AlterniaFM


18/01/17
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18/01/17
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Jackson: MAKE IT STOP


Jackson: PLEASE, SOMEBODY


Jackson: MAKE IT GO AWAY


Jackson: I'VE, I'VE DONE NOTHING BUT TRY TO HELP, I, I DON'T DESERVE THIS, JUST, MAKE IT STOP!



Jackson: IT HURTS

18/01/17
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18/01/17
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18/01/17
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18/01/17
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18/01/17
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18/01/17
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18/01/17
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18/01/17
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18/01/17
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18/01/17
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What's this.... is that HER voice, oh goodness, if she knows you're watching, but it's not really your choice, you just wish all the voices would stop, all of them, there are too many, there's too much happening, so many people being hurt, everything is just flashing by instantly and it's all, simply horrifying

18/01/17
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You can't stop seeing.... it, you can't seem to stop seeing........ everything, you have suddenly realized a major flaw of your newfound ability, everything, just keeps, happening, and all of it, is... horrible

18/01/17
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Your name is Jackson Jeers, and you have just avoided death, though in all honesty you saw that one coming, you always knew that was going to happen, you can't remember not remembering everything, oh wait, yes you can, you can remember everything and thus........ you're starting to confuse yourself, if you had suddenly been given the power to know everything that has ever happened, then how could you fail to recall the times in which you did not know..... but you always have known... i mean of course you haven't because you just suddenly received this ability, and you know that..... but if your ability is to have always known everything from the beginning then, screw it sadly you were not given the ability to understand your new abilities, not that it actually matters, the point is, you see everything, always, forever, and you supposedly always have, you of course plan to use this ability to spy on naughty little la- you mean to get to know people before you meet them and use that as an advantage to.... wait

18/01/17
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18/01/17
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17/01/17
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Feferefi: wait )-(e's, )-(e's cras)-(ing, i mean like, not into t)-(e building, i t)-(ink )-(e missed some)-(ow

Mintianata: haha how the fuck would anyone even manage that, even if he shouldn't be able to steer, not only has he made it this far, but being as close as he was to the building, crashing should have hit us anyway, what the absolute fuck, i can't believe i'm saying this but, things made more sense in the fucking nightmare realm

Johan: well i guess let's just be glad the shitty logic played out in our favor for once, or hell for all we know maybe tizi shot em down

Feferefi: )-(ow would s)-(e know?

Johan: if jackson has the ability to know everything, then why wouldn't she? that's probably one of her weakest abilities honestly

Feferefi: i guess you're rig)-(t

Soryorux: what're you guy2 lookiing at the wiindow for

Johan: oh hey sory, you got the chinese shit?

Soryorux: no ii ju2t happened to run iinto thii2 huge brown bag and deciided ii 2hould 2uddenly port back over here to 2how you guy2

Johan: pff, fuck off, also we were watching another one of those shitty suicide bombers, this one was a salamander

Soryorux: fuckiin niice

17/01/17
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17/01/17
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17/01/17
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Feferefi: w)-(at's that outside

Johan: oh, it looks like one of those planes people are constantly trying to crash into our apartment, tizi will take care of it, we get like five of those each day

Feferefi: but... s)-(e's not )-(ere

Johan: oh, right....... you think that's gonna be a problem?

Feferefi: i dunno, PROBABLY

Johan: yea..........

Feferefi: w)-(ere is she even, w)-(y would s)-(e just randomly leave if t)-(ere's people constantly attempting to cras)-( planes into )-(er apartment

Johan: she went to go have some shitty chat with holy

Feferefi: w)-(o?

Johan: "god"

Feferefi: oh rig)-(t, of course

Johan: i think our main concern would be the plane though, not what she's up to

Mintianata: pff, if he's crashing the plane anyway why's the shit got fucking missiles?

Johan: hell if i know

Mintianata: also wait up that's a salamander, last i checked you needed arms to fly a plane


17/01/17
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Johan: i love you teretizi, yes i do

Mintianata: man that's fuckin sick, just, eugh

Feferefi: wait erm, jo)-(an...

Johan: i'm a bit busy~

Feferefi: yea)-(, i can see t)-(at, but..


17/01/17
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George: you the fucker who ordered this bigass sack of shit?

Soryorux: well.... ii'm the only one here, 2o, ykno

George: aight well fuck you man, pay up n get your ass outta here before i kick it

Soryorux: alriight alriight god damn, cya 2crrrrroiil

Scroil: Meh.

17/01/17
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Soryorux: why the fuck are chiine2e place2 so goddamn weiird

Shaggy2dope: hell if i know man, wait were you talking to me or my friend here? guess it doesn't really matter, neither of us understand the chinese voodoos, so can i take your order?

Soryorux: wa2 ju2t kiind of talking to my2elf, but uh, whatever, ii'll have uhm, ju2t a load of eggroll2, ju2t fucking fiill a 2ack wiith a fuckton of eggroll2

Shaggy2dope: heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeellll yea, give em a big order, fuckers back there be lazin around in the kitchen smokin a joint

Soryorux: haha, what the fuck

Scroil: Quit the ssssmall talk and get thissss fucker'ssss order into the kitchen, I want thisssss ssssslimey motherfucker out of my ssssight.

Soryorux: pff, a giiant fuckiing 2nake just called me a 2liimey motherfucker, 2iir snakeman, you have made my day

Scroil: Meh.

Soryorux: do you not get how that'2 sort of funny, for a giiant 2nake to call 2omeone "2liimey"?

Scroil: No jusssst, I don't care what you think.

Soryorux: uh okay then

Scroil: Yeah, okay.

Soryorux: your 2nake pal ii2 a biit of a diick

Shaggy2dope: yea just don't mind him, he gets into alot of dumb fights over being an edgy bastard

Scroil: Meh.

Shaggy2dope: he's very vocal about not caring, everyone sees it as passive aggression, n yea it probly is, but its best if we just ignore em

Scroil: Yea jussssst ignore my exisssstence, I don't matter anyway, but don't get on my bad sssside or you'll regret it

Soryorux: oh nooo, he'2 gonna kiill me wiith fuckiing meh2

Scroil: Meh.

Shaggy2dope: aight chill out you two, holdup, aye you fuckers back there get your asses up and load up a bag with like, hell i dunno, fifty fuckin eggrolls

Soryorux: and a god damn piile of that chiicken 2hiit wiith the orange glaze or whatever the fuck

Shaggy2dope: what he said, i know you fuckers can hear em from here, and he's literally the only customer so just, fuck it, aight that'll be one hundred swastikas

Soryorux: haha food ii2 2o fuckiing cheap what'2 that about?

Shaggy2dope: oh uh, has something to do with food not having any apparent "game benefits", i don't really understand it but whatever

Soryorux: work2 for me

Shaggy2dope: well now that they're workin on your truckload of food, imma head out back for a break, don't get into any trouble with scroil

Scroil: As if ssssstanding around in here for an hour issssn't a break

Shaggy2dope: no smokin inside tho, and i know those fuckers in the kitchen are goin at it, but i'm not gonna get in fuckin trouble with the boss

Soryorux: why the hell do you work here anyway, if the food costs so little the pay must be fucking terrible, you could just do some shitty quests and make a thousand swastikas within an hour or two

Shaggy2dope: the pay? hell i don't make money, i'm a nigger

Soryorux: oh.... right, damn... okay, shit

Shaggy2dope: well uh, i'll be back in five, scroil don't fuck with the customer

Scroil: Meh.


17/01/17
"Soryorux: Enter Portal"

17/01/17
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17/01/17
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Soryorux: aiight 2EE you fucker2 iin a miinute

Johan: don't make bad puns you'll kill my boner

Soryorux: eugh, fuckiin hell

Feferefi: i can not believe you people are basically t)-(e most powerful living t)-(ings to ever exist

Johan: tizi says all of us including herself are insignificant specks of dust, and that even if something stronger than her were to come and wipe us out instantly it wouldn't change anything because there's nothing to actually ever change

Feferefi: aren't you guys supposed to be c)-(eering me up

Johan: oh, erm, that is how tizi cheers people up, i guess she just says stuff differently to make it sound nicer

Feferefi: glub :(

Mintianata: why do all you fuckers always have to be so down in the dumps, we've got pizza rolls, we're living the fucking good life

Johan: yessssssssssssss

17/01/17
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Soryorux: you know there'2 no way ii can ever know what thii2 say2 riight, iif iit even say2 anything at all, ii mean, iit might be a drawing for all ii know

Johan: yea i know

Soryorux: well, fuck you too then, gue22 ii'll go get the food now

17/01/17
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Johan: alright but before you go...

Soryorux: what the fuck are you doing?

17/01/17
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Johan: shut up soryorux, i'll get the chinese food just, just give me a second, just, one......... second

Soryorux: what the ab2olute fuck

Mintianata: he's like humping some fuckin pillow with an exceptionally shitty drawing of, i think tizi on it, i can't really tell aside from the face

Johan: i'll pick up the chinese food in a minute, give me a minute...... maybe thirty

Soryorux: fuck fine ii'll piick up the chiine2e food, iit'2 not really a biig fuckiin deal

Mintianata: helllll yea

Feferefi: i will drown my sadness in s)-(itty takeout

Soryorux: that'2 the 2piiriit

17/01/17
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Johan: so he actually does have the ability to fucking teleport instantly, what the fuck even

Soryorux: hehe hurry up and go get that chiine2e food you niigger

Mintianata: wait, johan what the fuck are you doing to that pillow....

Soryorux: what, what'2 he doiing?

Mintianata: he's like, he's.... eugh

Soryorux: what the fuck ii2 he doiing to the piillow?

17/01/17
"Jackson: Fracture-port Out Of This Bitch"

17/01/17
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Jackson: I just so happened to hear that somebody requires my services

Feferefi: NO!

Jackson: Have it your way, bitch, i mean, i will respect your boundaries, madam

Soryorux: hahahaha thii2 ii2 fuckiin 2tupiid

Johan: jackson you know this is literally tizi's apartment, shit's a level 999 dungeon full of cultists, you literally just barely escaped us and now you're just waltzing up inside our fuckin house

Jackson: Well it just so happens that my horse never actually died when teritizi split him in half, instead his existence has been scattered throughout reality, basically becoming a large chunk of.... well, everything, and because of that, for no apparent reason whatsoever, i am now able to see literally everything that ever happens, always, forever, and teleport seamlessly, with zero effort, because i am, the main character, in this, epic, journey

Soryorux: PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

Johan: sounds like a load of bullshit

Jackson: you're a load of bullshit, i mean, you are a person who i kindly disagree with

Johan: well i'm gonna kill your sorry ass, so you'd better fracture-port out of here or whatever the fuck

Jackson: cheers

Mintianata: okay could you fuckers hurry up with the chinese food or whatever, i'm hungry as all shit, and i could use another coma to escape from this existential nightmare anyway...... by, escaping to, the nightmare realm, how reasonable, i mean, it was pretty fuckin chill in there anyway, the demigod of nightmares was havin a hugeass rave, dope shit

Johan: alright yea i'll go port over to the chinese place right after i'm done dealing with jackson's shit

17/01/17
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Soryorux: are you 2ure? 2he 2eem2 pretty up2et

Johan: problem count equals zero

Soryorux: pff

Feferefi: BLU)-( BLU)-( BLU)-( BLU)-( BLU)-(!

Mintianata: eugh i've got such a fuckin headache, wait where are we

Johan: oh uh, this is tizi's place

Mintianata: guess that explains why there's a fucking toaster on the coffee table

Johan: ..... oh, that wasn't there a second ago, eh fuck it

Soryorux: thii2 ii2 retarded, johan order a fuckiin piizza, thii2 2peciifiic type of niight call2 for piizza

Johan: we were just about to make pizza rolls though

Soryorux: 2uddenly thii2 ii2 a chiine2e food type of niight, fuck the piizza we need chiine2e 2hiit

Mintianata: fuck yes

Johan: well i can't argue with that, but what kind of chinese food place delivers?

Soryorux: dude liiterally all four of u2 have the abiiliity to conjure fuckiing portal2, al2o ii love how we're ju2t a22e22iing our fa2t food optiion2 whiile fii2h lady ha2 a mental fucking breakdown on the floor, ha2 anyone con2iidered giiviing her a fuckiin hug?

17/01/17
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Soryorux: hey guy2, waiit there'2 people around me right? gam kiind of ju2t 2hoved me iinto a portal 2o for all ii know ii'm iin the miiddle of a fuckiing de2ert, but iit feel2 kiind of niice iin here 2o ii'm ju2t goiing to a22ume that's not the ca2e, ii2 thii2 hell?

Feferefi: o)-(, O)-(, OF COURSE, you know w)-(at, t)-(at's it, i'm fucking done, i just can't take it anymore, c)-(ristian wizards, god's an edgelord, and now..... and now T)-(IS, of course, of fucking course, i'm just going to lie on t)-(e floor and pretend t)-(is isn't the reality we're stuck wit)-(

Johan: yes, this is hell, welcome my demon brother, to the underworld

Soryorux: 2weet, so what'2 her problem?

Johan: nothing, nothing at all, don't even worry about it

16/01/17
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16/01/17
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Feferefi: i guess t)-(ere's no real point in turning back now, it's not like i'm gonna be getting my soul back, bleg)-(, alrig)-(t i'll start up some pizza rolls

Johan: hell yeah, i'll put mintianata on the couch, sory should be here in a bit

Feferefi: o)-( sweet

Johan: yea he's pretty great, but apparently he lost his eyes to a christian wizard or some shit so, who fuckin knows what that's gonna be like

Feferefi: a c)-(ristian... wizard

Johan: yep

16/01/17
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16/01/17
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16/01/17
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Johan: well hello there, uhm, the hell are you carrying that dude around for?

Feferefi: well.... you see, he's kind of, passed out... so, i didn't want to leave )-(im at my )-(ouse, and, i mean, i didn't carry )-(im all t)-(e way )-(ere that would be ridiculous, i just sort of.... nudged )-(im t)-(roug)-( t)-(e portal

Johan: oh right, so uh, come on in, we've got plenty of pizza rolls, you might have to just push all the laundry off of the couch and onto the floor, there might be a stoner passed out in the bathroom so just be on the lookout for stuff like that, you can eat whatever you want, we don't really care and uh, welcome to the cult i guess, assuming you are the person who was dropping by to join the cult that is...

Feferefi: so wait, t)-(at's, t)-(at's it? i'm in the cult? i don't have to sell my soul to teretizi or some crazy cult t)-(ingy like t)-(at?

Johan: i mean, the selling your soul part is kind of optional, but it's more like a soul bank than an actual "oooo your soul is mine get fucked" it's probably best if tizi does have your soul, oh wait she just texted me, she says she's already got it, transaction of 1:Feferefi Soul. successfully completed or some shit like that, she's bein weird again

Feferefi: wait, W)-(AT T)-(E FUCK, S)-(E TOOK MY SOUL?, i didn't agree to this, w)-(at, w)-(at does taking my soul even do?

Johan: hell if i know, i just messaged her asking if we needed your soul or whatever and she said that she already took it and gave life to our toaster, so i mean, sweet, enchanted soul toaster, i wonder what kind of benefits that has

16/01/17
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Johan: well that's some convenient timing..... or inconvenient, kind of depends on how you look at it, i don't really want to deal with these fucking cult members, eh i'm sure they're fine

16/01/17
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16/01/17
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Johan: alright tizi i'm back, jackson got away, but he won't make it far without the readingrainbowdash, erm, i'm guessing we need to go and pick up david now?

Teretizi: Y34 W3'LL GO G3T H1M 1N 4 M1NUT3, 1T'S NO HURRY R34LLY, H3'S NOT STUCK 1N H34V3N OTH3RW1S3 W3'D 4LR34DY B3 OV3R TH3R3 K1CK1NG 4NG3L 4SS3S, W3'R3 JUST GONN4 H4NG 4ROUND H3R3, M1NT14N4T4 PHON3D M3 1N 4BOUT SOM3 N3W M3MB3R TO TH3 CULT 3V3N THOUGH 4LL 1T R34LLY T4K3S TO B3 1N MY SH1TTY CULT 1S JUST LY1NG 4ROUND MY HOUS3 34T1NG JUNKFOOD 4ND T4LK1NG SH1T ON 4NYON3 WHO DO3SN'T H4PP3N TO B3 1N TH3 CULT, SO YKNO

Johan: yea i know, i literally live here with you, shit's a mess

Teretizi: 4LSO 1 GU3SS 1'M GONN4 H4V3 TO V1S1T HOLY 1N 4 B1T B3C4US3 H3'S PULL1NG SOM3 HUG3 D1CK MOV3 4G41N 1N HOP3S OF "PROGR3SS1NG" OR WH4T3V3R, 4ND ONC3 1'M DON3 W1TH TH4T 1'LL RUN B4CK DOWN H3R3 4ND W3 C4N 4LL M4K3 SMOR3S OR SOM3 SH1T, HOOK UP SOM3 SYCK4SS P1ZZ4 ROLLS, SO UH, WH4T 1'M S4Y1NG 1S, YOU'R3 GONN4 1NTRODUC3 TH3 N3W GUY OR WH4T3V3R, M4YB3 CL34N TH3 PL4C3 UP 4 L1TTL3 ?

Johan: alrighty

Teretizi: 1 DON'T R34LLY C4R3 WH4T YOU DO, SO LONG 4S YOU STOP W34R1NG TH4T FUCK1NG ROB3 TH1NK1N YOU'R3 HOT SH1T, YOU LOOK L1K3 4 FUCK1N DUNK

Johan: ffiiiine

Teretizi: OH 4ND SORY 1S GONN4 B3 DROPP1NG BY, 4PP4R3NTLY H3 L3T M1NT14N4T4 RUN OFF C4US3 H3 D1DN'T R34LLY G1V3 4 SH1T, 4ND 1 GU3SS TH1S CHR1ST14N FUCK3R T3L3PORT3D 1NTO TH31R HOUS3 4ND JUST SORT OF TOOK H1S 3Y3S 4S 4N OFF3R1NG TO J3SUS CHR1ST OR SOM3 W31RD SH1T L1K3 TH4T, TOS4V4R4S GOT 1NJUR3D 1N SOM3 W4Y 4SW3LL 4PP4R3NTLY, BUT SORY D1DN'T R34LLY T3LL M3 MUCH 4BOUT TH4T, 4ND H3'S NOT P4RT OF OUR CULT SO 1 COULDN'T G1V3 L3SS OF 4 SH1T 4BOUT H1M, SO UH, Y34, B3 R34DY FOR 4LL TH4T, 1'MM4 GO HOP OV3R TO H34V3N, 1'LL P1CK UP D4V1D WH1L3 1'M OUT, P34C3

Johan: damn alright see ya around

16/01/17
"Door: Open"

16/01/17
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16/01/17
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14/01/17
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14/01/17
"<.>_<.>"

14/01/17
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14/01/17
"Mintianata: Suffer Food Induced Coma"

14/01/17
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Feferefi: w)-(at are you doing...

Mintianata: oh dont mind me im just tearing into a fresh bag of chisps, so uhm, i'm guessing all of that, that means you've been there before then, right, you got all stuck up in heaven or some shit ? or at least that's what you seem to be implying

Feferefi: oh, u)-(m, yea)-(, yes

Mintianata: well, if it's really all that bad, i say you go hook up with tizi's cult or whatever, they're pretty tight about bailing out their pals or whatever

Feferefi: but s)-(e's, s)-(e's bad.... s)-(e's )-(orrible

Mintianata: from my personal experience with her, she's just about as horrible as mr god dude is good, though i've never really met the guy, i don't think anyone has, you know, aside from people who were pretty much killed instantly, but we can kind of tell he must be sort of an ass

Feferefi: i don't know... s)-(e's just, t)-(e t)-(ings s)-(e does, s)-(e...

Mintianata: what's she actually done though ? i mean like i just said, i've actually met with her before, and look at me, i'm still alive, sure she kills fucktons of people, but those fucktons of people were kind of trying to kill her..... it's just like you and all the people setting up portals in your house, or people ignoring you in heaven, they treat you like a game piece, same with tizi, she's a final boss, so people try to kill her, and she kills them, it's not really her choice................ or maybe it is, she makes it sound like all of this is her choice..... like, eh, i don't know it's all really confusing

Feferefi: yea)-(, i guess it's wort)-( a s)-(ot, but, i just don't know, i don't t)-(ink being part of a cult is really my t)-(ing

Mintianata: her cult is pretty much just a bunch of people sitting on a couch watching shitty sitcoms and bailing other cult members out of trouble whenever shit stirs up, it's honestly pretty tight, it's better than moping around here isn't it ?

Feferefi: i suppose, yea)-( it really does, w)-(at's wit)-( all you people suddenly just waltzing in wit)-( obvious solutions to all of my problems

Mintianata: hell if i know, anyway i'm gonna pass the fuck out now, just have a food induced coma or some shit, peace, i'm off to dreamland, wish me fuckin luck

Feferefi: o)-( )-(e)-(e, if you wind up in the nig)-(tmare realm, see if you can find mr silly onion man, )-(e's great

Mintianata: onion man ?

14/01/17
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Feferefi: all of t)-(em just ignore you, t)-(ey just marc)-( onward in )-(opes of being t)-(e one to kill the dumb boss, eac)-( and every one of t)-(em believing t)-(at t)-(ey can be t)-(e one to free all of us at once, eac)-( of t)-(em t)-(ink t)-(emselves to be special, as if t)-(ey'll be the one to finally bring an end to it all, and you just sit t)-(ere being torn apart for t)-(e t)-(ousandt)-( time watc)-(ing t)-(em walking away.... just )-(oping even one of t)-(em will scoop you up and bring you as far away from that )-(orrible place as t)-(ey possibly can, but t)-(ey just keep walking, and t)-(en you're dead, again, and suddenly, your eyes open, to a new batc)-( of angels, and a new group of adventurers walking off into the distance

Mintianata: well, okay, fuck

13/01/17
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Feferefi: you know.... w)-(en t)-(e inevitable finally catc)-(es up with you and, you end up actually dying, w)-(en you're actually stuck up t)-(ere being torn apart by t)-(ousands of )-(orrible little monsters w)-(ile these ass)-(oles trample over your countless amount of corpses on t)-(eir way to fig)-(t some stupid boss, just.... just ignoring you as you beg t)-(em to save you... it's a lot different in comparison to doing a silly drawing of it, or even talking about it for t)-(at matter

Mintianata: oh, uhm, well, yeah that does sound like it would be pretty bad, but i'm sure someone would help you...... right ?, and i mean, it's not like we're going to die any time soon, we're very much alive so..

13/01/17
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Mintianata: here i'll do a drawing, alright yea, like, there's these two huge stupid gates or whatever that adventurers can enter by ascending the last set of stairs n shit, and then there's the walls between the gates and the yard, and the yard is like..... a huge edgy pool of suffering souls, at least in heaven that is, you're just constantly eaten alive, reborn in heaven, and then eaten again, though in hell it's more like........ super chill i guess ? people don't really come back from hell often so.... yeah, and then there's the man in the middle, the big man himself, or woman, or thing, or whatever the fuck they are..... and like, if you break through the wall you can kill shit in the yard and free people but most guys don't really care to do that, so, that's kind of assholey but, adventurers mostly head up there to fight the boss, although no one's ever really beaten them....... which just kind of leads to them being another edgy wandering soul or whatever, there we go the drawing is done, this looks okay right ?

Feferefi: o)-(...... erm..... sure ? )-(e)-(e, u)-(, but yes t)-(at is sorrrrt of )-(ow it works, for the most part, bleg)-(, you make it all seem like alot less big of a deal, but w)-(en you're actually... you know

Mintianata: actually what, i don't know, what do you mean


13/01/17
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Feferefi: okay, erm, u)-(, i'll, i'll try to explain, so u)-(m, you know )-(ow t)-(e w)-(ole )-(eaven and )-(ell t)-(ing works right ?

Mintianata: oh god it's related to this shit..... fucking christ, alright yeah i, i know how they work it's like....

13/01/17
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Mintianata: so uh, what's wrong ?

Feferefi: w)-(at?

Mintianata: i mean like, why are you crying your eyes out as if captain crunch's ship is sinking and only your tears can keep that shit afloat, motherfuckers be boarding all the life boats they can although they're in danger due to the sudden nonexistence of any ocean whatsoever, niggers just be expecting that no matter what happens, life boats = life, but that's beside the point, why're you crying ?

Feferefi: just because..... because everyt)-(ing, everyt)-(ing is making me cry

Mintianata: yea but that's what everybody says when they're sad, just some stupid "everything is wrong", they get themselves all shitass sad about one specific thing and then start going off finding all the horrible things in life that don't actually even matter, and then they realize none of it matters, and suddenly they don't matter, nothing matters, existential crisis time, woe is me eeeeverything is wrong and everyone's out to get me

Feferefi: but it's not like t)-(at it's...

Mintianata: then what's it like man, do you even know ?

13/01/17
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Mintianata: do you want one of my shitty lunchable crackers ?

Feferefi: o)-( u)-(m.... no t)-(ank you

Mintianata: alright if you say so

13/01/17
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Mintianata: so uh....

13/01/17
"Kinkranak: Conjure Lvl: 40. Portal"



Kinkranak: well, i'll 6e 9ff n9w, g99d luck y9u tw9

Feferefi: gooodbyye, t)-(ank you for all of your )-(elp


13/01/17
"==>"



Kinkranak: there, that sh9uld keep 9ut l9wer level p9rtals, and seeing as the maj9rity 9f p9rtals appearing in y9ur hive are levels 5-10, this sh9uld w9rk just fine, kind 9f inc9nvenient f9r players n9w that i think a69ut it, f9r level 5-10 p9rtals t9 6ring them t9 a lvl 25 dunge9n.....


13/01/17
"==>"



Kinkranak: well g99d news ma'am, it seems there is n9t a 6oss hiding within y9ur hive, i supp0se the fact that this dunge9n hasn't 6een marked as cleared is m9st likely just a small glitch

Feferefi: o)-( )-(e)-(e, that's u)-(m, t)-(at's good to )-(ear

Kinkranak: th9ugh 9n the 9ther hand it seems as if y9ur h9me is a h9tsp9t for l9w tier p9rtals, i 6elieve using my Lvl:15. P9rtal-Denial i c9uld at the very least.... reduce the amount of inc9ming portals, if y9u'd like

Feferefi: o_o w)-(at

Kinkranak: 9h d9 you like the p9rtals?

Feferefi: o)-( no no no no no, please do w)-(atever you can, i was just surprised i never realized t)-(at was an option

Mintianata: ssssuuup motherfuckers, so uh, fish lady you don't mind if i crash here right? i mean you're kind of literally having a conversation about keeping people out of your hive, but i've got a backpack full of shitty lunchables so i won't be fuckin digging through your fridge or anything, i'll keep shit discrete

Feferefi: bleg)-( fine, i already )-(ave enoug)-( crazy people w)-(o come throug)-( )-(ere daily anyway, it'd be kind of ridiculous to kick out t)-(e few people w)-(o are actually c)-(ill

Mintianata: hell, yes, leather couch motherfuuuuuckers, aright you two enjoy your lameass chat i'm gonna go pass out on the heavenly leather couch, just feel that sweetass cold leather up against my face, ffffffffffuuuuuck yes

Feferefi: )-(e)-(e w)-(at a weird guy

Kinkranak: yes he is a 6it 9dd, well then i'll just get to setting up this portal denial spell



13/01/17
"==>"

13/01/17
"==>"

13/01/17
"==>"



Soryorux: wow that portal ii2 ab2olute 2hiit

Mintianata: yea it really is, holy fuck i need to put some points into that shit eventually, anyway catch you fuckers later, just hope this shit doesn't take me to the junkyard or some stupid garbage like that, also here's my number real quick, give that shit to the horse, i want to see how he feels about picking up a couple burgers tonight

Tosavaras: oh my fucking god

Soryorux: haha, hell ye2, ii'll make 2ure he gets thii2, cya

13/01/17
"==>"

13/01/17
"==>"



Mintianata: aight well, peace niggers

Tosavaras: no wait you can't fucking leave we have to watch y...... you know what actually yeah, later man

Soryorux: pffffff, fuckiing 2ee you around 2peed racer lookiina22 motherfucker

Tosavaras: this dude's like 20 anyway, the fuck are we supposed to do tape him to the wall?

Soryorux: we don't need a 2hiitty excu2e ju2t let em go, iit'll all be on gam anyway, 2crew it

11/01/17
"==>"



Korlozaru: hey there friend, is gam there by any chance?

Tosavaras: yeah uh, he thought you guys were the cops and kind of bolted upstairs

Korlozaru: oh that's a shame, he must've seen our little friend's helmet, i told him to take it off before we came inside, he's always getting weird looks wearing that thing around in public

Tosavaras: uhhhhh.. okay, uhm, so what is it you needed ?

Brian: Well, the two of us are dealing with some important matters in which the safety of our little friend is not exactly...... guaranteed, so we're hoping he could stay here while we're out, we know this is a healthy christian household, he'll be in good hands here.

Soryorux: hehehehe we got 2ome crazy motherfucker2

Tosavaras: shhhhh

Brian: Excuse me?

Tosavaras: uh, my friend here was just saying that we're a bit busy and........

Korlozaru: look brother, he won't be any trouble, he's just.... not all there, you know what i mean ?

Tosavaras: uhhhh........

Mintianata: he tells me that alot, i'm "not all there" supposedly this jesus christ dude will help me find myself or whatever, so that's cool, jesus seems pretty chill i guess, i mean i could see me and him being pretty close pals or whatever if it weren't for him always riding my dick every time i so much as swear, go strokin my bulge and this fucker gets all up in my shit, drawing this nonexistent line just to fuck with me, i mean supposedly he's going around trying to cure the evils of this world or whatever, and yea that's cool n all but i guess he's not really looking at the big picture here, like he's not exactly putting much thought into how he's going to go about this whole "curing all evil" thing, instead of taking down the main sources of evil and then just sort of letting these little bits simmer down, he's gotta go and be this all-powerful force attempting to destroy all evil with one fell swoop, but in turn ends up just slowly whittling away at it, while the evil itself just continues growing at an unfathomable rate, and yea i guess if he's supposedly like this all seeing light or whatever i can understand why he wouldn't want to have to be staring down at my goddamn bulge, but with all this other crazy shit going on i just don't see why he's got to get on my ass about every little "mistake" i just so happen to make, like maybe if this fucker could lighten up and realize i'm on his fuckin side when it comes to this whole "creating a better world" thing, we'd be tight as all shit, or if he'd just let me live out my pathetic fuckin life not giving a shit, i mean honestly i don't have any real impact on our existence, sort of floating throughout reality just, existing.... oh holy shit you guys have a tv, these fuckers don't let me watch anything, apparently jesus isn't cool with cartoons or some shit, although i'm pretty sure even he needs a way to pass the fuckin time every now and then, i mean come the fuck on lighten up, we've got people cutting people up and fucking their open wounds out here and you're getting all up in my business trying to say i can't watch a colorful animation while i eat some lucky charms, just lettin time fly by on a sweetass saturday morning, like what the fuck is this guy's problem

Tosavaras: what the fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck, does he ever shut the f-

Korlozaru: shhhh shh shhh shhh sh sh sh, just let him think things through for himself, he's going through a rough time in his life right now

Brian: the boy needs jesus

Mintianata: i really do need jesus, i need jesus to calm the fuck down and let me enjoy the little things in life, i'm not a threat to anyone so why should i have to deal with these bullshit rules, i mean i get it, don't kill people, don't rape people, don't be an ass in general, but he's kind of shitting on his own "don't be an ass" rule by restricting stupid shit like cartoons and wanking, shit's not hurting anybody, i'm not a danger to anyone so why do i have to be treated like this....... oh holy shit, there's a horse out there, in your fuckin yard, i see a horse, me and that horse could be good fuckin friends, head down to dairy queen pick up a few burgers just kind of laugh the night away, stroll on over to the beach and just watch as the sun sets majestically upon the ocean and yet another exciting day comes to a graceful end, we'd just gaze into the distance, sharing the last few fries we found lying around the bottom of the bag, just me and him, just me and the horse

Soryorux: that hor2e 2uddenly 2ounds tiight a2 fuck

Tosavaras: why does everyone have to be fucking insane, can i not meet one fucking person who doesn't talk about crazy shit like eating burgers with a horse

Brian: Well, we'll be off now, take good care of our little christian friend here, don't let him get up to anything mischievous, we'll be back in about a........ well a week

Tosavaras: WHAT, WHAT NO WHAT THE FUCK, DON'T GO

Soryorux: hahaha, there they fuckiing go dude, look at tho2e biinche2 all walkiing away n 2hiit, that'2 iit, ii'm doiing the 2ound effect, pchoooooo~, you and gam are 2o fucked

Tosavaras: ME AND GAM?, you're in this boat with us you little bitch

Soryorux: pffffffff, fuck that, they 2aiid 2peciifiically they're droppiing thii2 guy off wiith gam, ii can leave any tiime ii want, but we both know you're not goiing out there, you're 2cared 2hiitle22 of the out2iide world at thii2 poiint, you fuckiin pu22y

Tosavaras: okay, fuck you, fuck that shit because i'm not getting my bulge cut off or any more eyes torn out, and fuck jesus

Mintianata: hell yea


Soryorux: al2o 2iince when ha2 je2u2 had anythiing to do wiith cartoon2? ii thiink your "parent2" or caretaker2 or whatever the fucuck they're 2uppo2ed to be are ju2t beiing huge diick2

Mintianata: damn right, now if you guys don't mind i think i'm gonna go see if that horse has plans saturday night

Tosavaras: no, no you are not, you are going to sit on the couch, but you can watch whatever the fuck you want, just, don't get up to anything fucking stupid, you're going to get killed fuckin around with animals

Mintianata: alright that works too

11/01/17
"==>"



Gamzazzeraz: ShIt sHiT ShIt sHiT ShIt, ThAt's gOtTa bE ThE CoPs, No oNe cOmEs uP HeRe, YoU GuYs aNsWeR ThE DoOr i'm hIdInG UpStAiRs, TeLl mE WhEn tHeY'Re gOnE, dOn't lEt tHeM LoOk iN ThE LaUnDrY RoOm, PeAcE OuT MoThErFuCkErS!

Soryorux: haha what the fuck

Tosavaras: what ? oh he's gone alright okay uh, i'll answer the door i guess, what the fuck even

Soryorux: guess he'2 got iit bad wiith the fuzz, you never really know what that motherfucker'2 gettiing up to

Tosavaras: yeah i guess that's true, alright one second sory i'm gonna see who's there

11/01/17
"==>"


Tosavaras: man, i'm gonna have to side with gam on this one, with all the wacky shit we're capable of, is making a fucking cake appear really all that incredible ?

Soryorux: you cannot deny thii2 ii2 the work of je2u2 fuckiing chrii2t

Tosavaras: now you just sound like a religious nigger

Soryorux: fuck you, thii2 ii2 a je2u2 cake, thii2 ii2 the cake of je2u2

Tosavaras: alright man, whatever you say dude, this IS now, the cake of jesus

Gamzazzeraz: I CaLl bUlLsHiT, tHiS Is tHe cAkE Of bUlLsHiT, yOu'rE NoT GoInG Up cAlLiNg mY MoThErFuCkIn rElIgIoUs fIgUrE On yOuR ShItTy aSs jItTeRbUg mOtHeRfUcKiN FlIp pHoNe aNd sAyInG ThIs mOtHeRfUcKeR Is sItTiNg aRoUnD ZaPpInG CaKeS In hIs sPaRe mOtHeRfUcKiNg tImE, mY JeSuS Is uP To iMpOrTaNt mAtTeRs mAkInG A MoThErFuCkInG ChAnGe, PuTtInG HiMsElF OuT ThErE FoR ThE BeTtEr oF AlL Us lEsSeR FuCkS DoWn hErE In tHe tRaIlEr pArKs oF HeLl

Soryorux: yea yea whatever no one giive2 a 2hiit about what your je2u2 ii2 2uppo2edly doiing, THE je2u2 ju2t gave u2 a 2yck fuckiin cake, 2o take your miind off that bull2hiit and let'2 fuckiing eat thii2 ab2olutely deliiciiou2 2on of a biitch

Tosavaras: but did it really have to look like a dick ? and right after that whole "double d" thing

Soryorux: 2hut the fuck up and eat the cake

11/01/17
"==>"



Soryorux: yo, je2u2

Jesus: errrrr, what's up brother ?

Soryorux: ii need you to prove to my fuckwad friend2 over here that me and you are tiight a2 a viirgiin pu22y

Jesus: man you barely ever call for any other reason than to assure your buddies of our friendship virginity or what the hell ever it is you're going on about, you need to come chill at my place some time, shit's laid back as fuck

Soryorux: alriight alriight man look, ii'll come cra2h at your place later thii2 afternoon, we'll pa22 around the joiint for a few and catch up on 2hiit, but, could you liike, make a cake appear on the fuckiing table or some 2hiit, cake would be fuckiing iincrediible riight now

Jesus: hell yea brother one cake coming the fuck up, screw that buddy motherfucker tryna steal my thunder, bitch can't create cakes out the ass like i can, anyway catch you later man, peace

Soryorux: later man

11/01/17
"==>"


Tosavaras: hahahaha get fuuuuuucked, the coolguy himself owns a fuckin flip phone

Soryorux: 2hut the fuck up, ii'm too cool to buy a new one

Tosavaras: be honest motherfucker, you don't got the swastikas for that shit

Soryorux: fuck off, thii2 ii2 going down iin hii2tory a2 the day a man called je2u2 fucking chrii2t on a fliip phone, 2hiit'2 1337 a2 iit get2, ya biincha22 motherfucker

Tosavaras: fine fine, you're right, calling up jesus on a flip phone is some pretty tight shit

Gamzazzeraz: ThIs iS BuLlShIt



11/01/17
"Soryorux: Reveal Double D"

Tosavaras: oh.... oh of course, of course it'd be some stupid shit like.... wait.... is that literally part of your fucking body..... holy shit

Soryorux: mmmmm mmmm mm, would you look at that, my double d iis iin fiiiine 2hape, iif ii do say so my2222elf

Tosavaras: oh fuuuuuuuuck mee

Soryorux: oh man, iif you iin2ii2t

Tosavaras: fuuuuuuuuck youuuuu

Gamzazzeraz: AnD I ThOuGhT ThE DeViL'S BiFuRcAtEd aSsHoLe wAs a sIgHt tO SeE, tHiS Is oBvIoUsLy nOt tHe dOiNg oF OuR LoRd aNd sAvIoR JeSuS MoThErFuCkInG ChRiSt

Soryorux: no no, ii a22ure you, je2u2 chrii2t hiim2elf be2towed thii2 ble22iing upon me

Gamzazzeraz: I CaLl bUlLsHiT

Soryorux: oh, you dare to call bull2hiit iin the face of 2oryorux capatator, that'2 iit, ii'm phoning homeboy je2u2 on your a22

11/01/17
"==>"

Tosavaras: NO NO NO NO NO, NO, NOOOOOOOO, NO, DO NOT TAKE OFF THOSE PANTS, STOP UNZIPPING YOU MOTHERFUCKER

11/01/17
"==>"


Soryorux: you wouldn't be telling me no iif only you'd take a peak at my........... DOUBLE........ D

Tosavaras: dude that sounds super fuckin rapey, we've already got enough fucked up rapists around here cutting people's shit off, we don't need any more of that man

Soryorux: what the fuck 2ound2 rapey about enjoyiing a 2neak peak of my double d, that'2 iit, ii'm unziippiing the pant2, here they go, here come2 the 2hiity 2ound effect, pcho-

Tosavaras: no, we are NOT going to be looking at anyone's "double d", no, fuck that, we're just going to chill on the couch and watch some shitty news broadcasts informing us of all the terrible fucking shit going on and making us hate our miserable lives even more than we already do whilst shoving countless pounds of junkfood down our faceholes sending us into a constant downward spiral of depression and obesity, so chill the fuck out, sit down, and keep your pants on

Gamzazzeraz: TeLl iT HoW It iS My bRoThEr, TeLl tHeM HoW It iS, tElL ThE WoRlD, pReAcH ThAt sHiT My bRoThEr, PrEaCh tHe nAmE Of sWeEt bAbY MoThErFuCkInG JeSuS, HoLd hIm uP HiGh oVeR YoUr hEaD ToWaRd tHe sKy fRoM WhIcH He cAmE, sWeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEeEt bAbY JeSuS, pRrRrRrAiSe

Soryorux: haha you fuckiin lo2er2

Tosavaras: i admit we're pretty fucking lame, but man at least we're not going around unzipping our pants trying to get people to check out our fuckin bulges n shit

Soryorux: bulge2 ?

Tosavaras: yea dude your, your fuckin double bulge or whatever fucked up mutation you've got going on down there

Soryorux: no dude what the fuck, ii ju2t want you to take a peak at my......

11/01/17
"==>"


Gamzazzeraz: BrOtHeR, cOuLd yOu sEe wHaT ThAt mOtHeRfUcKeR SoRyOrUx iS Up tO OvEr tHeRe, AlL FuCkIn lEaNiN OfF ThE SiDe oF ThE CoUcH LiKe a sUiCiDaL SoN Of a bItCh oN ThE EdGe oF A BrIdGe oR SoMe wAcKy sHiT LiKe tHaT

Tosavaras: oh uh, yeah, uhm, really though what the fuck are you doing down there ?

Soryorux: ii'm doiing nothiing, iit'2 the only way, iit'2 the only way to 2urviive, iif ii do anything, 2he'll kiill me, ii'll kiill me, the coolne22 wiill kiill me, ii'm ju2t, everything ii do..... ii, ii can't help beiing........... 2o....... fuckiing..... cool

Tosavaras: look man, get the fuck over it already, teretizi isn't here, she doesn't give a single shit about you or any of us fuckers, thank god for that, and plus ever since dork died we've been basically fucking sentient, not to mention if we weren't sentient we'd basically just be fucking paper bullshit and pain wouldn't matter anyway so i'm not sure why you even care about...... okay fuck it i'm looking too deep into this, the point is, stop moping around and chill the fuck out

Gamzazzeraz: AmEn mOtHeRfUcKeR

Soryorux: alriight alriight fiine anything to get you to 2hut the fuck up 2heee2h


Tosavaras: well you don't have to be a bitch about it

Soryorux: 22222crew you two, biinch

Gamzazzeraz: BoThA YoU CaLm tHe mOtHeRfUcK DoWn, EvErYtHiNg's iN ThE ChIlL ZoNe, YoU ShOuLd bE ToO

Soryorux: hehe, hey guy2, now that we're in the chiill zone....

Tosavaras: yea ?

Soryorux: you guy2 miind takiing a look at my....... double d ?

Tosavaras: okay what the fuck man, just, what the fuck even, no we don't want to take a look at your double fuckin d, you grossass son of a bitch

Gamzazzeraz: DoUbLe..... ThAt sHiT SoUnDs mOtHeRfUcKiN WiCkEd

Soryorux: ii can't tell whether he mean2 wiicked iin a good or bad way

Tosavaras: using the power of common fucking sense, i'm going to assume he meant it in a bad way

Gamzazzeraz: WiCkEd lIkE ThE DeViL'S BiFuRcAtEd aSsHoLe

Tosavaras: yep

Soryorux: dammiit

Tosavaras: get fucked

Soryorux: but guuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuy2

Tosavaras: but guys my bifurcated asshole

Soryorux: buuuuuuuuuuuuuuut

Tosavaras: but what motherfucker ?




11/01/17
"==>"

09/01/17
"<=|=>"

09/01/17
"><==>--0~~~;;\"

09/01/17
"==//===>,"

09/01/17
"<==-0"

09/01/17
"=,<"

Your face consumes the screen, you are the comic now, the comic is you, this was meant to be since the very beginning, your patience has been tested to the extreme, but for no longer will you be considered a feeble steed, this, is, you, you, are, everything, your eyes like portals unto the astral plane, the wrinkles beneath them like the many dunes of the sierra desert, your nose like an enormous hershey's kiss....... and but of course, your lower lip like the rarest of steaks, truly a face worthy of it's position, a position above all else, a face that IS all, and always will be.....

09/01/17
"==>"

You command your noble steed to charge forward into battle, there's no way you can defeat johan on your own

09/01/17
"==>"


Johan: aright jackson lets fuckin go

09/01/17
"==>"


Karakarata: SO I GUESS DAVID IS FUCKING DEAD NOW, AND YOU FUCKERS ARE JUST STILL SITTING AROUND INSIDE WHILE THE CASTLE IS UNDER FUCKING SIEGE, SO IF YOU COULD LIKE, YOU KNOW MAAAAAAAAAYBE GO OUT AND FUCKING FIGHT HIM ? THAT WOULD BE, FUCKING INCREDIBLE

Teretizi:F111111111111111111111111111111111111111111N3 W3'R3 FUCK1NG GO1NG, COM3 ON JOH4N

Johan: hell yea

09/01/17
"Congratulations"

NO NO NO NO NO, you throw you hat down in disgust, this is absolutely appalling, how could this happen, your beautiful Niggerhorse has been transformed into...... INTO THIS!? You really wish the B button was an option this time around

09/01/17
"What? "

Oh........ oh no.... no, there's no fucking way

09/01/17
"Jackson: Celebrate Minor Victory"

Your might NiggerHorse has just slain David The Wicked, although you would have preferred that you were the one to slay David and receive the glorious orblets, you are honestly just happy to be alive, you quickly scamper toward the NiggerHorse in hopes of embracing his excellence, but what's this.....

09/01/17
"==>"


-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 66:60 --

TG: hey guys uh, i fucked up, so, like, whenever you fuckers are done with that shit, you know where to find me or whatever, peace peace niggers

GC: H4H4H4H4H4H4H4 YOU DUMB4SS

TG: fuck you man

GC: S33 YOU L4T3R DUNKNUTS, YOU'R3 GO1NG TO M1SS TH3 WHOL3 K1CK4SS F1GHT B3C4US3 OF TH1S YOU FUCK1N LOS3R H3H3H3H3H3


-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 66:60 --


09/01/17
"==>"

07/01/17
"==>"

07/01/17
"==>"

Your jutsu has failed you, you call for your steed

07/01/17
"==>"

David: HOT DAMN

07/01/17
"==>"

07/01/17
"==>"

07/01/17
"==>"

David: oh wow, shit

07/01/17
"==>"

David: hey man, fuck you

07/01/17
"==>"

Karakarata: OH THANK GOD YOU GUYS ARE HERE, I THOUGHT THE HE WAS GOING TO FUCKING EAT ME, JUST, JUST LOOK AT HIS FUCKING FACE, HIS FUCKING FACE!, WAIT, WHY ARE YOU GUYS WEARING THOSE STUPID ROBES, WHAT THE FUCK ?

David: pipe down lilnig lvl:1. scrublord, you wouldn't understand because you're not one of the fuckin coolguys, bottom fuckin line tho, wizards are the shit

Karakarata: LVL:1. ? AREN'T I A HIGHER FUCKING LEVEL THAN YOU DAVID ?

David: yea but we all know that's just cause of your shitty hosue elf's power level being combined with your own, for fuckin example this shit's like lvl:999+ right now on the dungeon map because we've got fuckin tizi here, shit's dynamic as fuck, you're not gonna take the credit for that ludicrous level are you ?

Karakarata: NO I..... OH FUCK YOU THIS ISN'T EVEN IMPORTANT, WE'RE ALL ON THE VERGE OF BEING FUCKING MURDERED, WE SHOULD FOCUS ON THAT... OH GOD AND HE'S BREAKING DOWN THE FUCKING WALL, WE'RE SO SCREWED

Johan: i think we can probably handle it, teretizi is pretty good at this wizard stuff or whatever it's supposed to be

Teretizi: D444444444444444MN R1GHT 1 4M

David: im gonna go over to the gate and fuck with this guy

07/01/17
"==>"

Johan: so this is it then, this is the ultimate battle, between us and........ him

Teretizi: NO, HON3STLY TH1S 1S JUST US FUCK1NG OV3R SOM3 R4NDOM DUNK TRY1NG TO M3SS W1TH K4R4K4R4T4, TH3 HOUS3 3LF W4S OV3RR34CT1NG, H3'S PROB4BLY JUST BOR3D OF S1TT1NG 4ROUND 1N TH1S SH1TTY 3MPTY C4STL3

David: nah i think johan meant...... you know... HIM

Teretizi: OH, H1M

Johan: yea

Teretizi: TH3N Y3S 1 SUPPOS3 TH4T 1S TH3 C4S3, 1 DON'T TH1NK 1T'S R34LLY 4LL TH4T B1G 4 D34L, H3'S 4 FUCK1NG 4STOUND1NG L3V3L 1N COMP4R1SON TO TH3 COMMON G4RB4G3 W3 S33 4ROUND H3R3, BUT 1 DON'T TH1NK W3 SHOULD R34LLY TR34T H1M L1K3 SUCH 4 FUCK1N B4D4SS, 1 L1K3D K4NY4N TOO BUT L3T'S B3 HON3ST SH3 W4S FUCK1N SH1T-T13R 4T M4G1C

David: yea, but this fucker is no joke, he killed the fuckin rock, the fucking ROCK

Teretizi: YOU'R3 SH1TT1NG M3, OK4Y 1 GU3SS H3'S 4 PR3TTY B1G FUCK1NG D34L, 4LSO TH3 ROCK W4S K1ND OF MY HOM13 SO NOW 1 4CTU4LLY H4V3 SOM3 SORT OF DR1V3 WH3N 1T COM3S TO W4NT1NG TH1S FUCK3R D34D

Johan: oh god they're sieging the wall, i think it's almost time for this shit to go down

07/01/17
"==>"

At long last you have reached the castle walls, Karakarata surely waits inside, you have journeyed long and far in search of great power, surely this is the place in which you are most likely to receive what you seek, today, a hero is born, today, Jackson Jeers will be the one to slay the mighty Karakarata himself

07/01/17
"David, Teretizi, Johan: Conjure Portal"

Your Combined Powers
Conjure A Lvl.100
Portal

07/01/17
"==>"

07/01/17
"==>"

It is Karakarata's house elf, he tells of grave danger, karakarata is in desperate need of our help, the mighty warrior responsible for Kanyan's murder is currently sieging Karakarata's Kingdom, the three of you immediately agree to combine your power and summon a portal, you will not allow this warrior to take another life

07/01/17
"==>"

Suddenly a portal appears atop your dining room table, who dares interrupt your mourning of Kanyan The Corrupted

07/01/17
"==>"

David The Wicked tells you a story of a mighty warrior, with a heart of darkness, and a soul as black as night, you do not fear this warrior, but admire his strength and compassion, you are eager to meet he who has slain one held so dear to you and many others, he who has slain Kanyan The Corrupted

07/01/17
"==>"

David The Wicked enters your domain, a welcomed guest indeed, you insist he have a seat and take part in the consumption of your nutrition clusters, but he has other plans, he tells of a mighty adventurer who has recently slain Kanyan The Corrupted, the three of you mourn your loss

07/01/17
"==>"

07/01/17
"==>"

You ask Egbert The Grey how his adventure within the astral plane was, he says it was fine, everything is fine, and it's totally okay, nothing is wrong and all the things are good, that is a bit of an odd response but you assume you simply do not understand because he speaks in the tongue of the great ones

07/01/17
"==>"

Egbert the grey's facial expression quickly snaps from a blank stare to a look of true horror, shock, and intrigue, surely he has been gifted sacred knowledge by the great ones, the keepers of the astral plane

07/01/17
"==>"

Oh fuck no

07/01/17
"Egbert The Grey: Ascend Astral Plane"

As much as you enjoy the nutritious clusters, surprisingly you do not enjoy ascending the astral plane, you wouldn't dare tell tizi how you felt about this though, you're quite sure she's fucking ecstatic about this shit

07/01/17
"Egbert The Grey: Consume The Meaning Of Life Itself"

You devour the delicious oat clusters and begin ascending the astral plane

07/01/17
"==>"

Ah but of course Egbert The Grey is one step ahead of you, you admire his quick thinking and insist he pour the oat clusters immediately, you dare not waste another second of your life not devouring nutritious oat clusters, their sweet honey glaze pressed against your magnificent taste buds is irreplaceable, johan agrees with all of the above and begins pouring the sacrificial clusters

07/01/17
"Teretizi: Step Forward"

You begin to take one magnificent step, truly a moment of awe, excitement sweeps over the crowd as history is made before their very eyes, the most important thing any mortal shall ever witness, carefully analyzing every ruffle of her cloak as she slowly and gracefully presses on toward another day, a bowl of exceptionally shitty oat clusters awaits you, and you equally await the clusters, eager to sink your razor blade-like teeth into your nutritious and complete breakfast, thousands cheer for the day ahead, indeed they are right to adore you, you are truly magnificent, even if you plan to set this world aflame once you grow tired of your day to day routine of fucking with whoever you desire

07/01/17
"==>"

Your name is Teretizi Pyroperior, when it comes to you the only thing that currently has any importance is the fact that you are an ASPIRING WIZARD, and a damn good one, you have used the combined power of a party hat and a snuggie to achieve your ominous appearance, an ever present threat to reality Teretizi strikes with only the most whimsical and stunning attacks, fires set ablaze throughout the sky, the head of a dragon devours it's prey before suddenly bursting into a beautiful array of shimmering magicka, ah yes the life of a wizard is certainly just right for someone such as yourself

07/01/17
"HolyLight: Realize Your Flaws And Purge The Angels"

07/01/17
"==>"

07/01/17
"==>"

What's this ? Yet another angel has brought to you one of many offerings that you receive daily, something about him honestly looks a bit suspicious, but you aren't one to assume the worst, he insists you will look incredible with this resting atop your dome ........ you do not care for your appearance.... but you would not dare turn down such a generous offering

07/01/17
"==>"

Aha, you've done it, see there reader ? See right there, you've had a breakthrough, suddenly all of your wasted time has been given purpose............ that is NOT to imply that it did not already have purpose, everything has purpose of course, but either way never mind that for now, look here, look at what you have done, four plus four now equals five, you have swapped the numbers eight and five to reach this fantastic result, everything that has taken place previous to this very moment has happened only so that this moment may take place, your purpose in life has finally been discovered to.... no, this is stupid..... you are sure you have a more important ultimate goal than this....... no doubt about it.....

07/01/17
"HolyLight: Do Something Worthwhile"

Whatever do you mean ? You simply do not understand, worthwhile ? Why, everything is worthwhile in it's own right, everything has some sort of intricate purpose..... such as... for example erm.... uhm... you standing here, you standing here accomplishes............. By just standing here you have accomplished wasting the readers' time, the ultimate goal fully realized

07/01/17
"HolyLight: Spawn Angels"

07/01/17
"=>=<=>=<="



Your name is Holy Light, and you hate your own existence, you go on and on about how wonderful it is to be alive and how great it is that you have this one of a kind opportunity to change everything for the better, to achieve your fullest potential, but every now and then you begin to wonder if there is anything to achieve in the first place, the fact that this question even exists disgusts you, every time it arises you simply push it aside, there's no doubt you and everything else has a purpose, you hope................. You spend most of your time moping around Heaven as countless beautiful angels spew from your eyeholes, keeping your Dungeon filled to the brim with these angels is the only way to survive the adventurers who dare to achieve their highest level......

06/01/17
"==>"



Holy Light: H=llo th=r=.


Dastardly Darkness: h-yyyy th-r- nigg-rhors-

Holy Light: W=ll isn't that just a gr=at way to start off this littl= chat ?

Dastardly Darkness: b-st it's gonna g-t

Holy Light: So why did you invit= m= h=r= anyhow?

Dastardly Darkness: mostly just to fuck with you about your whol- "-v-rything has a purpos-" garbag-

Holy Light: I s==, so this is going to b= anoth=r on= of thos= conv=rsations in which you bick=r on for an hour about how I shouldn't b= trying to fix all of th=s= problems

Dastardly Darkness: you just don't g-t it do you, th-r-'s nothing to fix, you k--p pushing yours-lf forward, masking the fact from yours-lf that in th- -nd, non- of this r-ally matters, non- of it -v-r has, and non- of it -v-r r-ally can

Holy Light: We do hav= purpos=, =v=rything has purpos=, for =xampl=, I =xist to giv= th= mortals a r=ason to liv=


Dastardly Darkness: hahahahahaha damn right you do mr "h-aven is a constantly growing pil- of corsp-s", you know what mayb- you'r- on to som-thing, you do giv- the mortals a r-ason to liv-, th-y liv- to avoid d-ath, th-y liv- to avoid winding up with YOU

Holy Light: That is not what I m=ant



Dastardly Darkness: just b-caus- it's not what you m-ant doesn't m-an it isn't tru-, you always act as if your opinions are imm-diat-ly th-..... dar- i say.... holy truth, th- sacr-d fact abov- all -ls- ? it hon-stly disgusts m- how you s-- yours-lf abov- m-, or abov- anyon- for that matt-r, as if you d-ciding what is corr-ct for yours-lf imm-diat-ly d-cid-s what is corr-ct for -v-ryon-, the mortals, the ang-ls, the d-mons, and -v-n m-, you don't hav- to forc- us down what you beli-v- to b- som- holy road, if you simply allow-d us to hav- faith in what w- wish, or to not giv- a shit at all if w- choos- not to, why do-s having a purpos- matt-r so much to you that you forc- your purpos- onto oth-rs ? what's th- point in having a point ? what do you actually achi-v- by constantly stacking up this stupid littl- tow-r just to watch it all tumbl- down infront of you again, and again, and again, pr-t-nding as if it has purpos-, as if som- day you'll und-rstand it, but what you n-v-r s--m to consid-r, is th- possibility that, th- thing you don't y-t und-rstand, is th- fact that th-r- was nothing to und-rstand in th- first plac-, what do you achi-v- by pr-t-nding that th-r- is som- ultimat- goal you'r- constantly working towards, and thus causing nothing but d-struction to achi-v- your p-rf-ct r-ality

Holy Light: Happin=ss.

Dastardly Darkness: you'r- not actually t-lling m- this chaos mak-s you happy ar- you ? how ironic is it that you'd b- th- on- to -njoy this madn-ss and i'd b- the on- sugg-sting w- chill th- fuck out and just -njoy what w-'v- got

Holy Light: You'r= wasting my tim= you know, th=r= is progr=ss to be mad=, this world is crumbling without m=, and you'r= simply sitting h=r= t=lling m= to watch it fall

Dastardly Darkness: y-a man, watch it fall and th-n watch as th-y'r- forc-d to r-build it th-ms-lv-s, to becom- th-ir own p-ople, not guid-d by som- fals- truth you've cr-at-d just to f--l comfortabl- with your own mis-rabl- -xist-nc-, all you'v- don- is caus- pain for th-s- mortals you appar-ntly car- so d--ply for, i may not go out of my way to fix -v-rything lik- you do, but that do-sn't m-an i don't hav- solutions, it just so happ-ns that th- most obvious solution, is to stop looking for probl-ms

Holy Light: I r=ally n==d to g=t back to my work, I know you'r= only trying to stop this world's progr=ssion, w= n==d to mov= forward, anything =ls= would b= path=tic and utt=rly pointl=ss

Dastardly Darkness: it's alr-ady pointl-ss, not -v-n w- hav- an id-ntifiabl- purpos-, who ar- you to think you can giv- the mortals on- ? you should just l-t th-m d-cid- for th-ms-lv-s what is important to th-m, th-n th-y can finally b- happy, or at l-ast b- allow-d to -njoy a misery l-ss painful than constantly fucking dying in h-av-n to your littl- asshol-s, i m-an would it r----ally b- that bad if all of your "progr-ssion" w-r- to sudd-nly stop ? sur- you wouldn't g-t to liv- out your littl- fantasy pr-t-nding as if -v-rything has som- ultimat- m-aning, but no on- would have to di-, no one would hav- to suff-r th- pain that your littl- "gu-sts" up th-r- in h-av-n ar- curr-ntly exp-ri-ncing, you might not b- happy but is your happin-ss r-ally worth mor- to you than th-irs ?

Holy Light: I'v= had =nough of this, I'll b= going now, I hav= important matt=rs to att=nd to

Dastardly Darkness: y-a, of cours- you do, alright, s-- ya nigg-rhors-, i'm sur- the mortals ar- just fuckin loving it up in h-av-n

Holy Light: Dont think I didn't notic= your hair by th= way, you'r= j=alous, ar=n't you ?

Dastardly Darkness: oh fuck off

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

Kinkranak: It's 69ss hunting time!

05/01/17
"Kinkranak: Conjure Lvl: 35. Portal"

Kinkranak: There y9u g9, 9h and just in case y9u cann9t aff9rd t9p tier healing, have these

You have received 2,000 卐's

05/01/17
"==>"

Kinkranak: Perhaps....... 6ut for y9ur sake i'm g9ing to sc9ut 9ut the rest 9f this dunge9n, I d9n't want to accidentally leave a danger9us Dunge9n-69ss r9aming ar9und y9ur hive

Feferefi: no no no t)-(at's fiiiine, i'll be fine

Kinkranak: D9n't 6e silly, i'll set up a p9rtal t9 the h9spital, y9u g9 get fixed up while I make sure there's nothing lurking ar9und in your hive

05/01/17
"==>"

Feferefi:)-(e)-(e)-(e)-(e)-(eeeeeeee)-(.... yea t)-(at sure is weeeeeird, per)-(aaaaaps, you )-(ave to exit t)-(e dungeon to receive the orblets ? c:

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

Feferefi: T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOUT)-(ANK YOU T)-(ANK YOU, t)-(ank you so so so muc)-(, now i can just eat my stupid fis)-(y flakes

Kinkranak: 9h uhm you're welc9me, I guess he must have 6een the 69ss 9f this dunge9n..... weird that I didn't get any 9r6lets for killing him though.......

05/01/17
"==>"

Kinkranak: That is a6s9lutely ####### disgusting

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

Kinkranak: Alright, I, I can d9 this, I can kill this person, I am going to kill him, it's, it's fine this is alright

05/01/17
"==>"

Kinkranak: 9h h9ly ####

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merelin: good girl

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merelin: there we go, now that those little bits are out of the way we can get down to the main event

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merlin: hold still sweetie

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merlin: now then, before your uncle will allow you to experience the pleasure of his cock thrusting inside you, you'll have to endure one last little thing..... it won't hurt a bit I promise

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merlin: now for this last little bit

05/01/17
"==>"

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merlin: As a wise man once said, you won't be needing this

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merlin: now sit down, and for all the trouble you've given me, I'm going to do what my pal would have done had he not been killed recently, once the pain is over I assure you, you'll enjoy yourself, my little fishy bitch

05/01/17
"==>"

You open the door only to find that your uncle is sitting in your favorite chair completely fucking naked

Uncle Merlin: go on then, have a seat sweetie

Feferefi: no fuuuuck you, i'm going just grabbing a bowl of s)-(itty fis)-( flakes and )-(eading back to my room immediately

Uncle Merlin: I'm not in the mood for nos pexei, sit on my lap or I will sit you down myself

Feferefi: do i seriously )-(ave to fucking battle you just to get some cereal ?

Uncle Merlin: no, you simply have to sit down

Feferefi: BLU)-(!

05/01/17
"==>"

After about thirty minutes of just lying around on your bed thinking about all of the horrifying factors of your miserable existence, you begin to grow terribly hungry and have decided to exit your room and get a bowl of shitty fish flakes

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merlin: I won't take no for an answer for much longer you know, eventually I'll just take what I'm after

Feferefi: You most certainly will NOT, please just leave me alone, i'm really not in a good mood rig)-(t now and i don't feel like spending an )-(our in this doorway telling you )-(ow muc)-( i DON'T want to take part in your sick little fantasy

Uncle Merlin: it won't be fantasy for much longer my darling, and by the time my dreams have been met, yours will only begin coming to life, you'll be proud to be living as my hole soon enough my little Pexei

Feferefi: S)-(ut your crusty face, i'm so sick of your s)-(it, i s)-(ould fucking kill your ass for saying creepy s)-(it like t)-(at

Uncle Merlin: fine i'll leave you to cry your eyes out... for now, but i'll be waiting for you on the couch

Feferefi: Eug)-(

05/01/17
"==>"

Uncle Merlin: come now my sexei little Pexsei, I've told you this so many times now I am the key to curing all your adorable little problems

Feferefi: NO!

Uncle Merlin: don't speak over your uncle, that's a bad little Pexsei, you deserve a punishment

Feferefi: NO NO NO NO AND NO, you are not going to TOUC)-( me

Uncle Merlin: that's no way to behave in the presence of your uncle, plus we both know it would make you feel better, just slip off that sweet little skirt of yours and let me relieve you of all your worries

Feferefi: You are one of my worries merlin

05/01/17
"==>"

It's your uncle merlin, he notices your tears and leans in to wipe them from your face, you swat his hand away and demand he leave at once, insisting that you'll be fine on your own, he's always trying to cheer you up, you think he means well but he's really creepy about it sometimes

05/01/17
"==>"

You peek through your bedroom door just in case it's another one of those fuckers looking to kill your ass just so they can toss a point into their HOOD skill tree, you quickly realize it's not like that at all, you recognize his face almost instantly

05/01/17
"Chug Multiple Beers Whilst Unclothing Yourself"

Although that is not the worst idea you've had today, you're a bit busy, in what way are you busy ? Well.... you just heard another one of those fucking portals open in the living room

05/01/17
"==>"

Your name is Feferefi Pexsei, you are a Lvl: 25. Spinjitsu Master currently fighting an epic battle against the mighty armies of a man known only by one name, depression, he is relentless in his attempts to consume you, luckily you have discovered a partial defense against his ever growing army, beer, you have been chugging countless beers since the moment you discovered this method, it doesn't help to keep the armies at bay for long, but when it does, you feel for a moment as if you'll never have to worry about anything ever again. Your hobbies include telling HORRIBLE JOKES, playing SHITTY OLD ATARI GAMES on a partially smashed television, and DEALING WITH PORTALS CONSTANTLY OPENING IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR HOUSE. What will you be getting up to ?

05/01/17
"NiggerHorse: Commence Epic Battle Scene"

04/01/17
"==>"

Jackson: OH MY FUCKING GOD, Niggerhorse I DEMAND you stop stealing the spotlight AT ONCE, I have had it with you becoming the main character of MY story

04/01/17
"Hill Giant: Ascend"

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK, ANYONE BUT HIM

04/01/17
"Jackson: Realize You Have Made A Terrible Mistake"

It suddenly dawns on you that you may have made a terrible mistake

04/01/17
"==>"

You call out to the "Hill Giant" but hear no response

04/01/17
"==>"

You're just going to make the best of it, you quickly travel to the Hill Giant's Slaughter, you need all the 卐's you can get

04/01/17
"==>"

You did not expect Tier 1 Recovery to be so horribly painful...

04/01/17
"Jackson: Acquire Hospitality"

Yet again your lack of funds has bested you, your arm is desperate for treatment, and thus you are left with no choice but to spend all of your hard earned 卐's on the Tier 1 Recovery

04/01/17
"==>"

04/01/17
"Jackson: Seek Hospitality"

You mount your noble steed and head off toward Miami, your arm is in desperate need of recovery

04/01/17
"Jackson: Mental Breakdown"

He's just over there.... and he's, he's eating her, you've done nothing to earn your victory, the NiggerHorse had won the battle for you from the very beginning, IT WAS ALL HIM, HE WAS THE TRUE VICTOR ALL ALONG

Jackson: Wellllll niggerhorse, I ask you this, who was rewarded the experience orblets ? MEEEEEEEEE!!!, I gained the orblets, this is my victory, you will receive NO credit for your attempt to steal the spotlight!

04/01/17
"Oh But It Can"

Jackson: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

04/01/17
"Jackson: Deny Reality"

You exit the Dungeon feeling pretty swanky, but...... what's this.... NO, THIS CAN'T BE

04/01/17
"Jackson: Acquire Funds"

Before leaving you loot the Dungeon and come across a chest full of beautiful shining 卐's. You receive 500 卐's...... oh great, right back where you started, well you suppose it's better than nothing, but you certainly won't be buying another NiggerHorse

04/01/17
"Jackson: Experience Shock And Delight"

Suddenly you receive 5,000 Experience Orblets for having successfully raided a lvl: 20. Dungeon, you did it, you actually did it, you hit her, this is, this is amazing, you've never felt so great in your entire life, who'd have guessed your happiest moment in life would occur immediately after having your arm ripped off. Your Power Level is increased to 16 and you gain 2 Skill Points

04/01/17
"Jackson: Ruminate"

The smoke begins to settle as everything suddenly goes silent.... you're confused, did you hit her ? Or perhaps is she simply hiding... waiting to strike........ either way you need to get the fuck out of here as soon as possible

04/01/17
"Jackson: Shit Pants"

She leaps toward you in a cloud of smoke, you fire all of your remaining bullets whilst simultaneously shitting your pants

04/01/17
"Jackson: Retaliate"

You begin firing off shots, but she's just too fast, if only your trusty NiggerHorse were capable of climbing those stairs, perhaps the Drive-By skill would have assisted you in shooting her down

04/01/17
"Jackson: Oh Shit"

Jackson: OH SHIT

04/01/17
"Jackson: Experience Extreme Pain"

She quickly sinks her teeth into your flesh and begins to tug back her head

04/01/17
"Kanyan: Respond Like A Strong And Independent Woman"

XXXSSSSSS

04/01/17
"Jackson: Reach For Rumble Spheres"

You lean in closer in an attempt to caress her succulent rumble spheres

04/01/17
"Jackson: Consider Options"

Again the wampire lady insists you leave, the silly assmeat doesn't seem to understand that she's done nothing to drive you away, quite the opposite rather

04/01/17
"Jackson: Indulge"

Your eyes widen as the wampire lady's Sexy-Jutsu takes effect, she is an absolutely stunning hol- woman, she is an absolutely stunning woman and you would not mind getting your hands on that as- She is a very attractive PERSON, whom you respect and will not exploit for your sexual desires....

04/01/17
"Kanyan: Preform Jutsu"

04/01/17
"Kanyan: Threaten Mentally Handicapped Fellow"

The wampire lady warns that if you do not leave at once, she will be forced to use her Ultimate-Jutsu, you are afraid of what this excellent piece of ass has up her sleeve, but continue to stand your ground, you're not backing down now, you've put too much into this quest already, you've sunk all of your precious 卐's into this journey, there's no turning back.

04/01/17
"Jackson: Assess Surroundings"

At long last you reach the final step, you find yourself face to face with the wampire woman herself, sadly she does not seem to be in any sort of emotional distress or experiencing any sort of existential crisis

Kanyan: Sir If You Don't Mind Me Asking, What On Earth Are You Doing In My Hive?

The wampire lady has addressed you as "Sir", you obviously have a gentlewoman on your hands, perhaps she will be kind enough to understand her place as a woman and drop those pants imme- What you mean to say is that you are glad to finally encounter a woman with manners, hopefully she will be willing to assist you in your quest for beautiful experience orblets. You attempt to ask her for her assistance.

Jackson: Please bend over.. I mean do you need help with anything ma'am, I mean uhm...

Kanyan: Excuse Me?

Jackson: Madam, will you help me to gain my precious experience orblets ?


It begins to dawn on you that you have a mentally handicapped little fellow on your hands, you attempt to escort him out, but he refuses to leave

Jackson: Ma'am please, I just need to raid your dungeon to gain my orblets!


He is now speaking to you with extreme levels of innuendo, again you insist that he leave at once, as expected he refuses to budge

04/01/17
"Jackson: Climb"

You enter the tower only to find a seemingly endless staircase, you have been warned of the many dangers present when climbing an ever so threatening case of stairs such as this, you now fully understand the reasoning for this dungeon's dasterdly high level

04/01/17
"Jackson: Travel To Vampiric Desolation Lvl: 20"

You assume your best chances are with the Vampiric Desolation, it seems to be the only dungeon around here that is within your Power-Level, although you are five levels below the suggested level, you assume that is just part of keeping things challenging, luckily for you, your NiggerHorse does not seem to have any effect on Fast-Travel, although his use in combat will surely be awful

04/01/17
"Jackson: Admire Sunset"

After a solid 35 minutes or so the ever so stubborn NiggerHorse has managed to reach the top of this hill, you stare into the setting sun in awe as this day of adventure finally comes to an end, many days will follow behind this one, you have high hopes that each will be equally as adventurous, you decide to check your Local-Dungeon-Map, hopefully there are a few dungeons in your area that meet your current Power-Level

03/01/17
"NiggerHorse: Charge Forward Into The Setting Sun"

But of course, the niggerhorse flails around frantically, it has become horribly clear that the niggerhorse is mentally impaired, that confounded salesmen has bested you

03/01/17
"Jackson: Mount Steed"

You mount your noble steed and command him to charge onward, you both have a long day of adventure ahead of you, your veins pumping with the thirst for action you are more than ready for your steed to make haste toward the setting sun.... toward ADVEEEENTURE

03/01/17
"Jackson: Acquire Steed"

As expected the NiggerHorse is lackluster at best, the very fact that you weren't capable of purchasing a higher caliber mount causes you to feel defeated, as if everything you've done up until this point has been completely worthless, but that's alright, you'll make up for it, with the NiggerHorse at your side you'll raid many a dungeon, and acquire thousands of 卐's, you'll be soaring overhead in your Regalia Type: F in no time at all!

03/01/17
"Jackson: Purchase Mount"

Alas you can only afford the feeble NiggerHorse, you reluctantly purchase it whilst looking down in shame, you do not enjoy being so dreadfully poor

03/01/17
"Gremlin: Enlighten"

Dick: actually man, the Drive-By skill effects all mobile combat, so long as you're not the one causing the movement, your accuracy and damage while using ranged weapons is increased significantly, for example sitting on someone's shoulders..... ooooooooor

Your best pal gremlin points to a nearby Mount shop

03/01/17
"Jackson: Inquire"

You ask your best pal gremlin if he knows the specific effects of the Drive-By skill

03/01/17
"Jack: Share Syck Loot"

You have decided to share your syck lootz with your best pal gremlin, both of you slip into the crotchless panties and break out into dance

03/01/17
"Jackson: Spend Skill-Points"

You drop 10 Skill Points into Shooting, just to even things out a bit, you're starting to believe it was a bit foolish to have spent all of your previous points on the Drive-By skill, seeing as you'll need a car to ever make any use of it whatsoever

03/01/17
"Jackson: Examine Skill-Trees"

You examine your stats and decide to add a few more points to the HOOD skill tree

03/01/17
"Jackson: Receive Experience"

You receive 10,000 Experience Orblets for having successfully raided a lvl: 25. Dungeon

03/01/17
"Jackson: Reap Rewards"

You exit the portal and immediately begin examining your syck loot

03/01/17
"Jackson: Escape Post Haste"

03/01/17
"Jackson: Conjure Shitty Portal"

You quickly cast an extremely shitty portal, there's no time to work on a more detailed one right now, you're in fucking danger, it's time to skedaddle POST HASTE

03/01/17
"Feferefi: Defend Drawer"

Oh no, the bitch was lurking around this entire time, you'll need to conjure a portal immediately

03/01/17
"Jackson: Unsurprising Development"

But of course, you are not surprised in the least to discover that this bitch owns crotchless panties

03/01/17
"Jackson: Raid Drawer"

You have decided to raid feferefi's drawer in search of some dank panties, gremlin would be proud, perhaps you'll haul your sweet loot back over to him once you've completed your raid, bitch doesn't deserve panties anyway

03/01/17
"Feferefi: Shocking Development"

DAMN IT ALL, she's used her body replacement technique, but of course, how could you have been foolish enough to believe it'd be this easy to defeat her, she could be anywhere now, you suppose it's not worth hunting her down, she's obviously thousands of levels above you when it comes to spinjitsu, this is what you get for maxing your drive by ability and ignoring all other stats

03/01/17
"Jackson: Preform Unreasonable Response"

You've absolutely had it with this bitch, as a result of being over her bullshit you have just sort of shot her in her stupid face

03/01/17
"Feferefi: Preform Reasonable Response"

She just sort of punches you in the face like the huge bitch she is, that's it, that's the last straw, you've had it with this crazy bitch, you're absolutely fucking DONE with her bullshit

03/01/17
"Jackson: Smack Bitch"

You smack the shit out of feferefi, she deserves it for harming your excellent little forhead, how dare she hurt you, all you've done is try to help her and THIS is what you get in return ? she won't be getting any more help from you, oh no, only beatings, she should know her place as a slut beneath your excell- YOU MEAN, you react in an ungentlemanly way and immediately regret it, both of you are in the wrong here and should work together to improve your behavior

03/01/17
"Feferefi: Fuck Him Up"

Feeling your tongue pressing against her cheek she snaps back to her senses and quickly smashes a bottle on your head, large shards of glass cut into your skull, your pain being amplified by beer seeping into your wounds, this woman is a grade a BITCH

03/01/17
"Jackson: Take Advantage Of Feferefi's Drunken State"

She seems to be spacing out a bit, you decide to make use of this convenient occurrence and immediately lean closer to her, licking dribbles of beer off her sweet little cheeks, WHAT YOU MEAN IS..... actually there's not any way to make this look gentlemanly..... uhm..... YOU LICK HER CHEEKS IN AN ATTEMPT TO MYSTICALLY RELIEVE HER OF HER STRESS ?................

03/01/17
"Feferefi: Chug Beer"

She is now guzzling that obscene drink like a nasty bitch whilst ignoring your presence, that's alright, you like it when they play hard to get, you also enjoy a nasty bitch from time to time............... WHAT YOU MEANT TO SAY IS, you really need to talk with her about her drinking problem

03/01/17
"Jackson: Assess Sheer Level Of Bitchiness"

For whatever reason she does not seem to enjoy being embraced by you, equally she does not enjoy you whispering to her with your lips pressed to her ear about how incredible your personality is. This woman is obviously a HUGE BITCH, you just don't understand why she doesn't understand how well you understand women and their feelings, you've had it with these crazy bitches. What you meant to say was that your attempt to comfort her has shockingly failed and you will proceed attempting to relieve her of the emotional distress she is currently experiencing

03/01/17
"Jackson: Comfort Emotionally Unstable Hole"

You attempt to cheer up the independent woman by telling her how wonderful you are whilst creeping up next to her and wrapping your arm gently around her precious little body...........

03/01/17
"Jackson: Examine Surroundings"

You find yourself face to face with an emotionally unstable hole, you mean an emotionally unstable PERSON, either way, jackpot. What you obviously meant to say is, you've found yourself face to face with a person who needs your comforting.... YOU MEAN A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF.................

03/01/17
"Jackson: Make Haste"

You quickly enter the portal

03/01/17
"Jackson: Conjure Portal"

Seeing as you're the main character it's only fair that you have the ability to cast a lvl: 1. Portal, but you're not just any old main character, you are an EXCELLENT main character, and thus you have cast an extravagant lvl: 6. Portal

03/01/17
"Now Then..........."

Based on your previous statement on the sheer lack of pussy you've received, you have decided your first course of action will be to seek a prime pussy to puncture

03/01/17
"Jackson's Journey"


Your name is jackson, jackson jeers. You seem to have suddenly been promoted to being the main focus of homecuck, according to you this is only fitting, in all honesty this is how it should have been from the start. Up until now this entire comic has been lackluster and uneventful, but now that such an excellent and interesting person is in charge, things will most certainly change for the better, firstly, you have received a shockingly low amount of pussy, not to say you are a player or objectify women in any way, oh of course not that would be ever so ungentlemanly, no, but rather, statistically, based on how wonderful a person you are, you truly find it shocking that you've only received one puss within this comic, and that scene may have classified as rape...... no no i'm sure vereskar wanted you to suddenly take her by the ass, she loved every moment of it. Oh fiddlesticks you're losing your train of thought, alright, bottom fucking line here guys, jackson is the main character, here we fucking go.

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02/01/17
"Dickman: Display Villainous Intent"


Dick: Well then, here we are, the home of the mean lady herself, jackson, we need to convince the mean lady to let us stay at her place so we can basically have an extremely shitty sitcom
Jackson: oh uhm, why do we need to invade tizi's home, that seems awfully rude, not gentlemanly at all
Dick: I'll give you the fucking short version, ross died, i got evicted, the new owner said I COULDN'T live in their closet because obviously they were a horribly ungentlemanly person themselves, so we're gonna have to crash here, plus you'll probably go sneak into tizi's fucuckin pantie drawer and have the time of your life anyway
Jackson: WHO ME??? WHY I'D NEVER
Dick: Alright, yea, sure, well i suppose if you don't want to help me breaking into this place then you can just kind of fuck off and live in the alleyways, as if i give a shit
Jackson: fine, i will assist you in your quest to acquire hospitality, but don't get up to anything mischevious........................................ without me

02/01/17
"Johan: Preform Highly Dangerous Cabinet-open Fridge-shut Combo"


Teretizi: JOH4N G3T M3 C3RRRR344L, 1 N33D D3L1C1OUS CR1SPY B1TS OF D3L1GHT 1MM3D14T3LY
Johan: alright man i'm on it

02/01/17
"Tizi: Fuck The Fridgebeast Up"


Johan: OH WOW ALRIGHT, FUCK
Calliope: YOU WILL REGRET THISSSSSSSSSSS I WILL MAKE YOU PAAAAAYYWAIHFOU9WAIPGKJIHOAWPGIA'L

02/01/17
"Tizi: Flip Your Shit"


Johan: oh god he's fucking expanding again!
Teretizi: TH4T 1S 1T, 1 H4V3 H4D 1T W1TH YOU FR1DG3B34ST, YOU'V3 GON3 4ND GOTT3N M3 OFF MY L4ZY 4SS, W4TCH YOUR SH1T, H3R3 1 FFFFUUCK1NG COM3 >:O
Johan: i'm just going to huddle up over here, good luck with that shit man

02/01/17
"Tizi: Threaten Fridgebeast"

Teretizi: LOOK FR1DG3MONST3R, 1 4M NOT FUCK1NG 4W4K3 3NOUGH FOR TH1S R1GHT NOW, 1 DO NOT 3V3N W4NT TO 4TTTTT3MPT TO D34L W1TH YOUR SH1T 4T TH3 MOM3NT, SO 1F YOU COULD FUUUUUUUCK OFFF, 1 PROM1S3 W3 C4N FUCK1NG B4TTL3 1T OUT L4T3R
Johan: it's expanding again tizi, he's going to explode the milk carton on everything like last time
Teretizi: OHHHHHHHH NO H3'S NOT, 1'LLLL FUCK1NG 344T H1M

02/01/17
"John: Assess Predicament"


Johan: tizi that stupid fucuckin fridgemonster is back
Teretizi: H3 D1DN'T TOUCH MY FUCK1NG 1C3D COFF33 D1D H3? >:O
Johan: i find it somewhat impossible for him to have not touched your iced coffee, he's like all jammed up in there
Calliope: I WILL DEVOUR YOUR SOUL AS IF IT WERE THE FINE DESSERTS PREVIOUSLY FOUND WITHIN YOUR REFRIGERATOR
Teretizi: PRRRRR33333V1OUSLY >:OOOOO YOU H4V3 D3VOUR3D MY D3SS3RTS FOR TH3 L4ST T1M3 FR1DG3 B34ST, 1 W1LL FUCK1NG 33333ND YOU

02/01/17
"Tizi: Request Beverage"

Teretizi: JOH4N GR4B M3 4N 1C3D COFF33 1MM3D14T3LY
Johan: alright man i'm all over it

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