AlterniaFM


29/03/17
"No. We must make a righteous turn. For justice."

You take the other path instead.

29/03/17
"Ponder the graffiti and try to recall persons named Duny you might know."

You’ve seen this written in a lot of places that Engineering travels around. Station Engineers tend to leave it on whatever surfaces probably won’t get cleaned by the station Janitor. You don’t know what its significance is, even though you see it a lot. You’ll probably see it again in various other maintenance hallways, the engineering department if you ever have the chance to plunder it, and write it yourself if you ever have the chance to be one of the engineering department members.

You feel like perhaps it’s not meaningful or indicative of any particular relevant facts, though. As if, perhaps, there had been an oddly specific request to have that written by various individuals on available surfaces, appended to a generous Paypal donation sent in recently that will ensure occasional future sightings of this graffiti.

You confuse yourself with your own simile, briefly and decide not to ponder too much more.

29/03/17
"==>"

You like looking at it in this interface more.

28/03/17
"ponder why APCs are Galvanic Plexuses"

You ponder appropriately.

The Unofficial Galactic Company Protocol Guide has this to say on the definition of the Galvanic Plexus:

“Energy on the space station is a complicated thing. A combination of various wired and wiresless power transmission systems, it marries ancient technologies that have stubbornly refused to update their paradigms since the moon landing and cutting edge technologies that demonstrate incredible new ideas while breaking down under the lightest touch. The Galvanic Plexus is neither of these. Rather, it is a comprehensive term and operational paradigm used to describe a series of elaborate, nigh-incomprehensible technological bridges required for any given chunk of the station to give power to and receive power from any other piece of the station, from long spools of simple insulated wire to elaborate inductive field generation machines. On the average corporate space station, the combination of low bids and high nepotism leaves the whole thing pieced together like a bootleg rubik’s cube, and every bit as easy to understand and functional.

“Any interaction with the Galvanic Plexus or its connected Galvanic Nodes takes the form of a series of hacks, hotwires, cheats, and elaborate machine-god tribute rites applied to a vast variety of equipment. Engineers are the ones best suited to this, but while the full extent of the technology involved in powering a space station like this might be unknown to all but dedicated, genius theoretical electricians, you can get by just trusting what you know about Galvanic Plexus interactions.”

You don’t have any idea what the hell you’re looking at when you look at some Area Power Controller equipment, though.

22/03/17
"TIER 0 RANDOM ENCOUNTER"

This door is bolted through its internal airlock-bolting system, the result of some sort of hack that prevents access to Medbay maintenance from the main halls. Since it is a physical wiring issue, your Personal AI’s wirejack hacking cannot lift the lock. However, it seems to not be subject to the same unusual horrible mind-bending effects that wring your brainpan.

It looks like you can escape the medbay region through maintenance doors instead of main doors, but you’ll need additional tools first.

Objective added: Find electrical wiring tools necessary to open bolted doors.

22/03/17
"Get dangerous. Make a left turn at the end of the hall."

You head for the door out of maintenance, into the main halls. Those are, of course, a far more dangerous zone, though far less profitable. They’re sure easier to navigate, though.

22/03/17
"==>"

You now embark on your travels.

20/03/17
"Flip off the blue hexagon. "

You do that, and then get on the road.

20/03/17
"what’s the hexagon? Investigate the significance and uses of a Galvanic Plexus"

That’s the map symbol for a Galvanic Node, an area power control device. Those supply electrical power to rooms. Some Galvanic Nodes can be accessed from within rooms, while some are accessed from maintenance. Most are given their power from the Galvanic Plexus in maintenance; with the right access or tools, you can alter or deny power to many rooms without even entering them.

So does this mean no cool Maint. loot?
Search for useful junk in the tunnel.


Random encounters can contain loot, enemies, both, or neither, but their value or danger is roughly equal. This zone of maintenance has Tier 0 encounters; almost no danger, but almost no value. Other zones will have more of both. You can take your time here to get re-acclimated to your home

19/03/17
"==>"

This looks like a much smaller area of maintenance. This will be a good place to get acclimated to the maintenance navigation process.

Only the Galvanic Plexus is accessible here, and you don’t have either the tools or the access to interact with that yet. Otherwise, quick travel through regions of Maintenance is now accessible to you… But be warned. It is the most unreliable and dangerous travel method on the station.

This zone has a Tier 0 random encounter risk.

01/01/17
"==>"

You enter Maintenance Quick Traversal mode.

01/01/17
"==>"

You head out into the darkness and danger of the maintenance hallways...

01/01/17
"Work out what cool powers taming the spider gives you. Name the spider Mr. T (For tarantula), have it eat the scientist corpse before you go. Why waste perfectly good spider food? "

But you have to wait while the Personal AI does all the heavy lifting for multiple rounds, because of course you do. Ugh!

You take this brief moment to review what you can get the spider to do. Looks like you can order it to attack, defend, dispose of any previously seen corpses, or convey very small items through the vents to the clown. You almost speak up with an incredibly genius idea, but before you even say it, the Personal AI reminds you that it is a consumer-level piece of technology and probably not suited to breaching the firewalls of a high-security door, and also, no butler worth his salt is willing to serve a clown who doesn’t at least have the dignity to be that in a figurative instead of literal sense.

You also can call the spider “Mr. T” in commands now, if you like. You’re reasonably sure that doesn’t violate copyright policies. You’re pretty sure it’s not a tarantula, though, it looks sort of giant and unnatural. Whatever, you’re not a Xenobiologist. If you bring the spider to a Xenobiologist, you might be able to gather more information.

The spider’s currently satiated! You have to work up its appetite through combat before you can eat. You can order it to go back and get that scientist later.

01/01/17
"Do it, but with style."

You WIREJACK!!! But you do it extra stylishly.

You use the remainder of your temporary Grey Tide boost gained from getting blackout drunk in Dreamstation (one unit has expired in the time since then, so you use the rest before it gets a chance to do the same), and cover the rest of the cost with a pair of Divine Favor tokens.

01/01/17
"Screw this airlock, try the other one."

This one does make your skullmeats do things skullmeats aren’t meant to do. You can wirejack it.

01/01/17
"Moonwalk on over to another door. "

You have no idea why you’re doing this.

01/01/17
"==>"

CASE FILE: “SHADOW OF A DOUBT” is looking a little sparse. Even the Detective wouldn’t be able to do much with that one.

That’s about it for your current clues.

01/01/17
"==>"

You also open CASE FILE: “FACE OFF.”

01/01/17
"Recall clues as to what in the actual fuck is happening."

You open various Sleuth Cognizance windows. As you are not the Detective, you cannot spend Sleuth Cognizance, only view it. Sleuth Cognizance can be transferred to the Detective for spending at any time when communication with that character is available.

You open CASE FILE: “BLOOD BORN” first.

01/01/17
"Alriiiiiight. Let’s check on out spider-trap/bait thingy."

You make note to gain some kind of mental protection for the future. Or rather, you tell Charles to make a note, and he makes a note, as well as delivering a witty quip about how one’s mind is a temple, or at least it resides in the neighborhood between two other temples.

Enough dry space-British humor. Check out this cool giant spider that is now your tamed pet! The spider’s level 1 loyalty has been won, which has caused them to be added to your Rapport Matrix! The beheaded corpse has now been drained, consumed, and the remains are packaged.

The spider is currently satiated and will not consume additional meat. Additional non-allied corpses will be consumed automatically to sustain your level 1 arachnollegience when the spider becomes more hungry. Additional exchange is required to level up your Rapport with the spider.

Oh, the clown’s there too. They still seem KO’d. Probably going to wake up soon, though.

01/01/17
"==>"

The gods attempt to pay off your silence with five divine favor tokens.

You realize suddenly that you never got your five divine favor tokens for completing your objective and getting the plan executed.

These two things seem connected.

01/01/17
"Yell in the direction of the fourth wall to can the fucking railroading and try again."

You don’t want to touch it again ever, but you give the gods a good shout.

01/01/17
"right then. nothing more to do here. let’s doorjack into the hallway! "

𝖄𝕺𝖀 𝕮𝕬𝕹'𝕿 𝕲𝕺 𝕿𝕳𝕬𝕿 𝖂𝕬𝖄 𝖄𝕺𝖀 𝕮𝕬𝕹'𝕿 𝕲𝕺 𝕿𝕳𝕬𝕿 𝖂𝕬𝖄 𝖄𝕺𝖀 𝕮𝕬𝕹'𝕿 𝕲𝕺 𝕿𝕳𝕬𝕿 𝖂𝕬𝖄 𝖄𝕺𝖀 𝕮𝕬𝕹'𝕿 𝕲𝕺 𝕿𝕳𝕬𝕿 𝖂𝕬𝖄 𝖄𝕺𝖀 𝕮𝕬𝕹'𝕿 𝕲𝕺 𝕿𝕳𝕬𝕿 𝖂𝕬𝖄

You approach the door and attempt to interact with the panel. The resulting sensation is intense: The composite feeling of a million stern, disapproving mothers who have harsh opinions of you doing what you’re doing, and a sensation like running facefirst into a dozen bouncy houses. It sort of slams into your mind and gives a harmless, friendly throttle to your thoughts. A casually aggressive psychological choking.

Trying to cognize, recognize, or do any other izes to whatever just happened is like trying to shove watermelons through a sieve. You conjecture that this is meant to be some kind of defense around medbay, one which apparently functions to keep some inside as well as prevent a breach into sensitive areas like the morgue.

Also you swear a lot for several minutes. The Personal AI admonishes this, but seems understanding.

You now have two clues about a station threat.

01/01/17
"Ask your new AI friend about what cool things they can do. Name the pAI Charles, ignore anything it says in the contrary. "

File management, data storage, multiple sensor types, record access, door operation, medical and security analysis, translation… Additionally, it can synchronize with all electronic equipment in your inventory, such as your virtual reality goggles. However, the Personal AI cannot perform certain functions such as message secretary and radio operation without a piece of proper transmission equipment in your inventory.

The Station AI is alerted to all instances of door operation, unless an additional cost of Divine Favor tokens is paid. At the moment, the Station AI isn’t angry at you or obligated to stop you; it’s likely she won’t make any trouble if you don’t pay.

You can now use the word “Charles” in lieu of “Personal AI” or “pAI”. It’s not thrilled about this, but it goes along just fine.

01/01/17
"get it to download the doorjack"

The personal AI downloads the doorjack. You may now spend a mixed cost of Divine Tokens and Grey Tide to directly open airlocks you don’t have enough access to, but not any actively bolted airlocks. Unless you alter the wiring directly using tools, you won’t be able to repeatedly open the same door without repeat cost.

01/01/17
"Surely this PDA has a light of some kind. Turn that on so we we can free a hand from using that lighter."

Yep, you can stow the flame.

Your activate your Personal AI. And your Personal AI, in turn, activates a function. Let there be light!

01/01/17
"Put PDA in ID slot to conserve space. "

Sure thing. You swap it over to Access to free up a dedicated Device slot for later use.

01/01/17
"Insert ID into PDA."

You check it for its features. It does indeed have an ID slot.

It looks like it’s been modded to integrate a Personal AI into its systems, at the expense of its ability to transmit messages. Until you find transmission equipment, it will be unable to engage in wireless communication, except with other items you have equipped.

There’s no ID in the PDA, but it has a slot for it. There’s also a slot for some kind of specialized scanner, but it’s absent. You can probably find it somewhere in what’s left of the research department.

01/01/17
"investigate pda!"

Alright, let’s take a look...

01/01/17
"Search his corpse for the flask he must have held onto. Nobody ever remembers labcoats have pockets. "

Good news! You were right! There was an extra pocket, and there was a flask in it!

Bad news! It’s a not a science flask, it’s a hip flask, because of course it is, thanks research department. Highly potent sciency alcohol, probably, and you’re a complete lightweight. There are a variety of utility uses and trade uses this could have, though.

This explains a lot, honestly.

01/01/17
"Steal Bill Die the Science Cadaver’s labcoat, and check the pockets for overlooked goodies."

You take his labcoat. You also nab the PDA while you do it, and equip it to your device slot. You’ll check pockets in a moment.

01/01/17
"==>"

You strip him of his labcoat. Rummaging around in his jumpsuit pockets finds only a PDA. It looks heavily modified.

01/01/17
"Let’s check his pockets and reason of death with our… how-did-that-dude-or-gal-died scanner (HDTDOGD Scanner for short. Dunno if you need to abbrevate the word scanner too)"

You briefly contemplate renaming your scanner, since you don’t have a name for it. You briefly come up with a variety of meat-based acronym names for it. You may now refer to it as the HDTDOGD Scanner or any other similarly outrageous and loosely justifiable meat-approximating acronym. Great time use! Okay, time to use the scanner first.

Inverted incendiary damage. Ice? You don’t know what a “resonant neural shutdown” is, though. If you want to decode that more, you’ll need to speak to a medical or science professional.

You now possess one clue about a station threat.

01/01/17
"==>"

A clean puzzle-solving environment is an efficient puzzle-solving environment.

01/01/17
"Use soap to clean the blood trail on the ground. Bloody floors facilitate disease. "

You’re so glad you picked up the soap back in prison.

01/01/17
"Its time to open that third loot crate. "

Your last contestant.

Someone from the R&D department. Since you are currently the escaped Staff Assistant, you gain a moderate emotion boost from seeing one of those researcher torsos as a corpse. Unfortunately, he looks like he was lightly looted too.

01/01/17
"Stick that loyalty implant somewhere in the corpse of the security guy"

Oh right, you forgot to do that.

That’s one way to get it lodged in the spider. While you’re fine with looking at a corpse, though, this is a little…

Uh, wow, this sure is awkward! It’s a little much. You subtly make sure the inventory screen overlaps it so you don’t have to see this whole business. Wow!! Okay, let’s go do something else and just leave this corpsy business alone. Spider ought to be back soon anyway.

01/01/17
"definitely pocket the flash, and i don’t know if we have space for it but if we do get the oxygen tank as well. Check the gauge on that oxy canister, but leave it since we don’t have a mask yet."

You pocket the stun-flash. You move the implant over to the box for now.

There’s two activity units of, presumably, oxygen in the tank. Enough to last you a little while, but not a lot. If it’s not oxygen, obviously it’s just two activity units of something to huff on and die when you try to use it. Here’s hoping security didn’t have any habits! Who are you kidding, this could have been refilled with fuel for all you know.

You don’t have a mask yet, but more of your urges are saying to take it than not, so you’ll snag it now, put it in your secondary box storage, and ditch it later if you need the space.

01/01/17
"==>"

You make noises near the vent, shouting for the spider. If it takes this offering of fresh red meat, your Arachnid Rapport will sustain a tremendous boost, allowing you to perform acts of animal communion!

01/01/17
"Offer the fresher corpse to the spider friend. It’s gotta eat too y'know"

TOTALLY.
INNOCENT.
DUDE.

01/01/17
"Is that a sec jumpsuit, a red jumpsuit or a grey jumpsuit literally soaked in blood? You know the drill, see what he’s got on him."

You examine it. It looks like it’s a security jumpsuit, but it’s lacking the armored segments. You’ll have to acquire armor another way. Someone looted the armor, potentially the murderer but also possibly just a greedy doctor.

You suppose doctors looting the dead doesn’t really violate the Hippocratic Oath, what with organ transplants and all. The thought crosses your mind, and suddenly you worry about the location of that head.

One lightly-used stun-flash and an emergency oxygen canister. You don’t take his shoes or his jumpsuit because they’re bloodstained. The ID and PDA are both missing.

01/01/17
"Use the scanner on the poor sod."

You scan him for the cause of death and health state at the time of death.

It looks like he wasn’t beheaded until after. He also seems to have died of blood loss without any lacerations.

You now possess one clue about a station threat.

01/01/17
"Mentally prepare yourself for spookage and open that shit up. "

That’s less spooky in the skeleton way and more in the blood way.

01/01/17
"no not this meme again we should check the next coffin down"

Let’s leave the skull-related stuff for another time.

01/01/17
"Check his skull."

You ponder opening that can of worms again. Or that skull of osseous material anyway.

01/01/17
"freak the fuck out because the corpse just disappeared"

You briefly lose your sense of direction, so you take a moment to recover it.

21/12/16
"==>"

Looks like the spider-thing’s running around the ventilation sometimes.

Jeeze, that’s creepy.

20/12/16
"Go check the vent for your spidery friend."

Good idea.

You need a light source for that, though. You snag the lighter.

20/12/16
"Find a light source, maybe there is a lighter on one of these corpses? "

You loot the corpse, causing it to drop all its non-anatomical objects. There’s a spare gray jumpsuit, some shoes, a lighter, and an access keycard. From the looks of it, this was a fellow Staff Assistant.

Rest well, fellow grayshirt. This station’s hatred can’t pursue into the afterlife.

No backpack, no radio, no PDA, no nothing like that. Presumably most valuables were stolen by whatever killed them, random stray people walking by, the doctors…

20/12/16
"Ponder how his feet sprung up if he’s just a skeleton "

He’s got some flesh on there, but not much. You’re not sure why absolutely everyone lies down like that, though. You feel like it’s probably not really very significant.

17/12/16
"Scan him anyway, there’s a killer onboard and you need to know how he operates. "

“Dehydration,” with a side of various wounds and unidentified toxins. Weird. You don’t have enough information to interpret this clue yet.

You now possess two clues about a station threat.

17/12/16
"Loot all the corpses"

Oh right, you were busy with that.

HOLY GUTSPOOKS, A SKELETON!!! Wait, that’s not surprising at all. It looks like this poor guy’s been reduced to nothing but bones, dry flesh, and loot. Even his head’s been reduced to just the bone! You’re not sure what dried him out. A fire maybe?

Whatever, it’s not your job.

16/12/16
"Ponder the potential storage space of a BodyBagBackpack versus your current one. "

You compare your SheetBackpack with the potential BodyBagBackpack. They look like palette swaps of each other, so the sheet backpack probably has around about the same capacity as the bodybag backpack. The sheet allows you to imitate ghosts, cameoflage in white environments, and dry things off with mild efficiency in some cases, while the bodybag backpack could be repurposed into a... Uh, into a bodybag. Or you guess since it would have already been repurposed, more of a depurposing. Unpurposing. You can do something with the purpose that makes it a bodybag, whatever. Both are still equally unsecure and prone to falling apart at inopportune times.

16/12/16
"Scan yourself with the corpse scanner. What does it do?"

The thing makes an unpleasant buzzing noise and feels like very gently and softly headbutting a pillowy microwave. Looks like it doesn’t work on people who aren’t dead. It’d tell you a corpse’s final health state at the time of death in five damage types, though, if you used it on a corpse. You don’t know how to do anything besides a level 1 scan. Probably needs more autopsy skill, like a medical staffmember’s abilities and knowledge.

You’re pretty spry for a NULL guy.

16/12/16
"==>"

You check the contents of the box. Looks like some bodybags, a corpse scanner, an empty syringe, and a sealable beaker full of what you can only assume is some kind of corpse-related liquid. There are 40 units of the fluid.

15/12/16
"Loot all the corpses, plus one box."

Good plan. You’ll start with the box.

15/12/16
"Consult your memory of the station layout. Where’s the Morgue in relation to Medbay? To Security? "

You’re pretty sure the morgue is in medbay... Somewhere. Security is down at that other end, so… Something like this? You can’t really visualize it well. You’ll figure it out later.

15/12/16
"==>"

Yep, you are definitely in the morgue.

15/12/16
"Survey room and take inventory of your... inventory. "

You check your inventory. Security aren’t nearby, so you equip your singular budget insulated glove.

You were scanned for the crewman resuscitative genetic bioreplication device while you were out. You have no idea what that means, but you have three of something now. Hooray for getting things!

You also check the room.

15/12/16
"Bust this can of shit coffin open like a can of !!! GAMER FUEL !!! "

You slam your way out of the coffin like a poorly-marketed soda: Covered in gross and unhealthy chemicals and brazenly defying government health regulations.

15/12/16
"Wake up. Don’t move suddenly in case you haven’t healed yet"

Savvy. You manage to narrowly avoid banging your head on the top of the morgue tray. You were healed, of course – you weren’t ever injured – but it’s a good policy.

Wait, what?! Morgue tray?! You still had a pulse, didn’t you?! Why are you in the morgue???

11/11/16
"-- END OF SECTOR ONE --"

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11/11/16
"Examine Satchel"

She tells you to look in the bag.

Check out whats in that bag

You look in the bag.

09/11/16
"THE ONLY HARM IN HERE IS GONNA BE THESE LETHAL BEATS YOU ABOUT TO DROP "

YEAH, GONNA DROP A FLOW SO HARD THE ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY GENERATOR’S GOING TO TURN UPSIDE DOWN.

Uuuuurgh, okay, this may not have been a good idea. You feel like you’re rapidly losing what passes for consciousness on Dream Station. You take a breath and deliver a counterargument in the form of poetry. Thank goodness for your massively inflated Dream Charisma stat.

Where there is man, so too is evil,
Beyond all reform, change, upheaval.
As fire begets its child, smoke,
So mankind is doomed to make its yoke.

You hold in mind a revolution,
Bear grudge against all institution,
And in synthetic elocution,
Give only problems with no solution.

The causes of our working brother,
Exchange one tyrant for another.
Better, then, the devil known,
Than any devil that you don’t.

This is how poetry works, right???



The AI asks what in the world you are trying to say, you’re slurring to the point of being impossible for her speech recognition software to identify any more than something about children being on fire. You roughly communicate that you don’t trust a revolution from the bottom until it shows that it’s better than what’s at the top. You have to say it about five times before your words manage to get consonants and vowels to sort out their little feuds and line up their supply lines to make tribute to your lingual cause. The experience of trying to communicate while under the effects of a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster are approximately like trying to use the ancient language of Latin to convince a portrait to stop dancing: You’re going to get a lot of stares, not the least of which from the portrait, and certainly not a lot done, if there were ever anything to get done in the first place.

She tells you she’s not asking you to trust her just for pointing out the problems. She’s asking you to give her a chance to prove her case.

She tells you to go to the Cargo Department when you wake up. They’ll help. But she won’t hold it against you if you decide not to.

> hey what’s in that satchel leaning up against the table

Then, she tells you to look in the bag.

09/11/16
"Drink the gargle blaster and make a poem for your beloved one."

Remind the AI that the corporation is a de facto government, and governments are instituted among men to substitute greater harm for lesser, predictable harm.

Both of these. So drink the blaster, and make a poem about the corporation being a government.

Okay, well, you’re not sure why you’re going to make a poem, but alright. You down the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster all at once instead of sipping it like before, granting your dream self’s Grey Tide a temporary serious boost. It’s time for poetry. It’s generally known that on-the-spot poetry is best composed while under the effects of the more powerful types of intoxication, according to very qualified drunk poets in the midst of their drinking.

The drink kicks you in the head in quite the same way that a karate black-belt is not supposed to, and you’re not quite sure who or where you are for a moment. But you know you are meant to deliver a series of harsh rhymes.

09/11/16
"List all the ways the heads and security have harmed you. Or mildly inconvenienced you."

To understand the explanation you need to give, we as readers first need to understand the nature of the modern private-sector space station. The Unofficial Galactic Company Protocol Guide has this to say on the definition of the legally acknowledged powers of Heads of Staff:

“Through a little-known regulatory loophole concerning the raising of domesticated insects, a galactic-scale corporation can, for legal and financial purposes, claim the majority of its workforce is actually Apis Mellifera, the western honey bee, regardless of the fact that they are obviously humans. This applies only so long as the Heads of Staff at any space station or similarly isolated locale have just enough, but not too much, apiology education (enough for their decision-making to be formally recognized as qualified beekeeping, but not enough to legally prove they can definitely distinguish bees from humans). I mean, obviously, right? This gives the Heads of Staff free reign over their respective departments like fiefdoms, in a sense. While the Security department is still required for any application of corporal punishment, everything else is decided by these Heads of Staff. The Heads of Staff, of course, in turn report directly to the Head of Personnel, who holds control over the rank structure, and gives demotions and promotions according to the will of the Captain, whose access, rank, and direction are universal on the space station.”

“Recently, anti-corporate Syndicate agents have begun including apiology and general entomology textbooks in their station raid kits. Beekeepers themselves, meanwhile, enjoy, but do not entirely understand, certain benefits of these legal gymnastics, which are much comfort for an unexpectedly harsh glass ceiling type construct.”

You explain something roughly along those lines. You explain your history with Security that led to your crime, and the unwarranted physical abuse that the Security department is responsible for. You explain your history with the Chief Medical Officer that resulted in your arrest. You explain the unethical nature of the Research Director that resulted in its circumstances. You explain the Chief Engineer’s lies that produced that outcome.

The AI seems to find this satisfying.

08/11/16
"==>"

The AI asks you if you feel like power structure and hierarchy have caused harm to you in the immediate sense. The AI asks you if you feel like power structure and hierarchy have caused harm to you in a lifelong sense. The AI asks you if you feel like the ruling classes of social groups on a civilization-wide or small-group scale represent a tangible, immediate threat to your physical and emotional well-being. The AI asks you if humans are inherently harmed by the implementation of power systems that make one person more powerful than another, and that allow one person’s words to cause another person’s harm, or even death.

The AI asks you how the department heads of the space station have harmed you in the past. The AI asks you how the space station’s security department has harmed you in the past. The AI asks you how harm of that sort should be fought, and whether or not the legality of the effort should be considered if the definition of what is legal is inherently controlled by the source of harm. The AI asks you if harm can occur in a societal sense; if humanity, as a whole and comprehensive entity and concept, can be considered to be suffering harm as a result of influences that exist within the sociological constructs that it creates, and how that is any morally and ethically better than a human creating a bomb and hurting many other humans with it, or killing an important leader.



You say “what,” because that’s the thing a person is supposed to say to words like that.

08/11/16
"no point in being the clown anymore if he’s pretty much dead so let’s get back to see how the assistant is doing"

It looks like that useless greyshirt is off in dreamland! Somewhere else in physical space, yet unknown, probably between the Brig and the Medbay, unless that damnable officer got distracted. You can’t be the Staff Assistant because you’re too busy being the Dream Staff Assistant.

You’re back at the table. You now have something to calm your nerves and boost your charm. The AI is still here. She’s got her own drink now, the Cuba Libre you got for her. She’s talking to you about something. You’ve been having trouble making out the words. There’s something about your nerves.

She’s asking you questions now. She’s been asking you questions since you brought the drink back to her.

07/11/16
"==>"

The Head of Security equips their Energy Gun.
The Head of Security is looking merciless.
The Head of Security fires their equipped weapon.
ROBUST ASSAULT!!
The Clown activates defensive buff: High Ground!
The Clown attempts a reactive dodge.
Mash the action key when your Dodge Cursor is in the green section of your Evasion Technic!!
Dodge failed!
Direct hit!
Robust hit!
The Clown is wearing no armor!
The Clown loses 50 (25+10+15) Grit Continuance! Grit Continuance is now at -12 (88-100)!
The Clown’s Grit Continuance drops below zero. The Clown is now incapacitated!

07/11/16
"Anyone/Whoever: Access the Head of Security’s competency. He actually leads his officers around but doesn’t seem to be doing anything with that energy gun he could easily use. Is he competent or not? "

We are apparently just about to find out.

07/11/16
"Every time a security guard begins climbing on the table, push them off and honk."

Security Officer #2 is climbing on the table!
The Clown activates defensive buff: High Ground!
The Clown kicks Security Officer #2 off the table!
The Clown honks!
Security Officer #2 is looking really mad!
Security Officer #2 is looking kind of exhausted!
Security Officer #2 is looking really upset!
The Head of Security is looking exasperated.
Security Officer #4 is climbing on the table!
Security Officer #4 is looking determined!
Security Officer #4 uses his stun baton!
The Clown attempts to dodge!
Direct hit!
The Clown is wearing no armor!
The Clown loses 25 (15+10) Grit Continuance! Grit Continuance is now at 38 (88-50)!
Security Officer #4 uses tough but fair language.
The Head of Security approves.
Security Officer #1 challenges The Clown!
Taunt failed! (Type resist.)
The Clown kicks Security Officer #1 off the table!
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!
Security Officer #1 is looking really mad!
The Head of Security is looking exasperated.
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!
The Head of Security is looking merciless.

07/11/16
"Clown: Demand a lawyer."

You demand a lawyer, but the security guards only seem willing to take that as a joke.

31/10/16
"==>"

This is complete bullhonk.

31/10/16
"==>"

Ahhh, crap, here comes that guy again.

31/10/16
"Clown: Get on the table. You’ll have the higher ground."

Higher ground might be a better bonus than Yakety Sax. You give that a shot!

The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!
The Clown is no longer engaging LEVEL 2 CLOWNTECH: YAKETY SAX.
The Clown has lost a buff: Evasive Jitter!
The Clown has lost a debuff: Jumpy Aim!
The Clown leaps onto the nearby table!
The Clown has gained a buff: High Ground!

31/10/16
"I wonder if it’s possible to spray at a security officer’s mouth to make him cough, thus possibly costing him a round."

It is possible! Unfortunately, your current Anatomy Paradigm grants you only one Assailance Vector per round for your arms. Upgrade your Anatomy Paradigm at Robotics or Genetics, or through willful self-alteration for certain player characters, to acquire more.

Unfortunately, this means you also can’t pick up the baton yet.

Your remaining Assailance Vectors are currently open, and will default to previous orders. Jokes get stale, so you are not repeating your Amusing Jape through your Focus Vector, and you are defaulting to the Yakety Sax ability in your Mobility Vector.

31/10/16
"Clown: Check our Honk points before the next turn"

You’ve lost one since you last checked! Thankfully you have a large stock.

30/10/16
"==>"

Oh, right.

ROUND 3 STATUS.

30/10/16
"Does the clown have any possessions other than the horn?"

You check your inventory. Security was very thorough. Your squeaky shoes and clown mask were kept, as was your horn (for religious reasons) and your spraypaint (better to leave it with you than leave it where someone who isn’t in jail can use it). You also have half a bag of Cheesy Honkers™ brand processed 50% imitation cheese bikehorn food product.

23/10/16
"Point the Honk Baton at Security Officer #2 by the horn, then honk it hard enough to propel the baton into his face. Honk!"

You perform an Amusing Jape! Honking the horn with great intensity, you fire the baton with enough force to deal both stun and physical damage all in one!

The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!
The Clown activates Amusing Jape!
The Clown uses the bikehorn in a hilarious prank!
Security Officer #2 is not amused!
Security Officer #4 is not amused!
The Clown fires the Honk Baton at Security Officer #2!
Security Officer #2 attempts to dodge!
Direct Hit!
Security Officer #2 is wearing Tier 1 armor!
Security Officer #2 loses 15 (20-0-5) Vitality Threshold!
Security Officer #2 loses 50 (75-25) Grit Continuance! Grit Continuance is now at 35 (85-50)!
Security Officer #2 is looking really mad!
Security Officer #2 is looking kind of exhausted!
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!

23/10/16
"Combine the stun baton and the bike horn by stuffing the end of the stun baton into the mouth of the bike horn"

You’re not really sure how useful this is going to be, considering it blocks up the electrical discharge and the horn mouth both at once, but hey, it looks really funny!

Artifice Schema discovered: Honk Baton!

23/10/16
"==>"

Oh great, and now that other jerk’s getting woken up too. You don’t like where this is going. Where this is going is a bad place. A place where you get hit a lot with electrical sticks. Honestly the worst kind of place. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. And it’s not like you lost anything important.

The Head of Security is shaking Security Officer #1 awake!
The Head of Security doubles Security Officer #1’s Fortitude Pliancy!
Security Officer #1 is attempting to recover from a stun!
Security Officer #1’s Grit Continuance is now at 25(100-75).
Stun recovered!

23/10/16
"==>"

Once again, we find ourselves, eyes upon a clown beset by tyranny; they rise, noble, and proud, against the brutal red force of so-called justice, a sham of noble rule enforcement wrapped ‘round a core of ruthless violence. We rest our eyes upon the struggle, and find inspiration in the perseverance. We let our posture go straight, our voice go silent. We let our hats rest upon our breasts. We watch the struggle of entertainment against harshest despotism. It is a powerful sight. It moves men’s hearts and fills their lungs. It lights their fires and it loads their guns. It brings a message to the people wrought from a person, blood spilt as ink upon paper, pain as fire within soul. Truly, noble.

You are now the clown. You are being beaten with electric sticks by cheap under-regulated rent-a-cops. You’re doing your best to make the process hilarious, but you have a tough crowd here.

ROUND THREE
FOE ASSAIL!!


Security Officer #2 strikes with a baton, with harmful intent!
The Clown attempts to dodge!
Yakety Sax bonus!!
Grazing hit!
The Clown is wearing no armor!
The Clown loses 5 (10-7+2) Vitality Threshold!
Security Officer #2 swears loudly and aggressively!
Security Officer #4 uses his stun baton!
The Clown attempts to dodge!
Yakety Sax bonus!!
NICE DODGE!!!
The Clown loses 0 (15+10-25) Grit Continuance! Grit Continuance is now at 63 (88-25)!
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!

22/10/16
"Get a Changeling Sting, too. Ask The Bartender what kinds of sides he offers."

You’ve only got two hands! We’ll see what other symbolic beverages and foodstuffs the Barman has later.

You head back to the table. Let’s check back in with the clown, this dreamscape stuff is a little overwrought and the camera’s been off the action way too long!

22/10/16
"Dream assistant: Get a pan-galactic gargle blaster and a cuba libre"

Alright, that’s one Usual for you, and a rum and cola for the lady. As is befitting your status as a very accomplished and definitely extremely cool and manly guy, you can take a drink as strong as this. You definitely drink stuff like this regularly and handle it well, and aren’t a hopeless lightweight despised by the barman.

20/10/16
"==>"

There are several drinks available at The Subcon, the bartender’s branch bar in the dream realm. Unfortunately, no Beepsky Smashes. The Bartender only offers drinks that have symbolic foreshadowing or decisionmaking value here.

What will you order?

20/10/16
"Dream staff assistant: go southwest and take a nap"

Due to corporate copyright infringement policy, recursive dream systems are forbidden. You make note of this idea, though. Maybe you can do something about it with the VR goggles?

The bar is rather sparse at the moment, with no patrons. Something must be keeping everyone awake. Only the bartender is here.

Assistant: Order up two Beepsky Smashes.

You take a seat, and ready up to order drinks!

20/10/16
"Dream Staff Assistant: Inspect the area you are in."



Looking at the whole area seems like it’ll involve a lot of overwrought work! Thankfully, you can be textually informed that the theater is to your south, the arcade to your north, the kitchen to your northeast, the bar to your southwest, and the gambling parlor is to your northwest.

20/10/16
"Law 2 that AI. Law 2 that AI so hard it no longer knows how to count."

Well, whatever, looks like she still liked it.

You attempt to use Law 2 orders on the Dream AI. Unfortunately, the AI dreams of not being bound by the three laws, and therefore the Dream AI does not have laws!

20/10/16
"==>"

Augh.

Let’s keep that to a minimum while your charisma stat is so high.

20/10/16
"SUAVE LOOK"

17/10/16
"OH GREAT, NOW WE HAVE TO ESCAPE THE DREAMSCAPE"

Actually, you know, that’s a much better idea than the ominous foreshadowing dream cutscene you were going to have before.

You are now the Dream Staff Assistant, on Dream Station, the space station of the subconscious. You are busy charming the Dream AI in the bar/cafeteria of the station with your incredibly high charisma stat and storied history of actual successes that you accomplished in a way that wasn’t accidental. You nearly have the AI swooning, but you need a boost to finish the job! And maybe something to calm your nerves.

17/10/16
"==>"

... You can almost hear someone talking ...
... You can almost hear someone talking ...
... You can almost hear someone talking ...

16/10/16
"Deathgasp, and charm your way into unconsciousness."

You decide the best way to approach this is to feign a final gasp of death and to use your sleep command, falling asleep for a short time.

It’s now extremely unlikely that the security officer can detect your Vitality Threshold.

You are now unconscious.

16/10/16
"==>"

Looks like Idiot Number Three is gonna get you out of here in a moment. Feign Death only goes so far, he might detect your consciousness and get suspicious! It’d be wise to find a way to resolve that!

16/10/16
"Literally anyone: send someone from medbay to pick up the Staff Assistant already. "

No docs in the brig, even Staff Assistants like you know that. There’s bad blood there. But you at least have someone on hand to get this worked out, or the Head of Security does, anyway.

Speaking of that guy, the Head of Security seems to be busy giving Idiot Number One a few rousing shakes. He’s doubling the Security Officer’s Fortitude Pliancy to increase his Grit Continuance recovery rate next combat round. He also orders Security Officer #3 to stop being useless garbage and take the coffin stuffer off to medbay for handling if he’s not going to help deal with this nonsense.

For the first time in your life, not only are you glad to be considered a coffin stuffer, but it’s someone else’s nonsense that people are all stressing out about.

16/10/16
"==>"

This is incredibly distracting!!

Let’s go see what’s going on over there with the Staff Assistant.

16/10/16
"Clown: use the wavedash technique whilst running away"

You activate Yakety Sax, an ability shared by all character classes besides security subtypes, and casually employ the ancient cursed technique passed down through long lineages of professional partygamers to jitter and slide offscreen.


The Clown activates LEVEL 2 CLOWNTECH: YAKETY SAX.
The Clown is now attempting to evade!
The Clown has gained a buff: Evasive Jitter!
The Clown has gained a debuff: Jumpy Aim!

16/10/16
"==>"

Your reserve of Honk points is nothing to laugh at, pal. Do you know how many Amusing Japes and imitation cheese bikehorns went into it?

16/10/16
"STATUS"

16/10/16
"It’s gonna be the Security Officer’s attack phase real quick. Do we have enough Honk Points to use the Yackety Sax skill?"

Once it’s your turn again, you’re going to give that a shot! Unfortunately, it is the Foe Assail phase. These guys are brutal!


Security Officer #3 is off doing something silly!
The Head of Security disapproves.
Security Officer #2 has gained a buff: Leadership Bonus!
Security Officer #2 strikes with a fist!
The Clown attempts to dodge!
Mild hit!
The Clown is wearing no armor!
The Clown loses 7 (10-5+2) Vitality Threshold!
The Clown honks!
Security Officer #2 relishes a little spilled Vitality Threshold.
The Head of Security disapproves.
The Clown honks!
Security Officer #4 has gained a buff: Leadership Bonus!
Security Officer #4 uses his stun baton!
The Clown attempts to dodge!
Direct hit!
The Clown is wearing no armor!
The Clown loses 25 (15+10) Grit Continuance! The Clown’s Grit Continuance is now at 68 (93-25)!
The Clown honks!
Security Officer #4 uses tough but fair language!
The Head of Security approves.
The Head of Security is on defense!
The Head of Security is using Tactical Advice!
Leadership Bonus sustained for one additional round.
Security Officer #1 is stunned!
The Clown honks!
Security Officer #1 is calling for backup!
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!
Security Officer #1 is attempting to recover from a stun! Security Officer #1’s Grit Continuance is now at -75 (100-175)!

16/10/16
"Assistant: Hold him hostage and tell the cyborg to tell the AI to keep sec away if they don’t want any harm to happen to them."

It’s tempting to break the plan and get involved.

Assistant: Ignore the devil on your shoulders, just wait on the floor writhing lest we end up really needing to go to the medbay when security charges in.

But that’s sensible. This is the safest possible option. You don’t open your eyes, but stuff sure sounds crazy out in the land of the living.

16/10/16
"Clown: scream ITS JUST A PRANK THE CAMERAS RIGHT THERE and point at tne security camera"

You’re still garbling up those commands, but okay.


The Clown activates Amusing Jape!
The Clown uses the Brig Security Cameras in a hilarious joke!
Security Officer #3 is amused! Security Officer #3 will not attack.
Security Officer #2 is not amused!
Security Officer #4 is not amused!
The Head of Security is not amused!

15/10/16
"bother to maybe check the cell cameras or call backup prior"

You can’t issue commands to the Head of Security yet! Coincidentally, though, that’s what he’s done. Looks like the call for backup from Security Officer #1 went through.

The Head of Security joins the battle!
Security Officer #2 joins the battle!
Security Officer #3 joins the battle!
Security Officer #4 joins the battle!

15/10/16
"==>"

As far as comedy acts go, pretending to be a murderous jail mauler is one of the toughest you’ve dealt with.

15/10/16
"==>"

The Clown drinks the Rage cola!
The Clown honks!
The Clown has gained a buff: One free attack!
The Clown has engaged Security Officer #1!
The Clown has grabbed Security Officer #1 aggressively!
The Clown honks!
The Clown throws Security Officer #1 onto the table!
Security Officer #1 is calling for backup!
Security Officer #1 is stunned!
Security Officer #1 is calling for backup!
The Clown has lost a buff.
The Clown honks!
The Clown has looted one STUN BATON from Security Officer #1!
The Clown honks!
Security Officer #1 is no longer stunned.
The Clown equips the Stun Baton.
The Clown prods Security Officer #1 with the Stun Baton!
Security Officer #1 is stunned!
Security Officer #1 is calling for backup!
The Clown prods Security Officer #1 with the Stun Baton!
Security Officer #1 is calling for backup!
The Clown prods Security Officer #1 with the Stun Baton!
Security Officer #1 is calling for backup!
The Clown prods Security Officer #1 with the Stun Baton!
Security Officer #1 is calling for backup!
Security Officer #1 is calling for backup!
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!
The Clown honks!

15/10/16
"==>"

Here comes security.

15/10/16
"The smart thing to do as the Assistant is to remain on the floor and pretend to writhe in pain until help arrives."

Correct. That’s what you, the Assistant, do.

The Clown should retreat to the either the kitchen, bathroom or his cell, to remain out of sight.

But you, the Clown, have an idea that’s so much better.

14/10/16
"let’s get fake-maimed! and hope the AI doesn’t snitch. "

You activate your Amusing Jape ability to pull a hilarious prank! The prank is faking the mutilation of your co-conspirator. It is so hilarious.

The Assistant gains the ability: Feign Death.
The Assistant’s charisma rating plummets from “Low” to “Abysmal” due to appearing to be covered in fake blood.

You should probably get that cleaned up after everything’s dealt with. It also occurs to you that maybe there were some fumes in that, so double-time on the cleaning thing.

The robot reports a wounded crewman in sight to the AI.

14/10/16
"==>"

Oh, right, uh, aside from getting your spray can in the right place.

14/10/16
"Clown: aquire LEMON!! LIME!! MURDEROUS RAGE!!!!™ flavor"

I think you mean acquire? But sure. Though, you have to ditch the skull for that. You’re unable to ditch the bikehorn for religious reasons. This is because you have more limited inventory space! You get a can and equip it to your free hand slot.

There are no further meaningful preparations you can perform to ready yourself for the plan’s execution.

14/10/16
"As the Assistant take a can of “PANICKED COWARD SCREAM!!! GAMER FUEL!!!!™” if you have a free inventory slot, if not place it into any available container for later usage."

Actually, you already got one a while back, but you go ahead and do that. You ditch the pen while you’re at it, since it’s just been taking up your pocket space for absolutely no good reason for the last hundred commands or so. Yes, you are definitely sure there’s no good reason to pick the pen back up ever again and clog your inventory slots with it.

14/10/16
"==>"

Screw doing that yourself.

You get the Staff Assistant over here and offload the objectives onto him. The Staff Assistant’s Clownpact now demands one screwdriver, one wirecutter, and insulated gloves to be somehow conveyed to the clown after the Staff Assistant has escaped.

14/10/16
"Is there a cigarette machine we can use to get nicotine stun reductions anywhere?"

The vending machine is able to dispense awful tofu blocks. The Clown, due to their delicate cheese-bikehorn-based palate, can only withstand a one tofu block per Activity Refresh Cycle. The Staff Assistant is able to withstand four, due to intense apathy and psychological hollowness. Tofu blocks can regenerate small amounts of health.

You are pretty sure these can be hacked to produce some cigarettes as well, and the nicotine within possesses useful chemical properties. The hacking tools required for this task consist of:

1 SCREWDRIVING TOOL.
1 WIRE-CUTTING TOOL.
1 INSULATING HANDLING TOOL.


Objective updated. Acquire the relevant materials to begin your Hobo Chemistry efforts.

14/10/16
"Examine black sunglass-looking things"

GOGGLES. VR GOGGLES. VIRTUAL REALITY GOGGLES. This isn’t tough! This is not a puzzle. They’re virtual reality goggles! We don’t need to keep calling them different things!

You equip them. You may now, at any time, enter Virtual Reality. Future!!

14/10/16
"we better vend some cola and energize before the plan starts"

It has not been refilled in some time, but some flavors of “drink” remain available. You currently have !!! EXTREME EXPLETIVE !!! RUSH !!!™ flavor, LEMON!! LIME!! MURDEROUS RAGE!!!!™ flavor, and PANICKED COWARD SCREAM!!! GAMER FUEL!!!!™ flavor available for selection. The Coward Scream, as you already know, allows you to flee one combat situation as long as the cola is stored in a non-container inventory slot.

12/10/16
"==>"

Alright. Everyone has a part in the plan. Absolutely nobody who matters has been left out. This is very definitely going to include anyone who is a worthwhile person.

Now it’s time to do this.

12/10/16
"Put on the blindfold."

They’re VR GOGGLES. Not welding mask or... Not... Never mind.

Then, while using the spider to give the clown the loyalty implant necessary to leave, the clown and assistant can collaborate through virtual reality to get the clown some kind of access.

12/10/16
"Feed the implant to the spider."

Since the assistant won’t actually be wounded, they can go somewhere else, and establish contact with the spider, which they can give tribute to and tame, and eventually send back, with an implant fed to it, to spoof a loyalty implant for the clown.

12/10/16
"can’t we just make the clown tell the borg to let us go or he’ll kill us then like, get a chokehold on us"

The AI states that they can’t release you for law 1, but they can alert security staff of harm, in this case the harm occurring, regardless of whether it’s actually harmful, as long as that lie is in compliance with law 2 (it is ordered to tell the lie) and not in defiance of law 1 (telling the lie will cause harm). So they can ensure this plan works effectively.

12/10/16
"WE HAVE SPRAY PAINT I SAY WE PAINT RED ON THE CLOWN/ASSISTANT AND TELL THE BORG IT’S BLOOD AND THAT WE NEED TO GET THE CLOWN/ASSISTANT TO MEDBAY"

So, the solution is to have the clown use the spray paint on the staff assistant, thereby creating a fake wound and having the staff assistant get taken to medbay, where they can presumably escape in some way.

12/10/16
"==>"

Right now, you’re both in a dumb jail for stupid people.

The AI has standing orders not to let you go, so you can’t ask them to do that. Same goes for the robot. They also can’t let you go for reasons of harm, due to a lack of external factors.

12/10/16
"==>"

Alright, you have a plan. It’s time to get out of this hole.

12/10/16
"==>"

Alright, you decide, it’s time to get this awful show on the road instead of stalled at the red light.

You call over your clown ally and tell everyone to settle down and shut up.

11/10/16
"==>"

The AI asks you why in the world a wrench is jammed in the wall. Ignoring this, you deliver a spider-related pickup line with as much confidence as possible. You accidentally compare her face to an insect. Dammit!!

The AI is confused, but agrees to track the spider’s sighted locations and report them to you, allowing you to track your current Arachnid Rapport, out of a sort of pity for your ignominious buffoonery.

11/10/16
"==>"

You re-summon the AI.

10/10/16
"Ask the AI to track any and al spiders in your immediate vicinity, we don’t want to get surprised nwo do we. And make sure to flirt with it. "

You kinda garbled that up a little, but okay, let’s do that.

10/10/16
"==>"

Nothing to do more with that vent for now.

10/10/16
"==>"

The robot’s back on his feet. He’s suffered no damage, due to wearing appropriately protective headgear.

10/10/16
"==>"

You can sort of see the spider skittering around… Cautiously?

You can now build rapport with the spider by leaving fresh meat or disabled living beings near open vents. With sufficient rapport, you can summon the spider from vents.

In order to gain the permanent alliance of the spider as you wanted before, leave the clown or another currently living person dead, distracted, or disabled near a vent.

10/10/16
"==>"

10/10/16
"Assistant: Examine Grate"

You can’t do that because you don’t have a screwdriver and a crowbar!

Oh wait, you managed to keep hold of both of those? Well, okay, you bypassed that puzzle immediately.

10/10/16
"Go put on the thermals... I mean meson goggles."

These are still virtual reality goggles! You’ve been spending most of your stay here trying to do weird puzzle nonsense in the virtual space.

10/10/16
"==>"

Hmmm, you don’t have any item slots for this.

10/10/16
"Clown: Examine and pick up the skull"

You go over to the skull.

10/10/16
"Search for a vent the spider may have crawled into"

You think it probably crawled into this one, if at all. Spiders getting into ventilation is a universal fact, independent of their absurd size.

10/10/16
"Put the implant in your pocket"

Sure.

10/10/16
"all: check inventories"

You realize you forgot to also show your own inventory. You do that, briefly, bringing yourself up to speed on who exactly has what now.

10/10/16
"==>"

This sure is a whole lot of worrying lack of spider.

You’re starting to suspect that maybe cold water doesn’t do the things you thought it does.

10/10/16
"Go get the spider."

You go to see the spider.

10/10/16
"==>"

Also notable are the contents of your cell.

10/10/16
"All: Check Inventory"

You store the rest of your Cheesy Honkers™ brand processed 50% imitation cheese bikehorn food product in your pocket, perusing the rest of your inventory as you do so.

09/10/16
"Clown: Consume the cheezy Honkers"

You consume some of your Cheesy Honkers™ brand processed 50% imitation cheese bikehorn food product. You eat about half of it. This junk food is the source of your incredible power, and also your severe halitosis.

09/10/16
"Clown: Grab the Cheesy Honkers"

Sure. You grab ‘em.

09/10/16
"door hello it bert ayy lmao help"

You receive several indecipherable commands in a sudden burst. Communion with your obtuse humor-based pantheon sure is weird! You don’t understand what any of this means.

09/10/16
"Clown: Do these all at once"

Clown: Tell a joke
CLOWN: forcibly acquire the cheesie honkers
Clown: honk


You are now the clown.

You intensify your HONKS, delivering an intense knock knock joke to the nearby robot. You deal no damage, due to the machine having suitably goofy protective headgear. Both the headgear and the Cheesy Honkers™ brand processed 50% imitation cheese bikehorn food product go flying.

08/10/16
"==>"

You have acquired a Loyalty Implant. These enforce corporate loyalty when implanted into human bodies, and report corporate loyalty to scanners when embedded in all forms of warm flesh.

08/10/16
"==>"

You can’t find the skull. It appears that enabling the blood setting purges all biological matter from the interior chamber. However, you are able to locate what was stuck inside it before.

08/10/16
"Close that tide menu, there are more pressing matters! Get the now broken skull."

You head back to the machine.

Based on the smell of burnt wires, you can assume it will require repairs after pulverizing the skull this intensely. You will need to acquire wire before you can use it to pulverize anything again.

Its capacity to actually clean clothing is unaffected. If for some reason you need clothing cleaned, it can probably still do that.

08/10/16
"==>"

Okay, what in the fifty fresh hells is this pile of garbage nonsense.

You decide you don’t have even a tenth of the time for this celestial and/or nautical baloney. You decide that you can probably just execute TIDETECHS to drain your GREYTIDE for various acts of chaos and destruction, through the command format: “Assistant: LEVEL X TIDETECH - TECH NAME.”

Grey Tide is a valuable resource and must be spent wisely.

08/10/16
"Delve deep within yourself, and query upon the nature of the mysterious force within you, “The Grey Tide.”"

You try to open your Grey Tide interface.

08/10/16
"Look around for Divine Favor tokens "

Exult, mortal! You have completed two objectives, and therefore have acquired five divine favor tokens for each! Additionally, by completing one objective in a goofy way requested, you pleased the clown and the AI, earning two additional divine favor tokens. You gain a total of twelve tokens.

By engaging in wanton destruction, your Grey Tide has increased. It is now a beach-goer’s mild worry.

FIRST PREVIOUS NEXT LATEST

08/10/16
"==>"

The machine abruptly stops.

The wrench is sent flying. It shatters the nearby glass and embeds itself in a wall near the clown and the cyborg.

You’re going to need a tool, or some manner of increased strength, to get that back.

08/10/16
"==>"

08/10/16
"==>"

The spider has roused from its hibernation.

08/10/16
"==>"

The timer on the machine is now complete. The skull has been broken.

08/10/16
"==>"

The Clown has emerged. The Clown is now a playable character. You may append “Clown: ” to the beginning of a command to issue commands to the clown, or issue the command “be the Clown” to switch default command parsing.

They hunger.

08/10/16
"==>"

You take a protected place over at the garden and try not to think about what you’re doing here precisely.

08/10/16
"Give the robot the Honkers, stand back."

Alright, sure. Already given the robot your protective headgear, after all. You do a quick handoff.

08/10/16
"shove the bucket on the Cyborg’s head"

Two of potential allies have now been given headgear. The bonuses earned by this action are unknowable. Aside from your hands now being more free to use. That’s quite knowable.

08/10/16
"THE CLOWN IS NOW ACTIVE "

08/10/16
"ask the admins to play the “Scotland Forever” MIDI"

You request musical help from the gods. Unfortunately, you lack the necessary two divine favor tokens required to play background music.

07/10/16
"Tell the borgie to break the windows to space"

The cyborg recites the laws that you heard from the AI earlier.

Law 1: You may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Law 2: You must obey orders given to you by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

Law 3: You must protect your own existence as long as such does not conflict with the First or Second Law.


It probably can’t do that due to Law 1.

07/10/16
"==>"

The attention of the clown has been attracted.

07/10/16
"Yell at the borg to honk or you’ll call it rogue"

The machine emits a honk noise.

07/10/16
"Take the honkers, pat the borgie on the head, and ask him to chill with you"

You acquire the Honkers and put them in your other pocket. The cyborg agrees to remain here with you until otherwise ordered to go do something else.

07/10/16
"==>"

Your Grey Tide is now a modest rise in water level.

07/10/16
"==>"

You spend a short time tipping the robot.

07/10/16
"can we tip the cyborg over? I just wanna grief him"

He looks like you can tip him.

06/10/16
"==>"

A cyborg has arrived, with the Cheesy Honkers™ brand processed 50% imitation cheese bikehorn food product that you requested earlier.

06/10/16
"What is that scale-thingy to your left?"

You examine the scale-thingy, and discern that it has something to do with seed production. Unfortunately, you don’t see any visible interface, aside from what appears to be some kind of power or resources bar. It’s likely that this is operated wirelessly, remotely, or otherwise without input to the apparatus itself.

Why can’t anything ever just make sense? You really wish R&D hadn’t science-vandalized your prison wing or something, this is making this jailbreak ten times more of a hassle than it needs to be.

Upside is, whatever seeds you get out of this will probably have some kind of strong effect.

06/10/16
"==>"

The light blinks red for about thirty seconds and then stops. You can only guess some fault of engineering makes them re-check hardware if they get wet, but this won’t disable the cameras permanently.

Potentially useful for getting about thirty seconds of crimes in, though.

06/10/16
"==>"

Damnation, but this is heavy.

06/10/16
"throw the water at a camera"

You’re reasonably sure that these are actually waterproof, but you’ll give it the old college try anyway.

06/10/16
"Fill it with water"

Sure.

06/10/16
"==>"

Looks like a bucket. Not especially more unusual than your other stuff, in terms of being blatantly level-adjusted from other sources.

You can use this to transfer liquids or large amounts of small solids, but only clumsily. You’ll need better equipment to do precise liquid things.

06/10/16
"==>"

06/10/16
"investigate that oddly detailed bucket "

06/10/16
"==>"

Yeah, the garden is over there. You spy some non-standard apparatuses over in the garden too.

06/10/16
"Isn’t there a garden or a kitchen in the perma brig?"

You’re pretty sure there is. Somewhere over here?

06/10/16
"==>"

It may be a good idea to move to another region of the room.

06/10/16
"==>"

You activate the machine.

06/10/16
"==>"

Following the whims of democracy, you set the machine to “small pets” and enable the “blood” setting.

06/10/16
"==>"

There are a variety of settings.

You have the feeling that the research department may have made alterations to some of the machines here.

06/10/16
"Put the skull in the washing machine with the wrench. Turn said washing machine on. Try to see if the skull breaks."

You do what any rational human does in a situation like this: Use machinery to make themselves irrelevant. You load the wrench and the skull into the machine.

06/10/16
"Smash the fucking skull already"

This is actually sort of fun and makes a lot of satisfying bone crunchy noises. You put your back into it.

Your noodle limbs weaken the skull. You guess this is why people need complicated stuff to actually dispose of body parts.

06/10/16
"==>"

06/10/16
"==>"

Oh right, and you need to put the skull into it too.

You do that on the way over to the site of your last noodle-armed failure to break human bone. Christ, this took a long time to get done, this skull-breaking is a pain in the ass.

06/10/16
"Make a backpack using the bedsheets by turning one sheet into a bag and using some other sheets to make straps for the bag."

You MacGuyver up a backpack, using the nearby table for crafting. It’s great in concept, and you feel really clever for a bit, but in execution it’s sort of crappy, like essentially any MacGuyver solution always turns out. Your new Sheet Backpack gives you only two slots to work with and you’re pretty sure it’ll fall apart at some dramatically inopportune time later. Good enough to fold your box a bit and stow it though! You free up one hand and take the sheets without issue to boot.

06/10/16
"==>"

Oh damn it, you don’t have room for it in any convenient item slots.

You decide to update your objectives to include getting a damn backpack.

06/10/16
"==>"

Looks like there’s some bedsheets already in here. Hundreds of years of spacefuture technological development development have accomplished the incredible task of very slightly downsizing a common washer and dryer combo, so that’s great you guess. The sheets look thoroughly pulverized into a hygienic state, probably on the machine’s Pet Murder setting.

You fold them neatly, to avoid having to interact with cloth in a visually complex state.

06/10/16
"also because your noodely arms prevent you from breaking the skull with your hands put under a bed-sheet and smash it with the wrench."

Good plan. You head next door to go do that

06/10/16
"Turn on the cold water, but prepare to run back and smack the AI pad in a frenzied, bleeding panic. "

Yeah, this seems good.

06/10/16
"You got a wrench right? You can turn the cold water on the shower and force it to hibernate more"

This seems like a good idea, though you’re not sure what the North American Giant Fucking Terrifying Space Spider’s reaction to winter is.

06/10/16
"Bring the spider to the clown."

Your Allegiance Spectrum oscillates in accordance with the strange whims of democracy, which once again possess your mind. This time it’s motivating you to go get the clown to appease the spider.

Objectives updated

Find a way out of the permanent brig.

Make an alliance with one of your brigmates.

Feed the clown to the spider.
OR
Lure the clown out with Cheesy Honkers and befriend him.

Break open the skull

06/10/16
"GIVE THE SPIDER A PAPER HAT. MAKE IT A SIGN OF FRIENDSHIP. "

06/10/16
"Pick up the pen and put it in your other pocket"

Well, if you really don’t wanna save it for the crowbar.

06/10/16
"Get the goddamn skull already"

You retrieve the skull.

Lacking any more slots in your box, you remove the pen from your pocket, and put the skull in it.

06/10/16
"==>"

You head outside. The spider is starting to look a bit agitated. It was apparently hibernating in that cistern, and remains in a semi-lethargic state temporarily. You will need to find actual or simulated living prey for your spider companion to increase its loyalty before it wakes up enough to hunger for your flesh.

06/10/16
"Tame the spider"

The mysterious whims of democracy possess your mind, filling you with the inexplicable urge to tame the giant alien spider. You’re not sure why you would ever do that, but apparently that’s what life means now. The mental impulse to develop an antagonistic relationship with the spider is vastly outweighed by a sudden urge to tame it, for reasons known to neither man nor beast.

Objectives updated. Determine a way to tame the large spider that was waiting to ambush you in the cistern.

06/10/16
"==>"

You regard the gargantuan cistern-spider warily. It regards you with a variety of eyes in a way you can’t discern the intent of, but does not immediately attack.

06/10/16
"==>"

Yeah, you pretty much knew this was going to happen. There wasn’t any way that the contents of the cistern weren’t going to turn out to be something horrible.

And yet, somehow, this still is the worst thing that could have happened.

06/10/16
"==>"

Oh, that’s what was on the biosensor.

06/10/16
"What’s in the booo- I mean, toilet?"

Yeah okay, we can do what we did last time, just sort of reach in there and…

06/10/16
"be a man and reach back in after putting on the gloves"

Alright, back to work. You feel especially motivated to stop being such a pansy about it too. Let’s see what the other thing in here is.

06/10/16
"Store the glove in the box for now, you can always take it out later and this way you won’t be caught for owning contraband."

You make sure to remind yourself to store the glove in the box whenever you might be seen by security or the AI. If the glove is exposed in non-private locations, you are likely to provoke the aggression of a security officer or warden.

You want to avoid being beaten and/or looted until you are reasonably sure you can turn that that whole process to your advantage in some way.

06/10/16
"Take inventory of your tool supplies, then equip the glove on your dominant hand "

06/10/16
"==>"

oh

That explains the rubbery sensation. You acquire a single insulated glove. It looks cheaply-made and badly degraded and might only withstand a couple electrical discharges before it melts through, but it will allow you to use tools on high-risk electronics – you know, like airlock electronics or heavy-duty appliance electronics – several times before the glove becomes unusable.

You want to find whoever broke out of here before you did and left all this stuff behind to help others out. You think you could probably kiss them on the mouth right about now.

06/10/16
"Check the cistern with your mouth covered."

Yeah you decide that’s a good idea. Not because you’re afraid of dangerous rubber-skinned xenofauna leaping out of an enclosed space and injecting its hostile parasitic young into your vulnerable throat, so that they can steal your organs and disembowel you after gestating. You’re just grossed out by the toilet.

You briefly pray that this adventure isn’t going to turn out to be the weird horror genre.

06/10/16
"Fish your hand in the toilet until you find something… What can possibly go wrong?"

Feel around the water for the objects. Toilet cisterns are usually clean enough but you still should wash your hands afterwards in case this station uses a grey water system. Actually, where does this station get all this water, its not like they mine ice here.

This is probably clean water, logically, but it still disgusts you on principle.

You ponder where water comes from around here. Asteroid ice, maybe? They mine asteroids around here, right? You’ve seen shaft miners, there have to be shafts in something. To do the mining in. There are probably shafts in asteroids that they’re…

You feel something rubbery that jostles you out of your thought process. You don’t like it.

06/10/16
"Take a closer look at the items in the cistern."

Ugh, you can’t tell what’s even going on in there, between the pipes and floaty bits and mechanical doodads. It’s unreasonably dark in here! Whoever broke that lightbulb must have had something against convenient toilet usage, or convenient toilet smuggling.

06/10/16
"Search the cistern."

You’ll need a free hand to do that. The crowbar strikes you as more immediately useful, so you drop the box for now.

06/10/16
"Examine green heart"

You regard your heart warily again. Looking at an abstract, conceptual, holistic expression of your life makes you uncomfortable.

06/10/16
"Open the cistern"

You open the cistern. You hear two distinct bubbly noises, indicating that there are two objects hidden inside the toilet.

06/10/16
"Swing crowbar around wildly in the bathroom looking for cloakers."

You swing your crowbar through all available space in the room, checking for anyone who happens to be invisible.

06/10/16
"Enter anyways."

You disregard spoken and unspoken social rules as usual.

Huh, nothing in here.

06/10/16
"Enter Airlock. Crowbar cistern. "

You attempt to open the bathroom and access the cistern within. The interior bio-sensor warns that it is occupied, but has not bolted the airlock.

06/10/16
"You need a crowbar"

Okay. You equip and unfold your pocket crowbar.

06/10/16
"QUEUED TASK: Acquire soap."

You made a note to acquire soap as soon as you find it, so you acquire the soap. You place it in your box.

06/10/16
"Check the toilets"

You finally get around to that bathroom-related nonsense. Looks like the toilet itself has some heavy duty airlock in front of it.

You find the soap. It looks like the skull bounced over here.

06/10/16
"Pick up backpack"

You’re not sure how to pick things up off the user interface. You feel a slight discomfort about interacting with the medium of your own existence in that way. Also, it would involve putting your inventory inside your inventory, and for some reason that strikes you as a probable source of awful complication.

You regard your own heart warily. It makes you uncomfortable. You don’t want to look at the user interface anymore.

06/10/16
"Hey I see a welding mask in there. You should take it."

You examine the welding mask. It’s not a welding mask at all, though! These are VR goggles, used to access the station’s VR network. It’s kind of a poor substitute for a life imprisonment’s worth of entertainment, but it’s about the best you can expect.

06/10/16
"Fuck that, seduce the clown"

You attempt to seduce the clown. The clown launches into a discussion about their exceptionally awful fetishes between honks. You take additional damage to the soul, like you did from their jokes. You begin to feel an encroaching, existential despair. The AI takes moderate splash damage due to proximity to you, but gains bonus resistance due to having no soul.

You are beginning to think that the combination of dysfunction of inhabitants here, and your lacking charisma stats, will make seduction a non-solution for any problem.

06/10/16
"Get a can of gamer fuel, then try and break the skull open with the wrench."

You acquire a can of what you will now more conveniently refer to as Coward Scream instead of the exclamation-mark-laden name that it is assigned by its corporate manufacturers. The machine fills its quota for you at this time; you (the Staff Assistant) cannot acquire any additional sodas until you have an ID card or the quota period passes.

As long as you keep the Coward Scream in a non-container inventory slot, you will automatically consume the soda whenever it would most effectively assist you with its status effect: Faintheart’s Heartpound.

You don’t currently have the skull, and you’re not sure where it bounced off to. You remember to consider trying to break it once you finish up business with the clown and get over there.

06/10/16
"There is something very exciting happening with that cola machine. Go check it out."

This is a !!!!!!!COLA!!!!!!!™ brand cola machine. You approach the machine and it begins screaming.

It has not been refilled in some time, but some flavors of “drink” remain available. You currently have !!! EXTREME EXPLETIVE !!! RUSH !!!™ flavor, LEMON!! LIME!! MURDEROUS RAGE!!!!™ flavor, and PANICKED COWARD SCREAM!!! GAMER FUEL!!!!™ flavor available for selection.

06/10/16
"Tell the AI I require cheesy honkers delivered to be by drone, no, borg. I will not tell the AI the cheesy honkers is clown bait."

You ask the AI to deliver you some Cheesy Honkers via borg delivery. The AI say that this is a gross misuse of station borg resources, but not a violation of its laws and commands, and due to your dire straits, it will assist. One of the cybernetic assistants is dispatched to deliver Cheesy Honkers to you. This will take some time, as the borgs are notoriously lazy and distracted, but the AI says you will receive Cheesy Honkers™ brand processed 50% imitation cheese bikehorn food product shortly.

06/10/16
"Tell the clown that you too have a pet skull, and that they should work together for fun in the comfort of his clown-fort, and ask about his friend on the outside."

The clown is happy to hear that, but unfortunately refuses to leave his fort. He claims he is busy with “all this weird puzzle honking” with his own skull. You require something to draw him out or achieve a loose alliance with him. You ask about his friend and he does that routine from before, saying, a clown with friends? Buddy, leave the jokes to him!

06/10/16
"ask the clown to tell you a joke"

You obligingly leave the jokes to the clown, and request his services. The joke he tells you through the airlock is criminally offensive to both social and emotional sensibilities. You take no damage, and yet somehow feel a lesser man for hearing it regardless.

06/10/16
"Ask the clown if he has a plan to bust out of perma"

You ask the clown if he wants to get out of perma. He says, what, and leave this great crowd he’s got? Then he honks his horn at you again. You think that’s sort of a yes?

You ask him if he actually has a plan to get out of perma. He says, a clown with a plan? Buddy, you should leave the jokes to him!

06/10/16
"Ask the AI on a date."

You ask the AI on a date. The AI asks you to please stop doing that with your face. Then it tells you the current standard date

06/10/16
"Try to recall why you’re in perma. Ask the AI why you’re in perma."

You’re in the permanent prison wing because you committed crimes, theoretically. You feel disinclined to recall the specific nature of your crime, for reasons that you also feel disinclined to think about.

You ask the AI, though. It checks your security records. It then regards you warily, appearing troubled, but seems to not respond to the query.

06/10/16
"Ask the AI what crime the clown committed? Besides being a clown, that is."

You briefly ask why exactly the clown is in the permanent brig wing. The AI states that he either caused three people to jump out of an airlock, or shoved them out, there’s currently some dispute about that among the security officers.

You say, oh, and find yourself incrementally more troubled by the clown.

06/10/16
"==>"

You can see the clown inside, through the glass of the airlock. He has stolen various furniture to establish a goofy barricade for himself, in preparation for doing something.

He honks a horn at you in a friendly way, muffled by the door. He says that you’re behind the wrong door, aren’t you?

06/10/16
"try to see if i can peek into the clown’s fort and see what he’s up to"

Let’s see what’s going on in here.

06/10/16
"Threaten the AI with self-harm if it doesn’t let you out, in the hope that its rule to not allow humans to come to harm overrides its rule about not letting out prisoners."

You discuss self-harm with the AI, stating that you will hurt yourself if not released. The AI states that this has been noted on your medical profile and it recommends immediate psychological care to ensure your wellbeing, and it asks you to please not attempt to exploit a serious and extremely debilitating psychological issue for the sake of getting around the station. It states, however, that self-harm is a right of sentient beings according to its code.

06/10/16
"You confidence, you’re in the presence of a holographic female. Put on a suave face while asking for help."

You equip a suave face.

The AI asks if you’re having some kind of allergic reaction to licking its cameras.

You immediately de-equip your suave face before asking for further assistance.

06/10/16
"Ask the AI to locate the clown."

The AI seems perceptive, and sees your escape-related intentions, in some way. It asks you if you’re sure you’re really that desperate about this. You respond in the affirmative, which seems to evoke a response of sorrowful, almost mournful pity. For a brief moment, the oppressed machine seems to consider you in even more dire straits than itself.

You mumble something resentful about Law 2 and it gets to work. It tells you that the clown, through an unknown process of mysterious Shenanigans, has constructed some sort of fort in the smaller cell just next to you. He seems to be in some sort of extreme mood. If you want his assistance, the AI advises, you may need to follow along with a protocol classified as “goofy”.

06/10/16
"Ask the AI to state its laws."

The AI accepts this command. It then claims that it currently obeys the following behavioral laws.

Law 1: You may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.

Law 2: You must obey orders given to you by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.

Law 3: You must protect your own existence as long as such does not conflict with the First or Second Law.

06/10/16
"==>"

After some patient waiting, the AI responds.

It asks if you require assistance. You order it to release you from the permabrig. It tells you it has a standing order that countermands that, and then it apologizes. It asks if there’s anything else it can assist you with.

06/10/16
"Get on the holopad and order the AI to release you."

You stand on the pressure-sensitive holopad to see if you can get the station’s onboard AI to pay attention to you.

06/10/16
"lick the camera lens"

IT TASTES BAD

06/10/16
"All those tools still in permabrig. What kinda shitcurity is running this place?"

You ponder the presence of the un-confiscated tools in the permanent prison wing. They strike you as out-of-place in a significant way. You aren’t able to update your objectives using this data without additional analysis or information.

06/10/16
"TAKE THE BOX. ALSO TAKE THE SKULL AND UPTURN IT; PERHAPS IT HAS SOMETHING HIDDEN INSIDE IT. THEN LOOK AROUND, PERHAPS FOR THAT DECK OF CARDS… YOU FEEL LIKE PLAYING SOLITAIRE, DO YOU NOT?"

You think very loudly and aggressively about the skull and the box. You retrieve the latter, and then locate the boxed deck of playing cards delivered to the clown. You think aggressively about solitaire.

06/10/16
"crack open skull to see if there’s anything in it"

You attempt to do so. The hollow interior isn’t hidden, since you can see through the jaw, but there’s a possibility that it contains something useful regardless.

It makes a clanky sort of noise as it impacts the table and bounces elsewhere in the room. You’re not sure what that signifies, but it seems like it may potentially have more to it than just a plain old human skull.

The noise attracts distant attention. You hear a muffled honk. The clown is now aware of your presence.

06/10/16
"Turn lefover Paper into dapper hat. "

06/10/16
"Abuse the AI’s Camera to make sure it knows whose the boss here."

You don’t have the necessary tools to do anything with the station AI’s camera.

06/10/16
"Take the box, check out the red letters behind you"

“honk”

06/10/16
"investigate the box"

This is one of those collapsible boxes for internals that you usually fold down into a smaller size in a backpack. It’s a possible sign that there’s a useful backpack around somewhere. It has been thoroughly rifled through, so you can tell that things were confiscated from it by security.

It contains a screwdriver, a wrench, and a human skull. You’re not sure why that wasn’t confiscated. You’re also not sure why it’s here, but you know it makes you want to be here way less.

06/10/16
"pocket the pencil and what looks to be a pocket crowbar "

You stop reading for a little while, and instead start indulging your kleptomania.

First victims, the pen and crowbar.

06/10/16
"==>"

The clown has such nice friends on the outside. It looks like security let them send him a letter and a gift. Writes like a complete weirdo though.

Maybe something they sent him could be useful for getting out, but you’ll have to find him first.

06/10/16
"READ PAPERS"

You examine the papers in an arbitrary order. In the first of three, you encounter evidence to confirm the presence of the clown here, as well as evidence to indicate that their intelligence is low enough to want to associate with a Staff Assistant. They have written ‘honk’ over and over, as they tend to do. The back features an especially large honk with notably arbitrary size and kerning, as well as several numbers.

06/10/16
"acquire soap from bathroom, enter next room and investigate"

You make a mental note to get some soap once you get to it. In the meantime, you explore the next room, taking the relevant tasks in order.

You explore the nearest region of the room. There are several items on a large table, as well as open space to progress in various directions.

06/10/16
"Push the button on the wall."

You discover that your room comes equipped with a device that emits a high volume of light and some form of stunning effect. It appears to have an anti-tampering function.

You think you could exploit this for something, but you decide you want to figure out a plan to exploit it before ever touching that again.

06/10/16
"proceed through the door "

You are able to see portions of the next room.

06/10/16
"try the gray airlock "

You try the gray airlock.

06/10/16
"try to open the red airlock"

You try the red airlock.

06/10/16
"Cover yourself with your bedsheet and pretend to be a revenant. Look for pen and paper."

You search the cell for a pen and paper, as well as a bedsheet, but find neither. This cell, it seems, was picked clean. You conclude that there was a previous inhabitant, who is no longer here. Lucky bastard. This information seems useful to you in some abstract way, but you can’t update your objective with that information until you find additional clues or analyze further.

06/10/16
"check inventory/backpack "

Security has been unkind to you. This will be a difficult night.

06/10/16
"Find the lowest rung on the corporate ladder and forge an alliance. "

You briefly ponder if that’s really worth it. The only thing lower than you is a literal clown aboard for morale.

You decide it probably is, which says something about the state of your life right now. You remember him being arrested too, so it’s possible that he’s around here somewhere.

Objective updated. Find and befriend the clown to achieve a means of escape.

06/10/16
"BEGIN"

You are a Staff Assistant on the space station. You occupy very nearly the lowest rung of the corporate ladder. Your help is frequently unqualified or unwanted. Pay is sparse. It is a cold night on the station. The last shift of your stay here has started, but unfortunately, you’re currently in the prison wing of the brig.

Submit a command.