IM: ah shit you actually started talking.
CH: You fuckers are annoying, you know that?
IM: says the guy who won't answer an hour into the future because I was too creepy.
IM: or at least my friend told you and four hours in the future you are absolutely disgusted.
CH: Cut the time travel bullshittery. What do you fucking want I have shit to do.
IM: well if you insist... i can give you deets on that game you are getting, Sgrub.
CH: Sburb. How the fuck do you mistake that for Sgrub?
IM: i have said several times that i am from another fucking planet you inconsiderate falafel raping shit stain.
CH: Cut the shit in indecent repetitive fuckaroni. If you have shit to tell me about this game then speak.
IM: if your going to be like that then i guess you can just go!
CH: YOU JUST FUCKING SAID YOU WOULD GIVE ME FUCKING INFO AND NOW YOU ARE BEING A SHITMONGREL!!!!
IM: say please, i do not tolerate arrogance!
CH: FUCKING PLEASE!!1!!!
IM: please remove the cuss word and we have a deal.
IM: ah that pleases me more. thank you. unfortunately i don't have this info right now. but i will be back in about a couple of hours with your nice details.
in the meantime get the fucking game started.
CH: You're shitting me right?
-- incapablemalignancy [IM] has ceased trolling chromiehomie [CH]--
CH: She isn't shitting me! Fucking hell I think I'll just...
-- incapablemalignancy has started trolling chromiehomie --
IM: ok im back.
CH: What the fuck you fan flapping shit stirring cunt swelling anus!?
IM: well i had to go to the future where you got your game and your custodian dies. you seem very well informed about the game.
CH: You are a real gem you know that. Why are you helping me?You have been a real douche since you started trolling me.
IM: if you are to succeed in this it can benefit you and i. i need you to do well in this game. basically i can't really explain the controls, theyre really complicated unless you learn it for yourself.
IM: but what i did was to send the game to my other friends so that they could connect. this game is meant only for the cooperative element so you are fucked if you are going solo.
CH: I figured, I know this shit already.
IM: ok then, did you know that you have to connect to a player, then they connect to a player, they connect to a player, and so on until the last player connects to you.
CH: Is there a way to like jailbreak the game to connect two players together?
IM: you probably don't even need a jailbreak to do that you just won't be in the same session as a friend. you see what i am saying?
CH: Ok I see your point. Is there no way to play this single-player?
IM: not that i can find a timeline where you find out nor do i know personally from my own session
CH: Cut it with the fucking time travel bullshit i will throw the game into a fucking volcano just to see you sad.
IM: hah, you never will because there isn't a timeline i found where you do that! }:)
CH: I am being driven to suicide again.
IM: hah! now i found a timeline where you do that!
CH: Fuck off you shit stain!
-- incapablemalignancy [IM] has ceased trolling chromiehomie [CH]--
"Josh: Enter hallway"
You proceed to the hallway only to be bothered by one of those pesky trolls again. They are so annoying sometimes. Actually no they are annoying all the time. How the hell did they get a hold of your Pestercum in the first place anyway?
Ah, that is much better. Your name is Josh Ricards and... wait we went over this already didn't we? Well you have your computer. Captchalogued and memorized. And you think your game has arrived. Now you just need to go outside to get the package.
"Be the other dude"
NO NOT THAT DUDE YOU SHOULDN'T BE HIM FOR AT LEAST ANOTHER 40 OF PAGES!!!
"Sam: Get in washing machine"
Why haven't you thought of this before? Its so nice and cozy in here. Just hopefully it doesn't accidentally turn on. Perhaps you should get out before...
"Sam: Enter kitchen"
Well this isn't the fucking kitchen, this is the washroom. It's where your mother washes her clothes. Not your clothes though because you never wash your clothing. At this rate why doesn't your mother just disown you? That washing machine just intrigues you. You rarely enter this room and yet you suddenly feel the washing machine calling to you.
"Sam: Look outside"
Wow a pretty shitty wasteland out there. Do you live in Syria? It feels like you aren't the character to make those kind of jokes though. That's Josh's job. Hey isn't that the tree your brother ripped out? He's like a fucking god for some reason. Well there's no point in looking out here its just the same old yard.
Well the hall is pretty nice isn't it. At least nicer than your room. You are pretty sure your mother is making something in the kitchen.
"Sam: Run like hell!"
Well the was highly uncalled for! Your mother will not be happy when she sees what a mess you have made! No matter you smell spaghetti. Maybe you can take a shit at her door too!
"Sam: SEND REGARDS"
Oh god dammit pissing at your mother's door? That royally fucked if you ask me. Have some decency!
Wait what are you...
"Sam: Approach door"
This is your mother's room. It appears that she is probably cooking dinner downstairs.
"Sam: Face South"
Ah that's much better
"Sam: Leave room"
This is your hallway. *Burp* Your mother constantly vandalizes your room to piss you off with a broken condom hammered to the wall reminding that you are were mistake. You can't see your mother's room facing that way!
"Sam: Captchalogue Laptop"
Well now that you are out of that sticky pickle, you probably should give your mother your regards after you get your laptop.
"Sam: Do something autistic"
Welp your autism level isn't high enough, therefore you can't do anything autistic. In fact, your autism level is just enough to survive this dimension for an hour. Oh whale. Looks like you must head back to your own world.
OH NO!!! Your mom beeted you so hard that you were sent to a dimension of bad taste and otism!
You accuse your mother of being a prostitute.
Your mother is so upset she wishes she disowned you. It seems like its time to book it!
"Sam: Aggress "
Wow aren't you dog shit at strifing?
"Sam: Get some sort of protection"
OH NO!!! Your mother is already here and she is more drunk than usual. She is going to beet you so hard!!!
"Sam: Equip bat in strife deck"
You keep this baseball bat under your bed in case your mom comes into your room in the middle of the night unexpectedly. Okay this character seemed funny at first but now its getting kinda grimbark.
"Sam: Prepare for unholy onslaught "
Well you're royally fucked now. You pissed off your brother so now your mom will be pissed too. You need a strife weapon quick!
You have awoken a demon from beyond the darkest depths of hell. It has no soul, no feelings, and is now after you. But first you will get your ass beat by your mother.
"Sam: Prepare for possible abuse"
"Sam: Pester Josh"
II: josh are u suicidal agan?
CH: Fuck off you 4 pound sack of skunk shit! I am going to fucking do it!
II: wow i have a knack for figuring out this kinduv stuf amirite
CH: I WILL RAPE YOUR FAMILY!!!
II: jokes on you. raping my brotherll get u in jail.
II: look tel me wats rong
CH: I am infuriated by the fact that I nearly lost my laptop and when I found it, I CAPTCHALOGUED it!
II: that isnt a good reeson to kill urself.
CH: Yes it is. Wait, I can't kill myself yet, I'm getting that game today.
II: thats the spirit! u need to send me that code later btw. i herd its strictly co-op.
CH: Buy a copy yourself you cuckhead. I am not getting involved in this malicious shit.
II: its not like the cia is watching! just do it. my mom is too fucking drunk to let me have any free will so i can't buy the game myself. its also to risky to steel mony out of her purs. + itd take too long for the delivery.
CH: I can't understand you accent. http://i.imgur.com/3KaD0iH.png
II: lel. look point is if you wanna play that game your gonna have to send me the code.
CH: Fine but if the FBI comes into my house I am gonna kill you. That is if I don't get a death sentence.
II: you are overreacting over nothing. wats the game bout anyway?
CH: Apparently it's like those simulator games where you create your own home and shit but like action packed. I am still unsure of how to beat the game in general or what the main objective.
II: wow rly? kk if u reely wanna play this game.
CH: I heard you can make fuckin bad ass weapons. Like not the shit you see in the Skylord series, I mean real shit.
II: ite, if thats wat u say. i jus hope its worth it.
CH: Ah shit gotta get the game. But my mom found out I ordered without her permission.
II: fuk, my moms home. she is going to beet me again. i ther me or my brother. hopefully my bro. evry man for himself. look man gotta go but dont forget 2 send the disc to damien
CH: Aight good luck.
-- IronicImbecile [II] ceased pestering ChromieHomie [CH] --
"Sam: Go to computer"
You carefully maneuver yourself around your bag of cheps. Making any loud noises will cause your brother to start his autistic screeching routine.
Your name is Sam Araida. Not to be confused with another specimen. You are a terribly messy person and nothing bothers you. Except for mistakes you have made in the past. You live with your shit stain little brother. You are forced to take care of him because your mother is never home. Your friend is probably contemplating suicide so you'll have to talk him out of it again. Jeez you wonder if he even has the balls to do it. You like drawing fursonas and occasionally fursuiting.
"Enter another name"
Well not better but it works.
As much as you like that name, it is simply too inappropriate to use in public. Try a different name!
"Be the girl"
Oh shit, who is this... um... Lovely young lady. It appears you need to switch characters while Josh is having his rage induced stroke. For the mean time you must be this girl. What smells?
Also, what will you name her?
"Josh: Have mental breakdown"
"Josh: Captchalogue laptop"
Oh wait there's the tiny little fucker. Geez, you quite thought you were going to have to put that noose to use finally. Hey that rhymes!
"Josh: Get Laptop"
You cannot obtain your laptop for you forgot what it looks like. Your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS forces you to form an image of the item you want in your mind to take it out of your SYLLADEX. But you forgot what your laptop looked liked! You have a horrible memory and you CAPTCHALOGUED it last night! SHIT THAT THING WAS IMPORTANT! HOW TO RESOLVE THIS TERRIBLE CONFLICT OH!!!
"Josh: Stop playing shitty game!!"
When you finally stop playing that atrocious game, you realize that one of those shitty trolls are bothering you again.
You play the game for a bit.
"Josh: Try to beat him."
You insert the disc
"Josh: Examine Game"
This is your favorite game, Bloodbirth. Why is your favorite? Because it takes away the pain you already have and replaces it with a different emotion, ANGER!!! This game has wasted hours upon hours with you trying to beat that orphan dude. Maybe today is the day you'll beat him.
"Josh: Examine Room"
Your name is Josh Ricards. You are a depressed teenage boy who hides his pain through comedy. You may tell jokes but you will also do purposely stupid shit to make people laugh. You have a specific interest in fantasy related things and you collect posters from an obscure source. Games to you are a crippling addiction. Your room is a horrid mess. At least that's how your mother put it. What will you do?
Huh, surprisingly you actually entered a logical and appropriate name! Where's the humor in that?
A young boy stands in his room. It also happens that the boy is receiving a game today. It is not his birthday today though because that would be too cliched. He is just a spoiled little shit.
What will his name be?
But you know what this shit is going to go down anyway so have fun you spineless fish fucking sacks of dicks! I hope you enjoy the comic!
"Jeez I didn't even do anything!"
And don't even get me started on how people are gonna complain the story is wrong! I KNOW THAT THE STORY IS GOING TO BE OFF BUT YOU KNOW WHAT???!!! LETS GET CREATIVE!!! HOW DOES THAT SOUND!!!??? I CAN DO WHAT I WANT!!! I AM THE MOTHERFUCKING CREATOR OF THIS STORY!!!
Alright fuckazoid! I am here because I have not been on this site before, but I have been lynched, burned at the stake, raped, stabbed, tortured, and whipped because of fucking typos!