AlterniaFM
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15/05/17
"[I] ==>"

It's the guy from forty seconds ago. For someone who just had their arms ripped from their sockets, he moves pretty fast!

15/05/17
"[I] ==>"

15/05/17
"[I] ==>"

Oh well. That's what you get for taking a job without all the details.

Mission accomplished at the very least. And you certainly didn't come out of it empty handed!

It's time to go.

15/05/17
"[I] ==>"

...This isn't what you had in mind.

To your credit, it's definitely what you were looking for. You just thought it'd be something different.

15/05/17
"[I] ==>"

Finally! You got what you came here for. Let's take a peek.

15/05/17
"[I] >Just throw José in the general directon of the elevator. He'll probably hit the false wall."

You throw José to your left and nail the false wall on the first try.

He returns with the briefcase.

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

You just remembered that José is still deaf. You should probably take another crack at directing him.

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

You're done. You tell him about the false wall by the elevator. Dirac should have enough time to get out before they take a look.

01/05/17
"[I] ==>"

...Well then. You saw what Tubs did to Johnny, and can guess that the same happened to a lot of the others as well.

What kind of sniper are you? This would have been over already if you had just pulled the trigger while they were still outside. Even now, it would've been over if you stopped being shortsighted and bothered to open the door from a few feet away...

01/05/17
"[I] Greenie McMeanie: Just tell him, it saves everyone a lot of trouble and might even save your life."

Why didn't Dirac warn you about this any of this? He should've seen Tubs heading to your position.

23/04/17
"[I] ==>"

23/04/17
"[I] Business: conclude swiftly and messily"

23/04/17
"[I] ==>"

20/04/17
"[I] ==>"

20/04/17
"[I] Can you make it through that huge gaping gash in the door?"

You're not sure if there's even anything left of the room beyond that door!

It would be best if you were to backtrack your way through to the entrance and regroup.

Fortunately, the door leading back still looks to be in working order.

20/04/17
"[I] ==>"

Your rifle's still in one piece, so you make sure to equip it.

14/04/17
"[I] Alpha: Take out your sniper rifle's FLASHLIGHT ATTACHMENT and use it to look around."

You're fine for now. There's enough light in the room for you to make out your surroundings.

This is probably as good-looking as things are gonna get.

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

...What just happened? It felt like the sky had fallen on your head.

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] ==>"

02/04/17
"[I] Stop lollygaging and go get that briefcase."

28/03/17
"[I] ==>"

28/03/17
"[I] Flush: Cardboard Subtitles."

23/03/17
"[I] Attempt to tell José that it was a nice shot"

23/03/17
"[I] ==>"

You drop down and go off towards the rifle tower, with Flush in tow.

Fortunately, you bump into José on the way!

23/03/17
"[I] Tubs and Flush: ...Sure is convenient that this one particular fragile-looking plateau survived the force from that shot..."

It wasn't convenient in he slightest. You dropped your pillar and stood behind it, shielding you from the blast.

There's a reason you lug it around. It's the only thing that's as strong as you are.

21/03/17
"[I] ==>"


The shot from the rifle tower cleaved a huge trench out of the ground. Looking down, you can see it go deep enough to reveal the rubble from the top level of the base.

...But first, you should get the rifle tower back. It's probably got a couple shots left in it, and you wouldn't want to that sort of thing sitting around for other people to stumble across.

21/03/17
"[I] Might as well go back into the base and see if there's anything important-lookin there for the nabbing."

Yes. You still need that briefcase.

21/03/17
"[I] ==>"

Your brow is too furrowed for your tear ducts to work properly!

21/03/17
"[I] Tubs: Shed a single tear of admiration/sorrow at the death of your worthy opponent."

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

17/03/17
"[I] Rifle Tower: Do your job a bit too well"

17/03/17
"[I] ==>"

08/03/17
"[I] ==>"

08/03/17
"[I] ==>"

08/03/17
"[I] ==>"

Anyway, now that their muscle's out of the way, the three of you should be free to go back underground and continue looking for that briefcase.

...You've got the nagging feeling that you're forgetting something.

08/03/17
"[I] ==>"

Really though, if you had your pillar from the get-go, this would have been over before it started and you wouldn't have had to waste five perfectly good minutes on the guy.

08/03/17
"[I] Tubs: Tip hat to Flush for the timely Pillar."

08/03/17
"[I] ==>"

Well!

He definitely won't be coming back from that.

08/03/17
"[I] ==>"

06/03/17
"[S][I] Tubs: Throw down"

With pleasure.

(YouTube Mirror)
Music credit: Z3BB3 - The Plan

23/02/17
"[I] ==>"

And with that, Tubs' id comes forth!

For a personification of instinct, impulse, and desire - he's surprisingly reserved.

It's probably safe to say that he and Tubs are on good terms, as there wouldn't be too much for the id to do that Tubs wouldn't have already done.

23/02/17
"[I] Reach in your goodie bag, will you get a gun? Who knows!"

You'll let José rummage through your beatnik's bag for a suitable firearm. Let's just hope he doesn't find anything stupid like a pair of bongos or a pile of old berets.

...Why did you have to settle for a BEATNIK's bag? You should have held out and taken a container from a subculture that was more into organized crime, or murder.

But first, you've got a METEO GAMBIT to attend to.

What kind of person doesn't use their strongest ability right away? A dead person, that's who. Go big or go home!

22/02/17
"[I] ==>"

22/02/17
"[I] ==>"

22/02/17
"[I] ==>"

22/02/17
"[I] ==>"

22/02/17
"[I] He probably skipped leg day, exploit this fact"

He may have skipped leg day (and neck day, and head day), but he definitely did not skip foot day. Those boots were made to walk all over you.

You're not much of a leg aficionado, either.

Nevertheless, you pull your boys together and get to scheming.

21/02/17
"[I] ==>"

Still... This Big-Endian guy looks unnaturally strong.

Emphasis on the "unnaturally" bit. You're probably just as strong as him, if not stronger.

With that said, if you want to absolutely guarantee that you'll be the only one walking away from this, you're going to need your pillar. And maybe, just maybe... a plan.

21/02/17
"[I] ==>"

You acquire a METEO GAMBIT!

You've always considered yourself to be a proper stand-up guy. However, the words wound-up and pent-up would also be able to fit in there as well.

You made peace with your own id long ago, but with the activation of ZOOT BRUTE, you can let him take the wheel just this once! Who knows what'll happen!

21/02/17
"[I] better order in one meteo gambit I reckon"

Damn straight. Why bother planning for the future when you can drop everything you've got right now and ensure that your enemies won't have a future?

02/05/16
"[I] Tubs: GET YE BOONCOIN"

It's time to tip the scales.

Not that you really needed to, of course, but every little bit helps.

02/05/16
"[I] ==>"

You immediately cash in your pennies and acquire ONE (1) BOONCOIN.

02/05/16
"[I] ==>"

He has one cent.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE, THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED

02/05/16
"[I] ==>"

You were able to slide underneath Big-Endian's punch and make it to Little-Endian's corpse. Time to see if the little guy's got anything you need.

02/05/16
"[I] ==>"

30/04/16
"[I] Big Endian: Give em your two cents on the matter."

30/04/16
"[I] ==>"

30/04/16
"[I] There's another green torso that hasn't been looted yet."

What? No. The only other guy was Endian, and he...

...was actually two guys

one of whom is already dead and un-looted

25/04/16
"[I] ==>"

You're one short. Damn it!

How are you supposed to get that booncoin now?!

25/04/16
"[I] ==>"

You'd continue this current train of thought, but you're keeping someone waiting, so you'll have to ignore the sentient pile of funny money for now.

Back to the matter at hand: You need pennies. Real ones.

Fortunately, you've been silently looting the corpses of all the people that you've killed. That's definitely a thing that you, as Tubs, does. Let's see what we've got...

23 from the invisible man.
16 from the only guy who had the decency to bring a real gun.
18 from the trapper girl.
25 from the medic.

Add in the 17 from José, and...

25/04/16
"[I] ==>"

25/04/16
"[I] ==>"

25/04/16
"[I] ==>"

25/04/16
"[I] Flush: Wordlessly remove your hat."

25/04/16
"[I] ==>"

25/04/16
"[I] ==>"

20/04/16
"[I] ==>"

20/04/16
"[I] ==> "

You call Flush over. The three of you need to take a second to come up with a proper strategy.

20/04/16
"[I] ==>"

You should probably do something about that.

This looks like it's going to be one of those fights. The ones where you've had to put in a little effort. Being unreasonably angry isn't going to help with that.

Well, technically you're always angry, but it's not like you're some sap who has no control over his own emotions.

20/04/16
"[I] ==>"

HE

THREW

YOUR

PILLAR.

20/04/16
"[I] ==>"

HE THREW YOUR PILLAR.

20/04/16
"[I] ==>"

He threw your pillar.

20/04/16
"[I] ==>"

20/04/16
"[I] ==>"

20/04/16
"[I] You still got any of those darts?"

You do have one lawn dart remaining. You'd use it right away, but Big-Endian had already blocked one and even caught the other. They don't seem to be very effective against him.

13/04/16
"[I] Tubs: Welp. Try Again."

He's a bit preoccupied at the moment.

13/04/16
"[I] Try not to have a concussion from that hit"

That's pretty easy. If that pillar had actually hit you, you'd just be dead!

10/04/16
"[I] ==>"

except when he FUCKING MISSES

10/04/16
"[I] ==>"

06/04/16
"[I] ==>"

06/04/16
"[I] ==>"

No matter how hard you hit Tubs, he'll always hit back.

06/04/16
"[I] ==>"

However, there is still one thing that you can count on.

06/04/16
"[I] ==>"

Big-Endian is getting ready to punch your whole body inwards.

You could try running, but you're not sure you can get away. Those boots are larger than your entire body!

02/04/16
"[I] ==>"

Yep, not liking where this is going at all.

02/04/16
"[I] ==>"

Oh. Apparently you only killed a little guy.

You're not sure you like where this is going.

02/04/16
"[I] ==>"

02/04/16
"[I] ==>"

02/04/16
"[I] ==>"

02/04/16
"[I] ==>"

28/03/16
"[I] ==>"

28/03/16
"[I] ==>"

28/03/16
"[I] TUBS THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE HAS STARTED I NEED YOU TO DOUBLE TAP"

25/03/16
"[I] ==>"

TUBS

TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUBS

25/03/16
"[I] ==>"

25/03/16
"[I] ==>"

No. You had a whole second to look at him. It went between his eyes.

25/03/16
"[I] Didn't you, like, kill that guy?"

You thought you did. You shot him in the head, but didn't have much time to see where the bullet went. Maybe that horse pulled him out in the nick of time..?

25/03/16
"[I] ==>"

On second thought, maybe Tubs should do it.

25/03/16
"[I] bap"

25/03/16
"[I] Remove the portable hole while the arm is through it"

You're not sure what would happen, but it's certainly worth a shot!

20/03/16
"[I] ==>"

wait no there's an arm in it currently

20/03/16
"[I] Flush: Construct cardboard shovels to make digging almost easier."

Flush hands you a shovel made of cardboard.

Yeeeeaah, no. It might be for the best if the three of you double back and figure something else out.

Maybe you could try going in through the school again...

Actually, you might be able to just go back down through the hole over here.

17/03/16
"[I] ==>"

Mike aside, there's only two people left. Fortunately, Tubs only needs one for his special brand of interrogation.

But before Tubs can do his metaphorical digging, it looks like the three of you have some actual digging to do!

17/03/16
"[I] ==>"


Now that the three of you are together, you can step back and take a look at what you've accomplished.

...You're not really any closer to where you were. Still haven't found that artifact that Tubs was on about.

Between Tubs and José, you can confirm without any doubt that at least TEN of the THIRTEEN green guys have been offed.

The rifle tower might've landed on Mike. Nobody was there to see it.

17/03/16
"[I] ==>"

15/03/16
"[I] ==>"

15/03/16
"[I] ==>"

15/03/16
"[I] ==>"

15/03/16
"[I] ==>"

15/03/16
"[I] Tubs: Berate your underlings for being completely useless while, once again, did all the work. Since you undeniably did all the work, you also get all the credit."

15/03/16
"[I] ==>"

Oh hey, there's José and Flush. They might know.

15/03/16
"[I] What people still need to be killed anyways?"

Good question.

07/03/16
"[I] Put the rifle tower in your loot bag."

It takes some effort, but you're able to stretch the bag around one of the ends of the structure. With a little bit of wiggling, the whole thing is able to slide in.

+1 RIFLE TOWER

It'll be a challenge to find a spot to test-fire the thing. Maybe you should just put it up for ransom. France might want it back.

07/03/16
"[I] ==>"

Hmm... Now that you're on the topic of both useless hippie magic, unconventional weaponry, AND kidnappings...

07/03/16
"[I] ==>"


You put her in your beatnik's bag, instead of killing her.

...Are beatniks even remotely close to hippies? That was all too long ago for you to really give a damn - what's important is that gas of hers; it's interesting, and could definitely be of value to somebody out there, whether they're a beatnik, hippie, space wizard or otherwise!

You'll take her somewhere private, and get her to tell you where she got it.

And then you'll kill her.

07/03/16
"[I] Pillar her"

She already knocked you out once. Who knows what would happen if she were to pull your mask off and do it again? There'd probably be some bullshit where she'd go into your mind and go on some sort of spirit quest to defeat your subconscious. Who would ever want to see something like that? Not you, that's who.

Although, speaking of useless hippie magic...

01/03/16
"[I] Intercept grenades with heads."

You lob the two heads at her and knock her to the ground!

You can't fathom why she would've tried to throw a grenade while being so close to you. Maybe they're meant to spread more of that gas that follows her around...

Either way, it looks like the impact shattered her mask. Should be getting a full dose of her own stuff right about now.

29/02/16
"[I] ==>"

Juliet's poison isn't as effective outdoors. Without an enclosed space, it'll dissipate into the air.

Juliet has other tricks up her sleeve. Or rather, on her chest.

The tricks in question being grenades - she grabs two and prepares to lob them at you!

23/02/16
"[I] And then a thing happened."

The ground erupts, and out pops Juliet!

This time, you're prepared. You slip on your mask and get ready to throw down.

23/02/16
"[I] No, it's the Rifle Tower."

Incredible.

22/02/16
"[I] ==>"

The ground next to you is rumbling. Something's about to try digging it's way ou-

...Is that the Eiffel Tower?

22/02/16
"[I] ==>"

There were at least three bodies piled on top of you. In the darkness, you found the two that were still breathing and took care of them. Shame about the girl, but you can no longer afford to mess around when you're ambushed like that. Sneak attackers just aren't your type.

22/02/16
"[I] Tubbs: Be so thankful that the smell of raw meat (even if it turned out to be a fat dead guy) brought you to your senses in time"

Yes. The smell of the big dead guy was enough to snap you back to consciousness. The ceiling collapsing inwards might've also helped things along a bit, too.

Gas is one of the very few things that you still need to worry about. This sort of stuff is why you carry a welding mask in your hat.

Well, it's a WELDING mask, yes, but it's got a built in respirator. Should give you enough time to take out the source of whatever it is that's trying to get you.

Speaking of things trying to get you...

21/02/16
"[I] Tubs: Emerge from the hole."

21/02/16
"[I] ==>"

21/02/16
"[I] ==>"

21/02/16
"[I] ==>"

21/02/16
"[I] ==>"

17/02/16
"[I] ==>"

17/02/16
"[I] Chekhov's robot?"

Say what now?

16/02/16
"[I] ==>"

You're not sure what Mike means by pyro- oh.

The center was not a core or generator like you had previously thought. It's some sort of gun, or possibly a missile!

16/02/16
"[I] ==>"

16/02/16
"[I] ==>"

16/02/16
"[I] ==>"

16/02/16
"[I] ==>"

It sticks to the front, opening a hole to its inner workings. Maybe you could throw your lawn dart in there, or something.

16/02/16
"[I] Fling the anti-frisbee at the robot's center. This should expose it's core."

...That's actually a pretty good idea.

You pull out the negative pancake and fling it in the machine's general direction!

16/02/16
"[I] ==>"

How are you supposed to fight this. Even with your gun, you wouldn't know where to begin shooting.

09/02/16
"[I] ==>"

Mike's MOBILE AUDIO PLATFORM hovers in front of you. Its four hexadecibel speakers have been turned up to eleven and are ready to rock you like a hurricane.

09/02/16
"[I] ==>"

09/02/16
"[I] ==>"

09/02/16
"[I] ==>"

07/02/16
"[I] ==>"

07/02/16
"[I] ==>"

Well, dang. Maybe you should try increasing the speed of the shots.

07/02/16
"[I] Jose: fire gliders with reckless abandon"

You pull out the glider gun and fire it Mike-wards. You need to flip the gun over and aim an an angle to offset the direction of the strange bullets that this thing shoots.

The glider slowly approaches Mike, and...

...aaaaannnd...

01/02/16
"[I] Ah geez what does Jose have? Doesn't have the safe anymore, used all the skateboards and darts right? Does Jose still have the gun of life? No? The portable hole? Err what else did Jose have?"


You still have a lot of stuff.

Most importantly, you have a lawn dart and the glider gun. There is one last tiny skateboard inside the lunchbox inside the safe.

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

fucking pumpkins

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

01/02/16
"[I] Have your gun get mixed up with the eiffel tower, so that they merge The Fly style and your regular gun is upgraded to a giant gun called The Rifle Tower."

What? No, that's just stupid, unrealistic, and unusually specific. It would also probably be the single most inconvenient thing to ever happen to you.

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

You really don't have any time for this. You pull out your gun, and...

Wait. Where did your gun go.

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

Oh, it's this guy again.

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

Anyway, this was bad. Real bad. If you don't get out of here soon, you're going to start drawing a lot of attention. Has something like this even happened before?

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT

THAT PUMPKIN WAS FUNDED BY THE GOVERNMENT

Where the hell is Tubs?

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

01/02/16
"[I] ==>"

01/02/16
"[I] Jose confirmed for Carmen Sandiego."

01/02/16
"[I] Connie: Waaaait a minute, I'd think I'd remember hearing it in the news if the eiffel tower had ended up in the US. I mean, I was already doubting it anyway, seeing how you were this hotshot who was singlehandedly coming through to beat all of these superpowered guys, when the Jose I know got beat up by some random girl in a waterworks. But now I know you're full of it."

Yes, this is complete bullshit. One does not steal the friggin' Eiffel Tower.

...Although, José's story does coincide with the sudden and surprising construction of the Eiffel Tower 2.0. It doesn't make sense to upgrade a historical monument, of all things.

Unless it wasn't an upgrade, but an outright replacement.

28/01/16
"[I] ==>"

oh

28/01/16
"[I] ==>"

28/01/16
"[I] ==>"

You should be glad, though. That second blast probably did the same to Mike, if not worse.

Although, thinking back on it... You don't recall the second blast being preceded by any wubs. That means that Mike and his unknown sound-based weapon didn't cause it.

...and if Mike didn't cause it, who did?

28/01/16
"[I] ==>"

RAAAAAGH

Fuckin' hell. Tubs is usually the one who ends up tearing the building down.

The two of you are pretty hurt. You don't know how much more you can take.

28/01/16
"[I] ==>"

28/01/16
"[I] ==>"

28/01/16
"[I] ==>"

21/01/16
"[I] ==>"

Oh, there you are. Look, about that guy over there. The two of you really need to do something about-OHGODNOTAGAIN

17/01/16
"[I] ==>"

AAAAAAAAwait

oh dear

17/01/16
"[I] Freak the fuck out."

aaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

are you fucking kidding me

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

14/01/16
"[I] Jose: Gently put the pumpkin down. Very, very gently..."

You move to put the pumpkin down, under the assumption that it will drop you back off at the spot where you had picked it up.

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

A sniper! You tried to shoot at him, but you can't tell if it did any good. All this jumping around is screwing with your aim.

You need to warn Tubs.

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

...

...Forget it. Wolf was right. Tubs was supposed to be brought in alive, but this whole thing has been a huge waste of time and resources... Is he really worth the collective lives of everyone in the squad?

It's time to open the doors and have Wolf take the shot.

14/01/16
"[I] ==>"

But that's still okay! Wolf is in position to snipe Tubs should he wake up and kill any more...

14/01/16
"[I] Dirac: So is there any way you could maybe shove the boss key in your back like a clockwork soldier and go Super that way?"

No. It's just an ordinary key. The board's been blown to pieces and would need to be repaired in order for it to work.

It's okay though, as Dirac is certain that Mike will be able to take care of José and Flush, even though they were able to kill both Endia and Charlie... And Juliet's currently busy making sure that Tubs isn't waking up in the other room, which unfortunately means that Bean and Ritz are also out of commission...

14/01/16
"[I] Jose: Pull the trigger. Maybe you'll get lucky?"

You suppose there's no harm in trying. Unless you hit someone, of course. There will be plenty of harm if you do that.

14/01/16
"[I] Obtain enlightenment."

What the hell is going on? You're seeing rapid glimpses of... well, EVERYTHING.

06/01/16
"[I] ==>"

You feel kinda funny.

06/01/16
"[I] Jose: Out-awesome this punk by blasting him twice, one in each eye, as you flip through the air"

José recovers and takes aim mid-fling, but is accosted by a pumpkin before he can make the shot!

03/01/16
"[I] ==>"

03/01/16
"[I] ==>"

03/01/16
"[I] Mike: Play WorldsTiniestSyntheticViolin.wav for your fallen comrades in the room."

24/12/15
"[I] ==>"

What a dick!

24/12/15
"[I] ==>"

24/12/15
"[I] ==>"

24/12/15
"[I] ==>"

24/12/15
"[I] ==>"

24/12/15
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24/12/15
"[I] Jose: Hug flush and apologize."

20/12/15
"[I] ==>"

20/12/15
"[I] ==>"

20/12/15
"[I] ==>"

20/12/15
"[I] ==>"

20/12/15
"[I] ==>"

20/12/15
"[I] ==>"

20/12/15
"[I] Ya'know José, you've been kinda doing all the work lately. Perhaps you should be the leader instead of Tubbs? I'm sure he'll be fine with it."

No, he wouldn't.

Tubs is a strange case. Working with him for so long, it's clear to you that his only goal is self-preservation. He has spent his entire life honing every aspect of his body and pushing it to its absolute limit. He's incredibly determined, but also selfish and arrogant to the point of distraction. That's where you come in.

He knows that he needs you. But you also know that he wouldn't hesitate to replace you if you ceased to be useful.

Sure, you could always pop a bullet in his head... But just as Tubs doesn't fully trust you with his life, you're not certain you'd be able to trust him to just lay down and die.


Regardless, you've taken two of them down. You believe there was still a third one coming up-

20/12/15
"[I] Flush: Realize that bullet would have hit you if the horse hadn't appeared."

oh

13/12/15
"[I] ==>"

The horse reappears, but before you're even able to swing your foot, José unloads a pre-emptive bullet into the back of its skull!

13/12/15
"[I] Make another one and then kick the air in the crotch!!!"

You channel your impotent rage into another one, and then get ready to kick the air.

13/12/15
"[I] Flush: Raaaaaaaaage."

HE SMASHED YOUR PUMPKIN

06/12/15
"[I] ==>"

06/12/15
"[I] Flush: Make a cardboard cutout of a pumpkin."

You envision a pumpkin, and make it so.

03/12/15
"[I] Deploy salt lick"

You get off the table and deploy the salt lick. It disappears immediately.

You look up and see it jumping around the room. It looks like the horse isn't able to exist in one spot long enough to actually lick the thing.

It's still moving way too fast for you to get a shot off.

29/11/15
"[I] Jose: If there is a guy behind you, he's either gonna disappear or attack you the moment you turn around. ATTACK HIM FIRST."

As stupid as this whole thing is, you've seen weirder shit today. You turn around and draw your gun, seeing... nothing.

If someone truly is messing with you - someone capable of blinking in and out of existence in the fraction of a second - how would you catch them?

29/11/15
"[I] ==>"

Seriously, Flush? Is Tubs' PARANOIA rubbing off on you?

29/11/15
"[I] Cupboard: Have a strange lack of horses"

You open the cupboard and find the aforementioned lack of horses. This isn't strange in the slightest, however.

29/11/15
"[I] Retrieve negative frisbee."

You retrieve the quantum abstrata. Out of all the crap you've found, this seems to be the most useful. Wouldn't want to leave it behind.

27/11/15
"[I] Flush: Catch Endian's Hat!"

27/11/15
"[I] ==>"

THERE'S A HORSE IN THERE

27/11/15
"[I] ==>"

HORSE

27/11/15
"[I] ==>"

27/11/15
"[I] Flush: What are you learning through your reconnaissance"

You've discovered that... this isn't a real watermelon. It's just another one of your cutouts.

Your artistry is so profound that even you mystify yourself sometimes.

27/11/15
"[I] CHARLIE: Use fresh meat to placate the Tubbs"

21/11/15
"[I] ==>"

With his face exposed, you nail the headshot, resulting in a clean ki- wait, where'd his body go

21/11/15
"[I] ==>"

It connects and vanishes the front part of Endia's helmet!

21/11/15
"[I] Throw the portable hole at Endia's helmet, fire a bullet right after."

You whip out the hole like it was some sort of nonexistent Frisbee.

15/11/15
"[I] ==>"

Three of the fourteen tables have been torn to bits.

You should probably switch your focus to getting that helmet off of him.

Something about this guy doesn't seem right. Hell, EVERYTHING about this guy doesn't seem right.

15/11/15
"[I] ==>"

APPARENTLY HE DOES, GOD DAMN

GUESS YOU MUST'VE MISSED HIS HEART, HUH

15/11/15
"[I] ==>"

Uh... Does he even have any left?

15/11/15
"[I] That looked awesome, but did it actually harm him?"

You hole-punched the heart clean out of his chest. Let's see him try to attack you without any of his blood!

09/11/15
"[I] ==>"

YOU ARE ON POINT.

09/11/15
"[I] Jose: Rhythm Tech => Shot through the Heart"

You prepare to fire a volley of shots, building up RHYTHM and culminating in your LEVEL 4 RHYTHM TECH: SHOT THROUGH THE HEART.

04/11/15
"[I] ==>"

Endia walks into the room and is immediately ensnared.

04/11/15
"[I] You really should've placed a trap at the door. By the time they came rushing through the door they'd be caught in the trap."

By the time they came rushing through the door, you were hoping that they'd be caught in your bullets.

But fine. You quickly grab a folding chair and place it in front of the door before getting back to cover.

04/11/15
"[I] Hide in the cupboards! They'll never expect you to not actually be behind the fort."

Flush takes the melon and hides in the cupboard. At least he'll be safe in there.

04/11/15
"[I] Flush: You forgot the melon! Quick, get it to safety!"

NO THEY WILL NEVER HURT YOUR MELON

02/11/15
"[I] Table fort."

Flush runs to the back of the room and starts bringing back tables, piling them up into a small fort.

They're very flimsy, but the sheer number of them should be enough to slow your enemies down.

Speaking of your enemies, José hears an all-too-familiar thumping from behind the door. Looks like the two of you should get ready to throw down!

02/11/15
"[I] Flush: Realize you are thematically obligated to wield that plunger"

Flush equips the plunger. Finally, something you can stab people with!

02/11/15
"[I] Just so you don't make fools of yourselves, are there any other entrances into that room?"

Doesn't look like it. The other wall is piled high with a mass of flimsy conference room tables.

19/10/15
"[I] ==>"

The other side seems to be some sort of office storage room. This could work. Flush can get to work appropriating all of these tables while you do the shooting.

19/10/15
"[I] Laugh heartily. Bring them on, you say. The more the merrier. You can take them all on and still have enough time for a delightful brunch."

Yes. As far as you can tell, you're the only one who actually had enough sense to bring a gun.

The two of you just need to find a place that has some decent cover. Or at least find a place where Flush can carve out some crappy cover that LOOKS decent.

There's a door to the left that you haven't been through yet.

18/10/15
"[I] ==>"

It sounds like a lot of shit is about to be headed in your general direction!

18/10/15
"[I] ==>"

He tells you to move to the reception room and train your sniper rifle on the door.

Dirac says that it's still preferable to take Tubs alive, but if that no longer becomes a possibility, you will act as the last line of defense. Dirac will watch Tubs from the cameras. If he wakes up for any reason, Dirac will open all of the doors, giving you a clear shot.

18/10/15
"[I] ==>"

...but what about you?

Dirac isn't confident that you would be able to help them out directly.

18/10/15
"[I] ==>"

Endian has just arrived, and is ready to beeline to their location.

Charlie is off doing whatever he's doing. However, he's still able to follow up after Endian makes his move.

As for Mike... He's been sitting all alone in a dark room on the second floor. No one's come to him. Looks like he's gotta go to them instead!

18/10/15
"[I] POV switch!"

Oh dear. Flush is able to resist being in the same room as Juliet. This isn't looking good. He must be stopped before he goes back in and wakes up Tubs!

Dirac gets on the radio and calls out to anyone who currently isn't in the same room as Juliet. Or dead.

That leaves Endian, Charlie, and Mike.

12/10/15
"[I] Drag your friend out of the room."

You need to get this guy and that melon out of here. It's the law.

The two of you immediately wake up once you leave the area.

It looks like there may be a problem. If Tubs is in there, he'd need your help...

12/10/15
"[I] Jump in the pile of goo, it looks so inviting"

The goo is lonely, but it needs to be kept separate from the watermelon. They do not get along.

...Hey, do you know how when you're eating, and Tubs tells you to clean your plate? Well, what if everyone literally DID clean their plate. And then we had dishwashers that actually made them dirty again?

12/10/15
"[I] Floosh: Whoa man, like, look at my hands."

How come you get five fingers? Was there some sort of war? Did everyone have four fingers until you guys came along and appropriated one of ours?

Also, why are these words here and why are they saying exactly what you're thinking? You being you, of course. Not you.

12/10/15
"[I] Take the Watermelon with you."

Yes. The watermelon must be protected. It will grow up to lead the people.

05/10/15
"[I] ==>"

Through SHEER FORCE OF WILL, you've woken up! But there's something strange in the air, and it's causing you to TRIP BALLS. It might have been safer to lie down and stay unconscious!

05/10/15
"[I] Flush: While she's distracted, escape to the side!"

Actually, wasting time sounds exactly like what she wants you to do! You'd better get on out of here while you still can.

05/10/15
"[I] ==>"

She's really getting into it. José has no idea what to do.

You could probably stand up to her, but ultimately you wouldn't get anything done. You're still technically unconscious, and staying here would be a waste of time.

05/10/15
"[I] Flush: Such a fantastic display of violence deserves congratulations and praise. Applaud Juliet while you patiently wait for your turn on the agony wheel."

01/10/15
"[I] José: Experience levels of pain that you never imagined possible."

José is in shock, and is unable to respond to any commands!

You cannot imagine the pain itself, but you can still feel it...

The force of the impact, being hit by a bullet train in a fist-sized package. You should have been blown to pieces, and yet here you are. So high into the sky, with your stomach back on the ground.

You weren't expecting any of this to happen in the slightest. All you can do is stareOHGOD.

22/09/15
"[I] ==>"

YOU ARE REWARDED WITH VIOLENCE

22/09/15
"[I] ==>"

22/09/15
"[I] ==>"

22/09/15
"[I] throw tomato at lady"

That sounds like a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

22/09/15
"[I] Where is Tubs?"

You're not sure. Tubs never did have much of an imagination.

14/09/15
"[I] ==>"

Right. Flush is behind you, and nobody else.

14/09/15
"[I] ==>"

14/09/15
"[I] ==>"

14/09/15
"[I] ==>"

14/09/15
"[I] ==>"

14/09/15
"[I] Connie: Appear from the future and unexpectedly insert yourself into this narrative."

Flush is behind you, along with... CC?

14/09/15
"[I] check your ticket on your turn to wake up"

Your consult your ticket.

Wait, never mind. This is a tomato.

You look at the door. You're fairly certain the number hasn't changed. Although the woman in front is new. And the sign seems a little different than before.

10/09/15
"[I] ==>"

10/09/15
"[I] Loose Ends: Move to where you guys think Tubs is. Time to regroup."

The two of you move into the long hallway.

All right! It's time to find Tubs and kick some ass!

09/09/15
"[I] ==>"

You are now the aforementioned loose ends.

09/09/15
"[I] ==>"

YEAH!

The hardest part of the mission is behind you. All that's left is to tie up a couple of loose ends.

09/09/15
"[I] Alpha and Dirac: High five."

07/09/15
"[I] ==>"

07/09/15
"[I] ==>"

07/09/15
"[I] ==>"

07/09/15
"[I] ==>"

07/09/15
"[I] ==>"

07/09/15
"[I] Show him your stabs."

05/09/15
"[I] ==>"

05/09/15
"[I] ==>"

05/09/15
"[I] ==>"

05/09/15
"[I] ==>"

05/09/15
"[I] Medic guy: Pass out."

31/08/15
"[I] ==>"

31/08/15
"[I] ==>"

31/08/15
"[I] ==>"

31/08/15
"[I] ==>"

30/08/15
"[I] Just tug on the fuse for leverage."

27/08/15
"[I] ==>"

Back in the hallway, Tubs is doing some moving of his own. Moving towards the three fellows stuck at a dead end.

27/08/15
"[I] Engage Tubs... on your own time."

Juliet is out and about, and is going to start moving towards Tubs.

23/08/15
"[I] ==>"

23/08/15
"[I] ==>"

Meanwhile, in one of the rooms shooting off of the long hallway...

23/08/15
"[I] Ask if Juliet wants to hear a secret"

23/08/15
"[I] Why don't you ask the radio people, jose"

21/08/15
"[I] Huh? What happened to Juliet, I thought she was suppose to ambush Tubs if he entered the hallway?"

Bingo. The time has arrived.

The radios crackle back to life, calling for someone named Juliet to wake up and get moving.

Juliet? Who's that?

20/08/15
"[I] ==>"

20/08/15
"[I] ==>"

Tubs' PARANOIA reveals all of the nearby bear traps as he moves, allowing him to walk through unhindered!

20/08/15
"[I] Green Bodies: Run. Fastly."

19/08/15
"[I] ==>"

19/08/15
"[I] ==>"

19/08/15
"[I] ==>"

19/08/15
"[I] ==>"

Tubs, still moderately angry (although admittedly less so after walloping that fish), turns and takes a look down the hallway.

18/08/15
"[I] Obliterate Fish Statuary"

Tubs whacks the fish with his pillar, exploding it into... grey goo?

He smashed the fish of his own volition, of course. He didn't listen to your commands or anything. Just wanted to break something, fish happened to be the closest thing. Yeah.

17/08/15
"[I] Try to track down tubs and give him the salt lick so he can kill the horse."

Hell, it's worth a shot. You just need to find your way over to Tubs.

Flush was able to see where he went. The two of you start heading in that general direction.

Meanwhile, you be Tubs, which isn't a particularly good idea because he's too enraged to listen to commands right now!

He's just made it back into the long hallway, looking for things and/or people to smash.

03/08/15
"[I] Horses like to lick salt. Maybe you could bait the horse guy with the salt?"

Horse guy? You're not certain that either of you have ever seen a horse guy. What would a horse guy be doing here, of all places?

Regardless, if there was such a creature, then the salt lick may be able to distract it. However, you'll need to find him first. Or wait for him to find you.

So, once again, what'll it be? Explore the passage behind you in search for horse people, or drop down and catch up with Tubs?

03/08/15
"[I] Flush: Gain sudden ART-spiration to turn Jose's hat into a crinoline ball gown!"

The thought is tempting, but fashion design is not your forte. You're more of a 2D pen-and-paper guy. With an interest in fluid dynamics.

02/08/15
"[I] ==>"

Wait, no, bad idea. You shouldn't put the goddamn portable hole anywhere near your inventory. You'll carry it by hand and put the radio in there instead.

02/08/15
"[I] Jose: Consolidate. Fill lunchbox with beehives and store the lunchbox and the gold bar in the safe."

That seems to be much better! You've got the beehives and tiny skateboard in the lunchbox, which you've grouped with the gold bar and moved to the safe. This frees up two spaces. You can store the salt lick in the pocket and the quantum abstrata in your hat.

02/08/15
"[I] Flush: Use art supplies to combine hat with umbrella."

Flush has no reason to attach the umbrella to his hat. He is wearing a raincoat/rain hat and has the water protection built-in.

02/08/15
"[I] Jose: Take the safe out of your inventory and put the portable hole on it to get whatever's inside."

You stick the quantum abstrata to the top of the safe. You then reach in with both hands and pull out its contents. It looks like some sort of salt lick.

02/08/15
"[I] Jose: Get those things out of Flush assuming they haven't punctured his skin."

You pull the beehives out of Flush before he gets too unhappy.

29/07/15
"[I] ==>"


In the meantime, Flush's inventory consists of two raincoat pockets and a stationery tube.

The stationery tube holds boundless art supplies and seemingly endless construction paper, which allows Flush to do a variety of things, such as draw maps and build decoys.

His pockets contain a radio and an apple sack. Flush is fond of apples - he uses them to ward off doctors.

His hands hold his knife and the second radio.

His hat is currently empty. He dumped the water down the hole when José was stuck on the lower level.

29/07/15
"[I] ==>"

The aforementioned items are immediately and violently ejected from your being. You'll need to make more room or figure something else out if you wish to continue carrying that stuff.

29/07/15
"[I] ==>"

Your four pockets contain:

- A lunchbox with a single tiny skateboard
- One lawn dart
- The strange gun
- A safe

Your hands hold your revolver and the radio. Your hat contains the gold bar.

But wait, what about your umbrella? And the beehives? And the quantum abstrata?!

...Whoops.

29/07/15
"[I] Check dead body for additional radios. You can never have too many."

After some further searching, you uncover a third radio. Flush can carry it until you find Tubs.

...You should probably do a refresher on your own inventory.

29/07/15
"[I] you can then loot the dead body for pocket change."

Your inventory is full, but you move to loot the body regardless. Flush doesn't usually do any corpse work.

You find seventeen pennies.

26/07/15
"[I] Do the one that wont put you in the path of a Marble Column wielded by an Raging Ichthyophobic Mobster."

Right. The two of you head up to the second floor.

Despite the hole, you should still be able to make it to the other door. And also the dead body.

26/07/15
"[I] ==>"

wait

26/07/15
"[I] ==>"

Flush will use his own radio, and says that you can take the one that Tubs' originally had.

With these, you can call Tubs and-

26/07/15
"[I] Flush; show your dear Aquitanian friend the radio, thus saving a mad witch-hunt."

Flush says that Tubs was able to find some radios. You should be able to use them to keep track of his location!

26/07/15
"[I] Head up the stairs."

You go up the stairs and reach the first floor.

Flush is on the other side of the door. The reunion is somewhat unexciting.

24/07/15
"[I] Deploy the portable hole"

You place it on the door and climb through, peeling it back off once you get to the other side.

It looks like you've got a way through closed doors now! ...And probably just about everything else.

You should meet up with Flush. The two of you could either go back up to the second floor, or head out to find Tubs.

24/07/15
"[I] Jose: Inspect the black circle."

You acquire the quantum abstrata. It's a big black circle.

22/07/15
"[I] Flush: Give José all of the things in the room."

You grab a ton of stuff from around the room and throw it down into the hole.

22/07/15
"[I] Flush: Create a waterfall down the hole for Jose to swim up."

You dump the water out of your hat and watch it fall down the hole.

It didn't help. But that doesn't mean you didn't want to do it!

19/07/15
"[I] ==>"

He makes it through, and you step over the wreckage to inspect the hole.

You see José down there.

He asks you what the fuss was all about. You tell him Tubs is mad at something.

He says he's stuck down there. He needs to find either a way up through the hole or forwards through the door.

19/07/15
"[I] Flush: Investigate hole inside cage."

Hang on - Tubs is almost done punching through the wall in a fit of rage.

17/07/15
"[I] jiggle rapidly"

This isn't helping at all!

17/07/15
"[I] Hmm, can you put that console back together? Maybe you can get the elevator working again."

The console is still attached, but it looks like the lift itself is jammed. Best you can do is make it jiggle a little bit.

13/07/15
"[I] Jose: Are you there yet?"

Holy shit, you actually are!

There's just one thing... How do you get back up? There's only one door, and it's closed.

13/07/15
"[I] ==>"

say, that looks kinda cool

But no, you digress. Something up there really pissed Tubs right the hell off. You know for a fact that you don't want to be near him while he's like this. He needs time to cool off.

13/07/15
"[I] ==>"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA (again)

13/07/15
"[I] ==>"

13/07/15
"[I] Was Flush down there? He's probably fine."

Whoa, what happened here? The ceiling must have given out. Some of the debris busted the cage and knocked the laser off-center. A display case also fell down and dropped a black circle on the console near you.

08/07/15
"[I] ==>"

08/07/15
"[I] Tubs: Be upset."

Upset? You're SEETHING. That fuckin' horse just signed his entire team's death warrant.

When this is over, there won't be a single green heart left beating in this facility. You're going to make sure of it, personally. Even if it means having to-

29/06/15
"[I] ==>"

29/06/15
"[I] Tubs: Kill him already!"

You need to hurry up and back to whatever that strange room was!

He's taking your punches really well, which is more than you can say for most people. You'd smack him with your pillar, but you need both hands to swing it hard enough.

He hasn't been fighting back, and seems to be preoccupied with holding on to that pumpkin. Someone should take it from him.

You reach for it...

28/06/15
"[I] Tubs: Punch horse in snout to establish dimensional plane"

Sound credit

25/06/15
"[I] ==>"

Unfortunately, Caddie gets smacked in the face by the flat and drops like a tiny sack of bricks.

25/06/15
"[I] big guy: use the little guy for cannonball special"

Endian picks up Caddie and launches him José-wards!

25/06/15
"[I] caddie and endian: realize he's going too fast for you to catch now and your problem now is that you're stuck on a high up track situated across a chasm in the middle of nowhere. Since your radios won't work so far away underground, now you've got to figure out how to get to that big water tower lookin' thing over there, or how to get back to the previous area or if there's a fire escape somewhere. This is, literally, the pits"

...It's going to take a while to catch up.

25/06/15
"[I] Quickly chant a high note before your rhythm runs out."

You use what little RHYTHM you have left and belt out a note. You're not the greatest at singing - what ends up coming out is a LEVEL 1 FLAT.

24/06/15
"[I] ==>"

You unload all six shots into the cart's axle, knocking the wheel off. The cart doesn't fall off the track, but the added friction from the missing wheel drags it down to a crawl.

Shooting quickly and consecutively builds up your RHYTHM. You can expend it to augment your shots and perform musical manoeuvres, but it decays quickly over time.

24/06/15
"[I] Jose: Reflect on personal badassery whilst missing all relevant information that could possibly be provided here."

...Yeah, you should probably cut to the chase. You've got a gun, for crying out loud. No need to waste any more of anyone's time.

15/06/15
"[I] ==>"

The three of you enter a tunnel, and emerge in a different area. Are we there yet?

15/06/15
"[I] Shoot it out of his hand!"

You're not fast enough, and pull your gun just as he lets it fly. You still shoot, and pop the dart out of the air!

14/06/15
"[I] ==>"

he's getting ready to tHROW IT BACK AT YOU

14/06/15
"[I] ==>"

You throw it. As expected, he sees it coming and catches it like before. But wait...

14/06/15
"[I] Throw a lawn dart at Endia. He'll block it but he should be nocked barwards, giving you enough time to shoot the wheel."

You ready one of your remaining lawn darts. Even if he catches it, the force behind the dart should knock him back a fair bit and give you some more distance on him.

08/06/15
"[I] ==>"

They catch on immediately and start catching up even faster!

08/06/15
"[I] Shoot their wheel off, watch them crash."

You shoot the axle on the cart. It doesn't look like one bullet's enough to do the trick, but with just a few more...

07/06/15
"[I] ==>"

...unfortunately for them, you've got your gun. Things are going to be different this time.

07/06/15
"[I] Jose: Check if something's chasing you."

...Huh. There is. Endia must have grabbed the second cart. Caddie's with him too - you obviously didn't pump enough bullets into that snowman.

They're steadily gaining on you!

04/06/15
"[I] ==>"

The end of the beginning, that is. You've left the lab area and are now passing through a large underground cavern.

Is there a way to make this thing go faster? The speed's controlled by a lever on the bottom of the cart, but you've pushed it as far ahead as it'll go. You're afraid you'll break it.

You didn't think a mine-cart ride could ever be disappointing, and yet here you are. You almost want to get yourself knocked out again to make the time go by.

04/06/15
"[I] José: Be at the end of the track because we want some action and/or sillyness!"

You've reached the end!

02/06/15
"[I] Tubs: Experience"

You're too old for this shit.

19/05/15
"[I] ==>"

The likeness is able to distract horseface long enough for the actual Tubs grab onto him!

19/05/15
"[I] Flush: trick the horse with the cutout"

Flush throws the Tubs effigy up to the second floor!

16/05/15
"[I] And Tubs."


Tubs (the real one, not the cutout down with Flush), when left alone, will automatically start looting the room.

So far, he's bagged:

- A table
- Some glass containers
- Scientific papers
- A laser pointer
- A grey goo sample
- A vent cover
- Some cheese

He hasn't been able to grab the mysterious (and expensive-looking) black circle due to currently being accosted by the manhorse.

16/05/15
"[I] Let's see what Flush is up to."

When left alone for a while without anything to do, Flush will automatically achieve SERENDRIPITY. He'll enter a trance and begin to draw and make cutouts. The room's a little bit weirder now, but ultimately nothing has changed.

16/05/15
"[I] Jose: speed up and get to the end before any more flashbacks happen"

Yeah, you don't want to waste any more time thinking about irrelevant things. That'd be ridiculous.

You must've been knocked out for a while there. This track is a lot longer than you thought it'd be.

14/05/15
"[I] ==>"

BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT FUCKIN' FRENCH

14/05/15
"[I] Jose: riding this cart reminds you of working in the snail mines beneath the eiffel tower, doesn't it?"

Ah yes. You remember the days of your youth, working as a miner mime down in the snail pits within the depths of the Eiffel catacombs.

You started out with a standard run-of-the-mill pickaxe for a digging implement, but eventually worked your way up to a stale baguette, known for being the hardest material known to man.

The pay wasn't the greatest, but sometimes you were fortunate enough to get away with pocketing one of the tower's aforementioned snackeries to trade for a pack of cigs at le marché noir.

Times would've been tough if it wasn't for the fact that none of this happened.

13/05/15
"[I] ==>"

13/05/15
"[I] This is why you wear helmets folks! Safety first!"

13/05/15
"[I] Endia: Examine Caddie. Is he even alive?"

12/05/15
"[I] ==>"

12/05/15
"[I] ==>"

12/05/15
"[I] Endian: Be not dead."

11/05/15
"[I] ==>"

11/05/15
"[I] ==>"

11/05/15
"[I] Alpha and Dirac: Miraculously survive"

The explosion wasn't as bad as it looked.

The key panel's blown to pieces. You're a real winner at this, ain'tcha?

10/05/15
"[I] ==>"

10/05/15
"[I] ==>"

10/05/15
"[I] Pieces: Do something."

...That's it?

06/05/15
"[I] ==>"

WE OUT

06/05/15
"[I] Scatter the pieces all over the room."

Nope. Not gonna deal with this.

05/05/15
"[I] ==>"

05/05/15
"[I] ==>"

You grab the false key and jam it into the board, next to Chambers' picture.

...It probably would have made more sense to use it with Caddie, but what the hell. You have no idea what's going to happen.

05/05/15
"[I] Plug the nanotech bosskey into the shattered guy's keyhole"

Sorry Dirac, but you'll have to disagree.

05/05/15
"[I] ==>"

05/05/15
"[I] ==>"

Dirac's already told you - everyone's here for Tubs. The big man is the real threat. His two lackeys are just distractions. Tubs is an incredibly selfish individual - if Flush or José get dropped, he'll just bail out and return in a month with god-knows-who-else.

The boss key is only to be used as a last resort against Tubs. No exceptions.

05/05/15
"[I] ==>"

Okay. This shit's getting ridiculous. Think of the deadliest weapons possible. Now add a fucking snowglobe to the end of that list.

Pvt. Chambers was just a kid, too. Easily the youngest one here. His role was reconnaissance and communications - now no one will be able to decrypt any more messages that are sent over the private channel on your radio! If Dirac issues any orders, Tubs will be able to hear them and react accordingly.

Why is Dirac is so calm while these thugs go around picking off your squad? You hope to god that Endia can get there in time, because it looks like Caddie is next in line... No thanks the two of you, sitting here twiddling your thumbs and doing jack-all.

05/05/15
"[I] You should probably make sure the other guy who is now buried in artificial snow is actually dead before you do anything else."

Oh right, the guy with the golf clubs. He's probably frozen inside that snowman. You definitely don't want him surprising you again.

05/05/15
"[I] Go. There's no guarantee you'd be able to finish him now."

...Yeah. Best not to chance it.

02/05/15
"[I] ==>"

Bleh, you're worrying about this too much. Gotta put your foot down. Stay or go?

02/05/15
"[I] Grab your gun and wait for the big guy. You have the upper hand now!"


You know, that's actually something you could probably do. Wait for him to come through one of the doors, and when he slips on the tiny skateboards you can shoot him in his tiny head.

However, something about him puts you off... You're not sure whether or not you should shoot him now or get back to Flush and Tubs first. When the three of you are together, there's no doubt that you'll be able to take this guy down, and also keep him down.

But hell, if you shoot him now, that'll make a moot point out of all that business you just said there...

02/05/15
"[I] ==>"

You dump the other half in front of the door you passed through.

Ultimately, you decide to hold on to the very last tiny skateboard. Y'know, for sentimental value.

02/05/15
"[I] Throw a bunch of tiny skateboards in the path of that big guy. He'll either slam into the wall or fall right on his butt. Win win."

For good measure, you dump half of the tiny skateboards in front of this big shutter door. You saw one like it on your way up here - this could very well be where he comes from.

01/05/15
"[I] The butt of your gun. Their frozen faces. Make it happen."

Will do. You're not really the first to jump at the notion of taking someone out, but you know you'd certainly be better off with Tubs than with these people. They'll only use you to get closer to him and then toss you aside once they're finished.

Tubs would never do that. He always honors his promises.

01/05/15
"[I] Get yeh frosted gear aplenty."

You rearm yourself. It feels good to have your hat, gun and umbrella back!

The hat's probably the real prize here, as you'd have a hell of a time trying to find a suitable replacement.

30/04/15
"[I] ==>"

You throw it at the ground. Its clausality engine explodes on contact, freezing the two green gentlemen in front of you and bringing about a miniature winter!

30/04/15
"[I] Time to use your snowglobe."

You're exposed, this guy's got your gun, and an even bigger guy is on your tail. You don't have time for negotiations.

You pull out the snow globe.

29/04/15
"[I] Get yo' gun fool!"

You cannot get yo' gun. One of the guys from earlier has it! And the other has your umbrella.

29/04/15
"[I] Pretend to hide in the locker, and flee to your loot."

You open the door and slam it loudly. If Endia is in the tunnel (which seems uncomfortably small for him to begin with), he'll hear it and stop to check it out. This should give you a little more time to get your stuff back.

Afterwards, you make haste towards the monorail.

26/04/15
"[I] Flee yourself! Don't let him get his mitts on you."

You sneak through the open door while he's preoccupied.

The hallway is long and featureless, save for two doors at the very end. You go through the round one, as you don't how how much longer you'll have until Endia is on your tail.

This place looks familiar!

26/04/15
"[I] ==>"

Endia was able to block the lawn dart, but it knocked him back and did a number on one of his hands.

He won't be fast enough to block a bullet. You need your goddamn gun.

26/04/15
"[I] ==>"

Like Tubs, his weak point is probably his face. Unfortunately, also like Tubs, he seems to be aware of this.

26/04/15
"[I] Make fun of his tiny tiny head."

You make fun of his tiny tiny head by throwing another dart at it.

24/04/15
"[I] ==>"

also THAT IS NOT A TINY GUY

24/04/15
"[I] ==>"

Oh. He did the second thing.

24/04/15
"[I] Peek through the tiny dart hole so you don't show your head by looking around the doorframe."

You take a look through the hole and see... Nothing. There's a bit of rubble on the other side, but other than that you don't see a hint of green.

This means one of two things. He either fled down the hallway or used this whole thing as a distraction to sneak behind you. You hope for his sake that he did the first thing, and not the second thing. He's a tiny guy, and would bruise easily.

24/04/15
"[I] So what, with your gun you'd be able to blow whole buildings apart?"

No no no, they're just different. Lawn darts are a bit harder to come across these days, plus they're more unwieldy than a gun. You're just more comfortable with pointing at something, shooting at it a bunch, reloading, and shooting it some more.

You're a gunman, not a darts player.

23/04/15
"[I] Consider the sheer insanity you'd need to attain to ever try fighting someone with a water hose instead of thrown objects."

Why would anyone ever want to fight someone with a water hose? That'd just be ridiculous.

Regardless, it's not like you have a good throwing arm or anything. These are just lawn darts, which happen to be thousands of times more deadly than regular darts. And even then, you'd still be better off with your gun.

23/04/15
"[I] Reclaim thrown lawn dart; you wouldn't want it to fall in the wrong hands."

The lawn dart has served its purpose - it's badly mangled and will fly nowhere near as well as it did on its maiden voyage. Fortunately, you have three more.

22/04/15
"[I] ==>"

You throw the dart at the wall. The lethal force carried by the dart sends a shockwave through the wall, no doubt causing some form of damage to the person on the other side!

You hope, at least.

22/04/15
"[I] ==>"

Endia sees you wield a lawn dart and immediately moves out of view.

That won't be enough to save him.

22/04/15
"[I] ==>"

You switch to the lawn darts. You've got four of them - make it count!

22/04/15
"[I] Man Jose, your aim was WAY OFF. You'd have missed even if Endia hadn't fled."

...Yeah. There's no excuse for aim like that.

You wish you had your gun. You'd peg him right between the eyes.

Then again, it might just be that the beehives are awkward to throw.

17/04/15
"[I] José: Lasso Endia with a beehive and just... try and get around him."

You throw a beehive at him, but the slippery little guy dodges it by ducking back into the hallway.

You're not gonna have to go over there, are you?

17/04/15
"[I] Take a picture of the Boss Key and put it up on the wall in place of some dead guy. Put the Boss Key in there and make an even Bossier Key."


Hey now, there's an idea. Hopefully there's a camera around here somewhere...

Dirac still doesn't approve. The grey goo isn't able to form a perfect replica. He has no idea how it would act in place of the original boss key.

You don't agree with him. If anything, you should be making more of these keys purely due to the chance that it could prevent anyone else on your team from dying. You guys are supposed to be the best, and yet here we are with three people dropped like it was nothing.

16/04/15
"[I] consider preparing the Key to Juliet, once Tubbs is in range"

That would probably be for the best. Juliet and Endia are the strongest out of all of you. If the boss key must be used, it will most certainly be on one of them.

Although, technically there is a second key... but Dirac is still having none of it.

15/04/15
"[I] ==>"

The operatives who are still alive have their position marked on the command table.

Bean is currently isolated in the long hallway on level 1. She should be fine, as she's surrounded herself with traps. She should have enough time to figure out how to unblock the door on the far end.

Juliet is hiding in the room across the hall from where the goo dodecahedron used to be. She's been instructed to ambush Tubs if he enters her room or ventures into the hallway.

Ritz is off the grid, hiding in an air vent on level 2. He's going to find an alternate route and meet up with Bean. Mike is also up there, guarding a particularly nasty experiment.

Caddie and Pvt. Chambers are currently guarding the monorail. They were able to capture José and relocate him to one of the lab clusters, but he escaped and ran to the life lab.

Something of immediate note - Chambers' helmet acts as a secondary channel for radio transmissions. As long as he's alive, Dirac is able to issue orders without anyone listening in on any stolen radios. Your communications should be safe as long as Caddie's nearby to protect him.

On the lab level, Endia is getting ready to confront José.

Last but not least is Charlie. There's not much that can be done to direct him - he is capable of existing anywhere at any time. This is good, but the catch is that he cannot stay in the same location for more than a couple of seconds.

15/04/15
"[I] Can we get a status update on all the green men? Who's dead and who's not and who's seriously maimed?"

Dirac turns to his key panel and muses over the current status of the team.

Three people are dead: Johnny, Foxtrot, and Graham.

Tubs offed Johnny and Graham, while Flush surprised Foxtrot and made him fall face-first into a bear trap.

14/04/15
"[I] ==>"

14/04/15
"[I] ==>"

14/04/15
"[I] ==>"

14/04/15
"[I] ==>"

14/04/15
"[I] Wear toolbox as hat."

No look is complete without an appropriate head covering. You empty out the toolbox (inside was a screwdriver kit and a pile of wrenches) and place it on your head.

Without a shadow of a doubt, you are prepared to kick all kinds of ass. Just watch them come at you. No ass will not be kicked. Or rigorously fondled by squares.

...And by the sounds of things, it's time to find out whether or not you're full of shit!

14/04/15
"[I] Take some of those static things; they could be useful and blockages in a high-speed pursuit."

While you're at it, you also grab some more beehives. They're flat and can stack relatively well, so you're able to hold onto a couple of them. Maybe the gun can still make use of them, somehow.

14/04/15
"[I] Can you take that gun with you?"

You take the gun off of its stand and equip it.

13/04/15
"[I] ==>"

Either way, you've got to do something. There's an audible thumping coming from behind the wall. They might know you're down here.

13/04/15
"[I] It's a glider gun! Set the speed to minimum and use it to fly away."


You turn the speed down and fire off another glider. You're starting to see how this thing works. It doesn't technically "shoot" anything. Instead, it creates these little entities that each have their own behaviour.

You could try riding it, but you're not certain where to go. It doesn't look like simple shapes such as this one are able to easily pierce through the walls of the lab. You may be able to fly up through one of the chutes above the dumpsters, though. Or maybe travel across that chasm.

13/04/15
"[I] What did it hit?"

The ceiling. It's covered with square pockmarks, which were most likely a result of previous tests.

12/04/15
"[I] Look down the sight"

The sights have been replaced with a touch screen, which is blank save for a few buttons. They look like they'll control the behaviour of whatever it is this thing shoots.

12/04/15
"[I] Pull the trigger."

The gun shoots a laser! But it travels diagonally. You're not how you'll be able to get much use out of that.

The flash and kick was a bit unexpected too, and catches you off guard. You need to pay more attention when operating strange equipment!

11/04/15
"[I] examine desk thing to the left."

You leave the loaf and beehive on the floor and move over to check out the table.

There definitely was a lot of science going on over here. The most noteworthy thing is an unusual gun affixed to one end of the table.

You think you recognize the gun - it appears to be a very heavily modified M60. It's got stuff glued on it, bits chopped off and rearranged... What's it even supposed to do now?

11/04/15
"[I] If you feel particularly daring, place your loaf and beehive near the center of the board and STAND BACK."

You do so, but nothing really happens. You might be missing something.

10/04/15
"[I] That crumbling void is obviously just an illusion to trick you. You should prove it by getting as dangerously close as possible."

You step up to the edge. It's certainly a void. A particularly voidy void. This place must be on the edge of some sort of underground chasm. You're not going down there.

You CAN see the other side, but there isn't anything over there that jumps out at you. Just rocks and support beams.

10/04/15
"[I] Just get out of that dumpster already."

Fiiiiiiine.


You take a look around you - You seem to in some sort of cave. The walls and floor on the opposite end look like they've been crumbling away.

There's a dark patch of ground in front of you, and a table to your right. You can also see a door, but it's closed. You'll need to find a way to force it open.

10/04/15
"[I] you should accessorize, wearing as many as possible as bangles and one in place of your hat."

You definitely needed something to keep your head warm over the interim.

You put a loaf on your head and hang a beehive from your neck. You'd hang a few more of them off of your arms, but you're concerned that nobody would see them.

09/04/15
"[I] Look around for anything marked "Oscillators" or "Spaceships"."

You notice a couple more bins that contain similar objects. You can see blocks, loaves, boats, tubs (clearly not the Tubs you're accustomed to), and ponds. No oscillators or spaceships, though.

Maybe you've fallen into some sort of garbage dump?

08/04/15
"[I] Try to figure out what type of beehives are these."

You honestly have no idea. What do these things even remotely have to do with bees OR hives?

08/04/15
"[I] ==>"

You no longer seem to be in any immediate danger, so you take the opportunity to wiggle out of your bindings.

Your hat, umbrella and gun are missing, but it looks like you still have the stuff in your pockets. Namely:

- The safe
- The snow globe
- A lunch box full of tiny skateboards
- Lawn darts

08/04/15
"[I] Examine dumpster."

It looks like a dumpster for beehives.

These aren't like any beehives you've ever seen.

07/04/15
"[I] ==>"

You fall a considerable distance, but land softly in a dumpster.

07/04/15
"[I] Break those Conveniently Fragile Vessels and use them to cut your way free!"

You attempt to smash the conveniently fragile vessels with the only available part of your body: your face.

The table depresses, revealing a trap door!

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

You need to find a place where you can untie yourself.

06/04/15
"[I] Quick! Spin on your head like a top and escape!"

You invoke one of your BEGGAR'S STRATAGEMS: STREETDANCE and pull into a headspin!

Your escape is swift and in the moment. When your captors recover, they will have difficulty attempting to piece the current events together.

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

José wakes up!

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

06/04/15
"[I] ==>"

06/04/15
"[I] Ask for a second radio from Tubs. Start quietly whispering into one of them so anyone on the other side has to lean in close to hear. Then press the second radio up to the first one and let the feedback loop do the rest."

Tubs throws down the other radio.

04/04/15
"[I] Tubs: Verify that flush knows how to use a radio."

Everyone knows how to use a radio! You just hold the button down and things happen.

This may be a problem. Then again, you could always flip it around and listen to whatever the greenies are saying.

03/04/15
"[I] ==>"

03/04/15
"[I] Flush: Whiz by Jose and wake up immediately."

Wait... is that Flush?

He disregards the sign and waltzes right in! Maybe you should do that.

Or maybe you should wait a little longer until he's done doing whatever he needs to do in there. You don't want to interrupt anything important.

03/04/15
"[I] It's okay, it's worth the wait. That ticket is a very powerful talisman."

You don't really know what any of this is all about.

Oh well, something is bound to happen eventually.

02/04/15
"[I] ==>"

This isn't even a number.

02/04/15
"[I] ==>"

02/04/15
"[I] Jose: wake up"

José is currently waiting in line for his turn to wake up.

02/04/15
"[I] Tubs: Give Flush a radio"

02/04/15
"[I] Chastise flush for being lying down on the job like that."

01/04/15
"[I] ==>"

Oh well. No need to waste any more time with this fellow.

That's two down - there are plenty more to ask.

01/04/15
"[I] ==>"

His only response to your query is unrequited wiggling.

01/04/15
"[I] Interrogate the science guy."

You don't know, he strikes you as more of a demolitions-type, rather than science.

01/04/15
"[I] ==>"

Flush loses his grip and falls down to the previous floor!

31/03/15
"[I] Medic Guy: Escape into the vent!"

It looks like the medic-looking guy turned tail and went through the vent while you weren't looking.

There's nowhere for the other guy to go, though...

31/03/15
"[I] Grab the walkie-talkie."

These walkie-talkies look fairly sturdy. The three of you don't split up often, but when you do you've never really had a reliable means of communication. You bag 'em.

30/03/15
"[I] ==>"

It missed.

30/03/15
"[I] Make the horse a pillar of your community."

Tubs delivers a critical attack with his pillar, which is heavily augmented thanks to his PARANOIA!

30/03/15
"[I] ==>"

Tubs' PARANOIA immediately maxes out!

28/03/15
"[I] Tubs: just behind you, watching you silently, is a horse."

The horse has returned. You know not what it wants.

28/03/15
"[I] Tubs: Test your pillar on suit-man there."

Tubs raises his pillar into the air, but freezes mid-swing!

25/02/15
"[I] ==>"

Before Tubs can get any closer, the radios on the table turn on, and a crackling voice immediately alerts the two guys to Tubs' position!

25/02/15
"[I] Flush: They don't know Tubs is there. Play it cool, don't give him away."

Tubs begins sneaking around the table, getting ready hit one of the guys with his pillar. You try to look as distracting as possible.

Your SASS meter increases slightly.

24/02/15
"[I] Flush: Realize you have lost all water in your hat."

Nope. As long as this hat is on your head, the water inside won't be going nowhere.

You look across the room, and see Tubs forcing his way through the door. Could it time to throw-down?

24/02/15
"[I] 20 is not enough. Go to floor 21."

20 is never enough. You ascend.

22/02/15
"[I] Tubs: Break through the door to the right"

You pass through and find yourself in a stairwell.

Tubs has plenty of experience with metal security doors. While they can be forced open with enough strength, they're designed to stay shut under most circumstances. Breaking them will only make them more difficult to reopen. You'd have better luck bashing through the wall.

22/02/15
"[I] What has Flush been up to during all that?"

Flush is still on the second floor with the other guys, giving them the business.

Something had knocked all of them off their feet.

22/02/15
"[I] ==>"

Appropriately, your PARANOIA drops to near-zero levels.

22/02/15
"[I] Pillar that camera!"

You reach up and give the camera a light tap with your pillar. You should consider bringing a can of spray paint to black out the cameras instead. Broken equipment usually tends to rouse suspicion.

For future heists, of course. You've already thrown the notion of stealth out the window by caving in that fellow over there.

22/02/15
"[I*I] Regular interlude: Resume"

Oh right, Tubs saw a thing.

22/02/15
"[I*I] ==>"

Still, Connie, you're a mess. Isn't there something you want to do with yourself? Get a job? Finish school? Why do you hide yourself away? What are you afraid of?

This is one envelope you shouldn't keep pushing. All this shit's in the past, you've got your own future to worry about.

Also you're still not french


Now, where did you leave off...

22/02/15
"[I*I] Connie: Buy a bottle of the finest wine this bar has to share with Jose. French wine, of course."

Well, uh, okay. It's good that she's offering to move off of your dime. It's the thought that counts, right?



This is the first time you've seen her in a while.

One day, you decided to call her out of boredom. She told you to come to this place. Asked you to buy a shitton of booze to kick things off. She drank all of it! You'd wonder why she isn't in a coma yet, but apparently this is what she just DOES now. Superhuman tolerance on that girl. Liver of titanium. She better donate that thing to medical science when she kicks the bucket.

21/02/15
"[I*I] INTERLUDE X2 COMBO"

Well, look who's finally up!

You look like shit, Connie. Ever heard of a comb? Or maybe self-restraint?

Actually... what have... you been doing... recently?

Now that you think about it, it's been about five years since the whole spiel at the waterworks... That'd probably explain a bit.

21/02/15
"[I] HEY"

...What?

21/02/15
"[I] Search for hidden cameras"

You do a brief scan and eventually locate one in the upper corner of the room.

20/02/15
"[I] ==>"


Detailed on the card is your battle repertoire, complete with your current centscore. You're a man with simple tastes; your fists and pillar are the only tools you'll ever need.

Your paranoia grants you proficiency at detecting hidden threats. Killing the invisible man has made it drop considerably, but you still feel like you're being watched.

If you ever do get that booncoin, you might pass it off to José or Flush instead.

You'd sell the thing, but the knowledge market has been in the toilet lately.

20/02/15
"[I] Check the corpse for SWEET LOOT!"

It'd be nice to find whatever it was that was keeping him invisible, but you still can't see where the corpse is. You search the blood pile instead.

While you don't find any actual loot, the experience nets you approximately twenty-three pennies.

These are old coins, brazen with the knowledge and experience of previous generations. You can combine one hundred of them to create a BOONCOIN, which will allow you to learn a new technique.

You could also make a dollar, but that's nowhere near as exciting.

You consult your punch card for more information.

19/02/15
"[I] Dirac and Alpha Wolf: ...Welp. You're boned."

Shot. You've seen people get shot. You've shot people. From far away. You've also seen people get stabbed, impaled, dismembered, blown up... You know, the standard ultraviolence.

Johnny was popped. You've never seen anyone get fuckin' popped.

Dirac makes the astute observation that someone needs to get that awful pillar away from him. No shit! He'll send a broadcast to every radio on the band to get the word out.

19/02/15
"[I] ==>"

At least you were able to put on a show for anyone who might be watching.

19/02/15
"[I] Tubs: Waste exactly 5 HP trying to punch this dumbass before pillaring him."

As much as you hate to admit it, your age is starting to catch up to you. As a result, you have the lowest HP, but your defense is so high that all normal attacks against you will inflict nothing more than the minimum amount of damage. As long as you're not getting shot or something, Flush will be able to fix you back up without issue.

Instead of punching, you should have just used your pillar right out of the gate. Surprising someone with it is an instant kill.

18/02/15
"[I] ==>"

07/02/15
"[I] Tubs: embrace your new friend."

You immediately reach out and grab his invisible leg, giving you time to get back on your feet.

It's time to do this properly!

06/02/15
"[I] ==>"

Oh. You knew something was off about this room. There's an invisible man in it, and he's trying to get friendly with you!

06/02/15
"[I] Johnny: Commence Stealth Agression."

05/02/15
"[I] Dirac: use the radio to ask where the intruders are and figure out where Alpha should go."

Dirac doesn't need to use his radio, as he has a camera feed.

Tubs is in the room with the large laser. If you heard properly on the radio, Johnny is in there as well. He's got the element of surprise and should have no problems taking him quietly.

05/02/15
"[I] Diract: Disapprove of this key"

Dirac does not like this facsimile one bit. Just look at it. Gaze upon its grey exterior. Its existence violates every protocol.

Fair enough, you'll just leave it in here with him just in case he were to ever change his mind. No pressure or anything.

05/02/15
"[I] glance at the comrade whose admiration you'd really like to earn with your heroics."

You're all here on your own merit. There isn't really anyone you're trying to impress.

However, if you had to name someone you yourself admired, it would probably be Johnny. The two of you met and hit it off when he was reassigned to your squad. Both of you favor catching the enemy by surprise. The only difference is that you do it from far away while he gets in nice and close. This is why you've got your sniper rifle and he has his cloaking device.

05/02/15
"[I] glare at the image of that one teammate you can't stand."

That would have to be Mike. No real reason, he's just a bit of a douche.

He's supposed to be the group's engineer, but all he does is play with his sound equipment.

04/02/15
"[I] Use Goo to duplicate Boss Key for nefarious purposes"

You grab the boss key from Dirac and bounce the beam off it, which triggers the goo and turns it into a copy of the boss key. Would it be close enough to work?!

04/02/15
"[I] Your sniper rifle has a laser pointer on it right? Point it at the grey goo."

You remove the cover and proceed to ignore the perfectly good laser pointer on the ground, instead opting to focus your sniper dot on the goo instead. It pulses a little, but that's about it.

04/02/15
"[I] So when the time comes, who will you pick? The BOSS?"

Nobody's the boss here. The closest thing would have to be Dirac, who just thinks of places and then tells you that you should go there.

03/02/15
"[I] Alpha Wolf: Put a coin in the slot by your picture."

These aren't coin slots, they're locks! When the moment is right, Dirac will put his boss key in one of them and turn it. He's only got one shot, so he'll need to find the right moment to do it (if even at all).

03/02/15
"[I] ==>"

You open it up and... see a thing. You have no idea what this is.

Dirac tells you that he doesn't get it either, but it must be dangerous if Tubs is after it. It must not fall into the wrong hands, and it won't as long as the holographic projector keeps this place concealed.

03/02/15
"[I] What's in the Briefcase!?!?"

Ooh! This is the thing that they're after!

03/02/15
"[I] Poke mysterious ball item"

It's a sample of grey goo, which is one of the many different scientific breakthroughs housed at this facility.

You forget the finer details, but for the most part it's a paste made out of tiny machines that can change shape when hit with a laser beam.

02/02/15
"[I] Alpha Wolf: Follow Dirac; let him do his thing to take you back to HQ."

You follow Dirac back into the wall.

It looks like he's set up shop in a small room next to the main entrance. Janitor's office, perhaps?

His command table sits in the center of the room, along with his camera hookup, key hub and a suspiciously inconspicuous briefcase.

31/01/15
"[I] ==>"

Before you do any of that, Dirac phases through the wall. He says that you're probably better off joining him at HQ for the time being. No need to rush into things.

31/01/15
"[I] Whats that wolf dude outside up to?"

You had just finished the very long and arduous trip back down from your original position at the top of your radio tower.

Judging by the state of that scanner, they've already made their way further into the base. You really screwed the pooch on this one! Now it's up to the other guys to deal with them.

You radio Johnny, and he whispers back that he's about to get the jump on the big guy. That's good, at least.

In the meantime, you should find somewhere to set yourself up. It's rather cramped down here, and you can't defend yourself in these close quarters. Your best bet is to aim down the long hallway.

30/01/15
"[I] Flush: Politely Introduce these guys to your stabs."

You introduce the closest one to all of your stabs, but his armor protects him!

You have to admit that you saw this coming. Fortunately, the medic-looking-guy is SPOOKED by your violent advances.

29/01/15
"[I] Throw flush at the green guy who isn't there."

WE'LL BE HAVING NONE OF THAT

29/01/15
"[I] Tubs: Look up."

Tubs looks up and immediately spots the little green ceiling spaceman.

You ask if the guy would know the whereabouts of the MacGuffin that predicts the future, but he disappears back into the ceiling.

28/01/15
"[I] Flush and Tubs: Go frollicking"

The two of you should probably group up with José. You make your way to the only room he would've been able to get to without having Tubs around to force open any doors.

What's all this stuff doing here? It certainly looks like José was in here doing things at some point. The only place he could've gone would have been down the hole covered by the cage.

Tubs is getting uncomfortable. His PARANOIA might be acting up again.

28/01/15
"[I] Before you go anywhere, consider having one of you shoot Foxtrot so he isn't trouble later."

Tubs attempts to take aim with the gun, but it breaks in his hand.

This is why only one of you's the designated gunman.

26/01/15
"[I] ==>"

Tubs asks why you didn't just shoot him. You tell him that it's always better to almost kill them, as it'll set an example for everyone else.

He points out that all you did was hit him over the head a bunch of times, which is hardly an example to set for anyone. He doesn't care either way - he just finds people a lot less trouble to deal with when they're dead.

The two of you need to keep exploring, looking for anything that might look hi-tech, magical, and/or time-travelly. The hallway's off limits, but you can double back through any of the rooms you've been to.

26/01/15
"[I] Flush: beat him with the gun"

This'll teach him to mess with you. It's such a good thing that he was nice enough to lend you his gun, otherwise you'd be forced to skin him instead and get your knife all dirty. Nobody messes with Flush.

(you probably picked the wrong end to beat him with, but at this point you're just glad it hasn't gone off yet)

He limps off, back where he came from. You head back to Tubs.

26/01/15
"[I] Let's be someone conscious."

You go back to being Flush, who has finally gotten the upper hand on Foxtrot.

26/01/15
"[I] ==>"

He also says don't turn your back on the midget with the golf clubs.

26/01/15
"[I] Jose: Interrogate Roller-disco about the thingy."

You ask him about the thingy. He says what thingy.

You say the thingy that can predict the future. Oh, that thingy, he says.

It's in the absolute-most-forever-top-secret area at the other end of the monorail.

25/01/15
"[I] José: shoot off his microphone"

That ought to shut him up. You've definitely got their attention now!

25/01/15
"[I] Flush: Acquire gun."

You acquire the tommy gun.

Not particularly your style, but it should help get things done!

24/01/15
"[I] ==>"

24/01/15
"[I] Looks like you've angered the natives! Time to skedaddle!"

Before you can, the guy who was previously on the ground starts blabbing his mouth off into his microphone, advertising your presence to anyone who may be listening.

24/01/15
"[I] ==>"

Flush and Foxtrot are still going at it.

Flush isn't very good at combat - If he doesn't do something soon, Foxtrot will overpower him!

24/01/15
"[I] Tubs: Exert some of that ultimate authority in the corridor above."


You don't want to go over there. You can see Flush fighting further down the hallway, but going down there will leave you wide open for an ambush. You're not one to put yourself in danger for others.

Call it PARANOIA, but it's the reason you're still breathing after all these years. They could very well have a sniper waiting for you at the other end, or maybe a secret agent, or perhaps even some kind of special forces platoon -

was that a horse

23/01/15
"[I] Punch him in the face plate to establish authority."

You attempt to do so, your fist cannot overcome his helmet's defenses!

If anyone is punching anybody, it'll most likely have to be Tubs. His punch is the ultimate authority.

22/01/15
"[I] Ask the guy in the crash-test helmet what's going on in here."

You ask him what he's doing here, but he's too busy making incomprehensible noises.

22/01/15
"[I] Notice how the panel and the brown thing look suspiciously similar to golf clubs."

Huh. They kinda do.

You're not the only one who makes the connection.

21/01/15
"[I] Vehicle: Ride the rail"

You turn around to be met with a cart making its way down the rail.

Unfortunately for its familiar-looking-occupant, the cart hits the split and comes to an immediate stop, launching its cargo into the wall ahead of you.

Shortly after, a second cart pulls up, this time with its occupant exercising a much larger degree of caution.

21/01/15
"[I] What's that brown thingy?"

It looks like it was the top part of the pedestal.

19/01/15
"[I] Inspect misaligned rail."

It looks like it's a fresh split. Maybe that bomb helped things along?

You can probably warrant a guess that this wouldn't be good for whatever vehicle was meant to travel along the thing.

19/01/15
"[I] ==>"

You get up anyway. The fall hurt, but you've been through worse.


...This place looks like a mess. There's scorch marks left by the bomb, but they don't look out-of-place down here. Maybe you're at the basement level?

19/01/15
"[I] ==>"

(it's not)

19/01/15
"[I] ==>"

the only warm body in this area is you, and clearly you are not the one being told to get up, as that would carry a heavy implication that the aforementioned frenchie may, in fact, be you

19/01/15
"[I] Get up Frenchie!"

You do not know who is being told to get up, as you are unaware of anyone of French descent in this immediate vicinity

19/01/15
"[I] ==>"

19/01/15
"[I] ==>"

You could also be shoved by someone. That works too.

19/01/15
"[I] ==>"

The hole's a bit deep, and you can't see anything particularly interesting down there. You may be able to climb down with some rope, but it's likely that there's a set of stairs that will take you down there as well...

19/01/15
"[I] Investigate yon cage"

You move to take a closer look at the cage. Or rather, the hole in the ground that the cage was previously covering.

17/01/15
"[I] Cut to something else. The gun fight will work itself out."

You decide to be José again.

Two things happened in the past couple of minutes: You were able to turn the laser off by pressing the big red button a second time, and you had also decided to get this cage bullshit over and done with by shooting the lock.

17/01/15
"[I] ==>"

The two of you dive for it.

Well, Flush dives for it. Foxtrot kinda just lurches forwards a bit.

17/01/15
"[I] Both: Reach for the gun"

The gun is right there. You need to make sure it doesn't fall into the wrong hands!

17/01/15
"[I] Long Haired Austrailian: Lay traps around the bomb. Because we all know how bears love explosives?"

16/01/15
"[I] Bomb: Hit something."

15/01/15
"[I] ==>"

15/01/15
"[I] And far off along the hallway is a bunch of guys positioned precariously much like bowling pins And you just so happen to have a large black spheroid. You know what to do."

Tubs winds it up and lets it go!

14/01/15
"[I] ==>"

Meanwhile, Tubs has wandered out into the hall. It looks like he was able to circumvent the fish statue by passing through the glass windows.

14/01/15
"[I] ==>"

This has accomplished absolutely nothing!

14/01/15
"[I] ==>"

14/01/15
"[I] Fedoramun: Obviously it's the one on the far left(top), I mean look at his cold steely gaze. Eyes of a criminal."

13/01/15
"[I] Cut to Flush at the most dramatic moment"

Wait, did you mean cut to Flush at his most dramatic moment, or cut to Flush at José's most dramatic moment?

Shit.

13/01/15
"[I] Plug laser with gourd"

Your attempts at plugging the laser with the squash prove to be fruitless. While it is a nice fit, the laser just passes right through.

13/01/15
"[I] Jose: Try hitting the up button again."

Nothing happens. That bomb must've done a number on whatever mechanism was controlling the pedestal.

12/01/15
"[I] ==>"

12/01/15
"[I] Pompadumbass: Look down the hole and realize that you blew it."

11/01/15
"[I] ==>"

The pedestal suddenly descends into the floor, revealing a hole! The bomb immediately goes off afterwards, knocking you off your feet.

11/01/15
"[I] ==>"

10/01/15
"[I] Beatniks? Whatever has a rough-and-tumble type like you done to hang around poets and scalawags?"

They were easy to steal from. Good practice. They also had some really nice bags.

This one is so spacious that you've never been able to completely empty it. Every now and then you'll reach in and accidentally pull something out from back in the day, which catches both you and the boys off-guard.

10/01/15
"[I] ==>"

Any sort of gizmo like this can usually fetch you a pretty penny if you go through the right channels. Into the bag it goes.

10/01/15
"[I] Tubs: Toss dodecahedron into your beatnik's bag. You can ask Flush about it later."

You don't know what this thing is, but it looked like it was keeping the bomb suspended in mid-air.

09/01/15
"[I] ==>"

You normally stash all loot in your beatnik's bag, but it's so big and spacious that you have trouble pulling specific items back out again, often times grabbing other things by accident instead. You also don't have any pockets. Best to just hold it in your hand for now.

As usual, you have your pillar on your back and your welding mask inside your hat. There's an umbrella in your other hand.

09/01/15
"[I] Tubs, break glass and nab that giant bomb."

You break through the glass on your right to find the giant bomb.

It's just sittin' there, not being used by nobody. You figure you'll be able to put it to work at some point.

08/01/15
"[I] ==>"

07/01/15
"[I] ==>"

07/01/15
"[I] ==>"

07/01/15
"[I] ==>"

07/01/15
"[I] ==>"

07/01/15
"[I] ==>"

07/01/15
"[I] Jose: "I don't want this, have it back.""

06/01/15
"[I] Explosive: Descend."

uh

that's not cheese

06/01/15
"[I] look at the other red button on the machine! You should press it!"

It looks like it might be able to bring the pedestal back down! You go ahead and push it.

06/01/15
"[I] ==>"

This is an uncomfortably tiny room. You see a weird floating ball to your right, and José to your left.

06/01/15
"[I] Tubs: Break glass"

The glass is quite thick. It'd be a waste of effort to punch it.

Fortunately, you've got your trusty pillar. You grab it and swing it glass-wards.

The added force from the pillar breaks the glass, which falls to the ground in large chunks. You head inside.

05/01/15
"[I] Equip the snow globe. The most deadly weapon of all."

Everyone knows that lawn darts are the deadliest weapon. Still, this snow globe looks to be one of those newer, fancier models.

There have been some very significant breakthroughs in snow globe technology over the years - this one is powered by a miniature clausality engine. It radiates good cheer.

Valuable, but still expendable. You equip it and store your gun in its pocket.

05/01/15
"[I] Be the pompadour-wearing pompadoofus"

You cannot be the pompadour-wearing pompadoofus, as he is too busy pompaprocuring an explosive from one of his pompapartners.

04/01/15
"[I] ==>"

Your revolver, to be more specific. A hired gun to fit the hired hand. This weapon is used to display the only talent of yours that Tubs finds too valuable to ignore - your dead aim. One of the more prominent side effects is spontaneous bullets in places where people's organs should be.

You're able to use it to peg a person quickly and at distances generally larger than those accurately covered by the average gunman. This helps Tubs out as he tends to be vulnerable to indirect attackers such as snipers and special forces. You try not to use it otherwise.

You open your inventory and swap the gun out for your gold, equipping it in one of your hands. The umbrella is in the other.

Each pocket on the inside of your wiseguy's coat is able to hold one item. Those items are the snow globe, lunch box, lawn darts, and safe.

You're full-up. Granted, you can't carry much, but it's more important that you're able to access all of your items at any given time. You hate convoluted inventory systems - they're a complete waste of time!

04/01/15
"[I] Store gold in your hat"

...but you keep your gun in there!

03/01/15
"[I] This room is getting too silly for you. Grab the gold and make like a tree."

You pick up that sweet, sweet bullion. You'll absolutely need to find Tubs before you do anything else here. You can't carry any more!

03/01/15
"[I] Is the cheese squashing against the ceiling or entering some sort of hole or device?"

The cheese enters a hole in the ceiling. You can't see what's up there.

31/12/14
"[I] ==>"

The pedestal rises into the air. It doesn't stop at the laser and instead keeps going up into the ceiling, taking the cage with it!

31/12/14
"[I] Push Button?"

The panel is fairly close - You reach between the bars and press the green button.

31/12/14
"[I] Put the cheese on the pedestal anyways. You might as well see what happens before you conduct your daring escape."

You place the cheese on the pedestal.

28/12/14
"[I] ==>"

You move over to it, but unknowingly trigger a second trap! A cage descends upon you.

28/12/14
"[I] See if you can't eh... cut the cheese. with the laser."

It looks like there's a pedestal that raises an object into the laser beam.

24/12/14
"[I] Investigate the Cheese."

It appears to be a wedge of gouda. There's nothing particularly fascinating about it.

You found it next to a squash, and underneath a bunch of rocks and minerals.

If anything's catching your eye here, it's the gold bar. That by itself will put you deep in the black - you'll definitely want to take it with you before you leave the room.

21/12/14
"[I] ==>"

21/12/14
"[I] Ooh, what do those buttons do?"

You have no idea. Let's find out!

The laser fires into the glass.

You can see the beam travel past the first pane, but there's another one behind it that obstructs your vision. You can't tell what's on the far side.

21/12/14
"[I] First, punch the Horse."

What horse? You're fairly certain there was never a horse. What would a horse even be doing down here?

17/12/14
"[I] ==>"

Most of the room is taken up by what appears to be a giant laser.

You're definitely going to be making something happen in this room. You just have to figure out what.

17/12/14
"[I] Jose: Everyone's gone. Might as well go through the remaining door."

Hm. Tubs went through the door while you were on the ground, and let it close behind him. Without Tubs, your options are significantly limited.

The other door is open, might as well see what that's about.

11/12/14
"[I] It'll be faster if you spin, flush. If you run fast enough then jump in the air and get twirling, you might even hover your way down the corridor."

Although it's a silly idea, you do seem to gain a little bit of additional momentum by jumping as soon as your feet hit the ground.

You can see yourself getting used to this!

09/12/14
"[I] ==>"

09/12/14
"[I] ==>"

09/12/14
"[I] wait, look back before you go! can you tell where that trap was coming from?"

Not really. This is one hell of a hallway.

The rope continues to speed away from you.

07/12/14
"[I] Flush: Stab ground in the snout to establish inertia."

You can't do that, it would ruin your knife!

However, you can just as easily use it to cut the ropes instead.

You break free from your latticed prison! You'll need to find your way back to Tubs before whoever set this trap decides to come looking for you.

07/12/14
"[I] Be dragged along this seemingly endless expanse of hallway at a break-neck pace in a more dignified manner."

Hmm...

06/12/14
"[I] ==>"

Flush is still being strung along, as it were.

06/12/14
"[I] ==>"

Well, you've done all you can do here.

06/12/14
"[I] ==>"

06/12/14
"[I] Tubs: open up that second door."

You pop open the second door and go through it.

06/12/14
"[I] Tubs: Chastise Jose for not being faster."

Tut tut, José. You really need to learn to pick up the pace.

04/12/14
"[I] Tubs: Send Jose in pursuit."

José isn't fast enough! The door closes before he can catch up to Flush.

04/12/14
"[I] ==>"

That will have to wait though, as it appears that you have discovered a trap.

04/12/14
"[I] ==>"

It's got a bunch of pictures glued to it.

Oh, these guys. These guys...


...Who the hell are these guys? You've never seen them in your life. But first -

04/12/14
"[I] Flush: Investigate punch-card thingamajig."

Flush moves over to investigate the punch-card thingamajig.

02/12/14
"[I] ==>"

The rapscallion promptly turns tail and beats feet.

02/12/14
"[I] Politely Request that this man calm the fuck down."

Whoa son, pipe down - there's no need to get all wound up about this.
Word is you've got a fancy knick-knack that can predict the future, and we're just dropping in to see if it's the real deal.

All you gotta do is let us have a look at it and we'll be right on our way. Won't even have to kill ya.

01/12/14
"[I] ==>"

The three of you make it through, the door slamming shut behind you. Tubs should be able to open it back up if necessary.

You appear to be in some sort of reception area. There's a guy here, audibly panicking into his headset.

01/12/14
"[I] ==>"

01/12/14
"[I] Tubs: You. Door. Kool-Aid Man style. Or the wall, whichever is structurally weaker because screw locked door puzzles."

Doors are also on the very, very long list of things that Tubs doesn't need. While he can't smash through metal doors with reckless abandon, they are still no match for Tubs' strength.

01/12/14
"[I] Tubs: Punch scanner in the snout to establish authority."

All that does is break the scanner. Tubs doesn't need it either.

01/12/14
"[I] Tubs: Do you have intel on this shindig?"

Absolutely none whatsoever! Tubs doesn't need any intel.

01/12/14
"[I] Sand Pit: Rise up."

The sandbox rises back up into the ceiling. It must have been on some sort of timer.

Unless you find another exit, you're stuck here for now.

20/11/14
"[I] Descend down the ladder in a hard boiled manner"

This is how a real man descends. Having the brim of his hat obscure his eyes so that any passerby who notice him will think he simply does not give a shit when in reality he's trying as hard as he can to look down and not slip and fall on his ass because this is one crappy ladder god damn

The three of you make it to the bottom. It's a bit dark and rather unassuming. You can only guess that you haven't made it all the way in yet.

20/11/14
"[I] Green ki..Wolfie: Radio for reinforcements"

You radio Johnny again. They slipped out of your sight... again. But worse, they found the entrance and are on the way down. He'll need to alert everyone else and get the party started.

You tell him that you'll be on your way to help. It's gonna take a while, though. You've got a lot of climbing to do.

17/11/14
"[I] ==>"

god damn it

17/11/14
"[I] ==>"

17/11/14
"[I] Cat: snipe"

What? You're not a cat.

Clearly, this helmet bears a closer resemblance to that of the wolf. You are silent, vigilant, and a master of stalking your prey. You're no flippin' cat!

Anyway, back to business.

17/11/14
"[I] Green Sniper Pal: Start a long distance relationship... if you know what I mean!"

Oh, you will.

Tubs is easily one of the, uh, least subtle professional criminals out there. Getting rid of the big guy should hopefully set an example for organized crime across the nation.

17/11/14
"[I] ==>"

...and behold! The sandbox's bottom descends to reveal a passageway!

17/11/14
"[I] Crew: Twirl the twirly-go-round"

Tubs twirls the twirly-go-round in accordance with the combination...

17/11/14
"[I] Tubs: Casually Jaunt there yourself."

17/11/14
"[I] Make sure that Mark Twain hasn't left his post."

The Twain is promptly accounted for.

17/11/14
"[I] Tubs: Toss your boys Merry-Go-Round-ward like it's going out of style."

With a moderate hoist, Tubs promptly sends Flush and José on a journey to the merry-go-round.

12/11/14
"[I] Tubs: Find opening in cupboard and hurl Flush in like a javelin."

Before you can do anything else, Flush comes sliding in. He tells you that it's high time we all made like an aerosol and dispersed.

Get out of here. He's telling you it's time to leave.

Without much warning, you suddenly find yourself back outside the school. It seems like the rain has let up a bit.

You wonder what grabbed these guys' attention. Flush looks extra pleased with himself and Tubs is even more business than usual.

10/11/14
"[I] ==>"

You'd follow it, but you think you can hear Flush beckoning you from the other side of the bookshelf.

10/11/14
"[I] ==>"

what have you unleashed

10/11/14
"[I] Examine new door"

07/11/14
"[I] ==>"

07/11/14
"[I] Robot: Inadvertently step on an ordinarily sized skateboard."

There aren't any regular skateboards in sight!

However, you do have a few tiny ones...

You toss one down on the ground.

04/11/14
"[I] ==>"

In the meantime, you decide to be José again.

You're not sure how, but you've managed to activate the toy robot.

04/11/14
"[I] Take cardboard cutout"

Nah, you can always make another.

José probably hasn't gone too far off from where you had last seen him. The two of you head in that direction.

03/11/14
"[I] Also check the safe that Jose found, just to be safe."

That's not José. That's a cardboard cutout, which is part of the spontaneous art you had mentioned earlier. You still need to find José before you head outside.

03/11/14
"[I] The Combination Lock is outside, it's the merry go round."

...Holy crap!

31/10/14
"[I] Read wall text"

It says: GET OUT

You don't know, you tend do some weird stuff while SERENDRIPITY is active. One of the more prominent side effects is spontaneous art.

31/10/14
"[I] Isn't there water in your hat? Won't the jostling upset that?"

you're really good at keeping water on your mind

31/10/14
"[I] Tubs: Rescue (shake vigorously) Flush from his watery deliberations"

You are immediately brought to your senses (shaken vigorously) by Tubs.

He's finished opening all of the lockers on his side of the hallway, and is a bit disappointed that wasn't able to find anything remotely useful. He's just about ready to write this whole thing off as another dud.

29/10/14
"[I] Disturb waters"

Man, that guy's a dick!

29/10/14
"[I] Consult your reflection."

29/10/14
"[I] Reflect the combination."

Okay, let's see...

It's certainly some sort of combination. This place is full of hundreds, if not thousands, of combination locks. Your work is cut out for you.

However, there's also that symbol. What does it mean? Could it be a trick? Then again, could they be tricking you into THINKING it's a trick?

If Tubs' contact is to be believed, there's some sort of special military bunker underneath your feet. Would they stick their entrance inside one of the lockers, or maybe hide a key instead? In that case, you'd still have to find the door...

You're getting frustrated just thinking about it.

29/10/14
"[I] stare into the light until the water is mirror still."

After a little bit of time (which doesn't matter too much, as everything tends to be a bit relative here), the water stands still.

26/10/14
"[I] Stare at the light."

It's pretty.

The water reflects everything that lies above it. When things are calm, the entire world can be mirrored flawlessly.

26/10/14
"[I] Who/what is that behind you? "


What?

This is your own mind. Why would there be someone else there? That'd just be silly.

26/10/14
"[I] ==>"

You are immediately whisked away to place inside your own mind. This is where you usually go to when you're looking for inspiration.

There isn't anything particularly important you need to do in here.

26/10/14
"[I] Enact AQUATECH: SERENDRIPITY"

oh, what the heck

You use your LEVEL 1 AQUATECH: SERENDRIPITY!

26/10/14
"[I] Commune with your inner water flow and let it guide your way"

Actually, you were going to just go back to Tubs and see what it was up to. He's just further down the hallway over there...

26/10/14
"[I] try it on the fountain."

The combination won't work on the fountain!

26/10/14
"[I] try it on the fountain."

The combination won't work on the fountain!

22/10/14
"[I] Fill your hat with water, you may need it later!"

Your rainhat is just as good at keeping water in as it is keeping it out.

Just when everyone thought that water couldn't be any more on your mind!

Seriously though, you really need to figure out what to do with the combination that you got from Tubs. You've already tried it on all of the lockers in this hallway, but haven't had any luck.

21/10/14
"[I] PERSPECTIVE SWITCH! Be Flush."

You decide to be Flush for a little bit.

21/10/14
"[I] Open the locker."

In the interest of time, you quickly check the rest of the containers.

The bank boxes appear to be full of papers, notes, and comic books. One of the lockers is empty, while the other contains a solitary snow globe.

Appropriately, you find a package of lawn darts inside the weapons case. You decide to take those, the lunch box full of tiny skateboards, and the snow globe with you. The safe should also be small enough for you to bring along and show to Tubs.

Unfortunately, the big robot will have to stay. How did it even get here in the first place?

18/10/14
"[I] ==>"

...A surprisingly large toy robot. Probably belonged to one of the rich kids or something.

18/10/14
"[I] Dramatically unfurl that tarpaulin behind the desk."

You unfurl the tarpaulin to reveal...

18/10/14
"[I] Examine sheet of paper at your left."

It looks like some sort of faded map.

18/10/14
"[I] Keep the skateboards. They could be useful, especially since that one just broke the wall."

You collect the skateboards and store them back in their lunch box, to be unleashed only when the time is right.

17/10/14
"[I] ==>"

You immediately come to the conclusion that these things were probably confiscated for a reason.

17/10/14
"[I] GRIND"

16/10/14
"[I] Retrieve phat loot from within"

It's full of tiny skateboards!

16/10/14
"[I] Confiscate the confiscated lunchbox"

You acquire the lunch box! It is a handy storage device meant to hold a wide variety of items, lunch-related or otherwise.

The image on the front harkens back to simpler times, yet the container itself is relatively new. Maybe it's a replica?

16/10/14
"[I] Apply combination to safe."

No dice. It looks like the combination is meant for something else.

Tubs is the designated safe-cracker of the group. You'll need to show this to him.

14/10/14
"[I] ==>"

...and find the school's CONFISCATORIUM! This is a fairly bland and unassuming room, used to store contraband that has been seized from unruly students.

14/10/14
"[I] Crawl into bookshelf all the way to the end."

You ponder on it for six months before your curiosity gets the better of you. Let's see what's back there!

You push the books aside and ease your way in.

The tunnel is dark, and goes on for a ways. You eventually make it to the other side...

29/03/14
"[I] ==>"

What's behind the bookcase isn't exactly a hole. It appears to be designed with an interior that extends deep into the wall.

It just goes on.

29/03/14
"[I] Examine incredibly lopsided desk. Also the cracks behind the bookcase look like they might be from a hole behind it."

The desk is stout, yet accommodating for someone of your stature.

27/03/14
"[I] Split up and look for clues."

Tubs gets started on the lockers, putting his door-opening skills to the test.

In the meantime, Flush wanders off while you check out whatever may behind the door in front of you.

This looks like the principal's office. It's all musty and unappealing.

26/03/14
"[I] Find the Locker that combo goes to, check every locker one-by-one if you have to."

You're concerned that this may take a little more time than what you have patience for.

26/03/14
"[I] Make backups of that combination and symbol And give them to the rest of the team, who knows what might happen to the original? It could get wet and soggy making it unreadable for all you know."

Flush has you covered. Tubs and him already have copies.

...Looks like they're already pre-sogged too, so you don't have to worry about it.

25/03/14
"[I] Do you have a map? Use the map."

You don't have a map on you, but Flush has a level in CARTOGRAMANCY and is capable of fabricating one by himself! He can record the places he's personally been to, if desired.

Map aside, the only information that Tubs was given was the school's location.

...And a combination, printed on a strip of paper.

25/03/14
"[I] Jose: Examine the room with the broken door. Anything off?"

Other than the door? Not much.

This is where you entered. Tubs' knowledge of how to open a door is limited, yet effective.

23/03/14
"[I] ==>"

Tubs was thinking that the three of you might have some better luck inside the school. He called out for you to grab Flush and come inside.

There's... not too much going on here, and you have no idea where to start. You should probably take a look at what you've got so far.

23/03/14
"[I] Report to your comrades"

You take out your radio and let good ol' Johnny know that they slipped out of your sight. They most likely went into the school.
He can breathe easy. It doesn't look like they'll be finding that entrance any time soon.

23/03/14
"[I] Before you stop looking through that scope, examine that gigantic red blotch to the left. Is that blood? Some kind of massive strawberry jam accident?"

What? This thing?

Nah, that's just the round spinny thing that some playgrounds have. Nothing conspicuous about that.

22/03/14
"[I] ==>"

He moved. Shit.

It appears you have overestimated his capacity for getting caught up in addictive reading material.

...Not only that, it looks like they've ALL moved. Shiiiiit.

22/03/14
"[I] Well get on with it then."


Yep.

Even if you can't take down the big man himself, getting one of his lackeys will surely cripple him for the short term. The other guys will have an easier time taking care of whoever's left over.

You lie down, take aim, and...

21/03/14
"[I] Did you remember to set a trap in the first place?"

...Sorta.

You were just gonna shoot him while he was busy reading.

19/03/14
"[I] ==>"

Oh shit, it looks like the little guy has fallen into your trap! You'd better get packing.

19/03/14
"[I] Use your GOGGOCULARS to spy on the trespassing party"

However, you are the alpha wolf, and as such you don't need no weather man in front of a green screen to tell you what's what.

Instead, you became your own weather man. Your suit is your green screen. You're not sure how that makes sense, but it does.

19/03/14
"[I] Get your Survey On."

You're going to get your survey on SO HARD.

except you forgot to check the weather report and can't see jack shit today

17/03/14
"[I] ==>"

Far off in the distance, someone gets ready to survey the situation.

17/03/14
"[I] ==>"

This is really neat. You wonder if every school left out things like this for people to look at.

Meanwhile, other people are at work elsewhere...

08/03/14
"[I] take a subtle peek at his literature"

You move to take a sampling of the reading material.

It appears to be an embossed catalog of literary devices and techniques used in various forms of media! You've always enjoyed reading about these.

05/03/14
"[I] ==>"

You are greeted with a Mark Twain statue!

He accosts you with his fatherly glare.

This appears to be one of those bench statues. You know, the ones that take up space and always making you do a double-take because you mistake them for actual people. You find them to be rather annoying.

He hefts a piece of literature, seemingly too large for his stature (as a statue).

05/03/14
"[I] use an unnecessary fighting pose, complete with flashing background and battlecry"

You emerge and immediately blurt out the first thing that comes to your mind!

02/03/14
"[I] Jose: There seems to be something or perhaps someone, on that bench, investigate."

José closes his umbrella and silently positions himself behind the bench. There certainly is something suspicious going on here. How should he handle this?

Tubs, confident with the situation, moves to examine the doors.

02/03/14
"[I] Flush: check the sandpit for fallthroughs."

Flush plops himself down in the sand box, still off in his own world. Nothing immediately suspicious is revealed.

He probably won't be of much use while he's out in the rain!

28/02/14
"[I] Jose: Get a good look of the abandoned elementary school. Any marks of a struggle? I mean, was this place deserted a long time ago or was there some sort of crazy stuff happening that made it abandoned like it is today?"

It looks... like an abandoned elementary school. It's old, and weathered. Windows are cracked and playground equipment is rusting.

You've got your work cut out for you if you're going to be counting on finding that entrance any time soon!

28/02/14
"[I] Alright, that looks like it, let's rock and roll! Woo! Splunken time!"

You wouldn't know about spelunking. Or rather, if there's anything left to spelunk. Can you even go spelunking in an area that's already been discovered?

Oh well, you're here. Can't waste time thinking about stuff like this.

25/02/14
"[I] Flush: Be unable to shut up about the rain."

He's been completely silent since you left.

You don't know what he sees, but you're not entirely sure if you'd want to find out.

Tubs was told to search for a sign that looked like it had been worked it over with a sledgehammer. This must be the place.

24/02/14
"[I] Let me guess, right out in the middle of nowhere, right?"

Yes and no. The site in question was an abandoned elementary school, roughly a mile out from a small logging town. Not exactly as "nowhere" as you had initially thought, but still a little more out-of-the-way than most of the places you've been to.

Supposedly there's a massive facility that spans for miles beneath your feet. The school is said to house a hidden entrance. All that Tubs has to go by is a location, a code, and a rough description of what the place looks like. It's a bit of a stretch, but if it's good enough for Tubs then its good enough for the rest of you.

23/02/14
"[I] have you ever looked back on your life and Regreted Everything???"

Not really. Things have been getting better and better for you. Nowhere for you to go but up, relatively speaking.

The whole mess at the waterworks left you alone and with a lot of dough. You've been laying low for the past couple of years, enjoying yourself and not worrying about someone coming in with another job for you to do. You've got your whole life ahead of you, and you've finally secured yourself the time to figure out what to do with it.


Although, if there's one thing you regret, it would have to be all the people you've killed. Tubs wasn't the type to leave things as they are. According to him, the easiest path to your goal is to plow straight through anything (or anyone) in your way. This has given him a bit of a reputation, which has led to the three of you taking on all sorts of rather unscrupulous jobs - you've been contracted to make a lot of people and things disappear, and being with Tubs meant that shit was never gonna be pretty.

It wasn't all bad, of course. Every now and then, Tubs would do some research on his own, and the three of you would travel to faraway places in search for weird and unusual artifacts and things. The violence in those kinds of jobs tended to be purely collateral, which was a nice change.

The last time you went on such a job was only a couple months before the whole waterworks business. The timing wasn't exactly ideal.

A little bird had told Tubs that a US intelligence agency had acquired something very mysterious. He had to see what it was.

21/02/14
"[I] man remember those blue guys? they were awesome"

Yes. Yes they were.

And by they, you mean you. Of course. Well, one third of you.

Those sure were times, yes. They weren't necessarily better, mind you, but they were certainly a lot more exciting.

You're starting to get a little bit on in your years, can't do the things you used to do. No need for that kind of stuff now, though. Life's gotten MUCH easier. Relatively speaking.

But still, even with those two asses... Shit got DONE, yanno? All you do these days is wander around and get tipsy in bars.

you don't even like alcohol

20/02/14
"[INTERLUDE] Wow, how time flies! It's your fourth anniversary, this calls for a celebration! "

28/10/13
"Slick: Kick"

wait-

28/10/13
"You're not wounded, you never were. None of this is any more real than you make it. This is YOUR mind! This is YOUR body! This is YOUR SOUL! AND YOU ARE IN CONTROL!"

Yes. The hivemind only had power over you because you let it! All of this is in your own head, and still comes from your own thoughts! YOU CAN DO THIS!

27/10/13
"==>"

But, uh... Why think about this now? Introspection is nice and all, but you're not sure how it's supposed to help against the rampant hivemind inside your head. Changing the scenery isn't exactly something that will deter it, either.

27/10/13
"==>"

Fortunately, you realized what you were doing and caught him just in time.

You never really wanted to be known as the murderous type.

27/10/13
"==>"

You had him on the ropes. Or the rails, as it were.

For some reason, your shit was flipped to the point where you were about to let him fall to his death.

27/10/13
"Remember when you beat up that one french toilet guy then rescued him and it was pretty rad."

Er, yeah. It was. His water cannon stopped working and gave you enough time to retaliate.

26/10/13
"==>"

26/10/13
"Connie: Whatever you do don't think about purple elephants!"

...What?

24/10/13
"==>"

What the hell was that?

24/10/13
"==>"

24/10/13
"==>"

24/10/13
"Let's see what else is in the news today."

Hmm... impending doom, endless suffering, death...

Oh lovely, there's a sale on sponges!

24/10/13
"Throw your wineglass at her."

Eh, sure, why not.

23/10/13
"==>"

But naturally, they had to go and piss the thing off even more, so that deal's off the table.

Looking at Connie reveals that she still can't stop thinking about that imaginary spike in her chest.

...Maybe you really should help her along a little bit.

23/10/13
"Superego: You can't be open to the idea of assimilation, can you?"

To be honest, it seemed like a nice idea at the time. At least you're pretty sure you wouldn't have been killed. Certainly would have added some spice to your life.

22/10/13
"==>"

And besides, it's not like she saw what went on down there.

...She'll probably find out soon enough.

22/10/13
"Remember the first time you got an award for cleaning things"

Er, that'd be pretty cool and all, but you're not sure if Connie's finished having her little moment yet.

21/10/13
"Id you don't have to take this bullshit."

Doesn't matter. She's dead. Suppressed, technically. Connie brought her into this world, and the hivemind took her out. She can definitely bring her back in again, but the hivemind knew it and distracted her with the whole gaping chest wound thing.

Regardless, violence still ain't working, and the hivemind will only get smarter with time. Connie needs to hide somewhere and plan her next move. Most likely in a positive (but still realistic, unlike all this college lovey dovey crap) memory. It'll do good things for her resolve.

20/10/13
"==>"

20/10/13
"==>"

19/10/13
"==>"

19/10/13
"get real world view of hivemind"

16/10/13
"==>"

16/10/13
"Chainsaw Hug"

16/10/13
"==>"

15/10/13
"==>"

15/10/13
"==>"

15/10/13
"==>"

09/10/13
"==>"

09/10/13
"==>"

08/10/13
"==>"

06/10/13
"==>"

05/10/13
"==>"

05/10/13
"==>"

You're unable to imagine the pain itself, but you can still feel it...

The bone and tissue, broken apart and ushered aside by a foreign object. Each time you inhale, air flows into one lung but stops at the other. Half of your body is feeling such an incredible adrenaline rush, but the other half of you is no longer anything more than literal dead weight.

You simply cannot comprehend how such a thing is happening to your body, and how you should be feel about it. All you can do is stare.

05/10/13
"==>"

30/09/13
"Shake it off! It's only horrifying, not damaging."

CC is in shock, and is unable to respond to any commands!

Her id, by definition, is also unable to be controlled.

30/09/13
"==>"

30/09/13
"==>"

30/09/13
"==>"

30/09/13
"==>"

30/09/13
"Hivemind: Start playing by YOUR rules."

28/09/13
"Hivemind: Ponder"

28/09/13
"==>"

26/09/13
"Events: Transpire"

You're aware that fighting it any more at this point is a bit silly, but since you're in the neighborhood you throw everything you have at it by means of a fancy LVL 2 TRAFFICTECH!

24/09/13
"CC: OH GOD THIS IS GONNA BE AMAZING"

You hope so. As long as this thing continues to play by your rules, you might as well take the time to drop all you've got on it.

23/09/13
"Superego: And what if the other one were to die along with the Id?"

She'll be fine.

23/09/13
"Hivemind:Appeal to Id's....other interests "

As if that'll ever happen. Her switch kinda can't be flipped all the way, if that makes any sense.

23/09/13
"Things: happen"

Give it a minute. You're nearly there.

22/09/13
"Superego: Start lecturing to Id."

No no no no. HELL no. You can't talk to someone who is incapable of reason. The only thing that she'll consider is what tool she should use to cut up and/or screw the object in front of her. If you were over there, you'd get into an argument with her and NOTHING would get done.

As much as you don't like her methods, she's generally the first one to get results. She'll need to be killed off before you can do anything.

22/09/13
"==>"

20/09/13
"==>"

Nah.

20/09/13
"Superego: Be the Cavalry."

...

20/09/13
"==>"

18/09/13
"==>"

Hang on, you've got something better.

18/09/13
"Level 999 Traffic tech: RUSH HOUR"

...Wait, what?

Didn't you already do that? There was even a pun before.

17/09/13
"==>"

17/09/13
"==>"

17/09/13
"==>"

17/09/13
"Punch it's ticket."

15/09/13
"LVL 1 TRAFFICTECH: CRUSH HOUR"

That parking sign...

You know not of its significance, but it appears to know something. Secrets that you can only begin to comprehend. You have need of its assistance. Its assistance with directing all available cars to their designated parking space.

14/09/13
"==>"

14/09/13
"Do something! Preferably before you get yourself killed. Well, part of you anyway."

Of course. That weak point needs some hardcore addressing right about now.

14/09/13
""Is this when we kiss?""

No, never. This is no time to be getting tangled up in Freudian bullshit.

13/09/13
"Enter through the foot."

12/09/13
"==>"

WHY

12/09/13
"==>"

Now's your chance!

While the hivemind is in the air, you can make your escape and try to hide in one of those incredibly generic buildings.

10/09/13
"Id: Consider flipping this Giant Crablike Enemy."

09/09/13
"Connie: Imagine a "weak point" right on to the giant eyeball crab thing"

All the big boss-types usually have some sort of weak point, so you imagine that this one shouldn't be any different. You hope your id can attack it for massive damage.

09/09/13
"==>"

Your id has engaged the hivemind, who looks like it has also taken the hint and transformed into some sort of giant eyeball crab thing. You hope she knows what she's doing up there.

It's also got this weird black splotch right in the middle of its eye, for some reason. You've never seen anything like it and it's weird.

09/09/13
"==>"

Music Credit

09/09/13
"CC: Now turn into a giant robot and blast that thing with energy weapons and missiles at the same time."

...That's a horrible suggestion. Violence has already been attempted, and it hasn't worked.

While the fact that chicks dig giant robots may be one of the few constants in the known universe, bringing one into this mess at this point in time would just be utterly excessive and violen-

wait where'd your id go

09/09/13
"==>"

For a being that isn't too fond of emotions, it sure is giving you quite a bit of sass!

27/07/13
"==>"

OH GOD

27/07/13
"==>"

27/07/13
"==>"

You promptly crush the hivemind under your foot like the little worm that it still is!

27/07/13
"Connie: Just close your eyes and step on it. It is literally a bug-sized thing under your shoe, both in reality and in here as long as you perceive it as such."

...Yes. That's it. This is still your own mind, damn it! If it's not doing any of that crazy alien hivemind stuff, then you should still be able to take control.

19/07/13
"==>"

You, uh, suppose you could try to eat it or something.

But oh god. When it's not plugging your nostrils, the smell alone is enough to make you dry heave. Real or not, it's just too friggin' disgusting to stomach.

19/07/13
"Absorb Hivemind"

...Like, do that thing that it tried to do to you?

That's... You don't even know how to comprehend what it did. You don't think a normal human would be capable of something like that.

12/07/13
"Reality check"

The hivemind was the only thing that survived your reality check. If you were to do it again, you'd probably just kill your id, and that would free the hivemind up to go after you.

ughhh

Weapons seem to slow it down some, but you certainly can't kill it. You've tried shooting it, and water does not interact with it the same way it does in real life.

It can think up stuff just like you can. It can't be killed just like you can (at least, according to your id). As long as the manifestation of your anger is alive and kicking, the best you seem to be able to do is stall it.

UGHHH

12/07/13
"CC: Throw down hat in disgust."

12/07/13
"Connies: Look up."

Why, what's up there?

...oh.

11/07/13
"==>"

She was hoping it'd put up more of a fight.

11/07/13
"==>"

You splash a bit of water onto the hivemind.

Now it's just kind of... Laying there. Maybe you did kill it or something.

Your id is thoroughly disappointed.

11/07/13
"Kill it with...water I guess, goo based entity, maybe retains it's goo based weakness."

No problems there.

...Wait. Didn't you already do this?

You don't remember anything significant that happened the first time (scenery shifting aside), but you suppose there's no harm in trying again.

07/07/13
"==>"

And it worked! Kind of.

While it does seem to be slowing it down some, it doesn't look like you'll be able to actually kill it with conventional weaponry. The bullets are kinda just... spreading it around. You'll have to think of something else before it regroups and returns the favour!

07/07/13
"Sleuth Diplomacy."

This as an EXCELLENT OPPORTUNITY to REINFORCE YOUR COLLEAGUE'S POSITION.

You PRESENT YOUR CASE with a NOSTALGIC DEMEANOR!

07/07/13
"==>"


...You know what? She's right.

There's a time for being all sensitive and true to your feelings, but it's not now. You need to get this hivemind out of your head.

You may still be able to resolve this issue with diplomacy. The best kind of diplomacy.

05/07/13
"==>"

05/07/13
"==>"

05/07/13
"==>"

But why? Did something happen to...

05/07/13
"==>"

...aaaaand you're back. Your senses wash back upon you as the hunger subsides for the time being.

05/07/13
"==>"

05/07/13
"==>"

maybe this was for the best

05/07/13
"==>"

slowly slipping away

05/07/13
"==>"

must consume something

05/07/13
"==>"

everything but your stomach is numb

05/07/13
"==>"

Your hunger from before suddenly wells up and you can no longer focus on anything else.

05/07/13
"==>"

You're trying to think of some way that you can still stop this, but you can't conceive any new ideas over the noise that is taking up residence within your head.

05/07/13
"==>"

The buzz increases both in pitch and intensity, filling your mind with some sort of white noise.

05/07/13
"==>"

The question of how it's going to happen is answered before you can even finish thinking about it.

It starts off as a small buzz in the back of your mind... It's like a small whisper that you can't ignore.

05/07/13
"CC: Apologize to the goo-baby for... killing... its... mom? You didn't have much of a choice, she was seriously craycray and trying to eat you. But you hope it bears no hard feelings for you hatching it early. And ripping its arms off. And chopping its head off. And crushing it."

The hivemind tells you again that it understands the reasoning behind your actions. It suggests that for your sake you try not to resist what's coming in order to minimize your suffering.

So... wait. Is that it then? You're about to die? Well not really die, but have your consciousness absorbed? Is that death? You never thought that it'd end like this. You'd think you'd be sad, scared, or angry about the whole situation, but if what it said is true, then what's the point?

Still, the hivemind doesn't seem to be doing anything. It's just standing there...

05/07/13
"Connie: Debate terms of symbiosis with Hivemind. Getting threatening-y with this guy is probably not the best idea. It's already in your system as well, so no telling what happens even if you can kill him off."

...Oh dear.

The hivemind says that you blew your only chance. It's resolve is unbroken, with absolutely no room for compromise. It stands fast in its sole purpose to consume all matter and will not let anything hinder it.

While all this has been going on, the hivemind has been preparing your body to act as the vessel that will command the rest of the goo. However, your colleagues have been trying to protect you and are now carrying you back to the basement elevator in a last-ditch attempt to save you. This cannot be allowed to happen, so the hivemind needs to take control NOW.

05/07/13
"CC: You listening to this bullshit? Yeah, they're definitely out for their own self-preservation, can't fault them for that, but thinking about taking over your body? That's just whacked. Refuse!"

It won't take no for an answer. The hivemind is making it pretty clear that it only wants you for your body. It even tried to soften you up with dinner and a dance! This... is weird, to say the least.

For all you know, what it's saying is true and you're powerless to stop it. But if that were the case, why are you three still standing here? Your id says that it can't hurt you. Would that apply to the hivemind?

04/07/13
"==>"

However, as you might say, you have "too much shit on your plate". The hivemind needs raw calculative brainpower to further its purposes, not feelings.

But even now, that is not a problem. Rather than bind with your consciousness, the hivemind can just absorb it instead.

04/07/13
"==>"

You are an intelligent albeit unstable entity. The hivemind believed that a symbiotic relationship could have been more beneficial than something along the lines of outright obliteration, as the feedback from your consciousness might have been able to advise it on how to deal with the rest of your species. After coming to this conclusion, it took one of your most powerful memories and tried to engineer a scenario where you would lose control of yourself through your emotions, allowing the hivemind to subtly switch places with you as the dominant consciousness.

04/07/13
"==>"

The hivemind didn't know any better while it was in its old body - It was torn out of its pod before it was ready and did not have the chance to learn anything important.

However, when you finally crushed what was left of its body, it was forced to jump into the nearest consciousness (which happened to be yours). From there, it caught up on all the things that it had missed out on.

It still needs a body.

04/07/13
"==>"

Once a hivemind hatches, it will be able to absorb any knowledge from entities that are consumed. This will allow it to direct the evolution of its own species to better suit its goal. Instead of black sludge, random body parts and simple organisms, the hivemind would be able to shape its own primordial ooze into whatever form needed to maximize further consumption.

04/07/13
"==>"

When enough matter has been consumed, a hivemind is seeded in a viable location and attached to a guardian for protection. During the gestation, the hivemind's extensive and powerful neural structure is developed, advancing until it is ready to telepathically communicate with each and every one of its brethren.

04/07/13
"Woah, back up! Hivemind? I think it's time you explain a whole lot of...well, EVERYTHING!"

Why should it tell you anything that you could use to hurt itself?

However, the hivemind doesn't blame you for wanting to kill it, considering all the things that have happened recently. It will tell you why it put you in this predicament.

28/06/13
"==>"

28/06/13
"==>"

28/06/13
"==>"

28/06/13
"==>"

28/06/13
"==>"

This guy, however, is a bit of a weirdo. He's not your traditional memory of LL, if you know what she's saying. He's more like his own consciousness, complete with his own thoughts, but somehow still taking part in your memories. It's foreign and WEIRD, and it's why it took her so long to find you in that bar. You've never been to that bar! How are you supposed to know what it would look like?

...Yeah, you figure he's got some explaining to do.

28/06/13
"==>"

She has no real agenda. She exists solely to engage in some of your more carnal desires.

She recognizes you as her ego, which is really flippin' weird because you're supposed to be outside, moving your own body around and going about your life.

She initially fought you because, well, why not? She's never really "met" you before, might as well give it a shot. No hard feelings, right? Especially now that you've copied her reality check. She's got very few inhibitions, so naturally she'd be able to make use of some of your more extreme EMOTECHS, including ones you've never even heard of before.

She says again that she can't really hurt you. All the pain you perceive doesn't physically exist. Besides, if she could somehow kill you, she probably wouldn't exist any more! But she'll always be a part of you, though. How you deal with that is entirely up to you.

28/06/13
"==>"

She's more than happy to oblige.

She's your id. The manifestation of all your instincts and urges. Pretty much everybody has one, although she admits that your emotional weakness is probably making her more... apparent than she's supposed to be.

28/06/13
"Converse with Id."

You know what? You have no idea how often she's here, or where here even is. Why not have HER explain everything?

27/06/13
"Why are you freaking out, Connie? It's not what it looks like. You just told LL to his face that you're done with him, and you're banishing him from your mind. Dark Connie over there is just executing that sentiment."

You're pretty sure there's a difference between BANISH and EXECUTE.

You don't know, you just wanted to make him blink out of existence or something, not friggin' get STABBED

Although to be honest, he doesn't look all that inconvenienced by the whole thing.

Er... You guess?

You don't know what things are anymore.

26/06/13
"==>"

26/06/13
"==>"

26/06/13
"==>"

26/06/13
"==>"

26/06/13
"==>"

26/06/13
"==>"

Yes, you did. But not any more.

Also, stop doing that. You need to get out of here and this isn't helping.

26/06/13
"==>"

No, you're pretty sure you do.

26/06/13
"Heartfelt confession of everything you feel you need to say."

You tell him that there's nothing left for you to do, except move on.

This whole thing was fun the first time around, but you needed to stop returning to this moment and thinking that everything could've gone better if you hadn't acted like such a crybaby. You really did have feelings for LL, but it was your obsession that ultimately drove the two of you apart.

Everyone has their own fantasies, but you understand that not everything was meant to be. You can't even say for sure that LL ever felt the same way about you in return. Him saying it now would be nothing but you lying to yourself. This all happened years ago, and you're still letting yourself get strung along on an emotional roller coaster perpetuated by your own fear and paranoia.

You've made a lot of mistakes in the past, but no one should delude themselves like this.

None of this was ever real, and you need to leave it all behind.

It's wrong to cling to someone like this, because this friendship is something you'd not do over, but continue.

You've finally found your confidence, so this will be your last goodbye.

...

You've done it. You've come to terms with yourself.

but why is he still here

26/06/13
"==>"

Oh boy. Here we go.

26/06/13
"==>"

It works... but the end result isn't exactly what you wanted.

26/06/13
"Mentally conjure bucket of cold water, proceed to splash LL and/or yourself with it. ONE of you is waking up right the hell now."

No problems there.

24/06/13
"imagine he is waking up and sobered, imagine he also has something very important to tell you."

No matter what you do, it doesn't look like you can change anything about LL. Aside from yourself, he seems to be the only other constant in this place.

24/06/13
"==>"

Or... are you already dead?

24/06/13
"2) Imagine a strong cup of coffee and drink it? Usually serves as a wake-up call for a lotta people"

3) You wouldn't like this suggestion, but usually in dreams just before you die you wake up. This seems like a last-resort option, but it's at least worth considering.

4) Imagine that your "real" body is a robot and you're seated at the controls for it, and drive yourself around.

5) Just try to focus on your waking body.

6) Start to blink really fast

7) Try flying outside the boundaries of the (now-lucid) dream.

8) Try to notice your own breathing rhythm.

9) Try to wiggle your fingers or toes.

Dream or not, you'd rather not intentionally harm yourself. Since you've also managed to envision a physical location, it doesn't look like you're able to float around any more. You do all of those other things, though. Nothing special happens.

There might be something else keeping you here.

24/06/13
"==>"

OH GOD IT'S FULL OF GOO

Of all the things you could've imagined, THIS was what your mind hid behind door number one. At least you're able to wipe it off without it burning you.

You'll have to try something else.

24/06/13
"Regardless.... Ok... wake up ideas: 1) The emergency exit thing."

You step around LL and move over to the only door you're able to see.

It looks like you'll be able to push it open.

There we go.

22/06/13
"I would recommend doing is to try and do something that typically ends a dream.We've all been there: you're falling and you wake up just before you hit the ground. You're about to get eaten by the big bad monster and you suddenly wake up in a cold sweat after your nightmare. You're just getting to the good part of the dream where you kiss the boy and then you wake up seconds before it. Oh hey... there's a boy right there, isn't there?"

uh

this might just be you, but you're pretty sure that making a move on someone who is heavily inebriated violates several different kinds of moral code, imagination notwithstanding

22/06/13
"==>"

Looks like you've already got it covered. Along with everything else you said you WOULDN'T cover.

The end result is something that's as weird as it is kinda familiar.

22/06/13
"Picture an emergency exit door, and then go through it. Maybe your brain will get the hint and start kicking back into full consciousness instead of this lucid whatever."

Eh, might as well give it a shot just to see what'll happen.

er

22/06/13
"try imagining the last time you saw Slick. Maybe imagining the situation you were in will bring you back to reality?"

The last time you saw Slick was down in that horrible basement. You'd rather not think of that place.

22/06/13
"Imagine the water pumping station that started off this whole adventure in the first place"

This might be even better, but you're afraid you might convince yourself that you've woken up when you haven't yet. You really don't want to deal with any of that bullshit.

22/06/13
"Visualise the Grid, and create a new virtual plane of creativity."

Something a little more vague would be a good idea, if only to supply a frame of reference for your own coordination.

22/06/13
"Imagine yourself back in your dorm, if only to provide some familiarity as you figure things out."

You're not entirely sure you want to go back to one of the places you've already visited since you got here. You'd prefer to distance yourself from the previous series of events.

20/06/13
"Reach out to LL, then... focus on a calm memory. A simple one, like... relaxing at home and playing some tunes. Recreate that memory and bring him safely there."

You, uh, don't want to waste time living out another memory. You really do need to get out of here. As you swim/fly/whatever over to LL, you can see that he's looking fine.

...Although you must admit, a little bit of definition wouldn't hurt. As they are right now, things are just floating around, generally being uninteresting.

20/06/13
"Parking Sign: be vital to continuation of plot"

What? What does that even MEAN?

This thing's probably thinking of a completely different plot.

20/06/13
"==>"

There we go. You reacquire the parking sign. Whee!


It looks like things seem to be popping up whether you intend to or not. You figure that if worst comes to worst, you can attempt to do another reality check to erase everything and start back over again.

20/06/13
"This is your mind, right? See if you can create something by imagining it. Try to recreate the Parking Lot Sign. Get a little green into this formless white void."

Since this is effectively your own mind, you figure you ought to try to bring something into it.

But why the parking sign? You're not really sure how it'd be able to help you get out of here, and even then you're not particularly sure how to manifest the concept of waking up from your own imagination.

Either way, trying to think about the parking sign isn't doing anything to bring it back-

wait, hold on

20/06/13
"You've got a lil scribble thing there, Connie. Also you're dying"

If you're dying, you wouldn't know it. You're pretty sure you feel fine.

There's a scribble floating above you. You're not really sure what to make of it. It's black and tangle-y and it popped up while you were thinking about being hungry.

17/06/13
"Now look around and see if anything survived your EPIC ENCOUNTER."

Even though you'd think that anything inside your own head wouldn't have been able to survive a reality check, you still spot LL in the distance, floatin' around and still bein' all drunk off his ass. At least he doesn't have to worry about driving you home.

17/06/13
"==>"

also you're still a bit hungry

you'd think that erasing reality would include getting rid of the concept of needing to stuff yourself


REGARDLESS! You're currently floating inside what you assume is your own mind. You can't really comment on the situation. It's nice, clean, and empty. For once.

17/06/13
"==>"

At least you're fairly certain you know what happened next. After you came to terms with yourself, your own anger kinda came out and tried to beat the shit out of you. Fortunately, fighting yourself let you put things in perspective. You were able to reach deep within and perform a REALITY CHECK, which kinda... wiped your slate clean? You guess you should feel happy, but... you don't know. There's more important things to do and you realize you've been ignoring them this whole time.

The entire city's gone. It's just you now, floating in this void. All of your emotions, thoughts, fears, and worries - they're all gone. It's an odd feeling, but a good one. You feel like you can finally focus on the task at hand, which would be getting out of here.

17/06/13
"Insert long winded Summary of everything that happened so far."

Okay. You've gotta recollect your thoughts, here.

This whole mess started when you stepped on... something. Back at the waterworks.

You were suddenly whisked away to the night where you tried to (unsuccessfully) hit it off with an old friend. You tried to change things for the better, but they more or less went down the same road, which was one with you awkwardly screwing things up. In the end, you guess you kinda got over your own problems, even though you accidentally managed to knock out your date with a particularly unholy alcoholic beverage.

Looking back to that woman who came to your table earlier... You could've sworn that she played a larger role that night. Was it really all just in your head?

Damn it all, you don't want to waste time trying to remember these details.

15/06/13
"==>"

...What the HELL just happened?

15/06/13
"==>"

Ugh...

01/04/13
"Connie: Greet yourself."

Music Credit:
Noc - Sensible Devastation 1
THA - Nihilist 1 2
MGS3 - Snake Eater

22/02/13
"[INTERLUDE] CC: Realize what day it is."

Wow. Three years.

It's been three years and two days since this whole thing took off.

How time flies.

Before all that stuff happened, you just wanted a little change. Something new to come into your life. You were tired of taking things as they were. You wanted to start something for once. So when they took your water, you decided to make it personal.

Well, that certainly made things change.

Things happened. You did some incredible stuff. You met a lot of people. Wonderful people. And then...?

Yeah. You don't know. Things happened.

Right now? Things are still changing, whether you like it or not.

Your only hope right now is to try to make things change for the better, but you don't know when - or if - that'll happen.

You'll have to wait and see.

09/02/13
"==>"

So does she.

09/02/13
"==>"

Fortunately, you hear someone shuffling around in the darkness and call out to them. They call back, asking if you need help.

The voice is feminine, and VERY familiar. Maybe it was that woman you danced with? You thought she left.

The two of you never got each other's names. As she makes your way over, you introduce yourself as Connie.

09/02/13
"==>"

It doesn't take long for the rest of the light to disappear. You're reduced to fumbling around looking for something to hold on to as you walk down the hallway.

...At least you had a better grip on your emotions this time around.

09/02/13
"==>"

Maybe that viking can help you figure out what's going on. He could protect the two of you.

...You need to stop lying to yourself. Sure, this date DID go better, but only for you. Your petty little attempt at revenge cut LL's night drastically short, and there's no point in a date if there's only one person up for it. It never mattered who was happy and who wasn't, what mattered was the two of you being together. And you sure got that part right, didn't you?

09/02/13
"DO NOT go into the darkness. You know something will be waiting for you in there. You'll probably get attacked eventually no matter what you do, but you can at least play it safe."

Yup, you definitely weren't planning on that, so you head back inside the Alpha Hall.

Unfortunately, it's getting dark in here too, somehow. Might as well keep pressing on at this point.

...To be honest, you're more afraid for LL than anything else. He was the last person you wanted to bring into this... Whatever this is. You don't know anymore.

09/02/13
"It wasn't this dark before, was it? Why would it be getting dark if the sun's up?"

Well, you're under a solid dome, so things are pretty dark to begin with, but this is starting to feel like a very different darkness than what you're accustomed to. It's as if the remaining light is being smothered, or if someone flipped a universal light switch.

09/02/13
"Check to see that your date's face hasn't transformed into some kind of abomination or something. Just on the off chance, y'know"

05/02/13
"Hail a taxi, go to a hotel."

You would, but the traffic's backed up for a little bit and it doesn't look like there are any taxis in there. You'll most likely have to go further down the street to see if you can spot one.

...You never really noticed how dark it could get in here. It looks like the sun's still up outside, but it's not helping things all that much.

05/02/13
"Talk to the short person at your right.Talk to the short person at your right."

You go up to the little person and ask him an assortment of questions, such as whether or not he's getting a phone signal, why he's not a part of the larger crowd, if he's seen a woman in a black dress walk by, or why he's still a silhouette for some reason.

He just stands there and mumbles quietly. No, he has no signal, he felt like being here, he didn't see anyone leave, that's racist etc

All in all, not too helpful.

31/01/13
"Invite Vikings and Knights to your "party"."

Before you head out, you leave a stack of party invites at your table for anyone who might be interested. You've already invited RR, so why the hell not?

You then proceed to leave the bar, which is hopefully not actually outside.

Everything still seems all right. The parking sign appears to have made it out onto the street, and even managed to back up a little bit of traffic.

31/01/13
"Enlist the help of everyone you have met so far"

Despite all this spooky shit, they're still just regular people. Trying to explain to them why they should ALL follow you out and accompany you to the nearest taxi and/or hotel seems a little far-fetched.

For now, you're going to test the waters by asking if any of the people immediately outside the bar are able to pick up a cell phone signal.

You put your coat in your mood ring along with your phone and bring LL to a standing position. You'll have to remind yourself to ask him if he had a good time tonight. This whole thing wasn't what you expected, but it was kinda nice.

One last thing, though...

31/01/13
"It could be a trap. Don't leave Alpha Hall unprepared."

You're fairly certain that the staff wouldn't be happy with you rummaging around and taking whatever weapons they have (if they even have any), so you do the next best thing and order a beer.

You acquire the big beer. And, by extension, the glass bottle that it comes in. If this is anything like in the movies, you should be able to smash this thing over someone's head and then cut them with the broken pieces.

Whether or not you want to, uh, "empty" the beer first is up to you.

31/01/13
"..."Everything's normal"? Connie, take a closer look at those people... Does anything seem strange or unnatural about them?"

Well, they're more or less the same people who were there when you arrived. Some of them are standing there, others are walking around - You can't really see much else - it's way too dark out there.

You suppose just poking around just outside the bar entrance wouldn't hurt too much. You might be able to get a little more information that way.

27/01/13
"==>"

...And see that everything outside is perfectly normal.

Well, that's a load off, you guess.

27/01/13
"Look out the window"

You approach the front window and look outside...

27/01/13
""Outside" the club or "outside" the whole city?"

You're about to ask that when the line goes silent again. It's unlikely that you'll get anything else out of it.

You're a bit unnerved. You said it before, something is coming. You don't know what, but now it's more apparent than ever.

You're not sure what the voice meant by "outside". If you're limited to the confines of the city, you'll at least be able to get some supplies and find a place for you and LL to stay and wait this out. If you're stuck in here, then that greatly limits what you've got to work with. One other thing you could do is attempt to escape if you were to get some transportation. At this point, it all boils down to fight or flight.

27/01/13
""...Slick?""

...Slick...

The metallic tinge of the voice on the other end catches you off guard. For a second there, you were reminded of how Slick's voice sounded when it was filtered through his helmet.

You're probably reading into this too much. The phone's most likely got a crappy connection.

24/01/13
"==>"

24/01/13
"==>"

Except this time there's no sound coming from the receiver. Not even a dial-tone. What the hell is going on?

Dammit. So far, this date has gone off without a hitch (relatively speaking), but now you guess you'll just have to lug LL outside and search for a taxi or perhaps even a motel.

...You know, it's more practical to get a ride in a taxi, but the thought of staying in for the night has been in the back of your mind... You haven't shared a room with anyone since you were a kid, and to share one on this night with LL... Well, let's just say you're wondering how that'll play out.

But enough thinking for now, time to get moving!

24/01/13
"==>"

You spend a minute searching under the rather plain-looking bar, and...

Voilà! An actual honest-to-goodness phone! Now you can arrange for some sort of transportation to get you and LL home!

24/01/13
"==>"

You turn around to find that the viking has summoned a miniature strongman, who appears to act as one of the Alpha Hall's bartenders. He grunts and suggests that you try the phone hooked up beneath the nearby counter.

24/01/13
"Ask to use the club's LAND LINE"

That should work. Even if you're getting no connection with your mobile phone, there should be no reason for a land line to have the same problem.

22/01/13
"==>"

You decide to go out on a limb and ask the club knights if any of them are getting any kind of reception.

Nada.

Nobody has any idea why they're not getting any kind of signal, and it's starting to worry you a little bit.

22/01/13
"Ask the nice vikings to use their phone, I bet they get a lot of 'no reception can I use yours' requests."

The viking comes back over and lends you his phone.

...Nope, it's not getting anything either.

22/01/13
"Frisk LL for a phone"

LL should have one. You rummage around in his pockets.

You find his phone and pull it out.

You're not sure how to properly hold this thing, but what you DO know is that it doesn't look like it's getting a signal either. Which is weird, but most likely nothing more than coincidence.

22/01/13
"let me guess no reception in the giant domed city awesome."

You seriously doubt that someone would build a giant domed city without addressing some of the issues involved with such an unusual project.

Maybe there's a cellular tower on top of the shell that catches the phone signal and feeds it directly into the city or something. You don't know. There's science involved. This shouldn't even be a problem, but here you are.

16/01/13
"==>"

do you even have to say it

16/01/13
"==>"

16/01/13
"Call a cab!"

Good idea. You pull out your relatively-intelligent phone and turn it on.

...

04/01/13
"OH SHIT HE WAS SUPPOSED TO DRIVE YOU BOTH HOME."

Oh right, he's completely hammered. Definitely not good to drive, and you most likely aren't either! You'll have to figure something else out.

04/01/13
"Find LL."

At least LL's fine. He should still be at your table, so you step off the dance floor and cross the unlit portion of the club to get back to him.

Yep. There he is.

He's got the right idea, perhaps it's time you guys headed home and got a good night's sleep.

04/01/13
"Connie. Time to stop living in the past. Like immediately."

You're not living in the past!

Well technically, you literally ARE living in the past, but you have no idea how to go about fixing that. It's not like you're not open to suggestions or anything. You just find this whole situation to be rather... confusing.

You're experiencing too many feelings, if that makes any sense. You've been coming to terms with yourself, which has been making you feel good, but you know for a fact that you're supposed to feel bad here, which is instead making you really nervous. No matter what you do, something's going to end up happening, but you have no idea what.

04/01/13
"==>"

But she's not gone, no. She's going to be back. Something else is going to happen. You know it.

04/01/13
"==>"

...Okay, she completely misinterpreted your question. However, you weren't expecting her to actually go ahead and LEAVE. That kind of caught you off guard.

04/01/13
"==>"

04/01/13
"Look Mist in the eye. Tell her "I know what's happening, now.""

Even though everything ended up relatively harmless, that doesn't change what happened the last time. Her only purpose here is to drive a wedge between you and LL, otherwise why would she have followed you to this club?

You tell her that you know what's gonna go down.

04/01/13
"KISS THE GIRL"

NOT THAT KIND OF WEIRD

It was only for a second, after which you snapped back and realized how tired you were getting.

You also think you've got a headache coming on. It's time to call it quits.

At least she's happy now. She shouldn't bother you anymore.

...Right?

God damn it.

04/01/13
"==>"

Well! That was pretty good. You were able to let go and just forget the world for a few moments, even if it was with someone you never really knew.

However, at one point you looked at her and... Something happened. You're not sure what. Things just felt kind of weird for a moment.

18/12/12
"Party."

Music credit

19/11/12
"CC: Groove your way into LL of course"

After all this pointless emotional bullshit, you figure you're finally due for a good time on the dance floor. It doesn't matter what's really going on or not, hopefully you can make the best of it.

...No. Not hopefully. You're GOING to make the best of it.

And hell, if that woman doesn't want any of this drink, maybe you could have it instead. It did sound kinda neat.

19/11/12
"Show your goodwill by buying a drink for the "nice lady". A strong drink. Maybe that'll throw her off her game a touch."

Sounds good. A bit assholish, but hey, maybe she likes the strong stuff!

You finish off your own brew while beckoning the viking over and letting him know you mean business.

He returns with a rather tiny-looking glass, filled with a bright yellow liquid.

This is the best stuff they've got. It takes a real man (or woman) to down this baby. It'll put hair on your liver's chest and send it on a quick trip to Valhalla, where it will then proceed to get its face bashed in. Its liver face.

You say that sounds like something up your alley, thanks.

19/11/12
"Wield the Club menacingly?"

Hey now, that's kind of a dick move. You'd have to be pretty pissed off to wield an entire building as a weapon, and doing so would just ruin everyone's day.

19/11/12
"Don't Cool off, heat up a bit. YOU ARE TOO CALM. TOO CALM I SAY"

THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS TOO COOL

YOU ARE A COLD CALCULATING COOL MACHINE

WHICH IS THE COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF ANGRY OR SOMETHING

...You do admit, it's been a little while since you've managed to max out the lower half of your mood ring. You're a bit rusty on how to handle yourself. At least you feel good about it, though. There's that.

17/11/12
"==>"

You have to admit, that left you feeling super cool.

Recharged with new energy for the night life, a dame such as yourself feels like she oughta be able to groove her way out of any situation she finds herself in.

But she's got to groove her way into something first. What'll that something be, then?

17/11/12
"==>"

11/11/12
"Listen."

<embed src="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/57523586/mspa/Waterworks/Adventure%20Images/animation25.swf" width="550" height="650" align="center" hidden="false" loop="false">

11/11/12
"Pick a song, then DEPLOY THE PARKING SIGN (it is the best wing man you could ever hope for.)"

Er... Sure.

You select a random song on your MP3 player and promptly pull out the parking sign for added moral support.

04/11/12
"==>"

...and find your MP3 player.

04/11/12
"==>"

You check your coat pockets...

04/11/12
"Check your pockets."

Your pockets?

03/11/12
"Ok! Back up! We are hitting surreal territory. Since when are you a cannibal?"

Whoa whoa whoa, did you just seriously think that? ...What the hell?

Earlier you managed to stop yourself from murdering a guy, and yet here you find yourself thinking about EATING someone!

You also threw your sweet viking helmet across the room. You're a real gem, aren't you?

You want to go out there and confront them. You really do. But your bouts of emotional instability aren't doing anything to help your confidence.

If only you had something that could help you with that. You're going to succumb to your frustration if you keep going back and forth about your personal problems.

03/11/12
"==>"

FUCK


that doesn't change anything that happened

you were sad the first time, but now you're angry

mostly at yourself but still

so angry you could... eat someone

seems a bit weird but kinda good

you could just eat everyone

make them a part of you forever

03/11/12
"==>"

...focus...

03/11/12
"This is why we have Emotech: Calm Cool and Collected. So calm, cool and collect yourself. Breathe. Then head on after them. Without feelings of murderous RAEG. That is bad."

okay lets try that

just sit back and focus

focus

03/11/12
"FOLLOW THAT DATE"

whats the point

he left so fucking easily

none of this matters to him

you didn't matter to him

you actually did follow him last time

but you were breaking down

freaked everyone out

couldn't take it

03/11/12
"==>"

you were played

you had a second chance

and for a second time you sat back and let things slip away from you again

30/10/12
"==>"

FUCK, HE'S GONE

30/10/12
"==>"

That was a lot easier to deal with than you remember!

...

30/10/12
"==>"

...Huh. Looks like she can.

Oh well, it never really was your problem. You're kinda glad she's out of the way now, at least.

30/10/12
"Tell us about your melodramatic story."

Y'know what? She says she made a mistake by burdening you with her own issues. She'll just go ahead leave you alone now. Sorry for the inconvenience and all that, she just wasn't thinking clearly.

Now hey, just wait a minute here. She can't be expecting to come at you with this whole sob story prepared and then just leave without actually TELLING it, can she?

30/10/12
"have her take LL's seat, and have LL go find another seat for himself."

LL stands up and goes to offer her his seat for the time being.

You know, this might really be for the best. At least you'll be able to get to know her, and possibly understand her better. Could be good, could be bad, who knows?

29/10/12
"Maybe you can find a way to help LL cheer her up that doesn't involve you cutting your date short and never seeing him again."

She wants a piece of LL. If you're going to do anything about this then you'll have to keep her in your sight for the time being. Even if that means having her dance with you instead of LL.


...You probably shouldn't offer her a seat when there, uh, aren't any.

29/10/12
"This happened because you always remembered the date going this way. This proves this is a hallucination, so anything you do here has no real world consequence. As such, you can punch that pig in the snout to establish superiority and not worry about repre...rep... Consequences."

There's no REAL consequences, sure, but you are not going to let her do this a second time. Who even goes up and just asks if they can borrow someone's boyfriend? WHO?

29/10/12
"... It's like she followed you here on purpose...!"

She's freaking faking it. You have no idea how the hell she would've been here otherwise.

29/10/12
"CC: Demand to know what's going on from LL."

LL tells you that her own date stood her up earlier. She's been watching the two of you and wants to spend some time with you guys.

27/10/12
"==>"

27/10/12
"==>"

...Sounds like LL was already thinking about doing the same thing. That's perfect! You knew his heart was in the right place. Let's drop everything and get going!

27/10/12
"As long as he's happy, you can take whatever direction you want the date to go to. Take the chance!"

You guess you'll have to take him out onto the dance floor. You haven't really danced in ages, but hopefully it should come back to you.

LL's never really been one go out on the floor, but when the two of you are there together he feels perfectly comfortable about it. You're certain he'd be happy to go if you asked him.

But this time will be different. You've moved together during slow songs, but as soon as this one starts, you'll draw him in and let him know just how serious you are. He needs to see it. See it and feel the same way.

25/10/12
"If you want this to go a direction, take it in that direction!"

You wouldn't be here if it weren't for you giving him the opportunity!

...Right?

25/10/12
"You guys are usually on the same wavelength, right? Well he's probably thinking the same thing. How do you want things to be going? It isn't gonna happen unless you make it happen."

Well, yeah...

But this whole thing was years ago, and to be honest, you were the one who wanted to get this whole thing started.

23/10/12
"==>"

...Is this really how it would have gone?

You kinda, uh, thought that there'd be more. For the most part it just feels like what the two of you used to do (which certainly isn't a bad thing, mind you), but the moment as it is just feels... lacking. You don't know.

23/10/12
"==>"

The viking returns, with what looks like a slab of meat... With a shield warped around it. Eh, whatever, you'll take it.

Time to finally get the ball rolling!

The two of you spend roughly an hour talking, eating, and drinking (but not too much drinking, things are crazy enough as it is).

You more or less catch up with LL, and have a great time doing so.

Well! It's actually happening! Your first date...

23/10/12
"What are those knights up to?"

Silly things, it looks like.

22/10/12
"==>"

The viking plops you down at a small table in the corner, near another table seating a couple of funny-looking knights. You and LL both tell him that you want tacos and he says that he'll see what he can do.


...This part of the club feels quite homely. There isn't too much going on over here, just a couple of tables and a small bar in front of a wall of ale casks.

It looks like all the action is going on at the other side of the club, where the dance floor is.

...You guess you'll move over there when you're ready, or something.

20/10/12
"==>"

HAHAHA YES THIS IS AWESOME

20/10/12
"Do they give out these hats or"

The viking says yes.

Yes they do.

20/10/12
"==>"

20/10/12
"==>"

Oh hey. Viking.

20/10/12
"==>"

You drag LL towards the entrance of the Alpha Hall and head inside.

There's wood everywhere. Makes the place feel a little older, as if there was some kind of history to this place.

But it's a club, so you guess this is just the theme you went with.

The entrance hallway's a little bare, you'll probably be able to actually get into the place if you just round the corner up ahead.

Goddammit LL, just because you've never really kissed before doesn't mean you should still be making that face.

It was flattering at first but now he's starting to annoy you. It's not like there's anything for him to look at with that expression.

20/10/12
"Be LL (but only for a moment)"

18/10/12
"When LL is looking up, give him a sneaky kiss on the cheek."

You admit you're finding it difficult not to lose yourself in the moment.

Hopefully LL feels the same way.

18/10/12
"Look up. Are those little sunbeams falling through cracks in the city's shell, or through deliberately-made windows? And can you see anything on the shell's interior surface?Look up. Are those little sunbeams falling through cracks in the city's shell, or through deliberately-made windows? And can you see anything on the shell's interior surface?"

Plenty of light seeps in through all the spaces between the movable plates in the shell. It reminds you of the stars in the night sky, although they're arranged unlike any stars you've ever seen.

You guess that's what makes this place so appealing. Someone decided to change something that was taken for granted, and in doing so allowed the world to be viewed from a fresh perspective. These days, nobody could be assed to explore beyond the surface of our planet, so someone decided to bring the sky down to our level. Bring everything within our reach. Make things a little easier to believe in.

Something as intangible as daylight can now be measured, controlled, and distributed. The skyscrapers actually scrape the sky. You can literally reach for the stars. Granted, it isn't without flaws, but nothing's perfect, right? All in all, the whole thing's quite wondrous. And a little romantic.

18/10/12
"Tell LL that "Skylight" is the sort of ironic name you can appreciate."

Seriously, naming a place "the Skylight" in a city that technically has no sky. Gets you thinkin'.

17/10/12
"==>"

Of course, back when you and LL actually were together, the two of you operated on the same wavelength. Very rarely did you ever have a difference in opinion. Things just sorta "clicked", if that makes any sense.

Regardless of the time between then and now, you should still be able to get him to warm up to your idea. The two of you always loved to experience everything a place had to offer, but the only real difference now is that you want to start in a different spot. He should be able to understand that.

17/10/12
"Alpha Hall! Chill out at a nice low-key joint."

The Alpha Hall sounds like a relatively safe option. Plus, you can always leave if the place doesn't suit you.

...Another thing to consider is what the place will actually look like. You've never visited it in real life, so you have no idea what will be waiting for you there. Will it be a plain old pub? Or some shapeless void? Or will your subconscious turn it into something incredibly stupid and unrealistic? The possibilities are endless!

16/10/12
"==>"

The building further down the street is called the Alpha Hall, and to be honest it seems more like some kind of pub. The name's also turning you off a bit. Alpha hall? Is that some kind of pun?

The food there would most likely be decent. They might even have tacos! You'd guess they wouldn't have much in terms of dancing but every now and then you see a few lively shadows move through the windows, so they appear to have that to some extent.

The place struck you and LL as a bit too old-fashioned.

Either way, these were the three closest places. You'll have to figure out what you're going to do.

16/10/12
"==>"

Right in front of you sits the industrial-themed Neurotopia. You think it might also have some kind of oxygen bar or hookah lounge or something. You don't know, there's something about the air around this place. You can't really say much else about it, other than the fact that you can actually feel bass vibrations coming from inside even though you're standing outside on the sidewalk.

All in all, the place seemed a little too hardcore for you and LL.

16/10/12
"==>"

To your left is The Skylight. It was a pretty good place. Part of the multi-level dance floor overlooks the street. Food wasn't half bad either. They knew how to make a damn fine sandwich.

You know a little bit about this place because it is the one where you had your little experience. As nice as the place was, you should probably steer clear of it this time around. Problem is that LL will most likely still want to go there, but you'll deal with him once you come to a decision.

16/10/12
"Contemplate the possibility of a club that serves mexican cuisine."

That... sounds pretty awesome, to be honest.

You wonder if any of the places nearby will serve anything along those lines.

You take a quick look up and down the street to evaluate the three surrounding clubs.

14/10/12
"==>"

...Oh, that's right. You'll probably have to do this without having to break the whole thing to LL.

You can't say for sure what'll happen if you do anything that blows your cover, so you should probably try to act like your college self if you're able to remember how. Even if it includes doing stupid shit like the contemplating traditional Mexican street cuisine.




but seriously, you take a tortilla and fold it in half and suddenly it's this new thing you don't even know

14/10/12
"well now it's technically your second date, and you will NOT stand for it this time around."

Yes. Yes!

You've got a second chance at this. So far, everything's looking good. Even though this night marked the start of the downward spiral that made you the fabulous shut-in that you are today, you can still try your hardest to at least see how things could have been.

You'll simply go to a different club.

13/10/12
"Why's him being in the club bad? What happens when he goes in the club?"

Well... There was this woman.

She saw the two of you come in. Waited until you were enjoying yourself.

And then she walked over and asked LL for a dance. He said no, but she came on strong. The two of them were out on the floor before either of you could figure out what happened.

She knew what she was doing. Somehow knew that meek college girl Connie Cohen was on her first-ever "real" date. Somehow knew how to drive a wedge between you and the only person who's ever returned your affection. She knew what she was doing. And she lived for it.

Your night kinda turned to shit after that.

13/10/12
"Why are you rolling that sign around when you can Mood Ring it? Wait, did you leave your mood ring at home?"

No, you've certainly got your mood ring with you. You stuff the parking sign in it just as you round the corner and catch up to LL.

He's found three nightclubs that look fairly interesting, and suggests that you and him pick one and see what they've got to offer.

12/10/12
"He obviously went inside the club. Follow him!"

Oh god, you hope not.

You really, seriously hope not.

If everything's going according to schedule, he should have gone to the main street to have a look around. You'd better get over there and make sure that's the case.

12/10/12
"Take the big green Power-up floating above your head, see what power it grant you."

You acquire the parking sign!

No longer will an automobile's path be darkened. You will shine your beacon of light upon them and spread awareness of convenient and accessible parking locations!

But seriously why the hell did you do that

why's it even still lit up

12/10/12
"Did this happen before? :O"

Yes, actually. If you can recall, he should just be excited and scouting for places to go to.

11/10/12
"==>"

...Er, you WOULD ask him, but apparently he's already left.

What kind of date does he think this is?

11/10/12
"No time to dwell on illusions: Time to get underground"

Technically, you're not really underground.

This city used to be a big ol' mining town. One day a team of civil engineers made a proposal for a mechanical shell to be constructed on top of the town. There were a few people who opposed the idea, but as ridiculous as the thing was, most people didn't seem to care. People are a lot more apathetic than they used to be.

It worked, for the most part. The town has grown into a decent tourist attraction. The constant darkness attracts the younger night folk, while the perpetual maintenance and expansion of the shell opens up jobs for those in need.


It really is an interesting place, but nobody's sure how long it'll last.

For the moment though, you've got a city where it's almost always night time, which is certainly something to behold. As such, there's a huge mess of bars and clubs and shows and other places where one can just go and have a good time.

You ask LL where he'd like to go first.

11/10/12
"Have you been feeling any different? I mean, obviously, you're in some weird hallucination thing, but do you perhaps feel under the weather on top of that?"

Well, that depends on what "different" means. You don't really feel sick or dizzy or anything, but you're feeling something all right.

If anything, you feel a little more energetic. It's probably because you're supposed to be in a younger version of your body, back when you actually went outside and did stuff. You have no idea.

09/10/12
"==>"

Now, you say confused because you've done all this already. You seem to be re-experiencing an event that happened years ago, if that's even possible.

This is because you're pretty sure you weren't in college studying for exams and whatnot before all this. You remember being mad about the water in your house going out, as well as three unusual blue boys that you bumped into when you went to the waterworks to investigate. There was also this one other guy in a diving suit who was a bit of an idiot but didn't seem all that bad.

It started with you trying to contact the management and somehow ended with you fighting goddamn alien cthulu-beasts, but for some reason it all just feels like a dream now.

..And it would be, if it weren't for the fact that you're still PRETTY SURE YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE RIGHT NOW.

You guess the best thing to do for now would be to just go along with it and see what happens. Hopefully your head'll clear up along the way.

08/07/12
"==>"

You are a confused citizen. You and your last love-interest have traveled to a neighboring city for a night on the town.

13/06/12
"Ride."

Music credit

28/04/12
"==>"

What LL had in mind was for the both of you to get on his motorcycle and head on over to one of the much-larger neighbouring cities. The two of you had dinner, saw shows, went clubbing, and then came back home, completely worn-out.

It was a pretty decent evening. However, some of the locations that the two of you went to were rather sketchy. You figure things will go much better the second time around, if you can remember where exactly it was that you went.

But you don't need to worry about that until you get there. For now, you're just happy to see him again.

28/04/12
"==>"

You tell him to shut up and let you have this.

28/04/12
"Give him a hug! That will spare you from having to talk!"

28/04/12
"==>"

26/04/12
"==>"

oh god

your mind's blanking out

you're not really sure what to do

this is starting to get awkward oh god

26/04/12
"Answer the door in a cool, calm, and collected sort of way."

26/04/12
"Chillax, you're a natural at this sort of thing! Right?"

no

24/04/12
"==>"

24/04/12
"==>"

...But that hasn't stopped you before.

You're going to rock this.

24/04/12
"Wear that Jacket and pose, you look wonderful."

Er, you're not really sure that putting on a coat warrants anything incredibly dramatic...

24/04/12
"Don't forget your ring!"

Speaking of, uh, convenience, you retrieve your mood ring from one of the top drawers and put it on.

It looks like it's empty save for your relatively intelligent phone, which is located right in the middle.

You could pull it out right now if you had wanted to, all thanks to that emotech you learned earlier. However, it's not really doing any harm where it is at the moment, so you figure you might as well leave it where it is.

24/04/12
"Grab your iPod. You might as well enjoy the ride listening to some smooth tunes."

Oh yes. You definitely want to hold onto your MP3 player while it's free.

You take it from its dock and place it in one of your pockets. Convenience!

24/04/12
"Give RR her candy bar, really, it's for the best. To be honest she earned more than that for dealing with the monster of a toilet."

You... suppose you'll go buy her one while you're out? You're not entirely sure how long you'll be here and whether or not following through with your end of the bargain will actually be relevant once this is all over.

21/04/12
"==>"

You head over to your dresser and, well, get dressed.

Your mind's swimming with questions now. Will things end up the same no matter what you do? Will LL still be the same person to you after all these years? Does any of this even matter? Where the hell did RR get that sword?

Once again, you're probably better off if you just try to sit back and enjoy the ride. But how are you supposed to do that if you know that everything's headed in the wrong direction?

21/04/12
"==>"

You turn off the water and get out of the shower. All you really did in there was stand under the running water. You suppose it helped you feel better, but then all this talk about what to wear to a date started to get depressing once you remembered that this whole thing already happened several years ago.

21/04/12
"Make sure it's something you can run around in. Just in case, you know. You need to run. For any reason at all."

Oh.

Right.

You guess you'll probably be better off with the jeans 'n jacket.

21/04/12
"Get out your nice BLUE dress~"

You have no idea how good you'd look in a dress. The more you dwell on it, the more you want to go ahead with it and see what happens.

You know what, let's go ahead and give the dress a shot.

21/04/12
"Well, what motifs I would recommend is just clean and fresh, white t-shirt, clean jeans and a blue jacket."

That might work. It's simple yet quite different from what you'd usually wear.

21/04/12
"Just dress casually. Well, not TOO casually, don't dress like a bum or anything, but if LL is as close a friend as you claim, he won't be expecting you to dress up like a movie star. Just look kinda nice."

Your casual was always your old shirt 'n skirt combo. There's nothing wrong with wearing that, but you wanted to do something different considering this is such a special event.

But then again, isn't this why you screwed up in the first place? It might just be easiest just to be yourself instead of trying to force things.

21/04/12
"try something avant-garde like a dress made entirely out of meat products"

...How would that even WORK? Even if you had that much meat in the house (you don't), wearing something like that is completely impractical. You have no idea how you'd manage to hold it together, or to prevent bugs and animals from eating it, or WHY YOU'RE STILL CONSIDERING THIS

18/04/12
"==>"

The water appears to be fine. You half-expected the shower to spurt goo or something at you. At least now you can relax a little bit and think about things.

This whole situation is incredibly surreal. You can only assume it was brought on by the brain of that goo creature that you stepped on (or at least tried to step on). You wonder what it possibly has to gain from giving you the opportunity to fix one of the biggest mistakes you've ever made in your short life. Subtlety was the last thing that came to mind when you first encountered that thing, and you're worried that it'll pop up and shatter this reality when you least expect it.

But it hasn't, yet. And it's worrying you more and more.

Still, you might as well enjoy the ride. If you can pull this off, it'd do wonders for your own well-being. You need to ruminate on how you can make this the best day possible.

18/04/12
"==>"

You remove your undershirt and sweatpants and place them on the toilet lid before stepping into the bathtub.

There's a thing of shampoo just lying in the bottom of the tub, but you're not sure you'll really need it, given the circumstances. Hell, you're not even sure if you really have any reason to be here.

You've already had a shower today, but it's the first one in an entire week and you're definitely not going to miss out on an opportunity to catch up dammit

18/04/12
"yay, enjoy a shower and get your dress."

Righto.

You enter the bathroom. Everything seems to be in working order.

13/04/12
"==>"

However that'll have to wait, as apparently RR is already done cleaning the bathroom. Damn, she works fast.

All right then. You suppose you can think of what to wear while you're in the shower.

13/04/12
"Change into a sundress---it is a date, right~~?"

That'd be interesting. You're fairly certain you've had a few dresses lying around, but you can't remember the last time you actually wore one. Might be nice.

13/04/12
"Hey, is that a post-it-note on the door? Maybe you should give it a read, okay?"

You go check out the note on the door.

It's just a post-it telling one of your other roommates to go clean up the dishes.

DD arrived as part of some kind of student exchange program. There's not much else you can remember about her, except she was generally rather grumpy. You never really saw much of her, as she was either out somewhere or locked in her room.

13/04/12
"That trombone would make an excellent hat, you know."

While you normally wouldn't have any problem with the idea, the trombone is just too awkward to keep balanced on your head.

11/04/12
"Ask RR for some 'date clothes'."

Er... You actually did that the last time around. It did not go well.

Apparently, when RR hears "date clothes", she thinks "be as scandalous as possible". It was rather uncomfortable. You got so many looks from the wrong people.

Technically, not asking her for advice is one less thing to worry about screwing up, but that still leaves you to come up with something by yourself.

11/04/12
"==>"

Godspeed, RR.

While she's in there you should probably go ahead and think of something to wear. And fast, too. You're not sure how much time you have before LL arrives.

You don't remember what kind of clothes you used to have while you were in college, but you're fairly certain you had enough to cover any sort of basic design or motif you wanted to show. All you have to do is think of one first.

...the hell is a motif anyway

11/04/12
"Offer to buy Rosy Rotunda a chocolate bar if she cleans the toilet. Somehow I imagine you could motivate her to fight dinosaurs with half that."

You're not dealing with this bullshit today. You call out to RR and promise to buy her some candy or something if she'll clean up the bathroom real quick.

She's always been one to enjoy the finer aspects of delicious candy, and as such is ready to go and detoxify the abomination that is known as your shared bathroom.

10/04/12
"==>"

Once again, you've managed to completely forget about your immense hatred of toilets.

The whole neat-freak thing didn't start until you were out of college, and the thought hadn't occurred to you that you might've let things go a little too far while you were here.

Um... Let's skip the shower. How about you think of something to wear instead?

10/04/12
"==>"

Music credit

10/04/12
"Go shower. But bring a blunt instrument, just in case."

You grab a trombone (it was the only one available) and head over to the bathroom.

You have to admit, you're looking forward to another shower with actual water. Even if it is imaginary, you imagine it would still feel just as good. Oh ho.

10/04/12
"Check what's in your mood ring."

Uh... You don't have your mood ring with you at the moment.

You imagine that it'd be in the dresser. You'll go grab it after you get your shower.

05/04/12
"==>"

Classic RR. Buying merch for bands with the weirdest names. She's shown you music from a lot of groups she's listened to, and some are surprisingly good. You wouldn't know about this one in particular, though.

Anyhoo, you should probably go ahead and get to that shower.

05/04/12
"what's her shirt say?"

It says "exploding ferret lasers".

You can only assume it's the name of some kind of band.

05/04/12
"Add RR to your party."

You retroactively add RR to your party. How does that even work?

05/04/12
"She seems pretty unfazed by the revelation that you're re-living this day, and that she may be part of a hallucination. Does this illuminate the nature of this dream, or was she just always... like that?"

She's always been a little on the floaty side. Even if you did manage to convince her that she was a figment of your imagination, she'd be more curious and excited about it than anything else. She's also quite outgoing, and the two of you have been to a lot of parties had quite a lot of fun together.

05/04/12
"CC: When was the last time you bathed? Nope, you get dibs on the shower."

You've been through a lot and you could definitely go for another shower to clear your head back up. RR recognizes the importance of your situation and will let you go first whenever you're ready.

01/04/12
"You know what might be a fraction of a hoot? Asking Righteous Roomie or Lemon Licker if they know anything about the goo or planets that lack water. Or even a big-ass ass-kicker named Tubs."

You ask her about all those things. As you'd probably suspect, she doesn't know anything useful.

You also realize that righteous roomie is a better name than rocker roommate in pretty much every way and as such you will refer to her as that from now on.

01/04/12
"The hair! IT'S GOO! KILL IT WITH FIRE!"

Nope. Pretty sure that's just hair.

31/03/12
"==>"

OHGOD

Oh, it's just your rocker roommate. Apparently you've forgotten about her innate ability to sneak up and surprise the hell out of people.

31/03/12
"==>"

Nothing.

Can't say you were expecting anything to happen, though.

31/03/12
"Say very loudly into the air: "SLICK I AM HALLUCINATING ABOUT COLLEGE""

Yeah, enough of this bullshit for now. It may feel like you're back in college, but you could still be in control of your body back at the waterworks. You might be able to get a message out to Slick and Phobia so that they'll know what's going on.

31/03/12
"Is he gay? Please tell us he's not gay."

He is most definitely NOT gay! You're fairly certain that would've been one of the things that he would've told you if you had let this whole thing blow over!

...Right?

oh god

31/03/12
"Well, are you going to tell us what happened or are we going to have to start guessing? I assume it didn't go so well?"

Er... You'd rather not dwell on it right now. But it wasn't actually all that bad, to be honest. It was more or less how you reacted to it.

31/03/12
"While you're trying to right the past wrongs, just remember you're in an evil goo induced hallucination. There is a strong possibility that, at any moment, everything everywhere will try to eat you."

That's true, but you're not sure that you'd even be able to do anything about it. This is easily the most realistic dream you've ever had, and you have to admit it's getting harder and harder to remember how you even got here. You've been brought into this for a reason, and you assume it's probably because the goo wants to break you into its submission. You can't let that happen, so you'll have to take whatever comes at you.

25/03/12
"Who is this this mysterious LL?"

LL was an old childhood friend, as well as your first and last love-interest. The two of you met back near the end of elementary school and became the best of friends. Cracking jokes, finishing each others sentences, supporting each other when one needed it... Both of you never had many close friends, but that just meant that the two of you could focus more on each other, y'know?

After a while you were wanting something a little more. You decided to tell him about your feelings during your second year of college. He laughed and proposed that you and him have a "date" to make it official.

25/03/12
"Was this...your lesbian phase?"

er

No, LL is definitely male and you're as straight as an arrow

You admit that you've considered it but in the end you just couldn't get behind the idea. It's probably just who you are.

25/03/12
"Can't you try and change whatever went wrong?"

...Yeah. It doesn't matter if this is real or just some kind of dream. You've been given a second chance. Knowing what you know now, you might be able to use this opportunity to fix things and get some closure.

25/03/12
"What is the deal?"

This was meant to be your first official date, and with someone that you really held dear to yourself to boot. It would've been perfect, but something happened at the very end. The events that followed fractured you into the lovable little shut-in you are today.

23/03/12
"Pinch yourself. Hard."

noooooooooooooooooooo

23/03/12
"==>"

oh no

23/03/12
"==>"

You take a closer look at today's date.

Wait... does that mean...?

23/03/12
"Search for things you can read and see if they make sense."

You climb to the top bunk to check your calendar and see if you can figure out what's going on.

Looking at the marks on your calendar reveals that it's currently the middle of April. Exam week's coming up. That's always fun.

23/03/12
"Connie: Try to piece together what just happened."

You... appear to be back in your old dorm at college. Your hair is longer and your body feels a little younger than it's supposed to be (not that you're complaining, of course).

You seem to be reliving your college days.

The thing you just stepped on was a spider, which is definitely not some kind of goo-centipede.

18/03/12
"==>"

...wait

what

18/03/12
"==>"

YOU JUST WANT TO GET YOUR WATER AND GO HOME DAMMIT

18/03/12
"CRUSH. KILL. DESTROY."

You're getting frustrated that everyone's still wasting time on this thing. All it wants to do is eat you, and if destroying the purple bits is the way to kill it once and for all, then you're not going to hesitate for any longer. It had its chance.

18/03/12
"==>"

Scratch that, it doesn't look like this little bit of goo is interested in your vial at all.

18/03/12
"Empty one of the bleach bottles and fill it with these "eggs"."

The empty drain cleaner bottles aren't exactly the most sanitary things to use, but you've still got a few vials that ought to do just fine.

Now you're just hoping you can get them into the vial without touching them with your fingers. You don't want to absorb them by accident.

18/03/12
"See if the head is now inert"

You close the head back up to find that its eyes have gone dark and lifeless.
Connie chimes in and says that something similar happened when she cut the tail off of the giant worm she fought earlier. It was also purple.

You've already guessed that the purple bits and pieces stuck in the goo appear to act as rudimentary organs, but it looks like you've finally found something that resembles a brain.

13/03/12
"==>"

...All right then.

13/03/12
"==>"

13/03/12
"Slick: Mash B button."

You don't know how pressing a button is going to stop this thing from evolving, but sure.

However, there aren't any buttons in sight, so you guess you'll just poke this thing until something interesting happens.

13/03/12
"==>"

You close its face up. Much better. And easier on the eyes, too.

...Actually, no, for some reason you're even more disturbed by its face. Something about it just completely rubs you the wrong way.

You look into its large, porous eyes.

You had only ever met Laze once or twice during your training, but one of the things he told you was that powerful people always know more than what they let on. It's not like everything's a conspiracy or something, but it's still how some of the truly sinister stuff can come to fruition. You had always thought he was paranoid, but now you realize he may have been on to something.

You open its face back up so you don't have to worry about it looking at you anymore.

13/03/12
"Slick: Examine thingy. Be careful if it sprouts another poison needle like what CC said."

You take a closer look at the inside of the thingy and... have absolutely no idea what the hell's even going on in there.

There's no needle as far as you can tell, but it's safe to assume that this thing probably got rid of it because it couldn't pierce Connie's metal suit.

11/03/12
"==>"

It's got a bit of suction to it, but you're able to dislodge it with a firm tug. Its carapace is pretty solid, so your suit isn't going out of its way to absorb it.

However, Connie's leg is looking a bit brittle. The goo you've seen doesn't eat through metal. It's a bit disturbing to consider, but could this thing be evolving?

11/03/12
"Slick: touch it"

You're going to try to pull it off of Connie's leg. Granted, your suit might absorb it, but you don't really care, and in fact it might be safer if that were to happen.

11/03/12
"==>"

25/02/12
"Tell your tale of your adventure down there in a heroic fashion."

You're too tired, exhausted, worn-out, and drained to go into the details now, so instead you suggest that Phobia gets the two of you out of your suits so you can have Slick carry you back like he did earlier because that was really really nice

Slick agrees that it would be better to go over everything on the elevator trip back up, but he insists that there's probably a few things that you should tell him about now. Namely that THING SUCKING ON YOUR LEG.

25/02/12
"Give him the M.M. Unit you found."

You tell Slick that you managed to do what he asked and hand him the fancy M.M. unit that the porthole spat out at you. He tells you that the worst is now over (thank god) and once everything's all cleaned up he'll find some way to dispose of the thing without screwing everyone over again.

23/02/12
"==>"

oh my

23/02/12
"Connie: Awesome one-liner."

You wipe the goo off your helmet and decide to salvage the moment by saying something cool.

IT'S TIME TO... I'M NOT HERE FOR... THIS GOO'S GONNA... Goddammit you can't think of anything.

Oh wait, this might work

HELLO YOU GUYS

THOSE PIPES DOWN THERE HAVE LEFT ME RATHER-

23/02/12
"==>"

That wasn't exactly the way you'd have hoped to make your entrance, but you're too tired to complain.

23/02/12
"Stick the landing. As in literally stick; you are now stuck in the goo."

21/02/12
"==>"

21/02/12
"==>"

21/02/12
"CRY SO MUCH THE WATER WASHES OUT ALL THE GOO IN THE BASEMENT"

You would if you could. It wouldn't help anyone, but at least you'd feel better afterwards.

20/02/12
"[INTERLUDE] CC: Celebrate anniversary... Again."

This adventure started two years ago? Really?

Upon realizing this you immediately left to go to the city to acquire another cake.

You've always bought your own cake. You're a terrible cook, but damned if you're not going to have one on a special occasion such as this. Nothing too major, just something all rich and chocolatey that you're able to polish off in a couple days.

mmm cake

On the way you decided to stop in a park and rest by an old tree. You remember this place - It was where you spent some of your time with your friends back when you thought your life was headed somewhere.

Well, you mean it's definitely going somewhere NOW, but back then you thought it was going somewhere else and then things happened that split you all up and for a while afterwards you didn't know what you were doing and yeah forget it all that stuff's in the past

Still, it's nice to remember.

17/02/12
"==>"

Ever since she left, you've been sitting here with nothing to do but think about all the mistakes that brought you to this point in your life. Why did you have to be so naive? This whole mess is nothing but your fault. You should've been the one to put on that coffin of a metal suit. You should've been the one to try to find and shut off the porthole. You should've been the one mucking about down there in all that parasitic sludge. You don't want to say it, but the longer you dwell on it the harder you're forced to acknowledge that something terrible has likely happened or will happen to Connie. And that same something terrible will also most likely happen to this entire facility, and then to this country, maybe even to the whole planet...

All you can do is try to make things better. It's what you've been trying to do since the very beginning.

17/02/12
"==>"

If all goes well it should be an uneventful trip, so in the meantime you decide to be Slick.

17/02/12
"FIRE!"

You shoot the harpoon off into the distance and it kinda just... starts pulling you and the egg along.

16/02/12
"Get the heck out of here!"

You toss the head in and then push Phobia's sister inside.

Man, you never thought you'd ever be looking forward to seeing the colour blue again!

All right, you're packed in and ready to move. You'll be able to ride in the egg until you get to the far side of this area. After that, you'll have to get out and let the harpoon physically drag the three of you out through the depths.

16/02/12
"Pick up the severed head."

It's not exactly severed anymore, but you'll be able to remedy that in a sec.

The head is incredibly light and feels rather fragile. Might as well take it with you, you could always just crush it if it starts pulling shit again.

It's also worth noting that this thing can't seem to control the goo without some kind of physical contact. You can't toss the thing in your mood ring, so you're going to have to take the risk of carrying it through the goo sea on the way back up. Hopefully it doesn't decide to do anything particularly dangerous. If it does, you'll just have to drop it off as soon as you can.

15/02/12
"==>"

you're starting to feel kinda sorry for it

15/02/12
"==>"

15/02/12
"==>"

15/02/12
"==>"

...

It's not dead, is it?

15/02/12
"Smack its blades away."

WHOOPS GUESS YOU MISSED

13/02/12
"==>"

GOD DAMN IT

13/02/12
"Turn around quickly!You get the feeling something's watching you!"

You're watching it as much as it's watching you. It'd better not pull anything funny when you look away again.

11/02/12
"==>"

Oh well. You've already wasted more than enough time. It can follow you or do whatever the hell else it wants, but if it makes another pass at any of your helmets, you'll just crush it with your axe.

Now you've got to get both of you and your heavy suits inside the egg-thing so you can ride out of here in STYLE.

HURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGyou're getting thereHHGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

11/02/12
"==>"

You also yank your harpoon away, taking two of its arms with it.

This thing's quite fragile, isn't it? Then again, you did just pull it out of an egg that was attached to the tail of a giant monster, so you suppose that explains that.

Does this thing even feel pain in the first place? It's pretty damn unresponsive if it does.

11/02/12
"==>"

A small tug and the thing's tube splits in the middle.

11/02/12
"Tug or snip that thing off"

Any hope that this thing might have some kind of sentience or higher reasoning has pretty much gone down the drain at this point. You're fairly certain it just wants to eat you.

You can't blame it for trying but you sorta like not being eaten so you'll have to rectify that real quick

10/02/12
"==>"

never mind

10/02/12
"==>"

10/02/12
"try and lift its face up, see how it likes it"

It's about time you taught this thing that what goes around comes around.

06/02/12
"==>"

Oh.

Apparently it was more convenient for it to just grow A SECOND FRIGGIN' PAIR OF ARMS.

06/02/12
"==>"

what the

This thing's seriously beginning to annoy you. How did it even manage to untie itself so fast?

06/02/12
"load everyone into the goo shell and embed the harpoon in it."

That might be the safest way to do this. You could load everyone inside, and launch the harpoon out and have it drag you across the surface of the goo. Certainly would make for an easier ride.

06/02/12
"Tie its hands up. Somehow. With the harpoon cable?"

You bind its hand-analogues with the cable from the harpoon. Should give you some time to think without it bothering you.

04/02/12
"==>"

oh for the love of

stop it

YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW

04/02/12
"Er um... its not attacking.... Gather the passed out sister and start on your way out?"

It's not attacking but you still have no idea what the hell it wants to do with your face.

Oh well, you suppose it's finally time to grab Phobia's sister and get out of here.

Since she's wearing the same type of suit that you are, you definitely won't be able to drag or carry her by yourself. Your best bet is to grab her and have your harpoon drag the two of you up and out of here. It'll be a bumpy ride, but it's the only way you can see the two of you getting out of here alive.

04/02/12
"==>"

It responds by completely ignoring you and instead opening your viewport a second time.

04/02/12
"Try asking where the hell the water is again."

02/02/12
"Make sure it doesn't open your faceplate."

Yeah, no. Doesn't matter what its intentions may be, if it keeps making passes at your helmet then someone's gonna get their exoskeleton caved in.

02/02/12
"==>"

Now it's just staring at you.

What's this thing up to? Does it think that you're its mother or something?

It opens up your viewport and slowly comes closer...

02/02/12
"AAAAUGH"

Oh dear... It's skittering around your head like some kind of giant insect. It'd be a bit creepy if reality of the whole thing didn't look so ridiculous.

30/01/12
"==>"

aaaaand here we goOH GOD

30/01/12
"==>"

Just a little more, and then you'll turn your back for a sec to see if it realizes what's going on.

30/01/12
"Walk away and see if it follows you."

Instead of hugging it, you're going to see what will happen when you get a little further away from this thing.

30/01/12
"==>"

No no no no no no NO you are not going to hug that thing, especially considering that it was indirectly involved in your latest-and-greatest near-death experience. Just look at it! It's horrible! If you didn't have your suit on your skin would probably start melting off or something.

The last thing this creature's getting is a hug, no matter how well or ill-intended. Besides, you're pretty sure you've got much higher standards than that.

30/01/12
"==>"

You ask your new friend if he could give all the water back and it says yes and gives you back all the water and then some so Slick can go home and all his people can stop being thirsty

then the two of you head up and go outside and run around and be happy forever

the end

30/01/12
"Hug."

You hug the thing. It immediately realizes that despite its grotesque existence as the manifestation of a biological crime against nature, all it ever really wanted to begin with...

...was love.

28/01/12
"==>"

Well, now it's free. And twitching in a fairly uncomfortable manner. Uncomfortable for you, at least.

28/01/12
"Carefully and cautiously take it out."

You figure you might just be able to reach in and pull it out with your hands. Most of the fluid drained out when you cracked it open, and aside from those purple things attached to it you can't imagine there would be much resistance to you pulling it out.

Aaaaand there we go.

You just delivered a goddamn alien. What are you doing with your life.

28/01/12
"==>"

You know what? Screw it, you'll take this thing with you! You've been trying get rid of the whole mindless-killing thing, and now seems like just as good as any a place to start!

Plus, you just want to get the hell out of here. Slick and Phobia must be getting worried by now.

28/01/12
"==>"

It's not making any noise. Just staring at you with those milky eyes.

You're not sure how to deal with this thing. Personally, you want to kill it quickly so that you won't have to worry about it later but now you're wondering if the consequences of doing so might be worse than simply keeping it alive and leaving it alone.

However if you do leave it alone you have absolutely no idea what this thing's going to do down here. It was born from the goo, and anything of that nature is still a threat to your water. And just about everything else, really.

You've got to remove this thing from its egg and either try to communicate further or kill it.

28/01/12
"==>"

28/01/12
"Connie: Attempt first contact."

27/01/12
"==>"

27/01/12
"==>"

You're tired of all this bullshit and the last thing you need is some kinda magic 8 ball giving you sa-

27/01/12
"Melt its face melt its face!"

You don't even want to bother piecing together what just happened.

Damn, this thing's juicy!

25/01/12
"==>"

25/01/12
"==>"

25/01/12
"Can you see anything in it?"

25/01/12
"Axe the orb a question."

You decide to mix things up and just plain ASK it a question instead.

25/01/12
"Get off and stare into the purpleness."

You're not sure what this is, but it's pretty damn weird. This is topping most of the other stuff you've seen today, and that's saying something.

24/01/12
"==>"

BLARHFLGLD

24/01/12
"If that doesn't work, try piercing it with the harpoon gun."

If the goo's too thick to slice open, you might be able to get away with piercing it instead.

24/01/12
"Just getcher axe and try to cleave the dang thing in two."

You're not sure you'd be able to cut that entire thing in half with your axe. The ropy goo around it would prevent you from making any kind of decent cut.

24/01/12
"Leave the goo ball for now and try and check and see if Phobia's sister is conscious."

Nope, still out. Her breathing seems to be picking up, though.

In the meantime, you're going to keep periodically opening her helmet to make sure that she gets enough air.

23/01/12
"==>"

That leaves you with 2. Figure out what to do with this piece of shit.

It's unusually lively for a large ball of goo and would be giving you a minor case of the willies had it not been for the giant death-worm that tried to eat you a few minutes earlier.

23/01/12
"==>"

Oh.

Well, that's... incredibly convenient. Nevermind then!

23/01/12
"==>"

You quickly get yourself free. There's only two things left for you to do now.

1. Find Phobia's sister, and-

23/01/12
"Sever your ties to the goo. By which I mean, hack that thing off of you."

The goo on your arms and legs appears to be slowly hardening and becoming a little more elastic, but you're able to get it off by tugging at it a bit with your axe.

23/01/12
"Get rid of the goo in your storage unit. It's nearly full."

You have absolutely no idea how to work this thing, but you imagine Slick might be able to use it.

18/01/12
"==>"

aaaaand you stick the landing. The rather painful and incredibly unsatisfying landing.

Oh well, baby steps.

18/01/12
"==>"

As soon as you get past the surface of the goo you disengage your harpoon and try to land on the metal platform.

18/01/12
"==>"

...but still manages to pull you up, even with your cargo in tow. The goo becomes thick and ropy as it's stretched, almost as if it were hanging on to you for dear life.

18/01/12
"==>"

The harpoon strains a little under the combined weight of your suit and the gooball...

18/01/12
"==>"

18/01/12
"==>"

HERE GOES NOTHING

18/01/12
"Now, how tight does that thing have a grip on you? If it's getting a tight grasp, you could use the harpoon to shoot yourself upwards and out of the goo."

It's coming along. You were hoping that this thing would be able to get a firm enough hold on you that you'd be able to take it up to the surface. You wouldn't know if this is enough, but you don't want to waste any more time.

For good measure, you jab your arm into the goo and try to get the best grip that you can.

18/01/12
"CC&C We need to be less of a part-time psycho batshit killer."

You've been acting like quite the bitch as of late. You figure you should probably stop doing that, so you learn your LEVEL TWO EMOTECH: CALM, COOL & COLLECTED.

If you've still got a clear head while feeling particularly pissed off or obsessive about something, you can take a few seconds to bring your mood back to its neutral state.

This essentially allows you to access all items on your mood ring between your current position and the ring's neutral position. Neat!

You don't need to worry about the other two things you didn't pick. You'll probably have the opportunity to learn them (and plenty more) if you jump on the right opportunities in the future.

16/01/12
"==>"

You tell your axe to let you have this. Just for another minute.

16/01/12
"==>"

Holy crap! The fun doesn't stop there! Your incredible victory over the MID-BOSS has earned you a booncoin! You have no idea what that is or what other adventure it may or may not have come from, but that's completely irrelevant and you'll probably never see one again! What matters now is that you can use it to choose between an AXETECH or one of two new EMOTECHS.

...

16/01/12
"Level up like there's no tomorrow."

You acquire a METEO GAMBIT!

Upon activation, you'll be able to temporarily channel the spirit of LUMBERIN' JACK: BANE OF THE BOREAL! His knowledge and strength will be yours to command! Use it wisely, as you've only got one chance at it!

16/01/12
"==>"

16/01/12
"==>"

16/01/12
"Did you get an AxeTech?"

16/01/12
"Examine this purple thingy, does it glow, pulse, or anything like that?"

It doesn't seem to be glowing or anything like that, but if the tentacles forming over your legs are any indication, it's still alive and kicking. You need to get this thing on dry land and away from the goo as soon as possible.

But before you do, there's one last thing you need to take care of...

16/01/12
"Was there anyone in the suit or was it empty? Is the girl you were down here to rescue ok?"

Yeah, she looked fine.

Unconscious, but fine. And sorta alive, you guess? You didn't exactly have time to check.

Regardless, you lost her when that monster attacked. She's probably near where you originally found her, but the thought of having to go back and look for her a second is just frustrating you further.

16/01/12
".... Please tell me you still got that harpoon, CC. Please?"

Yup, right here. You still haven't managed to relax your death grip on it yet.

It'll loosen up eventually.

16/01/12
"Speaking of your inventory, um How are you feeling?"

Mood ring's gloved, remember?

Either way, you don't need to look at it to know that you're feeling like absolute shit.

16/01/12
"Congratulations! You just defeated your first boss battle. Now flip the fuck out. "

You would, but you're currently finding it hard to give a shit.

You're glad that you're still alive. You were only able to kill that thing because you acted on a hunch at the last second. That's about it, really.

...God, it's hard to think properly. You're completely drained. A nap would be fantastic right about now, but you know that if you do fall asleep down here you probably won't have the chance to wake up any time soon.

16/01/12
"==>"

God damn it.

You're completely exhausted. Your heart's beating so hard it feels like it might just explode out of your chest.

03/12/11
"BE THE LUMBERJACK"

Music credit

04/11/11
"==>"

Well, you guess that kinda worked. A little.

Unintentionally flinging yourself at the tree managed to knock a bunch of goo off it, exposing some kind of tougher, hardened goo underneath. And of course her head is stuck inside it. Yeah, you're gonna have to use your axe to get the rest of her out.

04/11/11
"==>"

it's working it's working it's working


oh god wait no it isn't OH GOD

04/11/11
"==>"

You're hoping you can just walk out far enough and plant yourself so that you don't get pulled into the tree at high speeds.

this oughta be far enough

04/11/11
"==>"

Tying the rope to her leg is relatively easy.

04/11/11
"CC: Here's an idea: tie the harpoon cord around Philia's leg, then wedge the gun end against a nearby solid object (assuming there's anything solid nearby. If not, just hold it really tightly). Then retract the cable."

Now there's an idea! The only problem is that there's nothing nearby to anchor yourself to, so you'll just have to stand back far enough and try not to get pulled in.

04/11/11
"Cut down the tree."

You dunno, even if it is a tree, it looks like it would be too soft to chop with your axe. If that's the case, it might be easier to see if you could just pull her out of there.

04/11/11
"Ask your axe if that thing is sufficiently tree-like to satisfy it."

It says it doesn't know any more about this thing than you do, but it supposes it could make an exception just this once, if you really wanted to cut the thing down.

29/10/11
"==>"

You have a feeling there's something that Slick didn't tell you.

29/10/11
"==>"

that's new

29/10/11
"==>"

uh

hm

29/10/11
"==>"

Damn, this bit of goo is really tall. Just sprouting out of the ground, too. Like some kind of black...?

29/10/11
"Before you start hacking away at that column of goo, check to make sure it's not supporting anything of importance above it."

That's a good idea. You should look up to see if this mass of goo is holding up any broken pipes or other debris.

You're also relieved to have finally found Phobia's sister, who is hopefully still alive. Pulling her out shouldn't be too much trouble, but it'd help a lot more if she could move that foot to let you know that she's still conscious. Or, y'know, even just attached to it. You're making a lot of assumptions here.

29/10/11
"==>"

29/10/11
"==>"

WHARLBLRBLRBLBHRBRLGRBLGHBLRBHGL

29/10/11
"==>"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

29/10/11
"==>"

Shooting blindly at the darkness will only get you so- oh goddammit here we go again

29/10/11
"Never mind, doesn't appear to be anything to hook on to..."

...Huh. You suppose that makes sense.

You wonder if there's a way to cancel a shot from this thing and reel the harpoon back in.

29/10/11
"CC: Try using the harpoon again to speed up your travels."

It's probably time to get jerked around by this thing a second time. Oh well, anything to speed up your search and stop you from getting potentially crushed to death!

You point your harpoon darknessward and fire.

06/10/11
"==>"

Well, shit. It's only gonna be a matter of time before this place comes down on you, isn't it?

06/10/11
"==>"

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH

06/10/11
"Wait a second, is that a broken pipe up there?"

You did see a few broken pipe sections up above, but you figured they weren't worth your attentio-

06/10/11
"Walk left, expecting nothing in the way of extraplanetary horrors."

YES WE HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE

This, uh, might still take a little while.

06/10/11
"See if you can get your glove off too, your inventory may come in handy."

You probably could, but judging by how Phobia put the suit on you, you'd have to remove and disassemble your entire arm in order to be able to free your hand. For the moment it doesn't seem to be worth the effort, especially when you need all the protection you can get down here.

Speaking of protection, you put your helmet back on. You were going to leave it behind, but given how far you might be walking you don't want to have to make a return trip to pick it back up. Especially since you can barely walk at all.

06/10/11
"Where do the pipes lead?"

You have no idea, you can't tell just from looking up. If it wasn't so dark you'd guess they would just go up into the ceiling.

06/10/11
"Well that was fun, Time to find the plumber now though"

You manage to get on your feet and get ready to go.

...You're still not sure how you should do this. This place is huge, and Phobia's sister could be anywhere. Even under the goo.

06/10/11
"Connie: Be totally fine, see if there's any other ways out of here that you haven't noticed."

To be honest, you wouldn't know. The only exit you're currently able to locate was the one you came from.

You need to take a second to stress how huge this place is. There's goo on all sides, you're having difficulty seeing where the room ends, and you can't see any higher past the couple pipes that run from the ceiling down into the goo.

This must be the bottommost part of the basement, where the water enters the facility. Hopefully those pipes are full of water.

06/10/11
"CC: Acknowledge the wall tentacles."

Way, way, waaaay out in the distance, you can see gigantic tendrils of goo creeping up the walls and making all kinds of unusual shapes, with parts of them glowing softly.

06/10/11
"remain on your back like a turtle because of how heavy the suit is."

...Right, you didn't think that one through.

Dammit, you almost want to go back into the goo just so you can move properly. This suit is just awful to wear on dry land.

You sit up and remove your helmet. Its air supply should still refill, and you'll be at least ten pounds lighter. You'll be sure to put the thing on again before you head back up.

06/10/11
"==>"

06/10/11
"==>"

06/10/11
"==>"

06/10/11
"Make some goo angels."

You're fairly certain that now is definitely not the time for making snow angels in the toxic goo. Lives are at stake here, and you'd have to be an idiot for even CONSIDERING such a ridiculous task!

You can think of several much more productive things to do, all of them infinitely better than making silly goo angels.

06/10/11
"UP THE BEACH GO GO GO"

You head on up to the surface without much trouble.

The feel of the goo on your boots somehow manages to remind you of the few times you've gone to the beach and walked out in the wet sand. It's sort of got that resistive sucky-glorpy-feely thing to it. If that makes sense.

Oh hey! This is a big step up from where you were previously (and not just literally!). This room is lit up enough (for being a room filled with goo) that you don't have to rely on the flashlight, and it extends out in all directions for quite a ways! Plenty of space here. Reminds you of the, uh, actual waterworks. But with less goo.

Also, solid platforms. Those are nice too.

Ah yes. Feels great to bask in the not-quite-fresh air as well as the returning feeling that your metal suit is still heavy as shit. You nearly forgot about that, too.

06/10/11
"Realize that this entire place uncomfortably resembles a digestive tract at times."

You'd rather not.

06/10/11
"Seems lighter there, CC, better go check around, you might find someone there."

It's definitely not as dark down here. The goo almost seems... thinner, in a way. Your flashlight is carrying a lot farther than it was before.

Looking at where you come from, you're guessing that you were probably shot out from that little doorway over there, straight into this pile 'o goo.

As you look up, you see a pipe sticking up into what appears to be the surface. Phew! It's comforting to know that if you ever feel your breath thinning out, air isn't too far away.

This bit of goo you're standing on looks like it slopes upwards until it also hits the surface. Kinda like the sand on a beach.

You still haven't seen Phobia's sister, but you've got a hunch that she can't be much farther.

06/10/11
"Try and hoist yourself out of the goo pile there."

Easily done. The ground's a lot squishier here but you're able to stay on top of it without too much trouble.

28/09/11
"==>"

28/09/11
"==>"

28/09/11
"Turn the light on. Use the harpoon to be SPIDER GIRL and zipline to places."

Yeah, you might as well pull out all the stops while you still can. Shooting your harpoon into the darkness will be the fastest way to get around down here.

28/09/11
"Try switching off the suit light."

Yeah, now that we've got the ball rolling let's just make it even more depressing by turning off our flashlight and letting the darkness enclose us on all sides.

You're still following the wall, so at least there's that.

28/09/11
"Can you use your mood ring right now?"

...Nope. You lacked the foresight to realize that you wouldn't be able to get a reading off of your mood ring while it was encased in a heavy metal glove. Even if you knew what colour it was, you probably wouldn't be able to pull any items out of it, due to your gloves constricting the area around the ring. As a result, you've only got access to your axe and the harpoon.

This is beginning to get seriously discouraging. How the hell did Phobia's sister make it down this far?

28/09/11
"Check how much air you have?"

You have about... uh...

You have no idea how much air you've got left in your suit.

You're also not sure how long you've already been submerged. This might be a liiiiittle problematic. You hope to god there's an air pocket nearby.

28/09/11
"Slowly go forward, keeping one hand on the nearest wall so you don't get lost."

Yeah, you were going down a straightaway before it got really dark all of a sudden, so you suppose it'd be best to put a hand on the creepy tendril-covered wall and see where it goes.

28/09/11
"Sight is limited, smell, touch, and taste are out of the question, so can you hear anything?"

You don't hear anything aside from the usual glubs one would normally expect to hear when underwater. Although you can't say that it's helping you keep calm at this point.

28/09/11
"Wait, but why does Phobia have a suit that Slick's people made?"

You have no idea why the porthole thought you were Slick. It's probably something you'll have to ask Phobia or Slick once you get back up to the surface.

28/09/11
"CC: Examine M.M. unit."

When you shut off the porthole, the console spit this thing out at you.

It's a lot slimmer than the one Slick wears on his back, and it's got some weird symbols on it. It's also missing a green bar, which leaves the red one to glow ominously by itself in the dark.

You're able to attach it to your own suit via a small unassuming hook that allowed it to be hung up on its storage rack. Convenience!

28/09/11
"CC: See if your goo-stalk-headband helps you see through the goo."

It should, but it isn- Hey! It's gone!

You can only guess that it fell off your unwieldy helmet when you accidentally pulled yourself down into the goo at high velocity. Oh well, it's not much of a loss, and you can always make another one when you find some more glowing stalks.

28/09/11
"==>"

Frankly, you're surprised you found the porthole so easily. You'd think Phobia's sister would've come across it and tried to shut it off herself, considering that you haven't found her yet. Then again, stumbling around in the darkness isn't always the best way to find what you're looking for.

Okay seriously, suddenly it's friggin' dark in here. Your helmet's tiny little light doesn't have enough juice to let you see more than a foot in front of your face. You haven't run into anything dangerous so far but you don't want to wander inside an underwater wood-chipper or something while flailing about in the darkness.

28/09/11
"==>"

Music credit

26/09/11
"==>"

You're beginning to wonder what you've gotten yourself into.

26/09/11
"==>"

26/09/11
"CC: Press the button before anyone can warn you what it does."

05/09/11
"==>"

All harpoons can be used for, well, harpooning... But most of them have secret uses and alternate forms. For example, his own harpoon is able to spin at high velocities, allowing it to - oh goddammit connie don't tell me you've already figured it out

05/09/11
"Examine harpoon. It looks like it has moving parts."

Since it isn't his, Slick says that he has no idea what it actually does. However, each one is special and with proper use they can be incredibly helpful.

05/09/11
"Take it. Take the harpoon. So hard."

You take the harpoon. It's bulky, and heavier than it looks...

It must be one of those special harpoons that Slick was telling you about during your trip down in the elevator! But this clearly isn't his. Why would he have two?

Slick chimes in and says the harpoon used to belong to Surge. He mumbles something about Surge giving it to him because he didn't need it anymore.

04/09/11
"==>"

Ooh, is that some kind of harpoon?

04/09/11
"==>"

Slick's probably just thinking logically. Technically there shouldn't be anything for you to kill down there, but the axe would still remain useful if you needed to hack through anything that might be blocking your way, so you guess there's that.

04/09/11
"==>"

To be honest you're not entirely sure what use your axe would have over your mace down there. Besides, you were going to take both so you figured it didn't even matter.

04/09/11
"==>"

Yeah, you've still got your mace and your axe.

04/09/11
"Connie: Alright, this sounds like something you can do, remember that you're a badass."

Yes. You are a total badass. You're going to go down there and kick the ass of whatever it is keeping Phobia's sister from coming back.

...Provided something actually is holding her back, and she's not just dead or something. Yeeeeah. You hope that won't become a thing later on.

Slick seems to want to say something to you before you go.

04/09/11
"Connie: Stick the glowy thingy on your helmet. Be the anglerfish once again."

You don't see any reason not to put your headband over top of your helmet, so you ask Phobia if she can go get it from where Slick left it.

Slick goes behind you to do something while you stand there being relatively immobile.

04/09/11
"Slick: Help the poor lady to her feet."

Slick helps get you back up. He apologizes if he might've come off as a bit of a jerk while saying that, but that doesn't make it any less true. You'd make a face but you're fairly certain he wouldn't have been able to see it.

04/09/11
"Connie: Make Slick dive in first. He has experience. Sorta."

Aaaand you're suited up! It's a little snug in a few places, and also flippin' heavy to the point where you can barely move in it above ground, but now you're ready to do some diving! You tell Slick to lead the way and you'll do your best to keep up. He tells you that you're on your own, because he won't be going in at all.

wait WHAT

You turn around and try to ask Slick why the hell he isn't going down there while trying not to fall over at the same time. You both succeed and fail.

Slick says that you've seen his suit up close, and have probably noticed that it's not made out of metal. It's got some moderate resistance to the goo, but he can't go friggin' swimming in it like you can. If he did, his suit would probably dissolve and kill him within five minutes. Slick says that after finding Phobia's sister, the absolute best thing to do would be for you to find the porthole, shut it off, and come right back. Slick's not worried, because the metal suit should protect you completely.

If the porthole's off, no more goo will be flowing in, which means that Slick can take the time to figure out how to drain the basement, after which the two of you can finish exploring it together without fear of disintegration.

04/09/11
"Phobia: Explain what your sister drew on her suit, so these two know what to look for."

She also says that her sister's suit doesn't have any colouring on it. This one's only coloured green because she was getting really really bored and needed something to keep her mind off of the black abyss closing in on her after her sister disappeared.

04/09/11
"Connie: Ask how you're going to recognize her sister."

It's getting incredibly crowded in here, so you give your towel and headband to Slick so that he can figure out what to do with them.

Phobia says that her sister's suit will look more or less like the one you're wearing, but shorter. Similar to most of the other workers around here.

04/09/11
"Connie: Get ye suit."

Phobia will have to separate the suit and fit each piece onto you. She says it'd probably be helpful if you were to remove your towel and your creepy glowing headband. You wouldn't need it anyway, as the helmet comes with a built-in flashlight and also has a miniature air tank inside it that will let you stay completely submerged for about ten minutes or so, which is more than long enough for short dives. You can fill it back up just by popping above the surface and opening the viewport for a few seconds.

04/09/11
"Actually, now that I think about it, what do you do for a living, Connie? If you're that skilled at piping, why are you not a plumber?"

The whole bathroom thing more or less started after you were finished with college. You're not going back again to get a piece of paper that says you can do the stuff that you've grown to enjoy as a hobby.

But that's another thing you'll have to deal with. As a result, you're currently between jobs. And you must admit... You've been between jobs for, uh, quite a while now.

Either way, that's not what's important right now. You need to ask Phobia about the nature of her suit.

She says that one of the heavy maintenance workers was struck by a surge of inspiration and decided to come up with a means to work around all this caustic goo.

The end result was two suits built out of sheet metal and silicone. They will never dissolve. It was a good thing he sent them down with the plumbers too, considering what happened to the basement.

Phobia thinks you shouldn't have a problem fitting into her suit, as it looks like the two of you share roughly the same proportions. She would be eternally grateful if you were to put it on and dive into the goo to make sure her sister is okay.

04/09/11
"You might need the frog suit to keep up with Slick if you go any further. Ask to borrow it."

Eager to change the subject quickly, you ask the plumber if you can take a closer look at her suit, or perhaps even try it on. It might come in handy considering where you and Slick are headed.

Well, uh, you weren't thinking about it but you suppose if you bumped into her down there you could go pick her up or something

You would have found her switch from depression to complete ecstatics a bit sudden, but you're not exactly one to complain.

But then again, why are you blaming her? She's probably been isolated down here in this musty place for hours, tormented with the thought that her sister might not even still be alive. Hell, the fact that she's got visitors must be a huge relief.

This plumber must really love her sister to pour her heart out to you guys like this.

Which, frankly, doesn't exactly make you look too good in comparison. But you'll just have to get over it.

01/09/11
"Control yourself. Calm down."

Uhhhh... Yeah. You were borderline psychotic for a second there.

Hi Slick. Hi Phobia. Don't mind me.

01/09/11
"Connie: Flip the fuck out, your hat's been in a toilet."

...Now that you think about it, you might be a little jealou-

wait

WHAT

GODDAMMIT YOU SAID YOU DIDN'T KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN EARLIER BUT YOU HAD TO BE AN ASSHOLE AND PUT IT ON YOUR HEAD ANYWAY WITHOUT REALIZING THAT YOU'RE WEARING AN IMPLEMENT USED TO CLEAN FUCKING TOILETS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGBLRBLBRBL

01/09/11
"Slick: Subtly, so as not to offend, begin using tears to clean black goo from tanks."

You think there's something that you might be able to do.

You use the water on her face to try and dissolve some of the goo stored in your suit.

It's not helping you much, but Phobia's looking better.

01/09/11
"Of a plumber?"

...Just because she's a plumber doesn't mean she's better than you!

You've obliterated thousands of clogs. You've run your own piping throughout your house. You've managed to purify every single square inch of surface occupying your bathroom. Every single drain in your house is practically a vacuum. Hospitals, fast food outlets, and sports stadiums WISH they could have what you have.

If that plumber thinks that she can use her job as an excuse to close in on Slick, she's got another thing coming!

01/09/11
"Connie: ...Are you jealous?"

You're not jealous. She's just whoring for attention, and you find it very rude that a grown woman would just break down in the arms of your friend. The same friend who said that he cares about you and wants to keep you safe.

01/09/11
"CC: Store some stuff while you're all ticked off! You have a lot of space in the red, right?"

You can't take the construction light without taking the generator, and frankly you're not sure why you would need either. You don't have anything to power up and the construction light is too awkward to unpack repeatedly.

You could take the water bottle, but you still have the half-empty water bottle from earlier. You could take some of the bottles of drain cleaner, but they're all empty.

There's not much you can do here, aside from waiting for Phobia to calm the hell down and let go of Slick.

01/09/11
"How is Drain Cleaner a weapon?"

You figured you'd just throw it on stuff. Most kinds tend to be rather caustic in order for them to clear clogged drains. You're not entirely sure whether it helped clear the goo any faster than water did, but they did a pretty good job regardless.

01/09/11
"Connie: Wear the toilet plunger on your head."

No. Even the notion is absolutely childish. You don't know where it's been.

01/09/11
"Connie: Look around."

Time to go through this bitch's stuff!

Let's see. Aside from all the empty bottles of drain cleaner, you notice a construction light hooked up to a small generator, a water bottle, a miniature toilet plunger, and some kind of empty storage rack with a suit in it. You imagine it belongs to Phobia.

The suit appears to be coloured to look like... some kind of frog, you'd imagine. That's just weird and you're sure you don't want to bother questioning it.

Though you do have to admire the artist's dedication - it's been coloured with green crayon from head to toe, with the eyes even done in black and white. This person must've torn right through the arts and crafts supplies when they were in kindergarten.

01/09/11
"Slick: become extremely uncomfortable..."

You shouldn't have touched her, because she took that as an invitation to glue herself to you. You don't think you've ever seen anyone extrude such copious amounts of water from their eye sockets at a given moment.

You have no idea how you're supposed to react to this. You're hoping Connie will come over and help you, but she doesn't seem to be doing much.

01/09/11
"Slick: Notice first the new person."

Huh? Who is that and why would they be down here by themselves?

She's not one of the workers you apprehended. One of the other guys must've got to her before you.

You tell her you're not going to hurt her, and that you and Connie are here to get all this fixed.

She says her name is Phobia. She's a heavy plumber. The Asian chef needed some fish and one of the heavy maintenance workers needed someone to test out some of his new equipment, and considering she and her sister were plumbers, it only seemed natural to be the ones to go to the basement.

So the two of them came down here and after seeing all the black stuff she wanted leave and go back up but her sister wanted to keep pressing forwards, so they did but then they came to a dead end so they used up all their drano to clean up as much of the goo as they could and ended up finding this flowing river of goo behind her

but still her sister wanted to see where it went so she put on one of the suits the heavy maintenance worker gave them and went in but it's been hours and she still hasn't come back yet and Phobia wants to go get help but she's too scared to go through all the goo to get back and she doesn't want to desert her sister and

and

Man, she's a total mess. Slick seems to have got it covered, though.

Whoa, the air over here smells incredibly sterile. It's almost hurting your nose more than the goo-smell was. You know from experience that this is the result of the liberal application of cleaning products. Phobia wasn't lying, there's dozens upon dozens of discarded bottles of drano lying around.

You have to admit, it seems impractical to use drain cleaner to kill off the goo. You've tried using it on your shower at home, but you've found that plain old water works just as well, if not better. This must've been all that the plumbers had on them. Anyone packing this much heat must be pretty hardcore.

You wonder what else they brought with them.

01/09/11
"==>"

...Nah, just kidding.

You'll believe it when it happens.

although in retrospect this wouldn't be the best context to pretend to fall down, especially in front of slick

Haha, he's so worried about you. You could get used to this.

01/09/11
"Connie: wonder why you aren't more freaked out about this. It's more than likely you're inside the organs of some giant goo monster, and you're not the one wearing a hazmat suit. If this thing winds up being conscious of your presence, it could kill you in a number of intriguing ways, probably before Slick can do anything about it. So seriously, why so chill?"

You're too old for this crap. You've seen too many alien and monster movies for this to faze you. For all it's worth, that purple stuff you got on your face could've been some kind of neurotoxin meant to slowly disable your body, upon which giant goo spiders would descend and impregnate you with their acidic spawn. Really. That's just cliché.

And just because you said it was stupid and will not happen doesn't mean it's going to surprise you and happen anyway. Those kinds of shenanigans are crap one would only see in cheap webcomi-

...!

oh shit

01/09/11
"Connie: Attempt to store blade in your inventory. You could always use more cool weapons, even if you're not totally sure what they are."

Nevermind, apparently Connie was getting bored and just put the thing in her inventory. Somehow.

Either way, the path is now clear, so the two of you head down it. It goes down for quite a ways, and neither of you notice anything significant while passing through.

01/09/11
"Slick: the little white lights went out when you punched the purple blob; I think you might have killed something."

Hmm... Looks like you might have. The blade is just kinda sitting there. You mean, even moreso than it was before. If that makes any sense.

You should try moving it.

01/09/11
"Buzzing honeycomb lights: Buzz in a threatening manner."

No change there.

01/09/11
"Slick: Punch the blade."

...You could've waited until after I was done looking at it, Slick.

01/09/11
"Connie - Investigate Purple Thingy."

You're not entirely sure what this is. It's round, purple, and pulsating slightly. Which is gross. You've seen worse, though.

01/09/11
"Examine the honeycomb looking lights."

They're weirding you out. They're too high up for you to get a better look, but they seem to be... buzzing. Even moreso when you're closer. You don't intend on getting near them.

01/09/11
"Connie: Suggest that you both move on."

You would, but there's a bit of a giant blade blocking your path at the moment.

01/09/11
"Slick: Check out the darker and lighter areas on the wall behind you over there, can you spot a difference?"

There appear to be two different kind of wall here. The outside wall is very similar to the floor you're standing on, while the inside wall looks tough and sinewy.

01/09/11
"Slick: Check your goo absorbant meter. If you're walking around on goo, you should be able to notice it."

Surprisingly, your suit isn't absorbing too much from this room. Everything appears to be fairly solid and nonreactive.

Your suit's still absorbing it, but very slowly. There's probably a little in the air. It doesn't seem to be much of a threat unless the two of you plan on spending all day in here.

01/09/11
"CC: Grab stalk, stick to head - Be angler fish."

This is obviously one of your better ideas.

01/09/11
"What are you standing on?"

You're definitely not standing on a hard metal floor. It's more like some kind of membrane. It's solid, but has a teeny bit of give to it. It's also quite moist and slimy and... erugh.

Slick wasn't joking. This is pretty serious. The texture of the walls, the clamminess of the air, the putrid stench, it's almost like you've wandered into some kind of bodily cavity.

That's a pretty decent way to describe it, actually. You're reminded about how the roof of your mouth feels in comparison to the floor here. It's completely gross, and worse - made out of goo. At least it's not eating you. Your skin's itching a little bit, but it hasn't gotten any worse. You hope it stays that way.

01/09/11
"Turn the light on your suit on."

Yeah, you should probably just turn up the illumination on your suit just a little bit so you can see what's going on. You remember this place being a little less dark and foreboding the last time you were in here.

Everything's still a little dark, but at least you can both see without you blindin- CONNIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING

She tells you to keep your shirt on. The stalks are completely harmless, and all they do is emit light.

01/09/11
"Flowers. If you see them, DO NOT TOUCH THEM."

...Oh right, you nearly forgot! You pull out the weird bunch of glowing stalks and warn Connie about how you're afraid that parts of the goo might... not be goo anymore, and tell her not to disturb anything that looks particularly stalky or glowy until the porthole's shut off.

She agrees and you both go through the door.

Hm. Never mind then.

At least the two of you don't seem to be dissolving, so there's that.

01/09/11
"Connie: Didn't you already kill that fly?"

It isn't the same bug. They don't just come back to life after being squashed.

What you were wondering was what one was doing so far underground.

01/09/11
"Slick+CC: Continue on your way."

You call Connie over and tell her to watch her step.

You explain to her that the reason you needed her to help you search for your second porthole and shut it off. Doing that should hopefully put an end to the goo problem, which will then free up the two of you so you can work to bring the water back to this facility.

It's pretty big in there. You've only been down here once, but you've got a pretty general idea as to where you put the porthole. Connie seems happy with what you've told her. You're not sure if there's anything else you need to consider.

01/09/11
"Slick: Look at the ceiling, maybe it dripped from there."

Looks like it did. The ceiling is riddled with air vents that seem to be excreting copious amounts of the stuff. You have no idea how it even got up there. Best just to be careful and not let any of it fall on you.

01/09/11
"Slick: That's considerate and all but, do you actually know what you're doing?"

...Sort of. You know that somewhere down here is your second porthole, spewing out all the goo. You need to find it, shut it off, and remove its M.M. Unit in order to stop more of this stuff from appearing. Once that's done, you need to finish the job with the water, pay Tubs so that he'll leave, and then get this entire mess cleaned up before you return back home to demand just what the hell is going on.

You're kinda making this up as you go. Right now, shutting off the porthole is your top priority.

01/09/11
"Slick: Holy fuck, why are you not ten times more paranoid than this?"

To be honest, you're bordering on terrified over here. A lot of stuff going on down here is similar to what you saw back on Derelix. You've been trying to keep calm so that Connie will get the impression that you know what you're doing.

01/09/11
"Connie: Open the panel! There's always cool stuff behind panels... right?"

The panel's locked! You could try to pry it open with your axe (or your crowbar if you knew where it went), but frankly you don't have much reason to force it open at the moment. Poking around inside random bits of machinery hasn't exactly treated you well in the past, so you're better off just leaving it as it is for now.

01/09/11
"That's a window above the box, right? Maybe you can see anything special through it."

Nope, pitch black.

01/09/11
"HEY LOOK A BOX OPEN IT!"

...You've been sitting on this thing for the better part of an hour and it never once occurred to you what was actually inside it. You open the box and take a peek inside.

In it, you find...

No, not really.

They appear to be a couple of spare claws for that crane you rode in on earlier. While a pair of robot hands would be awesome, they're so heavy you can barely manage to lift one, let alone wield it as a weapon.

You decide to take them with you anyway. Maybe Slick or one of the maintenance workers can figure out what to do with them. If all else fails, you can just drop them on someone.

...Your mood ring's getting a little crowded in the blue end. This isn't that big a problem, as any more items you pick up will just shove the more neutral ones up into the red, and you've got plenty of space there. Which is a good thing, you suppose.

01/09/11
"CC: Arm yourself with your trusty... uh... do you still have your axe? And is there anything nearby you could use as a helmet?"

Your mace and axe are on the ground, so you pick them up and equip them. Feels nice to have them back in your hands.

As for a helmet, the elevator's pretty bare. The only other object Slick brought in here was that box, and you doubt there'd be anything remotely helmet-like behind that panel.

01/09/11
"Slick: Did someone (or something) press the call button outside the elevator?"

Looks like... the goo did?

There's a glob of it covering the button. There really isn't anything else you can conclude from this.

01/09/11
"Slick, remember what happened last time? Tell her to get WAY behind you for a second and do a scan in every type of vision you have."

It's pitch black in there. You probably would feel better if you were to run through the spectrum on your visor instead of fumbling through the darkness for a light switch.

You quickly flip through all your visibility settings on low power so you hopefully avoid cooking Connie's organs. You don't see much, but you're able to notice the light switch on the wall.

01/08/11
"What were we doing before the whole elevator thing again?"

Uh...

You're fairly certain that the Asian chef wanted you to come down here to see if you could find some fish lost in whatever's down here.

He also mentioned something about sending some plumbers down here, only to never hear from them again.

Slick also needs your help with something down here for some reason.

01/08/11
"==>"

...Wait, why did that door suddenly decide to open now? Slick said that the elevator has already been at the bottom for a while.

Oh well. Maybe you should ask Slick to save the rest of his story for the trip back up. He's been going at it for a while, and he's definitely told you enough for you to realize that most of this was just a misunderstanding.

Frankly, a lot of his story sounds like complete bullshit, but who are you to disagree with a man capable of altering space on higher dimensions?

01/08/11
"Elevator Door: Open self ominously and interrupt Slick's story."

01/08/11
"==>"

They had set off to find Slick and get him to a safe place before anyone else could get a hold of him.

One of them did eventually reach Slick first, and it resulted in quite an interesting fight up on the factory roof.

01/08/11
"==>"

01/08/11
"The Blue Boys: Show up and beat the heck out of that helecopter."

Fortunately, two young men and an older guy had just broken into the factory and were deciding on what to do next.

01/08/11
"Deploy the Porthole as a defensive weapon if necessary"

However, he had the great idea to protect himself with his porthole by standing inside it and turning the shields on. This gave him enough time to wait for his contact to arrive, or at least for him to think about what to do next.

01/08/11
"Water portal the HELL outta there!"

There wasn't water anywhere remotely near here!

01/08/11
"Slick: You always knew the day would come. Kill them all, even if they surrender."

...Slick really, REALLY doesn't want to consider doing that. He could try using his harpoon, but he didn't want to accidentally dismember the person inside that thing. He had to get away or at least find a way to protect himself.

26/07/11
"Slick: Hide"

Music credit

26/07/11
"==>"

And it did! Slick teleported inside the factory through the remaining water in the container. All he had to do now was scramble for a place to hide.

26/07/11
"Slick: surely you can use your harpoon (and your manly strengthfulness) to punch through the weak wall of that building at the point where the crack is widest. You only need to make a small hole; one big enough to throw a vial of water through."

One of the cracks on the left side looked to be quite deep.

Slick got his harpoon out and used it to widen the crack a little more.

Wedging his harpoon into the crack got it big enough for Slick to just barely see through to the end of the wall.

After doing this, Slick got several vials-worth of water through the crack. Enough of it should have congealed into a puddle on the other side of the wall.

23/07/11
"Spill a little of what water you already have by the doorway and wait for the puddle to settle underneath the doors."

Slick couldn't just take water out of his M.M. unit! He would have to set down his porthole and set it to reverse, and even then he'd have a hell of a time aiming the thing towards the door. He'd have an easier time with the water in the container.

Even though it was a good idea, he wouldn't have been able to seep any water underneath the door - There was barely enough clearance, and the slope of the ground would inhibit the flow.

There had to be a better way. He could probably still try it, though.

23/07/11
"Slick: Attempt to use your water-based teleportation system."

Slick jumped into the container and tried to use his LEVEL ONE PUDDLETECH: SPATIAL TRANSPORT to get inside the factory. It didn't work, which meant that there weren't any puddles in there.

23/07/11
"Look at that cylindrical thing to the right (Slick's left)"

The container was old and weathered, but there was about a foot of water at the bottom.

23/07/11
"You obviously need that conspicuous pink stripy thing. Get it now. It will prove invaluable."

Slick was fairly certain that there was no conspicuous pink stripy thing nearby, and that such a thing showing up in this kind of situation would be incredibly ridiculous and an utter waste of time.

17/07/11
"Police: Be not ordinary."

It's not like he had given them proof that his suit was able to do stuff like that. He didn't just waltz up to someone and hand them a mysterious artifact of unforeseen power or anything wait oh god that's what he just did

He gave his repair module's battery to the head of the city newspaper. Slick had no idea what was going to happen next, but he realized that he now had to prepare for the worst.

His best bet was to barricade himself in this building and wait for his help to arrive.

He'd have to figure out a way to get in, though. This building looked pretty old, with cracks running up and down the sides, but it was still fairly sturdy. Those doors looked like they'd be able to take a beating before they would break open.

17/07/11
"Slick: You can probably get away from ordinary police"

...Yeah, surely it wouldn't have been TOO hard for Slick to hide from just a few ordinary guys, right? His suit wasn't too great in the personal defense department, but it could certainly take a few bullets before he'd have to worry about anything.

And then there was the whole spatial distortion thing. And his harpoon. Yeah, he had this covered.

There wasn't any reason for anyone particularly important to come after him, either. Whoever they were, they would take one look at his advertisement and just write it off as a prank or something else that wasn't as serious as it was made out to be.

17/07/11
"==>"

...Police?

It had never dawned on Slick that there might be people here who would actually be OPPOSED to him waltzing in on them and stealing all their water. Considering that's more or less what he said he'd do in his advertisement, this was proving to be rather problematic.

17/07/11
"==>"

17/07/11
"Answer that phone in a hardboiled manner"

17/07/11
"Remember from your studies that this is a communications device."

Slick didn't really know anything about where he was, but at least he could see that this thing was trying to get his attention. He thought that he should probably grab that handle and see what happens.

21/06/11
"Bestiary: Be a pop-up book."

It's... like it's really alive...

He would've looked further, but a loud ringing had erupted behind him, scaring him half to death!

21/06/11
"Read your monster book thing :D"

Might as well look at the bestiary while he had the time.

21/06/11
"==>"

21/06/11
"==>"

21/06/11
"==>"

21/06/11
"ADVERTISE LIKE YOU'VE NEVER ADVERTISED BEFORE (you haven't)."

He did. He wrote a fairly comprehensive message explaining his purpose and what he was willing to offer in exchange for any help, and used up a fair bit of space while doing so. He directed anyone interested to meet him by an abandoned factory building that he found earlier on the outskirts of the city. He had waited there all night and the sun was already making its way into the sky.

Judging by what the boss had said, the newspaper went out about two hours ago. How much longer was he supposed to wait?

21/06/11
"Offer him your Bestiary"

Well, he could give him the bestiary. It's just a book detailing various animals and monsters... but Slick brought it with him because he was really interested in the kind of things inside it and wanted to try to read it whenever he had some time to spare. Surely there was something else he could give away.

After attempting to offer his fannypack, a shot from his life-extender, one of his cisterns, and eventually the bestiary, Slick managed to get the boss to settle for the battery that was inside his repair module.

It was a heavy multicoloured rod that seemed to suck the light out of the room. Normally, the repair module would have been unable to function without it, but Slick had brought along a cable kit. It would allow him to patch any of his devices into any electrical network to draw power when it was needed.

Either way, this would certainly give him something to write about. And it did. The boss gave Slick all the space he could ever want for advertising in his newspaper.

21/06/11
"Slick: INVENTORY BINGE QUICKLY."

Time to see what he had to trade!

Most of the stuff here was mission critical - Slick wouldn't have been able to pass them off even if he wanted to. There were a few things that he COULD do without, though...

21/06/11
"Slick: Place ad in paper via telephone: "NEED ABLE-BODIED, MORALLY QUESTIONABLE HELPERS TO DO SOMETHING THAT IS NOT TAKING OVER THE CITY WATERWORKS"."

That was exactly what he needed to do! Except he had no idea what a telephone was, so he just went in person.

That is, after acquiring an incredibly stylish and functional fannypack for absolutely free. He just had to go next door and tell them what brand of toys his imaginary daughter would play with and why.

This thing could be used as a spare inventory after he set up his M.M. unit. It was fairly spacious. And free. He could afford free.

He entered the building and navigated a bunch of hallways until he reached who he presumed was the person in charge of the newspaper.

Slick asked if he could put an ad in his paper.

After regaining his composure, the boss greeted him with a very loud and gruff voice, telling him how lucky he was that Slick caught him before he was going to head out for the night.

He went on about a whole bunch of stuff Slick didn't have any idea about, such as the mayor and politicians arguing over the smallest of things, as well as complaints from taxpayers and the occasional crime spree. The crime in this city was the only thing worth writing about, but even it had started to grow stale over time.

He'd be happy to oblige the requests of someone as funny-looking as Slick this late at night, but he also brought Slick's attention to one problem. Advertising cost money, none of which Slick actually had.

He had to have something on him that other people would find valuable, but what would that be? He didn't want to keep this guy waiting.

08/06/11
"==>"

Slick knew where he had to go next.

08/06/11
"==>"

Hm.

The way information was distributed around here was incredibly convenient.

08/06/11
"==>"

08/06/11
"Slick: Look for mercenaries."

By the time Slick had managed to get back to the city, it was starting to really get dark, making this place look even more grey and depressing.

He needed to find a group of people to help his cause. It was doubtful that people would help him steal water out of goodwill, so he'd have to think of some way to pay them.

He didn't even know how to get his request out to the public. Nonetheless, he needed to start moving. It wasn't as if the answer to all his problems was going to come up and hit him in the face.

07/06/11
"==>"

Naturally, he wasn't able to get anything done in the waterworks at first. The place was flippin' huge and there was no way he'd be able to overpower all the workers without killing anyone or causing an incredibly large uprising. He had to head back and find some help.

07/06/11
"==>"

Either way, he tells you he's almost done. He figures you'd want to hear how he met Tubs and how they finally started this whole thing off.

He'll stick to the more important parts though. He didn't want to waste any more of your time.

07/06/11
"==>"

Slick tells you that the elevator stopped moving a while ago, so it's most likely been sitting at the bottom of the basement for... about twenty minutes or so?

07/06/11
"And then you started stealing water. We get the idea, now what is up with this elevator why is it taking so loooong?"

Yeah yeah yeah, you know. Then he went into the waterworks. But wait! He was distracted by several thousand incredibly shiny objects and had to drone on about those too!

This story is really starting to stretch on. Has the elevator even reached the bottom yet?

07/06/11
"==>"

And he was off. It was an incredibly long walk along the supposed road, and it was evening by the time Slick got there.

07/06/11
"Thank the kind girl, pack up the portal then go on your way."

He said thank you and picked up his porthole. They had a lot of other questions for him, but he dismissed them, saying that he had to get over to the waterworks quickly.

07/06/11
"Ask the girl if she could give you directions."

She said that he'd be able to reach the waterworks if he just followed the main street for a while. It was a ways out from the city, but apparently it was more or less a straight line.

02/06/11
"==>"

Hmm. A jillion did sound like a lot. This needed some looking into.

02/06/11
"Slick: Question the kid about the waterworks."

The little girl mentioned a place where all the water in the city had to go in order to get cleaned so that it could be used again.

She says her dad was one of the workers there, and he had taken her to see what it looked like. The place was huge, and there was like a jillion gallons of water there!

02/06/11
"==>"

But... uh... You know he didn't go through with that. Obviously.

Upon further questioning with the little boy, it was deemed that Slick was too ill-equipped to harness the powers of the mighty water cycle.

02/06/11
"WE'RE GONNA STEAL THE WATER CYCLE"

01/06/11
"==>"

Granted, it was pretty obvious which kid he listened to, but at the time he had no idea what the hell any of them were talking about and wasn't sure if any of them even knew what he meant. Then again, he'd never been here before so he didn't know what to expect at all.

01/06/11
"Actually, ask where the water comes from."

Thinking it might be easier to acquire the water at its source, Slick asked them where they thought the water came from.

01/06/11
"==>"

As far as they could tell, they didn't know of any way to strengthen the flow of the so-called water fountain.

They also told Slick he had a funny voice.

01/06/11
"Politely ask how to turn the juice up on this thing."

Slick asked them if there was any way for him to get any more than just a trickle of water out of that thing.

01/06/11
"Ninja vanishing technique! Flee!"

It didn't work.

30/05/11
"Kid: Return with a group of friends."

HE BROUGHT REINFORCEMENTS

30/05/11
"==>"

Yep. Just need to keep at it. Judging by how fast his matter manipulation unit was filling up, Slick surmised that it'd only take a few more decades for him to fill it to the top!

...Yeah, this wasn't cutting it. He'd have to find a place with a more readily-accessible supply of water.

30/05/11
"==>"

Fortunately, it had seemed to be enough. He wandered off to leave Slick alone.

30/05/11
""Hello, juvenile citizen...""

"...I am a member of your primitive civilization tasked with testing the reliability of water-distribution boxes like this one. I may have to test this unit for some time to ensure that its operation is totally acceptable. Please go about your business and ignore me; everything is normal."

That was more or less what he told him. The kid just sorta kept staring back at him with his mouth open.

29/05/11
"==>"

In retrospect, Slick admits that this method might've taken a little longer than he had hoped. Plus, he was already starting to garner attention.

29/05/11
"==>"

Slick dropped his first porthole and turned it on.

29/05/11
"Push that button!"

...Yep. That's water.

29/05/11
"Remove the water fountain for fun and profit."

Even though the device looked rather portable, it was firmly attached to the ground. Even if Slick could uproot it and take it with him, he's fairly certain there wouldn't be a particularly large amount of water stored within that tiny space. Spatial distortion was his department. The water was most likely pumped in from elsewhere.

There wasn't much to look at except for a little button on the side, attached to a nozzle.

29/05/11
"==>"

And to victor go the spoils! Too bad Slick's name wasn't Victor.

He needed to get all the water out of this thing and fast, so he could get on with his other objective.

29/05/11
"Distract kid by throwing something past him and when he goes to investigate seize the concrete bunker and it's limitless liquid treasure."

He pulled out a vial and tossed it over to the side. Fortunately the person turned in the direction the vial was headed - not where it was coming from - and went over to investigate.

29/05/11
"Past Slick: Examine strange brown and green organism."

Slick fondly regarded the tree. He had only seen ones this big in pictures, and even then, they looked vastly different from this.

29/05/11
"Ask him why they shot him into space if he is from Earth."

Slick apologizes for not mentioning it earlier. The three of them were grouped together to stay on earth while all the other more experienced subjects were assigned to different planets, hence the rockets.

For instance, Laze (you wouldn't know him) was supposed to head off to some planet called Aegis, and Surge (that guy who, uh, saw Slick off) was assigned to Derelix.

29/05/11
"Tell us about your, I mean his, first encounter with people without blades."

He admits that it was a little more awkward than he'd hoped. Initially, Slick wanted to avoid as much contact as possible and just make a grab for any water he could get his hands on. He finally found his target in the middle of a clearing amidst all the buildings. There was a small concrete structure that spouted an endless stream of water at the press of a button. Unfortunately, there was a little guy using it. He was waiting for him to leave, but he hadn't yet. All he was doing was running around and taking the occasional drink. It was a little frustrating.

29/05/11
"Can you not open your suit, or are you not allowed to open your suit?"

He directs your attention to an unassuming zipper located just under his helmet. He's fairly sure that there's nothing stopping him from removing the suit if he had really wanted to, but he was told not to, for reasons that were fairly obvious. Don't want a guy with sharp cutting implements grafted onto his arms and legs running around and leaving his incredibly fancy suit behind for anyone else to just happen upon it, right?

Besides, you'd know about it. You almost managed to tear the damn thing off him when you first met.

29/05/11
"How do you eat if you can't open your suit??"

Slick's not entirely sure. He says it was explained to him that the suit would keep him hydrated if he was near any water, so there's that.

25/05/11
"CC: Point out how unnecessary the whole plan is."

Slick agrees with you. In hindsight, he really should've seen all this shit coming. Oh well, only thing to do now is to try and clean things up. Once everything's back to normal he needs to go back home and find out just what the hell is going on.

He tells you that nothing too incredible happened for a little while after that. Mostly just a lot of walking while staring at the sky and thinkin' about stuff. He's probably going to skip to a more interesting part.

25/05/11
"==>"

....aaaaaaaaaand got it.

The suit was going to take a little getting used to. He had been taught about how it works and how to make the most out of its features, but he had never had the opportunity to actually wear it until now.

25/05/11
"Rheo: Inventory the repair module."

Right. This thing. The scientists mentioned something about Slick's M.M. unit acting as temporary storage, so that was probably where he was to put his repair module for the time being.

25/05/11
"Ponder how Mist is doing. Maybe you can contact her via your suit?"

Slick thought that Mist would be okay. She's definitely one of the stronger people working on this mission. Her hotheadedness seemed to have aided in her survival thus far, and he doubted it would be any different this time around.

As for contacting her, Slick wouldn't have been able to. One of the more explicit rules was that each subject had to work alone in his or her assigned location. There was to be no cooperation between subjects unless it was absolutely necessary in order to complete the objectives. As such, their suits only had a simple wireless messaging system, which Mist had used to send off a quick message while they were still near each other.

25/05/11
"Slick: detach the smaller M.M. Unit from your back and throw it away. Yahoo! Objective #2 complete!"

Slick wasn't sure that was a good idea. First off, he had no idea how to actually separate the two sections of his M.M. unit.

Second, it was attached to his back. He would have to remove his suit in order to get at it, which was something he was not allowed to do under any circumstance.

Third, he doubts that this was the M.M unit that the scientists had referenced in their message. They said that the one on his back was divided into two, while the one containing the substance to be dumped was a separate one, integrated into a porthole.

20/05/11
"==>"

...Dammit, all Slick did was say hello to her every morning, and occasionally sit with her during meals! And yet somehow that was enough to get her interested in him. Slick is all for being nice to everyone, but not that kind of nice. When he makes it back, he'll have to make sure he doesn't lose his head in all the excitement.

...Also, what's an elodi nebel?

20/05/11
"==>"

Hello, Slick!

With us here, all suited up and ready to lift off, I thought I'd send you a short message.

I know that we're not allowed to talk to each other once we've left home, but I felt the need to thank you for everything you've done for me while we were at the Aquamantis station. I doubt you were aware of it, but I've led a rather lonely life. From childhood I was forced to do everything by myself in order to survive. I apologize if I came off as angry whenever we met, but it's hard to keep positive when it's so obvious that everyone thinks that you're a freak.

If it weren't for the pressure from everyone else, I'd have torn these blades out long ago. You were the first person I've met in a long time who looks past the blades, and for that I can't thank you enough.

Even though you were nice, I understood why you kept your distance... but that hug at the last minute just left me speechless. We were trained to kill anyone who stood in our way, but I just don't know how I could show my old contempt anymore, knowing that someone as accepting as you exists in this universe with me.

I am going to try my hardest to get all the water I can, and you had better too! Even though we've barely started, I can't wait to be reunited with my little sharpie once more. I'll give you the best welcome back that I possibly can!

Mist
Subject 122

Elodi Nebel


P.S. In all the confusion, I think I might've taken your repair module by accident. Don't worry, I'll take good care of it!

20/05/11
"==>"

Here it is!

...oh wait nevermind, it's a completely different message. Might as well read it.

20/05/11
"==>"

However, he couldn't seem to locate the message again, which was a bit peculiar. Maybe it just wasn't saved?

20/05/11
"==>"

Although he did admit it'd be useful to have a spare copy of their message so that he could go over it later.

20/05/11
"Did you agree to the message without reading it? Is there any way to access the message again?"

Slick read through it all, but he didn't think there was anything he missed. The scientists just needed to get his attention to make sure he read it. As far as he knew at the time, all he had to do was dump off a little garbage before heading back home. Shouldn't have been that big a deal.

17/05/11
"==>"

Problem solved. He wasn't entirely sure what he agreed to, but at least he was able to move now. He'll worry about that later.

Slick was wondering about what he should do first. Everything looked incredibly foreign to him, and he didn't know anything about where water would normally be kept.

17/05/11
"Check suit status."

...Right, he probably should've checked that first.

17/05/11
"Repair Module: Roll onto Slick."

...oh god oh god oh god oh god oh- oh. Nevermind then.

Yeah, at this rate he wasn't going anywhere any time soon.

17/05/11
"Slick: ROLL BRO ROLL"

Even though he could barely move, he managed to find enough strength to perform a short BRO ROLL, the most intimate (no homo) of rolling maneuvers.

17/05/11
"Stand up and look around, of course."

He would've stood up first, but that was the problem. He couldn't -- His suit was not responding to his movements, and he wasn't entirely sure as to why.

17/05/11
"Slick: Survey the area."

There really wasn't too much to survey. There were a few trees here and there, and the black strip led to what looked like a cluster of buildings out on the horizon. He was rather disappointed, there really wasn't that much detail out here. The sky was a lot nicer to look at, though.

17/05/11
"==>"

This guy in the blue diving suit is Slick. He had secretly entered the atmosphere in hopes that he would be able to find some water and solve some problems.

Coming from hidden far-away lands (that are on Earth, mind you. He keeps reminding you that he isn't an alien because that would be stupid), Slick has been charged with grabbing up a bunch of water and bringing it back to his people in order to prevent them from dying due to drought and all that other nasty stuff.

He laid on the ground, having been recently ejected from his repair module after landing in a fairly quiet area, on some sort of long black strip. What did he do first?

17/05/11
"Rheo: Embark"

Music credit

09/03/11
"CC: Ask if this woman was HEY WAIT A MINUTE a guy with hyperspatial powers from a secret civilization just rescued you from a fight involving a superpowered man and a robot and is trying to prepare you for a possible fight against evil sentient black goo. STOP BEING SO PETTY and instead be angry at yourself for thinking about stupid girly stuff at a time like this."

...What the hell ARE you doing?! You need to stop being all self-conscious about yourself in front of Slick. You're on an elevator to god-knows-where with a man in a spacesuit telling you he comes from some sort of civilization where people have blades tied to their arms and here you are worrying about comparing yourself to someone who you've never seen and who he'll probably never see again. You need to cut to the chase about all the actual water stuff. Y'know, the stuff that matters.

Still, it's been a long time since anyone has said they cared about you. Whenever someone did, it was only a matter of time before they'd catch you losing your temper, after which they'd be too scared to even associate with you. You barely even have any friends. At least Mist has a legitimate excuse. Those blade things are practically extensions of their limbs. You imagine they would view her condition as if her arms and legs were rotting and falling off. That would be terrible.

Oh well. You swallow your pride and ask about the other people who were with Slick when he was being briefed.

Using your body as a reference point again, Slick describes Typhoon's appearance with startling accuracy. You admit it's kinda weirding you out how he's doing that.

Subject 1002, codename Typhoon, is a beast of a man. He is incredibly large, with big beefy arms, a flat head, and a lot of strength. He's got larger arm blades to match his upper body strength, but his leg blades are a little stunted. Due to his strength, he was usually the first to complete his duties around the facility, and he'd end up doing all kinds of things in his spare time, like arguing with the scientists over a particular theory or reading fine literature.

You ask if he could beat up Tubs. Slick says Tubs would probably make him cry like a baby.

Anyway, those were the only other people in Rheo's group. There were two extra subjects along with them who were only there because they were asked to stay behind to help Rheo get acquainted with his equipment.

The one talking to Rheo now was subject 10. His name was Surge. The one that shared Rheo's blades.

The other one was subject 111, codename Laze. Surge said that he wandered off somewhere. He does that.

09/03/11
"CC: Poker-face. Attempt to stay on top of the underlying emotional spar."

You uh, ask Slick about her personality. Maybe he was looking past her more recognizable attributes, and instead she was just the kind of person who was rotten on the inside?

Nope, Slick says she was always willing to spare a moment to help someone out, and was always there if anyone needed her for anything.

It's just that no one really wanted her to begin with, because she was instead rotten on the outside.

Her blades suffer from a serious affliction that is commonly known as blade rot. It is very contagious and has been known to completely mangle a person's blades if untreated. There is no cure, but fortunately it is very difficult to catch as long as one's blades are kept clean.

Mist seemed like the kind of person who would take excellent care of their blades, so Rheo could only conclude that they were already infected when they were given to her as a child. Poor girl.

Useless blades are often a one-way ticket to instant rejection from any member of the opposite sex. Mist has done a pretty good job stopping her own from corroding any further, but they're still incredibly weak and riddled with holes. One of her leg blades didn't make it.

It's probably the reason why she had that permanent scowl on her face. She looked like she was ready to shank someone at the drop of a hat. That anger probably served as her motivation for coming to this place. It'd explain why she was the only female to make it. They're usually not as hot-headed.

Rheo doesn't like the whole idea of judging someone based solely on one's blades, but he still has trouble talking to her without finding her incredibly repulsive. He hates it, it's as if it's in his very genes to dislike a person with broken blades.

08/03/11
"==>"

He says he's just calling 'em as he sees 'em.

08/03/11
"==>"

Flustered, you ask Slick if he has any idea what he's actually talking about, because you're pretty sure what he described isn't friggin' ugly at ALL. At least by media standards.

08/03/11
"==>"

08/03/11
"==>"

08/03/11
"==>"

08/03/11
"==>"

08/03/11
"==>"

08/03/11
"==>"

Alright...

08/03/11
"==>"

You admit you're curious about the woman that was slated to leave with Slick. You wonder what she looks like. It sounded like the scientists were a bit harsh on her.

Uh... Good to know that the ugly person looks like you?

08/03/11
""No no, I already understand everything perfectly. You've done a fine job expositing to me over the past few weeks, I don't need any now.""

Whoa whoa whoa wait

You ask Slick what the point is in telling you a story if he's just going to skip over half of it.

Slick figures you're right. He asks what you want to know.

06/03/11
"Quickly enter with a minimum of fuss."

04/03/11
"Run there on your blades because SHIT JUST GOT REAL."

Even though it's impolite to use them indoors, it's a lot easier to move around when one has their blades out.

He made some great time, quickly and quietly crossing all sorts of places that are too unimportant to mention at this very moment.

He reached the meeting hall, and peeked inside just to make sure nobody was waiting for him oh wait yes they're all waiting for him

Most of the subjects were gone save for his group and a few stragglers.

03/03/11
"Ask him why he's alone in the dark at a monitor sleeping when there's work to be done. I mean, he why was he sleeping at a monitor or working in the dark? That's very bad for his health! Tell him so in a authoritative and maternal manner."

The scientist then proceeded to close the connection. The terminal made a small "pong" sound before going dark. Rheo folded the terminal back into the wall.

Well then. It's probably time for him to get to that thing he's late for.

03/03/11
""I was told that me and the other water-invaders would be equipped with special suits to help us survive in hostile foreign environments. Why haven't I been given this suit yet so I can acquaint myself with it before being thrust into said hostile environment?""

Rheo suddenly remembered that he was late for briefing. He's probably holding everyone up, and yet here he is tearing up laundry and talking to people he's not supposed to be talking to. Whoops.

03/03/11
""I'm one of the water-invaders preparing to get briefed. I was wondering if you scientists had any tips for surviving in extradimensional environments, or non-water samples you'd like me to collect when I'm out in the unknown?""

However, he did add that the stronger dimensional capabilities of the issued suits have the unusual problem of teleporting a subject to a seemingly random spot located potentially anywhere in the known universe as well as inflicting a little bit of memory loss. He suggested that it might be best to only use that feature if Rheo ever found it absolutely necessary. The technology has been perfected, yet this problem persists. The best scientists have been analyzing the problem for hundreds of years, yet the only explanation that can be offered is divine intervention. Which is stupid.

As for bringing anything back, he's fine with whatever Rheo finds interesting. Provided he does actually come back.

03/03/11
"Ask where he holds the sexy female hostages."

Yeah, Rheo had already met 122. No one would ever want to take her as a hostage. She's a total mess. She's also one of the subjects grouped with Rheo for departure.

03/03/11
"Also, are your eyes supposed to be smoking hot after you get the water?"

You chuckle. Slick glares at you. Or at least you think he's glaring at you. Hard to tell with that helmet.

03/03/11
"Ask him how the progress on breaking the laws of chemistry is going."

The scientist also told Rheo right off the bat to not even suggest combining the basic elements that make up water, as it was the first thing the scientists had tried. While they were initially successful and able to create relatively small amounts of water, they attempted to increase the output to something that would mimic mass-production and ended up melting the lab that contained all the machinery. They're trying to find other methods that don't involve excessive heat or catastrophic depressurization. He isn't cleared to tell Rheo what those methods are.

27/02/11
"Ping the scientists."

Rheo can't ping the scientists! Most of them operate in laboratories that are much deeper below the surface than he is. No one else is allowed down there, and besides, they've most likely turned off all their terminals so they can work properly. Or something like that.

That didn't stop him from at least taking a look, though.

oh hey there's one

25/02/11
"Rheo: Use communication terminal to speak with superiors/friends/that-one-guy-with-the-same-blades"

Rheo figured that, while he was here, he might as well take a minute to use the communications terminal and see if anything interesting was going on elsewhere.

He pulled down the panel and booted it up.

These things aren't used for long-distance communication, but rather to connect to different parts of the facility. This place is a lot bigger than it really seems, and when people on the opposite sides of it need to get in touch, one of them just pings a console and waits until another one responds.

Rheo can ping any location in this underground science-bunker-facility-thingy that he wants. Might even be someone on the other end to talk to. If not, there might just be a game or two on them that he could play around with. This is the rec room, after all.

25/02/11
"Get that sweet precious ambrosia known as water."

He walked up to the eye scanner and stood in front of it. It whirred to life and, upon confirming his identity, dispensed a single cup of water.

Ah yes, water. Sadly, it used to be incredibly plentiful here, but now there's nothing left outside but heat, deserts, and more heat.

Any water nowadays is collected from underground wells. The scientists who live here have been experimenting with means to create water from nothing, but as far as anyone knows, they've had nothing to show for it thus far. That's where Rheo and the other guys come in. The scientists have a short-term plan: Train and send out special soldiers to steal enough water to jump start and maintain a small community. In addition to prolonging Rheo's civilization a few more years, it will give more time for the scientists to work towards their goal.

Even though these people have learned how to bend and manipulate space itself, creating something from nothing is a different matter entirely. Rheo's glad that these guys are up to the task at hand and would gladly do anything in his power to assist them. Sure, they've made some mistakes, but there's not much else one can do about things that have long since passed.

Anyway, yeah. Water.

sooo goooooood

25/02/11
"==>"

Rheo opens up the laundry chute and tosses in the blankets. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.

25/02/11
"Rheo: Don't forget to retract those leg blades or you'll slam into the door frame again."

It isn't so much the door frames as much as it's just impolite for someone to walk around on their blades. If you invite someone into your home, you wouldn't want them permanently damaging your floor with the incredibly sharp stabby things on their feet, would you?

It's okay in designated areas (such as the sleeping quarters, obviously), but anyone walking on their blades elsewhere is viewed as a bit of a stupidface.

He gets over to the rec room/supply closet without any more trouble.

There really isn't time for lounging around when everyone is currently dying of thirst. As a result, all everyone's getting is a tiny room with nothing but some chutes and a little gadgetry embedded into the walls.

25/02/11
"Attend to the proper laundry etiquette before going about your business."

Rheo figures it'd be best just to drop the blanket off rather than leave it in a mess on the floor. It should only take a second for him to go to the chute. He can also get his water afterwards!

Goddammit.

25/02/11
"Slick: Continue with story."

Yeah, it was either laundry and water or equipment...

25/02/11
"Question: are the blades part of Rheo's anatomy?"

No they are not a part of Slick uh he means Rheo's anatomy why would you say such a thing he is not some kind of freak he is normal just like you

However, blades do play a bit of a role in his culture. Everyone is given four of them at birth, one for each limb, and it is that person's mission to make it through life while utilizing and maintaining them as best as they possibly can. The higher quality of a person's blades is supposed to indicate that they're a better person, but Rheo never really sees these kinds of things as more than just silly status icons. Anyone can be a good person, regardless of their blades.

Punishments for various crimes in his society involve tampering with the offender's blades, such as dulling or scratching them, with the absolute worst punishment being to outright destroy them. It's a pretty big thing.

It's rather ironic, but Rheo's blades are a bit of a rarity. They're of average size and strength, but their jet black colour never fades and they don't need to be sharpened, which makes them relatively low-maintenance, almost completely freeing the person with them from the job of maintaining them. As far as Rheo knows, there is one other person in this facility with blades like his, and he's a pretty cool guy to boot.

These kind of blades are seen as a blessing and a curse, as everyone believes the people with them are destined to either do something great or die a terrible death, or possibly even both. Rheo would probably be a little worried, but he thinks that most of this is bullshit to begin with.

25/02/11
"==>"

You tell Slick that he sounds like he's kinda cute under that big ol' suit of his. He stares at you for a few seconds before continuing his story.

The laundry chute's off to the right, where the rations and other miscellaneous supplies are. The meeting hall is to the left. The proper thing to do would be to go and drop the blanket off. Rheo's not sure how long it'll be before he accidentally shreds it with his blades.

25/02/11
"==>"

25/02/11
"Take off your sheet, it's hindering your sight."

Yeah, he just woke up and isn't exactly thinking yet. He climbed down and brought the sheet with him by accident. Oh well, might as well drop it off at the laundry chute on the way out.

25/02/11
"==>"

Anyway, Rheo had woken up a bit late and had to descend to the ground floor to retrieve his equipment before reporting for duty.

The sleeping quarters are stacked quite tall in order to maximize space. One needs to scale the walls in order to reach a proper bunk.

Fortunately, this never posed a problem for anyone.

Well, climbing up at least. It's a bit tougher coming down, but still manageable.

After reaching the bottom, he wasn't sure whether to first retrieve his equipment or get his ration of water for the day. Considering today is the day, what little water he has now could very well be his last.

25/02/11
"==>"

Slick isn't entirely sure why you're shouting all these names out at him. He's under the impression that the ones that aren't flat-out silly are just pop-culture references that he probably wouldn't even understand in the first place.

Either way, this young man's name is Nicolas Coppola.

WAIT NO IT'S NOT IT'S RHEO WASSER

DAMMIT CONNIE STOP DISTRACTING ME

25/02/11
"==>"

A collection of scientists managed to group together with enough resources to begin formulating a plan to restore the land to its former glory.

They came up with a temporary fix, but they needed volunteers.

Word spread far and wide, with hundreds of people hiking across the vast wastelands to reach the scientists' bunker in hopes that they could help them any way they could.

There was one particular group of people. They had been wandering the deserts for weeks, with the sun slowly killing them off, one-by-one.

Fortunately, at least one of them was able to survive.

He was immediately accepted and processed for training. He was told to forget everything he once knew, and that after a week of training he would embark on a mission to dangerous and far away lands, with the understanding that he would most likely never see his homeland ever again.

He was told to forget everything about who he once was and was assigned a number and a codename. His number is 112. His codename is Slick.

Despite his new identity, he will never forget his original name. It is his only remaining link to what little of a life he used to have with his friends and family.

...Ironically, he's a bit too groggy to remember it at the moment. It should come to him once he gets out of bed and starts preparing for the big day.

You ask why Slick's talking about himself in the third person. He tells you to shut up while he tries to recall his original name.

25/02/11
"==>"

Deep in space, there is a planet.

On that planet, there is a highly-advanced hidden civilization.

You ask Slick why he started out in space if he'd just end up coming back to Earth. He tells you not to interrupt him.

This civilization, threatened by heavy drought for years, was forced to either hide underground or seek out other people for contact.

Requesting aid would have been the obvious choice, but due to the civilization's mastery of spatial distortion, they deemed the consequences too great to contact the outside world. If any superpowers acquired the ability to warp and bend space itself, it could spell disaster for the entire planet.

25/02/11
"==>"

Slick begins to tell you what happened within the few days prior to his arrival.

25/02/11
"==>"

What, already? Aw man, you were right in the middle of a rather nice dream...

You feel yourself being laid onto a box. You can also feel yourself accelerating downwards.

...You should probably just open your eyes.

25/02/11
"==>"

25/02/11
"Slick: Raise the drawbridge, then hurry to basement."

Yeah, uh, you're just gonna go now.

You do a quick check to make sure that the door is closed before making a beeline straight for the elevator, ignoring anything else that could possibly lie between it and your current position.

Finally, you're here! You waste no time getting inside.

25/02/11
"Slick: Wat."

25/02/11
"==>"

25/02/11
"==>"

25/02/11
"==>"

Urist turns around and apologizes to you. He's sorry that he can't help you and the girl, because he's got to go to the offices so that he can stop you and rescue the girl.

25/02/11
"==>"

25/02/11
"==>"

25/02/11
"==>"

25/02/11
"Slick: Just move on, nothing to see here anymore"

Screw this, you're getting impatient. This worker isn't being the least bit helpful and the girl's starting to chew on your finger for some reason which is really freaking you out. You're getting out of here.

...Suddenly some loud radio static emanates from the worker's backside.

Oh. He's got a radio. Looks like someone's trying to contact him.

25/02/11
"Slick: Invite Urist to accompany you to the basement, help defend the girl."

You ask the worker if he'd like to come down to the basement with you.

He doesn't answer, and instead just kinda spaces out on the spot.

25/02/11
"Ask if he's seen the current condition of the basement, you were planning on heading there soon."

You ask him what hidden fun stuff is. He says he doesn't want to ruin your gameplay experience.

You reiterate and ask if he's actually been down there.

how did this guy get hired

25/02/11
"Ask for some water for yourself and the girl."

...You give him that one as well.

You know, even though you've been in a water treatment facility all this time, there sure is a lot less water showing up than now than there was when you first arrived.

25/02/11
"Ask him how he got out of the shipping container."

He tells you another worker opened it for him.

...Fair enough, you suppose.

25/02/11
"Accuse spear guy of rudely endangering the life of the poor girl you're holding with his pokey spear! How incredibly distasteful."

You try your best to sound as stern as you can and reprimand the worker for holding you up. Can't he see that you're trying find a place to care for this girl? And yet here he goes, holding you up and waving that spear around like he's some kind of barbarian!

You catch him off guard and completely confuse him with your cavalcade of chagrin.

Phew! You doubt that would've worked for anyone else.

The worker opens the doors.

You pass through and he pulls them shut again.

You're not used to things being this easy. Kinda nice for a change.

25/02/11
"Slick: Explain."

Oh, it isn't anything, really. This guy's just a bit of a weirdo compared to the other workers.

He's incredibly strong - he'd probably kick your ass under the right provocation - but he's rather quite friendly... and a little bit off in his own world. Keeps muttering that elves are everywhere and they're all out to get him.

He kept breaking free whenever you guys tied him up. You got him in the end by locking him inside a shipping container after telling him there was booze inside.

25/02/11
"Slick: HARPOON TIME."

This should work though. You carefully shift her back onto your shoulder.

You start spinning your harpoon. You figure a single slash across what appears to be the doorway will break it open.

aw hell it's the guy with the armor

and an unusually long spear for some reason

25/02/11
"Unleash Neptune's Fury on the thingy."

You probably could... but not while you've got the girl. You imagine she'd greatly prefer having all her limbs still attached to her body.

25/02/11
"Slick: Wonder why the hell did you have to hire such a psycho as Tubs in the first place."

You didn't know any better! From what you could tell he was really good at getting things done, and frankly, he is! What you didn't know was that he doesn't like getting things undone!

25/02/11
"==>"

Just about there!

You just need to figure out how to get past this thingy without dropping the girl. You're certain she wouldn't like that very much.

25/02/11
"CC: Try to get some rest, you'll be able to do whatever you wish once you reach the basement anyway."

Wow. Even if you still wanted to throttle Slick, you're not entirely sure you'd still be able to do it on account of how bad you'd feel for it. You're pretty sure any of those other blue guys would've definitely tried to kill you by now. This guy might be the only reason nobody has died yet.

You have no idea if he's telling the truth, but you might as well trust him anyways. It's been a while. Having someone to fall back on, even for just a little while, takes quite a load off your shoulders. It's kinda nice.

You close your eyes and go to sleep.

...with a slight kink in your neck.

25/02/11
"CC: Attack"

Yeah, being kidnapped isn't on your schedule for today. You don't have your weapons, but you think you'll be able to surprise Slick with a blow to the back of the head, which should give you enough time to escape back to the offices.

Music credit

25/02/11
"Slick: Look around"

Pretty standard. There's some shelves and boxes. The bigger stuff isn't until you get a little further in. If Tubs spent some time in here, then there's no doubt you'll have trouble finding anything that's still functioning.

25/02/11
"Streching your legs never hurt anyone, just take the long route."

Better play it safe for now. It's a relatively short walk, the elevator's just on the other end.

You enter the machine bay.

25/02/11
"==>"

You stash your harpoon, the candle, and the crowbar. You're going to leave Tubs' pillar where it is, though. He's bound to come by it eventually.

25/02/11
"==>"

Oh well, their loss.

25/02/11
"Go ahead and check out the crane, you should pick up her weapons and stuff (Doesn't hurt to be prepared)"

You head on over to the crane. You see Tubs' pillar on it, as well as a candle, a crowbar, and...

Your harpoon!

Oh man, you finally found your harpoon. Those workers must've had it this whole time.

Looks like they never figured out how to use it properly either.

25/02/11
"Check her for weapons. She might attack you again."

Yeah, you don't want to do all that again. You pull that stupid mace off her, as well as some sort of axe.

You'll hold onto these for now.

25/02/11
"Would it not count as a puddle if THE ENTIRE BASEMENT WAS FILLED WITH WATER?"

That's why you're worried. Any relatively flat and undisturbed body of water will technically count as a puddle. And yet there are none.

25/02/11
"==>"

But that's not a problem ever since your last suit upgrade. By strengthening your suit's spatial distortion, one of the new abilities that you've gained will be rather useful in this situation.

The ability that you use to traverse space via puddles is called spatial transport, and it's a required ability that everybody starts with.

However, one of your newest abilities is called spatial transport II. See where this is going?

You're no longer limited to puddles! You can appear and disappear via any body of water. Hell, you could probably teleport in and out of thin air if the humidity in the room was high enough. It's still somewhat limited as there's a maximum distance that you can travel, but there's no way in hell you're using your other teleport ability, dimensional hopper. You have no control over where you'll end up.

Regardless, even though there are no puddles, there definitely is some water down there. You're not entirely sure what form of water, but you can use it to instantly travel to the basement.

...But you must admit it's rather perplexing how there's water but no puddles down there. It might be easier to take the long route for once and just take the elevator near the back of the machine bay.

You're sure you'll be fine either way, though. Everyone's gone for the time being.

SO. It's either:
* Teleport in blindly, or
* Take the long route

Then again, before you do all that you could probably spend a minute checking out that crane. You've never really seen anything like it before. There's a few items by it too. They might belong to the girl.

25/02/11
"Puddle's fine, but where to? I suggest maybe somewhere near the basement, so Slick has a better argument position to convince her to work with him to stop the goo."

You need to take her mind off the water and focus it more on the goo. If you go down to the basement not only will you be able to show her what you're talking about, but you might be able to shut off the porthole down there that's been spewing all this stuff out in the first place. If you can shut it off and stop releasing the goo, then you can just finish taking the water and leave, and everyone will be happy!

...Provided you can find a different place to dump the stuff yourself.

Oh well, puddle first, other stuff later.

...Nevermind. Apparently, there are no puddles in the basement for you to come in through. Which is incredibly unusual, considering that the basement is where all the water exits and enters the waterworks. You're not entirely sure what's going on.

25/02/11
"CraneOp: OH SHIT A HOSTAGE SITUATION"

The worker flips out and makes a dash for the offices, no doubt to get reinforcements. Still, this gives you a minute to take a look around before you run off.

25/02/11
"==>"

You've got her! Now you need a place to run off to before that crane puts a hole in you.

25/02/11
"Scoop and splash water over CC with the broken beverage container, use puddletech to move her out of crane range."

This is the best idea. You don't even want to bother trying to pal around with all the people you gagged and bounded. You might as well get the girl and get out of here. She's probably the only one who would even possibly be willing to help you.

You bend down and quickly gather as much water as you can in the container.

You also take a mental note that you should probably fill up a couple sample vials of your own when things are less pressing. Nothing more useful to you than an instant puddle.

Eh, good enough.

25/02/11
"==>"

You must admit you have no idea what's currently going on. Something about a disagreement between Tubs and Slick, and now there's silence. More or less. You're hearing people walk around and the sound of metal striking metal dangerously close to your head.

You'd turn over, but they're probably all just standing right in front of you, waiting for you to move. And then you would and it'd get all awkward.

25/02/11
"Check on the girl! See if she is okay or not."

...She DID take quite a hit from Tubs. Even though you guys are kinda on opposite sides here, you suppose the least you could do would be to see if she's okay.

whoops you forgot about the crane

25/02/11
"Wait, what's that behind you?"

This thing? On the floor?

It looks like the broken remains of a glass beverage container. Someone must've dropped and broken it on the ground, its contents creating the puddle that you arrived through.

25/02/11
"Plan: Backfire horribly."

This is depressing.

25/02/11
"CraneOp: Have a Big Damn Hero moment with the goo vat."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

25/02/11
"Slick: Too bad you don't know about any weaknesses Tubs might possess, such as an aversion to the smell of fish. If you did, you might be able to come up with some kind of plan to stop him."

Tubs has definitely been vocal regarding his extreme hatred of fish - something to do with his upbringing, you figure. Either way, you're fairly certain he's not the kinda guy who would be childish enough to let a silly thing like a fish stop him from pulling complex heists and stealing thousands upon thousands of dollars' worth of material.

It certainly seems like an interesting thing to use against him, though. Unfortunately you haven't the slightest idea where you can even find a fish near here.

Hang on... is someone screaming?

25/02/11
"==>"

...And they're off. Just like that. You've got to wonder how those two manage to stick with a guy like Tubs. Are they even given a choice?

25/02/11
"==>"

What a psychopath. You'd be perfectly fine with giving him something else.

...It's just that, considering the direction this conversation just took, you can't help but imagine that this something else might just be one of your vital organs. You could try running away, but you need to pack up your porthole if you're to actually secure what water you've got. It'd take a little while, which is more than enough time for Tubs to catch up and brain you if his suspicions are correct. How messed up are some of these people?

You should probably just try to keep going and hope he gets killed by some third-party.

25/02/11
"==>"

oh wait he isn't actually choking you

25/02/11
"Just give him what he wants, and leave."

...Yeah, you suppose that was a bit of a stupid move.

25/02/11
"Suggest forcing the workers holed up in the Offices to research ways to combat the black goo for you."

...Whatever, Tubs.

You suppose this would be the most ideal thing to do next. Provided you're able to actually get the workers to cooperate, which you seriously doubt. Unless they all immediately come down with a severe case of Stockholm's syndrome, you have a feeling you'd be more likely getting the back of your head reintroduced to a sledgehammer.

25/02/11
"CC: Roll closer to them, play unconscious so you can listen in."

You drag yourself closer to Tick and Slubs. You can't see much with your face against the ground, but they seem to be arguing about gooey things.

25/02/11
"Hm. Baby steps, CC. Roll over so you can at least see some of what's going on. Don't try to think about things too quickly or you'll get all confused. Maybe start dragging yourself out of the way of the crane."

You slowly roll off the tracks. You think you're starting to get a grip as to what's going on here.

Your pot falls apart. Oh well, at least it wasn't your skull.

25/02/11
"==>"

...oh GOD. YOUR HEAD. This is the WORST headache you've ever had since you jumped around on that electrical panel! You're having trouble remembering how you got over here. You were angry at something for some reason, and now you're suddenly making out with the floor. At least it's not a fish, or some guy hanging onto a railing for dear life.

You need to control yourself. Violence certainly gets results, but in the end it's everyone that loses. You've been acting seriously chaotic lately, when you probably should've just found a way to chill out. This isn't healthy.

...Your mood ring also seems to have reset itself. Makes sense, considering your mind is pretty much a cloudy mush at the moment.

25/02/11
"Ask Tubs how much extra it would cost to get him to go along with your new plan."

While you're all getting something out of this, Tubs is striving for something a little bit more specific - You doubt you'd be able to sway him by offering him anything else, and you're pretty certain that he'll snap you in half if you don't let him take what he deserves once you've got enough water.

You tell him that this isn't really about the water. It's about the goo that's been showing up all over the place. You originally thought it was a good idea to set up your second porthole to dump all the goo in the basement, but it's beginning to show up all over the waterworks in larger and larger quantities. You have no idea what this shit's actually made of, but you don't want to take any more chances dumping it here if it's starting to get everywhere. It's highly acidic and someone could seriously get hurt.

...Wow. He really doesn't care. You haven't mentioned the whole Derelix bit to anyone yet, but you think that even if you told Tubs he still wouldn't give a damn. You've got to change his mind. The whole time during briefing, you've never questioned the higher-ups about what the goo actually was, and now you're beginning to seriously regret it.

25/02/11
"Slick: Break the news as lightly as you can. Tubs seems to be not in the best mood."

You tell Tubs that you guys need to pack up and leave so that the job'll get done elsewhere. It's not a good idea to keep taking the water from this location, and would be much safer if you guys were to finish elsewhere.

Somehow, Tubs' face softens up a bit. He seems more disappointed than angry.

He seems pretty resolute. Hopefully there's some way you can convince him otherwise.

This is a bit problematic. Everyone originally agreed to set up here, take the water, and leave, making sure to subdue anyone who interfered. You never informed Tubs about the possibility that you'd might have to pack up and move somewhere else.

At this point, you figure it might be best not to finish taking the water and just leave with what you've got. Surely it's more than enough. Hell, without Surge's M.M. unit, you might actually HAVE been done by now! But you're not sure that Tubs will comply.

25/02/11
"==>"

There. If there's one quality you like about Tubs, it's that he always sticks by his agreements.

25/02/11
"==>"

Tubs is walking off. You ask him where he's going.

He says he's going to rub out that girl so she doesn't bother you and the other fellas anymore.

You tell him that you would seriously prefer it if he could just not murder anyone while the job's being done! Not having any unnecessary deaths is the humane way to do it!

Tubs walks over to you.

25/02/11
"Flush: Vomit on Jose in response to your new concussion."

Surprisingly, Flush has already shrugged it off! He tells you that this is a recurring thing, and he's learned to get used to it. You believe him, as he seems to be perfectly fine. If he wasn't, he'd have accumulated some sort of brain damage over the long term, right?

...Right?

25/02/11
"==>"

...You're okay, you're okay! You just need to take a moment for the pretty galaxies and flashing lights to go away so you can figure out why they call it tapioca and finish your staring contest with the floor, it's winning so far and acting like a really smug bastard and you really want to show it up.

25/02/11
"Tubs: wield Flush in lieu of your pillar."

Before you can say anything, Tubs grabs Flush by the leg, raises him high into the air and brings him down hard on someone behind you!

...What's that girl doing here, of all places? Was she trying to fight Tubs? She'd certainly have been killed by that swing if it weren't for that helmet she was wearing.

25/02/11
"Blue Boys: Pose as a team, because shit just got conflagrated."

Aw yeaaaaaaaaa

aaaaaaAAAAAAOHGOD

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Phew! You're glad that José was able to put himself and Flush out quickly. You weren't even aware you could come in through a puddle that was somehow on fire.

There's Tubs. You've gotta break the news to him as nicely as you can.

25/02/11
"Throw ring into fire while Tubs is distracted. We don't know if it works that way or not, but really at this point if you don't do anything you're screwed anyways. Use the mace handle to pull it out of the fire after it's warmed up."

...Not yet. Not yet. Nobody takes advantage of you. You brought this shotgun with you, and you are going to use it. You will be a hero. Throwing this piece of shit into a fire will get you your shotgun for you. You can stand to lose a finger. You want your goddamn water.

...What the hell is going on now? The puddle is glowing again. More distractions.

25/02/11
"==>"

Just who does this fat lard think he is? Thinks you're enough of a ditz to trick with a goddamn bottle of water and a sappy note? Is he stupid? Is he a jerk? He's probably both, isn't he. That's how they are. That's how they always are.

You want to introduce him to your axe really, really badly. But it doesn't take a fool to know that anyone with strength like that will probably just shrug it off. This might just be one of the few guys you've ever met who actually stand up for themselves when they piss you off. And that just makes it worse.

And you still can't reach the fucking shotgun. This is hopeless. You're hopeless. You're doing it again. You need to stop this. You psychotic bitch. Last time was a fish. This time could be something worse. No. Nobody gets this mad this easily. You need to stop.

25/02/11
"==>"

Tub's brow is too furrowed for the mace to get into his eyes! Dammit!

Since you're also rather close to him, you catch a glimpse of the thing on his back.

...It bears an uncanny resemblance to that awful soap grenade you had to deal with earlier, which means that this guy was the asshole who put it there!

25/02/11
"Sneak up on Tubs and make him touch your mood ring in order to access your shotgun."

Tubs is starting to calm down, so you quickly go up behind him and lightly bunp him on the back of the head with your mood ring.

...No change. You suppose in order for the ring to actually detect people's mood rather than their body temperature, it needs to be on their finger. Or at least off of yours.

Either that, or Tubs isn't mad enough to be setting the air on fire around him. Chalk up another friggin' failure to get the one thing that'll save everyone's asses.

You quickly notice that Tubs has turned around and is facing you, so you mace him. In the face. Face mace.

25/02/11
"Run up and grab the head so you can fix the mace, and turn it into a can of mace. Wait/stall as long as feasible, then spray it directly into his face. This is the ONLY conceivable way for CC to even inconvenience him."

You sneak up while Tubs is doing... whatever he's doing and grab the ball of your mace. You'll spray him when he turns around.

You also grab the marble while you're at it.

25/02/11
"So, if the crane has the mech, where did he put the pillar...?"

The maintenance worker placed the pillar on top of the crane. Tubs won't be able to reach it while the crane's gone.

Aaaand he's off. Now it's up to you to last until he gets back.

25/02/11
"Tell the crane guy to set the mech down safely as quickly as possible so that he can be ready to drop a bucket on Tubs ASAP. He won't be distracted forever, even if you let him deal with the stink before you mace him."

You tell the maintenance worker to drop the mech where it is and to go get another vat of black goo. The heavy maintenance worker'll most likely be safer down on the bottom level, where he'll be out of harms way until he's able to make a return.

The maintenance worker is reluctant, but ultimately agrees. It'll take him a bit of time to return with the vat, so until then you'll be going it alone.

25/02/11
"Wait... where did the mech go after you dodged it?"

The mech fell over the edge of the offices. The maintenance worker managed to catch it, but judging from that beating it took, you're not sure what shape it'll be in should it be hoisted back up to resume fighting.

...Hell, you're not even sure that the heavy maintenance worker is still alive in there.

25/02/11
"Taunt him, despite the obvious threat this action would pose to your continued wellbeing."

Even if you WANTED to taunt him, he seems too focused on getting the smell off of himself to pay you any attention. You can certainly take advantage of this, but it looks like it's going to have to require you to physically DO something.

...You could try throwing the mace handle at him? Or maybe think of a new way to attack? You're grasping at straws here.

25/02/11
"Turn the mace back into a can of mace, then back into a medieval mace, to replace the head."

You doubt logic works that way. Spraying someone with mace makes sense, but spraying them with mace handle? Not so much. Your mace needs to be in one piece in order for you to make any use of it as intended.

One of the most important lessons you've ever learned is that the whole world can act as your weapon if need be. You just need a little ingenuity to look in the right places.

In the meantime, you've got access to the half-empty bottle of water. That whole display shook you up a bit. It's sorta canceling out any heat you were feeling and is bringing you back down into the green.

25/02/11
"Tubs: Throw mech at her in retaliation"

Tubs flings the mech at you, but you quickly duck down and dodge it.

You need to think of something to do, and quick, before Tubs calms down and starts acting more or less rationally again. Your hands no longer smell of fish, the ball of your mace is next to Tubs, and the heavy maintenance worker is most likely out of commission for a very long time. You're not sure things can get much worse!

25/02/11
"==>"

The underwear has been slain in battle.

25/02/11
"==>"

25/02/11
"Wrap underoos around mace, Pop Fly him in the face."

Hmm...

Now we're talking.

25/02/11
"Use that one ranged attack you have with the mace. If you're lucky it might catch him off guard enough to make him drop the mech. I mean honestly, who expects someone to use a mace head as a lethal baseball?"

You can use your one and only macetech, but you have a feeling that just hitting him won't really accomplish anything. Granted, nobody expects a mace ball to the gut, but to give him credit you weren't expecting him to walk in carrying a giant robot. A shot to the body doesn't look like it'd surprise him, especially since you've been in his full view this entire time.

He's currently strafing around the fire. You've gotta do something special for him.

25/02/11
"Wipe your hands on the underwear and throw it in his face!"

You pull the rope and underwear out of your inventory. Underwear looks pretty clean.

Not anymore. You take the smell off your hands and put it on the underwear. Just need to get it on his face now.

09/01/11
"> Tubs: Interrupt while she's doing all this"

Wait, here they come now!

You have to admit that you're beginning to fear for your life a little bit over here.

09/01/11
">Wonder why Tubs hasn't interrupted you while you're doing all this."

You return to the crane and swap out your candle for the axe.

...It's taking them an awfully long time to get back out here.

09/01/11
"> Whiskey Puddle: Spontaneously combust."

All right, time to light the puddl-oh.

Well then.

09/01/11
"> Untie that man."

You remove the tape and rope. This guy seems to be one of the livelier ones, and thanks you profusely for untying him. He introduces himself as a supervisor. He asks you if you've seen any general workers around the area. He wants to rally them together and make an assault to put a stop to all this.

You're not sure how it'll help, but you tell him of the bunch of guys hiding out down in the kitchen. He thanks you again and heads off.

09/01/11
">Chuck the candle on that spilled whiskey."

You wield the candle in your other hand and go over to the whiskey puddle. Thanks to your increased knowledge in the very prestigious field of cleaning chemistry, you figure there's enough alcohol in there to sustain a flame. It won't burn as hot as a normal fire, but it'll definitely be hot enough to combust anything immediately over it, including Tubs' feet.

You move to light the puddle on fire.

...the hell kind of whiskey is this

09/01/11
">The crane operator should pick up the pillar and just kinda... let it sit there. in the air."

You wield your trusty mace as the maintenance worker grabs the pillar. You'll probably bait Tubs with it if you can't get the heavy maintenance worker to push him over the hatch. He rests the pillar on the crane for the time being.

09/01/11
">Reclaim implements of destruction/bodily hygiene!"

You grab all of your weapons (except the marble, it's a bit too awkward to carry with everything else) and move them over next to the crane.

09/01/11
">Have the HMW grapple Tubs over the hatch, then open it up."

You've got an idea. You tell the heavy maintenance worker to try and charge Tubs as before, but this time maneuver him over the hatch so you can open it and drop him into the vat of goo located down below.

The heavy maintenance worker demonstrates his approval by slamming into Tubs again at full tilt, sending them both back into the machine bay. They should both come back out real soon, hopefully with the heavy maintenance worker being the one that's doing the pushing.

You head on over to collect some of your weapons. You hope this idea works!

...Well, you want to hope, at least.

09/01/11
"> Mood status and inventory please."

You have to admit, you don't have much reason to be legitimately mad at Tubs. Still, all the fighting from earlier has really warmed you up, giving you access to the underwear and rope.

Aside from the worthless shotgun, all your items are currently below your position on the mood ring and are inaccessible unless you find an immediate way to calm yourself down.

Besides, you're not holding onto anything particularly special - Just some water, your phone, as well as the merlot and matchbook. Not to mention your mp3 player, but at this point your chances of getting it seem just as likely as the shotgun.

All of your useful items are over by Tubs. You really need to get to them if you want to have any chance at even defending yourself.

09/01/11
"==>"

Whoa! You're interrupted and are suddenly fighting who you believe is Tubs. It turns out that heavy maintenance worker has built a small mech out of forklifts, and is by your side. The regular maintenance worker is now behind the wheel of the crane. Granted, he's not a driver, but considering the crane only moves forwards and backwards you'd imagine that wouldn't be much of an issue for him.

...Tubs doesn't seem like your average mobster. Namely because he's carrying that incredibly heavy pillar as if it were a toothpick, and the fact that he was able to shrug off a suplex from a friggin' ROBOT.

You tried to ram him with his own pillar when he dropped it, but it was too heavy and you weren't able to gain enough momentum to hit him. He just caught it and shook you off. Best if you let one of the maintenance workers handle that thing. However, you were able to punch him, and since your hands still reek of fish, you got a noticeable reaction out of him. He slapped you off the side of the offices though. Good thing the maintenance worker was on that crane!

...Embarrassingly, all of your weapons are next to Tubs. If you're going to try and get one, you're going to have to come in within swinging range of that pillar, and you're pretty certain a full-power swing from that would most definitely kill you on contact.

09/01/11
"==>"

You know what? You should probably get a second opinion. Maybe if you wander around with your phone out, you'll be able to find a signal and use it to contact the other workers and ask THEM to make up a word for you.

Or you could just ask the maintenance worker. That's good too. You'll have a nice lengthy chat with him, animated in Flash.

...Not that you know what that means, of course.

Music credit

09/01/11
"> MOVE ON."

Yes. It's finally time to open that door and move on. Time to go in there and help a worker guy fight a terrible murder guy so that you can get all your water back and finally have a decent shower at home. No more distractions. You have absolutely everything you need. You are ready. You are so ready that ready is not a word appropriate-enough to describe how ready you are.

You are...





...you are...

09/01/11
"> Put the bottle back in the Mood Ring, and the matchbook (it doesn't really matter if the matchbook falls out onto the floor). Sadly we can't put the candle back too without trouble."

You put the bottle and matchbook back in your mood ring.

...The candle might make a decent improvised weapon, provided the flame doesn't go out. You put it and the marble by your pile of weapons.

09/01/11
"> Keep shrinking and hardening goo and make some sort of black helmet."

You prod the goo with your candle until it looks like it's finished shrinking.

Somehow it turned into some kind of fragile black marble.

09/01/11
">Light something on fire!"

You direct the candle goo-wards. Upon contact with the flame, the goo sort of shrinks a little bit. It also gains a small sheen. Other than that, not much happens.

The maintenance worker looks at the whiskey puddle, recognizes the bottle and asks how you managed to come across one of the other heavy maintenance worker's lunch stashes. You mumble at him.

09/01/11
">Hm... Take out the Flammables."

...Okay, time to get this over with while you still can.

You just KNOW that you're going to have a terrible flaming mess on your hand if you don't do this properly. Oh well, let's go.

You pull out the lit candle, merlot, whiskey, and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAAAAAAAAalright, you managed to catch the merlot and the lit candle with your hands while also nabbing the matchbook with your mouth.

That means that the bottle of whiskey...

...is in a puddle at your feet. Dammit.

09/01/11
">OPEN ZE HATCH"

The worker opens the hatch and sends most of the goo down below. Some of it falls out of the vat and splatters on the ground.

09/01/11
"> Can the crane possibly reach this place? If so, try to contact the crane worker so we can do as he says."

The length of the crane's arm suggests that its reach extends to this entire area. It looks like the driver used it to move the vat onto this hatch in the floor before heading down to get you. You guess the hatch opens and the vat goes down there?

09/01/11
">Is the goop flamable?"

You have no idea! But now would probably be the most ideal time to find out, as you've (conveniently) got access to all of your flammable stuff.

You pop the handle back in its place. You should be able to open the door whenever you feel ready.

The worker mentions to you that it might be a good idea to get this vat of goop out of here before you open that door. It might get in the way.

...Get in the way of what?

09/01/11
"> Examine the switch to your left"

You take a look at the switch. Or rather, the lack-of-a-switch. The handle's missing for some reason.

...Oh hey, the maintenance worker has it. This is unusually convenient.

09/01/11
"> Ask if the worker picked up your weapons, since you aren't carrying them. (Unless they're all clustered in your inventory.)"

The worker has you covered.

09/01/11
">This is a kitchen right? if they have ice water and salt on hand, you could chill it down EXTREMELY quickly. probably in a few minutes or less. Just put a large amount of salt in ice water, that will lower its freezing point allowing the water to get colder than it normally can. This will cool the ring down very quickly! SCIENCE."

Hmm. You suppose there might be a quicker way to freeze your ring, but kitchen science has never been your forte. You'd never find the salt in this place, and even if you did you'd probably confuse it for sugar or something like that.

However, bathroom science is another story...

You might be able to distill some ammonia out of those cleaning products you found, after which you could try combining it with some water to initiate an endothermic reaction to flash freeze your mood ring to the appropriate temperature, or theoretically even cooler...

But then again, physically manipulating the temperature of your mood ring to such extremes is probably a bad idea. Your mood ring could break or just flat-out be rendered useless, not to mention it might injure your hand if you were to put it on. It might even shrink and you wouldn't be able to put it on at all until it had warmed back up a bit!

The repercussions that may or may not come with screwing around with your mood ring could be catastrophic, but you have no way for sure of knowing what will occur. If your ring doesn't break, then you'll have instant access to your shotgun and mp3 player and everything in between. But if it doesn't work, then you could lose everything that you have been storing up until now. There's always a catch!

You decide to come to the conclusion that trying to procure the materials to freeze your ring would take too long to accomplish and therefore waste way too much valuable time which could be spent helping these guys ou-

wait how'd you get back out here

09/01/11
">Stick the ring in the freezer, and retrieve MP3."

...You know, that might actually work. You had never really considered taking the ring off before freezing/heating it. It'd certainly get the job done, and if the ring was too hot or cold to touch you could just always bring it back down to its normal temperature without much difficulty.

Only problem is that the ring will take time to freeze. Time which you may or may not have. You obviously won't be able to use it while it's in there, either.

09/01/11
"> Stick head back into that room, ask for directions back to where you were before being knocked out."

You pop back into the kitchen. Most of the other workers have inexplicably wandered off somewhere, while the driver, janitor, heavy driver, maintenance worker, and Asian chef have stayed behind.

You ask the Asian chef where you're supposed to be going, because you kinda have no idea where you actually are at the moment, what with the bag-over-the-head thing and all that.

The Asian chef apologizes and suggests that you bring one of the workers with you. The five of them have nothing pressing to do at the moment.

09/01/11
">Take off the pot for just a moment you goose."

You peek out from under the pot. There's just a bunch of hallways with unlabeled doors shooting off to different locations. There really isn't any indication as to where you should go, and you can't hear anything ahead of you, so following your ears wouldn't work too well either.

09/01/11
">CC: Take a bunch of weapons, listen to the end. Go help the Engineer heavy maintenance worker."

You gather up all your old weapons, plus the harpoon-scissor thing. Since you have four weapons but only two hands, you're just going to hold onto all of them at once for now.

You're ready to go. Basically, the gist of everything that has just been said is as follows:

* You were kidnapped because they thought you were with the bad guys.
* You got pissed, flipped your shit and broke their fish.
* That fish was the only thing keeping the biggest, baddest bad guy from coming in and getting everyone.
* Because of what you did, you need to find the heavy maintenance worker and either fight that guy or find some more fish.


Well then. Off you go!

...Wait, where the hell are you?

09/01/11
"> Fly is mutant ooze fly. Inspect."

You go to inspect the guts of the bug you just squished, but they aren't there anymore! Curious.

You silently commend the janitor for what you assume was a quick and undetectable clean-up job.

09/01/11
">Oh yeah, invite them to your party"

INVITATIONS EVERYWHERE

WORKERS RESCUED ??/50
DRIVER IS ALREADY ON GUEST LIST

* ASIAN CHEF
* AMERICAN CHEF
* JANITOR
* GENERAL WORKER
* MAINTENANCE WORKER
* OFFICE WORKER
* DRIVER 2
* HEAVY DRIVER

HAVE BEEN ADDED TO GUEST LIST

Nobody's really sure what's going on.

09/01/11
"==>"

seriously it's like the most annoying thing ever when you want to do something fun the ring is all like NOPE and decides to not give you anything so in order to use the most common of items you have to be all stoic about it which you are pretty much the opposite of and its very frustrating

you've even considered clearing all the shit out of the ring and just throwing the damn thing away but NOOOO you have to be either very happy or very angry and when you're either of those you tend to forget things really easily and woop before you know it you'll have put it back in that spot on the ring like a complete assface

you love this ring because it has the potential to be so useful yet you hate it because it has you by the metaphorical balls and never lets you use whatever you want to use because it's a complete piece of-

...shit


Uh...

09/01/11
">Take out mp3 player."

Letting out all your anger leaves you incredibly calm afterwards, which puts you in a favorable position on your mood ring. You're pretty relaxed, albeit a little emotionally shaken from previous events. Just gotta keep things under control.

But as usual, you still can't reach your mp3 player. This is pointless and completely defeats the point of having some sort of inventory system in the first place. It's like your ring is saving the mp3 player and your shotgun as some sort of deus ex machina or something, seriously does that kind of stuff even happen you have no idea

09/01/11
"> Check Cupboards for useful items."

You pick a cupboard at random and take a look inside. You find a few miscellaneous cleaning supplies!

You take a look in another one.

Score.

09/01/11
"> Ask if they have any spare helmets, of a sturdy and robust nature!"

You ask them if they have any spare helmets. They tell you that the only one who ever kept a spare helmet on his person was the heavy maintenance worker, but his person is not here at the moment.

This is getting you nowhere. You ask if you could borrow any of their hats instead.

A lot of them start shuffling about awkwardly, muttering excuses such as "safety reasons" and "spontaneous chilly-head syndrome" and "mine got bashed in by a falling partition". The heavy driver offers his ballcap, but it's not what you're looking for. The bloody driver says nothing and just starts sobbing to himself.

Whatever.

09/01/11
">..It's not like you obliterated the matter that the fish was composed of, the fish is just in smaller pieces now. In fact that would probably amplify the fishy smell because of the greater surface area exposed to the air... "

You ask why the chef can't just fry the bits of fish. It should give off a stronger smell because they're in smaller chunks, right?

The chef is irritated that you are questioning his cuisine. He comments that yes, while the smell would be stronger, the chunks would also cook faster, leading to a much shorter time for the fish to actually give off the smell in the first place! Not to mention the fact that you pretty much liquefied half the damn thing and spread it over the kitchen floor.

For now, it doesn't matter. The place still reeks of fish - and more importantly - so do your hands. Should help you get past Tubs, after which you can get more fish for him to cook.

Okay, okay, Mr. Science Cook. You'll go out and get another damn fish.

Now, before you get your weapons and get moving, is there ANYTHING ELSE you need to do? Your legs are starting to get sore from standing in the same spot for so long.

09/01/11
">Kill mosquito"

The mosquito flies low enough for you to stomp on it.

...It's a little juicier than you expected. The chef takes no notice.

Unfortunately, the quickest way to the basement is through the machine bay. Even if you weren't interested in fighting Tubs, you'd still have to sneak by him.

09/01/11
">Look for more fish."

The chef is out of fish! He says that he has considered getting more. There's plenty of fish that get stuck down in the basement where the water enter the facility and leaves to go to neighboring cities. He sent some plumbers down there to see if they could get anything, but they haven't returned yet. Might be good to check up on them.

09/01/11
">CC: Stop them for a second. You felt the harpoon start slipping... Grab one end and PULL."

You stop them for a second and pick up the harpoon-looking thing. The two pointy bits are definitely loose, but they're firmly affixed at the center. You can move the two blades around their pivot, but other than that you can't see anything too fancy.

The chef was right, these things do resemble scissors or shears. They're certainly very sharp, but why are they connected at the center like that?

Oh well. You're going to ask them if they have any more fish.

09/01/11
">Wait didn't you leave the axe when you fled from Flush? How did it get back here?"

Er, would you believe that the axe kinda just fell out of the sky and struck the maintenance worker while he was scavenging for materials?

Occasionally it gets really windy for a few minutes, then objects of varying size start falling from the sky (or ceiling, as it were). Nobody really has any idea why.

09/01/11
"> Have any of them heard of the black goop before? Or know anything about it?"

The office worker speaks up. He and the other guys have been trying to get their hands on as much of the black goo as they can, so that they can figure out what it really is. The vat that the driver and you brought with the crane should be enough. Just have to send it down through the chute where the crane is docked outside and the office workers can study it.

They haven't been able to find out much, but what they have found is rather unusual, to say the least.

Instead of being acidic as suspected, the black goo is (probably) biological. The goop is basically an ooze filled with these black cells. These things aren't too active on their own, but show increasing levels of aggression when grouped together, which they exhibit by consuming every nonmetallic object they get their pseudopods on. When they absorb a significant amount of water, they sort-of-just explode from the inside-out, leaving nothing behind. It's quite weird.

They need larger and larger amounts to see how dangerous this stuff can really become.

09/01/11
"==>"

Having the big dangerous guy out of the picture for a few days gave the heavy maintenance worker a chance to build something that might have a chance against the bandits.

The heavy maintenance worker is currently doing battle with Tubs in the machine bay. Due to the amount of time they've been in there, the fight is pretty much anyone's guess.

If the heavy maintenance worker had lost, it wouldn't have been a big deal, but now that you've happened to destroy the very last fish that they had, Tubs won't take long coming back here if he wins.

However, if you happen to show the same gusto that you had shown when you beat the shit out of their fish, the workers are convinced you might be able to hold Tubs off, if only for long enough to let everyone else escape.

Well, shit. You wrecked their fish and now they want you to go up against someone who's possibly stronger than the other three guys you fought, combined. And if you don't, he'll come in here and kill everyone regardless!

Karma's a bitch! Surely there's more fish around here. You're not exactly keen on fighting who you assume is the leader of this whole thing.

09/01/11
">It seems he can't stand the smell of fish."

The last guy seems to have a bit of a problem with the smell of cheap fish. Once the American chef got back to the Asian chef with the news, he took out all the fish he had and began cooking it, sending the smell throughout the majority of the offices.

09/01/11
">Inquire as to why a large and exceptionally rank fish is in this kitchen at all."

Yeah, the fourth guy pretty much beat the tar out of everyone. All the people he fought were knocked unconscious after the first blow. Concussions, head trauma, even flat-out amnesia. The general worker can't even remember his own name!

While this was all happening, the American chef was bringing down some food cooked by the Asian chef. Gotta eat, right?

09/01/11
"==>"

A maintenance worker was able to surprise him with a sledgehammer to the back of his helmet.

For a second, it looked like the workers would've been able to take back the waterworks!

They had three of the four guys out for the count, surely they could take one more, right?

Well, if they did, you wouldn't be here trying to help them now, would you?

09/01/11
">How did they manage to avoid getting found by the bad ones?"

The water thieves already knew that a lot of workers were holed up in here. The workers were discovered almost immediately via the security cameras.

Knowing that they'd be coming, a few of them hid in the dark and set up an ambush for the water thieves.

It didn't work, one of them had a light and saw them immediately.

Fortunately, the two guys in front were pretty easy to fight, with the third hanging in the back playing it safe.

09/01/11
"Suddenly Mosquitoes. THOUSANDS OF MOSQUITOES."

Er, just one, actually. You'll squish it when it stops buzzing around. Kinda annoying, but nothing to maul a fish over.

09/01/11
"> How the hell did they get the badass blue weapon?"

You ask about the blue weapon. Nobody has any idea what it is. It's made up of two blades attached to a pivot. The chef thinks they might be fancy scissors or something.

You reach and grab the flamethrower-looking thing. Hell yes, this is more like it!

...Except it's a cardboard cutout. A slightly embarrassed maintenance worker comes forward and says he hadn't gotten around to making an actual one yet.

09/01/11
">Grab the mace and the axe."

The workers all huddle up and begin whispering about something (probably you).

You figure you'll just grab what looks like your mace and somehow, your axe, and be done with it.

Though before you can, the smallest chef comes up to you. He says everyone is just as confused as you are right now, and it'd probably be best to talk everything over.

After the chef and the others captured you, the driver and janitor caught up and were talking about how you weren't really a bad guy. They were about to release you, but then, yeah. The fish. Either way, everyone's willing to let it slide, but they've got to get some facts straight first.

But first the chef will answer any questions you might have before he briefs you on what is believed to be going on.

09/01/11
">Ask where the heck your weapons are, there is no way they won't tell you after a wonderful display like that."

You decide you might as well ask for your weapons back. You're probably not going to get them, though. You certainly didn't need any to tear apart that fish.

They look at you and just drop their weapons. What?

09/01/11
">Turn around and make appolgies."

You tell them that you're sorry for violently eviscerating their fish, and that even though you aren't a good cook you'll happily fry another one for them. You say that everyone gets frustrated and it's only natural to feel angry and that you don't have a problem and just ignore all of that and pretend it never happened ok

You get the feeling that you're not helping your case.

09/01/11
">EW! Your hands are filthy right now! Keep them away from your face!"

The incredibly putrid stench on your hands quickly snaps you back to reality. The reality where you beat up a fish in front of a bunch of midgets. Oh well, hopefully you can still make amends.

26/09/10
"==>"

Nothing wrong with any of that. You just needed

something

to

26/09/10
"==>"

You're sure those guys won't mind. All you have to do is explain that you didn't like the smell that thing was giving off. It will all be fine. You're okay.

26/09/10
"==>"

It felt good working out all your anger like that. Yep, nothing to take the edge off like mercilessly beating the shit out of the nearest and most convenient inanimate object!

26/09/10
"==>"

Music credit: http://8bc.org/music/silreq/murder+in+the+dark+%28Fixed+non-sh*tty+version%29/

26/09/10
"Just stand up and turn around"

why what's over there

wait... is that what you think it is

26/09/10
"And take the shotgun out. Hopefully, you can put it in an easier-to-reach spot later."

YOU JUST SAID THAT YOU CAN'T REACH THE FRIGGIN' SHOTGU-

26/09/10
"Calm down and think. Where has acting on impulse got you so far? Tied to a chair is where it's got you."

Calm down? CALM DOWN? The reason all this happened is because you WERE calm!

You're absolutely SICK of this. "Be nice, calm down, be happy, enjoy life!". NO. You tried that, many, MANY times. And it always ends with someone trying to take advantage of you. No. Since then, you've learned how to fight. Since then, no one has crossed you and no one fucking will.

This is bullshit.

26/09/10
"Take the shotgun out of the orange slot. You're probably going to need it, and it's not going to be easy to get at it again."

You can't reach your SHOTGUN. For some reason you're not ANGRY enough.

26/09/10
"Store the ropes in your orange slot."

That idea is stupid enough just to work. You store the coil of ROPE and... a couple pairs of UNDERWEAR in your MOOD RING.

26/09/10
"Duck your head so the bag falls off"

You slide down into your chair and out from under the BAG. It just falls off.

Perfect.

You are currently tied to a CHAIR. There is a PLAIN WALL in front of you. The CHAIR has a very high back, which prevents you from seeing what's behind you. You hear SIZZLING noises, as well as a few PEOPLE whispering in the background. Your MACE and CROWBAR are gone.

Your mood is currently in the ORANGE, an area in which you decided to be completely moronic and store absolutely nothing except that goddamn SHOTGUN which you know by now is just there to tease you.

You're having trouble thinking clearly.

You've also decided that you're going to hunt down and beat the living shit out of the source of that FISHY SMELL.

26/09/10
"==>"

You can't see a goddamn thing with this bag over your head.

After someone took you by surprise, you were knocked down, kicked a bunch of times, picked up, carried somewhere, and tied to a chair.

The only thing you know is that you were tied up by the very people who you were trying to help, and that alone is enough to thoroughly PISS YOU OFF. You're hoping for their sake that they take the bag off before you gnaw through it in frustration. That'd at least give them some time to explain what's going on.

26/09/10
"Just get five in Spatial distortion, Six in damage resistance and keep your mobility where it was."

Sounds good. You haven't gotten hurt since you've upped your MOBILITY, so focusing on the other things doesn't sound half bad.

Of course, putting points in SPATIAL DISTORTION brings two new abilities online. Namely your WEAPON ABILITY and an upgraded version of your PUDDLE-TELEPORTING ability. You'll take a better look at those when you're done with repairs.

lets do this

wooooooooooo

26/09/10
"==>"

You hop into the REPAIR MODULE.

It detects SURGE's M.M. UNIT. If you fix yourself up while you've got it on you, the REPAIR MODULE will merge it with your suit, both increasing your WATER CAPACITY and giving you more POINTS for SUIT OPTIMIZATION!

You proceed and everything is reset back to default. Except you now have five extra points to spend, for a total of fifteen!

You currently have:

* 2 points in DAMAGE RESISTANCE
* 2 points in MOBILITY
* 1 point in SPATIAL DISTORTION

And you have fifteen extra points to put wherever you wish. Where will they go?

26/09/10
"==>"

Click to advance text!

26/09/10
"Slick: Take worker by one of his legs while he is still spinning."

He isn't spinning, but you're still able to nab one of his legs mid-kick.

You swiftly dunk the WORKER into the portal you set up for him. Twinkly!

And that's enough of that.

26/09/10
"Worker: Use Triple Kick"

The worker jumps at you. Looks like he might be going for a kick!

You successfully PARRY all of his kicks. You can't really hurt him while he's at it like this, but he doesn't have a WEAPON so he can't do too much to you either.

26/09/10
"Worker: Keep kicking ass"

Whup, looks like the WORKER saw you come in and is getting ready to redirect his ass-kicking from JOSE to you instead.

You don't have time for this.

26/09/10
"Slick: Be Jose"

Be who now? You can't just be someone you're not! Although you do wonder where everyone is right now. You should probably tell them about all that shit you just saw.

Oh hey, there's J-oh dear.

26/09/10
"==>"

oh wait it's just some workers with their weapons POINTED AT YOU OH GO-

26/09/10
"Investigate the pointy object in the top-right corner."

You're not sure what this thing is. It looks like the end of a HARPOON. You're going to take a closer look.

26/09/10
"Inspect the broken pieces on the floor, like that little ball."

This looks like a WHEEL taken off the bottom of a SWIVEL CHAIR. The BOX in the corner looks to be some sort of COMPUTER, and the GLASS on the ground looks like it used to be a bunch of BEAKERS and TEST TUBES.

26/09/10
"Could we get a quick inventory and mood check, please? I get the feeling something nasty is coming up."

You're feeling PRETTY STRAIGHTFORWARD. You've got access to the HALF WATER BOTTLE, with the rest of your items leaning towards the BLUE end of the spectrum. This isn't good, because if you ever need to use any of your items in a fight your mood will most likely be in the RED, making everything unusable (save the SHOTGUN, should some miracle occur).

26/09/10
"Track down suspicious aquatic scent."

The smell's most likely coming from the same direction you're headed, so you might as well head over there.

Oh man, shit must've gotten real in here. Everything's all smashed up and broken to pieces. There's little bits of broken glass scattered about, as well as a computer tower, parts of a swivel chair and a few broken cubicle partitions. Little bits of GOO, too.

...Where is everyone?

26/09/10
"Explore room. But avoid the fish smell."

You can't avoid the smell. It's pretty much everywhere. It's also pretty friggin' strong.

You could probably go back OUTSIDE and check that area out a little more later, but you should take a look around here first.

26/09/10
"ask if he can turn on the lights in the rooms"

He says that all you should really need to do is find the light switch. You both head inside.

It's still pretty dark in here, but you can hear the WORKER fumbling along the wall to your left, presumably looking for a light switch.

There we go!

There isn't much immediately in front of you, but the WORKER comments that the OFFICES are really quite large and go way back. There's all kinds of stuff that lies ahead.

You don't know, frankly this smells kinda fishy.

No, really. This whole place smells like fish. Fishy fish. You're wondering why. The WORKER doesn't know either.

26/09/10
"Hand him the mop, and inform him you just had to do something about that scratch."

You hand him the MOP and apologize. He doesn't say anything.

26/09/10
"use broom to clean up room"

He asks if you're aware that you can't buff out a large scratch in a metal floor with a dry MOP.

You tell him yes.

26/09/10
"Halfheartedly untie worker."

You untie the third WORKER and separate him from his MOP. You really don't want to be stuck untying midgets all day, but you'd rather not come off as a complete douchebag to the guys you're trying to cooperate with.

The worker is very grateful for you freeing him. He introduces himself as a LIGHT JANITOR, in charge of keeping part of the OFFICES area tidy.

That is, he WAS in charge, until a BIG SQUARE GUY took him completely by surprise, tied him to his MOP and threw him in that CLOSET.

He turns around and grabs his HELMET, which was behind him. He tells you he probably isn't going to be very useful, but he'll help in any way needed. He's rather handy with his MOP.

Speaking of his MOP...

26/09/10
"try the first door on your right. (the windowless one)"

You're getting a bit tired of darkness anyways, so you try the plain door on the right instead.

...Not very excited, this one.

26/09/10
"Look through the windows on the doors."

It's pitch black inside. You can't see anything.

At least the doors aren't locked though - you could go inside and try looking for a LIGHT SWITCH.

26/09/10
"Offices: Finish Loading"

Looks like you arrived a little too early. The OFFICES finish loading, but you didn't miss anything too significant.

20/07/10
"Thank the man and exit. What were we doing again?"

You thank him for his help and head off. Now what were you doing again...

...What WERE you doing again?

You originally came here to yell at whoever was in charge so that you could figure out what's going on with all the water, but now you're all caught up in this plot with those crazy water guys!

Oh well. All you really want is for WATER to be supplied to your HOUSE again. Helping these other WORKERS out might help you reach that goal a little faster. You should go meet them and see if they have anything for you to do.

But first, you ought to look around and get a feel for this place.

Pretty straightforward. There's a HATCH in front of you, and behind that is a rather large OVERHEAD DOOR. To your right are a few normal DOORS, and next to them is a CLOSED PANEL. The place seems a little scratched up. The WORKER comments that a lot of machinery passes through this area, and it's worn the place down a little over the years.

20/07/10
"Ask the man if he would like to come with you."

You both get out of the CRANE's cockpit, and you ask the WORKER if he'd like to accompany you. He politely declines, stating that he's going to stay and watch over the CRANE so that nobody tries to break it again.

He'll give you a lift back to SAMPLE STORAGE or the RESERVOIR if you ever need it, though.

20/07/10
"==>"

You're finally here. Thank god, that was the most boring and uneventful trip you've ever been on!

20/07/10
"==>"

You use your DIMENSIONAL HOPPER ABILITY on the PUDDLE and jump in. It's a tight squeeze, but you fit without any trouble.

Now you just hope you're taken back to the WATERWORKS. It'd be a real shame if you had to break out of a small CONTAINER, or came out on top of a descending METEOR.

20/07/10
"toss emergency water vial onto the ground and jump into the puddle"

You can't wait to get out of here. All this dark green is really starting to get depressing.

20/07/10
"Did you mean to take the glowy thing with you?"

Er, actually... they kinda looked like FLOWERS. You thought you'd be able to give them to that GIRL so that you'd be able to win over her HEART and then persuade her to leave you and the other guys alone.

...Yeah, all your RELATIONSHIPS have been complete disasters. This is probably why.

You're completely embarrassed by how unbelievably shitty this idea is. Still, you've never seen anything like this GLOWY THING before, and you're going to take it with you just so you can get a better look at it. Maybe run it over to the OFFICES and use the equipment there to find out what it is.

Nothing should really go wrong - There's an INCINERATOR near the offices, so if all else fails you can BURN the living daylights out of it.

20/07/10
"you should find a way to neutralize the goo. that way, we can check out Surge's suit."

As far as you know, WATER is the only way to truly neutralize the GOO. If you mix them together and there's more water than goo, the goo will dissolve. However, if there's more goo than water, the water gets absorbed instead. It requires a serious surge of water to completely neutralize large amounts of GOO, whereas smaller amounts will wash off relatively quickly.

Unfortunately, the only accessible WATER you have on you is in this VIAL, which you need in order to ESCAPE.

There is a way to get the WATER directly out of an M.M. UNIT without interfacing with a PORTHOLE, but the process is very chaotic and destructive and frankly not something you would want to ever do if you had concern for anything within a five-mile radius.

Hell, you're not even completely sure WATER will even work on the stuff once it's SOLIDIFIED. The STALK you cut off of SURGE's SUIT doesn't even seem like it came from the black GOO. It isn't trying to eat your hand off, and your SUIT isn't absorbing it either. It just kinda stays there, glowing ominously.

20/07/10
"Forget about all this zombie-harpoon buisness! Perform part of MC Hammer's, 'Can't touch this'"

Being the SLICK guy that you are, you grab your things and HAMMER SLIDE past that thing. It ain't touchin' you!

Now, how will you make your exit?

20/07/10
"Smack the glowy thing off it's head."

Two more slashes and you completely sever both the M.M. UNIT and the weird glowing STALK on its head.

...You figure you should really give this monstrosity a name, but it's going to quickly become irrelevant. This thing's too slow to react to you, so you might as well get all this over with.

20/07/10
"Is it really all that different from your harpoon? Aren't these things like standard issue?"

You're not entirely sure, to be honest. As far as you know, they all look relatively similar but how they OPERATE is drastically different. You could say the only thing these HARPOONS have in common is that they're UNIQUE. It's probably their biggest strength.

20/07/10
"What's these greater beings you talked about?"

Oh, nothing in particular. You were just referring to anything that was generally really big and rather difficult to take out by yourself.

20/07/10
"See if you can check out his water pack while it doesn't know where you are."

Before it can turn around, you thrust the HARPOON into its back and sever the M.M. UNIT from the rest of the SUIT.

You acquire SURGE'S M.M. UNIT. Well, sort of. It's still attached by a big black rope of GOO.

At least you can see the readings. He's managed to get enough WATER to amount to about a sixth of what you've currently managed to get, but when these things' maximum capacity is taken into account, it's still a lot of WATER.

20/07/10
"==>"

...Except, uh, this isn't your HARPOON. You have no idea how to use it. You could probably STAB something with it for a while, but for the moment you don't see a way to WIELD this thing the way it's meant to be WIELDED.

20/07/10
"==>"

One final yank, and you acquire SURGE's HARPOON.

The HARPOON is a versatile aquatic weapon. Primarily used to capture large ANIMALS, these things have all kinds of uses, with the most obvious one being to VIOLENTLY TEAR APART THE FLESH OF THE GREATER BEINGS.

Each SUBJECT has a CUSTOM-ISSUED HARPOON, which when in hand makes them several times more DANGEROUS. These weapons can be further combined with a SUIT's HARPOON ABILITY to practically transform one's SUIT into a KILLING MACHINE.

20/07/10
"Run behind it and yank out the harpoon and use it."

You quickly strafe behind the GOO THING, grip the HARPOON, and begin pulling.

It's really stuck fast, but if you pull hard enough, you might be able to get it out...

20/07/10
"==>"

All right SURGE, it's time to -

oh god that's not a zombie

20/07/10
"Wait! He ain't waving his hand. He's pointing behind you!"

You just established that there is NOTHING OF IMMEDIATE THREAT BEHIND YOU!

Oh well, you look again because you're paranoid like that.

Yeah, there's nothing here. Broken CONSOLE, some goo-

Hang on, where'd the goo go? It must be invisible to X-RAYS or something.

You set your VISOR back to normal, with low ILLUMINATION. That's better, you can actually see everything now.

20/07/10
"==>"

So there IS such a thing as a ZOMBIE! You suppose you should be concerned, but you're just really interested in this development.

Oh well, down to business. If he's truly DEAD, he shouldn't have any intelligence left to actually make any use of his SUIT's ABILITIES. All you need to do to escape is to just walk slowly in the other direction... Although you must admit, getting the M.M. UNIT on his back is pretty tempting - Depending on how much WATER he's collected, you'd easily be able to return with TWICE AS MUCH WATER AS YOU WERE ORIGINALLY MEANT TO HOLD. That would really be something!

You also take a quick look behind you to make sure there isn't anything else that could get in your way.

Nope, pretty clear.

20/07/10
"Scan him. Or the Tree. Make sure there isn't anything sneaking up behind you quickly."

You switch your VISOR to RECON and take a good look at him.

His SUIT is showing up as something you can SCAN. You do so.

This guy is SUBJECT 10. His name is SURGE, and he was assigned to this area (aptly named DERELIX). Like you, his SUIT's rather ROUNDED OUT, except that it's taken a hit to MOBILITY to strengthen up SPATIAL DISTORTION.

His SUIT's also torn to shreds, but his M.M. UNIT is still in once piece - That means that he's still got a hold of ANY WATER HE MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE PREVIOUSLY ACQUIRED.

...He's also DEAD INSIDE HIS SUIT. You probably should've addressed this issue first.

20/07/10
"Point at the harpoon. "Do you need help with that?""

You inquire about the HARPOON that is no doubt LODGED BETWEEN SEVERAL OF HIS VITAL ORGANS, but he just kinda keeps doing what he was doing earlier.

This isn't going anywhere quick. You should take the initiative. Perhaps a SCAN is in order? Once you figure out who this guy actually is, you've got to do SOMETHING with him. He's kinda out of it at the moment and definitely looks like he needs help. At least you think he does. You guess he could be some sort of ZOMBIE, but everyone knows they don't exist. Unless someone INVENTED them, in which case you wouldn't know. You don't keep tabs on these sort of things.

20/07/10
"Greet him with an awkward wave."

You pull off a convincing AWKWARD WAVE. Having your arm being the only moving object in this gif accomplishes this rather nicely.

He returns the favour by pointing at you with his STUB and lurching forwards a little bit. You're not entirely sure what he's trying to accomplish, but you're not exactly one to speak, either.

20/07/10
"Zoom out a bit so we can see just what the heck is that; a dead you? You in this possible future?"

Er... uh... You know, it'd probably make more sense if that WAS you from some alternate timeline, but unfortunately that probably isn't the case in this situation.

At least you've somehow met up with the SUBJECT responsible for this STATION. He... doesn't look too good... what with the chunks taken out of him, the severed arm and the HARPOON through the chest.

You're surprised he's even standing. His SUIT's heavily damaged, but still seems to be intact to a degree, which is good, you guess?

You're having trouble thinking of something to say.

18/07/10
"==>"

18/07/10
"Can you trace the spinal column, see where it goes along the pipe?"

Maybe you can see where that SPINE leads, and whether or not it connects to something else...

crap that's a lot of pipes

You can't tell where it's going. You can't reach the TREE. You can't access the PORTHOLE. You're getting really, REALLY frustrated. Some bullshit detour this was!

You see all this BLACK CRAP everywhere, but that's about it! There's no WATER in here at all! Hell, for all you know this place could've been DESERTED for years! That's probably why all this GOO is here, nobody bothered to clean it up! THIS PLACE WAS ALWAYS DEAD, AND THERE'S NO REASON YOU SHOULD BE WORRIED ABOUT IT. You wasted all your energy for nothing.

All you've got to show for bumming around in this place is a stupid TREE WITH A FRIGGIN' SPINE. It was absolutely pointless to come here. You're going to head back and get your mission over with. Dammit.

18/07/10
"Low Gamma it."

Gamma rays are able to slightly pierce through that thing. You're still not entirely sure what it is you're looking at, so you're going to max out the stre- okay what is this symbol doing here so soon.

You switch to one of your SUIT'S STATUS SCREENS.

Your SUIT is already low on POWER, just from using the X-RAY setting on MAX. Dammit, you'll need to recharge if you even want to continue using the GAMMA setting!

Why would anyone think that EMITTING HEAVY ELECTROMAGNETIC RADIATION would have any consequences?! Nothing has even burst into flame yet!

Oh well. If you keep it LOW, you should be able to use the X-RAY setting for a little while longer. You wouldn't dare use MAXIMUM GAMMA unless you were PLUGGED INTO SOMETHING.

If your SUIT runs out of POWER, you will lose the use of ALL of your ABILITIES, plus the sheer weight of your SUIT will utterly ENCUMBER you. It'll make things really difficult later on, so you should play it safe now.

18/07/10
"Sever the spinal column."

How are you supposed to do that? You don't have anything to THROW at it, and there's no way you can get up there without the use of PUDDLES.

You also came here via your DIMENSIONAL HOPPER ability, which means that (even if you DO make it back to the WATERWORKS without a hitch) the actual probability that you'll even be able to find your way back to this place is very, very low as you have no control over your actual destination. You can pick where you're headed with normal PUDDLE TRANSPORT, but the range is rather limited. As far as you know, you might not even be on the same planet anymore!

If you want to do something, you've got to do it here and now with what you've got around you.

18/07/10
"X-Ray it?"

It's probably best to take a look at the insides of this thing and see if you can figure anything else out. You set your X-RAY on HIGH.

...That's really unusual. You thought that this looked like some sort of upside-down TREE or something, but what kind of tree has a spinal column?

It descends from deep within the pipe down to that impenetrable BALL on the bottom. This isn't making sense. If this thing is made up out of BLACK GOO, any WATER in those pipes should've stopped something like this from growing in a place like that.

You max out your X-RAY to see if you can take a better look inside that BALL.

...Nope. Completely blocks out all X-RAYS, no matter how much you're focusing on it. Kinda like your SUIT.

You're completely clueless as to what's going on here.

You could probably get rid of all of this BLACK GOO if you use the WATER you took, but you really, REALLY need it for something else. This is a problem. You'll have to figure out some way to truly DISPOSE of this stuff once you get back to the WATERWORKS.

18/07/10
"==>"

oh god

that's new

18/07/10
"==>"

Some kind of black..?

18/07/10
"==>"

Plugged up by... What?

18/07/10
"==>"

This looks like it. If there was any water left in this place, it'd be tangled up there in those PIPES. It seems to be completely plugged up.

18/07/10
"So is there anything else interesting around? See anything on any of the other visual things you can switch to?"

Well, there's this PORTHOLE. It doesn't look too beaten up, but it's incomplete. Even with a smashed-up CONSOLE, you could probably still get it up and running if you were to find the MISSING PIECE.

Unfortunately, the pieces of a PORTHOLE are very HEAVY. If the MISSING PIECE isn't nearby, then you doubt you'd have much luck lugging it all the way back over here.

Other than that, there's nothing of interest nearby.

When you jumped down the HATCH, you slipped and fell into a pile of BLACK GOO. You swam to the WALKWAY that you saw down below, and made your way up to the top of this GIANT CYLINDRICAL-LOOKING THING filled with more GOO. Since the PORTHOLE is here, you're going to assume that this is the RESERVOIR.

If this is built anything like your WATERWORKS, then there should be a place for WATER to drop down into the RESERVOIR from above...

18/07/10
"If you're going to get out of here, you'd best find some water. Assuming any exists in this place..."

You doubt there's any WATER left in this place at all. You'd be pretty screwed right now if you didn't have the foresight to BRING SOME WITH YOU before going into unknown territory.

This is the WATER from that PUDDLE you arrived in. You collected it in one of the few SPATIAL SAMPLE VIALS your SUIT comes equipped with by default.

18/07/10
"Dump all the black gunk you're carrying off the edge there. No point carrying a full tank when there's plenty of it all around you."

Probably best that you empty out your SUIT here, instead of waiting to do it when you get back to your own WATERWORKS. You aim one of your GLOVES over the edge.

Same way in, same way out.

18/07/10
"Explain the colossal waste of time."

You still have no idea where (or even when) you are, but at least you're able to tell that you were sent here to receive a WARNING.

Judging by the BROKEN PORTHOLE, as well as the incredible amount of BLACK GOO around here, you can only assume that if your EFFORTS regarding the WATER-THEFT were to fail that there would be some SERIOUSLY CATASTROPHIC CONSEQUENCES (namely everything going to hell, as evident here).

You didn't see any WATER around here. You secretly hope that this isn't going to be the end result if you were to succeed, either. Taking the life out of something to bring back the dead isn't your shtick. If this whole thing was done on purpose, you'd rather not meet the SUBJECT responsible for it.

18/07/10
"==>"

It begins to dawn on you that everything you have done so far might've been a colossal waste of time.

18/07/10
"Head on down then through that hatch."

18/07/10
"Raise illumination and switch to X-Ray."

You quickly turn off all that LIGHT and switch to X-RAY VISION. The only problem is that there aren't any x-rays you can actually see.

You raise your VISOR's ILLUMINATION just a little bit this time.

Since you're currently using X-RAY VISION, your SUIT compensates by releasing lots of X-RAYS.

...You hope there isn't anything living nearby, or else they can say good bye to their chromosomes.

You still can't see very far, or through any objects for that matter. You bump the ILLUMINATION up to the next level and take a look at what's under your feet.

You seem to be standing upon the roof of a submerged BUILDING.

18/07/10
"Max out illumination with reckless abandon."

BLEUGH EVEN IF YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES YOU CAN SEE

18/07/10
"You can see radio waves? That's just awesome. Try infrared, though."

You can't see any further with INFRARED VISION - there's not much heat out here.

18/07/10
"See if one of your visor settings can lighten up your surroundings so it's less dark in here."

You've probably got something here that's good for the dark...

Here's the COMBAT setting. There's nothing in view for you to fight, so your VISOR automatically locks onto the nearest potential threat.

Here's RECON. It tells you stuff. Once again, nothing too interesting in view.

You've got a few more settings, but this is the one you're looking for. Now to find the one that'll give you the most visibility.

18/07/10
"Investigate that dark lump in the corner."

.What, this? It's just a little ball of GOO, highly acidic, nothing too special about it otherwi-oh crap

You shouldn't have touched that stuff. The MATTER MANIPULATION UNIT (fancy ink-cartridge thingy) on the back of your SUIT is programmed to ABSORB any BLACK GOO it comes in contact with.

This feature is to stop it from killing you and to help you TRANSPORT it to safer locations. The red bar represents the amount of GOO currently stored in your SUIT. You can ABSORB and EJECT it at will. The green bar represents the total amount of WATER stored in your suit that has been taken in through the PORTHOLE. You can't do anything with the WATER unless you directly interact with the PORTHOLE.

You've got to keep an eye on the red bar, because it dictates the maximum amount of GOO your SUIT will hold before it DISSOLVES. If your suit does dissolve, not only will it KILL YOU, but it will also release all the stored WATER, rendering everything you've done a complete waste of time.

18/07/10
"Make an underwater portal that actually holds water."

But that's what your PORTHOLE is for... right? You set it up at the bottom of the RESERVOIR and it just drained everything out from above.

18/07/10
"Why are you stealing this water and how did you meet the others?"

You would greatly appreciate not dwelling on WHY you're here until you're finished with what you've started!

...You just really need the WATER right now. That is all.

18/07/10
"Slick: What is Obs?"

You think it's short for OBSERVATION, but you're not entirely sure. You know what it does, though: It's a setting on your HELMET's VISOR that turns off all the flashing lights and readouts. It's basically good when all you want to do is look at stuff without any interference.

18/07/10
"Slick or whoever you were, where the hell are you?"

You still don't have any more of a clue as to where you are now than before. You're not even sure if you managed to get JOSE back to where he's supposed to be.

You tried contacting the GUYS with the RADIO they gave you, but you're only getting static. Other than that, you don't have any other means of communication - most are useless when you can just teleport through PUDDLES and talk to a person directly.

Speaking of PUDDLES, you BOTTLED the one that was on the ground. It was starting to EVAPORATE, and you weren't ready to leave just yet - you wanted to take a few minutes to sit here and listen to the OCEAN.

At least you think this is an ocean. You're not entirely sure. It sounds really nice.

18/07/10
"==>"

Yep. Enjoy the ride.

Doesn't mean you can't take a few stops along the way.

18/07/10
"Try to get into the cockpit."

It's fine, there's plenty of room in here. We've still got a ways to go, so don't expect anything eventful to happen for a little while. Just enjoy the ride.

18/07/10
"NOW look down, coincidentally be over-deathly afraid of heights."

Curious as to where you are right now, you take a peek over the side of the CRANE.

Eh. You're high up, but this isn't so bad. The CRANE's nice and large, so there's no chance of you falling off by accident if you're careful.

There's no reason for you to fear a drop like this.

...Unless you're moving, too.

Now not only are you a ways off the ground, you're reminded that you're traveling at relatively-high speeds on a rickety CRANE that is running on TWO SUSPENDED RAILINGS with PRACTICALLY NOTHING TO GRAB ONTO.

oh god

18/07/10
"Get a hold of yourself! Ask the worker what he's doing now"

The WORKER tells you to step back from the CENTER of the CRANE. He takes the VAT off and retrieves a CONTAMINATED VAT, placing it in the middle of the CRANE's platform. He says he wants to get this to the OFFICES and have the guys there figure out what it actually is.

The CRANE is capable of transporting only one VAT - there is an ELECTROMAGNET built underneath the middle of the platform to prevent the VAT from slipping off while the CRANE is in motion.

18/07/10
"Realize the worker attempted CPR on you. Proceed to flip out."

...Judging by the BLOOD on that worker's OUTFIT, it looks like he's had to resort to performing (very messily, it looks) CPR on you.

Taking all this other BLOOD into consideration, you're rather grossed out as to how that could've gone.

You're also in awe as to why he seems to be taking it so well in the first place.

18/07/10
"Ask the worker what just happened, believe him completely."

You ask the worker what knocked you out and what's going on now. He says you jumped into a LIVE ELECTRICAL PANEL and nearly killed yourself. Also says you seem to be taking it rather well.

...He's also wondering why you're rolling around in a puddle. You tell him to shut up.

18/07/10
"Wipe off all blood, try to clean shirt if possible."

You wipe the BLOOD off your face and start kicking some of the WATER you're standing on in hopes that it'll dilute the STUFF under your feet.

You don't even want to bother thinking about what happened while you were out, and for the moment are just concerned with removing the coating of YOURSELF from the CRANE's exterior.

18/07/10
"Cough"

Yep. Your blood.

This is really gross!

18/07/10
"==>"

Apparently you passed out again. The last thing you remember is jumping somewhere, and here you are. You've got another HEADACHE, but your FEET and CHEST are also hurting a bit.

...Is this blood?

18/07/10
"==>"

BLUH

what the hell just happened

18/07/10
"==>"

18/07/10
"Get vat, use to take water from reservoir and splash on CC."

But but you suddenly get an idea.

You're headed in the WRONG DIRECTION to get any water from the RESERVOIR, so you're hoping this person will settle for a RELATIVELY-CLEAN WATER SAMPLE.

18/07/10
"==>"

And you're off to the OFFICES! All that's left to do is find a decent sample...

18/07/10
"==>"

here we goooooo

18/07/10
"==>"

This is the most unique piece of machinery you've ever had the pleasure of operating in this place. And you love it.

18/07/10
"==>"

18/07/10
"Do your job, which you love (maybe a little too much)"

wheeeeeee

18/07/10
"Hold up, did you swap out the speed plugs for the brake plugs? You might need extra braking power JUST IN CASE something happens."

You quickly rearrange the CONNECTIONS to allow for optimal braking, which is probably preferable to have over speed.

18/07/10
"==>"

Allright! It took a few minutes, but everything's all set up and ready to go.

You're going to do a quick TEST-RUN of the CRANE ARM before zipping the two of you down to the OFFICES with a sample of that BLACK GOO. If there's anyone who can make heads or tails out of what's going on, it's the guys at the OFFICES!

18/07/10
"You must be thirsty. Get some soda"

Man, all this reminiscing is starting to make you thirsty. It's a good thing these WORKERS have a POP MACHINE in their EMPLOYEE LOUNGE. These guys must be really good and trustworthy employees - the soda's completely free.

You wonder if they carry your favourite kind.

18/07/10
"==>"

You guys have MILITARY-GRADE RADIOS so you can easily keep in touch, but SLICK never uses his. He won't tell you why, either. These things have an INCREDIBLY LONG RANGE, so you're assuming he just lost it and doesn't want to own up. You can sympathize with him, considering how difficult it is to confess something like that to TUBS. Stealing from the military is tough, and it's definitely something you guys don't want to do again in the near future.

18/07/10
"Hey you're by that one machine of Slick's. If you have a walkie-talkie let him know you're here."

Oh god, this thing. Supposedly it repairs SLICK's SUIT, but you know it does more than that. There's no visible machinery inside that pod, but SLICK comes out of it looking completely brand-new, and even has some things on his SUIT that weren't there before.

You've asked him if you could step inside and try it out yourself, but he just says it'll KILL YOU. You don't really have any reason not to believe him, either. Seriously, he's just a guy in a rubber diving suit yet he's got all these weird machines that do stuff you've never seen before.

And that's not the worst of it - He was complaining earlier that this isn't even HIS. He's making it sound like his pod got mixed up with someone else's pod. Does he order these things custom-made off the internet or something? And if it isn't his, how come it doesn't kill HIM?

Oh well. SLICK says he'll explain how everything actually works once the three of you manage to collect enough WATER and get out of here, so it's all good.

...Where is he, anyways?

18/07/10
"What are you SUPPOSED to be doing right now?"

You have no idea what you're actually supposed to be doing right now. You don't know how long you've been unconscious, and the last thing anyone told you to do was to kill that GIRL.

Speaking of her, you still have no idea what the hell she's up to. Sure, she saved your life, but then again she was the one who was going to end it in the first place.

She's cute, but it's always the cute ones who turn out to be COMPLETE PSYCHOPATHS. You and TUBS have had to deal with people like that in the past, and you've already seen enough of her that you don't want to be around to find out if she's the exception.

Besides, if you fell in love with every other person who just happened to come by and save your life, things would be a LOT more awkward.

18/07/10
"Go Modify your FLUDD so it doesn't suck so much."

...That's a funny thing, because your COMPRESSION CISTERN is working perfectly all of a sudden. You have no idea why it jammed earlier, but somehow it managed to get itself fixed.

18/07/10
"==>"

...It really has been a while, hasn't it?

TUBS may be an asshole, but he's saved you from starving to death on the streets. Granted, all you've ever done since is help him steal stuff, but he's saved your life and is the closest thing you've got to family.

...And it seems like SLICK has managed to pull you out from wherever you were and save you again. You'd think all these years with TUBS and FLUSH would've taught you to stop being so goddamn vulnerable, but nooooooo.

18/07/10
"==>"

18/07/10
"==>"

18/07/10
"Well wait till that guy leaves and take back your money from the dead guys."

...He's not leaving!

18/07/10
"he can't be dead! his eyes aren't X's! finish him off!"

oh whoops

there we go

18/07/10
"==>"

...Well, he's definitely dead now.

18/07/10
"Sneeze violently."

07/06/10
"==>"

07/06/10
"Man: Loot bodies"

He goes through the SHORT MAN's pocket and pulls out a HUGEASS DIAMOND before heading off.

07/06/10
"That's the french powers you've always been looking for! Ask him to let you be his apprentice"

He tells you to get lost. Also he's not French.

Well, at least it was worth a shot.

07/06/10
"==>"

whoa

07/06/10
"==>"

You've got plenty of ideas going through your head as to what you should do, but there seriously isn't much you CAN do if a guy's got his gun pointed at you. You're just a kid.

The two men start backing down the street.

07/06/10
"Summon your hidden french powers and assault the thieves"

YOU'RE NOT FRE-oh

The TALL MAN asks you to kindly excuse his FRIEND. He's a bit of a douche like that. But hey, it happens.

He also says that he would greatly appreciate it if you don't move until he and his friend are out of sight. This gun he's holding is a SNIPER RIFLE, and it's SILENCED to boot. So if your head doesn't EXPLODE, it will at the very least be EMBEDDED IN THE WALL BEHIND YOU, and NO ONE WILL BE ABLE TO HEAR IT.

He and his friend are going to slowly back away now. He says he's a really good shot, so don't even think about trying anything funny until they're very, VERY far away.

Despite having a gun pointed at your face, you still can't seem to shake how incredibly NERVOUS this guy is.

07/06/10
"==>"

The SHORT MAN moves towards you and your CUP. The TALL MAN is caught off guard by this development.

The SHORT MAN reaches into your CUP. Score!

...The TALL MAN is looking UNREASONABLY NERVOUS, though. Something's up. Anyways, the SHORT MAN pulls his hand out of your CUP...

...And brings out most of your CHANGE with it.

He had SERIOUSLY better not be doing what you think he's doing.

07/06/10
"sit and hug your knees, making sure to keep eye contact with them for as long as possible."

They must not be from around here. You invoke one of your many BEGGAR'S STRATAGEMS, namely the one that has a bonus when working against TOURIST. You curl up into a ball and start shivering. Even though it's twenty C out here, logic holds little bearing on TOURISTS as long as you can make your performance look convincing.

They just stare blankly.

07/06/10
"==>"

The two of them head out into the middle of the STREET. They seem to be rather cheerful, and you're able to overhear them talking about a PLANE that they've got to catch in a few hours.

07/06/10
"man: see if you can find a bit of cash"

There's no one around to get cash from. Bit of a shame really.

...Wait, there's two people headed this way!

07/06/10
"Dance because you don't have to attend school. YAY!"

You're seriously not in the mood to DANCE right now. You haven't eaten today, and you still need a little more CHANGE before you can get some FOOD.

07/06/10
"Bedragled man: Reminisce on name, and what happened."

You know your own NAME perfectly well. Unfortunately, that's about it. You have no idea who your PARENTS are, and you've been hiking all over these stupid ISLANDS looking for some sort of shelter, surviving only off of the generosity of shopkeepers and church patrons.

07/06/10
"Grow a beard"

You haven't even hit puberty yet! Besides, you're not sure you'd want a BEARD. You wouldn't want to INTIMIDATE anyone out of giving you change simply because of some uncanny FACIAL HAIR.

07/06/10
"==>"

Good thing you're not her. Although you must admit this isn't any better.

07/06/10
"CC: Have a Plot-Related dream."

A CUTE GIRL stands at the edge of a CROSSWALK, probably off to head to school or something. You don't know, you've always found school to be incredibly boring.

07/06/10
"Try this, then:"

[s3][s2s3][s1s2][s1]
[LT][T][T][L]
[ ][Ms4][s4][M]

You nailed it! Everything's lit up save the one! And not only that, you can easily rearrange it to put full power to any two rows you want! Shame you weren't able to BRIDGE that last one, though.

Allright, we're up and running! You can now use the CRANE to carry a VAT (or just about ANYTHING ELSE, really) between here, the OFFICES, and the RESERVOIR.

So, what'll it be?

07/06/10
"Try this:"

[TL][M][S][SML]
[T0][0][S][S00]
[TS][S][S][S00]

...You try your best to put fit the CONNECTORS into another new layout, but find that you're having difficulty connecting MORE THAN ONCE PIECE TO THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE BOARD.

Still, it's one better than the last layout you tried.

07/06/10
"Wipe that blood off your mouth."

Yeah, this is pretty disgusting. The blood on your OUTFIT is starting to dry, though. You'll need some WATER to wash it off. Or perhaps your SPARE OUTFIT, which is hopefully still in your LOCKER.

17/05/10
"==>"

what's his problem

17/05/10
"==>"

17/05/10
"==>"

17/05/10
"==>"

17/05/10
"==>"

17/05/10
"well, if you really want to, you can use the long and medium on speed so it can get up to cruising. and replace the small on brake with the double one. going fast with poor brakes is a bad idea."

This one's looking the most promising at the moment, so you'll use this.

All right! Now that the TRANSPORT CRANE is out of the way, you should probably check on the girl again to see if she's allri-

17/05/10
"remove all the connectors, the place the longest in speed, then put the triple connector covering all the twos."

This one has even less green lights!

17/05/10
"Try this:"

[1a ][1b ][4a ] [4b ]
[La ][2a ][2b ] [Lb ]
[ ][ ][3a ] [3b ]

You decide to try a few more combinations. If you ever have any inspiration for a different configuration, you can easily open up the panel and change the connections around whenever you need.

Although you've covered most of the board this time, only three of the lights are green, which is odd.

17/05/10
"just use three smalls on each category."

You put down three small CONNECTORS and turn the POWER on.

Well, nothing wrong with the bare minimum you suppose. The CRANE should be fully operational now, and if you ever need you can come back here and REARRANGE things as you see fit.

17/05/10
"turn off the power start fixing whatever may be broken in the hatch."

The ARM DOORS are closed, so now there's only the stuff under the PANEL to worry about. You hop down to see what's wrong. Most of the stuff down here looks fine, save for this one bit here.

..Er, CIRCUITRY has never been your forte. At least from what you can tell, all the CONNECTIONS have been removed, cutting ALL POWER to the movement systems. The connectors are probably still around here somewhere...

You take a quick look around and find all the CONNECTORS. Well, most of them...

The fifth short connector has been snapped in half. You'll be able to restore power to the CRANE without it, but it won't be operating at its full potential.

You're just a DRIVER-CLASS worker, you really don't have much experience with this sort of stuff. However a lot of the MAINTENANCE WORKERS say this stuff is really easy, and given enough PIECES and a small enough PANEL one can literally just plop em' down until they power up the whole grid. You'll give it a shot.

17/05/10
"Flip her over for a sec to let some blood drain from her mouth."

You roll her over. She seems to be having an easier time breathing now.

You also put the CROWBAR back in her hand, as you doubt she'll be objecting to you taking your HELMET back anytime soon.

Oh man, you missed having your HELMET not lodged between the heavy metal doors of a crane.

You guess she'll probably wake up in a few minutes. In the meantime, you should probably focus on getting the CRANE running.

17/05/10
"Worker: Revive CC with the kiss of life."

Oh man, you're trying! She had to go and jump into an ELECTRIFIED MAINTENANCE PANEL, and now she's out cold!

You went to the CRANE CONTROLS and shut off the power as soon as you saw her jump, but she's seriously been hurt. Her HEART stopped, but you've managed to get it going again with CPR. The only problem now is to get her to BREATHE through all the BLOOD she's coughing up. You're trying mouth-to-mouth, but it's seriously starting to get sloppy. You hope she doesn't have a blood infection or something.

Aside from the whole near-death and coughing up blood thing, she'll be fine provided you can get her BREATHING again.

17/05/10
"Check around the room, see if there's anything interesting here."

You don't see much, just some GOO, the unusual PUDDLE you came out of, and a HATCH in the ground.

...You're not even sure if this is a room. The ground is sloped quite a bit, and you can hear the sound of waves lapping up against metal. You swear you can almost feel a slight BREEZE hitting your SUIT.

17/05/10
"Slick: Save his Ass."

For the second time, you combine two of your SPACETECHS and a PUDDLETECH to form the PUDDLE SANCTUARY.

PUDDLE TRAP allows people other than you to teleport through a specific puddle.

VACUUM PUDDLE sucks a target towards it.

DIMENSIONAL HOPPER ALLOWS FOR INDIRECT TRANSPORTATION BETWEEN ANY KNOWN PUDDLE IN THE UNIVERSE.

Put the three of these together, and you get the PUDDLE SANCTUARY, a miniature worm-hole that, instead of harming its victims, shelters them from whatever harm may have come to them otherwise!

JOSE is immediately sucked inside. When he comes out on the other end, he'll be PERFECTLY FINE. The only problem is you have no idea WHERE he's going to come out, but that's just how your DIMENSIONAL HOPPER ability works.

17/05/10
"Jose: spray that goo with water to death"

JOSE's unconscious. He can't do any of that right now, but you're curious as to why he didn't earlier. You take a look at his COMPRESSION CISTERN.

...Oh. It's jammed shut. It's supposed to activate and refill itself when the lever's pushed, but for some reason the lid isn't budging.

You force the lid open. It was probably rusted shut or something, that thing never did get much use. It should work now, at least.

17/05/10
"==>"

THERE you are!

You've finally found JOSE! And in the nick of time too, because by the look of things, you're going to SAVE HIS LIFE.

...Why the hell did he get dropped off here?

17/05/10
"==>"

17/05/10
"==>"

17/05/10
"Perspective: Switch to Jose again, he's always excellent for a couple laughs."

17/05/10
"Leap with gleeful abandon down the hole."

Instead, you proceed to leap into the hole (which is only about a foot or two deep) and shock yourself on the LIVE WIRING at the bottom.

...You probably should have looked.

17/05/10
"==>"

He says you wouldn't be the first who's tried that.

God damn. You don't know why you keep trying to pull this stuff. There's probably a reason as to why you've never managed to get a date, ever. Is your face really that unflattering?

You tell him to give you a few minutes.

17/05/10
"==>"

oh please mister, i really would appreciate it if you could let me keep this helmet. i really, really need it to help save all your friends from those big mean guys and if you could just let me borrow it for a few minutes, it would mean the world to me

perhaps a kiss would help you decide?

17/05/10
"Okay, NOW you can kiss him."

...Fine. You SUPPOSE you have no other way to convince him. You expend some of your DIGNITY, bat your eyelashes a little, and get the blood pumpin' in the ol' face.

17/05/10
"Ask if there are more helmets somewhere so you can replace yours. Perhaps there's a stronger metal helmet?"

He says he's sure that the other WORKERS have REPLACEMENT HELMETS, but he wouldn't know where they keep them all. His HELMET is his and his alone, and no other HELMET will replace it. Ever.

Each worker is given a different set of equipment depending on what they do, so if anyone were to have a STRONGER HELMET it would probably belong to a HEAVY-CLASS MAINTENANCE WORKER. Can't say whether or not they'd be made out of metal, though. He also wants his hat back, please.

Like, really. That hat was made for him. It has his name in it. He went to prom with that thing. His hopes and dreams revolve around that hat. He wants it back. He needs it back.

He... He... He's not going to give back the CROWBAR until you give back his HELMET.

Crap.

17/05/10
"Re-enact what you went through with the power of interpretive dance."

Unfortunately, you can't think of a way to effectively communicate the GIANT DEATH TORNADO looming above your heads via interpretive dance, so instead you simply try to put things into perspective for him.

...He just really, really wants his helmet back. Bleh. Might as well forget it and move on.

17/05/10
"Take his helmet as payment."

Oh yeah. You are the queen of suave.

Because you knew that was going to happen. Yes.

The worker is a bit distressed over how you're wearing his hat and are currently showing no intention of giving it to him. He's still doing better at keeping it in than that first worker though, so that's good.

You take the opportunity to explain your current situation while you have his full attention.

17/05/10
"==>"

17/05/10
"How does the black goo melt safety hats but not your flesh?"

It DOES melt your flesh! It's just that you've always had some WATER readily available to wash it off before it does. From past experience, it takes roughly THIRTY SECONDS TO A MINUTE before it starts to burn. You're not entirely sure past that - the rate at which objects dissolve in it beyond the first minute seems to be completely ARBITRARY. The stuff ate through the floor of the SHOWER in the bathroom here, but back at home it only melted your own SHOWER a little bit. Maybe it just likes the tiling or something.

...What's this guy up to now?

17/05/10
"Hand off the crowbar to him so that he can pry open the maintenance hatch. While he's doing that, see if you can't lever his helmet out of the arm door with your mace."

You give the worker your CROWBAR and tell him to open the panel. You take the BALL off your MACE and try to remove his HELMET in the same fashion.

The worker manages to get the HATCH open, while you realize a mace handle does not a good crowbar make.

Obviously while feeling very happy with himself, he come up to you and tells you to let a man do a man's job.

Ugh. Well, he's got the CROWBAR, the least you could to is let him think he's doing something useful.

17/05/10
"Ask if the arm door opens any wider. If not, team up with him to yank the helmet out."

He says it does open wider, but it has to close completely before it can open again. It's weird like that.

17/05/10
"Just head back to the worker, see how he's doing."

You carefully continue all the way down the hallway and down the ladder until you arrive in the SAMPLE STORAGE area. You then make your way over to the TRANSPORT CRANE to check on the WORKER.

He's glad you arrived! He's been trying to fix the CRANE the entire time, but has accomplished absolutely nothing thus far. He says his HELMET is jammed in the ARM DOOR, and also that the MAINTENANCE PANEL is stuck fast.

...He doesn't have a clue about all the stuff that you just went through, does he?

17/05/10
"==>"

With a bit of effort you manage to push the four LOCKERS out to where the LADDER is.

17/05/10
"Go back to the bathroom and get a LOT of that black gunk out of the faulty shower."

This is a brilliant idea and you'd do it in a heartbeat, but you've got to remember that your helmet is made out of PLASTIC, and not METAL. Plus, it's been weakened - the GOO will probably eat through it before you can rush it up to FLUSH. It's already eaten a deep hole into the bottom of the SHOWER.

You might be able to use a LOCKER as a container, but they're heavy enough as it is and you'd never be able to get it up the LADDER.

17/05/10
"grab some lockers and make a barricade in the hallway."

You feel your way back to the BATHROOM and get inside. The LOCKERS are strewn about, but intact for the most part.

17/05/10
"use crowbar to latch onto the edge of the trapdoor and pull yourself down it."

oh man that was close.

You're safe... for now. That must be his ability, much like what SLICK does with his puddles and what JOSE tried to do with his hose.

You're not sure if he'll be able to follow you down here like that, but you've got to figure something out quickly because he's still gaining speed outside. Everything not bolted down is likely to be spinning around him now, including your AXE and the CARDBOARD CUTOUT.

17/05/10
"Dispense whatever is currently accessible in your inventory, hopefully it'll jam him or knock him out."

IT JUST WENT AROUND HIM AAAAAAAAAAAA

17/05/10
"Run like the clappers."

OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD

17/05/10
"Use your Macetech on him."

This is a good idea. You'll need to put a little distance between him and yourself first, though.

Uhh...

17/05/10
"Mace + Spinning man = Twice the damage with half the effort!"

Yeah, this would probably be the way to go. He's gaining speed pretty quickly, you might as well hit him before he gets any faster.

Whoa.

Suddenly, that KNIFE seems a lot more dangerous. A melee attack would be pretty ill-advised in this situation.

17/05/10
"Flush: Use Cyclone Cistern"

oh no what are you going to do to me

not spray me with water to death?

...or you could spin around

that's cool too

17/05/10
"Next time he attacks you dodge and get him to run into the black gunk."

He lunges at you, but you step over to the left and he misses you completely.

...Wow. He's hanging by his feet.

This is stupid. You're going to go take another look at that ELEVATOR.

oh hey flush

you're sporting the evil red eye look rather nicely

17/05/10
"De-inventorize the dinner set at his face."

That would probably be the quickest way to end this right now, but naturally all the fighting you've been doing has moved you back up into the GREEN, where your HALF-EMPTY BOTTLE OF WATER is at.

...What's he up to now?

17/05/10
"Try switching out the axe for the crowbar?"

Yeah, might as well switch them out and see if it helps.

You acquire the CROWBAR.

This ingenious amalgamation of birds and alcoholic beverages will allow you to dominate the boxes of any post-apocalyptic metropolitan police you may come across!

This truly is an honorable tool, used for a great number of purposes and

THAT'S THE BLUNT END YOU TWIT

You're starting to feel a bit ashamed that someone like you is actually putting up a fight with this guy. How'd he even manage to break in here in the first place?

17/05/10
"Acquire Axetech: Axeident"

You've got a few ideas for an AXETECH, but your AXE is fed up with the lack of TREES around here and refuses to cooperate!

17/05/10
"==>"

So this is FLUSH. He's different from the others in that he seems pretty bent on killing you, but he's completely hopeless with that knife. He can barely cut fruit with that thing, let alone cut you.

Then again, you're probably not one to talk either. He's a bit fast, and your random flailing isn't hitting him that much. However, he does seem to be vulnerable to SPECIAL MOVES.

Both of you are relatively tired, but you've got to get the upper hand before he remembers what the word STAB means.

Also, your HELMET is starting to show some wear.

17/05/10
"==>"

Music credit: http://8bitcollective.com/music/Fishandchip8bit/Rainy+Summer/

17/05/10
"==>"

...Well, there also might be that GIRL. She seemed harmless enough when you met her on the CATWALK, but something you did made her flip out on you like nothing you've ever seen before! She had you hanging over the edge of the CATWALK, ready to let you plummet several storeys down to a gruesome death.

...But she didn't. She tried to pick you back up.

You wonder what's happening to her right now...

17/05/10
"Jose: Wonder what happened to that crazy chick."

You're getting weaker and weaker with each passing moment. You're practically cross-eyed from trying to look through the darkness to see if you can even recognize where you are.

You're worried that you might die here. TUBS definitely wouldn't rescue you unless there was something in it for him, and FLUSH isn't exactly as intelligent as he likes to think he is.

SLICK might be able to use his fancy water-magic shenanigans to get to you on time. Actually, that's probably the only thing you could hope for right now.

17/05/10
"Smack the giant cog with the crowbar. That's how things get fixed, right?"

You give the cog a few smacks with the CROWBAR and negate its temporal effect on the timeline.

It still isn't moving, though.

17/05/10
"==>"

You toss it out.

17/05/10
"There's a ladder there! Look down the hole"

...Oh.

The goo isn't really all that sticky or repulsive anymore, and since the gear isn't moving you can just climb down and see if there's anything down there.

...It's completely dark down here. There's very little space and nothing of interest in here. The ladder must be to let people out if they ever fall into the space under the GEAR.

Well, this was stupi- wait, there IS something down here!

17/05/10
"Fret over the sheer, mind-boggling hopelessness of the situation."

oh no it's so boggling what do you dooooooooooooo

17/05/10
"take the candle back out, put the axe in the dining set, and flame-thrower that black goo!"

Yeah, not yet. Unless you absolutely have to. Having TWO GLASS BOTTLES FILLED WITH LIQUID OF THE ALCOHOLIC PERSUASION and a LIT CANDLE thrown out into the air is just asking for trouble.

17/05/10
"use rest of bottle of water to destroy goo."

Well... You suppose you could if you really wanted to. Some jumping jacks or jogging in place ought to WARM YOU UP A BIT and let you pull out the HALF-FILLED WATER BOTTLE. Problem is, while it's incredibly easy to gravitate to the GREEN portion of your MOOD RING, it's considerably difficult to GET BACK TO WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW.

You need a minute to think it over first.

17/05/10
"Axe the goo a question"

Surprisingly, the goo isn't really all that gooey anymore... It's hardened and has become rather elastic. Can't cut it with your axe.

28/04/10
"Head rightwards, and hold your cape in front of your face in dark and mysterious manner."

Nothing new, that is, except for what's over here. Mwa ha ha.

...Ugh. What a mess.

There's a giant GEAR here, but it isn't moving. You're assuming that it's because of all the BLACK GOO on it.

28/04/10
"Inspect what appears to be a control panel near the elevator, if it is heavy and mobile place it on top of the trap door. Look in the four cardinal directions."

You head over to the ELEVATOR CONSOLE.

You try to lift it, but it appears to be fastened to the ground.

At least it appears to be, otherwise it'd be no match for your INCREDIBLY BRUTE STRENGTH RARGHGH

On the console, there's an up button, a down button, and a keycard slot. The thing's been locked up and the buttons aren't responsive. You're probably going to need a MAINTENANCE KEYCARD to open it back up again.

You also take a second look around. The view's pretty majestic, but it's more of the same and you're getting tired of it. There's a bunch of gears and pumps and giant windows, but nothing new.

28/04/10
"CC: Take candle, matches and fancy booze."

You take the CANDLE, MATCHBOOK, MERLOT, and 100-PROOF WHISKEY. You don't have room on your mood ring to store them separately, so you store all of them in the same slot.

...It's going to be interesting when you take them back out again.

28/04/10
"==>"

Whoops.

You might want to be careful around any OPEN FLAMES you might come across for the next little while.

28/04/10
"idly light a match and put it out with your mouth."

Er... okay? It's a waste of a match, but why not?

28/04/10
"Chug down half the Merlot bottle"

You have a bit of the MERLOT, but not much. In the event of you having to fight someone again, you would seriously prefer to not be DRUNK while doing it. Honestly, it'd just be counterproductive.

This stuff isn't half bad, though.

28/04/10
"Drink the whiskey and remember the good ol' days."

The WHISKEY is too strong for you! Any amount at all is sure to cause INEBRIATION, which is probably the last thing you want in a place like this!

The gentleman on the label mocks you with his good cheer.

28/04/10
"Eat delicious sandwitch"

This TASTY SANDWICH definitely lives up to its name. It's got bacon and fancy mayo and is fresh and good and delicious and oh god

It doesn't last much longer.

28/04/10
"Have a picnic!"

Might as well. This SANDWICH is looking especially TASTY, and there's no one in sight to claim it.

You flip the TOOLBOX over and light the CANDLE.

28/04/10
"Menacingly Wield the FORK"

You acquire the FORK.

This sacred eating implement will enable you to excel at your dining finesse and blow away friend and foe alike with good etiquette and proper oh wait no hang on a minute

This is just your AXE.

You cannot WIELD the FORK, as both of your HANDS are occupied by your MACE and your AXE. You'll have to treat the FORK as an ITEM until you free up a HAND.

28/04/10
"Close the hatch and set the toolbox on top of it. Then look through the toolbox."

You flip the hatch shut and move the toolbox over it.

...You think it's a toolbox, at least. It's a lot lighter than it should be.

Better open it and check.

Inside, you find a TASTY SANDWICH, as well as a bottle of MERLOT, some 100-PROOF WHISKEY, FANCY CUTLERY, a CANDLE and some MATCHES.

You're impressed.

28/04/10
"==>"

Inputs, outputs, and little circles.

This is bullshit.

28/04/10
"Read that note!!"

Judging by this note, the door's broken and won't open for anyone who isn't working in MAINTENANCE. Just great. The only locked door turns out to be the only one between you and the EMPLOYEE LOUNGE.

You flip the note over.

28/04/10
"Climb ladder."

You ascend.

Hooray, daylight!

The only major thing you can see to your RIGHT is some machinery that's a bit of a distance away.

And that thing.

Over here is an... elevator?

28/04/10
"look up."

Pretty straightforward. Looks like it opens up to the rest of the waterworks.

28/04/10
"Break apart ladder and sell wooden poles for a slight profit"

The LADDER's made of metal, which is good because you can sell it for a greater profit but bad because you can't break it apart to sell it in the first place.

It's also firmly rooted to the ground. If you were to try and take it you'd probably take the entire world or something stupid like that.

28/04/10
"==>"

You noticed a light at the end of the hallway and headed straight for it.

There's another LADDER here.

28/04/10
"==>"

28/04/10
"CC: Feel your way around in the dark again."

You hug the wall and move FORWARDS.

28/04/10
"CC: Head forwards. Try the light switch anyway since it might illuminate other areas."

Flipping the switch makes the sockets in the ceiling spark a little.

28/04/10
"CC: Dump the water out of your hat so you can wear it the next time you fight."

You dump all the WATER out of your HELMET and put it on. Might as well use it while you can.

28/04/10
"==>"

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

28/04/10
"Flush: Tazzy-Devil the hell out of those collapsed lockers. Be MAJORLY PISSED about it, too"

28/04/10
"CC: See if you can spot a lightswitch in the hallway from the illuminated doorway."

Yeah, there's one right here. You doubt it'll work because lights are supposed to be in the ceiling, not in a shattered mess on the ground.

Bit of a low ceiling. If you had some LIGHT BULBS you'd be able to easily replace the broken ones.

Well, you can either move FORWARDS or go BACK and check on that WORKER.

28/04/10
"CC: heroicly frolic out of the bathroom."

...You're not THAT happy. Sheesh.

28/04/10
"==>"

why did you do that aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

28/04/10
"Slick: Jump into the water out of boredom"

18/04/10
"Screw the lockers. You can put them up later. Bust through them in the most awesome fashion possible."

Oh crap, just like in the action figure commercials!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

You've done so many things you've always wanted to do today. Definitely puts a smile on your face.

18/04/10
"CC: Climb on unstacked lockers and look over wall before you leap."

Up we go!

...Nothing too interesting. Guess you'll just hop over.

18/04/10
"Names are for sissies"

Yeah, they totally are. If there's one thing that sticks with you throughout your life, it's your name, so you'd better hope your parents picked a damn good one.

...To be completely honest, your original last name was awesome, but has worn a bit thin over the years. You've gotten sick of everyone telling you how much respect you have or haven't gotten over and over throughout your childhood, so these days you just tell them your last name is Cohen. Connie Cohen.

Of course, now some of them think you're Jewish, but it isn't as bad. Also, when you really think about it, you're technically not lying! Sort of. If you can make the connection.

But enough about names. They're silly.

18/04/10
"Concerned Citizen: Get a name, for crying out loud. Be Clarice. Clarice is a nice name."

...Clarice? Yeah, that is a nice name.

If you're living in the 1920's.

18/04/10
"Slick: Out of boredom, kick the box into the water and see what happens"

Those "spikes" are your kinetic shields.

To put it real simple, the porthole is essentially a big extension of your suit's dimensional hopper ability, storing all the water at some location on a higher dimension, allowing you to take it and dump it out whenever and wherever you wish.

You only want water, so the kinetic shielding is currently programmed to knock out any solid objects that get in the way.

Whenever the sensors embedded in each spike detect an obstruction, the spike releases a pillar of energy to knock the object away. The kinetic shielding is unique in that it's one of the few pieces of equipment you've got with you that doesn't have anything to do with spatial distortion, instead dealing with energy.

These babies suck quite a bit of power, but the battery inside will probably have enough juice to knock away a small meteor. It's that strong.

You can change the shield's settings on the console attached to the porthole, but everything's working pretty well as it is.

18/04/10
"Slick: Explain loudly to yourself why there are spikes around the hole"

...Spikes?

18/04/10
"Jose: Realize you are wearing a woman's coat! ...Also, where the hell are you?"

...A woman's coat? You never were too keen on your fashion sense. Besides, that's not something you should worry about now, especially now that you're in...

...Actually, you have no idea where you are.

It's dark, you're on the ground, and you can't feel your legs. With the added weight of your compression cistern you can't even roll over and crawl around. You figure you should be worried, but you can't think of anything to do about it for the moment.

Gonna be a long night.

16/04/10
"Jose: try not to be so french."

you're not french

16/04/10
"Slick: hop in the waterfall and check the back end of your water theft."

You climb down the side of the reservoir wall to see if everything's working properly.

Yep. Everything looks fine.

You really wish you brought a bigger porthole. It'd really speed things up. Judging by the meter, the porthole is 90% full - but you know that doesn't mean anything. You've been draining water into it for the past week, it'll probably take another day to fill up completely. Then you've got to empty it and start the whole thing over again.

Well, that's what you would have done, but now that you know how slow things are going, you're considering bringing some better tech down on your second trip.

16/04/10
"Go to the other side of that fort wall you made"

Time to head out.

...But you're hesitant to dismantle your little wall of lockers. They're stacked all nice and tidy, and to move them would be to expose this temporary sanctuary to the outside world once more. Maybe you can figure out a way to leave without moving them?

16/04/10
"Concerned Citizen > Take a brief moment to revel in how FUCKING CLEAN you are."

You're so clean that only a crappy blur effect will be able to let you show the world how clean you are!

You're still grinning like an idiot. Your mouth is going to get sore. But you don't care, you're SQUEAKY CLEAN

SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK

16/04/10
"Camera: Squee."

oh god it's looking right at you

But you know what it's trying to do. These things are pure evil, always trying to hook you into posing and doing all sorts of random and stupid things in front of them just to keep them happy. That's just how cameras WORK.

You're pretty shaken by the fact that you may have been watched while you took that shower, but it's probably too late to do anything about it at this point.

The real problem lies in that it's still watching you. Nobody's come after you yet, but that's not going to last much longer if this camera's still fixed on you.

You sever the camera from the ceiling.

If you ever find anyone who watched you through that camera, you'll go and give their corneas a very personal scrubbing, free of charge.

Well, not literally of course. That'd most likely kill them.

Well, you suppose that depends on whether or not it was the thugs or the workers, and perhaps maybe if it was a passing glance or if they were obsessed and constantly checking all the bathroom cameras, or maybe if they were only-

You're thinking about this too hard. Camera's down, you're safe again. What now? This bathroom's pretty big, and even though you'll be able to use the light from here to partially light up the halls, you're reluctant to return to the darkness just yet.

16/04/10
"...is that a camera on the wall?"

...A camera? Don't be ridiculous! Who in their right mind would put a camera in a bath-

oh god

16/04/10
"Insert mood ring into hot water to aquire shotgun."

You turn the heat up all the way and risk seriously scalding your arm.

...It boosts you up pretty high, but not high enough. If your mind is set on pulling the shotgun out using temperature instead of your emotions (it is a mood ring after all), you may be able to find something hotter and pull the shotgun out, but at the price of permanent injury and/or disfiguration.

Likewise if you try to freeze yourself. Hypothermia ain't cool, bro.

16/04/10
"Quickchange so you can bring the smackdown on some mofos. Use TOWEL as a heroic cape."

Oh yeah. Now you're a hero.

You're clean, your clothes are dry, your mind is clear, and you feel ready to take on the world. Hell yes.

15/04/10
"CC: Prepare for a re-enactment of that scene in psycho. Only this time, you have a mace."

Oh man, that totally would've been cool. You'd be in the shower, and the guy would pull back the curtain and have his knife out, but then you'd have your axe and he'd be all oh shit and you'd be all like can i axe you a question

Oh well. It feels so good to be clean for once, and you're pretty happy about it.

15/04/10
"==>"

...Well, there he goes. Presumably to chew out whoever's in the shower. Or cut them up.

You guess if it is JOSE in the shower, then you'll at least know he's safe. Safe defined as being not dead. FLUSH will probably knock him about a bit, but it will be nowhere near as brutal as what that girl was about to do to him

15/04/10
"==>"

15/04/10
"Ask him about the physics of water."

You tell him nevermind.

Well, actually... You bring up how one of the cameras has fogged up. Specifically, the camera in one of the bathrooms. You're not entirely sure how a camera lens can fog up so easily, considering nothing in a regular bathroom is even supposed to generate that much steam.

15/04/10
"Tell flush about that crazy woman."

oh god

You quickly tell him how you kicked her off the catwalk and watched her fall twenty storeys and land in a vat filled with black goo (okay that last bit was a lie but what the hell he's reaching for his knife).

...These guys are so heartless. Oh well, you suppose it comes with the job.

15/04/10
"Prod Flush. Tell him he and you need to find José."

...Yeah, he's got no idea what happened to JOSE. FLUSH isn't the kind of guy to give a damn about anyone save the one person who is stronger than him. The person in question being TUBS.

15/04/10
"Ask him where your portals go."

...You're only trying to make conversation!

15/04/10
"Question how well what he's doing is going and how long before he believes you'll be done."

...Yeah. You kinda forget that you're the only one doing all the actual stealing. These guys are just the muscle, and have no idea how you're actually pulling this off.

15/04/10
""How's the weather?""

...You suppose that makes sense. Nobody's been outside in days, and there's not much that can be seen from the windows.

15/04/10
"==>"

You drop down.

FLUSH asks you what you need.

15/04/10
"Ask some of the others if they have seen him."

You still have no idea where TUBS is (and frankly, you can't be assed to look for him), and FLUSH is still at the RESERVOIR.

You've got a feeling he hasn't moved since you last checked on him. He's infatuated with the physics behind moving water. The way he watches it creeps you out, but you'd never mention it to him as FLUSH is the kind of guy who'd cut you first and ask questions later.

...Then again, it's been some time since you've met in person. Before you go, you should probably think up some other things to ask him as well. He'd probably mock you if all you did was ask him if JOS�? was safe.

15/04/10
"maybe he's taking a shower. you should head there."

If he is even in there taking a shower, you're pretty sure walking in there and interrupting him would lead to... implications. And awkward silences. You doubt he'd ever look the same way at you again.

Better keep things professional.

15/04/10
"==>"

One of the workers seems to have gotten free. Looks like he's trying to feed his hat to that machine for some reason.

You'll have to round this guy up later, for now you've got to focus on finding JOSE. Although it is only you that needs to remain alive to ensure the mission's success, JOSE really is a good guy and he's always helped you when you needed a hand. You can't stand to let him suffer for what you did.

15/04/10
"==>"

...But you still can't see a thing. God dammit. Camera must be fogged up.

Aside from all the black and whiteness, everything's pretty much untouched, and you can't locate JOSE. You'd like to imagine that he's with TUBS, but you seriously doubt it.

15/04/10
"==>"

You extract yourself from the ceiling and scroll through the cameras again.

Nothing too much has changed, really.

Black...

Black...

Black...

...Black. TUBS is a douche.


...Hang on, this one isn't black anymore!

15/04/10
"==>"

ow

15/04/10
"==>"

15/04/10
"Did you try the security cameras again? See if Jose is somewhere they can see."

Good idea.

14/04/10
"did you try looking down?"

Of course you did! What would be the point of going up and down this catwalk if you didn't look down?!

14/04/10
"slick: appear"

What? Appear where? You've spent the last hour going up and down this CATWALK, trying to find JOSE! You can't see him anywhere.

You've got to find him. After putting both him and that girl through your DIMENSIONAL HOPPER you honestly have no idea what happened to them, and can only hope they both emerged from puddles within the building.

14/04/10
"==>"

You turn on the water.

oh god yes finally hot water

i missed you so much

scrub scrub scrub

14/04/10
"Take a shower with your new best friend Axey."

...

You get your AXE.

You're all ready to do this.

14/04/10
"==>"

You take off both your SHIRTS (your secret to staying dry thus far), your SKIRT, and your UNDERGARMENTS. You put everything on a HAND DRYER, and turn it on. Hopefully it'll dry out your clothes while you're waiting. You slip your SHOES between the stalls.

You grab the SHAMPOO. The TOWEL's fine where it is.

You place your MACE, AXE, and MOOD RING on the ground beside the stall.

14/04/10
"Take a shower"

Alright, let's get this over with.

14/04/10
"==>"

The second stall seems to be fine. Good thing, too. You'd be in trouble if you had no way to wash this goo off.

14/04/10
"==>"

Your left arm gets a generous dousing of BLACK GOO.

14/04/10
"anyway, check the water in the stalls, if it's good then finally take a shower."

You check the first stall.

14/04/10
"Build a fort out of the lockers"

You've got a better idea. You take the empty door-less lockers and pile them up beside the divider. You've got a neat little room now!

14/04/10
"Obligatory Monty Python quote."

But there are no HERRINGS in sight!

They're probably in another adventure.

14/04/10
"Use axe to communicate with a spirit from your rich lumberjack ancestry."

You don't remember if anyone in your family was ever a lumberjack. You axe the ask if you can communicate with a GREAT LUMBERJACK SPIRIT regardless.

The axe says to first cut down a mighty tree, and then we'll be in business.

14/04/10
"SHATTER SHOWER STALL FOR LOOT"

MUAHAHAHAHA

GRIND YOU UP

CERAMICS EVERYWHERE

Oh man, that was fun.

14/04/10
"WIELD AXE THREATENINGLY"

You acquire the AXE.

The sacred instrument now lies in your hands, free for you to use and deal all but the most brutal and violent of beatings to people, doors, and trees alike.

You will destroy all who oppose you. Every lumberjack shall look upon you with envy so green that it rivals the colour of the very trees you will desecrate.


You have no idea what it is with spray cans and medieval weapons, but you don't care because your badass rating just increased by 30%.

14/04/10
"Continue into the washroom."

There are a few SHOWER STALLS over here.

Well, looks like this is it.

14/04/10
"==>"

It's full of DEODORANT! No wonder they didn't bother with this locker!

There's some SHAMPOO in here though, so you guess that's good. Locker 29 appears to be locked as well.

...Now that you think of it, this is probably the men's room. You really ought to learn braille some time.

14/04/10
"See if thugs left anything useful and not a bomb in the lockers you can pry open."

You open lockers 31, 32, and 33, as well as the unmarked one.

As expected, there's nothing in the broken lockers. You found a TOWEL in the unmarked locker.

Locker 34 is, well, locked. You're going to check out locker 30.

14/04/10
"Walk to the lockers."

There are eight lockers here. One had its door torn off, and at least three look like they've been tampered with. One of those thugs probably thought it'd be a good idea to burglarize them. And somehow get bored halfway through and not bother with the rest.

14/04/10
"==>"

Excellent.

14/04/10
"==>"

Well, this looks promising.

You spend some time feeling it. Yep, this definitely appears to be a bathroom door.

You enter.

It's also pitch-black in here. You hope it's only because the lights are off, not in a shattered mess on the ground.

You try to find a light switch.

14/04/10
"==>"

Screw guessing where to go, you just hug the WALL to your right and slide across it.

While sliding across, you nearly trip over some sort of ROUND THING and nearly get caught in a TALL ROUND THING.

None of these objects resembles a door in the slightest, so you just keep going.

14/04/10
"Start climbing like the monkey you probably smell like by now."

Up we go!

You keep going until you run out of ladder.

Instead of sitting at the top of a ladder like an idiot, you search for a place to stand.

You find the FLOOR and get on it.

14/04/10
"tug the rungs to check!"

The more you tug, the more confident you feel in your assertion that this object is in fact a LADDER.

A LADDER that goes up, judging by what you're able to feel with your hands and feet.

14/04/10
"Use Echolocation to determine where everything is! Or just feel around for stuff like some blind person."

You doubt you'd be able to scream without attracting attention, so you feel around your immediate area instead.

There isn't anything around your immediate position, save for something that you're assuming is a LADDER.

14/04/10
"See if you can use the glowing of your mp3 player's screen as a light source"

That might be able to work, but you can't pull it out of your MOOD RING at this time.

So far, you've ran forwards and hit a wall. You're assuming the ground is covered in GLASS, so it'd definitely be a good idea not to fall over.

14/04/10
"==>"

You run headfirst into a wall!

14/04/10
"RUN INTO THE DARKNESS"

You run forward with a reckless disregard for your own safety.

You can hear glass crunching under your feet as you run.

14/04/10
"==>"

You leave the worker to try and repair his CRANE. You're pretty sure he knows what he's doing.

You enter the dark hallway.

Well, it's dark all right. You'll have to take this very carefully.

14/04/10
"Don't shower, You can use your new found "Stank" as a weapon. Put new "Stank" weapon in storage."

Actually, yeah. Probably would be best to clean up.

14/04/10
"Bathrooms? Showers? What are you waiting for? GET TO IT!"

...Are you SURE that's the best thing to do right now? Even though you are rather dirty, you can wait until you've sorted this mess out first before getting clean.

14/04/10
"Add worker to party"

You give him an invitation. Partially as an apology, but also because he seems like a pretty cool guy.

He says he's got some stuff to do that day, but he should be able to make it.

WORKERS RESCUED: 2/50
SAMPLES WORKER HAS BEEN ADDED TO GUEST LIST

You acquire a HALF-EMPTY BOTTLE OF WATER.

Even though he was very helpful, that was a lot to take in. Let's sum up what he said:

* You're in SAMPLE STORAGE.

* The machine you're standing on is a TRANSPORT CRANE.

* The TRANSPORT CRANE allows for transportation between the RESERVOIR and the OFFICES.

* Unfortunately, someone (most likely the person responsible for the soap bomb) has broken the TRANSPORT CRANE.

* There is a BATHROOM down the dark corridor, complete with SHOWERS and SOAP. The corridor might also lead somewhere else.

* Your WATER is safe to drink.

14/04/10
"Help ME learn how to spin like a Hitmontop too!"

14/04/10
"Make him try out the water you got and see if it's safe"

His analysis consists of shaking the bottle up and down, looking at it intently and ACTUALLY DRINKING IT.

Well, he's not dying at least. If it's water, you'll happily take what's left.

14/04/10
"Tell him that you need his help to beat up the thugs that took over this place. Also, to find non-exploding soap."

14/04/10
""What the hell is this machine for?""

14/04/10
"where the hell am I?"

14/04/10
""Help me to help you. I'm a... concerned citizen looking to remedy the... situation here.""

14/04/10
"Free the poor man and ask his assistance nicely."

You carefully remove the tape on the man's mouth and the rope around his body and apologize for misjudging him.

You ask him for help. He asks you with what?

14/04/10
"Free him snarkily."

You have a feeling that this guy will be just as jittery and as much of a coward as the last guy, so you do what you should've done with the first guy and kick him over.

Instead of vibrating rapidly, the man gets up to his feet and waits patiently for you to come down and untie him.

You feel like a douche.

08/04/10
"==>"

Well, this is it. Now that you're up close, you can see that it looks like some sort of...

yeah you have no idea what the hell this thing is

There's also appears to be a midget lodged inside.

08/04/10
"Head over to the machine and examine it."

Sounds good.

08/04/10
"Take the water bottle. Just hope this isn't a bomb, too."

Oh well. Might as well hold onto it until you've got a reliable way to determine whether or not this is actually water. It won't explode if you store it in your MOOD RING.

It slides into your current position on the spectrum, displacing your RELATIVELY INTELLIGENT PHONE, which in turn displaces your HELMET FILLED WITH WATER.

08/04/10
"Drink some water to relieve the tension"

You really want to. Some water at this point would be seriously REFRESHING, but you just can't trust this to be actual water.

08/04/10
"Check out the exploded area"

Looks like all the water has been blown clear. The vat's still pretty much intact, save for some cracks.

08/04/10
"Make a deadpan snarky comment, since really by now none of this should phase you"

YOU TRIED TO KILL ME WITH SOAP, YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT?

SOAP.

08/04/10
"==>"

Exploding soap. God dammit.

08/04/10
"==>"

...


...Suggestion or not, that wasn't very subtle.

08/04/10
"==>"

08/04/10
"==>"

08/04/10
"==>"

08/04/10
"==>"

08/04/10
"==>"

08/04/10
"AAAAA THROW IT"

08/04/10
"Don't drop the soap."

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

08/04/10
"==>"

Oh, there's a timer on the back, counting down as if it were some sort of...

Oh shit.

08/04/10
"they are saying that you smell disgusting. rage."

As much as you want to flip out and beat the shit out of something, you really need to have a better control over your EMOTIONS. Sure, you were almost able to reach your SHOTGUN, but you also nearly committed murder on the side.

You figure you'll take this one in stride.

Well, when you think about it, you are a little dirtier than usual. If you ever find a shower in this place, it might not be a bad idea to clean yourself up a bit, provided nobody's watching of course.

...You wonder why this bar of soap is so heavy. It's just soap, it shouldn't weigh anymore than a couple ounces, right?

08/04/10
"Realize the soap is a SUBTLE SUGGESTION. They really have a lot of nerve."

...Those assholes!

If they weren't stealing your water, you wouldn't be dirty in the first place! The only person who has even gotten close enough to smell you is SLICK, and he's wearing a goddamn diving suit!

You thought these guys had better manners.

06/04/10
"Check and see what's in the box."

As much as you really, REALLY want to just go home right now, you have to make sure that there's actually water in here.

You open the BOX.

You find a BOTTLE OF WATER and a BAR OF SOAP.

Well, they weren't lying, but a single bottle of water isn't going to tide you over for the next couple of months.

Also, what the hell's the soap for? Some sort of consolation?

06/04/10
"==>"

06/04/10
"==>"

06/04/10
"Check out cube looking thingy."

Might as well check out the CUBE and the MACHINE before you head through the DOOR.

On closer inspection, the cube appears to actually be a BOX. Go figure!

06/04/10
"Joyfully roll around in water puddle"

Oh man, that takes you back. When you were a little girl, you always waited eagerly by the window for the rain to die down so you could put on your little raincoat and hop around in the puddles. Just listening to your boot come down into a deep puddle on the asphalt and watching the water scatter like little glistening beads makes you feel all-

WAIT NO WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY

06/04/10
"Swim in the vats, it looks like fun."

Um, no thanks. Your clothes are wet enough already. Wet enough being defined as BEING ALMOST NOTICEABLY WET. Take that as you will.

Besides, the water in these vats all seem to contain varying amounts of filth. Even if you were prepared to swim, you wouldn't do it down here.

06/04/10
"Check to make sure that Jose isn't like floating just beneath the water and needs help or anything before entering the doorway."

You check quite a few vats for JOSE before getting bored. He should also be somewhere around here, shouldn't he?

...Shouldn't he?!

06/04/10
"See where that doorway goes."

It's way too dark to tell. Doesn't seem to be a way to light up the doorway either. You can't find anything that resembles a lightswitch, at least.

This is incredibly inconvenient!

06/04/10
"Check where SOUTH and EAST paths go, don't wanna skip over anything."

You look up ahead.

There isn't much over there, but you think you can make out what looks to be some sort of MACHINE.

Turning to your right, you see more VATS, as well as a CUBE-LOOKING THING and what you think are RAILINGS up above.

06/04/10
"Do you still have your mace on you?"

Of course you do! You made sure to never let go of it.

06/04/10
"Realize you are in the tank of a giant toilet."

Oh man. You probably looked like a total bitch when you flipped out earlier. Looking back, you're pretty embarrassed about it all.

You don't hate toilets themselves, right? It's more or less all that shit they have to take daily, making them incredibly filthy.

All water will or has at some point passed through a toilet before. ANY water could potentially be toilet water. It's completely pointless to worry about it, and you feel like an idiot for doing so. You figure you're good unless there's water that's literally IN a toilet.

Oh well. Water in under the toilet bridge. It might be a good idea to figure out how to get back up to the CATWALK. Hopefully from there you can find the EMPLOYEE LOUNGE. Someone's bound to be in there with something that can help you.

06/04/10
"Assess mood level as calm, from mild lack of oxygen."

...Also, yeah, you're pretty CALM. Even though you were kicked in the face by a man in a diving suit carrying the momentum of an ocean liner, falling at least twenty stories downwards, and hitting the surface of the water at terminal velocity, yeah, you're pretty good.

You're pretty sure you felt something in your face break, but you can't find any wounds on your body.

...Yay? You have no idea what the hell happened. You can't remember anything after hitting the water.

06/04/10
"Get up and assess your location."

...Well, there isn't too much down here. Judging by the lack of light, you're on the MAINTENANCE LEVEL.

There isn't all too much down here, just a couple of VATS filled with what you assume is water.

The path you're on extends to the RIGHT and DOWNWARDS. There's a dark DOOR a few meters ahead that goes into the wall.

06/04/10
"Slam your head repeatedly into the floor to get rid of that headache"

...Well, at least your head's hurting from something else now.

06/04/10
"Wake up. Dramatically"

Music credit: ???

...You can't remember what just happened. Also your head hurts. A lot.

28/03/10
"==>"

28/03/10
"==>"

28/03/10
"==>"

28/03/10
"==>"

Oh man. You really hope you were able to save them both.

Combining one's abilities to form a new one is a pretty useful technique, but you've never used the DIMENSIONAL HOPPER on another person before. You have no idea what will happen.

28/03/10
"Slick: INTERVENE!"

Music credit: http://8bitcollective.com/music/Pulse+Blast/The+Escape/

28/03/10
"==>"

...OH SHIT.

28/03/10
"Go check on how Jose is doing."

You hope JOSE was able to take care of that girl.

28/03/10
"Check on your other teammates."

You go up to the SECURITY CONSOLE and flip through the cameras.

FLUSH is doing what he's supposed to be doing, at least. He's over by the RESEVOIR, making sure that the water's emptying out properly.

...You're having difficulty finding TUBS. He's a little paranoid. Even though you all locked the place down without a hitch, TUBS still blots out the security cameras. Judging by what cameras are blacked out and what ones aren't, he's probably near the OFFICES seeing if he can find anything worth stealing.

28/03/10
"Your new suit has a hideous fin shaped thing on top. Go back and try again."

This fin on top of your helmet really does look out of place, but it is the price you must pay for modifying your suit. Apparently it's the addition that increases your MOBILITY by one. It also sorta looks like a mohawk.

You could go back and reset everything to what it once was, but the REPAIR MODULE needs some time to recharge before it can work again. It's a miracle you even got it to work down here in the first place, what with the shoddy wiring of this room and all.

28/03/10
"Punch worker for the hell of it."

YOU WILL HAVE NONE OF THIS

There. Now you can get some work done for once.

28/03/10
"Look at worker."

He's trying to spin you out. It's humorous, but you have to admit that you're starting to get a little dizzy.

28/03/10
"==>"

Success! But it kinda feels like you've been both overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time.

You also feel a little tingly.

28/03/10
"Go for it. See if the worker's still spinning around"

Warning! Flashing lights!

Music credit: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/306778

28/03/10
"Move a single point from D.R. to S.D."

SPACETECH: VACUUM PUDDLE is now online.

To recap, you've got

* 5 points in Damage Resistance
* 6 points in Mobility
* 4 points in Spatial Distortion


...Your damage resistance is at five again. Oh well, at least with an extra boost to mobility that girl will have trouble catching you to hit you at all.

28/03/10
"Check Ability Menu too, just to be sure"

You've got two PUDDLETECHS and a SPACETECH online.

It's all you've ever used, really. You find puddle transportation to be incredibly useful.

28/03/10
"Two to spatial distortion, four to mobility, one more to damage resistance"

It's not too different from your last build (you just put five points in everything to make it all equal), but sure.

Looking good. Everything's relatively tame in regards to each other, but you've got a slightly larger edge in MOBILITY and DAMAGE RESISTANCE, which should make you a bit of a better fighter even without your weapon.

You're not sure how this will impact your ABILITY, though.

28/03/10
"Be sure to add +3 against bludgeoning to your suit. You don't want to do this anytime soon again"

You open up your painfully-green SUIT PROFILE DISPLAY and change the properties of your suit.

...You know what? Let's just start over. You wipe your entire profile and put 3 points into DAMAGE RESISTANCE.

Whenever you reset your profile, you always start out with two points in DAMAGE RESISTANCE and MOBILITY, followed by one in SPATIAL DISTORTION. Your weapon is locked in at HARPOON, and you're only able to change it if you bring the desired weapon into the REPAIR MODULE with you.

SPATIAL DISTORTION is your suit's ability. Normally you wouldn't need it, but at least one point in it is imperative for you to complete your mission.

28/03/10
"Worker: Kick through the 122 window thingy."

Oh man, you love this guy. He's tried that about a hundred times already, but you still find it hilarious. No amount of spinning will damage your REPAIR MODULE.

28/03/10
"SPIN ON YOUR HEAD LIKE HITMONTOP"

You can't do that at the moment. Your suit is being repaired.

The worker starts doing it, though.

16/03/10
"==>"

You are SLICK.

16/03/10
"RAAAAH IT'S HIS FAULT GET HIM"

Time for some fun. You don't need no goddamn shotgun.

16/03/10
"Flip the fuck out on the person responsible for this toilet water bullshit."

...

16/03/10
"The only option is to reduce his toilet to a tiny pile of ceramic dust."

You're feeling it now.

16/03/10
"Focus quickly on that José guy, it's his fault that you may or may not have been soaked in dirty toilet water and the sooner you smash him up the faster you can get to an actual shower!"

...Good point.

16/03/10
"Clean José's toilet harder than you've ever cleaned a toilet before. Win awards for it."

Oh man, you would. You totally would. But you didn't think to bring any CLEANING IMPLEMENTS with you.

16/03/10
"Stop flipping out while you are in the RED"

That sounds like a great idea, provided you're able to stop your mood ring in the right spot.

...And of course, you weren't able to do it.

Not only that, the mood indicator is completely gone. What the hell.

...At least you've still got your MACE. As ridiculous as what just happened, José obviously has no idea what's going on, and he's weaponless. You've got to do something quickly before he runs away like Slick did.

16/03/10
"==>"

Holy shit, that was unhealthy. You need a second to gather your bearings.

14/03/10
"==>"

You've completely forgotten about your IMMENSE HATRED OF TOILETS.

Well, it's not the toilets themselves that you don't like. It's just that they get absolutely filthy in an incredibly short amount of time, and you find a dirty toilet to be one of the most repulsive things on the planet.

Your clean your toilet at home so hard that you've actually won awards for it. If you absolutely must come across a dirty toilet, you have to either CLEAN it or UTTERLY ANNIHILATE it.

And just to think, any of the water you've seen could've very well at some point been water from a dirty toilet!

oh god oh god oh god you don't think you've ever flipped out as much as you are right now

14/03/10
"==>"

14/03/10
"==>"

14/03/10
"==>"

14/03/10
"Realize you're probably soaked in toilet water."

toilet water what

14/03/10
"Smash him good."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

14/03/10
"Point at him, then move the mace pole across your neck/throat. Don't forget the angry eyes."

You pick up the ball of your mace and give your best attempt to look threatening.

14/03/10
"==>"

There's no more water coming out of his hose. That was easy! You think. Hopefully.

14/03/10
"==>"

14/03/10
"==>"

14/03/10
"Use popfly on the lever of his toilet pack."

You've got to wait for him to stop spraying you first.

Hold on...

It appears that José's WATER PRESSURE has dropped significantly. Now's your chance!

You've got a clean shot at the lever on his backpack.

14/03/10
"Attack him and take a shower!"

You can't even get close to him, but the realization that he's spraying you with clean water makes you giddy. You haven't had a proper shower since last week.

14/03/10
"==>"

Music credit: http://8bitcollective.com/music/Dr.+Zilog/Cannibal+Holocaust/

Well, this is a problem! You can't get close enough to this guy to hit him. Fortunately, you've discovered your LEVEL ONE MACETECH: POP FLY, and can hit him with that. It's working for now, but it probably won't be effective for much longer.

Also he's not French. You feel stupid for trying to poke fun at him, and humiliated because you haven't leveled up your face enough to pull off a convincing anime-style getup.

06/03/10
"==>"

You have a hunch that this guy is JOSE.

06/03/10
"==>"

06/03/10
"==>"

oh god what

06/03/10
"Run to the right till something interesting pops by."

do de do de do

06/03/10
"Flail."

...That isn't such a bad idea either! You can easily detach the ball from your MACE. If only you had some rope or something to tie it on.

06/03/10
"How do you purpose we get music? All this goo fuss has surely kept us above the required coolness for access to the MP3 player."

You're currently nowhere near being able to use your MP3 PLAYER. You really do wish you had some music to listen to, as the only thing you're hearing right now is the sound of the machinery in this place. Aside from that there has been no music whatsoever, and anyone who says or thinks otherwise is a sillyface.

06/03/10
"Wash hand, quickly. Then continue to proceed to the accompaniment of amazing music."

That sounds like a great idea!

You'll get right on it.

06/03/10
"What is that black goop around?"

Oh man, this shit.

This stuff is awful. It's all goopy and it smells stronger and more horrible than anything you've ever smelled before. It's as if someone made a permanent marker that smelled like gasoline and wrote with paint thinner.

You've been covered in head to toe with this stuff countless times. You know that it isn't dangerous - at first. But when left on for long enough, it slowly begins to corrode nearly any nonmetallic object it touches. Once you get this mess sorted out you're planning on going out and getting a new shower. Made of steel.

You can usually wipe it off without a problem. If you're ever covered again, you've found that just a little bit of water is enough to wash it all off you. This sludge doesn't mix well with it.

06/03/10
"Lean dangerously close to railing."

You lean close to the railing. Not dangerously close, but close enough to warrant some caution.

Below you can see what looks like a bunch of weird water shit. You'd be puzzled if you weren't up here above it all. It looks like a bunch of vats filled with water, with a few of them being contaminated with that same black sludge from your shower.

You also put your hand in some that was on the rail, whoops!

06/03/10
"Check out the room."

This place is huge! The windows are gigantic and you're very far away from them. There's some structures off to the sides of the catwalk, and you can barely make out the top or bottom of the room!

Just what the hell do they do to your water, anyway?

06/03/10
"==>"

...You kinda forgot why you were mad again.

06/03/10
"Keep being so angry and go right."

You hope that for those guys' sake, they don't run into you.

Music credit: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/203454

You head off to the right, onto the actual catwalk, which leads into an even bigger room.

06/03/10
"Add the head to your inventory."

SURE, WHY NOT

06/03/10
"==>"

IT WAS A GODDAMN CARDBOARD CUTOUT HOW COULD YOU BE SO GULLIBLE AAARGHHH

Your angry stomping breaks the cutout in half.

06/03/10
"start peeling an apple"

DELICIOUS.

06/03/10
"You don't seem like that bad of a guy, try explaining what you're doing here to her or negotiating with her? Flashback on exactly what you're doing here and why first."

You're not going over all your reasons for being here again. The only important part is that you get what you came here for.

Still, you still think you can make the girl leave. You go to turn on the intercom.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to disagree with your methods, Slick.

We want this water, and we're going to do what we do best to make sure we get it.

JOSE's in that area. I'm going to let him know.

06/03/10
"Your Red Ink Cartridge is running kinda low! Better pick up a new one at your local office supply store."

Good. You were hoping it'd empty soon.

06/03/10
"==>"

NNNNOOOOOOOOO

You can't believe she saw through that! You picked one of the fiercest creatures you've ever known and had Flush cut out the most accurate representation out of the best cardboard you could find!

You really don't want to hurt her, but it looks like somebody's going to have to do something if you are to complete your objective.

06/03/10
"Push cardboard replica down."

06/03/10
"DiploMACEy."

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

The monster attacks!

06/03/10
"Refuse to acknowledge it's existence. It can't hurt you if it doesn't exist."

It isn't making a move, so you try stepping around it.

...You think it's working! It's just staring forward into space and ignoring you completely! Just a few more steps and you'll be home fre-

06/03/10
"Don't be racist. Greet the creature amicably."

You try to wave at the monster, hoping you can befriend it.

It just grins at you. Creepily.

06/03/10
"Take the catwalk."

You're feeling rather confident, so you do your little turn towards the catwalk.

Bring it o-

what the shit

06/03/10
"==>"

wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Ouch! You bump into a door!

Well, it looks like we're finally getting somewhere. You can either go take the maintenance route or head directly along the upper level.

Hold on, you need to think about this.

Taking the CATWALK should be much quicker. You won't have to weave your way through most of the inner workings of the waterworks, but SLICK and whatever goons he may have with him will probably be close by. You're probably going to end up fighting.

If you go down and take the MAINTENANCE ROUTE, you'll most likely evade anyone wanting to hurt you. Problem is, you'll have to run around in the machinery, which may or may not kill you.

06/03/10
"Go for a run with one of your old buds, you know, Wild Abandon?"

That's stupid and it makes you feel stupid. Who in their right mind would ever want to do that?

06/03/10
"Go right!"

You head off to the right.

06/03/10
"Explore."

Alright. Time to actually get somewhere.

06/03/10
"Examine water, gather it in helmet."

The helmet's plastic, so it can be used to hold a liquid.

Man, you have NO idea how he did it. This is just an ordinary puddle. You can touch it and feel the concrete underneath. It's just plain ol' water.

You're having second thoughts drinking it, but you could probably use it for something. It might even be able to cool you down if the need ever arises.

06/03/10
"Check reddish (orangey?) item."

Even though you can't access them, you can still view all the items you've got in your mood ring.

You didn't store anything in the orange part of the spectrum.

Wait, you should probably take the time now to see what you actually brought!

At the blue end, you've got your handy MP3 PLAYER. Whenever you listen to it you feel super cool, like you'd be able to groove your way out of anything.

Problem is, you're always very calm after listening to it, so when you put it away you have trouble getting at it again, when you're not as calm.

There's another item here at the opposite end, in the red. You don't remember putting anything up there, what could it be?

A SHOTGUN. Wow.

You must've been more pissed than you thought. You don't even remember owning a shotgun. Might not be a good idea to trust it.

You'd doubt you would ever be able to get that angry ever again. Honestly, you're afraid you'd spontaneously combust or something. You'd practically be setting yourself on fire.

06/03/10
"Chill out and get up. If one of the bad guys comes around you don't want them to catch you laying around on the floor."

Yeah, it's probably best just to chill out. All that rage is harmful if you've got no means of unleashing it.

06/03/10
"Be that girl again."

What girl? You're not entirely sure what that's supposed to mean.

Regardless, you've practically made negative progress. You haven't gone any further into the waterworks, and now the bad guys know you're here.

You're just gonna stay here and rage for a little while.

06/03/10
"Slick: Pull out your spade in the hole: SMOOTH SECEDE!"

Yeah, it's probably best to go out the way you came in.

You've gotta go repair your suit back in the employee lounge. Might also be a good idea to warn JOSE about this girl. At least he would take you seriously. The others would just laugh, and TUBS would probably kick your ass.

06/03/10
"Sloppy makeouts!"

You briefly consider, but your face has had enough lovin' from that mace for one day.

You duck instead. That'll buy you some time.

06/03/10
"==>"

Your name is SLICK. You were only trying to scare this girl away, but she's got a goddamn mace and is getting more and more violent with each attack!

Of course, the one time you didn't bring your HARPOON is the time you need it the most.

You're not actually hurt, but if your SUIT is damaged beyond repair then there will be... consequences. You need to do something before she hits you again.

06/03/10
"==>"

You are going to put an end to this thief and get the water back once and for all!
LOOK AT YOU GO
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

06/03/10
"==>"

Music credit: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/221114

06/03/10
"==>"

You acquire the MACE.

06/03/10
"Stop and back away."

This is pointless. You're tired of flailing around mindlessly and you're trying to kill someone in a protective suit with a fine mist. Pathetic.

Not to mention the bottle's clogged. Stupid piece of shit spray.

...Hold on.

06/03/10
"Point it at him and spray but close your eyes."

You close your eyes and hope for the best.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IS IT WORKING YET I CAN'T SEE

06/03/10
"Mood ring?"

Ah, yes. Your trusty MOOD RING. You use it to store all sorts of items when you go traveling. It isn't all that complex, and it's lighter than a bag!

Your position on the spectrum fluctuates with your mood (or to be precise, the temperature), and depending on where you are, you can store or pull out an item at will!

You've been as high as red and as low as blue. What's unusual is that you've never, EVER seen purple before. Is it even possible to reach purple?

You're pretty worked up, but it's a bit chilly in here, so your mood is in the green. Fortunately, that's where you put your CAN OF MACE. You swap it out with your phone.

You've always wanted to use one of these things. You bought it a long time ago in hopes that you'd be able to spray some at someone just to see what would happen, but you've never found the opportunity to use it. You're not entirely sure how well this will work on a man in a diving suit, but hell, you're not entirely sure if it'll work at all. It's been years, and the thing's starting to rust a bit.

06/03/10
"==>"

Apparently this is Slick, one of the four thugs who have taken over this building. Somehow he jumped out of a puddle and surprised you.

Fortunately, he doesn't seem to have a weapon, and the helmet you took from the worker seems to be holding up fine.

You're not entirely weaponless either -- you've got a few tricks up your sleeve. You just need to take a look at your MOOD RING to see if the time is right.

06/03/10
"==>"

Music credit: http://www.newgrounds.com/audio/listen/220290

06/03/10
"==>"

what's that

oh god

06/03/10
"Leave the WaterWorks and go to the police."

Yeah, this seems like a very serious problem and you should probably call the poliYOU'RE ON THE CASE

Hey, what are you freaking out at?

06/03/10
"Slap him in the face and tell him to speak slower."

speak slower speak slower speak slower speak slower speak slower

thank you

The man tells you that four thugs showed up a week ago and captured all fifty of the workers and strung them up at various points in the pumping station. The thugs have been stealing most of the water and heavily polluting the rest. How can you even steal water?

06/03/10
"Go help him. Take his hat, though."

You briefly consider kicking him furiously to stop him from moving around, but you figure he's only like that because he can't see a thing through that helmet.

You take his helmet and put it on. You can barely see out of it yourself! The little man calms down.

You remove the rope around his waist and the tape around his face and ask him what's going on.

can you speak a little more slowly i can't understand what the hell you're going on about

something about fifty of you and four other guys what

06/03/10
"==>"

06/03/10
"Take puddle."

You have nothing on you that will let you hold water.

You walk up to the puddle and see your reflection. Despite being in a puddle on a floor, the water appears to be very clean and crystal clear. This is the kind of water that should be coming out of your tap at home. You'd totally take some of it with you if you could.

god it even FEELS nicer than the water you're currently getting at home

06/03/10
"Look out the hole through which you entered."

You climb back up to take a look outside and get your bearings again.

There's nothing out here. Rather, nothing new that you didn't see on the way in. The pumping station's a kilometre or two out from the city, and you entered through a window in the back upon trying the locked door.

There's a TRUCK parked out in the grass. It's not yours, and was already there when you broke in.

06/03/10
"Check your IPDASMARTPHONE and learn who is in charge of this stupid place."

Smart phone? You don't have one of those, and you probably never will. You're not sure how you'd use it to find out who's in charge in this place to begin with. Maybe someone made an app or something.

Nevertheless, you pull out your relatively intelligent phone and turn it on.

No service. Stupid smart phone.

06/03/10
"Waterworks"

You are a concerned citizen. You've secretly entered the local water pumping station in hopes that you'll be able to find some answers and solve some problems.

This entire week, your shower has been covering you in black sludge while your kitchen sink has outright refused to spare you even a single droplet of water. It hasn't rained for months! That last one was probably completely unrelated but what the hell.

The entire place has been locked down, and all of your complaints have been ignored. You figure it's time to find the person in charge and give them a piece of your mind.

You should probably figure out where they actually are, first.