"Sked: Input "4712536""
You got your first KEY! After taking a moment to admire its shiny newness, you place the BLACK KEY safely into your inventory.
SKED: it's not that hard, you should try the next one. for starters, where do you think this key goes?
DINK: I dunno, a lock?
SKED: wooow. good guess. how DO you do it???
DINK: I already delegated puzzles to you. I'm not doing them. What's so hard about this?
SKED: jeez. I'm just trying to be friendly.
"Go back & look at painting. "
It occurs to you that you only needed 4 or 5 of these, and you probably could have guessed at the rest of them.
SKED: oooh, that's the rest of them!
DINK: So we're out of here?
SKED: are you even paying attention to the puzzles? we use these to decode the password on the painting, then we input it in the locked box I got, and we get an item from there.
DINK: Sorry, what was that? I couldn't hear you over how boring that sentence was.
DINK: Yeah, puzzle duties are all yours from now on.
SKED: ... whatever man.
Sked's inventory now contains 7 of 7 STONE SLABS.
You take your rightful place as team leader. Your subordinate rolls his eyes.
SKED: what? really?
DINK: Under one condition.
SKED: you want to be team leader?
DINK: I want to be team leader.
DINK: So, what do you say?
DINK: I just got my ass handed to me in the hallway! There were like three of them!
SKED: sorry! but there's no reason to be mad about it now!
DINK: What the hell, man! You didn't even try to help me!
SKED: jeez dink, calm down! I didn't even notice you were gone!
SKED: and you're the one who didn't want to team up, by the way.
SKED: ... "jeez dink"
DINK: Yeah, we get it, my name is stupid.
SKED: so fucking dumb haha
DINK: It's not really that funny.
DINK: Sigh. Whatever.
"Be the other guy. "
You can't just like, BE another guy, man. That's, like, gay or something.
And you're not...
Well, you DID try to smooch his face earlier.
"Wonder where Player 1 went. "
Hey, yeah! Wasn't he supposed to be following you?
Now where will you sit?
You killed it.
It didn't even have any loot.
It was innocent and you killed it.
What have you done?
"Examine new blue writing."
Let's see what poorly-written note Chicken Guy has left here.
WELCOME TO "SUPER BASEMENT UNENDING RAGE BATTLE SIMULATOR!!!"
fight devilish enemies! find and rescue your friends from certain doom!! ASCEND the stairway to the top!!! anything you can pick up is a weapon! anything you can wear is armor!
as player 1 i am granting you special privileges as you start your quest. Please take the deck of cards on the ground below. they will help you in battle, and boy will you be getting ina lot of battles if i know you. but don't forget: the clock is ticking on this one!
YOU HAVE 1024 TO REACH THE TOP, AND IF YOU DON'T GET THERE IN TIME YOU WILL BE DEAD
so good luck!
ps you probably don't have a name yet. feel free to name yourself whatever you like, your name is not my concern!
The above-mentioned PACK OF CARDS is missing. Does that mean...
Oh hell no! Dink is player 1?! That's not fair! That guy doesn't even care about puzzles, and puzzles are like the entirety of this game! And why didn't you get a note from Chicken Guy when you started? Is Player 2 somehow less important?!
All you're saying is, this is bullshit.
No matter how hard you hit the DISPLAY CASE, your puny weak fists aren't making a dent in its LIFE BAR. You will have to solve this puzzle legitimately, at least until your STATS aren't terrible.
Speaking of your STATS, when are you going to level up? You fought that DEVIL earlier, but...
Seriously? You can accept that you haven't leveled up after just one fight, but there's REALLY no way to check how much experience you've gained?
This is some bullshit.
"Open the other door"
This closet-sized room has only one entrance and exit, which means you've discovered every room on this floor! You feel like there should be a reward.
"Check under the yellow rug."
Luckily for you, this one isn't stapled down.
You now have 4 of 7 STONE SLABS.
You now have... uh, you'll count how many bones you have when you inevitably return to the PANTRY. For now, you're just kind of picking stuff up.
Unfortunately, it is filed with shards of glass.
It looks like you won't be going down there quite yet.
And there turns out to be a trap door under the rug.
This takes a while.
DINK: What are you doing with that?
SKED: unstapling the rug, duh.
SKED: why do you keep following me?
DINK: I'm bored.
SKED: we could probably solve the puzzle faster if we split up, you know.
DINK: Yeah, but I want to try out some multiplayer battle tactics, so I'm waiting for one of us to get into a random encounter.
SKED: whatever you say.
Dink follows you to your starting room.
The computer is on, but it displays only a blank screen and the words:
The majority of keys have been pulled off the keyboard, leaving only letters and the "enter" key. To the right of the monitor is a little swinging door like you would see on a gumball machine.
As for the hanging frame, it turns out to be a CERTIFICATE OF ASSHATTERY.
This brings up so many questions.
- Why is it written in paint?
- Is that paint?
- Why would someone make this?
- Why would someone else hang this up on their wall?
- What's with the spade symbol?
- Does this have anything to do with the puzzle?
The answer to that last question is "no."
Finally, the coffee table yields something of use:
You get the STONE SLAB #3 and STAPLE REMOVER.
At the other end of the hallway is a sweet-ass LOUNGE, decked out with the latest technology, by which you mean it's a shitty little room housing the most ancient computer you've ever seen.
It does have a beanbag chair, though.
It looks like there used to be a way to bar this door from the inside, but the bar was snapped off recently.
On the other side of the room is another door.
When attacking an enemy, they will automatically counterattack if they survive the hit, even if it's not their turn.
SKED: wait, but that guy we fought earlier didn't counterattack me after I kneed him!
I think that has something to do with you hitting it in the face. That might be those things' weak points? ... We'll try it out next time we get into a battle.
SKED: ok. why did your battle show damage dealt and mine showed a life bar?
Stop interrupting! And I don't know.
One last thing I want to mention is that I fought a pair of enemies earlier, and when they stood on adjacent spaces, they attacked alongside each other on both of their turns. Effectively, they each attacked twice, which sucked. But when I stood next to YOU to attack in that last battle, you didn't jump in and help me.
All I'm saying is, try doing that next time. It would be great to maximize our damage output by moving strategically.
Dink summons a helpful EXPOSITORY CHART for this interlude.
DINK: Respect for your humility, and I will help you out, but this is not my specialty. Next time you need a tutorial, remember that I'm new to this too.
DINK: If I can figure it out, so can you.
DINK: Hold on, I think I have a card for this...
The DEVIL dropped a STONE SLAB, of which you now have 2.
Dink takes his turn next. For a reason that isn't immediately apparent, his hit shows the damage dealt in numerical terms rather than as a life bar.
Either way, his mêlée weapon along with his high -PEACE kills the devil in a single shot.
"Knee the devil in the face."
You deal almost half its health in damage! As you suspected, negative points in PEACE are directly tied to your physical strength.
You feel the dark energy of LUCK course through your body, and you become a little more violent at the cost of 1 TEMPORAL UNIT. The card is used up as well.
Upon seeing the COMBAT ARENA for the first time, you understandably freak out. Dink prepares for combat, as does the enemy, a DIMINUTIVE DEVIL.
SKED: oh god what's happening
DINK: Don't just stand there!
"Random encounter: suddenly happen."
Suddenly, a thing happens.
"Go to another room on B3F. "
SKED: so you know how that note said there were four rooms?
SKED: where are the other ones?
DINK: You know the place you started in? How that has four walls and a door?
DINK: Well, that's what we would call a "room."
DINK: They're across the hall.
SKED: thank you.
You're not going to try picking that up again, either. It's heavy.
You head upstairs.
The door to B2F is locked with a RED PADLOCK.
You guess this is the exit. There are other rooms on B3F you haven't explored, though.
Besides some unmarked cans, the only thing on the shelf is the ASSIST SPELL, "UP TO FATE." Apparently, it affects a random ally (including yourself) by giving them a temporary |10 LUCK|. The effect is based on their current LUCK, so Dink, for example (who has -2 LUCK), would receive -10, and you at 0 would receive a random positivity. It's still unclear how exactly the positive/negative value of your LUCK affects anything, but Dink seems to be fine.
Sure, why not? You're almost done with this room, and you've barely wasted any time, so you of course drop everything for a riff on the XYLOBONE.
"Sked: Examine small chest."
The LOCKED CHEST on the shelf takes a 7-digit numerical code. You'll need to find all the STONE SLABS to unlock this. It's small enough to carry, so you add it to your inventory, silently thanking any and all deities for your relatively simple inventory system.
"Sked: Examine bone markings."
It'll be a bit easier if you arrange them.
This takes a few TEMPORAL UNITS.
The engravings on the spine help you arrange the ribcage, where it looks like you're missing a few pieces. Each pair of ribs is part of a key to decode the PAINTING, only this key is alphabetic, where the STONE SLAB is numeric. These are probably used as the codes to two different locks, in that case.
You are missing 9 ribs. The symbols you can decode so far are written above.
One of these bones doesn't fit with what you currently have of the skeleton. Maybe it's part of one of the front legs?
Dink grabs the LIZARD JAW for use as a melee weapon.
SKED: hey, put it back! we need this stuff for the puzzle!
DINK: It doesn't have writing on it, so it's good.
SKED: still! don't just wave that thing around, it's gross.
DINK: That's what she said. Also, skulls are cool, not gross.
SKED: come on.
DINK: I want a weapon that's not a card for once, leave me alone.
With a little anonymous 'encouragement,' you manage to suck it up for fear of being called any more mean names.
That's not exactly what you expected. But it's not any better.
A DISASSEMBLED REPTILIAN SKELETON lies here, bigger than any lizard you've ever seen, which is a useless comparison because you haven't actually ever seen one. Still, it's a big skeleton, ok?
Some of the bones have ENGRAVED MARKINGS on them. There's also a note.
shame about the lizard though, he was a cool guy :( rip.
he will live on through this puzzle
... You hope that's a joke.
You did notice that earlier, but have been purposefully ignoring it. Oh god, that shape IS kind of worrying... But surely whatever is under there is part of the puzzle. You don't really have a choice here.
OK, YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT, YOU SWEAR
YOU REALLY ARE
"Sked: Examine box of stuff."
Upon closer examination, this is a POTATO CRATE, full of potatoes.
Lying on top is some kind of STONE SLAB, telling you that one of those symbols on the PAINTING apparently corresponds to the number 1. As per usual for escape-the-room style puzzles, this will be the code to a locked chest or something, which will give you the key. Basic stuff, and you suspect whoever designed this puzzle knows that.
STONE SLAB #1 is added to your inventory.
The REPTILIAN SKULL grants him -2 PEACE by sacrificing the sanctity of death in order to make a cool hat.
"Dink: Equip animal skull. "
Dink was just over here examining this TIN CAN, and he doesn't appreciate your butting in very much. He saved your life, you know. He thinks he deserves a little respect. Also, he's not a part of your TEAM, so he doesn't have to listen to you.
Before you retort, he continues that he is also two levels higher than you and if anyone is going to be ordering anyone else around, it should be him ordering you. He then presents his STATUS SCREEN for inspection.
"Sked: Examine painting on wall."
This looks like the cover art of a rock album, based on the volcano in the background and the little demon in front. This isn't a print, though, it's a genuine acrylic painting of a guy in a sick pose, holding an electric guitar, being metal as fuck. It's a shame someone desecrated this masterpiece with an encoded SEVEN-LETTER PASSWORD, but these things happen. It's all for the sake of the puzzle.
the first puzzle for ye noble gents is on this floor and extends through all four rooms. hurry too! the food and drink will kill you faster than hanging, slower than shooting and without slep first! speaking of sleep, don't think you can escape that easily
the only way out is THE ATTIC
The note is signed with a drawing of a chicken winking slyly.
You and Dink enter the PANTRY, a poorly-furnished and dimly-lit basement area filed with random crap.
DINK: Did you seriously drink out of that grody vase?
SKED: you know what, shut up.
DINK: At least it wasn't food! Everything here is poisoned, I hope you know.
SKED: how'd you figure that out?
DINK: Notes, dude. Have you found any notes from the owner?
SKED: if they're the ones written in blue crayon, then yes.
DINK: That guy's fucking nuts, but he left a lotta good stuff. Apparently there's edible food somewhere.
????: Just saying, you can acknowledge I'm hot in other ways. Like maybe, "hi sir, you are a wide margin above average on the scale of hotness. Like an 8/10 at least!"
SKED: uh, sorry...? I have a lot of questions, so why don't we start with introductions.
SKED: and thanks for saving my ass, by the way.
????: Yeah. You owe me a red plus, haha.
SKED: a what?
????: The card.
SKED: oh! I figured there were more cards somewhere.
SKED: I'm sorry for trying to -
????: I thought I glossed over that pretty well with that joke. Why did you have to bring it up again?
????: I was honestly just going to pretend you were still high from the effects of the healing, or something, and unable to think rationally.
SKED: that sounds something like what happened, actually.
????: You mentioned introductions?
SKED: uh, you go first.
????: No, ladies first.
SKED: I'm ... not a girl.
????: I have an idea. Why don't you lay back down on the floor, and I'll walk back down the hall, and we'll restart this whole conversation.
SKED: why would you think I was a girl???
????: Your voice is really high pitched. And you triED TO KISS ME WHAT THE FUCK DUDE
SKED: we weren't going to talk about it!
SKED: I... thought it was a good idea at the time, ok?
????: Ok, no more thinking about it. It's over. What's your name? We were going to introduce ourselves.
SKED: oh yeah.
SKED: look, you introduce yourself first. I... may have named myself something really shitty.
????: I bet you my name is worse, haha.
SKED: worse than "Sked?"
DINK: "Dink Boodab."
SKED: WHYYYYYY would you name yourself that hahaha
DINK: No regrets. Sked what?
SKED: Tempore. it's... like, it's supposed to be a pun or something. like "schedule," "temporal..."
DINK: Woooooow. That's the shittiest thing ever.
SKED: I know, god, I should have gone with some stupid nonsense instead.
DINK: So, now that that's over with...
DINK: want to help me loot the pantry?
SKED: the what
"Give that face a gracious smooch"
For some reason, this seems to you like a perfectly rational action to take.
You re-equip the DORKY GLASSES, which thankfully still work even when cracked, and then SQUINT.
He has a face!
You get up off your ass and give the blurry figure a wave. In return, it hands you the glasses you must have dropped earlier.
"Help: do something!!"
Your name isn't "Help," thanks. It's...
but we'll get into that later! Right now you have a life to save!
You pull out this ASSIST SPELL you found earlier, RED PLUS OF HEALTH. It allows you to sacrifice |1| stat point and heal an ally of one status condition. This means, of course, you can't use it to sacrifice a stat whose current value is 0.
You decide to sacrifice that -1 PEACE you received earlier. It hasn't done you any good so far.
Sked is made HEALTHY again, and the lost VITALITY from the POISON has been nullified.
No worries, it was just a joke.
Besides, you're here now. Who's this asshole?
HOOOLD ON, you're on your way!
Everyone is so impatient nowadays. Can't a guy save a life without getting yelled at to pick up the pace?
You don't have to wait.
At -5 you pass out.
And that was definitely not just stagnant tap water.
"Call for help! "
Fortunately, you don't have to try, and automatically scream as you fall to the ground face first. At -4 VIT, you can no longer stand.
Hold on a few more UNITS, though. Someone heard you.
"Seek medical attention! Go right! "
You're not sure which way you're going right now. You think your VIT just went down another point for some reason...
Oh. It looks like you've been afflicted with the status effect POISONED. Your VIT will drain by 1 for each TEMPORAL UNIT that passes.
You'd better do something fast.
"CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG"
That was a very poor decision. You lose 1 FOC and 2 VIT from the vase filed with STAGNANT TAP WATER.
"Drink vase water for nourishment. "
This vase here? You're not sure you want to do that. You mean, the water's all purpley and there's flowers growing in it.
Then again, if that's plant food, it probably IS more nourishing than your average glass of water...
You were thinking of being slightly cooler about it. Like maybe you could kick it down or something, only not that since you might hurt yourself.
You sigh and exit without ceremony.
You are now standing in a HALLWAY that heads away to your left and right. This door appears to be the only one of its kind all the way down.
You're weaker than you thought! It turns out you have barely enough strength to hold a few pieces of paper. You can't possibly lift this rug due to its sheer mass in comparison to your strength.
That, and it's stapled to the floor.
You wonder which stat you have that equates to strength.
"Sked: Regret life choices."
Meh. It's not like you can't just change it later when you think of a better pun. And a guy named Sked doesn't seem like the type of guy to worry about that kind of thing, you know? Life is short, and there are worse names out there...
Like John, for instance. Now that's the name of a REAL normie.
You waste 5 more TEMPORAL UNITS before you can convert this command into a stupid pun.
Your name, you have decided, is SKED TEMPORE. You have a variety of INTERESTS... uh.
Your INTERESTS include... the FOCUS stat, which you have found quite useful in getting you through this experience in a stranger's chicken-furnished abode. Yes, you like the FOCUS stat. Also, uh, lizards, you guess. Lizards are pretty OK, or the idea of them is even though you've never seen one to your knowledge.
And, yeah. That's you.
God, your name is awful.
That's an awesome idea. You SQUINT once more in order to FOCUS on coming up with a good pun to name yourself, or at least something time-based that fits an arbitrary letter count for your first and last name...
It looks like the SHAPES were actually the outlines of a CUCKOO CLOCK and a dusty PENNANT, nothing really important. But it sure feels good to be able to look at things and see them. You make a mental note to invest in the FOCUS stat.
On cue, your bonus for SQUINTING runs out, and your FOCUS returns to 1, which at least isn't 0 and you can tell what the room looks like.
FOCUS probably has effects aside from simple perceptive ability, as evidenced by the fact that there are so few stats but seemingly infinite possibilities for action.
"Equip the spell card!"
Like you're going to waste time trying to do something so -
Well, the timer's already gone down, so you might as well.
Well, what do you know.
Interesting to note, however, that equipping a WEAPON made the timer go down another tick. So really, you only wasted MORE time by complaining.
With your newly-realized powers of observation, you turn your attention to the VIOLET CARD and the SCRAWLED-ON PAPERS.
The card turns out to be a COMBAT SPELL. "GET LUCKY" costs 1 energy to use and grants... MINUS 2 stat points, distributed however you like, until the combat is resolved. Still, you can't think of any possible use for this. Unless it turns out those weird stats from before have a NEGATIVE impact on your combat ability, that is.
This turns out to be even more cryptic. It's a letter, presumably written by the same artist who drew that shitty chicken.
so i think what's going on had something to do with me. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING "no fucking shit, really, you think everything revolversa round you" but hear me out for once on your pathetic life. the wires were rusted, you know that much. but Whyyyyyy, you ask in your whiny wheedling yellow voice. i wasted them. i wasted them away to nothing like a shinigami writing your name in that one anime. i was the villain all along duder, hahaha!
so the only way is for me to redeem myself or die, and i'm SURE as hell not about to do one of those. consider this my last will and testicle (or whatever the frame is):
to my best broski, i leave the shitty computers i fucked up
also to my best broski, i leave this drawing i did, which is pretty good if i do say so which i do
to the same guy, i leave all my cool mementos of the old world
The rest of the pages are composed entirely of similar drivel, and occasionally a doodle of a chicken. You pocket CHICKEN GUY'S WILL, feeling slightly bewildered.
"Equip dorky glasses. "
The glasses are equipped to your FACE, giving a small but significant boost to your FOCUS. Along with all that SQUINTING you were doing earlier, you're sitting pretty at 2 FOC, allowing you to see the world in ways you never imagined!
Which is to say, with slightly more range and detail.
Hey, a door.
"Search that desk for a memory card"
You doubt you'll find one there, but OK.
The desk contains a BUNCH OF BLUE CRAYON WRITINGS, a PAIR OF DORKY GLASSES, and some kind of VIOLET-TINTED PLAYING CARD.
"Try to SAVE. "
It looks like you need a MEMORY CARD.
Interestingly, it looks like SAVING does not reduce the COUNTDOWN TIMER in the corner, at least. That's a small consolation, but what will you do if you die and need to reset the entire game?
"Check all the menu options!"
It looks like your TEAM has space for at least 4 members. You think. There's no way to scroll down and check if there are more slots.... You can check your own stats here, though.
It looks like you've been designated a Level 1 Normie. All your STATS are 0 including FOCUS which probably accounts for your near-total blindness. Count yourself lucky you didn't trip and fall off that desk when you climbed up it, considering your AGILITY score. Or not, because your LUCK is 0 as well...
It does appear that SQUINTING grants a temporary +1 FOCUS, which could prove useful until you manage to level up or find some equipment.
You have no idea what starts like RHYTHM and PEACE might do. Or LUCK, for that matter.
The SUPPORT screen will allow you to check your affinity with your teammates. You assume affinity will have some effect later on, but as of now this screen is useless.
It doesn't look like you have anything you can EQUIP right now.
Quickly squinting to find the desk again, you pull the RHOMBUS from the wall.
It turns out this was a framed crayon drawing of a chicken, clearly made with a lot of enthusiasm but not much talent. In each corner is a POOR DEPICTION OF A CARD SUIT. You may as well pocket it for now. For all you know, it's an important part of some puzzle.
As the CRAYON BARNFOWL HOMAGE is added to your personal inventory, you notice a) that there are spaces for other party members' inventories, and b) that you have yet to enter a name.
You ignore the uncomfortable fact that you were just introduced to the concept of a "we" in this situation, of which you were not aware and now wish you weren't, and open up the MENU with the press of button which may or may not not be extant.
There are a few options here, and none of them appear helpful. Hesitantly, you select OPTIONS.
Well, it looks like STYLE is in fact set to MOBILE MODE, but it's also grayed out and there's no way to change it right now. You guess you might as well proceed in this fashion for a while. Now...
You wake up as if from a momentary blackout.
Having lost the effects of your SQUINT, the room dissolves into a fog. A... fuzzier fog than before, actually. Is your head OK?
As you approach the flattish thing, you see that it is in fact a DESK, furnished with a SMALL DECORATIVE RUG THING. You don't know what those are called. Oh well, let's-
You EXAMINE the room you are in by staring hard into the blurry darkness and taking a good long SQUINT.
It looks like there is a WALL directly ahead. Decorating it:
- Something on the ground which is PROBABLY A TABLE
- A CIRCULAR THING, directly ahead
- A VAGUELY TRIANGULAR SHAPE high and to the left
- Above the table, a POSSIBLE RHOMBUS
There's something in your peripheral vision. Whenever you turn your eyes, it moves too, so you can't get a good look at it. But it's sure distracting.
You try staring straight ahead.
Oh. It's a number.
"What are you?"
You look down and EXAMINE your body.
You're... a person? You think? You have HANDS, and ARMS attached to them, and HAIR atop your head, though you can't tell exactly what HAIRSTYLE it is arranged into. Maybe there's some way to check.
"the guy in the attic"
Suddenly, you are aware of your own existence.