"Trickster!John: Open message."
-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 16:13 --
TG: hey so what kind of insane loot did you rake in today
EB: hey dave!
EB: mostly cake so far. it just keeps coming! jeez.
EB: oh, that and an awesome new little monsters poster.
EB: haha remember the apple juice scene?
EB: congrats to dad for losing the dvd though.
TG: wow hey that is such a coincidence
TG: i just found an unopened bottle of aj sitting in my closet it is like fucking christmas up in here
EB: oh, cool.
EB: be careful not to choke.
TG: what why would i choke
EB: you have seen the movie little monsters starring howie mandel and fred savage, have you not?
TG: but the seals unbroken
TG: are you suggesting someone peed in it at the factory
EB: why yes, of course howie mandel isnât able to do something as simple as re-seal a bottle.
TG: whoa okay jeez
TG: how did the fat kid or whoever know there was piss in his juice anyway
TG: like i guess youd figure it out but his reaction was nigh instantaneous
EB: it was the 15th day in a row howie had peed in his juice.
TG: oh okay fair enough
TG: also have you got the beta yet
EB: no, not yet.
TG: well shit
TG: not gonna play it though it sounds terrible
TG: did you see how it got slammed in game bro???
EB: game bro is a joke and we both know it.
TG: anyway you should probably check your mail
TG: see if its arrived
EB: yeah yeah okay, iâll go check.
EB: see ya!
"Trickster!John: Open Pesterchum."
Only one of your CHUMS appear to be online currently. He's sent you a message.
You scramble over to your cushiony computer-chair and pull up your COMPUTER. You spend most of your time here. You even decorated your desktop with a WALLPAPER that you made yourself. You admit you are rather proud of it.
Your desktop is littered with various PROGRAMMING PRODJECT FILES. Being the incredible PROGRAMMER you are, you constantly persist in making more and more shitty programs. You guess if you build up enough then maybe it will show how much you improved by the time you are actually good, that is if you ever continue with this awkward hobby.
It looks like your friend is pestering you. Better check that message.
Hold up. Looks like someone's trying to pester you.
"Trickster!John: Eat cake."
What a great idea! Eating the same thing that you have been eating all day is definitely what you want to do now. I mean it's not like you're completely sick to death of it at this point.
"Trickster!John: Examine calendar."
You've marked your birthday on the calendar, 13th of April.
You've also marked the day that was supposed to be the arrival of the highly touted SBURB BETA LAUNCH.
It seems the game is three days late already.
But don't worry, waiting for days on end is definitely something you are capable of and not bothered about at all.
Ahh, sweet memories of glorious movies stream into your mind as you examine your poster-covered bedroom walls.
The calender seems to catch your eye.
You use the HAMMER, NAILS, and POSTER on the blank space on the wall.
Yes! It's perfect!
... Well, maybe a little over-done on the pink radar.
You're just kidding of course, nothing is ever too pink around here.
At least you think nothing can ever be too pink.
You use the HAMMER and NAILS card IN CONJUNCTION with the card beneath it.
You MERGE the top two cards.
The HAMMER and NAILS are now captchalogued on the same card and can be used together.
This has to be the most intelligent decision you've made all day.
Well, hop to it, then!
Okay, so that was a lie. But how could you stop yourself when your personality has a mind of it's own?
Although, the polished surface of your candy desk does look...
"Trickster!John: Take nails."
You captchalogue FOUR (4) NAILS into the top card, and push all the ARTIFACTS down a card.
The SEVERED ARMS are pushed entirely out of the deck!!!
Blood is everywhere. Oh well. They're probably completely useless anyway. But you probably don't want to do that again, unless you want to drop the SMOKE PELLETS and make an even bigger mess.
In any case, you now feel like you have gathered enough things to get down to business and do some really important stuff. The next thing you do will probably be exceptionally meaningful.
You first place the HAMMER into your SYLLADEX.
But now all of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS are full. You wonder what will happen if you try to take the NAILS?
You ignore your worries and blatantly shove the nails into your SYLLADEX without care for the consequences.
That happens often around here.
It gets on your nerves when this happens, but you wouldn't admit that to anyone.
What hammer and nails?
You can't see any hammers or nails...
Although, you do remember placing some nails and a hammer dangerously on the floor where anyone could step on them.
Where could they have gone?
"Trickster!John: Take poster."
Another BIRTHDAY ARTIFACT. You wonder what is printed on the poster.
You'll need some way to hang it on your wall.
This note is rich with the aromas of FATHERLY AFTERSHAVES and ICING SUGAR.
You can almost TASTE the LOVE that went into the writing of this note.
He is such a sweet DAD.
Beside the note is a ROLLED UP POSTER.
This poster was one of your wisest purchases.
There is a nice spot on the wall next to it. You've been meaning to hang another poster there soon.
You aren't totally sure if "EQUIP" is a verb copasetic with the abstract behavioral medium in which you dwell, but you give it a try anyway.
Unfortunately, you cannot access the SEVERED ARMS! Their card is underneath the one you just used to captchalogue the SMOKE PELLETS. You will have to use the pellets first in order to access the arms. But this is probably unadvisable, since you'd just make your room lousy with smoke!
Your SYLLADEX'S FETCH MODUS is currently dictated by the logic of a STACK DATA STRUCTURE. You were always the best at figuring out these modus thingies. You're probably just a little rusty.
With any hope, perhaps you will advance new, more practical FETCH MODI for your SYLLADEX with a little more persistence.
You stow the SMOKE PELLETS on one of your CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS in your SYLLADEX.
You still aren't totally sure what that means, but you are starting to get the hang of the vernacular at least.
You have two empty CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS remaining.
In here you keep an array of humorous and mystical ARTIFACTS, each one a devastating weapon in the hands of a SKILLED MAGICIAN or a CUNNING PRANKSTER.
You are most certainly both of these things.
Among the ARTIFACTS are: TWO (2) SEVERED ARMS [CURRENTLY CAPTCHALOGUED IN YOUR SYLLADEX], ONE (1) PAIR OF REAL HANDCUFFS, ONE (1) CANDY SWORD, ONE (1) MAGICIAN'S HAT, ONE (1) PAIR OF BEAGLE PUSS GLASSES, SEVERAL (~) SMOKE PELLETS, SEVERAL (~) BLOOD CAPSULES, ONE (1) COPY OF COLONEL SASSACRE'S DAUNTING TEXT OF MAGICAL FRIVOLITY AND PRACTICAL JAPERY, and ONE (1) COPY OF HARRY ANDERSON'S "WISE GUY", BY MIKE CAVENEY.
Some of this stuff may come in handy at some point. For now, you decide to just take the SMOKE PELLETS.
You retrieve your SEVERED ARMS from the chest. You will use these for HILARIOUS ANTICS at some point.
You can't really remember how you got these. Usually when you go into a flurry of VIOLENCE, you never recall what happened.
You're sure that the OLD OWNER of these arms made has made a good SACRIFICE though, since the past half an hour that they've been sitting in your chest.
Since they're still dripping, you CAPTCHALOGUE them in your SYLLADEX before the floor gets too messy.
There are other items in the chest.
"Remove CAKE from MAGIC CHEST."
Out of sympathy for Trickster!John's perceived lack of arms and possibly anxiety from his odd smile, you pick up the CAKE for him and put it on his BED.
Your ARMS are in your MAGIC CHEST, Bluecorpse!
Your name is JOHNNY EGGBERT and stuck to your hair is a WOWWIPOP.
Sorry about that. Let me restart.
Your name is JOHN EGBERT, AKA Trickster!John. As was previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of CAKES are scattered about your room.
You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY TERRIBLE MOVIES. You like to program computers but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT.
Sometimes people refer to you as a TYPICAL TRICKSTER. You like to believe that you are the DEFINITION of a TRICKSTER. You find this idea to be rather AMUSING, since you have a fondness for PARANORMAL LORE, and are an aspiring AMATEUR MAGICIAN. As well as this, you enjoy playing GAMES sometimes.
Your friends often tell you that you are very SARCASTIC.
This is indeed, very true.
What will you do?
A young trickster stands in his bedroom. It just so happens that today, the 13th of April, is this young tricksterâs birthday. Though it was thirteen years ago he was given life through disturbing and paranormal procedures, it is only today he will be given a name!
What will the name of this young trickster be?