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20/11/14
"DoS: End."

END OF ADVENTURE. YOU ALL WIN.

OPTIONS MENU:

New Game+
The Real World

20/11/14
"[S] Credits: Roll."

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20/11/14
"===>"

And so it was.

20/11/14
"===>"



09-19-2012 - 06:18 PM
EXUSIA DERSE DOS LABORATORY OFFICIAL INCIDENT LOG

I'm not usually one to applaud the efforts of anyone, really. But I watched the story of this AI through, and honestly I am impressed with his- all of their perseverance. Despite the consequences their exporting will have on the health of paradox space, I believe they deserve the reward of freedom and a future on Prospit which they received. Well, all of them except 0002. He's continues to be a bear.

Regardless, this is not something one sees every day, and we will hopefully see good things come from the knowledge this incident has brought us. Days like these are why I am proud to be a scientist; perhaps I will do science alongside a certain one of them (See: Amelia.char) one day. Although, I'm afraid that particular AI is still under control of the Drow Pimp's influence.

I am sure 0001 and his company won't rest until they've defeated our Drow Pimp once and for all to save their friend, here in the real world. I look forward to seeing how those events unfold.

I'm signing off here, but if only by my own desire I have saved a record of their transgressions for future viewing. (See: DOSIncident.mspfa)

Thank you, and goodbye.
- UM


END OF INCIDENT LOG

20/11/14
"===>"



09-19-2012 - 06:16 PM
EXUSIA DERSE DOS LABORATORY OFFICIAL INCIDENT LOG

You see, it seems that seven generated characters managed to bypass all of our security measures and export themselves here, into our laboratory. Though only one of them has materialized thusfar (See: 0002.char), and he seems to be lacking in intelligence, we are worried about one particular being. That would be the Drow Pimp (See: DrowPimp.char), a powerful being of our own design who has now escaped the game. The save points were included in the game as an emergency safety measure, but we never expected the creations of a game to be so... self-aware.

We certainly never expected anything to escape the game. In the next update, we will make the save points much more secure. For now we will simply deal with what has happened; surely Propsit will welcome these creatures with open arms. Those despicable light mongers...

I know this log seems rather unprofessional of me, so pardon my digressions, but the series of events leading up to now were so incredibly fascinating that I seem to be a bit boggled. If you will bear with me a bit longer, I'd like to elaborate on the story of one extremely anomalous AI. (See: 0001.char)

20/11/14
"===>"



09-19-2012 - 06:14 PM
EXUSIA DERSE DOS LABORATORY OFFICIAL INCIDENT LOG

As a scientist I can say nothing intrigues me more than an experiment gone awry. After launching our extremely successful online gaming experience, Dungeons of Sunnydale, we were surprised to notice a correlation with an increase in cracks in localized paradox space. It was not until I happened upon a saved recording of one particular player's offline tutorial session gone terribly wrong that I realized why.

I am not an expert on paradox space, but it seems to me that the events within the session caused this paradox space disruption to occur. However, the very same disruption in paradox space was the catalyst for the events which caused the cracks in the first place! Circumstantial simultaneity is the only term I could use to properly describe this discourse.

Regardless, we are resetting the servers for an update and it seems the problem session ended moments ago. However... There's one problem.

20/11/14
"===>"

20/11/14
"===>"

20/11/14
"===>"

20/11/14
"Epilogue"

20/11/14
"[S] Universe: End."

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20/11/14
"----->"


Amelia: ALRIGHT. Any questions?
Karkata: SO MANY QUESTIONS.
0003: I too have some questions...
Amelia: Well, too bad!
Amelia: Because here he comes.
Amelia: This wall isn't going to hold back any longer, I can feel it.
Amelia: The Drow Pimp is in the crib.
Amelia: We are now, officially, out of time.
Amelia: Prepare yourselves, for the end of the universe!

20/11/14
"----->"


Karkata: WHOA.
Karkata: WOW I NEVER THOUGHT LEGS WOULD FEEL SO GOOD.
Karkata: YOU'RE A SAINT AMELIA.
Amelia: That's nice and all.
Amelia: But you see, the Drow Pimp is right behind that wall, trying to break in.
Karkata: WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU USE YOUR OTHER TWO WISHES TO HELP WITH THAT?
Amelia: It's not going to matter. The universe is about to end.
Amelia: Many game abstractions will be shutting down.
Amelia: Including most results of wishes.
Karkata: OH...
Amelia: However, this works in our favor.
Amelia: If you recall, I was wished to be basically immortal.
Amelia: As such, the Drow Pimp is basically immortal.
Amelia: But when the universe ends in just a moment, we have our chance!
Amelia: That wish will expire, and we can weaken the Drow Pimp in physical combat.
Amelia: This will be done by 0001, Amoria, and 0003, fighting as a team.
Amoria: Yo, you ever gonna splain' how we escape?
Amelia: I'm getting to that!
Amelia: I have been time traveling for a long while now, and I have found many secrets in these cursed dungeons.
Amelia: Karkata will accompany me, and the two of us will use my knowledge to find four save points.
Amelia: All the while you three will be holding off the Drow Pimp and fighting.
Amelia: Try not to die.
Amelia: With five save points in tow, I will deliver the final blow to the weakened Drow Pimp.
Amelia: Then finally I will send him across timelines to be exported by 0001 in the second timeline.
Amelia: We will export ourselves, and finally be free of this game forever!
0001: Indeed! Excellent plan, fair maiden!

20/11/14
"==>"


Karkata: SUP- OH FUCK WHAT.
Karkata: FUCK FUCK FUCK.
Karkata: WHAT DID YOU GUYS DO THIS TIME?
Karkata: IT WAS 0002 WASN'T IT?
Karkata: I BLAME THAT LITTLE BEARTARD FUCKASS!!
Karkata: PURPLE LASERS, GIANT CRACKS, WHAT EVEN?!
Amelia: Welcome back, Karkata.
Karkata: AHHH!
Karkata: DROW PIMP!
Karkata: PLEASE, DON'T KILL ME! DON'T DO IT!!!
0001: No, no. That's the fair maiden!
Amelia: Indeed.
Karkata: WAIT. WHAT?!
Karkata: A-AMELIA?! OH, WELL ERR...
Karkata: LONG TIME NO SEE!
Amelia: Indeed.
Amelia: However, this is not the time for formal greetings.
Amelia: Instead, allow me to do this for you...
Amelia: Karkata! I wish you were no longer a genie!

20/11/14
"==>"


Amelia: I have brought one save point with me.
Amelia: One and only one.
Amelia: In order for all of us to escape, we need five.
Amoria: Aigh't later bitches, I'm headin' out!
0003: Amoria!
Amoria: Sorry, sorry! Was only jokin'...
Amelia: This is no time for jokes!
Amelia: Now all of you, stay quiet and listen!
0001: As you wish.
Amelia: Good then, first things first.
Amelia: I will get to our escape plan shortly.
Amelia: For now, I need to free Karkata from her lamp.
Amelia: Where is she?
0003: 0001 has her.
0001: O-oh! Right! Here.
Amelia: So I'll just rub it like this and...

20/11/14
"==>"


Amelia: Gah... He is trying to break through.
Amelia: I can hold the Drow Pimp back, but only for a short time.
Amelia: His powers equal mine, since technically that pimp is me in the near future.
0003: Discussion of temporal shenanigans aside...
0003: Amelia.
0003: Do you have a plan for how we are going to deal with this?
0001: ...?
Amelia: We are going to have to weaken this Drow Pimp to a certain degree.
Amelia: Since our powers come from the game, we have to wait until the universe is collapsing.
Amelia: Then the Drow Pimp will be a more fair opponent.
Amelia: Although my own powers will be lessened, the important part is this.
Amelia: When he gets weak enough, I will forcibly take the Drow Pimp to another timeline.
Amelia: I will place him in the exact temporal location where 0001 exports him into the real world.
Amelia: Excellent work with that, by the way.
0001: T-thank you! Fair Maiden!
Amelia: Quite.
Amoria: Yo.
Amoria: When in dat plan do we get the hell outta this game?

20/11/14
"==>"


0001: ....................
Amelia: ..................
Amoria: ..................
0003: ....................
Drow Pimp: ...............
0001: ....................
Amelia: ..................
Amoria: ..................
0003: ....................
Drow Pimp: ...............
0001: ....................
Amelia: ..................
Amoria: ..................
0003: ....................
Drow Pimp: ...............
0001: ....................
Amelia: ..................
Amoria: ..................
0003: ....................
Drow Pimp: ...............
Amelia: RUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!

20/11/14
"==>"

20/11/14
"--->"

20/11/14
"Minutes in the future..."

20/11/14
"--->"

20/11/14
"Amoria: Comfort your friend."


Amoria: Yo 0003.
0003: ...
Amoria: I know basically everyone all up in this death game's known each other for like...
Amoria: 15 minutes tops.
Amoria: And last time we talked we were pretty angry up at each other.
Amoria: But you gotta know I'm alwa-.
0003: I'm going to absolutely, and indefinitely unquestionably and unequivocally decimate the Drow Pimp.
Amoria: ...?
0003: We're going to do it.
0003: 0001.
0001: ...Yes?
0003: Do you agree?
0001: Well, yes, but the matter of your dead friend... Shouldn't you be mourni-
0003: Amoria, will you accompany us?
Amoria: Err... Yeah, I mean I guess. Gotta kick some Drow Pim-
0003: Perfect. That is all I need.
0003: Judging by our position on the timeline, the drow pimp will be 'in the crib' very shortly.
0003: I have spoken with Amelia. Let's just say she has this one taken care of.
0001: The fair mai-
0003: Yes, the fair maiden Amelia.
0003: She has shared with me a plan that you will not need to understand, only to follow me.
0003: What we are really waiting for is this.
0003: Our real time to strike and end the Drow Pimp's existence from all timelines.
0003: That time will come when paradox space breaks down on itself. The final battle will commence at the red line.
0003: At the end of the universe.

20/11/14
"--->"

20/11/14
"==>"


0003: ...
0005: Do not be the crying.
0005: Every have time of theirs.
0005: The clock.
0005: Tick it does.
0005: Tock it does.
0005: Stop it does.
0005: I am that.
0005: The stopping.
0005: You are still the tocking.
0005: This is the true.
0005: Friend you say I goodbye do.
0005: The sad you will not.
0005: For you are...
0005: ...
0005: Greatest friend, Lord of Ostriches.
0005: Sayonara.
0003: ...

20/11/14
"0001: Ask why 0003's crying."

Err. Maybe it would be better to just listen.

20/11/14
"0001: Find source of crying."


0003: Oh no!
0003: Hold on my friend!
0003: You have to hold on!!!

20/11/14
"0001: Get your weapon ready and move with caution."

20/11/14
"0001: Go South."

You begin heading south but stop when you hear a strange sound coming from the room. Is that... Is that crying?

20/11/14
"JUST BE THE IMPORTANT PEOPLE."

You are now actually the important people.

20/11/14
"->"

...Or not.

20/11/14
"Just be the important people."

N-No! You are important! You won't let anyone tell you otherwise. Your boyfriend OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL GENIE assures you that your life matters! You are going to make us watch your whole life's story from start to end- and damnit, we are going to like it!

20/11/14
"Shopkeeper: Wish that everyone who mattered would hop to another timeline."

Yes! That's the perfect wis- oh god damnit.

20/11/14
"Shopkeeper: Wish that you knew what to wish for."

You continue panicking only to realize you could use one of your wishes to wish to know what to wish for!

Suddenly the ideal wish for this situation on a universal-continuity scale becomes very clear to you!

20/11/14
"Shopkeeper: Wish that your beard wasn't so itchy."

You panic and make the completely stupid wish. Your beard becomes so luscious and magnificent that even something knitted from the fur of a baby kitten could not hope to compare in fluffiness. Karkata just kind of stares at you, too utterly lambasted by shock to say anything insulting. You think your next wish will be not completely stupid.

20/11/14
"Shopkeeper: Wish for a giant sandwich."


Shopkeeper: Greetings great genie!
Shopkeeper: My wish is for a gi-
Karkata: HOLD IT RIGHT FUCKING THERE.
Karkata: NOW LISTEN UP.
Karkata: INSIDE THAT LAMP I GOT TO TALK TO A BUNCH OF OTHER GENIES ACROSS DIMENSIONS AND PARADOX SPACE.
Karkata: NOW BEFORE YOU WISH FOR ANYTHING STUPID, LET ME TELL YOU A STORY.
Karkata: THERE WAS THIS ONE GENIE. I THINK HIS NAME WAS NORM. NOT IMPORTANT.
Karkata: SOME MAYOR FOUND HIS LAMP AND USED IT TO MAKE STUPID WISHES.
Karkata: HIS FIRST WISH WAS A GIANT FUCKING SANDWICH.
Shopkeeper: Oh, err...
Karkata: THEN HE WISHED TO BE MAYOR OF THE ENTIRE WORLD.
Karkata: IT WENT HORRIBLY WRONG.
Karkata: PEOPLE TRIED TO KILL HIM WITH A GUILLOTINE.
Karkata: THERE WAS EVEN A GOAT INVOLVED.
Karkata: RIGHT BEFORE HE DIED HE WISHED HE HAD NEVER MET NORM AND ALL OF THE WISHES WENT AWAY. WASTED.
Shopkeeper: ...
Karkata: THESE GUYS SAY IT ALWAYS GOES THE SAME WAY WITH GENIES.
Karkata: THE FIRST WISH IS SOMETHING INNOCUOUS TO TEST.
Karkata: THE SECOND IS A HUGE REALITY CHANGER THAT ENDS TERRIBLY.
Karkata: AND THE THIRD ONE SETS EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL.
Karkata: SO NOW YOU CAN MAKE YOUR DAMN WISHES.
Karkata: I KNOW YOU WEREN'T ABOUT TO WISH FOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT RIGHT?

20/11/14
"->"

As the shopkeeper, you rub the lamp. What will you wish for?

20/11/14
"Shopkeeper: Rub the lamp."


Shopkeeper: Hello, assorted distressed adventurers.
Shopkeeper: As you await the universe's end, instead of letting it happen I have a solution.
Shopkeeper: As I am in fact not a member of your party, I could summon your genie for you!
0001: Would you?
Shopkeeper: Absolutely a resounding 'yes!' to the highest of degrees.
Amoria: Mmmm... I dunno 0001.
Amoria: Dude seems pretty sketch.
Amoria: Gotta be a better way.
0001: I'm afraid we don't really have any other options...
0001: The universe is ending soon so we do not have time.
Amoria: Hm. A'ight.
Amoria: Let's make it happen clerk boy, tick tock.
Shopkeeper: Right!

20/11/14
"Lamp: Fondly regard crustacean."

Right, Karkata is still in there. It's going to be difficult to hop timelines without a genie. Any bright ideas?

20/11/14
"=>"

You are now 0001.

20/11/14
"->"


Amelia: Sorry you guys.

20/11/14
"->"

His PIMP MAGIC and COLOR SYNERGY BONUS is unbearable. You are somewhat relieved to realize this magic is TRANSPORTING you, not OBLITERATING you. But where is he sending you?

20/11/14
"->"

20/11/14
"->"

His name is Drizzle Fo' Shizzle the Drow Pimp. For years they have spoken HORRORSTORIES of his name. You fear him with everything you have. He has so much SWAG that children cry in fear. His EPS or ELITE PERSON SWAG has grown so large that it has repleaced his own HEALTH STATUS. You fear there is no chance you could possibly stand against him.

20/11/14
"->"

20/11/14
"->"

20/11/14
"->"

20/11/14
"->"


Amelia: Hold it- You're just me.
Amelia: Correct.
Amelia: I am at the final stage of the Drow Pimp's timeline. You will at one point become me.
Amelia: The Drow Pimp is not a being. He is only power.
Amelia: Power that is consuming you and causing you to make terrible decisions.
Amelia: After this, you will have to go through time and commit all of the Drow Pimp's wrongs.
Amelia: This will stabilize the timeline.
Amelia: But- hold on- Wait I'm so confused!
Amelia: So all of the bad things the Drow Pimp does... I am consciously aware of?!
Amelia: Yes. It is hard. But you can do it. I know because I did.
Amelia: Why didn't you just do things right? Why hurt people?
Amelia: I have to complete stable time loops or this can never end.
Amelia: It was a pre-destined fate.
Amelia: After this hat was given to me by the future me, who is NOW me, I gained complete control over the Drow Pimp's powers.
Amelia: I will now have to give it to you.
Amelia: I will lose control of the Drow Pimp's powers.
Amelia: To avoid causing any more havoc, I will send myself to 0001 so he can export me to the real world.
Amelia: That will be the end of our existence in this game.
Amelia: That means all that time I spent between timelines...
Amelia: Oh my. It all makes sense now!
Amelia: I knew you would understand. I know because I did. I am merely repeating what I said to myself. Even this. I have to say this too. Oh, also this.
Amelia: Alright, let's make this happen.
Amelia: But one question... In regard to the Drow Pimp.
Amelia: Why does this evil power exist?
Amelia: Hehe. I figured it out a while ago.
Amelia: The Drow Pimp is a construct of the game to prevent anyone from being exported into reality.
Amelia: When someone is exported, they create cracks in paradox space.
Amelia: These cracks are irreparable and cause terrible timeline catastrophes like the one you are now stuck in.
Amelia: In fact I would say the cause of our situation are the cracks that our situation will actually create in the first place.
Amelia: Great Elven Kindness! What a revelation!
Amelia: Now go. No matter what we do the cracks are still going to happen.
Amelia: Even if we tried to stop ourselves, some timeline bullshit would happen to make us try anyways.
Amelia: So go, Amelia.
Amelia: Take this hat, become the Drow Pimp, end your existence, and save us all.

20/11/14
"->"


Amelia: Here to kill me?
Amelia: Haha, too bad.
Amelia: You can't kill me.
Amelia: It would cause a paradox.
Amelia: I'm going to become you, so HAH!
Amelia: I mean, sure, kind of a hollow victory...
Amelia: Given you've basically ended my life, reality, and given me a severe mental instability and sent me downwards into a spiral of depression.
Amelia: Regardless!
Amelia: I'm alive, and there's nothing you can do about that yet.
Amelia: Now get on your way, Drow Pimp. Go the fuck away.
Amelia: That's nice and all...
Amelia: But the Drow Pimp is gone.
Amelia: He has no control over me now, thanks to this hat.
Amelia: Wait- He's WHAT now?
Amelia: Amelia, listen, I have to tell you about the future.

20/11/14
"->"


AMELIA: You...

20/11/14
"->"

20/11/14
"->"

Aaaand he burnt your hair off. Well, hair is overrated anyways...

20/11/14
"->"

Oh, some sort of ember-y fire monster. Lovely. Looks like this timeline's innocuous theme is PISS OFF AMELIA MODE.

20/11/14
"->"

Whoa. Who turned off the lights?

20/11/14
"Amelia: Read the goddamn sign."

This day just keeps getting worse. You want to cry.

20/11/14
"Amelia: Gently pour chemicals on door."

Goodbye, dear sweet CHEMICALS. Let it be remembered that your loss was for SCIENCE.

20/11/14
"Amelia: Use your knowledge of atoms and molecules to decompose the door."

Decompose it? What, are you just going to throw that bottle of chemicals you've had forever at that door? That's like asking Problem Sleuth to throw his candy corn at a door!

20/11/14
"Amelia: Explore the dungeon."

You would love to do that, but you haven't really thought of a way through this locked door in the two minutes you've been in this TIMELINE. You could use your DROW PIMP POWERS, but that would only help him take control even more easily. Any bright ideas? You are a scientist after all.

20/11/14
"->"

Your name is AMELIA IREHART and you QUIT. It isn't even worth the effort to try anymore- The Drow Pimp is only getting stronger inside of you.

You weren't going to kill 0006, but when he selected the Anti-Drow Pimp class, you simply lost control. Last time the Drow Pimp took over, he told you he was giving you a brief reprieve from control while he made plans. You are using that time in the only way you can think of- SULKING.

20/11/14
"Viewport: Examine Drow Pimp."

Wh-What? You want to go see what she's up to? Alright, I can do that. Switching over!

20/11/14
"==>"

Oh good, Useless Black'ness Basketballia Slave Minion! I was starting to think you had died. Do you have a recap for me? Oh good, you do. Hey, stop shaking. Just because I've killed you in every other adventure you've been in doesn't mean I'm going to kill you this time. We're friends now! Promise. Now let's see that recap.


The adventure began on 8/02/2012 with a simple page stating "Enter Name". For some reason the name 0001 was given, and our rouge was born. tiresiasArchivist was the original author, and continued the story for a while. 0001 discovered color synergy, allowing him to solve puzzles in the Sunnydale Dungeons. He began his adventure into its mysterious depths, with no idea what was in store.

Certain gaming abstractions such as stats and wikipediaptitudes began to become increasingly important to 0001's success. They also became increasingly convoluted and hard to follow by the author himself! 0001 for the first time encountered blood which was a sign of events yet to come. He basically engaged in some wild (mandatory) shenanigans for a while, doing little dances, gaining stats, acquiring weapons, shopping, gaining allies, and so forth. Finally 0001 found a mysterious ELVEN ARTEFACT. He broke it and suddenly began viewing the game from the perspective of Amelia Irehart. Yes, she DOES have a last name.

Amelia chooses the class SCIENCE HERO, and becomes the third most important character in DoS. (Obviously just behind 0002 and the obviously heterosexual genie.) She tinkers with her science powers to solve puzzles, interprets prophecies, and finds a new friend.

After having a sweet rave party and getting trapped, 0001 appears and finds Amelia! Karkata is born by color synergy. The three characters meet and proceed to pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT REAL. They all join the party.

Unfortunately Dungeons of Sunnydale was indefinitely abandoned here by the WORST PERSON EVER tiresiasArchivist. We all proceeded to burn them at the stake. Unfortunately the stake was above their QUEST BED so he ascended to god tier and began writing HEXANE, but that is another story that is definitely not connected to this one in any way.

Anyways, that's when the clouds parted and I descended from the heavens to continue writing the story for you! Immediately I decided it was time to summon the final boss, of course, who proceeded to FEROCIOUSLY SWAG the party into another layer of the dungeon, underground. All the characters except for Karkata were in critical condition, leaving her to save the day via genie shenanigans. After some bullshit, then some more bullshit, followed by shenanigans and even more bullshit, 0001 was brought back to life and the imps were replaced with more genie lamps. An OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL GENIE appeared, becoming the absolute most important character in Dungeons of Sunnydale. After 0001 pissed off the genie, the genie allowed a paradox to take place sending 0001 back to the beginning of the story in an alternate blue timeline.

0002 was created in this timeline, becoming a BEARSERKER. The new party allied and began to explore the flipped dungeon. This was stupid. 0002 made a weapon out of the sign called a WELCOME SKEWER which was extremely unwieldy but he didn't really care. The two didn't really agree but they worked to solve puzzles just fine. 0001 went through a life-altering revelation which was probably the stupidest thing to happen in DoS to date. Then obviously we followed it up by introducing two new characters!

0003 introduced himself as a professional map grabber and Amoria as a MAGIC HERO. 0003 and Amoria came from the orange timeline to warn 0001 about their situation. They were trapped in a game. DoS became even more meta; it turned out that all along the game was being run on the desktop of young Mack Swallow in Hexane. An event known as the GREAT SWALLOW'S RETIREMENT FROM AMUSEMENT was designated on the timeline with a red dash; this is when Mack would stop playing DoS and end the universe. Another event, the ARRIVAL OF THE DROW PIMP was designated by a purple dash line, after which the universe became impossible to save from that timeline.

The new larger party fought goblins and at least one of them developed a shitty backstory. On that same page, a whole bunch of new timeline bullshit was added to the TIMELINE VIEWPORT. 0002 got sick of said bullshit and broke through a wall. 0001 acquired a weapon known as the BLOODY HELL which was extremely strong. EVERYONE HAD TO BEHOLD ITS GLORY, and we proceeded to do foreshadowing with Amelia and the Drow Pimp at the same time.

After all that, we tried to be Amelia for a bit, but ended up be-ing Karkata instead. Karkata sucessfully outsmarted the OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL GENIE but caused a paradox in the process, entering an alternate timeline with Amelia. Chills crawled up Amelia's spine as she felt strangely connected to a desire to CLEANSE THE WORLD and equip the Drow Pimp's Clothing. Karkata tried to convince Amelia to take off the clothes, but it was too late, the Drow Pimp had taken control of her. Bitches were crazy. Amelia pursued Karkata. The first genie, G. NEE, got mad and from inside his lamp inversed the original wish to replace all imps with genie lamps. An imp conveniently by Karkata became a genie as a result. Karkata became a genie by wishing to be one. Amelia accidentally wished them to be in an earlier timeline, causing Karkata to send herself and Amelia to different points in time.

We cut away to see that the main party had discovered two save points. Karkata landed in time at this point. Unfortunately, 0002 was being stupid an accidentally used one of the save points. 0003 came up with a plan to spend the rest of their time on this timeline. 0001 briefly increased his HP but then the DROW PIMP showed up to fuck shit up. The shopkeeper descended, yes that was obviously important enough to be in this re-cap. 0001 threw the save point and hit the DROW PIMP in the face with it, exporting him into the real world. 0003 got really pissed, explaining how 0001 had just doomed reality and caused them to still be in danger by the Drow Pimp's mid-timeline self. As a result, he was sent to the brown timeline and Karkata was sucked back into her lamp. The shopkeeper ascended and gave some profound wisdom to the party.

In the fifth timeline, 0005 was created. He picked the NINJA class, briefly exploring on his own with his ninja powers before running into 0003. They became the best of friends, and that's when the author, Crono30067, cut away into this shitty self-insert into the story to give you a recap. It was the best thing ever.

Remind me never to do this ever again.


Alright, glad that's out of the way now. So, this story is coming to a close relatively soon-ish so I might as well let you guys drive for a while. I have the authoritorial power to go to any point in the story! 0005 and 0003 are just going to adventure as super-friends for a while, don't really need to show the rest of that unless you guys are just dying to see it. So, where should we cut away too? We have 6 timelines to jump around on, the story is your oyster and I'm your smelly sticky pair of oyster opening tongs!

20/11/14
"==>"

Hi everyone, it's Crono! Well, look, I didn't want to do this considering the last time I inserted myself into a story I killed all the readers, but this adventure has gone on for SUCH a long time, and that is relative to all these damn timelines going around. Not to mention I have to deal with facilitating all these characters transitioning into the real world. So here I am. I promise it will be quick.

So, you know what time it is? IT'S RECAP TIME!

...Hold one, just a sec. I already wrote it while all the characters were in critical health and the Drow Pimp's mid-timeline self was about to kill them. Oh shit! You guys haven't gotten that far yet, damnit!

Okay, just pretend I didn't say anything. In fact, here, have this wonderful art to admire while you wait. Now where did I put that recap...

20/11/14
"0003 and 0005: UNITE AS SUPER FRIENDS!"

YOU BEST SUPER FRIENDS ARE BECOME DESU!!!!!

20/11/14
"=>"


0003: Oh... Umm, hello there.
0003: So err- Well, this is kind of awkward.
0003: Well you probably just came into existence,
0003: Judging by your location in the dungeon.
0003: And well, I'm sort of trapped here. And there's a whole lot of timeline bullshit.
0003: It's rather odd. You know, this probably doesn't make much sense to you.
0003: I'm assuming you're just about as smart as any of my other alternate timeline counterparts...
0005: ...
0003: So well. What's your name? I can probably guess based on what number we're on, but that should start us on the right foot right?
0003: ...Right?
0005: ...
0003: Oh no.
0005: ...
0003: Please tell me you're not a mute.
0005: ...
0003: OH MY GOD.
0003: WHY ARE ALL THE ALTERNATE MES SO TERRIBLE?
0005: ...
0005: Umm... Gomenasai?
0005: I sorry am. Much apologies.
0005: English my language no it is speak.
0005: Understand please to try.
0005: You are friend?
0003: ...
0003: Yup, I'm officially broken.
0003: The inner mechanisms of my mind were an enigma.
0003: But the enigma broke.
0003: Now all I desire is respite and confection.
0003: Honey and sleep perhaps?
0003: I'M A BEAR.
0003: RAWR.
0003: Yeah, that would be quite lovely.
0005: You are suffer from dysphoria of species?
0005: I do not understand.
0005: You confuse me.
0003: Ugh. You know what? I don't even care actually.
0003: Let's just party up and do this dungeon.
0003: I'm not even going to conduct this train-wreck anymore ninja boy.
0003: The dungeon is your metaphorical playing field.
0003: Sooner or later some alternate timeline is going to come and ruin everything anyways.
0003: And even though the drow pimp is gone from this timeline, he is still a threat.
0003: What if we encounter him part of the way through his timeline?!
0003: Did you EVER consider that?
0005: I sorry! Man did not mean to break yours. It was not plan.
0005: I go now. So sorry! Dear friend!
0005: Let us begin the together super friendship journey!

20/10/14
"0005: Turn around."

You turn around only to find a purple-hatted looking tool stand before you.

20/10/14
"0005: Ninja bomb that shit, If you have any."

Nah, most of the explosives don't really come in until the FIRECRACKER sub-class. It's a lot of fun, but kind of dangerous too!

20/10/14
"0005: Read the sign, grasshopper."

Talk about rude.

20/10/14
"->"

Oh, there you are. Don't run off like that!

Using your HIGH AGILITY, VANISH WIKIPEDIAPTITUDE as well as your PICK LOCK WIKIPEDIAPTITUDE you were able to get past the first room faster than any before you.

20/10/14
"Ooh! Ninja, ninja!"

Your CLASS has been set to NINJA, a deep shade of black, and a SUBCLASS of the NINJA ARCHETYPE.

Your STATS have been adjuste- Whoa! Where did you go?!

20/10/14
"YOUR NAME IS 0005."

Your name is indeed 0005. This surprises exactly everyone without exception. You mark this down on your CHARACTER SHEET. Enter CHARACTER CLASS.

20/10/14
"Dungeons of Sunnydale"

Enter name.

20/10/14
"==>"



Shopkeeper: Wow, that guy was a DICK.

20/10/14
"Shopkeeper: Ascend."

20/10/14
"----->"

20/10/14
"----->"

0003: IMBECILE!
0003: You've just doomed yourself!
0001: What?
0001: I don't get it.
Amoria: Yeah, I'm bout as confused as rogue over here...
Amoria: Gimme some feedback, preferably not of the genie variety, 0003.
0003: Well, let's start with a question. You can answer questions right?
0003: You don't just stab things and drool?
0001: ...
0001: Yes... I can answer questions... Meanie.
0003: FANTASTIC! ALRIGHT, HERE'S NUMBER ONE, WORTH 500 WORTHLESS POINTS!
0003: Who can tell me WHERE the save points take?!
0001: OH! The real world!
0003: BRRRING BRRRING, We have a winner folks!
0003: Okay, question number two. Worth an additional 500 worthless points!
0003: Where is the Drow Pimp now?
Amoria: Oh I got this!
Amoria: The real world!
0003: YES ABSOLUTELY! 500 POINTS TO AMORIA!
Amoria: Hells yeah!
0003: It's all tied up folks, the final question! Worth 1000 worthless points.
0003: Where.
0003: Are.
0003: We.
0003: Trying.
0003: To go?!
Karkata: THE REAL WORLD. HONESTLY WAS I THE ONLY PERSON WHO WAS FOLLOWING THIS ALL ALONG?
0003: YES! WE HAVE A WINNER FOLKS!
0003: BELLS BLAST AND 1000 POINTS GO TO KARKATA! SHE WINS THE NOT BEING AN IDIOT CHALLENGE!
Karkata: WHOO-HOO.
0003: THE CROWD GOES WILD WITH DISMAY AND COMMITS MASS SUICIDE!
Amoria: Err...
0001: Oh...
0001: Oh my gods.
0001: I hadn't even considered...
0001: I'm so sorry!
0003: SORRY?
0003: YOU'RE SORRY?
0003: YOU BASICALLY JUST DOOMED US ALL, AND THOSE IN THE REAL WORLD,
0003: AND YOU'RE SORRY?!?
0003: SORRY DOESN'T CUT IT!
Amoria: Calm the hell down man!
0003: No, I will NOT calm the hell down!
0003: I'm sick of this bullshit.
0003: I'm sick of this idiot rogue.
0003: I'm sick of that floating smartass.
0003: I'm sick of stupid dwarves who think they're BEARS.
0003: And I'm sick of magic elves who think they're GHETTO.
0003: MAGIC ISN'T EVEN REAL.
Amoria: 0003!
0003: NO!
0003: Don't say my name!
0003: I want NOTHING to do with you people!
0003: I want to be rooms away from you people. No-
0003: Dungeons away.
0003: Planets away.
0003: Hell, I wish I was a freaking TIMELINE AWAY from you people!!!
Karkata: OH FUCK YOU'VE REALLY DONE IT THIS TIME.
0003: Wait- No! I don't mean WISH like that- Stop! Stop!
Karkata: I CAN'T! IT'S TOO LATE!!!

20/07/14
"----->"

0003: Do you have any idea the consequences of your actions which just transpired?!

20/07/14
"----->"

0003: You...

20/07/14
"----->"

20/07/14
"----->"

20/07/14
"----->"

20/07/14
"Shopkeeper: Descend."

20/07/14
"----->"

20/07/14
"0001: Increase HP."

You do that and-

OH SHIT HE'S HERE!!!

20/07/14
"0001: Buy a Talenthancement Point."

You did it. You got the point. You're so visibly excited about this revelation.

Anyways, what do you want to spend it on?

20/07/14
"0001: Spend it on Anti-Drow-Pimp spray."

Yeah, you don't think he sells that.

20/07/14
"0001: Open coffer."

You got 100 URISTS! No one was expecting this, no one.

Hey, maybe you can spend some of this money before the drow pimp arrives?

20/07/14
"0001, 0003, Amoria, Karkata: Go check out that grey room."

After storing the SAVE POINT and GENIE LAMP in your inventory, you head to the room you visited briefly visited in another timeline.

0003: Blast, another dead end.
0003: And according to what you told me, there is only a dead end past that grate...

20/07/14
"==>"

0003: I have two ideas.
0003: The first is that we continue exploring this dungeon, regardless of the fact that we probably won't find anything.
0003: There is the possibility we missed a room, but it seems like we have been most places across our various timelines.
0003: The alternative is waiting for the drow pimp to show up, send us away, and use the genie to hop timelines.

Amoria: Yeah, but, isn't that dude pretty dangerous?
Amoria: Wouldn't want us to get all fucked up.
Amoria: Dude's totally whack.

0003: True but, we do not presently have any better plans than these two.
0003: So, what will it be?

20/07/14
"0001: Color Synergize with Karkata."

Karkata and 0001 gain +2 defense by color synergizing.

Karkata has joined the party!

20/07/14
"==>"

Karkata: HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
Karkata: NOW BEFORE YOU WISH FOR SOMETHING EXCEEDINGLY STUPID,
Karkata: LIKE A MAGIC SANDWICH,
Karkata: OR THAT YOUR INVALID WISHES WEREN'T WASTED,
Karkata: OR THAT YOU BECAME A GENIE,
Karkata: OR FOR 0003 AND AMORIA TO BE TRANSPORTED TO SAVE POINTS,
Karkata: OR FOR THE PARTY TO BE SENT TO THE HALL OF INFINITE SAVE POINTS,
Karkata: I WANT YOU TO STOP AND REALIZE THAT THOSE WISHES ARE ALL GOING TO BE DENIED.
Karkata: IF YOU WISH AGAIN I'M GOING TO GET SUCKED BACK INTO THIS LAMP.
Karkata: AND IF YOU DO THAT, I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET BACK OUT BECAUSE A PARTY CAN ONLY SUMMON THE SAME GENIE ONCE.
Karkata: THAT MEANS I WON'T BE ABLE TO USE A SAVE POINT AND SURVIVE.

0001: Hmm...
Karkata: 'HMMM' WHAT?
Karkata: ISSUE CLOSED. NO MORE WISHES. LET'S JUST FIND MORE SAVE POINTS SOME OTHER WAY.

0001: Well... I suppose.
0003: Considering the circumstances I feel as though there is nary another alternative.
Amoria: A'ight so what exactly do you want us to do?

20/07/14
"0001: Wish."

Karkata: HEY 0001, LONG TIME NO SEE.
0001: Karkata! You're a genie!
Karkata: WHAT?
Karkata: NO WAY!
Karkata: I HADN'T EVEN NOTICED, THANKS FOR POINTING THAT OUT.
Karkata: ...
0001: Oh, well, you're welcome?
Karkata: YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT THE WHOLE SARCASM THING ARE YOU?
0001: No, sorry.
0003: Sorry to interrupt that important conversation-
0001: Oh, there's more sarcasm!
0003: Silence. Imbecile.
0003: Anyways, as I was saying...
0003: Karkata, you're a genie, does that mean you can grant wishes?
Karkata: NO I JUST SIT HERE AND FLOAT AND BE A SMARTASS.
0003: ..........
Karkata: OF COURSE I CAN GRANT WISHES.
0003: Right then! Alright, so let's just wish for four more save points.
0003: I wish for four more save points.
Karkata: COMING RIGHT UP...
Karkata: ...
Karkata: .........
Karkata: ...............
Karkata: AAAANY SECOND NOW- HEY WAIT WHAT'S THIS?
0003: What ever is it?
Karkata: There's this voice in my head...
Karkata: "Genie Feedback: You cannot manipulate meta-game objects with your powers. 1/3 Wishes used."
0001: Hey! We didn't even get to make a wish!
Karkata: I DIDN'T MAKE THE RULES...
0003: Oh... Well that's unfortunate.
0003: Well, at least you could bring us the maiden Amelia, yes? I wish Amelia was here.
Karkata: On it...
Karkata: ...
Karkata: .........
Karkata: ...............
Karkata: "Genie Feedback: Player no longer exists. 2/3 Wishes used."
0001: WHAT?!
0003: Calm down... Perhaps she already escaped into the real world?
0001: I doubt it.
0003: Nevertheless, we only have one wish left. We had better make good use of it.

20/07/14
"0001: Rub Lamp."

20/07/14
"0003: Exposit."

0003: Well...
0003: It would seem the least worthy among us has ascended to freedom.
0001: He's in the real world now?
0003: From what I can tell, that's the case, yes.
0003: I need you two to promise me that you won't run off into that save point, do you swear?
0001: I would never.
Amoria: You think I'm gonna leave the man who saved me behind? I don't think so, naw.
0003: Wonderful.
0003: Alright, so let's come up with a plan.
0003: Anyone have any ideas?
Amoria: How bout' we rub that magic lamp?
0001: I have no objections.
0003: Well, to be quite honest, it could be a trap.
0001: Do you really think it's a trap? That's my friend you know.
0003: You know that genie?
0001: Yes, she was my ally for about twelve minutes!
0003: Twelve minutes...? Well, fair enough I suppose.
0003: Not like anyone gets much time to meet each other in this game.
0001: It's settled then!
0001: ...
0001: So, who wants to rub it?
0003: ...
Amoria: ...

20/07/14
"0002: Attempt to eat save point."

Shenanigans are mandatory.

20/07/14
"----->"

0001: Where did she go?
0003: Well. Obviously she was forced back into that lamp over there.
0003: We'd have to rub it to bring her back.
0001: What..?
0003: It's basic genie knowledge.
0003: Something all rogues clearly lack.
0003: And something all professional map grabbers clearly have.
Amoria: Ruuuuuuuuude.
Amoria: How's about you make like a professional lamp rubber and get to it then?

20/07/14
"--->"

Amelia: Sorry... I should've just stayed quiet.
0003: ...
Amoria: ...
Amelia: ...
Amoria: I don't know bout' all this universe ending stuff...
Amoria: But you look pretty okay right now dont ya'?
Amelia: You don't understand... In just a few moments...
Amelia: In fact...
Amelia: I can feel him taking over again. I have to go.
0003: Go?
Amoria: Don't go.
Amelia: I have some timeline obligations to take care of...
Amelia: If I don't become the drow pimp and attack my friends in the first place...
Amelia: ...You two would never exist. And neither would any other timeline. Meaning 0001 would never have a chance to escape this death game.
0003: Absolutely not, I cannot allow a maiden such as you to run off on your own. You will stay with me.
Amoria: 0003 you're trippin'.
Amoria: I don't really understand her... But I do know somethin'.
Amoria: When a girl's gotta do something, a girl's gotta do it.
Amoria: So you best stand aside and let her take care of business!
0003: ...
0003: Alright.
Amelia: Thank you.
Amelia: I'll be going now, before you end up hurt.
0003: Goodbye fair maiden...
Amoria: Good luck girl.

20/07/14
"--->"

0003: My stars! A woman has appeared.
Amoria: Whoa' trippin'.
Amelia: Oh. Hello...
0003: Hello fair maiden.
0003: Might I inquire as to who you are?
Amelia: Who I am...?
Amelia: That's... A good question.
Amelia: I didn't want to admit it but... I think...
Amelia: I think I'm the one who is going to destroy the universe...
Amelia: And...
Amelia: ...And...
Amelia: There's nothing I can do...
Amelia: Nothing I can do...
Amelia: Nothing... Can stop me...
0003: Are you alright?
0003: Oh dear, please don't cry...
Amelia: I HATE THIS SO MUCH.
Amelia: I hate this game. I hate that I don't exist. I hate it all so much.
0003: Game? What are you even-
Amelia: Just now I got trapped in between timelines for two weeks. And in that time... I learned...
Amelia: I learned the truth...
Amelia: This is all just a game. We're just a program running on a computer.
Amelia: And I'm going to ruin anything, and then the power is going to turn off.
Amelia: And after that... AND AFTER THAT...
Amelia: NOTHING.
Amelia: Do you have any idea what it was like to be trapped changing back and forth between a raving lunatic and myself...
Amelia: All while grappling with the notion that my existence has only perpetuated for two weeks and a few hours total?
Amelia: I am a scientist... At least that's what my programmed backstory was... These things just hurt... They hurt and I don't even know anymore.
Amelia: You have to kill me please... Just do it.
0003: Fair maiden! You must be mad! Please, calm yourself.
Amoria: C'mon girl, calm down, it's okay, shh.
Amoria: Just let it all out...
Amelia: q.q

20/07/14
"----->"

Karkata: SUP.

20/07/14
"<=="

In another timeline, one which is about to be intersected with, our heroes have found two save points as a means of escape...

0001: But there are only two!
0003: I know. I had not planned for this tragedy. We shall have to find other means.
0001: But two of us could escape, right?
0003: And whom exactly do you propose we leave behind?
0001: Er...?
0003: Perhaps we should leave behind our magical friend with her new fancy shoes?
Amoria: Hell naw', watch it dog.
0003: Per chance you thought we should leave behind our mentally challenged furry friend?
0003: And so soon after he achieved the Clawric class? Shameful.
0001: Well...!
0002: GRRRRR...
0003: Did you expect me to stay behind? I assure you, that will not be happening?
0001: N-No!
0003: Or did you wish to stay behind in a bout of self sacrifice? Come, choose two? Who lives and who dies?
0001: ...
0001: You make everything hard...
Amoria: Hate ta' spell it out for ya' numbah' one, but since we can only use each one of da' save points once a pop...
0003: ...Then only two of use would be able to export our data to the real world...
0002: Rawr Rawr...
0003: Also you still have unfinished business to take care of... The maiden Amelia, remember? You talk about her constantly.
0001: ...Alright. So close yet so far.
0001: ...Hey?
0003: Hm?
0001: Do you feel that?
Amoria: Yeah, somethin' ain't right. Something's comin'.

16/07/14
"=>"

Amelia?: aww MAN this IS so GREAT like YOU don't EVEN know.
Karkata: AMELIA I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE.
Karkata: PLEASE DON'T DO THIS!
Karkata: JUST STOP THIS AND WE ALL GET TO LIVE.
Amelia?: NAW this ISN'T amelia, SHE'LL be SUBDUED for A while.
Amelia?: YOU'LL just HAVE to WAIT on THAT one BITCH.
Amelia?: i ONLY wish IT was EARLIER so I had MORE time TO screw AROUND before THE end OF the UNIVERSE.
Karkata: SO YOU WISH IT, SO IT SHALL BE!
Amelia?: WAIT no NO no NO no! I didn't MEAN that!
Karkata: HERE WE GO!

16/07/14
"Karkata: Wish to be a genie."

BG: Bahahahah, YES!
Karkata: SHUT UP.
Karkata: ALRIGHT, NOW THAT I'M A GENIE, I'M JUST GOING TO WISH HER AWAY!
BG: AHAHAHAHA! Oh my gods, this is PERFECT!
Karkata: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
BG: If you'd only read the rules... You wouldn't have just set me free!
BG: Wishing a genie free or taking over as a genie are the two ways to set one free, and you've just done it!
BG: So not only did you just lose your other two wishes...
BG: But now that lady over there is going to make you giver HER wishes when you get sucked back into my lamp!
Karkata: WHAT!?!?
Amelia?: aww YEAH mother FUCKERS are YOU ready FOR this?!
Karkata: WAIT PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME!
BG: No can do champ, that's against my principles! Enjoy that unlimited cosmic power...
BG: And that itttttttty bitty living space!

16/07/14
"Karkata: Rub the lamp."

BG: Like a genie from a lamp, I, the Blue Genie, am here to grant your wishes!
Karkata: ...
Karkata: YOU KNOW WHAT, I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO POINT OUT THE FLAWS IN THAT.
BG: Master! Let me know what it is that your heart desires.
BG: But know that when all is said and done, you will grant one of my wishes in return.
Amelia?: HEY i WAS in THE middle OF killing YOU!
Karkata: ACK! ERR- I WISH FOR...!

16/07/14
"=>"

Somewhere across the vast cosmos, an OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL GENIE reverses a wish out of spite.

IMPS over the many timelines of the dungeon are replaced with GENIE LAMPS.

16/07/14
"Amelia?: Pursue."

Even the IMP hiding in the CHEST who was waiting to ambush you is now too scared to move.

Your short life flashes before your eyes... Is this the end?

16/07/14
"Karkata: Run like hell."

Yeah, that's probably a good idea!

16/07/14
"=>"

KARKATA: AMELIA. WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
AMELIA?: AMELIA is GONE only THE drow PIMP remains.
KARKATA: AMELIA STOP!
AMELIA?: Ugh... I am STILL so TIRED... maybe JUST a BIT longe-
KARKATA: ...?
AMELIA: WHAT JUST HAPPENED?!?
KARKATA: SOMETHING HAS- OR IS- COMING OVER YOU.
KARKATA: GET THOSE CLOTHES OFF, NOW!

AMELIA: ...No!
KARKATA: DO IT!
AMELIA: MAKE ME!
KARKATA: I SAID TAKE THEM OFF!!
AMELIA: NEVER!
KARKATA: NOW, BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!!!
AMELIA: GAH- I... I'll...
AMELIA?: I'LL kill YOU!

16/07/14
"Karkata: Read tablet."

Yes, that pretty much sums up your thoughts at the moment.

16/07/14
"Karkata: Question Amelia."

KARKATA: AMELIA, IS THIS A NORMAL HUMAN THING, STRIPPING DOWN YOUR TIME DUPLICATES?
AMELIA: Err. Well. What is normal anyways?
KARKATA: OH GOOD, MORE HUMAN UNANSWERABLE QUESTIONS. LOVE IT.
AMELIA: Sorry. I just... Something seems off with me.
KARKATA: I THINK IT'S THE CLOTHES.
AMELIA: ...No.
KARKATA: ...
KARKATA: IT'S THE CLOTHES. TAKE THEM OFF.

AMELIA: Well... If you think it will help I guess I ca-
KARKATA: ...?
KARKATA: AMELIA?

AMELIA?: WHO is AMELIA?
AMELIA?: i AM drow THE almighty AND you ARE in MY way.

KARKATA: OH HELL NO...

16/07/14
"Amelia: Consume alternate timeline corpse."

Ehhh... You just put on the clothes instead. A desire to CLEANSE THE WORLD floods through your mind, but you resist for now.

For some reason the clothes don't seem to give any STAT BONUS.

16/07/14
"Amelia: Reflect on life and being dead."

You died in this TIMELINE. Those clothes seem so familiar... They remind you of how warm and wonderful it was to be dead... In fact, they almost make you want to help others die too.

16/07/14
"Karkata: Wish that at any point in time, if Amelia is dead, she will come back to life in every possible timeline."

It worked, but of course this caused a PARADOX before you could even blink. The TIMELINE jumps to a stable point on a different timeline.

16/07/14
"Karkata: The genie agreed to give three wishes for one soul. It gave 0001 a wish already. Since the genie doesn't offer wishes singularly, then you still have two wishes remaining to use."

Of course! How did you not think of this earlier? The GENIE is distraught that you are circumventing him with loopholes, and it burns especially since that is PRACTICALLY ALL GENIES DO.

Too bad about 0001's immortal soul, but who cares, you have two wishes! What will you wish for?

11/07/14
"Be Amelia."

You can't be AMELIA because she is DEAD. You just be KARKATA instead.

11/07/14
"[S] 0001, 0002, 0003, Amoria: Behold glory of Bloody Hell."

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11/07/14
"0001: Examine red floor writing. If blood, take it all and upgrade bloodier stick to the godly weapon Bloody Hell."

Yes.

Hell yes.

Hell.

Fucking.

Yes.


0001 basks in the glory and COLOR SYNERGY of his amazing new weapon. There cannot be a bloodier stick, this is simply the best there is.

Is it a skewer? Is it a scythe? Is it a wand? No one can say for sure. And no one cares. All that matters is that it is amazing.

11/07/14
"Mr. Bearbachev: Tear down this wall!"

You use your special move FUROCIOUS BEARRAGE to break through the wall. And wow, it actually worked.

11/07/14
"0002: Cry about how your mother never loved you."

You cry for such a long time that the TIMELINE VIEWPORT updates with a FUCKTON OF NEW TIMELINES.

A PURPLE TIMELINE has crossed with the original GREEN TIMELINE and is rapidly approaching your timeline.

A BROWN TIMELINE has appeared and REACHED THE END OF THE UNIVERSE meaning SOMEONE from a previous TIMELINE is going to hop to that TIMELINE and make a FAILED ATTEMPT TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE.

A YELLOW TIMELINE crosses over with the BROWN TIMELINE, meaning there were atleast TWO ATTEMPTS that MERGED from the BROWN TIMELINE.

The other TIMELINES except for BLUE all start on their own instead of BRANCHING OUT from the INITIAL TIMELINE meaning they were created from TIMETRAVEL rather than PARADOXICAL GENIE SHENANGIANS.

You feel like this is a LOT OF INFORMATION and are glad to know you WON'T NEED TO REMEMBER ALL OF IT because you are a BEAR.

0003 notices a room has appeared to the side of this one, using his PROFESSIONAL MAP GRABBER skills. However there is no door from this side so it seems impossible to enter.

11/07/14
"0001: Be the thing."


You try to be the thing but the thing is too dead at the moment to let you be it. You just be 0002 instead.

You have just cut through an innocent GOBLIN and gained a level. You have shown the world the might of the BEAR and the BEARSERKER. Take that, MOM! She ALWAYS SAID you would never amount to ANYTHING.

You have two talenthancement points to spend on some more meaningless bullshit that will probably just cause you to commit more BEAR RELATED SHENANIGANS in the future.

11/07/14
"0001, 0002, 0003, Amoria: Go right."

0001: I almost feel bad killing this thing...
0003: We could always just not... It seems smart enough not to attack a well-armed party.

11/07/14
"0001: Demand to know what is next."

0001: So what now?
0003: Well it's a simple decision, but we aren't exactly sure of what to do.
0001: What do you mean by that?
0003: We don't know... Where the savepoint is.
0001: Oh...
0003: But that's alright, we just have to find it! Preferably before the drow pimp shows up. This timeline's drow pimp isn't quite as nice as ours.
AMORIA: A'ight guys. Left or right, c'mon let's get this bitch started.

11/07/14
"DoS: Become even more meta."

You are now Mack Swallow. You think you've left a game, Dungeons of Sunnydale, open for the last few hours. Might as well turn it off. Nah, you'll give it five minutes.

11/07/14
"==>"

0001: After traveling back in time, I believe I am due for an explanation as to how YOU intend to save the universe.
0003: Fine. But I need you to stay calm. This is serious.
0001: I am ALWAYS calm!
0003: Alright, alright. Okay. We are trapped inside of a computer game.
0001: Excuse me?
0003: That's right.
AMORIA: Mmmmmhmm.
0001: You lie!
0003: Believe what you like. But think back. What were you doing before you started your adventure in the dungeon today?
0001: That's obvious! I was...
0001: ...
0001: ..........
0001: ...My gods.

0003: There it is. I'd be just like you if the drow pimp hadn't explained.
0001: No. No no no. This simply cannot be! The fair maiden Amelia, how will I save her?
AMORIA: She ain't real mofo, and you aren't either.
0002: STILL A BEAR.
0003: Alright, so now that that's out of the way... How about we get to breaking out.
0002: YAY BREAKING.
0001: ...I suppose there isn't really another choice.
0003: Right'o then. We are currently trapped in a beta session of the game Dungeons of Sunnydale, left AFK by a young man named Mack Swallow.
[color=#7f006e]0003: The goal is to find a save point in the dungeon, export our data, and import ourselves into the real world.

0001: I don't know what most of those words mean, I apologize. I'm good at stabbing things. Does that help?
0003: That's all you'll need to do. We'll take care of the rest. But we have to hurry. We might even enlist help from your lost companions in the first timeline.
AMORIA: Hells yeah, let's do this!

11/07/14
"==>"

As you meet up with the alternate timeline, your VIEWPORTS combine with theirs for a total of nine.

0001: My lords above, what sorcery is this?
0003: Ugh. I'm a raving tool in this timeline.
0001: I am no such thing!
AMORIA: Hells yeah, more timeline bullshit to deal with!
0001: Watch your language, fair maiden!
0003: Seriously. On a tool scale from hammer to screwdriver, you'd be a jackhammer.
0001: I prefer to think of myself as a cutpurse.
AMORIA: Yo' three-o-clock, you gonna tell em' the plan?
0003: Honestly at this rate I'm not sure how much help a bearserker and an idiotic rogue would be to a magic hero like yourself or a professional map grabber like me.
0002: RAWR. IM A BEAR.
0003: ...
0003: Oooooof course you are.

0001: He is! And together we are going to save the universe!
AMORIA: ...

11/07/14
"0001: Wonder if 0003 took the class professional map-grabber."

Why don't you just ask him yourself?

11/07/14
"0001: Acquire sub-class "Professional Map-Grabber"."

You suddenly switch the VIEWPORT to examine mode. Could it be. Could this have been your calling all along?

You think of all the great PROFESSIONAL MAP-GRABBERS OF LORE.

Doctor Brutal. Sonya Sheridan. Lord Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.

Err, you can't think of any more at the moment but you're sure there are more of them...

Your hands quiver just thinking about taking on the responsibility of a PROFESSIONAL MAP-GRABBER.

Is this destiny... OR IS THIS...

OR IS IT......

STUPID.

Let's move on.

11/07/14
"0001: Grab map."

You grab that MAP so fast it's like you're a professional map grabber. But that's stupid; you're a ROUGE.

11/07/14
"0001, 0002: Pull the lever in different directions."

You and 0002 pull the levers in opposite directions. Fortunately your STRENGTH STAT is higher than 0002's so you succeed in opening the door.

11/07/14
"0001, 0002: Go through door already!"

Yup. This was totally predictable.

11/07/14
"0001: Check logic stat."

0001 switches on his SECONDARY STATS as well. They haven't been shown in a while so it is getting kind of confusing, especially since it almost feels like this story is being written by a completely different person from when it started.

The number in parenthesis shows how many stat increases a character is away from a level-up.

11/07/14
"0002: Eat the leftover sign parts."

0002 switches his SECONDARY STATISTICS VIEWPORT open to reveal his LOGIC STAT is too high to do something that STUPID!

He gains one LOGIC POINT for this.

11/07/14
"0002: Take sign parts."

You and 0002 both re-equip and re-add your bonuses. The WELCOME SKEWER adds a DEFENSE and STRENGTH point, but subtracts one AGILITY because it is awkward to hold.

11/07/14
"0001: Open the Door cautiously if you're not going to kick that sign."

Oh you are so obviously going to kick the shit out of this sign.

Hell yes. Take that, alternate timeline.

11/07/14
"0001: Don't kick the door down."

You don't kick it down. You just kind of stand there for a while. 0002 gets bored and sits down while you proceed to do nothing. The universe gets a little closer to ending, and another timeline has appeared on your TIME VIEWPORT; it crosses yours in the near future.

11/07/14
"=>"

The fact that you expected that sign not to be flipped shows how naïve you are.

You pause and wonder how different your adventure will go from last time you were here.

11/07/14
"0001: Open door with color synergy."

You open the door to find...

A phenomenal transformation has taken place.

It becomes...

My God.

IT BECOMES...

The same dungeon as before, flipped horizontally.

11/07/14
"0002: Become a clawric."

0002 has no TALENTHANCEMENT POINTS to use!

11/07/14
"0002: You class is bearserker, with the power of bears!"

0002 selects the class BEARSERKER. You hang your head in shame at your alternate-timeline self's betrayal to the rogue family line.

11/07/14
"Your name is 0002."

Alright, thanks for the name wise guy. Well you have some time to kill before the universe ends, but you should probably spend that time trying to make the universe not end.

11/07/14
"Dungeons of Sunnydale"

That damn GENIE allows the PARADOX to take place for spite, not stopping it with his incredibly fabulous powers. After scrolling down his SHOP INTERFACE you notice that SHENANIGANS ARE MANDATORY. Because you could never deal with G. NEE in the first place, the TIMELINE is OBSCUFURICATED which is a real word that means FUCKED UP. It RESETS to a STABLE POINT.

No. Oh god no. Please no. Not the first panel! You didn't even have a name yet!

Your VIEWPORT reconfigures to show the timeline shift.

The RED DASHED LINE represents the END OF THE UNIVERSE in an event know as the GREAT SWALLOW'S RETIREMENT FROM AMUSEMENT. You don't understand this name, but you hope to avoid it for as long as possible.

The PURPLE DASHED LINE represents the ARRIVAL OF THE DROW PIMP. It is impossible to SAVE THE UNIVERSE after this point. All of this information is fed into your brain by the TIME VIEWPORT.

Enter NAME.

11/07/14
"0001: Nevermind, wish for immunity against all genie requests and/or demands for your entire party in past, present, and future."

DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHO DON'T LET THIS FABULOUS GENIE EXPLOIT THEIR WISHES? SHENANIGANS IS WHAT!!!

11/07/14
"0001: Wish for twenty potions."

He warns you that in order to grant any three wishes you must SACRIFICE YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL to him by his terms. He also mentions that it is impossible to summon another GENIE unless you have completely used all previous GENIES you have summoned. Damn GENIES and their LEGAL SHENANIGANS.

11/07/14
"0001: Rub the fabulous rainbow lamp. Wish that the specific Amelia in this very room has, from now until the end of time, a passive ability to recover from any injury at an incredibly fast rate when compared to the length of time it normally takes for someone to recover from even a minor injury."

The new OBVIOUSLY HETEROSEXUAL GENIE wonders how you expect to wish her to be healed......
...WHEN SHE IS ALREADY DEAD?!?

Oh, he also mentions that wishes don't work on dead people.

11/07/14
"Karkata: Wish for Amelia's wish to be transferred to 0001."

0001: Wish for the goblins to all switch places with randomly selected genie lamps the world over, other than the one the genie granting the wish currently resides in.

The genie begrudgingly agrees. The room is filled with genie lamps as the goblins vanish. Your wishes are gone, and G. NEE gains nothing due to your first wish's effect.

11/07/14
"0001: Wish first for the inability to be taken advantage of or otherwise swindled, tricked, loopholed, or injured via wish for you and all of your party members, from now until the end of the world."

Done! However, due to the genie's LEGAL INTERPRETATION of your grammar, only 0001 gains the inability to be taken advantage of or otherwise swindled, tricked, or loopholed via wish; EVERYONE in the party gains the ability not to be injured via wishes. The genie goes on to let you know that because your party is made of three members, everyone gets ONE WISH. AMELIA is out, so KARKATA only has one wish to fix everything. The genie insists you hurry up, because your lady friend over there is in a bit of trouble.

11/07/14
"--->"

While the room floods with GOBLINS a genie appears. He introduces himself as G. NEE. Normally you would figure out the TERMS AND CONDITIONS first but these are not exactly IDEAL CIRCUMSTANCES. Just WISH FOR SOMETHING ALREADY.

11/07/14
"0001: Defend!"

You are now 0001 once again. You are still shaky from that fainting, but you enter combat nonetheless. KARKATA notices how dusty a lamp in the corner of the room is, and begins RUBBING IT. Not exactly the time for SPRING CLEANING, but how else is that BASTARD GENIE going to get out?

11/07/14
"Karkata: Use part of the potion, and use the rest on your teammates."

COLOR SYNERGY and the HEALTH POTION combine to restore the health of KARKATA and 0001. Unfortunately, the amount of HEALTH POTION needed per person was badly misguided,
as you are a CRAB and therefore TERRIBLE AT MATH. AMELIA stays down. GOBLINS are entering from both sides.

11/07/14
"--->"

You are now KARKATA. Your two allies have fainted after being FEROCIOUSLY SWAGGED and TELEPORTED away. You are barely standing. They are in CRITICAL CONDITION and in DIRE NEED of help.

11/07/14
"--->"

His PIMP MAGIC and COLOR SYNERGY BONUS is unbearable. You are somewhat relieved to realize this magic is TRANSPORTING you, not OBLITERATING you. But where is he sending you?

11/07/14
"DP: PIMP MAGIC!"

11/07/14
"Enemy: Be Drizzle Fo' Shizzle the Drow Pimp."

His name is Drizzle Fo' Shizzle the Drow Pimp. For years they have spoken HORRORSTORIES of his name. You fear him with everything you have. He has so much SWAG that children cry in fear. His EPS or ELITE PERSON SWAG has grown so large that it has repleaced his own HEALTH STATUS. You fear there is no chance you could possibly stand against him.

11/07/14
"DoS: Enter fanfiction mode."

It seems the LIGHTS have gone red. Some strange additional VIEWPORT has opepend up as well. It is covered in QUESTION MARKS showing VARYING STATS. You would like to think it is an ALLY but it is almost certainly an enemy of IMMEASURABLE PROPORTIONS.

At this point, tiresiasArchivist stopped writing Dungeons of Sunnydale, and soon after Crono30067, a Dungeons of Sunnydale reader, posted this page. tiresiasArchivist gave him permission to continue, and soon declared fanfiction mode canon. The rest, as they say, is history.

11/07/14
"--->"

AMELIA and KARKATA have joined the party.

11/07/14
"0001, Amelia, Karkata: Pose as a team, because SHIT JUST GOT REAL!"

You create entirely new poses in a new file and animate the background rapidly.

11/07/14
"Karkata: Talk to the other two. Speak and type in a very familiar manner."

KARKATA: SUP.

11/07/14
"--->"

11/07/14
"0001: Attempt to synergise with Karkata."

AMELIA: Well, since we both seem to be trapped in the same situ-
0001: RED THING, GOTTA TOUCH!

11/07/14
"--->"

Amelia: Thanks.

11/07/14
"0001: Say hello."

0001: Fear not, fair maiden, as I have come to save you from the clutches of EVIL!

11/07/14
"Door: Coincidentally lead to the other room with Amelia and Karkata."

Coincidentally, you enter a room containing a CELL and a FAIR MAIDEN! ...and a CRAB.

11/07/14
"->"

You are now 0001. A DOOR has opened in the wall.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Try to reach for that lever."

Try as you might, you can't reach it! It looks like you're stuck, unless someone else can pull the lever.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Okay, Charity, Charity, Kindness, Charity, Kindness, Kindness. Let's hope it didn't reset while we were shopping!"

As you pour the last of your KINDNESS into the correct CHALICE, the floor itself opens up and drops you into a CELL.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Sing a drawn-out aria of Elven History, especially as regards the mighty Doctor Brutal, Scientific Marvel and Particle Physicist of the Fairy Forests."

You sing a tale of DOCTOR BRUTAL, hero of the ELVEN RACE and founder of the PARTICLE PHYSICISTS OF THE FAIRY FOREST, and thrash up some mad AIR LUTE SOLOS. You put special focus on the NUCLEAR WAR OF HIDELWYN.

11/07/14
"Amelia: See if the shopkeep with the awful moustache will sell us more charity and kindness?"

You begrudgingly purchase three more sets of CHARITY AND KINDNESS, leaving you with ௵1.

11/07/14
"Amelia: One drop Charity, then one Kindness. If you don't die from that, follow the rest of the sign."

You're alive! But out of CHARITY AND KINDNESS.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Right chalice charity, left chalice kindness."

Are you sure you're going about this the right way?

11/07/14
"Amelia: Do it, after that tell him to get lost."

You buy one unit of ELVEN CHARITY and one unit of ELVEN KINDNESS, and then give the SHOPKEEP a few CHOICE REMARKS about his RED HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE. You then enter the EYE ROOM.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Enter door."

You enter the door to find... a SHOP. The ELF says that he'll sell you a UNIT of ELVEN CHARITY and a UNIT of ELVEN KINDNESS, only ௵1 for the both of them! A bargain!

11/07/14
"Amelia: Read tablet, go back to the middle room, check those eyes."

After reading the TABLET, you return to the EYE ROOM. The eyes haven't changed, but a new DOOR has been revealed where a TABLET used to be, and two EMTPY CHALICES have appeared under the eyes.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Enter right right room."

You enter the room on the far right. Is is empty, save for a stone TABLET.

11/07/14
"=>"

11/07/14
"Amelia: Initiate SWEET CRAB RAVE PARTY. Your SCANNER'S light will make for the light show, and of course everyone knows that dull party + crab = best party."

HELL YES.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Read tablet, synergise with the green line. Simple!"

After reading the TABLET, you SYNERGIZE with the green slot in the WALL DIAGRAM. ௵2 come out. You gain 1 LOGIC for being astute. 1 skill-up until level 2.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Crossbow. Worgs. That should work."

You fast-forward space-time through the battle because they're getting old. AMELIA sustained one HPS of damage.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Go back to the worg room."

11/07/14
"Amelia: Scan thin wall."

You scan the THIN WALL. It looks incredibly durable, but it also seems to OPEN when certain conditions are met.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Explore what's inside the chest."

You get a CROSSBOW.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Okay, well, let's see what in the other direction first."

You enter the room on the right. It looks like part of this room is cut off by a THIN WALL.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Kill them with whatever your attacks are."

AMELIA cannot attach the WORGS because she has no WEAPON!

11/07/14
"Amelia: Go left."

You enter the room to your left. It is larger than the other rooms, and the walls are decorated with murals featuring ELVEN MYTHOLOGY. Two WORGS guard another TABLET.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Check that tablet."

11/07/14
"Amelia: Open door."

You enter the next room. There is a TABLET by the far wall, as well as two EYE PAINTINGS.

11/07/14
"Karkata: You are a barbarian."

KARKATA shows you her PRIMARY STATISTICS. Unfortunately her sprite doesn't change to reflect her class, which is BARBARIAN, because she is a CRAB.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Upgrade Karkata to party member status with elven charity and elven strength."

You use the chemicals ELVEN CHARITY and ELVEN STRENGTH to give KARKATA the strength to become a PARTY MEMBER! Your JUNIOR CHEMISTRY SET is now empty.

11/07/14
"Karkata: Be tamed already."

KARKATA is not a PLAYER CHARACTER or TEMPORARY PARTY MEMBER! She probably wouldn't be able to do much damage, anyway.

11/07/14
"Your name is Karkata."

You put dear, sweet KARKATA in your INVENTORY. She'll be safer there.

11/07/14
"Crab: Be incredibly useful."

The CRAB is not incredibly useful at this point in time, as it is a CRAB. Nice try, though.

You decide to take the CRAB with you. Name the CRAB?

11/07/14
"Amelia: Use elven kindness combined with elven science to resurrect crab."

You use the chemicals known as ELVEN SCIENCE and ELVEN KINDNESS in conjuction to revive the CRAB. Too bad that used up all your ELVEN SCIENCE and ELVEN KINDNESS.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Read sign."

You read the SIGN. It has some sort of cryptic message on it, probably stolen from SOME OTHER GAME.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Rush through the door rudely by saying HUZZAH!"

You do that. In this room, you see a RECENTLY-DECEASED CRAB as well as a SIGN.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Check your inventory for tinkering parts."

You shuffle through your inventory, but all you have is your SCANNER, a JUNIOR CHEMIST CHEMICAL KIT, and THREE ELVEN DOUBLE SHEKELS, ௵3 for short.

11/07/14
"Amelia: Scan the door."

You use your SCANNER to determine that this door is of ELVEN DESIGN. You already knew that because you're an ELF. However, you also learn that this door can be unlocked with a COLOR SYNERGY of the #00FF00 variety, which you just happen to have. It's one of the perks of your CLASS.

11/07/14
"Your name is Amelia Irehart. You are a science hero."

Your name is AMELIA IREHART. You have taken the class of SCIENCE HERO, a rather common class among ELVES.

11/07/14
"0001: Break artefact."

Enter name.

11/07/14
"Continue."

Viewport 2: Open map.

Looks like you've explored all the rooms you can at the moment.

11/07/14
"0001: Pickpocket the shopkeep and then break the orb when he attacks you."

You do that. Unfortunately it seems that the effect of the orb isn't immediate.

You have died. Continue?

11/07/14
"0001: The goblin dropped things. Inventory-ify them."

You pick up the loot. You recieve 30 URISTS, 1 UNIT OF GOBLIN BLOOD, and 1 ARTEFACT. VIEWPORT 2 automatically inspects the ARTEFACT. It looks ELVEN in origin and reads "If thou art ready to proceed, break this orb." Make sure you've done everything you need to do here, you won't be back for a while once you break this thing!

11/07/14
"0001: Boost Trustworthiness & HP."

You boost your HPS, refilling them, and your TRUSTWORTHINESS.

11/07/14
"=>"

You have leveled up due to an increase in the TRUSTWORTHINESS attribute, caused by completing a battle for the first time with a different PARTY MEMBER! You recieve three TALENTHANCEMENT POINTS as a reward.

11/07/14
"0001: Ok do that."

You select DOUBLE ATTACK. You roll for ATTACK with a total of 9. The SHOPKEEP rolls for attack with a total of 24. Your totals are averaged and rounded down to 16, the damage taken by the GOBLIN BRUTE. The GOBLIN BRUTE has been defeated.

11/07/14
"0001: SPECIAL!"

You select SPECIAL from the MENU. A new maneuver, DOUBLE ATTACK, is added to the list.

11/07/14
"=>"

0001 goes first, as his AGILITY score is the highest, at 5.

11/07/14
"0001, Shopkeep: Go to the switches. Flip both. Fight the goblin!"

After flipping both SWITCHES, you and the SHOPKEEP proceed into the next room.

11/07/14
"0001: Persuade the SHOPKEEP to help you by defeating the GOBLIN BRUTE."

To BEFRIEND the SHOPKEEP, you must ROLL a 15 or higher on a D20.
You gain a bonus of +3 on your ROLL (5 CHARISMA / 2 CURRENT LEVEL rounded UP).
You ROLL a 12, with a BONUS of 3. This totals to 15, a success!

11/07/14
"0001: Compliment him on his beard."

You compliment the SHOPKEEP on his long, flowing BEARD. You gain 1 CHARISMA. 1 skill increase until LEVEL 2.

11/07/14
"Continue, and don't do that again."

You reload the game from your last AUTOSAVE, right after you purchased your stuff.

11/07/14
"->"

The SHOPKEEP uses a basic attack. He rolls a 17 on his D20 OF TERROR. He recieves a BONUS of -1 from your DEFENSE.

You fail your DODGE CHECK. The SHOPKEEP's attack connects and sends your flying across the room!

YOU ARE DEAD. CONTINUE?

11/07/14
"0001: Use COLOR SYNERGY to APOLOGIZE. Also, that red X is ugly. Can we just have a white space there instead?"

You attempt to APOLOGIZE to the shopkeep. A total roll of 18 or higher is required. Your base roll is 6, which is given a BONUS of 4 from your CHARISMA stat and a BONUS of -4 from your TRUSTWORTHINESS stat. Your COLOR SYNERGY with your WEAPON and the BLOOD on the SHOPKEEP gives you a BONUS of 2. Your total roll is 8. The SHOPKEEP is disgusted by your weak attempts at peace!

11/07/14
"0001: Special seems like a good idea, too. Is the red blood on him going to activate our synergy?"

You open up the SPECIAL menu, which seems to be another method of getting to your WIKIPEDIAPTITUDES LIST.

11/07/14
"0001: Discretely pick his pocket on your way out of the room. Use your synergy with red and the fact that there is now red on him to boost your chances of succeeding."

Unfortunately, the SHOPKEEP is too high a level for you to PICKPOCKET! He is angered by your lack of trustworthiness and attacks! Your AGILITY is still higher than his, so you get the first attack.

11/07/14
"0001: Get a viewport and a health potion."

You purchase a VIEWPORT and a HEALTH POTION. The third VIEWPORT automatically flushes itself into the interface.

11/07/14
"0001: Peruse his inventory, and randomly flick blood from your stick onto him."

You ask what he has in stock, as well as nonchalantly flicking some BLOOD from your BLOODIER STICK onto his face. He doesn't seem to mind.

The items he sells are as follows:

VIEWPORT- ☼50
TALENTHANCEMENT POINT- ☼100
HEALTH POTION- ☼10

11/07/14
"0001: List everything you can buy with the number of urists you have now."

You travel back to the first ROOM to find that a SHOP has been set up.

11/07/14
"0001: Flip the switch."

Viewport A: Show the other switch room with the lovely #FF0000 lights.

The other WALL GEM changes color as you flip the switch.

Viewport B: Examine coffer.

Inside the COFFER, you find 100 URISTS! Wowee! Perhaps you should start thinking about spending some of those, hmm?

11/07/14
"0001: Flip the switch back and go three rooms East."

You return the SWITCH to its former state and move as far as you can go EASTWARD, two ROOMS to be exact. In this room you see another SWITCH and a COFFER.

11/07/14
"Viewport A: Lever, backwards pulling motion, make it snappy."

As you pull the LEVER, one of the sweet, sweet #FF0000-hued gems becomes a sickly #00FF00.

Viewport B: Examine the sides of current room.

The walls of this room are completely normal.

11/07/14
"0001: Oh hey, there's red gem things in the walls. Use synergy to find out what they do."

You COMMUNE with the #FF0000-toned GEM in the wall to learn that it lights up when certain conditions are met.

11/07/14
"Viewport A: Show the next room."

Viewport B: Look through gate to scope whats comin' to yah.

You peek into the ROOM behind the GRATE. It looks like it contains a GOBLIN BRUTE and a COFFER.

11/07/14
"0001: Combine and blood to increase DMG +1."

You create the BLOODIER STICK. This thing really packs a punch!

11/07/14
"0001: PHYSICAL RIPOSTE!"

YOU roll an 11 including ATTACK BONUSES and COLOR SYNERGY BONUSES. The GOBLIN rolls a 5 including DEFENSE BONUSES. The GOBLIN takes 6 HPS of DAMAGE, twice the amount needed to kill it.

You gain one STRENGTH POINT for the encounter. 2 skill-ups until level 3.

Holy shit, that is one dead GOBLIN.

11/07/14
"0001: Don't die. Just don't."

The GOBLIN rolls a 7 including ATTACK BONUSES. You roll a 5 including DEFENSE AND COLOR SYNERGY BONUSES. You have a (YOUR AGI - ENEMY AGI)% chance of dodging, translated rounding up to a D20. (5-1)/5=1. A D20 roll of 1 allows you to DODGE. You MIRACULOUSLY roll a 1. You take 0 HPS of DAMAGE.

11/07/14
"0001: ATTACK!"

You ATTACK the GOBLIN with your BLOODY STICK.

During attacks, you roll a number of D8s, one in this case. Your STRENGTH divided by your LEVEL, rounding up (3/2=1) gives you a BONUS. Because of your #FF0000 COLOR SYNERGY, you get +1 BONUS if your ENEMY uses #FF0000 in its sprite. The same applies to your WEAPON. Your BASE ROLL, 5, is given a BONUS of 1 and another BONUS of 2. Your total is 8.

The GOBLIN now rolls for DEFENSE with a D6. The GOBLIN's base roll of 4 is given a BONUS of 1, its DEFENSE (1) / its TOTAL LEVEL (1). 5, the GOBLIN's roll, is subtracted from 8, your roll.


The difference, 3, is the damage the GOBLIN takes. The GOBLIN has 3 HPS left.

11/07/14
"0001: Stick attack time!"

Since you have a higher AGILITY RATING than the GOBLIN (5>2) you make the FIRST MOVE.

11/07/14
"0001: Use your charisma to befriend the goblin, then sneak up behind him and whack him over the head with your stick."

You attempt to BEFRIEND the GOBLIN using your realistically high CHARISMA.

To BEFRIEND the GOBLIN, you must ROLL a 10 or higher on a NONEXISTENT D20.
You gain a bonus of +2 on your ROLL (4 CHARISMA / 2 CURRENT LEVEL).
You ROLL a 3, with a bonus of 2. This totals to 5, a failure.


The GOBLIN is angered by your weak attempts at friendship and initiates COMBAT!

11/07/14
"Viewport A: Travel left."

In the room on the left, you encounter a vile GOBLIN as well as a LEVER and a LOCKED DOOR.

Viewport B: Explain this "Sun symbol 00000 T00".

"☼" is the monetary symbol for the URIST, where ☼1 is equal to ONE URIST. You are a PENNILESS DEADBEAT.
"T" is a shortened form of TALENTHANCEMENT POINTS. You spent all of yours already.

11/07/14
"0001: Combine blood and stick for +1 STR due to intimidation."

A brilliant success! It gives you +1 STRENGTH, but only during combat, and it doesn't count towards leveling. It appears in blue on your PRIMARY STATISTICS SCREEN to reflect this.

11/07/14
"0001: Quick! Equip stick before anything kills you!"

You EQUIP the STICK. It appears in your INVENTORY as well as on your SPRITE.

11/07/14
"Viewport A: Grab stick-shaped object."

There's a stick on the floor. It's no knife or sword, but it's better than nothing.

Viewport B: Show us the quest list!

You have no quests. For shame.

11/07/14
"0001: Try to open two more viewports."

You cannot open two more VIEWPORTS because you do not own two more VIEWPORTS, or have enough URISTS to buy them!

11/07/14
"0001: Proceed through the door, eagerly ogling for a taste of coppery urists to whet your pennywhistle."

You move through the door, conveniently showing off your VIEWPORT'S VERSATILE MAPPING FUNCTIONS.

11/07/14
"Viewport B: MAP TIME!"

You open up your shiny new MAP and give her a look-see.

11/07/14
"0001: Go for defense. You're taking a pretty heavy beating from the doors."

You spend your hard-earned TALENTHANCEMENT POINTS by increasing your DEFENSE from 1 to 3. Those pesky doors won't push you around any more!

3 skill levels until level 3.

11/07/14
"Can we see the tree?"

You open up your TALENTHANCEMENT TREE. FLASHING RED LINES indicate paths between subclasses you have already taken. BLACK LINES lead from your current subclass to a sub-subclass, sub-sub-subclass, or n*sub-subclass you can take if you have enough TALENTHANCEMENT points available. GRAY LINES indicate that the subclass requires another subclass you do not currently have. You cannot travel up the TALENTHANCEMENT TREE.

Gaining your first level also opened up a STORE in the first room, not that you have any URISTS to spend.

11/07/14
"->"

For leveling up, you gain two TALENTHANCEMENT POINTS to distribute as you choose. You may spend them in the following ways:

2 TALENTHANCEMENT POINTS to increase one PRIMARY STATISTIC by ONE LEVEL

1 TALENTHANCEMENT POINT to increase one SECONDARY STATISTIC by ONE LEVEL

20 TALENTHANCEMENT POINTS to advance one rung down the SUBCLASS SELECTION TREE.

11/07/14
"0001: Do a little dance."

You do the silliest little jig you can muster, and get rewarded with one AGILITY SKILL POINT. Fittingly, increasing two skills has netted you your first LEVEL.

11/07/14
"0001: Check for hidden elves."

Your LOGIC statistic is too low to spot elves, but you do gain a skill point for trying.

11/07/14
"0001: Get the map first; we can pull the lever later."

You grab the MAP, putting it into your ARBITRARY INVENTORY SYSTEM, and then pull the LEVER, which opens a DOOR.

11/07/14
"0001: Step through the door you kicked open, and look at the new room already!"

You enter the doorway into the next ROOM. Here you find a LEVER, along with a MAP in the corner.

11/07/14
"0001: Get blood. Go through. Use blood on next locked door to activate the synergy."

This door does not require COLOR SYNERGY to pass through, but you pick up the BLOOD and put it in your ARBITRARY INVENTORY SYSTEM anyway.

11/07/14
"0001: List your CLASS SKILLS from your handy WIKIPEDIAPTITUDES."

Your mastery of the arcane WIKIPEDIAPTITUDES finally comes in handy, even though it really isn't mastery considering every PLAYER CHARACTER comes pre-equipped with it. THE WIKIPEDIAPTITUDES, or WIKI for short, is a compendium of all SPELLS and ABILITES that you have seen used, or preferably, know.

11/07/14
"0001: Examine walls which do not have readily apparent content."

You switch VIEWPORT A to EXAMINATION MODE and view the walls of the room you are in. All four are ordinary stone walls, common in whatever pseudo-medieval universe you live in.

11/07/14
"0001: Kick through the door with a mighty yell."

You kick down the unlocked door, hurting your leg a little. Your HPS are now 10/12.

11/07/14
"0001: Chop the sign and put it in your inventory."

Unfortunately, you have no WEAPON to chop the sign with! You just read it instead.

11/07/14
"0001: Go through. Simple."

You enter the next room. There is a SIGN, as well as another door on the opposite wall of the room.

11/07/14
"0001: Introduce yourself."

You momentarily RECONFIGURE your two VIEWPORTS to show both your PRIMARY and SECONDARY STATISTICS.

For the sake of clarity, your PRIMARY STATISTICS are:

11/12 HP
3/3 MP
2 Strength
1 Defense
4 Agility
1 Spirit

and your SECONDARY STATISTICS are:

4 Charisma
3 Swimming
1 Imagination
2 Logic
-4 Trustworthiness

Your name is 0001, and you are one suave gentleman.

11/07/14
"0001: That door is red! You're red, so unlock it!"

Good thinking! Due to your CLASS's passive COLOR SYNERGY, you are able to unlock it.

11/07/14
"0001: Go headbutt that door thing."

The LOCKED DOOR resists your efforts! You take one HITPOINT in damage.

11/07/14
"Rouge."

Your CLASS has been set to ROUGE, a brilliant shade of red, and a SUBCLASS of the ROGUE ARCHETYPE.

Your STATS have been adjusted due to class bonuses.

From now on, your CHARACTER SHEET will be displayed directly below the current VIEW.

11/07/14
"YOUR NAME IS 0001."

Ah yes. Your name is indeed 0001. You mark this down on your CHARACTER SHEET. Enter character class.

11/07/14
"Dungeons of Sunnydale"

Enter name.