AlterniaFM


28/10/10
"==>"

And there it is. Another job to do. As if you weren't already busy enough keeping the whole organization from tearing at its seams.

28/10/10
"==>"

Your name is Stitch. Ordinarily, you would never be down here. However, Lord English has recently asked with some urgency that his spare Cairo Overcoat be removed from the vaults and placed under your care.

28/10/10
"ZS: Fortuitously find a copy of "Human History 1925-1935". Wonder what a "human" is and throw the tome aside in disgust."

Obviously you can't because Alternia doesn't exist yet so there aren't any humans. Duhhhhhh.

28/10/10
"Skip ahead."

28/10/10
"Try again."

28/10/10
"Enter name."

Try again, smartass!

28/10/10
"Be someone else?"

This young troll stands in his respiteblock. It just so happens that today, the 26th of October, is the day of this young troll's larval awakening, also known as his wriggling day. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life, it is only today he will be given a name!

Thirteen Earth years, for convenient reference, is equivalent to six Alternian solar sweeps.

Alternia, also for convenient reference, is a planet that does not yet exist.

What will the name of this young troll be?

28/10/10
"==>"

What a quaint little planet. And it appears that intelligent life has already taken hold of it. Let's take a look.

28/10/10
"==>"

You decide to glimpse its depths, if briefly. Though it would be more proper to say that you call upon knowledge of its contents already present in your infinite understanding.

28/10/10
"==>"

You have created many universes in the past, but never before by accident. This is too intriguing to pass up.

28/10/10
"Well... I suppose you could Know instead of merely wondering, but that could by default invalidate your mission."

Indeed.

28/10/10
"Cause a scratch."

You did quite that, though. To think, another timeline lost to the fold. So many universes, only one perfect enough to house your master.

You wonder what this one would be like. What sort of infection could have made it so unsatisfactory that the only remaining option in service of your cause was to relocate to another. Dangerous thoughts.

28/10/10
"Exposition, please."

It seems as though that action has put into place a new timeline. Though you suppose it would be more appropriate to say that your curiosity produced a universe wherein all did not, is not, and will not go as planned. Thus, as in any situation like this, you seamlessly transitioned into a timeline whose defining difference is your inevitable success.

The long term alterations to that world you've left behind are hard to see, of course. They will only become truly apparent over the next several centuries, as your planet becomes inhabited by intelligent life and the games begin.

28/10/10
"Wow, what the hell was that?"

Nevermind. You know exactly what it was.

Your venture's explosive results had surprised you for precisely as long as it took to deduce every detail of the situation, which is to say very briefly.

28/10/10
"==>"

What?!

28/10/10
"==>"

What?

28/10/10
"==>"

One such term has just come to your attention. Like each other, it is entirely meaningless to you and does not bring to mind any person, place, or event in the whole of time. You navigate there via your trusty Underwood.

28/10/10
"Get on a typewriter and go to http://windowchronicles.com."

You find your way to one of your many typewriters. It should suit your curiosity this day.

It is on occasion that you come across pieces of the darkness which inflicts imperfection on your omnicience and that they make themselves clear to you in the form of images, or sometimes simply phrases. You often waste no time investigating.

28/10/10
"Do an absolutely ridiculous dance."

You are at once aware of every possible timeline. Each event that could ever have happened and its results are in full view to you at every moment, save a spare few pockets of essential black.

In this reality and all others, you do not perceive an eventuality wherein Doc Scratch performs any manner of dance. Neither do you intend to create such a timeline of your own.

26/10/10
"Cut out the stupidity. Get back to Felt."

Your name is Doc Scratch. You are a key player in the grand game put forth before, now, and forevermore by your master, Lord English. Events have been transpiring smoothly, which is to say exactly as you expected in every respect. In fact, everything has gone so perfectly that you have found your talents wasted on the quaint act of waiting. With intellect touching the edges of omniscience, you feel that your time would best be spent constructively, though anything accomplished in this universe is doomed to destruction at the hands of the very scheme you have orchestrated so skillfully as to produce such an expanse of free time.

You will need to devise another way of spending said time.


You are currently in a room of your mansion. It is quiet and peaceful. There is no reason to assume that anything could disturb your confidence in the state of all things.

18/06/10
"[S] Doze: Ascend"

No, just kidding. Felt is no longer cancelled. This should soon be replaced with an UPDATE.

07/03/10
"==>"

Agent Brinner.

07/03/10
"==>"

Oh god, there he is now, the smug bastard.

07/03/10
"==>"

In fact, sometimes you wonder why we even need an ALCHEMIST. You think everyone here is perfectly well off without his crackpot theories and disastrous experiments.

07/03/10
"==>"

You're not certain why he insists on living on the bottom floor.

07/03/10
"==>"

Then you decide to head on down and get it over with.

07/03/10
"Fondly regard sword. Imagine that it would be awesome if you had a piece of clothing that was vaguely shaped like a sword's blade. You would wear that piece of clothing all the time if it existed."

LOW QUALITY BLADES are now apart of the mandatory dress code, but you're determined to make the best of it. These sudden and nonsensical wardrobe regulations are challenges. They are trials. You shall fashionably overcome them. You TIE the sword to your neck. You aren't sure what to call this new article of clothing, but you believe that it looks better this way.

07/03/10
"==>"

Not that you would show it in the realm of your GLORIOUS MONARCH, but today is really going downhill for you fast. Just when you thought it couldn't get worse, you've got an appointment with THAT GUY.

07/03/10
"==>"


What an eccentric salutation this planet's race has. You decide not to mimic it.

07/03/10
"==>"

You emerge.

07/03/10
"==>"

Drat, he must have seen you. He's shouting something about no immigrant being exempt from reading and fully comprehending the social protocol of his city.

07/03/10
"Head down to meet the stranger."

You approach the edge of the impact crater to get a better look at this fellow. Then you take cover. No way to be sure the native isn't dangerous, or worse: annoying.

06/03/10
"==>"

Must be a native on his way to investigate.

06/03/10
"==>"

And an approaching stranger.

06/03/10
"==>"

Venturing outside, you catch sight of a vast civilization which dominates the horizon.

06/03/10
"Accidentally get black paint all over yourself."

The thought that you should be or ever have been anything besides green has never crossed your mind. Why would English make you any different? You take a peek outside. Looks like you're on a whole different damn planet now. That answers the where, you guess, but not the why.

06/03/10
"==>"

Damn it. You hate when English does that without any warning. It always leaves you feeling lightheaded.

06/03/10
"Discipline Biscuits about responsible time travel with your crowbar."


He fell down some stairs.

i fel down sum stairs.

06/03/10
"But hey, whatever, investigation time, yes?"

Biscuits says he doesn't really want to go on an investigation, but thanks anyway.

03/03/10
"==>"

God damn it. Since the only living Eggs booked it with past Biscuits, and present Biscuits is already on his way to becoming past past past Biscuits, all you've got is past past Biscuits.

Better than nothing, you suppose.

03/03/10
"==>"

Okay, yes. You have definitely been here. It's the SCRAPER.

03/03/10
"==>"

Wait. This place is kind of familiar. You give the room a good look, especially a small window just opposite the door.

03/03/10
"Whatever you do, do NOT wear the hat. Not wearing it may just be the only thing that will keep you alive. Swear that you will never wear such a ridiculous hat in your entire life."

You also take your hat.

03/03/10
"Gather your courage and examine your own corpse to see exactly how you died."

You tend to... Yourself.

The strange door finally slides shut, no longer hindered by green flesh. You wonder what happened here and how this dead you came to block up such an otherwise fine and serviceable piece of equipment as that floorward passageway.

27/02/10
"==>"

27/02/10
"Insert your own pin."

You... You insert your own pin.

27/02/10
"==>"

But alas, it has indeed failed. And what's worse, you've exhausted all the timelines which immediately come to mind. All but one... Yes. Now is the time. If you're going to find the ingredient you need, it will certainly be there. Fate has a cruel sense of humor that way.

27/02/10
"==>"

The LICORICE SCOTTIE DOG.

27/02/10
"Show us on the doll where the bad suggestions touched you."

You haven't received any suggestions from anyone lately, let alone did they have anything to do with locations on your doll. No time for stupidity, there is work to be done. You attend to your materials. There is surely something fundamentally wrong with Slick's pin. It took you subjective weeks of timeline travel to procure its prime ingredient. His most valued possession. An artifact so close to Slick, so potent, that surely it could not fail you.

26/02/10
"==>"

Okay, that was just weird. You're pretty certain Slick's pin isn't even sending you to timelines in your own universe any more. Back to the drawing board.

26/02/10
"==>"

INTERMISSION END

25/02/10
"==>"

INTERMISSION

25/02/10
"==>"

25/02/10
"==>"

25/02/10
"==>"

OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT OH SHIT

25/02/10
"Greet the intruders with the pointy end of your JACK OF DIAMONDS."

You viciously disembowel him with your SCYTHE OF DEVOTION.

25/02/10
"==>"

DIPLOMACY OVER

25/02/10
"==>"

He says he's just going to see that crater over there. He also adds that your outfit is kind of awkward and impractical, especially the stick.

25/02/10
"No need to be hasty. Demand they identify themselves and their reason for being here. If you don't like the answer, then get to slicing."

For what reason do you trespass upon my master's land, straggler?

23/02/10
"==>"

You ready your JACK OF DIAMONDS.

23/02/10
"==>"

Why, they're on their way to the Professor's crater! While your master is away! Well they've got another thing coming to them if they think they can just waltz in on someone else's property.

23/02/10
"==>"

Hold the phone. Who are those guys?

23/02/10
"Survey your surroundings. Watch for interlopers. Or distractions."

Then you survey the desert for intruders, as usual. Never yet has this turned up any results. It seems utterly pointless for your master to even bother sending you out here. Just a big waste of-

23/02/10
"Fashion a makeshift tie out of some of your rags. GOD YOU LOVE TIES."

The Professor rarely has work for you. The desert is empty, after all. So you spend most of your time working on your attire. Someday, you hope to obtain your own personal tailor.

Until then, it is up to you to keep your outfit up to date. Today, you feel like trying something a little new.

21/02/10
"==>"

A DERISIVE DISCIPLE begrudgingly leaves his master to his work.

21/02/10
"==>"

Go on.

21/02/10
"==>"

But before you make it much farther, the entire mansion begins to shake violently. Some kind of earthquake?!

21/02/10
"Freak out."

You begin to frantically check doors.

Clover's is empty. Snowman'll be home for sure.

20/02/10
"==>"

Where... Where is everyone?

20/02/10
"Go to crowbar. He always knows how to handle this sort of thing."

Crowbar!

20/02/10
"Find Trace. Quickly."

Trace!

20/02/10
"Warn your fellow Felts before it is too late."

No! You must tell them!

20/02/10
"==>"

This can't be possible.

20/02/10
"==>"

Through it and beyond it.

20/02/10
"Time, be too late."

You gloomily ruminate that it is too late.

You've never seen anything like this, after all. Everyone's future trail straight down through the ground...

20/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Fin. And you must warn your fellow Felts before it is too late.

20/02/10
"==>"

On second thought... You decide to walk.

20/02/10
"Floor it!"

You have no idea how to drive. Plus you can't see over the dashboard while operating the pedals. But you decide to give this a try anyway. I mean, whatever happens is bound to ultimately be beneficial in some roundabout way. That's just kind of how things work for you.

18/02/10
"==>"

It leads out onto Blackwalk Street, where Trace parked the ESCAPE MPV!

What luck!

18/02/10
"Stab knife through heist plans."

You orient their knife in the least convenient location possible, then ascend the ladder.

18/02/10
"Inspect :3 faced plans"

You get a better look at the drawing.

Why, it's a map from the Midnight Casino to the Felt Manor. What luck! They're planning an attempt at English's vault sometime in the future, looks like. Well, if you're successful tonight, that won't matter.

CASINO LOCATION ACQUIRED

17/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Clover. You've just located the center of the Midnight Crew's underground complex of hideaways without any confrontations. What luck.

17/02/10
"==>"

The perfect crime.

17/02/10
"==>"

You implement your nefarious plot.

17/02/10
"==>"

An idea occurs to you. A flawless disguise.

17/02/10
"Stack that huge white block on top of Doze's hat. This is clearly the only sane thing to do! Also, that that deck of cards, why not."

What deck of cards?

17/02/10
"==>"

Following Doze's past trail leads you deeper into the Midnight Crew's hideaway, though it seems that your companion disregarded this room entirely. Doze must be in some kind of hurry.

Which is kind of ironic.

17/02/10
"==>"

Putting the hat on Doze's past trail wouldn't do much of anything, since he isn't here anymore. So you decide to give it back to him when you catch up.

17/02/10
"Pick hat out of sewage, then go back to earlier and put the hat on Doze."

You are on a very important mission. You have absolutely zero time for such ridiculous shenanigans.

Okay alright maybe just a little.

16/02/10
"==>"

16/02/10
"==>"

You must locate your hat posthaste.

16/02/10
"Throw hat down in disgust"

At no small feat of strength, you throw your enormous headgear into the sewer. Oh god! Humphry is gone! Itchy must have switched him too!

16/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Doze. And you're getting really tired of Itchy's bullshit.

16/02/10
"==>"

You push against the manhole cover...

But it seems some unbelievable jackass has parked your ESCAPE MPV on top of it.

16/02/10
"Try going through one of those doors, or perhaps up the ladder."

You deem the room unhelpful and choose to ascend.

15/02/10
"==>"

Nope. 100% bullshit. Some diagrams and really bad handwriting. You are not interested by their contents in the least.

15/02/10
"Examine papers on the ground."

You're buried neck deep in one of the Midnight Crew's numerous underground hideouts, attempting to acquire some intel for the upcoming casino heist.

Er, your underground hideout. Because you're definitely Spades Slick. You check some of those papers to see if they've got anything useful on'em.

15/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Spades Slick.

15/02/10
"==>"

15/02/10
"==>"

He believes that it was exiled, like you and he. But for very different reasons.

15/02/10
"Be aloof and defensive, but curious."

Right, more wasteland. Big deal.


The COMFORTLESS DRIFTER says that he was hoping you would know more about that place. Because you carry yourself with such an air of leadership and experience. He says that something lives over there. Something sinister.

14/02/10
"==>"

The COMFORTLESS DRIFTER leads you out onto a balcony of torn concrete, overlooking some sort of impact crater.

14/02/10
"Go ahead and follow him. You never know, he might have found something useful. And ask him his name while you\'re at it. Better late than never."

He says his name is Deuce. Asks for your\'s. Jack... Son. Jackson Slick.

That is definitely your name and always has been. During no period of time did you possess any name besides that one.

14/02/10
"==>"

The COMFORTLESS DRIFTER asks you to follow him. He wants to show you something.

14/02/10
"==>"

Just pawns.

14/02/10
"Enslave the small man and make him build the city."

Your first reaction is to order him to assist you. To enslave him. Perhaps even kick him around. But... Those days are over. You haven\'t got any authority over him. Or anyone at all. You wish you had at least respected them enough to learn their names. Maybe even gotten to know them. It just... Didn\'t seem important at the time. They were...

14/02/10
"==>"

You encounter a very old acquaintance.

14/02/10
"==>"

You decide to- wait, who? ... It can\'t be.

14/02/10
"Due diligence is clearly the only way such a gargantuan task can be done by a single... you; keep working on the rest of that room."

You finish putting that beam in place to keep the room stable.

Then you begin to consider the prospect of eating. Your mind wanders to traps, and some of the strange, enormous, colorful insects you\'ve seen from a distance on this world.

14/02/10
"==>"


Sure could use some help with this shit. Too bad you\'re obviously completely alone on this stupid colorful planet. Aside from the green desert folk, though you\'ve begun to suspect that they don\'t even exist, seeing as how they always vanish as quickly as you see them.

14/02/10
"Dream in a very visual manner."

You close your eyes and imagine a perfect world in detail. Yeah. That\'s it.

14/02/10
"==>"

A SCURRILOUS STRAGGLER assembles the framework of his dream.

14/02/10
"==>"

And its home.

14/02/10
"==>"

A great and terrible fate awaits the Felt family.

14/02/10
"==>"

You know exactly what he\'s talking about.


Lord English foresaw it long ago. He knew this day would come.

14/02/10
"==>"

It\'s time.

14/02/10
"Go find those two\'s pool balls, for usage with the rack."

In order to record Eggs and Biscuits\' TIMEPRINTS, you would need to get near those idiots. Which is not something you feel up to right now.


Suddenly, the ground begins to shake violently.

14/02/10
"==>"

You head down the slope to keep out of view. Last thing you need is them following you, disturbing your peace. Your rack wouldn\'t do anything right now. It\'s empty.

14/02/10
"Don\'t look now, but Eggs is baking."

What\'s that noise?

Oh. It\'s those idiots. From pretty damn far in the future, too, judging by your TEMPORAL INTUITION. Eggs really overdid it this time.

14/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Quarters. And it\'s been a long day. You\'ve finally found some quiet.

13/02/10
"==>"

That wasn\'t a disguise. That was an oven.

13/02/10
"==>"

You rip off your feeble disguise and- oh wait.

13/02/10
"Examine vast endless void that is the interior of your oven."

You seclude yourself in the farthest reach of the void, like a phantom. They shall never find you. Not in a million futures. Hey, why are you hiding anyway? You\'re Lord English! You hide from no one!

13/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Lord English.


















Oh wait. That's the name of your boss.

[image]

Now you remember. Your name is Biscuits. Duh.

13/02/10
"==>"

13/02/10
"==>"

Well that explains how you got into this.

13/02/10
"==>"

Whoops. Looks like the other Eggs decided to do the same thing.

13/02/10
"==>"

You head back in time to before all this shit started. Oh, hey, it's Crowbar.

13/02/10
"Go find Biscuits. All of you."

You were playing hide and seek with Biscuits and figured that you'd have an easier time of finding him if you split up. But you don't remember why there were quite THIS many of you. You still can't find him though. He is so good at this game!

12/02/10
"==>"

Crowbar has been yelling at you for the last little while, but you're not really listening to him.

12/02/10
"==>"

Suddenly, you're Eggs.

All of you are.

12/02/10
"==>"

Biznasty.

ONWARD THROUGH TIME!

12/02/10
"Ride Sawbuck like a temporal bull."

A really serious business idea strikes you. Hell, this shit? You might go so far as to file it under...

12/02/10
"==>"

Come on, hurry up. You've got to go deal with this shit.

12/02/10
"==>"

Your business is so serious right now you don't even know.

12/02/10
"Sawbuck: Ask what Matchsticks is doing. Discover who's been kidnapped."

You explain to Sawbuck that the Midnight Crew has taken Snowman. He says he knows. That happened like a long time ago for him. You don't think he knows well enough. You don't think anybody but you understands just how serious this business so happens to be.

12/02/10
"==>"

Oh, it's Sawbuck. You wonder when he just came from.

12/02/10
"Demonstrate your power. Light something on fire or pause time or something."

You wouldn't dream of wasting a match just for show. Not when business is so fucking serious. Like it is. Right now. Every one of them is a very serious time artifact. Can't hurt to get one out and have it at the ready.

10/11 MATCH ARTIFACTS Remaining.
11/11 REGULAR MATCHES Remaining.
11/11 FAKE PLASTIC MATCHES Remaining.
11/11 PAINTINGS OF A MATCH ON YOUR BELT Remaining.

12/02/10
"Chapter 2 begin."

Your name is Matchsticks. And you are up to your neck in serious business. Some new group in town called the Midnight Crew just opened shop. And they decided to kick things off by kidnapping one of your fellow Felts. There has not been business quite as serious as this since the LANDING.

12/02/10
"==>"

12/02/10
"==>"

A COMFORTLESS DRIFTER anxiously observes.

12/02/10
"==>"

As you enter the fallen civilization...

12/02/10
"Make sand town."

You briefly consider beginning your project with sand and rocks, ultimately concluding that that would yield really pathetic results. But where are you going to find serious building materials? Oh. ABANDONED RUINS. Right. Duh.

11/02/10
"==>"

That's it! You'll show that arrogant pile of shit. You'll make your own goddamn city. And it'll be better.

11/02/10
"Build a city. With your own two hands."

You're getting really sick of this fucking desert. Especially those green rogues which continue to pop in and out at random with their colorful hats.

You HATE colorful hats.

11/02/10
"==>"

You are now the SCURRILOUS STRAGGLER.

11/02/10
"==>"

Oh well. You employ your backup razor and head off.

11/02/10
"Devour him."

Who?

11/02/10
"==>"

11/02/10
"==>"

Whoops!

11/02/10
"Slap yourself until you're in the past and head for the communal kitchen so you can eat whatever the last major meal was again."

You would never think of hurting yourself just to have an incredibly fun and exciting adventure through time itself. That's the dumbest idea which anyone has ever had.


But food sounds great. Let's go get something to eat.

11/02/10
"Stitch, quick, pin a note to Sawbuck's effigy! Tell him to go find those idiots and get them to quit it!"

What effigies?

You are obviously Sawbuck and always have been.

11/02/10
"==>"

Fuuuuuck.

11/02/10
"Take down Eggs and Biscuits' effigies before the whole room's lousy with duplicates. That's what you had that warehouse set up for."

Of course! Why hadn't you thought of that before? A warehouse for the Eggs and Biscuits effigies. Ingenious. You decide to get right on that immediately, before...

11/02/10
"==>"

Oh alright fine. You smother the flame with Old Faithful. That towel's smothered more flames in your day than most surgeons see in a lifetime. You're not sure where you'd be without it.

11/02/10
"Douse fire with tobasco sauce. Die keeps ripping up the space time continuum, making more work for you. He deserves it."

You're not actually all that terribly fond of Die, it turns out. You let him burn while you take inventory. He can wait. Looks like everyone's accounted for in the effigy department. Yep. Looking good.

10/02/10
"Stitch: Stop being Snowman. You know how much she hates that."

Huh.

10/02/10
"==>"

For now, you feel an urge to introduce the business end of your CAST IRON STUDDED PADDLE to some of the bumbling saps who've got it in their heads that they're worth somethin' to the Felt. But Lord English wouldn't like that. He's still got some use for'em, otherwise they wouldn't be here.

10/02/10
"Nab a smoke. That usually helps."

You stand to light up a smoke on the tip of your LANCE and brood. Yes... Slick. That name tastes bittersweet on your tongue. The apple crumble tart of vengeance. You will gorge yourself on it. In time.

10/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Snowman. You're in one of those moods again.

10/02/10
"==>"

Of course you have your crowbar. You cannot imagine a point in time during which you would ever not have your crowbar. The thought is absurd. You head into the main hall to round up some fellow Felts for a good old fashioned tavern interrogation. But not Snowman. She's probably in one of those moods again.

10/02/10
"==>"

You wouldn't either. But that's enough bookwork for one day. You decide to head out and take this case to the streets. Some interrogation and time travel later, you might just have your answers.

10/02/10
"See if Snowman knows something. Be sure to be extra cautious around her."

You've thought about asking Snowman before. You've wanted to. But she has a tendency to become kind of violent when interrogated on the topic of the Crew. You're pretty sure she still hasn't forgiven Slick for what he did.

10/02/10
"Nnvestigate Jackson's disappearence, either via detectivework or timetravel, but the first is tedious and the second is dangerous, at the very least due to Mayonaka's probable involvement."

Oh, you've no doubt that Mayonaka is involved. He's got his fingers in everything. But you've got no idea who the bastard is. You're pretty sure even the Midnight Crew doesn't. Spades is definitely its day-to-day acting leader. Mayonaka is just always... There. The Midnight Crew came together the day he arrived. His interference is the reason not a single one of them has fallen since.

10/02/10
"==>"

You decide to take a break and review your notes. They're not pretty, but they're good enough for you. In your ongoing quest to unearth the origin of this sinister organization, which has acted against the Felt since its arrival on this world, you've reached a recent breakthrough. One which only opens up more questions, as breakthroughs are so prone to do in this business. Jackson Slick, the city's founder, vanished around the same time that the Midnight Crew formed. That's something.

10/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Crowbar. And you're at it again.

This is a case you just can't crack. It's driving you mad.

10/02/10
"==>"

The lives you toyed with... They've come back to haunt you!

10/02/10
"==>"

You... You know what this is. You knew this day would come.

10/02/10
"==>"

Oh... Oh no...

10/02/10
"Investigate that red thing on the floor."

You investigate the object ahead.

Huh. Fin left his hat here.

10/02/10
"==>"

Couldn't be better. Here you are in the peaceful Felt Mansion. And right by your room, too; that's where you stashed the rest of your pins.

10/02/10
"Remove Snowman's pin. As the only two beings in the universe you can pretty much guarantee that she'll sloppy makeouts with you."

Finally, you remove Snowman's pin. Now we should get somewhere.

10/02/10
"Take out the pins for Trace, Fin, and Clover."

After placing the pin in your hat, you remove Trace, Clover, and Fin from your doll. However, you're unable to find a reality where they are alive while Snowman is deceased. For obvious reasons. So you suppose this is a different white nothingness. But that didn't accomplish much.

10/02/10
"==>"

Alright. This nonplace is getting old fast. You right your hat and remove Slick's pin. It isn't finished, so it wasn't actually doing anything.

10/02/10
"Be king of the universe. (In this timeline.)"

You crown yourself king of the universe.

Which is fairly easy to do when there isn't one around.

10/02/10
"==>"

10/02/10
"==>"

You pretty much panic and insert all of them.

10/02/10
"==>"

You check the pin collection underneath your hat. You only brought a pin for Trace, Clover, Fin, Snowman, Matchsticks, and Quarters. The rest are in your room back at the mansion. Then you've got that pin for Spades Slick that isn't done yet. Been working on that one for subjective months- a few weeks in each of several timelines.

10/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Die. And you are completely screwed. This was supposed to be a simple invasion of one of the Midnight Crew's underground hideouts, but you got cut off from the others. Now you're cornered, and he's on his way. Boxcars. A complete monster if you've ever seen one. He'll rip you apart.

10/02/10
"==>"

10/02/10
"Fin, get your hat. From your own dead body. Might as well nab a couple of spare teeth while you're at it. Never know when you'll need a few small, sharp, pointy objects."

You take your own hat and some spare teeth. But you can't shake this sinking feeling of cold dread. A familiar feeling.

10/02/10
"Investigate bloodstains."

Okay. So that's pretty disconcerting.

10/02/10
"==>"

... This looks like a friendly reality.

10/02/10
"==>"

Or rather, have always been alive in the timeline where you'll be.

10/02/10
"Steal the doll, then take a bite out of Die. He can be such a jerk sometimes."

You're not biting Die again. Already made that mistake once. He tastes like corpse. Really not worth it at all. But at least he's good for one thing. Let's do this. Let's make this happen. It's time for Matchsticks and Quarters to live again.

10/02/10
"Oh, hey, it's Die. Maybe you can get a few laughs out of bugging him."

You head over to Die where your future trail ends. You know why it ends- because here there is a choice to be made. There's his doll, with two pins. You know whose pins those are. Later, he's going to pass through here with that doll. All you've got to do is take it, pull the pins, and the Felt will be complete again. However, since you'd be pulling pins from a future doll which doesn't exist here in the future of the timeline where Matchsticks and Quarters are alive, there'd be no going back. That future doll and its future pins exist in this future, not that one.

Are you man enough to make the dive?

10/02/10
"==>"

10/02/10
"==>"

Making that decision creates a future path for you leading back the way you came. Might as well then.

10/02/10
"==>"

You solemnly conclude that finding someone's future trail to taste might make you feel better. Maybe this'll be the day you'll get a bite of Clover. He's so lucky, you've never managed it before.

10/02/10
"Wander around aimlessly in a depressed stupor, remember back to the incident that caused said depression."

You don't want to remember. It was horrible. The Felt had acted uncontested for so long, a golden age of honor among mafioso. Then Professor Mayonaka changed all that. He and his detestable yakuza, the Midnight Crew. Professor Mayonaka and Lord English have been trading blows ever since. You can barely imagine a world without this conflict. Nobody is on their level. Matchsticks and Quarters learned that the hard way. Thought ganging up would give them a chance. It didn't.

10/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Fin. You're wandering the halls aimlessly again, lost in crushing depression. Your own future trail is even all torn up- you're so lost these days. Ever since Matchsticks and Quarters went down, that is. They were the only guys you could really relate to in this operation.

They never should've tried to take Mayonaka on by themselves.

10/02/10
"==>"

10/02/10
"==>"

10/02/10
"==>"

Tonight, we rob the Midnight Casino.

10/02/10
"==>"

Oh well. You suppose this'll do. The announcement was just for you four.

10/02/10
""If the paint is peeling, the curtains are missing, and the water is boiling, which problem do you fix first?""

If the paint is peeling, the curtains are missing, and the water is boiling, which problem do you fix first? DOO DEE DOO DEE DOO DOO DEE DOO. Itchy says you put out the fire. Blast it, he must have heard this somewhere!

10/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Clover. You definitely just screwed with all of these guys' days because you've got a really important announcement to make. But just giving it out for free wouldn't be any fun. Maybe you should ask them a riddle first.

10/02/10
"==>"

No such luck. Just Itchy, Doze, and... Oh god damn it. Is that Clover up there? He better not have screwed with your day just to announce something again.

10/02/10
"Briefly consider stealing Doze's Hat"

You consider taking Doze's hat, then decline the temptation. Bad karma to deprive another man of his possessions when you are attempting to secure your own. Following Doze's past trail leads you behind the big clock and out to one of the grand halls. Maybe you'll find somebody useful there, like Fin or Stitch.

10/02/10
"Hey, whats under his hat?"

You check under Doze's hat. Just that stupid teddy bear. Its eyes are buttons, but not the right color. Not your buttons. They will not do.

10/02/10
"Pay a quick visit to Clover and sock him one, right in the kisser."

You'll definitely go and pay Clover a piece of your mind right after you find that missing button. How could any reasonable man be considered to go about his day without all of his possessions accounted for? You know that you came from the east earlier today on your way to your room. But the clock hands are raised now, so there's no going back.

10/02/10
"==>"

Oh, hey. Looks like Doze went by here not too long ago.

10/02/10
"Follow your own past trail to backtrack and find your button."

No need to use your powers to see where you've been- nothing wrong with your own memory. But might as well rev it up anyway.

10/02/10
"Check out that creepy-lookin' eye behind you."

The large mechanism behind you is a time based lock Clover set up for your personal vault. You thought it would ensure you'd stop losing things. It didn't. Not to mention that only the little bastard can open it. He didn't say that when he installed it. One of his none-too-rare pranks.

10/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Trace. And you have lost something. Again. This time it's one of your buttons. You've checked every lockbox in your room. Nowhere to be found. This is looking to be a terrible day.

10/02/10
"==>"

Whatever.

10/02/10
"==>"

Oh. Right. You know who that was.

10/02/10
"Onwards!"

Onward indeed.

Wait, what the-?!

10/02/10
"==>"

Mission accomplished.

10/02/10
"==>"

Right then.

10/02/10
"==>"

10/02/10
"Slow-mo leap across."

Yes. It is time.

Let's fucking do this.

10/02/10
"==>"

10/02/10
"Go west."

Next you head west.

10/02/10
"Make sure there are no bombs under your hat. You never know, it's always good to check."

You check under your hat to ensure that nothing has happened to Humphry. That would be tragic. You're not sure that you could ever sleep without him.

Excellent. He is safe and sound.

10/02/10
"==>"

Your name is Doze. You aren't sure how you got here, exactly. However, you have this sneaking suspicion that your bed is unmade. This bothers you.

10/02/10
"==>"

Huh. Doze is gone. And he didn't make his bed. That's not like him.

10/02/10
"==>"

Doze, on the other hand, never locks his door. And you know he drinks decaf, if any coffee at all. After admiring the clocks, you head to his room.

10/02/10
"Annoy snowman."

It sure is tempting to bother Snowman right now. Especially since your caffeine-deprived brain is having trouble comprehending the danger in that. But you know her door is always locked.

10/02/10
"==>"

You enter one of the mansion's many grand halls. It has a variety of clocks. This is not especially surprising.

10/02/10
"Be Crowbar, because he is the coolest."

You briefly consider pretending to be somebody you're not, but quickly conclude that that is completely stupid. Even dumber still is the thought that the Midnight Crew might come within a million miles of the mansion tonight. Why are you so retarded? Must be the lack of caffeine. Empty cup and clock arm in hand, you depart your room in order to seek out your fellow Felt members for a variety of reasons. Both Sawbuck and Die are prone to fucking with timelines- so they might be able to help you figure out who committed this nefarious decaf crime.

10/02/10
"==>"


You retrieve one of the large clock's hands. Whoever did this isn't getting away with it. You're here to kick some ass and caffeine up. And you're all out of fucking caffeine.

10/02/10
"Drink highly caffeinated energy drink, discover it's decaf."

You realize that you're definitely running low on speed. Time for a boost. Nothing like a hot, steaming cup of...
decaf?! Son of a bitch!

10/02/10
"FELT"

Your name is Itchy. You are apart of the nefarious Felt: a group which has, thus far, provided you with an endless free supply of the only salary any prompt gentleman such as yourself could possibly care for. Coffee. The concept of accepting currency for payment, proposed to you many years ago upon your having first entered the Felt, seemed then and seems now entirely absurd. You would simply have to go through the trouble of exchanging that for caffeinated beverage, which would be a waste of time.

You do not like to waste time.

You are currently in your room in the Felt Mansion. It is as you left it. The mansion is quiet and peaceful. There is no reason to assume that any of the Felt's numerous foes could ever infiltrate it at any point in time.