN THEMSELVES.
THEY'RE FREE TO DO WH▲TEVER.
BUT IF ▲ MORT▲L SOMEHOW T▲KES THE THRONE?
WELL, TH▲T'S THEIR PROBLEM TO SOLVE.
oh, alright then.
I DON'T RE▲LLY C▲RE WH▲T DEMONS DO.
I JUST M▲DE THE GUYS.
BUT I'M F▲R TOO L▲ZY TO W▲TCH OVER THEM ▲LL.
anyways, back to the questions.
you witnessed the overlord thing, right?
YOU ME▲N WITH THE MORT▲L?
YE▲H, I W▲TCHED THE ENTIRE THING.
IT W▲S LIKE W▲TCHING ▲ SITCOM.
it didn't make you mad?
N▲H, I THOUGHT IT W▲S FUNNY.
OH DON'T WORRY.
I'LL E▲T IT L▲TER B▲CK ▲T THE PYR▲MID.
I'M S▲VING IT FOR ▲ L▲TE NIGHT SN▲CK.
oh, and speaking of ice cream?
you better eat that last scoop.
i didn't go through all that trouble.
and let you do this to me for no reason.
TH▲T'S NOT NECESS▲RY.
GO ▲HE▲D, T▲KE IT.
LIKE I S▲ID BEFORE; IT W▲S ▲ SHITTY OFFERING.
I'M SURE YOU NEED IT MORE TH▲N I DO.
SO KEEP THE SOUL ▲ND YOUR ICE CRE▲M.
one more thing before we get off souls.
i really hate to ask, but...
do you think i could get that soul back?
i know i gave it to you as a gift.
but it wasn't really mine to give away.
i'd be willing to offer more ice cream for it!
ONE COPY OF DEV▲'S SELF-UPD▲TING FIELD GUIDE.
holy ohm, this thing weighs a ton!
IT H▲S ▲N INFINITE NUMBER OF P▲GES.
IT ▲DDS NEW INFORM▲TION ▲S YOU REQUEST IT.
well for starters, while we're on the topic of souls.
i wanted to know if you had some kind of handbook?
all this soul stuff is really confusing.
and it'd be nice to have some kind of guide.
TH▲T'S NOT RE▲LLY SOMETHING I C▲RRY ▲ROUND.
BUT I GUESS I COULD M▲KE ONE.
okay you'd better buckle up.
because i've got a bunch of questions.
I EXPECTED TH▲T.
DON'T FRET; I'M NOT IN ▲ BIG HURRY.
WH▲T DO YOU W▲NT TO KNOW FIRST?
NOW, SINCE TH▲T WHOLE FI▲SCO IS OVER.
I THINK IT'S TIME WE BRING THIS MEETING TO ▲ CLOSE!
you're leaving so soon?
MORT▲LS ▲RE ENTERT▲INING, BUT NOT TH▲T ENTERT▲INING.
BESIDES, I H▲VE GODDESS ERR▲NDS.
SO LET'S FINISH UP HERE.
QUESTIONS, COMMENTS, CONCERNS?
You guess it's back to the original plan. Hopefully everything will turn out fine and no confusing soul stuff will get in the way.
well thanks for your help anyway.
you could've easily refused.
▲H, NO NEED TO TH▲NK ME!
TH▲T'S JUST THE KIND OF GODDESS I ▲M!
SO PERFECT ▲ND HELPFUL!
"Well, can you try to go again?"
would it be possible for us to try again?
SORRY, NO C▲N DO!
I KEPT YOU DOWN THERE ▲S LONG ▲S I COULD.
CONSIDER THE UNDERWORLD CLOSED.
i got lifted up by something
and i took off my flag
the elder soul was there
at least i think it was
i don't know what any of that means.
just tell me, uh...
did you find stylish cult guy's soul?
i dont think so
you did your best.
hey there buddy...
that's actually what i was going to ask you.
what happened in the underworld?
nothing at all?
i dont have a brain okay
remembering is difficult
tell me whatever you can.
"Ask your soul what happened."
do you think i could talk to my soul?
i need to know what happened.
yeah i guess so.
just Make it quick.
it's still Weird and creeps Me out.
I GUESS TIME'S UP!
it came back alone...
look on the brightside...
at least it caMe back at all!
i will take that as
have you seen my friend
Oh, nevermind. You figured it out.
Now that you can actually see your flag, it sort of does resemble an eye. Maybe you're some kind of lookout.
But what exactly are you looking out for?
While you're unfamiliar with the sensation of taste, you don't want to entertain the thought of getting eaten.
"[?] STRIP OUT OF FLAG!!!1"
This is a bit too rebellious for your tastes, but it feels so right.
Oh, right, you're trying to find your friend. You can't see much from up here though, and you're not seeing any clear way down...
Guess you'll just have to hang around here for now.
Once again, the soul leaves before you can ask any further questions. You're having trouble keeping up with all this; everything moves so fast here!
okay so what do i do
but what is my duty
you will see
just hold on a minute
You are escorted from the place and brought to another structure, this one much larger than the soul shack area.
could you explain it to me please
but how will i
come with me
there is no time
it is your duty
do not thank me
it is my duty
what does this flag mean
what am i supposed to do
you will see
you were a human
oh sorry i dont remember
i am not asking
i am examining
and you were a human
are you going to give me a duty
who is this
wait where are you
You arrive at the place and woah that's a big soul.
"[?] Ask where you can get one."
where do i get a flag
at the place
we are almost there
flags represent our duties
the soul that brought you to us was a rescuer
we are escorts
souls must perform duties to help us survive
"[?] What's a flag? "
what are those flags youre all wearing
are they for something
have either of you seen my friend
i think im supposed to find them
what do they look like
then how would we know if we have seen them
oh yeah sorry
come on we have to go
but im really confused
we can talk on the way
try and keep up
i was directed to you both
are you ready to go
what are you talking about
to the place
the only place
Before you can say another word, the soul speeds off back the way you came.
wait im confused
if you have more questions
go talk to those souls over there
i know you are confused
you are in the underworld
more specifically this is a soul shack
its where we bring newcomers
"[?] Ask the greenish soul now to explain quickly, you are possibly running out of time in this world."
not to sound rude
but i feel as though i am low on time
could you please explain where we are
or what the hell is going on
You follow the other soul into an enclosed area. There's a few structures here, and a couple other souls as well.
what are you talking about
oh wait of course
you dont have a flag
what are you talking about
ill explain later
its dangerous out here
come with me
what about my friend
cant find them if youre dead can you
im looking for somebody
could you help me find them
what the hell are you doing out here
"[?] Try to speak."
is anybody there
Try as you might, you seem to lack the ability to grow limbs of any sort. That's probably why you're better suited to power bodies, not to have them yourself.
"[?] Immediately strip."
You have nothing to strip off, as you have no body, and thus no clothes.
That word fills you with some vague feeling of happiness. You feel a misplaced sense of sexiness and freedom. How curious...
That's an easy one. As a soul, you're probably meant to power a body. This does concern you a bit, since you are for some reason not doing that.
You hope something bad didn't happen to you.
"[?] Get some eyes."
You successfully obtain eyes.
Which is what you would say if that happened. Which it doesn't. You remain eyeless.
You are now a soul. You have no idea where you are or how you got here. It's very dark and difficult to see, on account of the fact you have no eyes.
What the heck is going on?
Well that Was rather anticliMactic.
yeah, what the hell?
why didn't it work?
WH▲T ▲RE YOU T▲LKING ▲BOUT?
IT DEFINITELY WORKED.
then why am i still here?
WELL I'M NOT SENDING YOU THERE!
YOU'D DIE INST▲NTLY.
BUT DON'T WORRY!
YOU ▲RE NOT YOUR SOUL; BUT YOUR SOUL IS VERY MUCH YOU.
so i'm just supposed to hope it doesn't die?
YES, PRETTY MUCH.
great, so what do we do now?
GRE▲T, WE'RE ▲LL SET!
▲RE YOU RE▲DY?
as ready as i'm gonna be.
THEN TO THE UNDERWORLD!
NOW, IF WE'RE FINISHED CHIT-CH▲TTING...
▲LLOW ME TO BORROW HIS MORT▲L SOUL.
oh Merciful deva, We're really doing this?
oh, one more thing.
will i be able to take my stuff with me?
OF COURSE NOT.
LIKE I S▲ID: SOULS ONLY.
EVERYTHING ELSE WILL CE▲SE TO EXIST.
BESIDES, YOU WON'T BE ▲BLE TO USE ▲NYTHING ▲S ▲ SOUL!
really going in alone here...
"You should probably take her up on her offer, but ask how many minutes you'll have there."
alright, fine, i'll do it.
FIN▲LLY SOME EXCITEMENT!
how long am i going to have there?
I'LL KEEP YOU THERE FOR ▲S LONG ▲S I C▲N.
COULD BE ▲S LONG ▲S ▲N HOUR.
M▲Y NOT EVEN BE ▲ FULL MINUTE.
i'll take whatever i can get.
THIS IS WHY I LIKE MORT▲LS.
▲LW▲YS WANTING TO DO STUPID SHIT LIKE THIS.
REG▲RDLESS, I'LL DO IT!
I C▲N TEMPOR▲RILY SEND YOUR SOUL TO THE UNDERWORLD.
BUT ONCE IT'S THERE, YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN.
IF YOU DIE THERE, TOO BAD!
▲FTER SEVER▲L MINUTES, I'LL BRING YOU B▲CK HERE.
what's so dangerous about this place?
other than the "souls only" thing.
souls don't sound that threatening to me.
YOU'RE RIGHT; THEY'RE NOT.
THE RESIDENT DEITY OF THE UNDERWORLD, HOWEVER...
IT'S NOT VERY NICE.
that's vague and unwelcoming.
if you can't go there yourself.
could at least send me there?
are you fucking insane?
SURE, I COULD PROB▲BLY DO TH▲T.
BUT IT'S RE▲LLY STUPID ▲ND D▲NGEROUS.
i don't understand.
you said yourself that you're unkillable.
what are you afraid of?
UGH, YE▲H, I C▲N'T BE KILLED.
THERE'S NOTHING STRONG ENOUGH TO KILL ME.
HOWEVER, I C▲N BE DESTROYED.
WELL, MORE SPECIFIC▲LLY, MY CORPORE▲L FORM C▲N BE DESTROYED.
WHICH ME▲NS I'D H▲VE TO GENER▲TE ▲ NEW BODY.
▲ND BODIES ▲RE NOT FUN TO GENER▲TE, OK▲Y?
THERE'S ▲ RE▲SON ONLY SOULS ENTER THE UNDERWORLD.
IT'S BUILT FOR SOULS; NOTHING ELSE C▲N THRIVE THERE.
▲ND I DON'T H▲VE ▲ SOUL TO ENTER WITH.
IS IT ST▲RTING TO M▲KE SENSE NOW?
"How come you don't have a soul?"
why exactly don't you have a soul?
FUCK IF I KNOW!
I GUESS I DON'T NEED ONE, BEING ▲ DEITY ▲ND ▲LL.
SOULS PROVIDE LIFE TO LESSER BEINGS.
I'M PROVIDED LIFE BEC▲USE I'M SUPER POWERFUL!
i just sent you a soul.
couldn't you use that?
IT'S NOT ▲BOUT USING ▲ SOUL.
IT'S ▲BOUT H▲VING ONE.
WHICH, ▲G▲IN, I DO NOT.
B▲SIC▲LLY, THIS SOUL ISN'T ME.
M▲KING IT UTTERLY USELESS.
UH, YE▲H, NO C▲N DO.
TH▲T PL▲CE IS D▲NGEROUS EVEN FOR ME.
ON ▲CCOUNT OF THE F▲CT TH▲T I H▲VE NO SOUL.
I MIGHT BE ▲BLE TO GET IT IF I'M QUICK?
BUT I DON'T FEEL LIKE RISKING MY LIFE FOR ▲ MORT▲L SOUL; SORRY.
i'll change the subject then.
do you think you could help me with something?
YE▲H I PROB▲BLY COULD.
BUT I ▲LSO PROB▲BLY WON'T.
▲SK ME ▲NYW▲Y.
I W▲NT TO HE▲R YOUR DUMB PROBLEM.
okay, well long story short...
one of those cultists i mentioned lost his soul.
could you somehow get it back from the underworld?
JEEZ, YOU SURE LIKE T▲LKING ▲BOUT DICKS.
WHOOPS! DID I S▲Y TH▲T OUT LOUD?
OF COURSE HE'S RE▲L.
▲ RE▲L SHITHE▲D, THAT IS.
I RE▲LLY DON'T LIKE HIM!
SO LET'S NOT T▲LK ▲BOUT HIM ▲NYMORE, OK▲Y?
OTHERWISE I'LL LIKE, I DON'T KNOW.
TURN YOUR BODY INSIDE-OUT OR SOMETHING.
"Wait a minute, Ohm is real too???"
so ohm is like, definitely real, right?
IT W▲S JUST ▲NOTHER CR▲ZY DEITY.
BUT I WOULDN'T WORRY ▲BOUT IT.
IF THEY WERE SERIOUS, IT WOULD'VE BEEN GONE BY NOW.
EITHER TH▲T OR OHM IS TRYING RE▲LLY H▲RD TO PROTECT YOU.
BUT TH▲T'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS!
whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down!
who would want to destroy the overworld?
more importantly, who could even do that?
I'D R▲THER ▲VOID OHM'S RE▲LM.
FR▲NKLY I'M SURPRISED IT STILL EXISTS.
FIGURED IT WOULD'VE BEEN DESTROYED BY NOW.
there's plenty more ice cream in the overworld!
we were actually just heading back there.
you could tag along, if you'd like.
▲S MUCH ▲S I'D LIKE ▲NOTHER TEST...
I ONLY H▲VE ONE ICE CRE▲M LEFT.
WOULDN'T W▲NT TO W▲STE IT.
that Won't be necessary your greatness.
uh, this Mortal Might be an idiot.
but he is definitely not a liar!
i believe the ice creaM is poison-free.
(couldn't have said that earlier, huh?)
oh i see.
why would you trust me, right?
how about you see what my demon thinks?
get yourself a second opinion.
after all, i'm just a stupid mortal.
OF COURSE I ▲M!
I JUST DON'T LIKE THE T▲STE OF POISON!
IT'S PRETTY DISGUSTING!
I W▲NT TO ▲VOID IT ▲T ▲LL COSTS.
wait, why do you care anyway?
you're a goddess.
aren't you like, unkillable or something?
uh, mortals aren't immune to poison.
like, not even slightly.
there's just no poison in the ice cream.
"Do your absolute best not to vomit at excessive sugar and dairy intake and possibly enter sugar-space once again. It may impress Deva."
You actually don't feel all that sick, given the circumstances. Your stomach is a bit upset, but other than that you feel fine.
As impressive as it would be, you don't think you'll be going back to the Sugar-Space anytime soon.
YES, IT DOES ▲PPE▲R TH▲T W▲Y.
MORT▲LS ▲RE IMMUNE TO POISON.
THESE ▲RE INTERESTING DEVELOPMENTS.
but uh, look, haha!
i'm totally fine!
well, okay, mostly fine.
but it's not poisonous!
okay, that was wildly uncalled for.
"Tell her to taste the ice cream"
go ahead, try some!
HOW DO I KNOW YOU H▲VE NOT POISONED IT?
why would i poison it?
BEC▲USE YOU ▲RE ▲ GREEDY MORT▲L BUFFOON.
▲ND I ▲M ▲ POWERFUL DEMON GODDESS.
it's not poisoned!
LET'S JUST SEE ▲BOUT TH▲T.
oh, that's ice cream!
it's a dessert in the overworld.
it's really sweet and really tasty!
i sent a bunch so you could try it!
WH▲T ▲BOUT THIS STUFF?
I ▲M VERY CURIOUS ▲BOUT THE PSEUDO-SOLID.
well, let's see...
i know demons really like souls.
or at least owning them or whatever.
so i figured you would like them too!
as far as the other stuff goes, uh.
that spherical thing is a telepod.
there's a cult of humans that worship demons.
and if you smash that thing, it'll take you to them.
but it doesn't work in the netherworld...
which, on second thought, makes it a pretty bad gift.
OH, I H▲VE ▲N IDE▲!
TELL ME ▲BOUT THIS STUFF.
WH▲T M▲DE YOU SEND THE SOUL?
▲LSO WH▲T ▲RE THESE OTHER THINGS?
DEMONS ▲RE BORING!
DON'T GET ME WRONG; I LOVE JEWELRY ▲ND POTTERY!
BUT IT'S ▲LL I RECEIVE!
IT'S BEEN CENTURIES SINCE I W▲S SENT SHIT LIKE THIS!
SO I W▲S CURIOUS!
why exactly are you so interested in my offerings?
of all the reasons, why come here for this?
i don't get it.
OH, HOW INTERESTING!
IT'S NOT OFTEN I RECEIVE OFFERINGS FROM MORT▲LS.
BUT TH▲T DOES EXPL▲IN YOUR ▲WFUL GIFTS.
um, it was me.
i sent all that stuff.
i wanted to make an offering to you!
but i didn't have any jewelry or whatever.
so, yeah, my bad.
uh, sorry if i'm speaking out of turn...
but what exactly is going to happen to...
whoever sent you that stuff?
WELL, PROB▲BLY NOTHING.
▲T LE▲ST I WON'T DO ▲NYTHING.
I JUST W▲NT TO T▲LK TO THEM!
FIGURE OUT WHY THEY SENT SUCH SHITTY OFFERINGS!
M▲YBE ROUGH THEM UP ▲ BIT!
I'M KIDDING; THAT W▲S MOSTLY ▲ JOKE!
▲NYW▲Y, WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT?
I ME▲N LOOK ▲T THIS JUNK.
▲ MORTAL SOUL?
WH▲T WOULD I DO WITH THIS?
▲ND THIS CRYSTAL GLOBE?
WH▲T DOES IT DO?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW WH▲T THIS COLD STUFF IS.
BUT IT'S DEFINITELY NOT JEWELRY!
so, uh, your greatness.
if you don't Mind Me asking...
What brings you here?
I JUST RECEIVED ▲ BUNCH OF TERRIBLE OFFERINGS.
I W▲NTED TO SEE WHO SENT THEM.
haha, uh, you Must forgive My huMan.
he is not very Wise.
i Will salute for the both of us, My lady.
I GUESS TH▲T'S ▲CCEPT▲BLE.
"BOW OR SOMETHING, QUICK"
WH▲T IS IT DOING?
i'm not sure...
IS THERE SOMETHING ON THE FLOOR?
MY EYES ▲RE UP HERE.
Well don't just stand there!
shoW soMe respect!
you Worthless huMan!
WHY IS EVERYBODY SO QUIET?
DID I COME ▲T ▲ BAD TIME?
NO LOVE FOR YOUR GODDESS?
"Everyone: Freak out."
You cannot. You're too much in shock to even react appropriately.
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/bESYbPYtZ18?controls=0&showinfo=0" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" width="450"></iframe>
(Or click here.)
"This shit isn't happening; if you aren't getting any rent money you're at least going to get a refund on your offering"
What the hell are you doing?
stop having a tantruM and let's go.
i'm not leaving!
not until i get my fucking stuff back!
or until something happens!
i don't know!
like a fucking explosion!
or some kind of warp to deva's pyramid!
i fucking kneW letting you in here Was a bad idea.
coMe on, let's go.
how long does this usually take?
What are you talking about?
isn't deva gonna send me something back?
you know, like rent money?
that's not hoW this Works, idiot.
deva doesn't ansWer offerings.
are you fucking kidding?
so i just blasted my shit into the sky for nothing?
you Made an offering to a deity you don't even Worship.
What did you expect to happen?
alright, i think i'm done for now.
deva's got a nice little goodie bag from me.
anybody else wanna make an offering?
what about you?
not While you're around.
deva Will probably strike Me doWn.
Good fucking riddance.
Off they go!
"Offer the soul you rented. After all, you don't need it now that you have the mercenary's soul."
Harsh, but true. The soul is kind of worthless to you now.
Besides, demons seem to have a thing for souls, so you think this is a pretty good gift.
Nobody said there was a limit to how many offerings you could make, so you decide to keep going.
You offer up the Cultist Island telepod. They probably don't need it, but if Deva somehow used it and showed up on the island, you think the cultists would be very excited.
A few seconds pass, and the launchpad automatically sends the ice cream into the sky.
"Give half your ice cream"
You place forty-seven (47) scoops of ice cream on the launchpad. You think this is a pretty good gift. After all, who doesn't love ice cream?
well i don't have either of those things...
so i guess i'll just offer something else...
and hope for the best?
so, uh, this is my first time making an offering.
what should i launch?
deVa likes shiny and homemade things.
jewelry and pottery are the popular choices.
You get out of there.
Maybe you should offer something else.
no you Moron!
the force of that launchpad Will kill you!
your liMbs Will fly off in fucking seconds!
and if you soMehow survived that?
you'd just suffocate sloWly in the abyss!
get out of there!
What the ungodly FUCK are you doing?
pff, what's it look like?
i'm offering myself to deva!
you have to get out of there right now!
are you jealous you didn't think of this first?
That's an even better idea! What's a picture compared to the real thing, after all?
You climb inside the offering pit. It's a bit cramped inside, but you'll make do.
That's a wonderful idea! What better offering to a demon god than the offering of the perfect human specimen? Deva would treasure it forever and would probably pay the entirety of your rent.
Unfortunately, you have no such picture with you. Something else, then?
"Make an offering!!!1"
You have no idea how this thing works, but you guess you could just fuck around with it.
What should you offer?
You are now inside.
yeah, let's go inside!
that building is a spiritual stronghold.
and you of all people do not belong there.
don't you dare disrupt the sanctity of this place.
please do not go inside.
shUt the fUck Up!
nobody cares if deva's real!
let's just go inside already!
"Ask if Deva is even real."
let me get this straight.
you've never been to their pyramid.
and you've never seen them.
sounds to me like deva's a big myth.
are you actually trying to rationalize beliefs?
i'm just not seeing a lot of proof!
oh i'll shoW you proof you little-
deva is the netherWorld's resident deity.
creator of deMons, overseer of the diMension.
spiritual greatness of the netherWorld.
so you've seen them?
like i said the pyraMid is unreachable.
and deva doesn't just shoW up randomly.
who exactly is deva?
oh come on.
you've been in the netherWorld long enough.
can't you put it together yourself?
well i have a rough idea.
but i'd rather hear it from a demon.
it's literally a pyraMid on a chunk of land.
floating in the grand abyss above.
so you've been there?
of course not!
we lesser deMons have no business there.
besides, it's iMpossibly high up.
astronoMers have been trying for centuries to get there.
but We've yet to reach deva.
what the hell is that?
that's Where deva lives.
deMons bring offerings here.
typically jeWelry or soMething hoMeMade.
and usually ask for soMething in return.
the offering is then launched into the sky.
shot right out froM the pyraMid on top.
to deva's pyraMid above.
what's this place?
it's fucking huge.
you haven't seen one of these yet?
they're literally everyWhere.
these buildings are Where We pay tribute to deva.
what're all the ropes and stuff for?
aside froM assassins, Miners are really coMMon jobs.
and stalactites are full of useful ore.
what kind of ore?
uh, deMoniuM, flitz, sprotsun...
anyWay, stalactites are filled With lava.
so Miners have to cut slits into the rock and drain it.
then they can get to the ore.
are you talking about the stalactite?
is that what it is?
they're all over the netherWorld.
do you not have theM in the overWorld?
we do, but they don't just float like that.
they hang from ceilings and stuff.
no more standing arou-
HEY WHAT'S THAT?
"Get out of this literal hellhole"
let's get out of this shitty dimension.
i live here jackass!
let's get going!
Well you have 1,554 nether, which equates to something like 31,080 dollars. That, coupled with the rest of your cash, brings you to about 31,110 dollars.
It's a lot of money, but it doesn't make a fucking dent. This could take a while.
Fortunately, using your human-tracking (your fucking eyes) you can clearly see you're not that far from where you first entered the Netherworld.
You take advantage of your pigeon-tracking to... uh...
You have... no idea what that means.
"Eh, how 'bout we move on?"
you know what's lam<3?
that w<3'r<3 still standing h<3r<3.
lik<3 ar<3 w<3 going anytim<3 soon?
or ar<3 w<3 just gonna wast<3 our liv<3s talking?
that's a pretty cool idea!
but like, would it work?
i mean how do you even make telepods?
what were you brainstorming anyway?
you seemed pretty distracted.
l<3t's wast<3 mor<3 tim<3.
"So you can get the internet in another dimension but you can't make cross-dimensionnal telepods? Give the telepod lady a stern and disappointed look."
isn't that convenient!
the internet works just fine here!
sure would be nice if other things worked across dimensions!
Well you don't typically read video games, but you check it out anyway.
Superego. It looks really good! One of the better games you've seen. You'd buy it, but yeesh, that price is pretty steep, and you do still have rent to pay.
Sadly, you're not seeing any "Portal" game, just a bunch of other great titles.
"Hop on your laptop and purchase portal on steam to prepare yourself to hop in the portal IRL."
You're not sure what Steam is, but you do get on Stream to check out what they've got.
You used to play Stream games a lot, but haven't had a chance as of late. You still haven't even downloaded it on this computer!
th?s ?sn't uncomfortably t?ght at all.
uh, well on the bright side!
you're pretty well disguised!
but at what cost.
you look lik<3 a bad ninja.
on<3 who's trying way too hard to look st<3alty.
and who bought th<3 wrong siz<3 uniform.
"Pull up the poncho to cover the mask. Surely this will work perfectly, and wo'nt be uncomfortable or awkward-looking or anything."
maybe you could just...
yank the poncho up over the mask?
sure, ?t's worth a try.
well, it's a start...
though we really need that mask covered.
do you still have those bandanas from before?
? got bored and threw them ?n the lava.
why would you do that?
? told you. ? got bored.
also ? l?ke watch?ng th?ngs burn, haha.
The psychotic asshole puts on his poncho, but it doesn't really disguise him that much. That stupid teeth mask is pretty unique and revealing.
do you still have your poncho with you?
why do you ask?
it's recently occurred to me that, uh...
remember that place you're supposed to be?
and the things that happened so that you're not there?
and how some people are probably looking for you?
maybe now would be a good time to...
reapply some sort of disguise?
oh, r?ght, got'cha.
Instead, you get off the boat like a normal person- by walking!
Your crew begins to follow you off the ship as well.
Jumping off the boat and breaking all your bones doesn't sound like the most efficient way to disembark.
woah, this boat is a lot higher up than i-!
well guys, let's get a move on!
we're not getting any younger just sitting here!
"strip in celebration of arriving"
hooray, we made it!
time for a little celebration!
oh, dignified deva!
i mean we're here!
back where we started!
close to the portal!
that kind of here!
oh, right, of course.
well, when you put it that way...
"have incredibly deep philosophical thoughts regarding the infinite possibilities of what "here" may mean."
but where is here really?
is it the physical presence of one's self?
or rather one's mental and emotional existence?
sure, i could be standing in a place.
and physically that's where i would be.
but say my mind wonders elsewhere?
am i really there?
or am i simply disillusioned with reality?
going through constant states of here and there.
not really living, just being.
it seems to be a monotonous cycle...
going from place to place, lost in thought.
am i better off staying here?
or should i travel elsewhere?
we're not sinking!
we're totally fine dUde!
then what was that collision?
we jUst docked too close to the shore!
we bUmped into some land or something!
so no worries, we're here!
"AAAAAAAHHHHH WE'RE GOING TO SINK"
so that's it then?!
we're gonna sink?!
ohm, i should've expected this!
well, goodbye cruel world!
That was my bad->
Still getting the hang on this thing->
I think we're here->
what the hell was that?
-Ohm, is she -Okay?
i really don't know.
and when i came back,
my asshole landlord had kidnapped my girlfriend!
and made my rent nearly unpayable!
so now i'm on this stupid fucking journey.
to somehow scrape together enough cash to save her.
here, i'll give you an example...
i came home and found an eviction notice on my door.
i missed paying my rent, again.
i'm not that great with due dates.
so i went to try and get some cash.
"Define backstory for him"
uh, sure, that was really cute.
but not exactly a backstory.
a backstory is like your background.
why are you doing what you're doing.
where you came from.
stuff like that.
i dont g3t it
-Ohm that was s-O cute!!
y-Our parents s-Ound very c-O-Ol.
the 3nd c:
thats my backstory
and th3n my daddy f3ll on his back
and h3 couldnt g3t up
and mommy said h3 look3d lik3 a chubby turtl3
and it was r3ally funny
wh3n i was a baby
i was at my hous3
and my mommy and daddy w3r3 th3r3
and w3 w3r3 having fun
this is not what i had in mind.
just tell your backstory already.
and, hey, if you want...
you can sit on my lap.
might be more comfortable?
you can tell us your backstory.
here's an idea!
how about you shut up!
and we move on!
can we do that?
no need to be so rUde!
does anybody else want to give their backstory?
preferably one that isn't terrifying?
Uh, hey, are yoU-
i mean, uh.
are yoU sUre!?
yoU look like yoU've seen a ghost!
no, no, i was just lost in thought.
was my story that scary!?
sorry, i didn't mean-
Or has he? Oh shit, he totally knows and is just playing it off like he doesn't. He's waiting for the right moment to strike, isn't he?
As soon as you walk through that portal, or get off the boat. Any second the guard could just go downstairs and slice his throat open. Merciful Ohm your friend is dead, isn't he?
Maybe he hasn't even noticed! The psychotic asshole was wearing all those bandanas for a while; there's no way the guard saw through that disguise...
Besides, there's been so much shit happening all around you. There's no way he's recognized the psychotic asshole, right?
Hold on. Wasn't the bearded guard supposed to be trying to find him? He was looking for an escaped criminal after all.
Holy Ohm, they've been right next to each other for the entirety of the Netherworld journey. This is really fucking bad oh no.
"Whatever you do, DON'T accidentally mention that the thing she ran into was psychotic asshole. Don't do it."
Any other time this wouldn't register with you as reverse psychology, but this situation is far too serious to fuck up.
She's literally on the same boat as the guy who nearly killed her years ago. It might be a bad idea to let that detail slip!
haha, thankfUlly it was pretty stUpid.
it was more interested in my ice cream than in me!
so i had plenty of time to get oUtta there!
later on a bUnch of gUards apprehended the thing.
and tossed it into the tower for eternity.
bUt yeah, that's the story of how i almost died!
pretty scary right?
a monster with hollow eyes stood over me.
a thirst for blood deep within them.
before i coUld even react...
it lUnged at me...
at least, i thoUght i was.
i jUst kept rUnning and rUnning.
no idea where the hell i was anymore.
eventUally, the screams sUbsided...
and i was safe.
i started sprinting.
i lost track of where i was going.
it was so dark.
i jUst had to get away from the screaming.
one after another.
and they soUnded closer and closer.
a bloodcUrdling scream pierced the darkness.
it was sharp and short.
ending almost as fast as it started.
i tried to ignore it and continUe back, bUt...
snack in hand, i started heading back.
bUt then oUt of nowhere...
when i got to the store, i boUght myself ice cream!
i was sUpposed to get a bag of chips or something.
bUt when yoU're a kid and yoU have money?
yoU bUy ice cream.
it's the rUles!
UnfortUnately, since it was so fUcking late,
there was only one store open.
and it was on the opposite side of the island!
so i had to walk all the way there!
in the dark!
it actUally wasn't that scary!
i'd lived on the island my whole life.
so it was jUst like walking aroUnd my home.
after complaining for another twenty minUtes,
my dad gave me some money to go bUy a snack!
after many hoUrs of jUst standing there,
i became very bored and very hUngry!
it was many years ago.
when i was jUst a little girl.
i was with my dad at his booth, late at night.
he wanted to teach me how to rUn a shop!
of coUrse, he had no cUstomers since it was really late.
bUt that's besides the point!
allow me to set the scene...
alright, check it!
the bearded gUy told Us tales of triUmph!
and homegirl told Us a sob story!
bUt now, prepare yoUrselves...
for a tale of horror!
dUn dUn dUUUUUUUUn!
uh, so, anyway!
do either of you have stories you wanna share?
uh, haha, well.
y-Ou already kn-Ow all ab-Out me.
S-O there's n-Ot much t-O add right n-Ow.
i've got a story!
Huh, good question. As far as you know, the answer is yes, but you've never really discussed it with her.
Probably not the best time to be thinking about that, though. Wouldn't want to accidentally cheat on her while she's kidnapped.
She is! At least, last time you checked, she was.
She probably just hasn't adapted to your spontaneous nakedness yet. You just need to give her time, that's all.
Either way, you don't think these girls would want to play with you. They haven't been too fond of your glorious naked body, and you don't think making a game out of it would help much.
"Start playing Strip Poker"
You don't play strip poker. You win strip poker. Always. Nobody strips faster than you do, and that's a fact.
That... is how you win strip poker, right?
don't you worry, we'll get through this!
besides, how could you be sad,
when you've got something like this to admire!
oh come on!
don't come any closer, please!
keep it in yoUr pants!
"I feel ya, my parents got lost in an amusement park when I was eight, and were never seen or heard from again"
What? That's not even remotely true. You see your parents all the time!
no, no, it's not that.
i mean, your story is very sad, yes.
but now we're gonna have to deal with this later.
and i just want to pay my rent!
"Cry a lot."
it's so fucking sad!
Hey-> What's going on over there->?
We're taking on water->
i'm so sorry.
that's so sad...
i guess it's something to explore later.
in the meantime...
i don't really know much about you.
what's your tragic backstory, huh?
"HEY, HERE'S AN IDEA, HOW ABOUT WE TELEPOD THE MATERIALS TO US SO THAT WE CAN MAKE A TELEPOD TO THE PORTAL!!!1"
could you telepod the materials to you?
"wait, why not ask the telepod lady if she can make one to the portal? it wont kill you since it isn't interdimensional"
hey, speaking of the portal.
couldn't you make a telepod to it?
it should work, right?
since it's not going across dimensions?
-Oh jeez, really?
i'd be happy to reenact the scene for you.
once we get back to the portal, that is.
uh, n-O, that's fine.
what're you talking about?
that cUltist with the beard!
he's really cool!
oh come on, he can't be that cool.
he escaped a pris-On with n-Othing but a blender.
pffft, that's nothing.
i've escaped jail several times.
wait, y-Ou've been t-O jail?
Okay, yeah, you're out of there. You retreat to the main deck.
You should probably give him some time to cool off before going back there.
"QUICK! THROW HIM A LIFESAVER"
He's actually fine. Well, "fine" might not be the right word, but he's not dead. Demons can teleport, after all. It looks like they also have some resistance to lava.
Is it really any wonder? You're a massive screw-up. Honestly you should've seen this coming.
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UA2LGgF4Uxk?controls=0&showinfo=0" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" width="450"></iframe>
(Or click here.)
maybe i should go check on them.
make sure they don't crash the boat or anything.
i think they can handle it.
whaT The hell was ThaT?
they must be moving the boat out.
i hope they know what they're doing.
hey, it's me again.
back so soon?
yeah, sorry, i'll make this quick.
uh, so about your protection fee...
don'T worry abouT IT.
are you sure?
i mean it's the least i could do after...
IT's really noT ImporTanT To me anymore.
if you say so...
I apprecIaTe IT.
buT money Is the leasT of my concerns rIghT now.
"Did you ever discuss paying the protection fare with the mercenary demon? It'd only be fair to pay it now, and it's the least you can do to ease his loss."
Oh, no, you didn't. It completely slipped your mind, given the circumstances. May as well get it out of the way now, before you forget again.
Who knows? Maybe it'll cheer him up.
i need you to navigate for this cultist guy.
that way he can get us back to the portal.
oh, right, you weren't with us.
it was near some kind of demon bar?
lots of angry demons with weapons?
i think i Might knoW Where you're talking about.
just get the boat moving.
we'll figure it out later.
i'd really rather not work with a cultist.
they give me the creeps.
Eh-> Don't worry->
I'm not too excited about this arrangement either->
alright, you two have fun.
i'm gonna go do other stuff.
alright What do you need?
(What do you Want?)
(can you come up here for a second?)
(we need your help.)
(ugh, yeah alright.)
(just a MoMent.)
"ask your demon how to get out of here. he was the one who originally planned coming to this location and overthrowing the overlord"
i have another idea.
just give me a second.
"As long as we don't run aground we can just sail around until we find something, like an adventure."
why do we even need a map?
let's just sail around until we find the portal.
who know, we might find something cool to do.
No let's not fucking do that->
If we just sail around we're going to get lost->
And I don't know about you->?
But I don't want to be stuck here forever->
I'm sick of this stupid pseudo-adventure->
"Tell him to just look for an open stretch of ocean that will allow the boat to go 88 mph to warp everyone to the overworld."
why don't you just find a large expanse of lava?
that way you can speed this baby up to 88 mph.
Why the hell would I do that->?
everybody knows that's a reliable method of teleportation.
or is it time travel?
fuck i forget.
Even if that did work->
Which it doesn't->
It's unlikely this thing could even reach that speed->
well that's another plan down the drain.
we're right here.
and the portal is right over here!
it's a straight shot, really.
I want to be responsible for your death->
"be the map"
no map? no problem!
i'll be the map!
You have no idea where to go->
I can't trust you to navigate->
no i mean i'll be the map.
Sailing on lava might take some getting used to->
But it shouldn't be an issue->
It's just that there's no map here->
I need to know where I'm sailing->?
nothing can be easy, can it?
Alright let's see here--->
what's the hold up?
can you sail it or not?
Oh, of course I can->
It's quite easy-> Really->
Typically I pilot much larger-
i didn't ask for your life story.
Let's go check out the setup->
wait, what ab-Out the st-Ory?
i want t-O kn-Ow h-Ow it ends!
I'm afraid I'll have to leave you with a cliffhanger->
hey, sorry to interrupt.
but i need to have a word with the bearded one.
Can't it wait->?
I'm reveling in my glory right now->
yeah, i don't really care.
can you pilot the boat?
...and finally crawled out through the vent->
Off course by this point I was wrecked->
Covered in blood, bullets in my legs->
And just when I thought I was home free--->
That's right-> It was still inside me->
So I ripped off my shirt, unsheathed my blade-
"The cultist guy you brought with you kind of look like a sailor, maybe he could pilot the boat"
You return to the main deck, where cultist story time is still going strong.
You quickly run around the ship and do a brief headcount. Looks like everybody's here and ready to sail off!
Your original sleepover crew consisted of 7 people.
That bearded guarded followed you into the Netherworld, bringing your group up to 8.
After that you met the mercenaries and finally found your demon, giving you a group of 11.
The human mercenary was killed, dropping your crew back down to 10.
And then you randomly got stuck babysitting a bunch of kids, making it a total of 15.
i guess i'll go make sure everybody is on board.
that way we can get ready to set off.
sure, greaT, sounds good.
(how many people are in my group anyway?)
What is that supposed to mean?
okay, no, sTop!
sorry but you're makIng ThIs really weIrd.
i'm just trying to help.
I know, I know, jusT...
I apprecIaTe your help Though.
"NOW. KISS THE BOY."
look, i don't know what's going to happen.
but whatever it is.
i'll be here for you.
but hey, at least we have a body for your friend.
so he's not really gone, right?
I honesTly don'T know.
I don'T undersTand soul sTuff all ThaT well.
so I'm worrIed...
when I puT hIs soul in ThaT body...
how much of hIm Is sTIll goIng To be There?
i can't remember if i told you or not.
but my girlfriend was kidnapped.
i have no idea where she is...
and i'm terrified.
i'm helpless to do anything...
so, yeah, on some level, i do get it.
hard to belIeve he's gone.
lIke, I knew The day would come evenTually.
I jusT dIdn'T ThInk IT would be ThIs soon.
I mean, do you know whaT ThaT's lIke?
havIng your besT frIend rIpped from you lIke ThaT?
sorry, that uh, didn't come out right...
i didn't mean it like that.
ugh, I know you dIdn'T.
i'm not very good at this comforting stuff.
haha, one time my best friend broke his arm.
and while he was crying i just said:
"hey at least it wasn't both arms!"
you wanna talk about it?
There's noT much To say, really.
your partner's dead, huh?
must be pretty upsetting.
yeah, IT's really upseTTIng, acTually.
don't mind if i do!
I ThoughT I heard somebody come up.
sorry, i didn't mean to bother you.
no, no, you're fIne...
you can have a seaT, If you'd lIke.
He already has it. He did own the guy's soul, after all.
You think this situation might require more compassion and less seduction.
You head back up to the forecastle, finding the demon mercenary sitting at the front of the ship. He looks deep in thought.
i missed talking to you!
okay bye for real!
okay well i'm gonna go right now immediately.
something urgent might be happening sooooo...
yup i'm just gonna go sorry.
"Realize that the Demon Mercenary is probably going to commit suicide after his partner was brutally decapitated by a 10 year old god."
Oh no... This could be more serious than you thought! You should probably find him, and fast!
changing the subject.
would you happen to know where the demon mercenary went?
he went upsta?rs to get some fresh a?r.
poor guy must st?ll be upset about h?s partner.
what are you talking about?
a relat?onsh?p would lead to strong emot?ons.
wh?ch ?n turn would cause me to lose focus.
caus?ng me to SNAP.
and go on another murderous rampage, haha.
right, sorry, i forgot.
"Since the psychotic asshole is now in a relationship with the police woman, ask him out on a double date with your girlfriend"
maybe once we rescue my girlfriend and pay my rent,
we could like, go on a double date!
wouldn't that be fun?
uh, yeah, ?'m not so sure.
well we're not even techn?cally ?n a relat?onsh?p.
moving right along.
it's been awhile since we've talked, huh?
that whole overlord fiasco kept us separated.
what're you up to?
?'m just hang?ng out w?th the sexy cop.
haha, talk?ng to ?nan?mate objects aga?n?
yes, yes i am.
got a problem with that?
not at all.
? f?nd ?t enterta?n?ng, yeah.
"Completely ignore the Psychotic Asshole and ask the pillow the Mercenary's Demon was laying on of his whereabouts."
what happened to the demon that was laying on you?
[sorry i have no idea man]
[i was fast asleep]
well that figures.
You go back down to the ship's quarters, but it looks like the demon mercenary isn't here anymore.
well i guess i'm gonna go then.
maybe find a captain or something.
yeah get l☯st, grandpa.
we're not enemies anymore, right?
since the dart tag game is over, and all.
i still think y☯u're an ☯ld embarrassing screw-up.
i guess we have a truce.
so we're cool, then?
n☯; i'm c☯☯l.
y☯u will never be c☯☯l.
holy ohm, kids today are so rude.
"Talk with the dinosaur kid."
hey dino kid!
how're you doing?
alright, good talk.
who's in charge around here?
you know; who's the captain?
is it one of you two?
as far as i kn☯w there is n☯ captain.
then how are we supposed to sail off?
h☯w am i supp☯sed t☯ kn☯w?
s☯unds like a gr☯wn-up issue t☯ me.
you're always a pleasure to talk with.
Oh jeez, you really hope that's not the case. You're not comfortable with being on a ship piloted by a kid, even if these kids once had superpowers.
"laugh internally at the big ass ship having a big ass poopdeck like the 12-year-old you are"
Okay that's actually hilarious.
"Go to the big ass boat's poop deck"
You proceed to the poop deck, finding more children.
You're beginning to think this ship has no captain.
"Please kindly go to the main deck."
You politely climb back up to the main deck, encountering some kind of cultist story time (featuring your ex-girlfriend) or something.
Still no captain though.
Uh, alright, yeah. You take all the quarters you can, but you're not sure this is going to help pay your rent.
You go down to the ship's quarters, but all you're seeing is a bunch of beds and some gross lovebirds.
"You should go to the forecastle."
You head to the forecastle of the oh wait you're already there. Still no captain though. Maybe you should check somewhere else.
Considering how things have been lately, it's not completely unlikely one of the kids is commandeering the ship.
Either way, it's probably a good idea to find them and let them know you're ready to set sail. But, as this is a Big Ass Boat, there's a bunch of places you could check.
As it turns out, the air is not technically an object, and thus cannot communicate.
Either that or it's being incredibly rude.
you come here often?
"Say hey to the creepy kid."
What creepy kid?
You and your crew climb aboard the
S.S. Silly Puppy Big Ass Boat and prepare to set off.
well the name isn't changing.
s☯ y☯u can either b☯ard the s.s. silly puppy...
☯r y☯u c☯uld just n☯t b☯ard at all.
let's go then, i guess.
we should call it...
the big ass boat.
you cant call it that
uh, she has a point.
that's a terrible name for a pirate ship.
what w☯uld y☯u prefer t☯ call it?
the s.s. silly puppy!?
that's the cutest name f-Or a b-Oat ever!
what are you talking about?!
i'm totally psyched to play pirate!
sailing the open seas!
plundering for loot!
it's going to be so cool!
i'm getting very mixed signals here.
☯nly the m☯st seri☯us pirates can b☯ard the silly puppy.
is that supposed to be a pirate voice?
i th☯ught that was pretty ☯bvi☯us.
no, it was pretty bad.
okay, it was really bad.
not realistic enough.
ah, i see.
☯ld guys like y☯u d☯n't have very g☯☯d imaginati☯ns.
yar har har!
i see the rest ☯f me crew have arrived!
and just in time t☯ head ☯ut t☯ the ☯pen seas!
s☯, are ye ready t☯ b☯ard the s.s. silly puppy?
hey, kid, uh...
your plan doesn't involve stealing a boat, right?
because i'd like to stay on good terms with the overlord.
no w3 ar3nt st3aling anything
oh, thank ohm.
then what are we doing out here?
i was ov3rlord for a while r3m3mb3r
and during that tim3
i had som3 d3mons build m3 a boat c:
say what now?
Your crew follows the faithful dimwit through the castle and out to the docking area, the place you'd first arrived after your capture. That boat must still be around here somewhere.
But why would the kid be bringing you out here...?
y3ah just follow m3
"Yes, Faithful Dimwit?"
alright kid, what do you want?
i'm busy trying to figure out how to leave.
i know a way w3 can l3av3 c:
can't yoUr demon jUst teleport Us?!
apparently that'd take too much energy.
what a lame excUse!
i know right?
"Ask the marketkeeper cultists if they have any ideas, completely ignoring the little kid."
maybe you guys can help?
Uh, sUre, maybe?!
i have no idea how to get out of here.
are you sure telepods won't work here?
alright yeah that sounds unpleasant.
guess we're stuck here forever, then!
because i'm fresh out of ideas.
how about if the demon mercenary helps?
then you're only doing half the work.
oh, sorry, I can'T TeleporT.
oh come on!
my parTner and I never had a use for IT.
so over TIme I forgot how...
well isn't that just dandy.
alright, let's get out of here.
uh, don't look at Me?
what? why not?
can't you just teleport us out of here?
no Way; are you insane?
there's so Many people that Would need teleporting.
that Would take an aMount of energy i don't have.
why does everyone make teleportation so complicated...
You would just use a Telepod, but of course, they don't function in other dimensions.
You think your best bet is the portal you used to get to the Netherworld. Unfortunately, you must be miles away from it by now. How in the hell are you supposed to get back to it?
"How do you go home again?"
Oh, shit. You hadn't thought of that. You actually have no idea.
hey, we're back.
and i got your mouth!
sorry it took so long to get!
we were just-
You return to the throne room, where the rest of your crew has been waiting patiently.
What the fuck is Wrong With you?
i don't know man.
l<3t's just h<3ad back to th<3 thron<3 room.
You don't think that'll work, but WHAT THE FUCK OKAY IT WORKED
It is worth mentioning that you have no idea how to reattach her mouth. You're sure it's not as easy as putting it on her face.
Oh, duh! Speaking of cops, you have a mouth to deliver!
farewell my precious door!
until the day we meet again!
never forget about me!
for i will never forget about you!
STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME.
I'M CALLING THE COPS.
"now, do a silly dance!"
As is customary after completing any task, you dance one of your famous dances.
However, these are becoming increasingly difficult to perform, as the author is steadily running out of dances to animate!
The Overlord exits the room, and the door slams shut automatically.
Welp, now what?
no, i think that's all.
good luck with your ritual!
and ruling the netherworld!
haha, yes, thank yOu.
i'm certainly gOing tO need it...
what are your plans for after the ritual thing?
Oh, gOOd questiOn...
i guess i'll have tO fix this place up...
and undO all the damage the yOung One did...
that doesn't sound all that exciting.
it has tO be dOne sOmetime...
"They need to take back their soul before you leave! Don't want controversy to brew over the new overlord giving their soul to a human. "
oh, i just thought of something else!
i feel really bad about not giving your soul back.
the kid doesn't know how soul stuff works.
is there some way you can like, take it back?
well, yes, probably.
but i'm nOt sure hOw either, haha...
Once i figure it Out, getting my sOul shOuld be nO issue.
i just don't want to ruin your reputation as overlord.
it'll be fine.
i cOuld always...
wear an eyepatch?
this is it, right?
yup, looks like it.
well, here yOu gO, i guess?
"Ask for the cop girl's mouth back."
there is something else!
one of my friend's mouths got confiscated.
and we kinda need to get it back to her.
let me see if i can summOn it up...
uh, anyway, i shOuld really get gOing.
i'm really tempting fate by keeping deva waiting.
sO if there's anything else yOu need, uh...
just make it fast, Okay?
it's the least i can dO tO thank yOu.
thank you so much!
just, uh, dOn't gO arOund telling everybOdy.
i'm nOt sure i can just giVe away mOney, haha.
alright, here we are!
On behalf Of the netherwOrld,
fOr yOur help in dethrOning a menace tO demOnkind,
er, nO Offense.
i hereby present yOu with One huge bag Of nether!
woah, are you serious?!
You follow the Overlord to that large door from earlier. He unlocks it (with some weird hat magic or something), and steps inside.
Oh, but first!
cOme with me.
i want tO giVe yOu sOmething fOr yOur trOubles.
uh, don't you have that ritual or whatever?
i'd nearly fOrgOtten in my excitement.
i shOuld gO dO that; thank yOu.
me! the OVerlOrd!
whO wOuld'Ve thOught?
it's like a dream cOme true!
i feel like a yOungling again!
what shOuld i dO first?!
Oh i haVe sO many chOices!
congratulations, your highness.
Oh... Oh my...
i don't see Why not.
as a servant he has experience in the overlord's tasks.
he Might not be perfect at first.
but We also don't have a Whole bunch of options.
what do you think?
he could be a good overlord, right?
"why not elect him as overlord?"
why can't you just do the ritual yourself?
i'm nO OVerlOrd...
okay, then why don't you be the new overlord?
sure, why not?
as a servant you must know all kinds of overlord stuff.
well i suppOse, yes...
but i dOn't knOw!
i dOubt i wOuld be effectiVe as a leader...
Oh, what a shame his rule has cOme tO an end.
it was a shOrt, but prOductiVe time, blah blah blah.
this dOes present a prOblem hOweVer...
as the ritual cannOt be dOne withOut an OVerlOrd.
and it wOuld be unwise tO keep deVa waiting...
Oh thank yOu!
we're finally free frOm his reign!
Oh thank deVa yOu stOpped him!
he was terrible!
but we haVe been relinquished!
i cannOt thank yOu enOugh!
this is all Very nice and all...
but i dO need tO bOrrOw the OVerlOrd.
he's technically not the overlord anymore.
yeah we sorta dethroned him.
you'll notice the lack of hat.
nOt the OVerlOrd...?
"Get the dimwit to return the poor demon's soul, and explain that he's not an overlord anymore."
why don't you return his soul now?
you don't really need it.
i dont know how
i forg3t how i took it
i assume the hat helped, huh?
well i guess if you don't know how to use souls.
then it shouldn't really be a problem, right?
he'll be fine without it.
(isn't that the demon's whose soul you took?)
(y3ah i think so)
my friend here is sorry about the whole soul thing.
sOrry tO interrupt...
but haVe yOu seen the OVerlOrd anywhere?
it's time fOr the daily ritual fOr deVa.
i think you'd be great!
you're got all the right-
um, excuse me.
it's only fair.
you stopped the faithful dimwit, after all.
I guess, yeah.
but I don'T know how To rule a dImensIon!
"Just make the mercenary's demon the overlord already, he managed to get the hat from the kid, it's only fair"
why don't we just make the demon mercenary the overlord?
he's more than qualified.
what did you say happened to the old overlord?
lik3 i said b3fore i gav3 him a hug
and th3n h3 fr3ak3d out and gav3 m3 th3 hat
i think aft3r that h3 jump3d out th3 window
great, so he's probably dead, huh.
he was good too.
"Where's the old overlord?"
just one demon then.
why don't we just put the old overlord back in charge?
where is he anyway?
as if i knoW.
ask the sMall Mortal.
i'M going to pretend you're joking.
because that's a really stupid idea.
"Suggest the moral of this sleepover was to always share, and that the next overlord should be a shared position, like a bunch of people crowded under the hat."
oh! i have an idea!
why don't you have multiple demons share the hat?
then you don't have to worry this happening again!
they can keep each other in check and stuff!
okay, look, i'll Make this really siMple.
the hat gives the overlord necessary poWers to rule.
Without it, he's just another deMon.
he can't carry out any of his duties as overlord.
not to Mention, he'd have no Way to protect hiMself.
sure, he'd have some guards and stuff.
but that Wouldn't be incredibly helpful against assassins.
Which, in case you Weren't aWare, are very coMMon.
you have no idea hoW Many assassins try to kill overlords.
but they don't stand a chance thanks to the hat.
and it's not like We just give the hat to a randoM deMon.
just trust Me.
hoW are you not getting this?
deva have Mercy.
"As long as the hat is around, it can be put on by anyone. Destroy it and become a democracy."
that hat is way too dangerous to keep around!
why can't you just have an overlord without it?
they just did their job.
Writing out laWs, starting and ending Wars.
you knoW; basic ruler stuff.
obviously not all of theM Were incredible.
but they also didn't throW the netherWorld into turMoil.
so let me get this straight.
every other overlord has been fucking amazing?
i didn't say that you imbecile.
then what were the other overlords like, huh?
Maybe Mortals can't do a deMon's job!
because they're Weak Minded diMWits!
easily Manipulated by poWerful entities!
is it sinking in yet, you unbelievably dense fuck?
oh, is that What you think?
because this is the first psychotic overlord in...
hoW strange that the first Mortal overlord...
is also the first overly-Murderous one!
What a strange coincidence!
perhaps it's not the hat that's the probleM!
"You experienced the hat's influence yourself; explain that giving it to a new overlord is essentially putting the same evil entity back in charge, regardless of its physical host."
ugh, really dude?
it's not like it fucking matters!
whoever you pick is gonna be just as bad!
as long as that stupid hat is in the picture.
she looks to be very qualified.
i want t-O build you a pill-Ow f-Ort!
you p-O-Or, beautiful child!
i'M sure she could handle the responsibility quite Well.
presiding over Millions of deMons Would be a snap.
"Make your ex be the new overlord!"
okay, well in that case.
i think my ex would make a great overlord!
she's super nice!
oh, yes, another Mortal.
do you really need to coMplicate everything?
i Mean us.
those With the overlord hat.
well technically that's just you.
shut the fuck up.
you mean like a normal "we"?
or like the royal "we"?
do demons even have a royal one?
it'll take like three seconds.
that's three seconds too Many.
okay, then can you use it?
i'M not Wearing this thing.
and neither is anybody else.
the only person Who's getting the hat,
is Whomever We select as the neW overlord.
sorry, i almost forgot!
hey, could i borrow the overlord hat for a second?
oh come on!
i literally just confiscated it froM you.
so the k?d ?s ?nnocent, yeah.
but where's that other mercenary?
haha, wasn't he w?th you?
um, that's kind of complicated.
we sort of got caught in a fight.
and unfortunately, he didn't make it.
well that's too bad.
anyway, can we get my g?rl's l?ps back yet.
"Where was your ex again?"
y-Ou p-O-Or thing!
i'm s-O s-Orry!
oh, there you are.
i know everybody is, uh...
probably a bit upset with our friend here.
Are you FUCKING stupid.
He wanted to cut our HEADS off.
uh, well, yes and no?
that hat he wore, sort of like, messed with him.
and made him do a lot of really bad things.
things he didn't actually want to do!
"Get naked to be less awkward, but first put your scarf over his eyes so he doesn't get scarred."
That's actually a pretty good idea! If you take the attention off the kid, maybe your friends won't want to bludgeon him to death!
Yeah, no, this is the worst sleepover in history.
You return to the throne room and untie all your friends, but they don't seem to be too happy with the faithful dimwit.
"Go free the rest of your friends."
alright, i think we're about done here.
let's go get the rest of our group.
then we can get the hell outta here.
Looks like it did the trick! Your demon's wounds have almost all completely healed up! Unfortunately, the vial is already half empty.
You squirt the contents of the vial all over your demon.
hoW exactly does it Work?
i'm not sure...
i've never used it before.
how about we just put some on and see what happens?
okay, Why not?
yeah it's this buzzit tear thing!
we stopped at a demon bazaar on our way to find you!
i completely forgot about it.
but it's supposed to have healing properties.
Well it's Worth a try, i guess.
holy fucking shit!
hold the goddamn fucking phone!
What the fuck is a phone?
i actually have something to treat you with!
we should probably do something about my demon.
he looks pretty messed up.
What? no. i'M fine.
ain't the first tiMe i've been stabbed With My oWn trident.
what about your eye?
okay yeah that's neW.
but unless you have soMething to treat Me With?
i'll just have to poWer through it.
i guess it's a plan.
i just hope everything works out okay.
for both of them...
i'll get right to the point, then.
your body is obviously in disrepair.
but there's another one you could have.
if you want it of course.
any body is probably better than
whatever i am now
oh is that what this is
alright, we'll get you that body then.
you just hang tight, okay?
i don't think i'm going anywhere
uh... hey buddy.
can you hear me in there?
i can hear you
you don't remember?
i feel like i should but
long story short, you got killed.
the overlord kid chopped your head off.
wow you really can't remember, huh?
"YOU CAN TALK TO SOULS RIGHT?!?!"
give me the soul!
i can talk to souls!
let me ask him!
If you say so...
buT I'm sTIll noT sure...
he mIghT noT be comforTable TakIng somebody's body.
I know I wouldn'T be.
"Inform the demon about how there's a certain cultist that could really use a soul right now, and using that one could save a lot of debt AND let the mercenary live again!!!1"
i think i do know a body we could use.
yeah, there's a cultist back in the overworld.
and he doesn't have a soul right now.
i'm not sure how much of "him" is left, but...
we could put the mercenary's soul in his body?
I suppose IT's a vIable opTIon...
There's noT exacTly a body shop around here.
and I don'T ThInk a body could easIly handle two souls.
so unless you have a blank slaTe we could puT hIm In...
okay, so the mercenary's body is completely ruined.
no big deal, right?
let's just find a new body for him!
I don'T ThInk IT's ThaT sImple.
"Maybe you could just... Press the wounds together and cram the soul in there? Like a mercenary sandwich?"
You're no doctor, but you don't think that would fix him up. And you're no soul expert, but you don't think his body is exactly hospitable anymore.
Uh, no thanks. You're not really hungry for the soul of your dead friend.
I do sTIll have hIs soul.
obvIously hIs body was destroyed, but...
I aT leasT have a small parT of hIm.
Though I'm noT sure how much ThaT helps...
"Mourn the loss of your friend."
what are we going to do about the mercenary?
there's not Much We can do.
can't we at least bury him or something?
If I could InTerrupT...
Just keep it ♠ut ♠f his reach.
i'm standing right here.
This is just what I wanted.
"Give it to the broad before your demon forces you to give it to him, she's responsible enough."
oh, i've got it!
i'll just let the broad hold onto it.
since neither of us can be trusted with it.
she's a Mortal too.
yeah but she's more responsible than you!
you're not as responsible as you think!
after all, you bought my soul.
you can't be trusted with the hat either!
What the fuck are you talking about?
i'm not exactly prime soul-buying material!
is that supposed to Matter?
i Would've bought your soul no Matter What.
you could've been blind and deaf for all i care.
a servant is a servant.
i'm not so sure.
what exactly do you plan to do with it?
if you're suggesting i Want to becoMe overlord,
you can forget it.
i have no interest in that position.
too Much Work i don't feel like doing.
i just don't Want that hat in your stupid Mortal hands.
you saW What that little idiot did With it.
so hand it over.
hoW about instead of doing soMething coMpletely idiotic.
you stop playing With a poWerful deMon object.
and give it to a responsible deMon, hMM?
this thing is obviously evil.
let's fucking destroy it.
"You're obviously using the hat wrong. Trying to pull a rabbit out of it is the correct way to use it."
hey, broad, check this out!
Let's n♠t d♠ this again.
▲h, what's it matter? i'm g▲ing t▲ kill them b▲th regardless. may as well get this sh▲w ▲n the r▲ad!
then again, there's that trait▲r. putrid insignificant swine. unfit t▲ be called a dem▲n at all. i w▲uldn't mind t▲rturing him f▲r a few centuries...
the little ▲ne w▲uld make an ideal start. imbecile c▲uld barely kill ▲ne m▲rtal, let al▲ne the wh▲le l▲t.
a murder▲us rampage y▲u say? what a great idea! my last ▲ne didn't g▲ s▲ well, after all.
▲h, i'm giddy with anticipati▲n. where sh▲uld i even start?
that h▲wever is a great suggesti▲n. after all, what's the p▲int in pil▲ting a defective vessel?
there we g▲, all patched up. y▲u're welc▲me.
why in the netherw▲rld w▲uld i... ▲h! i see! y▲u think y▲u're still in c▲ntr▲l, huh?
i'll take ▲ver c▲mmanding fr▲m here, if y▲u d▲n't mind.
"There's only one way to find out if the hat is evil, and that is to put the hat on yourself."
okay, fine then!
if you won't tell me.
i'll just find out myself!
waIT, do uh ▲h.
that doesn't really answer my question.
y▲ur breath is rev▲lting.
and why sh▲uld i?
y▲u m▲rtals are all the same.
weak. spineless. insignificant.
unexp▲sed t▲ ▲therw▲rldly abilities.
deva w▲uld lay waste t▲ y▲ur entire species.
in mere h▲urs, y▲ur w▲rld w▲uld cease t▲ exist.
and yet y▲u live, blissfully unaware ▲f y▲ur demise.
what is like, being s▲ naive?
being s▲ ign▲rant and manipulated?
h▲w small must y▲u feel.
▲utranked by head wear.
alright hat, spill the beans!
were you controlling the faithful dimwit to hurt people?
back in the hands ▲f a m▲rtal.
you're not answering me...
do you mind if i take a look at it?
you've seen The power IT's capable of...
"How did you even get that hat"
okay, now that he's taken care of.
how in the actual fuck did you get that hat off him?
the four of us couldn't even come close!
acTually preTTy easy.
I jusT sneaked up behInd hIm whIle he was dIsTracTed.
okay not as exciting as i'd hoped.
do you think that thing was actually controlling the kid?
I'm... noT sure.
"Offer him some ice cream."
alright kid, calm down.
why don't you just have a seat while we figure this out.
here, you want some ice cream?
"Put the kid in your wallet."
As much as you want to get this kid off you, your inventory is full.
Besides, you don't really want him to mess with your stuff.
you need to be-
im so so so so so sorry
i n3v3r want3d any of this
but th3 hat didnt giv3 m3 a choic3
and i hurt you and
and im so sorry
i just wanna go hom3
i miss my mom and dad
how fucking stupid-?!
D♠n't swear ar♠und children. B-0
how freaking stupid do you think i am?!
you think you can just try to kill us?
and then blame it on a hat when you get caught?
i'm not playing your kiddie mind games!
wait but it wasnt m3
i didnt want to hurt anybody
it was th3 hat
it mad3 m3 do it
im so sorry i didnt want to
i couldnt stop it
you stupid no good little brat!
not so tough now, are you?
yeah you thought you were soooo strong, didn't you?
but you can't do anything without the hat!
this is what you get for trying to kill us!
IF ONLY YOU HAD SOME FUCKING ARMS TO BEAT HIM UP WITH
"Revenge! Throw all your morals out the window for a bit and beat up the not-so-faithful dimwit!"
Alright, yeah! Since that stupid hat is out of picture this kid can't do squat.
Normally you wouldn't condone using violence to deal with children, but you think you can make an exception in this case.
"WHAT THE FUCK"
You were part of that fight and honestly you're not 100% sure what the fuck just happened.
But, technically, you think you won!
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/5bdNG-wSvfU?controls=0&showinfo=0" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" width="450"></iframe>
(Or click here.)
but your3 outmatch3d
i might b3 outnumb3r3d
ar3 all adults this stupid
th;s charade has gone on long enough.
you're a danger to the ent;re netherworld.
so th;s ;s your last chance.
hand over the hat, or suffer the consequences.
; don't want to k;ll a k;d.
but ; w;ll ;f ; must.
you can't w;n.
what are you all do;ng here?
oh you know.
just chillin' out.
; don't have t;me for th;s.
k;d, th;s ends now.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW THIS WORKS HERE GOES NOTHING
The panic capsule appears to have frozen you from the head down. Splendid.
YES IT WOULD BECAUSE YOU ARE PANICKING
it looks lik3 you finally mad3 it
your3 just in tim3 for m3 to kill you all
you don't have to kill us, you know!
we could just play more games!
and have fun!
nah im bor3d of gam3s
i want blood
tim3 to di3
That's probably your best option right nOH C'MON
"HOPE HARDER, DAMMIT"
That's impossible, as you are fresh out of hope. All your hope has been converted to fear. You are full of fear. Fearful, as some might say.
You didn't expect for him to expect the Spanish Inquisition. Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.
You really hope this works.
alright dart, listen up.
you're our last hope.
we need you to hit that kid's target.
or at least knock his hat off.
you are the spanish inquisition.
you are the unexpected.
we're all counting on you.
You take out your "special" dart, which also happens to be your last dart.
"Since we just need to catch him by surprise take one of your darts out and name it "the Spanish Inquisition" because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition."
That's a great idea! You could end this all with a simple shot!
no you aren't, dipshit.
your last distraction is What got us captured.
completely forgot about that.
i can distract the kid!
the hat will be much easier to grab!
you know, if he's distracted!
that's a horrible idea.
i'm great with distractions!
you're no Match for this kid.
the hat gives hiM far too Much poWer.
and you're not nearly strong enough to handle it.
well somebody has to do something!
shouldn't you be helping him fight?
Well i Was.
but you're kind of distracting Me at the MoMent.
"Get behind your demon, dart gun in hand, acting as prepared to take on the "overlord" as your acting skills allow, whilst panicking internally."
forget my arm, okay?
it's not important right now!
we've got to help the mercenary!
that kid is the last one in the game!
if we work together, we can-!
i'M just gonna stop you there.
yeah, yeah, sure.
but first, uh.
Where's the rest of your arM?
oh, right, that.
magic kid chopped it off.
i see you've been busy as Well.
he's really taking a beating!
yeah that's because the kid is super poWerful.
and We can't get that fucking hat off.
we have to do something!
wait, one more question.
where's the kid?
i thought you were fighting him.
what the fuck is going on here?
where the heck is everybody?
who are you?
what is this place?
how did i get here?
who's this chick behind me?
why aren't we naked?
what's your favorite ice cream flavor?
what if our skin was inside-out?
who took the cookie from the cookie jar?
who framed roger rabbit?
and where in the world is carmen sandiego?
are you fucking done?
yeah i think so.
this isn't going Well.
that stupid hat is iMpossible to grab.
i'M not sure hoW Much longer We can hold out.
at least that dipshit isn't here to distract us.
You arrive in the aforementioned room, but you aren't seeing any fighting. Where the heck did everybody go?
You think helping out is your best option. That kid is the only thing keeping you from victory, and if you and the broad head up there, it'll be an easy four against one.
It's sort of your best shot right now.
"Call Mercenary on Telephone-thingy"
hey, are you there?
cool mercenary guy?
what ;s ;t!?
now really ;sn't a good t;me for th;s!
why not; what's wrong?
we're ;n the m;ddle of a f;ght!
w;th the fuck;ng bratty overlord!
where are you?
top floor, second room to the left.
okay, we'll be right there.
the broad's here too.
anyway, we'll come help!
; dunno ;f that's a good ;dea.
;f ; were you, ;'d h;de.
sh;t, look out!
The call ends there.
You untie and place your separate arm in your wallet for now, until you can think of some way to reattach it.
But for now you have to get used to having only part of an arm.
"Just turn it back into a rope and untie it! Also put the arm in your wallet so you can fix it later."
I AM GOING TO DIE.
oh that is SO much better.
Why didn't y♠u d♠ that s♠♠ner?
I GUESS THIS IS MY LIFE NOW.
NEVER ENDING PAIN.
WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME, OHM.
IS IT THE RENT?
BECAUSE I'M WORKING ON IT, OKAY?
I AM NOT OKAY RIGHT NOW AHHH.
OH THE PAIN.
MERCIFUL OHM THE PAIN.
IT'S LIKE MY BONES WENT THROUGH A MEAT GRINDER.
DAMN EVERYTHING THIS IS PAINFUL.
I WAS WRONG.
IT HURT TO TRY.
THIS IS WORSE.
MERCIFUL OHM MY FUCKING BONES.
Well, that sounds reasonable. You guess it wouldn't hurt to try.
"The broad was just flying on a broom, ask her if she is a witch and if she could fix your arm"
do you think you could fix my arm?
And h♠w exactly w♠uld I d♠ that?
with your witch powers.
I d♠n't ha♦e witch p♠wers. B-0
but you were just flying around on a broom.
That was me being a badass; n♠t a witch.
There's a difference.
☆°.* Byeee *.°☆
i hate that little brat.
alright kid, we beat you fair and square.
now use your magic and put my arm back together.
☆°.* No *.°☆
i'm not asking you; i'm telling you!
fix my arm!
☆°.* Nah I dont have to *.°☆
well you better!
or i'll smack you with my arm again!
☆°.* Im just gonna leave *.°☆
don't you dare!
That's not really important to you anymore, since you've already tagged him. Then again, you think seeing a real life severed arm would be slightly traumatizing...
This kid must have problems.
☆°.* Gross *.°☆
☆°.* You guys arent gonna try and kiss again are you *.°☆
you're still here?
"Tell her she has pretty eyes, its not wrong, you're just trying to cheer her up, platonically"
uh, well hey.
i think they fit you very well.
your eyes are pretty.
When I was training t♠ be an in♦estigat♠r...
wait, you were trained?
Well I taught myself, yeah.
okay yeah that explains a lot.
Anywh♠, I trained myself t♠ sleep with my eyes ♠pen.
That way I w♠uld never be ♦ulnerable.
Unf♠rtunately, I fell asleep sunbathing ♠ne day.
And s♠ the sun kind ♠f fried my eyes.
are you blind?!
♠hm, n♠. B-0
My eyes are just really sensitive t♠ the sun.
That's why I wear these glasses.
"Why are the broad's eyes red?"
what's up with your eyes?
What d♠ y♠u mean?
they're uh... red?
♠h, right, that.
Whaaaaat are y♠u d♠ing?
i'm trying to talk to your glasses!
why isn't she saying anything?
I literally just said she died.
oh, i thought you were kidding.
that's really morbid.
well how are you doing, glasses?
are you okay?
oh is something funny?
because you seem to be cracking up!
what happened to your glasses?
i'm so sorry.
that was a good pair of glasses.
She died t♠♠ y♠ung. B-0
yeah it's my fucking arm.
this little asshole cut it off.
☆°.* Hey *.°☆
stupid dumb motherfucker.
♠kay watch y♠ur language.
Hey, are y♠u alri-
Is that y♠ur arm.
"YO IS THE BROAD OK?"
Who cares about her; you're the one with a separate arm! Why the fuck won't it go back on?
How the fuck do you ignore the fact that your arm is currently not attached to your fucking body?
hOLY SHIT YOUR FUCKING ARM
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ui2vYUyRbS8?controls=0&showinfo=0" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" width="450"></iframe>
(Or click here.)
☆°.* Try not to cry like a little kid *.°☆
☆°.* Okay Ive seen enough *.°☆
☆°.* You want me to fight like a man *.°☆
☆°.* Fine *.°☆
☆°.* Just promise me one thing *.°☆
☆°.* When Im done kicking your ass *.°☆
"QUICK SHOOT HIS TARGET!!!1"
Why d♠n't we just tag him already?
oh yes, let's!
"Kick him in the shins!"
but it's completely okay to kick him!
come here you little brat!
Calm d♠wn buddy.
let me at 'em!
I ha♦e a better idea.
"Broad, clock him in the face."
Alright, let's make this fast.
whoa whoa whoa!
you can't just punch a kid!
Why n♠t? B-0
he's just a kid!
you can't punch him.
You can't believe that worked.
Hey, why don't you come down here?
And fight like a man!
☆°.* Im just a kid *.°☆
Well we can't get you!
So come down here and play fair!
☆°.* Why would I do that *.°☆
☆°.* I clearly have the advantage *.°☆
Just come down here!
☆°.* Alright stop yelling *.°☆
"Tell him green is a stupid color, and he looks stupid in it, especially with that stupid face of his."
Hey, shut up kid!
Kissing is magical.
☆°.* Its gross *.°☆
No, you're gross!
Green is a gross color!
And your pajamas look stupid!
You look like an idiot in them!
Are y♠u seri♠usly berating a child?
☆°.* Eww *.°☆
Okay, slow down.
We were NOT going to kiss.
☆°.* Yeah hey *.°☆
☆°.* Kid in the room *.°☆
☆°.* I dont want to see grownups kiss *.°☆
☆°.* Thats gross *.°☆
☆°.* Um *.°☆
In order to achieve MAXIMUM ROMANCE, it is recommended that you listen to this great track.
<iframe src="https://embed.spotify.com/?uri=spotify%3Atrack%3A1eOHw1k2AoluG4VyjBHLzX" width="300" height="80" frameborder="0" allowtransparency="true"></iframe>
When y♠u're n♠t acting like a buff♠♠n?
Y♠u're actually kind ♠f cute.
I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
I am n♠w.
"PICK UP THE BROAD DRAMATICALLY!!!1"
broad, oh my gosh!
i'm so sorry!
here, let me help you up!
are you alright?
Put him d♠wn.
☆°.* Why should I *.°☆
Because I'm ♠lder than y♠u.
And I said s♠! >B-0
☆°.* Fine *.°☆
☆°.* What *.°☆
☆°.* Not so chatty now are we *.°☆
☆°.* Adults are so stupid *.°☆
☆°.* Whatever *.°☆
☆°.* Lets make this quick *.°☆
☆°.* Oh hey *.°☆
☆°.* Youre the jerk who ditched the overlord *.°☆
☆°.* He told me you were annoying *.°☆
☆°.* He was right *.°☆
didn't see that coming.
hey, you up there!
look at how weak and vulnerable i am!
you could probably throw stuff at me!
and there's nothing i could do about it!
so i really hope you don't!
-a really bad idea.
alright, you wait here.
i'm going to distract him.
then you can get a good shot on him.
yeah, i see why that would complicate things.
well i'm sure we can figure something out.
oh, the magic kid.
I can't get a clean sh♠t.
Since he has all that crap surr♠unding him.
ugh, i'm sorry.
this game really has me on edge.
N♠, I understand.
It's high stakes; I get it.
so what were you doing?
is this some kind of cafe?
you weren't getting more coffee, were you?
N♠, I'♦e been f♠ll♠wing this guy ar♠und.
not that big of a-
are you fucking insane?
that button should only be used in an emergency!
what if you were actually under attack?
this is no time for your stupid games.
♠kay, ♠kay, relax!
I'm s♠rry, alright?
It w♠n't happen again.
whoa, hold up.
you're the one who's not making sense!
why the fuck would you do that?
you can't just hit the panic button because you're bored!
i was so worried about you!
do you think this is some kind of joke?
It's n♠t that big ♠f a deal. B-0
Y♠u're n♠t making any sense.
oh, uh, sorry.
i'm just glad you're alright.
Why w♠uldn't I be?
you hit your panic button?
♠h right, that.
I'm n♠t in tr♠uble ♠r anything.
I'm just bored and wanted attenti♠n. B-0
fear not, broad!
for i will save you!
"who cares if it's a trap?"
It doesn't matter. It's a risk you're willing to take. She would come save you if you were in danger.
Then again, this isn't like the pretentious broad at all. It's very possible that this is a trap, and the other team is trying to lure you to your doom...
Yes, of course! You can't just abandon her in her time of need! She needs rescuing, and you're going to be the one to rescue her!
You take out your Dart Gun and examine the built-in screen. It appears to be rapidly flashing the pretentious broad's location.
Did she hit her panic button?
"Instead of flirting with it sexually, take a more romantic approach. Ask the door out on a date"
i've been going about this all wrong.
it's just, well, you're a very attractive door!
oh, pardon me.
it seems as though my butt is ringing.
There doesn't appear to be a gap under the door. You'd have to shrink down to near molecular sizes to get under there, and you're not even sure you can get that small.
Yeah, you're well aware stripping hasn't exactly been your trump card, but you sincerely doubt you'll be stopping anytime soon.
Either way, you put your clothes back on.
Well that seems to have done the trick, but the only thing that seems to be breaking is your bones.
You wonder if your squishy human body is somehow softening the blow.
"That door is obviously pretty strong and fast. Make it mad again, and let it slam you into the wall. It shouldn't take much to make a hole."
Now there's an idea. If you can bust through this wall, surely you'll be able to break into the vault.
But how should you go about getting the door angry? You're such a likeable guy, after all.
What? You can't just put a door in your wallet!
"Umm, there was a lot of nether in that room, it's not a bad idea to take most it, y'know, rent money"
You would love to, except the door is predictably locked.
SEE YOU NEVER.
"Put your "Key" in their "Keyhole"."
SLOW DOWN THERE PARTNER.
JUST WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
just a little lock picking.
wink wonk ;)
OH FUCK THAT.
i appreciate the help.
DON'T MENTION IT.
thanks for being so...
for being so...
WELL A KID IN GREEN PAJAMAS CAME THROUGH HERE.
BUT HE JUST RAN BY.
DIDN'T STOP OR ANYTHING.
THEN A LITTLE BIT LATER.
THERE WAS A DEMON AND A GUY WITH A BANDANA.
THEY STOPPED AND SAID SOMETHING ABOUT THE OVERLORD.
AND THEN KEPT GOING.
okay i'll consider the ice broken, then.
i'm looking for some people.
COULD YOU BE MORE SPECIFIC.
uh, yeah, i guess.
anybody wearing one of these targets?
"Flirt with door"
why hello there.
you're quite a large door, aren't you?
WOW NOTHING GETS PAST YOU, GENIUS.
a big boy like you must get all the attention.
i would love to give some to you.
YOU REALIZE YOU'RE FLIRTING WITH A DOOR RIGHT.
AN INANIMATE OBJECT THAT SERVES AS A GATEWAY.
"Farthest right on the top!!!1"
You proceed upstairs to the third floor, and enter what you think is the smallest room in the castle. The only thing you see in here is this huge door.
"ONWARD WE GO!"
where he at tho
well, uh, there you go.
how do i look?
way more terrifying.
and way less fun.
that's for sure.
here, let's get this thing off of you, huh?
no more clowning around, haha.
yoU stop that.
i'm not sUre what to say aboUt that.
well thanks anyway.
yoU're a... Creative man.
i'm sUre yoU'll think of something.
i really appreciate your help.
"Ask one related tip of creepy kid."
one more thing.
there's this disturbing youngster.
and he kinda just comes and goes.
to be honest, i'm not even sure he really exists.
but how am i supposed to deal with that?
well that's Certainly a Challenge.
i've never dealt with an enemy that doesn't exist.
yoU'll have to tire him out.
kids rUn on sUgar, yoU know.
it's what keeps them going.
bUt if yoU Can drain it all from his system?
well he'll simply shUt down.
okay, but how do i wear him out?
get him mad.
make him do something physiCal.
repetition is good, too.
make him do something over and over.
uh, alright, thanks.
i guess that's decent advice.
i was also wondering, uh...
one of these little brats is like lightning fast.
he can access some kind of pseduo-dimension.
the sugar-space, or something.
in which time literally freezes around him.
how am i supposed to deal with that?
ah yes, that's triCky.
have yoU Considered entering this plaCe?
yeah i was actually just there.
but being a kid, he's still way faster than i am.
alright here's what yoU do.
if yoU Can't attaCk them physiCally?
yoU have to attaCk them emotionally.
show them things they don't want to see.
tell them things they don't want to know.
make them Cry.
isn't that a little harsh?
they're still just kids!
kids are emotionally Undeveloped.
it's their biggest weakness.
Use it to yoUr advantage.
alright i'll consider it.
listen son, if yoU Can't beat a CoUple of yoUngsters.
yoU're a lost CaUse.
no, you don't understand!
they all have powers and shit!
soUnds like yoU're making exCUses.
one of these kids defiled your portrait.
i would love to get back at him for you.
well i'm playing this game.
which sounds silly on the surface.
but if i lose, i die.
so really it's a battle.
oh, a life or death sitUation.
right, except i'm garbage at battling.
could you maybe give me some tips?
oh, of CoUrse!
show them no merCy.
if they hUrt yoU, ignore it.
bite the bUllet and rip their arms off.
grab them by the horns and beat them on the groUnd.
and don't stop Until their sCreaming does.
i can't do that!
they're just kids!
wait a second.
what did you just say?
i'm not a fUCking joke to amUse yoU.
no, before that.
i'm a seasoned warrior?
so you have battle experience, right?
were yoU even listening?
i led a battalion of thirty-five thoU-
right i got it, you were a general.
maybe you can help me out.
what's the problem?
okay listen Up, pal.
i led a battalion of thirty-five thoUsand demons.
and foUght to reClaim the netherworld from invaders.
most of them didn't make it.
bUt throUgh the blood and tears we broke them.
i am a seasoned warrior.
not a fUCking joke to amUse yoU.
you're not a very funny clown.
"FLIRT WITH THE PAINTINGS!!!1"
hey there big guy.
what are you up to?
just hanging around?
i bet a clown like you likes balloon animals.
i can make a pretty good snake, if you catch my drift.
"Quickly conceptualize a method to efficiently use the power of summoning sunglasses at will"
Heh, special vision? Puh-lease. More like no vision at all. You can't see a damn thing.
How to chill out.
These kids need to learn...
That you gave these kids the cold shoulder.
You think it's time...
Revenge is a dish best served cold.
But that doesn't matter right now. There's no point in reminiscing about the past. Your friends are in danger, and you have to help them!
"Ponder why the demon-kid-lord got so attached to you in the first place. Shouldn't his parents have been with him or something? Speaking of which, how old is this kid?"
You think he just wanted a friend. He seemed pretty lonely, especially when considering his lack of parents when you busted into his apartment.
You're not sure of his age, but he can't be any older than ten.
You feel around the paintings, but they seem pretty solid and stuck to the wall. There's no secret passage here, at least not behind these paintings.
They appear to be portraits of some of the past Overlords of the Netherworld, though it seems the faithful dimwit made some... creative changes to them.
just wondering, uh.
were there others in your magazine?
you know, before you got shot out?
"The Mercenary's Demon is still with the kid with the bat! He's probably going to get his target hit. Try to find him!!!1"
Oh shit, that's right. But you're nowhere near the Candy Room anymore, so there's no way you'd make it in time.
All you can do is hope that dart you caught was his last one.
You don't think that's possible. You couldn't even catch him in the Sugar-Space, where all time around you was literally frozen.
You don't think so, seeing as how you were the ball and not the batter.
Well you didn't break all your bones, and your head only kind of feels like it's going to explode.
You think that counts as a pretty smooth recovery.
and you know what else?
i bet she-
whoa whoa whoa!
get l☯st y☯u ☯ld fart.
"Make fun of his mom"
you know kid.
it's pretty obvious why you're so violent.
you must have a really bad mom.
ohm she must be hideous.
probably looks like a trashbag.
filled with crumpled napkins and soggy crackers.
she probably has eleven toes.
your mom has eleven toes with eyes on them.
ow ow ow ow ow ow!
shut up shut up shut up!
i was being sarcastic y☯u ☯ld m☯r☯n!
☯r did y☯u f☯rget what sarcasm was in y☯ur ☯ld age?
"Actually tell him a bed time story"
if it's a bedtime story you want.
it's a bedtime story you'll get.
are y☯u seri☯us right now?
once upon a time...
in a faraway land...
there was a kingdom in the middle of a forest.
it was ruled by a young, baseball-loving kid.
that kid's name was...?
have y☯u learned y☯ur less☯n?
alright you little brat.
you're asking for it now.
what are y☯u g☯nna d☯, grandpa?
chase after me ☯n y☯ur walker?
thr☯w y☯ur dentures at me?
read me a bedtime st☯ry?
ow ow ow ow ow ow!
y☯u stupid stupid dumb stupid idi☯t.
even if y☯u did s☯meh☯w get int☯ the sugar-space.
y☯u're still way t☯☯ sl☯w t☯ catch me.
"Take his bat."
t☯☯ sl☯w, ☯ld man.
alright, i guess that's fair.
it's right here, grandpa.
n☯w quit yelling.
y☯u're g☯nna have a heart attack.
"Wait a minute, baseball kid's not wearing his target. Technically he's cheating since you couldn't hit him if you saw him first."
hey, wait a second!
if anybody's cheating, it's you!
where's your target, you little brat?
are y☯u kidding me.
i'm wearing it.
y☯u pr☯bably just can't see it with y☯ur ☯ld eyes.
my eyes are fine!
where's your target?
i'm n☯t talking ab☯ut the game!
i'm talking ab☯ut the sugar-space!
the what now?
y☯u're n☯t supp☯sed t☯ be able t☯ get here!
y☯u're ☯ld, after all.
what are you talking about?
i'm not old!
ugh, f☯rget it.
y☯u w☯uldn't understand.
what are you talking about?
there's no rules, remember?
how could i have cheated?
h☯w the heck did y☯u catch that?
that thing was g☯ing near light speed!
y☯u cheated, didn't y☯u?!
Oh, it's that baseball kid from earlier.
Oh, huh. That was pretty easy.
You'll just keep this with your other darts, in case you need an extra.
Uh... you don't think that's the case. You still feel like a shitty human, and you don't feel like you have any new powers.
What the fuck just happened?
Kid? What kid? You didn't see a kid. Besides, you're not sure you can just induce a sugar high...
The demon is yelling at something at you. Everything is so loud. You think you're gonna be sick again.
Sure, that's a great idea. You'll have to clear out some inventory space, though.
"Open all the crates, and dig through them WITHOUT EATING EVERYTHING. Look for something that isn't candy."
You search through one of the nearby crates for a few seconds before nearly barfing again. The sight of candy is really sickening.
But you don't think there's anything else in these crates.
Ugh, you don't think sugar is going to help with anything.
Really? That sounds like the exact opposite of what you should do; but there are multiple other crates in the room.
Aaaaand then you barfed all over your parents. It wasn't your proudest moment.
You actually filled the bag to its brim, and ended up eating all your candy in like, twenty minutes.
Needless to say, you felt a lot like you do now.
Oh jeez, thanks for bringing it up. That was the worst Halloween of your life.
You were a viking that year, you think. You didn't even have a basket to collect candy in; you just had a huge trash bag.
i don't feel so good.
you look fuckIng TerrIble.
by deva's dynasTy!
how much are you eaTIng?
are you... even lIsTenIng?
now really Isn'T The TIme for ThIs.
waIT, are you serIous?
Isn'T ThaT The overlord's candy?
won'T he be angry If you eaT IT?
"Eat it. All of it. Now."
whaT are you doIng?
Oh, right. Moving on.
You continue into the next room, which is filled with boxes of what appears to be candy! You wonder if all this candy is what "shipment" was aboard the demon ship.
He's actually fine.
"check to see if the demon is okay"
hey, are you alright?
i just saw you collapse.
I'm fIne, Thanks.
what the fuck even happened?
i didn't even see it.
yeah I have no Idea.
I jusT had a sudden paIn In my shIn.
well how does it feel?
can you walk on it?
"Perform CPR on the demon."
What? No. He's clearly still conscious.
what the fuck happened to you?
You slowly head upstairs, looking over your shoulder every few steps to make sure you're not being trailed. Luckily, you seem to be in the clear.
They ran InTo The overlord kId.
are they alright?
apparenTly he's TakIng "no rules" To an exTreme.
whaT wITh hIs gIanT axe and all.
buT They got away.
should we go find them?
my parTner saId They're fIne for now.
i guess we'll just carry on, then.
what's he saying?
could you be quIeT?
look, I'll jusT fInd ouT whaT's goIng on, okay?
do it the boring way, i guess.
whaT are you doIng?
i'm trying to do the eye thing!
you can'T do IT Though.
well that's shitty.
"Ask if they were speaking at all."
did you hear them say anything?
you can'T hear Through an eye.
once agaIn, I jusT saw whaT he was seeIng.
couldn't you tap into his mouth, or ears?
no, jusT The eye.
i wanna try.
They were runnIng.
The eye ThIng only leTs me see whaT my parTner sees.
and all I saw was ThaT They were runnIng.
I couldn'T Tell If They were beIng chased.
or If They were chasIng.
does that hurt?
it looks like it hurts.
I have To concenTraTe.
hey, before we go any further.
i was just wondering how the others are doing.
do you think you could check on the other group?
you know, with your demon eye thing?
why not jusT TelepaThy?
IT's goIng to be borIng eITher way.
well i haven't seen the eye thing yet.
okay, okay, hang on.
You assume that means head upstairs, so you continue on to the western stairwell.
so, where to?
"It may be better just to leave them and their dino~flow alone for now, they aren't bothering anybody."
let's go somewhere else.
whaT abouT Them?
i can't get a good shot.
but they're not going anywhere.
we can come back later.
are you sure?
i just got smashed into the floor.
alrIghT, faIr enough.
"Was... that a dinosaur foot?"
Uh, yeah... something like that. Some kind of psychic energy dinosaur foot.
Whatever it was, you didn't like it.
deva have mercy!
are you okay?
⦿< no, i won't let you.
⦿< i won't let you take them from me.
i was just gonna shoot your target.
i wasn't gonna-
⦿< i already told you.
⦿< they'll go away if i lose.
don't make this harder than it needs to be.
⦿< leave us alone!
time to say goodbye to those dinosaurs.
that one bit me.
⦿< he didn't mean to!
⦿< he got scared!
i don't have a choice, kid.
i've got a game to win.
"This is no way for a hero like you to go down. Get back up there and take down those dinos!"
wish me luck!
could you maybe laTch onTo The ceIlIng?
clImb up abouT halfway.
Then swIng over To The ceIlIng.
Then you can jusT kInda dangle There.
and you'll be able To shooT Them wITh your oTher hand.
uh, yeah, okay.
i can try that i guess.
so now what?
i don't know.
i can get up there just fine.
but there's no way i can shoot them.
i don't have a free hand or anything.
yeah, I see your problem...
whaT The hell happened?
that kid has tiny dinosaurs.
like, tiny living dinosaurs.
one of them ran up and bit me.
are you alrIght?
yeah, yeah, i'm fine.
deva have mercy!
are you okay?
"Talk to the "toys""
can i talk to them or something?
hey little guys!
are these alive?
⦿< oh yeah.
⦿< maybe that's why they're special.
"Inquire about special toys."
what makes them special?
they look pretty normal to me.
⦿< the overlord gave them to me.
⦿< they do more than most toys can.
⦿< interact, i guess.
"Tell the kid that if you hit them with the dart, they could play with the dinos for the rest of the time."
why don't you just let me hit your target?
then you can play without having to hide.
⦿< no i can't do that...
⦿< i'm not supposed to let you win.
⦿< plus my toys will go away...
⦿< they're special toys...
"Judging by how the kid likes dinosaurs, they probably have dino-related abilities. Try not to anger them."
That's a good point, though you're not sure how valid it is. Either way, you're not super capable of angering them, given your current situation.
"Ask why they're hiding up here?"
what are you doing up here, anyway?
so you don't get tagged?
⦿< i just wanna play with my dinos.
but you're playing dart tag.
isn't that more important right now?
⦿< nothing is more important than dinosaurs.
"Kick them off the pillar."
Are you kidding? They would never survive a fall from this height. Rules or no rules, you don't want to kill a kid.
You can't! If you release your grip on your rope arm, then you'll fall!
Okay, well you're up here. Now what?
We must be swift as the coursing river!
With all the force of a great typhoon!
With all the strength of a raging fire!
Mysterious as the dark side of the moon1
how the hell did you get up there, kid?
⦿< i dunno...
what do you mean you don't know?
⦿< i dunno...
well get down from there!
so i can shoot you with a freakin' dart!
⦿< i don't want to...
then i'm coming up!
⦿< can you guys, uh...
⦿< maybe go away?
"Slice the pillar in half."
With what? You don't have anything capable of "slicing," and you don't think the demon mercenary's sword is strong enough.
Upon further inspection, the pillar is definitely a pillar. No holograms here.
You follow the prints for a while, when they abruptly halt at one of the larger pillars in the room.
Well shit. Now what?
Oh. They're footprints. That makes way more sense.
Yeah, following them sounds like the best course of action.
"Investigate Pac-Mans on the floor"
You take a look at the strange blue Pac-Men on the ground. It's very peculiar, as there doesn't seem to be any ghosts or pellets in the vicinity.
These Pac-Men are very strange.
before we get too far along.
it might be useful to know what powers you have.
well demons usually have the same powers.
you mortals geT all the choIces, weIrdly.
so I have sTandard sTuff.
TeleporTaTIon, weapon summonIng.
and Then sTuff dealIng wITh my parTner.
oh, so nothing super helpful here.
oh well, we'll manage.
If they can't see it, it's not visible, which violates the one rule of the game. You'll take your chances with the nipple target and avoid disqualification.
You proceed into the leftmost room from the throne room. Upon entering, you don't see much, save for a bunch of tall pillars.
What is this, the pillar room?
"Disperse across the battlefield"
Oh, you guess wandering in different directions is a decent idea.
"Stop fucking around & go already!"
Go where? There are tons of rooms in this place!
Uh, well yeah, you hope so. But that's not really important right now.
"Okay, now pose as a NAKED team."
This is significantly less cool for some reason.
back me up here, won't you?
i look cool with this, right?
; don't want to get ;nvolved.
? can't bel?eve you would steal my style.
?t's all ? have left, haha.
stop complaining, i look great.
woah, woah, woah.
take that off r?ght now.
it looks cool!
that's my th?ng, yeah.
you don't own this look!
um, yeah, haha.
"Wear the Bandana, Be the Badass"
You wear your bandana in the most badass way you can think to.
Well, you certainly feel cooler.
"wear the beanie its camo."
While that may be true, the beanie is also waaaay over there, and you can't really be bothered to bend down and get it.
Oh well. Guess you'll have to leave it there so you can carry your Dart Gun.
Yeah, you probably won't need this during the game. It should be fine here.
You would just wear it, but as you know, equipping stuff doesn't remove it from your inventory.
You only need to clear one space for the Dart Gun. Whatever you drop you can probably pick up after the game.
You know, assuming you win.
RIGHT AFTER YOU DEal with this stupid inventory dammit.
"Let the Games Begin!!!1"
YES FINALLY YOU ARE READY TO KICK SOME ASS.
"Is it too late to move the target? It may be more strategically viable to have a nipple target in the future."
The target appears to be really stuck to your side, but you manage to pry it off. You're probably not supposed to move it around that much.
However, you do feel more confident with a nipple target. It's very fitting, you think.
"Put EVERYONE'S target on you as well. That way they can focus on offense and you can hide the entire game."
Rules or not, you don't think that's allowed. If you're not wearing a target, you're not playing.
Even if it was, that would make your team super vulnerable. If anybody found you, all your teammates could eliminated in seconds!
"Place target on the side of your body, that way your arm will naturally be blocking it some times."
You guess that's pretty good logic, despite how your arms seem to miraculously vanish from time to time.
Either way, you place the target on your side, officially making you part of the game.
what the hell are you doing?
I'm trying t♠ slap s♠me sense int♠ y♠u.
Y♠u're clearly deliri♠us. B-0
S♠unds like s♠mething a crazy pers♠n w♠uld say.
WHERE THE FUCK DID HE GO
you're coming with-
"Decide that the creepy kid is OBVIOUSLY the best choice for your team, & would benefit you in every way, shape, & form."
Well he certainly seems to be skilled in the art of psychological warfare. You suppose he would be traumatizing to a kid, and only a kid. Not an adult like yourself. No way.
Either way, you want him on your side.
yOU'll never find her.
it's tOO late.
she's gOne. OUO
haha, wow, good one...
that's really funny, kid.
so anyway, changing the fucking topic.
do you know any magic tricks?
yOUr death is hilariOUs.
i wOUld stay away frOm lawn mOwers.
jUst as a helpfUl tip. OUO
but have you...
decorated your christmas tree with intestines?
nothing says holidays like organs...
strewn about the tree...
um, i mean, yeah.
of course i have; it's great.
okay what the fuck.
have yOU ever pUt a heart in a blender?
it's fascinating. OUO
some friends you have, huh?
just leaving you here with a bunch of strangers.
i can't believe they'd do that.
if i were you, i wouldn't team up with them.
good for nothing twerps.
you could be on my team, if you'd like.
"The creepy kid is obviously the weak point of the team. See if you can befriend him, or at the very least turn him loose on his teammates."
You approach the disturbing youngster with caution, but you think it's safe. Neither of you are wearing targets, so neither of you are technically playing yet.
"Once you have the target on don't forget to shrink, the smaller your target, the easier it is to not die. Do this mission ant man style."
That's a great idea in theory, but probably not so much in practice. If you're small, you're less likely to get hit, but you're also less likely to hit anything.
Maybe just keep shrinking in mind in case you have to dodge or something.
"Be the kids."
Oh to be young again! So blissfully carefree! No rent to pay. No girlfriend to save. Just you and an overabundance of sweets.
But alas, you cannot be the kids. You are an adult, and it's time to act like one!
"Actually you should switch demons with the mercenary, that way the demons can stay updated about the whereabouts of the other group."
wait, wait, wait.
i have a better idea.
why don't i take your demon and you take mine?
that way we can communicate with each other.
with demon telepathy and all that.
really fuck;ng smart.
i do what i can.
"No, we'll split into groups. Mercenary and his demon, me and my demon, and the broad can do whatever."
no, no, splitting up is a great idea.
i'll go with my demon, and you can go with yours.
you do what you do best.
♠n it. B-0
we have to be careful e;ther way.
k;ds are naturally talented at dart tag.
powers or not.
but top pr;or;ty ;s for sure gett;ng the hat.
now, should we spl;t up to cover more ground?
or st;ck together to be safe?
"Talk strategy with your team and explain that the main goal is to take the Overlord's hat away from him"
alright everyone, listen up.
obviously we have to win so we don't die.
but more importantly, we have to get that hat.
no hat means no overlord.
yeah, ; agree.
we've got to get that th;ng off that l;ttle brat!
plus, if we get the hat...
all the kids' powers should go away, right?
it'll make the game way easier.
That's impossible. You (the reader) can't see it, but the throne room is crawling with guards. You assume even touching one of your other friends would result in your immediate death.
They're probably the reason the rest of the resistance never showed up. Yikes, you hope they just retreated.
The monitor also has a built-in diagram of the castle's interior. That little black dot must be you.
There's also some kind of panic button. You're not sure what it does, but it must serve some purpose.
The monitor displays a list of both teams and their status in the game. As of now, obviously, nobody has been eliminated.
Stuck to the top right of the monitor is your target. You can decide where to put this when you're ready.
The darts are way too small for your Rock-It Launcher, but they might fit in the Toothpick Gun.
However, you might be better off using the provided Dart Gun. The magazine fits into the gun after all. In addition, it appears to have some kind monitor build into it.
w3ll i gu3ss with that
its tim3 to play
good luck and have fun
and s33 you around
Why would you do that? They could actually help you in the game. Using them right now would be a huge waste.
oh and h3r3s your darts and gun
your magazin3 has fiv3 darts
four normal on3s plus a sp3cial myst3ry on3
you can st3al darts from us if you can
or just coll3ct fir3d darts and stuff
th3r3s no rul3s so do what3v3r c:
You got your stuff back! This includes your clothes, which you promptly change back into.
It looks like the rest of your team had their things returned, too.
giv3 m3 just a s3cond
oh, one more thing before we start.
could i maybe get some clothes or something?
sinc3 your3 my fri3nd
ill put your h3ad ov3r my fir3plac3
wow, thanks a lot...
"Tell the kid that whatever happens, you hope he will remember you are facebook friends and that is a sacred bond."
sure, sounds good.
i know you're really excited about beheading me and stuff.
but whatever the outcome of this game...
just remember we're friends, okay?
it's facebook official, right?
th3r3s lik3 on3 rul3
w3 ar3 all gonna have th3s3 littl3 targ3ts
your3 only 3liminat3d if a dart hits your target
it do3snt matt3r how the dart g3ts th3r3
just that it actually hits your targ3t
and you can put your targ3t anywh3r3 on your body
but it has to be visibl3
3v3rything 3ls3 is fair gam3
then how are we supposed to stop cheaters?
you cant ch3at if th3r3s no rul3s
b3sid3s w3 ar3 playing with pow3rs
ch3ating might be sorta hard to d3fin3
no rules, then.
rul3s ar3 for chumps
l3ts do no rul3s
i don't think i agree to that!
i dont car3
im th3 ov3rlord
uh, well shouldn't we discuss the rules of the game?
it won't make much sense otherwise.
ill unti3 th3m and w3 can g3t start3d
but if th3r3s anything you n33d to ask
or som3thing you want to say
you should do it now
b3caus3 onc3 w3 start th3 gam3
w3 ar3nt taking any tim3outs
finally, the pretentious broad.
mostly just because she's the fucking coolest.
i'm convinced that there's nothing she can't handle.
in other words, she won't lose.
Damn right. B-0
his demon is joining my team as well.
after all, what's a mercenary without his demon?
this guy is the bread to the mercenary's butter.
truly a dream team in the making.
i'd hate to be facing them in battle.
i'm also going to pick this badass mercenary.
he's one of most talented mortals i know.
that, coupled with his demons abilities...
well, he's a born champion, essentially.
so watch out!
firstly, my demon.
not only is he a rude dude with attitude.
but he's also really powerful.
basically he could single-handedly beat you kids.
the asshole knows what he's doing.
"Introduce YOUR team."
uh, right, anyway...
since you felt the need to introduce your friends.
i'm gonna do that same.
show you what you're up against.
oh and could you cov3r your frank and b3ans
um, sorry, heh...
go ah3ad and pick your t3ammat3s
oh, yeah, sure.
um, actually, before i pick anybody.
do you think you could turn my demon over?
he's not looking too good.
if i do that h3 will just us3 his pow3rs and l3av3
but if you pick him for your t3am
w3ll th3n ill have to unti3 him
and thats my t3am
which m3ans you g3t to pick four p3opl3
that way its 3v3n
whos it gonna b3 c:
hon3stly h3 just r3ally cr33ps m3 out
i didnt want him to hurt m3 so
h3r3 h3 is
my n3xt t3ammat3 is gonna go jurassic on you
b3caus3 th3y r3ally lik3 dinosaurs
also th3yr3 the bigg3st kid i know
th3y could probably crush your bon3s
just by sitting on you
dont l3t this guys cut3 grin fool you
h3s savag3 to th3 bon3 and
h3s th3 b3st play3r on our littl3 l3ague bas3ball t3am
h3 may b3 charming
but h3s also harming c:
first up is my grand wizard
if you thought my magic was good
you hav3nt s33n anything y3t
h3s truly a pro
so you b3tt3r watch your backs
but im happy to h3ar you accept th3 chall3ng3
its gonna b3 so fun
l3t m3 introduc3 you to my t3am
thats a good point
but im not gonna giv3 you any pow3rs
your3 sort of my arch3n3mi3s right now
how about i giv3 you back your stuff
your t3am wont hav3 pow3rs
but youll b3 abl3 to us3 what you cam3 h3r3 with
i guess that'll have to do...
uh, yeah, sure.
that sounds doable...
but most of my friends don't have any powers.
is there any way you could balance it out?
you know, so the game is fair?
ill invit3 som3 of my fri3nds ov3r
and you can pick som3 of your fri3nds for your t3am
th3 castl3 is a gr3at battl3fi3ld for this
3sp3cially with pow3rs
last t3am standing wins
if my t3am wins th3n ill cut your h3ads off
but if you win ill l3t you all go fr33
sounds fun right c:
what did you have in mind?
y3ah i can t3l3port
but that giv3s m3 an id3a for a gam3
you sure have a lot of powers.
but uh, can you teleport?
why do you ask
well i was thinking we could play tag...
but teleporting might be cheating, ya'know?
but im holding onto this for a whil3
i dont wanna g3t y3ll3d at again
you better return her lusc?ous l?ps.
or you'll regret ?t, haha.
"Tell him to leave your friends out of this. You were the one who abandoned him, not them."
hey, leave her alone!
i ditched you here, remember?
nobody else had anything to do with it.
this is between you and me, okay?
you sound lik<3 my mom
you h<3ar m<3, tw<3rp?
wh<3n i g<3t down from h<3r<3, oh man.
i'm gonna b<3at th<3 shit out of that littl<3 brat!
wip<3 that smug grin off your fac<3!
what th<3 h<3ll is wrong with you?
w<3 should be trying to <3scap<3!
not sitting h<3r<3 watching this kid st<3al souls!
COULD YOU STOP TALKING ABOUT FOOD!?
i've been looking for one of those all day!
do you think i could...
maybe taste it?
do you think you could maybe...
make a soul burger?
"You and your friends would LOVE to clap for his magic trick, but unfortunately your hands are tied up."
that was really impressive!
i'd clap, but uh...
as you can see my hands are sorta bound.
He can steal souls.
erm... yes, yOur highness?
can i do th3 thing
Oh, yOur majesty...
haVe i nOt been lOyal tO yOu?
then, rethink this, please!
nah i wanna do it
i hav3 so many cool pow3rs
hmm what should i show you first
hey, uh, here's an idea!
didn't you say you had some cool magic or something?
well how about you show us your powers?
give us a little magic show.
(maybe show us what we're up against...)
i dont think i can count that high
we can bend the rules a little!
what's the highest you can count to?
uh... how about we play "untie us and let us escape?"
it's really fun i promise.
how do you play
it's really simple!
you untie all our ropes as fast as you can.
then you turn around and count to five billion.
uh, and then you come try to find us!
That's an even better idea. It would be so easy to win against somebody who doesn't know the rules.
Unfortunately, your computer is probably back on the ship somewhere, so you have no way of playing.
"Suggest playing What"
You would, except you left the game back at your apartment.
If you're going to get out of here with your head on your shoulders, you're going to have to keep this kid distracted and come up with an escape plan.
It doesn't matter how you distract him, just so long as he doesn't think about how your heads are still attached to your bodies.
what do you wanna play
"Okay, let's play a harmless game!"
uh, okay, yeah...
yeah, let's play a game.
a nice, harmless, fun game between friends...
w3 can sav3 th3 b3h3ading for lat3r
what do you wanna do in th3 m3antim3
ooh mayb3 i could introduc3 you to my n3w fri3nds
or w3 could play a gam3 or som3thing
now your3 making m3 sad
i r3ally want3d to d3capitat3 you
i mak3 a fart noise wh3n3v3r th3ir h3ad com3s off
you have every right to be angry with me!
i abandoned you, and i'm really sorry!
but i didn't have a choice!
we got separated and i didn't know where to look!
i really am sorry!
i did too
th3n you l3ft m3 in another dim3nsion
call m3 crazy
but im having doubts about our fri3ndship
holy ohm, kid!
that's really fucked up!
that's metal as fuck.
you're not helping!
i thought we were friends, kid!
no thats okay
if h3 g3ts mad
ill just chop his h3ad off
lik3 im gonna do to you guys
h3 would probably b3 mad
so how about you give the hat back?
well you need to give the hat back!
you don't know how to be an overlord!
what would your dad think if he knew this?
that you're commanding millions of demons?
it was sup3r 3asy
aft3r you ditch3d m3 som3 nice d3mons found m3
and took m3 on a r3ally fun boat rid3
th3n th3y took m3 into this castle
and show3d m3 to the ov3rlord
i gav3 him a hug b3caus3 h3 was nic3
but h3 fr3ak3d out and gav3 m3 his cool hat
so now i hav3 magic pow3rs
and a cool hat
how the hell did you even get here?
how the actual fuck are you the overlord?
THIS COMIC IS TERRIBLE.
"MSPFA reader: Mental Breakdown"
"[B-0] Overlord: Show yourself."
<iframe src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Hs_lmNdxfQQ?controls=0&showinfo=0" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="300" width="450"></iframe>
(Or click here.)
"Flirt with the overlord."
hey big guy!
why don't you turn around, huh?
let's see that pretty face!
who's that demon next to the throne?
maybe we can get off with an easier punishment.
ya'know, like eternal servitude.
his thron<3's across th<3 room.
for all w<3 know h<3's sitting th<3r<3.
list<3ning to us.
just turn around and fac<3 us, you coward!
i hop<3 h<3 kills you first.
th<3 ov<3rlord, dumbass.
is he here?
h<3 will b<3.
hey there, hot stuff!
fancy meeting you here.
Oh. You wonder if that might somehow be related.
Yikes, he looks really bad!
"Just shrink yourself again."
Oh, right! You'll just-
Hey, what gives? Why aren't you tiny?
Some of your group appears to have arrived before you.
This isn't looking good.
You are escorted into the castle, and your post is forced into the ground.
You are taken alive.
You suppose launching yourself towards a group of demons probably wasn't your greatest idea, but it was all you could really do.
you'll never take me alive, assholes!
"Quick, act casual"
hey! what are you dOing?
were yOu trying tO escaPe?
hOw'd yOu untie yOurself?
i have no idea what you're talking about.
Okay, whatever, let's just grab him.
what Should we do with these guyS?
i think they're with the resistance.
we shOuld Probably take them tO the OverlOrd.
he'll want tO deal with this PersOnally.
"Chew through the rope"
What the HELL are you doing?
what the fuck was that?
i think the ship docked...
Which probably Means We've arrived at the castle.
don't worry i'll- FUCK!
hey, are you doing okay?
do i look okay?
that's why i'm asking.
ugh, i'M fine.
it's this hanging upside doWn bullshit.
i feel like My head is going to explode.
it won't actually do that, right?
let's hope not.
That explains where you are in relation to the ship, but what about outside?
You think you're in the hold of the demon ship. You can hear demons yelling and walking around above you.
The hold doesn't seem to be holding much for you to use, however. There's not even a visible door you could escape through. The only way in and out seems to be through the hatch above you, and it's too high to reach.
hey there, rope!
my friend sorta needs freed, so...
any advice on undoing this knot?
yes, you are rope.
i need to untie that knot, though.
can you help me?
okay this is getting me nowhere.
You would, but it looks like those demons took all your stuff when they captured you!
Unfortunately, freeing your friends might prove more difficult. These knots are super tight! What even is this- a quadruple knot?
You'll have to free them some other way.
That seemed to work pretty well.
"Ask your demon to pick you up through your demon eye. See if that can pull you through the rope."
holy ohm, calm down!
can't you just do some demon magic or something?
lift me out of these ropes somehow?
our poWers don't Work When We're upside doWn.
if i could use My poWers right now.
you'd be all over the fucking Walls.
looks like i have to do everything myself.
YOU HAVE SOME FUCKING NERVE!
I'M GONNA WRING YOUR FUCKING NECK!
AND GOUGE OUT YOUR DAMN EYES!
USE THEM AS FUCKING STRESS BALLS!
THEN I'LL RIP OPEN YOUR FUCKING CARCASS!
AND STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN INSIDES!
FOR GOOD MEASURE I'M GONNA TOSS YOU IN THE FUCKING LAVA!
YOU DUMBASS FUCKING MORON!
I'M GONNA SLAUGHTER YOU!
that seems a bit unfair.
considering it was your plan that got us captured.
you said to cause a distraction!
it's your fault we got captured!
could you take this seriously for five seconds?
you stupid fucking duMbass!
When i get doWn i'M going to fucking strangle you!
you just fucking dooMed us, you Moron!
Merciful deva you've sealed our fate!
We're going to die because of your fucking ignorance!
oh you better hope the overlord kills you quick!
cuz so help Me i'll Make you suffer!
you ruined everything!
"Tell a joke to lighten the mood"
hey buddy, wanna hear a joke?
what does a vegan zombie eat?
"Good. With the number of times you've escaped prison this is actually a step in the right direction."
Well that's certainly... optimistic?
You have been captured.
i see that you're busy.
but i need your assistance!
you seem to be a couple strapping young lads!
and i have an awfully large package that needs moving...
is there any way you can help little 'ol me?
whaT's in These Things anyWay?
better not to asK.
it's coming from the overworld.
WhaT Would The overlord WanT from There?
don't Know; don't care.
let's just Hurry up, alright?
"I think you know what to do ;)"
they're already here.
We're going to have to Make this fast.
alright, so what's the plan?
flip around and stab demons?
there only seeMs to be a handful of theM.
We could easily sneak onto the ship.
all We need is a Well-tiMed distraction...
Your group proceeds to the end of the tunnel, where you climb another ladder to the surface. You appear behind a series of boxes in what you can only assume is the cargo bay.
heh heh, see?
the tunnel ends right up here!
heh, let's going moving!
heh heh, right.
you'll see for yourself soon enough.
"What is he then?"
so what is he?
if he isn't a demon, then what?
because i'm not sure i know of anything, that's like...
powerful enough to control demons!
except maybe spider furries?
have you not been listening?
he forced his Way into poWer.
he overtook the previous overlord.
it's not like he asked if he could rule.
and We can't just ignore hiM.
fear is a poWerful deterrent.
he has the poWer to end us if We disobey hiM.
that's Why he's the overlord.
and that's Why We're taking hiM doWn.
"Then how did he become overlord? If everybody hates him he shouldn't have any power at all. All you have to do is NOT do anything he says."
if you guys don't like his policies, then just...
don't obey them?
that seems like a pretty simple solution to me.
i don't get how he's overlord if nobody likes him.
he only has as much power as you give him.
watch where you're sticking that thing!
s;ck moves bro.
thanks, i know.
oh come on!
you don't know what you're missing!
dancing is a blast!
i mean, check this out!
isn't that enough of a reason?
the last overlord Was one of the best We've had.
shaMe his rule ended so suddenly.
but aside froM that, he's cruel.
executing deMons for no reason.
forcing deMons to do deMeaning tasks for hiM.
not to Mention his stupid policies.
he's instituted a daily four hours of dancing.
that doesn't sound that bad!
dancing is great!
don't you dare try to defend hiM.
have you ever seen a deMon dance?
he knoWs nothing about deMon culture.
"What has the overlord done that has angered everybody (other than getting rid of the old one)"
alright, i guess i can't argue with that.
let's talk about the overlord, then.
what exactly did he do?
you know, besides overthrowing the other guy.
What do you Mean?
you're leading a rebellion against him!
so like, why?
that's how souls work.
there's no way to get it back from the underworld?
not that i'M aWare of.
"Ask about stylish cult guy's soul."
so then what about stylish cult guy's soul?
What about it?
i, uh, don't know...
is it really gone?
like, for good?
it's a Means to control you.
i'M not using your soul for anything, technically.
then could i maybe talk to it?
uh, sorry, backtracking a bit.
about my soul.
what is the purpose of you having my soul?
like, what are you using it for?
it's hard to say.
the plan is to sneak on and ride to the castle.
but it depends on What We find there.
if the ship is crawling With the overlord's guards?
We May just have to overtake it.
We'll see What happens.
"Ask what the plan is. Are you going to intercept it, hijack it, or replace the crew in an effort to get an opportunity to get closer to the overlard?"
well let's focus on the mission, then.
what exactly is the plan?
What do you Mean?
as far as the cargo ship goes.
are we gonna steal it or something?
you sold Me your soul, duMbass.
i'M not borrowing it.
i'M keeping it.
you're not getting your soul back.
ugh, yeah, got it.
then when are you gonna give my soul back?
well that's gonna be an awful lot of interest.
hope you can afford it.
What the fuck are you talking about?
isn't that fucking obvious by noW?
our overlord got overthrown.
the neW overlord's an asshole.
tiMe to fucking rebel!
i've been doing shit for the rebellion.
reconnaissance, intercepting intel, etc.
i didn't have tiMe to Mess with your pity probleMs.
well for starters?
why exactly were you out of contact all this time?
Whatever; it doesn't Matter.
We're gonna be in this tunnel for a While.
and i'M sure you have a bunch of dumb questions.
since you haven't seen Me in soMe tiMe.
so noW Would be the tiMe to ask theM.
you Might not have a chance to after all this.
then Why Would that be the shipMent?
i guess it probably wouldn't be.
great, thanks for Wasting My tiMe.
no i blaMe Myself for asking.
the thought that you could be helpful is just...
too Much to actually consider.
"The shipment could be soul burgers"
maybe the overlord is hungry?
and he's ordering a shipment of soul burgers?
What the fuck is a soul burger?
a soul in-between two buns?
you have that in the overWorld?
We don't knoW.
We've been intercepting Messages, but...
all We knoW is that it's coMing froM the overWorld.
probably soMe kind of Weapon or soMething.
though i'M not faMiliar With overWorld iMports.
yeah, i'm not sure.
We dug this tunnel in just a feW days.
it leads right to the cargo bay.
the ship We're stealing is going there to...
pick up a shipMent or soMe kind.
what kind of shipment?
You follow your demon through the base. He stops at one point and lets the rest of your team in through the front door.
He then proceeds down a long hallway and climbs down an exposed hole at the end of it. You climb down, finding yourself in a lengthy tunnel.
if you're that Willing to throw your lives aWay.
you can join My battalion.
but don't Mess this up for us, got it?
or else you'll Wish you Were dead.
you can count on me!
let's get going.
"Beg your demon to help"
look, just, let us help!
i don't even care about dying!
besides, if you die with my soul?
i won't have much of a life to live, right?
okay, well, whatever.
i assisted in killing a demon.
quite honestly the she-beast Would do fine.
just looking at her gives Me the chills.
♠kay d♠n't push it.
either way, you didn't kill anything.
no you didn't.
"You killed a demon once, remember?"
that's not true!
i've killed a demon before!
the one you hired me to kill?
uh, you're all Mortals?
there's one demon on my team!
you get My point.
you don't have Much experience fighting deMons.
so, yeah, you'll all get slaughtered.
wait, you guys are leaving?
like, right now?
we need to.
we're hijAcking A cArgo ship.
it's our best bet to sneAk into the over/ord's cAst/e.
so we cAn't Afford to miss it.
let me go with you!
my friends and i can help!
i'M not sure that's a good idea.
speAking of the rebe//ion.
mAybe we cou/d get bAck to that?
if you're through with these shenAnigAns.
i'll probably shenan again.
but i think i'm good for now.
we're sort of on A tight schedu/e.
we need to get moving.
so, who are these guys?
they're the other rebellion leaders.
the guy With all the armor is head of group a.
next to hiM is the captain of group c.
i Myself aM coMManding group b in the rebellion.
"Ask your demon for the password"
What for? You're already inside the base; the password is kind of irrelevant at this point.
Besides, he probably wouldn't tell you.
this is just fucking perfect!
are there any other friends i should knoW about?
yeah there's a bunch more outside.
that reminds me.
come on down!
"Tell him you’re here because your sleepover was lame so you decided to help the demon rebellion."
hoW did you even find Me?
that's a long story.
give Me a suMMary.
uh, alright well...
my friends and i were having a sleepover.
and it wasn't going so well.
so we decided to come to the netherworld.
eventually we learned about the overlord.
and the resistance.
so, not knowing where else to look, we came here.
"Kill your demon with that dagger."
You mean the drill? That's probably one of the worst ideas you've ever had, considering he has your soul and everything.
You'll just tuck this back in your wallet.
Yeah, it might be better to conceal your precious cargo around angry demons.
ow! okay, i'm sorry!
i meant that as a compliment!
loss is a sign of Weakness in the netherWorld.
so if you get fat you're just supposed to stay fat?
if you have any dignity.
jeez, you guys run a tight ship down here.
uh, well hey!
you must be doing well!
have you lost weight?
because you look fantastic.
wow, that was...
heh, i thought you were really gonna kill me.
stupid fucking duMbass.
*COUGH* i get it.
now could you please put me down?
i'm starting to... see weird colors...
as stupidly flattering as that is?
i don't need a Weak fucking huMan Worrying about Me.
that's fucking pointless.
look, i'm sorry, okay?
i was just *WHEEZE* worried about you...
i haven't seen or heard anything from you.
hoW about Maybe YOU chill?
i'M not stressed.
i'M fucking pissed off!
because of your stupid fucking brain-dead behavior!
"Tell your demon that he seems, like, super stressed, and he like, really needs to take a chill pill."
why is this... such a big deal?
you seem *COUGH* really stressed...
can you maybe chill?
Maybe you've forgotten Who i aM.
hi, i'M the deMon Who oWns your soul!
and by extension, you!
does your stupidity know no bounds?
i'M this close to ripping you to shreds.
all i was-
uM, yeah, no.
you don't get to talk to Me like that, iMbecile.
i sWear i'M going to gut you like a fish.
i told you i Was going to out of contact!
that Wasn't a daMn invitation to coMe find Me!
Why couldn't you get that through your thick skull?
i was- *COUGH* looking for you!
*COUGH* several reasons...
you fucking idiotic dipshit!
i have half a Mind to rip you froM the inside out!
What in deva's naMe are you fucking doing here?
*COUGH COUGH SPUTTER*
"Seduce the demons. It hasn't worked yet, so by the law of balancing probabilities, it HAS to work this time."
hey there, demon associates.
sorry i'm late to the meeting.
but let's get back on track, yeah?
we've got some big things to discuss.
oh, uh, sorry about that, glass.
but i did tell you to move.
so really this is your fault.
now, where was i?
i think thAt pretty much covers everything.
"DRILL TOP IN THE ROCK-IT LAUNCHER"
OH FUCK YES
You pop open your wallet to take a peak at your stuff. Maybe you have something that could be potentially useful?
"Politely ask the skylight to GTFO"
now, uh, if it's not too much trouble...
could you move your glassy ass outta the way?
[i beg your pardon]
i need inside there.
and you're sort of in the way.
[i cant move though pal]
[seeing as how im a sheet of glass]
excuses will get you nowhere.
[for killing the overlord]
what are they saying?
[group a descends from pillars above]
[group b will attack from the front]
[group c is on standby until signalled]
[theres not much to repeat unless you understand it]
well, thanks anyway!
could you do me a favor?
[i think that depends]
[what do you want]
could you repeat what those demons are saying?
i can't hear them from here.
[sure but theres not much to repeat]
what do you mean?
[theyre discussing battle plans]
You can shut up WHENEVER you feel like it.
Now, instead of PESTERING me.
Why don't you find a way INSIDE this place.
sure, do you have a man?
I AM SO SORRY.
WHY am I friends with you.
that just came out.
I MEAN SLIPPED OUT.
that's not what i meant to say, um...
jeez, i sound like a dick.
NO WAIT THAT'S NOT-
i sound like i'm sick, yeah!
that's what i meant...
hey, are you doing alright buddy?
What makes you ASK.
i don't know, you look flustered.
i just wanted to make sure you're gay.
I MEAN OKAY.
i wanted to make sure you're okay.
That's a great idea, but the glass is too thick. All you can hear is muffled gibberish.
You peer down into the room below, but all the demons look the same from above. There's no way to pick out your demon from the group.
However, you can almost sense him. If he's not in the room, he's somewhere else in the building.
"Turn your arm into a rope so everyone can climb down into whatever boring conference is going on down there and show off their slick dance moves!!!1"
That would probably work better if the skylight was open.
Yeah blue w♠uld l♠♠k great ♠n a circus d♠♠r.
I'd rather a pleasant purple l♠ck.
you're joking, right?
if anything a calming turquoise would work fine.
Turqu♠ise is f♠r scrubs. B-0
I'd actually rec♠mmend a bright yell♠w.
do you want to blind people?
the lock should be orange!
♠h, s♠ y♠u want t♠ cam♠uflage the l♠ck?
That's ridicul♠us; red is the way t♠ g♠.
red is too threatening!
pink would be a much better selection.
so th;s ;s what suffer;ng feels l;ke.
well there's the problem!
are you fucking kidding me?
the door is obviously more of a winter.
i would go with a light blue tone.
perhaps even a faded gray, if it's feeling adventurous.
I wanted a m♠re natural c♠l♠r.
So I picked ♠ut a nice f♠rest green.
It really accentuates its frame, y'know? B-0
"Pick a better lock for the door. Maybe it just has an excellent fashion taste, and the lock the broad tried picking for it just wasn't working."
what lock did you pick?
what are you talk;ng about?
; just sa;d she-
Hey, n♠ w♠rries, I g♠t this.
so, what's up?
well, there's th;s skyl;ght.
wh;ch would be a great entry po;nt.
except there's a conference happen;ng r;ght below ;t.
dropp;ng ;n un;nv;ted m;ght be a bad ;dea.
there's also a door further down.
but ;t's locked pretty t;ghtly.
the broad here tr;ed to p;ck the lock, but to no ava;l.
S♠rry br♠. B-0
You are now on the roof of the resistance base. The rest of your crew remains around the boat, doing Ohm knows what.
Whatever. You're sure they would just complicate things anyway.
let's go, gay sleeping beauty.
DON'T call me that.
"Apologize to the demon man and when he's not looking use your rope arm to get to the roof"
sorry for bothering you.
i suppose i'll find somebody else to help us.
Yeah, You shoulD go.
i'm not even sure how You founD this place.
don't worry, we're leaving.
Don't come back.
have a nice day!
No, that's OKAY.
I'll be FINE.
(what are you doing?)
(How is him coming out HERE.)
(Supposed to help US get in there.)
(i don't know?)
(i was gonna improvise.)
(You're SO bad at this.)
okay, okay, fine.
why don't you just come out here and help?
my friend needs CPR!
i'm not a Doctor.
well can't you go get one?
do you really need a password?
because methinks my abs are all the clearance i need.
okaY this is just getting riDiculous.
they're right here!
those Don't look like cookies to me.
they're our special...
round cookie formula!
i still can't let You in without a passworD, though.
it's the rules.
no, i don't.
but i have a good explanation for being here!
see, my friend and i were selling demon scout cookies.
and then he... suddenly...
look, he really needs help!
could you please let us inside?
i Don't believe You.
where's all Your cookies?
You have no fucking iDea what the passworD is, Do You?
it's triangle, right?
the real password.
no... it's not.
quit wasting mY time.
"The password is password."
the password is...
as everybody knows...
haha, Yeah okay verY funnY.
seriouslY though, what's the passworD?
sorrY, nobodY's alloweD in without the passworD.
so unless you know it-
well of course i know it!
so whY Don't You just tell me?
then i can let You in and help Your frienD.
i'm a little stressed out here!
the last thing on my mind is a password!
then i'm afraiD i can't help You.
okay, okay, fine!
forget the password!
my friend is in serious need of medical attention!
Yeah sorrY that's not it.
yeah, i know!
i need your help here!
You knock on the door, completely forgetting the possibility that this is a trap.
hey, i'll be up there in a second!
i'm gonna try something else!
sure, take your t;me!
"Perform CPR on your best friend."
Nah, he's alright. He's just really gay.
"Attempt to be cooler than him"
Pff, what do you mean attempt? It quite obvious you're much cooler than that really smooth mercenary.
feel free to jo;n us when you're ready.
why don't we just do th;s?
well if you like doing things the easy way.
"Build and climb a human pyramid to the top of the base, then drop down the chimney like santa!!!1"
alright, here's the deal.
this door won't budge.
and i'm not seeing any windows or anything.
so why don't we try the roof?
all we have to do is construct a human pyramind!
then we can all climb up-
uh, let me stop you r;ght there.
that's way too compl;cated and dangerous.
;f anybody falls, ;t's lava c;ty for them.
That's a good point. Any door that resists your advances is a door that shouldn't be trusted!
However, you aren't seeing any other doors or windows to enter through.
are making me very uncomfortable-
dude why didn't you just say so?
sorry, that was way uncool of me.
i just need inside.
you understand, right?
let-s never speak ever again-
hey there, big boy...
whaddaya say you open up and let me inside?
sure- what-s the password-
it can be whatever you want it to be, baby.
shhh don't speak.
let's take a look at those hinges.
You don't think the door looks very appetizing, and you know what they say:
That which is bad to eat is even worse to excrete.
That would be a great idea, except there's no keyhole in which to insert his sniffer!
"Check da base."
It seems that you cannot check da base because da door is da'locked.
*really deep ;nhale*
smooth move, asshole.
what the fuck was that for?
he knew too much.
couldn't be trusted.
are you fuck;n-
how are we supposed to get back w;thout a ferryman?
i honestly hadn't considered that.
let's just get this sh;t show on ;ts way.
you said it!
alright, well thanks for the lift.
but we're not in need of your services anymore.
yeah i know
i just drive the boat
i don't think you understand.
we can't risk you telling anybody our secrets.
nice try, pal.
i'm afraid this is the only way.
well here we are
the resistance base
they put it here so nobody would find it
personally i think its cliche
hiding it behind a lavafall
but it seems to be working
either way its your stop
The boat exits through the lavafall completely unscathed, revealing a structure hidden in a small, cave-like area.
You and the others sail into the lavafall, making sure that you DON'T accidentally punch it.
"punch the lavafall."
Yeah! I mean, who needs two hands anyway?
(You're not punching the fucking lavafall.)
You and the mercenary quickly instruct the others to put on their ponchos.
uh, okay, you could do that.
or you could just stand on the boat.
and be completely unharmed.
WELL FUCK THIS.
SHIT I MAY AS WELL JUST JUMP OVERBOARD.
GET THIS OVER WITH.
What are y♠u d♠ing?
MOVE BROAD I'M GONNA JUMP.
I MUST DIE.
"HOLY SHIT FLIP THE FUCK OUT!!!1"
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
WE ARE SO GOING TO DIE.
WHAT THE FUCK HOLY OHM.
that would be a lavafall.
ah, yes, that.
sorry to interrupt.
but what the fuck is that?
BURN THAT ;MAGE.
BURN ;T R;GHT NOW.
I'm framing this masterpiece when I get h♠me.
YOU D;DN'T EVEN DRAW MY DEMON EYE.
It's part ♠f the dramatic backst♠ry. B-0
"If demons can have 2 souls, you can, too. Find some way to absorb it until you meet up with your friend later."
You're not too keen on the idea of sharing your body with somebody else. Besides, if you manage to absorb it somehow, you'd still have to figure out how to un-absorb it.
It's too risky, you think.
"Set sail already!!!1"
You climb back on the boat, and set off once more!
okay, ; get ;t.
though ;'m not really sure how ;t's relevant.
wh;le ; do ma;nta;n a rather f;t frame...
; unfortunately don't.
can we never talk about my body aga;n, please?
i really can't make that promise, sorry.
how about we just get go;ng?
do you have abs, or...
;'m sorry, what?
a washboard belly.
a tough tummy.
you're f?nally learn?ng!
?'m so proud of you!
don't fucking patronize me.
"never mind, names are stupid."
yeah, on second thought?
this is stupid.
you're going in my friend's body.
names are a waste of time.
"Nickname it Soul Burger!!!1"
how about soul burger!
i changed my mind
cole is a wonderful name
soul burger it is!
please dont call me soul burger
i refuse to accept that name
that's a great name!
yeah maybe for a male
are you a girl?
im a soul
what's in your pants?
how about a gender neutral name?
i would prefer that
"I dub thee Cole, Cole the soul."
how about cole?
cole the soul!
well thats great and all
well maybe i could give you a nickname?
i dont care
"Ask the soul for its name!!!1"
well, if you're going to be in my friend's body!
i should probably know your name, right?
sure i guess
so, what do you call yourself?
i dont know
but you just said...
i think youre right
you should know my name
but i dont know what my name is
bodies have names
is it a good body
what do you mean?
is it hot
well, i mean, he's pretty stylish.
does it have abs
i... don't know that.
what do you think about sharing a body?
say what now
well my friend lost his soul.
well i sort of lost it for him.
so i was going to put you in his body.
at least until i get his soul back.
its not like i can really protest
since im a floating ball of life force
though i suppose having a body again will be nice
since i presume mine is dead
"Ask what the soul tastes like."
what do you taste like?
what flavor are you?
how do you taste?
i havent really tasted myself
considering the lack of a tongue
talking to you gives me anxiety
"give me abs"
it would be really cool if you gave me abs.
i haven't exactly been labeled as desirable.
so ya'know, abs would probably help.
how would i give you abs
i don't know.
souls dont have magic
you can only get abs through hard work
okay, well then fuck that.
hey there, soul.
you can speak to me
uh, yeah i guess so?
even though you're not an inanimate object...
i mean i guess you sort of are?
is there something i can help with
You've wasted enough time here, so you head back to the boat. Looks like everybody's ready to set sail whenever you are.
They'll never find you here.
"Devour the wall."
You bite off a large chunk of drywall. It's very painful and tastes horrible. You don't think you can swallow it.
Nothing seems to be happening!
"Look behind the poster."
Behold! A wall!
You touch everything in, on, and around the desk, but nothing happens.
"search the desk for hidden clues"
You aren't really sure what you're looking for, but you don't think anything back here is going to help. Everything is written in demon language.
Yeah, that doesn't work either. It's still just out of reach.
This makes you wonder how you'll actually give it the stylish cult guy. Maybe he'll be able to do something with it, since his soul is missing in action.
You still have one Apartment Telepod, but it won't do any good here. The Telepod lady said they don't work in other dimensions.
Besides, leaving now would be hugely counterproductive! You've come all this way to find the resistance base and your demon! Going back now would be a terrible waste of time!
In the interest of making sure you're not getting scammed, you head back inside the Soul Department, but find it empty.
Looks like the attendant went out to lunch. He better not be enjoying a delicious soulburger without you!
"TASTE TEH SOUL!!!1"
You try to give it a nice taste, but the soul moves just before you can make contact.
It's like the demon inside said; the soul is always just out of reach.
That's a little difficult to do without buns, lettuce, tomatoes, and other condiments.
"praise the soul. who's a good boy?"
oooh, look at you!
aren't you a cutie!
oh, who's a good soul? who's a good soul?
that's right, it's you!
oh you're just so cute!
i could just eat you up!
The demon runs off before you can say another word.
i better get going!
the$e $ouL$ aren't going to Loan them$eLve$!
goodbye for now!
uh, no, money'$ fine.
thank$ for the offer.
are you sure you want nether as payment?
because i have something you'll find more valuable.
and it's right under this poncho...
i'LL coLLect payment when you return the $ouL.
ju$t don't forget about the intere$t.
so, uh, did you want me to pay now?
You got a Mortal Soul!
You can honestly say this is not something you expected to happen today.
uh, yeah, $ure.
that probabLy make$ $en$e.
"Pick the teal-bluish soul. People are color-coded in your universe, so the bluish soul is probably the best fit for Stylish Cult Guy."
in that case, i guess i'll take the blue one?
since it's probably most like his?
ah, ye$, pecuLiar, i$n't it?
mortaL$ are the onLy one$ with muLticoLored $ouL$.
it'$ reaLLy their onLy redeeming quaLity.
$ince they're weaker than aLmo$t every other $ouL.
mortaL$ have very different per$onaLitie$.
no two mortaL$ are aLike.
$o neither are their $ouL$.
um, before i choose, i have a question.
why exactly are they different colors?
pLea$e, brow$e the coLLection!
i guess i'll have to buy one.
the initiaL fee i$ five nether.
as far as u$age, keep it as Long a$ you Like!
ju$t be prepared to pay the intere$t charge!
so how much does a soul cost?
and is there a limit on how long i can keep it?
no, of cour$e not.
how am i $uppo$ed to profit if you pay me in $ouL$?
i mean money.
the Longer you rent the $ouL?
the more you have to pay.
it'$ $impLe $tuff.
"Before anything else it might be wise ask what that demon means by interest. for all you know you could end owing him several souls for every day the replacement soul is used."
okay, sure, that makes sense.
but if i'm going to rent one of these things.
i need to know what you mean by interest.
i'm not gonna have to pay you in souls, right?
there may be... $Light aLtercation$...
but a Lot of personaLity come$ from hi$ brain.
which, need i remind you, is deteriorating.
he $houLd remain fairLy unchanged.
"Hold on. If Stylish Cult Guy had someone else's soul, would he also have their personality?"
well, sure, but...
if he was using somebody else's soul.
wouldn't his personality change?
would he act more like the real owner of the soul?
i don't know what $ide effect$ you have in mind.
but your friend'$ brain i$ turning to mu$h.
the mind can't handLe operating without a $oul.
if you don't get a $ouL in him $oon...
there won't be much of him to put a $ouL into.
what're minor $ide effect$ compared to that?
"No that sounds like a really bad idea, you never know the side effects of having someone else's soul."
but, uh, i think i'll have to pass.
i'm not really sure what they'll do to him.
using somebody else's soul...
oh, of cour$e!
i thought you'd never a$k!
a$ you can $ee, they're in top condition!
$o, are you intere$ted?
okay, i guess.
let's see what you've got, then.
why doe$ there need to be a catch?
do you want there to be a catch?
for every $ouL you rent i break your Leg$!
i'm trying to run a bu$ine$$ here!
i'm ju$t doing my job!
the onLy "catch" wouLd be intere$t co$t$.
but that'$ nece$$ary in aLL Loan$!
"Where's the catch?"
so what's the catch?
however, there'$ no Law again$t Loaning $ouL$.
you'd $imply be renting one of the$e guy$.
untiL you get your friend'$ $ouL back.
i'm not $eLLing anything.
$eLLing unowned $ouL$ i$ highLy iLLegaL.
i don't want to get arre$ted.
"Why is it a temporary replacement?"
why isn't it a permanent replacement?
in$ide thi$ briefca$e i$ a coLLection of $ouL$.
more $pecificaLLy, $econdhand mortaL $ouL$.
i can't get your friend'$ $ouL back.
but i can offer you a temporary repLacement.
"Trust everything he says."
i under$tand you've Lo$t a friend'$ souL.
unfortunateLy, i can't heLp you get it back.
but i can offer you the next best thing.
you said you could help me?
pardon my interruption.
but i couLdn't heLp overhear your diLemma.
i think i couLd be of $ome u$e to you.
there has to be something i can do!
i owe it to styl-
i owe it to my friend to get his soul back!
i refuse to believe there's nothing i can do.
yoU didn't enjoy that?!
i thoUght it was really interesting!
of course you did.
you think anything relating to demons is interesting.
can't argUe with that logic!
well that was a colossal waste of time!
talk about shitty customer service!
0/10 would not recommend.
You and the others exit the Soul Department.
"Well thanks for nothing."
alright, fine, we're leaving.
since apparently you can't help me.
thanks for nothing, asshole.
maybe you'd like to leave?
oh, that's fine.
besides, if you don't wanna taste a soul...
maybe you'd like to taste something else?
it'S difficult to explain.
you could put them in a container.
but it'S not neceSSary.
think of SoulS like heavy balloonS.
they float, but they don't float away.
however, you can't exactly Grab them.
they're alwayS juSt out of reach.
So even if you tried, you couldn't eat a Soulburger.
how does that work?
do you just like stick it in a jar something?
so it doesn't like, float away?
SoulS can be likened to GaSSeS.
they're not the Same, but they're Similar.
oh, so no soulburger then.
actually, hypothetically, yeS.
deSpite being GaSeous, they can be handled.
"We've seen our soul leave our body, right? Are they physical things that could theoretically be put into a sandwich, or would they phase through the bun?"
would a soulburger even be possible to make?
what with souls being incorporeal and all?
or are they actually physical objects?
thiS Still iSn't a reStaurant.
but i admire your idiotic enthuSiaSm.
"Well they should probably do something about that because you could really go for a soul burger right now."
you should look into it!
i bet souls taste great!
just think of all the nether you'd rake in!
i was serious about that soulburger thing!
well i'm quite Sure i have no idea.
i've never eaten one.
becauSe they're not food.
"What does a soul taste like?"
now that we've got all those baby questions out of the way.
let's get into the real questions.
so, tell me.
what's a soul taste like?
you heard me.
oh, and don't brinG up celeStianS aGain.
oh, uh, sorry.
could i ask why?
we fuckinG hate celeStianS.
like i Said, i don't know.
they miGht be able to do SomethinG.
but i'm a demon.
i don't know how other SpecieS work.
"Is there something that another species could do? Would the celestians know anything about souls that demons don't?"
so is there a chance that another species could help me?
maybe they can solve my soul problem?
how about the celestians?
surely they know something, right?
well i don't know to be honeSt.
demonS only take mortal SoulS.
So i just work with demon SoulS and mortal SoulS.
if i had to make a GueSS?
moSt SpecieS probably do.
and the oneS that don't probably have SomethinG Similar.
nothinG can exiSt without a life force, after all.
so how do other souls work?
what do you mean by that?
like, the souls of other species.
they do have souls, right?
"Selling your soul is supposed to be a big choice, but you just sort of did it. Wouldn't the same go for trying to retrieve a soul from the underworld?"
Well sure, you guess so. But that doesn't make it a smart thing to do.
Besides, you're pretty sure you can't even try. You're literally unable to. The dimension is only open to souls, and you're not a soul.
however, if you intend to uSe the Soul.
a demon Soul in place of a mortal Soul...
and vice verSa.
that's where problemS would ariSe.
a demon's body could not operate with a mortal Soul.
Simply because mortal SoulS are too weak.
So the demon would baSically become a huSk.
on the other hand.
a mortal could not handle a demon Soul.
demon SoulS are much more powerful than mortal SoulS.
So their body would Swell up and eventually explode.
in thiS caSe, i would adviSe aGainSt "tradinG" SoulS.
oh, now you're GettinG into tricky Stuff.
it depends what you mean by "trade."
if we aSSume a demon SellS their Soul to a mortal.
then theoretically, yeS.
the demon would own the mortal Soul.
and the mortal would own the demon Soul.
thouGh i'm not Sure why anyone would do thiS.
if the two own one another, nothinG would Get done.
nevertheleSS, it'S probably doable.
"Can you trade souls with a demon?"
yeah, that makes sense.
so then, uh.
could a mortal trade souls with a demon?
whatever they want.
i don't judGe.
yeah but like what?
demonS force mortalS to do work for them.
or to fight for their entertainment.
Stuff like that.
what exactly do demons do with our souls?
Sure, you'll get right on that. After all, it's not like you have anything better to do.
Do you really need a demon soul? Even if you got one, you wouldn't know what to do with it!
i've never heard of a caSe like that.
but i Suppose it'S poSSible.
though i'm not Sure why a demon would do that.
mortalS are inferior in every way.
but if a mortal were powerful enouGh to...
Sure, why not.
could a demon sell his soul to a mortal?
that'S a Good queStion.
but it'S difficult to Give a StraiGht anSwer.
think of SoulS like batteries.
they power a perSon, in a SenSe.
theoretically, hiS body Should be fine.
it can function without a Soul.
it will likely be weaker, but it can operate...
hiS mind, however, may be in danGer of decompoSing...
and obviouSly a broken mind will upSet hiS body.
if there's really nothing i can do...
could you maybe tell me what's going to happen to him?
since he no longer has an existing soul?
i don't know what to tell you.
Soul buSineSS iS tricky.
i wiSh i could help you Somehow.
well surely there's something i can do!
i really messed up his life!
and i'd really like to fix it!
SoulS aren't exactly up for purchaSe, ya'know.
So unleSS you Steal another mortal Soul...
that'S probably not Gonna happen.
"Can we get a new soul?"
oh, okay, no problem...
i'll just... get him a new soul!
yeah, a replacement...
it'S called the Soul dimenSion for a reaSon.
only Souls can enter.
and nothinG can leave.
wait, why can't i just go get it?
i could just go to the underworld and get it back.
i can do that, right?
uh, yeah, you can't.
yeah, no, it'S Gone.
what do you mean it's gone?!
SoulS leave bodieS after death.
in thiS caSe, the demon you killed had two.
So both SoulS left hiS body.
okay, so what?
where did they go?
to the underworld, duh.
the Soul dimenSion.
Sorry, hiS Soul is Gone for Good.
"Tell him the thing you have to do."
okay, but what about when the demon dies?
well, uh, i'm sort of here for a friend.
i might've killed his demon awhile back.
and now his soul is just...
so, how can i get it back for him?
receiptS are leSS common.
they're alSo not reinforced by law.
if a demon buyS a Soul, a receipt comeS out of the deal.
we can't do anything about theSe tranSactionS.
Souls Sold to demonS are untouchable.
unleSS the demon refundS the Soul.
contractS are the most common type.
demonS uSe them on mortalS who have StronG deSireS.
like if they want SomethinG they can't Get themSelveS.
becominG immortal, revivinG a loved one, etc.
So contractS are reinforced by law.
If a mortal haS reaSon to believe the deal iS fake.
or that the demon iS not makinG Good on the deal.
then we may be able to Get their Soul back.
uh, well that Sort of dependS.
well there are two kindS of Soul tranSactionS.
wait, wait, i have a dispute question.
Go on, then.
how can i get my soul back from my demon?
assuming he doesn't keep his end of the deal, that is.
"If my demon doesn't come through on his end of the deal to pay my rent, can i get my soul back?"
That wasn't the deal you made with your demon. You were desperate for cash so you sold your soul for whatever you could get. He never said he would pay your rent.
Thinking back on it, doing so probably wasn't your best move.
Either way, it still might be good to know how you might get your soul back.
could you be any more vaGue?
well yeah, probably.
tell me about them.
i'm waS beinG SarcaStic!
i'm not juSt GoinG to rattle off Soul factS.
that'S not my job.
i deal with Soul disputes.
so if you're lookinG for factS and Shit.
Grab a pamphlet on the way out.
"Tell us about those souls."
woah, woah, calm down!
nobody needs to strike anybody, okay?
take some deep breaths, uh...
tell me about souls.
deva have mercy on my Soul!
Strike me down and end my wretched life!
oh, it's not?
then what is this place?
thiS iSn't a reStaurant!
what kind of restaurant doesn't serve food?
we don't Serve food here!
"Order a soulburger."
i'd like one soulburger!
oh, sorry, uh...
i'm not really sure what i was thinking.
thiS iSn't a reStaurant you buffoon.
So unleSS you want Something reGardinG SoulS...
you Should leave.
oh, thank goodness.
i'll have a cheeseburger and fries.
with extra mustard on the burger.
oh, wait, does that come as a combo meal?
nevermind; it's fine as it is.
i'm not GettinG paid enouGh for thiS.
YES HELLO I AM HERE TO TALK ABOUT SOULS.
Mother of Ohm...
This would truly be the stuff of nightmares.
does anybody wanna go in with me?
i'm coming too!
i wanna know aboUt demon soUls!
let's get going, then!
alright, fine, whatever.
if anybody wants to sell their soul, they can.
let's just go already.
;'m actually gonna wait here, ;f you don't m;nd.
; need to talk to my demon.
oh, yeah, that's fine.