AlterniaFM


15/03/17
"Next."

YOU GOTTA GET THAT PINEAPPLE!

15/03/17
"Next."

15/03/17
"BC: Bond with BC over love of pineapples."

OF COURSE! Who wouldn't love pineapples!?

You chatter about those funky fruits for a while.

15/03/17
"BC: Thank somebody that you're not facing a skyscraper sized chicken."

You tell BC about your imaginary foe. No reaction from him.

This is kind of boring.

15/03/17
"RD: Examine stats card."

It's blank. You think you have to use a MAGIC MARKER to write down stats.

That seems like a function that was made for cheating.

15/03/17
"BC: Nice job, you've just Scooby Dooby Doomed yourself."

You don't think so. You're QUITE SURE that dogs are MORE POWERFUL than chefs. You should be able to use this to your advantage.

15/03/17
"BC: See if you can switch in and out of Scooby-Mode to toggle the Bleak Crook's Scooby-Mode in reverse."

Like some kind of see-saw?

You try to toggle the doggle, but it looks like it isn't working. BC just kind of stares at you.

15/03/17
"Next."

You face the BLEAK CROOK. Weird, he's not a dog.

15/03/17
"Next."

Wait, the what realm?

15/03/17
"BC: Eat the shadow pineapple before it can ask you questions"

You try to take a bite out of the big guy, but he keeps dodging!



STAY AWAY, YOU GRIMY MUTT!
UGH, THAT'S IT, I'M SENDING YOU TO THE SHADOW REALM!

15/03/17
"FH: Equip."

You are holding The Fool's essence, some SALT and PEPPER, some CUPS, the STAT CARD, the HARLEQUIN CUPS, the CARD, and the BOX.

15/03/17
"FH: Open Gift."

Looks like some kind of CARD, a STAT CARD, A VISIBLE INVENTORY, and-

HARLEQUIN PATTERN STACKING CUPS!?

15/03/17
"Next."

Well, you're back in that terrible purple nightmare.

Wait, is this a gift?

15/03/17
"FH: Fondly regard medication."

In your last moments in this place, you think of the tylenol that gave you powers. That was pretty swell, you guess.

You already miss FH.

15/03/17
"BC: Ask the angry pineapple what's wrong."



OH, IT'S JUST THAT I CAN'T REMEMBER WHAT QUESTION I WAS SUPPOSED TO ASK SOME FAT GUY WITH YELLOW HAIR. IT'S REALLY TICKING ME OFF, Y'KNOW?

HMM, HAVE YOU SEEN THAT GUY ANYWHERE? ALSO, DO YOU KNOW ANY GOOD QUESTIONS TO ASK PEOPLE?

15/03/17
"FH: Summon stewardess that you saw in the astral plane, and then waltz with her."

You can't remember EXACTLY what she looked like, so you recreate her from memory. Oh, also it's only a hologram.

Instead of waltzing, you just kind of stare at them. Ogle at them, if you will.

Man, these other FHs are pretty nice guys.

WAIT, WAIT, NO!

15/03/17
"RD: Equip inventory."

You can now obviously see that you are holding your OG essence, the RADICAL SWORD, the ALF POGS, and the STAT CARD.
Additionally, you have the SYCK DRYFTER, the CARD, and the BOX.

Looks like you got your stuff from the IMAGINATRIX, and now it's REAL!

15/03/17
"RD: Check contents of the box."

In the package there are:

1 (one) CARD, 9 (nine) ALF POGS, 1 (one) VISIBLE INVENTORY (YESSSS, JUST WHAT YOU WANTED!), and 1 (one) STAT CARD.

Radical!

15/03/17
"RD: Open gift."

Oh, sick!

15/03/17
"Next."

...Why is the SYCK DRYFTER here?

Wait, is that a gift?

15/03/17
"RD: Execute your vehicle-baded combat operandi: "GAS LIKE IT'S 1915". ...Or do you need a Pickelhaube for that?"

A pickle-what?

Oh, looks like your time here is done.

15/03/17
"Next."

The moment you vanquish your foe, you feel a wave of serenity wash over you.

15/03/17
"RD: Run him over"

You're already on it.

15/03/17
"RD and FH: Use the OG essence and Fool's essence respectively"

You're having too much fun to do that!

Also, that would be a GRAVE MISTAKE.

15/03/17
"RD: Convince the RAYLESS DEVIL that you are the owner of http://www.radical80s.com/"

Instead of tricking him, you use "RADICAL 80S" as a battlecry and charge towards RD.

15/03/17
"RD: use that rad talking sword."

Oh yeah, the sword!

It glows with the radiance of goodness. Or maybe that's just your eyes playing tricks on you.

15/03/17
"CDDC: DON'T Explain your plans."

Yeah.

15/03/17
"FH: Perform a stand-up comedy routine."

It's hard to do stand-up when you're lying down! Hoo hoo hoo!

06/03/17
"BC: Remember your comrade's failures and think to yourself: what is your perfect rival? Just in case you run into someone who'd ask you that question."

Your perfect rival? Probably gonna have to be an evil twin, or a perfect copy of you.

That or a skyscraper sized chicken.

06/03/17
"Next."

Oh, hello.

06/03/17
"Next."

Wow, that was actually kind of helpful. Now you're closer to that PINEAPPLE SCENT!

06/03/17
"Next."

YEEEEE-OOOOUUCH!!!

06/03/17
"BC: Careful not to become a hot dog."

But the flames...

...how they beckon for you...

06/03/17
"FH: Square dance with Foul Hooligan."

All the FHs are too tired to dance! Instead, they think of what it would be like to square dance.

06/03/17
"RD: Words cut deep. Hit him with some sick burns."

You challenge RD to a RAP OFF and prepare to shoot some SICK BURNS his way! Alas, you can't think of anything that wouldn't backfire and also apply to yourself!

You and RD both quiet down after noticing this.

06/03/17
"RD: Become homoerotically interested in clone."

You think not.

06/03/17
"RD: Slap his screwdriver away like a sword!"

You disarm your foe. Unfortunately, he does the same!

01/03/17
"RD: Wait."

You halt your actions and your opponent does the same.

This is kinda boring.

01/03/17
"Next."

Too bad you're terrible at dancing.

You promptly fall into a big pile.

01/03/17
"FH: self-replicate into and entire Irish step-dance team and battle your enemy with Riverdance"

You multiply by dividing in order to execute your plan.

01/03/17
"Next."

Wait, you shouldn't be running away! Absconding is for WIMPS!

01/03/17
"Next."

01/03/17
"RD: Take cover behind the tree."

You would, but there's NO WAY you're going to run over there. If only you had some kind of way to travel faster...

Oh would you look at that, it's your car.

01/03/17
"BC: Sniff out your own doppelganger."

What doppelgänger? You take a whiff regardless of any unknown doubles.

Hmmmm, smells like there's some PINEAPPLE around here!

01/03/17
"Only one RD: Attack the other RD."

01/03/17
"RD: Make Scooby fight for you!"

You're not sure if your canine companion can help you now. It'd be best to fight for yourself, anyway.

20/02/17
"RD: Become first guardian of your arcade."

You're not sure what a first guardian is, but you sure as hell are gonna guard your arcade from this idiotic copycat.

Oh shoot, he has a SCREWDRIVER too! Maybe you should use something else to fight him!

20/02/17
"FH: Do a silly clown harlequin dance."

You don't know of any jester-y dances, so you just do the first jig that comes to your mind.

Looks like the FOUL HOOLIGAN has joined your little dance party.

20/02/17
"Next."

You do walk into the next room, though.

20/02/17
"BC: No time to lose! Enter SCOOBY-MODE and use a THREATENING GROWL."

You turn back into your canine character, even though time was already lost. You don't growl though, as you don't believe you could do a convincing one.

20/02/17
"RD: Sassily ask this wizard "I don't know, who is my perfect rival?""

You're a little late there, bucko.

Instead of telling the wizard, you tell the RAYLESS DEVIL.

20/02/17
"Next."

WRONG ANSWER.

20/02/17
"Next."

Oh god, can skeletons even blink???

20/02/17
"FH: STARING CONTEST. To show your superiority."

Going good so far. You've got this.

20/02/17
"RD: Who has time for weird puzzle shit? Take down this fool and check on your machines."

WRONG ANSWER.

20/02/17
"FH: try out mind powers"

You test your eye lasers, with successful results. You hold off on the mind control, though.

20/02/17
"BC: Explain that your greatest nemesis is Gordon Ramsey."

What? Nemesis? No, you and GE were GREAT friends with Gordon!

20/02/17
"CDDC: Reveal yourself."

Okay.

And you even use a fancy 650x650 panel, because you aren't small enough to fit on a regular one.

18/02/17
"RD: Quick, check on your arcade! That Bastard-ly Criminal better not have messed with your radical arcade machines."

On your way to your (hopefully undisturbed) arcade, you run into a wizard. The wizard asks,


Who is the perfect rival for you?

18/02/17
"FH: consider the implications of your imagimatrix-self being in the real world."

The Imaginatrix selves aren't really real. In reality, they're more akin to a game avatar, or an imaginary projection.

You do have sweet mind powers, now, though; you're pretty sure you can mind control people and shoot lasers.

18/02/17
"Team Rad: Swap hats with each other."

RD offers FH his hat, but FH denies the gift. BC keeps insisting his hair is real, even though everybody knows it's fake.

18/02/17
"Team Rad: Pose as a team, because SHIT JUST GOT REAL."

18/02/17
"Team Rad: Vow revenge on that Dastardly Criminal for knocking you over."

Oh, you're gonna get that asshole.

18/02/17
"Player: Enter Code: Tech Deck."

You try another code, under the guise that you are a master code-finder.

You are horrendously wrong.

18/02/17
"FH: Activate FLASHBACK-MODE to explain the origins of your MENTAL POWERS."

Remember when you had 500 tylenol? It was then when you got your powers.

18/02/17
"Team Rad: Head back to the Pibb Room to see if it is affected by the recent events."

Pibb room? You're pretty sure it was a TaB room. Why would anyone have a PIBB room?

And you can't get to the room, as there seems to be a dark figure blocking the door. They ask FH a question.


Who is the perfect rival for you?

16/02/17
"Next."

You are TEAM RAD, and you just got teleported out of the IMAGINATRIX by the mental power of FH.

25/01/17
"{MT} Next."


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Get the music here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B1JMPvnH-0uebTE3TGZHbDkwSkU/view?usp=sharing
(By Commander Cello)

25/01/17
"Order the taxi-driver to "Kick it to the max.""

You can't order the driver to, because he already is!

You watch him blaze off into the distance.

25/01/17
"(Go to #other ok?)"

What?



According to the "command", yes there are indeed other channels on the RADICAL DUDE DISCORD.
So anyone who might've been confused can come back, but make sure to type in the right places!

25/01/17
"((Aah sorry I'll go))"

You ask to get out of the car after failing to get any responses from the cabby.

25/01/17
"(nothing but commands here, thank)"

Your stone-faced driver does not react to your strange shenanigans!

25/01/17
"Hello!"

The driver does not respond to your greeting.

25/01/17
"FH: Have a chat with the driver of the vaporwave taxi!"

What should you say though?

25/01/17
"RD: Drift"

Your drifting skills look like they need to be improved.

TIME TO PRACTICE-DRIFT!

25/01/17
"Next."

You receive the SYCK DRYFTER!

25/01/17
"RD: Get in the dog mobile, and recite a quick prayer to the EUROBEAT GODS of TOKYO NIGHTS so you'll be blessed with RAD DRIFTS and FAST SPEEDS."

You pray to the GODS OF EUROBEAT.

25/01/17
"BC: Mount TURDUCKEN PRIME"

You mount the TURDUCKEN PRIME.

Dang, this thing's like a mechanical bull.

25/01/17
"Cup Lass: Gain sentience"

Woah! What's going on? Are you... THINKING?

Hmm... seems like someone's trying to COMMUNE with you.



<==|- RADICAL SWORD is communing with CUP LASS -|==>

RS: hey are you there?
RS: hello?
RS: i guess not
RS: okay bye i guess

CL: Wait, I'm here!
CL: And who are you, by the way?

RS: im the radical sword
RS: youre the cuplass right?

CL: Not quite.
CL: I'm the Cup Lass now. There's a space between cup and lass.

RS: cool i guess
CL: So what'd you want to talk about?
RS: uhhhhhh
RS: i forgot

CL: Okay. Bye, then.

<==|- RADICAL SWORD has stopped communing with CUP LASS -|==>

25/01/17
"Cuplass: Rename yourself to Cup Lass."

Since they can't rename themself, you just do it for them. Oh look, now they have a face.

25/01/17
"Radical Sword: Use your abilities of blade communion to contact the Cuplass."



<==|- RADICAL SWORD is communing with CUPLASS -|==>

RS: hey are you there?
RS: hello?
RS: i guess not

25/01/17
"Player: Unlock the MANNEQUIN SPRUCE."

Looks like that item doesn't exist.

Oh well, a new character is good enough anyways.

25/01/17
"Player: Enter CUPLASS as a character"

Sweet! Looks like it worked!

25/01/17
"FH: Take the cab to the most banging club there is."

You're not sure if you know any banging clubs. Maybe Flavourtown is a banging club?

25/01/17
"FH: Drive over to Flavourtown to get that poor sword some cupcakes."

You tell the cabby to bring you to Flavourtown.

19/01/17
"SWORD: Introduce yourself. Also, cupcakes."

You are the CUPLASS, and you have a sudden craving for cupcakes.

19/01/17
"RD: Be the other sword."

You're now the other sword.

19/01/17
"Next."

Beautiful.

You and GE have created the TURDUCKEN PRIME.

19/01/17
"Next."

19/01/17
"BC: Enter flavortown, get cookin' with the GNARLY ENTERTAINER. You're a chef, after all."

TIME TO GET COOKIN'!

19/01/17
"[image]"

okay thats actually not true

im just a talking sword

now get your grubby mitts off me

19/01/17
"[image]"

then some asshole wizard turned me into a sword

19/01/17
"SWORD QUEST: BEGIN."

i was once a beautiful beautiful person

19/01/17
"RD: Ask the sword if you can polish it."

yeah you can do that

and while you do ill tell my life story

19/01/17
"RD: Tell the sword that you don't negotiate with tools."

good cause i dont negotiate with fools

19/01/17
"FH: Enter Vaporwave-Mode to call the ASTRAL TAXI."

You have no idea of what vaporwave-mode is, but you do call the astral taxi.

"Where to?" the driver asks.

19/01/17
"RD: Ask sword if it wants some McDonalds."

does it look like i want some mcdonalds?

19/01/17
"RD: Put the sword back down and politely ask if you can use it."

You put the sword down.

thank you



You ask the sword if you can use it.

do you want me to bestow the pain of a thousand paper cuts directly to you?

18/01/17
"RD: Acquire the RADICAL SWORD."

HELL YEAH.

hey pal watch where youre swinging me

you could poke your eye out

also put me down right now


WHAT?

18/01/17
"Reader: Next?"

You should probably stick to putting commands in.

If you want, you could submit a design for a "I WOULD LIKE THIS COMMAND IN" emote.

Also, I plan to do every command (until it gets to be too much), so the need for an emote as such is nonexistent for the time being.

18/01/17
"^^^^^^^^^^^^^^"

You're not sure why you keep putting non-commands in the commands box.

18/01/17
"Next."

18/01/17
"RD: Beat up more enemies for some SWEET LOOT."

18/01/17
"^^^^^"

ERROR: INVALID SYNTAX

18/01/17
"FH: Look for the crashed ASTRAL PLANE to search for a way to summon the VAPORWAVE GODS."

The ASTRAL PLANE didn't crash! It only landed!

Also, you're sure there aren't any vaporwave gods, but you go to the IMAGINATRIX to look for them, real or not.

18/01/17
"RD: Acquire GOOD EATS."

You're not hungry.

18/01/17
"BC: Subtly flirt with the GNARLY ENTERTAINER."

You ask him if he knows any places where you can get some deluxe sausage.

He tells you he knows a place, but it's not in the imaginatrix.

15/01/17
"FH: Lay sexily between them as they ride off into the sunset in the weiner mobile."

Lay between who? Weiner mobiles? That sounds incredibly lewd!

You're sure you're the only person around here. Save for whoever or whatever took you out of that tomb.

15/01/17
"RD: Succumb to SCOOBY-MODE and drool over the DOGMOBILE"

You don't have SCOOBYMODE! And besides, you think being a dog would be disgusting.

So close to the ground and all kinds of bacteria.

15/01/17
"RD: Check on your ABSTRACTORIUM, to see if you've gathered enough THOUGHTNICKELS to use game abstractions."

You open up your long forgotten ABSTRACTORIUM. Looks like you have 3 THOUGHTNICKELS, and can buy a couple of things. You may want to look at this later and mull over the decisions.

15/01/17
"RD and BC: Open the INCREDIBLY CRYPTIC MAP SYSTEM that you could ALWAYS USE."

BC opens the map to look for new restaurants.

The thing about this map is that it only shows places that you've been, but not places that you haven't seen: The exact purpose a map should not have.

Also, it looks like there's some other spaces that neither BC or RD have been to.

15/01/17
"RD and BC: Use the DOGMOBILE to roam around for some GOOD EATS"

BC drives you to the only restaurant he knows.

You both see some guy. BC recognizes him as the GNARLY ENTERTAINER, one of his old friends.

15/01/17
"RD: Ketchup on what happened and relish the DOGMOBILE."

What you think happened was that the big guy threw the scary guy into the evil bubble, and now everything looks like the scary guy.

Also, you commend the dogmobile for doing such a great job.

15/01/17
"RD and BC: Become homoerotically interested in DOGMOBILE."

Such a big weiner~

11/01/17
"Next."

OH YEAH.

11/01/17
"BC: Get to the super duper weenie wagon"

First of all, it's called the DOGMOBILE.

Second of all...

11/01/17
"BC: Introspect. Is SCOOBYMODE a manifestation of your nascent reality-altering powers?"

No, you can just turn into a dog for some reason.

11/01/17
"BC: Lose yourself."

THERE'S VOMIT ON HIS SWEATER ALREADY, MOM'S SPAGHETTI!

11/01/17
"FH: seek more Valium."

NO! You don't want any more drugs!

11/01/17
"BC: Have a huge grudge with RD for like, 90% of the rest of the adventure, so that you will never use that move until the final battle. So basically the 2nd half of the comic."

Are you kidding? That was AWESOME! It was like you were flying!

Hnnnng, oh you don't feel too good. Maybe the extreme velocity of your attack upset your stomach.

11/01/17
"DC: Swooce right in."

You swooce right in.

11/01/17
"FH: question the absurdity of what just happened."

You're not sure if waking up and being out of a tomb is really THAT weird, but it is kinda strange.

11/01/17
"DC: Who's the wizard?"

Oh, it's just the dark wizard.

10/01/17
"FH: Pocket tylenol, stack cups."

You stack the cups and take the empty box of tylenol.

10/01/17
"Next."

Oops.

10/01/17
"RD & BC: Come up with new tag-team attacks."

Together you realize the power of the ART OF THE FLYING TURKEY.

Nice.

10/01/17
"RD: Ride your new faithful steed."

You mount your steed.

10/01/17
"RD: Acquire green shirt and wavy hair, call yourself Shaggy."

That's, like, a groovy idea, man!

You don't do it though because it's actually kind of stupid.

10/01/17
"FH: Put yourself back in the tomb, this imaginary adventure needs to continue!"

You could get back into that cramped, dark, terrifying tomb, but you don't have any tylenol to ascend to the ASTRAL PLANE!

You could also just go back to the IMAGINATRIX, but you don't really want to right now.

10/01/17
"FH: Gather cups. Who knows when you'll need to stack."

You take the cups.

10/01/17
"BC: Exit Scooby Mode."

You turn back into the BODACIOUS CHEF.

07/01/17
"Next."

You're out of the tomb!

07/01/17
"Next."

You leave the IMAGINATRIX. Hey, wait a second!

07/01/17
"Next."

The ASTRAL PLANE has landed.

07/01/17
"Next."

The ASTRAL PLANE is flying down.

07/01/17
"FH: Hide in the destroyed gum drum. Then, start slurping up gum like there's no tomorrow."

You jump in the gum drum. Not the broken ones because you're pretty sure you'd fall out.

Also you don't eat it because that's disgusting.

07/01/17
"Next."

What a gentleman.

07/01/17
"Next."

He calls you a hummingbird and gives you your mind back.

07/01/17
"Next."

It's NIC CAGE, the NICK OF TIME, just in the nick of time!

07/01/17
"Next."

07/01/17
"FH: Can you conjure any items in the Astral Plane?"

PARACHUTE PARACHUTE PARACHUTE PARACHUTE

07/01/17
"Next."

OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD

07/01/17
"Next."

07/01/17
"Next."

ACHOOOOOOOOOOO!

07/01/17
"FH: Use pepper on both yourself and Xylitol."

You take out th-ahhh AHH AHHH-

07/01/17
"RD: Do a victory dance."

You do a little dance. The dog is intrigued and confused.

07/01/17
"BC: Play fetch with the orb."

You lunge at the orb, but you just get teleported away.

What a shame.

07/01/17
"BC: Sniff computer."

It smells of evil.

07/01/17
"Next."

Now you're in a computer room.

07/01/17
"BC: Get outta there."

07/01/17
"Next."

ZOINKS! YOU GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE!

07/01/17
"BC: Go down the hatch."

You take a peek at what's under the hatch.

04/01/17
"RD: Finish beating up the enemies."

Done.

04/01/17
"Next."

It's very similar to what happens in HOMESTUCK, what with the "prototyping" of the harlequin.

First, something is thrown into the INORBED NIGHTMAIZE, which is like the KERNELSPRITE. This causes the enemies to get the likeness of the prototyped item, like the IMPS or GREMLINS.

HOWEVER, one DIFFERENCE is that the KERNELSPRITE splits and creates a SPRITE, while the INORBED NIGHTMAIZE does not. Nearly everything thrown in will be lost, save for if the prototyped has an evil enough mind. If that is the case, then they will ABSORB the INORBED NIGHTMAIZE and turn into a HEINOUS TYRANT. Kinda like the Derse Royalty.

And if you didn't understand that, TOO BAD.

04/01/17
"Next."

Actually, why not.

BUT, this is the ONLY explanation you are giving.

04/01/17
"DC: Explain how you prototyped the skelequin, and what that does."

No.

04/01/17
"FH: Quick, destroy the other gum drums before Xylitol can catch up!"

{3/4 GUM DRUMS DESTROYED}

You make your way to one of the barrels and topple it. But you can't get to the last one before Xylitol. He runs past and is seemingly not going to give up that gum easily.

04/01/17
"BC: The clown will be fine. Head down the green hallway."

Disregarding the jester, you go down the green hallway. You are now in some kind of half-evil harlequin rumpus room.

04/01/17
"BC: Stack cups."

You can't stack cups with your paws! But you do chew on them.

03/01/17
"{MT} Beat 'em up!"

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Music credit: https://youtu.be/Y2eM7Hu72Gc

03/01/17
"RD: Take the bad guys' likeness too."

As much as how cool that may be, you can't do it.

But you can beat them up.

03/01/17
"FH: Look for more gum drums."

There are 2 more on the other wing.

03/01/17
"FH: Play defense for a while."

You walk away. That's your way of playing defense. Xylitol follows ominously.

03/01/17
"BC: Try to awaken the Fanciful Harlequin."

If you mean the drugged up clown, you can't wake him. You even tried licking his face and it didn't work.

02/01/17
"Be the skelequin?"

You can't be the SKELEQUIN because he has been vaporized by unlocking the first CALAMITY FIXTURE.

Also because now his likeness has been taken by all these bad guys.

02/01/17
"RD: Try to track down the Dastardly Criminal."

You don't see him anywhere. He probably left to go back to the REAL WORLD, or the CORRUPTIVERSE, depending on where he is.

02/01/17
"FH: Attack other barrel."

{2/4 GUM DRUMS DESTROYED}

Xylitol looks pretty pissed and you're quite fatigued after all this action. It'd probably be best to play defense for a while.

02/01/17
"Next."

Yum.

02/01/17
"BC: Sniff for dem scooby snacks"

You don't find any scooby snacks, but you do find a FLAVOUR BONUS! Also some other things that don't really matter.

02/01/17
"BC: Open the tomb."

01/01/17
"BC: Activate Scooby-Mode"

You activate SCOOBY MODE and turn into the BOWWOW CANINE.

31/12/16
"Next."

WAIT, WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

31/12/16
"BC: Inspect the skelequin door."

You inspect the skelequin door, which seems to actually be some sort of giant concrete tomb. There is a jester-y head on the top.

Creepy.

31/12/16
"Next."

It looks like Xylitol has to reload.

31/12/16
"FH: Try to hit back the bubbles to engage a round of Ganon's Volley."

You try to execute a game of GANON'S VOLLEY, but the bubbles are just popped by your sword.

31/12/16
"FH: Aggress"

You start hitting Xylitol. The CUPLASS doesn't do much damage, as it is just paper cups. Maybe there's a better way to do this...

31/12/16
"FH: Vibrate upwards into another plane. Consult with higher-beings."

You vibrate with all your might, but you cannot shake yourself upward. What a shame.

30/12/16
"FH: Lose your mind."

Technically, you already have. First you ascended to the ASTRAL PLANE with the help of the TYLENOL, and then Xylitol stole your MIND'S MIND.

Also, you think it'd be really silly to delve any further into this neural turducken; losing your MIND'S MIND'S MIND is not a viable option in your book.

30/12/16
"FH: Reflect on your history with Xylitol the Vyritol. Does he usually act this way? Do you feel you can trust him?"

You have never known this man.

30/12/16
"FH: Find source of bubbles."

It seems they are coming from Xylitol's BUBBLE GUN. What a jerk!

30/12/16
"Next."

Ouch! Some bubbles hit you!

30/12/16
"Next."

{1/4 GUM DRUMS DESTROYED}

30/12/16
"FH: Attack barrel labelled "GUM.""

You take out your CUPLASS and give the GUM DRUM a good wallop.

28/12/16
"Next."

You have no goddamn idea of what's going on.

28/12/16
"BC: Figure out what the fuck just happened."



Haha, no.

28/12/16
"Next."

You retract your statement.

28/12/16
"FH: Raise philosophical question about how you can shoot something abstract such as the mind."

"If one's mind is simply an abstract object, linked to the brain, how can one damage another's mind without being in true range of the brain? It would indeed be possible if it was implied to be mentally shattering the mind, with psychological damage; but that is not the case, as an actual gun would do nothing to the mind, save for maybe giving violent imagery or fear. And if you shot the brain itself, you wouldn't be harming the mind, but the body as a whole."

28/12/16
"FH: Ask Xylitol The Vyritol how to get off the plane when it's mid-flight and you are on the roof."

After you inquire about how you would get off, he tells you to jump off. Not quite the answer you're looking for.

28/12/16
"RD: Screw that, become your own kind of awesome! With laser beams and 8 bit sound effects!"

Looking for ways to make laser beams and 8-bit noises, you reveal the fact that your SCREWDRIVER can shoot beams of energy.

Huh, neat.

22/12/16
"Next."

Too bad it can't just change like that.

22/12/16
"{MT} Game: become more like kid chameleon"

<object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" width="650" height="450" id="movie_name" align="middle"><param name="movie" value="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/dwpxxx1gmpgbywq/140.swf?dl=0"/><!--[if !IE]>--><object type="application/x-shockwave-flash" data="https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/s/dwpxxx1gmpgbywq/140.swf?dl=0" width="650" height="450"><param name="movie" value="movie_name.swf"/><!--<![endif]--><a href="http://www.adobe.com/go/getflash"><img src="http://www.adobe.com/images/shared/download_buttons/get_flash_player.gif" alt="Get Adobe Flash player"/></a><!--[if !IE]>--></object><!--<![endif]--></object>

Author's note: {MT} means {Mix-Tape} and is the equivalent to [S] pages.

Music credit: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LLsTgBYplQY

22/12/16
"RD: touch green orb thing"

You touch the green orb thing and you get transported to the IMAGINATRIX.

22/12/16
"RD: Attempt to taste tears. Are they real??? Are YOU real????????"

AND IT TASTES EVIL!

22/12/16
"RD: Inspect and taste white fluid."

It is gooey and white.

22/12/16
"RD: Peek outside the hatch to see how far the corruption has spread."

It looks like it only affected the area in immediate vicinity.

22/12/16
"RD: Examine computer, try talking to it!"

You try to talk to the face on the screen. Nothing happens and you kinda feel like a moron for trying.

22/12/16
"RD: Interact with the computer."

You can't. It seems like the keys are stuck.

22/12/16
"Next."

They tell you to get off the plane or your mind gets it.

22/12/16
"Next."

Someone steals your mind. It looks like they might be your BOSS, XYLITOL THE VYRITOL!

22/12/16
"FH: Climb up."

You climb up through the aftermath of the explosion.

22/12/16
"Next."

The ceiling explodes.

22/12/16
"FH: Acquire the seasonings, cuplass, and rewards."

You reacquire the cuplass. You already picked up the rewards.

22/12/16
"FH: Stow the salt and pepper in your fanciful hat."

You put the salt and the pepper in your hat.

21/12/16
"Next."

You are Radical Dude and you are in some kind of malicious universe. The CORRUPTIVERSE, to be exact.

21/12/16
"Next."

The first CALAMITY FIXTURE has been broken by the PROTOTYPING of the SKELEQUIN.

21/12/16
"Tall, dead-looking fellow: Introduce yourself."

You are the Skelequin and that hefty buffoon is lunging at you.

21/12/16
"RD: Enter the hatch."

You go down the hatch. You see some kind of evil looking bubble with locks around it.

20/12/16
"Next."

You find yourself on the ground with two people standing around.

20/12/16
"BC: Leave elevator."

You leave th-woah, woah!

20/12/16
"Next."

20/12/16
"Next."

Some buffoon rockets out of the trapdoor and into the left room. Wait, who was that?

20/12/16
"BC: Press the white button."

You press the white button.

20/12/16
"RD: Press the red button."

You press the red button.

20/12/16
"Next."

Oh. Looks like your enhanced sneeze destroyed the assailants. And also the cart. But the seasonings, the cuplass, and some rewards are strewn about the room.

20/12/16
"Next."

ACHOOOOOOOOO!

20/12/16
"Next."

Wait, pepper? Ugh, you can feel your nose getting ready for a sneeze.

Ahh-ahh-ahhhhhhh...

20/12/16
"FH: Check under the cart for more enemies or items."

Upon further inspection, the cart holds some SALT and some PEPPER.

20/12/16
"FH: Assault enemies with the paper cups."

You make the CUPLASS! But you don't really want to fight. You're not really good at brawling, either.

20/12/16
"FH: Stack the cups in an aggressive manner."

20/12/16
"FH: Impress the enemies by pulling the tablecloth off the cart."

You whip the tablecloth out from under the plate of cups. None of the cups even moved! Nice!

17/12/16
"Next."

IT WAS A TRAP! OH FIDDLESTICKS!

17/12/16
"FH: Look for overpriced packets of peanuts, and maybe some stackable cups."

Oh look! A stewardess! With some PAPER CUPS!

17/12/16
"FH: Ride the dolphin like a mechanical bull"

Too bad it's a hologram.

17/12/16
"FH: Soak in the mind-numbing sound of the vaporwave. Let the aesthetic wash over you"

This place may look trippy, but there are certainly no sounds playing from anywhere.

17/12/16
"Next?"

But to you, that sounds like a great idea!

17/12/16
"FH: Crash this plane with no survivors"

That's a HORRID idea! Why would you possibly do that?

17/12/16
"FH: Drink Fiji."

You reach for the expensive rectangular bottle, but you can't feel it; or drink it at that. Must be a hologram or something.

15/12/16
"FH: Marvel at the AESTHETHICC"

It's alright, you guess.

15/12/16
"Next."

You acquire the Fool's Essence.

15/12/16
"FH: Summon Bozo Jokes "Jokes" Clown, baby!"

Summoning The Fool here would be a grave mistake. Instead, you channel your neural power into creating a representation of The Fool.

15/12/16
"FH: Look for the pilot."

You spend what feels like hours walking through the seemingly labyrinthine plane. It's giving you a feel of deja vu every time you step.

You give up on looking for the pilot after a few minutes.

15/12/16
"FH: Examine surroundings."

You are inside the ASTRAL PLANE. It is very colourful.

14/12/16
"FH: Ascend."

Your mind leaves your body and arrives at the ASTRAL PLANE.

14/12/16
"FH: Search Tylenol box for items."

There are no contents inside the box. However, you did just take about 500x the normal dose.

OH NO YOU CAN FEEL IT KICKING IN!

14/12/16
"FH: Stack the cups!"

You stack the cups. You are unimpressed with your small stack. It'd be really nice if there was an infinite source of these cups.

13/12/16
"Be someone else."

You are the FANCIFUL HARLEQUIN. Your hobbies include being trapped in a small room, cup stacking, and ascending into the ASTRAL PLANE.

13/12/16
"Next."

You go back into the REAL WORLD. Oh yeah, you were in an elevator.

13/12/16
"Next."

It bursts into some righteous spoils. There is cash aplenty and bouquets of pineapples!

13/12/16
"BC: Ready a one-liner and kill the Kraken with a fantastic burp!"

It looks like it's already dead. You still burp though.

04/12/16
"BC: Drink TaB."

You start to drink the entire TaB battlefield! It's like you have a belly the size of a whale!

04/12/16
"BC: Look at the kraken and look into its eyes... Squemp..."

You take a look at the monster... It seems to be fine. This boss really must be powerful! You think that you might have to take a different approach.

04/12/16
"BC: Make some calamari."

You give the sweet foe a whooping! The sparks from your frying pan even ignite some carbon bubbles, causing massive damage!

29/11/16
"Next."

Oh no... Could it be? The SACCHARINE KRAKEN? You brace yourself for an artificially sweetened brawl.

29/11/16
"Next."

It's kinda dark, but also very sweet.

29/11/16
"Next."

You jump into the open can, because there is no reason not to.

29/11/16
"BC: Make an empire based on cool ranch and salsa. Corner the flavor market!"

As you reach the top of the colossal can, you have a strange urge to dominate business with chips and salsa. But then a voice echoes in your head, "There's a time and place for everything, but not now." You feel it's best to ignore your impulses right now.

15/11/16
"BC: Ascend"

15/11/16
"BC: Steal a dorky pair of glasses from one of the underlings to blend in."

You steal some WIZARD EYEWEAR. However, the wizard just dies. And the glasses disappear, sadly.

15/11/16
"BC: Attack the enemies that seemingly have the ability to harness majyyk."

You spend a few minutes grinding. These WIZARDS are actually kind of weak.

15/11/16
"BC: Try to eat wallet."

You spend a few minutes trying to eat your STOMACH. It seems to be an unwinnable challenge.

15/11/16
"BC:insert up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, b, a, select, start into the imagimatrix"

You thought that maybe you could cheat your way to higher levels, but after looking at your HOLOBOARD COMPUTATRON's keyboard you noticed that a "Select" button doesn't exist.

15/11/16
"BC: Realize that you must increase the levels of "Bodaciousness" higher than your current levels."

Yeah, if you level up, you might even get some kind of funny hat.

15/11/16
"BC: See if you can sneak past the enemies to reach the TaB can without trouble."

You already did. But you think there might be a BOSS up there, so maybe you should find some enemies...

06/11/16
"BC: Check other combat operandi."

You don't know what that is, nor do you have any. You take a minute to imagine what life would be like if you did.

06/11/16
"Next."

Why is this thing so big? Upon further inspection, there is a ladder leading to the top.

06/11/16
"BC: Start exploring until you find something."

There's a bunch of enemies roaming around, and seemingly a giant can of TaB.

01/11/16
"Next."

You totally forgot about this issue! It features a story from an expert ROUTERBOY, and also some crazy story about some desolate future that's gonna happen "soon".

01/11/16
"BC: Put flavour bonus in your wallet and eat the cash."

Your STOMACH is your WALLET. In your STOMACH you have 1 (one) giant wad of cash, 2 (two) flavou- OH MY GOD IS THAT A POSTRETRO DUDE!?

29/10/16
"Next."

The loot pile consists of some CASH and one FLAVOUR BONUS.

29/10/16
"Next."

ALL THE FLAVOUR! ALL OF IT!

29/10/16
"BC: Ask djinn if it happens to have any FLAVOUR."

Instead of asking nicely, you use your special move, FLAVOUR STEAL!

29/10/16
"BC: Throw that tennis ball you had in your pocket. Do not question where it came from."

Yet again, your TENNIS BALL is much cooler in the IMAGINATRIX. You send the GREASE ORB Djinn-wards, and play a round of GANON'S VOLLEY.

29/10/16
"BC: Brandish your trusty tennis racket frying pan."

It's not normally this cool, but in the IMAGINATRIX everything is cooler! You prepare to fight the Djinn.

20/10/16
"BC: Greet the Dog of Wisdom."

Oh no! That's not the dog of wisdom! That's a DJINN!

20/10/16
"BC: Become the legendary Stalfos Wielder."

You don't become the legendary stalfos wielder, but you do change your appearance within the IMAGINATRIX.

20/10/16
"BC: Examine the rest of Flavourtown."

You step out of the restaurant known as FLAVOURTOWN. You know it well enough, and it's actually rather small on the inside.

15/10/16
"BC: Become triggered"

You wouldn't really call it being triggered, but you are slightly annoyed by your current hair colour. You'll probably change it back later.

15/10/16
"BC: Come to the conclusion that you are a fat feminist with dyed hair."

You start to put on your thinking glasses and go over the information.

15/10/16
"BC: Wonder why your hair is red."

You think back to when your hair wasn't red. You were thinking of food back then. Climbing out of this neural turducken, you know the answer to this. It's because you're in the Imaginatrix.

15/10/16
"BC: Look out window"

You look out the window.

15/10/16
"BC: Ask the barkeep for some of that quality flavor"

You ask him for some flavour. He doesn't respond, nor does he have any flavour.

11/10/16
"Next."

11/10/16
"BC: Finally take yourself to Flavortown with that pineapple."

You go to flavourtown. You weep tears of joy.

11/10/16
"BC: Take a bite out of the pineapple. Just do it."

What pineapple?

09/10/16
"Next."

You are BC and you are standing in an elevator.

09/10/16
"DC: Check MSP(F?)A"

Looks like your favorite adventure hasn't updated yet. You feel like it never does.

09/10/16
"DC: Enter Imaginatrix and then get completely rekt by the unradicool enemies."

No.

09/10/16
"DC: Explain how you updated the enemies, and what that does."

No.

09/10/16
"RD: Remove the sign."

You take down the sign. It's a shame you didn't read it first.

08/10/16
"Next."

08/10/16
"Elsewhere..."

You are the DASTARDLY CRIMINAL and you are updating the enemies to be as unradical as possible.

08/10/16
"BC: Leave room."

You walk out of the room.

08/10/16
"RD: Unscrew the screw you've just unscrewed and screwed."

You screw it again and unscrew it. Or do you unscrew it and screw it?

07/10/16
"BC: Drown your sorrows in TaB, and reminisce about Flavourtown."

You do. And now you're sad. It's probably time to leave this room now.

07/10/16
"RD: Screw that screw. Just screw it. Screw it hard."

You unscrew and screw it SO hard.

07/10/16
"RD: Look for screws, and unscrew that shit."

You go up the pole and through the hatch. Oh look! That sign has screws!

06/10/16
"BC: take yourself to flavourtown"

You wish you could, but you need food to do that.

06/10/16
"RD: eat your own foot"

Your leg isn't long enough.

06/10/16
"RD: Check the stairs for wizards living within."

No zazzerpans here.

06/10/16
"BC: Flood the room with tab as to swim to the top and reach the secret door."

What a waste of TaB! Also, it's still not nearly enough.

05/10/16
"BC: Put face under TAB funnel."

THIS IS THE BEST IDEA EVER. Except you were hungry, not thirsty.

05/10/16
"RD: Flood the room with tab as to swim to the top and reach the secret door."

What? TaB? But there are stairs? And the door's not really that secret.

05/10/16
"BC: Make an attempt to get through the secret door by building up with those cups"

You try to build up a cup tower. You can't. Looks like you'll need an expert cup-stacker.

05/10/16
"BC: Destroy everything nearby"

No way. You won't destroy any of the TaB vats, the cup dispenser, the door out, or even the secret door.

05/10/16
"BC: Consume the fuck out of those cups."

Even though you just ate some cups, you eat some more. They aren't very filling.

04/10/16
"Be a different somebody."

You are now the BODACIOUS CHEF and feeling quite hungry. What do you do?

04/10/16
"Be somebody else."

You're somebody else.

04/10/16
"Next."

Looks like your not-a-magic 8-orb caused the locked door to open! Maybe it was worth it. You do a weird shuffle walk out the door.

03/10/16
"Next."

You throw the Orb in anger. Why couldn't this be a Dippin' 8-ball instead?

03/10/16
"RD: Ask "Consume Gobstopper?""

The orb gives you its answer. Which seems to be nothing.

03/10/16
"RD: Shake Dippin' Orb, and ask it a question as if it was an magic 8ball."

You shake the Orb.

01/10/16
"Next."

You grab the dippin' orb.

01/10/16
"Next."

The Dippin' Orbs Machine eats the dollar in a badly drawn fashion.

01/10/16
"RD: Get Dippin' Orbs."

You go back to the real world to use your wads of cash.

01/10/16
"Next."

You did get the OG essence, though. You can only use it once, so be careful.

01/10/16
"RD: Do your best impression of the OG himself, and make that cash rain."

You channel the powers of the OVERSIZED GORILLA. A grand total of $0 rains from the sky.

01/10/16
"RD: Use money to make a fat wad of cash."

You've got £oads of money.

01/10/16
"RD: Examine Imaginatrix"

It's full of cash. You're gonna buy so many dippin' orbs now.

01/10/16
"Next."

Of course, this is no problem for you, a master gamer.

01/10/16
"Next."

Oh no! A BOSS! The one foretold in murals! Specifically the one in the arcade. It's the Q*bertipacipede!

01/10/16
"RD: Sepulchritude?"

You don't know what that means, but you dish out some major damage.

01/10/16
"Next."

Looks like there's some Gremlins to slay.

01/10/16
"RD: Get cash from beating baddies in the Imaginatrix."

You enter the Imaginatrix once again. Looks like it adjusted to your tubular style. Neat.

01/10/16
"Next."

You level up for giving that door a beating.

30/09/16
"RD: (Feel ashamed for making that pun) Punch Door"

What pun(pkin)? But you punch the door for the fun of it.

30/09/16
"RD: Admire this groovy-ass, bowling rink-esque carpet."

Ahhh, yes. Quite possibly the best design for a carpet ever. It's out of this world.

30/09/16
"RD: Get dippin' orbs"

You wish you could, but you don't have any cash on you right now. Maybe next time.

30/09/16
"RD: Equip trusty screw driver."

You take out your screwdriver from your HAMMERSPACE. You might need it to fix arcade machines or possibly fight monsters.

16/09/16
"Next."

You better leave, before you do something like that again. Back to the real world!

16/09/16
"RD: Wreck it. (Ralph.)"

Oh, well now look what you've done! You've gone and embarrassed yourself.

16/09/16
"RD: Flip your shit"

What is this? TRON? You proceed to flip the fuck out like a weasel.

16/09/16
"RD: Enter the Matrix."

You ascend to the realm known as the IMAGINATRIX.

15/09/16
"Next."

Here's a better way to do it!

15/09/16
"RD: Attempt to enter into the gaming world of one of the arcade games through it's viewport."

A nice idea, but a bad execution.

15/09/16
"RD: Sleuth some problems."

Okay. For starters, you're trapped in your arcade. That could use some sleuthing.

15/09/16
"RD: Jump out the fucking window, if possible."

There's not a window in sight, fortunately.

15/09/16
"RD: Grab your radical arms from what appears to be a Dippin' Dots box"

You reach in the Dippin' Orbs machine to no luck. Looks like you won't ever have your radical arms. OH WAIT.

15/09/16
"RD: Break arcade machine"

You would never! Besides, which one would you break? You have 3 of them.

15/09/16
"Enter Name?"

Enter a name? Where? And anyways, you already have a name, which is RADICAL DUDE.

15/09/16
"Radical Dude"

You're one radical dude chillin' in your arcade. But what do you do?



If you see any errors, feel free to hop on the RADICAL DUDE DISCORD SERVER and tell me! It always helps!

Thank you for reading RADICAL DUDE!