AlterniaFM


21/03/17
"Hazard: Get the hell up! ==>"

You reluctantly 'get the hell up'.
You just sort of woke up and are still sort of groggy, but you're not going to be able to get to bed any time soon now.

20/03/17
"==>"

[image]
You are suddenly someone who didn't just lose a dearly loved family member.

22/02/17
"[S] Subwufer: Explore. ==>"

[image]
Click the image above to go to the playable segment!

22/02/17
"SUBWUFER: Open door and enter hallway. ==>"

[image]
Yeah okay, but,
Why are all the lights off?

22/02/17
"SUBWUFER: Check on parents? Please? ==>"

[image]
Yeah. It sounds like they calmed down.

21/02/17
"==>"

[image]
IT IS LOVE.

21/02/17
"SUBWUFER: Examine caffeine addiction. ==>"

[image]
It is not an addiction.

09/02/17
"SUBWUFER: For the feeling of compliance, explore your room. ==>"

[image]
You personally think that sounds stupid but, sure why not?
To your immediate right is an IRONIC POSTER from your friend, both of which mock your resemblance to a STONER, which you weren't too happy about at first but you've come to tolerate it.
Dear god this poster is shitty.

08/02/17
"SUBWUFER: Well how about now? ==>"

[image]
You would, but...
Yeah no thanks.

20/01/17
"SUBWUFER: Do as you thought to do. ==>"

[image]
You will, but first you are going to get hassled by a friend.



toxicAnonymous [TA] began pestering headlessSpeaker [HS]

TA: hey sub?
HS: Uhuh
HS: Whoze thi$?


You then proceeded to have a conversation we already saw.


20/01/17
"Just, rewind. ==>"

[image]
Ah, here we are.
Your name is SUBWUFER, you are roughly 14 years of age and your astrological sign is TAURUS. You are currently standing in your room, wondering how you should spend your time.
Maybe you should go downstairs and see what your MOM and DAD are up to.

20/01/17
":^] ==>"

[image]
Son of a BITCH.
You wanted to be this person when they were ALIVE!
Was that too much to ask?

20/01/17
"Meet someone new. ==>"

[image]
You are now...
Wait a second.
Is this....

20/01/17
"==>"

Well then, It is decided.
It sure would have been fun to dream, though.

10/01/17
"INTERLUDE"

Hmm... What is there to do..

08/01/17
"==>"

[image]
Nap time.

08/01/17
"==>"

[image]
That was starting to creep you out...
You think you're done with pesterchum for today...
You turn off your music and decide to follow MD's advice.
Nap time?

08/01/17
"Hazard: Wait for response. ==>"

[image]
You wait a little before typing something along the lines of "Did you accidentally message me?" Wait.. Why is your text further down? Oh. This prick types in light gray. You have to highlight what he says...

slatedNet [SN] began pestering toxicAnonymous [TA]

SN: Okay so first of all, You have to understand how important this message is so I will try my very best to make this quick as I myself am running out of time before the next time hop so you had better god damn respond quickly.
TA: hello?
TA: anybody there?

SN: Yes, Someone is here.
TA: helloooooooo?
TA: wa|t.
TA: ohhh, you type |n gray.
TA: whats a t|me hop?

SN: I've got no time to explain, just..
SN: Listen.
SN: I need you to send me the product number of your mechanical pencil.

TA: what, why??
SN: Why hesitate???? What is the worst I could do???
TA: sure... here ya go you l|ttle creep.
TA: 1678809


slatedNet [SN] ceased pestering toxicAnonymous [TA]

What the hell..?

08/01/17
"Hazard: Message somebody. ==>"

[image]
You would if someone was online, but it's okay because someone else is already messaging you.
But... Where's the text in the chat window?
You figure they just haven't said anything yet.

31/12/16
"Hazard: Wow, mean. now go to YOUTUBE and listen to IRONIC MUSIC. ==>"

[image]
This isn’t even ironic, this is just beauty incarnated into a song.
Oh well music is no good if you are JUST listening to it; you may as well message someone while you rock out.

27/12/16
":("

[image]
I'm not sorry.

27/12/16
"Hazard: Where are your arms, anyway?"

[image]
On your torso, duh..
Why wouldn't you know that, did you skip pre-school??

27/12/16
"Hazard: Keep being yourself. ==>"

[image]
You were going to do that anyway but whatever...

27/12/16
"HR: Message Hazard. ==>"

[image]

homelessReptilian [HR] began pestering toxicAnonymous [TA]

HR: hΣyyyy.
HR: wassup.

TA: spunke||?
HR: YΣΣΣ boi.
TA: haha cool.
TA: |s that the s|gma s|gn?

HR: that>> Σ ?
HR: if so, yΣ.

TA: sweet
HR:
───────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄──────────
─────▄▄▀▀▀▀───────────▀▀▄▄──────
───▄▀───────────────────────▀▀▄────
──█─────────────────────────────█───
─█──────────────────────▄▀▀▀▀▀█▄
█▀──────────────────────█────▄███
█───────────────────────█────▀███
█─────▄▀▀██▀▄─────────█───────█
█────█──████─█─────────▀▄▄▄▄▄█─
█────█──▀██▀─█───────────────────█─
█────█───────█───────────────────▄▀─
█────▀▄─────▄▀──▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄───█──
█──────▀▀▀▀▀────█─█─█─█─█──▄▀──
─█──────────────▀▄█▄█▄█▀──▄▀───
──█─────────────────────────▄▀────
───▀▀▀▄──────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀──────
────────▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀────────────────

TA: oh my fuck|ng god where and when d|d you f|nd that.
HR:
───────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄──────────
─────▄▄▀▀▀▀───────────▀▀▄▄──────
───▄▀───────────────────────▀▀▄────
──█─────────────────────────────█───
─█──────────────────────▄▀▀▀▀▀█▄
█▀──────────────────────█────▄███
█───────────────────────█────▀███
█─────▄▀▀██▀▄─────────█───────█
█────█──████─█─────────▀▄▄▄▄▄█─
█────█──▀██▀─█───────────────────█─
█────█───────█───────────────────▄▀─
█────▀▄─────▄▀──▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄───█──
█──────▀▀▀▀▀────█─█─█─█─█──▄▀──
─█──────────────▀▄█▄█▄█▀──▄▀───
──█─────────────────────────▄▀────
───▀▀▀▄──────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀──────
────────▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀────────────────
───────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄──────────
─────▄▄▀▀▀▀───────────▀▀▄▄──────
───▄▀───────────────────────▀▀▄────
──█─────────────────────────────█───
─█──────────────────────▄▀▀▀▀▀█▄
█▀──────────────────────█────▄███
█───────────────────────█────▀███
█─────▄▀▀██▀▄─────────█───────█
█────█──████─█─────────▀▄▄▄▄▄█─
█────█──▀██▀─█───────────────────█─
█────█───────█───────────────────▄▀─
█────▀▄─────▄▀──▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄───█──
█──────▀▀▀▀▀────█─█─█─█─█──▄▀──
─█──────────────▀▄█▄█▄█▀──▄▀───
──█─────────────────────────▄▀────
───▀▀▀▄──────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀──────
────────▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀────────────────

───────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄──────────
─────▄▄▀▀▀▀───────────▀▀▄▄──────
───▄▀───────────────────────▀▀▄────
──█─────────────────────────────█───
─█──────────────────────▄▀▀▀▀▀█▄
█▀──────────────────────█────▄███
█───────────────────────█────▀███
█─────▄▀▀██▀▄─────────█───────█
█────█──████─█─────────▀▄▄▄▄▄█─
█────█──▀██▀─█───────────────────█─
█────█───────█───────────────────▄▀─
█────▀▄─────▄▀──▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄───█──
█──────▀▀▀▀▀────█─█─█─█─█──▄▀──
─█──────────────▀▄█▄█▄█▀──▄▀───
──█─────────────────────────▄▀────
───▀▀▀▄──────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀──────
────────▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀────────────────

───────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄──────────
─────▄▄▀▀▀▀───────────▀▀▄▄──────
───▄▀───────────────────────▀▀▄────
──█─────────────────────────────█───
─█──────────────────────▄▀▀▀▀▀█▄
█▀──────────────────────█────▄███
█───────────────────────█────▀███
█─────▄▀▀██▀▄─────────█───────█
█────█──████─█─────────▀▄▄▄▄▄█─
█────█──▀██▀─█───────────────────█─
█────█───────█───────────────────▄▀─
█────▀▄─────▄▀──▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄───█──
█──────▀▀▀▀▀────█─█─█─█─█──▄▀──
─█──────────────▀▄█▄█▄█▀──▄▀───
──█─────────────────────────▄▀────
───▀▀▀▄──────────▄▄▄▄▄▄▀▀──────
────────▀▀▀▀▀▀▀▀────────────────


TA: god damm|t.
HR: xD

toxicAnonymous [TA] blocked homelessReptilian [HR]

27/12/16
"Erasable: Okay then... Maybe check that PC message? ==>"

[image]
Yeah, you calm down and meander over to you computer and power it on.

idioticMasquerade [IM] began pestering disposableMilitia [DM]

IM: A\\O.
DM: hey, um
DM: excuse me 6ut i d0nt think i kn0w y0u

IM: OH MY \ORD.
IM: HAHAHAHAHAH.
IM: ITS RAI\WAYGUY.

DM: 0h!
DM: why didnt y0u just say that?

IM: I HAVE \ITERA\\Y NO IDEA.
DM: are y0u using /’s for l’s?
IM: YEAH.
DM: ah
DM: i th0ught s0

IM: THEN YOU THOUGHT RIGHT, MY FRIEND.
IM: HAVE YOU HEARD OF THIS NEW GAME THAT JUST HIT GREEN\IGHT?
IM: ITS CA\\ED SBURB.

DM: yeah
DM: ive already g0tten a server player th0ugh
DM: s0rry

IM: NO ITS COO\ I HAVE ONE TOO.
DM: wh0
IM: DO YOU GUYS STI\\ TA/K TO MOFF? IF SO, HE’S MY SERVER P\AYER.
DM: c00l, 6ut.. n0t really, we havent 6een a6le t0 talk t0 him recently, let al0ne even get a h0ld 0f him
IM: HMM.
DM: “hmm”??
IM: YES “HMM”
IM: I JUST FIND THAT INTERESTING AS I’VE BEEN TA\KING TO HIM FOR QUITE A WHI\E NOW.

DM: 0h
DM: “hmm” indeed
DM: wait a sec0nd
DM: g0sh dangit i g0tta g0

IM: KAY.
DM: tell m0ff i said hi
IM: WI\\ DO.

idioticMasquerade [IM] ceased pestering disposableMilitia [DM]

27/12/16
"==>"

[image]
GOD DAMMIT

27/12/16
"Erasable: Examine and open INTEREST CHEST. ==>"

[image]
You open the crate, you always liked the name of it, how it rhymed and rolled out of your mouth when you say its name, even if it isn’t a chest but rather a wooden crate. Inside is a BROKEN XBOX-360 CONTROLLER, which was broken when your YOUNGER BROTHER took it to a friend’s house who was notorious for breaking things, you miss that controller, but you like your new one a lot better. Inside there is also a heap of EXTENSION CORD, and your weapon of choice, an OVERSIZED SCREWDRIVER, categorized under the toolkind abstratus.
Wait.. is that a PS3 controller???

27/12/16
"Erasable: Examine CONSOLES. ==>"

[image]
Here they are, pride and joy...
It’s an XBOX-ONE, WII-U, XBOX-360, and off to the side is your COMPUTER. It seems you are being messaged on said computer, but it can’t possibly hurt to wait a little longer to respond.

26/12/16
"Erasable: Examine room. ==>"

[image]
Ha! Hazard didn’t bother to do this, he’s too business-y sometimes, you are less chill than him, but you like to take things slow from time to time. In your ROOM is your BED, GAMING STATION (containing all of your CONSOLES and other GAMING GEAR.), and of course the obligatory INTREST CHEST.

26/12/16
"Guess name. ==>"

[image]
You make a wild guess, and turns out you ended up correct!
Your name is ERASABLE REX and you are about the same age as HAZARD, and your astrological sign is SAGITTARIUS. You are currently listening to music, or rather you WERE listening to music till we dropped by. The music video for the song is pretty disturbing but you like the beat and the overall flow of the song, you-unlike the majority of your friends-understand what makes a good song good. One of the said friends who understands good music is the only other person we’ve REALLY met so far, Hazard. You two are basically best friends, whether you two like it or not. Sure you have your ups and downs, but you don’t think much could separate you.
Your interests are the previously mentioned MUSIC, but like most of your friends you highly enjoy GAMES and making or watching YOUTUBE VIDEOS. To go more in-depth on your GAMING interests, you think your favorite game is MINECRAFT, but you like the CALL OF DUTY FRANCHISE, even if you AREN’T VERY GOOD AT SHOOTER GAMES. Online you are ERASABLEREX4172, but on PESTERCHUM you are disposableMilitia.

26/12/16
"Hazard: Be someone else while you convince your parents to buy you Sburb. ==>"

[image]
You succeed greatly, and are now a helmet wearing kid in his bedroom.
You are confused as to why we are not being introduced, and assume it is because this person lacks a name, how sad!

26/12/16
"Hazard: Answer Chum. ==>"

[image]



metallicDjinn [MD] began pestering toxicAnonymous [TA]

MD: HeY HAZARD!
MD: HAZARRRD?!

TA: uh, hey bronzy.
MD: THeRe YOU ARe!
TA: yeah, here | am.
TA: hey uhm.
TA: how long have you been try|ng to pester me?

MD: IT FeeLS LIKe IT HAS BeeN AN HOUR, BUT IN ALL ReALITY IT WAS LIKeLY ONLY ABOUT THRee MINUTeS
TA: okay good, | th|nk | fa|nted and | don't know how long | was passed out on the ground.....
MD: WAIT, YOU PASSeD OUT?
TA: yeah.
MD: WHY
TA: no |dea.
MD: WeLL ANYWAYS, I GOTTA ASK YOU SOMeTHING
TA: thats okay, but could you PLEASE stop typ|ng l|ke that??
MD: finE
TA: thank you. cont|nue.
MD: alright, so i was kinda wondEring if i could bE your sErvEr playEr
TA: what's a server player?
MD: thEy arE basically your guidE in sburb!
TA: so |ts part of sburb, ok.
TA: sure, | see no reason why you SHOULDN'T be my 'SeRVeR PLAYeR'.

MD: hEEyy, >:(
TA: alr|ght |'ll try not to make fun of how you type.
MD: :)
MD: wa|t, do you EvEn HAVe a sp?
TA: | don't th|nk so.
TA: wa|t who are the other server players?
MD: uhh, wEll AI is DM’s sErvEr playEr, HR is HS’s’s’s sErvEr playEr
TA: *HS'
MD: and i think that eP is BB's sp
MD: can i call thEm sp's?
TA: sure.
MD: KeWL!
MD: SORRY, BUT I ReALLY PReFeR CAPS LOCK OVeR LOWeRCASe!

TA: (the deepest of s|ghs)
TA: whatevs.

MD: KeWL, SO BASICALLY WHeN YOU GeT SBURB, TO MAKe Me YOUR SeRVeR PLAYeR INSeRT MY NAMe INTO The BAR THAT SAYS SOMeTHING LIKe: “Are you a server player or do you have a server player?”
MD: DONT HOLD Me TO THAT THOUGH, MY MeMORY CAN Be PReTTY SHIT SOMeTIMeS
TA: sure, | guess |'ll talk to you later, s|nce th|s conversat|on |s go|ng relat|vely nowhere.
MD: OKAY, L8R

metallicDjinn [MD] ceased pestering toxicAnonymous [TA]

26/12/16
"Hazard: Put on your glasses and realize you are being pestered. ==>"

[image]
Oh.. Uhm.
You should probably answer that, shouldn't you?

26/12/16
"Hazard: Regain Consciousness. ==>"

[image]
Wh-
What.. WAS that?
You feel like you blacked out for a little while there..
Ugh, Your head is throbbing..

25/12/16
"???: Think. ==>"

[image]
You stare into the sunset, and your CLOTHES soak in the BLOOD OF THE FALLEN, you suppose it could be considered poetic? No, instead you think it is just sad...

21/12/16
"==>"

[image]



toxicAnonymous [TA] began pestering headlessSpeaker [HS]

TA: hey sub?
HS: Uhuh
HS: Whoze thi$?

TA: |t's hazard.
HS: Oh, hey
TA: so long story short |'m bored and remembered that one suburbs game you ment|oned.
HS: $burb?
TA: that's probably |t.
HS: Wait
HS: Are you buying it?

TA: yeah
HS: Aw $weet, Its in Alpha b-t-dubs
HS: You’d better not back out on me la$t $econd

TA: don’t worry | won’t forget, k?
HS: Right on
TA: okay then, later.
HS: Later$

toxicAnonymous [TA] ceased pestering headlessSpeaker [HS]

21/12/16
"Hazard: Input the ‘CHUMHANDLES’ into your ‘CHUMROLL’. ==>"

[image]
You do that easily, but you decide maybe its best you skip past it as the process is boring. Your CHUMROLL now reads:
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
l disposaleMilitia
l empirePawn
l headlessSpeaker
l metallicDjinn
l homelessReptilian
l adolescentIgnition
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
You may as well talk to the one you were talking about earlier, headlessSpeaker, or SUBWUFER.

21/12/16
"Hazard: Enter “toxicAnonymous” into the empty bar labeled: CHUMHANDLE. ==>"

[image]
You do so and pray to god nobody has taken that name yet, you also choose a warm orange for your TEXT COLOR, and when you click OK a pop up appears saying "Would you like a quirk?" You click YES and choose REPLACEMENT STYLE, choosing to replace the letter “i” with a “|”, You think this is quite “quirky” and give yourself a pat on the back, you do so in your head though, as you don’t want to look narcissistic.
You remember you wrote down your friends’ account names, that is, those of them who have the program. Ah, there’s the paper.

Man, you sure did a lot without showing us any of it! You wonder what LAZY artist would allow such debauchery?

21/12/16
"Hazard: Do that. ==>"

[image]
M’kay. You start up the program but... Oh, you need to make an account first! Your name should be something... Ambiguous...

21/12/16
"Neither, Interests first. ==>"

[image]
Interests? Okay then, you have a great fascination with FIRST PERSON SHOOTERS--and gaming in general--but you also enjoy the previously mentioned MINECRAFT, as well as just pixilated games; including RETRO GAMES. Besides gaming, you also like to DRAW things, mostly just doodles but you think they turn out okay. You are known for FINISHING OTHER PEOPLE’S SOFT DRINKS, even when they DON’T WANT YOU TO, and you are also known to be TOO CHILL FOR YOUR OWN GOOD, which you agree with, as someone could be trying to anger you, and you honestly wouldn’t care. You also have a decent amount of FRIENDS on the internet, whom we will likely see later.
As for the game though... Well, you do remember that one of your friends had recommended some game that had just hit Steam Greenlight, Suburbs, was it?
You know that he’d know what it was called, so you decide to hit him up on the newest free chat client, PESTERCHUM.

21/12/16
"MetaStuck"

Your name is HAZARD FILMS, you are roughly 13 and a half years of age and your astrological sign is GEMINI. And currently, you are standing in your basement (where the majority of your time is spent) and are debating what you want to do. In specific you were deciding whether you should play MINECRAFT or OVERWATCH, both seemed like a good choice. Which one seems best?