AlterniaFM


22/06/12
"[Extra] No seriously guys let it go"

Mibbs: i guess you could say it was lesboring? or maybe more like lesbizzare?


ultraluigi: lesbehonest, the joke is dead.

OrangeAipom: Well, it had lesbeen fun while it lasted.

04/06/12
"[Extra] The mystery behind the hiatus"

WHY I WAS ON HIATUS
the E true hollywood story


that was a slight dramatization but... basically....
anyway false alarm i am back to doing homestuck and minecraft

tldr; i am an idiot

23/05/12
"[Extra] Hollysdrawingcoursesque"

Some silly fanart.

8itches love to dress me up

04/05/12
"[Extra] STOP"

04/01/12
"[Extra] Sick arts bro"

08/01/12
"[Extra] I'll just be moving this over here"

haha wow sorry I couldn't update today

so here have a Rose

practicing ballet and all that
i am genuinely surprised that no one wanted to check out the ballet room!
girls dancing in leotards and whatnot

07/01/12
"[Extra] All my ell oh ells"

HELLO LITTLE GIRL
[image]
do you want some candy


YEAH THIS RAINBOW
[image]
just follows me naturally

PARIS HILTON'S BROTHER
[image]
that's really all there is to say on the matter

SITTING ON BURNING STOVE
[image]
too high to notice

08/01/12
"[Extra] LP: Infodump some family trees."

Yeah, I guess a bit of exposition never hurt anyone.

There's Tink, Tavros, and Rufio. They have parents back in Pamplona but who really cares about those guys anyway?

[image]
[image]

Then there's Alexander, Cornelius, and Gamzee of the Makara family.

Then there's Virginia, Kanaya, and Karkat. Their family tree gets kind of hard to represent, what with Karkat not knowing who his biological parents are.

08/01/12
"[Extra] Dolorosa: Be the creative writing teacher."

But you're teaching something else!

Ms. Dolores: While it is indubitably concordant with the information you have been given by the board of education that this class has a duration of one semester, the contents and curriculum of the Sex Education course can be conveniently summarized with a curt statement.

Ms. Dolores: Don't do the sex. Not the full sex, not the butt sex, and not the strange artificial concupiscent intimacy that this morally destitute generation of wayward youths has so frivolously contrived and-

Ms. Dolores: Yes go ahead and whine bitch you'll thank me in nine months.

Care to guess again?

08/01/12
"[Extra] Poor little unwanted updates."

(Same with this one.)

You invite Jade to jam some feelings as well, because why the fuck not.

Jade: ...And that's the story of how a guy puked on my chest.

Kanaya: Oh dear god; men are so awful.

14/12/11
"[Extra] Rufio: Make sure that the new girl settles in well, give her all the attention. "

(This got removed due to pacing issues, so it's being kept up here.)

Of course! You wouldn't want to hurt her CONFIDENCE.

Rufio: Oh look! It seems we've found a fair young maiden to be our Wendy.

08/01/12
"[Extra] Told you dog"

It is Valentine's Day. Obey me.

That sounds, uh, great, and all, but I'm on my level 80 paladin so no can do.

No, you are NOT going to- wait.

Level eighty paladin?

07/01/12
"[Extra] Warned you about filenames bro"

08/01/12
"Begin HeartStuck Gaiden"

07/09/12
"Kanaya: Join the (other) memo"

LC: 0h great, an0ther tagal0ng

LC: 0kay. first, what's your name, and sec0nd, we already have t00 many people working 0n the auth0r's specs. y0u kn0w, birth dates, death dates.

LC: if y0u want t0 be useful, pick something else t0 d0 like interpreting this shit 0r s0mething.


KM: What Exactly Are We Working On Here

LC: i figure it d0esn't matter much anyway, this wh0le pr0ject was d00med from the beginning.

SC: wow good JOB lux, ii'm 2ure 2oooo many fuckiing giirl2 fall for that in2ufferable douchebag wank

LC: that w0uld explain why youre such an insufferable d0uche all the time

SC: wow how long diid it take you two come up wiith that one hmm let me gue22 about a2 long as iit take2 your 2hiitty m17 quad core to proce22 just about ANYTHIING??

SC: anyway

SC: hey you mu2t be kk's liittle 2ii2ter riight

SC: hii iit's a plea2ure two meet you

SC: 2o who do you have


KM: Are You Asking What Class I Am Currently Attending

SC: no ii'm a2kiing whiich 2tudent2 are be2t for riitual canniibalii2tiic con2umptiion

KM: Uh

SC: of cour2e ii'm a2kiing about your fuckiing teacher

SC: 2iince ii pretty much all that there ii2 to know about anythiing that goe2 on iin the2e 2chool2

SC: a2 terezii'2 iinformant, ba2iically


KM: Shes Addressed As Miss Fang

SC: ahahha welp you are 2o 2crewed ii'm 2orry

SC: dont even bother doiing thii2 project iit miight be le22 embarra22iing that way

LC: wh00ps, i'm c0nfused

LC: wh0's the 0ne being the insufferable d0uchebag again?

LC: i c0uld have sw0rn that was assigned t0 me but it l00ks like you've taken 0ver fr0m here s0 i guess its left to me t0 be actually fucking HELPFUL

LC: i'm fairly sure it's n0t that hard t0 pass her class, just make sure y0u read pale fire start t0 finish, n0 slacking, and d0n't be stupid

LC: i d0n't think you're stupid, you d0n't seem stupid


KN: Thankyou I Suppose

LC: it wasn't a fucking c0mpliment

LC: n0t being an idi0t isnt s0me s0rt 0f acc0mplishment regardless 0f H0W many idi0ts there are ar0und here and im n0t g0ing to be handing 0ut medals f0r medi0cracy

LC: but yeah its g00d t0 have y0u 0n the team i guess

LC: y0u kn0w, c0nsidering h0w high the pr0bability was that we w0uld have g0tten s0meone c0mpletely braindead instead


KN: Were You Giving Me A Compliment That Time

LC: shrug

KN: Would Having A Crush On The Teacher Fall Into The Realm Of 'Stupid'

KN: Hypothetically Speaking


LC: w0w yeah that w0uld 0nly bl0w a crater 0ut 0f the stupidity meter's entire flank

LC: i d0n't kn0w where the hell any0ne c0uld find time to devel0p ""crushes"" while we're in the middle 0f trying t0 dec0de a 999 line p0em

SC: HAHAHHAHAHAHAA

SC: thankyou brother for that MIIGHTY GUFFAW

SC: that'2 only the mo2t briilliiant 2trategy ii've ever heard wow how the hell diid ii not thiink of this

SC: what doe2 that kiind of teacher love more than anythiing oh riight a good 2troke to the ego

SC: what giive2 2omeone2 ego a great fuckiing 2trokiing oh that2 riight haviing 2omeone be attracted to them

SC: WOW YEAH GOD FORBIID SOMEONE PRETEND TO BE HOT FOR THEIIR 2UPER-VAIIN TEACHER IIN ORDER TO GAIIN THEIIR FAVOR

SC: hiigh fiive two whoever thought of that fiir2t that2 liike the ultiimate form of brown no2iing it mu2t be raiiniing extra crediit all over theiir damp a22

LC: 0kay n0 m0re like the best way t0 creep s0me0ne 0ut i d0n't kn0w what y0u've been t0ld but there is basically n0 existing universe where b0ners are the sincerest f0rm 0f flattery

SC: ii'm ju2t 2ayiing, iit'2 an ea2y way two endear a teacher to you and flatter them at the 2ame tiime wiithout runniing the ri2k that theyll catch onto your bull2hiit

SC: ah crap 2ome a22hole2 are pi22ing ff off agaiin

SC: brb ii have to go make her admiin 2o she can go ban 2ome priick2

If there's anything you'd like to ask them, now might be the right time! With lunch coming up right after this class and Vriska's pending apology, who knows when you'll have another chance.

04/09/12
"Be Vriska for a brief amount of time."

VS: Woooooooow.

VS: I would say this was pathetic, 8ut that might 8e giving you 8oys too much credit.

04/09/12
">"

KV: OH MY GOD

KV: CAN YOU PLEASE STOP FLIRTING WITH JADE. THIS IS FUCKING EMBARASSING AND I'M NOT EVEN THE ONE DOING THE PROPOSITIONING.


TN: wOAH, uM,

TN: i THINK, THERE HAS BEEN A MISTAKE,


KV: YEAH, HARASSING JADE WAS A MISTAKE. BUT WAIT, WHAT'S THIS! THE EXIT BUTTON IS RIGHT THERE ON THE CORNER OF THIS WINDOW.

KV: MAYBE IF YOU CLICK IT, THIS WILL BE A THOUSAND TIMES LESS AWKWARD.


TN: uHH,

JH: :/

JH: man karkat what do you think you are you even doing??

KV: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ASKING ME WHAT I THINK I'M DOING?

JH: wooowww

DS: i wonder where this would place on the irony scale

KV: WHAT? QUIT WONDERING THIS INSTANT.

DS: okay so on a scale of one to ten

DS: how ironic is it that the tool who is constantly macking on jade is trying to get tav to stop macking on jade

DS: maybe a seven?


TN: tHERE WASN'T, aNY MACKING,

KV: ALL I KNOW IS THAT WHEN YOU DO IT IT'S MORE OF A NINE.

DS: okay first of all it takes some serious skill to get anywhere NEAR a nine man take some fucking notes

DS: second of all when i do what


JH: oh my god karkat please go away

KV: YOU WANT ME TO GO AWAY?

KV: WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?


JH: ugghhh karkat youre always just really grumpy and shouty!

JH: i dont know if im up for dealing with that right now, sorry :(


DS: seriously though man when i do what i dont do anything

KV: AHAHAHA YES LET'S PLAY THAT GAME WHERE WE PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T FOLLOW JADE AROUND LIKE A SMALL DOMESTICATED CANINE THAT HAS LOST IT'S WAY.

DS: yeah right more like

DS: a ferocious rottweiler protecting jade from horny douchebags with anger issues


JH: woah protective??

DS: yep you know your best bro is always here to rip some jackasses to shreds

DS: i tore the fucking leash running after that fool

DS: knighting it up


JH: okay well i am not a princess! i dont think i really need a knight

DS: i know thats what you think but you kind of dont get guys

DS: theyll like

DS: put you on a pedestal just to look up your skirt

DS: so youve got me going all beastmode on these jerks

DS: like bark bark motherfucker


JH: ummm thanks but no thanks! i can handle myself pretty well

KV: HAHA YEAH ASSHOLE YOU PISSED HER OFF

JH: OH MY GOD KARKAT SHUT UP!!!

TN: hEH,

JH: THAT GOES FOR YOU TOO >:(

TN: oH, oKAY, sORRY, i WILL TRY TO STOP, eXCERCISING AUTONOMOUS CONVERSATION, wHICH I GUESS, i SHOULD KIND OF THANK YOU FOR BECAUSE,

TN: eVERYONE SEEMS TO THINK I'M A JERK, aNYWAY,

TN: i'M PROBABLY BETTER OFF, uHM,

TN: dOING AN IMITATION OF, sOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EXIST,

TN: :(


JH: oh nooo thats not what i

JH: just please stop talking for a little bit okay?

31/08/12
"Be Porrim."

You can't be PORRIM because she won her game, like... what, three years ago? She banged ALL of the ladies, remember. Well, the ones that were interested anyway... So yeah, just about all of the ladies.

You've had your fun. It's not your turn anymore.

28/08/12
"Kanaya: Join Karkat's Group"

-- kanayaMaryam [KM] contacted karkatVantas [KV] at 10:06 --

KM: Hello

KV: WHOA, HEY

KV: HOW'D YOUR FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL GO?


KM: Insane

KM: I Have No Idea What Im Doing In This School

KM: I Dont Belong Here At All


KV: SURE YOU DO.

KV: OR, YOU WILL. TRUST ME YOU'LL DO FINE.


KM: I Dont Know Anyone Here And Some Of My Peers Are Crazy

KM: Im Not Really Sure Who I Should Be Talking To Or Who I Should Be Avoiding


KV: HAHA, WELL ISN'T THAT ALWAYS THE CASE?

KV: YOU'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

KV: JUST BE PATIENT, THE ANSWER WILL COME TO YOU SOMEHOW.


KM: I Guess You Would Know

KV: YEAH, REALLY THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

KV: IF YOU'RE STILL HAVING TROUBLE GETTING SETTLED IN AFTER A WEEK, WE CAN GET YOUR SHIT SORTED OUT IN PERSON.

KV: THERE'S GOING TO BE A FIELD TRIP.


KM: Thats Reassuring

KM: Is Miss Fang Chaperoning


KV: WHAT? KANAYA HOW WOULD I KNOW WHO YOUR SKAIA TEACHERS ARE.

KM: I Just Thought Id Ask

KM: Say Hi To Gamzee For Me


KV: OK I PROBABLY WON'T DO THAT, BUT ALRIGHT HA HA.

KV: WHAT THE HELL IS HE WEARING ANYWAY?


KV: Is Gamzee Near You Right Now

KV: YEAH.

KV: HE AND ERIDAN ARE ARE TRYING TO CONVINCE EQUIUS TO DRINK FAYGO.

KV: WHILE TAVROS IS

KV: OH GOD.

KV: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK WHAT IS HE DOING???????

KV: I HAVE TO GO DEAL WITH SOME SHIT.


KM: Wait

KM: I Wanted To Consult You About An English II Project


KV: I JUST SENT YOU A LINK TO THE GROUP MEMO, THE CAPTORS CAN EXPLAIN IT TO YOU.

KV: SEE YOU AT THE FIELD TRIP.


KM: Til Then

-- karkatVantas [KV] ended contact with kanayaMaryam [KM]--

28/08/12
"Kanaya: Sit, Girl"

Oh wait this is stupid

28/08/12
"Teacher: Dramatic reveal."

???: Do you have a laptop?

Kanaya:


???: Useless.

???: No matter. We have extras for useless children such as yourself.

???: Your username is your first and last name, and your password is your id number. Understand?


Kanaya:

???: When you log into Skaianet, just

???: pick whatever unfortunate group you want to arbitrarily latch onto. I'll send you a pdf of the poem this project is over. Understand?


Kanaya:

???: The Prosperse students are working on the same project, so feel free to join one of their groups if you really must.

???: There aren't any rules in this class, but I'd like to lay out a few facts for you.

Ms. Fang: You will address me as Miss Fang.

Ms. Fang: 1. If you spend the entire class period chatting with your ignorant "friendbuddies" over Skaianet about vapid irrelevant nonsense you are going to fail.

Ms. Fang: 2. If you turn your projects in late, you are going to fail.

Ms. Fang: 3. If you turn your projects in incomplete, you are going to fail.

Ms. Fang: 4. If you make a nuisance of yourself, you are going to get a detention.

Ms. Fang: 5. If you make demands of me, you are going to get a detention.

Ms. Fang: 6. If you ask about the screen behind me, you are going to get a detention.

Ms. Fang: 7. If you ask me about the bandages, I am going to ask where the most sensitive area of your body is.

Ms. Fang: 8. If you bring up engagement rings or the absence of said topic, even by ommitting or specifically avoiding that topic too obviously, I am going to shank you repeatedly in the aforementioned area.

Ms. Fang: That said, only dogs need to be told when to sit.

Ms. Fang: I trust you're not so useless that you're unable to take a seat of your own accord.


Kanaya:

Ms. Fang: Sit, Girl.

26/08/12
"Min: Welcome ladies to their classdoom...I mean, classroom."

26/08/12
"Jade & Kanaya: Enter"

26/08/12
"Kanaya: Throw Jade through door for dramatic entrance."

Goodness, you're glad you hadn't thought of that before you went in. That would have been so embarrassing.

25/08/12
"Kanaya: Get you a lift."

>Enter?

25/08/12
"Kanaya: don't freak out over her outfit don't freak out over her outfit don't freak out over her outfit......."

You maintain a completely UNFAZED DEMEANOR with the help of your COPIOUS CHARM. No one will ever know just how disturbed you are.

No one.

25/08/12
">"

Jade: Hey Kanaya! Still need a lift?

25/08/12
"Kanaya: see if there is anyone you could flirt walk with"

Rose: I'm sorry, I have Fang for a different period. Perhaps now is a good time to become acquainted with your map?

Rose: And if I may be so forward as to offer my advice without solicitation, when you do get to her class, try not to lay it on so thick with the passive aggressive flattery.

Kanaya: What

Kanaya: No I was being completely sincere.

Kanaya: Ms. Dolores's class is overwhelmingly superior. So many plants. And clothes! I think that shelf over there is filled with Tiffany & Co. boxes.

Kanaya: Did you see her Donna Karen handbag? I think the feathered dress over there is Tom Ford. Is that bridal gown Christian Dior or Vera Wang?


Rose: I think she made it herself, actually.

Kanaya: Crying

Kanaya: I am not actually crying by the way I am exaggerating for effect

Rose: I see.

Kanaya: My point is that she is amazing

25/08/12
"Be Polite. Be Pretty. Be Pulchritudinous."

Ms. Dolores: Ah, you had Leona first period.

Kanaya: She's very upbeat.

Ms. Dolores: An understatement, I'm sure.

Ms. Dolores: And I'm your second period teacher, obviously.

Kanaya: My favorite so far.

Ms. Dolores: This is only your second class, my dear. There is not much competition.

Kanaya: I've also met the Geometry and Theatre Arts teachers. I may have missed a bit of both classes due to, er, medical emergencies, but I still find your company preferable.

Ms. Dolores: It appears that your next class would be English, with Miss Fang.

Ms. Dolores: Morituri te salutant, my dear.

Kanaya: Nondum, dear teacher.

Ms. Dolores: Then you have Theatre Arts. With the Nincompoop.

Kanaya: After lunch, yes.

Ms. Dolores: Immediately preceding Geometry. With Ms. Clare.

Ms. Dolores: All of those classes in immediate succession. It's like you've landed face first in a back-to-back Nincompoop Sandwich.

Kanaya: You don't mean to insinuate that they make for unpleasant company, do you?

Ms. Dolores: Bad people? No, no I'd never.

Ms. Dolores: Terrible teachers, certainly.

Ms. Dolores: Echidna serves well as a decent educator. This doesn't negate the fact that she has a demeanor that could freeze fire.

Kanaya: A chilly personality isn't an obstacle. Her only obligation is to teach, not to make friends. We can't all be Nincompoops.

Ms. Dolores: No, I suppose we can't.

Ms. Dolores: And Professor I, lastly.

Kanaya: A nincompoop?

Ms. Dolores: We ought to stop using that word. I don't mean to give you the impression that I'm a gossipy sort of person.

Ms. Dolores: But I'd like you to be aware of what you're getting into.

Kanaya: Thankyou for the foresight.


Rose: Ms. Dolores, did you know that Kanaya has considered joining the sewing club? There's even been talk of scarf-knitting, if I recall correctly.

Ms. Dolores: Delightful. Come here after school, we'll have you situated.

Ms. Dolores: Will you be able to find you way to the next class?

23/08/12
"Kanaya: persuasion plus intelligence. PULCHRITUDE."

You combine ELOQUENCE with ELOQUENCE to receive DIPLOMACY. You then combine DIPLOMACY with PERSUASION to unlock PULCHRITUDE.

Congrats on your first THIRD-TIER skill, Kanaya!

The BOTANY TEACHER wants to know if you've been enjoying your day so far. She also asks to see your SCHEDULE.

22/08/12
"Kanaya: What happens if you mix charm and charm; Can you double up like that?"

You combine CHARM with CHARM and receive 28 PERSUASION.

22/08/12
"Kanaya: Combine Strength + Intelligence"

You combine STRENGTH with INTELLIGENCE and receive 18 FINESSE.

22/08/12
"Kanaya: Now is a perfect time to ask about special stats and abilities. Do that."

You can get various skills by combining stats and abilities you already have. For the most part it just requires experimentation!

22/08/12
"lets be kanaya. ya know, the main character?"

22/08/12
"Pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT FRIENDLY"

22/08/12
"Rufio: Answer the phone. He's your bro, and he needs you right now. Don't let him down."

Rufio: abnlgsdytslhlkgarglethg

Tavros: Uh!

Rufio: Uh!

Tavros: I was just calling, to tell you, that I am alright! And also, that I can walk again?

Tavros: I can probably start playing sports again too, so that is going to be fun.

Tavros: Are you okay?

Rufio: Am I okay? Are you okay!!

Tavros: No, you. I'm alright, but are you okay.

Rufio: No! You! Are you okay?

Tavros: I am better than okay! :D


Eridan: Can you please stop smilin holy fuckin messiahs

Eridan: You could sexually harass someone by bein wwithin a fivve mile radius of em and smilin like that


Tavros: Also, I did some rebel stuff? Which, I thought, might make you proud of me, possibly.

Rufio: You say that as if that's not always been a thing that is true, Novillo.

Rufio: I've been proud of you since before you knew how to walk.

Rufio: I've been proud of you since before you know how to not shit your diapers.

Rufio: I took one look at you and said, "Look at that goddamn badass in that pimped out crib with his tinkerbull plushie,"

Rufio: "I'm proud of that smooth motherfucker, and I'll be proud of whoever he chooses to be,"

Tavros: I love you too, Ru. :)


Eridan: Oh my god can you please go back to bein cool and apathetic

Tavros: But I can't talk for much longer because I have to go play rodeo circus with Team Horny

Gamzee: HONK

Rufio: I'm not sure what I just heard but I am so proud of you.

22/08/12
"Phone: Ring?"

Min: DID YOU FUCKING THROW ME

Rufio: THATS MY BROTHERS RINGTONE I AM NOT EMOTIONALLY PREPARED FOR THIS

Min: You are not emotionally prepared for ANYTHING!

Min: This is why we can't have nice things!


Rufio: WHAT IF HE'S DEAD

Min: Like sex!

Rufio: WHAT IF HE'S CRIPPLED?

Min: And classy dances!

Rufio: AGAIN! WHAT IF HE IS CRIPPLED AGAIN!?

Rufio: WHAT IF HES SOME SORT OF SUPER CRIPPLE!?


Min: oh my fucking god

Min: You threw me into a pile of fake swords you bastard


Rufio: WHAT IF HE'S 2x CRIPPLED COMBO??

Min: SHIT

Min: THESE SWORDS ARE NOT FAKE

Min: WHOSE IDEA WAS THI- oh wait

22/08/12
">"

Min: There is still the issue of size to address.

Rufio: It's not an issue.

Min: It's an issue because you're freakishly tall.

Rufio: No. Everyone else is just short.

Rufio: You're short. How's it going down there in munchkin-land, shortstuff.


Min: We don't have to do this if you're going to be like that.

Rufio: What's that? Are you talking? I can't tell.

Rufio: Yo let me get out a microscope


Min: Feel free to leave. Don't hit your head on Jupiter on the way out.

Min: Here, I have an idea.

22/08/12
"Tavros: get rid of the helmet for legitimate self esteem purposes."

Tavros: But, maybe if I had more confidence, and was not easily bullied all the time, it would make it easier to deal with Vriska, for everyone.

Eridan: Look at that shit eating grin

Eridan: Please stop smilin that grin is obscene

19/08/12
"Eridan: Just wwho the hell do you think you are?"

Tavros: You know... I thought, for a long time, that I wanted to be someone else. To be someone better than myself.

Tavros: But now, I think, maybe I should have been trying instead, just to make myself better?

Tavros: Even if, my very best, isn't even as good as a knockoff version of another person

Tavros: It's still

Tavros: me.


Eridan: Wwhat the fuck are you evven talkin about

Tavros: I think I'm me!

Tavros: I don't know

Tavros: What do you think, Eridan? Should I keep the helmet?

Eridan: It's like you're speakin' Spanish right noww I can't understand a wword you're sayin'

19/08/12
"Eridan: so you attacked the guy wwho took revvenge on me for hurting you? wwhy wwould you evven do something like that?"

Tavros: I have the Cavalreaper Karma Meter, Eridan.

Tavros: I get extra karma points for trashing aristocrats.

19/08/12
"Eridan: Join Team Horny."

You succumb to unfathomable loneliness.

19/08/12
"Eridan: Huh a wwhat???"

Tavros: Hey do you know what Gamzee's favorite animal is?

Eridan: What? No don't you dare change the fuckin' subject mister-

Tavros: Maybe he could join Team Charge.

Tavros: His favorite animal is a goat, right? Do goats charge? I know they have horns but do they charge?

Tavros: Maybe we could just rename it to team horny.


Eridan: It's like you don't even hear yourself speak

Tavros: Do you want to join Team Horny? We can throw down some rhymes! We can even skip school today, maybe. It'll be so fresh.

Eridan: No one has used fresh to describe anything but groceries since the nineties you douchewagon.

Eridan: Look, I've got some fuckin questions.


Tavros: I've got answers. :)

19/08/12
"Eridan: "wwhat the evver livving fuck did i just fuckin wwatch!?""

Tavros: Okay so, we're all even now right?

Tavros: You pushed me down the stairs, and then Gamzee wrecked your shit, and then I fucked Gamzee up? The cycle is complete.

Tavros: We can go back to being friends now.


Eridan: Tavros.

Eridan: What the flyin' fuck

Eridan: Just happened.


Tavros: Didn't I just explain it?

Eridan: Didn't explain a whole fuckin' lot, honestly!

Eridan: Just... The... There... Magic ain't real!

Eridan: How are you flippin' wwalkin'?


Tavros: Oh, that? Haha.

Tavros: I think that, to some extent, that's probably due to the whole Karma thing.

Tavros: But I also like to think... that my leg's been healed for a while now. But I never bothered trying to walk because I didn't think I was ready yet.

Tavros: Maybe that's just the way things are. We don't believe that we can do things, even though maybe we'd surprise ourselves if we'd try.

Tavros: And even if you do fail, falling isn't as painful as not being confident enough to stand.

Tavros: Maybe I was the one crippling myself.

Tavros: It was me.

18/08/12
">"

You give 150 KARMA POINTS to GAMZEE MAKARA.

18/08/12
">"

18/08/12
"Tav: FLY PUPA FLYYYYY"

18/08/12
"Shit: Get real"

Tavros: The zephyr I handle is like absence to desire

Tavros: It blows out a candle while fanning a

Tavros: [image]

17/08/12
"Ask wwhy the fuck did Gamzee try to kill you."

Gamzee didn't try to kill you. Okay well sure when you saw his silhouette slouched in front of the window staring daggers at you you started wondering if you could scream for help before he could bash your head in, but it wasn't like that.

He sat on your bed to apologize and asked you why you pushed Tavros down the stairs. Of course you were still pissed but no one seems to ever want to address your feelings and you weren't in any condition to pick a fight with the guy. You told him about Vriska and how much you hatelove her sexyhideous ass and how you were trying to impress her and shit. He was pretty fuckin understanding about it. He just...

You wish there was a word to describe a session where various sentiments were forced into the open.

An empathy crush? A thoughts squeeze? An emotions cram? You may never know.

17/08/12
"Eridan, it's your scarf or your life. Give it up and plan to get new one later. Offer to tie it around Tavv's arm in a bow. "

He seems to want you to tie the disgustin swweat towwel that was once your scarf around his arm, so you do that.
Fuckin' weirdos.

17/08/12
"Tavros: Why the fuck do you have a problem with Gamzee?"

You ask him the hard hitting questions, such as what the fuck is going on and howw the fuck are you wwalkin i thought your leg wwas broken wwhy are you in here wwhy is gamzee in here wwhere the fuck did that lance come from wwhat is up with the nonsensical singin and wwhistlin bullshit wwho the fuck do you think you are mary poppins

He says he's jousting in your honor.

He says he wants a favor.

He-

oh god.

Your scarf smells like week old bull milk.

16/08/12
"Tavros: GET YA WEAPON, KICK SOME ASS."

Well, uh, gosh.

If they insist.

16/08/12
"Tavros: Cry"

You are actually not the kind of person who cries very often! Much to the surprise of others. And yourself.

But sometimes, somehow, it feels like you've been sad for years.
And you are getting pretty sick of it.

16/08/12
"Simultaneously be Past Tavros and Present Tavros Narratively"

You get to be past present Tavros.
Which is to say, Tavros half an hour ago.

16/08/12
"Be Past-Future Tavros."

The timey-wimey bullshit stabilizer breaks. It simply cannot handle this much timey-wimey bullshit.

16/08/12
"Be past Tavros."

Past Tavros? Are you sure? Even past Tavros doesn't wanna be past Tavros. Can I interest you in a present Tavros instead?

16/08/12
"Terezi: If you are comfortable with it, exposit further on the Tavros thing."

Terezi: He was a wimp, he got bullied. It's none of your business.

16/08/12
"Kanaya: Be completely unable to stand that outfit anymore. Drag Terezi to your room and dress her into something less ridiculous."

Terezi: Are you really so eager to undress me that's you're going to be late for class? I can write us a pass if you want... >:]

16/08/12
"Kanaya: Ask Terezi about this Tavros individual on your way to class."

Terezi: Tavros? He used to be our roleplaying buddy back in middle school.

Terezi: He's a nice kid! Kind of slow on the uptake, sure, but a nice kid.

Terezi: Vriska used to have a really awful crush on him. Just about ruined his life, though.

Terezi: I'm kind of sorry she ever met him. Vriska's... Vriska.

Terezi: And he just couldn't stand up for himself, you know?

16/08/12
"Allocate those points. "

You distribute +6 to charm, +4 to intelligence, and +a condescendingly quirked eyebrow to strength. Your stats are now as follows!


CHARM: 56

INTELLIGENCE: 54

STRENGTH: 20+condescendingly quirked eyebrow


Good job, Kanaya!

16/08/12
">"

Mission Accomplished!



"Begin Second Day of School"

Rewards:
- +30 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with ROSE!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with ROSE: NEW FRIEND
- +17 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with JADE!
- +32 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with ARADIA!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with ARADIA: FRIEND
- +24 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with NEPETA!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with NEPETA: FRIEND
- +12 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with TEREZI!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with TEREZI: PEER
- -64 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with VRISKA!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with VRISKA: 8LUH
- +102 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with FEFERI!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with FEFERI: BUDDY
- 10 more SKILL POINTS, to spend however you would like!
-Access to new area: ROSE'S ROOM[/CENTER]

16/08/12
">"

Rose: Ahem. It appears that we're done here.

Rose: Kanaya, who do you have for world geography?

Kanaya: Er, Room 133.

Rose: We all have Mrs. Siṃha for first period then. What luck.

Kanaya: I disagree. Taking into account the recent conflict, having to be in the same class might generate a great deal of tension.

Rose: Sarcasm, Kanaya.

Kanaya: Oh. Right.

Rose: Unfortunately, I have prior engagements to attend to. Terezi would be glad to show you the way, I'm sure.

Terezi: >:]

16/08/12
"Have Vriska give her terms before anything is agreed to."

Vriska: Whatever! Terezi's terms are fine. I only have one condition.

Kanaya: Yes?

14/08/12
"kanaya: exposit on how things have improved since your talk(?) with rufio"

Terezi: Now that I think about it, things don't have to be so complicated, do they! We can settle this peacefully after all.

Terezi: You wanted a treaty, so my terms are as follows.

Terezi: I want to apologize to Aradia.

Terezi: I want Vriska to apologize to Tavros and Aradia. Simultaneously of course.

Terezi: Obviously we can't get Tavros here but she can still apologize to Aradia in person while Tavros is on speakerphone.

Terezi: And I don't want to speak to Vriska. I don't want to hear from Vriska. I don't want to look at Vriska if I can help it!


Vriska: >8888O

Terezi: Not all of this has to be carried out this moment but those are my long term goals. Agreed?

14/08/12
"ok now we can go back to the drama."

14/08/12
"Hanna May Kratch: Suddenly remember you exist."

14/08/12
"to properly play the song of summoning feferi needs to rap while aradia throws down some strict beats on the panflute"


But of course. The Summoning song is accompanied by only the sickest of hardcore rhymes! Is there any other way to do it? You think not. With GREAT CONFIDENCE you spit those fires like no one has ever expectorated before.




Paradise is Neverland, where we'll be young forever, and

in a pair of eyes of russet rust, in the wind that sends the sail

flown in trails of pixie dust blown in every gust of gale

I will always try my hardest, and I will never fail.

So no one could ever part us

and live to tell the tale

14/08/12
"Rufio: Cease this fakey-fake nonsense. But keep the hat. You look bitchin in that hat."

Rufio: Sorry ladies. The voice in my head insists we cease with the fakey fake nonsense.

Feferi: Phlhflflt! We haven't even finished our tea yet!

Rufio: You will never finish it. It is fake. It is unfinishable. It is a hollow, bottomless chasm that only exists in an intrinsically teleological manner that forces you to chase a sense of satiation that is never going to be truly fulfilled.

Feferi: Yeah but I wanna finish it!

Rufio: It's not there. I stopped believing in it. Poof! It's gone.

Feferi: 3>8P

Aradia: Phphthlhppht. 030

Rufio: No. Stop that. Don't phlhlhhpht at me. I invented phlhlhhpht. I've been phlhlhhphting since before you were born.

Rufio: Come on girls, you're gonna be late for class.


Aradia: But we were not dapper enough. I have barely meet my dapperness quota!

Rufio: Touché, dear girl! Let us momentarily contemplate freeform jazz for additional classiness.

Rufio: ok that is enough of that

Feferi: But I was having funnnn!

Rufio: And now you get to have fun in your first period class! Yay!

Feferi: GLUB to that!

Rufio: Hey, Megido, do you know how Tavros has been lately?

Aradia: I haven't heard from him in a while, now that I think about it. 0_0

Aradia: I will let you know if he says anything, because...

Aradia: I also like to think of him as my brother! :)


Rufio: Thanks. And hey. Listen.

Rufio: It is dangerous to go alone! Take this.

Feferi: 38O

You give them the PANFLUTE OF WIND. And also they somehow acquire the ability to play the SUMMONING SONG? Instantaneously? Took you like a week to come up with that. Game mechanics sure are weird.

13/08/12
"Feferi: Internal dialogue time! Why are you here? Are you fronds with Aradia?"

Feferi: Psst. Hey. Aradia. Are we... Fronds? 38O

Aradia: I don't know, are we?

Feferi: I don't know! Do you want to be friends?

Aradia: Well, I think you are really nice and fun and cool but we do not know each other very well.

Aradia: Also, you are a princess and I am

Aradia: Okay well I was fished out of the gutters, basically.

Aradia: Which is not a thing I care about at all but I wouldn't want to waste my time if you were a snob or something.


Feferi: Well we can GET to know eachother! A friendship can be a thing that happens!

Feferi: And as for the gutter thing

Feferi: I am more than okay with anyone and everything that has been FISHED out of anywhere. 38P


Aradia: Okay well

Aradia: I should also warn you that I am really into dead things and history and old things and time itself and archeology and Indiana Jones and

Aradia: frogs, for some reason

Aradia: I kind of grew up around them and sometimes I

Aradia: Ribbit

Aradia: When I am nervous


Feferi: Glub!!!

Aradia: Translate?

Feferi: Do you know what this means!!!

Aradia: It means you don't want to be friends...?

Feferi: It means....

Feferi: It meeeeaaaans.....

Feferi: We could TOTALLY cosplay the Princess and the Frog!

13/08/12
"What are you having a fake tea party for? And more importantly, what's up with your students' attire???"

Simply put, you do not know.

Aradia's here because she wanted to dress up and play with the theatre makeup and be fancy you guess?

And Feferi is here because she needed to tell Aradia that two fish swam into a bar. And then they said ouch! Then she noticed you and wanted to know if you were aware that the sea cucumber looked over to the mollusk and said, "With fronds like these, who needs anemones?" You asked her if she needed a towel or clothes or something but she insists that she "likes being wet; feels good man"

And when you are informed that making terrible jokes and wearing costumes before school and drinking fake tea is what cheers your students up, your reaction is generally going to be

cool

okay then

do you want a belt to go with that

theres a hat in the prop closet

we have a foundation that's closer to your skin color if you want

12/08/12
"Rufio: Investigate contents of cup. Is that really tea you're drinking? Really?"

It's empty.
It's fake.
It's pretend tea for a pretend tea party. You are Lord of the Unreal.

Seriously though it's not a big deal

12/08/12
"you don't look or sound well"

!!!
Y B RUDE???

12/08/12
"rufio are you feeling ok? you don't look or sound well"

You're fine. A little tired maybe, but-

12/08/12
"Kanaya: Enough of this. Take the phone, apologize to Rufio for disturbing him, explain that Vriska and Terezi are having a tiff right now, but you're confident they can work things out."

Kanaya: Greetings I sincerely apologize for the disturbance and would like to confess that I am at fault for-

Rufio: Maryam?

Kanaya: -interrupting you I thought Vriska and Terezi would be able to behave maturely with the supervision of a responsible adult but apparently i was sadly mistaken and again i would like to say that i am sorry for wasting my time and yours-

Rufio: Hahaha okay...

Kanaya: -as it was reckless of me to assume these ladies could cease their bickering long enough to behave in a courteous manner towards someone they respect but I assure you this will not happen again because from here on i will have-

Rufio: aiight, cool

Kanaya: -sole custody of the phone and i alone will decide what witnesses will be called to the stand if witnesses are called to the stand because for the record this is not a courtroom

Rufio: That's great kiddo, I believe in you

Kanaya: Thankyou and good day sir.

Aradia: What was that? 0_0

Rufio: There seems to have been a skirmish. Nothing for civilized ladies such as yourselves to become involved with.

Feferi: A skirmish! Where! 38O

Rufio: Somewhere? Haha. It was more of a fracas, really.

Aradia: Gasp. A fracas! Maybe even a rumpus?

Rufio: Maybe a bit of a rumpus! Just a little bit rumpy.

Aradia: Perhaps somewhat of a brouhaha?

Rufio: Let's not get carried away here. A brouhaha is serious business.

Aradia: I see. 0_0

Aradia: So... A skirmish, that's more of a fracas, with a bit of rumpus but not all the way brouhaha?

Rufio: Yes, exactly.

Aradia: A scrimmage then.

Rufio: Ah, you've nailed it.

Feferi: Ahahaha, I'm sorry, but rumpus? Is that really a thing?

Rufio: This is no laughing matter, Feferi. You would never want to become involved with a rumpus.

Aradia: Or a brouhaha!

Rufio: Especially a brouhaha.

Rufio: More tea then, ladies?

11/08/12
">"

Terezi: Hello mister-

Vriska: No shut up don't listen to her!

Vriska: Aaaaaaaah!


Terezi: Aaaaaahahahahaha!

Vriska: AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

Terezi: HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE!

Vriska: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Terezi: SKREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Rufio: Pfffffhphlht?

Vriska: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Terezi: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Vriska: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!

Rufio: Ahahahahaha.

Rufio: what is this

11/08/12
"Kanaya: As acting mediator and/or judge, decide that Tavros can and should be allowed a private audience with you and neither Vriska nor Terezi. Take the phone. Call this Tavros. Be the mediator."

Kanaya: ... Do you know who Tavros is?

11/08/12
"Kanaya: "But to reach the best result, we do need to get everyone's perspective. I think we need to hear from Tavros, but we need some way to make sure Tavros can defend himself. Perhaps someone Vriska respects, such as Rufio, could watch over the interview?""

Terezi: That is a great idea, I am going to report you to the authorities.

Vriska: You're not reporting shit!!!!!!!! You're being a fucking snitch!

Vriska: Give me that!


Rose: Do you have your teacher's phone number?

Terezi: He's Tavros's brother, he deserves to know.

Vriska: No, you're just trying to make him hate me!!!!!!!!

Rose: Again, not trying to become involved here, but why do you have your teacher's phone number?

Vriska: Is that what you want?? For EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD to HATE MY GUTS?

Vriska: I am going to KILL you I am going to GOUGE YOUR EYES OUT WITH A SPOON AND FEED THEM TO YOU!

11/08/12
"Kanaya: "Perhaps it is wrong to formulate this issue as one of the court. More than innocence or guilt, we are after the best possible result for everyone and for peace and order to be maintained. If we really must bring roleplaying into this, it seems to me that writing a treaty would be more fitting.""

Terezi: I don't want peace

Terezi: I want justice

Terezi: And if you're not amenable to that, I see no reason to relay the details of the case to you

Rose: Alright, I generally try to stay out of highschool interpersonal politics but I'd just like to mention that we're still at school and if you attempt anything violent there are going to be serious legal consequences that might negatively impact the rest of your life.

Rose: Just

Rose: putting that out there.

11/08/12
"Vriska: Call Tavros to the stand for it being his fault."

Vriska: Hey, you know who we should ring up? Tavros.

Terezi: Objection your honor.

Terezi: I'd like to call for a cross-examination, as Vriska Serket is notorious for resorting to Leading Questions, intimidation and even coercion to extricate false confessions from the defendant.

11/08/12
"And what does Terezi think about bringing Aradia in to this?"

Terezi: The court would like to call the witness to the stand.

Vriska: "The court would like to call the witness to the stand, kerbluhh bluhhh bluhhhh"!

11/08/12
"Kanaya: "This Conversation is missing a crucial element. You both need to apologize to Aradia. She deserves to be part of this discussion.""

Vriska: If you bring Aradia in here I'm leaving.

Vriska: She's just going to whine whine whine and then blame me for everything! Even for the things that were cleeeeeeeearly Tavros's fault!

Vriska: ESPECIALLY for the things that were Tavros's fault!

Vriska: I am not going to sit here and be surrounded by people that h8 me when everything just got resolved and we can just go back to friends.

11/08/12
">"

[image]

28/07/12
">"




28/07/12
">"

Min: I didn't get in the way of your little rebellion, sweetheart. I saved you from it.

Min: Your justice? Just an ugly, vicious cycle.

Min: That's why they call them revolutions, you see. Because it just replaces one idiot ruler with another, round and round in circles...

Min: No, you're much better off without your silly rebellion. And you'd be much better off letting me live.

Min: But you know what? I'd let you kill me.

Min: If only for the satisfaction of knowing your own "best friend" would slit your pretty neck for it-


Garnet: I don't even need to kill you.

Garnet: Fifi's a little slow on the uptake, sure, but when he sees you for who you really are he'll shoot you himself.

Min: And you're betting on that?

Garnet: All that's left to do is wait.

Min: Ah. Well if I were you, 자기야,

Min: I wouldn't hold my breath.

28/07/12
">"

GC: You're going to work for Kracht? What about the rebellion?

AT: The rebellion isn't a puppy, Garnet. It's not gonna die if I leave it alone for a while.

AT: You should join in! Everyone else is. He said it's going to be something easy and sedentary and nonviolent and Peter Pan plays might be involved?

AT: Spinneret thinks it's a good idea.


GC: You're listening to Miss "Trying-To-Touch-You-Innapropriately"?

AT: I don't know. She already touched me innapropriately and I was pleasantly surprised to find that I did not die at all?

GC: Sigh.

AT: Did you know... That her name is Mindy? Which sounds almost exactly like Wendy from Peter Pan, except you turn the 'W' upside-down.

GC: Sigh.

AT: Did you know I had to explain relative directions to her once? She wouldn't move out of the doorway.

GC: Fifi I want you to think this through.

GC: When you were explaining this to her, what doorway was she about to walk through?


AT: The door to my room I think? I was just about to leave so, haha, I nearly ran right into her.

GC: Did she have a knife on her?

AT: Yyyyyyyyeah but doesn't she always carry one around?

GC: And it didn't occur to you that maybe she already knew what relative directions were?


AT: Phhphhplffhlt. Who would act dumb on purpose?

AT: All I know is that this is gonna go great. And besides.

AT: Lady luck is on my side. }:)


GC: Sigh.

-- arachnophilesTorero[AT] ceased pestering gottfriedsCatechumen[GC] at 18:12 --

28/07/12
">"

The Disciple: I still can't believe he got captured!

Garnet: Sigh.

The Marquise: I know right?

Garnet: Sighhh.

Garnet: This isn't a complete failure. We just have to think this thr-


The Marquise: What if we burst in last minute like badasses? And I can catch him and be the hero and get laid.

The Disciple: Oh man that sounds cool!

Garnet: Sigh.

Garnet: The cavalreapers have been taken into custody for interrogation. If we want enough men to pull off something like that we'd have to turn to Kracht.

The Disciple: Oh sweet! The felt seem cool!

Garnet: Sigh.

28/07/12
">"

Garnet: We've already fucked up big time. From here out we need to be far more conscientious.

The Summoner: I'm going to fucking kill him.

Garnet: Don't do anything reck-

The Summoner: Shut up! He took Vantas's life!

The Summoner: And also my fucking LEGS!!!!!!!!


Garnet: Makara is a religious figure. Killing him is going to make terrorists out of us, and more importantly, get you captured.

Garnet: No, we have to think this through.


The Summoner: Well you know what?

Garnet: What?

Fifi: PHHPHHPLFFHLT!

28/07/12
">"

Fifi: So I'm supposed to rescue some hippie dude?

Garnet: You're supposed to rescue the Nameless. He already has a large following based on philosophies similar to our own ideals, and he'll be a great asset to the revolution.

Fifi: I can do it alone, you know.

Garnet: I know. But what you can't do is resist the temptation to try and pull something dumb and heroic.

Garnet: I know you don't like hired help but I can't trust you to not get yourself int-


Fifi: PHHPHHPLFFHLT! I don't mind mercenaries. I just don't like that assassin.

Fifi: She's always trying to touch me innapropriately and stuff.


Garnet: Well if she behaves in an untowardly manner unto you I will spray her with pesticide. Does that make you feel better?

Fifi: Hahaha. A little.

28/07/12
"Timeline: Reveal thyself"

GC: Oh, you don't need me. You're the figurehead of some huge rebellion, right?

AT: Yesss, but every figurehead needs a brain! You are my brain, Garnet.You won't have to do any fighting or stuff like that, just handle all the stategic and political nonsense.

GC: You do realize joining your rebellion would mean giving up my dream of becoming a legislator, right?

AT: Pfft. You're not into law, not really. You're into justice! And rebellions are all about justice.

AT: Just picture it! Team Spitfire dispensing righteousness like cheap cigars.

AT: The cigars will be spewing out righteous justice everywhere! Justicely!


GC: Sigh.

GC: If I agree to this, can you promise not to sing "wind beneath my wings" at me?


AT: I will make no such promises.

GC: Sigh.

GC: What if you get hurt?


AT: I'll only get hurt if I fail! I can't fail. And besides.

AT: Lady justice is on my side.

AT: }B)

AT: Wink.


-- anarchisticTempest [AT] ceased pestering gottfriedsCatechumen[GC] at 18:12 --

27/07/12
">"

27/07/12
">"

27/07/12
"Rufio and Dualscar: Strife"

25/07/12
">"

What’s a god to a non-believer?

Who don’t believe in anything?"

-Oscar Wilde

25/07/12
">"

What’s a king to a god?

25/07/12
">"

What’s a mob to a king?

25/07/12
"Rufio, call them out on their bluff, proceed to take the lead anyway."

"Human beings in a mob

25/07/12
"Pose because you almost died."

Leona: Looks like we arrived just in the nick of time, Doctor! What does that make us?

Dr. Lier: Big damn heroes, my lady.

Leona: Aren't we just?

Prince Consort Ampora: Who the fuck are these douchebags? Why the fuck is everyone so incompetent!?

Leona: You know, I'd tear the lot of you apart myself, on account of trying to kill my husband. And by trying I mean completely succeeding.

Leona: But all circumstances considered, I think I ought to let Fifi take over here.

Rufio: Uhh, okay first I would like to state for the record that my name is not Fifi

Rufio: And also, can I sit this one out, maybe? And can someone untie me because this rope

Rufio: really chafes, uh.


Leona: Oh no, this won't do. Tsk tsk tsk, this isn't good at all.

Leona: It's a good thing we brought a helmet, isn't it, Clare?

Garnet: We did what?

Leona: A helmet. It's an invisible helmet that you can only see if you believe in it, and it magically gives you confidence through the use of magic, magically.

Leona: Isn't it a good thing we brought that?


Garnet: ...Yes?

Leona: Good. Now hand it over to the poor dear.

25/07/12
">"

Min: Aww, were you really going to die so easily?

Min: Whatever happened to "If you let me fall I'll kill you?"


Rufio: You threw a dagger at me

Min: Only to save your life.

Rufio: Okay I am all for drama and theatrics but damn there must have been a better way to do that

Rufio: seriously what if you had missed

04/08/12
"Min: Do that thing from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie where you throw a sword and cut the rope right as Rufio starts to fall. It's bad ass."

18/07/12
"Rufio: Put on your bravest face. You're blushing. Blushing means that someone important is watching. So you gotta be brave. Braver! Be defiantly proud to be on the gallows! Make a statement!"

You try to come off as brave and settle for indignant.

18/07/12
""Any last words?""

Rufio: Your laws are arbitrary, your gold is worthless, your gods are false, your bluecollar citizens starve and your blueblood bureaucrats gorge themselves to death.

Rufio: This world is shit; this country is shittier.

Rufio: You can choke on a dick, I'm ollies outy.

Cornelius: Good game. best opponent.

18/07/12
"Rufio: Come on man you're better than that. How did this happen and why do you not look more concerned about it?"

It's not your fault this happened! It's the Prince-consort's fault. When you go around being a malignant dictator you should expect a rebellion! Hell, you should accept it! Why can't tyrants just say, 'yeah these thirty fucking years of tyrannical rule have been fun, but now i think it's time to surrender to this nice man with the shotgun. yeah, that's the right thing to do.' But no one ever does that, do they?

And you are totes concerned. Yeah, you are so scared to die, man. Definitely. You don't just cry when other people get hurt, that would be silly. You'd flip a fucking car if someone pricked your little brother's finger, there's no reason you shouldn't be freaking the fuck out over your own execution. You make a halfhearted attempt to care about yourself more than you care about other people.

This is unpleasant. Yeah. This is more than unpleasant. This is...

Shitwhores bitchtits. Yeah, that's the kind of thing people say when they're upset about stuff. This is goddamn motherfucking doubleninja shitwhore bitchtits on a firebike. This is crotch-kicking cowboy christ on a flaming motorcycle ramping up a dragonslut's giant, astroglide-covered tail.

Yeah.

Grrrrrrrrr.

15/07/12
">"

Shit let's be this douchebag

15/07/12
"HeartStuck Thread 7: They Refuse To Accept It Is So, Yet It Remains The Truth Regardless"

15/07/12
"Rose: Ask Kanaya if she enjoys the view."

Rose: "Did you enjoy the view?"

Kanaya: "Care to elaborate?"

Rose: I'm mimicking the thing you said earlier.

Kanaya: Yes, I know, and I am mimicking your response to that thing I said, in a show of insincere passive aggressive humor.

Kanaya: You see, sarcasm is gauged by one's dedication to perpetuating the lie that is at hand.


Rose: Oh yes, absolutely, that is definitely how sarcasm works.

Kanaya: You thought you could cleverly snark against me by ironically echoing something embarrassing I said earlier today, however I have managed to outwit you via taking the mimicry of the aforementioned conversation farther than you had planned for it to go.

Kanaya: !

Kanaya: Thus, you are forced to play along with the embarrassing reenactment of said conversation all the way through to the flustering end.

Kanaya: Where the embarassment I am speaking of is referring to your inevitable humilation during the recapitulation of the the conversation, and not the humiliation I experienced during it's initial incarnation.

Kanaya: It will be the same conversation, except our roles will be reversed turnways.


Rose: And what if I decide I don't want to reenact that conversation from your perspective? As captivating as my hypothetical performance might be.

Kanaya: Yes that is where my outwitting you comes into play

Kanaya: You see by refusing to play along with this parody of our previous dialogue, you are refusing to perpetuate the lie that is at hand.

Kanaya: It is already established that sarcasm is gauged by one's dedication to such an endeavor

Kanaya: Therefore, by not maintaining your satirical repition, you are compromising the insincerity of your original statement

Kanaya: rendering your first sentence a genuine attempt at flirtation, rather than the witty callback it was intended to be

Kanaya: !!!


Rose: So basically,

Rose: you're trolling me by putting me in a position where I either have to imitate the entire conversation I was quoting from your end, thus putting myself in the same compromising position I put you in earlier

Rose: or I refuse to do so, and reconstrue my sarcastic quote as a genuine come-on by means of invalidating my sarcasm?


Kanaya: yes precisely

Rose: Kanaya Maryam?

Kanaya: yes

Rose: I believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship.

08/07/12
">"

TP: TH3 D3F3ND4NT 1S B31NG CH4RG3D FOR TH3 FOLLOW1NG CR1M3S:

TP: TH3 4GGR4V4T3ED 4SS4ULT OF T4VROS N1TR4M

TP: TH3 4GGR4V4T3ED 4SS4ULT OF 4R4D14 M3G1DO


VS: Oh shit. What is this?

VS: Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit sh8t shit.


TP: TH3 OBSTRUCT1ON OF JUST1C3

TP: 4ND M4N1PUL4T1NG M3 TO TH3 PO1NT OF BL1NDN3SS


VS: Whaaaaaaaat?

VS: I never manipul8ed you EVER! Not once!

VS: I didn't tell you a8out all that stuff because I know how you are and I knew you would think I was a monster of something.


TP: VR1SK4

TP: YOU 4R3 4 MONST3R

TP: YOU 4R3 TH3 HUG3ST MOST GROT3SQU3 FUNNY SM3LL1NG MONST3R 4ND MY JUST1C3 GL4SS3S W3R3 SCR3W3D ON TOO T1GHT TO S33 TH1S

TP: TO S33 TH4T YOU 4R3 B4S1C4LLY OUT OF YOUR M1ND

VS: All of those things happened a long time ago anyw8y! It doesn't matter anymore. We're all friends now, it's cool.

TP: YOU 4R3 4LSO 4PP4R3NTLY STUP1D

TP: DO YOU 3V3N KNOW HOW B4DLY YOU FUCK3D 4R4D14 OV3R

TP: HOW MUCH W3

TP: SH1T

TP: DO YOU TH1NK 1 WOULD H4V3 B33N SO H4RD ON H3R 1F 1 H4D KNOWN WH4T YOU D1D TO H3R?

TP: 4ND YOU L13D 4ND L13D 4ND L13D


VS: I didn't tell you 8ecause you thought I was one of the good guys! And you never m8de me out to 8e a villain and I just thought, If I could 8e a good person in your eyes, m8y8e that would be enough.

VS: And I don't know. I thought

VS: if ANYONE could help me ch8nge

VS: it would 8e you. 8ecause you really 8elieved in me.


TP: WOW Y34H 1 4M D3F1N1T3LY GO1NG TO F4LL FOR TH4T ON3 4G41N

TP: NOT


VS: 8LUHHHHHHHH.

VS: I love you, ok8y? I love you, I love you, I love you, I l8ve you, I l8ve you, I l8ve you, I l8ve y8u, I l8ve y8u, and I never lied a8out that!!!!!!!!


TP: YOU KNOW

TP: TH3 WORST P4RT 1SNT 3V3N TH4T 1 W4S WRONG 4BOUT YOU 1TS JUST THat you're everything I thought she was

TP: and I called her a monster

TP: i made her life miserable because i had no idea and you just let me

TP: i don't know how to fix this


VS: GR8!!!!!!!!

VS: We can fix it together! We'll get 8r8ia a gift and we can all 8e friends again, with NO SECR8S this time!

VS: Man, I'm actually kind of relieved. It's good to get all of this out in the open. The truth will set you free, eh?

VS: Yep, it's like a w8 has 8een lifted off of my 8ack. Now I can really start 8eing the good guy.

VS: Right Terezi?

VS: Terezi?

VS: Tereeeeeeeeziiiiiiii????????


-- tereziPyrope [TP] blocked vriskaSerket [VS] --

08/07/12
">"

GM: honk.

TP: H3Y G4MZ33!

TP: K4RK4T S41D YOU M4Y H4V3 GOTT3N 1NTO 4 SK1RM1SH

TP: 4R3 YOU 4LL R1GHT?

GM: AS RIGHT AS ALL GETS,

GM: compared to how my main motherfucker over here ended up. :o(

GM: JUST GOT DONE TALKING TO ERIDAN, AND IT JUST SEEMS LIKE A MOTHERFUCKING SHAME TO ME.

GM: that all this shit had to go down on account of one lousy motherfucking arachnid had to be crawling in nooks she don't belong.


TP: OH GOD NOT YOU TOO

TP: Y3S, L3TS BL4M3 3V3RYTH1NG ON VR1SK4! SH3 1S CL34RLY TH3 SOURC3 OF 4LL OUR TROUBL3S 4ND NOT 4T 4LL 4N UNFORTUN4T3 SC4P3GO4T WHOS MOST SOL3 CR1M3 H4S B33N RUD3N3SS 4ND T3RR1BL3 T4ST3 1N M3N

TP: M4YB3 1F 4NYON3 4CTU4LLY GOT TO KNOW H3R YOU GUYS WOULD STOP P1NN1NG 3V3RY S1NGL3 PROBL3M OF YOUR L1V3S ON H3R


GM: SEEMS TO ME THAT I'M NOT THE ONE MISSING ONE TOO MANY PAPERS IN THE VRISKA FILE.

GM: seems to me if anyone's suffering from a lethal case of motherfucking misinformation, i'm talking to her.


TP: >:[

GM: DID A SISTER GO AND FORGET WHAT VRISKA WENT AND DID TO ARADICITA AND TAVBRO?

GM: did that vital information

GM: JUST LEAK OUT OF HER BRAIN-CUP LIKE SOMEONE DONE POKED A HOLE AT THE BOTTOM OF HER SKULL?

GM: or did you never even get told?


TP: W41T

TP: TH4TS JUST BULLSH1T

TP: 4R4D14S TH3 ON3 WHO GOT VR1SK4 HURT

TP: R1GHT??

GM: TSK MOTHERFUCKING TSK, MAMACITA.

GM: do you think vriska went and let that slide?

GM: YOU THINK ARADIA AIN'T ALREADY PAID FOR THAT CRIME TENFOLD AND ONCE AGAIN?

GM: do you think aradia didn't have a damn good reason for getting vriska flogged to begin with?

GM: 'CAUSE THE EVIDENCE, MY WICKED SISTER, MY PRECIOUS LITTLE FIREBREATHING LAMB, IS PAINTED RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF HER MOTHERFUCKING MUG.


TP: WH4T?

TP: YOU M34N 4R4D14S SC4R? TH4T W4S SOL'S F4ULT


GM: wrong again.

GM: SHIT, SIS

GM: it appears like what you've been told some egregious motherfucking lies of omission.

GM: NOW YOU FIND A NICE WARM CHAIR TO PLOP DOWN AND GET A LISTEN ON

GM: while ole' gamzee gets you motherfucking educated

08/07/12
"[S] Sun: Rise"

22/06/12
"Kanaya: Head to library."

Janitor: Library's closed, Kanaya.

21/06/12
"Take a long walk in the morning light."

21/06/12
"Kanaya: If you absolutely have to leave, leave a message."

21/06/12
"Kanaya: Pull their blanket up. They're indecent."

21/06/12
"Go take a shower. Get your hair done, all that jazz. You normally get up pretty early for this anyway, right?"

You spend an inordinate amount of time fussing over toiletries and cosmetics. It is hard, being a fashionista. It is hard and nobody understands.

Usually you wake up early to take long walks in the morning light. There is something so inexplicably, undeniably alluring about the light.
You can't quite put your fang on it.

*finger

21/06/12
"Kanaya: I believe it would be only decent to wait until your quests are awake before leaving. Perhaps you can prepare for the day while doing so?"

You've been meaning to brighten up this room a bit, actually. It's terribly drab for an aspiring fashion designer.

You check to make sure your guests are indeed still asleep. You have an... unorthodox, albeit PLATONIC interest in ladies of the DANGEROUS persuasion. What do these plebeians know of Dorothy Dandridge's roguish charm? Or Barbara Stanwyck's lethal allure? You have no inclination towards idle chatter of "tall, dark and handsome", so there is no good reason to disregard your affinity for "grim, dark and classy".

"They’re the kind of dames who can wear floor-length gowns and look completely naked. The kind with hair piled up on their head like compliant serpents, or falling down in smooth lustrous waves. Dames with hard faces and mocking smiles and eyes that sized you up and found you wanting . . . but you’d do, for now."
- esteemed novelist and poet, William Arthur Dunkerley

Subtle.

21/06/12
"See if guests are awake yet."

Your guests are fast asleep, curled into each other's warmth as they drift through a seamless sequence of saccharine dreams.
Sometimes it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.

Cats too, I guess.
No, especially cats; cats will scratch a motherfucker.

18/06/12
"How should I begin my quest?"

Now now Kanaya, it's only half past six AM. I doubt this is any time to start investigating.
I suppose if you're feeling restless, the following locations are currently accessible:

-Jade and Nepeta room
-Aradia's Room
-Ballet room
-Restroom (open all hours)
-Library
-Sewing club

Be careful, though. Prefects aren't very fond of loiterers.

18/06/12
"Any clues on what the colors represent, or if they have some other significance?"

I believe they're relevant to the nature of your quest, and to the nature of the quills' intended use.

They might also serve as clues to who you're supposed to be helping. Some sleuthing may be required!

18/06/12
"I only ask that you continue to look sexy while being helpful dear."

Oh dear.

Your precocious attractions are so very, very misdirected; there is enough semen in my spermatheca to last me a lifetime.


Uhm

16/06/12
"Kanaya: Accept"

Echidna: Very good. Here is your payment, as promised.

Kanaya: Thank you. But before I go, I should inform you of something. There will be a slight change in plans.

Echidna: Is that so.
Kanaya: Yes. I do not meddle.

Kanaya: I help.

Kanaya: There is a huge difference.

Good morning Kanaya! My you're up early, it's only 6:12.

Just as well, now that you're on your first denizen's quest. Perhaps your last, depending on how this one goes. And I see you've acquired Echidna's quills!


Yes
So Was The Dream Real

In a way! You didn't actually push a boy off the ledge of a bridge.

So Is This Lipstick Magic Or Something
I Was Under The Impression The Quills Would Be More

Useful

They are! They'll be whatever you need them to be, when you need them to be it. It's really spectacular, and she was especially generous in giving you two.

So Theyre Whatever I Need
Does That Mean I Need Lipstick
Am I chapped
Blue And Bronze Arent Even Good Shades

I think they've adopted lipstick as their default form. They'll transform when you need them to, don't worry.

Any questions? I'd love to be of assistance.

13/06/12
"Kanaya: Accept. Ask about the charges. Don't be snarky, be calm and friendly."

Echidna: It is not in our power to interact directly with our charges. You have no such restrictions. Your task would be to, in some way, assist one Who Breathes Life Into Embittered Hearts.

Echidna: Basically, I am asking you to meddle with one of Typhon's charges. For their benefit, of course.

Echidna: I can't offer you any names, but I'll mark Those Who Fan Fires to make them easier to identify. I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out anyhow.

Echidna: I'll uphold my side of the bargain as soon as you accept the deal.

Echidna: If you do accept, that is.

11/06/12
"Kanaya: Listen intently, behave properly."

Echidna: Allow me to start off by saying you have completely fucked yourself over by not accepting Hephaestus's deal.

Echidna: This is a dating sim, dear. The goal is grounded in forming relationships. You didn't think it wise to resume the game at a point where you've actually gotten to know everyone?

Echidna: Seeing as time is not my domain and I seek Jade to see to most of my tasks, neither of us have anything of great significance to offer each other. But there's still something I have worth bargaining.

Echidna: I have a lover, Typheus. He oversees those who would extinguish candles whilst fanning a fire.

Echidna: His charges are failing spectacularly at life, and he constantly laments this fact. He would do something himself, I'm sure, but we are not allowed to directly interfere with the lives of our charges. Only their games.

Echidna: To put things simply- when his charges are happy, Typheus is happy.

Echidna: When Typheus is happy, I'm happy.

Echidna: And when I'm happy, I will reward you with a particularly mulipurpose prize.

Echidna: Is it a deal or are you still retarded.

08/06/12
"Echidna: Drive Hephaestus away and begin presenting your own Choice."

Echidna says what a dumb ho.

Echidna: Well now.

Echidna: This should be far more comfortable.

08/06/12
">"

08/06/12
"Kanaya: Decline. Clearly Hephaestus knows something that is only beneficial to him(it?)self. His laughter at your attempt to create a way back out of this in case it goes south is all the proof you need."

He has the power to change the very timeline of your game. Did you think saving would really stop him?
What a shame. He couldn't make a deal today, but a meal will do for now.

07/06/12
"Kanaya: save game before you chose, it always helps to have a backup plan"

As you save, you can hear Hephaestus laugh and laugh and laugh.
It is very unnerving.

06/06/12
"Kanaya: Learn the ins and outs of the deal before you agree."


He says he can change the period of time in your life the game takes place in. The game would occur at a point in your life that would increase your likelihood to win.
This would be some point in the future, so the actions you have already made would have an impact on the game's conditions. He assures you these conditions are favorable.

You ask what your side of the deal would be.
That's the catch, he says. He'll only tell you once the deal's already been made.

06/06/12
"Kanaya: yeah sure. lend him some chapstick as well, and endless stream of lava can not be good for the lips"

Must do wonders for his pores though.

06/06/12
"Kanaya: Try to start a conversation with the scary monster."

He asks if you are afraid of him.

You tell him it's just a dream.

Well in that case, he says, he supposes he could just make a deal with you instead.

Unless you'd rather die, that is.

27/05/12
"Dave: Wake up."

It's not like you can have dreams where you not die or something.

26/05/12
"Kanaya: Look back down at the boy."

413 meters is a long way to fall...
Even for a dream.

26/05/12
"Kanaya: Watch the sun break."

Hephaestus is so pissed at you right now.

26/05/12
"Kanaya: Push him off the ledge already."

On a whim, you decide to push the boy off the ledge.

It is an admirably hardboiled way to fall.

26/05/12
"Being stuck in a moment with no interaction is a hollow victory, would it not be better to try to fix things than to look upon a picture of it before it broke?"

???: Oh yeah, no one ever dies and everyone's friends forever. What a terrible fuckin' existence.

26/05/12
"Kanaya: Ask why he is stopping time."

???: Wow, you seriously need to ask?

???: If that sun starts turning again, these guys are gonna disappear.

???: Time starts- shit changes. Time stops- it won't.

???: It's not rocket science, princess; take some fucking notes.

26/05/12
"Invite him out for walk. Ask if he can give you a tour, or just explore."

???: Sorry toots, kinda busy keeping time stopped.

???: This isn't my house anyway. It's Jade's.

26/05/12
"Oh, just talk to him already."

???: Sup.

There is absolutely nothing to say.

26/05/12
"Observe floating red gear."

There is a giant, red, unmoving gear in the sky.
It is completely underwhelming.

26/05/12
"Kanaya: Don't look down... Don't look down..."

413 meters is a long way to fall! Even for a dream.

26/05/12
"Kanaya: Look around for other people."

...
Nah.

26/05/12
"Kanaya: Visit your subconscious."

The wind is still. Blowing leaves and specs of dust are caught frozen in place. Birds below float motionless midair like limp marionettes, stopped mid-flight. There's a glowing gear where the sun should be, dull and still like the rest of the world. It's as if time itself has stopped, abruptly as a scratched record.

Eh. You've dreamt worse.

26/05/12
"FINISH IT."

Aranea: I've a little looking-glass upon my parlour shelf,

Aranea: If you'll step in one moment, dear, you shall behold yourself."

Aranea: And now dear little children, who may this story read,

Aranea: To idle, silly flattering words, I pray you ne'er give heed:

Aranea: Unto an evil counsellor, close heart and ear and eye,

Aranea: And take a lesson from this tale, of the Spider and the Fly.

22/05/12
"Strip or Strife: Be over. Aranea: Be the winner."

Oh, you mean that terribly insipid game these first-years were playing? Oh no, you made sure to put an end to that. You weren't about to let them degrade themselves like that.
It seems they've all fallen asleep. Even though your charm stat is comparatively higher, you wouldn't be surprised if your poem-reading wasn't very enthralling.

Your audience is fast asleep but... perhaps it couldn't hurt to see to it that the tale is read through to the end? It's one of your personal favorites, as your sister read it to you when you were quite a bit smaller. It couldn't hurt to finish it, even for nostalgia's sake. You might feel a tad awkward reading to a snoring crowd, however.

> Finish the tale of the spider and the fly?

21/05/12
"Rose: Answ- no Vriska. Stop that. No she's trying to type. Stop with the tickling. Oh now he's totally going to misunderstand that."

My apologies for having to interrupt you so late in the evening, Miss Lalonde.

rL:No apology necessary, Dr. Kracht. I've actually been expecting you to pester me some time today.

rL:Would this have anything to do with the field trip?

Yes.

The prefecture has decided on Rome for the location.


rL:And we're still on for some time next week?

Yes.

The Prosperse students will be there, unfortunately, but that can't be helped.


rL:Did you contact me to brief me on things I already know?

Of course not.

rL:Did you contact me to harass me into becoming a prefect?

Heavens no.

rL:Then what is this about?

This is about your initiation into the prefecture.

rL:I thought you just said this wasn't about the prefecture?

I said no such thing.

You asked me if I intended to harass you. I answered you honestly.

rL:You're bothering me incessantly and it's become irritating. That's not harassment?

It appears you aren't listening to me.

You inquired as to whether I contacted you with the purpose of harassing you into becoming a prefect. While you may personally feel harassed, that irritation is an emotion independent of my intentions.

You would make a wonderful prefect.


rL:Well you would make a wonderful DOUCHE8ag!!!

rL:Oh w8! You already ARE!!!!!!!!


Good evening, Miss Serket.

The sentiment applies to you too.


rL:I don't want to join your huge dum8 girly rumpus party. You can forget it!

Are you sure? Miss Fang personally oversees the prefects and their affairs.

She would be happy to have you along. Almost as enthusiastic as you would be to haver her as a mentor.


rL:8luh 8luh, huge assumptions!

rL:Listen here 8u8, I could not c8re less a8out your dum8 sno8s and their DUM8 teacher.

Very well. I'll make sure to relay your opinion to her.

rL: NO!!!!!!!! >8X8XO

What's that?

I can't scan your extraneous surprise noodles over the sound of my chat client contacting the miss Fang.

Just kidding.


rL: What were you going to tell me about becoming a prefect.

I was just about to mention one of the benefits.

rL: Benefits?

Yes. You'd recieve all sorts of goodies.

rL: ... "Goodies".

Yes.

In fact, you and your thief friend are currently in posession of stolen prefect honorarium.

I don't know how she got ahold of it, but it's in her inventory right now.


rL: What is?

rL: You wouldn't be referring to her cueball, would you?

Yes. But it isn't a cueball.

Have you tried turning it on?


rL: It's a regular white sphere. It has no switches or buttons or plugs. Nothing of the sort.

Neither does most of the school.

Did you know Skaia runs primarily off energy of the sun?

A good portion of our electricity is drawn from solar power.


rL: Are you saying the orb needs to be in sunlight to work?

No. But that's closer.

rL: Does it need some other kind of light? A specialized type, maybe?

Ah, I'll make a prefect out of you yet.

There is an entire spectrum of electromagnetic waves, Lalonde, ranging from ultraviolet to infrared. Your friend is Alternian, yes? I'm sure she's better acquainted with spectrums.

Perhaps you should be asking her how to make your 'cueball' function.

21/05/12
"Rose: You've got a message on your laptop. Answer it!"

Vriska: Oh my god, are you seriously going to answer that guy?

Rose: Why wouldn't I?

Vriska: Because he's a petty jerk with a bad temper and a big-headed ego! And also a huge creep, which is just the icing on the obnoxious cake.

Vriska: Ugggggggh, he's so creepy. Rose, I don't trust him. I think he's out to touch our butts.


Rose: That's a rather bold accusation to make against an asexual gentleman. I'm sure he couldn't care less about our respective behinds.

Vriska: How would you know!!! Did he tell you that? That's even creepier.

Rose: We'll do it your way, then. We can be needlessly concerned with the spotlessness of our derrieres, even when our suspicions defy all reason and logic.

Rose: Oooh, watch out! I think we may be in the presence of a malicious spirit whose condemned soul has perished in some morbid posterior related tragedy! Its restless entity now seeks to haunt our rear-ends.

Vriska: When there's something strange

Vriska: In your neighborhood


Rose: Oh goodness.

Vriska: Who ya gonna call?

Vriska: GHOST BUTTSTERS!

Rose: Snrrrrk..!

Vriska: Oh my god.

Vriska: Was that a gigglesnort? Do you snort when you laugh?

Vriska: You totally gigglesnorted! Oh my gosh Rose you laugh like a dweeb

Vriska: How am I just now finding out about this?

Vriska: No wonder you're such a stick in the mud, you have the nerdiest laugh!


Rose: Hush, I need to answer the principal.

Vriska: Watch out! I'm gonna tickle you!

21/05/12
"Vriska: Resume fangy shenanigans. Also inevitably bring up the new girl at some point and become disgruntled."

Vriska: Oh man, did you see that new girl?

Vriska: She seriously won't give me a break.


Rose: Ah yes. You caused quite a tumult in the cafeteria earlier.

Vriska: Yeah because she's done nothing but cause trouble!!!!!!!

Vriska: And then Terezi totally snogged her and it SUCKS.


Rose: Ooh, jealous are we?

Vriska: Yeah, jealous of people that are allowed to go around tossing tongue salads with everybody when Terezi won't even cut me some fucking slack!

Vriska: Dang, how hyprocritical do you even have to BE to DO something like that?


Rose: She doesn't seem all that bad.

Rose: Kanaya, that is. I was trying to flirt with her but I think I she misinterpreted my intent.


Vriska: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA- pretend I laughed mockingly for like eight times.

Vriska: That is the saddest story I've ever heard. That's like when Mufasa died in the Lion King, if Mufasa was also trying to hit on some derpy nerd lionesses before falling to his lamey lame loser death.

Vriska: How did you fuck it up? Did you start sweating? Did you start ranting about you and your weird tentacle buddies? Huh?

Rose: Oh no, I like to think I 'played it cool'. This might have been what lead to my efforts being misconstrued as condescending.

Rose: Regardless, it hardly matters.


Vriska: It totally matters, oh man. I am never going to let you live this down. This is going to be your legacy in life.

Rose: You write a 70,000 word novel? No one calls you an author. You knit scarves for all your friends? no one calls you a seamstress.

Rose: But you mack on one girl...


Vriska: Hahahahahahahaha, oh man. High five. High eight.

Rose: Thank you; and do hold your applause.

19/05/12
"Gaston"

18/05/12
"Rose and Vriska: Reveal hidden love for Disney tunes"

Rose: Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Vriska

Rose: Looking so down in the dumps

Rose: Ev'ry gal here'd love to be you, Vriska

Rose: Even when taking your lumps

Rose: There's no girl in town as admired as you

Rose: Even when your plans go awry

Rose: Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you

Rose: And it's not very hard to see why.

Rose: No one's lucky like Vriska

Rose: A queen bee just like Vriska

Rose: No one's got a neat sway in her hips like Vriska!


Vriska: As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!

Rose: Oh what a lady, Vriska!

Rose: Give five "hurrahs!"

Rose: Give twelve "hip-hips!"

Rose: Vriska is the best

Rose: And the rest is all drips!

Rose: No one fights like Vriska.

Rose: "Thief of light"s like Vriska!

Rose: In a wrestling match nobody bites like Vriska!

Rose: For there's no one as tough and bloodthirsty!


Vriska: As for 8-balls- well, I've got thirty!

Rose: Not a bit of you's grimy or dirty.

Vriska: That's right!

Vriska: And I you could say I can get a bit flirty. :::;)

Rose: No one threats like Vriska!

Rose: Gets upset like Vriska!

Rose: When breaking eight-balls no one can sweat like Vriska


Vriska: I'm especially good at interrogating!

Rose: Oh what a Lady- Vriska!

17/05/12
"SUDDEN PERSPECTIVE SWITCH"

You can't be Rufio because even Rufio doesn't want to be The Summoner anymore!
You get to be these dinguses (Dingi?).

16/05/12
">"

Min: Wow. You look different without the helmet.

Rufio: You know what's really amazing? You have sounded genuinely surprised every time I have taken that piece of shit off my head for the past five years.

Rufio: It is making me concerned for your memory.

Rufio: In other news, I can't.

Rufio: Kill you, that is, I can't do that. Sorry.


Min: Can't see why not. It wouldn't be the first time you've tried.

Rufio: Yeah sure, back when I thought my own dick was a shining beacon of justice, and you were just another villain in a huge play.

Min: Let's pretend we're in this magical land of "back when", then. Would that help? If you were killing Spinneret instead of me?

Rufio: I could try.

Summoner: Hurrr durrr, Madame Min "Spinneret" Fang, you are hereby declared a huge bitch by means of my vigilante bullshit radar.

Summoner: You have been charged with the following bullshit; Human trafficking-


Spinneret: Ughh, yes, Ampora's slaves. I don't miss that.

Summoner: - Piracy -

Spinneret: Did the shit out of that.

Summoner: -Assassination of important assholes, I guess-

Spinneret: Alexander Makara. Favorite kill, by far.

Summoner: -Being criminally sexy-

Spinneret: Guilty as charged.

Summoner: And having been found directly responsible for over 80 deaths, as well as indirectly responsible for over 800.

Spinneret: Sounds about right.

Summoner: Any last words?

Spinneret: I love you.

Rufio: What the fuck.

Min: What?

Rufio: How am I supposed to shoot you after that? That's like shooting a puppy after it fetches your slippers for you or something.

Rufio: No. Fuck no. When you say I love you, you're going to get 'I love you too'.

Rufio: Pick some better last words.

16/05/12
">"

Min: If you let me bleed to death, I'll kill you.

Rufio: Ha! You wish. No, what I'm going to do is a whole lot crueller.

Min: Is that so?

Rufio:When you get your sweet prosthetic arm, I am going to buy you a rainbow eyepatch to match my awful rainbow shorts.

Rufio: We're going to match, Min.

Rufio: We're going to be that kind of couple.

Rufio: It's only a matter of time before we're wearing summer camp counselor uniforms and acting like annoying neighbors.

Rufio: Hold on to your panties, it's about to get fucking domestic up in here.

Rufio: We're going to have 8 kids and then not have any idea what to do because we didn't know what we even wanted kids for, except to have 8 of them.


Min: Raise them to become superheroes?

Rufio: Well yes, obviously, but what about all that "school" business?

Rufio: Oh fuck, you know what? We'll go back to being teachers.

Rufio: Showing kids how to swordfight all day and drinking redbull all night, wasn't that a neat set-up? Fuck the rebellion. Who needs a rebellion when you can put on peter pan plays.


Min: I'm tired. Take me to the courtyard.

Rufio: Oh, you're tired? That's funny, I'm the one carrying your ass around.

Rufio: I don't think now's the right time for a picnic anyway. Can I interest you in a hospital, or professional medical attention?


Min: Please don't make me beg. It's unbecoming.

16/05/12
"Rufio: "Can we just go find garnet now?""

Min: We? Ooh, does that mean I'm coming with you?

Rufio: Shit wait did I say we i meant fuck off

Min: Have you considered that you shouldn't be straining your legs so soon? What about stairs, hmmmmmmmm? I think you could use the assistance.

Rufio: What no i've got this shit go away

Min: Oh come on. This paranoia of yours is incredibly unnecessary.

Min: I couldn't hurt a fly!


Rufio: Alright, fine. But this is not going to become a thing.

Rufio: Also, if you let me fall I will kill you.

16/05/12
"Min: You really just have the weirdest feeling that Rufio might not be 100% hetero after all..."

Rufio: Do I even want to know how you came to that conclusion.

Min: I don't know. Maaaaaaaaybe it's the clothes?

Rufio: Are you fucking serious.

Min: I don't know. The tank top is a bit much. And I wasn't going to bring up your shorts but since we're already talking about it... What is up with your shorts?

Rufio: Alright, first of all, it's not a tank top shut up.

Rufio: Second- you would be wearing shorts too if your legs were the latest advancement in modern technology.


Min: But that's not really my point. I agree that your prosthetics are pretty great-

Rufio: Ex-fucking-scuse me? Dorito shell tacos are great, Spinneret.

Rufio: Drinking chocolate milk right out of the bottle on a monday morning is great, Spinneret.

Rufio: My legs are clasp-your-hands-over-your-mouth-to-keep-from-screaming-in-awe fuckin' awesome.

Rufio: My legs are a work of art crafted by some of the finest scientific minds of our era.

Rufio: Would you burn the work of Caravaggio because he draws creepy shit? No. Do people toss blankets over Michel Angelo's statues because they don't want to look at ancient stone dicks? Hell no.

Rufio: I can wear shorts if I damn well please because my legs are fucking amazing. Deal with it.


Min: Fair enough, I suppose.

Min: But one at least must concede that the colors could be misconstrued as somewhat flamboyant, no?


Rufio: Garnet likes bright colors and I'm a great friend. Sue me.

Rufio: I think you'd be surprised at how many people are mistaken for gay because the vast majority of the population has little to no knowledge regarding biosensors and synesthesia.

Rufio: Is this person a homosexual or does he not feel like removing his tactile sense plating???

Rufio: Is this person a homosexual or does his best friend think his shorts taste great???

Rufio: These are the kinds of questions you should be asking yourself.

15/05/12
"Rufio: Punch Min in the boob to establish out of the wayness"

Oh no no no, you were raised to be a gentleman. Even now you can't imagine being anything less than gentlemanly to a young lady without associating it with the grave punishment of wearing the dress of shame (which was not really all that much of a punishment at all but whatever)
How much of a pathetic runt would you even have to BE to DO something like that? What kind of sickening wimp would hurt a lady? One deserving to have his little head popped like a grape, that's who.
Yer makin' me mad, runt. Please return to being a manly heterosexual gentleman this instant.

14/05/12
"==>"

Rufio: We are definitely not on the same page here.

14/05/12
">"

Min: Is this some sort of innuendo thing.

Min: Because even the admiral of the Amporian armada did a better job of hitting on me.

Min: And he was trying to literally hit me.


Rufio: No! God damn, do you ever not mention sex?

Rufio: It comes up literally every time we talk.

Min: Does it actually come up just from talking to me?

Min: Even I don't think I'm that attractive.

14/05/12
"Be Min, in the past."

Rufio: Oh. Hey.

Min: Hi.

Rufio: Yeah. Spinneret, is it?

Min: Yep. Ssssssssummoner, right? You look different without the helmet.

Rufio: I don't think it's the helmet as much as days of constantly being injected with morphine, operated on and experimented with to create a prototype of ghetto tin-can legs that hurt like the holy mother of all sunburns.

Rufio: But I guess I do look kind of different without the helmet.

Min: Yes.

Rufio: Have you seen Garnet anywhere?

Min: No?

Rufio: Okay.

Rufio: Look, as nice as this is, I kind of need to get past this doorway.


Min: Right, yes, okay. Uh.

Min: You go left and I'll go right.

Rufio: ...You do realize why that wouldn't work though, don't you.

Min: What.

Rufio: Your right is my left.

Min: What?

Rufio: Because we're facing opposite directions.

Min: What are you talking about? We're looking right at eachother.

Rufio: No, I mean- It wouldn't be the same. Left and right are relative directions.

Rufio: Let me put it this way. You know how things are flipped when you look into a mirror?


Min: Bitch do I look like a fucking mirror?

Rufio: Okay whatever. Just... move out of the way, I'll go whatever direction's left-

Min: What if I move left?

Rufio: Then I would go right, because right would be left?

Min: So you're right?

Rufio: Right. But in a way, you'd be right too.

Min: Well yes, I know I'm right, but who's right?

Rufio: Nonono, technically we're both right.

Min: Alright, you have officially stopped making sense.

Rufio: "All right"? And I'm the one not making sense? Aagh, shit. Garnet's probably left by now.

Min: Now we have to worry about where Garnet is going?

Rufio: I don't even think we're talking about the same thing anymore.

14/05/12
">"

There are simply too many great outfits to choose from! Vriska makes a mad dash for the television before her friend can come up with any more fabulous ideas.

Perhaps we could be someone else for a while?

13/05/12
">"

11/05/12
"Vriska: Ascend the staircase"

11/05/12
"Vriska: Hey, where'd your friend go?"

She couldn't have gone very far.
Should you choose to INVESTIGATE, your current options are to venture UP or EAST.

10/05/12
"Vriska: Wear the hat. Be the rider."

You can not do this because you are too young to be at such a level of badassery! It is a known fact that only the 8ADDEST of bitches can wear the HAT and ride the MECHANICAL BULL.

10/05/12
"Kanaya: Play Dress-Up with your new friend!"

You're not all that into dress-up! At least not like other girls are.
There's only one person you would ever bother dressing similarly to; and that's only because she's INCONTROVERTIBLY and INDUBITABLY the BADDEST BITCH in the KNOWN UNIVERSE.

10/05/12
"Vriska: Try to have a conversation with each other, despite your speaking different languages."

Vriska: [image]

???: Aryu Hungary? Kaneye gityoo sumth eeng?

It's no use. She can only speak gibberish. (What a buffoon.)

10/05/12
"Kanaya: Candy Corn Kanpire."

What an unfathomably stupid waste of time.

10/05/12
"Vriska: Sit down and turn on the TV. Maybe there's something good on."

It looks like her brother was watching the grown-up news. He shouldn't have! Everyone knows that stuff gives you weird ideas. Still... maybe you'll take a look at it some other time. Right now you'd rather just play around.

10/05/12
"Vriska: Make a joke about his cancer. He can't understand what you are saying, there will be no repercussions."

10/05/12
"Kanaya and Vriska: Enter (the house) "

Her brother says something you don't understand in a really loud and obnoxious way. It was probably mean.

You make a mental note to push him down when your friend is not looking.

10/05/12
"Where is your friend's family?"

Probably in her house, if you had to guess.
You aren't too excited about seeing her brother again, though.

10/05/12
"Who's your friend?"

This is the friend whose house you are visiting! As of right now, the two of you are just sort of lollygagging outside. You don't actually know her name yet because she does not speak Alternian.
And you are not going learn her name for a very long time.

10/05/12
"Vriska: Put a bug in Kanaya's hair. Because you liiiiike her."

You do so, but not because you liiiiiiiike like her! Just because you normal like her, like how girls are supposed to like girls.

10/05/12
"Be Vriska in the past."

Of course! Who else could you possibly be?

10/05/12
"Min Fang: Do your stuff, some time, but not many, in the future."

You can not be Min Fang in the future, because wow do I even need to explain this one? Seriously?

09/05/12
">"

Oh whoops! Looks like we can no longer be PRESENT ARANEA.
Care to pick a different spiderbitch?

09/05/12
">"

09/05/12
"Kanaya: Direct Aranea to your room"

06/05/12
"Kanaya: Invite Aranea in for a moment."

Aranea: I suppose I could drop in to say hi. You've been so friendly after all.

Aranea: Alright, I'll say hello to your friends. What room is it?

09/05/12
"Kanaya: Accept her offer to help you carry the snacks, and ask for her name. Traveling together should put her in your party, so you can check her out."

CHARM: 88
INTELLIGENCE: 888
STRENGTH: 888

You quietly wonder how she managed to get exactly 8 eights in her stats.

08/05/12
"The situation with this senior could prove to be unpredictable. Better save before you continue."

Of course!

08/05/12
"It is your nature to be polite and pretend!"

Kanaya: For what it's worth, your outfit is rather llllll...ovvvvelll...yyyyinteresting.

Aranea: Thank you. There's no need for such fraudulent flattery, however; I'm very much aware that my sister's taste in clothing doesn't suit me. Nevertheless, I appreciate the sentiment. Green wing, I presume?

08/05/12
"Kanaya: Compliment Aranea on her outfit, as it is your nature to do such."

You can not do this because you think the hem of her dress might just be a bit short. And perhaps those stockings are pulled up a little high. And maybe the shade of red she chose for her shoes is just a wee bright.

It's not a disaster but... well, it's not not a disaster.

08/05/12
"Kanaya: Where are your manners? Politely introduce yourself and ask for the senior's name."

Kanaya: Ah, I almost forgot to introduce myself. Kanaya Maryam.

???: My name is Aranea Fang. It's a pleasure, Miss Maryam.

08/05/12
"Kanaya: "Are you suggesting that I should hold myself liable if you are unable to control yourself?""

???: Yes. A spider will weave a web as that is simply its nature. It is the prey's responsibility not to get caught.

08/05/12
"Kanaya: Mention that you actually went to buy the snacks for a sleepover. Then ask if she might want to join you there, if she doesn't mind hanging out with a bunch of first-years."

???: I do, actually.

???: Not out of any illusion of superiority, of course. It would simply be exploitative of me to take advantage of your naivete like that.

???: My stats are sort of embarrassing by senior standards, but I'm something of a monster compared to first years. I think I'd be tempted to turn your sleepover into some sort of personal pity party, which would be awful of me. Imagine some age-disparate stranger arriving and injecting extraneous awkwardness into an otherwise pleasant sleepover to satisfy some contrived social craving. Wouldn't that be selfish?

???: If it eases your conscience, I have enough eight-balls to last me another three hours and I'm expecting a call from someone.

???: I daresay my birthday shall be a celebration to give your slumber party a run for its money!

???: I jest. ::::)

08/05/12
">"

???: Ah, looks like you just turning them the wrong way. I don't mean to be presumptive but; are you a first-year?

Kanaya: Yes. Is it that obvious?

???: To a senior, yes.

???: You're getting quite a few snacks, by the way. Do you need me to carry anything?


Kanaya: Well, since you're offering, would you mind carrying me?

???: You?

Kanaya: Oh, wait. Sorry, no, it's fine. Old habits die hard.

???: Haha. Low strength, I take it?

Kanaya: Formerly, yes.

???: I can empathize. I only wish I had your foresight to forsake strength in favor of charm.

???: I just have a hunch I'll be spending the rest of my eighteenth birthday alone in a room full of eight-balls.

???: Ah, rambling again. A terrible trait to have, my apologies if I go off on a tangent.

Kanaya: I'm in no place to judge.

???: How sweet of you. Is that all you need?

08/05/12
"Yes."

Aww shit yeah man, fuck poetry, le's play some VIDYA GAMES.
Ah shit dogg, wait, I forgot.
You gotta pick a character. And a time period too, I think.
Which spiderbitch do you wanna be? Past, present, or future?

08/05/12
">"

Will you walk into my parlour?" said the Spider to the Fly,
'Tis the prettiest little parlour that ever you did spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I've a many curious things to show when you are there."

"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again."

"I'm sure you must 8e weary, dear, with soaring up so high;
Will you rest upon my little 8ed?" said the Spider to the Fly.
"There are pretty curtains drawn around; the sheets are fine and thin,
And if you like to rest awhile, I'll snugly tuck you in!"
Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "for I've often heard it said,
They never, never wake again, who sleep upon your bed!"

Said the cunning Spider to the Fly, " Dear friend what can I do,
To prove the warm affection I 've always felt for you?
I have within my pantry, good store of all that's nice;
I'm sure you're very welcome -- will you please to take a slice?"
"Oh no, no," said the little Fly, "kind Sir, that cannot be,
I've heard what's in your pantry, and I do not wish to see!"



> INS8RT DISK 6? <

08/05/12
"Heartstuck Thread 6: The Ghostdykk Is Both There And Not There"

06/05/12
">"

Kanaya: Would it be terribly rude if I were to opt out of this game.

09/04/12
">"

Jade: So here are the rules!

Jade: So this is how strip or strife is going to work- once it's your turn you can either choose to remove one article of clothing of your choice or challenge the person to the right of you.

Jade: The aim of the challenge is to remove one item of clothing from the other person! Whoever wins that match gets to keep their clothes and ask the loser any question.

Jade: The ultimate winner is whoever still has at least one article of clothing remaining by the end of the game.

Jade: Since it's my idea, I would go first. Does everyone get it?

09/04/12
">"

You despise her, you fear her, because she is capable of doing atrocious things for no reason at all.

09/04/12
"Terezi: Remember."

Oh yeah, you remember. You've been a strong believer in justice all your life. In preschool, you would punch the boys that stuck gum in girls' hair. So when it comes to ethics and morality, you can sympathize with people who do bad things for good reasons.

You have no respect for Aradia because she sent other people to do her dirty work for her, rather than handle it herself. That's reason to not respect Aradia, but hardly enough to warrant hatred.

It's true that she's a coward, and that she committed a crime. But sometimes good people do bad things! Everyone does everything for a reason. Fear, grief, insanity even! But Vriska was her roleplaying buddy. They went outside and pretended to be looting temples. They were friends. All of you were.

So no, you do not despise Aradia because she is capable of doing atrocious things. Everyone is capable of doing atrocious things, to some extent.

No.

09/04/12
"Terezi: elaborate on "The Plan""

The first stage of Vriska's plan was to log in to Tavros's account (whose password she already has) to get into Gamzee's account to convince Equius to break up with Nepeta.

The second stage of the plan was to convince Nepeta that Equius broke up with her to be with Aradia. She would stop trying to be friends with Aradia, and so would Jade. That way, Aradia wouldn't have anyone around her that she can manipulate. And when she doesn't have anyone to manipulate, she can't send anyone after Vriska.

Of course, this is a really malicious plan and you wish you could have talked Vriska out of it sooner.

09/04/12
"Terezi: What the fuck is up with those 8-Balls all over the floor."

Your roommate likes breaking 8-balls. She really really really likes breaking 8-balls.

09/04/12
"Let's be Terezi for a second."

You are now this girl.

08/04/12
">"

tP: ..........

dS: wow what the fuck is coming out of your mouth

tP: ...........

tP: ............

tP: 1 W1LL KNOW


dS: ok but what is in your mouth

dS: you look like a fucking hippopotamus prepped for guided missile down the throat


tP: OH PL34S3

tP: YOU KNOW YOU W4NT TO SUCK MY CH4LK >:]

tP: H3H3H3H3H3H3H3H3


dS: sure

dS: anyway i thought i kind of thought you were talking about vriska

dS: since you know vriska is kind of a psycho bitch


tP: WH44444T NO S1NC3 WH3N H4S VR1SK4 DON3 4NYTH1NG

tP: VR1SK4 1S 4 SW33TH34RT >:]


dS: didnt she burn half of that other chicks face clean off


tP: WH4T????

dS: i dunno thats what the guy in the blue glasses said

tP: 1 TH1NK YOU M34N SOL

tP: 4ND 1 H4V3 NO 1D34 WH4T 4R4D14S SC4R H4S TO DO W1TH VR1SK4 SO L3TS DROP 1T

tP: 1N F4CT NOW TH4T 1 H4V3 UPD4T3D YOU ON R3C3NT 3V3NTS TH1S CONV3RS4T1ON 1S PR3TTY MUCH OV3R

dS: no drawings??

tP: M4YB3 TOMORROW >:]

tP: GOODN1GHT SUNL1GHT


dS: sweet dreams tz

-- tereziPyrope [tP] ended contact with daveStrider [dS] at 8:13 --

08/04/12
">"

dS: my bro is straighter than micheal fassbenders teeth alright

dS: motherfucking PICKET FENCE straight right there


rL: That sounds defensive.

dS: can we be done with this topic yet

dS: seriously we are flogging this dead horse so bad its come back to life

dS: our seemingly fruitless continuation of incessant horse carcass beatdowns has raised the undead

dS: we have beaten so many dead horses at this point we have raised an entire army of lich stallions

dS: our legion of zombie equines can only protest the heterosexuality of the strider family for so long lalonde

dS: those flaky mutilated hooves are running farther than any gag should ever go


rL: If you insist. But allow me to say that should you ever decide to confide something of the nature in me, I should be the last to judge.

dS: what

dS: jesus you keep saying things like that

dS: we joke around and shit but lets be serious for a moment

dS: are you into chicks rose


rL: Doesn't the manner you posed that question in strike you as unseemly?

dS: okay

dS: yeah youre probably right

dS: sorry whatever


rL: But I can't say I don't share your taste.

rL: Jade is indeed... What's the proper terminology again?

rL: A choice babe?


dS: wait what

rL: ;)

dS: what

dS: damn it

dS: shit i gotta go this conversation is not over

-- tereziPyrope [tP] contacted daveStrider [dS] at 8:08 --



tP: TURN ON YOUR W3BC4M

dS: why

tP: WHY NOT S33 FOR YOURS3LF? >:]

dS: oh hey

tP: NOW W3 C4N H4NG OUT M1L3S 4P4RT FROM 34CHOTH3R

tP: TH1S 1S ON3 SM4LL ST3P FOR M4N

tP: 4ND ON3 HUG3 L34P

tP: FOR COOLK1DS 4LL 4CROSS TH3 N4T1ON

tP: 4NYW4Y 1 H4V3 4 BUNCH OF N3WS TO T3LL YOU

dS: like what

tP: W3LL 1 H4V3 SOM3 N3W L34DS ON TH3 G4MZ33 C4S3

tP: WH1CH W1LL FROM H3R3 ON B3 R3F3RR3D TO 4S TH3 GL4SGOW C4S3

dS: ok

tP: 4ND 1T S4DD3NS M3 TO S4Y TH1S BUT 1 TH1NK K4RK4T 1S R1GHT

tP: TH1S H4S "H3R" WR1TT3N 4LL OV3R 1T

tP: MY HOLD OV3R YOU-KNOW-WHO 1S CL34RLY NOWH3R3 N34R 4S STRONG 4S 1 H4D THOUGHT >:[

dS: ok

dS: who is her again


tP: OH MY GOD D4V3 G3T W1TH TH3 FUCK1NG PROGR4M

tP: 4R4D14 1S H3R

tP: 4NYW4Y 1 H4V3 S3NT MY 1NFORM4NTS TO SPY ON H3R L1TTL3 "SL33POV3R"

tP: 1F SH3 1S PL4NN1NG 4NYTH1NG...........

tP: ..........

08/04/12
"Now let's be Dave and also not in a coma."

dS: fuck you

rL: Good evening to you too. How was your day?

dS: i took your advice

dS: your advice was shit


rL: Ah, you took my advice! How flattering. And apparently it was shit. Don't feel obligated to explicate, by any means.

dS: ok well i am a legit furry now so fuck you

rL: That was a rather unorthodox expression of thanks, but you're welcome regardless.

dS: when you ask a girl what her interests are and she tells you that she likes to roleplay dog people on the internet, what other choice do you have then to roleplay with her

rL: Well. At least you're partaking in her hobbies?

dS: ok look

dS: here is a compilation of things that i accomplished this week

dS: 1 i roleplayed a man in a latex suit with a heinous pair of cat lips glued to his face

dS: and yet there is something missing

dS: OH WAIT

dS: I DONT SEE A 'SEDUCED JADE HARLEY' ON THAT LIST ANYWHERE


rL: Pffft.

dS: i dont think you understand

dS: guys like me dont rap with fucking sawtooth and then go home and roleplay gay cats on the internet

dS: its just not a thing that you do


rL: Well that's not fair. I'm sure plenty of rappers partake in virtual yiffing.

dS: and ive been doing this every day for like a week

rL: Ah, I see. And why bring it up now?

dS: alright so i was trying to plan out how my character would look

rL: That's adorable.

dS: shut up

dS: anyway i drew something while i was waiting in the infirmary

dS: long story dont ask

dS: and i cant find it

dS: i think i left it in there


rL: Well why don't you just go get it?

dS: you dont understand at all do you

dS: my bro is the nurse

dS: what if he sees my unironic drawing of akwete purrmusk


rL: Dave, your brother wears a skirt.

rL: I don't think he'll mind.


dS: that crossplaying shit is IRONIC okay

dS: as ingenuine as the shit you can not believe is not butter

dS: that purrmusk picture is not ironic at all

dS: i put effort into that pic

dS: its not sbahj shit it is a legit piece of art

dS: and im going to have to explain that i am flirtlarping a pink dude in leather tights with a girl to get to know her better or whatever


rL: What if you made it be cool?

dS: when is furry flirtlarping ever cool rose

dS: oh right

dS: when hell freezes over


rL: What if you tried rap furry flirtlarping? Flirtrapyiffing?

dS: what no

dS: no listen


rL: A snout is brought to parted lips

rL: and muffles heavy sighs.


dS: no oh jesus

rL: A paw upon fur coated hips

rL: A claw on silver thighs.

rL: And how can you live knowing

rL: that you tell your brother lies?

rL: Your embarrassment is showing

rL: from behind those shaded eyes.


dS: rose no shut up this is serious that wasnt even a rap

dS: if he sees that drawing im going to have to do a fucking pirouette onto a sword asap

dS: committing seppuku will be the only way to restore my familys honor


rL: Dave.

rL: Your brother wears a skirt.

05/04/12
"Jake: Dream"

DREAM WHAT DREAM THIS IS CLEARLY REALITY LOOK AT THE FRIENDS YOU ARE MAKING

TIP

TIP

TALLY

HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOthisisthebestgaymusicalyouhaveeverbeenapartof

05/04/12
"Be Jake."

05/04/12
"Be Jake."

05/04/12
"Jake, for sure."

05/04/12
"Jake english all the way!"

05/04/12
"The fuck is that even a question? Of course we're picking Jake."

05/04/12
"Jake: In my dreams, you are the star of Heartstuck. It's you."

04/04/12
"POV: Switch to the guys."

A WILD CHARACTER SELECT SCREEN APPEARS! You are abruptly faced with a cornucopia of free will, overwhelmed with the abundant responsibility of decision-making.

04/04/12
"Just start some group thing like Truth or Dare before this gets any weirder than it has to be."

Hannah: Hey, maybe we could play another game. Like truth or dare, or something.

Kanaya: That sounds intriguing! I myself haven't participated in traditional sleepover festivities, so the proceeding session should be interesting, to say the least.

Jade: Traditional sleepover festivities are kind of lame, to be honest!

Jade: I was thinking maybe we could do something a bit more fun? Like EXTREME truth or dare! We could call it...

Jade: TRUTH OR DARE THE SEQUEL-

Jade: STRIP OR STRIFE!

Jade: Every gal for herself edition.

01/04/12
"Hannah: use Charmtech: Malfunction to draw Kanaya's attention back to you. "

She fails to notice.

Jane: Psst.

Jane: I think a few of your cupcakes might be trying to slip out of the pan.

Jane: Would you like to address that issue? Or maybe I can just...

Jane: Reach over and...

31/03/12
"A-Rad: Well you know what time it is now! GHOST STORY O' CLOCK! Tell some that'll have these wimps moistening their little panties."

Aradia weaves a tale revolving around the malevolent ghost of a serial killer and the victims she possessed.

Eventually you are forced to request that she stop, because her story is absolutely horrifying.

[image][image]
Nepeta offers a more innocuous tale about a brave woman and her adventures as a disciple.

01/04/12
"Hanna: Having fun?"

No. Your only motivation for visiting this get-together was to be around Kanaya. She hasn't so much as spoken to you since your arrival.

What you'd really like to do is go wreck some shit. Where's your partner? Did you leave Calmasis at the park? God, Cal's gonna be so pissed when you get back.

31/03/12
"Kanaya: Suggest a game that rapidly turns a container that holds liquid in a circle, and whomever the container lands on, the person who performed the action must now kiss."

31/03/12
"Girls: Ask the oujia board..."

Nevermind.

01/04/12
">"

Since Aradia is likely the most experienced with this sort of thing, you let her do the planchette-ing. Jane volunteers to write down the letters. After quite a while of excited, girlish giggling and general intrigue, she is asked to report her findings.

The general consensus is that ghosts are either full of shit or do simply not exist.
Aradia asks you what you would like to do next.

26/03/12
"Everybody: Play board game"

Jade: How do you play?

Feferi: What's it called?

Aradia: It's an ouija board. There's a planchette, and you put your fingers on it to spell answers. It works best when the room is dark, and you're not thinking anything negative.

Nepeta: Ooooh! Sw33t!

Feferi: I'll go turn the lights off!

Aradia: You have to keep your eyes closed though.

Jane: Then how do we know where to move it?

Aradia: That's the cool part!

Aradia: You don't.

Aradia: The spirits do.

Jade: What if the spirits don't say anything? :O

Aradia: Then they think you are lame and it sucks to be you, I guess.

Aradia: Actually, if you are lame you are probably going to get a lame spirit.

Aradia: It's fairly rare that they just up and ignore someone. 0_0

Feferi: Can I go first?

Aradia: No. We have to ask the spirits a question, to begin with.

25/03/12
"Kanaya: apologize for carelessly treading on her feeling earlier by making light of her scar, even though you don't really see it as anything major"

Aradia: It's 0kay. You're right, it's not even that big of a deal.

Aradia: I don't even care, see?

Aradia: And I brought a board game, if anyone cares.

Aradia: Is that what people usually do at parties?

25/03/12
"Nepeta: Stop mauling the guests!"

No way! She smells like fish.

25/03/12
"[S]Kanaya: Dress Up!"

25/03/12
"Slumber party: Commence."

But of course! Traditional partying activities will begin shortly. You've already laid down a few pillow piles to serve as temporary seating arrangements until your room is better furnished, and your guests seem to be getting along nicely.

There's just one matter to attend to first.

22/03/12
"Save the endings for later, there's slumber parties to be had."

Yeah, sweet. Right on time too, looks like it just finished installing.

22/03/12
"... Check unlocked endings first."

I've only managed to unlock one ending, which is the ending where the sufferer dies, everyone cries, and the Summoner loses his legs. In fact, I'm not entirely convinced it's even possible to achieve the other endings. Not even when I'm using my super-intelligent, grimdark author-avatar.

But that's all for the best. If the Sufferer survived, it would cause a time-paradox.

22/03/12
">"

Aaaallllright, yeah, that's enough of this.

Look guys, I'm sure you hate it when I do this. But come on. This isn't the game we want to play.
We're not here for some FOUR-YEAR-OLD outdated game called HEARTSTUCK: THE INTERMISSION.

We want to play HEARTSTUCK: GAME 2. Am I right, or am I right?

22/03/12
"Try password honk HONK."

Cool Tech Dude: O..kay... then...

Cool Tech Dude: Whatever you guys did, it worked. It's like the server decided to toss itself onto the bed and throw it's legs spread eagle, ripe for the fucking hacking. It's ground zero over here, with how fast these firewalls are coming down.

Cool Tech Dude: I'd ask about your methods but I'm sure you just randomly stumbled ass backwards into something.

Cool Tech Dude: And... Thank you, I guess.

Cool Tech Dude: Now get the fucking Nameless and get the everliving FUCK out of there.


Bluh Bluh Huge Bitch: 어떤 무례한 소년.

Cool Tech Dude: 제발.


Bluh Bluh Huge Bitch: Much better.

22/03/12
"Input password "MIRACLES""

22/03/12
"Try "Sufferer"."

Summoner: Nope, nothin'.

22/03/12
"Albino: Re-enter the room, view screen, flip the fuck out."

You just found a shitton of liquor.
You're not much of a drinker, but no one in the world deserves some fucking alcohol as much as you do right now.

Can it wait?

22/03/12
"INPUT PASSWORD 'LESBIANS'"

Summoner: This is some prime bullshit. I am this close to ollying the fuck outie.

Cool Tech Dude: I know, I know, just bear with me here.

Summoner: It didn't do anything. I hope you're happy for making me type stupid shit into retarded consoles.

22/03/12
"TDAM: go say hi to the blonde guy"

The blonde guy is no longer standing in the middle of the hallway.

22/03/12
"Cool Tech Dude: Tell summoner to type in "honk""

You aren't going to do that because you don't think it's true! The Armada systems you've cracked so far have all have 8 letter passwords ('t1ckt0ck' and '8r8kh34d' for example), and you're fairly sure this one follows the same pattern.

21/03/12
"Summoner: Use that headset in a constructive manner already."

Summoner: Man, I don't think we're going to guess this shit any time soon. Are you done yet or what?

Cool Tech Dude: CAN YOU PLEASE TELL MIN THAT THE PASSWORD IS NOT BOOBS.

Cool Tech Dude: THE PASSWORD IS NOT BOOBS, THE PASSWORD IS NOT A DERIVATIVE OF BOOBS, AND IT NEVER WILL BE EVEN REMOTELY RELATED TO BOOBS OR BOOB PRODUCTS NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES YOU PUNCH IT IN TO THE FUCKING CONSOLE!

Cool Tech Dude: How the FUCK am I supposed to hack into this heaping pile of shit when she is SPAMMING the fucking codes with non-sequitur bullshit?! Seriously, tell me. I would love to know.

Cool Tech Dude: Because the FUCKING. NAMELESS -- Is in there and he -- and I thought he was dead -- and if we don't GET HIM THE FUCK OUT OF HERE, if we don't GET THOSE FUCKING --


Summoner: No. Man. Calm down, you're hyperventilating.

Summoner: If you start crying this is just going to get so awkward.


Cool Tech Dude: -- everything will have been for nothing and I thought he was dead and I can't even DO this right now --

Summoner: Okay.

Summoner: We are officially in awkward territory.


Cool Tech Dude: Just don't rush me, alright?

21/03/12
"Go out the other way. Not that way, the OTHER other way. I don't even know."

Nameless: Now if you'll excuse me.

Summoner: Damn it. I think he's mad at us.

Lame lame lame loserface: 자기야, 당신은 생각하지 않아요.

Summoner: Shut up! Ugh! Fuckin'...

Summoner: Spidertraps and gaytraps all over the damn place.

Summoner: What's a guy even to do?


Lame lame lame loserface: 나! Ahahahahahahahaha!

Summoner: This is like

Summoner: my own personal hell, probably.

21/03/12
"Bombastic Duo: Dude, he looks like the angriest panda."

Nameless: CAN YOU PLEASE STOP STARING BLANKLY INTO THE OBLIVION OF RETARDED SPACE AND CHANNEL WHAT MEAGER INTELLIGENCE YOU HAVE LEFT TOWARD THINGS THAT ARE *ACTUALLY FUCKING RELEVANT*.

Nameless: BECAUSE IN THE TIME IT HAS TAKEN FOR YOU TWO SHITS TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO FUNCTIONALLY OPERATE A KEYBOARD, A LEGALLY BLIND FRIEND OF MINE WOULD HAVE HAD THIS SHIT DONE WITH ALREADY.

Nameless: I DON'T KNOW IF YOUR HELMET'S SCREWED ON TOO TIGHT OR IF THAT DRESS IS CONSTRICTING OXYGEN TO GET TO YOUR FUCKING BRAIN BUT RIGHT NOW ALL I SEE ARE A COUPLE OF HIGH SCHOOL KIDS WHO WOKE UP ONE MORNING AND DECIDED TO WALK RIGHT THROUGH THE FRONT DOORS OF HELL.

Nameless: NOW IF YOU TELL ME, IF YOU HAVE THE FUCKING BALLS TO LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME THAT THE BLONDE GUY WHO IS CURRENTLY IN /THIS/ FUCKING BUILDING IS NOT AN ALLY OF YOURS, I WILL VOMIT ENTIRE FUCKING OCEANS OF ACID BILE TO DROWN YOU IN. IF YOU TELL ME THAT YOU TWO SHITHEADS WALTZED RIGHT INTO A ROYAL PALACE WHEN THERE WERE STILL FUCKING PEOPLE WALKING AROUND THE PLACE, I WILL STAB GAPING HOLES IN YOU WITH WHICH YOU CAN GO AND FUCK YOURSELF.

21/03/12
""Seriously guys start being competent.""

21/03/12
"TDAM: Ogle them so hard with your TOUGH LOVE"

You don't think it went over very well.

21/03/12
"TDAM: Keep calm and double back to the room the Bombastic Duo are at post-haste."

Summoner: Back so soon? Sup, man.

21/03/12
"Well. Who's that guy?"

You don't know. In fact, you suddenly know shit-all. For all you know that 'guy' was a mere hallucination. A product of one too many hours spent hopelessly writhing at the bottom of an oubliette.

21/03/12
"TDAM: Move to the room where the light is coming from."

Fuck.

20/03/12
"TDAM: Elaborate on nature of rescuers."

They are a... rather bombastic duo.
You appreciate their efforts but if they can not get their shit together you will be forced to show them some TOUGH LOVE.

20/03/12
"TDAM: check that password panel again"

Oh, the scary woman and the biker guy are trying to crack the password from the MAINFRAME ROOM.
It doesn't seem as though they're having any luck, and you can't leave until they get those FILES they need. Looks like you'll be here for a while.

20/03/12
"You there, Sufferer. What is your name?"

What is this 'sufferer' business about?
Anyway, you prefer to stay relatively anonymous, for understandable reasons. Most refer to you as the Nameless, but that's a bit theatrical for your taste. How about your surname? Vantas.

20/03/12
"Sufferer: Where the heck are you at the moment?"

You're in a... palace, you believe? You aren't entirely sure. You woke up in some sort of oubliette under the first floor after you surrendered to the Armada. A man in a biker helmet and a lady with a slasher smile pulled you out.

In any case, you really really just want to leave. But you suppose they have some business to take care of, first.

20/03/12
"Temporally Displaced Albino Mutant (TDAM): Observe ostentatious coat of arms, what which hang above ye fireplace! (above the password screen)"

It appears to be an old portrait of the Empress dowager Gloria Peixes in her youth. She almost seems sort of enchanting, blatant madness aside.

20/03/12
"Let's go with "paranoid as fuck," check to see if the room's been bugged."

Bugs? ...As in hidden devices and whatnot? You have no idea how to look for those; you would have to ask your rescuers about that.

20/03/12
"Examine password screen."

It's a simple computer screen embedded into the wall that reads 'ENTER PASSWORD'. There's one of these in nearly every room on the third floor.
You don't see any type of input device on around though.

20/03/12
"Albino: up up down down left right left right b a start select"

20/03/12
"check out that rug"

It's a pretty nice rug. The floorboard under it creaks a little, but you guess this place must be fairly old.

20/03/12
">"

This is... probably not a good time to be our protagonist.
Why not be this nice albino fellow instead? Yes, you are now the mutant chronologically preceding the time of his eventual death. Which is to say, in the past.

20/03/12
"[S]Kanaya: Remember"

18/03/12
"Kanaya: Oh wow! She has a scar on her face!"

Aradia: Oh! You mean... you didn't notice until just now?

Aradia: Wait, so you notice the shoes I'm wearing and the accessories I have, but not the scar on my face.

Aradia: The one you've been looking at all day.

Aradia: You're not lying are you...?

18/03/12
"Kanaya: Wonder why she would be afraid of Feferi seeing her face."

You... Really have no clue. You ask her as much.

Aradia: I don't know. I just... kind of like the idea of someone not knowing... about my scar.

Aradia: Like, maybe if someone doesn't know it's there, that makes it a little less real? Like I could pretend that it wasn't even there because someone doesn't know it's there.

Aradia: Schrodinger's scar or something.

Aradia: Whatever, it was a dumb idea anyway.

Aradia: I don't care anymore. I'm 0k with it.

18/03/12
"...And the glasses? Sun... glasses?"

Kanaya: What about the... sunglasses?

Aradia: Goggles.

Kanaya: Oh my goodness, goggles. What about the goggles?

Aradia: ...I asked you who would be here, and you didn't tell me Feferi would be here.

Aradia: 'Nepeta, Jade and Jane' is what you said.

Kanaya: And that means you have to wear sunglasses?

Aradia: Feferi hasn't seen my face already.

Kanaya: ...And?

Aradia: You know.

You do not know. You do not know what she is talking about.

She lifts a goggle lens. You think this is supposed to explain her point but it doesn't.
All you see is awful accessories.
Awful accessories everywhere.

18/03/12
"Kanaya: Play it cool Kanaya, play it cool! Maybe after you let them in, ask Aradia it she has nightclothes, and if not would she like to borrow some...?"

You use ADAPT: DEFLECTION to compose yourself.

Kanaya: So glad you could make it, ladies. Welcome!

Kanaya: Why, Aradia, it seems you haven't brought any sleepwear. Would you like me to lend something to you?


Aradia: ... This isn't sleepwear?

Kanaya: Well, you're wearing army boots, for one thing.

Aradia: Oh. I didn't want to walk through in the hallways barefoot, and I thought this went better with what I was wearing. And this a pajama top, which is what I usually sleep in.

Kanaya: And the legwarmers? The armwarmers?

Aradia: ...To make my legs warm.

Aradia: And my arms, also...

Aradia: Isn't that what they're for?


A part of you shatters inside upon realizing that this is Aradia's idea of a good outfit.

Aradia: I'm sorry. Is this wrong? I usually just wear a uniform.

Aradia: And I don't think I've been to a sleepover before.

18/03/12
"Kanaya: Use whatever willpower you have to keep yourself from slamming the door in Aradia's face."

...Of course you weren't about to do that. Her outfit isn't that bad and completely inappropriate and monochrome thin horizontal stripes legwarmers armwarmers the horror

But no, you'll be fine. You've seen worse. You've seen Gamzee wearing socks and sandals. You've seen Gamzee wearing a hot pink sweatervest with a long sleeved neon orange shirt. You've seen Gamzee not wearing anything.

You can handle any fashion disaster.

18/03/12
"Kanaya: Answer the door."

18/03/12
"Kanaya: Privately analyse friends' nightwear fashion choices."

The first thing you take note of is Feferi's amazing negligee. It's a very daring cut, to say the least. The layer of SHEER, BLACK FABRIC under dark TULLE gives you a very 'ELIE SAAB' vibe, and looks stunning against the VIOLET SATIN. Her top appears to be simple BLACK SILK, a very flattering cut. Her boyshorts are some sort of TRANSLUCENT CLOTH under cleverly arranged VELVET, GLITTER, and SEQUIN designs; this, of course, takes you back to ZUHAIR MURAD's fall/winter collection.

It's a very sultry, Southeast Asian look. Perhaps a bit overdressed- or, er, underdressed- for such a simple slumber party, but as an aspiring fashion designer you are able to appreciate it on a tasteful, PLATONIC level.

Jane is wearing a much more situation-appropriate COTTON NIGHTGOWN with modest frills lacing the hem.

Jade is clad in a BLACK, STRAPLESS BRA and.... sweatpants. You do not have anything against sweatpants. Sweatpants are just fine. They are okay. This is just casual sleepwear, this is no need to go MAKEOVER MODE.

You are not even going to address Nepeta's... situation. It is distressing. You are going to call them FOOTIE PAJAMAS because you do not have enough knowledge on the FURRY COMMUNITY to correctly acknowledge it for what it is. Which is a modded fursuit.

Fortunately, more guests have arrived! This is more than enough to distract you from a certain fashion 'cat'astrophe.

17/03/12
"Kanaya: Start slumber party."

This command is too general! What should you do first?
Keep in mind that Hanna and Aradia are on their way.

16/03/12
"Kanaya: Enter."

Kanaya: If you'd rather writhe on the hallway floor, I'll respect your preferences.

Kanaya: But I'm sure you'd rather writhe on my floor. Care to come inside?

16/03/12
"+2 to Charm, +3 to Int, +5 to Str."

Your stats are now:
CHARM: 50
INTELLIGENCE: 50
STRENGTH: 20

Good thinking!
You have also accumulated enough strength to wield the THING.

16/03/12
"Save."

16/03/12
"Jade and Nepeta: 2x Tacklepounce combo!!!"

07/01/12
">"

16/03/12
"Kanaya: Attend slumber party in the most PLATONICALLY SUGGESTIVE outfit you have."

You sheepishly slide into your most suggestive outfit.
Yes, this is your most suggestive outfit. What were you expecting? You suppose you could get more creative, but this is about as racy as you plan on getting.

16/03/12
"Fefeir: Feel INCREDIBLY GUILTY about having lesbian fantasies of Jade when you have a boyfriend."

Pffff. You [s]FISH[/s] WISH. You don't mind that everything you do is a political statement, but it does mean that you have to be careful about the decisions you make. You also have to be wary of how you present those decisions to your family and to the public.

There are a few fellows who you might be interested in, and a few that might be interested in you. And someday, maybe you'll stand up to your mother and come out to the public about someone. Until then, you're going to play it safe.

16/03/12
"Jade: Also be having a fantasy."

Was there ever any doubt about this?

16/03/12
"Jane: What's your fantasy about? Or more specifically, who?"

You weren't really fantasizing but you suppose you could daydream a little for the sake of exposition.

16/03/12
"Feferi: Reality check."

You and Jane are waiting in the hallway. Jade, Nepeta, and Kanaya are in their respective rooms getting dressed. Aradia and Hannah might take a while, as their rooms are somewhat far from the green wing.

16/03/12
"Rufio: Feel incredibly depressed and answer your phone."

You continue being sad and alone.

16/03/12
"lets be Feferi."

Jade: Hello Feferi we are having a slumber party and also I am looking so anime?

Jade: I am in love with you, basically. It's too bad that we are both girls and I'm a commoner and also you are already engaged.

Feferi: Hahaha, how retarded do you even have to be to not know that the marriage got called off when he eloped with Joseph Utsler after gay marriage was legalized in Alternia five minutes ago????
Jade: Oh you're right! I'm sorry for being retarded, Feferi
Feferi: It's okay! I was just kidding about you being retarded anyway. Everything else is totally legit though!

Jade: Okay. Oh look, I just discovered that I am the long lost daughter of the king of America!

07/01/12
"Be Slumber Party."

You can not be the slumber party because the slumber party has not started yet!

16/03/12
"I think I need a bit more convincing."

WHATEVER
YOU DON'T NEED TO CONVINCE ANYONE
YOU ARE STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW

TRU FAX GET IT RITE

And anyway, everyone loved that guy. He was like some sort of... rage vacuum. Like a rage lightning rod that stole everyone else's rage and absorbed it and then channeled it to the greater good while having amazing eyes.

And you don't necessarily love him like that, right? You recall him mentioning a bunch of shit about agápe, éros and storge and philia and shit like that?? Which you are pretty sure meant that you could totally love him in a not gay way he was awesome he had awesome eyes

07/01/12
"Rufio, exposit on how your failure to act ended in capture, insanity, dismemberment and iris laceration. Cause come on. That's the story we all want to hear."

Cool Hippie Dude: I know what this sounds like, but you have to believe me. We don't have much time until we're found and, god forbid, caught.

Summoner: Okay. I'm not saying you're crazy or anything but

Summoner: You've spent a long time in solitary confinement.


Cool Hippie Dude: I understand. I wouldn't believe it myself, if I didn't see it with my own eyes. But I would feel so much safer if we left. Please.

Summoner: Look dude, I don't know what to tell you. Cool tech dude is pretty dead set on getting those files. But don't worry, it won't take long.

Summoner: And if any "invisible dubstepping clown ninjas" come to get you I will shoot them.

Summoner: Does that make you feel better?


Cool Hippie Dude: Not really.

Summoner: Okay. Well. I tried.

Summoer: Bitch you need to back the fuck up.

Cool Hippie Dude: I think I'll explore for a bit

04/01/12
"Rufio you are not being very convincing. BE MORE CONVINCING."

04/01/12
"Rufio: Use your Imagination stat to pretend the Sufferer is still alive."

Cool Hippie Dude: You did good.

Rufio: Okay.

Cool Hippie Dude: Everyone did their best. I was never afraid to die. None of us were.

Rufio: I wasn't either. Why didn't I die with you guys?

Rufio: Why didn't he kill me?

Rufio: Why didn't I kill him?

Rufio: I fucked up.

Cool Hippie Dude: Everyone makes mistakes. You shouldn't let it hurt your confidence!

Rufio: I think I have too much confidence, sometimes.

You suppose this could be cathartic.
It is only making you sad.

14/12/11
"Hey, who gave you that sweet necklace-y thing?"

A really cool hippie dude who you wanted to kiss on the mouth but not in a gay way. He had cool looking irises that got lacerated because you are a failure. You tried to save him and you didn't listen to him because you were overconfident and then he died and his friend got captured and his wife went crazy and his mom tripped and your legs came off??? Which lead to this really awkward period of time where you thought you were going to be a robot centaur for the rest of your life.

You could have saved him and you fucked up.
You summoned a legion to save him and you fucked that up too.

You fucking loved that guy, and you fucked up.
But not in a gay way.

You try to think of things that are not gay to reassure yourself of exactly how not gay you are.

07/01/12
"Rufio: Feel INCREDIBLY GUILTY about having gay thoughts when you're engaged."

What.
No.
You are being the opposite of gay right now.
And that is really all there is to say on the matter.

14/12/11
"Rufio: be the Mayor of Can Town"

Can Town, Texas already has a mayor! You wouldn't dream of randomly taking over without an election. That's what queens do.
Sweet Jesus do you hate queens.

14/12/11
"Be the one Serenity is helping"

You can not be Rufio because even Rufio doesn't want to god who are you kidding. You decide to be you because you wouldn't want to hurt the readers' confidence. You continue to be sad and alone in an awesome fort.

14/12/11
"Be Serenity"

You are now Serenity.
You are currently helping someone build a fort to cry in.

14/12/11
"Kanaya: Land already."

You land in the most hardboiled manner you can fathom.

Feferi: Hiiii!

Jane: Oh, hello Kanaya! I took the liberty of inviting a friend. I hope that's no issue.

Kanaya: Not at all.

Feferi: Yay! Can we get this party started now?

Kanaya: Yes.

You're finally on your way to being an excellent host. Seriously, that felt like it took months. But you should probably get dressed first. After all, what good hostess isn't adorned with appropriate attire?

14/12/11
">"

Nurse Strider: But yeah, it's getting pretty late.

13/12/11
"[S]Nurse: Intervene"

13/12/11
"Be Jane"

Jane: I don't think our hostess nor her guests are going to be arriving any time soon. Or at all, for that matter.

Feferi: Are you suuuuuure about that?

Jane: Yes. Maybe? I don't know. Anyhow, we should get going if we ever plan to learn proper stoichiometry.

Feferi: Are you suuuuuuure about that?

Jane: Yes!

Feferi: Are you SHOOOOOOOORE?!

Jane: Feferi, I can see that you are stalling. I don't much appreciate it.

Feferi: Shore. Shoooore. She sells sea shells down by the sea shore. Can you say that, Jane?

Jane: She shells- Oh brother. This is ridiculous. She sells sea shells down by the shea shore.

Jane: She. Sells. Sea. Shells. Down. By. The Sea. Shore. There. Can we go now?


Feferi: Nope!

Jane: Fine. Let's wait a few more minutes! But we have to make ourselves scarce very soon, you hear?

Feferi: Nnnnnnnope!

13/12/11
"Gamzee: Please NOT have killed Eridan."

You're 100% certain everything is oooookaaaaaay, and even if it isn't, all will be well in the end. Just as the Messiahs would all have it be. Dig it, bro?

In addition, you remember not wanting to cut clean through his face. He would have bled out too quickly or fainted too fast. Punishment doesn't work when the recipient is unconscious and therefore, not feeling feeling the pain. Gotta keep em alive for the main act, dig it, bro?

???: Hey, you there. Juggalo. What the hell are still you doing in my infirmary?

???: Do you know what this means bro? Do you know what has to happen, now?

Assistant Registrant: Sick fires. Sick fires have to happen.

Assistant Registrant: I am challenging you to a rap-off, you flaming douche.

13/12/11
"Nepeta: Grab onto her tie. Everyone Else: Grab onto Nepeta"

You and your party manage to successfully abscond.
NOTICE: Your current mental state is mildly and temporarily skewed as a result of impromptu displays of affection; visual representations of local occurrences may or may not be accurate.

Mission Accomplished!

"Catch Frogs"

Rewards:
- +30 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with ARADIA!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with ARADIA: NEW FRIEND
- +20 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with HANNA!
- +10 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with JADE!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with JADE: FRIEND
- +8 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with NEPETA!
- +5 RELATIONSHIP POINT with TEREZI!
- 10 more SKILL POINTS, to spend however you would like!
-Access to new area: ARADIA'S ROOM

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Don't just stand there! Nepeta is soaking wet, the sun is setting, and you can't keep Jane waiting! Go, go, go!"

Nepeta: Uhm... Kanaya? are you okay?

Kanaya: I appreciate your concern but we do not have much time to waste let us go away from here immediately now

Kanaya: Quick grab on to my tie

13/12/11
"Hanna: Interject that Terezi is allowing her personal feelings to get in the way of good judgement. Calmly insist that while these underclassmen may have broken some rules, your partner was the aggressor in the situation. They shall be let off with a warning this time. However, Aradia is a potential danger to the student body. For the time being, you shall accompany her to this "slumber party" to ensure the safety of the other students. Yes. That's totally why you're insisting on going. It's not like you've suddenly developed a crush on one of these silly underclassmen. That would be ridiculous."

Terezi: Ah, yes, a good prefect should never let "personal feelings" get in the way of good judgement, should she Hanna? I guess there's nothing left to do but let these girls be on their merry way now, is there?

Terezi: Enjoy your monochrome, hunk rump titty party then. I'll just send you on your way.

Terezi: Bye bye, now! And I'll make sure to think about what you said regarding 'letting personal feelings get in the way of good judgement'. In fact, I think that's something we should all be more careful about, hmm?

13/12/11
"nepeta:what are you doing back there?"

Nothing.
You are cold and tired and wet and your boyfriend of four years broke up with you about a couple hours ago and you are going to do exactly nothing until instructed to do otherwise.

13/12/11
"How about just...ask Aradia what she thinks about it? Now that she's been shooshpapped down and had a chance to think about the situation, she might be perfectly 0k with facing an inquisition. We certainly oughtn't make any decision without first consulting her."

Aradia: K...

Aradia: Kanaya is throwing a slumber party! And I want to go with her and not you. You can't make me do anything I am not okay with.

Aradia: Kanaya wouldn't let you.

She does not sound very sure of herself.

08/01/12
"Why hello there, Aradia. I do hope that you are having an interesting day."

And that's really all there is to say on the matter.
It's kind of weird that this particular voice in your head is a deal clearer than the rest. You don't think much of it.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Discard spit. Insinuate that Terezi is one to talk about not judging people. Her first actions on meeting you were to give you a once over before deciding you'd make a good "bottom bitch", whatever the hell that is, after all. Go on to point out that its ultimately Aradia's decision to go along with this or not, but that you'll support her choice either way. Though Terezi makes a decent, but far from perfect, case for her views, you're unlikely to win a rhetorical match her. Let Aradia make her choice, then get while the getting is good."

Terezi: Messiahs almighty. Do you ever shut up?

Terezi: God, you're right, this isn't getting us anywhere.

Terezi: Aradia, come.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: "I Agree That I May Have Been A Tad Bit Too Judgmental. I Don't Know Where I Got The Silly Idea That A Prefect Trying To Encourage A Fight On School Property Would Not Be Completely Within Her Rights. I Apologize For Assuming That This School Operated Under Any Form Of Rationality, Especially Considering That Subsequent Events Have Proven With Certainty That This Is Not The Case And Likely Has Never Been.""

Terezi: That was some pretty good snark but can I just say your delivery was jack shit?

Terezi: You sound completely straightforward. Like you aren't entirely certain what sarcasm is or how far you're trying to go with it.

08/01/12
"Inform her that you will stop judging people as soon as you stop being a human being. Also, while it's frankly up to aradia whether aradia goes quietly, you PERSONALLY have not been given any reason not to bring this to any other authorities because you haven't yet seen whether trying to argue a case goes badly."

Terezi: Alright then, stop judging people so incorrectly. Is that better?

Terezi: I'm seriously interested to see what 'authorities' you would go to that would both give a shit and agree with you. I am racking my brain here. Racking! That is not even an exaggeration. My brain is being racked.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: "You Said It Yourself, You Have A History With Dear Aradia, And I Must Say That I Am In The Right In Claiming You To Be, While Experienced In Dealing With Her, Biased Against My Friend""

Terezi: Not gonna disagree with you there. But bias still has basis in fact! I have evidence beyond reasonable doubt that Aradia poses a threat to the students in her current state, so my inclination isn't completely unreasonable. Yeah, I'm biased against Aradia, but I'm also biased against ravenous carnivores and getting shat on.

Terezi: All three cases have some pretty good fucking reasons behind them.

Terezi: But you? You just walk into the school and think that you can tell a student, a prefect, no less, that she's wrong about everything she knows about the place? And you try to cast others as, what, villains?

Terezi: That doesn't have basis in jack shit.

Terezi: That's worse than bias.

Terezi: It's prejudice.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: wipe spit from face with finger. Suck on finger. Say something flirty. Blind Terezi by making the sexual tension meter fill the screen."

There was pretty much no way that was going to end well.

But that's what save-scumming is for.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: SAVE"

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Complement Terezi on her surprising fairness. Clearly you misjudged her. Some of the other prefects are far worse and she's clearly one of the factors keeping the more corrupt authorities at bay, even if you don't approve of her methods."

Did she just spit in your face. Is that even a thing people can do?

Terezi: Please don't think we're friends. I'm tolerating you in the interest of Nepeta, because I suspect she may have received unfair treatment at the hands of a colleague.

Terezi: Who are you to say whose more corrupt than who?

Terezi: Instead of waiting to see if you've misjudged someone, how about you just stop trying to judge people entirely? How's that sound?

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Point out that Aradia was only doing her part in aiding a prefect stopping an act of vandalism (burning Lolar Park down). Also, she was acting in self-defence, just look at the wound on her right cheek for proof."

Terezi: Fine. Aradia's act was justifiable. That doesn't mean I shouldn't take her in, though.

Terezi: She made a decision of dubious scrupulousness in the interest of self defense, and now I'm making a decision of dubious condonability in the interest of public welfare.

Terezi: Please do not try to argue with me. You do not have the experience or background knowledge necessary to make an argument on Aradia's behalf; however, I've known Aradia for as long as I've known how to tie my shoes.

Terezi: I'm completely eligible to decide how she should be handled, whereas your opinion is arbitrary, superfluous, and frankly?

Terezi: Kinda juvenile.

Terezi: Again; I trust that you'll leave her to me without any discourse. We're civilized students here, aren't we?

13/12/11
">"

Terezi: I don't mean to interrupt, but we have a problem here. The sun has set and... technically now you guys are loitering. You know, on top on having beat up a prefect.

Terezi: I can write a pass that won't expire until 6:12, but it would look bad if I just let Aradia walk off.

Terezi: Can I trust that you'll put Aradia in my custody without causing any problems?

13/12/11
"Somebody else, Anybody: Stop Aradia already!"

08/01/12
"Aradia: POINT AT VRISKA, MAKE 'cut-throat' GESTURE"

Like what you see, bitch?

08/01/12
"[S]Sun: Set"

08/01/12
"Mr. Droogs: Have a feeling that Aradia just made you proud"

You are now the Dapper Director. You are suddenly proud of Aradia. Which would be great and all, if you had any idea why.
The Stubborn Superintendent inquires as to what the fuck you are spacing out about.

You... aren't... sure...

08/01/12
"Aradia: ASS"

08/01/12
"Aradia: GENDERED"

13/01/12
"Aradia: AMBIGUOUS"

10/01/12
"Aradia: SCRAWNY"

10/01/12
"Aradia: THAT"

08/01/12
"Aradia: KICK"

08/01/12
">"

You are so fucking sick of people lying to you. And burning you. And thinking they can mess with Team Charge. And lying to you.
You are so fucking sick of being pushed around. In fact, you think it's about time

for you to get a bit stronger.

08/01/12
"Flammable Materials: Ignite."

Aradia: I can't believe I actually trusted you. I didn't even question you for a second, I just assumed... Augh!

Sol: Wait, AA, I wasn't- I didn't- Fuck, I was never going to actually hurt you, I jutht-

Aradia: Oh come on! "Flammable as the shit hell's made out of", are you kidding me? What, you were just going to say you were Lux and have a tea party? Is that it?

Sol: I... fuck, I was jealouth, alright?

Aradia: Liar! Who put you up to it? Who's on your headsets?

Sol: No one! Well, I mean, Luxth wouldn't shut up for a while but I wasn't really going to listhen to Vrith- ...Fuuuck. No one put me up to anything, okay?

Aradia: LIAR! It was Vriska, wasn't it?

Sol: Holy. Shit. Yeth, but again, I wasn't REALLY going t-

Aradia: She told you to do the same darn thing she did to Tavros, right?

Sol: Flying fucking hell cavernth in the methiah's ath if I even know. Listhen, I couldn't actually hurt you if I even tried AA; I'm head over fucking heelth-

Aradia: LIAR LIAR LIAR!

Aradia: Vriska if you can hear this; you are dead. This is what I get for sending people to do something I should have done myself.

Aradia: If I see you again, I'm going to personally make sure you never do so much as talk to another human being ever again.


Sol: Alright! Can we pleathe get out of here already? I honethtly do not want you to get hurt.

Aradia: LIAR LIAR LIAR LIAR LI-!

You are now Aradia Megido in the present.
> Submit command?

08/01/12
"AA: Knock his teeth in."

08/01/12
"Aradia: Realize too late that this is not Lux, no matter how similar he looks. This isn't him at all."

Even if he is acting kind of weird, isn't it a bit melodramatic to doubt his identity of all things? Sobriety, perhaps, but even then you know Lux wouldn't be capable of doing anything too stupid. Although you don't know what happened to his two front tee-

...

Sol.

08/01/12
"Lux: Listen to the carnage unfold as you try to get to AA."

Lux: MOM DAD I HAVE TO BORROW THE CAR BYE

Leda: Be careful, honey.

Dareus: Have fun.

Dareus: Didn't know he could drive.

08/01/12
"Lux: Beg and plead for Sol to stop. Ask why he's doing it."

You are incapable of making anything more than angry noises at the moment.

08/01/12
"Sol: Like all good villains, explain why you HAVE to do what you are about to do."

First of all, you're not a villain.
Second of all, why should you have to explain yourself? You probably would, if you could explain effectively. But you really can't think of a way to explain it without sounding jealous.

And you aren't jealous. That's petulant with a side of desperate.

You're bitter and you're resentful but you are NOT jealous.

08/01/12
">"

Vriska: Now here come the fireworks. Hang on to your britches Lux, 'cause this is going be one heeeeeeeell of a show.

08/01/12
">"

Sol: Know what this ith, AA?

Sol: Orange juith, vodka, jagermeister and energy drink. It'th thweet, it'th caffeinated, it'll keep you up all night and fuck you up thomething awful,

Sol: And it'th more flammable than the shit hell'th made out of.

08/01/12
"Lux: Speak into the other headset."

Lux: Holy fucking shit! I know you're an idiot but HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT. Vriska? Since when do you listen to VRISKA?! I swear to the fucking messiahs if you so much as BREATHE too hard on AA I will KICK YOUR ASS SO HARD you will be VOMITING SHOELACES.

08/01/12
"Be the person speaking into the other headset."

You are now Lux Captor in the past.

08/01/12
"Be the other girl."

You are now Vriska Serket in the past.

Vriska: So she said yes? Peeeeeeeerfect. We have her exactly where we want her. Now listen closely, Sol-

Vriska: This is what I want you to say next.

08/01/12
"HeartStuck Thread 4: There Can Be No Hentai"

>Enter A Command?<

08/01/12
"Aradia: Panic."

08/01/12
">"

08/01/12
"Calmasis: Flip Aradia forward onto Jade, thus freeing you from the iron grip."

08/01/12
"Jade: Implement some ridiculous battlecry."

FOR PRINCE FROGDRICK!

08/01/12
"Sun: Fondly regard strife. Set when combat is over."

Nah. You follow a strict schedule. You stop for no man.
You haven't sunk or risen for cramming students or escaping slaves; not for shivering children or sweating workers; no one. You don't know that the moment you dip behind this vague horizon is the moment Jane gets bored of waiting for Kanaya to start the slumber party and walks off. You don't know that the moment you sink behind this horizon, Terezi is obligated to let Calmasis and Hanna give these girls a detention. You don't know that if these girls don't win this fight before you set, they are sort of screwed. You have no idea.
And you don't care.

The clock is ticking.

Fight faster, girls.

08/01/12
"Jade: full-auto dps thingy"

Jade: Nn... Can't get a good shot from here! What if I hit Aradia?

Terezi: Everyone who would be okay with that raise their hand!!! Make a sacrifice for the team!

Kanaya: Or resort to melee.

Jade: ?

Kanaya: Pistolwhip.

08/01/12
"Pull out the THING to use as a weapon."

That's... actually a good idea. You pull out your thing, with a shaky grip on it's roaring vibrations.

This could possibly w-

Oh who the hell are you kidding. You can't wield this with your baby strength! It's amazing that your arms didn't abscond from your body in the 4 seconds you could muster the damegrit to hold it.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Instead of doing the sexylesbian thing, do the lesbileader thing! "

You take your role as sapphicommander! Also known as homoeroticaptain.

08/01/12
"Aradia: Do the tank thing. Distract Calmasis."

Tackling is definitely a thing you can do.

08/01/12
"Aradia: Throw a frog or tackle him/her or something!"

Oh, you would never put these dear amphibians through such a traumatic experience! Not when they're so dependent on you like this. But tackling?

08/01/12
">"

TEREZI has joined your team with 4 CHARM, 30 STRENGTH and 50 INTELLIGENCE.

--BOSS FIGHT--
Calmasis

[image]
[image]

What's your plan of action? Be sure to utilize all of your teammates!

>STRIFE!<

08/01/12
"SHENANIGANS PART 3"

(*le GASP*

::lP are you still doing the marrying thing::)

OR 4NY UND3RW34R H3H3H3H3

(Now back to Heartstuck.)

08/01/12
">"

Terezi: Ah, heads. Looks like I'll be drubbing a bitch after all.

Calmasis: Ah, very good. We should-

Terezi: But, what are you so happy about, Calmasis?

Calmasis: The coin landed as heads. I believe you're obligated to 'drub a bitch'.

Terezi: I believe you're mistaken. Did you presume that it was my intention to ruthlessly drub these first-years? Even when the only motive you have for attacking these students is your own entertainment? I never specifically stated that this would be the case.The coin flip was, in fact, to determine whether or not to drub a certain pair of annoying prefects. Or, to put it simply...

Terezi: TH3 B1TCH 1S YOU! >:]

08/01/12
"Back to our regularly scheduled schoolgirls! Be Kanaya."

You're surprised to hear the Hanna's friend speak; especially with that slow, rasping voice. The keen, emphasized 's' sound in Calmasis' voice makes you think of a hissing snake, a contradiction to the calm, refined, almost amiable tone.

Tl;dr this person sounds creepy as fuck and you want to leave.

Calmasis: Ah, how nice of you to join us, Pyrope. My partner seems to be temporarily incapacitated. I would appreciate it if you would be so kind as to assist me in seizing these delinquents.

Terezi: Hmm... It's been a busy day. I'm not sure I have enough energy left to curb stomp any more fools! What if I were to get into trouble? Decisions, decisions...

Terezi: You know, sometimes when I am faced with a difficult decision, I like to resort to...

Terezi: Coin tossing. May I?

Calmasis: If you must, Pyrope. Be quick.

Terezi: How about this- If heads, I'll do it. If tails, I'll take care of my business and walk away.

Calmasis: Yes, yes, very well. What are the results?

08/01/12
"Be AR."

You are now Nurse Aid Strider. You think you just heard Gamzee and that crutches kid say something about kissing.
Not in your infirmary they won't.

08/01/12
"John: Ask if he knows anything about the table."



johnEgbert [JE] JUST NOW responded to memo.

JE: hey, do any of you know who tipped the table over??

equiusZahhak [EZ] JUST NOW responded to memo.

D --> Er

D -->That w001d be me

D -->My apologies


yeah i guessed as much.

Now that you think about it, this was kind of obvious.
Actually no, you were already pretty sure. He does this fairly often.

At least he doesn't print deviantart pictures anymore.

08/01/12
"John: Listen to what Karkat has to say."

Oh. It's just one of his memos.

karkatVantas [KV] TWO HOURS AGO opened topic OKAY THERE IS SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE on board NO GIRLS ALLOWED.

KV: JUST TO BE SURE YOU ALL RECEIVE THIS INFORMATION FROM A RELIABLE SOURCE I HAVE DECIDED TO OPEN ANOTHER TOPIC. I KNOW YOU GUYS HATE THIS SHIT TO PIECES, AND I AM MORE THAN FUCKING AWARE THAT THESE ALWAYS DIGRESS INTO A HUMILIATING AND FRIGHTENING CRAP-FORESTS LUSH WITH UNDULATING SHIT-TREES THAT GRATUITOUSLY DROP THEIR MALODOROUS FRUIT UPON INNOCENT BYSTANDERS. BUT THIS THREAD WILL BE QUICK AND BRIEF AND LOCKED AS SOON AS I MAKE SURE EVERYONE IS WELL AWARE OF WHAT HAS JUST OCCURRED HERE. ERIDAN PUSHED TAVROS DOWN SOME STAIRS (HE'S IN THE INFIRMARY) AND SUBSEQUENTLY, GAMZEE ATTACKED ERIDAN. BUT HE IS GOING TO A HOSPITAL TO GET PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ATTENTION. OH, AND EQUIUS WAS INVOLVED TOO BUT WHATEVER. ANYWAY, TO SUMMARIZE, YES; SHIT HIT THE FAN, BUT IT IS RAPIDLY DRYING AND FLAKING OFF THE LITTLE SPINNY THINGS SO THERE IS NO NEED FOR CONCERN. QUESTIONS?

daveStrider [DS] TWO HOURS AGO responded to memo.

DS: yeah i got a question teach

KV banned DS from responding to memo.

KV: ANY QUESTIONS FROM SOMEONE WHO ISN'T A COMPLETE ASSHOLE?

solCaptor [SC] TWO HOURS AGO responded to memo.

SC: 2o what youre 2ayiing ii2, ED was beiing an iincrediible douche and GZ tore the piiss out of hiim?

KV: YES THAT IS EXACTLY HOW I WOULD WORD IT IF I WERE TRYING TO PHRASE THINGS IN THE MOST UNFORTUNATE MANNER CONCEIVABLE.

SC: wow.

SC: ii have the WEIIRDE2T boner riight now.

KV: NO.

KV: NO YOU DON'T.

KV: GOD, WHAT THE FUCK.

KV: REMIND ME TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO DELETE POSTS.

KV: GUYS COME ON THIS WAS SERIOUS A SERIOUS FIGHT WENT DOWN HERE


gamzeeMakara [GM] TWO HOURS AGO responded to memo.

KV: HELLO?

KV: ARE YOU GOING TO SAY ANYTHING OR JUST ZONE OUT?

GM: why did you make this?

KV: WHAT? THE THREAD? WELL THE SCHOOL'S GOING TO FIND OUT ABOUT THIS WHOLE FIASCO EVENTUALLY, I JUST THOUGHT I'D WANT OUR FRIENDS TO KNOW WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. AS OPPOSED TO WHATEVER SHOVELHEAD SLICK TELLS EVERYONE.

GM: WHY THE IN THE DEEPEST FESTERING PIT OF UNHOLY BLASPHEMOUS MOTHERFUCKS

KV: WHAT? DUDE SERIOUSLY WHAT WERE YOU ABOUT TO SAY

KV: ARE YOU ZONING OUT AGAIN?

KV: MARVELING AT YOUR NAVEL?

KV: WATCHING PAINT DRY? STICKING YOUR HEAD UP YOUR ASS TO GET A BETTER LOOK AT YOUR RECTUM?

KV: GAMZEE ARE YOU THERE?

KV: DON'T MAKE ME WALK ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE INFIRMARY BECAUSE SO HELP ME GOD I WILL TURN THIS THREAD AROUND.

KV: HELLO? EARTH TO GAMZEE?


GM: i didn't attack nobody dogg. :O(

KV: OH. I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE YOU DIDN'T? I DIDN'T SEE WHAT HAPPENED. SORRY ABOUT THAT.

tereziPyrope [TP] AN HOUR AGO responded to memo.

TP: TO B3 F41R 1 COMPL3T3LY R3SP3CT 4ND P3RH4PS 3V3N 4DM1R3 G4MZ33S 4PPRO4CH TO JUST1C3

TP: 1N F4CT TO QUOT3 SOL:

TP: -post deleted by moderator-

TP: BUT SOM3TH1NG 4BOUT TH1S SM3LLS 4 B1T...

TP: F1SHY >:]

TP: 1 PL4N ON FURTH3R 1NV3ST1G4T1ON 1N TH3 3V3NT TH4T D1SPROPORT1ON4T3 R3TR1BUT1ON H4S OCCURR3D H3R3


KV: GOD NO TEREZI THE LAST THING WE NEED IS YOU STICKING YOUR NOSE INTO CRAP THAT DOESN'T EVEN NEED TO BE SNIFFED.

KV: ESPECIALLY SINCE WE ALL KNOW WHO WAS REALLY BEHIND ALL THIS. I WOULD SAY "HER" NAME BUT I KNOW YOU'RE JUST GOING TO FLIP THE FUCK OUT AND CLIMB MY DICK ABOUT IT.


TP: >:/

TP: LOOK 1 4M COMPL3T3LY CONF1D3NT 1N TH3 HOLD 1 H4V3 OV3R """"H3333RRRRR"""" 4ND Y3S 1F YOU 1MPLY OTH3RW1S3 1 W1LL CL1MB TH3 FUCK OUT OF YOUR D1CK

TP: 1 4M 4LR34DY PR3P4R1NG TO L4UNCH 4N 3XP3D1T1ON TO MOUNT K4RKL3S!

TP: BUT W41T WH4TS TH1S

TP: MOUNT K4RKL3S 1S JUST 4 L1TTL3 H1LL GU3SS 1 WONT B3 DO1NG MUCH CL1MB1NG 4FT3R 4LL >:]


KV: FUCK OFF.

TP: H3H3H3

KV: <3

TP: GOTT4 GO T4K3 C4R3 OF SOM3 ROGU3 PR3F3CTS SM3LL YOU N3RDS L4T3R

TP ceased responding to memo.

08/01/12
"John: Ask the table what it has to say. Use the Jack Bauer method to find out who flipped it."

You prop the table back up. Stare at it for a moment.

Oh? You're a silent type, eh?
How silent will you be after a few hammers to the legs?

Terezi is so much better at this than you are. In any case, it's not working. Blasted thing just won't speak up.

08/01/12
"Be John"

God damn, did your roommate flip that table again?
Looks like Karkat has something to rant about too.

Man this school sure is weird.

08/01/12
"Be Rose."

Your name is Rose Lalonde and you have not heard the words "I'm proud of you" in 10 years, 2 months, and 6 days.

You are in the middle of rigorously and PASSIVE AGGRESSIVELY practicing for a genre of PERFORMANCE ART that you would like to say you abhor. You do this every day after school for three hours to participate in a performance you're going to detest in the interest of exceeding a mother that detests you. And possibly even, though you refuse to admit it, make her proud.

But you never thought you'd actually take to it.

But you can't be Rose for much longer! As you can see, she's very very busy! Why not be John?

08/01/12
"Tavros: You kiss Gamzee this instant."

08/01/12
"Gamzee: kiss Tavros"

08/01/12
">"

Calmasis, however, remains unaffected, and invokes AGGRIEVE: Infraction!

But wait, what's this?
A wild prefect has appeared! Terezi uses ARGUE: Objection!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Seduce Greet platonicly, it's done well so far."

Hmm... Yes, you suppose it has.
Best to stick with what you know, yes?

You expertly concatenate a chain of carefully chosen diction, enthralling your opponent in a web of scintillating vernacular that you may or may not have plucked from a romantic novel revolving around a certain sapphic vampiress.

The attack is extremely effective!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Even if you don't Malfunction! Know this. You have the eternal support of your friends, which is doubly significant considering you just met them today. It takes a kind, caring, friendly, and special person to make that many friends of such high caliber that quickly. (Feeling that CONFIDENCE Yet???) Besides. . . Your mother Virgina loves you. She worked hard to get you to this school. You know why? Because she BELIEVES IN YOU, and your ABILITY TO BECOME THE BEST PERSON YOU ARE MEANT TO BE. She's PROUD of YOU!. You have all the Mangrit Dignity and Grace expected of a woman of your skills and heritage, and more. Know that you can achieve whatever you set your heart to."

+2 to confidence!
And yet, still not enough to malfunction.

08/01/12
"GIRL. YOU MALFUNCTION RIGHT THIS INSTANT."

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Malfunction!"

But Kanaya is too shy to pull off such a bold move! If only she had more CONFIDENCE.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: SAVE GAME. Always save before a boss battle if you can!"

Of course! This should go without saying.
You have saved this checkpoint as PREFECTS_001

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Allure!"

You have decided to allure! Now choose an attack:

> [s]Seduction[/s] PLATONIC Introduction

> Malfunction

> Distraction

Choose wisely! The fate of your slumber party lies in the balance.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Check Party Stats"

--Nepeta--

CHARM: 20
INTELLIGENCE: 20
STRENGTH: 20

Nepeta Leijon, who currently has the most FINESSE of the party, has been auto-assigned as the party CROWD CONTROL.


--Aradia--

CHARM: 5
INTELLIGENCE: 20
STRENGTH: 45

Aradia Megido, who currently has the most CONSTITUTION of the party, has been auto-assigned as the party TANK.


--Jade--

CHARM: 15
INTELLIGENCE: 30
STRENGTH: 35

Jade Harley, who currently has the most MARKSMANSHIP of the party, has been auto-assigned as the party DPS (damage per second).

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Use ELOQUENT GREETING level 27! You Do Not Want This Party To Be Ruined!"

Kanaya: I don't know if you know this, prefect, but we do happen to be making productive use of our time. Before you interjected us in the midst of work, we were collecting biological samples at the behest of a teacher. Feel welcome to ask Mrs. Echidna if you need proof.

Kanaya: Furthermore, I was told that students were only prohibited access to Lolar after dark. Do you see a moon out, dear?

Kanaya: I suppose you could give us all detentions, if you were so inclined, but I honestly don't think that's wise.

Kanaya: For as much power as this school gives its prefects, I severely doubt that you're authorized to arbitrarily resort to such drastic measures without the consent of legitimate authority. I also doubt that you'd be able to find a staff member in this school who would agree that our 'loitering' warrants a detention.

Kanaya: Now if you'll excuse me, I have a party to host and frogs to deliver..

Hanna: You are not going anywhere! Who the hell do you think you are?

Hanna: You're going to detention or we're going to drag you there.

> Aggrieve?

> Allure?

> Abscond?

> Accede???

08/01/12
"Oh shit, prefects! THE JIG. IS UP."

Not just prefects. Upperclassmen prefects.
You never wanted to be a prefect, but when your dad forced you into it there really wasn't anything you could say. So now you occupy yourself with harassing first-years and, when you're told to, meticulously orchestrating events to go on within the student body.

Right now, you're doing the former.

Hanna: You must be the new girl. Perhaps no one's informed you that Calmasis and I are prefects here.

Hanna: And as prefects, I believe we're obligated to suggest that you use your time more productively. I don't know if you know this, first year, but we don't allow loitering after class. Since this is obviously your first day, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and let you and your friends off with a single detention.

08/01/12
"Be the unknown observer."

You are now Hanna May Kracht.

08/01/12
"Back to our regularly scheduled platonic female friends."

You are in the middle of designing some leafy outfits for Emperor Frogrick's consorts.

But it appears these shenanigans have not gone unnoticed!

???: Shouldn't you all be inside?

08/01/12
"Tavros: continue expositing on the Nitram family."

Your brother leads a group called the 'cavalreapers', who are supposed to be opposing the guy named Cornelius. Apparently he's some sort of mean government dude. Rufio doesn't talk about it much anymore.

Tavros does not know enough to do any legitimate expositing!

08/01/12
"Tavros: Briefly ponder how many brothers you have and who they are."

You decide to reminisce for a bit!
You happen to be the youngest of your siblings.

You happen to not know very much about your oldest sibling, Rufio, other than the fact that he is really, really cool, or so you think. You haven't seen very much of him since you were sent to Prosperse, but you're fairly certain he's managing just fine.

And then there's your other bro. But he's already been exposited!

08/01/12
"Jade: Give him a name!"

You dub him Emperor Frogdrick, lord of the frogs.
This is actually kind of dumb.

08/01/12
"Summoner: Be the third Nitram brother"

You cannot be the third Nitram brother because Tink is the third Nitram brother! Sorry.

08/01/12
"Back to your regularly scheduled schoolgirls."

No one seems to know what is up with this crazy looking frog.
Which apparently makes it a perfect candidate for Echidna's terrarium.

08/01/12
"Closed Eyes"

You are now the man with the closed eyes a quantitative amount of time before his death.

But enough of these premortem shenanigans! Back to our regularly scheduled schoolgirls.

08/01/12
"BE THE EYES!!!!"

Be specific. Closed eyes or open eyes? There is a huge difference.

08/01/12
"HeartStuck 3: That Day Felt Like Two Threads "

[image]
[image]

> Please Select A Character To Continue <

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Go frog hunting."

Actually, it's Jade and Nepeta who do most of the frog hunting. You merely watch as they enthusiastically try to decide which unlucky amphibian should be take to Mrs. Echidna.

Jade: Aren't you coming in?

>Enter mossy, bacteria-infested, fetid pond?<

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Don't invite anyone else."

Deciding that you're happy with the current attendees, you make way to your next destination.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Invite Aradia"

You manage to catch Aradia as she's leaving P.E class.

Aradia: Kanaya? 0_0

Kanaya: Hello, Aradia! I'm currently making preparations for an impromptu slumber party-

Aradia: Who's going to be there?

Kanaya: Well, so far, Nepeta, Jade and Jane have been confirmed to attend.

Aradia: ...Can I come?

Kanaya: Of course. I was literally just about to invite you.

Kanaya: We're also planning on going frog hunting, if you would be interested in that.


Aradia: I actually would like that very much.

ARADIA has joined your party! Is there anyone else you'd like to invite?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Apologize to Creative Writing teacher."

The teacher starts to leave the classroom just as you start to enter, which produces a good two minutes awkward silence. He tentatively mentions that test retakes are only on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
You then explain that you've only arrived to this school today, and you wanted to apologize for missing class. You go on to mention that a friend of yours had a personal conflict that you wanted to reso-
He interrupts.
That's fine.
He appreciates that you took the time to introduce yourself but there's no need for apologies. You ask if there's any homework assignments that you need, or anything you should know about the class before you go.

The PROFESSIONAL INSTRUCTOR informs you that the only thing you need for his class is IMAGINATION.
He disconcertingly ogles at you and your traveling companions for a few more moments, and politely informs you that he has to go now. He has a meeting.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Invite Jane and Serenity to the slumber party!"

Jane is fairly easy to track down, since she's not far from Creative Writing class.

It takes some convincing (and a whole lot of ELOQUENCE), but eventually she concedes to attending the slumber party.

Jane: I'll drop by in a couple hours, but I don't think I can stay very long. You know, with various homework assignments to complete and whatnot.

Party guest get!
Serenity, however, is nowhere to be found.

08/01/12
"What are Kanaya's thoughts on said furry porn?"

I wouldn't call them thoughts, exactly.
Mostly a jumble of confusion and desperate attempts to discern what 'furry' means in this context.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Jade or Nepeta what clubs they have respectively"

Jade: We're not really in any clubs. Nepeta and I have this 'Animal Appreciation Club', but that typically only involves catching frogs and looking at furry porn.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Suggest a slumber party."

Before you make up your mind to go anywhere, you remember to suggest a sleepover. Jade and Nepeta are completely agreeable to that proposal.

07/01/12
">"

Now that school has finally come to an end, you and your PARTY MEMBERS are free to loiter about the building like the true delinquents you are. Your currently accessible areas are:

Your Room
Jade and Nepeta's Room
Vice Principal Office
Scratch's office
Sewing Club Room
Ballet room
The Library
The Cafeteria
World Geometry Class
Botany Class
English Class
Drama Class
Geometry Class
Chemistry Class
Creative Writing Class
and Lolar Park

Needless to say, you have quite a few options.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: get pounce tackled.....again"

AND THUS SHIT CONTINUES TO GET STUPIDER BY THE SECOND

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Allocate already!"

You disperse your skill points as 9 CHA, 7 INT, 4 STR, leaving your current stats:

CHARM: 48
INTELLIGENCE: 47
STRENGTH: 15

07/01/12
"Kanaya: ALLOCATE THOSE POINTS. DO IT NOW."

Please excuse Kanaya as she tries to make sense of the cacophony of suggestions the voices in her head are throwing at her. This will only take a moment.

07/01/12
"Be Vriska."

Vriska: I thought you'd be happy! The plan worked, didn't it?

Terezi: It wasn't supposed to work! You weren't even supposed to go through with it!

Terezi: I told you we would talk about it later. Because that's what partners do! They discuss things, and plan together.


Vriska: Whoops, I was under the impression we were antagonizing the greenies. You should be thanking me! Good going Vriska, taking things into your own hands like that.

Terezi: It's called bluffing Vriska. We were bluffing. You weren't supposed to go and make things personal.

Vriska: Why do you have to make it into such a big deal? We're still partners in crime-

Terezi: Partners in law! >:O

Terezi: And I don't even know if we're that.

Terezi: Do you really not have anything to say for yourself after going through your plan when you said you wouldn't?


Vriska: Yeah, actually, I think I do!

You win allllllll of the arguments.

07/01/12
"KEEP GOIN', ya did the right thing. Jane'll understand, right?"

You think you'd rather not see a timeline where you don't help Nepeta.

THIS IS INCREDIBLY STUPID
Just assign your stats already!

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Check time. If it's sufficiently late by this point, initiate project SLEEPOVER."

The room is deceptively dark because the lights are off. Despite this, however, it's only around 4 o'clock, so class should be ending about now. The idea of a sleepover does sound appealing though! You'll remember to ask later.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Mother of God this girl needs some emotional support and STAT. GROUP HUG IMMEDIATELY."

Mission Accomplished!
"Cheer Up Nepeta"

Rewards:
[LIST]
- +10 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with JADE!
- +20 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with NEPETA!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with NEPETA: New Friend
- +20 SKILL POINTS to spend however you'd like!



>Continue this path, or load the other save?

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Stroke Nepeta's shorter hair as you tactfully and PLATONCALLY ask her about her haircut"

Nepeta: I think it all started seven years ago, on the playground...

Kanaya: Uh-huhhh, go on.

07/01/12
">"

Kanaya: Shhhsshhshshhh, say no more. Come inside and tell me all about it.

You pull out all the stops (by which you mean all the CHARM) for this. You haven't seen a romantic crisis this critical since someone rejected Karkat because he was 'not a homosexual'.

You PLATONICALLY invite the both of them to your room, which is conveniently across the hall, and let her eat all of your candy. If you had known there would be an DRAMATIC BREAKUP today, you would have found a way to stock some EMERGENCY CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM. You also help Nepeta photoshop pictures of her ex-boyfriend into hilariously HIDEOUS MONSTROSITIES, for therapeutic purposes.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask about the influx of cat puns suddenly appearing."

Nepeta: Haha, isn't this meow I pawlways act? Okay wow those were kind of bad. I guess cat puns just cheer me up or something.

Nepeta: My boyfuriend broke up with me recently. I'm not supurr torn up about it or anything. Actually, meow that I think about it, I purrobably should have expected this to happen!

Nepeta: But mew don't have to skip class just fur me! I'm fine.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Say you were worried for Nepeta by Jade's worrying of Nepeta"

Nepeta: Jade!!! Did you tell her?

Jade: No! Well, I mean, I guess it was kind of obvious how worried I was about you.

Jade: I just asked Kanaya to help me look for you! She was really nice about it!

07/01/12
"More shenanigans!"

While Dirk thinks it's hilarious that everyone is clearly obsessed with his romantic life, he is already in an intimate relationship with Mr. Proboscis and doesn't want to ruin that.

(Humorous interlude over. Move along.)

07/01/12
"Be the Protagonist"

You are now Kanaya.

Nepeta: Hmmmm?

Nepeta: You didn't skip class beclaws of me, did you?

07/01/12
"Sol: Pester Feferi."

You can not pester Feferi right now.

07/01/12
"Twins: Have completely opposite taste in videogames. One plays completely on-rails obscure JRPGs with dating sim elements and the other plays corridor FPS games that get yearly releases."

But your taste is clearly superior.

LuxCaptor [LC] began contacting aradiaMegido [AM]

LC: sup

AM: hell0

AM: i am d0ing just fine thank y0u


LC: 0h really?

AM: n0

AM: but thats 0kay t00 i guess


LC: anything i can d0 t0 help?

AM: y0u c0uld

AM: st0p sucking at m0dern warfare

AM: n00b


LC: h0w do y0u kn0w i d0n't let y0u win because y0ure a girl?

AM: i d0ubt it

AM: fr0m the way y0u cry after y0u l0se

AM: i w0uld think that if any0nes a girl its y0u 0_0


LC: L0L

AM: i have t0 g0 ill call you in like an h0ur

LC: kk

07/01/12
"Captor twins: Be Sol and Lux"

You are now Sol and Lux. You go by Castor and Pollux online, and are more commonly known as Those Kids Whose Mom Fucked A Swan at school.

Currently, the two of you are just finishing yet another game of ψii-mod (pronounced psii mod, not wii mod (or thii mod, as Sol would say)) alpha with yet another tie. It's a grotesque amalgamation you have been collaborating on, inspired by an entire cornucopia of game genres from generic first person shooters to fucking Minecraft. Sol has also assured Lux that it will also have plenty of fanservice, don't worry. He just has to research the delicate nuances of boob physics.

13/01/12
"> Enter names."

You think it's time that rumor was laid to rest. Your mother just happens to be a bird fancier, that's all.
Try again.

13/01/12
"> Who are these douchebags?"

Two young men sit alone in their respective boarding rooms. Though it was sixteen years ago they were given life, it is only today they will be given their names!

What will the names of these young lads be?

10/01/12
"2X DRAMATIC FACE-REVEAL COMBO"

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Help Jade comfort Nepeta."

This command is too broad! How should you go about comforting her?

08/01/12
">"

Nepeta: Jade! Mew should have been there! It was pawsitively pawful!

Jade: ...

Jade: Your hair looks shorter.


Nepeta: Huh? Oh, yeah, I cut it!

Jade: It's nice! Your outfit is nice too.

Jade: Uhhhhh.


Nepeta: Thanks!

You should probably try and help your new friend.

08/01/12
"Check Nepeta's Dorm Room."

08/01/12
"Inform Jane that there is a mystery afoot, and although she is free to choose her own course of action, you would be quite grateful if she were to assist."

Jane: That sounds exciting! Alas, I must be off. I probably shouldn't be nosying around in your business anyway.

Jade: So where should we look first?

Kanaya: I propose the re-examination of your shared residential quarters.

Jade: Sounds good to me!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Listen to Jade and look for Nepeta. We'll score points with Jade for helping and points with Nepeta for worrying about her. You could even win points with Jane if you play your cards right."

Sounds like a plan.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Save to two different profiles. Rename them as JANEVJADE01 and JANEVJADE02"

Ah, save-scumming. The go-to tactic of every clever gamer. Frowned upon? Yes. Effective? Also yes.
Now which one do you go with first?

08/01/12
"Gamzee: Quest(s) complete? Have you even allocated any points?"

You have not a single clue how many missions you've completed. How does that shit work, anyway? You know you've allocated points, and you're aware that your vim stat is 3... 31...fuck, you forgot.

That's cool though, it don't even matter. Your medication nullifies the effects of your stats, essentially reducing them to zero. You run on miracles, brother.

08/01/12
"SWITCH BACK TO KANAYA ALREADY, ISN'T SHE THE MAIN CHARACTER"

But Kanaya is kind of in the middle of something right now!

Jade: Oh please oh please oh please you have to help me look for Nepeta! Please please please!

Jane: I seriously doubt your friend is in any serious danger! If we stand here much longer we'll be late, and I don't think missing class would make a good first impression on the teacher.

08/01/12
"Karkat: Get to shoosh-pappin' ya ninny"

Only if you have to.


Fuck, he smells awful.

08/01/12
"Karkat: Flip out and rage at Equius for kicking the table over."

Karkat: YOUR LITTLE FREAKOUT SESSION OVER HERE HIT ME IN THE HEAD WITH A BUCKET! WHAT IN THE EVERLIVING HIDEOUSLY DEFORMED LOVECHILD OF A FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?

Karkat: NO DON'T EVEN ANSWER THAT QUESTION IT WAS RHETORICAL.

Karkat: I ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING. CLEARLY YOU ARE THROWING A BIG INFANTILE TEMPER TANTRUM BECAUSE APPARENTLY IT IS JUST NOT YOUR FUCKING DAY. WELL I HAVE SOME SHOCKING NEWS FOR YOU, YOU SON OF A SHITWAD, YOU ARE NOT THE FIRST PERSON WHO HAS EVER NOT HAD A PERFECT LIFE FOR OVER THREE SECONDS!

Karkat: THIS ISN'T YOUR FUCKING MANSION, I'M NOT YOUR FUCKING BUTLER AND IF YOU THINK I'M GOING TO START PITYING YOU, OR EVEN STOP HATING YOU LONG ENOUGH TO LET YOU WRECK THE NURSE'S OFFICE JUST BECAUSE YOU GOT CHOKED A LITTLE BIT YOU HAVE GOT ANOTHER THING C-


Equius: That's not it.

Karkat: What?

Equius: That's not why I'm upset.

Karkat: ...

Equius: What are you staring at?

Equius: Cease your ocular fixations immediately.


Karkat: ...Are you...?

Karkat: Are those...? Uh-

Equius: No.

Equius: My eyes are sweating.

Equius: It is a rare disorder.


Karkat: ...Oh.

08/01/12
"Insert Disk"

Works like a charm.

08/01/12
"Realize the disk is only scratched on the top, play it normally"

Oh.

08/01/12
"My Little Pony, of course! Heartstuck can wait, let's get some PONIES up in this."

Meanwhile you can take care of my pony.

08/01/12
"Insert both at the same time as a mad experiment."

Now look what you've done, you fool!
Or should I say...
foal.

Tsk tsk tsk, the disk is scratched. What a shame. I'm sure there are many awful jokes and Problem Sleuth references you would have enjoyed on this piece of shit.

But don't worry! I know a guy who can get this fixed in a jiffy. A... scratch doctor if you will.

08/01/12
"YOU INSERT THAT DISC THIS INSTANT."

Disk? What disk?

Do you mean Disk 2 of HeartStuck with the updates on what happened to Eridan, the noodle incident explanation as to why Jade had a bucket on her head, what Nepeta does with those scissors, and some bonus concept art for the girlfriend outfits of the romanceable characters?

Or this My Little Pony 1994 CD that I've been holding on to since childhood?

08/01/12
"HeartStuck 2: Win The Amorous Affections of The Entire Population Not Exluding Flora Fauna Inanimate Objects Or Anthropomorphic Apioids Who Have Adopted A Career In College Education"

>Insert Disk 2?<

08/01/12
"Karkat: Uttery fail to dodge the bucket thrown at you."

08/01/12
"Be Nepeta"

Nepeta still does not want to be Nepeta. Try again later!

08/01/12
"Karkat/Gamzee/Equius/Eridan/John/Tavros: SUPER SPECIAL AT THE NURSE'S OFFICE MONTAGE COMBO YAYYYYYY!"

Ah shit.

08/01/12
"Catch Jade and suggest that we should probably check her room if Jade hasn't already."

Jade: I already went there! I didn't see her!

Kanaya: Pardon me if I'm wrong, but is there any chance that might be attributed to the fact that you are currently sporting a bucket as headgear?

Jade: ...

Jade: AAGHHHH FUCK THIS STUPID THING!

08/01/12
"Jade: Scurry through the hall, nervously. Ask Kanaya if she has seen Nepeta anywhere. It isn't like her to miss class!"

!?!?: Woah woah woah, who said Nepeta?

?!?!: Do you know where Nepeta is?


Jane: Erm, I'm afraid not. Perhaps you could give me a visual description, and I could keep an eye out for her.

Jane: ... Are you aware that you have a bucket on your head?

?!?!: Sorry; no time for small talk! Gotta go!

08/01/12
"Ask Jane if she knows what happened to Nepeta."

Jane: Wait, did you say Nepeta?

Jane: I don't know who that is either! Do you have classes with them or something?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Jane if Serenity's a mute"

Jane shrugs. She doesn't know who Serenity is!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Jane how she manages to change her false mustache every 4 seconds without anyone witnessing the switch."

Jane: It's a wardrobifier! I had a gadgeteer friend tinker with it for me, so now it just switches my mustache at 4 second intervals. Pretty neat-o, eh? But I suppose I can turn it off if it's confuddling you.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Make your way to your next class."

08/01/12
"Kanaya: PLATONICALLY kiss her hand as you take your leave."

She is as complacently confounded as ever.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Go to next class."

Of course! But first...

08/01/12
"Kanaya: If she has Creative Writing as well, ask if she could show you the way there. If not, say goodbye, go greet Jane again, and ask her."

It seems that she does not, in fact, have Creative Writing for her last period. Your turn your attention to Jane.

Jane: I would be happy to walk you to your next class!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Check what's next on the schedule"

Creative writing, apparently.

08/01/12
"Check Serenity's stats. She blushed easily. Too easily."

Her stats aren't too bad. She could do with a few more missions, though. She might have some bonus stats she's dumping her skill points in, but you can't see them without your PDA.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Serenity to teach you Blink."

What are you talking about? You know how to blink. You do it every four seconds. Blinking isn't some sort of language or anything.
Look at those mad blinking skills.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Tell her that she looks adorable in her hoodie."

You offer her a small compliment on her choice of clothing. You do like the contrast, even if it's not something you would have chosen for her.

She seems pleasantly confused.

And there goes the bell.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Serenity where she's from."

Serenity: CAN TOWN, TEXAS!

08/01/12
">"

Serenity: I LEFT SOON AFTER YOU FAINTED. TEREZI AND ARADIA GOT INTO A DUEL, AND TEREZI GETS CARRIED AWAY WITH HER FIGHTS.

Serenity: THEY'RE BOTH PRETTY GOOD AT DUELING SO I'M SURE NEITHER OF THEM GOT HURT.

Serenity: RUFIO WAS STILL MOPING IN A LITTLE FORT WHEN I LEFT. HE MIGHT STILL BE SULKING SOMEWHERE.

Serenity: BUT THAT'S ALL I KNOW, SORRY.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Serenity about what happened in Drama class and how Rufio is feeling"

-.. --- -.-- --- ..- ..- -. -.. . .-. ... - .- -. -.. -... .-.. .. -. -.- ..--..

She bats her eyes at you in rapid succession. You consider, for a moment, that she's trying to charm you, but eventually deduce that she probably just has something stuck in her eye.

--- ..-. -.-. --- ..- .-. ... . -.-- --- ..- -.. --- -. .----. - .-.-.- -. --- --- -. . -.. --- . ... .-.-.-

Serenity: NOT SURE WE SHOULD BE TALKING IN CLASS. MIND WRITING?

Kanaya: No Not At All

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Just sit down and listen to the teacher, we shouldn't seem annoying or overeager."

You decide to accompany Serenity. She seems nice enough. Quiet, but nice.
Mrs. Echidna hands out a few worksheets over percent composition; nothing too difficult, especially with your intelligence.

Rose resumes speaking to Jane and this student that you are trying to pretend is not a fellow of the masculine gender nope no way. You admittedly would have enjoyed a second round of thinly-veiled insults and passive-aggressive one-upsmanship, but any good combatant of both sarcasm and physical confrontation knows that patience is the key to victory.

Perhaps not this time, Rose, but someday.

You help Serenity with a few of the problems and finish with some spare time. If you have any questions, you speculate that now would be the best time to ask. If not, you could always doodle or something until the bell rings.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Look around and find other members of your class, then introduce yourself to them when you get a chance to."

There's Serenity, the girl from Drama class.

There's also Jane, Rose and- hey is that a guy?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: First you must write "Kanaya Was Here" as much as possible and especially around Rose's vandalism"

Yessss. You feel like some sort of graffiti artist. A wild delinquent, even. Fuq the police! You can't be tamed!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Offer to clean whiteboard for teacher. Need to rack up some brownie points, girl!"

Kanaya: Hello. I'm Kanaya Maryam; I've just arrived to this school recently and I've been informed that you are to be my chemistry teacher. I don't believe we've been introduced.

???: Ah, what a well mannered girl. So hard to come by these days. You may refer to me as Mrs. Echidna. Pleasure to meet you, darling.

Kanaya: The pleasure is mine. Also, I've noticed that you have quite a bit of... doodles on your whiteboard. I'd be happy to erase those for you, if they're unwelcome.

Mrs. Echidna: They're quite welcome, dear. Kind of you to offer, though.

Kanaya: I see. If students are allowed to add on to the whiteboard, may I-

Mrs. Echidna: Feel free.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Save obviously"

Bam. If you ever want to return to this checkpoint, just enter the command "Chemistry_01".

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Allocate points"

Your current stats are-
CHARM: 39
INTELLIGENCE: 40
STRENGTH: 11

You have more CHARM than and equal INTELLIGENCE to Rose. You have received the FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER.

The meter is currently in favor of Rose, considering the previous embarrassment you suffered while being escorted to Geometry class. But the tides will turn, Ms. Lalonde. They will turn.

08/01/12
"Kanaya & Jane: Enter Classroom."


Mission Accomplished!

"Geometry Class"
Rewards:


- +12 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with JANE!
- 9 more SKILL POINTS, to spend however you would like!

New mission: "Chemistry Class".

>Continue?

08/01/12
"Question Honeybee professor about existence of Professor wasp."

We don't speak of wasps here.

Especially not that one.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Ms Honeybee how exactly you get the FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER stat."

The FLIGHTY BROADS AND THEIR SNARKY HORSESHITOMETER can be obtained by having equal or greater CHARM and INTELLIGENCE than a FLIGHT BROAD.

PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT combined with the CHARM stat begets TRICKSTER MODE.
PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT combined with the RAGE stat begets WILDCARD.

Will that be all, dearie?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: We must charm the beelady, posthaste!"

Really, head-voices?
Really?

Let's just... Let's just get to class first, alright?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: You have upset a poor innocent gaming abstraction. Apologize, possibly offer her a PLATONIC SHOULDER TO CRY ON, whilst whispering PLATONIC nothings such as, "There, there, it'll be alright. It's hard, being the help menu and being unused. It's hard and nobody understands.""

Oh, there's no need for that, honey. Just bee sure to ask me if you have any questions next time!

PRANKSTER'S GAMBIT is a hidden STAT unlocked by reading COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY.

It comes with a subset of prank-related skills.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: look for a book on Stats and Conditions, so maybe we can find out what things like Prankster Gambit and the like are when they come up."

What? Why would you do that? That's what Professor Honeybee is for. It's what she was made for. It's what she exists to do.

She literally just sits in this empty help menu all day waiting for you to ask her things. She doesn't even want you to have a decent conversation with her or anything. All she asks is that you go to her when you need help.

She has feelings.
And you're shitting on them.

It sucks.

08/01/12
"Anyways, let's see whats up with that chainsaw"

Oh my. 30 karma? That would leave you with only seven karma remaining. Hmm.
It's not something you really need though, is it?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Buy that monocle. Buy the fuck out of it."

Yes, yes, you're purchasing the monocle; there's no need for profanity.

You've succeeded in purchasing the MONOCLE.

Kanaya: You seem to have expressed an interest in Crime Investigation of the Western European Persuasion. While I possess admittedly little knowledge on the subject, I thought you might find this interesting. I have no use for the thing myself, so you're welcome to have it if you'd like.

You leave out the part that you actually bought it specifically for her. It might come off as a tad creepy, buying gifts for someone you've only met four minutes ago.

Jane: Oh, is that a monocle?

Jane: Monocles don't have any sort of iconic association with french detectives that I know of, honestly, but that doesn't even matter! I only like those guys for their mustaches anyway.

Jane: And you know what goes great with mustaches?

Jane: Monocles! Hoo hoo. :B

She seems to like her gift, but you still think you could have done better. You should have gotten that bitch a mustache.
Bitches love mustaches.

On that note, you suppose you'll return to your Karmazon tomfoolery.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Purchase the Free Golden Chainsword."

Okay, okay, you'll look into it!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: There is a search bar! Use it! Using search bars is an essential skill!"

Oh wow! Only 3 karma. You think you can afford that.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: BUY THE GOLDEN CHAINSAW.NOW."

No way! Don't you know that anytime salespeople say something is free, it's a huge ripoff? You just want to get the monocle and get back to Jane.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Get the monocle."

You have no idea how to get the monocle.

08/01/12
"Karkat: Jawdrop."

You drop it like it's hot.

Karkat: CAN WE JUST

Karkat: CAN WE JUST GET OUR SHIT TOGETHER NOW? SERIOUSLY, TIME IS OF THE FUCKING ESSENCE HERE. GAMZEE, QUIT TRYING TO MASH YOUR FACE INTO JOHN'S LIKE IT'S PLAYDO AND CARRY EQUIUS-


Equius: That won't be necessary. I can manage.

Karkat: OK, WHATEVER. IF YOU COLLAPSE MIDWAY TO THE INFIRMARY I'M NOT TOUCHING YOUR SWEATY ASS FOR SHIT, SO I HOPE YOU'RE RIGHT.

Karkat: JOHN, GET TAVROS, GAMZEE, GET ERIDAN. WAIT- ACTUALLY, NO, STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ERIDAN.

Karkat: GAMZEE, GET TAVROS, JOHN, SEE IF YOU CAN SOMEHOW CARRY HIPSTER MCCRAZYPANTS.



John: Don't worry, Karkat! I have all of the mangrit! All of it!

Karkat: Let's see if we can make this work.


Meanwhile, somewhere in.... fuck, I don't know.

08/01/12
"John: Be some kind of pranking master."

You are simply the best there is.

08/01/12
"What does Prankster's Gambit do?"

Even Jane doesn't really know! She only puts points into it because she thinks it might come in handy later? But she's not sure what it's full potential is, or even if it's remotely practical. Just because she's dabbled in some japery doesn't mean she truly understands Prankster's Gambit.

I mean, what does she look like to you?

Some kind of pranking master?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Offer Jane a monocle to go with her snazzy handlebar moustache."

You unfortunately do not have a monocle! You have enough KARMA to buy one, however.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: When you get to class, PLATONICALLY mention that, regrettably, you still don't know this charming, moustachioed young lady's name. Use all the charm. All of it."

After some mild disparity in the opinions of your head-voices, you finally decide that you'd like to be PLATONICALLY amiable to Jane; but also subtle, if you can manage it.

Jane: Oh! I haven't told you my name yet? How rude of me, I'm Jane Crocker! This is it, by the way. Chemistry class! The study of tiny things and how they get along with one another.

You inconspicuously try to make sure that your hands PLATONICALLY brush against each other when you unwind arms.

You also share a dramatic, PLATONIC moment straight out of a FILM NOIR detective scene. You succeed in being the HYSTERICAL DAME to her HARD-BOILED SLEUTH. The NERVOUS BROAD to her ACE DICK.

Enough of this silliness, get to class!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Check Jane's stats. After all, she's in your PARTY now."

You examine Jane's stats.
Charm: 35
Intelligence: 20
Strength: 20
Prankster's Gambit: 36

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Jane about the scars"

Jane: Oh my, have you met people with scars?

Jane: I hope you aren't planning on having any done.


Kanaya: Oh no, not at all. I just noticed that so many students have them, is all.

Jane: If you're pursuing clarification on that specific subject I don't think I can be of much assistance! All I know is that girls get kind of crazy about their cliques and whatnot. I'd personally suggest not to get entangled in that brand of drama!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Jane about her other classes."

Jane: Hrm, let me try to remember. World Geography, English, Home Economics, Culinary Arts, Geometry, Chemistry, aaand Creative Writing, I believe?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Scope out the other kids as you pass by. Observe whether and how they react to the fake mustache."

Strangely enough, there's very little staring at your guide's artifacial hair and copious amounts of (admittedly bitter) stares at you. You can't help but find that unnerving.

On an unrelated note, you spot a few trends among the student body. One of the most prominent being oddly shaped scars that you sincerely hope are not self inflicted. That must be something of a local fad.

08/01/12
"Suddenly SHENANIGANS"

WhimsicalAquarium: lol, well, she did say, "You may now kiss Karkat," so that could be interpreted as being married to him, which someone else even assumed earlier.

Alright, now I'll drop this conversation because it's getting a little tiresome and boring.

He doesn't even want the ring! You can take it back!


(Now, back to our regularly scheduled comic.)

08/01/12
">"

John: Was this your brilliant stategy, karkat?

John: We're going to throw pies at his face until he dies?

John: Because I think all we did was piss him off.

Karkat: HOLY FUCKING SHIT.

Karkat: YOU JUST RUINED MY ENTRANCE!


John: Do you see what is wrong with this picture?

John: There are unconscious people and blood and a crazy clown strangling a guy and then there's us.

John: With our pie.


Karkat: OH MY THROBBING WINDPIPE, YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS, EGBERT!

John: I think you did that when you walked in with a pie. Have you heard the term, 'never bring a knife to a gunfight'?

John: This is like that except a thousand times worse.


Karkat: ERIDAN IS DYING AND YOU'RE MAKING QUIPS!

John: Eridan is dying and you're making pies.

Karkat: Sweet Jesus fuck.

08/01/12
"D --> Equius: Eridan is losing a lot of blood. Quit this tomf001ery posthaste."

That's what you should be doing, isn't it?
But you can't. If anyone were to ask, you would tell them that you had no right to stand up to a pureb100d. But let's be honest here.

There is no way you're not getting off on this.

08/01/12
"Equius: STRONGcarry the rich kid and the lowblood to the infirmary, and politely (and by that I mean keeping as calm as possible while all this fuckery's going down) suggest that Gamzee. um. dispose of the evidence."

Gamzee: 'Fraid I can't necessarily be letting you all up and leave at the moment.

Gamzee: SINCE YOU MOTHERFUCKING DARED TO INTERRUPT ME.

Gamzee: Did a brother go and forget at how to all and let a pureblood get his wicked zone on?


Equius: Uh... My apologies, pureblood.

Gamzee: DON'T EVEN SWEAT IT.

Gamzee: honk!

Gamzee: HONK. :O)

Gamzee: You can get to making up for it right now.

Gamzee: ON YOUR MOTHERFUCKING KNEES, PEASANT.


You kneel.
But everything is fine. You're fine. It's okay. He can't hurt you with Eridan's scarf of all things, right?

Right?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Consult class schedule to find out what your next period is. Ask the girl you were just about to talk to if she could show you where the classroom is, since you regrettably haven't had time to familiarize yourself with the layout of the school. Make sure to use ELOQUENCE."

Your classes are as follows.

World Geography
Botany
English
Drama
Geometry
Chemistry
Creative Writing

Jane: Oh, you have Chemistry next? I think we might have the same class. What room is it?

Kanaya: 156.

Jane: How convenient! Would you like me to walk you there?

Kanaya: That would be awfully kind of you, yes.

Jane: Excuse me Feferi, I'm going to walk this young lady to her class.

Feferi: Alright! See you tomorrow.

Jane: I usually walk with her on her way to class for a bit -the science wing is just a little ways from here so it's no trouble- but I think I'd rather get on with escorting you. Oh, would you mind if I donned a moustache? And perhaps, though I won't insist it, you would allow me to link arms with you? For the sole reason that if there's anything I've learned from Mr. JACQUES CLOUSEAU and young miss SCOUT FINCH it's that one should always walk arm in arm when escorting a young lady, typically with a mustache.

You allow it.

Jane: Oh, how rude of me! I almost forgot to ask for your name.

Kanaya: Oh it's no trouble. My name is Kanaya Maryam. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Jane: The feeling is mutual, miss Kanaya Maryam.

08/01/12
"Be the Mutant."

You spent most of your free period trying to study. Trying is the operative word here, since your delinquent friends apparently don't grasp the concept of peace and quiet, thus feeling as though it is their sole obligation in life to contact you as many times as possible in a 45 minute period to achieve a steady and ceaseless stream of messages on your laptop. At some point you had to turn the damn thing off. But now that you've finished reading a nigh incomprehensible textbook, you've decided to grace their trivial messages with your acknowledgement.

EA: its not that i dont wwant to be wwith her its just that

EA: i dont wwant to be wwith her

EA: i just wwant to be wwith someone

EA :and noww im tryin to impress her but i dont evven knoww if its wworth it

EA: msg me back kar i need your advvice


Don't feel like dealing with this shit right now.

TN: kARKAT, aRE YOU THERE

TN: eRIDAN, uH, pUSHED ME, doWN THE STAIRS, pLEASE HELP, nEAR CLOSET,


Bullshit.

EZ: D --> I require your asisstance

EZ: D --> I'm at the stairs near the janitor's closet


Horseshit.

GM: NOT TAKING MY MEDICATION TODAY.
GM: just letting you know. :O)


Oh hell nah.

KV: SERIOUSLY? YOU'RE NOT GOING TO TAKE THE ONE DRUG THAT YOU'RE ACTUALLY SUPPOSED TO? WELL SUCK MY DICK AND CALL IT A LOLLIPOP, I'D DARN NEAR SAY THAT'S IRONIC!

KV: LISTEN HERE, YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE YOUR MEDICATION IF I HAVE TO BAKE IT INTO A PIE AND TOSS IT AT YOUR MONOCHROMATIC CLUSTERFUCK OF A FACE A LA CLOWN COMEDY.

KV: I HAVE NOT A CLUE WHERE YOU SCROUNGED UP THE AUDACITY TO SUGGEST OTHERWISE, BECAUSE AS FAR AS I KNOW, I SPECIFICALLY TOLD YOU THIS MORNING THAT YOU WOULD HAVE TO TAKE YOUR FUCKING MEDICATION TODAY!

KV: HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN THAT EVERY SINGLE UTTERATION THAT STRIDES DOWN THE RED CARPET THAT IS MY TONGUE SHOULD BE CONSIDERED AND HAILED AS AN EMBODIMENT OF TRUTH ITSELF? TELLING YOU TO TAKE YOUR MEDICATION WAS NOT A QUESTION, A SUGGESTION, NOR A COMMAND.

KV: IT WAS.

KV: A FUCKING.

KV: PROPHECY.

KV: I DON'T CARE IF THAT SHIT TASTES LIKE THE WEEK-OLD FESTERING PUSS OF EVERY ONE OF ERIDAN'S HIDEOUSLY UNDULATING CROTCH BLISTERS!

KV: YOU'RE GOING TO PUT THAT SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH AND SWALLOW IT WITH THE SAME EAGERNESS AND ENTHUSIASM WITH WHICH EQUIUS WOULD SWALLOW YOUR BODILY FLUIDS.

KV: AND YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT. RIGHT. NOW.

08/01/12
"Vriska: Flashback to that thing that happened when you were younger."

No w8y! You're not just going to completely w8ste years of expensive child therapy! You wave the thought bubbles off before they can manifest themselves as a flashback. You don't have time for dumb stuff like this, you have to get to class!

Mr. Lier: Has anyone seen Nepeta? She doesn't seem like the type to skip class.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: If talking in class is discouraged, then do what all social students do at quiet time! Write a NOTE (on real paper) and pass them to the two new girls."

You could write a note... but class is almost over anyway. You spent most of your time being Gamzee and Eridan drawing pretty dresses. However, you acknowledge the importance of being actively social so you at least wave at a girl nearby.

???: Why, hellooooooo.

Bad timing, bell. Bad timing.

08/01/12
"Vriska: Consider the fact that you have set an amazing chain of events into motion which will no doubt culminate into an incredibly dramatic conclusion that there is no way you will ever regret, probably. Be kind of smug about it."

Much better.

08/01/12
"Vriska: Feel just a sliver of guilt over the clusterfuck that is surely happening in Prosperse right now. Then think about how big a douche Eridan is and how much of a weenie pushover Tavros is and feel better."

Guilt? What guilt? Vriska Serket knows no guilt. All you know is that you've simultaneously screwed over both of your ex-boyfriends. And it was probably hilarious too.

08/01/12
"STOP BEING ERIDAN STOP BEING ERIDAN! BE ANYONE BUT ERIDAN! EVEN ERIDAN DOESN'T WANT TO BE ERIDAN"

Fine, fine.

08/01/12
"Succumb to unfathomable blood loss."

No fuckin' way! What are they gonna write on your tombstone, "died because a clown killed him because he pushed a cripple down some stairs because his ex-girlfriend told him to"?

There's just no way you're going to die so stupidly. This is incredibly dumb. You're not dying. You're too rich for this shit. You're too everything for this shit. You can't die.

You're Eridan Fucking Ampora.

08/01/12
"Eridan: "Don't quit your day job.""

Yes yes this is exactly the kind of quip you should make right now.

Eridan: Nnngghhhrrglrulglr.

08/01/12
"Um...Uh.... Be Eridan...?"

How the hell are you still conscious? Or alive, for that matter? You manage to see what's in front of you, but barely. You eyes are swollen; one from tears and the other from a fucking fist in the face. You feel like you're getting a sledge hammer to the side of your head every 3 seconds or so and holy shit did your armed get sȵapped? Everything sounds distorted as hell too.

Gɐmzӭɇ: Ⱥwwww, come on ϻotherfucker. Yɸu'll hurt my fҿҽlings if you don't look like you're all up and enjoҷing yourself just a motherfucking liɫɬle bit! After all...

Gɑmzϵ϶: I WѲRKȜD Sʘ MOTHERFUCKING HARD

Gɐmzӭɇ: To put a smile on that face. :O)


That son of a bitch just made a joke.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: "Are the majority of assignments typically like this?""

Feferi: Yeah, usually. The tests are a little different though. Look, she doesn't really like it when students talk in class.

Kanaya: I was informed that if I needed help, I should seek guidance from you. I believe I'm exempt.

Feferi: Oh. Alright then!

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Get acquainted with classmates during a lull in activity."

That command is too general! Is there someone in particular you should get acquainted with?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Discreetly check out the girls in the class. Secretly rate them on appearance."

Why would you do that? You're not even...

That kind of...

Person...

08/01/12
"Be Gamzee."

You can be Gamzee if you'd like. But if you'd like to be Gamzee right now, you should consider seeing a therapist.

Don't you want to move on to someone else?
Anyone else?
Please?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Tear off all your clothes and leap from the window."

You are on the second story of this building and you have not yet learned to fly. You think you'll hold off on that for a while.

You sketch and erase a couple things. Your favorite doodle would have to be the one with you in that dress from your dream. You'll have to remember to replicate it later.

08/01/12
">"

You listen to the voices in your head and decide that you'll only go to someone when you need help. You are a STRONG independent wonan and you're not going to automatically rely on someone to do your work for you. You're doing this man. You're making this happen.

This is...

...ridiculously easy. You didn't end up needing help, and you don't even know what you're going to do for the next fifteen minutes of class. Does the teacher know how simple this worksheet is? Is she... Is she texting?

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Reminisce about your brother."

You reminisce about the time you caught him yelling expletives into a microphone when he was playing Halo on multiplayer, and the time your mother was lecturing him for getting into fisticuffs all the time and he kept shooting you these really awkward, really telepathic glances that screamed 'don't say anything'. So when she assumed that those bruises were from fighting you didn't correct her. But you kind of wish you had.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Approach teacher, inquire as to why she desires to speak with you."

Miss Clare: Kanaya Maryam, right? I'm Miss Clare. We're doing triangle theorems right now- you can handle that much, right?

The teacher doesn't seem very interested in you, which is a sharp contrast to the teacher you were previously introduced to.

Kanaya: I believe so, yes.

Miss Clare: Here's the worksheet we're doing. Terezi, the girl in the front row right there, or Feferi, the girl you were sitting behind, should be able to help you. They're prefects, so if you aren't sure of something those are your go-to gals. There are only twenty minutes of class left, so you might want to get started on that.

So, should you go to Terezi for help on the worksheet and risk another passive aggressive feud? Go to Feferi for help and risk creeping her out after you just reconciled with her? Don't get help from anyone and try to make sense of all this mathematical sorcery and gobbledeygook? Maybe you could even see if someone else would like to assist you.You could even tear off all your clothes and leap from the window!

In other words, stop standing in front of the desk like a lost puppy and get started on your work. You don't want the teacher to think you're incompetent.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Load Save_01."

You re-enter.
This time, instead of trying to milk your CHARM stat, you combine both CHARM and INTELLIGENCE to create ELOQUENCE. You think she might have found you more appealing when you were unconscious, so you also try to play up the helplessness and tone down the confidence. True, it's not a very honest approach, but it's an effective one.

Kanaya: Allow me to apologize if I gave you the wrong impression before. I seem to have been cursed with an inability to phrase things correctly, and I didn't mean to offend you with anything I might have unintentionally insinuated.

Feferi: Oh, you don't have to apologize. It really was a pleasure to meet you.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Gotta agree with the others here, you should really start using your Intelligence stat in conjunction with your Charm stat, both of which are incredibly high, to not be such a complete geek. Seriously."

You know. You've always been sort of prone to rambling or stumbling in conversations. You barely grasp concepts like the use of insincerity in the interest of humor, and you're not really used to meeting new people. You've just recently come to terms with the idea that you're going to have to live in a new place without your family or even anyone you know to help ease into it. Not to mention you're barely starting out in high school, and you're still trying to adjust to the change of pace. It's only natural that you're going to make a few slip ups while talking to people. Or at least, that's what you thought.
Your only friends in middle school were your own brother and a gay clown, so yes you're a bit excited at the prospect of landing a bit higher on the social strata. And yes, you're being kind of obvious about it. It's true that you probably needed something of a mental slap to the head, but that doesn't make it sting any less.

You'll try to make a better effort at tapping into your charm/intelligence reservoirs but it's not going to be easy.

And holy crap you know you're pathetic when even the voices in your head think you're a geek.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Rose is gone, so get it together. Then sit behind Feferi, as demurely and politely as you possibly can. You are a charming, mannerly young woman. You can win her back, with effort. Maybe say something along the lines of "I'm sorry, I think we got off on the wrong foot earlier. I'm still new to this school, don't know anything about the social hierarchy, blah blah etc""

She winces when you say "social hierarchy".

Feferi: You don't have to apologize to me or anything. It really was a pleasure to meet you.

She is obviously irked by your obsession with social maneuvering, which is really a shame because she would be an immensely powerful ally in your plot to usurp Terezi.
Unfortunately, you're unable to calm her with a PLATONIC HAND KISS because her charm is still higher than yours. You don't regret spending those points in strength, though! You feel so amazingly average. It's wonderful.

Miss ???: Could you come here for a second?

08/01/12
">"

(Whoops, sorry! This page is a placeholder because one of the images has disappeared. Just imagine that a picture of Dirk flipping you the bird is here and move along.)

I don't even bother fixing the fourth wall anymore.

08/01/12
"Dirk: Explain what you are doing in a Girls school. "

08/01/12
"Do a 2x Enter Bloody Room Combo!"

You can now no longer be Equius, because even Equius doesn't want to be Equius anymore.

You have entered the classroom.

08/01/12
"Kanaya: PLATONICALLY thank Rose for escorting you to class, if she hasn't left yet."

You give her a PLATONIC GOODBYE.

Attack is unaffective! All those sick burns and subtle jabs have made it difficult to use your charm on her.
More difficult, that is.

08/01/12
"Hold on, no, save game. This stuff be scary, yo. Everyone saves before a scary part."

You decide to save this as an independent game, just in case you need to save later but still want a chance to come back to this checkpoint.
The next time you want to come back to this point, just enter the command: "Load Save_1".

08/01/12
"Kanaya: Vow to make her a scarf anyways. Not every egg cracks easily, and you suspect that there is far more to this Rose Lalonde than meets the eye."

You don't vow to make her a scarf. You vow to make her a scarf she will LOVE. She will be left trembling, unwoven, left speechless with not even a scrap of snark left to offer.
You're doing this man.
You're making it happen.

>Equius/Kanaya
>Enter?<

08/01/12
">Equius: Do what the stoner asks. At the very least it'll take your mind off how you were a complete moron who deeply hurt someone you care about. Hopefully."

You'll work on reconciling with Nepeta later.

Something gives you the feeling this is more important.

Oh wow you really do not want to go through that door.

Oh wow you really do not want to go through that door.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Tell Rose that you are planning on Joining the Sewing club. Would she, perchance, enjoy having a new scarf? It seems that it would suit her, and you are making something for each of your friends. . . "

She openly laughs.

Rose: It's strange you should mention that. I'm a member of the sewing club myself. I'll make sure to put a word in for you.

Rose: So... you said you're making one for each of your friends? How flattering that you would extend that label to me.

Rose: You must be something of an amiable person, to have such a broad definiton of the word. If only I were so credulous! Alas, I have the misfortune of being terribly selective in choosing my allies.


You are 90% convinced that she, in the most smugly vague manner possible, told you that she was not your friend.
You're pretty fucking sure.

Rose: Ah, here we are. Do enjoy class!

At least you probably won't have to worry about being bored.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask about what you were saying in your sleep."

Rose: I think you've suffered enough embarrassment for today. I'd rather not twist the knife.

Kanaya: Believe me, it's far worse torment to not know. The uninformed mind always tends to assume the worst.

Rose: Yes, well, the worst would be safe to assume, as I'm sure it's not far from the truth. Why don't we both make it a point to forget whatever your dreaming state has conjured? I'll resist psychoanalyzing your unwitting murmers, and you can pretend I never brought it up.


You decide not to press the issue.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Check Jade's stats."

You can't check Jade's stats, she's currently not in your party! But you can check Rose's stats.

CHARM: 30
INTELLIGENCE: 40
STRENGTH: 15

Rose is still immune to your PLATONIC MANEUVERS. While you have more charm than her, her intelligence tops every stat you have.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Allocate points."

Hmmmm...

You've decided!

Your new stats are-

CHARM: 35
INTELLIGENCE: 36
STRENGTH: 10

07/01/12
">"

OH WAIT, YOU CAN'T TALK TO NEPETA, BECAUSE SHE HATES YOU.
GRAAHHHHHHHHH

07/01/12
"Equius: Contact Gamzee, who, LiKe HaS No IdEa WhAt ThE MoThErFuCk YoU Be TaLkInG aBoUt, BrO. . ."

D --> I need your help

D --> Nepeta completely misunderstood

D --> In retrospect that could probably have been handled much better

D --> Are you there pureb100d


no.

ACTUALLY, CAN YOU DO A MOTHERFUCKER THIS ONE LITTLE FAVOR?

that would be all sorts of miraculous bitchtits.


D --> Pureb100d

D --> E%cuse me

D --> But I'm afraid I must voice my concern that this is going to be another unsavory task


what in the hell did you just punch into the keyboard all up at me?

BECAUSE I DON'T RECALL EVER ASKING YOU TO DO A SINGLE MOTHERFUCKING THING IN YOUR ENTIRE SAD LITTLE LIFE

'cept for this tiny thing I need you to do for me right now.


D --> What

NEED YOU TO CARRY TAVROS

while i take care of something else

BRING DUCT TAPE.

and a baseball bat.


D --> No what i'm asking is

D --> Do you really not remember what you told me just ten minutes ago

D --> Is your recollection tr001y that terrible


NO, AS A MATTER OF FACT, I DON'T.

vriska's been on my account doing whatever spidertits do.

CAN YOU JUST COME OVER HERE ALREADY?


D --> Fffffff

Vriska.
Vriska.
You just got suckered.
But that's okay, you can calm down how you always calm down. You'll talk to Nepeta and she'll make you feel better about this whole ordeal.

07/01/12
"Equius: Elaborate on what is going on between you and Gamzee"

Nothing! Probably. Nope, not probably. It's a definite nothing. There is absolutely nothing there except perhaps jocular broship.

Total bros.

You're a Zahhak. You don't even want to thing of the scandal if you were revealed to be harboring anything but platonic broship for you best bro.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask Rose if she enjoys the view."

Rose: Care to elaborate?

Kanaya: I couldn't help but notice how captivated you were while I was in the infirmary. I'm simply inquiring about the extent to which you appreciated that perspective.

Rose: It was quite the performance, I'll admit. However, if you're referring to your physical appearance, no. I was more interested in the things you were saying in your sleep.

Kanaya: Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-

Rose: No need to apologize. But I must ask, what caused you to come to the conclusion I was ogling you?

Kanaya: It just appeared that way. Again, my sincerest apologies.

Rose: I don't mean to pry, but I have so many questions. What makes you think Terezi has a 'grip' on this school? I hope you realize the audacity needed to make such a bold accusation. And of a prefect, no less.

Kanaya: Accusation is a strong word, don't you think? I guess that's just the impression I got. No offense intended.

Kanaya: I'm not always this awkward, you know. Fainting has a way of hindering one's conversational skills.


Rose: Had you also fainted shortly before your conversation with Vriska? That would certainly explain a a lot.

Kanaya: Are you insinuating that I might have handled that encounter ineffectively?

Rose: Of course I'm not. I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind, but I'm not the sort of lady who leaps to conclusions so easily.

Are you imagining things or was that last sentence directed at you?

This walk is suddenly taking far too long.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Say goodbye and Thank You to Nurse's Aid Lalonde, and walk with Rose to your next class."

You offer the Nurse Aid your most PLATONIC GOODBYE. She takes it well!

She also hands you your CLASS SCHEDULE. Item get!

MISSIONS ACCOMPLISHED

"A Familiar Dream"
"Meet the Queen of Hearts"
"Meet the Countesses"
"Finish Drama Class"


> +12 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with NURSE AID LALONDE!
> -2 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with FEFERI
> +3 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with ROSE
> 30 more SKILL POINTS, to spend however you would like!
> Access to new area: INFIRMARY
> Access to new area: SUBCONSCIOUS
> Access to new area: GEOMETRY CLASS
> Item received: CLASS SCHEDULE




Apparently your next class is Geometry. Rose says she knows where that is.

07/01/12
"D --> Equius, what did you do..."

Abso100tely nothing! Well, maybe something, but...

x( < Oh my god

x( < Oh my goooooood

x( < why?????

x( < is it my fault? what did i do????????


D --> Nothing

D --> It's just


x( < oh my god

x( < This is about your racist horseshit isn't it?


D --> What no that is completely irrelevant

x( < I'm too jewish for you or something, right?

x( < You're leaving me for some random Austrian girl, right? Oh my fucking god. That's it isn't it?


D --> First I would like to say that you're completely incorrect

D --> I am not "leaving you for" anyone

D --> I've simply had an epiphany of sorts

D --> Second allow me to point out that he is german, not austrian


aaaaaaAAAAAAAA

D --> That is incoherent

YOU'RE LEAVING ME FOR A GERMAN GUY

D --> What

D --> Didnt i just tell you that i


HE'S SOME BLONDE HAIR BLUE EYES DOUCHEBAG ISN'T HE

D --> This is a gross misunderstanding and if you'd allow me to e%plain

D --> I could e100cidate the reasons behind my decision

D --> Also yes Gamzee is coincidentally aryan


AAAAAAAAAA

SEVEN YEARS EQUIUS

SEVEN FUCKING YEARS DOWN THE DRAIN


But honestly he suggested it in a completely platonic manner

Something about "8rOs 8eFoRe HoS"

I don't know


AAAAAA

Nepeta are you

Wait

D --> Nepeta are you okay


I HOPE YOU DROWN IN PISS AND DIE

what


what

07/01/12
":33 > Rawr! Suddenly be Nepeta!"

You can't be Nepeta right now because even Nepeta doesn't want to be Nepeta! Try again some other time.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask why all three of them are in the infirmary during a class period."

Feferi: I heard you were in the infirmary! I was just concerned that your dispute with Vriska might have escalated.

Feferi: In fact, now that I know you're okay I should probably get back to class.


???: B'awww. See ya, sweetie. Anyway, I'm here 'cause the nusre is kinda busy er something. No one else to take care a yer sorry ass.

???: Rose is here because she's one sneaky motherfucker.

Rose: I'm here because I informed my physical education instructor that I was in need of a pad. He was happy to give me a pass.

???: You're here because you creeped him out with your lady problems so you could skip class, dumpass!

Rose: That too.

???: Well, if that's all you need, Rose can take you to yer next class.

> Complete mission?

07/01/12
"Kanaya: "I hope this doesn't seem too brazen, but as a group you are basically the school's upper-class, correct? As a group, would you stand to lose or to gain if Terezi's grip on this school were to be weakened.""

Feferi: I hope you realize that Terezi is a prefect. She's a bit eccentric at times, but she's only doing things that she's completely encouraged and expected to do! I don't know what you've heard, but as a prefect myself I think I can safely say she's one of the funnest people I've ever met.

Feferi: To answer your question, I think everyone would stand to "lose" if anything happened to Terezi!


Either Feferi doesn't understand Terezi's true nature, or you have misjudged Terezi completely. You're inclined to believe the former. She also completely ignores your comment on being the 'upper class', so it's safe to assume that's something she doesn't want to discuss.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Check your hand and how horrifyingly mutilated it has become."

Oh yes, it is indeed thoroughly maimed.
And completely unchanged, aside from a sloppy thrown on bandaid.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Try your best not to stare at the Nurse's incredible cleavage."

The UST gauge appreciates your efforts.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Ask for any general information someone just figuring things out might need."

This command is too general!
What kind of information would you like to know?

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Yes. Save your game, then listen to their introductions."

???: Heeeere is my soul sister Fefori in all her royal glorby.

???: *Glubby.

???: *Glorgy.

???: *Orgy.

???: Shit.


Feferi: Hi!

???: This is my biological sister named Rose!

Rose: Salutations, Miss... Kanaya, was it?

She seems amused by something. You hope it isn't you- your intention was certainly not to be made a joke of. You take note of her outfit, as well. She doesn't seem to have a taste for contrast. A bit of black would make her ensemble much more intriguing.

While her outfit lacks, Rose herself is very interesting. Her gaze seems to go right through you. Her eyes are sharp, lucid, and a dead giveaway to her no doubt abundant INTELLIGENCE stat. She's still not up to par with Terezi in terms of intellect, however.

Overall, she seems oddly intoxicating. Or perhaps that's just the lingering taste of vodka on your lips.

???: And I am whomever you want me to be, bby. WANK.
*Wink


Kanaya: How long have I been unconscious?

???: Oooh, just half an hour. Any other questions?

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Check manual you saw on the menu."


Why hello there, Dearie! I was wondering when you would look for help. Professor Honeybee, at your service!


What does the Unresolved Sexual Tension meter do?

The UST GAUGE is useful for accessing special attacks and opportunities you can't receive otherwise!

You can fill the UST GAUGE through awkward, sexually charged teenage moments.

Will that be all, hun?

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Display the UST meter."

This is incredibly stupid. You have no idea what this thing even does.
You suppose you could check that help manual you saw on the menu earlier if you really cared.

07/01/12
"Vriska: Cease watching from the doorway and leave."

Yeah, this is creepy.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Don't flip out, turn on the CHARMTECH! You must remain smooth at all times."

Kanaya: The pleasure is all mine. My name is Kanaya Maryam. And you are?

You are as smooth as a well oiled machine. Unfortunately, the other girls are more oiled. That is to say, their charm levels are higher than yours.

Nurse Aide Lalonde only gets a case of the vapors because she's so drunk.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Resist urge to prolong kiss."

Repressed sexuality at its finest.
Your UNRESOLVED SEXUAL TENSION meter goes up five points! Congratulations!

???: Hopy shit that actually worked! In yer face, Fef!

???: Soooo, new girl. Everyone's wondering. Whaddya like in yer pasta?


Kanaya: I'm sorry. I don't follow.

???: You knoooow. Oyster or sausage? Do you pet the beaver? Would you join a clambake? Pet a one eyed snake? Ride a spam porpoise?

Kanaya: I'm afraid I still don't understand.

???: Ugh! Clam or spam? Clam or spaaaaam!?

???: Seriously Lalonde? Has it even been 10 seconds yet? Rude!

???: I'm sorry about that. It's a pleasure to meet you! It's all just so exciting! I don't believe we've been told your name yet. Would you mind?

07/01/12
"Vriska: Where are you?"

Vriska's outside recovering from a severe case of the vapors.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: You kiss that girl. You kiss that girl this instant god damnit"

You might as well. It's just a dream so it doesn't even count as a first kiss. There's no way your mother would chastise you for dream makeouts. Probably.

Oh god oh god this is not a dream kiss

???: And you're suuure this is how CPR works? Does she even need CPR for a cut?

07/01/12
">"

Vriska: I'll present her with this instead. That should pacify her. For a while.

Kanaya: I don't mean to doubt your ingenuity, of course, but that heart is green. Won't she know it isn't mine?

Vriska: Ha! The queen of spades is blind as a bat. How would she be able to tell?

Vriska: However, there is another matter that we need to confront. You can't stay here forever, fair maiden. The king's men will find you.

Vriska: You're dreaming, and you need to wake up. There's only one way a maiden who has been pricked by a poison spindle can be woken again.


Kanaya: I'll do it. I can't be late to class.

Vriska: You'd allow me to kiss you, then?

07/01/12
"Kanaya: "I'm fine, thank you... Who's going to kill you?""

Vriska: What kind of dumb question is that? I'm talking about the Queen of Spades, obviously! Who else?

Vriska: She wants me to kill you and give her your heart or something. I'm not going to do it, I just... Don't know what to do. She'll have the both of us killed if I don't come back with a heart.

Vriska: Wait. I think I have a plan.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Oh hey, it's Vriska."

Oh, was Vriska there? This is embarrassing.

But wait! What's this?

Vriska: Woah, are you alright?

Vriska: Ugh, I can't do it. I can't do it and she is soooooooo going to kill me.


Bluh?

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Conveniently trip on a root and fall down just in time to avoid that assailant. Boy would that be convenient."

YOU EVEN TRIP OVER SHIT IN YOUR DREAMS WHY ARE YOU SO CLUMSY AH GOD DAMN IT

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Close your eyes, spin around 3 times and walk in that direction."

Just trees and more trees. Your subconscious sure is uncreative!

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Get ye flask."

You can't get ye flask! Because reasons. Reasons that I'm certainly not going to tell you.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Be eaten by a grue."

Your skin is a fucking light source. You are extremely unlikely to be eaten by a grue.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Look around, assess for danger. Just where the heck has your subconscious taken you?"

You have no idea where your subconscious has taken you! But you're pleasantly surprised at the lack of phallic imagery and other Freudian nonsense.

The thick canopy of towering trees above you illuminated your grove with thin rays of light that have managed to pierce through a blanket of leaves. You are currently sitting in a small spot of short grass. There's nothing dangerous that you can see, and a thin, mild fog is preventing you from clearly discerning anything that might be in the far distance.

>Explore
Of course! But where to? You can move NORTH, SOUTH, EAST or WEST.

07/01/12
"Resist urge to check the hentai scenes allowed option"

You can only imagine how disappointed your mother would be.

You think you're done screwing around in the menu. You should probably focus on getting out of this dream and back into the conscious world.

07/01/12
">"

You keep playing with this stupid slider but it doesn't do anything. Or you don't know what it does. Hm. You put it back onto default.

13/12/11
"Max both sliders to the right. Then max both sliders to the left. Decide to leave them where they are now."

The first slider seems to adjust graphics quality. The lowest level of quality is kind of clunky and cartoonish, but there's no lag and the game goes way faster.

You turn the graphics quality level all the way to the right, but this piece of shit game starts lagging so bad you don't think you'll see the next frame til next week. You set it back to default.

07/01/12
"Turn anti-alias on."

Nnnnnnnnah this doesn't feel right.
You promptly turn it back off.

07/01/12
"Options"

Just a bunch of options and slidy things and shit.

07/01/12
"Serenity: Run into your fellow yellow, Casey "Bubbles" Von Salamancer."

What? Why would Casey be in the big girl building? She's in the elementary grounds with all the other third graders.

07/01/12
"Save game."

This seems like a good time to do so.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Have dreams with cryptic foreshadowing."

The first thing you notice, as your dream boldly dares to weave itself into vague, patchwork colors and shapes and images, is the bright shape of your hand. It's the first thing you notice because the glaring way your skin is shining ( eerily reminiscent of the way sunlight glints off of SNOW) is ludicrously hard to take your eyes off of. Your skin is not just pale, it's blank WHITE. It does not just glow, it makes darkness simply recede from you, as if the shadowy tendrils of dusk's obscurity dare not to profane your sacred skin with a touch.

Game mode activated: DREAM MODE.

07/01/12
"Serenity: fuck fuck fuck get the fuck out of dodge"

010001100111010101100011011010110010000001110
100011010000110100101110011001011100010000001
001111011011000110110001101001011001010111001
100100000011011110111010101110100011110010010
110000100000011000100110100101110100011000110
1101000011001010111001100100001

07/01/12
"Terezi: Thats it. Vriska's gone and the teachers too busy wallowing in his own guilt to pay any mind to what you're doing. Initiate a badass, ostentatious, and UST-charged swordfight a la Utena. With Aradia."

Terezi: Excuse me, fair maiden. May I have this duel?

07/01/12
"Aradia: Stand up for your new friend."

Your CONFIDENCE still isn't high enough. You could override your lack of confidence if you were close enough to Kanaya, but you're still only at ACQUAINTANCE level.

07/01/12
"Girls remaining: Gossip. She IS the new girl after all."

Lazuli: God, what an attention whore.

Sochre: You think so? I mean, that looked like it hurt, right?

Lazuli: Pffft, I saw her. Pricked her own hand and keeled over like she got impaled or something. I mean seriously, no one is that weak.

Sochre: Oh, did you see her at lunch just a while ago? Wasn't she trying to fight the sisters?

Lazuli: What a dumbass.

Sochre: She's kind of cute, though, isn't she?

07/01/12
"Mindfang: Be the ridiculously wealthy (and slightly unscrupulous) contributor who's ensured that there continues to BE a theatre class, with the one caveat being that sword fights on stage had to be done with live steel."

You just feel so underappreciated sometimes.

07/01/12
"Rufio: Feel terribly guilty and make a fort to cry in."

This is incredibly stupid.

Oh look, your fiancee is calling. You can't work up enough confidence to be excited, however. Only black tears of liquid sorrow right now.

Miss Fang: Heeeeeeeey babe!

Miss Fang: Principal Crotch is away! And while the prudes are away, the spiders will plaaaaaaaay~


Rufio: Uhhhh,

Rufio: This, Is, Uh, Probably not a good time,

Rufio: I think, I might have inadvertantly, Made a student, Uh, Cut herself,

Rufio: I'm pretty torn up about it, Actually,

Rufio: ♉u♉


Miss Fang: Oh god, man up, pansy! All the girls are doing the whole emo fad these days. You probably had nothing to do with it. Are we done talking about feelings now? Can you run your wimpy ass over here and entertain my whims?

Rufio: ,,,,,,,,,,

You should probably hang up.

07/01/12
">"

Stalker reasons.

07/01/12
"Ms. Lalonde: Wait, aren't you absurdly rich and responsible for funding a massive park that was almost named after you? What are you doing as a nurse? "

Oh, but how else would you keep an eye on your lovely daughters? You're obviously here for passive aggressive mother reasons.

And also-

07/01/12
"Lalonde: OH MY GOG WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FAAAACCCEEE? Alcohol really IS bad for you!"

Lalonde's mouth does whatever it wants.

04/01/12
"Nurse: Be Mr. John Egbert."

Ah hell nah.

04/01/12
"Feferi: Be the nurse's aid."

Nurse Aide Lalonde is awfully offended at your disingenuous insinuations!

04/01/12
"Rufio: FEEL TERRIBLY GUILTY and have your favorite student escort Kanaya to the nurse's office. "

Rufio: Vriska, take her to the infirmary! No whining!

04/01/12
"Rufio: Notice the Rufio Signal. And by Rufio Signal I mean notice one of your students is bleeding good God what the hell was a sharp one doing in there?"

The sharp one was there for stage combat practice, remember?

And oh god oh man oh god was this your fault

RUFIO is now clinically depressed! He is unable to obey any commands that do not begin with FEEL TERRIBLY GUILTY. For instance "Feel terribly guilty and don't eat for a week straight."

04/01/12
"Kanaya: Faint from blood loss, due to your unfortunate FRAILNESS attribute. "

You try not to.

You fail.

04/01/12
"Kanaya: Test rapier point on your palm. It'd be bad if you accidentally hurt someone else! "

Kanaya is willing to test it, but only to demonstrate that it's compl-

is that blood

is that blood

What kind of establishment is this?

04/01/12
"Kanaya: Wait a tick, are you sure those swords are fake? Perhaps you should check?"

You're joking. Right? Doc Scratch is the most benevolent principal in the tri-state area. Why would he let his precious delicate flowers that he is certainly cultivating to develop into polite, non-violent ladies handle something as dangerous as real swords?

04/01/12
">"

Wow, okay. There are two weapons left- a rapier and a claymore.

The rapier, at first glance, is the obvious choice. To you, at least. The ornate handle strikes you as elegant, and it's light enough for you to handle with ease, despite your weakness.

However, the claymore has greater reach and just generally seems less flimsy. It might be more difficult to wield, but if you're looking to exercise your STRENGTH stat without expending SKILL POINTS this might help.

> Choose?

04/01/12
">"

Everyone pulls out a weapon from a nearby chest and starts wailing on each other. The combat doesn't look very staged, but the swords are fake so no harm is done.

Vriska and Terezi are fighting, as are Aradia and Serenity, so one might inference that dueling is more a form of friendly competition than genuine animosity. Perhaps engaging someone would even be considered an amiable gesture.

You assume that you are expected to participate as well, so you peer into the chest.

04/01/12
">"

Rufio: Over stage combat!

04/01/12
"Terezi: Pull out the Big Guns. Attempt Legislation With Representation ~~ Teacher's Pet to get the vaunted position of acting coach for the students with the poorest acting abilities (This comment is also directed at no one in particular). . . I mean, a prefect has to do what she can to help her class, right? Schedule mandatory meeting time after school to "Coach" Kanaya. Backed by teacher's authority. "

Rufio: There's no such thing as poor acting abilities! Only great acting and and acting with low confidence. But I suppose it wouldn't hurt to let our dear Araniña help the new student.
Vriska: Wait, what? Why me?!
Rufio: You're one of my best students! I can trust you to do this much, can't I?

Vriska seems annoyed about being interrupted from her texting shenanigans. One wonders what she might have been up to.

Rufio: Anyway, we should probably be moving on from this topic. For example, studying for your test!

31/12/11
"Be Kanaya."

Rufio: Alright, alright, it's decided. We're doing Into the Woods, so no more arguing, okay?

14/12/11
"Vriska: Execute plan."

You log out of Tavros's account and into Gamzee's. It's showtime.

GM: HeEeEeEeEY!

EZ: D--> Pureb100d?

14/12/11
">"

Wait, what's this? You stuff another marijuana pastry into your mouth. You don't think you could handle it if this was round two of your bro sending you disturbing messages pleading for help.

-- tavrosNitram [TN] contacted gamzeeMakara [GM] at 12:18 --

TN: hEEEEEEEEY!

GM: Uh

GM: I tHoUgHt

GM: I wAs SuPpOsEd To Be CaLlIng KaRkAt


TN: mAY8E SOME OTHER TIME!

TN: tHERE IS SOMETHING MUCH MORE IMPORTANT, YOU, UH, ARE SUPPOSED TO 8E, uH, DOING RIGHT NOW.


GM: OkAy?

TN: i NEED YOU TO GIVE ME YOUR PASSWORD AND, UHHHHHHHH, LOG OFF.

GM: SoRrY bRo, KaRkAt SaId I AiN't SuPpOsEd To bE gIvInG tHaT aWaY.

TN: iT'S REALLY IMPORTANT THOUGH!

TN: i'LL EXPLAIN L8ER,

TN: jUST GIVE IT TO ME.


GM: ShIt MaN, iF yOu SaY sO.

GM: tErMiNaLlY cApRiCiOuS


TN: tHAT'S IT?

GM: yEaH.

GM: Um, YoU SeEmEd pReTtY WeIrD FoR A WhIlE ThErE. aRe yOu sUrE YoU'Re aLrIgHt?


TN: i DON'T KNOW, TALK TO ME ABOUT IT LATER.

TN: lOG OFF.


GM: WhY Do yOu nEeD My aCcOuNt So bAd? YoU CaN HaVe iT, i jUsT WaNnA KnOw.

TN: 8LUH! iF YOU MUST KNOW, iT'S TO TALK TO EQUIUS. ALRIGHT, 8YE NOW!

-- gamzeeMakara [GM] ended contact with tavrosNitram [TN] at 12:20 --


Huh. You wonder what that was all about.

14/12/11
">"

One of your best friends just sent you a weird message that, even after having eaten about a dozen hash brownies, gives you an eerie feeling. You're pretty sure something has gone horribly wrong.


-- tavrosNitram [TN] contacted gamzeeMakara [GM] at 12:06 --


TN: kARKAT IS NOT ONLINE,

TN: cOULD YOU TELL HIM,

TN: eRIDAN, aND, uH, sTAIRS,

TN: hAPPENED,

TN: cAN'T GET UP,

TN: nEED HELP,

TN: pLEASE,


GM: WhAt?

TN: uH, PUSHED, sTAIRS,

TN: nEAR JANITOR CLOSET,

TN: tELL KARKAT,


GM: I gOt No ClUe WhAt YoU'rE aLl Up AnD gEtTiNg At BrO.

GM: CoUlD yOu MaYbE tYpE a BiT mOrE nOrMaL-lIkE fOr A sEcOnD?

GM: TaVbRo? ArE yOu StIlL tHeRe?

GM: So i'm sUpPoSeD To bE TeLlInG At kArKaT SoMeThIn'?

GM: AbOuT StAiRs aN' sHiT?

GM: :O?

GM: YoU OkAy tAv?

GM: I'M GoInG To uP AnD AlL GeT My cOnTaCt oN WiTh mY BeSt bRo aBoUt aLl tHiS ShIt rIgHt hErE.

GM: JuSt kEeP YoUr mOtHeRfUcKiNg cOoL On, AlRiGhT?


TN: tHANKS,

-- tavrosNitram [TN] ended contact with gamzeeMakara [GM] at 12:18 --


Alright, this shouldn't be too difficult. You just have to-


14/12/11
"Gamzee: that horse is watching you... it has seen what you have done... it knows..."

Oh that's just Honeymane. He's a bro. Equius offered him to you as a gift; some "noble ivory steed", as he w001d say.

You have bigger things to worry about.

14/12/11
"Be the PureB100d"

You are now the aryan.

14/12/11
"Vriska: Be annoyed."

This passive aggressive bullshit is giving you a headache. You're going through with the plan. If Terezi doesn't like it, she can fuck herself.

(Not literally. That would be lame and unironic.)

14/12/11
">"

Everyone who is not a complete dumbass and had the misfortune of sitting anywhere near you sprint towards Terezi like there's a bomb on the opposite side of the room. You consider the possibility that you have spontaneously combusted, or that a rumor suddenly went out about you having leprosy.

Terezi: Majority rules!

14/12/11
">"

Oh Serenity. Forever the light of democracy.
Aradia, Serenity and a few hesitant girls try to subtly mosie their way to your side. Vriska struts towards you muttering something about 'not being the villian'.

14/12/11
">"

Terezi: Fantastic idea, Serenity! We'll have a vote. On in favor of Into The Woods, come to my side. All in favor of Pretty Princess Rumpus Party can play with Kanaya.

14/12/11
"Be Kanaya"

Of course! Who else could you possibly be? You're in the middle of developing a rebuttal having something to do with Terezi's blatantly self-indulgent intentions when Serenity makes her way to your desk.

14/12/11
"Terezi: Argue that the drama department of an all-girls' school ought to be sophisticated enough to perform a story in which the pursuit of happiness doesn't hinge upon netting a Prince Charming. The dangerous, vindictive side of love and lust, replete with ulterior motives and the potential for corruption, which "Les Liaisons dangereuses" presents is far more mature and interesting than Cinderella's moral of "Be really extra-pretty and super extra-nice and that hunk of a man will solve all your problems!" "

However, since she's so intent on fairy tales...

>Terezi: Realise that Cinderella isn't impressing your teacher. Attempt to think of something more impressive while engaging Kanaya in passive-aggressive combat.
> Perform a Broadway knowledge check to come up with a better play MUSICAL.
> Into The Woods
> Bluff the change by musing on the contemporary nature of the work as one of S&L's greatest collaborations, where the witch who is immediately assumed by the cast to be the outcast and the Bakers' Wife who shows wisdom beyond her social standing (pause for eyeflutters at Vriska AND Aradia) are of equal or greater prominence to the rest of the cast. Also; because Cinderella is a character in 'Into The Woods' (sneak a sly smirk at Kanaya).
....As long as a musical theatre production isn't a problem, sir.

You're pretty sure he has a musical fetish.
It's obvious that he's all over this like chocolate on a bright red delicious apple.

14/12/11
"Be the red-haired Scourge Sister "

This Kanaya girl has increased her INTELLIGENCE since last time, hasn't she?
That bitch.

You can't tell if she's too stupid to realize that every time she speaks to Aradia, or offers a different suggestion then you, or does something you decreed 'illegal' earlier that she's actually undermining your authority, or if she's doing it purposefully.

Either way you're pretty pissed about her whole Cinderella spiel.

Doesn't she understand that you're the law? Isn't she smart enough to comprehend that you're the only thing keeping the cycle of revenge from continuing?

You don't know what her plan is, but you do know that she's disturbing the peace. You have to stop her before it gets out of hand.


What's this? Vriska has texted you! You know this because there's a big lavender box blocking your delicious karkat background.


Is this a8out justice or are you seriously getting your panties twisted over a play?

OF COURS3 1TS 4BOUT JUST1C3 WH4T 3LS3 WOULD 1T B3 4BOUT

We already sorted that out, remem8er? The plaaaaaaaan?

You remember the plan. You hate the plan. It's a bunch of shenanigans that ends really badly and will undoubtedly usher another chain of 'make her pay's. Just another Aradia Incident. Your sole goal in life for the moment is to avoid the plan being carried out. We're not doing this man. We're not making this happen.


L3TS T4LK 4BOUT TH1S L4T3R

Wh8t is there to talk a8out?

Okay. Enough of that.
Back to the discussion.

14/12/11
"> Volunteer "Cinderella". Not out of any preference for the play, but state that "It is a heartwarming tale that the pure at heart find happiness, while spoiled snippy skanks find their dreams dashed because they were too cruel to warrant love and affection." Direct this comment to nobody in particular. Also, tell the teacher that you can't take part in the play that Terezi suggested as, while you are certain it is a masterpiece of its genre, you simply will not participate in a work so obviously created to appeal to the fetishes of Victorean-era perverts. Also, make introductions to Serenity! Your friendliness shall leave no student behind! "

Serenity gives you a tentative wave.

Rufio: Wellll... We're going to do cinderella. Any objections?

The room is dead silent.

14/12/11
">"

You're pretty sure he's managing just fine on his own.

14/12/11
"Rufio: Introduce your kid-brother, whom you were forced to bring to work today since his parents are out of town."

That makes no sense! While it's true that your parents are out of town, Tavros goes to some Austrian boarding school or something. What was the name again? Prada, pruh-, prah- prod-, props-, ders- pro-, Prosperse?
Yeah, Prosperse. Prosperse academy for little kid bros.

He lives there so it's not like his parents being away affects him at all.

14/12/11
">"

Terezi: - of seducing the naive young girls who get caught in their web.

Rufio: I don't know... It sounds kind of-

Terezi: My mother loves stories about court intrigue! I'm sure she would be very gratuitous with her help in funding the play.

Rufio: I'll certainly consider it. Other suggestions?

You should probably offer up something, if you don't want your mother to know you had any part in setting up for such a racy performance. She will give you the disappointed look. Twists your gut every time.

14/12/11
">"

Terezi: - and the other, a manipulative marquise.

Terezi: They compete in a game-

14/12/11
">"

Terezi: Actually, Mr. R, I had a suggestion for the play.

Rufio: No, we are not doing Legally Blonde.

Terezi: ...Actually, I have another suggestion for the play as well.

Terezi: Les Liaisons dangereuses. It's a tale of two nobles; one is a clever vicomte-

14/12/11
"Kanaya: Be noticed."

You don't have to look to see if the Scourge Sisters are staring at you. You can feel them glaring. It burns. The glaring physically hurts.

Rufio: Just in time to help us decide which play to perform. Kanaya Maryam, am I correct? Mr. Rodriguez, at your service. If you have any questions, feel free to consult our school prefect, Terezi Pyrope.

She grins at you. Oh god the pain.

14/12/11
">"

Nahhhh. She's much better as a villain.

Rufio: But we can still be up to our Peter Pan antics in the class. A little fun can't hurt, can it?

14/12/11
">"

Hmmmm...

14/12/11
"Kanaya: Admire fashionable cape "

Wow, that wing design is pretty intere- oh darn he took it off.

Rufio: As all of you should know, we're expected to put on another play. Now unfortunately, I'm not allowed to do Peter Pan six semesters in a row so we'll have to pick a new one. I know you all must be disappointed, considering how great of a Peter Pan Terezi would make, and how fabulous of a Captain Hook Vriska would be-

Vriska: Or a Tinkerbell!!!!!!!! I don't have to be the villain in every play, right?

14/12/11
">"

Vriska: RUFIOOOOOOOO!

Terezi: RUFIOOOOOO!

You can tell this is going to be a long class.

The scourge sisters don't seem to notice you and Aradia walk in, however. This might not be as difficult a class to get through as you thought!

14/12/11
">"

Is that... the teacher?

???: I'm your new teacher! But you can call me...


14/12/11
"Kanaya: Go to Class"

Aradia apparently has Theater Arts class with you and offers to walk you there. ARADIA has joined your party!

Aradia: The teacher there is well-liked by a majority of my peers. I'm sure you'll find the class enjoyable as well.

Aradia: He's certainly enthusiastic.


Kanaya: Oh?

Aradia: Yes.

Aradia: Unfortunately, Vriska and Terezi will be there also.


Kanaya: Oh.

You're still tempted to charm her into carrying you, despite having enough strength to walk. It would just be so much easier...

Fortunately, that class is close enough to avoid you collapsing into a puddle of sweat and limp linguini from overexertion.

But wait! What's this?




14/12/11
"Load game."

You re-load your game. It's as if none of that ever happened.

14/12/11
"Kanaya: Do stuff to lose all of your karma points"

You do some stuff you aren't particularly proud of.

Ending Unlocked!
"Grimdark"

14/12/11
"> Save Game"

Game saved! Again.

14/12/11
"Kanaya: Ask the table generally what's going on with this "Lolar Park" you saw on the map. Is that a word you've never heard before, or the name of someone who donated a lot of money, or...?"

Jade: Ha, there's a really interesting rumor about that! Apparently Miss Lalonde funded a lot of the money that went into the constructing the park.

Jade: They let her decide on the name of it, but she was so... how to put this nicely... she was so shitfaced drunk that she pronounced her own surname wrong, or so the rumor goes.

Jade: It's kind of worthless anyway. We're only allowed there during dayLIGHT, because they don't want us loitering around after sunset.

Jade: And we're not allowed outside when it's RAINing either, so you can practically only visit the park during free period, when most of the students are going about shenanigans.


Nepeta: :3< Except us! We catch frogs!

Aradia: Frogs?

Nepeta: :3< Um... Yes?


Aradia seems intrigued! It's a breakthrough!

But wait! What's this? The bell is ringing.

>Go to class?<

14/12/11
"Kanaya: Might be difficult to inquire into Aradia's past without accidentally stepping on some toes, so play it safe and ask her about her classes instead. Which of them does she most enjoy?"

Aradia: Oh, um... World History, Spanish, English, Algebra, Drama, Biology and Physical Education.

Aradia: I don't enjoy any of them, to be honest. The classes aren't particularly bad, I just...

Aradia: There's no point to any of it.

14/12/11
"Check your karma meter."

Oh, wow! You've certainly accumulated some good deeds. You'll have to look into that later.

> Exit Menu

14/12/11
"> Save Game"

If something bad happens, at least you won't have to load your game back to the Principal's office. Goodness gracious that man is suspicious.

> Stats

You have allocated your new stat points in Charm, Intelligence and Strength as +8, +7, +0 respectively.
Your current stats are:

CHARM: 23
INTELLIGENCE: 23
STRENGTH: 5

Terezi will certainly have difficulty getting the better of you, but you're still have about half the strength of an average human being.

> Relationships

Jade: 30 [NEW FRIEND]
Nepeta: 8 [ACQUAINTANCE]
Vriska: 6 [ACQUAINTANCE]
Aradia: 3 [ACQUAINTANCE]
Terezi: -13 [ DISPUTANT ]

This is everyone you have encountered thus far.

> Options
>> Turn on Sexy Mode

Nope nope nope never turning that on again nope.

> Unlocked Endings

This is your first playthrough! You have yet to unlock any endings at all.

> Missions
>> Main Plot

- Finish Drama Class
- Elucidate the Aradia Incident
- Elucidate the Spidermom Incident
- Spend Karma Points [Tutorial Mission]

Looks like Drama class is after lunch. Oh, what's this? A tutorial mission?

13/12/11
">"

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

"Eat a Bowl of Dessert"
Rewards:

- +5 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with JADE!
- +8 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with NEPETA!
- +3 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with ARADIA!
- 15 more SKILL POINTS to spend however you'd like!
- Access to new area: VICE PRINCIPAL'S OFFICE
- Access to new area: BALLET ROOM
- Access to new area: JADE AND NEPETA'S ROOM
- Access to new area: LOLAR PARK

MENU:
> Save Game
> Load Game
> Missions
> Map
> Relationships
> Stats
> Inventory
> Unlocked Endings
> Options
> Help Manual

13/12/11
"Everyone: What."

The fuck just happened?

13/12/11
"History Teacher: Record this incredible incident in school history in which a student is actually capable of getting Aradia to open up to her. It shall go down in the records as the Vast What."

The history teacher isn't here right now! There's no need to record it though. This inspiring tale will no doubt be spread through clandestine oral recitations from all corners of the academy.

13/12/11
">"

All of you sit in respectful silence (after upgrading to a better table, of course.) Everyone is able to enjoy their lunch without further interruptions.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Because the table we're currently at would be a bit cramped with four people at it. Fortunately, a larger one nearby was just recently and suddenly vacated, and there would be plenty of room there for all four of us."

NOW she appears surprised.

Aradia: ... Oh! Thank you.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Actually, I'm not okay with it."

She does not appear surprised at all. In fact, the m0n0tone, nearly r0b0tic v0ice with which she replies has the h0llow ring of someone who has repeated this same response many times before. The bottomless look in her eyes is can hardly be described as anything but numb.

Aradia: 0f c0urse. My ap0l0gies f0r-

13/12/11
">"

Terezi: Well, let's hear it!

13/12/11
">"

Vriska: I have a plan.

Terezi: ...

13/12/11
">"

Aradia: May I sit here?

13/12/11
">"

You sit down to have lunch, and Jade (somewhat reluctantly) follows after you. Somewhere in the background, you hear Vriska hissing and spitting vague insults at unfortunate passersby. She has the decent sense to leave before she embarrasses herself further, thankfully.

Good god this crème brûlée is delicious.

But it seems you aren't quite finished being interrupted.

13/12/11
">"

Terezi: Oh no! By no means should you feel compelled to escort some corrupt prefect with such ill manners.

Terezi: What makes you think I want you following me like a tail in the first place? No one likes a spider on their back.


Vriska: Okay, geeze! Leave then! Bye! Bluh.

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Use your own high INTELLIGENCE to call her bluff. Inform Terezi that demands are generally made under the implicit understanding that they are compensation for a threat not being carried out."

You add that you will not recognize her authority until she has proven worthy of it through a demonstration of moral fibre.

Terezi scowls, but she's unable to contrive a retort quickly enough.

Then you walk up to Vriska and take her hands.

Kanaya: My deepest condolences that you have such an ill-mannered friend. If you ever wish to spend time in more civilized company, feel free to contact me.

Vriska: Ugh, who do you think you are!? You don't talk to the school prefect like that!

Vriska: And don't you dare pity me you stupid f-fucking... loser! You are soooooooo gonna pay for ever talking back at a-


Terezi: I think I'll be going now. I suddenly have a lack of appetite.

Vriska: What? Fine, whatever, let's go. I was getting sick of this puta anyway.

13/12/11
">"

He says he knows.
He tells you to just let them do their thing.

So all you can do is grit your teeth and think, "this is so illegal this has to be illegal this is so illegal this is so illegal oh god".

13/12/11
"Authority Regulator: Intervene."

You can't. And not from lack of want.
He won't let you.

You tell him one of the girls has a gun.

13/12/11
"Terezi: Initiate strife."

You really, really want to, but then you wouldn't be able to justify yourself to the principal. Jade has to initiate it.

Terezi: All bark, no bite! What a pathetic little runt of a dog.

Jade: Bitch I will cut you.

Kanaya: Down girl!

Terezi: Alright, I'm impressed.

Terezi: No really, I am! But what kind of regulator would I be if I let you get away scot free?


Jade: She didn't do anything!

Terezi: She undermined my jurisdiction. Not intentionally, I know, but I have a REPUTATION to uphold! She needs to be made an example of. Don't get me wrong; I completely sympathize with your intentions and I'm willing to compromise.

Terezi: I'm just not willing to compromise my authority.

Terezi: Maybe we can settle. Let us take one of you three greenies as our bottom bitch-


Jade: Oh hell no!

Kanaya: Jade. Don't.

Terezi: -and we'll back off. We'll even let you pick which one goes.

It's time to deal with the devil. Take her offer? Try to bargain? Initiate a strife? It's all on you now, and every eye in the room is glued to the conflict.

Also you have no idea what a bottom bitch is. It sounds rather unpleasant!

07/01/12
"Kanaya: Perform CHARMTECH level 12 - INNOCENT WINK on Vriska, make her swoon!"

You wink at Vriska to establish trust.

She blocks your attack with her eyelids!

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Thank Jade sincerely for sticking up for you there, but make it clear to her that you want to do everything you can to avoid hostilities. There's a thin line between having someone's back and roping that person into unnecessary conflict, and if you can think of an amiable and non-douchey way to point out that difference to Jade, go for it."

Kanaya: I sincerely appreciate your willingness to come to my defense. However, volunteering your friend into a violent situation to protect them is somewhat counterproductive, isn't it?

Jade: Yeah... But... You don't understand them! Once they've latched on to someone, they just don't let go. We have to do this now; we have to win this battle right now or fight it every day for the rest of the school year. And this is our chance to get them off of everyone's back forever! We can win this, I'm sure of it.

Kanaya: But we don't have to win through violence.

Vriska: Screw it, I'm putting this dog down!

13/12/11
"Everybody in cafeteria: be stunned"

Even the popular girls are paying attention now.
Your reputation is skyrocketing! The question is, how are you going to win this fight?

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Ask Jade politely to stand down. You didn't come here looking for a fight, and you don't want to see her get wounded on your behalf. If the scourge sisters still want to come at you even after Jade backs off and the "self defense" excuse evaporates, then it's time for business. But not before."

"The best victory is when the opponent surrenders of its own accord before there are any actual hostilities. It is best to win without fighting." - Mulan

Yes, you are fairly certain it was Mulan who said that.

13/12/11
"Vriska and Jade: Have a sparring match."

Strife!

13/12/11
"Kanaya: What can you tell me about those MYSTERIOUS GIRLS?"

Jade: I don't even know where to begin. Wait, yes I do! They're fuckasses.

Nepeta: :3< They've "arrested" Aradia. It's reeeeaaaaally, really dumb! There was this huge fiasco during middle school and they still haven't gotten over it.

Nepeta: :3< The one in the eyepatch is Vriska. She's a bully, to put it simply.

Nepeta: :3< Rose and Vriska kind of have this thing, I guess? I don't know too much about the "Princesses".


Jade: I'm not surprised! Rose is such a stuck-up loser fuckass snob loser.

Nepeta: :3< Terezi's the worst, though! She's really, really manipulative! But she always gets away with it because 'technically' the things she does aren't against the rules. They both call themselves SCOURGE SISTERS and act like they can own people. Now they're even scarring each other! But that's basically all I know, sorry.

Nepeta: :3< It was kind of bad that you caught their attention, but I think we can avoid anything troublesome happening. Just... don't talk to them again, okay?

Vriska: Helloooooooo? Right here, remember?

Terezi: Vriska, sh. It's rude to make fun of the mentally handicapped! After all, the new Greenie didn't know what she was doing.

Terezi: In fact, I think we should keep her! She'd almost look cute with a nice libra shaped scar right on her-

Jade: You wanna try something, fuckass?

Terezi: Hmmmaybe! What are you going to do about it?

Jade: I'm gonna shoot you until you've got as many holes as swiss cheese, is what I'm going to do!

Terezi: Wow, that sounded like a threat. Didn't that sound like a threat?

Vriska: Sounded like it to me!

Terezi: Self defense is completely legal, isn't it?

Vriska: Pretty sure it is!

Terezi: Well then. Time to defend ourselves.

Nepeta: :3< Finally! I've always wanted to do something about you guys.

Vriska: Oooh no. Three against two isn't happening..This is going to be a fair, even match. Whoever comes out on top calls the shots, got it?

Nepeta: x(< ...Fine.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: "What can you tell me about YOUR CLASSES"?"

Jade: I have world geography, botany, English, physics, calculus, robotics and art!

Nepeta: :3< World geo, art, english, algebra, hunter education, biology, and p.e!

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Do the coy-wave thing to the pit of festering evil behind you. Then take your place by your new friends and take Jades hand in a way that is absolutely platonic in every fashion and thank her again for carrying you to the principal's office... adding that you can't help but wonder what classes the both of them have."

Oh no! You didn't mean to leave anyone out.

You use CHARMING INTRODUCTION level 11 on them.

Terezi's INTELLIGENCE is to high to be charmed! However, it looks as though Vriska does not have that luxury.

You also use CHARMING GREETING level 9 on Jade and Nepeta, with and added expression of gratefulness for Jade's earlier assistance. Success!

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Go say hello to your childhood friend Vriska. "

You don't recall this random pirate girl ever being your childhood friend. And you certainly don't remember that incident in the third grade.

04/01/12
"Kanaya: ugh, what is with that pirate girls shirt. is it too much to expect some basic decorum and upkeep of your clothes? Resolve to get this girl a new shirt right after lunch."

Yes. Hell yes. Hell fucking yes. Maybe you can stop by the sewing club and make something yourself.

13/12/11
"Nepeta: Wonder vaguely why the one with the eyepatch doesn't get picked on for her lack of depth perception"

You can't do this, because you're pretty sure she has gotten picked on for that!

It hasn't happened since then.

04/01/12
"Kanaya: THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO BOOORRRRINNNNGGGG! Lets throw in some robots and a magical girl and see what happens."

You can't be a magical girl! You only have 5 karma.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Turn."

Some of the students are taking glances at you. Your decision to interact with the popular (and unpopular) girls has no doubt increased your REPUTATION.

But you can't see anything specific to be concerned about.

Nothing to be concerned about at all.

13/12/11
"Aradia: Actually be kind of a jerk."

Aradia: I said leave. I am not okay with this.

Strike one. You try the popular girls.

None of them seem to notice you, save for one. You offer your best CHARMING INTRODUCTION and abscond to join Jade.

You feel proud. You gained 5 karma for greeting everyone equally, and not leaving anyone out.
But wait, what's this?
Oh my goodness. What are they looking at? It seems they're staring behind you.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Introduce yourself to Aradia, then to the popular girls, then sit with Jade and Nepeta."

She swipes her bangs to the scarred side of her face as soon as you come by.

Kanaya: Salutations. Would you be interested in-
Aradia: No. Please. Leave. This isn't necessary.
Kanaya: There's no need to-

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Go to the cafeteria."

Ah yes, the high school cafeteria. The breeding grounds of drama. The festering pool where romantic entanglements and social affairs are free to occur.

You are at the moment every student dreads.
It is your first day of school.
You know no one.
You must pick a seat.

But look! Your NEW FRIEND Jade and her close friend Nepeta are beckoning you! There is hope yet.

But wait! What's this?

Popular girls.
They surely aren't intimidating as they look, though. Would they... could they... Let you sit with them?

Of course,

There's always another option.

Be warned, this decision might affect your Karma Meter!

03/01/12
"Check your inventory first! What have you got on you other than that map? "

Just the basics. Your map, a tube of lipstick (humans naturally have pink lips, but any classy lady knows they can always be pinker), your walking aid, the thing, and a can of mace.

You'd probably get expelled if anyone knew you were carrying the thing around.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Apply your formidable intelligence to working out your class schedule first and then hit the cafeteria, lest you mistakenly incur an absence on your first day of school."

You've already missed about half your classes! You spent most of the day making it here, meeting the principal, and getting situated. And you don't have enough intelligence to prophecise the order of your classes! You do know what they are, though.

Geometry, English, Chemistry, World Geography, Botany, Drama, Creative Writing and a Free Period.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Check out sewing club."

You will, but not now! You're pretty sure no one's there.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Look at map."

> COLORED regions mark UNLOCKED AREAS.
> The QUEST ICON marks places where you can receive new MISSIONS.
> The jade green DOT marks where you are.

It looks like there's a mission in the CAFETERIA. Is it lunch time already? You're not obligated to eat. Missing lunch might be hazardous on your already brittle, weak body, but you'll survive if you decide to spend your time elsewhere.

What would you like to do?

13/12/11
"Exit office."

MISSION COMPLETE!

- That was the shortest mission ever.
- You don't get jack squat.
- Okay, fine. You get the map.
- And the karma meter.
- Access to new area: BOTANY CLASS.
- Access to new area: CREATIVE WRITING CLASS.
- Access to new area: DRAMA CLASS.
- Access to new area: SEWING CLUB.
- Access to new area: CAFETERIA.

13/12/11
"I SAID GO KISS THE VERY ATTRACTIVE MAN YOU PIPSQUEAK"

You are having trouble bringing yourself to go kiss the doctor principal.

Kanaya: May I go now?

...

He says yes.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Be curiously unfazed"

Unfazed by what?

13/12/11
"Doctor Kracht: Put on the smolder."

Here comes the smolder.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Choose botany, creative writing and drama for electives, and sewing club for club."

He seems pleased with this.

Wait, he says.
He has something for you.

> MAP added to INVENTORY

This might help you navigate the school.

He also wants to remind you about your KARMA METER. Your KARMA is currently at zero. It's not necessary to fill it up, he clarifies, but there are always certain bonuses for students with a high karma magnitude.

He says he won't keep you much longer. He doesn't want you to be late for lunch.
Wait. One more thing.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Muster a delicate and ladylike knock on the door."

You knock on that door. You OWN that door.

He wants to know how you've been. He says you have potential. He loves potential. He says you're just what this school needs.

He asks what your electives are. He asks if you've joined a club.

Oh god. You've forgotten what your electives are. You haven't even thought about clubs yet.

What were the three electives you picked, again? What club are you most interested in joining?

13/12/11
"Better save your game first. No telling when the glitches will strike you down."

Game saved! Good thinking.

13/12/11
"+5 to all stats"

Stats:
Charm: 15
Intelligence: 16
Strength: 5

You still wouldn't be able to throw a ball into a basket, but you can now operate functionally without worrying that your limbs will snap like twigs.

You're out of skill points for now.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Go to principal's office and then PLATONICALLY thank Jade for being a wonderful guide."

She most certainly deserves a thank you! You give her a PLATONIC hug. You even go as far as a PLATONIC kiss on the CHEEK.

Mission Accomplished!

"Find the Principal's Office"
"Rewards:"

- +15 RELATIONSHIP POINTS with JADE!
- New RELATIONSHIP LEVEL with JADE: New Friend
- 15 more SKILL POINTS, to spend however you would like!
- Access to new area: SCRATCH'S OFFICE
- Access to new area: GIRL'S RESTROOM.
-Access to new area: LIBRARY


You have completed the tutorial mission!
New mission: LAIR OF THE SCRATCH DOCTOR.

>Continue?

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Get the lowdown on the major players in the school from Jade. It's always good to know the social hierarchy before you start. "

Kanaya: What can you tell me about the other students?
Jade: Oh, right, I should warn you! Be careful if you ever wander into the BLUE WING.
Jade: The girls there can be kind of mean. Especially Vriska and Terezi!
Jade: They like to mess with people who come from less prestigious families a lot.


Jade: Some students aren't really as fortunate as us, you know?
Jade: Aradia, for example, is here on a scholarship.
Jade: She has this, uh, burn on her face. It kind of makes the bullying worse. I heard her house burnt down a while ago or something.

Jade: Prestige and lineage are kind of really big deals with some of the other girls.
Jade: Even the principals can get kind of biased sometimes.
Jade: There are a few other girls who are super high on the SOCIAL STRATA, but you probably won't run into them.
Jade: Your CHARM or INTELLIGENCE would have to be crazy high!

Jade: That's about it. Here you are!


31/12/11
"Kanaya: Ask Jade if she's already met Principal Scratch."

Kanaya: What can you tell me about Principal Scratch?
Jade: You mean Doctor S. Kracht?
Jade: Yeah, I've met him. He usually only talks to students with a CHARM STAT of at least 8.
Jade: He kind of creeps me out, personally! And the VICE PRINCIPAL, Miss Numan, seems kind of harsh sometimes.
Jade: They're both really obsessed with impressing SUPERINTENDENT ENGLISH.


31/12/11
"Kanaya: Get to know Jade better on your way to the principal's office."

Kanaya: What can you tell me about yourself?
Jade: Welll, I was being homeschooled, at first. My Grandpa is a scientist, so I got to learn at a faster pace than a lot of people.
Jade: But this creepy guy was following me around, so Grandpa sent me here.

Kanaya: Creepy guy?
Jade: Bete Noir.

This is the most information you can extract at this relationship level.

13/12/11
"Kanaya: Proceed to principal's office."

This will be much faster. And much easier on those soggy strings you call 'muscles'. As an added bonus, you gain 1 more RELATIONSHIP POINT with Harley.

31/12/11
"Jade: Do something adorable."

You bravely step forward to escort the young damsel in distress more efficiently!

13/12/11
"Kanaya: She's strong; you're not. Find a way to make her carry you."

You try your best to pull off a classy swoon. "Oh, if only some big strong weeaboo could carry me~!"

31/12/11
"Kanaya: Go unpack your walking aid. "

No way! Your mother keeps getting on you about your low STRENGTH stat, so she bought you that stupid thing when you were 13. It's so embarrassing. You refuse to take it out in front of Jade.

13/12/11
"Examine Jade's stats."

>Charm[B]: 6
>[B]Intelligence
: 15
>Strength: 15


Her STATS are fairly decent. There's other information available, so you'll seize this opportunity to take a gander at those as well.

Relationship Points: 9
Relationship Level: Acquaintance


Hm. Looks like you'll need at least 25 RELATIONSHIP POINTS to achieve NEW FRIEND level. Anything else?


STATUS: {Vapors} -2 intelligence in this state
SPECIAL ATTACK: {Pistol Whip} Smacks sum beyitch wid a glock

13/12/11
">"

Oh no! Jade has randomly acquired a case of the VAPORS. How random!

Jade: Yes! In fact, I could take you there! I could take you there and back! I could take you everywhere! Anywhere, I mean. I know this place pretty well.
Nepeta: :3< Okayyy. I think I'll go now. My BOYFRIEND Equius is probably emailing me.

Jade has joined your PARTY. You can access her stats now, and she'll follow you everywhere. Anywhere, she means. She knows this place pretty well.

13/12/11
"Use MISTRESS TECH LVL 9: SEDUCTION"

Level 9 Seduction? I think you meant Level 9 Platonic Charming Introduction, which you are completely capable of, having level 10 Charm.

Kanaya: What a lovely welcome. My name is Kanaya Maryam, and it's a pleasure to meet both of you charming young ladies. Are presume you are also freshmen, here?
Nepeta: Um, yes. Yes we are! I'm Nepeta, and this is Jade.

You offer Jade the most platonic kiss on the hand that has ever been platonic'd into existence. LEVEL 9 PLATONIC SEDU- INTRODUCTION SUCCESSFUL.

Kanaya: Would either of you happen to know where the principal's office is?

13/12/11
"Judge the girls' attire."

Oh god, those hoodies. What were they thinking? The one in black is obviously suited for bright colors. Urrgh, is that a denim skirt?

13/12/11
">"

Jade: Welcome to the Green Wing!
Nepeta: We're your neighbors now!
Jade: We just thought we'd say hi! Our rooms are just across the hall, so we'll probably be seeing each other a lot.
Jade: Are you making it around okay?

Do something! Say something! Don't just stand there, you ignoramus.

13/12/11
">"

After much thought, consideration, and obedience to the voices in your head, you finally decide on your stats.

CHARM: 10
INTELLIGENCE: 11
STRENGTH: 0

You are a very, very lovely girl. You have glossy, ebony hair, and a sharp wit to boot. You will certainly graduate with fabulous grades and.......

Oh god. You can't lift your arms. Your muscles are like noodles that have been boiling for a year and a half.
That's fine. You're fine.
Oh god.
Okay, just start walking to the principal's office. No one will notice.

You exit the HALLWAY, by exerting your legs to maximum potential. As your bff GAMZEE MAKARA would say, it's a "miracle" that you manage to make it out of the door.

But wait! What's this?



RANDOM ENCOUNTER!

13/12/11
">"

It seems that you are too stupid do do much of anything right now! Your STATS haven't been assigned?

Luckily, you have 21 STAT points on hand, with 3 different STATs to spend them in.

>Charm: 0
>Intelligence: 0
>Strength: 0

Spend wisely!

13/12/11
">Start Game?<"



Your name is KANAYA MARYAM and this is your ROOM. Haha. Just kidding. This will never be your room. Just because your MOTHER, Virginia M. Grubb, sent you to this academy doesn't mean you'll ever really consider it your home, especially when the walls aren't plastered with your various INTERESTS. You mother would insist she just wants the best education for you, but you know better. She just doesn't want you around boys. She has this whole obsession with CHASTITY that you don't much care for. It's no coincidence she sent you to an all girl's school.

You could spend some time to make this dreadfully plain room into something worthy of an aspiring fashion designer such as yourself, but right now you have the more important task of walking to the principal's office. You've already met him with your mother, of course, but he takes it upon himself to greet every transfer student personally. Especially one as much "potential" as yourself. PRINCIPAL SCRATCH is a benevolent educator indeed.

But wait! What's this?

13/12/11
"HeartStuck"