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VV: 1f 1t'll m4k3 you b3l13v3 m3 mor3 1 gu3ss 1 b3tt3r st4rt 4mp1ng up th3 3xpos1t1ons
VV: 1ts gonn4 g3t sup3r r3v34l1ng 1n h3r3
VV: l1k3 som3 k1nd of n4sty str1pt34s3 3xc3pt 1nst34d of my gl1st3n1ng sk1n und3r my cloth3s
VV: 1v3 just got 1mport4nt d4t4 sh33ts 4nd outl1n3s 4nd pow3rpo1nts
VV: l1k3 1 t4k3 off my top 4nd th3r3s 4 pow3rpo1nt po1nt3d 4t my gut
VV: 1 g1v3 you on3 of thos3 po1nt1ng st1cks p3opl3 us3 for pow3rpo1nts
VV: w3 work from th3r3
VV: sound good?

TT: Sounds excellent my dude


VV: som3th1ng t3lls m3 you st1ll dont b3l13v3 m3 >8/
VV: 1 gu3ss th4ts f41r m4n
VV: 1f som3on3 told m3 th3r3 w4s 4 pl4n3t of fl3sh troll14n b31ngs born from 1ns1d3 of oth3r troll14n b31ngs 1nst34d of h4tch3d from 3ggs th3 w4y n4tur3 1nt3nd3d
VV: 4nd th4t th3s3 4bsolut3 B34STS h4d th3 4ud4c1ty to chop 4ll th3 ju1cy sh1t from th31r mov13 t1tl3s 4nd l3t th3ms3lv3s burn to 4 cr1sp by w4ltz1ng th31r p1nk 4ss3s outs1d3 wh3n th3 suns out l1t3r4lly l1k3 4ll th3 t1m3
VV: or 4t l34st th3 on3s th4t h4v3 th31r sh1t tog3th3r
VV: 1 dont g3t th4t
VV: trolls dont h4v3 th31r sh1t tog3th3r 4nd th3y st4y up l4t3
VV: fuck1n g3t burn3d up by th3 sun
VV: th3ms th3 br34ks
VV: hum4ns pull th4t sh1t? boo hoo 1m t1r3d 4nd 4lso not 4 w4lk1ng ch1ck3n cr1sp
VV: bullsh1t 1s wh4t 1t 1s

TT: Mmm yeah there's more to it than that
TT: I'm going to say for the sake of discussion that you probably are involved in the game
TT: But I doubt you're actually a god

VV: dud3 th4t 1s fuck1ng h1l4r1ous b3c4us3 1v3 b33n t3ll1ng you th4t 1m 4n 4l13n
VV: wh1ch 1 4m
VV: but you 4ssum3 1m try1ng to conv1nc3 you th4t 1m 4 god
VV: wh1ch 1 4lso m4y or m4y not b3

TT: May or may not?
TT: You seem cool and all that good shit bro
TT: I'm gonna keep chatting with you and hearing you out but you gotta try harder to get me on board
TT: I also have to ask, you keep telling me that the rules suck
TT: Does that necessarily mean that you've gotta withold information and sh*t
TT: I could actually help you a lot more if you want to clue me in


TT: Aight, works for me
VV: y34h dud3 t3ll th3m 1m look1ng out for th3m too
VV: 4nd t3ll th3m 1m ch4rg1ng 1nt3r3st
VV: th1s sh1t 41nt no ch4r1ty
VV: 1n f4ct 1m gonn4 m4k3 th1s 3xch4ng3 4s lucr4t1v3 4s poss1bl3
VV: 1m gonn4 b3 l1k3 th3 old l4dy from th4t on3 mov13
VV: ugh wh4t w4s 1t c4ll3d
VV: oh y34h
VV: 1n wh1ch 4 h1ghblood op3r4 s1ng3r l34v3s h3r fortun3 to 4 young m3ow1ng lusus wh1ch sh3 h4s 4dopt3d 4nd r41s3d 4s h3r own wh1ch 1s untr4d1t1on4l 4nd 1ts thr33 wr1ggl1ng offspr1ng on3 of wh1ch w34rs 4 p1nk r1bbon
VV: m34nwh1l3 th3 muscl3b34st th4t s3rv3s 4s h3r butl3r b3com3s j34lous of th3 m3owb34st 4nd plots to k1dn4p h3r 4nd th3 wr1ggl3rs to st34l th3 1nh3r1t4nc3 for h1ms3lf l34v1ng th3m by th3 s1d3 of th3 ro4d 1n th3 countrys1d3
VV: lost 1n 4n unf4m1l14r pl4c3 th3 m3owb34sts 4r3 1ntroduc3d to 4noth3r m3owb34st who 1s mor3 h4rd3n3d 4nd f4m1l14r w1th th3 t3rr41n 4nd th3 d4ng3rs of th3 outs1d3 4s w3ll 4s s3v3r4l oth3r ch4r4ct3rs who 4r3 f4r l3ss 1con1c but 4lso s3v3r4l mor3 m3owb34sts who s1ng 4nd 4r3 4lso pl34s3d th4t th3y 4r3 m3owb34sts 4nd r3ccom3nd 1t to oth3rs w4tch1ng th3 f1lm
VV: 4long th3 w4y th3 two old3r lus11 d3v3lop 4 bond wh1l3 th3 f3m4l3 m3owb34st wr1ggl3r d3v3lops 4 t4st3 for blood
VV: th4t old bro4d from th4t old mov13

TT: Uh
TT: That sounds more like a plot than a title

VV: no y34h th4ts d3f1n1t3ly th3 t1tl3 1 s34rch3d 1t
VV: or 4t l34st p4rt of 1t
VV: 1 n3v3r got why hum4ns h4v3 short 4ss t1tl3s l1k3 th4t
VV: how th3 fuck do you t3ll th3m 4p4rt
VV: 1 m34n 1t's h4rd 4s sh1t to r3m3mb3r th3m l1k3 w3 do but 4t l34st th3 mov13s 4r3 mor3 m3mor4bl3

TT: Pfff Alright bro sure
VV: yuck it up 4ll you w4nt dud3 1ts tot4lly l3g1t
TT: Pfff Alright bro sure x2
VV: bro 1 4m not fuck1ng w1th you
VV: 1 m34n 1 w4s just b31ng 4 l1ttl3 sh1t 4nd fuck1ng w1th th3 whol3 ch4rg1ng 1nt3r3st th1ng but 1 thought th4t w4s 4 g1v3n
VV: l1k3 d4mn 1m gonn4 work my 4ss off ov3r h3r3 try1ng to k33p you guys just to b3 4 d1ck 4nd put you 1n 4 hug3 4mount of d3bt
VV: 4nd 1mply1ng th4t 1 w4s go1ng to g3t r1ch qu1ck off th1s sh1t b3c4us3 1m 4lr34dy r1ch
VV: holl4 holl4 g3t doll4
VV: by th3 w4y 1 th1nk 1 m4y h4v3 ov3rk1ll3d 1t 4 l1ttl3 but w1th th3 whol3 g1v1ng t4vr1s mon3y th1ng
VV: so 1 dont th1nk th3yr3 gonn4 put 4 d3nt 1n th4t for 4 wh1l3
VV: t3ll th3m to 1nv3st 1n coll3g3 or wh4t3v3r you young hum4ns do
VV: godd4mn 1t 1d b3 blow1ng up th31r 1nbox too but th3s3 rul3s suck 4 whol3 4ss
VV: th3 whol3 th1ng
VV: but no 1m not sh1tt1ng you our sp3c13s
VV: oh w3 4r3 c4ll3d trolls by th3 w4y
VV: 1 gu3ss 1 c4n d1sclos3 th4t 1nform4t1on
VV: 4nd y34h b3for3 you s4y 1t 1 g3t th3 whol3 1ron1c "1nt3rn3t troll" th1ng w1th our sp3c13s n4m3 4nd th3 whol3 fuck1ng w1th you ov3r th3 1nt3rn3t th1ng
VV: 1ts h1l4r1ous 4nd t3rr1bl3 4nd 1 lov3 1t
VV: but
VV: wh4t w4s 1 s4y1ng
VV: oh sh1t y34h no troll mov13 t1tl3s?
VV: tot4lly l1k3 th4t 4ll th3 t1m3 1ts gr34t
VV: you should s33 som3 mov13 promo post3rs
VV: d4mn dud3 h4ng on l3t m3 f1nd on3
VV: ...

TT: Um
VV: h3ll y34h 1 found on3 >8]
VV: f34st your 3y3s on th1s
VV: 1s th1s sh1t not f4nt4st1c?

TT: I have to admit that this is pretty fantastic
TT: What does that text say though?

VV: th3 mov1e t1tl3?? duh
TT: Fascinating


VV: ok4y 1t's don3
VV: t4vr1s should b3 4bl3 to t4k3 1t from th3r3

TT: What did you do, exactly?
VV: 1 r34lly dont know 1f th3r3s 4n 34s13r w4y, so 1 just g4v3 t4vr1s som3 dough for 4 r3pl4c3m3nt
VV: 1dk how much 4 n3w c4rd costs but 1 f33l l1k3 1 got th3m cov3r3d


VV: d4mn dud3 1 thought you d1d b3l13v3 m3
VV: th4t's cutt1ng m3 d33p dud3

TT: Not to be snappy but is there some way you can help or not?
TT: I figure I ought to reiterate that there is a timer, bro

VV: FUCK y34h your3 r1ght
VV: 4nyw4y th4t sh1t 1s chump ch4ng3
VV: g1mm3 l1k3 two s3conds
VV: 1m 4bout to m4k3 1t r41n l1k3 nobodys bu1s1ness
VV: 4 down up 4 down up 4m 1 r1ght??
VV: t3rr1bl3 jok3, but y34h two s3conds


testicleTestified [TT] began pestering vigilantVirtuoso [VV]

TT: Sup again
VV: oh fuck dud3 d1d h3 s3r1ously 4lr34dy m3ss4g3 you?
VV: wh4t 4 pr1ck
VV: wh4t d1d h3 do?

TT: Oh, no bro it's chill
TT: I haven't gotten any lean, mean, shady and green messages yet
TT: Not even from Erisol, come to think of it
TT: Although I do have a request, if you can help me out here yo

VV: sh1t dud3 y34h 1 c4n s33 wh4t 1 c4n do
TT: I'll make this quick because time is actually ticking down
TT: Tavris lost what appears to be a crucial game component, and currently they lack the funds to buy a replacement
TT: Assuming you're legit, is there some way you can help us get ahold of a new one?
TT: If you can help us out here, I'll definitely buy more into the nonsensical albeit entertaining and also fun shit you've been telling me


Seconds in the past, but not many, Arquius has an idea.


Holy overkill, Batman!

Some anonymous benefactor has generously donated you a million times more money than you actually needed...and a free banking app.


Boonbanking? You don't remember installing this app? You seem to have a notification for it though.


Time is running out.

TT: I was told to have you check your phone?
AT: Oh, uh, okay?


TT: Stranger on Pesterchum interfered with gameplay?
TT: Affirmative
TT: I may have formulated a solution
TT: One minute dude



arachnidsToreador [AT] opened an audio group chat

testicleTestified[TT] was invited to the chat!

twinAquariums [TA] was invited to the chat!

AT: ....
AT: ........
AT: . . . . . . . .

[TA] is now an idle chum!

AT: Wow.
TT: Present
TT: And presently wracking my brain for ideas

AT: Ugh, at least you're responding.
AT: Erisol why are you never there when we need you?
AT: Bleguhghguhg
AT: Arquius, any ideas yet?

TT: Insufficient data

TT: Hmmm


arsenicCatfish[AC] began pestering arachnidsToreador [AT]

AC: holy CARP what did i miss?? >8O

AC: yeah i'm fine! i can handle myself! you know that >8P
AT: You sure? you had me worried.
AC: you're so sweet <3
AC: 83 but of course i'm fine! i think i just massacred a sentient stuffed animal but
AC: i mean the animals i hunt get stuffed sometimes anyway
AC: i guess i just mixed up the order? hee hee 38P

AT: That's kind of hilarious. And I'm geniunely glad you're okay.

AC: oh that sounds bad
AC: oh! actually, this is going to sound crazy but i heard something about that? other people in the wiki for the game said meteors were headed to their houses too!!
AC: frowny face emoji
AC: i don't want you to be either!! D8
AC: only a handful of people seemed to keep posting after the meteor comments!!
AC: they all just kept playing the game
AC: and this is just a theory, but um, i think the meteor is part of it?

AT: Part of the game????????
AT: What does that mean? I keep playing? I know I've always said "I'd like to go out doing what I love" but holy SHIT I DID NOT INTEND FOR THAT TO BE TODAY!

AC: well i mean i think it's your only pawption at this point 8Ic
AT: But it's not an option! I lost my pre-punched card! I can't advance at all!
AC: that's okay! it was in the free section of the phernalia registry!
AC: all i have to do is buy a new one

AT: Really?! Oh god, please hurry.
AC: i'll just---
AC: oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo D8

AT: DON'T SAY THAT........

AC: um, the economy?
AC: the price went up, like a lot! now it's 413 boonbucks?
AC: we don't even have boonbucks! we have like 100 grist, and i don't have a conversion chart or anything but i think boonbucks are worth more D8

AT: Wh8t do we do now????????
AC: i'm sorry! D8 i'm out of ideas... let's see if the boys have any?
AT: Maybe Erisol's """"""""hacking"""""""" can come in handy for once?

"=> Be Tavris again."

As of right now, Tavris is not someone you want to be. Fefeta, your server player isn't responding, and you seem to have just shredded a crucial in-game object nessesary to advance thanks to some not-so-friendly advice. That, and,<i> icing on the glacier right here</i>, there now appears to be a meteor on a direct collision course with your house. It's huge! Like the size of a house! Or at least as large as your house, because "huge" is honestly a relative descriptor which doesn't serve much of a purpose without some sort of frame of reference, but with a timer ticking away on your cruxtruder, you'd better not ponder the nature of the word or the size of your impending doom. There will be time for feeling horrible later.


2x naptime combo.


You flash back to a familiar purple room, with Tavris by your side.


Planned or not, the escape was a success.




You lunge at Tavris without hesitation.

Also without actually planning an escape at all.



Oh shit, this is bad. They're unconscious.

You had better do something impulsive and heroic, and pretty quick too.


But what's that in the center...?



Oh sweet Jesus it's Tavris.

And this crowd doesn't look happy with them.


You float your way down to the commotion that's taking place in the plaza below, where a collection of strange bald white creatures are clambering around a pillar and making quite a fuss.






You summon all of your strength to perform a LASS BLASTER MEGA FINAL ATTACK!




Swing and a miss.


VV: I c4n t3ll you th4t you should b3 c4r3ful who you t4lk to from h3r3 on out
VV: th4t gr33n guy? 4vo1d h1m >8/

TT: Erisol? Why?
VV: no not h1m
VV: b3l13v3 m3, you'll know th1s guy 1s bad n3ws 1f 4nd wh3n h3 3v3r t4lks to you
VV: just h1t m3 up 1f h3 do3s
VV: 4nyw4y, 1 r34lly h4v3 to fly
VV: pr3tty l1t34r4lly
VV: c4tch you on th3 fl1ps1d3 >8]

[left] vigilantVirtuoso [VV] ceased pestering testicleTestified[TT]


VV: th4t b31ng s41d 1t'd b3 so much 34s13r 4nd l3ss bullsh1t for m3 p3rson4lly 1f you told m3 1f 4nd wh3n th3y fuck3d w1th you
VV: 1 c4n h3lp mys3lf out 4 lot by h3lp1ng you
VV: 1'v3 d34lt w1th 1t 4lr34dy, 4nd b3l13v3 m3, 1t h3lps to h4v3 som3on3 look1ng out for you
VV: th1nk of m3 4s som3 k1nd of fuck3d up f41ry godbroth3r
VV: l1k3, oh sh1t 3v1l st3pmoth3r won't l3t you go to th3 SBURB b4ll?
VV: just t4p thos3 ruby r3d sl1ppers tog3th3r or go cry 1n a g4rd3n or wh4t3v3r 4nd 1'll b3 th3r3 to g3t you to the b4ll
VV: or prot3ct your ch4nc3s of w1nn1ng or wh4t3v3r, wh1ch3v3r

TT: Aight man, that sounds sweet, whatever your name is!
TT: Actually, what is your name? It's kind of weird haivng a fairygodbro and not even knowing their nam3

VV: sh1t
TT: What's wrong?
VV: sorry to d1ss4po1nt bro but rul3s 4r3 rul3s
VV: so 1 c4n't tell you my n4me du3 to 4 h34lthy dos3 of sh4dy 4nd tot4lly und3rh4nd t4ct1cs
VV: but you can call me 4r3s for now

TT: Ares?
VV y34h dud3 1 told you
VV: 1 d1d my r3s34rch
VV: 4nyw4y 1'v3 gott4 fly
VV: so st4y out of troubl3, w1ll y4VV

TT: Woah, bro, wait
TT: Is that all the information you can relay?

VV: w3ll 1 gu3ss not
VV: godd4mn though 1 don't h4ve 4ll the 4nsw3rs
VV: 1'm not som3 m4g1c4l m1rror th4t's gonn4 solv3 4ll your probl3ms 4nd t3ll you you'r3 pr3tty
VV: 1 m34n 1'll b3 a bro and c4ll you pr3tty if you 1ns1st, but d4mn buy m3 a dr1nk f1rst


vigilantVirtuoso [VV] began pestering testicleTestified [TT]

VV: sup fuck f4c3
TT: Sup?
VV: 4lr1ght pr3p4r3 for th1s b3c4us3 th1s 1s gonn4 g3t w31rd
VV: l1k3 m1ddl3 school d4nc3 k1nd4 w31rd
VV: 1 know your n4m3 1s 4rq1us str1d3r
VV: So l3t m3 don th1s myst3r1ous f4c4d3 for my fr13nds s4k3 4nd yours
VV: you'r3 4ll in d4ng3r 4nd 1'm h3r3 to h3lp
VV: th1nk of m3 4s 4 m3ss3ng3r from th3 gods

TT: That's MIGHTY kind of you
TT: But what do you mean?
TT: And why the l33tspeak?

VV: 1gnor1ng th4t s3cond qu3st1on 3nt1r3ly b3c4us3 th3 4nsw3r 1s cl34rly th4t 1t 1s 4w3som3
VV: 3ss3nt14lly sh1t 1s 4bout to go s1d3w4ys 1n 4pprox1m4t3ly 10 different ways

TT: I0 different ways man
TT: That's a lot of ways, my dude

VV: no, sm4rt4ss, t3n w4ys
VV: 1 m34n thos3 4r3 by no m34ns 4ctu4l st4t1st1c4l numb3rs
VV: 1t could go wrong 1n 4ny numb3r of w4ys
VV: m4yb3 mor3, l1k3, just 1m4g1n3

TT: Alright dawg I'm imagining it
TT: But what's gonna go wrong?

VV: th3 g4m3
VV: th3r3 4r3 th3s3 4sshol3s who 4r3 gonn4 fuck 4ll k1nds of sh1t up for you
VV: th3y'r3 pr3tty much 4ll pr1cks, 4nd unfortun4t3ly th3y'r3 4lso 4ll fuck1ng sm4rt 4s sh1t >8|
VV: 4nd to g3t to us, th3y'r3 gonn4 go through your t34m

TT: But bruh, why don't they just fuck with you directly
VV: th4t'd b3 too 34sy
VV: 4lso som3 bullsh1t sp4c3 t1m3 sch3n4n1g4ns th4t w3 don't h4v3 t1m3 to g3t into
VV: but mostly th4t'd b3 too 34sy

TT: Damn, you're right
TT: Continue


Right on time.


Not much has been happening on this front. Since you were last Arquius he hasn't done much, since he agreed to not interrupt Fefeta and impede the progress of the game. You seem to be slipping into almost Erisol levels of irrelevance to the plot. Something better happen with you, and quickly too.

"Now be Arquius for real."

Damn, fine, now you're Arquius.


You really, really do.


JJ: At least, I really hope so. :o(
JJ: For reals.


AT: Alright, well.
AT: Here goes.


AT: What do I do?
JJ: Slide that motherfuckin' card up in that achemiter.
AT: Then what?
JJ: You'll figure it out from there.
JJ: Don't even trip, yo. :o)

AT: But what if I don't?
JJ: :o(
AT: That, doesn't really answer my question.
JJ: I'm sorry dawg, but the only way to find out is if you try.
AT: I suppose, but...
AT: Are you sure?

JJ: Yeah, man.


AT: Alright, I'm up.
AT: Where is it?

JJ: See that black box in the corner of your room?
JJ: Between your desk and your TV?

AT: Is that it?
JJ: :o)


AT: God....
AT: Okay, so, you're right. What do I do?
AT: And not to be rude, but if you're right about the countdown, make it snappy.
AT: ........Sorry.

JJ: No need to 'pologize.
JJ: First, what you're gonna wanna do is get yourself that pre-punched card.

AT: Fefeta already dropped it for me. I have it right here.
JJ: Okay, that's good. Did she get 'round to telling you what you do with it?
AT: No.
AT: I mean yes.
AT: I mean, she told me but it was a lot to take in.
AT: Plus, it was over audio chat. I don't even have pesterlogs to go off of.

JJ: Aww, don't you fret, sweet young thing. :o(
JJ: I'll lend ya a hand.
JJ: Do you know where the punch designx is?

AT: No, I don't even know what it looks like.
JJ: Not to worry! It's actually in your room right now.
JJ: Do us both a favor and stand yourself up.


jovialJongleur [JJ] began pestering arachnidsToreador [AT]

JJ: Hey Tavris, don’t be getting your knickers all in a twist.
AT: What? I’m sorry I don’t know who you are but I’m a little busy. I’ll message you back later!
JJ: So, uh, yeah, I figured you wouldn’t be real familiar with me yet.
JJ: But panickin ain’t gonna get you anywhere.
JJ: Or, I guess it will but presumably not where you’re wantin to be.
JJ: But you know Fefeta’s fine. I know you do.
JJ: I think out of any of your teammates she can probably handle herself the best, personally.
JJ: You, on the other hand, seem to need a hand.
JJ: Am I motherfuckin right or?

AT: Um, I guess you’re right about fefeta, but help with what?
JJ: Notice that countdown goin off on the cruxtruder, yo?
JJ: Suffice to say that y'all don’t want to know what happens if it runs out before you get into the medium. :o/




AT: . . . Fefeta?




AC: so like just let me know when you ask her
AT: Will do.
AT: But say, Fefeta, do you know anything about this countdown? It's making me kind of nervous.


The cruxtruder also seems to have begun a countdown.


So this is a cruxite dowel?




Okay, now to just heft one of these turds out of the tube thing.


AC: hey! that's the kernelsprite
AC: i was just reading up on it
AC: wanna know it's deal?

AT: No, I'm good.
AC: really? 80
AT: Fuck no.
AC: sweet!
AC: okay so, the wiki for this one is kinda weird?
AC: theres a bunch of typos and weird omen-y type stuff, so we should be careful
AC: but it's like your very own fairy!

AC: not a single one!
AT: AH! That's so amazing! I love fairies!!
AC: i know you do! 83
AT: What does it do? Does it have a name? Can I talk to it?
AC: hmmmm! it's sort of like your Guide, i guess
AC: but you can't really name it or talk to it until you "Prototype" it?
AC: not sure what that means though!

AT: Nothing on the wiki about it?
AC: i mean, there's some spooky stuff about not making an "Error" or prototyping anything "Heinous" and not feeding them after Nightfall but that's all i've got
AT: Wow that is cryptic.
AC: i know right?
AT: So what are these blue tubes, by the way?
AC: ooooooh okay i've totally got this one
AC: remember the how i mentioned that the punch designx and the totem lathe are constructs of the game? the cruxite dowel is the thing that the totem lathe carves!
AC: so the next step is probably to pop a few of those dowels out of the tube
AC: then i guess we punch some cards and pop them in the totem lathe!
AC: ... and maybe you can go ask your gran if it's okay if we put the totem lathe in the living room.

AT: I'm sure she's fine with it, but I'll ask anyway.


A foreboding, yet captivating glowing ball pops out of the cruxtruder.

Why is everything so wonderful.




AT: Bopping achieved!
AC: nice


AT: Now what?
AC: okay so hear me out
AC: you gotta bop it

AT: Bop it?
AC: yeah you gotta
AT: Got it.


AT: It's a mirror?
AC: sure
AC: i can't really see whats on it, it looks really pixelated from my screen
AC: every player gets a unique pre-punched card though so i cant really confirm or deny with my awesome wiki-reading skills

AT: Alright, that's fine. What's my next step?
AC: um, i think you have to use the cruxtruder and retrieve all that junk it was talking about?
AC: there is a bunch of stuff to keep track of and a whole lot of running around you've gotta do to progress in the game
AC: i'll try to walk you through step-by-step so we don't get confused


AT: That's not a ton of stuff, fee
AT: Honestly I'm almost disappointed that my room is still entirely intact
AT: 5/10 cats


AT: I will concede one more cat and that is it.
AC: pffffffffffffffffffffffffff whatever
AC: anyway here's what i've placed in your room
AC: by the foot of your bed, that thing?
AC: it's a punch designix
AC: here, i'll read what this is from the wiki!
AC: "The Punch Designix is found within the Phernalia Registry, it appears to be an advanced piano-like device. It requires that the code on the back of a captchalogue card is entered. Once this is done, the card must be inserted into a slot so that it can be punched. A punched card can no longer function as a Captchalogue card but can be used in conjunction with the Totem Lathe to carve a Cruxite dowel."

AT: So it punches card and makes them useless?
AT: That's all well and good.
AT: And we know what this one does? What about the other thing you put down earlier? The Crushtruder?

AC: "The Cruxtruder is a device from the Phernalia Registry that can be deployed by the Sburb server player immediately at the start of gameplay. Activating the device allows the client player to obtain Cruxite dowels and release the Kernelsprite."
AC: also lmao crushtruder

AT: Whatever, you got what I meant.
AC: *raspberry noises*
AC: anywaves! way. shit, i mean anyway! anyway, you also have a pre-punched card on your bed and a couple of other machines that i'll talk to you abouut
AC: but that card
AC: check it out, yo!


AC: you should see all the new crap i put in your room while you were discracted 83
AC: it is all totally useful and not just random junk i spent some of your grist to deploy
AC: totally B3

AT: Okay suspicious sunglasses aside
AT: Do you mind if we switch to audio chat?
AT: I figure it's just easier to communicate that way

AC: shell yeah! lemme just


AC: can you hear me?
AT: Yeah! Ha, it's kind of nice to hear your voice
AC: awh! <3
AT: Did you just say "heart"?
AC: maybe

"Check out your deck."


"Be Arquius."

Nah, let's be Tavris instead.

arachnidsToreador [AT] began pestering arsenicCatfish[AC]

AT: So, if you don't mind me asking.
AT: Because I'm kind of at a loss here.
AT: What the Hell is this? Not that I don't trust that you know what you're doing. I just don't' really have a giant-machine-in-my-bedroom handbook.
AT: Not really familiar with uh, industry practices.
AT: And whatnot.

AC: i thought you loved big machines and airplanes and junk? 80
AT: YYYYYYYYeah pretty much but I don't think you can fly this.
AC: oh! 83 well, lol according to this is a "cruxtruder"!
AT: Okay. Do we know what it does.
AC: nope! 83
AT: Oh fuck, good I was really worried that we might.
AC: smartass 83
AT: Sorry, oh man though. Is there any reason you put it here, then? I assume you've got some scheme hatching. I just kinda wanna know what it is.
AC: i mean like 'technically' im just doing putting down all of the items that look important
AC: there's this built in thingy that displays all of these machines to deploy
AC: i assume the ones that are free are necessary to advance? 83

AT: Oh, yeah that makes sense.
AT: But I have to figure out what to do with them, right?

AC: yeah! as far as i can tell
AC: i'll try to give you as much help as i can
AC: oh! and check your deck, i left another machine there! it was too big to fit in your room and i really don't want to mess up your living room 8/
AC: your gram takes such good care of it!

AT: Will do, and yeah she really does. I don't think she'd mind though. You're like her favorite.
AC: (seriously go check out the roof though, this machine is a BEAST 80)





"Erisol: Examine planet."

You feel prompted to examine the planet.

You scan downward from the golden tower, and spot somewhat of a commotion going on in the plaza below. It seems as though you out to go down there and see what the fuss is.


You tuck it away in your pocket. Holy shit thank god these pajamas have pockets.

"Resist the urge to steal the ring."

You fail miserably.


It is kinda cute though. You decide that it's probably about time to put it down and move on, though.


Except you did not do that. And you will not do that.
You will also not wriggle like an eel, nor will you retch anywhere. Especially not the bed. This isn't your room, and you like to consider yourself gentlemanly enough to avoid vomitting in someone else's bed.

"Play with the plush."



You pick up the item to examine it. It appears to be a plush doll of a bull with fairy wings. The stitching on it is so perfect that it’s almost otherworldly. You also note that it has a bright, golden ring through its septum, with a velcro strap that allows one to remove it.


The room in this tower appears to be a bedroom, just as every precious room, However, unlike the dark tower you got the shit knocked out of you for peeping in, there is no sleeping figure, and the tidiness of the room makes you question if there ever was anyone in here.

"Erisol: Snoop once more."

You peer through the window, hoping that the light will help prevent another sneak-attack. Seriously, because that's going to be three for three head injuries. That shit is not good for you.


Pchoooooooo. Again.

"Check out the closest one."

Yep. Yeah, since that's pretty much the only other option.

"Examine nearby tower."

Just like the dark city you just dreamed of, your tower is not the only one. You notice that this time, there is not a third tower.

"Explore again."

You fly down from the window and scan the are. It appears to be a beautiful city, but is equally as abandoned as the last place.

The yellow-bricked streets seem a lot less foreboding, though, and give off an almost serene atmosphere. Nonetheless, you feel unwelcome and out of place.


Here we go again, you suppose.


You pick up the purple-tinted shades from the nightstand. Like the previous pair, the color of the shades make the golden tower appear pink. Ordinarily, you’d leave them, but judging by how bright it is outside, you may very well need them.



Your head is throbbing, and you feel like you got hit by a train car. Specifically, one with sliding doors, which is used to transport cargo. Which is preposterous because you were actually punched in the face by a mystery fist.


You've got to be shitting me.

"Erisol: Wake up."


You arrive in the hall of her royal highness, Peregrine Queen.


The person you are now is the Wayward Vigilante, loyal member of Derse’s royal guard. Or, at least you hope to be one day. The elite guard has a limited amount of seats, and that number is especially low during times of relative peace. For now, you will remain a concerned citizen, remaining watchful over your sector of the city.

Given that explosion in the sky, however, today might be your lucky day. You’re certain the queen will want to hear this, and she might even reward you for reporting it to her! Maybe a war will even break out! She’d have no choice but to enlist you then.

"Be a concerned onlooker."



Serves him right for peepin' in a young lady's room.


Your name is Hearts Droog and you enjoy delivering a well-deserved wallop now and again. Your boss commends your form.


You are now the guy punching Erisol in the face.


Yeah, yep that sure is a fist coming towards your face.


You can’t quite make it out… but it looks like it’s….


The inside of the tower is extremely dark, so you can’t see very far inside. The window on the adjacent side lets a little more light in, and on the very edge you make out the shape of a bed and the person lying in it. And some sort of wretched, tentacled abomination.

But wait, is that? It couldn’t be?

"Erisol: Snoop."



"Check the closest one."

Yeah okay.

"Find somewhere to hide."

You spot another two towers, both standing in line with the one you just flew out of.


You fly down from the window and scan the area. It appears to be devoid of life, and pretty fucking creepy.

Something tells you that you’re not supposed to be here. It feels like you’re being watched. And whoever, -whatever- it is, does not want you here, not one bit.

"Retrieve shades from nightstand."

You pick up the gold-tinted shades from the nightstand. They make everything look pink and obnoxious, but you get the feeling that you’d rather not be caught without them.


Where the hell are you?




"==> Sweet Dreams."

Oh, indeed.




Oh shit, shit! Wwait you give a fuck, you definitely givve a sh-


You’re certain something interesting will happen soon, since you’re more than due for some action. Obviously, being the misunderstood rebel that you are, trouble will find you. Suddenly, you feel the urge to tip your chair backwards like a cool guy, because you just done give a fuck.


And you’re still fucking bored. All day you’ve done nothing but practically beg your friends to hurry up so that you can play this potentially shitty game that you could’ve played WEEKS ago, but no! You had to wait for them and wait for them. And oh shit, guess what you’re doing right now? Waiting for them! You must have the worst fucking luck, ending up as the last player in line. Fefeta will be Tavris’ server, Arquius will bring her into the game and then there’s you! The metaphorical ass of this massive horse costume. You are both the last to be a server, and to be a client. And in the meantime, you’ve hardly even had the chance to advance the plot at all! I mean holy shit you’re like some kind of asshole who’s only purpose is to stand in the background, flipping the bird or something. It’s almost as if not just one, but two omnipotent beings took the reigns on controlling your fate decided to shove you under the rug. This is completely unacceptable. You’re Erisol fucking Harley, and you’re gonna take some initiative. Your friends are away, so what will you do while
they’re gone?


Your name is Erisol Harley.

"Thanks for playing!"

Haha wow oh shit psyche I totally got you. No one saw that coming. Fuck. Goddamn man I got you so good.

Okay whatever let’s see what Erisol is doing

"Alright lets mew some shit."

They then proceeded to never “mew this” and the comic ended forever. Thanks guys it’s been a real ride.


mew this.




Looks like it's time to get down to business.

Probably in the form of a "get shit done" 80's montage.


- testicleTestified[TT] opened the chat at 11:45 AM

- testicleTestified[TT] invited arachnidsToreador [AT] and arsenicCatfish [AC] at 11:46 AM

- arachnidsToreador [AT] joined the chat 11:46 AM

- arsenicCatfish [AC] joined the chat 11:46 AM

TT: Ey
AC: ey 83
TT: Eyy
AC: eyyy 833
TT: Eyyyy
AC: eyyyyy 8333
TT: Eyyyyyy
AC: eyyyyyyy 83333
TT: Eyyyyyyyy
AC: eyyyyyyyyy 833333
AT: Stop.
TT: Yes, captain!
AC: bleh fine!
AT: Thank you, and sorry.
AT: Anyway Fefeta, is your server copy ready to go yet or what????????

AC: yeah toters floaters!
AC: Are you ready for this though?

AT: We've been dicking around for a few hours, though it feels like it's been, like, a year and a half, and not a single one of us has entered the game. I'm pretty fucking ready.
AC: oh yeah true huh
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...

AT: Oh my god just say "do this."
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...


AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...

TT: ...
TT: Yes, captain!
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...
AC: ...

AC: get shit done B3
AT: FUCK!!!!!!!!


AT: I'm not even going to ask.
AT: However, please do me a tremendous favor and kinda stop distracting her for a bit
AT: I know she can multitask, and she's probably more competent than the three of us combined,
AT: But so far the "getting shit done," thing I intended to happen,
AT: Has yet to,
AT: Uh,
AT: Happen.

TT: Roger Doger yo! I understand completely
TT: K)

AT: Great, thank you.
AT: Also, sorry.

TT: Ey, no worries my friend
AT: Cool. I have another favor to ask of you, though.
TT: What might that be
AT: Any chance you can open up a group chat for the four of us? We'll invite Erisol later but I feel like it'd be easier to keep you up to speed, and keep Fefeta from popping over to a different chat tab. Sound good?
TT: Aye, aye captain!
AT: Fantastic.



- arachnidsToreador [AT] began pestering[/color] testicleTestified[TT] at 11:40 AM-

AT: Are you talking to Fefeta right now?
TT: As a matter of fizzityuckin fact I am
AT: Stupendous.
AT: Now can you do me a tremendous favor and not do that please.

TT: I ain't disagreeing here but can you tell me why?

AT: Sure.
AT: I don't know if you've noticed but we're all dragging our sorry asses to our computers with a goal of playing a game, and that game requires that we all enter in a specific order, and I can't enter unless Fefeta boots up her server copy along with my client copy.
AT: And I think I speak for Fefeta when I say holding up a conversation while you're trying to deal with software you're unfamiliar with is a bad idea. Probably.
AT: That and she's too busy talking to you to do anything else right now?
AT:What the hell are you even talking to her about that's got her so wrapped up????????

TT: If I remember correctly
TT: It's egg sucking


You sure are a popular fella today.

"Answer Fefeta immediately!"

� arsenicCatfish [AC] began pestering testicleTestified[TT] at 11:35 AM�

AC: hey!
AC: i'm back!!!

TT: Yo
TT: So, where did you sneak off to anyway?

AC: oh you know
AC: answering my adoring fans
AC: signing autographs
AC: it's hard being this unbelievably amazing and perfect
AC: it's hard and no one understands!

TT: I understand
AC: oh BOOOO you don't understand SQUAT you fartface!
TT: Who're you callin' fartface, you turdlicker?
AC: buttsniffer!!!
TT: Eggsucker!
AC: *ac gasps*
AC: you've gone too far this time!

TT: *TT laughs at her justified aggitation* and proceeds to taunt her with a snarky, "What are you going to do about it?"
AC: i'll tell you what i'm gonna do about it
AC: *ac reveals the triple arched blades she had concealed under sleeve the entire time!!!!*
AC: (now its your turn to gasp!)

TT: *TT also gasps*
AC: heh that's right!
AC: *ac lunges at the name-caller with amazing swiftness and accuracy!*

TT: *TT receives a fatal blow from the mighty empress of the hunters, and collapses to his knees!*
AC: any last words?
AC: *ac some of the blood off of her weapon*
AC: *in an extremely cool looking way*

TT: Yes, I do
AC: oh?
AC: and what's that?

TT: I hear Hell is nice this time of year
TT: *TT, rips open a compartment on his chest, revealing that he had been a cyborg.*

AC: *ac's eyes shoot wide open!*
TT: *He raises his cold, metallic hand to slap the small red button that had been installed where his heart should be. In doing so, he initiated the self destruct sequence, programmed into his very being*
TT: Detonation in two seconds

AC: *ac whirls around, trying to find an escape route!!!*
TT: Too late
TT: *in a firey belch, the metallic exterior of the cyborg gives way, shooting shrapnel in all directions, as well as fireballs, loose bolts, and a really awesome, bombasically as hell, and really sharp pair of shades*

AC: *ac sustains little damage from the fire, because she is too cool for it to even affect her*
AC: *but the glasses pierce right through her heart*
AC: *she chokes out her final words*
AC: you're..... th..e eggsucker!

TT: You're the eggsucker
AC: no you're the eggsucker!
TT: No
AC: yes!
TT: No
AC: yes! you're the eggsucker! it's you!
AC: also you killed both of us what the hell!

TT: Hey, I'm playing along though, aren't I?
AC: well yes you are
AC: but i've got my eye on youuuuuuuu

TT: Oh yeah!
TT: Disregarding us both dying in a tragic, albeit impressively executed self-destruct sequence
TT: Are you gonna fill me in on the details of this nasty mystery of a game or what


Oh man, goodness gracious hellacious, it seems a certain chickadee's finally hit you up.

"Quit changing styles and answer your chums."

Sure, why not.

"Be Tavris."

No fuck that we're gonna be Arquius.

Who changed his shirt apparently.

You really ought to get keep a better eye on these characters. I swear, you leave them alone for one minute, and the art style changes, the characters swap clothes, and the rooms even change! You feel the need to shake your fist at this damn, mischievous rascals, but instead you simply nod understandingly.


âtwinAquariums [TA] began pestering arsenicCatfish [AC] at 10:30 AMâ

TA: did i miss anything while i was afk?
AC: how should i know? i was afk too!
AC: now i've got a whole LEGION of people messaging me!

TA: oh sorry, i didn't know
TA: if youre busy i can go bug someone else about it
TA: i just figured you were probably more in the know than the rest of the crew

AC: squints at you
AC: squints at you reel hard

TA: what
TA: whatd i do?

AC: i don't know but it seems like you're trying to butter me up!
AC: or maybe you've just mellowed the fuck out
AC: i don't know which
AC: but i'm on to you
AC: i got eyes everywhere, punk!
AC: *ac points at her eyes, then at you*

TA: okay note taken
TA: but if you want me to talk to tavris about it so you can respond to whoever else i can

AC: that'd be great!
AC: SEAreously i haven't even messaged arquius yet! 8O

TA: how have i talked to that sweaty jock today and you havent
AC: it is a mystery!
AC: but yeah busy busy busy ttyl!

âarsenicCatfish [AC] ceased pestering twinAquariums [TA] at 10:35 AMâ



You sulk back to your room.




ERISOL: that wasnt supposed to work
















UNCLE HARLEY: Pfffffffff--




ERISOL: not even close


UNCLE HARLEY: Oh shit are you already quitting




UNCLE HARLEY: Oooh shit it sounds to me like you wanna tussle there sport

UNCLE HARLEY: Whatre you gonna do about it then, punk




UNCLE HARLEY: Whats up lil shit


"Stop being Fefeta."

You are now not Fefeta and you are now a pissed off teenage boy.

Unfortunately for you, it seems your friends are all busy in their own various shenanigans, leaving you with jack shit to do and even more waiting.


As if we haven't done enough of that already.


Now, all there is left to do is wait!


AT: Did you get it loaded?
AC: sheesh, give it a minute!
AC: i barely popped the disc in so it might take a little time
AC: and don't give me that face!

AT: What face?
AT: How could you even see my face

AC: i can't, i'm just keeping you on your does B3
AT: Oh, I see. That makes perfect sense.
AC: don't you sass me!
AC: i'm currently the one holding the baton for the progress of this game

AT: Oh Wise and Mighty Empress Fefeta, if it isn't too bold of me to ask, would you please tell me how the progress on loading your server copy is coming?
AC: the wise empress considers your plea
AC: she'll get back to you on it in due time, but she is very busy with highly important empress like business

AT: Fefeta!
AC: omg it's still loading
AC: it's not even halfway done
AC: give it time!

AT: If you can't still see my face, I'm groaning and rolling my eyes.
AC: the empress appreciates you keeping her updated on your facial status
AT: Oh my god.


The disk is still where you left it, which is a good sign. There seems to be no mysterious trickery afoot, and therefore, no sneaky capricious bullshittery and the likes is going to stop you from loading this game.


arsenicCatfish[AC] began pestering arachnidsToreador [AT]

AT: Fefeta.
AT: Boot up your server copy of SBURB.
AT: Let's just fucking play.
AT: ...
AT: Fefeta?
AT: ????????
AT: FEFETA????????

AC: woah, omg, chillax
AC: i'm back!

AT: Okay,
AT: Great,
AT: Now did you see my first message or not?

AC: yeah, yeah i saw it
AC: you're even more impatient than erisol
AC: but yeah i can start it up, sure!
AC: although, are you sure we're ready to play?
AC: i've heard from a questionable and mysterious though somehow very alluring source that we're going to be in for more than we've bargained for

AT: Firstly, I do not care.
AT: Secondly, it's too late anyway, I've already started my copy's boot up

AC: >8O
AT: Wow, uh, that was really rude of me I'm sorry,,,
AT: I can't really undo the boot up though.
AT: Uh,

AC: hehe no worries
AC: i guess that means i have to start up my copy then i guess!
AC: i'll do that now!

"Be Tavris."


"Be GS."

You're not the metaphorical spider in this ragtag bunch of morons, but you will have her tangled in your web in no time.



abstemiousAurora[AA] began pestering arsenicCatfish [AC]

AA: GreetinAA, Fefeta
AC: oh man, sorry for being hella late to respond!
AC: i was afk, that's all!
AC: and, uh, i'm sorry but have we talked before?
AC: i don't recognize your handle, is all.

AA: No, I believe this is chronologically the first conversation we've had
AC: okay, but how do you know my name then? 8O
AA: You really ought to be careful with giving out your name online
AA: You'd be surprised what kind of nasty creeps lurk on your Squitty's fansites
AA: Waiting to pounce on an unsuspecting victim, like yourself

AC: *gulp*!
AA: "Gulp" is the right attitude, I'd say
AA: But luckily for you, I am not one of said dastardly creeps

AC: oh, good! 83
AA: Yes, I believe you will find that I'm quite the opposite, for the most part
AA: In fact, I am actually an ally of yours

AC: ally? 8?
AC: what do i need allys for exactly?

AA: For the game, of course
AC: you mean SBURB?
AC: man, i thought it was just a building game!
AC: do we get to do team battles or something, or collaborative work in it?
AC: i can see how i'd need allies in those situations!

AA: Unfortunately, no, SBURB is far more than a building game
AC: how is that unfortunate?
AC: to tell the truth it, as a building game sounded kind of boring to me 8/
AC: but if there's more to it, i'd love to hear!

AA: That's good, considering the construction portion of the game isn't even the tip of the tip of the iceberg
AA: I can't go into detail at this point in time, but I can tell you that this game is going to be the best and worst thing that ever happened to you

AC: like anime?
AA: What
AC: what 80
AA: Anyway,
AA: Shall I continue

AC: go for it!
AA: Of course
AA: SBURB itself is highly interactive
AA: It goes beyond any standard of virtual reality
AA: Essentially, the game is real

AC: real???
AC: as in, actually real, not virtual reality, but really real?

AA: Yes, it is really actually really not virtual reality, and is really real
AC: woah,
AC: i have to say, i find that hard to believe!
AC: although it does sound seriously hella cool.

AA: I can confirm that it is, in fact, Hella Cool
AA: And you don't have to take my word for it
AA: I believe Tavris is waiting for you to message them back and to boot up your copy
AA: That ought to be my cue to stop pestering you, so you can get your work done
AA: It's a real shame, though
AA: I do enjoy talking to you
AA: And you're pretty cute, I must say
AA: Anyway, I will leave you to that
AA: Adieu, for now
AA: I'll be messaging you soon

[left]abstemiousAurora[AA] ceased pestering arsenicCatfish [AC]


You expected your friends to be pestering you, but this is a surprise.
They've probably been waiting for you to respond for a while now, and it would be rude to leave them hanging much longer.


You are being pestered by a number of people, it seems.

It would be wise to answer quickly, rather than shit around for another hour.

Yes, let's do that.



"Fefeta: Return to your laptop."

You hastily return to your bed, and toss your fishing rod to the side.

That excursion only gone for a few minutes, so you probably didn't miss much.


Your modus is probably the simplest, and probably the most entertaining of them all. Nothing can compare to the simple joy of blowing and popping bubbles.

Actually, fuck that, there's a lot of things that are as nice as, if not nicer than popping bubbles, but very few of them come in fetch modus form. In any case, you're grateful that this one is out there, because of it's simplicity. There's no way in hell you'd use a dumb and complicated one, like HASH MAP. Honestly, whatever kind of idiot wants to deal with that monstrosity must lack certain levels of common sense.

You're not sure what any of your friends use, but you have a nagging feeling Erisol picked that one. You would not be surprised a single bit.


You are currently testing out your BUBBLE fetch modus.

It's a bit dusty, but it appears to be functioning fine.


You are now, once again, seemingly Fefeta, and you also seem to be quite busy.



Let's speed things up a bit.

No point in an intermission yet.




But it looks like it did the trick.


Well, that's probably not the best first impression...


âarsenicCatfish[AC] began pestering arachnidsToreador [AT] at 11:25 AMâ

AT: Fefeta.
AT: Boot up your server copy of SBURB.
AT: Let's just fucking play.


Okay so now you're getting pestered by aliens, on top of the sburb betas magically flying across the room and jabbing you in the face.



debonairDeckhand[PG] began trolling arachnidsToreador [AT]

DD: hey tavris!
DD: H8PPY 8IRTHDAY!!!!!!!!

AT: What the hell.
DD: what, no snarky "thank you"?
AT: ...
DD: can't think of some witty response?
AT: Who the fuck are you and how the fuck do you know it's my birthday, you creep?
AT: Please tell me you're not the one controlling the mystery cursor.

DD: oh man, this must 8e our first convers8tion.
DD: oh my god.
PG it is, isn't it?

AT: That doesn't answer any of my questions.
AT: Who the HELL are YOU?
AT: How the hell do you know it's my birthday?
AT: Are you, or are you not fucking around with a flying cursor in my room?
AT: And why the fuck are you using 8's? Are you twelve or something?

DD: i figured i'd have messaged you before now at some point.
DD: guess not!
DD: and take it easy with the questions, geez.
DD: i'm not that old, still six. but hey, i'm almost seven though!

AT: :|
DD: what? ::::O
AT: Uh, wow.
AT: I probably shouldn't be swearing around someone that young.
AT: Sorry? I think?
AT: But you still haven't told me who you are. >:|

DD: oh, right!
DD: my 8ad.
DD: well, i shouldn't spoil too much or i'll pro8a8ly get 8usted.
DD: 8ut think of me as one of your human "guardian angels."
DD: only more like a "alien."
DD: although from my point of view, you are the alien.
DD: that always gets complic8ted, doesn't it?
DD: i guess the alien is always the one that is different from the one thinking about who the alien is?
DD: i mean, by definition wouldn't alien be 'from a different place'?
DD: but in movies, they still call aliens "aliens" even if the stars of the movie are visiting the aliens planets.
DD: that makes the stars the aliens though, doesn't it?

AT: Uh, huh.
AT: So I am talking to a seven year old guardian alien?

DD: nope.
DD: you are talking to YOUR six (almost seven) SWEEP old guardian alien.
DD: nice to meet you! ::::)
DD: well, i'm not meeting you, 8ut this is your first time hearing from me.
DD: it just felt like a nice formality.

AT: Um, I'm just going to roll along with this.
AT: And I'm also going to assume that this is an elaborate birthday prank that the others put together for me.
AT: So, nice to meet you too?
AT: And you know my name and my birthday apparently, but I don't even know yours.
AT: That hardly seems fair?

DD: heh, no sorry!
DD: can't spill the beans on that one. not yet anyway!
DD: 8ut don't worry, you'll get to know soon enough.
DD: we just have to stay mysterious for now, for effect. BBBB)
DD: and for other reasons, i guess.

AT: Can you at least tell me how old you are in years?
DD: huh, i'm not sure.
DD: pretty close to your age i think?
DD: i'll ask AA about it l8r.
DD: she knows things like this.
DD: she knows a lot of things!!!!!!! ::::O

AT: Mmmhmmm and I bet you can't tell me who she is, either?
DD: what, AA?
DD: she's a friend of mine. a pretty close friend, yeah.

AT: Why don't you go ask her now?
AT: I'm sure this elaborate prank of yours can incorporate one extra chumhandle.
AT: I bet you couldn't keep up if I was pestering you on both accounts.
AT: I know it's you Fefeta.
AT: Nothing gets past me.

DD: i really, seriously would not advise that.
DD: i'm not the local expert in this, but that would probably cause some serious problems for everyone involved. so you should really not do that!

AT: Oh come on, just ask Arquius or Erisol to play the other handle's role. I'm sure your prank will work out just fine.
DD: why are you so determined to 8rush this off as a prank???????
DD: LOOK, i can't explain why it's important yet, but messaging AA could either be a minor bump in a magnificent scheme of time and space,
DD: please just forget i said it????????
DD: UGH, i just,
DD: i really dropped the 8all with this one. ::::(

AT: Risky?
AT: Is she mean?

DD: what? no.
DD: she's a little snarky 8ut that's not the point!!!!!!!!
DD: 8GH.
DD: please, even if you don't 8elieve me, just don't message her.
DD: it'll throw our timeline for a loop, and we'll probably all lose EV8RYTHING we've done so far, may8e worse!!!!!!!
DD: ...
DD: W8T, what if you're meant to pester her?
DD: m8ybe you DO pester her and she never told me?
DD: if you're supposed to pester her, then for the love of GOD, pester her!!!!!!!!
DD: w8t, no........
DD: just, don't do anything!!!!!!
DD: ugh. never let me handle time-related things.
DD: stepping out of my own territory, here.
DD: i'll have a friend talk to you later.
DD: a8out that whole mess that i just made.
DD: wow i am a shitty leader and a shitty patron.

AT: Hey, don't beat yourself up over it.
AT: I won't pester her. I'll just forget I ever saw the stupid handle, okay?
AT: (I must admit this is some good acting, Fefeta.)
AT: Anyway, sure.
AT: I'll wait to pester or not pester her.
AT: Whatever you say.

DD: thanks! i owe you another one, Tavris!!!!!!!!
DD: 8ut in the meantime please don't do anything stupid, okay?
DD: sh88t.
DD: i gotta go,
DD: 8ut you'll 8e hearing from me soon.
DD: good luck in the game, 8y the way!
DD: not that you'd need it. ::::)

debonairDeckhand[DD] ceased trolling arachnidsToreador [AT]


And who in the hell is pestering you now?


What the fuck was that?
And why the fuck did it give you the beta copy?

You've already installed it anyway.
Stupid floating mystery cursor.


TA: what? why?
TA: where are you going?
TA: ugh
TA: why is everyone disappearing on me?


â arachnidsToreador [AT] ceased pestering twinAquariums[TA] at 11:11 AMâ


TA: which fetch modus are you using anyway?
TA: please tell me its not something stupid and complicated.

AT: Tree modus.
AT: It's kind of complicated, I guess.
AT: It's also the only one I have so I'll have to make due.
AT: What about you?
AT: I'm going to laugh if you've got something ridiculous.

TA: stack.
AT: Oh my god.
TA: what? >B|
AT: Really? Stack modus?
AT: And you're dissing me for using a complex one.

TA: its not complicated!
AT: No, but it sure as hell isn't simple to operate.
AT: Oh well, I guess you'll just have to make due, too.


AT: You know you really ought to go get your "sylladex crap," though.
TA: euggggggggggggggggggggh.
TA: euggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggh.

AT: Fine.
AT: Don't.
AT: But you're going to make us wait more in the long run.
AT: I'll be in the game, and Fefeta will be waiting for you to help her out and you're going to be too busy trying to find your shit.
AT: Poor Fefeta.

TA: euggggggggggggggggggggh.
TA: not like anything BAD is going to happen if she waits.
TA: whatever.
TA: fine.
TA: ill get it before then.

AT: That's better.


TA: youre the dweeb.
TA: dweeb.

AT: Whatever you say, dweeb.
AT: By the way, where's Fefeta?
AT: She went offline pretty quick.

TA: she went to get here sylladex crap.
TA: i should go get mine, but ive got time.
TA: and youve got yours so now were just kind of waiting.

AT: Yeah, I know.
AT: Waiting sucks, and you're impatient.

TA: you sure you know?
TA: because i can repeat it.

AT: Smartass.
TA: yep.


TA: i checked out some screenshots of earlier test runs.
TA: they werent SUPPOSED to be earlier, we just had to wait for your birthday.
TA: stupid age recommendations.

AT: ...
AT: Squints.

TA: ignores.
TA: anyway they had some punch card systems set up in their room.
TA: im not sure how they managed to do it, but they were ACTUALLY in their room.

AT: What the hell?
TA: ignores.
TA: anyway they had some punch card systems set up in their room.
TA: im not sure how they managed to do it, but they were ACTUALLY in their room.
TA: these giant ass machines got plopped in there.
TA: maybe they use your webcam to make your room an actual location in the game?
TA: in any case,
TA: i dont fucking know.
TA: the people testing it described a system of alchemizing, too.
TA: not like that wizardy bullshit,
TA: more like combining objects in the game into other things.
TA: you can upgrade whatever you want apparently.
TA: im both intrigued and mildly concerned.
TA: and angry but i am always angry.
TA: directionless fury is my whole thing.
TA: i ought to look into that.
TA: its probably not healthy to be pissed off this often but i cant help it and it pisses me off more.
TA: it is a never ending cynical cycle.

AT: And you blame me for getting sidetracked.
AT: Though that is kind of odd.
AT: It's exciting though.
AT: What did they say about the gameplay itself?

TA: you and fef gotta learn to NOT HOUND ME SO HARD FOR DETAILS.
TA: and they said the gameplay was interactive on a level that they doubted was possible.
TA: so either weve got a very high quality game,
TA: or we are officially tied down to something risky as fuck.

AT: Don't tell me you're scared.
TA: dont be stupid jane
TA: im not fucking scared.
TA: ... wwait what the fuck why did i call you jane?
TA: i dont even know a jane.

AT: That's pretty weird of you.
AT: But, ignoring that, I'm actually pretty of excited about the game. Even if it is risky.
AT: I'm sure we can handle it fine.
AT: And how cool is it that we get to test a beta of a game that's going to hit it big?
AT: There's going to be so much to explore and to learn and to CONQUER in here. How can anyone NOT be pumped for this?
AT: I know it's just a game, but I can't really help but think we're going to get really lucky and DO something with it.
AT: It's probably wishful thinking but I can wish whatever the hell I want!!!!!!!!
AT: AND Don't make fun of me for being excited, I swear to GOD Erisol.

TA: im not.
TA: jesus christ.
TA: what kind of asshole do you take me for?
TA: because i am.
TA: but not that kind.
TA: ive said that ten times today i fucking swear.
TA: and as gushy as it fucking sounds i agree with you on the excited shit.
TA: im just too cool to admit i care.
TA: B| shades and pokerface. check.

AT: What a dweeb.

"Erisol: Relay the info to AT."

âtwinAquariums[TA] began pestering arachnidsToreador [AT] at 11:01 AMâ

TA: apparently i got stuck with the job of sending out all of the bullshit info we have on this game to the various people that could have been informed by the very fucking person that uncovered the data.
AT: Fefeta beat you to an important realization?
TA: *WE*
TA: combined our efforts and found out that the game utilizes the sylladex.
TA: that ancient inventory system.

AT: What do you mean by ancient?
AT: I thought they were pretty state of the art.
AT: How else would I carry around a cake, a pda, several shards of glass and a harlequin with no trouble?

TA: oh thank god.
TA: you still use yours.

AT: Of course I do!
AT: And it kind of looks like they're important now.
AT: Guess I was right and you were wrong.
AT: About the sylladexes, I mean.
AT: Although I'm usually right anyway.

TA: hey fuck you
TA: but can we stop dicking around and get started because we have got JACK FUCKING SHIT done and it has been an whole fucking hour.

AT: Yeah, I know.
AT: Either way, now that Arquius is home, we can start up, I think.
AT: It shouldn't take too long to get you in, either.

TA: it is already too long.
AT: Yeah, I know.
AT: Weh, weh quit being a crybaby about it.

TA: i do not weh.
TA: this is slander.

AT: Too cool to care.
TA: whatever.
TA: we keep getting SIDETRACKED.
TA: i blame you for that one.

AT: Yeah, I know.
AT: It's kind of a problem.
AT: Anyway, what exactly do we know about the Sylladexes?
AT: Aside from the fact that they're going to be important in SBURB.
AT: I got that.

TA: alright.


Yeah, that figures, considering your Uncle fished it out of a lazer tag place's dumpster.

Honestly, you're surprised it even lights up.


What a cheap piece of shit.




Sorry Bill, it's nothing personal.


Might as well see how well it works.


Apparently what he is trying to reveal is that he has already allocated his lazer gun to his strife deck!
How or why he has a lazer gun is a bit worrisome.



"Let's see what Erisol is up to."

He's up to nothing.

What the hell man, we've got a plot to advance.



"Apologize to RD properly."

I'm sorry Dashie.

Look he's even mimicking the face to show how apologetic he is to his sweet fictional animated rainbow pegasister for choosing favorites unfairly. How sweet.


Fine, way to ruin the mood.

Your POSTERS are probably one of the best ways to cover what sort of things you are into on the surface. You have a rather large collection of posters, some of which aren't real posters at all, but man who has the energy to question the legitimacy of what is and is not a poster in this day and age?

You have several posters featuring FINE SPECIMENS of the EQUUS FERUS CABALLUS FAMILY, otherwise known as HORSES. Horses get you really pumped. Holy shit that's kind of freaky. But aside from the large creepy horse posters, you also have CUTE CARTOON HORSE posters. You love the MY LITTLE PONY SERIES, even if you despise the reckless, rowdy and hateful portion of the fanbase most of the time. Nonetheless, this does not deter you from enjoying this FINE TELEVISED MASTERPIECE. It should also be noted that your favorite pony is RARITY, with RAINBOW DASH coming in a close second place. Sorry Dashie.

You also have a couple of posters featuring the POKEMON, PUELLA MAGI â MADOKA MAGICA, and TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN series, though not all of them are displayed as near to your bed as others.

Additionally you have several DRAWINGS of your FRIENDS on your wall. They're not your best work, but you're glad to have your friends near you in one way or another.

"That's pretty boring."


"Examine Strife Deck."

In your STRIFE DECK, you find that you have long since allocated your weapon of choice. That being your fist, because damn are you STRONG. Nothing can really beat the RAW POWER of an angry punch, can it?

"Arquius: Examine Fetch Modus."

You take a look at the FETCH MODUS, and see that you are using the HASHMAP style of item retrieval and storage for your SYLLADEX. It's certainly not the most convenient format, but it's the one your DAD, or rather THE DUDE, gave to you, so you're more than happy to try.

This feels awfully nostalgic, and a bit orange.

Is orange a feeling? Not really.

Oh well, who cares.


â testicleTestified[TT] began pestering arsenicCatfish [AC] at 10:51 AMâ

TT: Yo sugarplum I'm home!
TT: ...
TT: Yo?
TT: Ah dang, I guess I missed you )K
TT: Catch ya later, gater

- testicleTestified[TT] ceased pestering arsenicCatfish [AC] at 10:54 AMâ

â testicleTestified[TT] began pestering twinAquariums[TA] at 10:54 AMâ

TT: What about you, broskies? You still chillaxin' somewhere I can reach you?
TA: i dont care what thats supposed to mean but hi.
TT: Oh, kickass you're here (K
TT: But to clarify on that jazz, I just tried to hit up Fefeta but she's away from her keyboard I think
TT: I wanted to tell her I was back with the game, but I guess we gotta put a wicked-ass pin in that one for now
TT: It sucks pretty hardcore though
TT: I wanted to talk to her )K

TA: yeah shes getting her captchalog and sylladex related bullshit together from god knows where.
TA: do you still have yours where you can get to it?
TA: because we're gonna need it for the game.

TT: Sure do!
TT: Actually I still use mine
TT: Ain't no point in tossing it out yo

TA: yeah i know.
TA: but keep it on hand for when its your turn to enter the game or were all going to be collectively boned which id rather not have happen.
TA: im going to assume you dont want that to happen either.

TT: Right
TA: glad we got that cleared up.
TA: but now we still have to relay this to tavris.
TA: goddamn why cant we all just talk in memos?
TA: this is practically what the memo function was made for.
TA: and itd be a hell of a lot easier than relaying
TA: all of this
TA: goddamn
TA: info.

TT: Hell yeah mister dude let's open a memo as soon as Fefeta gets back!
TT: A tip top idea, my brother

TA: im not your brother
TT: Don't put a harsh on it man
TT: We're just figuratively brothers, in a close friendship kind of way!

TA: whatever
TA: anyway now ive got to go tell tavris to bust out her sylladex

TT: Uh, you mean their sylladex?
TA: yeah my bad ugh.
TA: dont tell tavris i fucked up their pronouns again.

TT: My lips are sealed, yo
TT: But just remember to use the right ones next time, a'ight?

TA: thanks.
TA: its not like i did that shit intentionally, just so were fucking clear.
TA: im an asshole but im not that kind of asshole.
TA: and NOW ive gotta go tell them, so bye.

TT: See ya

â twinAquariums[TA] ceased pestering testicleTestified[TT] at 10:59 AMâ

"Just go pester your chums."

Can do!

"Oh, no."

Oh, yes.

"What's that tucked behind your bed?"

What do you think it is?


See man, no funny business.

"Mystery Dude: Run straight to your room."

Roger that.

You are now in the room of this young and eager male, and oh man oh shit he works out. We better just enter his name. We wouldn't want to piss him off by entering a silly name like "Horsefaced Penislicker," would we?


And it appears that he has made it home.


Oh snap it's this guy again.




SIS: DAS MY GIRL!!! (=ï½Ï´=)


SIS: check it
FEFETA: omg is that for me?!
FEFETA: you didn't steal that did you? 8O

SIS: prolly did
SIS: s'all good though they were getting ready to toss it anyway
SIS: V(=^¬Ï¬^=)v
SIS: factory defect or some shit like that as if i know what the hell they be yammerin about
SIS: basically he ain't got no face
SIS: but tossin' him?
SIS: that shit is WASTEFUL
SIS: and we don't waste
SIS: right gurl? (=^¬Ï¬^=)b

"See what she wants."

FEFETA: so uh, hey sis!
FEFETA: what's up?

SIS: ...
FEFETA: 83 i see.


It's your sister.

Who has apparently never heard of knocking before entering.




Now to just turn the doorknob...


Aww yeah.

"Fefeta: Do an acrobatic fucking pirouette off your bed."



Better get up and go look for it.

"Pester Erisol."

â arsenicCatfish [AC] began pestering twinAquariums[TA] at 10:42 AMâ

AC: so can we forego the exaggerated emotional theatrics for once and actually talk about the game?
TA: ok
TA: but what in the hell is there to really talk about?
TA: you get ats ass in, tt gets your ass in, he gets my ass in and our asses are collectively seated comfortably in the game.

AC: and that's it??
TA: well, like, no.
TA: probably not just that.
TA: theres some building involved i guess.

AC: you guess or you know? 8|
TA: know.
TA: i think.

AC: okay mister smarty farty what EXACTLY do we know about the game?
TA: fuck
TA: alright the sites ive been scoping out have said that its a multiplayer building and adventure game i guess.
TA: theyre really fucking vague okay. like the other testers keep bailing on their liveplays. always at the same point in the game, too.
TA: i have no idea what the fuck that means.

AC: wow, golly gee that's helpful!
AC: have you seen any screenshots? guides?? CHEATS???

TA: they had like one screenshot but it wasnt even really notable.
TA: and goddamn i thought i was being pushy about starting the game.

AC: I'm not being pushy!!!!!!!!!!
AC: I just want to know what we're getting into, that's all!

TA: what about that whole bs sense of adventure youre always talking about
TA: a new game you dont know shit about sounds pretty adventurous to me.

AC: oh, shut up Jake!
TA: ...
AC: 8O i mean Erisol!
AC: huh, where'd that come from?
AC: I don't think I even know any Jake's! <8|c

TA: thats weird.
TA: but also no big deal.

AC: yeah, no biggie!
AC: but what was in that screenshot?

TA: i dont remember a lot but there was some toolbar or something with a bunch of random machines.
TA: they were talking about them like they were really important, too.

AC: machines, huh.
AC: so that's all we've got though?
AC: we're doing some building and we've got some machines to fuck around with?
AC: that seems boring! i feel like i'd quit right away!

TA: hey they keep saying it gets better as you get into it or something.
TA: but whatever, believe what you want.
TA: and no, thats not all there is.
TA: there was a system of punch cards they were playing around with.
TA: they were using sylladex cards, too.

AC: oh my god sylladex cards? do people even USE those anymore?
TA: i guess.
AC: i put mine up years ago! they're just so damn complicated! 8O
AC: honestly, why couldn't we just carry things like normal people!

TA: ok the second i see you carrying a cake, a pda, several shards of glass and a harlequin with no trouble i will agree that the sylladexes were completely worthless.
TA: but yeah they were complicated pains in the ass.

AC: ok I guess the inventory of it made sense, but the retrival systems were just SO DUMB!
AC: and 'were'?
AC: as in you tossed yours too? 8O

TA: yeah man, but who hasnt at this point.
TA: if were gonna need it for the game im going to have to go get mine.
TA: you better go get yours, too.

AC: yeah I should!
AC: I'll go see if I can find it!

â arsenicCatfish [AC] ceased pestering twinAquariums[TA] at 10:49 AMâ

"Examine your room."

A cute girl like you is bound to have many equally adorable interests.

Several of your favorite activities include FISHING, BUTTERFLY CATCHING, and HUNTING the ravenous fauna of the wild. You're always sure to use anything and everything you take down, because otherwise it would be cruel, distasteful, mean and wasteful. And flat out dumb, too.

On top of that you have an affinity for cute plush dolls. You especially admire the SQUITTIES franchise. These cute kitten/squid hybrids come with the lovable appearance of cats, and the unique and fun tentacle-like arms of a toy squid! You're an avid collector of the many colorful dolls, and have them scattered across your room. It's kind of a mess, but really, who could mind when they're SO MUCH FUN!!!

Aside from the smaller dolls, you also have a GIANT SQUITTY, won for you at a carnival's test your strength competition by your friend. Truthfully, you could have won it yourself, as you're extremely tough, despite your childish and cutesy appearance. Nevertheless, you let him win it for you anyway.

You have a SMALL AQUARIUM in your room, with many FAKE FISH, as well as one REAL FISH. Your SISTER doesn't let you keep pets, but she lets you play pretend with your falsified aquatic tank. You, being the clever and sneaky girl you are, snuck a lone fish in there without her noticing. She'd never notice it in a tank full of fake ones. The perfect crime.

Additionally, you have a mild liking towards astronomy. You've never been particularly good at anything in the field, but you still enjoy stargazing, even if it's just your GLOW IN THE DARK STAR STICKERS.

Finally, you do certainly adore gaming, especially when it involves high levels of customization, or cooperative play with friends.

"Try again."

You're darn tootin'.

"Give her a name, because we clearly don't know who she is."

Yeah well fuck you, too.


Yes she will do quite well!

"Be someone less soul-searchy."

How about this little cutie patootie?

"Ignore the feeling."

You put it aside in your mind, but you can't help but think that with all the excitement in the cosmos, you and your friends' adventures and antics are going to be even less relevant than they already are. Although it's nice that things are looking up for those otherworldly beings, you still don't want to be forgotten...


You are overcome by a sudden feeling that somehow, somewhere, in a universe far separate from your own, some sort of godlike power has returned, resulting in mass chaos, panic in the streets and celebration in a large groups of readers in another.

Tragically beautiful.

(author's note: happy 6/12!! ã½(à¹â¹â¡â¹à¹)ï¾)

(authors note: lol page 69)


She says she loves you, and wishes you good luck playing the game with your friends.
She'll be here if you need any help.

What a sweet old lady.


She tells you that she just baked a fresh bunch of brownies, and you're welcome to help yourself to them.

And she says happy birthday, for the thousandth time today.


Oh, it's your Gram.

Hi Tavris' Gram.


There is a knock on your door.


Who is this Fefeta you speak of?

Certainly no one we're going to be properly introduced to soon.

You're going to stay Tavris, for at least a little bit longer.


The storm has almost completely vanished from the sky, leaving clear rays of sunshine streaming across the street and all of the world that you can see from your window. An odd combination of hope and unease stems from the sudden disappearance of the thick blanket of dark clouds. While you're relieved that it has passed before it caused you troubles, you can't help but feel that the speed at which it disappeared was highly unusual.

It worries you.

It is your fifteenth birthday, and as with all fourteen preceding it, something feels off, in one way or another. As if you were not meant to be here, not in this family, not in this house, not in this country, not on this planet, not in this universe, not anywhere near here. It's not as if you do not fit in, but that you were existentially destined to be somewhere far, far away on this particular date. A large knot grew in your stomach when you first started pondering your own life, and it has finally reached it's most worrying point. The day that you have been dreading since you were young had finally arrived. Somehow, you know that something is going to happen today, though you're not entirely sure what. You rarely dwell on this feeling, but it's there, hidden at the back of your mind, gnawing at your thoughts, almost screaming at you sometimes, once in a few blue moons. You're certain that this unease is completely unnecessary, and that your dull, uninterrupted life is fine exactly as it is, and it will continue to be fine as long as no outside forces act upon it.

You think that is one of Newton's laws.

You're almost certain.

And one more thing that you are almost certain of, is that it is going to be a long day.

"Tavris: Check the window again."

The sun is shining as if there was no storm, no rain, and no clouds to begin with. In fact, fairly dry outside too, not a puddle in sight.

That is highly suspicious, and probably will be relevant later in some way or another.

Probably not, though.

"Pester AC."

âarachnidsToreador [AT] began pestering arsenicCatfish[AC] at 10:39 AMâ

AT: Hey, Fefeta, you there?
AC: of course I am!
AC: I'm surprised you are, though. you kinda dropped off the face of the earth for a while there!
AC: where'd you go anywho?

AT: I uh,
AT: Yeah I took a nap.
AT: That's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about, though.
AT: This is going to sound really weird but, are you alright?

AC: yeah! I'm completely fine, I think!
AC: Why?
AC: and what does that have to do with your nap??

AT: Oh, I had a dream while I was passed out.
AT: It was really vivid, believe me.
AT: What happened, I guess, was that I saw you in there?
AT: I mean I don't think this was real, but it kind of freaked me out.
AT: There were these weird white people running around, and they were really confused.
AT: And they were really scared, too. I don't know what spooked them.
AT: I'm a little fuzzy on the details, though. I've been awake long enough that I'm starting to forget.
AT: Oh, but, then there were these really big clouds overhead, too. I saw you in them.
AT: You were dead.

AT: I think so, yeah.
AT: It was really strange though. Everything was gold, except you. Even I was wearing some stupid golden pajamas? You were purple though.

AC: I'm always purple 83
AT: Heh, yeah.
AT: Anyway, you sure you're okay?

AC: yes I'm pawsitive I'm fine!
AT: Good.
AT: Just, please, stay away from knives for a little while? For my sake? And yours too.
AT: Hell for all of our sake just avoid sharp objects please?

AC: but what about my claws?
AT: Your what now?
AC: y'know!!!!
AC: my strife specibus!
AC: my claws?
AC: sharp, pointy, deadly, fearsome weapons!?!?

AT: Um,
AT: Just be careful, okay?

AC: I always am B3

"Answer your chum."

â testicleTestified[TT] began pestering arachnidsToreador [AT] at 10:34 AMâ

TT: Hey Tavris! Happy birthday dude!
TT: I hope you day is swell as hell, yo

AT: Oh, hey Arquius, glad you made it back and one piece.
AT: And thank you.
AT: ........
AT: :)

TT: Well, I'll be a son of a gun, what's gotten you all smiley?
TT: Not that I mind, homeskillet
TT: It's pretty rad to see ya smiling actually
TT: Or droppin a smiley emoticon anyway

AT: Euguhguhuh Fefeta gave me some song and dance about being excited and happy about things earlier so I thought I'd give it a try.
AT: Wow that sounded kind of stupid.
AT: Oh well.
AT: Ah, but that reminds me, I'm hoping you have the game right?

TT: Ain't nothin' stupid about smilin' yo I do it all the time
TT: Plus Fefeta's got that effect on people
TT: Little ball of sunshine and all that
TT: Girlie can kick some major ass like you wouldn't believe, too
TT: Geez Louise, though
TT: And you bet your bottom I got ahold of these sick ass disks
TT: I'm pumped as F*CK about this believe me
TT: I wish the mail had delivered it sooner too
TT: I heard some other kids got a chance to hop right in before i even got to grasp the metaphorical plush rump of these slick disks
TT: Some shit happened to them, though from what I've been told
TT: Poor dudes, I hope they're okay
TT: It'd suck duck if they got hurt tryin' to play a harmless lil' game yo
TT: But at least we get to play now!
TT: Yeeeeehaw
TT: Haha, I'm glad your birthday got here too, yo, so you're old enough to hit the game with us

AT: Oh god not you too
AT: I'm perfectly mature enough to handle SBURB
AT: What's so adult about it that they couldn't just rate it E anyway? Isn't it just a building and adventure game?
AT: I bet it's mild language or something that's the problem.

TT: (K
AT: ...
AT: What's with the K?

TT: Nah bro its not a K it's my shades
TT: Check it (K

AT: Oh yeah, huh I guess I can see that.
AT: Cute.

TT: Ahaha thanks broskies CK
AT: I'd make my own little special emoticon but there's nothing that would really work for me.
AT: Personalizationwise, I mean.
AT: But yeah, anyway, can you get your disk ready to play soon?
AT: Even though you're not actually entering the game until later.

TT: Can do, captain
TT: I'll be standing by for when it's TA's turn to jump in
TT: I've totes got the covered though yo, so ain't no one's gotta worry their pretty little heads over him
TT: He'll be in the game safe and sound in no time
TT: Then you'll help pull my ass into the game right, Tavris?

AT: Yep, that's my job.
AT: As your server, that is.
AT: Fefeta's gonna do the same for me, hopefully.
AT: I trust her though. She can handle it.
AT: I think I can too.

TT: I'm countin on you hambone!
AT: Yeah, I'll try not to let you down, then.

"Get up."

You lift your chair up and have a seat at your computer desk.

"Now Be Tavris."

You are now Tavris again.

You also seem to be being pestered.


That is, unless they so happen to wake up.

"Be Tavris"

The character you have chosen is still asleep, and therefore, inaccessible to the player.

We've been over this, ya' dip. You can't be a sleeping player until certain requirements are met. So, that being said, you can't be Tavris.


Going up.


Though the ride is significantly shorter, you will still have to wait in the elevator for several minutes so that you experience no issues involving the change in pressure. You and the Dude are very well prepared, so you've yet to have an incident like that.




You'd better go straight to the top, for your friends' sakes.




Ordinarily it would take several hours to drive up the mountain and arrive at your front door. However, you and your Dude have cleverly devised an elevator like system that delivers you there in no time.


The tunnel.



You reassure him that he's the best bro/dad/dude a guy could ask for.


He looks crestfallen.

You explain that you are currently running a very urgent errand and that you would more than enjoy those later, because they sound "rad as f*ck," but duty calls!


He asks if you're feeling up for a good old fashioned dude-son strife instead.

You decline this as well.


He asks if you're feeling up to helping him on a project. It's tempting...


Oh, it's just your father.

Your father who does not like to be called father. He says it makes him feel old and that he'd prefer that you call him "Dude," and/or "The Dude."

It's all very silly.







Time to kick it into


"Be TT"

You are now TT.

Being TT, you are now fully aware that you still have to make it back to your house from the post office so that you can install the Beta, before your good chum Erisol rips his, and likely your, hair out.

"Answer TT"

â testicleTestified[TT] began pestering twinAquariums[TA] at 10:12 AMâ

TT: Dude, guess what just came in the mail
TA: if its not the game im breaking your legs.
TT: Yeah bro, no worries, it's the game
TA: then your legs are safe for another day.
TT: S**t man, good to hear
TT: I need my legs

TA: yeah ill bet you do
TA: now shut up and put that damn disc in your computer.

TT: Uh,
TA: son of a bitch.
TA: why not?

TT: I'm not anywhere near my heckin computer, man
TT: Otherwise I'd slap this damn donkey dicking game in pronto
TT: Sh*t sorry for my language
TT: Oops
TT: Oh, but, anyway, this game sounds rad as all heck
TT: At least from what the little birdies keep spittin at me
TT: The little birdies being my homies
TT: And my homies being you three
TT: I've been itching to play this like a motherf**ker
TT: It sounds ill as all f**king hell, man
TT: It should be completely illegal to be this sick, man

TA: ok,
TA: great.
TA: now get that sweaty chiseled ass over to your computer before i flip our entire teams collective shits like flapjacks and personally see to it that you will never get to even SMELL the fucking cursor of this beta ARE WE FUCKING CLEAR?

TT: Yeah, got it man
TT: I'm on the way
TT: But you gotta to take it easy, bro
TT: Stressing over this game just seems hella f**king ridonkulous, man
TT: It ain't good for your health


TT: Heavens to Betsy, bro, chillax I'm almost there
TA: And I'm moving as fast as I frickin can
TT: If it consoles you in the slightest, I wont dawdle on the way to my computer?
TT: No lollygagging at all, I swear
TT: Cross my heart

TA: ....
TA: ugh
TA: fine
TA: sorry i snapped
TA: even though im completely justified
TA: but hurry up and get to your computer before i smash mine

TT: You betcha, chief


That works, too.


Maybe you can play around with some codes until someone else logs on.


Now, due to lack of any other available character, you are able to view Erisol once more. Unfortunately, there isn't actually much he can actually do right now, aside from fruitlessly messaging his other two friends, both of whom seem to be missing in action.

And so, the issue of overwhelming boredom claims another victim.


Welcome back.


Very far, indeed.

"Be Tavris."

You would gladly be them, but they are still passed out on the floor! They are not available to select, as their currently active body is not within your range. In fact, it's very far out of reach.

"Select character."

For the time being, you only have two characters to choose from. This is fairly generous, given the circumstances.


Wow, way to sound like a fucking tool.

"Pester AC."

âtwinAquariums [TA] began pestering arsenicCatfish [AC] at 10:02 AMâ

TA: hey i heard you were holding the reigns on this whole "when the hell do we play this game" wagon.
TA: so ive got a question.
TA: when the hell do we get to play this game?

AC: and a good morning to you too!
TA: yeah thanks.
AC: anyway I don't know how much longer TT's going to be!
AC: but he's been gone for a while, hasn't he?
AC: it couldn't take that much longer, could it?

TA: hell if i know.
TA: hes a mystery wrapped in muscles dipped in a protein shake.

AC: right, just like you're a mystery wrapped in cords, dipped in codes!
TA: exactly, i feel like you have captured my personality perfectly.
TA: too perfectly.
TA: alert the presses, ff seems to be an empath.
TA: no one human should posses such powers.
TA: id watch my back if i were you, man. the government is probably going to track you down and use you to do government type things.
TA: interrogations, war plots, THE WORKS man.
TA: yeah, no, ill clam up.

AC: 83
AC: 83
AC: 83
AC: 83
AC: 83 puns!

"Get on your computer."

You say that like it's not inevitable.

"Admire your poster."

Oh Bill, if only other people appreciated the magic of science like you do.

Somewhere a chorus of angels chant "BILL! BILL! BILL! BILL!" in unison.

"Examine Room."

Though the lights have barely been on for seconds, it is still apparent from the decor of your room that you have several INTERESTS, of which, cleaning up your clothing is not. A WIDE ARRAY OF COMPUTERS AND WIRES are spread about your room in every which direction. This of course is because you are an EXCELLENT HACKER and PROGRAMMER. You secretly admire online HACKTIVISTS, and dream of joining in their ELITE RANKS. You also have many FINE WORKS OF LITERATURE, as well as several HISTORY books, SCIENCE TEXTBOOKS, and CODING REFERENCES. The fields of SCIENCE and HISTORY are very important to you, though you are not dedicated enough to make a difference in either. By your bed, you also have a small tank, housing two very small PETS TO KEEP YOU COMPANY, as per one of your friend's request.

"Turn on the lights, dude."



Glad we got that cleared up.

"Enter name."



Who's this fine young gentleman?


Now for something completely different.



Perhaps that wasn't the best idea.






Now the burning question ought to be, what are you going to do while you wait for your other friend to get online?

You could sit calmly and patiently wait for his arrival.


You've got some pretty mixed feelings about that guy.

He may be an asshole, but he's still a pretty damn great friend.

"Answer TA."

âtwinAquariums[TA] began pestering arachnidsToreador [AT] at 10:16 AMâ

TA: so can we start this damn beta or not?
AT: Good morning, sunshine.
AT: And gee thanks for those thoughtful birthday wishes.

TA: youre welcome.
AT: And anyway, I don't know.
AT: She says we're waiting for TT to get his copy.

TA: wait hold the fuck up, he still doesnt have it?
AT: That's what AC said.
TA: god. damnit.
AT: She also said it ought to be there today?
AT: He hasn't gotten online, so for all we know, he's picking it up right now.
AT: Or something like that.

TA: he better be.
AT: Don't you think you're being impatient.
TA: waiting does things to a man.
AT: Clearly.
TA: oh shut up, you know you want to play it too, tavris.
AT: Yeah, man.
TA: dont get too excited, you might accidentally smile.
AT: Very funny, asshole.
TA: im just saying, man, this is kind of a big deal.
AT: Right, sure dude.
TA: also i might be an asshole, but so are you. dont even deny.
AT: I'm rolling my eyes so hard I think I'm turning back time.


Well, look who just rolled out of bed.

"Answer your chum."

arsenicCatfish[AC] began pestering arachnidsToreador [AT]

AC: can I just start by saying HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAVRIS! 83
AT: Hey man, thanks. Really appreciate it.
AC: aww come on
AC: it's your fifteenth birthday for crying out loud!
AT: Yeah, well, I guess I'm just partied out from all these crazy birthday shenanigans I'm getting into.
AC: and by shenanigans, you mean avoiding your Gram and hanging in your room?
AT: Precisely.
AC: 8|
AT: Hey don't give me that face man. Gram's great and all, I'd just rather not be stuffed full of those sickeningly sweet brownies, and there's no way she'd let me off brownie-free. Especially today.
AC: but your Gram's brownies are great!
AC: I don't see what the problem is
AT: I guess there's such thing as too much of a good thing?
AC: oh yeah!
AC: speaking of good things, are you ready to play the game?
AT: Hell yeah I am, man.
AT: Since, you have been making us all wait.
AT: For my birthday, that is.
AT: Why did we have to play on my birthday anyway?
AC: because the game says it's not appropriate for players under fifteen, and you are the youngest of us!
AT: ........
AC: 83
AT: Are you telling me we waited to play the EXCLUSIVE beta test of this game for two whole weeks, simply because someone, somewhere slapped a "15 and older" label on it?
AC: yep!
AT: Fe.......
AC: 83
AC: that, and TT needed some time for it to get to his house
AT: Oh.
AT: That makes sense, I suppose.
AT: But, then, has he gotten it now?
AC: hopefully!
AT: Hopefully?
AC: he hasn't gotten online yet, so I don't know
AC: but we've been tracking the delivery, so it ought to be there by now!
AT: We? As in, you're checking up on his mail's course?
AT: Sometimes I forget that you two are tighter than a size 0 speedo.
AC: 83


Looks like you're being pestered.

"Try it on."

You look incredible.

"Check your dresser."

You remember putting it in here earlier, when you picked up your room. It's a lot simpler to find things when you don't have to turn over all the junk tossed around in your room just to look for it. That doesn't make it any easier to find, if it's missing though. Where is that damn thing? It should be right here? Maybe your Gram took it? She has a bad habit of taking things for no apparent reason.

Oh! Wait scratch that. Here it is.

"Ponder why you're wearing a plain shirt."

Well you do have a shirt with an airplane on it. You used to wear it nearly every day, but you've begun to feel it was kind of childish to wear such a silly symbol on your chest.
Though it does have a good amount of sentimental value. A close friend gave it to you. Maybe you ought to find it.

"Look out your window."

Blue skies and sunshine.

"Examine room."

Your name is TAVRIS. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. Your bedroom is surprisingly clean, considering the hellhole it usually resembles. You have a variety of MODEST INTERESTS. You take a liking to WAR PLANES as well as PLANE MODELS. You enjoy causally gaming, and you are FAIRLY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for ROLEPLAYING as well, and are an aspiring ENGINEER. You also like to go online.


No objection.

"Enter Name"


A young person stands in their bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 18th of April, is this young teen's birthday. Though it was fifteen years ago they were given life, it is only today they will be given a name!

What shall their name be?