Gil: Ah. Nevermind.
Gil: I'm pretty sure you guys don't like to party.
Gil: Heyyyy, Frankie!
Gil: You actually came all the way up to the roof, ya weirdo!
Gil: And I was just getting ready to drink myself to death all by my lonesome tonight.
Gil: So, you ready to go get fucked uuuup?!
Ah, the wood floor rooftop terrace. The perfect way for a hotel to say "we're so hip, we don't care that we have to replace all the flooring every time it rains".
Yeah, I'll be honest, all these new design trends turn my stomach.
Well, at least I have someone who'll help me unwind. Someone who I think I hear coming...
Man, are those two crazy or what? I'm pretty sure hanging out around them has made my blood pressure skyrocket.
Still, I guess it's nice to spend some time feeling like you're doing something that's sort of for the good of the world.
Not that it's any different from my usual job. I get chased by the same people, at least. Whatever.
"Gil: Stop this madness."
Gil: Oh my god!
Gil: Do you two EVER turn it off?!
Gil: I expected as much from you, Embers, but kid?
Gil: What the hell, you guys?
Acolyte: Hi, Gil, nice to see you too.
Acolyte: We got us rooms at the best hotel in town.
Acolyte: You're welcome.
Gil: Don't you get snarky with me, mister.
Gil: How did this happen, Embers?
Gil: I gave you the notepad!
Gil: Didn't you read the notepad?!
Sister Embers: I found it lacking in information.
Sister Embers: You got bored and started drawing unflattering drawings of me and the acolyte halfway through.
Sister Embers: I refused to bear it.
Gil: You know what? No. I'm just too ashamed of both of you right now to talk.
Gil: Just...just go to your room.
Gil: I'll see you in the morning.
Acolyte: But it's like 7.
Acolyte: Tough crowd.
Acolyte: I really don't know what's wrong.
Acolyte: Usually at least a few people take pamphlets out of pity.
Sister Embers: Hmm, yes.
Sister Embers: Well, I have never been too involved with the distribution of those things myself.
Sister Embers: Brother Chalk handled most of that.
Sister Embers: Perhaps you are merely not trying hard enough?
Acolyte: Yeah, maybe.
Acolyte: I'll try and see if the people in the kitchen would be interested.
Acolyte: Of course, they ALL have knives, so.
Sister Embers: Quite good, quite good.
Sister Embers: Say, acolyte.
Sister Embers: I have been reading the back of this ticket for some time now.
Sister Embers: Would you happen to know what "formal wear" means?
Acolyte: Oh, well...
Acolyte: I guess in your case it would be a dress, Sister Embers?
Sister Embers: A dress?
Sister Embers: Ridiculous.
Sister Embers: I would never wear one of those.
Sister Embers: They don't offer nearly enough combat mobility.
Sister Embers: Our robes are worn in the most formal rituals of the cult.
Sister Embers: They will suffice.
Acolyte: Well, I think you don't really fight people in the same places you wear fancy dresses.
Sister Embers: Nonsense.
Sister Embers: We carry the truth of the world within our minds.
Sister Embers: There will always be enemies all around us.
Acolyte: Yeah, but all the time?
Acolyte: I'm starting to get a little tired of it, honestly.
Acolyte: Can't we just try being nice to people?
Sister Embers: I refuse to dignify that with a response, acolyte.
Acolyte: -WOAH there!
Acolyte: Okay, I think I'll just...I'll just go over here now.
Acolyte: Have a nice day, though, sir.
Acolyte: Can't imagine you having a bad one with a knife like that.
Acolyte: Er...hello there, sir.
Acolyte: Reading the newspaper, I see.
Acolyte: Yeah, I like to do that to.
Acolyte: It's a lot of fun to be able to keep up with the latest news and-
Gil: Uh, yes, I would like separate rooms, please.
Concierge: I suspected you would, sir.
Acolyte: Uh, hello? Ma'am? Would you like a pamphlet? It'll save your soul!
Acolyte: No? Okay...
Acolyte: Sir! Hello, sir! Pamphlet? It's good for you!
Acolyte: Well, fair enough, I guess that finger gesture really only has one meaning...
Acolyte: Hello? Gentleman in the coat!
Sister Embers: Look at them, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Sinners, celebrating their ill-earned riches through extravagant displays of luxury.
Sister Embers: While people starve to death due to illness not an hour away.
Sister Embers: It is quite possibly the most disgusting sight I have ever seen.
Sister Embers: Take the pamphlets, you fools!
Sister Embers: We are attempting to save you from yourselves!
Concierge: Good evening, sir.
Concierge: Welcome to the Ashburn Hotel.
Concierge: Do you have business with us?
Gil: Uh, yeah.
Gil: I'm here from the mayor's office?
Gil: They should have called you.
Concierge: Ah yes, the crown prince. Welcome!
Concierge: Please enjoy your free food and rest.
Concierge: Because I'm sure that was really necessary for us to provide.
Concierge: Seeing as the royal family can't spare any money for something as simple as a hotel visit.
Gil: Okay, rude.
Gil: And anyway, what do you care?
Gil: The mayor said they'll pay for everything.
Concierge: Oh, please.
Concierge: Where do you think the money will come from with trade dwindling?
Concierge: The mayor is as broke as the rest of us.
Concierge: I highly doubt we'll see a cent of the money he owes the hotel, sir.
Gil: Huh. Well, that sucks for you, I guess?
Concierge: I suppose that is one way of putting it, yes.
Gil: Anyway, I was supposed to meet two other people here?
Gil: The, uh-
Concierge: Oh, yes. Them.
Concierge: I believe they're over at the buffet table right now.
Gil: Just hope Embers and the kid haven't messed things up yet.
Gil: At least it's not on fire for now.
Gil: Aaaaand I'm talking to myself out loud again.
Gil: I need alcohol, let's go.
Gil: Well, looks like the place.
Gil: Definitely fancy enough.
Gil: I mean, those decorative trees by the entrance?
Gil: That's high-tier hotel stuff right there.
Caroline: I'd like to suggest you to be careful with Francine.
Caroline: Sure, she may be the daughter of the Truthbearer, but who knows?
Caroline: Even the purest garden can sprout up a few weeds here and there.
Caroline: I'm not accusing her of anything, of course.
Caroline: Just saying that maybe you should keep an eye on her.
Rick: Of course.
Rick: I...I'll think about what you told me.
Rick: Thank you for taking the time out of your day to help us, ma'am.
Caroline: No, please.
Caroline: Helping the Church is only natural.
Caroline: We all strive for truth, don't we?
Caroline: It was my pleasure.
Caroline: I suppose it's less of a task and more of a...suggestion I called you in for.
Caroline: It's about your fellow members of the Church.
Caroline: Namely, about Francine.
Rick: What about her?
Caroline: Haven't you noticed that at times she acts very...unbefitting to her stature?
Rick: Well, yes, sometimes, but that doesn't mean-
Caroline: And has she not been meeting with some very strange people from outside the Church lately?
Rick: True, but maybe she was just doing some spying or something, I don't know.
Caroline: Come now.
Caroline: Could it really be that simple?
Caroline: Don't tell me you haven't had some doubts.
Rick: Well, I've had...suspicions.
Rick: She says some funny things sometimes.
Caroline: Yes. quite. Funny.
Rick: Of course, ma'am!
Caroline: Oh please, just call me Caroline.
Rick: The Church is always glad to help someone in need!
Rick: Though no compensation will be necessary.
Caroline: Really? Huh.
Caroline: Are you sure?
Caroline: I wouldn't mind providing some compensation.
Caroline: Least of all to someone like you.
Rick: The joy of knowing that we have advanced the cause of Truth is good enough for us.
Caroline: Okay...uh...fair enough.
Rick: So, what's the problem, Caroline?
Caroline: Actually, "ma'am" was fine.
Caroline: Now then.
Caroline: So. Rick, was it?
Caroline: Listen, darling.
Caroline: I must admit I called you here for slightly selfish purposes.
Caroline: I know you are already helping my father, but I also have something I want you to do.
Caroline: And this is a very private matter that could only be discussed between the two of us.
Caroline: Of course, I am not an ungenerous woman.
Caroline: So if you do this for me, believe me, you will be...greatly rewarded.
Caroline: What do you say, sweetie?
Rick: Hello? Ma'am?
Caroline: Oh! Hello there!
Caroline: You must excuse me, you caught me in the middle of trying on my new dress.
Caroline: One must always look one's best, you know.
Rick: But...you're the one who called me.
Caroline: Oh, right.
Caroline: ...yes. I suppose I did.
Guard: Uh, sir?
Guard: Lady Greene is asking for you.
Rick: Oh, hold that thought, guys.
Rick: We have to go in.
Guard: Actually, sir, she asked for you specifically.
Rick: Just- just for me?
Rick: Why would she just want me?
Guard: I don't know.
Guard: Honestly, I've given up trying to make sense of what she wants these days.
Guard: She's been acting kinda strange.
Guard: But please don't tell her I said that.
Guard: I don't really want to get fired.
Rick: Uh, okay.
Rick: I guess...I'll just go in alone, then.
Frankie: Great, sounded like he bought it.
Frankie: Thanks, dude.
Frankie: I think that went well.
Jones: Yeah, if you like lying to your commanding officers, maybe.
Frankie: I do! I do like doing that!
Frankie: So I maintain that that went well.
Jones: So, how'd your yet another meeting with the mayor go?
Frankie: As always, that's something secret to all but us higher members of society.
Frankie: I.e. not you guys.
Jones: Yeah, but apparently that thief guy.
Rick: He's not a real prince, right?
Rick: He can't be.
Rick: He's so...unprincely.
Frankie: I dunno, if he's lying, he's been doing it for like at least the almost decade I've known him.
Frankie: And honestly, who cares?
Frankie: Who cares if he's the real prince, y'know?
Frankie: People think he is and that's good enough for me.
Rick: But...it might not be the truth.
Frankie: Yeah, well...
Frankie: I mean, sometimes the truth isn't...
Frankie: Sometimes it's not really something you can be objective about, y'know?
Frankie: He may not be the real prince everywhere, but it's the truth in this specific case.
Frankie: And all the cases where he got his meals comped for it in the past, heh.
Rick: Heh, right.
Rick: Except I really don't think it works that-
MacLarren: Yeah, she's with them.
MacLarren: I don't know who Mama Jones was, but she raised a real bad liar.
Jane: I told you.
MacLarren: Yeah, yeah.
MacLarren: Whatever, at least I know where she is now.
Jane: You know, I don't think I've ever actually been here before.
Jane: Usually us purplecoats just order out.
Jane: Is there anything on the menu without alcohol in it?
MacLarren: Maybe the eggs, depending on what mood Vincent is in when he cooks 'em.
Jane: In any case, you're not worried about Francine?
Jane: You ARE supposed to be the one protecting her.
MacLarren: Trust me, she can take care of herself.
MacLarren: At most I'm worried about her mom finding out.
MacLarren: And even then, it'll probably be a few months before she even bothers looking for her.
Jane: What's the story on that, in any case?
Jane: I have to say, finding out that the Truthbearer's daughter is just palling around with the first floor recruits was a bit of a surprise when I started work in the Tower.
Jane: Why doesn't she pay Francine any mind?
MacLarren: That there's a lost cause, trying to figure it out.
MacLarren: I used to ask, but she tends to just get mad about it.
MacLarren: I just figure she wouldn't have much time to do it in any case.
MacLarren: With all her "important work" going on.
Jane: Speaking of sad, what the hell are these prices?!
Jane: Why not just have a trash can at the entrance for people to drop their wallets into?
MacLarren: Hey, I'm retired, alright?
MacLarren: I get paid dick.
MacLarren: Drunk people overpaying for drinks is one of my primary sources of income.
MacLarren: Well hey, alright then! That's great, you guys.
MacLarren: Too bad to hear you didn't see Frankie. Oh well.
MacLarren: If you do, tell her that her mom's gonna start wondering about her soon.
MacLarren: Anyway, I can see you're busy, so I'll call you guys later.
MacLarren: Keep fighting the good fight!
Rick: HELLO MISTER MACLARREN I MEAN CAPTAIN MACLARREN
Jones: Dude- ow! Arm! Arm!
Rick: WE ARE DOING SO GREAT OVER HERE
Rick: I AM SO HAPPY TO HEAR FROM YOU AGAIN
Rick: SORRY WE DID NOT CALL BEFORE BUT WE WERE BUSY FIGHTING EVILDOERS LIKE YOU AND I GOT ROAD RASH
"We haven't seen her."
Jones: Right. The thing.
Jones: That we haven't seen her.
Jones: Yeah, that's the thing.
Jones: Sorry, was just trying to remember if we had.
Jones: So anyway, about this plague thing.
Jones: Is the Church actually going to send anyone over to help or what?
Jones: People around here are starting to get a little riled-
Jones: Well, uh.
Jones: Here's the thing.
MacLarren: Hey there, you three.
MacLarren: How are things?
Jones: Well, they're shit, MacLarren.
Jones: Thanks for asking.
Jones: Great call! Same time next week?
MacLarren: Woah, woah!
MacLarren: I know you're kidding around, but seriously.
MacLarren: What the hell's the point of the surveillance thing if you're not going to, y'know, survey anything?
MacLarren: Are the targets already in town?
Jones: Yeah, they are.
Jones: And they just got here today, if you didn't know.
Jones: We wasted like a week screwing around here getting grossed out by the crystal...tumor...people.
MacLarren: Yeah yeah that's great, hey speaking of a week, I just remembered something that I wanted to ask you about.
MacLarren: It's a long shot, but have you guys seen Francine?
MacLarren: Truthbearer's daughter? Brown hair?
MacLarren: I haven't seen her since around the same time you guys left and, y'know, I'm starting to get suspicious.
MacLarren: She can handle her own out there, but I'd rather not have her sneaking off somewhere without her mother knowing.
MacLarren: I'm just a little worried she might've taken this opportunity to do some partying away from home.
MacLarren: So have you guys seen her anywhere?
Jones: Ah crap, I'm getting a call.
Jones: Must be MacLarren.
Jones: I hate this scryer they gave me.
Jones: Doesn't even have any buttons, I can't figure out how to start the call.
Jones: Advanced technology my ass.
Jones: Call! Pick up! I accept these charges!
Sigma: It truly is incredible watching you struggle with something so simple!
Sigma: In Numeralia, this would've been considered so easy, a child could figure it out.
Sigma: If there were any children there, of course.
Sigma: Allow me.
Sigma: Activate voice commands.
Sigma: Call. Action. Open.
Jones: Rick, stop chatting up the help.
Jones: It's really not making the waiting room experience any better.
Rick: Aw come on, but he's super cool looking!
Rick: And I really think we have a good thing going.
Jones: You really don't.
Jones: You're just embarassing everyone in the room at once.
Jones: Just sit down and do something else.
Rick: I can't do anything else!
Rick: I'm completely bored!
Rick: Couldn't you just tell Hal to let go of my cape?
Rick: He won't listen to me.
Jones: Sorry, man.
Jones: It's for safety reasons.
Jones: I saw what you were like in that other waiting room with those guys.
Jones: There is, like, a zero percent chance that you won't just run out of the room chasing after them the second Hal lets go.
Rick: Yeah, I guess that's true.
Rick: You come here often?
Guard: Every day.
Guard: It IS my job.
Rick: Cool, cool.
Rick: Do you like it?
Guard: I guess, I dunno.
Guard: Beats loadin' crates.
Rick: Oh, do you do that?
Rick: That would explain why you look so tough.
Guard: I really don't.
Guard: Also, I'm in armor. You wouldn't be able to see it even if I was.
Rick: Yeah, I guess.
Rick: I just mean you'd probably look really tough.
Rick: If you didn't have it on, y'know.
Rick: Not that I'd want you to take your armor off or anything!
Rick: Armor is very important in combat!
Rick: But, y'know, if you DID-
Guard: I'm sorry, could you go somewhere else?
Rick: Well, I sure would like to.
Rick: Oh, no, sorry, I didn't mean it like that!
Rick: I like it here!
Rick: I just meant that-
Gil: Yo, receptionist!
Receptionist: I have a name, sir.
Gil: Wow, you sure are lucky.
Gil: Most people don't get those.
Gil: Anyway, where did our respective entourages go?
Gil: They were sitting right here when we came in.
Receptionist: Well, the lanky kid and the freaky lady asked me where to find a good hotel.
Receptionist: I can give you the address.
Receptionist: And Lady Caroline invited the other four to her chamber.
Frankie: What does that smug bitch want with-
Frankie: I gotta go deal with this, man.
Frankie: Catch you later.
Gil: Hell yeah you will.
Gil: We're going out tonight, you and me.
Frankie: For sure?
Gil: We're free. We're young-
Gil: And we're rich as hell! It'd be a sin NOT to get royally wasted.
Gil: I'll shoot you where I'm at once I meet up with my dudes.
Gil: Good luck with yours.
Gil: What are they doing right now, I wonder?
Frankie: Probably something either stupid or adorable.
Frankie: Or both, knowing them.
Gil: Jeez, what a weenis.
Gil: I almost thought he'd start crying right then and there.
Frankie: Meh, his heart is in the right place, I can't really blame him.
Frankie: Though I'll admit he can be a bit too dramatic sometimes.
Frankie: You really gonna write the king about this?
Gil: Man, I doubt it.
Gil: Haven't talked to my dad in years.
Gil: I'm sure we'll end up doing something about it later since we're here.
Gil: You want one of these?
Frankie: No thank you, sir.
Frankie: You can keep your lung cancer to yourself.
Gil: Hey, were you seriously gonna quote the Book of Truth before you got interrupted back there?
Gil: I didn't know you knew any verses from it.
Frankie: Are you kidding?
Frankie: I'm the daughter of the leader of the Church.
Frankie: Of course I know the freaking verses!
Frankie: I've read that book cover to cover every month since I was a kid.
Frankie: Seriously, you can ask me any verse and I could tell you by heart.
Gil: Damn, okay.
Gil: How about...chapter 5, verse 23?
Frankie: ...you realize there's, like, zero chance you'll actually know I'm right, yeah?
Frankie: You've never read the book.
Frankie: I could literally say random nonsense and you'd be impressed.
Gil: Sounds like somebody who doesn't have the guts to own up to her bullshitting.
Frankie: Why, you-
Frankie: Okay, fine. 23?
Frankie: So the one about plums is 15, so...
Frankie: 18, 20, 22, 23.
Frankie: "And the Truthbearer did to the Desert abscond, and through searching of the Soul was the ultimate Reality unto him revealed."
Frankie: Told you.
Mayor Greene: But luckily, it looks like that won't be an issue!
Mayor Greene: Afterall, now that the higher-ups have taken notice, surely help is on the way!
Gil: Yes, yes, quite.
Gil: Your story has touched me, and it will surely touch the King's heart as well.
Gil: We will send the top scientists posthaste to figure out a solution to this problem.
Mayor Greene: Oh thank you, sir!
Mayor Greene: Bless you!
Gil: No, sir, you are the one who needs to be commended.
Gil: You are a true champion of the people, remaining stalwart in these troubled times.
Gil: From now on, I shall hold you as the best example of a civil servant in the land.
Gil: Such a man of honor.
Gil: Daughter of yours?
Mayor Greene: Er...yes.
Mayor Greene: Please, do not take my darling's behavior to be directed towards you, my friends.
Mayor Greene: She is merely on edge.
Mayor Greene: We all are, really.
Mayor Greene: What with the plague and the-
Mayor Greene: Oh, I'm sorry.
Mayor Greene: I shouldn't burden you with our issues.
Mayor Greene: I'm sure you're quite busy.
Gil: Yes, well.
Gil: The kingdom always tries to look after its' cities' health.
Gil: It's only good business sense.
Gil: How did all this plague business start, in any case?
Mayor Greene: We do not know, sadly.
Mayor Greene: The source is still something we have yet to find.
Mayor Greene: We only know that it targets the feeble and the hurt, only making their pain worse.
Mayor Greene: We've managed to contain the plague with strict restrictions between the districts for now.
Mayor Greene: Still, I fear the worst.
Mayor Greene: Those poor people.
Mayor Greene: Any day now they will tire of the state of things and rise up.
Mayor Greene: Which will fix nothing, of course.
Mayor Greene: If anything, it might even spread the plague further into the rest of the country.
Mayor Greene: What a terrible prospect.
???: ...Oh. Francine. I did not realize you were here.
???: By the sound of your voice, I thought father was meeting with someone else.
???: Possibly with some old friends from university. Maybe sailors.
Frankie: You're looking especially lovely today.
Frankie: I could barely even tell it was you.
Caroline: Yes, quite.
Caroline: A pity I cannot say the same for you.
Caroline: Nevermind, father. I shall find it myself.
Caroline: You are entertaining...honorable...guests.
???: Do you have any idea of the location of the list of the members of the city council?
???: I have looked everywhere but it seems the archivists have misplaced it.
???: As usual.
Gil: The royal family thanks you for this.
Gil: Represented by me.
Gil: I thank you for this.
Frankie: And so does the Church, for your hospitality in the past few weeks.
Frankie: Your generosity will surely serve you well in the life beyond.
Frankie: Afterall, as it says in the Book of Truth, chapter 3, verse 5-
"We need to get to Numeralia."
Gil: Well, I suppose I could share the details of my all-important mission with you.
Gil: We are looking for passage into Numeralia.
Gil: The government is looking to offer them quite a lucrative trade proposal and we're trying to find an in.
Mayor Greene: Really? Well, why look here?
Mayor Greene: I believe the Church of Truth is one of their main trade partners.
Mayor Greene: Surely someone in Veriton could help you.
Gil: Yeah, well, Veriton people, right?
Gil: Sometimes you just gotta steer clear, if you know what I'm talking about.
Gil: And in any case, we've heard that there was a Numeralian somewhere in your fair city.
Gil: Would it be too much trouble for you to aid us in our search somehow?
Mayor Greene: Hmm.
Mayor Greene: Well, unfortunately I cannot promise too much manpower.
Mayor Greene: Most of the police force is out controlling the flow of people in and out of the city due to the plague.
Mayor Greene: However, you are more than welcome to search the city.
Mayor Greene: I shall inform the men that there is no need for you to present any papers.
Mayor Greene: Anything else I could help you with?
Mayor Greene: It really does not seem like much.
Gil: Oh, no, please you've already helped enough.
Gil: Though I suppose it wouldn't be out of the question for us to get some funds...?
Gil: I don't tend to carry cash on me.
Gil: Far too unsafe. So many thieves about these days.
Gil: But the difference will be made up by the royal treasury, of course.
Mayor Greene: Of course.
Mayor Greene: Any expenses will be paid for by the mayor's office.
Mayor Greene: Heh heh, yes.
Mayor Greene: In any case, I once again would just like to say how honored I am by your presence.
Mayor Greene: To have the future leaders of not just the Church, but the entire country both come to our city in the same week!
Mayor Greene: Although, I must admit, I am still not certain of the exact nature of your visit.
Mayor Greene: I don't believe I ever got a direct response from you either, Ms. Francine.
Mayor Greene: The city's administration would gladly help with anything you or your entourages may require.
Gil: -Greene! Although you are mayor of Grey Soil City! I see!
Gil: Perhaps you are right, then! Your name really ought to be Mayor Gray!
Gil: Ah ha ha!
Gil: How very insightful.
Gil: You were right, Francine, this one is quite a card.
Frankie: That he is, that he is.
Acolyte: Wow, Gil.
Acolyte: I never knew you were blue blooded!
Gil: Yeah, kid.
Gil: Crazy, huh?
Gil: It's almost like I deliberately don't tell strangers my life story.
Gil: Amazing, why would that be?
Sister Embers: Because it is a lie.
Sister Embers: Calm yourself, acolyte.
Sister Embers: He is no prince.
Sister Embers: Quite obviously, that photograph is a fake.
Sister Embers: And so is that crest. He most likely crafted it on the spot out of a shoe or a bottlecap or something similar.
Gil: Right on the money, Embers.
Gil: It totally makes sense that I'd forge a crest that, like, only 10 other extremely famous people in the country have.
Gil: Meaning any aristocrat worth their salt would know it was fake instantly if I showed it to them.
Gil: And that photograph was easy, too.
Gil: All I had to do was find a kid who looks exactly like me, then travel back in time with him and make him take a picture with the king and queen before they went gray.
Gil: Fantastic deductive work, detective.
Sister Embers: Naturally.
Sister Embers: Your tricks cannot fool me, thief.
Sister Embers: I know what you really are.
Gil: I'm sure you do.
Gil: Alright, well, let's head to the mayor's office.
Gil: Where you guys will be pampered and I will have to waste time exchanging false pleasantries with random dicks.
Gil: I'm gonna be in a crap mood for the rest of the day now.
Mayor Greene: I...oh my goodness...Prince Stern! It really is you!
Gil: Now he gets it.
Mayor Greene: I am so sorry for the inconvenience, sir.
Mayor Greene: I never thought...I mean...you didn't even call ahead...
Gil: Yes, yes, it was nothing.
Gil: Feel free to send your men away, though.
Gil: Surely a minor scuffle like this is not something they should concern themselves with.
Gil: No real harm done, after all.
Gil: Besides, it's probably time for us to head over to the mayor's office.
Gil: Perhaps we could discuss who the royal family will be sponsoring next election season.
Mayor Greene: Er...yes. I shall dismiss the men.
Mayor Greene: Please, I'll only be a moment, Your Royal Highness.
Gil: Oh, no, there's no hurry, really.
Gil: Here we go.
Gil: You see? That's the royal crest right there.
Gil: You can't get one of those unless you're related to the royal family.
Gil: These things are earned through blood.
Gil: Literally, I had to give them a bit of my blood so they could stick it in the crest.
Gil: I think it's meant to be enchanted so that anyone without my blood gets burned if they touch it?
Gil: I dunno, never had to use it.
Gil: And if that's not proof enough, here's a photo of me with my parents, the king and queen.
Gil: See? I'm the smug one in the middle.
Gil: I think I still have that bowtie, even.
Gil: Mister Greene, it's a pleasure to meet you.
Gil: My name is Gilligan H. Stern.
Gil: As in, son of Howard Stern.
Gil: Y'know, the king of Ferrana? Our country?
Gil: King Stern?
Gil: Which, by extension, makes me the crown prince.
Gil: And also your boss.
Mayor Greene: Wh-huh?
Mayor Greene: No, that's- that's impossible!
Mayor Greene: I suppose...there is a slight resemblance...
Mayor Greene: No, there is no way.
Mayor Greene: You cannot just come in here and claim to be royalty with no proof!
Gil: Yeah, I was thinking you might say that.
Gil: Let me get my wallet.
Gil: This might take a bit, I've got like 3 fake ones and a layer of stolen ones in this coat, hold on.
Mayor Greene: Sir, are you the leader of this group?
Gil: No, but I'm the most charismatic one, and we both know that's the same thing.
Gil: You're the mayor, right?
Gil: What are you even doing out here?
Gil: Most mayors aren't really this proactive.
Mayor Greene: A good mayor is interested in every level of the city's inner workings.
Mayor Greene: In addition, I am meeting with some honored guests here.
Mayor Greene: Who you seem to be harassing.
Mayor Greene: What is the meaning of this?!
Gil: Yeah, yeah.
Gil: You can calm down, pal.
Gil: Trust me, we're totally allowed to do all this and more.
Gil: Actually, the law isn't too clear on it, but I can probably do whatever I want around here, given my status.
Mayor Greene: What?
Mayor Greene: Just who exactly do you think you are?!
Gil: Oh boy, here we go.
Gil: Drumroll, please.
Frankie: Dude. Duuuuude.
Frankie: You should totally show him the thing. He would freak out, it'd be great.
Gil: For the last time, I'm not showing anyone that thing.
Gil: It's always more trouble than it's worth.
Frankie: Aw what, the Crimson Rogue can't handle a bit of trouble?
Frankie: No wonder your name is confused for ladies' makeup half the time.
Frankie: Just do it, dude, it'll be awesome. I guarantee it.
Gil: You're gonna make me do it, aren't you.
Gil: I felt the inkling of the desire to do it just now. You're gonna work off that.
Gil: You're gonna peer pressure me into ruining my whole day.
Frankie: I'm great at peer pressuring people into things.
Frankie: You know how many people smoke at the Tower because of me?
Frankie: I don't even sell cigarettes, I just like improving on my record.
Gil: You're terrible.
Frankie: I know, you made me that way.
Gil: Fine. Sit back and watch the fireworks.
Frankie: Oh, I will.
"You know what this shindig needs?"
Mayor Greene: Move aside! Move aside! Mayor coming through!
Policewoman: Uh, sir?
Policewoman: Maybe you shouldn't come here?
Policewoman: This is an active crime scene, I think, it could be a little dangerous.
Mayor Greene: Madam, I have served this city for decades.
Mayor Greene: I should have every right to know what's going on within its' walls!
Mayor Greene: Common crooks don't scare me. Step aside, please.
Gil: Oh great, look who it is.
Gil: Think you can get him to calm down?
Jones: Yeah, yeah.
Jones: You police guys are doing it all wrong, just so you know.
Jones: Trying to hold him back like that just makes it worse.
Jones: That means you're humoring him.
Jones: Rick, get up.
Jones: You look ridiculous.
Jones: Besides, there's a ton of cops here.
Jones: These guys will get arrested in no time.
Rick: Aw, okay.
Rick: I kinda wanted to arrest them myself, though.
Rick: Oh well, if it's for Truth I guess it's fine either way.
Acolyte: Speaking of the police, I think they're starting to pay a bit too much attention to us.
Acolyte: I don't know why, but I feel kinda uncomfortable.
Acolyte: Did we do any bad things?
Acolyte: Lately, I mean?
Acolyte: Should I be worried?
Gil: I'm worried around all police officers as a rule.
Gil: Keeps you safer.
Gil: Anyway, before we have to have this uncomfortable conversation with the police, let's take a moment to thank Sister Embers, alright?
Gil: Without her, this would never have been possible.
Gil: Ugh. Surrounded by cops. This is never fun.
Acolyte: Well, at least it can't get worse.
Gil: Aaaaand you've said it. Great.
"Rick: Go into overdrive."
Rick: Must...disobey...public servants...for...good...cause...
Death Watcher: what
"Rick: More evildoers!"
What?! Jones! He's in danger just speaking to that agent of evil!
You must do something!
Jones: What the hell, man?!
Jones: You can't just go around and steal people's shit right from under their noses like that!
Gil: I dunno, I'm pretty sure I can.
Gil: At least, it definitely looks like I stole yours.
Jones: That's not what I meant!
Jones: You have been getting on my nerves all day, I swear.
Jones: What is wrong with you people?!
Jones: You know perfectly well what I mean, but you just screw around!
Jones: Now give back the tickets before I make Hal make you give them back!
Gil: Alright, kid?
Gil: I can see that this is going to be a thing.
Jones: Of course it will!
Jones: You stole our tickets!
Gil: Not that.
Gil: The whole "I do something, you yell at me for it" thing.
Gil: We're rivals.
Gil: Like the kid and your Rick there or Embers and the concept of being a functioning human being.
Gil: So I'm gonna give you some pointers so this doesn't get boring for me.
Gil: You're approaching me all wrong.
Gil: You're being wayyy too aggressive here.
Jones: Why shouldn't I be aggressive? If we're "rivals" - which is stupid, by the way - I should be as aggressive as I like!
Gil: Yeah, no.
Gil: I'm telling you this for your own safety, really.
Gil: You gotta get on the same level.
Gil: People look at this conversation, they'll see a weirdo in a bathrobe screaming at someone who's being as polite as possible.
Jones: But...but that's not what's happening!
Gil: It doesn't matter what's "happening".
Gil: What matters is what people think is happening.
Gil: And right now people think you're kind of a weirdo.
Gil: Isn't perspective wonderful?
Gil: Aaaand thank you.
Gil: Thank you for loaning us the tickets.
Gil: You're a true friend of the Crimson Rogue foundation.
Gil: To show our gratitude, a donation will be made in your name to the Crimson Rogue Happyjoy Orphanage Center in Veriton.
Frankie: That's...that's some dream there.
Sigma: Isn't the brain amazing?
Sigma: Such a vivid image, formed entirely from memory!
Frankie: Yeah, that's really...great.
Frankie: Uh, is there anything you need to talk about, Si?
Frankie: We're here if you need us.
Sigma: Oh, yes, of course.
Sigma: On the subject of the tickets!
Sigma: I am fairly certain that our "enemies", as such, do not currently possess any.
Sigma: Or, in any case, I have managed to keep hold of the two tickets that were given to me by Rick.
Sigma: Then I woke up.
Sigma: Back on the surface.
Jones: Wait, so you were sleeping here, and you just...slept?
Jones: Through the police showing up and everything?
Jones: Talk about a heavy sleeper.
Frankie: I know, right?
Frankie: Did you have any cool dreams, at least?
Sigma: ...Well, it is somewhat embarrassing, but I did have a dream of sorts, yes.
Sigma: I dreamt that I was back home in Numeralia!
Sigma: Working on things with my fellow researchers.
Sigma: Checking off tasks on my assigned work sheet for the day.
Sigma: My entire being becoming like a single cog in a perfectly functioning machine.
Sigma: Operating in perfect unison with thousands of others, all for the improvement of the world.
Sigma: It was wonderful.
Sigma: I believe I am able to answer that question, actually.
Frankie: Damn, Sigma.
Frankie: Have you just been on the ground the whole time?
Frankie: I didn't even notice.
Sigma: Indeed I was.
Sigma: In fact, you are standing on my leg right now.
Sigma: It's quite painful!
Gil: Oh, sorry.
Gil: Okay, let's everybody just calm down.
Acolyte: I'm pretty calm right now.
Gil: Yeah, I meant myself, mostly.
Gil: So, how are we gonna save our idiots?
Frankie: Oh! Oh!
Frankie: You should show them the thing!
Frankie: That'd be awesome.
Gil: The thing? What-
Gil: Oh no wait I just got what you mean.
Gil: Hell no I'm not showing them that thing!
Acolyte: Wait, what thing?
Gil: Uh, nevermind.
Gil: It's just this dumb thing I have.
Gil: It's kinda my wildcard.
Gil: No matter where you use it, it really shakes things up.
Frankie: Exactly! Let's shake things up!
Gil: No! Stop being stupid.
Gil: Okay, let's think.
Gil: First off: did Embers even get the tickets she wanted?
Gil: Or was this entire trip straight up pointless?
Frankie: Wow, that's amazing.
Frankie: Go, Rick! Fight the power!
Jones: I'm not even surprised at this point.
Jones: Just grateful that it didn't happen earlier.
Gil: Oh come on!
Gil: Embers, what the hell?!
Gil: We trusted you!
Gil: You can't be alone for ten minutes without screwing something up?!
Gil: Jesus Christ!
Sister Embers: In my defense, I did everything possible to prevent this.
Sister Embers: I specifically stated that I did not wish to start a fight.
Sister Embers: However, he kept insisting.
Gil: Well that's just great.
Gil: You know, a good teammate would leave you here for a while to think about what you've done.
Sister Embers: That is quite literally the opposite of what a good teammate would do.
Gil: I...yeah, that's true.
Gil: Well...a good teammate wouldn't get arrested either!
Sister Embers: Also true.
Police Officer: Sir? Calm down, please.
Police Officer: Look at me, sir. Sir?
Police Officer: Oh goddammit, he's-
Police Officer: YO! He's not stopping! We need more guys over here!
Gil: Not the best thing to see when turning a corner.
Gil: Hold up, guys.
Gil: So, what fresh hell is this?
Acolyte: Why do you care, anyway?
Acolyte: From what I'm hearing, you don't really think too highly of this MacLarren guy.
Acolyte: So why are you so angry that Francine isn't following your mission statement or whatever?
Acolyte: Isn't that what you'd want?
Jones: It's not about that, man.
Jones: I still care about getting the job done well.
Jones: Because it still is doing a good thing.
Jones: It's just that I don't like the actual guy himself.
Acolyte: Sounds a little convoluted to me.
Acolyte: I think you're just jealous.
Jones: What? Don't be stupid.
Jones: I'm not jealous of their friendship.
Jones: Me and Rick are way closer, we're like brothers.
Acolyte: I don't mean that.
Acolyte: I think you're jealous of the fact that they don't have to worry about sides.
Acolyte: They can just do whatever they want all the time.
Acolyte: But you can't be friends with us because your brain is putting a divide between you guys and us.
Jones: Yeah, right.
Jones: Why would I want to be friends with you guys anyway?
Jones: You're a bunch of dicks.
Jones: ...er, present company excluded.
Jones: Hey, why are you part of this whole thing anyway?
Jones: You really seem kinda out of place here.
Jones: You're just some guy.
Jones: Do you really believe all that crap in your pamphlets?
Jones: About how your god is literally going to come down to Earth and make life awesome for everyone?
Acolyte: Pretty much.
Jones: That's kinda stupid.
Acolyte: Oh gee, thanks.
Acolyte: What do you believe in, then?
Acolyte: Maybe I can call that stupid too.
Jones: I dunno.
Jones: Life is meaningless, everyone's an asshole, so might as well enjoy the ride?
Jones: Just standard stuff I guess.
Acolyte: Well, my point is, people can believe whatever they want.
Acolyte: Don't be a jerk about it.
Jones: God, look at them.
Jones: Palling it up like they're high school chums.
Jones: Even though one is a thief and the other one is the daughter of the head of the freaking Church of Truth.
Acolyte: I know, right?
Acolyte: I haven't seen Gil this happy in like a week.
Acolyte: It's great.
Jones: That's not what I meant and you know it.
Jones: I just mean that this is ridiculous!
Jones: Whatever happened to sides?
Jones: You can't just pretend like we're not directly opposing each other!
Sister Embers: Well, you certainly are strong-willed for your age.
Sister Embers: Most people find it difficult to resist that spell.
Sister Embers: Though you would still do better to attack in a less obvious way.
Rick: nnghhh...come on...fight...evil...
Sister Embers: I would much rather you didn't.
Sister Embers: Now then, if I cannot simply take what I wish from you, we will negotiate.
Sister Embers: You see, you have in your possession several tickets to an entertainment venue.
Sister Embers: I wish to acquire anywhere between one and three of these tickets for my own purposes.
Sister Embers: I believe I have much more need of them than you.
Sister Embers: You see, my family has always been-
Rick: OH MY GOD!
Rick: DO YOU EVER STOP TALKING?!
Rick: STOP TRYING TO CONFUSE ME AND FIGHT, COWARD!
Sister Embers: What? No.
Sister Embers: Do you still not see how terrible of an idea this would be for you?
Sister Embers: Allow me to elaborate upon why.
Rick: DIE, HERETIC!
Sister Embers: Or rather, good night.
Sister Embers: That kind.
Rick: WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER?!
Sister Embers: It was merely a simple sl-
Sister Embers: A simple sleep inducing-
Rick: ANSWER ME!
Sister Embers: *sigh*
Sister Embers: A sleep inducing spell.
Sister Embers: She will be fine.
Sister Embers: You really must pay more attention whenever someone is speaking.
Sister Embers: It would save you a lot of time.
Rick: There is nothing I would want to speak about with you, evildoer!
Rick: Draw your weapon!
Sister Embers: Hmm, no.
Sister Embers: I believe I would rather not do that.
Sister Embers: Instead, if you do not wish to talk, I shall bid you good day.
Sister Embers: Good morning.
Sister Embers: Quite.
Sigma: Oh, hello!
Sigma: I remember you!
Sigma: Are you also here on business?
Sister Embers: I suppose that is one way of putting it.
Sister Embers: I have business with you, actually.
Sigma: What kind?
Frankie: So yeah, that's what's been up with us.
Frankie: Did you guys just get here?
Gil: Me and the kid are looking for a hotel right now, actually.
Frankie: Oh hey, you guys can stay with us!
Frankie: That'd be perfect!
Gil: Shit, can we?
Gil: That'd be great.
Jones: You absolutely can't.
Jones: Not that anyone's listening to me right now.
Frankie: Yeah, sure.
Frankie: The mayor's house is huge and there are tons of vacancies right now.
Frankie: Like half the rooms are empty.
Frankie: I'm sure I can swing it, the dude loves me.
Frankie: Fair warning though: the guy's name is Mayor Greene.
Frankie: Despite the fact that he runs Grey Soil City.
Frankie: He finds that extremely funny for some reason.
Frankie: And he gets a little depressed if you don't at least give him a pity laugh, so yeah.
Frankie: Just a tip.
Jones: I don't know what's worse.
Jones: Rick being extremely hostile or you being extremely friendly with these jerks.
Gil: Where is Rick, anyway?
Gil: He's the guy with the cape who shouts a lot, right?
Frankie: Him and Sigma went out to get tickets to tomorrow's show.
Frankie: They should be getting back to the mayor's office now.
Jones: Barring any unforeseen events.
Frankie: Aw come on, what are the chances?
Gil: Pretty good now that you said that, actually.
Acolyte: Wow, you guys met with the mayor?
Frankie: Oh yeah, sure, he's great!
Frankie: Though his daughter kinda sucks, but whatever.
Frankie: We've been getting pampered like crazy waiting for you guys to arrive.
Frankie: I think he's even taking us out for some show tomorrow.
Frankie: I have no idea where all the trainees got swords.
Frankie: Do they just let you have swords even if you're in training?
Frankie: I don't know shit about police training.
Frankie: Anyway, point is, that was a bit of a problem, but we cleared it up right away.
Frankie: Any police officer will overlook trespassing if you have an official Tower of Truth ID.
Gil: I heard people say they're not even recognized in the Tower cafeteria half the time.
Frankie: Yeah, I just mean, like, in theory.
Frankie: Anyway, after that, we got the good treatment.
Frankie: Turns out people around here have been waiting for some Church members to come around and sort shit out for ages.
Frankie: That's what the mayor told me, anyway.
Frankie: Although in retrospect we really shouldn't have let Sigma pick where to land.
Jones: That I do agree on.
Jones: In her defense, that WAS a very nice place to land.
Jones: Other than, y'know, all the cops.
"Frankie: Fill them in."
Frankie: Our story starts a few days ago when we got to Greysoil.
Jones: Actually, our story starts a few days before that when you hitched a ride with us despite nobody goddamn asking you to.
Frankie: Anyway, yeah.
Frankie: Weather was great, spirits were high...
Frankie: Conditions were perfect for our landing.
Acolyte: Oh, hello!
Acolyte: Nice to meet you again.
Gil: Frankie, you crazy bitch!
Gil: The hell are you doing out here?!
Frankie: I should be asking you that same question.
Frankie: What, are we too good for you now?
Frankie: You had to find some other weirder friends to hang out with?
Frankie: Ah, I'm just fucking with you.
Frankie: Anyway, yeah, MacLarren hired these guys to spy on you or something.
Frankie: So I decided to tag along, see how they do.
Jones: Oh, that's just great.
Jones: Just tell them every intimate detail of our mission, why don't you?
Jones: Oh, wait, you already did that when you went up to our targets and basically went "Hi, how are you?".
Acolyte: I'm alright.
Acolyte: It's been kind of a rough morning, but things are getting better.
Jones: No, I didn't mean-
Jones: Am I the only person here who isn't an idiot?!
Gil: Well, I see your friend here is cranky as usual.
Frankie: You don't know the half of it.
Frankie: Just ignore him.
Frankie: He's been bitching non-stop for the entire time we've been here.
Gil: Hey, so how did you guys get here ahead of us, anyway?
Gil: And how come you're in the paper?
Frankie: Oh, you saw that?
Frankie: Funny story there.
Sister Embers: Why would you give them six tickets?
Sister Embers: There are quite clearly only two of them.
Ticket Guy: Look, lady, I'm making minimum wage here.
Ticket Guy: And the plague isn't making food any cheaper.
Ticket Guy: Quite frankly, I don't care anymore.
Ticket Guy: You want good service, you go yell at my manager.
Ticket Guy: I'm taking my lunch break.
Rick: Wow, I can't believe they just give you free tickets if you're working for the mayor.
Rick: I wonder if that's an official law or just a thing you can do as mayor because you're important.
Sigma: What I cannot believe is that people would actually pay money for these.
Sigma: Their chemical composition is so simple!
Sigma: If I was back home in Numeralia, I could easily print as many as we wanted with the right instruments.
Sister Embers: "Good afternoon."
Sister Embers: "I would like to purchase three tickets to your event."
Ticket Guy: Sorry, we're sold out for today.
Ticket Guy: Better luck next time.
Sister Embers: What? How dare you!
Sister Embers: Or rather.
Sister Embers: "Are you certain that you do not have any left?"
Sister Embers: "Please check again.".
Ticket Guy: Pretty sure.
Ticket Guy: Those two just came over and took the last six.
Seems simple enough.
Sister Embers: Are you a fool?
Sister Embers: I have asked you to bring me to the person.
Sister Embers: This is quite clearly a picture.
Tommy: Uh, yeah, no duh.
Tommy: It's a poster for her performances.
Tommy: She's part of the act here.
Tommy: I think this is, like, a dinner theater kinda place.
Tommy: You wanna meet her, you need to go get a ticket.
Tommy: And I'm not helping you with that, I don't have that kind of money.
Sister Embers: I see.
Sister Embers: You realize that if you had informed me of this immediately, we would have wasted much less time here.
Tommy: I'm getting out of here before the police show up asking what the hell I'm doing uptown.
Tommy: Alright, well, here we are.
Tommy: See, just like I told you.
Tommy: Same thing as you with that fire hand crap.
Frankie: Ah ha ha, you asshole!
Frankie: I so totally got you!
Frankie: That was awesome!
Jones: Oh, great.
Jones: That's some real nice secret reconnaissance there.
Jones: I'm so glad you're part of the team.
???: STOP, THIEF! IN THE NAME OF TRUTH!
Acolyte: Oh hey, the rain stopped.
Gil: Not that it makes me feel better about not having a place to stay.
Gil: Let's see, hotel, hotel...
Gil: What kind of mail were you going to send, anyway?
Gil: I didn't know you wrote letters.
Acolyte: Oh, right.
Acolyte: I wanted to send a letter to my parents.
Acolyte: I haven't written them in a few months.
Gil: I'm guessing they must be worried?
Gil: I dunno.
Gil: My parents wouldn't be.
Acolyte: Nah, not really.
Acolyte: But I think they'd want to know what I've been up to.
Gil: Well, don't worry about the mail.
Gil: The postal service in this country is garbage anyway.
Gil: As soon as we have some free time, I'll introduce you to Jim.
Gil: He's my courier, great guy.
Acolyte: You have your own courier?
Gil: It's practically a necessity for me at this point.
Gil: Do you know how many people I've pissed off who have the power to read any letter I send by regular mail?
Gil: I can name, like, three off the top of my head.
Gil: Though one of them may be illiterate.
Gil: Anyway, you're part of the Crimson Rogue family now.
Gil: So you get the benefits too, not just the drawbacks.
Gil: I don't know why, but I have the feeling we shouldn't stick around for too long.
Acolyte: Sister Embers, you're going off somewhere on your own?
Sister Embers: Quite.
Sister Embers: I must find whoever this other user of fire is.
Gil: Aw, what's the matter?
Gil: Did your ego get hurt by the fact that you're not as special as you thought you were?
Gil: Welcome to the club.
Sister Embers: Absolutely not.
Sister Embers: However, the only people who are able to control the elements I know have been members of the cult.
Sister Embers: Me, my brother, our father...
Sister Embers: Thus, it is possible that this is also a member of the cult, or someone related to our cause.
Sister Embers: I must see them at once.
Gil: Well, I'm not staying out in the rain for another second.
Gil: I need a tailor.
Gil: And some place to sleep which isn't full of splinters.
Gil: So me and the kid are gonna go find a hotel instead.
Sister Embers: Very well.
Sister Embers: I shall rejoin you once my job is done.
Acolyte: Wait, how will you know where we'll stay?
Acolyte: You don't have a scryer or anything.
Sister Embers: I have my ways.
Sister Embers: For one, you are with the thief.
Sister Embers: I am certain I could simply hitch a ride to where you are from the nearest police station.
Gil: Ha, nice.
Gil: That was almost like a joke or something.
Gil: I'm proud of you, Embers.
Gil: Well, no, not really.
Gil: ...wait, WAS that a joke?
Gil: You know what, nevermind, let's just go, kid.
Gil: Speaking of which: what the hell, Embers?!
Gil: You could've really done more in that fight, you know.
Gil: It's like you were barely even trying.
Sister Embers: I was attempting to leverage information which could be useful to us.
Gil: You owe me a new hat!
Gil: That's the second one now.
Gil: That's right, I've been keeping count.
Sister Embers: Quite.
Sister Embers: Now then. Street urchin.
Sister Embers: You have mentioned that there is another user of flame in this city.
Sister Embers: Take me to them. Now.
Tommy: No thanks.
Tommy: I left my organizer at home, but I'm pretty sure "give a tour of fabulous Grey Soil City" wasn't in there for today.
Gil: I'm pretty sure if you don't cut the snark, you'll quickly find "get ass kicked by angry old wizard" in your organizer.
Tommy: Yeah, fair point.
Tommy: And I guess you guys did win the fight fair and square.
Tommy: Fine, let's go.
Acolyte: Sorry about that.
Acolyte: I'm sure you guys weren't in much of a mood to fight.
Acolyte: Especially with that, uh, thing under your eye and stuff.
Gary: Oh, this?
Gary: Meh, it ain't so bad.
Gary: I've seen a couple folks who have so much growing on 'em, they can barely move.
Gary: This is nothin'.
Acolyte: Is there any kind of cure or anything?
Acolyte: I'd hate to find out you guys were just trying to get money to buy medicine.
Gary: Not as far as I know.
Gary: People have tried cutting the crystals out, but the scars just scab over again in the morning, so.
Acolyte: Listen, I know this isn't a good time, but do you guys know where the post office is?
Acolyte: I need to get some mail sent and, y'know, I figure you're locals and would know.
Gil: Oh, and a place to stay!
Gil: Like a hotel?
Gil: It doesn't have to be the fanciest one around.
Gil: As long as it's got a buffet, I'm game.
Gary: Well, I'm pretty sure all the post offices 'round here are closed.
Gary: They don't want people sendin' mail in case it can spread the plague or something.
Gary: I know a couple good places to stay.
Gary: Not in the nice districts, though.
Gary: I can't come in there since I got the plague.
Gil: Great, thanks for nothing.
"One short streetfight later."
Tommy: Okay, I'm prepared to agree to a truce at this point.
Tommy: You really know how to fight, guy.
Gil: Yeah, I've had a lot of practice.
Gil: You guys weren't bad yourself, for a bunch of random street muggers.
Gil: I had no idea someone with only one arm could fight like that.
Tommy: You made Lilac mad.
Tommy: Shouldn't do that.
Gil: I know that now.
Gil: Uh...n-nice contribution, kid.
Gil: Seriously, that was a good one.
Gil: Just...maybe a little...poorly timed.
Gil: Alright, standard street fight procedure.
Gil: You guys know it? Probably not.
Gil: Uh, just try and end it as quickly as possible.
Gil: Aim for sensitive areas: eyes, mouth, whatever.
Gil: We're not looking to keep any friends here so there's no point to keeping it clean.
Acolyte: What? No!
Acolyte: I really don't think we should do that.
Gil: Jesus, dude.
Gil: I'm not asking you to do all that stuff yourself, you know.
Gil: That was more of a list of suggestions for Embers.
Gil: But you gotta do something.
Gil: You're part of a team, so you have to do everything with the team.
Gil: Including helping in the team's back alley knife fights.
Gil: Just make some kind of contribution, alright?
Acolyte: Okay, okay, I got it. Man.
Sister Embers: Actually, perhaps we should wait-
Sister Embers: What?!
Gil: Oh, this just keeps getting better.
Gil: This town has what, several thousand people?
Gil: And yet we just managed to stumble upon the three too stupid to understand "fire bad".
Gil: Alright, let's do this.
Gil: Embers, kid, get creative.
Gil: I can do this myself, but your initiative will be noted and rewarded with a lack of sarcastic quips about how crap you are.
Acolyte: Do we really have to fight them?
Acolyte: I mean, I'm against fighting people in general, but these guys specifically really don't seem that bad.
Acolyte: They make me more depressed looking at them than anything.
Gil: Hey, it's not like we're gonna kill them.
Gil: It'll just be educational.
Gil: We'll be teaching them a valuable lesson.
Acolyte: Really. Educational.
Acolyte: And what's the "valuable lesson" you're gonna be teaching?
Gil: If you don't want to get beat up, don't be poor.
Gil: It's just common sense, really.
Gary: That there's very nice, ma'am.
Gary: Ain't the nicest I've seen, but I figure with a lil' trainin' you could be as good as the pros.
Tommy: Yeah, whatever.
Tommy: Look, lady.
Tommy: You're not gonna scare us with some big speech about how special you are.
Tommy: This town already HAS a lady who can shoot fire out of her hands without any magic.
Tommy: And if this dinky little thing is as good as you can do, she's better at it than you are.
Tommy: So I'm not very impressed.
Sister Embers: And if you are to continue here, you will be tangling with this legendary flame.
Sister Embers: So I would highly recommend you leave before things get worse for you.
Gil: Oh great.
Gil: What the hell does it take for you guys to take the hint?
Gil: We already have a trio of idiots chasing us around and we're not taking spares!
Gil: Go away!
Gil: Embers, you're naturally intimidating.
Gil: Make these guys leave.
Sister Embers: Easily.
Sister Embers: Allow me to demonstrate the power that you are dealing with.
Sister Embers: This flame has been manifested in my hand through sheer willpower.
Sister Embers: No magic has been used in the process.
Sister Embers: It is a true miracle from our Lord.
Sister Embers: I am fairly certain that I am now the only person alive who possesses such a skill.
Gary: Uh...that didn't seem right, Tom.
Gary: Ain't folks supposed to be scared when they're gettin' mugged?
Gary: This just ain't right.
Tommy: Hell yeah it ain't right!
Tommy: What the hell are you people doing?!
Tommy: You're like one step away from having a knife to your throat here, and you're just making pleasant conversation?!
Tommy: Take this seriously, goddammit!
Gil: Well hello there!
Gil: Hi there, buddy!
Gil: What's your name?
Tommy: Who's asking?
Gil: "Who's asking", oh man.
Gil: That's classic.
Gil: Really brings me back.
Gil: Listen, Tommy, I really appreciate what you're doing here, honestly.
Gil: As a fellow sometimes-mugger, it does my heart good to see young people getting out there and keeping up the tradition.
Gil: But you guys are out of your league here, alright?
Gil: Trust me, as these guys' publicist, I can tell you that we'll wipe the floor with you.
Gil: Also, we already did the whole "get mugged as soon as you enter the city" bit, and we did it better.
Gil: So good effort, but you're just wasting your time here.
Gil: Go ahead and turn around and leave now, alright? Alright.
Gil: Nice talkin' to ya, Tom-tom.
Tommy: Would you like to support our noble cause?
Tommy: Oh who am I kidding, of course you would!
Tommy: How much charity can I put you down for?
Tommy: I figure all your money should just about do it.
Tommy: Remember that I say this with a knife in my hand.
Tommy: Well, hello there, folks!
Tommy: We're collecting cash for the poor unfortunate folks of Greysoil!
Tommy: Like us, for instance.
Lilac: City's falling apart and they're here to watch and take pictures.
Lilac: Goddamn vultures.
Tommy: Well, Lil, I figure if they're gonna watch, they might as well pay for the show.
Tommy: Game faces, everyone.
Tommy: Time to collect.
Gary: Friggin' finally.
Gary: We've been standin' out in this rain for like two hours now.
Gary: Gonna get a cold at this rate.
Gary: Seriously, we gotta at least find some umbrellas or somethin'.
Gary: You know what my mom told me the other day?
Gary: She told me if I get sick again, she'll make me wear my winter sweater out every day.
Gary: You know how stupid I'd look tryin' to rob people with reindeer on my chest?
Lilac: Gary, shut the hell up.
Tommy: Well, well.
Tommy: Lookie what we got here.
Gil: Oh wow.
Gil: Frankie's here?
Gil: When the hell did she have time for this?
Acolyte: Well, this paper is from a few days ago.
Acolyte: Maybe she was already planning a trip?
Gil: I doubt it.
Gil: She'd probably tell me.
Gil: Anyway, this is great, though!
Gil: We've got an in with the guys on top now.
Gil: And by "we", I mean "me with you guys tagging along".
Gil: Yeah, we can exploit this somehow.
Acolyte: Oh hey, you guys, look, a news stand.
Acolyte: Maybe we could get some information on what's been going on here!
Acolyte: Doesn't look like anyone's here, though.
Gil: Honestly, if it was up to me, all news stands would be like this.
Gil: No having to chat with the news guy about the weather.
Gil: No having to pretend to care what he thinks of "the world these days".
Gil: It'd be so much better.
Acolyte: I guess.
Acolyte: Hey look, someone left a newspaper.
Acolyte: The world in general is weird.
Acolyte: Like, what's the deal with Death Watchers?
Acolyte: Are they magic?
Acolyte: Where's their face?
Acolyte: Are they, like, people or monsters or what?
Sister Embers: Folk tales describe them as demons.
Sister Embers: Normally reclusive desert dwelling creatures.
Sister Embers: They come into contact with humans periodically to help or hinder for reasons unknown.
Sister Embers: People say they are the servants of Death itself, here to carry out its' will.
Gil: They are? Huh.
Gil: Then maybe I should have words with some of them.
Gil: I have a feeling about what happened at that gate back there.
Gil: How do you know all this stuff anyway?
Gil: I didn't even know that.
Sister Embers: I have heard many a village tale in my time.
Sister Embers: All nonsense, of course.
Sister Embers: Superstitious words of followers of false gods.
Sister Embers: I do not believe a word of it.
Sister Embers: However, my memory for these things has always been quite good.
Acolyte: By the way, Gil, could you teach me how to use a scryer?
Acolyte: Like I said, I don't really know how.
Acolyte: Back home we just use letters and stuff.
Gil: Yeah, yeah.
Gil: Let's just get out of here first.
Gil: Not sure if it's a good idea to take out expensive technology right now.
Gil: Oh hey, speaking of technology, do you still have that creepy headband thing?
Gil: I don't think we'll get anywhere with this Numeralian business if we forgot it back in the cart.
Acolyte: Yeah, I'm just keeping it in my bag with everything else.
Gil: Really? That seems a little unsanitary.
Gil: What if it gets everything else in there all slimy and stuff?
Acolyte: Could it do that?
Acolyte: I'm not sure how those bags work.
Acolyte: Like, if all the stuff in there is touching.
Gil: Magic is weird, man.
"Get the lay of the land."
Acolyte: Alright, well, we should probably do some exploring.
Acolyte: Maybe find someone.
Acolyte: It's like a ghost town around here.
Gil: Yeah, good idea.
Gil: I was gonna maybe try and do some shady alley-style reconnaissance, but I think I'll save that for later.
Gil: It's kinda shitty and rainy right now.
Gil: Let's just go find a place to stay.
Gil: Preferably somewhere in the upper districts.
Gil: I feel more comfortable around rich people.
Gil: They're a lot more predictable than desperate lower class people.
Gil: Okay, so...
Acolyte: I think I changed my mind on calling Mary.
Acolyte: I don't know if alchemy can fix whatever that was.
Gil: Yeah, that was, uh...
Gil: That kinda knocked me out of my groove.
Gil: What are we doing here?
Acolyte: We're looking for that Numeralian, right?
Gil: Right, right.
Gil: So should we just figure out how to do that right now, or...?
Gil: I'm sure there's a bunch of other stuff we could do.
Gil: It's a big city.
Acolyte: Well, I DO have some mail I should probably send.
Gil: So, y'know, let's get to planning the day.
Hobo: Spare some change for a veteran, sir?
Gil: Oh get a job, you-ahh!
Gil: What the hell is wrong with your face?!
Hobo: That there's the plague, sir.
Gil: Wait, THAT'S what people are being infected with?
Gil: ...is it contagious?
Hobo: Just woke up one day like this.
Gil: Looks like it hurts.
Hobo: Not much.
Hobo: This here eye wasn't working right anyway.
Hobo: Had an accident a couple years ago and it was as good as done.
Hobo: Still ain't comfortable though.
Gil: Yeah, I can't even imagine.
Hobo: So, about the change...?
Gil: Yeah. Yeah.
Gil: Here, take some gil.
Gil: You definitely need it more than me.
Gil: Maybe get yourself a wide-brimmed hat to hide your face with.
Hobo: Truth bless you, sir.
Acolyte: This place looks bad on the inside too!
Gil: Yeah, I don't know what happened.
Gil: It was much better than this back when I was here last.
Gil: Maybe we should exchange scryer frequencies in case we get separated.
Gil: Or kidnapped or whatever.
Acolyte: I don't really understand how mine works yet.
Acolyte: I think it's voice-activated or something.
Gil: Yeah, I'll explain it to you in a bit.
Gil: For now, though, let's just keep cool and find a place to stay that doesn't have its' windows boarded up.
Gil: Hopefully a place without this plague, too.
Acolyte: You know, Mary's a doctor.
Acolyte: Maybe we could call her up and see if she can help around here in any way.
Gil: Who? Oh, right, that alchemist.
Gil: Yeah, maybe. Let's not try and fix the whole world's problems ahead of ours, though.
Baldy: ...fine. Full access.
Baldy: But your wagon is going to stay here and be searched.
Gil: Sure, search away.
Gil: You know the old saying.
Gil: Honest men's wagons keep no secrets.
Gil: Or something.
Gil: I'm sure there's a saying like that.
Baldy: And also, I'm going to call the mayor about you and your...friends.
Gil: Hey, that's just dandy.
Gil: Speaking of friends, can you tell your friend here to take his hand off my shoulder?
Gil: It feels like I've got a necklace of knives hanging near my neck.
Baldy: Just wait a bit.
Baldy: He'll get bored of you eventually.
Baldy: Oh, and definitely don't try and move.
Baldy: I don't want to have to go get the mop again.
Gil: Heh heh.
Gil: Those wacky Death Watchers, huh?
Death Watcher: no
Death Watcher: not your boss
Death Watcher: my boss.
Baldy: Oh, you again?
Baldy: Back so soon?
Gil: Trust me, I'm not here by choice.
Baldy: What the hell do you want now?
Death Watcher: this one can come in
Death Watcher: full access
Death Watcher: him and his friends
Baldy: What?! Since when?!
Death Watcher: since always
Death Watcher: red hat man comes in
Death Watcher: boss's orders.
Baldy: Yeah, no.
Baldy: I don't remember the mayor giving any orders to let people in.
Baldy: Pretty sure I would have remembered him saying that.
Baldy: And in addition, he's already entertaining a very important guest, so I doubt that he'd want to-
Death Watcher: stop
Death Watcher: come here
Acolyte: THAT was your plan?
Acolyte: To tell them they already checked you and hope they just don't care?
Gil: Well, sort of.
Gil: It was a rough copy.
Gil: And- and I didn't have much time to come up with-
Gil: Shut up!
Gil: You don't even know basic geography!
Acolyte: I'm starting to wonder if we made the right call hiring you as the brains of the team.
Gil: Okay, first off, you're not paying me so I'm not technically "hired".
Gil: Second off, you didn't hire me for my brains, you hired me because I'm goddamn amazing and you know it.
Gil: Third, if my plan is so crap, why don't you come up with your own and then we'll see how well YOU-
Gil: Hey, fellas.
Gil: Nice morning, huh?
Gil: Well, no, not really.
Gil: Anyway, just nipped out for a smoke.
Gil: Gonna head home now.
Baldy: Hold on there, champ.
Baldy: Can I see some papers?
Baldy: This is a closed city, if you haven't noticed.
Baldy: Only way you're coming in is with papers that say we've searched your belongings and found nothing of concern.
Gil: Ohhh, THOSE papers.
Gil: Yeah, I already got them from you guys.
Gil: Funny story.
Gil: I actually left them back home when I went out!
Gil: Thought I wouldn't need them but I guess I do.
Gil: But if you folks let me back into town, I can rush right over there and get them.
Gil: If you'd like.
Baldy: Definitely not.
Baldy: I haven't searched you.
Baldy: I keep a list of everyone who's been allowed into town this week and nowhere do I see "Red-clad weirdo" on that list.
Baldy: So you, my friend, are not on the list.
Baldy: In fact, you're something that most people would call a "nobody".
Baldy: So go ahead and get in line and wait for your papers, okay?
Gil: Thanks for putting that in the most condescending way possible.
Gil: I'm gonna go...talk to some of my friends now.
Gil: Back in a bit.
Baldy: Yeah, you go do that.
Baldy: Man, this weather sucks.
Baldy: Can you believe they actually stuck us out here to freeze like this?
Death Watcher: yes
Baldy: ...Well, can you believe they even had a uniform of your size?
Baldy: You'd think they wouldn't have one.
Death Watcher: they did
Baldy: Those sleeves are pretty short, though.
Baldy: Bet you're cold.
Death Watcher: no
Baldy: Oh come on!
Baldy: I know you guys aren't like golems.
Baldy: You have brains and everything.
Baldy: So why are you not talking?
Baldy: Do you just not want to hang out with me?
Death Watcher: yes
Baldy: Nice, man. Real nice.
Gil: YOU DIDN'T KNOW?!
Gil: How the hell could you not know?!
Gil: You've lived here all your life!
Acolyte: Well, yeah, but it's not like I think about it!
Acolyte: I've lived in my town all my life, not some country!
Sister Embers: The cult of Argaleth prefers not to spend time on...unnecessary matters.
Sister Embers: Even if they are ones you are so oddly passionate about.
Sister Embers: The study of the world around us is unnecessary when there is only one place in the world that is pure.
Gil: Yeah, Embers, I get that you can't help being stupid!
Gil: But kid? Seriously?!
Gil: Didn't you go to school?!
Acolyte: Well, yeah, I did.
Acolyte: But it was so boring!
Acolyte: I must have just missed that part in school.
Acolyte: I slept through a lot of classes.
Acolyte: I swear, I learned more about algebra in a day watching my dad work the register than I did in ten years in school.
Acolyte: I don't know why you're so wound up about this.
Acolyte: It's no big deal, really.
Gil: No big-!
Gil: I am not getting sucked into your vortex of stupid!
Gil: I'm gonna go get us into town with my amazing knowledge-having brain!
Gil: Stay here and don't touch anything.
Acolyte: Sorry, you're a what?
Gil: You know, a citizen of Ferrana.
Acolyte: What's Ferrana?
Gil: What's F-
Gil: The freaking country we're in right now!
Acolyte: Oh, okay.
Acolyte: I didn't know.
Gil: I'm sorry, what?!
Gil: How can you even say that?!
Acolyte: I mean, yeah.
Acolyte: We don't really have anything illegal.
Acolyte: Just some magic stuff, but we can explain about that.
Acolyte: We could just get searched and come through without any trouble.
Gil: No goddamn way.
Gil: Embers, back me up here.
Gil: This is such a huge breach of privacy!
Sister Embers: I see no issue here.
Sister Embers: It is the orders of authority.
Sister Embers: Which, even if it is not authority given by our Lord, must be obeyed.
Sister Embers: Especially in a case like this, where they are merely trying to protect people.
Sister Embers: The minor inconvenience of a search pales in comparison to that.
Sister Embers: And like the acolyte has said, we are not carrying anything that could be considered beyond the law.
Gil: Yeah, maybe YOU'RE not.
Gil: This is goddamn ridiculous.
Gil: You can't just search people randomly!
Gil: Or deny them access to your city if they need it!
Gil: I know my rights.
Gil: I am a red blooded Ferranian, and I'm sure that this is not even close to legal.
Acolyte: Why don't we just do the search?
Gil: Okay, let's see here.
Gil: Obviously we're not waiting in line for ages.
Gil: No problem, I've gotten past tougher borders before.
Gil: And now we have actual tools for it, right?
Gil: Embers, you could portalwalk us right in.
Gil: Now, I know you can't do it in some circumstances, but I think if we maybe construct some kind of hot air balloon...
Gil: Yeah, I know what you mean.
Gil: I don't really like Death Watchers either.
Acolyte: Wait, didn't you have one on your team when we first met you?
Gil: Who, Koth?
Gil: Yeah, I guess, but he always performed great!
Gil: Smart business decisions win over personal biases.
Guy: Anyway, they've been frisking every cart that comes in and out of town.
Guy: It's ridiculous, I've been waiting here for hours just trying to get home.
Guy: It must be illegal what they're doing.
Guy: Seems like they'd take the whole cart apart if they thought it might help them find the cause of the problem.
Guy: And that's not even the worst part.
Guy: You see that?
Guy: Death Watchers.
Guy: They swarmed the city once news spread of the illness.
Guy: Sure, they're helping out for now, but who knows what they have planned?
Guy: With those spindly limbs and glassy eyes.
Guy: Not much to smile about with them around.
Acolyte: I'll be honest, I'm kinda underwhelmed.
Acolyte: Maybe it's because of the weather.
Gil: Or maybe it's because you're comparing it to a postcard you bought at that last rest stop.
Gil: Still, I agree with you.
Gil: Even without the rain, the mood around here seems kinda gloomy.
Guy: Not much to smile about these days.
Gil: Oh? What do you mean, old-timer?
Guy: Old-time- I'm not even 50 yet!
Gil: Whatever, grandpa, just tell us your story.
Guy: Well, lately people have been getting sick in droves.
Guy: Nobody's really sure what's causing it, but it's only happening here.
Guy: So things are looking grim.
Guy: Apparently they're even thinking about closing the city off for a while.
Guy: You already can't get into any of the nicer districts without permission from the mayor.
Sister Embers: We have arrived.
Gil: Oh gee, really? I hadn't noticed.
Sister Embers: Well, it is true.
Sister Embers: So it would be wise of us to get up and get to work.
Gil: Yeah, yeah, okay.
Gil: I need to stretch my legs anyway.
Gil: And Greysoil is a pretty nice place to do that.
"Acolyte: Look up Numeralia."
Gil: Aw, is that it?
Acolyte: No, there's tons of these sketches in here.
Acolyte: This is just the first page.
Gil: Alright, good.
Gil: Maybe find a picture of their god or whatever?
Gil: I figure if we're going to meet him, we might as well see what he looks-
"Acolyte: Look up Grey Soil City."
Acolyte: Huh. I'm pretty sure that isn't what it's like these days.
Gil: Yeah, that inn's been closed for years.
Gil: I think it's a pool hall now.
Gil: Maybe we shouldn't look up more temporary things in this book?
Gil: It IS super old, I mean.
Gil: Hey, look up Numeralia, that's been around since like forever.
Acolyte: Ugh, whatever.
Acolyte: Why are we even having this argument? It's pointless.
Gil: You're just mad because you're losing.
Acolyte: No, I'm mad because we've been arguing for three hours now.
Acolyte: Don't you have anything better to do?
Gil: No, as a matter of fact I do not.
Gil: We've been driving for like a month now!
Gil: I am completely out of things to do!
Acolyte: It's been like five days.
Acolyte: Is it really that easy to make you stir crazy?
Gil: I'm not like you, man.
Gil: I've always lived in big cities.
Gil: I can't just...sit there.
Gil: Reading a book for hours.
Gil: What are you even doing with that thing?
Acolyte: Well, the god of Truth told me I should read it, so I figured I'd look up some things relevant to where we're going.
Acolyte: See if it helps.
Gil: Anything yet?
Acolyte: Well, let's see.
Gil: Eggs are NOT an "all-day food"!
Gil: Are you crazy?!
Gil: They are for breakfast only!
Acolyte: I just think you're being elitist.
Acolyte: Who cares when you eat an egg?
Gil: Society cares!
Gil: Society has clearly established that eggs are eaten in the mornings!
Gil: Have you ever seen anyone frying an egg at 8 PM? No!
Gil: Because those people are weirdos!
Acolyte: What about egg salad?
Acolyte: People eat egg salad all the time, not just for breakfast.
Gil: Egg salad doesn't count, man.
Gil: It's a salad, not eggs.
Acolyte: Wh- then what is your criteria for a salad?!
Acolyte: Is a potato salad not technically potatoes?
Gil: Oh, don't even get me STARTED on potato salad.
Gil: You are a madman!
Gil: You speak only of madness!
Gil: I can't believe it!
Gil: I WON'T believe it!
Gil: I WILL NEVER BELIEVE IT!
Rick: But you must be careful.
Rick: When you meet your friend, he may not be the same.
Rick: The cultists may have already brainwashed him into believing their crazy philosophy!
Rick: Trust me, I've read their pamphlet.
Rick: It's all madness!
Rick: Except for the free dental plan, that's just common sense, really.
Frankie: You'd be surprised.
Frankie: I had to save up for like three months last year just to get my teeth straightened.
Rick: But besides that? WORDS OF A MADMAN!
Frankie: Yeah, I think Gil will be fine.
Frankie: I've seen these cult guys up close.
Frankie: They didn't seem all that dangerous.
Frankie: Just kinda confused about their place in the world.
Rick: I know! That's what I thought at first too!
Rick: But their courteous demeanor and witty banter is just what they use to trick the weak-minded!
Frankie: Oh, real nice, thanks for that.
Rick: Your friend is in very real and present danger.
Rick: Even now they could be feeding him lies!
Rick: I just hope his will is strong enough to let the Truth shine through.
Frankie: Nice view, huh?
Frankie: To you, I mean.
Frankie: I've lived in the Tower my whole life. Sick to death of looking at the city from above by now.
Rick: Oh, hello.
Rick: I thought we voted against you joining our team?
Frankie: Yeah, so who said anything about joining?
Frankie: I'm just hitching a ride with you guys.
Frankie: No vote about that.
Rick: I guess not.
Rick: Uh... I like your crossbow.
Frankie: Thanks, it's actually a friend of mine's.
Frankie: I'm just borrowing it.
Frankie: Well, sort of.
Frankie: He left me his house keys when he left with those cultists.
Rick: Oh, is THAT why you wanted to come with us so badly?
Rick: Going after your friend after he's been taken away by those heretics?
Frankie: Sure, why not.
Rick: I knew you were doing it for noble purposes!
Sigma: Well that's odd.
Sigma: I am detecting a slight fluctuation in weight.
Lawrence: Meh, don't worry about it.
Lawrence: We probably just snagged a tree branch or something while ascending.
Jones: Hey, I just realized something.
Jones: You're coming with us too?
Lawrence: Yeah, I figured I could use a vacation.
Lawrence: And Greysoil is the best place to have one around here.
Lawrence: I can even write it off as work!
Lawrence: I'm sure a city that's literally named after its' coal-rich soil has SOME interesting geological things about it.
Lawrence: Anyway, where's your friend?
Lawrence: The non-gigantic one, I mean.
Jones: Oh, Rick's outside enjoying the view.
Jones: I really don't know how he does it.
Jones: Personally, I'm not scared of heights, but this is making me want to lie down on the floor and never get up again.
Lawrence: Eh, you get used to it.
Lawrence: There aren't any chairs, but if it makes you feel any better, you can sit on the bed.
Jones: I think I'd like that.
Frankie: Still...worth it...
Hilarious? Extremely so.
Vendor: Here you are, ma'am, one medium lemonade.
Vendor: That'll be 30 gil.
Frankie: Oh, no thanks.
Frankie: I'd rather just have it for free.
Vendor: Okay, just hold on a second.
Vendor: Jeez, some people, I swear...
Vendor: Oh, sorry.
Vendor: There's just that big thing floating over there.
Vendor: I'm kinda curious to see what it does.
Frankie: Yeah, yeah, we've all seen the giant floating thing.
Frankie: If you were half as good at working as you were at staring, we'd be done by now.
Vendor: Alright, alright.
Vendor: ...why are you holding a crossbow?
Frankie: Why are YOU not holding a medium lemonade?
Frankie: That you would then hand to me.
Frankie: Because that is my order.
Frankie: Yo, drinks guy!
Frankie: Can I get some customer service over here?
Sigma: Ah, guests! Excellent!
Sigma: Come in, come in! Pull up a chair!
Sigma: I am busy at the moment, but feel free to treat yourself to a refreshment.
Jones: Uh, okay.
Jones: What do you have?
Sigma: Nothing! I do not even have any chairs!
Sigma: Those were merely platitudes to make you feel more at home!
Jones: Oh, gee, thanks.
Sigma: You are welcome!
Lawrence: Nah, don't worry about it, Jane, this fountain moved when we got here.
Lawrence: It connects up to this huge tunnel!
Lawrence: Sigma says it's an escape route, but judging by the smell, I'd say it's some kind of sewer access drain.
Lawrence: But yeah, we just made it move on a switch and added the smoke for dramatic effect!
Lawrence: Now get up here, you three, before people start showing up asking for rides!
Rick: Holy cow, I think I'm in love.
Jones: Yeah, you do love the dramatic entrances.
Jane: Though I think this may be a bit much.
Jane: Yo Lawrence!
Jane: You better not tell me that you very illegally modified this piece of public property to store that thing!
Jane: Because then I'll have to come up there and kick your ass!
Jane: And I should already be getting back to the Tower!
Jane: So, y'know, don't tell me that.
Jones: So what's the deal with this park?
Jones: Is it Church property too?
Jane: Technically speaking, the entire city is the Church's property.
Jane: The Truthbearer assumed the mayor's duties about 20 years ago when the church started needing room to expand.
Jones: Huh, weird.
Jones: This is a nice park, though.
Jane: You know they put public bookshelves around here a while ago?
Rick: Oh, like the ones where anyone can come up and borrow a book to read in the park?
Rick: I love those.
Jane: Yeah, those.
Jane: You're just lucky you weren't here for the first attempt.
Jane: For some reason somebody thought it'd be a good idea to take the books from OUR library.
Jane: We're just lucky the park didn't burn down all the way.
Jones: So you're sure they said they'll meet us here?
Jones: Because we've been waiting for a while and I'm seeing no nerds in purple coats around.
Jones: Present company excepted, of course.
Jane: Of course.
Jane: Well, they said they'd meet us by the biggest fountain in the Tower park.
Jane: And this is it.
Jane: Maybe they're just running late.
Jones: So we'll just stand around and...wait for them?
Jane: Yeah, I suppose.
Frankie: Just so you know, this isn't over.
Jones: Isn't it?
Jones: You're walking away, we're leaving town in a few hours.
Jones: Sure seems over to me.
Frankie: Or is it?
Jones: ...What? Yeah, it is.
Jones: I just explained why it is.
Jones: Didn't you hear me?
Frankie: Or is it...?
Jones: Are you trying to whisper to yourself and failing?
Jones: We can still hear you.
Jones: What are you doing?
Frankie: Oooooor iiiiiissss iiiiiit?
Jones: I'm going to begin ignoring you now.
Jones: Okay, so the nays have it.
Rick: Yep, seems like it.
Rick: Sorry, Francine.
Frankie: What? But isn't it two against two?
Jones: Well, since you're not technically part of the team, you can't vote on team matters.
Jones: Guess we should've told you.
Frankie: Oh come on! But you guys cheated!
Frankie: You just told Hal who to vote for!
Frankie: I call voter fraud!
Rick: Hal always votes with Jones.
Rick: It's a commonly known fact.
Jones: No use arguing here, man.
Jones: It's the people's choice.
Rick: It IS the people's choice, yeah.
Frankie: No, come on, that's garbage!
Frankie: Democracy is garbage!
Frankie: With your help, this team could become a perfect dictatorship with me as your leader!
Frankie: Who's with me?!
Frankie: Let's go!
Frankie: Guess I'll just...go.
Jones: Yeah, you do that.
Jones: Hal? Buddy? Get on the ball here.
Jones: We're doing democracy again.
Jones: Raise your hand, man.
Jones: Okay, that's you.
Jones: Now everyone who is against it will raise their hands.
Frankie: Come on, man!
Frankie: You really think I wouldn't be even a little useful?
Frankie: I mean, I'm a cleric! I could totally heal you guys!
Frankie: And I spent a long time hanging out with those cultists! Who knows what kinds of things I may have overheard?
Rick: Yeah, come on, Jones!
Rick: Think about how useful she'd be!
Jones: I'm putting my foot down on this one.
Jones: I am not going to be the one who makes the hole we're already in even deeper.
Rick: You know, mister MacLarren DID make me the team leader, so technically, I don't even need to ask you, right?
Rick: I could just have whoever I want join the team.
Rick: Through, y'know, superiority.
Jones: Rick, you and I both know that you don't believe in that kind of leadership.
Jones: I don't know why, seeing how effective it is, but still.
Jones: No, there's only one way for us to settle this.
Frankie: Uh, what?
Jones: Okay, you know the drill.
Jones: Everyone who is for Francine joining the team, raise your hand.
Jones: Oh hey, I forgot to tell you, man, could you also leave a pair of gloves?
Jones: Mine are kinda-
Jones: You. Leave. Right now.
Frankie: But you don't even know what I'm here-
Jones: Yeah I do!
Jones: And there is no way it's happening!
Jones: Seriously, we already have enough trouble on our hands, we're not also gonna be bodyguards for some bored rich girl!
Jones: Especially not the most important one in the friggin' Church!
Frankie: It's me! Francine! Truthbearer's daughter, remember?
Rick: Sort of.
Rick: I was a little drunk when we met.
Frankie: Yeah, yeah, you're welcome for that.
Frankie: Anyway, you guys are going somewhere? Where ya headed?
Frankie: Actually, I don't care, I'm in.
Rick: Really? Why would you want to join up with us?
Frankie: Well, see, things aren't so good right now.
Frankie: Lots of words are being thrown around after what happened a few days ago.
Frankie: Scary words like "security hazard" and "house arrest".
Frankie: And that kinda cramps my style.
Frankie: So I'm looking to get out of town.
Frankie: Think you guys can take on a little more weight?
Rick: Well, I don't mind myself, but I don't know about Jones.
Frankie: What, your friend with the blindfold?
Frankie: Don't worry about it, dude.
Frankie: He loves me!
Frankie: Everybody does.
Frankie: We've got this in the bag.
Frankie: Over here, dude.
Frankie: Is the coast clear?
Frankie: I'm genuinely asking.
Frankie: Can't see shit with these sunglasses.
Frankie: Especially with the lighting in here.
Frankie: Why did I even put these on?
Frankie: Basically everybody around here knows me already, disguises won't help.
Rick: Well, it's just me and Hal, but...
Rick: What are you doing?
Rick: Jones said he'd try to cheer up yesterday, but he still seems kinda down on this whole thing.
Rick: We should find some way to cheer him up, Hal.
Rick: What do you think?
Rick: Thanks again for the free rings, Lawrence.
Lawrence: Yeah, you're welcome.
Lawrence: Sorry they're unlabeled, that's part of the reason they're free.
Lawrence: It should be fine as long as you don't try on a whole bunch at once.
Lawrence: Probably make your head explode or make you sterile or something.
Jones: Can rings actually do that? The sterile thing?
Lawrence: What? Oh, uh, well, I was just kidding, so...
Lawrence: ...Nah. It's- it's probably fine.
Jones: Okay, Rick, me and Jane are gonna go get the rest of the stuff we need while Sigma and this guy here get our vehicle in working order.
Jones: Meet you back here in an hour, alright?
Rick: What about me?
Rick: Don't I get something to do?
Jones: Right, right.
Jones: As team leader, I'm entrusting to you the most important job.
Jones: You and Hal go pack our bags.
Jones: Seeing as we're leaving and all.
Rick: Should I leave anything out of your bag in case you need it now?
Jones: Uh, I dunno. Spare blindfold, I guess?
Jones: This one is getting a little dirty.
Rick: Got it.
Rick: Which one? Should it be the fancy one?
Jones: I have a fancy one?
Jones: I wasn't even aware I had different ones.
Rick: Yeah, it's the one I got you for New Year's last year.
Rick: With the stripe?
Jones: Look, whatever man, just...use your better judgement.
Jones: I don't know anything about fashion anyway.
Lawrence: What a surprise.
Lawrence: I could have sworn that was a designer filthy bathrobe.
Jones: Okay, you shouldn't even BE here at this point.
Jones: We're leaving, alright? We're all leaving right now.
Jones: See you in an hour.
Jane: So, Sigma, I guess you're gonna go with these guys now?
Sigma: I suppose so.
Sigma: That man's energy is very infectious.
Sigma: And it would be good to do some research out in the field.
Jane: Alright, good.
Jane: Why did you guys bother trying to lie in the first place?
Jane: I get Sigma's obsession with keeping everything by the book, but you, Lawrence?
Lawrence: Yeah, guess I gotta fess up too.
Lawrence: We've kinda been using Sigma's house...thing... to run some simulations.
Sigma: Lawrence is studying plate tectonics!
Sigma: He has formulated the theory that in the future, our continent will split into many pieces that will drift apart.
Sigma: Of course, we already know whether or not that theory is true in Numeralia, but he has asked me not to tell him.
Jane: That's legitimate research.
Jane: I still don't get why you guys were covering it up.
Lawrence: Uh...we also kinda hooked up the thing to the city's power grid.
Lawrence: Super sorry.
Lawrence: Simulating stuff takes a lot of power.
Jane: Wait, so are you guys the reason for all the blackouts we've been having?!
Lawrence: Aaaand now you see why we didn't want to tell you.
Sigma: Last week, we caused a city-wide blackout that lasted almost five minutes!
Sigma: Isn't it amazing that we were able to do that?
Sigma: We were not even attempting to!
Jane: I would've said "terrifying", but yeah, I guess it is.
Jane: Look, whatever, I'll talk to you guys about this later.
Jane: I'm giving you a pass for now if you just help these guys out.
Lawrence: Alrighty, so let's go!
Lawrence: The more time we spend helping, the less time we have to talk about our questionably legal activities!
Lawrence: I should probably shut up now!
Jane: He's pretty good.
Jane: Not sure how I feel about that "stop listening to authority" bit, but still.
Jones: Yeah he is.
Jones: Why do you think I'm here right now?
Rick: So come on!
Rick: Say it with me!
Rick: Let's get out there and get to the Truth at all costs!
Sigma: Yes! Let us!
Rick: Let's stop those evildoers and their sinister plans!
Sigma: I do not know what that means!
Rick: LET'S STOP WORRYING ABOUT AUTHORITY AND LOGIC AND JUST DO THE RIGHT THING!!!
Sigma: I WILL HAVE TO GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT ONE BUT ALRIGHT!!!
Rick: So, your name is Sigma, huh?
Sigma: Well, technically it is Sigma-5-23-0409, but nobody seems to want to say the whole thing.
Sigma: Perhaps that is only for when you are a more veteran member of the Church.
Rick: So you're new here!
Rick: Isn't the Church wonderful?
Sigma: I suppose it is alright.
Sigma: It could certainly stand to be more orderly.
Rick: It's the greatest place in the world!
Rick: And as a scientist, you probably especially love how it's always looking for the truth.
Rick: Isn't that what you science guys are all about?
Sigma: That is certainly a way of looking at it, yes.
Sigma: A very specific way, but still.
Rick: Well then come on!
Rick: Stop worrying about what the higher ups will think and help us out!
Rick: We can find the truth together!
Rick: Didn't you join the Church for adventure and excitement?!
Sigma: Stop...stop worrying about...?
Sigma: ...well, I suppose I have always enjoyed the idea of excitement.
Sigma: And I could gather some interesting data outside of this tower.
Jane: Okay, Sigma? You're obviously lying.
Jane: Like, honestly, that was really blatant.
Jane: I'll forgive violating the spirit of the Church since you're relatively new here, but seriously.
Jane: I'm your boss now.
Jane: If I say that I want you to do something, that's not a request.
Jane: It's a demand.
Jane: So you damn well better do it or else-
Rick: Uh, Jane?
Rick: Could I maybe say something, actually?
Sigma: My domicile?
Sigma: I apologize, ma'am, but I do not know if that would be...possible.
Sigma: After all, it is well known that any Numeralians on indefinite surface leave are to return all their equipment to the city.
Sigma: If I kept my domicile to myself when I came here, that would be quite rude.
Sigma: A huge breach of protocol.
Sigma: I certainly wouldn't be able to do something as selfish as that.
Lawrence: Yeah, it's well known that, uh-
Lawrence: I should probably go take inventory again or something.
Lawrence: Nice talk, Si.
Lawrence: See ya later.
Jane: Yeah, hi, you two.
Jane: Listen. Sigma, right?
Jane: These guys gotta get to Grey Soil City on the double.
Jane: Official orders.
Jane: Think you could lend them your fancy Numeralian flying house for a while?
Jane: Those things can really move, so I figure it'd just be a few days.
Lawrence: Oh, hi boss.
Lawrence: What can I do for you?
Lawrence: ...no, it's not literal.
Lawrence: It's, like, a comparison.
Lawrence: Because people hide cards up their sleeves in poker, I think.
Lawrence: So it just means "something you don't expect".
Sigma: I never would have guessed.
Jane: Alright, you two, enough messing around.
Jane: Let's go get you junior sleuths ready for your journey.
Jones: Hey, speaking of journeys, I just thought of something.
Jones: Aren't the people we're after already headed to Greysoil?
Jones: And we're still stuck here.
Jones: How are we gonna catch up in time?
Rick: Golem horses!
Rick: Pulling giant carriages!
Jane: Don't be ridiculous, young man.
Rick: Aw come on, I'm already like 19.
Rick: That's not "young man" territory.
Jane: I'm 5 years older than you. It counts.
Jane: Anyway, no, golem horses wouldn't work.
Jane: Too expensive and unwieldy.
Jane: No, you leave transportation to me.
Jane: We here at the Tower have some tricks up our sleeves, you'll see.
Jones: Look, I'm not saying they're necessarily bad people, I just mean-
Jones: Could you do that some other time?
Rick: Gotta practice every second I can now that we're gonna be on the road.
Jones: Anyway, I just feel like this guy could have an ulterior motive here.
Jones: Did you see how he talks about this "Sister Embers"?
Jones: It's like you talking about him.
Jones: I bet he's got a weird photo of her pinned to his bedroom wall just like you.
Rick: I keep telling you, it's a poster, not a photo!
Rick: And it's not weird, it came with my copy of "Truthful Gentleman's Magazine".
Rick: ...you can read that?
Jones: I guess the magic levels of ink and paper are different enough for me to be able to sense it.
Rick: Is that how that works?
Jones: Dude, I don't know.
Jones: It's not like I just woke up one day and decided "oh man, I am really not feeling these eyeballs right now".
Jones: Been like this as long as I can remember.
Jones: I'm just guessing half the time on how any of my brain actually functions.
Jane: Also, that big guy is REALLY creepy.
MacLarren: Oh my god, right? What the hell is Hal's deal?
MacLarren: I wanted to ask the entire conversation, but I didn't want to be rude.
MacLarren: I almost thought he was a golem before Jones started talking to him.
Jane: Does the Book of Truth really say that?
MacLarren: No idea. I don't think I've ever read the damn thing.
Jane: Really? You've been in the Church for decades now.
MacLarren: Never had anyone call me out on it.
MacLarren: So I figure it can't be that important.
MacLarren: Anyway, what do you think?
Jane: I think you shouldn't be smoking in here.
Jane: That stuff is gonna seep into the walls, y'know.
Jane: This whole room will smell like a giant ashtray.
MacLarren: Ah, it's fine, I've got the window open.
MacLarren: And that's not what I meant.
MacLarren: What do you think of them? The guys I picked?
Jane: Well, they certainly are a colorful bunch.
Jane: Rick seems enthusiastic, at least, maybe a bit too much so, but I don't know about the other one.
Jane: You sure he's up for this?
MacLarren: Oh no, he hates it.
MacLarren: It's great.
MacLarren: But I know these small town guys.
MacLarren: They can grumble, but at the end of the day they do have good hearts.
Jane: You're SURE you can't pick out anyone else?
MacLarren: They're the newest arrivals to the Tower.
MacLarren: Anyone else could be involved with the potential Truthbearer-centered conspiracy.
MacLarren: Can't trust them.
Jane: So then how come you decided to trust me?
Jane: I'm like the Truthbearer's PA these days.
Jane: If anyone's in on this, it'd be me.
MacLarren: I haven't. I'm just taking a chance on you.
Jane: Wow, I don't know if that's incredibly depressing or incredibly hurtful.
MacLarren: Just the world we live in these days.
Jones: Aaaand now you're sending us out to deal with her.
Jones: You know, I'm sure there are easier ways to kill people.
Jones: You guys have guns in this city, right? Guns are cheap.
MacLarren: Aw come on now, it's not like I'm sending you to fight these guys!
MacLarren: It's just a simple scouting mission.
MacLarren: And besides, you can't lose, right, Rick?
Rick: Of course, sir!
Rick: With the Truth on our side, our victory is assured!
Rick: As the Book of Truth says, "Stand Thee by what is most Righteous and True, and Glory shall be Thine".
MacLarren: That is exactly right, buddy.
MacLarren: Okay, you two, why don't you go wait outside?
MacLarren: Me and Jane have some things to discuss.
MacLarren: Oh, well, the cult of Argaleth hasn't really been too active lately.
MacLarren: They're a tiny group now, but they used to be thousands strong before.
MacLarren: Mostly kept to themselves, though, just lived right here.
MacLarren: The Silent Valley. Right off the coast. Beautiful place, really, shame about it burning down.
MacLarren: Anyway, it's only in the past hundred years or so that they started getting more active.
MacLarren: First as small robberies and attacks in the area, then as all-out war with the Church.
MacLarren: Now that was brutal, I tell ya.
MacLarren: Even though we managed to drive them back, there were massive casualties on either side.
MacLarren: And Embers and I were right in the middle of the whole thing.
MacLarren: I've seen what she can do.
MacLarren: She is as dangerous as it gets, gentlemen.
MacLarren: Yeah, well, Embers' fire is...not like that.
MacLarren: From what I understand, it's not magic in origin. It comes from within.
Jones: Uh, what?
MacLarren: I don't really get it either.
MacLarren: It's to do with another cult. Not the one we're after.
MacLarren: I think they're called the Children of Fire or something.
MacLarren: They're the reason for those freaky glowing eyes.
MacLarren: Basically, their whole philosophy is based around the fact that people can unleash their inner energy in the form of fire or lightning or what have you if they train enough.
MacLarren: Sister Embers trained there at some point in her life to achieve that power.
MacLarren: I guess on some kind of doomsday cult exchange program.
MacLarren: So Embers' fire has no magic component.
MacLarren: Amulets won't help there.
Jones: Well that sucks.
MacLarren: Yeah. You know what else sucks?
MacLarren: I'm not a magic guy, but doesn't magic get you tired when you use it?
Jones: Yeah, it's like a light headache and you get winded sometimes if you use stronger spells.
MacLarren: Well, when Embers uses her fire, she doesn't get tired since it's not really magic, just force of will.
MacLarren: So you can't wait to tire her out.
Jones: Great. That's awesome.
Jones: You know, why haven't WE heard of these guys before?
Jones: I feel like if the Church has been fighting glowy-eyed fire guys for so long, it'd at least be in the news.
Jones: Okay, uh, well.
Jones: We'll probably need some stuff for camping.
Jones: I don't like camping, but I'm not feeling very optimistic about it not being a part of this.
MacLarren: Done. I've still got a set of camping gear from my retirement party that I never opened.
Rick: I could probably use some tips on how to sword fight.
Rick: I'm still not very good since I've barely trained.
Rick: My dad doesn't allow weapons in the house.
Jane: Our library has over a hundred books on various weapon arts.
Jane: Including, bizarrely enough, a book on "yoga for use in battle", whatever that is.
Jane: You could probably find a copy of "Rapiers for Dummies" or something if you looked.
Jones: Oh, speaking of the library, you have magic stuff there, right?
Jane: Yeah. I'm guessing you're after some scrolls?
Jane: A lot of them got burned in an accident a few days ago, but there should still be some around.
Jones: Well, no, not really, though that's useful too.
Jones: I was actually thinking about getting some anti-magic amulets.
Jones: Seeing as those guys were pretty strong magic users, I figure that'd help at least a bit.
MacLarren: Yeah, I guess it would, but I wouldn't rely on them too much.
MacLarren: For one, they've still got their limits. They can break if you depend on them too much.
MacLarren: For two, while Embers is a powerful wizard, it's her fire you should be more worried about.
Jones: Oh please, fire? Who cares?
Jones: Fire is baby stuff.
Jones: Making fire is, like, the first spell any wizard learns, right after that magic hand thing.
Jane: Well, then you're definitely in the right place.
Jane: Trust me, we want you guys to succeed even more than you do.
Jane: The Church's reputation could be on the line here.
Jane: What happened several days ago was an embarrassment to pretty much everyone involved.
Jane: Rumors have been spreading that the Truthbearer's acting together with forces outside of the Church.
Jane: And if this turns out to be true, we'll need to be the first ones to know.
Jane: So let's get you guys good and ready.
Jane: Now, I don't know much, but if you need to know anything about them, captain MacLarren has fought this cult for decades.
MacLarren: I'd say I know more about it than some of their own members do by now.
MacLarren: Ask away.
Jane: And I can get you anything you may need in terms of things.
Jane: Our artifact storage guy is notoriously stingy about giving things to non-purplecoats, but he can't say no to a permission slip from the head quartermaster.
MacLarren: Wait, you can get that?
Jane: John and I used to date.
Jane: It ended well, so we're still friends and we still help each other out sometimes.
MacLarren: Anyway, yeah.
MacLarren: Anything you fellas need to do your job better, speak up now.
Jones: Yeah, it's fine, Hal doesn't really like to sit.
Rick: We're honored to accept any mission from you, ma'am.
Rick: After all, we were all called here by the search for Truth!
Jones: And it's not like we have any say in the matter.
Jones: You do realize how terrible of an idea this is, right?
Jones: Sending us out to do surveillance on these guys?
Jones: I mean, yeah, we know where we're going, but we're SO underprepared!
Jones: Sure, Rick thinks we can take 'em, but Rick is, well.
Rick: I can't believe we're in the study of the great captain MacLarren!
Rick: Jones, look! A picture of the captain with the former Truthbearer!
Jones: ...That's great, man.
Jones: And I'm not exactly a pro wizard myself.
Jones: The best spell I know makes energy balls, and those are just firecrackers, they don't even hurt people.
Jones: That, and we barely even know what these guys are capable of!
Jones: Besides "more than us", I mean.
Jane: We do thank you for coming in on such short notice.
Jane: Though I apologize that we weren't able to find a chair big enough for your...friend?
Jane: Did you catch all of that?
MacLarren: How could I not? We're squished together so much we're practically on top of each other.
Jane: Well, whose fault is that now?
Jane: You're the one who invited me despite your desk CLEARLY only seating one.
MacLarren: Well I thought you'd want to meet our brave volunteers, right?
MacLarren: Seeing as they're going to help us with our work.
Jane: Oh, yes.
Reverend: I have? That's wonderful! I mean, I'm not sure what I did, but...
Jane: Indeed it is.
Jane: Could you be of a little more help, however?
Jane: Describe the three gentlemen you talked about, please.
Reverend: Oh, of course.
Reverend: It was a blonde-headed lad, quite young, a smooth-talking fellow dressed in all red, and-
Reverend: Well, I believe it was a woman, but she wore such a strange robe I couldn't really tell.
Reverend: And she had the oddest eyes. I tried not to ask.
Jane: Ah, thank you.
Jane: And did they mention where they were going next?
Reverend: To Grey Soil City, I believe.
Reverend: Don't know what they possibly expect to find there.
Reverend: From what I've heard, the place is barely holding together.
Jane: Thank you very much, reverend.
Jane: You've helped the Church more than you know.
Jane: Have a good day.
Reverend: And it turned out they were never from the Church in the first place!
Reverend: They just told us they were!
Reverend: That is the strangest thing.
Jane: Yes, quite strange.
Jane: How is Kirk, incidentally? You've mentioned that you found him.
Reverend: Oh, yes, he's much better now.
Reverend: In quite a good mood, in fact.
Reverend: He even insisted upon staying outside and getting some fresh air instead of laying in bed all day.
Reverend: Most likely will be up on his feet in no time.
Jane: Very good.
Jane: We'll send someone over to get him as soon as possible.
Jane: And also possibly someone to help with repairing your church, reverend.
Jane: Since you've been quite helpful.
Ed: ...wait, what?
Errol: S'pose that's just what life's like, y'know?
Errol: Ya don't really know folks til' ya spend time with 'em.
Errol: Yeah, and they turned out to be pretty nice people.
Errol: Even if they did lie 'bout bein' from the Church and all.
Ed: Aaaand off they go.
Ed: Y'know, they were a lil' suspcious at first, but they turned out to be some nice fellas.
Gil: Alright kid, enough PR, get in the cart.
Gil: Sister Embers says we gotta get on the road if we're gonna make it to Greysoil "in a timely fashion".
Gil: I don't know what your guys' obsession with time is.
Gil: Doesn't your crazy prophecy say that there's still like a year left before the world ends?
Gil: That's tons of time for us to do what we need to get done.
Acolyte: We don't have a prophecy, it's a scientific fact.
Acolyte: And it's not about the world ending, a year is when we still have the chance to summon-
Acolyte: Nevermind, I'll tell you later.
Gil: I'd rather you didn't, but whatever, let's go.
Acolyte: Oh, I know! Here you go.
Acolyte: This is our, uh, business card, sort of.
Acolyte: It's got what we're all about written down in it.
Acolyte: And if you ever need help with anything again, you can go ahead and call us.
Mary: Well, thank you, I s'pose.
Mary: I'll keep y'all in mind.
Acolyte: ...again, thanks so much to everyone for getting us this wagon.
Mary: Well, it was the least we could do.
Mary: Seein' as y'all helped us out so much.
Acolyte: Yeah, I guess we did.
Acolyte: In our own weird roundabout kinda way.
Acolyte: Still, I wish we could thank you more somehow.
Sister Embers: You ARE aware that there is a fully furnished bedroom waiting for us not ten minutes from here, correct?
Gil: I do not understand your strange language, sky woman.
Gil: It is alien to me.
Gil: I live in the grass now.
Gil: I have become one with the grass.
Acolyte: Huh. Well that's kinda weird.
Acolyte: I could've sworn something happened based off that message, but I guess not.
Gil: Astronomers are weird in general, man.
Gil: Just be happy that the ones we're friends with are currently in the regular state of weird.
Gil: Instead of the head explosion state of weird.
Acolyte: What is it with you and heads exploding right now?
Gil: Hey, you wanted me with you tonight, this is what you get.
Gil: I get weird if I don't get enough sleep.
Gil: And speaking of, we're done, right?
Gil: Like, pretty sure all the subplots have been resolved.
Gil: Nothing for us to do?
Acolyte: Well, I guess we could help get that astronomer guy fixed up.
Gil: Hey, that's great.
Gil: How's this for a plan: you do that while I go ahead and take a nap here.
Gil: Ready? Go.
Acolyte: Jamie! You're alright!
Gil: Yeah, sure, just take it out of my hand.
Gil: I guess privacy doesn't exist in your world.
Jamie: Of course I'm alright.
Jamie: In fact, I'm happy.
Jamie: Quite a clear night out today, just came back home with some excellent shots of the moon.
Jamie: Why would you even think otherwise?
Jamie: We just spoke the other day.
Acolyte: Yeah, but you left us that message.
Acolyte: With the weird star and everything?
Acolyte: And it cut out midway, so we weren't really sure.
Jamie: Oh, that.
Jamie: Yes, quite an interesting phenomenon.
Jamie: I'm still not certain what actually caused it.
Jamie: Though my research is somewhat obscured by the fact that I remember relatively little from that night.
Jamie: I must have passed out. A common occurrence in the astronomical world, don't worry.
Jamie: In any case, I am alright.
Jamie: So there is no need for all these endless messages!
Jamie: If anything is happening in the skies you need to know about, I will tell you.
Acolyte: Okay, sorry.
Acolyte: Er...over and out.
Jamie: Yes, hello? This is Jamie.
Jamie: I realize that we have decided to work together, but this really is getting silly.
Jamie: You've left me almost five messages over the last three hours.
Jamie: And it's the middle of the night, to boot.
Jamie: I didn't expect you to be quite so clingy.
Gil: Oh, whoops, that's me, sorry.
Gil: Typical, huh?
Gil: There's always that one guy who brings his scryer and ruins the moment.
Gil: Kid, walk with me.
Kirk: Reverend! Mister Harrison!
Kirk: Did Mary call you over here to check up on me?
Kirk: Jeez, I must've given you a real scare, huh.
Kirk: Sorry about that.
Kirk: I have got a SPLITTING headache.
Kirk: What am I even doing out here?
Kirk: I don't think I'm prone to sleepwalking.
Kirk: At least, not with a broken leg.
Kirk: ...I'm so happy.
Kirk: ...yes! Finally!
Kirk: It's...it's the real thing!
Kirk: The most beautiful sight I've ever seen!
Reverend: Mister Kirk? Goodness gracious, what in the world happened to you? You look awful!
Acolyte: Uh, Gil? Shouldn't we be doing something? I don't think people will be too happy to see this!
Gil: Relax, kid.
Gil: We don't even have to lie on this one.
Gil: There are, like, four other people besides us all willing to confirm that we tried helping this guy.
Gil: We're in the clear.
Acolyte: So...we just stand here?
Acolyte: Don't even try and help?
Gil: I'd say we're done being helpful for the day.
Gil: Besides, he's been talking about that star for hours.
Gil: I kinda wanna see what happens when he sees it.
Gil: Hundred gil says his head will explode.
Gil: Okay, no, that's kinda morbid.
Gil: Though his head may still explode, so, y'know, stand back.
Kirk: *cough* *cough*
Gil: Wow, that guilt tripping was almost as good as my mother's.
Acolyte: ...wait, so that's it?
Acolyte: She just yelled at everyone and then things fixed themselves?
Gil: Welcome to the real world, kid.
Acolyte: But...but that makes no sense!
Acolyte: Then what was the point of us being here?
Gil: I guess there wasn't.
Gil: Well, we found out where to go next, that's something.
Gil: But yeah, let's just say that we learned a lesson today.
Gil: That lesson being that there is never anything good in villages.
Gil: We're staying the hell away from the countryside for a while.
Gil: Now let's get out of here before something else stupid happens.
Mary: Mr.Harrison, what were ya thinkin'?
Mary: Ya know ya coulda just asked me if I was doin' all them things or not.
Mary: Heck, we ain't never been on bad terms.
Mary: I get ya that powder what gets your bad eye to stop itchin', don't I?
Harrison: I'm sorry, folks.
Harrison: Looks like I was a dang ol' fool.
Harrison: Reverend, sorry for draggin' ya into this.
Harrison: Shoulda listened to ya when ya said it wasn't Mary who done them bad things.
Harrison: Tell ya what, first thing tomorrow, we're all startin' work on fixin' up that church a' ours.
Mary: And the rest of y'all!
Mary: What in the world are ya doin'?!
Mary: Ya ain't got nothin' else to waste your time on?!
Mary: Ain't any of ya got a brain what can do some dang work?
Mary: Why in the world would ya think I'd want to hurt anyone 'round here?!
Mary: I been livin' here for 4 dang years already!
Mary: I swear, times like these, I don't even feel good about bein' a part of this community.
Mary: This right here's why city folks think we're all dumb hicks, y'know.
Mary: 'Cause y'all are so scared ya can't even come out here for a talk with me once in a dang while.
Mary: Y-wait, the church done burned down?
Harrison: Well, 'course.
Harrison: Just today.
Harrison: Shouldn't ya know, seein' as you're the one what did it?
Mary: Forget who done did it!
Mary: The hell are y'all doin' out here?!
Mary: Why ain't y'all helpin' the reverend fix the dang church?!
Harrison: I- well- thing is-
Harrison: I- I mean, we had to-
Mary: Had to do what?
Mary: Drag the reverend out into the forest in the middle of the dang night?
Mary: Look at the poor fella!
Mary: He's gonna catch his death of cold at this rate!
Reverend: Oh, no, really, Mary, I'm quite fine...
Mary: Well, David Andrew Harrison, color me surprised!
Mary: Ain't never expected this kinda thing outta ya!
Harrison: But- er- look, Mary, we just wanted to-
Mary: I am sick and tired of your dang excuses!
Mary: Now it's time for ya to admit that ya just weren't thinkin'!
Harrison: Good evenin'.
Mary: E-evenin', Mr. Harrison. Reverend.
Harrison: I s'pose you know what we're here for.
Mary: Can't say that I don't, sir.
Harrison: Well, as y'know, mighty strange things have started happenin' round here lately.
Harrison: And we're thinking' you may be responsible.
Harrison: So we're all here to ask ya to pack your things and go head out someplace else.
Mary: I see.
Mary: But, er, could I maybe say a lil' somethin' first?
Harrison: You got a lot to answer for, girl.
Harrison: Folks goin' missing round these parts.
Harrison: Things fallin' from the sky.
Harrison: The church burnin' down.
Acolyte: Oh my god she's actually doing it.
Gil: Don't worry, I'll tell them you tried to talk her out of it.
Gil: Y'know, at her funeral.
Gil: For now, though, try and stay with me.
Gil: I've been mobbed before, so I know what to do if this whole thing goes bad.
Gil: Try and go low.
Gil: That way you'll get lost in the confusion.
Gil: Oh, and don't hide, just run.
Gil: One of these guys drops a torch and the whole forest turns into a furnace.
Mary: No, stop, you guys.
Mary: Dangit, fella.
Mary: You're right.
Acolyte: Thank you!
Acolyte: At least somebody agrees.
Mary: And I see what ya mean 'bout the truth bein' important and all.
Mary: So I know what I gotta do.
Mary: I gotta get out there and tell them folks the truth.
Acolyte: Y-wait, what?
Acolyte: That's, uh, no...
Acolyte: I mean, you didn't actually DO anything wrong, though.
Mary: Didn't I?
Mary: I shoulda known it wasn't right.
Mary: Pretendin' to be a real witch just to make a couple a' extra gil.
Mary: And now I've got everyone panickin'.
Mary: It's wrong.
Mary: I gotta go tell 'em.
Acolyte: Well, no, I mostly applied that speech to us, y'know?
Acolyte: I'm all for telling the truth, but I'm also for using common sense.
Acolyte: If you go out there right now, those guys will NOT be happy to see you.
Acolyte: Like, seriously, that's a terrible idea.
Acolyte: It's nice to think about maybe telling them eventually, but don't ACTUALLY do-
Gil: Nah, my way's easier.
Gil: Sister Embers?
Sister Embers: Yes, yes.
Acolyte: Guys, look.
Acolyte: We've been arguing a lot lately, and I kinda want to tone it down.
Acolyte: We can't keep going here if we don't all agree on what kind of cult we're going to be.
Acolyte: Except we don't have to!
Acolyte: It's already been decided for us!
Acolyte: Remember, you guys: Lord Argaleth brings balance to the world.
Acolyte: He takes situations of conflict and fixes them.
Acolyte: So fixing something like this should be what we're best at!
Acolyte: We're meant to be the world's problem solvers.
Acolyte: And I know we can do it!
Acolyte: You guys are some of the smartest people I've ever met.
Acolyte: There's no way we won't be able to come up with ANYTHING if we work together.
Acolyte: Look, we may not be from the Church of Truth, but we should still believe in the idea of telling the truth, y'know?
Acolyte: A little bit of just taking a stand and doing the right thing could solve all of this.
Acolyte: So come on.
Acolyte: What do you say?
Acolyte: How about we go out there and show those people what kind of cult we can be.
Gil: No worries, I've got a plan.
Gil: Embers, can you portal us out of here?
Gil: Without questionably accurate physics this time?
Sister Embers: Naturally.
Sister Embers: I suppose you would be looking for some place outside of the forest?
Gil: Yeah, that's perfect, actually.
Gil: So then this is what we do:
Gil: Get out of here through that, take everybody else with us.
Gil: Then, once we're at a safe distance, thank them for the opportunity to try and help them out.
Gil: Then get on with what we're meant to be ACTUALLY doing.
Acolyte: Wait, seriously?
Acolyte: That's your plan?! To just bail?!
Acolyte: I thought you said you wanted to help!
Gil: Yeah, I did!
Gil: Before the definition of "helping" became "potentially getting pitchforked again"!
Gil: That shit hurts, man.
Gil: Look, trust me, this whole situation is screwed.
Gil: Helping these people walk away alive is about as helpful as we're gonna get now.
Acolyte: What? No!
Acolyte: Alright, alright, alright.
Gil: Guys, we've got a big problem.
Gil: ...uh, what are you doing?
Acolyte: Well, Errol brought up that it's probably not right for us to keep this guy all chained up.
Acolyte: We still don't know if bringing him outside is good or bad or what, but we thought we could at least get him in a chair or something.
Gil: Alright, whatever.
Gil: We've got more important things to worry about right now.
Gil: What I'm pretty sure is the entire village is out there waiting to kick our asses.
Acolyte: Why are they here all of a sudden?
Gil: Because SOMEONE spent like all night talking to crazy over here!
Gil: And also I suspect because nicotine is a much more dangerous habit than I thought.
Harrison: Alright, well, I s'pose it'd be right to let you folks finish up in there.
Harrison: But could ya tell 'er to hurry it up?
Harrison: We've got lots a' folks here who've still gotta work tomorrow.
Harrison: Wouldn't do 'em good to stand around all night.
Gil: Sure, sure.
Gil: Don't even worry about it!
Gil: Not a problem.
Sophie: Is that right? Ain't never heard that one.
Alexander: S'pose so.
Alexander: It'd make sense, 't least.
Alexander: I used to know a fella who'd always bug me when I was workin' at the store.
Alexander: Then, one year?
Alexander: Half his dang cows got the pox.
Alexander: Now why d'you think that is?
Sophie: 'Cause he...interrupted...trade?
Alexander: Gotta be.
"Gil: Make that bluff check."
Gil: Oh! Hey, guys.
Gil: I see you decided to show up.
Gil: All together.
Gil: That really wasn't necessary, y'know, we were handling things just fine.
Harrison: Seems that way.
Harrison: I s'pose I'm still a mite confused, though.
Harrison: Seein' as ya just walked outta the witch's house all calm like.
Harrison: We thought you fellas done got kidnapped, but seems that ain't the case.
Harrison: Are y'all done with her already?
Gil: Well, uh, not really.
Gil: You see...
Gil: Okay, this is kinda embarrassing, actually.
Gil: We DID come here on our own.
Gil: See, I've been having, uh, hair problems recently.
Gil: Namely, that there isn't enough of it.
Gil: Not really fun for a guy my age.
Gil: That's a reality I don't wanna face yet.
Harrison: Oh, yeah, my father - Truth bless his soul - used to have that issue.
Harrison: Y'know, I heard that if ya put a spoonfull a' honey on there right before bed every night-
Gil: You end up with sticky hair and have to wash your pillow?
Gil: Yeah, I know.
Gil: Anyway...we heard that the witch sold potions and stuff.
Gil: So we just decided to come over here and see if the witch had anything for that.
Gil: Since we won't be able to do it tomorrow with you guys on the case, right?
Gil: So yeah.
Gil: I'd invite you in, but I don't think you guys want to go in right now.
Gil: Because that would be...interrupting trade!
Gil: And that's bad luck or something, right?
Harrison: So, uh.
Harrison: Witch around?
Harrison: Oh, hello there.
Harrison: Y'all are alright!
Harrison: Well, sort of.
Harrison: Didn't really expect ya to just go waltzin' out the front door like that.
Harrison: Well, we knew where ya were, obviously.
Harrison: Heck, the second we saw you folks were gone, we all knew the witch done took ya.
Harrison: Just didn't think ya'd be so dang casual 'bout it.
Actually, you know what, nevermind. Probably just a series of stupid coincidences.
And goddamn do I need to relax right now. Bad enough to say that it really WAS just all coincidence.
Yeah, it'll be fine.
Well, at least a cigarette will take my mind off- actually, maybe I shouldn't.
Call me crazy (I say to the voices in my head), but I've been noticing a disturbing trend lately of terrible things happening to me whenever I start to get my smoke on.
Is it just me? I feel like it's not just me.
Ugh. Now I've stayed up until, like, 3 AM because of these guys.
You just KNOW tomorrow is gonna suck now. I'll be groggy no matter how much sleep I get.
I'm theoretically for doing the right thing, don't get me wrong, but why does my sleep schedule have to get shit on to do it?
Gil: Well then screw this.
Gil: You guys stay down here, but I'm gonna go have a smoke.
Gil: Maybe find a place you can see the star from for when you change your mind and drag this guy outside.
Gil: Peace out.
Gil: OH COME ON!
Gil: Just take him outside and show him the freaking star already!
Gil: We've been down here for like three hours now!
Sister Embers: It is simply too dangerous.
Sister Embers: We do not know what would happen if he were to be exposed to it.
Sister Embers: What if his madness were to intensify?
Gil: He's already painting pictures on the wall with his own blood!
Gil: How much crazier do you think he can get?!
Sister Embers: A valid point.
Sister Embers: Still, we cannot possibly risk it.
Kirk: I have to see the star! Please!
Acolyte: Why? WHY do you need to see the star?
Kirk: The star...it...
Gil: Hey, alright, awesome, he's talking.
Gil: Not that it's anything different from what he was already saying.
Gil: So how about we get back upstairs and come up with a plan for, y'know, the witch situation?
Gil: That's still a thing.
Acolyte: What? No, we need to stay here!
Acolyte: We need to help this guy.
Acolyte: You're the one who wanted to see him!
Gil: No, I wanted to see all the variables.
Gil: I just needed to know that there was a guy in the basement, not get stuck here trying to DO something about it.
Acolyte: Well, we should still try and do SOMETHING.
Acolyte: It would be the right thing to do.
Gil: Yeah, sure, I guess it would be.
Gil: But the thing is, this guy? This guy will still be crazy tomorrow.
Gil: But we have to solve the witch thing NOW.
Gil: Or else god knows what might happen.
Gil: Learn to prioritize.
Acolyte: No, come on, we HAVE to stay.
Acolyte: He's already talking better.
Acolyte: He'll be okay in no time.
Acolyte: Yes? What do you remember?!
Kirk: Around midnight.
Kirk: I was in bed, and...
Kirk: I...I felt...
Kirk: There was this...wave of...
Kirk: Suddenly I had to- I needed-
Kirk: I must see the star.
Kirk: The real one.
Kirk: *cough* *cough*
Kirk: Can't... please...
Gil: Well that can't be good.
Acolyte: Can you call her up? See if she's alright?
Gil: Guess I'll try.
Gil: That was some weird stuff going on with that star though, man.
Gil: I mean, did it look like that tonight, too? I'm not sure I've ever really looked at it before.
Gil: It's just kinda always been there.
Jamie: I am...not certain what is happening.
Jamie: The star is-
Jamie: I feel very...strange.
Jamie: Something...is...happening to-
Jamie: -unusual activity. Perhaps this could be used to further your cause.
Jamie: Recording this so you get this as early in the morning as possible, although it probably isn't necessary.
Jamie: With the amount of astronomers currently observing the event, most likely you've heard about it by now.
Jamie: Time is exactly 12:01 AM.
Jamie: Further disturbances in the Mage Star.
Jamie: Currently it is pulsing with various colors.
Jamie: Color change frequency is roughly every 0.2 seconds.
Jamie: Consistent pattern of red-yellow-
"Try and call up the astronomer."
Acolyte: Hey, maybe we could call Jamie.
Acolyte: She knows stuff about stars and she could even be up at this hour.
Gil: Who? Oh, right.
Gil: Yeah, maybe. Fight crazy with our own brand of crazy.
Acolyte: Aw, come on, Jamie's not crazy.
Acolyte: She's just kinda scary.
Gil: Dude, do you REMEMBER the last time we met?
Gil: She tried to shoot me with a crossbow!
Gil: Aaaand she left me a message.
Gil: Last night, I mean.
Gil: Not at the same time as the crossbow thing.
Gil: That'd just be weird.
Gil: So, what do we make of this guy?
Sister Embers: Clearly, whatever he saw last night, it must have warped his fragile mind beyond recognition.
Sister Embers: Some unknown unearthly horror, perhaps. Sad.
Sister Embers: We owe it to his former self to at least try and figure out what happened.
Gil: Maybe he's a werewolf.
Gil: I mean, Mary mentioned wolves back there, right?
Acolyte: I'm pretty sure werewolves aren't real.
Gil: I mean, I was kidding, but really?
Gil: All the stuff that's happened today and werewolves is where you draw the line?
Acolyte: It just doesn't sound like something that could be real.
Acolyte: People turning into stuff.
Gil: I'll just go ahead and ignore how unsound that logic is and move on.
Mary: Yup. Still crazy.
Gil: You realize how bad this makes you look, right?
Kirk: I have told you a million times.
Kirk: I must see it.
Kirk: I have drawn replicas, but they are not enough.
Kirk: My soul is dying every second I'm away from it.
Kirk: I do not care about my leg.
Kirk: I do not care about my health.
Kirk: I do not care about my LIFE.
Kirk: Let. Me. See. The. Star.
Mary: Kirk? Buddy?
Mary: Ya still goin' crazy back here?
Mary: Yeah, found this fella out in the forest a couple a' days ago.
Mary: Broken leg, was in a real sorry shape.
Mary: Apparently he's some astronomer fella from the Church.
Mary: Went out into the forest with his buddy at night to watch the stars and such.
Mary: Not a good idea 'round these parts.
Mary: Wolves in them woods at night.
Mary: Ain't many, but enough to chew up a man and probably eat his friend, gods rest his soul.
Mary: Anyway, he's been a nice enough fella since I brought 'im in to fix 'im up.
Mary: Nice enough for an astronomer, I mean.
Mary: But last night, he just up and starts screamin' like crazy in the middle a' the night.
Mary: All sorts of nonsense stuff.
Mary: Started crawlin' outta bed - leg ain't even healed yet, he's gon' get himself hurt.
Mary: And he was like this all day.
Mary: I had to stick 'im down here in the cellar just to get some dang sleep.
Acolyte: Wow, that was some pretty good deduction work there.
Acolyte: Even though I feel like you may have gotten lucky a little.
Acolyte: What if she just happened to find a purple coat out in the forest?
Gil: Kid, please.
Gil: I've been around for long enough to know how this stupid universe works.
Gil: Three things went wrong in this village recently.
Gil: We've had to deal with two of them already.
Gil: You REALLY think there was a chance we wouldn't also encounter the third one?
Acolyte: Uh, I don't really know if that's how the universe works.
Acolyte: Not everything we ever hear about is gonna come up again later.
Gil: Well, you keep on thinking that if it makes you happy.
Gil: Let's go.
Mary: Alright, come on then.
Mary: Guess you folks would be better off without any surprises gettin' in the way.
Gil: Mary. Listen. I'm not like these other guys.
Gil: Unlike them, I do not care about you.
Gil: Not even a bit.
Gil: I probably won't even remember your name by this time tomorrow.
Gil: Which means that I won't give you the solution that makes you feel better or keeps you lovebirds happy.
Gil: I'm going to give you the solution that works.
Gil: But I can't do that if you're gonna lie to me.
Gil: So, I'm going to ask you right now.
Gil: Is there anything you're not telling me.
Gil: And I can't help but notice some suspect stains on your dress.
Gil: Had a big dinner, did we? Spilled some gravy?
Errol: Alright there, fella, how about ya step off?
Errol: Mary's already done been through a lot today, she don't need your accusations-
Gil: Yeah, Mary, nice place you guys have here.
Gil: Especially this coat.
Gil: Pretty good one.
Gil: It's not often you see a purple coat, though, it's a strange color for one.
Gil: I think the only other place I've seen it would have to be at the Tower of Truth.
Gil: Y'know, purplecoats.
Gil: Two of whom the reverend mentioned have gone missing around here lately.
Gil: Funny coincidence, hmm?
Gil: Alright guys, thanks for your input.
Gil: Really, that's just great.
Gil: I'll come directly to you next time I need romantic advice.
Gil: How about we talk about something else now?
Gil: Like about how we've been lied to ever since we came in here.
Gil: Allow me to demonstrate a-like so.
"Suggest some things."
Acolyte: Okay, well, um.
Acolyte: Maybe you guys could elope?
Acolyte: I hear that word being thrown around a lot.
Acolyte: I think it means running away with someone you love.
Acolyte: So, y'know, you guys could do that.
Acolyte: Except I guess they might think Mary kidnapped Errol or something like that.
Acolyte: ...We could maybe vouch for you guys?
Acolyte: Do we carry enough credibility around here for people to believe us?
Sister Embers: I would rather we not get involved any more than we already are.
Sister Embers: Perhaps leaving truly is the best option here.
Sister Embers: And it could benefit us also.
Sister Embers: It would be wise to begin creating a net of supporters of the cult around the world.
Sister Embers: This could be the beginning of that.
Acolyte: Well, yeah, but Errol would be all alone here then.
Acolyte: It would be awful to split up true love.
Acolyte: I mean, I don't know much about that stuff, but there would be longing, right?
Acolyte: How your heart aches more the further away you are from your loved one.
This is extremely uncomfortable for everyone involved.
Mary: Y'all wanna know the best part?
Mary: I done did it to myself.
Mary: I ain't no witch!
Mary: Ain't got a lick 'a magic in me.
Mary: I'm an alchemist.
Mary: Sell folks medicines and such to make a livin'.
Mary: But people started callin' me a witch, and I figured it'd make for better business to have a cool image, so I just...ran with it.
Mary: 'Course, now *sniff* now it ain't gonna do me much good.
Mary: That's how *sniff* it always goes, huh?
Mary: Ya wanna help folks, and then-
Mary: Aw, man, there I go again.
Mary: Sorry, y'all.
Mary: Well, come on in, y'all.
Mary: 'S nice to meet ya.
Mary: Sorry if the place is a mess.
Mary: Ain't had time for much cleanin'.
Mary: Been too busy packin' and cryin'.
Mary: Mostly cryin'.
Errol: Aw, Mary, you ain't thinkin' a leaving, are you?
Mary: Errol, sweetie, I ain't got much choice.
Mary: All the folks 'round here are startin' to get real suspicious 'a me.
Mary: I heard what they say.
Mary: They think I'm cursin' them or some such.
Mary: Won't be long 'til they try and do somethin'.
Mary: Oh! Errol!
Mary: Gave me a bit of a fright there.
Mary: Didn't think you were comin' back today.
Errol: I called for ya.
Errol: You know your front door ain't even locked?
Mary: Is it?
Mary: Sorry 'bout that, I must not 'a heard ya in the cellar.
Gil: Cellar? What cellar?
Gil: This place basically IS a cellar.
Mary: Who's this?
Errol: Oh, these here are some folks who said that they're gonna try and help us.
Errol: They're from the city, so be cautious that they might be a little strange 'n all.
Gil: Yeah, hi.
Gil: Actually, I think I'm the only one from a city.
Gil: Don't know about Embers, but I think the kid used to live on a farm or whatever.
Errol: Mary? Hello?
Errol: 'S me, Errol!
Gil: Well, sorry for doubting you, man.
Gil: Looks pretty spacious in here.
Gil: Though I still wouldn't want to move in.
Gil: No offense, Errol, but your girlfriend lives in a hole.
Gil: Like, a literal hole in a hill with a door attached.
Errol: Yeah, this here used to be a military outpost, I think.
Errol: Way back when.
Errol: You know how them folks are, diggin' trenches and all.
Errol: I helped pretty it up on the inside, though, looks all homely 'n such.
Errol: Alright, we're here.
Gil: Wow, already?
Gil: Felt like it was only a minute or so.
Gil: I wish I could complain my way through life more often like that.
Acolyte: It was more than a minute.
Acolyte: Trust me.
Acolyte: So much more.
Gil: Hey, when'd you get so sassy?
Gil: Looks like I'm having a positive influence on you, eh?
Acolyte: You're really not.
Acolyte: Let's just go inside.
Gil: And now we're back in the woods, great.
Gil: What's even the point of washing my suit, really?
Gil: No reason to take care of yourself if you're just gonna get dirty anyway.
Gil: And yet I still keep that shit up, day after day.
Gil: Not like you guys would notice, wearing what are essentially old dirty bathrobes.
Gil: Looks even shittier at night.
Gil: Seriously, how the hell do you people live out here?
Gil: I would go crazy.
Gil: It's just miles of field forever.
Gil: I mean, city life has its' issues, but goddamn.
Gil: I know it's, like, mid-summer, but this is still WAY too cold for my liking.
Gil: At least the moon's out.
Gil: Won't have to trip over my own feet.
Gil: Come on, Embers, what the hell?
Gil: Why are you letting your acolyte tell us what to do?
Gil: I thought you wore the pants in this relationship.
Gil: Wait, do you even wear pants?
Gil: Nevermind, don't answer that.
Gil: The last thing I need is to be thinking of what you've got going on under your robe right now.
Sister Embers: You do not need to convince me, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Doing good deeds has always been one of the primary tenets of Argaleth.
Sister Embers: When there is time for it, at least.
Acolyte: Wait, but you haven't even said anything about this whole thing.
Sister Embers: Yes.
Sister Embers: Unlike you, I am able to be displeased with a situation while not telling everyone I meet about it.
Sister Embers: I initially thought of it as regrettable, but unavoidable.
Sister Embers: Still, if there is a way for us to do it without jeopardizing the main mission, I am never against helping the innocent.
Gil: I am!
Gil: I am totally against helping the innocent!
Gil: How come we suddenly have to help this guy's lovebird or whatever?
Errol: Wh- HEY!
Errol: We're not- I mean, it ain't-
Acolyte: Well, okay, look at it this way.
Acolyte: You said the whole reason you came with us was because it was "good publicity", right?
Gil: More out of morbid curiosity now, really.
Acolyte: Well, what better publicity is there than helping someone in need?
Gil: I mean, yeah, but come on, dude!
Gil: I just got comfortable and everything!
Gil: You really want to drag me back outside, presumably into the forest?
Acolyte: Okay, fine.
Acolyte: Then you can stay here and explain where we are when someone notices we're gone.
Gil: Alright, fine, where are we going?
Errol: Well, if y'all are serious 'bout helpin' out, I can take you to where Mary lives.
Errol: 'Course, we'll have to sneak out, on account a' my dad holdin' that meetin' downstairs and all.
Errol: There's a window in my room, c'mon.
Gil: Let me get my coat.
Acolyte: Um, hello.
Acolyte: Listen, yeah, you're right.
Acolyte: It's probably our fault that everyone's blaming your friend for things.
Errol: Knew it.
Errol: How could y'all do that to Mary?
Errol: I mean, she's so pretty and- and nice- and y'all just go and do that!
Acolyte: We're sorry, really, we are.
Acolyte: It was just a very stupid accident.
Acolyte: And we want to help you fix it!
Errol: Well, at least you folks are willin' to clean up your mess.
Errol: One ya shouldn't a' made in the first place, but still.
Acolyte: Well, I am.
Acolyte: Can you hold on a second?
Acolyte: I think my, uh, colleagues might need a little convincing.
Acolyte: Woah, WOAH!
Acolyte: What are you guys thinking of doing?!
Gil: I just wanted to explain to our "friend" there that he's mistaken.
Gil: He must've misunderstood something we said while he was eavesdropping.
Gil: I know how those doors muffle sound.
Gil: And I just wanted you to lock the door so nobody would storm off in a huff and cause a misunderstanding.
Gil: I hate those. So cliché.
Sister Embers: Indeed.
Sister Embers: I also wished to express my displeasure with being eavesdropped upon.
Sister Embers: I value my privacy.
Acolyte: I, uh, thought you guys were going somewhere else with this.
Acolyte: Somewhere worse.
Gil: What, you thought we were gonna kill him?
Gil: Please, give me SOME credit. This'd be a terrible place to hide a body.
Gil: They don't even have an attic.
Gil: Lock the door.
Errol: I knew y'all were up to no good!
Errol: I heard all the news today, and I knew there was no way it coulda been Mary!
Errol: She'd never do somethin' that mean to the ol' reverend's place!
Errol: I bet you aren't even really from the Church!
Errol: Huh? HUH?!
Acolyte: Well, maybe for you.
Acolyte: But I can't just stand by when an innocent person gets punished for something that we did.
Acolyte: And if you guys aren't gonna help me, I guess I'll just go and fix this myself!
Acolyte: What? No! I mean the lying! Why do you keep lying?!
Gil: I lie all the time, man. It's kinda my thing.
Acolyte: Well now because of your thing, a totally innocent lady is being blamed for our screw-up!
Gil: I really don't think that someone who everyone is calling a "witch" and can accept would destroy a church is truly innocent, but nevermind.
Gil: What were we supposed to do?
Gil: You said it yourself, they were gonna kill us.
Gil: What, would it be better if we walked up and were all like "Yeah, that was totally us. Do you guys have our medals yet? We expected medals."?
Acolyte: But- but those aren't the options for normal people!
Acolyte: Normal people don't pick between "lie" and "proudly admit everything"!
Acolyte: Normal people would pick between "lie" and "apologize and help clean everything up"!
Gil: Right, and we decided to lie.
Gil: Which, as you said, normal people would pick.
Gil: I'm really not seeing your problem with this situation.
Gil: Besides from a moral standpoint, I guess.
Gil: But that's only meant to be used for people you care about.
Gil: Otherwise, this whole situation is perfect.
Gil: I mean, we got away with it and everything!
Gil: What, dude? I already told you, I get the ironing board first because my suit's the dirtiest.
Gil: If you wanted to go first, you should've said something before.
Sister Embers: And I realize that I do not typically bring this up, but part of being a member of the cult is proper hygiene.
Sister Embers: Which involves periodically combing one's hair.
Sister Embers: It may help you to take notes.
Acolyte: Okay, I was being patient, but seriously!
Acolyte: You guys are unbelievable, you know that?!
Oh man, that was really bad. You just completely lied to that guy! And after he was so nice to you and everything.
You gotta take care of this and quick. Before those two say something else terrible.
Harrison: Yes, well, it ain't nothin'.
Harrison: Just doin' our part to help you help us take care of things.
Acolyte: Because that's what we're doing. Yeah.
Harrison: Sorry that y'all are kinda stuck in the guest room for now.
Harrison: We've got a bit of a village meetin' going on downstairs.
Harrison: To decide what to do and such.
Harrison: And, y'know, private local matters 'n all.
Harrison: Y'all are probably ain't used to this. Comin' from the city and all. I bet the Church has y'all rushin' all over the place.
Harrison: Hope ya understand the wait.
Acolyte: Of course.
Acolyte: Take your time.
"Several hours later."
Acolyte: Again, thanks a lot for letting us stay the night here, mister Harrison.
Sister Embers: Yes, well, I suppose we can do that.
Sister Embers: However, we are in somewhat of a hurry, so-
Gil: -so we'll just do it super quick!
Gil: And then we can get to the reward.
Gil: You guys did mention a reward, right?
Gil: I'm almost positive that there was talk of a reward at some point.
Gil: Working for the Church doesn't pay too much, to be honest.
Acolyte: Wh- no!
Acolyte: Why are you doing it again?!
Harrison: Hmm? What's that?
Sister Embers: Oh, that is simply my acolyte. Pay him no mind, he often says strange things.
Gil: Yeah, kid whines about everything, don't worry about it. Anyway, about that reward...
Harrison: This here's completely goddamn unacceptable.
Harrison: She went too far this time.
Harrison: Y'all seen anything unusual out in the forest today? Maybe her doin' some spells or some such?
Sister Embers: Well, I can certainly say that we have seen some things.
Sister Embers: Things related to this.
Sister Embers: And they certainly do not disprove that the witch could have done this, theoretically.
Sister Embers: We must always consider all possibilities, after all.
Harrison: Ain't much to consider here.
Harrison: Time to act.
Harrison: Thank god y'all got here when you did.
Harrison: Gonna make solving this here issue of ours a lot easier.
Gil: The hell happened here?
Ed: What do you think?
Ed: Rev'rend and me went to get my tools to fix the clock, then boom.
Ed: We come over here and the whole thing's gone.
Ed: Ain't no one else but the witch could'a done this, no doubt about it.
Gil: Right. That's true.
Gil: Pretty much the first thing I thought of when I came over.
Gil: Looks like witchy business. That there was my first thought.
Reverend: But...but I don't understand!
Reverend: Why would she do this?
Reverend: I always thought we got along so well!
Reverend: She always seemed so nice whenever we met for tea.
Gil: Well, that's witches for you.
Gil: Always...drinking tea. Fooling people.
Yeah, I don't think that's happening again.
I've heard before that the fanciest golems are made of diamond because it's the hardest gem to break or something.
Guess even the hardest gem can't stand up against two buildings crashing into each other at top speed.
"All: Attempt to act casual."
Acolyte: Oh man, oh man, oh man!
Acolyte: They're gonna be so mad at us!
Acolyte: I've been in trouble for breaking things before, but nothing THIS huge!
Gil: Yeah, yeah, calm down.
Gil: Maybe you guys are good at weird magic stuff, but this?
Gil: This is where I shine.
Gil: Embers, come on.
Gil: Time to go do some damage control.
Acolyte: You mean like helping with putting out the fires, stuff like that?
Gil: Yeah, something like that.
Gil: Except not at all.
Gil: In retrospect, I probably should have kept my mouth shut.
Reverend: I don't- I-
Reverend: It was right here...
Reverend: I just left...for- for ten minutes.
Reverend: How... I... how...
Acolyte: I do feel kinda bad just leaving like this.
Acolyte: We promised all these people we'd fix their problems and now we're running away.
Acolyte: Probably caused more issues.
Gil: I doubt it.
Gil: I mean, I don't really care about these people, but it's not like we messed up TOO hard.
Gil: If anything, I'd say we did some good stuff.
Gil: For one, that thing's out of their swamp now, they won't mind that.
Acolyte: Yeah, but I dunno if maybe that will do some harm.
Acolyte: We DID kinda let it speed away uncontrollably.
Gil: Oh, please.
Gil: It's gone up into the sky now.
Gil: What kind of damage could THAT cause?
Gil: Okay, I think that's all of it.
Gil: How's it look?
Acolyte: Yeah, you're clean.
Acolyte: Still a little wet though.
Gil: Yeah, normally I'd take this to some dry cleaning place, but, y'know.
Gil: The whole "days away from any city" thing.
Acolyte: Speaking of cities, you said you knew about the map back there?
Gil: Hmm? Oh, right.
Gil: Yeah, I've been to the city on that lake.
Gil: That's Greysoil.
Gil: Nice place, former mining town, big culture center now.
Gil: I've been there on working vacation a few times before.
Gil: Sometimes it's nice to steal things from people in a place you haven't been before.
Acolyte: Huh, a "working vacation".
Acolyte: Isn't that redundant?
Gil: I think it's an oxymoron, actually.
Gil: But yeah, it's a nice place, but I don't know what a Numeralian would want to find there.
Sister Embers: What they are looking for there is not important.
Sister Embers: The important part is that they ARE there.
Sister Embers: Thus, that is our next destination.
Sister Embers: I shall enquire about transportation once we are back at the village.
Gil: What... the hell... was that.
Sister Embers: Oh, that? Quite simple, really.
Sister Embers: I used the portal to shorten the distance of the fall.
Sister Embers: Not very pleasant still, but at least survivable.
Gil: Yeah, I get that!
Gil: You don't think you could have done that without jumping off the thing?!
Sister Embers: Open a stationary portal while on a moving object?
Sister Embers: Don't be ridiculous.
Gil: Oh, right, how could I be so silly?!
Gil: Maybe you should, I dunno, WARN people before nearly giving them a heart attack?!
Sister Embers: Yes, yes, I shall warn you next time.
Sister Embers: If only to stop you from whining.
Sister Embers: Now then, we appear to be near the edge of the forest.
Sister Embers: Let us head back to the village.
Gil: Yeah, yeah, just let me wait for my bones to knit themselves back together.
Acolyte: Uh, Sister Embers? What are you-
Gil: What?! When the hell did this happen?!
Acolyte: I don't know!
Acolyte: I guess maybe when the golem hit that thing it messed something up?
Acolyte: We just took off flying a while ago.
Gil: Okay, okay, don't panic.
Gil: Gotta think of something.
Gil: Ground's too far to jump...
Gil: Alright, priority one is to stop this thing.
Gil: Maybe I can use my grappling hook and somehow tie it around a tree to-
Acolyte: Doesn't look like we'll be bailing on anything any time soon.
Acolyte: I don't really know about that.
Acolyte: When was the last time you guys looked outside?
Sister Embers: I hope you realize that this is not a very sustainable plan.
Sister Embers: While the punches are slow enough to be harmless, they are still quite powerful.
Sister Embers: In simple terms: eventually it will run out of things to hit that are not us.
Gil: Yeah, I'm not really getting anything here.
Gil: In terms of plans, I mean.
Gil: We should probably bail and think of something later.
Numeralian: Huh. I suppose that means they died.
Numeralian: Oh well.
"Try the portal trick again."
Sister Embers: Ah, it is merely the golem again.
Sister Embers: How bothersome.
Sister Embers: One moment. I will remove it in the same fashion as before.
Gil: What, so it can come back next week?
Gil: I don't think so.
Gil: I am NOT making "crazy golem tries to murder Gil" into a running gag.
Gil: We're taking this thing down right now.
Gil: With an amazing perfectly executed plan that I...have yet to think of.
Acolyte: Okay, yeah, that's great and all.
Acolyte: But what do we do right now?
Acolyte: I really don't like how this thing is staring at us.
Gil: Oh, right now?
Gil: Uh, nevermind.
Gil: I'll just tell you after we die.
Acolyte: Aw, it's all busted up now.
Gil: Oh hey!
Gil: I know where that is!
Acolyte: Wait, really?
Acolyte: Are you sure?
Gil: Pretty sure, yeah.
Gil: Unless there are two lakes in the world shaped like that specific kind of spiral.
Gil: Is that where we need to go?
Gil: That's not even that far from here.
Gil: I mean, we'll need to get a coach, but-
Numeralian: Now then...location...to go.
Numeralian: ...believe there is a...these coordinates...is staying.
Numeralian: ...connection...seems bad. I will...in a second.
Acolyte: Gil? What happened? You look terrible.
Sister Embers: Yes.
Sister Embers: You are even filthier than normal.
Sister Embers: Have you fully let yourself go?
Gil: Yeah, okay, yeah, thanks for that, guys.
Gil: I'ma...I'ma have a witty response to that in a sec.
Gil: Just...let me stop the room from spinning first.
Gil: So, party time in here or what?
Gil: Sorry about smashing your thing up.
Acolyte: I am so confused right now.
Sister Embers: I do not see the confusion here.
Sister Embers: Clearly, you were mistaken about lying not having a benefit to us in this particular situation.
Acolyte: No, come on, this is different!
Acolyte: I don't know what happened, she misunderstood me or something.
Acolyte: Besides, it's not like the lie HELPED, so really we're just getting a neutral result out of-
Numeralian: Well, this is excellent news!
Acolyte: ...wait, what?
Numeralian: It's quite fortunate that his interface is fully intact.
Numeralian: It means we don't need to retrieve the house anymore.
Numeralian: I was only really interested in the crash information from its' black box anyway.
Numeralian: But all that is duplicated in the owner's interface, so that makes things much easier.
Acolyte: But- but we lied to you!
Acolyte: We said we didn't see anyone!
Numeralian: Hmm? Oh, yes.
Numeralian: Well, don't be so hard on yourself.
Numeralian: I can be quite forgetful too.
Numeralian: I swear, I've charted it out and I leave the home without my glasses more than half the time on average.
Numeralian: I'd probably forget my own interface if it wasn't physically attached to my brain.
Numeralian: Now then, please wait here.
Numeralian: I will call you back with the coordinates for the nearest Numeralian ground operative in a second.
Numeralian: You can meet up with them and give them the interface, much easier than having to fly this wreck all the way here.
Acolyte: I- um- okay?
Numeralian: So, the person I asked you about was, in fact, laying dead in the room the whole time.
Acolyte: Er, yeah...
Numeralian: And further than that, you did not merely encounter him...
Numeralian: ...you also appear to have removed his connecting interface.
Acolyte: We're really sorry.
Sister Embers: Hmph. Perhaps you are.
Numeralian: I believe I have located the gentleman in question.
Numeralian: Alpha series, judging by the outfit I would say geology department.
Numeralian: And quite difficult to miss, too.
Numeralian: Hmm. How very curious.
Acolyte: Okay, I know I was touching the thing, but I swear that last push wasn't me.
Acolyte: Sister Embers, are you alright?
Sister Embers: Actually, I believe I will stay on the floor for now, acolyte.
Sister Embers: It seems somehow safer down here.
Sister Embers: Fewer sharp angular objects to collide with.
Gil: THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, ISN'T IT?!
Gil: YOU SHOULD FEEL BAD!
Gil: NOW STAND STILL!
Gil: Come on, come on, come on...
Gil: Oh goddammit, now the back is all dirty too!
Gil: THE BACK WAS ALL I HAD, JACKASS!
Okay, everybody shut up. I've heard what you have to say, and I think I know what we're gonna do here.
But if I can't concentrate, I'll die, alright? Alright.
So THAT'S where that thing ended up.
In fact, it's quite the opposite. The...last...thing I want...is...
Great, now I've got this on top of everything else.
Why am I always the one stuck with the most disgusting things happening to me?
Just because I pay loads of money to waterproof my suit doesn't mean I WANT it to get dirty.
Numeralian: Hmm. Someone from the surface flying a Numeralian home?
Numeralian: Quite unorthodox.
Numeralian: Perhaps even impossible, with the complexity of the controls.
Acolyte: I used to go fishing with my dad and he'd let me sail the boat for a while.
Acolyte: Could any of that help here?
Numeralian: Hmm. Yes.
Numeralian: In any case, you would have to learn quite quickly.
Numeralian: In calling in an emergency, you have also activated the home protection system.
Acolyte: Uh, sorry?
Numeralian: Oh, you do not know about it? It's quite ingenious.
Numeralian: In the case of an emergency, Numeralian homes release a pulse that affects any nearby golems and calls them to protect it from intruders.
Numeralian: Very useful if you are left stranded on the surface.
Acolyte: Well, we're in a forest hours away from any civilization.
Acolyte: I think there aren't going to be any golems around.
Numeralian: I suppose. Still, we must work quickly. Such is the order of the Founders.
Numeralian: Let us get to learning.
Just...just kill me now. It's obviously what the universe wants, why torture me when we can get it done quickly?
Numeralian: Hmm. It appears the remote control system is not working quite so well.
Numeralian: Perhaps the distance is an issue.
Numeralian: I just gave it a small push. Any response on your end?
Acolyte: Uh, yeah. Maybe...maybe we should try controlling from here?
Acolyte: Just a thought.
Sister Embers: Perhaps- perhaps the better idea would be to warn us next time.
Sister Embers: Really now.
Sister Embers: Somebody could have gotten hurt.
Who the hell cares?! I'm not just upset because some arbitrary time period hasn't passed! Dude could be dead for a day or a year, you still treat him with respect.
And before any of you in the back pipe up calling me a hypocrite, what I do is NOTHING like that.
I mean, yeah, I steal stuff off dead bodies, but I still let them keep their digni-
Stupid cultist weirdos. Jerks. Ugh.
Seriously, how can they just stand there like that?! That sucked! You can't just do that kind of stuff to people, dead or not.
Acolyte: Sister Embers, what are you doing?
Sister Embers: I believe the proper question is: what are YOU doing, acolyte.
Sister Embers: You cannot call team meetings.
Sister Embers: I am the superior present, so I call the team meetings.
Acolyte: What? No.
Acolyte: Why are we lying to this lady?
Acolyte: There's no reason to lie to her!
Sister Embers: Acolyte, there is every reason to lie to this woman.
Sister Embers: Just imagine what she would think if we were to demonstrate a dead body to her.
Sister Embers: Our conversation would not be going at such a pleasant pace, I will tell you now.
Sister Embers: Meanwhile, if we do not tell her anything, we may be able to learn useful information.
Acolyte: Well, I still think we shouldn't have to lie to people.
Acolyte: It's just gonna make people want to join us less!
Acolyte: I can expect that kind of thing from Gil, but you, Sister Embers?
Sister Embers: Yes, it disgusts me morally also.
Sister Embers: However, I do think that the thief is correct in thinking that this is quite an effective social tactic.
Sister Embers: I will begrudgingly admit that he sometimes has good ideas.
Sister Embers: Though you must never tell him that.
Sister Embers: It would only deepen our mutual hatred.
Acolyte: Aw, come on, I'm sure it's not mutual.
Acolyte: Gil likes us.
Acolyte: Uh, Sister Embers, I'm not too sure what you're talking about?
Acolyte: We clearly-
Sister Embers: -did not see a single thing.
Sister Embers: That is correct, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Please do not make me jog your memory.
Acolyte: ...Right. How silly of me. Heh.
Numeralian: Ah, yes, of course.
Numeralian: I understand.
Numeralian: I have heard of this "swamp" from our geologists.
Numeralian: Fixing this issue will surely only take a moment.
Acolyte: Hey, yeah, that's great.
Acolyte: Could...could we get back to you on that in a second?
Acolyte: Team meeting, you know.
Numeralian: Yes, yes.
Numeralian: I shall work on establishing a remote link with the home in the meantime.
Sister Embers: What is there to say? We have not seen whomever it is you are looking for.
Sister Embers: We came across this home in a state of disrepair, sunk into a swamp.
Sister Embers: Perhaps you could help us free it and send it back to you.
Acolyte: Uh, well, I don't think that's what Sister Embers meant, exactly.
Sister Embers: It was not.
Acolyte: But, as for the Numeralian, well...
Acolyte: Jeez, I don't really know how to say this.
Numeralian: Ah, yes, of course!
Numeralian: In retrospect, it makes perfect sense.
Numeralian: Numeralian technology has trickled down even to the surface.
Numeralian: Sometimes I do not think about these things, I apologize.
Numeralian: Now then. Have you seen a Numeralian, as I have asked before?
Sister Embers: I will thank you not to refer to us in such a tone of voice.
Sister Embers: We are quite capable of understanding such basic concepts.
Sister Embers: In fact, we are well-versed in this technology.
Sister Embers: From what I have seen, people are using these so-called "scryers" everywhere.
Acolyte: That, and, uh, just phones.
Acolyte: If you don't like magic, I guess.
Acolyte: Oh, and hello.
Numeralian: Ah, you are not Numeralians.
Numeralian: I see.
Numeralian: Please, do not be concerned.
Numeralian: I am not an apparition of any kind, nor did I suddenly appear in front of you.
Numeralian: This is merely a form of long-distance communication.
Numeralian: Now then.
Numeralian: An emergency call has been placed from your location.
Numeralian: Please find the Numeralian who has placed that call. They may be in danger.
Numeralian: Good afternoon.
Numeralian: Technical support.
Numeralian: What is the nature of your emergency?
Acolyte: ...Sister Embers?
Sister Embers: Yes, acolyte?
Sister Embers: What have you found?
Acolyte: ...what are you doing?
Sister Embers: No, please, do go on.
Sister Embers: It would be rude of me to interrupt.
Acolyte: I thought you said we shouldn't touch anything.
Sister Embers: Ah, yes. That.
Sister Embers: I believe that I have made an...error in judgement.
Sister Embers: It may be in our best interests to pray that this does not lead to our swift demise.
Acolyte: That can't be good.
Acolyte: Should we run?
Sister Embers: No, no. Best to let whatever happens happen.
Acolyte: Uh, Sister Embers? I think I found the problem.
Okay, you're not much of a mechanic, but you're pretty sure this is wrong. Machines aren't usually meant to have smoke coming out of them.
Except for steamboats, you guess. You saw a few of them at the dock back home. But those probably don't have the smoke on the inside of the cabin.
Then again, perhaps the true fool is someone who does not seize the opportunity to explore new prospects.
Not touching things could cause you to squander the true power of this mysterious technology.
Curious. You may have to ponder this for some time.
Even if the object is so obviously alluring.
Blinking. Glowing. Begging to be touched.
Ridiculous. You do not know why you would even think of doing something like that.
The most important rule of exploration is to not touch anything. Only a fool would risk their life by doing the opposite.
Gil: I'm not just gonna stand here and leisurely discuss how I just gave this guy a post-mortem lobotomy!
Gil: The hell is wrong with you people?!
Acolyte: Well, I mean, like- like I said, he's already dead, right?
Acolyte: Not like it hurt him.
Acolyte: Don't worry about it.
Sister Embers: No, no, acolyte.
Sister Embers: It appears that our colleague is sensitive about the subject of death.
Sister Embers: Very well.
Sister Embers: If you are losing your nerve, you may wait outside while we finish the search.
Gil: Screw you guys!
Gil: It's one thing to see a dead guy, it's another to pull his freakin' brains out!
Gil: I'm gonna go for a smoke.
Gil: And not because I'm squeamish.
Gil: And I'll be back in like 5 minutes!
Sister Embers: Yes, yes, very well.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, search the perimeter.
Sister Embers: Do not touch a single thing, however. It could be dangerous.
Sister Embers: I shall attempt to decipher those blueprints.
Acolyte: Huh. Well isn't that the strangest thing.
Acolyte: Looks like wires or something.
Acolyte: Why would that be in there?
Sister Embers: Yet more mysteries.
Sister Embers: Well, if we cannot speak to the proprietor, perhaps a search is in order.
Sister Embers: Thief, what are your thoughts on the matter?
Sister Embers: You are being awfully quiet.
Gil: Crap, hold on, it's stuck or something.
Gil: I don't-
Gil: Alright, well, this looks a little valuable, with the gem and all.
Gil: Or at least fashionable.
"Gil: Loot the body."
Yeah, no, I already did that. You really think I'd call attention to a body before taking any valuables for myself? That's a rookie mistake.
Not that this guy had anything on him. That, and I doubt the kid and Embers would care too much if he did. Still, old habits die hard.
Gil: Jeez, you two are kinda blasé about seeing a dead body like that.
Gil: Kinda weirdly so.
Sister Embers: I have seen many dead before.
Sister Embers: This is simply another.
Acolyte: Well...he IS dead, I mean.
Acolyte: It sucks and all, but it's not like he can do anything bad to us now.
Acolyte: And there's not really anything too scary about just, like, a pile of bones and meat.
Gil: Okay, somehow that's even creepier than hers.
Gil: Didn't know I was working with a bunch of sociopaths.
Gil: Though I guess it wouldn't be the first time.
Acolyte: So what do we do with this guy?
Acolyte: Do we bury him?
Sister Embers: He may already be at peace.
Sister Embers: One should be buried closest to their home.
Sister Embers: I cannot imagine a place closer to him anywhere in the general area than here.
Sister Embers: Though perhaps we could ferry him to his birthplace.
Gil: Whoa, whoa.
Gil: Before we decide to start stuffing every dead person we find into our bags of holding, how about we see if he has anything good on him?
Acolyte: Aw, man.
Acolyte: That sucks.
Gil: At least it probably wasn't too painful.
Gil: Getting brained like that usually doesn't leave too much time for it to hurt.
Sister Embers: Indeed.
Sister Embers: Quite odd.
Sister Embers: Once again, this glow does not seem to be magical.
Sister Embers: Perhaps if we locate the owner of the home, they could explain this to us better.
Gil: Yeah, uh, don't get your hopes up.
Gil: Pretty sure I just found him.
Acolyte: It's like some kind of blueprints or something.
Acolyte: Except they're drawn onto this table.
Acolyte: Doesn't look like anyone got around to finishing them.
Acolyte: Why would someone put this here?
Acolyte: It's glowing, too.
Acolyte: Sister Embers, come look at this.
Sister Embers: You have found something, acolyte?
Acolyte: I think so. It's a little weird, though.
Gil: So, any magic nonsense going on around here?
Gil: I know you guys can feel that stuff.
Sister Embers: I feel no magic here.
Sister Embers: How odd.
Sister Embers: I would imagine the reason for it being in this swamp would be at least somewhat magical.
Gil: Well, you magic guys go ahead and think about that.
Gil: I'ma go scavenge.
Acolyte: ...Or we could do that. Right.
Gil: Oh boo, you just HAD to ruin the magic.
Gil: All your portals.
Sister Embers: ...What?
Sister Embers: I hate to interrupt, but your conversation is a waste of time.
Sister Embers: It would be best if you were to get up here and continue it while working.
Acolyte: Okay, um.
Acolyte: Maybe we could get some of these trees together and make a raft?
Acolyte: Or a bridge?
Gil: Bridge sounds good.
Gil: There's nothing but birches around here.
Gil: Those don't float well.
Acolyte: I didn't know you knew boat stuff.
Gil: Kid, you've only known me for, like, a day.
Gil: Anyway, let's go pick a good one and-
Gil: Alright, so what's the plan here?
Acolyte: I feel like we've been saying that a lot today.
Gil: I know, right? Like half the shit we do is just standing around coming up with plans.
Gil: We gotta learn to improvise more.
Gil: Anyway, seriously though, what are we doing?
Acolyte: Well, I have that ring I got.
Acolyte: I think I could breathe in water and, like, walk over there?
Gil: I don't really think this is water.
Gil: It's more like swamp sludge.
Gil: Let's just focus on staying on the surface for now.
Errol: Sure is.
Gil: Huh. Someone has a pretty strange idea of what constitutes a "house".
Acolyte: It looks like a huge one of those scriers.
Gil: Yeah, them Numeralians love their gems, I guess.
Errol: Well, I gotta run, but y'all best not try and get in there.
Errol: Like I said, 's probably cursed.
Errol: And 'sides that, it fell right into that swamp there.
Errol: One foot in that and you'll sink straight to the bottom.
"After some walking."
Acolyte: ...a monster?
Errol: Saw it while I was out huntin' the other night.
Errol: Walked right by me.
Errol: It was huge!
Errol: All covered in moss and stuff growin' on it.
Errol: And with these huge glowin' eyes.
Errol: Real scary.
Errol: Er, no offense, ma'am.
Sister Embers: Yes, yes.
Sister Embers: This is the place?
Gil: You know where it is? That's great!
Gil: Mind showing us the way?
Errol: Nuh-uh, heck no.
Errol: That there thing is cursed, my dad told me.
Errol: We're all supposed t' stay away from it.
Gil: Okay, let me rephrase that.
Gil: Show us the way or else I'll tell your dad what you were doing out here.
Errol: Wh- I- I- I was huntin' out here!
Gil: Suuure you were, buddy.
Gil: And I'm guessing the basket of fruit and flowers is for attracting wildlife, hmm?
Errol: Well- I mean-
Gil: You're a bad liar, Errol, but I forgive you.
Gil: You know why?
Gil: 'Cause I trust you'll show us the way to where we need to be.
Errol: ...Dangit, fine. Come on.
Gil: Atta boy.
Gil: Woah, woah, buddy.
Gil: Why don't you go ahead and put that gun down?
Gil: With the way you're shaking it, it'll probably fall apart at any moment.
Gil: And anyway, it's all good.
Gil: Despite our looks, we're on the up and up.
Gil: Just go ask your village elder or whatever, he both essentially and literally invited us into his home.
Hunter: W-wait, y'all talked to my dad?
Gil: Oh, you must be Errol then.
Gil: Yeah, we talked to him.
Gil: Cane, milky eye, wears a thickass coat in the middle of the summer?
Errol: Yeah, that's him alright.
Errol: Uh, sorry for nearly shootin' y'all.
Errol: I was a lil' on edge, and then you fellas are all dressed up like that...
Gil: Hey, water under the bridge.
Gil: Who HASN'T shot someone once or twice in their lives?
Gil: Uh, by accident, I mean.
Gil: ...Kid, you can put your hands down now.
Acolyte: No, I'm good.
Errol: What are y'all doing way out here, anyway?
Sister Embers: We are searching for an object that crashed in this vicinity several days ago.
Errol: Oh, THAT thing?
Errol: In that case y'all are way off.
Hunter: T-that there was just a warnin' shot.
Hunter: But y'all b-better not try anythin' f-funny!
Acolyte: Uh, Gil?
Acolyte: Man with gun.
Acolyte: Man with a very large gun, Gil.
Gil: And more going deaf, apparently!
Gil: What the hell kind of animal was that?!
"One Gilligan cut later."
Gil: Oh my god I hate nature so much.
Gil: Seriously, how do people live like this?!
Gil: No wonder civilization was created.
Gil: Everyone wanted to get away from THIS.
Gil: I don't even know how to walk around here without stepping in anything wet or awful.
Acolyte: I- you just walk, man.
Acolyte: Have...have you never been in a forest before?
Gil: I have been in gardens.
Gil: Which have intuitive layouts and well-trimmed, reasonably-sized trees.
Gil: How close are we to the thing?
Gil: I'm pretty much fully done with the virgin woods at this point.
Sister Embers: I do not know.
Sister Embers: I am attempting to locate the house, but the canopy is so thick the eye cannot find anything.
Gil: Great, so now we have to deal with more getting whipped in the face by branches.
Gil: And more stepping in puddles.
Gil: And more-
Gil: Really, I don't even know why we're discussing our plan.
Gil: It's still the same.
Gil: Find this house thing, get whatever we can out of it, get as far away from the countryside as possible.
Sister Embers: Indeed. Let us go.
Acolyte: Oh, alright.
Acolyte: I just kinda thought we could maybe help these guys out with their problems.
Acolyte: Since we said we would, y'know.
Gil: Well, you know a funny thing about their problems?
Gil: They're not OUR problems.
Gil: And I believe in letting people deal with their own problems.
Sister Embers: Well put. We have only one goal here.
Sister Embers: Let us head to the forest.
Gil: Come on, kid, it'll be fun.
Gil: A nice walk in the virgin woods.
Gil: Gonna be great.
Sister Embers: We have acquired shelter for the night.
Sister Embers: I am not certain whether it is a good idea for us to be near that man for too long, but it will suffice for now.
Acolyte: It sure is nice of him to just let us stay with him like that.
Gil: Yeah, that's because we lied to him, see?
Gil: If we told the truth, he would've been first in line to kick us out of town.
Gil: Lies - 1, truth - 0.
Gil: Well, okay, lies- a shitload, truth - also a lot but significantly less, but you get what I mean.
Sister Embers: Enough.
Sister Embers: We have been begrudgingly accepted into the community and have learned their secrets.
Sister Embers: It is time to get to work.
Sister Embers: Suggestions.
Harrison: ...and if ya go down this way 'round 10 minutes, you'll see it there.
Harrison: It'll be the white house.
Harrison: 'S a nice property.
Harrison: Got plenty of farmland, barn, stables.
Harrison: Even got some trainin' dummies and such the Army of Truth left 'round here way back in the day when they were passin' through.
Sister Embers: I see.
Sister Embers: So, are you close to the captain?
Sister Embers: You changed your tone quite quickly when you learned of our relation to him.
Harrison: Oh, nah.
Harrison: I just trust the cap'ns pick.
Harrison: Dang near everyone knows 'im in the military.
Harrison: Heck, he's a livin' legend.
Harrison: No, I was in the reserve back in the day.
Harrison: Never saw no action.
Harrison: Truth be told, ain't even sure who we were fightin', heh.
Sister Embers: Well, I suppose that explains some things.
Harrison: Anyway, I gotta get on home.
Harrison: Still gotta make breakfast for me and my boy Errol.
Harrison: Y'all are welcome any time, 'course.
Sister Embers: Yes, very good.
Acolyte: I really don't know how you can just lie to people like that.
Gil: See, the trick is to tell them things that aren't true.
Acolyte: No, I mean morally.
Acolyte: I feel awful whenever I lie to people.
Gil: Don't, man.
Gil: Lies are great.
Gil: See, nobody ACTUALLY wants to hear the truth.
Gil: They say they do, but at the end of the day the truth kinda sucks.
Gil: Because you can't control it.
Gil: If you're telling people the truth, they may not be ready to hear it, it may piss them off, you may get the wrong reaction...
Gil: Lies, on the other hand, are perfect.
Gil: You can take a lie and form it until it becomes whatever you need it to be.
Gil: If you're good enough at lying, you can keep as many people happy as you want, it's awesome.
Acolyte: Well, I don't know about that.
Acolyte: I think I'll stick to telling the truth.
Gil: Your loss, dude.
Gil: Witches? Us?
Gil: Perish the thought, sir.
Harrison: Hell, you know the cap'n?
Harrison: Why didn't ya say so in the first place?
Sister Embers: As I have mentioned before, that was due to my companion's very large ego and staggering incompetence.
Gil: Uh, yeah. Thanks for phrasing it like that.
Harrison: Well, heck, that's great!
Harrison: Any friend a' the captain's a friend a' mine.
Harrison: You're welcome to stay with me as long as you're dealin' with this whole situation.
Harrison: Though maybe ya shouldn't dawdle 'round here too long.
Harrison: We're nice folks, but you fellas do look a little suspicious.
Harrison: If you ain't told me different, I'da thought you were witches yourself, heh heh.
Sister Embers: Silence.
Sister Embers: I will explain this.
Gil: Really? Get outta here.
Gil: Seriously, get out of here.
Gil: Stop talking.
Sister Embers: No.
Sister Embers: You see, my...associate...is lying to make himself feel more important than he is.
Sister Embers: Quite obviously, the Truthbearer did not send us. That would be ridiculous.
Sister Embers: We were sent by the...honorable...captain MacLarren.
Sister Embers: Considering your military coat, I hope this means something to you.
Gil: That's...actually better than mine.
Gil: By which I mean true.
Gil: That's the truth, yeah.
Reverend: Oh, Mr. Harrison, good morning!
Reverend: You're out early today.
Harrison: Saw this here commotion. Wanted to see what it's about.
Reverend: Well, these gentlemen are here from the Church to help us.
Reverend: They say they've gotten orders from the Truthbearer herself!
Harrison: Like hell they did.
Harrison: Truthbearer don't care for nothin' outside'a her ivory tower.
Harrison: She ain't ever sent no one here and she ain't gonna start now.
Gil: Well, yeah, this is a special case obviously.
Gil: Because, y'know, she thought...
Gil: I mean, she said...
Gil: What did she say again? Uh...
???: Yup. Moved into these here parts couple'a years ago.
???: Never hung 'round much. Lives in the forest.
???: But hey, she came into town sometimes, bought things.
???: Talked shop with the reverend.
???: We figured we could be good neighbors.
???: 'Course, seems like that ain't the case no more.
???: Somethin' must'a got her mighty upset.
???: Ain't no one's seen 'er around, mess a' strange things been happenin' lately...
???: Not hard to put two and two together.
???: The witch.
Acolyte: Hello there.
Acolyte: Edward, right?
Ed: Just Ed's fine.
Acolyte: Right, right, sorry.
Acolyte: Uh, I don't wanna bother you, but you said before that everyone knows who's causing all the problems?
Acolyte: Could you tell us? Because we don't really know.
Ed: Oh, er.
Ed: Ain't sure if it's the right thing to do.
Ed: Don't wanna have folks thinkin' bad of Fairbrook n' all.
Acolyte: Oh, no, if you can't, that's fine!
Acolyte: I was just wondering.
Ed: Well, no, I s'pose it'd be alright.
Ed: Just, y'know, keep it to yourself, okay?
Acolyte: I mean, again, you don't have to or anything.
Acolyte: Sorry if you feel obligated now just because-
Sister Embers: Stop talking.
Sister Embers: This will go on forever if you let it.
Sister Embers: Inform us of the perpetrator causing such grief to your village!
Gil: So, Reverend...?
Gil: ...Okay, no name, that's cool.
Gil: Look, we're really sorry we're bothering you, but don't worry.
Gil: We're actually with the Church!
Gil: We're investigators.
Gil: They sent us here to deal with your little problem.
Reverend: Um...Jane did not mention that she would be sending anyone over besides the two gentlemen who came on their own.
Gil: Well, our orders come from a little higher up, y'see.
Reverend: Wait, you don't mean...
Gil: Exactly, Big Lady T herself.
Reverend: Oh my.
Reverend: Well, it's an honor, but I am concerned by how you do not seem much like members.
Reverend: I don't mean that in a bad way, but you're not even wearing amulets.
Gil: Right, because we're undercover, you see.
Gil: So as to not cause situations like these.
Gil: Guess it didn't work this time, eh?
Reverend: But...one of your friends there...
Reverend: Seems a little...strange? With the eyes and such.
Gil: Yeah, magic incident.
Gil: Tried to change her eye color when she was a teenager.
Gil: You know how fickle magic is.
Gil: She's a little sensitive about it, best not to mention it.
Reverend: Ah, I understand, I suppose...
Gil: Thank you for playing with us, but your time is up!
Gil: Kindly shut your mouth hole.
Acolyte: You know, you didn't have to say it like a jerk like that.
Gil: No, I didn't.
Gil: Stand here and silently ponder why I said it like that nonetheless.
Gil: I'm going to go talk to Mr.Reverend.
Acolyte: Well, uh-
Acolyte: We're here representing-
Acolyte: Or rather, we're with the cult of...
Acolyte: Well, to tell you the truth-
Acolyte: Heh, caught me a little off guard here, um...
Acolyte: Wait a second, I have some pamphlets that can explain this a little better...
Gil: No, don't show them the stupid-
Reverend: Uh, greetings, travelers.
Reverend: Welcome to Fairbrook!
Reverend: We haven't really seen you around here before.
Reverend: So...are you just passing by?
Reverend: Here for work of some kind or...?
Alexander: I think what the good reverend is tryin' to say is: what are all y'all shifty-lookin' weirdos sniffin' round here for?
Gil: So, how did it go?
Gil: I think I can answer for everyone by saying "awful".
Gil: These people are total dicks.
Sister Embers: They are not willing to talk, yes.
Sister Embers: This was a waste of time.
Acolyte: I thought they were really nice.
Acolyte: Are you guys sure you're asking correctly?
Sister Embers: Acolyte, there is only one way to ask someone something.
Sister Embers: With your mouth, or possibly through written word.
Gil: Yeah, I think I'm just too smart for these guys with my urban ways.
Gil: I start using big words and they just clam up.
Gil: Oh well, back to the drawing board.
Reverend: Nice young man.
Ed: Is he stayin' with you as well?
Reverend: Oh, no.
Reverend: I had assumed he was one of your friends.
Acolyte: Alright, well, it's been nice talking to you guys, but I think I should go.
Acolyte: I have some things I need to do.
Acolyte: Hope you can get your clock fixed, though.
Reverend: Oh, uh, yes.
Reverend: Truth be with you.
Sister Embers: Stop this!
Sister Embers: This is ridiculous!
Sophie: Look, just come along with me to the reverend!
Sophie: He's got all sorts 'a medical stuff, he ought to be able to help you out!
Sister Embers: Let go of me!
Sophie: I am TRYING to help ya!
Sophie: You ain't gotta be ashamed!
Sister Embers: This conversation is stupid!
Sister Embers: I am leaving!
Alexander: Look, you ain't gonna find nothin'.
Alexander: You can just go ahead and get outta here.
Alexander: We ain't too fond of folks like you in Fairbrook.
Alexander: All dressed up and wearin' red like.
Gil: But you're wearing-
Gil: You know what, nevermind.
Gil: I just remembered that I have something to do over here.
Gil: Far away from you.
Acolyte: Yeah, tricky business, fixing clocks.
Acolyte: My dad tried to fix a grandfather clock up once, to sell?
Acolyte: Couldn't do it.
Acolyte: It's still standing in our living room broken.
Reverend: Dear oh dear.
Reverend: Monsters, people going missing, things falling out of the sky, now this...
Reverend: I fear something awful is happening to our village.
Acolyte: I just wonder what's causing it.
Ed: Heck, ain't like it's a secret.
Ed: Everyone knows what the reason is.
Ed: Or who.
Reverend: Now, now, Edward.
Reverend: You know how I feel about baseless conjecture.
Reverend: That's just a rumor.
Sophie: Learn to make some noise while walkin', will ya?!
Sophie: Almost gave me a dang heart attack.
Sister Embers: Hmm. No.
Sister Embers: I am here to ask you about-
Sophie: Good lord, what is wrong with your eyes?
Sister Embers: Nothing.
Sister Embers: My vision is excellent.
Sophie: No, I mean what is WRONG with 'em?
Sophie: Why are they all red like that?
Sister Embers: This is irrelevant.
Sister Embers: Now then, in the past week, have you seen any-
Sophie: Look, if it's an illness or somethin', you can tell me.
Sophie: Just hope it ain't contagious.
Gil: So, is this all there is to do around here, old-timer?
Gil: Just sit around and watch the mail cart come and go?
Alexander: Ain't nothin' wrong with it.
Gil: Yeah, no, of course.
Gil: Just seems like you're wasting your life a little.
Gil: Doesn't anything interesting ever happen in these parts?
Gil: Like, say, in the past week or so?
Alexander: ...Well, I s'pose there was somethin'.
Alexander: Fella came 'round.
Alexander: Started askin' strange questions 'bout this 'n that.
Gil: Did he now.
Gil: What did he look like?
Alexander: Red hair.
Alexander: Red hat.
Alexander: Ugly red suit.
Gil: Oh, really funny, I see.
Gil: I assume you're the village comedian/idiot.
Alexander: Position's open.
Alexander: Reckon you've got what it takes, though.
Acolyte: Good morning.
Reverend: Oh, yes, hello.
Acolyte: What's going on?
Ed: Rev'rend's clock's broke.
Acolyte: Looks pretty high up.
Acolyte: Probably going to need a ladder to fix it.
Ed: Same thing I said exactly.
Reverend: The clock is broken, too.
Reverend: I wonder what could have caused it.
Ed: Prob'ly kids.
Ed: Though it's pretty high up, they'd need a ladder or somethin'.
Reverend: However, I stayed up working until quite late yesterday and I do not recall hearing anyone.
Reverend: It's the darndest thing.
Ed: Well ain't that somethin'.
Sister Embers: Hello.
Gil: Got a light?
Alexander: Lil' early for a smoke, ain't it?
Gil: Wait, but you're-
Gil: Uh, nevermind.
"Split up and gather information."
Gil: Why did it have to be here of all places?
Sister Embers: Excellent question.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, recap our mission.
Acolyte: A Numeralian home apparently crashed near here.
Acolyte: We find it, we find some way to get to Numeralia.
Acolyte: There we ask the god of Logic about Lord Argaleth and find a way to summon him properly.
Acolyte: We summon him, he cleanses the planet of sinners, the world enters a new era of peace.
Sister Embers: Good. You have been paying attention.
Gil: Okay, that's EXTREMELY optimistic, but yeah, that's the plan I guess.
Gil: Anyway, time to go make a first impression.
Gil: What are we doing here?
Gil: Most of these guys have probably never seen a color that isn't a shade of dirt or tree, so us strolling into town will probably be quite something.
"Some walking later."
Acolyte: Okay, here we are, Fairbrooke.
Gil: You're saying it wrong, it's Fairbrook.
Gil: The "e" on the end would just give it fanciness.
Gil: Something this dirt town doesn't have a whiff of.
Acolyte: You don't like small towns?
Gil: No, I'm fine with them.
Gil: I like small town people, actually.
Gil: In fact, I admire their pluckiness and will to go on in these conditions.
Gil: I just don't want them anywhere near me.
Gil: Hey wait, this isn't my office.
Gil: Did I get kidnapped again?
Well, looks like your promotion didn't affect how Sister Embers treats you at all. Great.
Acolyte: Oh, good morning, Sister Embers.
Acolyte: Well, I saw all these letters and realized that it's been a while since I've written a letter to-
Sister Embers: No, no, I apologize.
Sister Embers: That was what is called a "rhetorical question".
Sister Embers: I do not actually care what you were doing.
Sister Embers: Wake the thief and get out of the cart.
Sister Embers: We must go.
Acolyte: Doesn't look like we're there yet.
Sister Embers: I have told the driver to let us off before getting to our destination.
Sister Embers: We will approach on foot, to give us a better position in terms of scoping out the village.
Acolyte: Well, okay, but could I maybe finish this?
Acolyte: It'll only take a second.
Sister Embers: We do not have a second, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Time is of the essence in our mission.
Sister Embers: Now come along.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, what are you doing?
Sister Embers: This is no time for idle relaxation.
Travelling around the world's been fun. I've really been meeting lots of great new people lately! Though I do miss Cape Radiant. How is everyone? Did Sally ever find a boyfriend? Are Pete's teeth finally coming in? How's the store?
Maybe I could get some time off and come visit you guys back home.
I've been doing pretty well myself, though. We've had some people leave so now I'm the second highest ranking person at work.
My supervisor's a little strict, but I know she's just trying to get me to do things properly.
Dear Mom and Dad,
Hello! I'm sorry about not writing for such a long time. Things have been really busy lately. We've been moving around so much I couldn't find the time to write.
END OF ACT I
God of Truth: Well, great.
God of Truth: You realize what this means, right?
Death: This world that we have spent so much effort on is once again in danger.
Death: Grave times indeed.
Death: We must band together if we are to survive.
Death: Am I close to what you were implying?
God of Truth: Yeah, sure.
God of Truth: I suppose that's a slightly better way of saying it than "We're screwed".
God of Truth: ...Oh crap.
God of Truth: Is that...?
Death: You are correct.
Death: If you are implying that it is the symbol of the eighth god.
Death: The deliberate placement implies that it is a message directed at you.
God of Truth: How did this happen?
God of Truth: I thought you had him under lock and key?
Death: I am still investigating the cause.
Death: However, the result is obvious and quite alarming.
Death: It appears that he has returned.
God of Truth: So, what's with the midnight visit?
God of Truth: Most days I can't even get a hold of you if I want to.
Death: This is important.
Death: I was evaluating your performance when I noticed a flow of magic energy coming from your tower.
Death: Upon examining its' source, I have located this.
God of Truth: Oh, it's just you.
God of Truth: You know folks phone ahead these days, right?
Death: We must speak.
Death: Urgent business.
God of Truth: Yeah, sure.
God of Truth: I just had my only appointment for the year anyway, so I'm not too busy.
God of Truth: Unlike some people.
God of Truth: Oh, speaking of which.
God of Truth: Truthbearer, you've met Death, right?
God of Truth: Death, the Lady Truthbearer.
Death: A pleasure to meet you once again.
Death: Just to avoid confusion, my presence here is not indicative of your death.
Death: That is happening later this year.
Truthbearer: Waste of time as always.
Truthbearer: I am going back to work.
God of Truth: Alright.
God of Truth: Jeez.
God of Truth: Are ya gonna milk that all week now?
Truthbearer: Most likely.
Truthbearer: If not more.
Truthbearer: If you are having someone over, it is common courtesy to INFORM any people living with you under the same-
God of Truth: Yeah, yeah, come on.
God of Truth: Let's check this out.
God of Truth: I'm tellin' ya, I heard someone for sure.
Truthbearer: Who could possibly be up here?
Truthbearer: This is not exactly a big tourist destination.
Truthbearer: Unless you've invited someone else without asking me again.
Are YOU excited?! You should be! Things are about to finally get fun!
I guess I should keep it a surprise for now. Then it'll be even better!
Sure is exciting! Can't wait to catch up with everyone!
Anyway, time to get to work.
Yep, the rest of 'em probably messed up everything I was working on. Silly guys.
Oh boy. It's good to be back! And with such a great first host, too!
Things couldn't be going better for lil' ol' me.
Heh. Heh heh heh. Hee hee.
What WAS that thing?! You ain't ever seen something that huge before.
You just hope it didn't notice you.
You're thinkin' you maybe...shouldn't have done that.
Well, that looked cool, but you're not sure what exactly it-
Yeah, that sounds about right to you. Gotta use the scientific method and all.
You bet it's gonna be cold but not freezin'. Like the inside of Hector's in autumn when he's too lazy to start the fireplace.
You're not sure what you expected, but it sure as heck wasn't this.
You thought maybe you'd find a dead body or somethin', but this is WAY cooler looking.
Wish you knew what it was.
"Come on, Gil, there may have been some rough patches, but you got to meet a literal god. I would say this has been quite the adventure."
Yeah, it sure was. I'd be more inclined to agree, really, except for the fact that Embers and the kid got to have pretty much the same experience as me.
Except they didn't nearly get punched in half by a golem. Or cut to ribbons by a different golem. Or banned from their favorite bar. This better not become a trend.
Anyway, at least it's almost midnight. Tomorrow may suck, but nothing else can go wrong TODAY, and that's what's important.
Gil: Oh hey, kid, you still have that bag of pamphlets?
Gil: Give it here, I'm gonna do something.
Acolyte: Did you decide that you should brush up on cult lore if you're travelling with us?
Gil: What? No.
Gil: No, no, no.
Gil: No, what I'm gonna do is stick some pamphlets inside some of the envelopes.
Gil: Start spreading the news, y'know.
Gil: It only takes one idiot to read and believe the random pamphlet they got in the mail to get the word out.
Acolyte: Uh...isn't opening other people's mail a little illegal?
Gil: I'm going to level with you: it's VERY illegal.
Gil: But if things being illegal ever stopped me, I'd still be living with my parents, right?
Gil: Don't worry about it.
Gil: Word of mouth is worth it every time.
Gil: No matter how many laws you break.
Gil: Maybe I'll be able to at least make something good out of this garbage day.
Gil: Yeah, I can sleep like this.
Gil: A bag full of mail is far from the least comfortable thing I've ever slept on.
Gil: It's like a beanbag chair, just with more papercuts.
Acolyte: I keep telling you, just sleep on the floor.
Acolyte: At least that way you're not trying to trick yourself into thinking it's comfortable.
Acolyte: Beanbag chairs are weird anyway.
Acolyte: How are you even supposed to sit in them anyway?
Acolyte: It's like a giant pillow.
Acolyte: What do you think, Sister Embers?
Sister Embers: I do not care about any of this conversation.
Gil: Yeah, figures.
Gil: Okay, I think I've figured out what I'm gonna be doing here.
Really, only thing I'm hopin' for now is a miracle.
Guess we'll see how it goes with those three.
"Truth: How does destiny work in this world? Is the Truthbearer's death really unstoppable?"
Far as I know, yeah. Trust me, I've been askin' everyone who could help since the day I found out about it.
Gods wouldn't do it anyway. They're all selfish bastards. No respect for normal folks at all.
Damn shame, too. We ain't the best of friends, but it's just sad seein' it eatin' away at her.
I swear, the hoops I gotta jump through just to get this one to do somethin' fun for once.
Hardly even has a year left and can't lighten up for a while.
I figure if you're dyin' for sure, ain't no sense mopin' around, ya gotta enjoy yourself while ya can.
Truthbearer: I am working!
Truthbearer: MY GOD!
Truthbearer: What would it take for you to leave me alone right now?!
God of Truth: Oh, I can think of a few things.
Truthbearer: Inform me.
God of Truth: ...you're bein' serious?
Truthbearer: I am always being serious.
Truthbearer: You of all people should know that.
Truthbearer: Name your price.
God of Truth: ...Alright.
God of Truth: Watch the fireworks with me.
Truthbearer: Really? Fireworks? THAT'S what you want?
God of Truth: Yeah.
God of Truth: Ya sign all the papers permittin' folks to launch fireworks on holidays, but you don't ever see 'em do it.
God of Truth: Always stuck inside.
God of Truth: Ten minutes.
God of Truth: Then I ain't botherin' you for the rest of the night.
God of Truth: Still, you've been neglectin' some pretty important things lately.
God of Truth: Food, sleep.
Truthbearer: Unnecessary. Rest and nourishment can be simulated through spells.
God of Truth: What about your daughter, then?
God of Truth: Ain't got a spell for that.
Truthbearer: ...Francine will be fine.
Truthbearer: I've seen her report cards, I've read MacLarren's assessments.
Truthbearer: She can take care of herself.
God of Truth: I'm pretty sure that ain't a good way to raise a child.
God of Truth: Hell, you know when you last talked to her in person?
God of Truth: Last year.
God of Truth: If you were wonderin'.
Truthbearer: Well, I cannot see how that could possibly be a lie.
Truthbearer: I simply did not wish to mention it.
Truthbearer: I felt that the conversation would head in an unfortunate direction if I did.
Truthbearer: I did not think he would want to know all the most minute details of my impending death.
Truthbearer: I'm not too happy to know about it myself.
God of Truth: Hey, don't go blamin' me.
God of Truth: You're the one who asked me 'bout it.
God of Truth: In any case, I keep tellin' ya, ya can't just think about it every waking moment.
God of Truth: It's makin' you crazy.
God of Truth: Workin' all the time.
Truthbearer: I have no idea what you mean.
Truthbearer: This work is imperative to the well-being of Veriton's citizens.
Truthbearer: I must leave some kind of system behind to run the city once I am gone.
Truthbearer: Otherwise it will fall apart a week after I have passed.
God of Truth: Yeah, yeah, okay.
God of Truth: Ya took a bit of a shine to the young'un, though.
Truthbearer: Yes, I suppose.
Truthbearer: He seems somewhat lost in this whole thing.
Truthbearer: The last thing I wish is to heap old grudges on someone that young.
God of Truth: Yeah, yeah.
God of Truth: Still, don't seem fair how ya lied to him back there.
Truthbearer: I'm not sure what you mean.
God of Truth: Well, I s'pose it ain't quite lying, rather omission.
God of Truth: Still a little strange comin' from lil' ol' righteous ol' you, though.
God of Truth: Ya told him about your "time limit", sure.
God of Truth: But ya kinda neglected to mention the point where I told you how it was gonna be a member of the cult who'd do ya in in the end.
God of Truth: Wonder why ya'd keep it from the fella.
God of Truth: Don't all folks deserve to know the truth, no matter how bitter?
God of Truth: Okay, they're gettin' on a coach.
God of Truth: Gonna be out of city limits in less than an hour.
Truthbearer: Maybe now we can get back to work.
Truthbearer: Not that you do any.
God of Truth: I'd say my little tea party went pretty well, eh?
Truthbearer: About as well as it could go, considering the guests.
Truthbearer: At least he wasn't here.
Truthbearer: I don't think I could hold myself accountable for my actions then.
God of Truth: Wouldn't be the first time.
Alrighty, I sent 'em off. Now it's up to you folks to keep 'em from killin' each other.
Gil: ...Let's just get to the wagon already.
Acolyte: What do you think, Gil, was today totally great or what?
Acolyte: ...hello? Gil?
Acolyte: Did you think today was any good?
Sister Embers: Naturally.
Sister Embers: This is exactly what I would expect to cap off a day like this one.
Acolyte: Oh come on, I don't think today was all that bad.
Acolyte: We got to meet a lot of cool people!
Acolyte: Gil, Frankie, Ms.Truthbearer, Jamie...
Sister Embers: I fail to see how what you are saying disproves my statement.
Acolyte: No, look, Gil will back me up here.
Acolyte: Also, a lot of them are all torn up.
Acolyte: Or smeared or burnt or I don't know what.
Acolyte: So a lot of the book is just mysteries, like this page here.
Acolyte: No idea what it's about.
Acolyte: All in all, not very helpful just yet.
Gil: One thing.
Gil: Can you do ONE THING without causing a scandal?!
Sister Embers: Yes, yes.
Sister Embers: I really do not know why they would expect you to simply tell them such personal information.
Sister Embers: Speaking of which, have you found anything interesting in that book you were given, acolyte?
Acolyte: Kind of.
Acolyte: I'm skimming it, and it all seems interesting, but about half the things are just sketches of things I don't understand.
Acolyte: That or I have no idea what he's writing about.
Sister Embers: No, as a matter of fact I will NOT inform you how many people I am travelling with!
Sister Embers: What makes you think that I would ever divulge such important tactical information to you?
Sister Embers: I do not even know you!
Sister Embers: You people have no tact whatsoever!
Gil: Alright, we got the tickets.
Gil: Mail coach class, leaves in 20 minutes.
Gil: Apparently this Fairbrook place is so small it's not worth it to send regular ones over there.
Gil: Gonna be a bumpy ride.
Gil: I also got like five wallets.
Gil: Standing in line is really boring.
Acolyte: Is that why you guys have been gone for so long?
Acolyte: I was starting to worry.
Gil: Oh, no.
Gil: The real reason is so much more stupid than that.
"You know, you've got a fire spell. If you knew a little more about magic, you could adapt it to make your own magical fireworks!"
Yeah, that would be nice. Maybe you could ask Sister Embers about it now that you've been repromoted.
...what ARE the duties and privileges of a student, though? Sister Embers has basically always treated you the same. She doesn't even call you a student. Hmm.
Man you love fireworks. You love ice cream too, though.
You wonder which one you like more. Would a comparison even be good here? They're two different categories of fun, right?
Rick: Just think of all the stuff they saw today.
Rick: The Church's most secret inner workings!
Rick: I can just imagine the kind of evil schemes they're concocting with that information right now.
Rick: The horrible thoughts snaking around inside their heads!
Rick: Wet blankets won't work when fighting our enemy!
Rick: Those evil cultist jerks!
Rick: We'll all need to be in top shape both physically and mentally!
Jones: Oh boy, here we go.
Jones: I don't think I'll stick around for the party, man.
Jones: Gonna head to bed.
Jones: Get the last full night of rest I assume we'll be having for a while.
Rick: Oh come on, Jones!
Rick: Maybe it's because I'm still kinda drunk, but I never really noticed just how often you're in a bad mood.
Rick: Cheer up a little, you know?
Rick: This whole thing won't be so bad.
Rick: Like a road trip with your best pals.
Jones: ...yeah, okay, you're right, I'm sorry.
Jones: Acting all depressed will just make things worse, if that's even possible at this point.
Jones: I'll try not to be such a wet blanket.
Rick: Oh look, the fireworks are starting!
MacLarren: Great, I'll go get us some celebratory drinks.
MacLarren: Fireworks hurt my eye anyway.
MacLarren: Already lost one of these, don't wanna end up like you, Jones.
Jones: I hate you so much.
Jones: Okay, fine, I thought it over.
Jones: Guess me and Hal are in.
MacLarren: Came around, huh.
Rick: You won't regret this, Jones.
Jones: I already do, but thanks for trying to cheer me up.
Jones: Now, I hope we're not expected to just do this for free.
MacLarren: Hey, if you're ever at my bar after this, drinks are on the house, whatever you want.
Jones: Okay, that's a start.
Jones: And I also want the right for us all to opt out any time we want.
MacLarren: Well, you'd have to talk to the team leader about that.
Jones: Oh come on, I don't even get to be the leader?!
MacLarren: He DID agree first.
Rick: Technically I already am the leader of our section of the Church.
Rick: I just don't exercise my authority too often.
Jones: Great, so it's the same old story where I get jack shit.
Jones: Just with new backdrops.
Jones: ...I mean, I guess I could go.
Jones: Just to keep an eye on him.
Jones: And, y'know, with my help we could almost have this whole thing be normal-ish.
Frankie: Or, or.
Frankie: Alternative solution: use violence.
Jones: What, kill my BEST FRIEND?
Frankie: Nah, you're not a killer.
Frankie: You don't have the right sort of stance, you'd get overpowered.
Frankie: I mean just rough him up a bit.
Frankie: Get him drunk, lead him into a quiet alley somewhere, beat the crap out of him.
Frankie: Then when he wakes up hungover, just tell him some bandits did it, he'll forget all about tonight.
Jones: I'm sure your mom is real proud of you.
Frankie: Low blow, man.
Frankie: Low blow.
Jones: No, look, it's really not that simple.
Jones: I can't let him go alone, he'd get torn apart out in the big wide world.
Jones: He's pretty prone to getting into trouble without someone reeling him in.
Jones: Besides, he IS right.
Jones: I still care about helping people and all that stuff.
Jones: I just don't think we're going to be helping anyone but that captain guy if we agree to do this.
Frankie: Why oh why can't you quit him.
Jones: Oh, it's you.
Jones: Were you just over there the whole time?
Frankie: Yep, pretty much.
Frankie: What's up, Officer Pizzaface?
Jones: What were you even doing in there?
Frankie: What? Eavesdropping? Who said anything about eavesdropping?
Frankie: I just like being in this bush.
Frankie: Lots of neat stuff in here.
Jones: Like what?
Frankie: Broken bottles mostly, some vomit.
Frankie: Anyway, enough about me.
Frankie: As far as I can tell, this should be a no-brainer, right?
Frankie: You let your buddy there go be a hero like he always wanted and you get a quiet life minus one boy toy.
Frankie: Everybody wins.
Jones: Okay, okay, okay.
Jones: Gotta find a way to get outta this.
Jones: Come on, Jonesy, think.
Jones: Goddammit, Rick.
Jones: You help a guy, you keep him company, and this is what you get.
Rick: Remember when we first joined the Church officially?
Rick: How we took that oath?
Rick: We swore to protect peace and truth and always try and help people as much as we can.
Rick: Well, now we have a chance to help a whole lot of people at once.
Jones: Well, yeah, but that oath stuff was all such a long time ago, y'know?
Jones: A full two or three months.
Jones: Things change.
Rick: You shouldn't just change your mind on promises like that.
Rick: But, okay, if you don't want to go, that's okay.
Rick: I'll just go by myself.
Jones: I, no, well-
Jones: Look, I'll think about it, okay?
Jones: Just...get out of here for a bit and let me think.
Rick: No, I'LL tell you what, Jones!
Rick: What the heck are you talking about?
Rick: We are members of the Church of Truth!
Rick: This is EXACTLY what we should be doing!
Rick: An assignment so secret we can't even tell other members of the Church about it?
Rick: We could become heroes for this!
Rick: Look, I'm not stupid, alright?
Rick: I know people at home don't take us seriously!
Rick: You know it too!
Rick: You always grumble about how we don't do anything important!
Rick: Well this is as important as it gets right here!
Jones: Rick, come on.
Jones: We're not doing this.
Rick: Why not?
Jones: Why n- I shouldn't even have to explain this!
Jones: Do you realize how dangerous this idea is?
Jones: We could get killed!
Jones: Look, dude, no.
Jones: You're obviously super drunk right now to even agree to this.
Jones: This is too much, even for you.
Jones: I tell you what-
Jones: No, nope, hold up.
Jones: Not done yet.
Jones: Rick, team meeting. Now.
Rick: But I haven't even told you about-
Jones: NOW GODDAMMIT.
MacLarren: Fine, take your time.
MacLarren: I can wait!
MacLarren: I'm retired!
MacLarren: I've got all the time in the world to wait for your ass!
Jones: Oh you bastard.
MacLarren: You said to find someone else and introduce them to you.
MacLarren: He was my number two pick.
MacLarren: Go ahead and introduce yourself.
Rick: Heyyy, there's my buddy!
Rick: I got great news, Jones!
Rick: And don't worry, I was a liiiiitle drunk, but I drank some water and made the right call for sure this time!
Rick: You will never believe what an AMAZING opportunity for us the captain just told me about!
Rick: Oh hi, Jones!
Rick: It's great to see you!
Jones: Okay, no, nevermind, forget it.
Jones: This is stupid anyway.
Jones: I shouldn't be thinking about it, it's in the past.
Jones: Always gotta look forward.
Jones: Let's just get Rick, end the day, and have a better tomorrow.
Jones: That guy's just a jackass anyway.
Jones: I mean, again, do we really look that stupid?
Jones: Only a complete idiot would fall for such an obvious suicide mission.
Jones: Oh, what is this now, the silent treatment?
Jones: Yeah, real mature.
Jones: I told you what I felt, man.
Jones: The blonde guy is just some schmuck and the thief dude's got a big mouth and nothing to back it up, but that hooded chick?
Jones: That is not someone I want to come near.
Jones: She could wipe the floor with all three of us without breaking a sweat.
Jones: What are you gonna do about that, huh, tough guy?
Jones: Oh come on.
Jones: You can't possibly AGREE with that guy, right?
Jones: He's crazy.
Jones: What possible reason would we have to agree to do this?
Jones: Especially after him trying to guilt trip us like that.
Jones: "For the sake of Truth".
Jones: How stupid does he think we are, eh, Hal?
Jones: Good stuff.
MacLarren: So am I to assume that's a no?
MacLarren: Gonna chicken out?
Jones: Oh please, how insecure do you think I am?
Jones: I'm not afraid to say I'm a huge coward.
Jones: Cowards stay alive.
MacLarren: Yeah, if you wanna call that living.
MacLarren: Seeing as you're betraying everything the Church stands for.
Jones: I'm sure there are TONS of things in Church scripture about doing incredibly stupid things if your CO asks you.
Jones: Too bad that kinda crap doesn't work on me either.
Jones: Sorry, I think I'll pass.
Jones: Go find someone else to get killed for you.
MacLarren: Maybe I will.
Jones: Introduce me to him if you get the chance.
Jones: I hear shaking a dead man's hand is good luck.
Jones: Peace out, homes.
Jones: Man, I REALLY didn't think someone could be that stupid.
Jones: Yeah, sure, I'll just go follow these dangerous strangers into god knows where with no pay!
Jones: Oh boy.
Jones: That's a good one.
Jones: Do you do standup or something?
Jones: Yeah, sure.
Jones: Would've been a lot less hell without you helping things along though.
MacLarren: Alright, cut the snark.
Jones: Then you cut out the whole "fancy meeting you here" thing.
Jones: What the hell do you want?
Jones: And if it's revenge, I suggest you do it in a less public area.
MacLarren: What? No.
MacLarren: Look, we both know what happened today was crap.
MacLarren: I don't know how they did it, but those three shouldn't have slipped away.
MacLarren: Maybe Gil talked their way out of it, maybe they used some kind of mind magic...
Jones: Yeah, or maybe the Truthbearer's daughter helped them.
Jones: Y'know, the one who's been hanging around with them all day?
Jones: Good god you city people are blind.
Jones: And this is coming from a blind guy.
MacLarren: Okay, okay, my point being, after today, I'm not too sure who I can trust around the Tower.
MacLarren: But these three still have to go down.
MacLarren: Embers still has to go down.
MacLarren: Now, you're an asshole, but you seem like a smart asshole.
MacLarren: That, and you're from out of town, so you don't have a connection to whatever has the Truthbearer acting so weird.
MacLarren: So I've got an offer for you.
Jones: I'm listening.
MacLarren: You three follow Embers wherever she's heading out of town.
MacLarren: I'm not asking you to do the dirty work, just...keep an eye on them, alright?
MacLarren: Call me if they get up to something big.
MacLarren: I can use a part of my pension to pay for your trips, and if my name still has any sway around here, I can get you some equipment, too.
MacLarren: Whaddaya say?
MacLarren: Can we put our differences aside for the sake of Truth?
MacLarren: Hey there.
MacLarren: Hell of a day, huh?
Jones: Goddammit, can't even get a drink anymore without things going to shit.
Jones: This has not been our day, huh, Hal.
Jones: Maybe we should just get Rick and go to bed.
Jones: Before anything else appears that seems to have the express purpose of pissing me off.
Gil: Heh heh.
Gil: What'd I tell ya?
Gil: Gonna be a cold day in Hell when some chump pulls one over on me.
Sister Embers: ...who are you talking to?
Hector: See, take a look.
Hector: Since you can apparently do that somehow.
Hector: Well, it sure sounds like you guys need a few laughs after today.
Hector: Already had a few guys come through here and tell me all about it.
Jones: No kidding.
Jones: It's a real shitstorm around here.
Jones: I'm just happy that we'll be heading home tomorrow.
Jones: Same thing with you?
Hector: Oh, nah, I'm gonna keep this party train going.
Hector: Tomorrow I'm packing up and heading for Greysoil.
Jones: Isn't that the place with the plague or the virus or something going around there?
Hector: Lepers need a drink too, man.
Hector: More than most people, I'd think.
Hector: ...Hey, where'd you get this money?
Hector: Guy dressed all in red?
Jones: Uh, yeah. How'd you know?
Hector: Well, hate to break it to you, but this ain't legal tender.
Hector: Ol' Gil tricked you with a counterfeit.
Rick: You'rtha...the one lady that, uh...the guys...know summin' bout them guys...
Sigma: That's not-
Sigma: That is not a sentence.
Sigma: Please form an actual sentence that I can understand.
Rick: Nnnah...nnah respect here, y'know?
Rick: Ain't no r'spect nowheres f'r the hardworkin' man.
Sigma: Well, no, of course I respect you.
Sigma: In the same way I respect all members of the Church.
Rick: I'ma goooo throw up.
Rick: B'n doin' that an awful lot lately.
Rick: Prob'ly gots the flu or something.
Jones: Hector, my man.
Jones: Hook me up and keep 'em coming.
Hector: Well, if it isn't one of my favorite Stonekey weirdos.
Hector: Where's mister Do You Have A Liquor License?
Jones: Trying to "interrogate" some of the locals.
Jones: Even though the Truthbearer's daughter's been refilling his beer for the last hour.
Jones: It's pretty goddamn hilarious.
Sister Embers: Thief, why are you laughing?
Sister Embers: Help me to explain that-
Sister Embers: Acolyte, what is wrong with the thief?
Sister Embers: Wh-
Sister Embers: Why are YOU crying?!
Sister Embers: Neither one of you makes any sense!
Sister Embers: This is the most egregious breach of protocol I have ever seen!
Sister Embers: Members of the cult are critically forbidden from physical contact with higher ranking members!
Sister Embers: What has gotten into you, acting like this?!
Sister Embers: Do you wish to stay an acolyte forever?!
Sister Embers: Acolyte, I-
Sister Embers: I am not sure what to say.
Sister Embers: I mean, this-
Sister Embers: This...
Acolyte: Are you serious?!
Sister Embers: You of all people should know that I am always serious, acolyte.
Acolyte: I- I j- um-
Gil: Wait, you're still calling him that?
Gil: I thought the whole point was that he's your student now.
Sister Embers: Indeed.
Sister Embers: However, he is also still my acolyte.
Sister Embers: He was merely upped in rank, his position concerning me has not changed.
Sister Embers: For instance, if you were to join the cult, you would also be an acolyte, but now he would outrank you.
Gil: Yeah, no thanks.
Gil: I'm just coming along with you guys, I don't feel like drinking the crazy juice.
Sister Embers: Well, if you intend to stay for a prolonged amount of time, I recommend you gain some respect for-
Sister Embers: As such, for all these accomplishments, I am presenting you with a reward.
Sister Embers: By the power granted to me by Lord Argaleth and Grand Master Flame, I hereby rescind your previous demotion.
Sister Embers: You are once again not only my acolyte, but also my student.
Sister Embers: Carry this mantle with pride.
Sister Embers: And, most importantly, you have given us something we have not had in quite some time.
Sister Embers: A sense of direction.
Sister Embers: We are no longer simply wandering from place to place as nomads, picking up artifacts along the way.
Sister Embers: We have a clear and present goal.
Sister Embers: I cannot recall the last time this has happened within the cult.
Sister Embers: However.
Sister Embers: Despite your standard aggravating behavior not changing in any way, you have displayed many positive qualities also.
Sister Embers: Even though the cult has all but fallen apart, you persevere.
Sister Embers: In fact, you have taken on your fair share of responsibilities in planning our further actions.
Sister Embers: While your decisions did not produce the desired results, they have done quite a lot of good.
Sister Embers: The additions of the thief and the astronomer, though dubious, are allowing us to begin rebuilding the cult.
Sister Embers: We now have knowledge of the inner workings of the Church of Truth.
Sister Embers: Acolyte.
Sister Embers: Over the past few days, we have faced innumerable adversity.
Sister Embers: The loss of most of the cult, having to face a world of sinners, the Church...
Sister Embers: And as always, you have been going against many of my rules, criticizing most of my decisions and displaying a general lack of ability all throughout.
Sister Embers: And now we return from an acquisition mission without having acquired the necessary artifact, thus further delaying our plans.
Acolyte: Oh come on, you can't really blame me for-
Acolyte: Speaking of talking.
Acolyte: Are you alright, Sister Embers?
Acolyte: You haven't said anything since we left the Tower.
Gil: Yeah, come on.
Gil: I know the whole thing today didn't really go according to plan, but there's no need to pout over it.
Sister Embers: ...Acolyte.
Sister Embers: Take a knee.
Sister Embers: It is time for your performance review.
Acolyte: Oh come on!
Acolyte: The month isn't even over yet!
Acolyte: Couldn't you just yell at me the regular way?
Sister Embers: I said "take a knee".
Gil: Well, that was a little abrupt.
Gil: Sucks, I kinda wanted to hang out with Frankie for a while.
Gil: But they basically threw us out.
Acolyte: Well, they DID want to kill us.
Acolyte: I guess we should be thankful they scaled it down that much.
Gil: Yeah, yeah.
Gil: Anyway, Fairbrooke, huh?
Gil: I know a coach station a few blocks from here.
Gil: I'm always fully packed and you guys don't seem to actually own anything, so we can get some tickets right away.
Acolyte: Wait, you're coming with us?
Acolyte: I don't think we have the money to pay for any more services.
Gil: Forget about money, kid.
Gil: You guys just met a literal GOD.
Gil: And now you're going to go find other literal gods and meet with them too!
Gil: There's no way I'm not latching on to that kind of good publicity.
Gil: Hell, even if you guys don't manage to do that summoning thing you'll be famous.
Acolyte: Wow, great!
Acolyte: Good to have you with us.
Gil: Besides, I couldn't leave you guys alone.
Gil: I've seen you in action now and it'd be like abandoning a pair of kittens.
Gil: You guys may have brawl and/or brains, but you can't even talk to people properly without weirding them out.
Sister Embers: Well then.
Sister Embers: I am loathe to admit it, but it seems that things truly are changing.
Sister Embers: It is quite difficult for me to imagine a situation like this ending without violence back in the day, yet here we are.
Sister Embers: Perhaps now that we have spent more time together, you recognize the righteousness of our cause.
Truthbearer: Nope, still hate you.
Truthbearer: Now get out of my tower before I change my mind.
"Acolyte: Speak with Sigma."
Acolyte: Hi again.
Acolyte: Sorry for pretending to help you with your research.
Sigma: Water under the bridge.
Sigma: The sample size would've been too small to make the data viable anyway.
Sigma: Besides, this is the most exciting thing I've seen happen in days.
Sigma: This will give me research material for a long time.
Sigma: I'm in your debt, really.
Acolyte: Oh, really?
Acolyte: Well, actually, I was wondering if you could help us out.
Acolyte: We're heading to Numeralia right now and I was wondering if you knew anything about getting there?
Sigma: You're going to Numeralia? I wish you luck.
Sigma: No, I'm afraid I cannot tell you its' location.
Sigma: Nor come with you.
Sigma: I've actually been banned from visiting the city.
Acolyte: Aw, really? Banned?
Sigma: Well, "strongly discouraged" , but it's the same thing.
Sigma: It is to be expected, honestly.
Sigma: Any cultural researchers who spend significant amounts of time on the surface are not considered welcome back home.
Sigma: I've already been living here for a few years, so I've somewhat "gone native" as such, but most Numeralians are very...particular about outside influences.
Sigma: Numeralian philosophy in general differs greatly from the surface way of thinking.
Sigma: Which is why I wished you good luck back there.
Acolyte: Well, thank you.
Acolyte: I'm sorry you can't come with us.
Sigma: Yes, I am too.
"Rick: This can't be!"
Rick: Wait, I still don't get it.
Rick: Where's everyone going?
Rick: Are- aren't we going to arrest these guys?
Frankie: Alright, buddy, that's about enough out of you.
Frankie: You've had a long day, you gotta rest.
Frankie: How about we get you good and sauced?
Frankie: Perfect time for it with the festival and all.
Jones: Amen to that.
Jones: Come on, Hal, let's go get drunk.
MacLarren: Okay, everyone, let's pack it in.
MacLarren: Everyone go back to your business.
MacLarren: Apparently this was all just a big ol' false alarm.
Gil: Yeah, so, MacLarren, about my involvement in this.
Gil: I know how it looks, but there's a good explanation for why you shouldn't ban me from-
MacLarren: Gil, if you go anywhere near my bar ever again, I'm gonna take that hat and shove it right up-
Gil: Alrighty then, no further questions.
MacLarren: Karen, come on.
MacLarren: I got all these guys together, I'm gonna look like an idiot if I just tell them to leave.
MacLarren: And besides, this is Embers we're talking about!
MacLarren: We both know she's not going to suddenly have a change of heart if you let her go.
MacLarren: I mean, I get it, "god's will" and bla bla bla, but seriously!
MacLarren: What the hell is going on with you?
Truthbearer: ...Captain. You forget your place.
Truthbearer: I am the leader of the Church and catalyst for the divine wisdom of the Lord.
Truthbearer: A lord which you still serve under, in case you have forgotten about that also.
Truthbearer: Now order these men to stand down before I force you to escort Sister Embers out of the tower personally while making pleasant conversation the entire way.
MacLarren: Captain Charles MacLarren reporting in, ma'am.
Truthbearer: Yeah, yeah, I know who you are.
Truthbearer: You can tell these people they can leave now.
MacLarren: Yes ma'am.
MacLarren: However, I cannot help but wonder if this is a good way to proceed.
MacLarren: Letting our sworn enemies go and all.
Truthbearer: Yes, well, that is God's will.
Truthbearer: Besides, we can't afford the casualties.
Truthbearer: Most of these people are new recruits.
Truthbearer: Just...let it go, MacLarren. It's beyond your control.
Truthbearer: Take pride in the fact that you did all you could.
Rick: ...wait, what?
Truthbearer: So, I have invited these...gentlemen...into my keep and spoken with them.
Gil: Did you really need that pause in there?
Truthbearer: And after further deliberation and prayer, I have come to a conclusion regarding their fates.
Truthbearer: They are to be allowed to leave the Tower with no obstacles.
Truthbearer: Effective immediately.
Truthbearer: I would also like to ask you to hold your fire until after I am done talking.
Truthbearer: Okay, everyone shut up.
Truthbearer: Time to listen to the Truthbearer.
Truthbearer: Now then, I-
Jones: What the hell was that?!
Rick: No time to wonder!
Rick: This might mean the door is opening!
Rick: Everyone, battle formation!
MacLarren: Yeah, what he said.
MacLarren: Let's give these guys a real Truth welcome.
Ralph: I'm telling you, man, we totally got cheated.
Ralph: The point of strip poker isn't to actually win based on, like, poker skill, y'know?
Ralph: It's just to see some naked people, have some fun.
Ralph: It's supposed to be "everyone wins", but we still ended up losing.
John: Dude, you're STILL not over this from yesterday?
John: I can't believe how long you can hold a grudge.
Ralph: Oh, just you watch-
"GENTLY SHOO YONDER MORTALS."
Frankie: Well, hey, looks like SOMETHING's happening!
Frankie: Maybe they heard me!
Frankie: I gotta hand it to you, MacLarren, sometimes your ideas aren't half-
Frankie: Okay, so...this is kinda stupid.
Frankie: If you guys could open up and not kill me, it'd be great.
Frankie: We could all go home and stuff.
Frankie: Gil? Mom?
"Sigma: Ooh, conflict!"
Sigma: Oh my, this is quite exciting.
Sigma: No Numeralian has ever seen behind these doors before.
Sigma: Would it be possible for me to obtain permission to record some of this?
Sigma: For research purposes only, of course.
Jane: Sure, why not.
Jane: I honestly don't care anymore.
Jane: Should've just taken a holiday like everyone else but nooo, I HAD to ask that R&D keep working.
MacLarren: Francine, you're her daughter.
MacLarren: Go do something, maybe she'll let you in.
Frankie: Why do I gotta go?
Frankie: One finger on those guys is as long as I am tall.
Frankie: They could squish me without even noticing.
Rick: Wait, your mother is THE Truthbearer?!
Rick: Oh my gosh!
Rick: That's amazing!
Rick: It's such an honor to meet the daughter of-
Frankie: Okay, okay, I'm going!
MacLarren: Ah, shame about these old boys.
MacLarren: All rusted up and stuck in the attic like this.
MacLarren: I remember seeing one of these tear an entire building in half.
MacLarren: And now they're useless.
Jones: Hey man, that's a pretty shitty way of looking at it.
Jones: Just because they're a little rusted and cracked doesn't mean they can't do anything.
Jones: They're pretty good at keeping you out, at least.
MacLarren: ...okay, what is your DEAL, buddy?
MacLarren: Do you just go against people to be "cool"?
Jones: Nah, I just like to use common sense, stay out of things that aren't my problem.
Jones: Though I guess that's not allowed around here.
MacLarren: I have had it.
MacLarren: Maybe I'm retired, but I AM still a captain.
MacLarren: Show some dang respect.
Jones: Okay, "captain".
Jones: You've got like 20 people here to order around.
Jones: How about you captain your way behind these doors?
Jones: So...do we knock or is there a doorbell or what?
MacLarren: I'm not sure.
MacLarren: No one but the Truthbearer is allowed in there normally.
MacLarren: And there's never been a big enough emergency for anyone else to come in there until today.
Jones: Oh, okay.
Jones: So the plan is "no plan".
Jones: Great captain you are.
Truthbearer: Ah, my lord, there you are.
Truthbearer: Have you seen my reading glasses anywhere? I cannot find them.
God of Truth: Well, looks like someone's cooled down a bit.
Truthbearer: Yes, yes.
Truthbearer: I can hold off my rage somewhat.
Truthbearer: For a little while.
God of Truth: Don't worry, these fellas were just leavin'.
Truthbearer: I don't think that'll be quite so easy, my lord.
Truthbearer: They must have riled up most of the Tower getting up here.
God of Truth: Oh please, they're just three people.
God of Truth: I can't imagine anyone makin' too much of a fuss.
Sister Embers: Six.
God of Truth: Pardon?
Sister Embers: If you are using the standard accepted "circle" model of the universe, there are seven main gods.
Sister Embers: Which, not counting Truth, would be six.
Sister Embers: You may have been confused by the empty space.
Sister Embers: That merely represents a lack of godliness, or humanity.
Sister Embers: Or possibly the space between universes.
Sister Embers: It is open to interpretation.
God of Truth: Oh, huh.
God of Truth: So it is.
God of Truth: Sorry, yeah, guess I was thinkin' of back in the day.
God of Truth: Forget about it.
God of Truth: Hold on, I wanna give you somethin'.
God of Truth: Bit of a partin' gift.
Acolyte: Really? What?
God of Truth: Well, way I figure, Gil's got his silver tongue and Sister Embers has her fire, so you need somethin' too.
God of Truth: So here. I give you the gift of knowledge.
God of Truth: Couple 'a centuries ago I gave this whole planet a good once-over.
God of Truth: Saw the sights, looked at how the Church could maybe modernize itself.
God of Truth: And I saw a whole hell of a lot a' crazy stuff on the way.
God of Truth: This here's my travel journal.
God of Truth: A few of the pages are a little burnt and maybe the knowledge ain't too up to date, but it ought to help ya somehow.
God of Truth: Maybe ya could use it dealin' with the other seven gods.
God of Truth: Hey there, folks.
God of Truth: You get everythin' you needed to do done?
Gil: You probably already know the answer.
Gil: Why would you even ask?
God of Truth: Courtesy, mostly.
God of Truth: Anyway, I got some good news .
God of Truth: Logic wouldn't tell me where Numeralia is, 'course, but he DID point me to a lead.
God of Truth: There's a lil' village about 8 hours south of Veriton, Fairbrook, I think.
God of Truth: A Numeralian home crashed there a couple a' days ago.
Acolyte: Wait, "crashed"?
God of Truth: Yep.
God of Truth: I figure you folks could head on over there and check it out.
God of Truth: Ain't much of a lead, but better than nothing.
Sister Embers: Then, assuming you are not lying, we must go at once.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, come.
Acolyte: See, I knew being nice to her was a good idea.
Sister Embers: I suppose.
Sister Embers: Insofar as having an astronomer on your side is a good idea in the first place.
Gil: Yeah, I still say the money would've been more worth it.
Gil: Astronomers stare at the stars so much their brain turns to mush, not worth dealing with.
Acolyte: Well, I hate to disappoint, but Brother Chalk is...not around.
Gil: You can say "dead", we're all adults here.
Sister Embers: Missing.
Sister Embers: His fate has not yet been confirmed.
Jamie: Well, that's a shame.
Jamie: Fine, fine.
Jamie: You're trying to confirm his theories, right?
Jamie: I would like to provide my assistance.
Jamie: Seeing this research through sounds like quite an interesting side project.
Acolyte: Oh, alright.
Acolyte: Sounds great!
Jamie: I will call if there are any changes in the stars that could affect the summoning.
Jamie: Jamie over and out.
Jamie: In any case, why I called.
Jamie: While I was here waiting for sundown, I happened to flip through your pamphlet.
Jamie: Complete nonsense, of course, but the part about summoning instructions is quite interesting.
Jamie: Some of the theories your Brother Chalk proposes about the position of stars being linked to magic levels contain some valid ideas.
Jamie: I would very much enjoy collaborating with him on some research.
Jamie: Where is he?
Astronomer: Go to hell.
Jamie: NO, YOU GO TO HELL!
Jamie: YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!
Acolyte: Oh, you're not at home?
Jamie: I'm afraid not.
Jamie: Due to the festival, the sky around the city will be filled with fireworks, making it impossible to continue my work.
Jamie: Thus, I have triangulated the perfect spot outside of town to camp out.
Jamie: Naturally, other astronomers from the city have done so as well, but none of them have brought a crossbow, so I stand uncontested.
"Tell her the mirror's in place."
Acolyte: Hi, Jamie, it's me again.
Acolyte: How are you?
Acolyte: We set up the mirror like you wanted.
Gil: You mean I did.
Gil: And yeah, thanks for that experience.
Gil: You should really take up a hobby that endangers the lives of fewer people around you.
Gil: Maybe baking.
Jamie: Yes, I noticed.
Jamie: Good work.
Jamie: This will further my research tenfold.
Jamie: I shall begin employing it immediately once I am back at the lab.
Jamie: Yes, hello?
Jamie: This is Jamie.
Jamie: The astronomer?
Jamie: You interrupted my work yesterday with two other people and then left your card in my mailbox.
Jamie: I would like to speak to a Brother Chalk, if at all possible.
Gil: Ah crap, hold on, I got a call.
Gil: Gotta take this.
Acolyte: ...you're just going to do it on the floor?
Gil: Kid, do I look like I'm in any position to get up right now?
Gil: It's fine, I've taken like a million floor calls.
Gil: This is even better than usual, usually I'm hungover.
Gil: But yeah, just gotta get the scryer close enough to my face, no one'll notice.
Gil: High-speed belly flop onto solid stone.
Gil: Would not recommend, 1/10.
Sister Embers: Thief. You have returned. Finally.
Gil: Yeah, thanks for that, I love you too.
Sister Embers: That is not what I said.
Sister Embers: Has the device been planted?
Gil: It's done.
Gil: Don't ask me how I did it, though.
Gil: Or how I climbed back down.
Gil: That was pretty awful.
Gil: This may be a freebie, but you guys are paying for my dry cleaning after this.
Sister Embers: Did the pigeons come back?
Gil: It's their FREAKING ROOST, Embers, of COURSE they're back!
Acolyte: Wow, I can't believe the sun is setting already.
Acolyte: Doesn't feel like we spent that much time running around today.
Sister Embers: What I cannot believe is your incompetence, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Rather, I wish I could not believe it.
Sister Embers: You spoke with the Truthbearer - the leader of the Church - and you did not acquire ANY useful information?
Acolyte: Not really, no.
Acolyte: Just personal life conversation kinda talk.
Sister Embers: I am truly amazed by this.
Sister Embers: How could you have taken such an obvious opportunity to gather information and return with a zero net gain of knowledge?
Sister Embers: In fact, considering that you've told me you gave her a pamphlet, you have returned with a negative net gain of knowledge.
Sister Embers: This really is staggeringly bad work.
Sister Embers: I swear, sometimes I feel as if the thief is better than you are.
Sister Embers: He at least attempts to look competent.
Gil: I'm digging myself deeper than ever before with agreeing to all this crap, aren't I.
Death: It has already been done.
Gil: Oh, huh, so it has.
Gil: You did that right after I agreed?
Death: No, when I first decided to continue observation.
Death: I suppose my statement must have been somewhat vague.
Death: I apologize for making you feel as if you had the option to say "no".
Death: Now I must go, but I will see you soon.
Gil: Yeah, well, not too soon I-
Gil: Right, okay, I was interested before.
Gil: Now I want answers.
Gil: What can you tell me about the voices?
Death: I do not know much of them myself.
Death: I tend to ignore them, really, except for the rare cases when they present themselves in humans.
Death: Normally they are too subtle and do not last long enough for me to examine closely.
Death: However, a continuous case like yourself may prove useful to my research.
Death: I would like to observe you for an undefined period of time.
Gil: Fine, I guess.
Gil: But you gotta do one thing for me.
Gil: THE Death, huh?
Gil: Funny, I didn't really imagine you looking like this.
Gil: For some reason the words "spy magazine" spring to mind, not sure why.
Death: My appearance is not by choice, but rather the result of centuries of human psychological evolution.
Death: I am formed of the shadows cast by the early human bonfires and of the pale skin of the dead.
Death: Fear is what created me.
Gil: Right, right, naturally.
Gil: Well, I must admit, I'm interested in what you're selling.
Gil: Especially the whole "world being designed" business.
Gil: Sounds like a way to get some info ahead of time, if you get my drift.
Gil: Didn't really think I'd meet someone this interesting today.
Death: Neither did I.
Gil: Oh please, flattery?
Gil: You should really know better than that.
Death: I am being quite serious.
Death: You are quite an interesting specimen.
Death: For one, you are able to perceive the extradimensional voices not as fragments of your own psyche, but as separate individuals.
Gil: Well, I'd love to debate all that philosophical stuff with you - or at least part of me would - but how about I get your name first?
Gil: I don't like getting into arguments about the nature of humanity with people I don't know.
???: Though the matter of my name is not quite straightforward.
???: Officially, I am referred to by my fellow workers as Existence.
???: However, Existence is a vast concept that cannot be contained to a single body.
???: Thus, I suppose you may call me by the name used for me by humans in common parlance.
Gil: That being?
???: I was merely here for a performance evaluation of my coworker, but this is also quite notable.
???: You humans do find such inventive ways to gain knowledge.
???: I don't really understand it.
???: This planet is specifically designed to have everything you require.
???: What good does it do to observe other ones?
???: What a curious device.
???: Intended for studying the stars, I believe.
???: Very interesting.
Oh crap. Where is it?!
Did I drop it in the pigeon attack? No, I must have left it with Embers.
Shit, I'm gonna have to climb back down, aren't I?
Okay, well, at least the bullshit part is over. Now all I gotta do is climb up that big bullshit and stick the little bullshit on top of that long bullshit.
Yeah, in case you can't tell, I think this whole thing is kinda bullshit.
Oh yeah, I communed with them. Communed the hell out of them. Signed a treaty, married the head pigeon's daughter, all that good stuff.
God, I REALLY didn't expect to have to fight pigeons while hanging on a rope ever again. Guess that's freelancing for you.
Goddammit, I am never giving freebies again.
Truthbearer: Huh. Bit of an awkward way to finish the conversation.
Truthbearer: I'm...gonna smoke some more.
Truthbearer: You probably want to go see what Sister Embers is up to?
Acolyte: Yes please, goodbye.
Acolyte: Okay, I won't. Thank you.
Truthbearer: Be careful, alright?
Acolyte: I'll try.
Truthbearer: Good. You should.
Acolyte: Yeah, I will.
Truthbearer: Well, if that is truly what you believe, then that is admirable.
Truthbearer: But, at the same time, I have to warn you.
Truthbearer: Changing the way someone thinks is very difficult.
Truthbearer: And with people as conservative as this, it can be almost impossible.
Truthbearer: I don't want you to make the same mistake I did.
Truthbearer: If it looks like she can't deal with it, just let her go.
Truthbearer: And don't get too upset over it. It won't be your fault.
Acolyte: I dunno, maybe you're right.
Acolyte: I want to like Sister Embers, but she's always so...herself.
Acolyte: And maybe things WOULD be better if I was on my own.
Acolyte: But at the same time, it's not like I'm all that great either.
Acolyte: She's part of the original cult, the people who actually grew up with names like "Sister Embers" and "Grand Master Flame".
Acolyte: I just signed up because it seemed like a way to help people out.
Acolyte: So Sister Embers is more of a real cult member than I'll ever be.
Acolyte: And I can't just leave her, y'know?
Acolyte: She doesn't really have anyone anymore.
Acolyte: I'm the only other member of the cult.
Acolyte: I mean, I guess there's that guy on the other side of the world they keep talking about, but I've never seen him.
Acolyte: If I left, she'd be alone.
Acolyte: No one should be alone.
Acolyte: I know it's a little silly, but Sister Embers told me she believes in redemption.
Acolyte: And I guess I kinda do too?
Acolyte: I think that maybe with me around, I could try and get her to be less...herself.
Acolyte: Though maybe that doesn't make much sense.
Truthbearer: Oh, no, I'm sorry!
Truthbearer: That's not what I meant.
Truthbearer: What I meant was "why are you with Sister Embers specifically?".
Truthbearer: As in, the actual person.
Truthbearer: As I've said, you seem smart.
Truthbearer: What's stopping you from simply going off on your own?
Truthbearer: I'm certain you could find some followers.
Truthbearer: And if you're worried about protection, you could do much, much better than Sister Embers.
Truthbearer: She's a remnant of a bygone age.
Truthbearer: We don't need people like that anymore.
Truthbearer: The world is much more peaceful now, she's just going to cause you trouble.
Truthbearer: So why are you still with her?
Truthbearer: I simply don't understand.
Truthbearer: May I ask a question?
Truthbearer: Why are you still with Sister Embers?
Truthbearer: You seem like a bright young man.
Truthbearer: There are a million other opportunities out there.
Acolyte: Oh great.
Acolyte: I knew this kind of thing would happen.
Acolyte: Look, ma'am, I know we're having a nice time, but I'm not joining you guys, okay?
Acolyte: I already made the choice of what I believe in.
Acolyte: And no amount of conversations or gods will change it.
Acolyte: I really like your church and I think it's very good, but I don't want to be a part of it.
Acolyte: So, it must be rough being the Truthbearer.
Acolyte: Having to lie to everyone about gods and stuff.
Acolyte: How come it's set up like that?
Truthbearer: I suppose it makes sense the general public wouldn't be kept informed about the existence of gods.
Truthbearer: We wouldn't want people to be living their life worrying about what some god thinks of them.
Truthbearer: Following the tenets of Truth should be done purely out of personal desire.
Truthbearer: At least, that's the explanation I've come up with on my own.
Truthbearer: I haven't really had the chance to consult with anyone about it.
Truthbearer: Our lord mostly busies himself doing housework and I didn't really have the chance to speak about it with the previous Truthbearer.
Truthbearer: Which, you'll excuse me if I do not speak about him in detail.
Truthbearer: It was quite tragic.
Acolyte: Something the cult did?
Truthbearer: Now you're starting to get it.
Acolyte: Okay, look, I'm only one guy, but right now I'm just about half the cult.
Acolyte: So from half of the cult, I'd like to apologize for all that stuff about fighting with you guys.
Acolyte: I'm sure we were only trying to make the world better for everyone.
Acolyte: Though I guess everybody says that, huh.
Gil: OH GOD WHY
Gil: THEY'RE EATING ME
Gil: I KNOW PIGEONS ARE NOT CARNIVORES BUT THEY'RE EATING ME
Sister Embers: I do not understand what I will learn by watching this.
Gil: Oh, hey guys.
Gil: Just hangin' out?
Gil: That's, uh, that's cool.
That never fails to be entertaining.
Alrighty, time to play mountain climber. Should be fine as long as I get it out of my head that there's a tower-sized abyss beneath me.
Oh. Hell. Yes.
"Gil: Grapplin' time."
Oh hell yes.
Sister Embers: I have performed a perimeter check.
Sister Embers: There is no way to ascend to the roof in the immediate area.
Sister Embers: Climbing remains the only option.
Sister Embers: However, if you continue insisting upon the idea of a safety measure, I suppose I could use some of my magic to-
Gil: Magic, schmagic.
Gil: It'll take you longer to set everything up than for me to do it the regular way.
Gil: Watch and learn.
Truthbearer: Gutsy move.
Truthbearer: Yeah, I guess I'll take one.
Acolyte: Really?! Wow!
Truthbearer: Sure, why not?
Truthbearer: I've got a few of them already, but most of my copies have pages missing or are so burnt and covered in blood you can't read them.
Truthbearer: It'll be nice to have one in good condition.
Acolyte: Right, and maybe you could even possibly give it a read and-
Truthbearer: Yeah, no, don't push your luck.
"Offer her a pamphlet."
Acolyte: Well, I'm sorry to hear about your impending death.
Acolyte: This'll sound dumb, but you know what might distract you from it for a while?
Acolyte: Some free literature!
Acolyte: Well, come on, don't say that.
Acolyte: You could still live for a pretty long time.
Acolyte: Nobody really knows when they're going to die, y'know?
Truthbearer: I do.
Acolyte: Really? How?
Truthbearer: How do you think?
Truthbearer: I asked him, the god, back when I was just starting out.
Truthbearer: Sure, it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Truthbearer: Being able to charge into battle confident that you'll survive no matter the adversity.
Truthbearer: But now I've only got about a year left.
Truthbearer: And knowing for sure doesn't feel so great anymore.
Acolyte: So...you smoke.
Acolyte: That's nice.
Acolyte: I don't, myself.
Acolyte: Heard it's not really all that good for you.
Truthbearer: No, it isn't.
Truthbearer: I picked it up from MacLarren way back when.
Truthbearer: I suppose I should quit, but doesn't seem like there's much point now.
Truthbearer: Seeing as I'll be dead soon anyway.
Acolyte: Uh...so I met your daughter.
Acolyte: She seems nice.
Truthbearer: Oh, Francine.
Truthbearer: Yes, I suppose.
Gil: I just hope the kid's doing better than we are.
Gil: And I'm guessing I will receive no compensation for this.
Sister Embers: Indeed.
Gil: And you probably don't have a plan.
Sister Embers: Not as such, no.
Gil: In addition, you not only want me to do that.
Gil: You ALSO want me to climb to the top of the flagpole and attach it there.
Sister Embers: Correct.
Gil: With no safety measures of any kind, I assume?
Sister Embers: None.
Gil: Right, right.
Gil: Okay, so, let me see if I understand you correctly.
Gil: You want me to take this "mirror array".
Gil: This hugely unwieldy, heavy, and fragile thing.
Gil: And climb up with it to the top of the Tower.
Sister Embers: Yes.
God of Truth: ...what?
God of Truth: Scene's over.
God of Truth: Go bother someone else.
God of Truth: Well, guess I should call Logic.
God of Truth: After a bit of a drink.
God of Truth: I don't know how long from now Russia'll form, but they make one hell of a cocktail.
God of Truth: Ugh.
God of Truth: The shit I gotta put up with so the world is a better place at the end of the day.
God of Truth: Ladies, please.
God of Truth: There is no need for this.
God of Truth: Truthbearer, why don't you go cool off outside?
God of Truth: If you're so worried about Sister Embers, take her acolyte with ya.
God of Truth: As collateral.
God of Truth: She'll have to get 'im back when she leaves and you can make sure she ain't stolen anything or whatever.
Sister Embers: I suppose that's fair.
God of Truth: And Sister Embers, wasn't there a certain something you had to do as part of an agreement?
God of Truth: Something you can do now that you're up here?
Sister Embers: Hmm?
Sister Embers: Oh, yes.
Sister Embers: Thief, come along.
Sister Embers: I shall explain on the way.
Truthbearer: Yes, but look at yourself!
Truthbearer: I've simply aged as is befitting a leader!
Truthbearer: You're a relic!
Truthbearer: Why don't you just go and check yourself into a nursing home already?!
Sister Embers: I would rather die.
Truthbearer: Oh, that can be arranged!
Truthbearer: My lord!
God of Truth: Yes, hello.
Truthbearer: I really must object!
God of Truth: Must you? Must you really?
Truthbearer: Why are you helping these cultists?!
Truthbearer: They've done nothing but cause pain and suffering all over the world!
Truthbearer: We've been fighting them for years!
God of Truth: Yes, well, now they ain't fightin' us.
God of Truth: They're victims.
God of Truth: Disenfranchised.
God of Truth: Ain't got no god to pray to.
Truthbearer: Yes, but now we have a chance to end the cult once and for all!
Truthbearer: Why are you encouraging this...this senile old woman to continue?!
Sister Embers: I'm sorry, did you just imply that my age is somehow relevant to my abilities?
Sister Embers: If that is the case, I would assume such a remark could also be directed at you.
God of Truth: Well, I could help you out there.
God of Truth: Me and ol' Logic know each other slightly better than the other gods.
God of Truth: I could give him a call, see if there's anything you folks could go off.
God of Truth: I think the next god you could try and go for is Logic.
God of Truth: Like I said, he's the one who keeps all the info on gods, so he might know something.
Sister Embers: Impossible.
Sister Embers: That would mean going to Numeralia.
Sister Embers: Something we cannot do due to a lack of information as to its' whereabouts.
God of Truth: Well.
God of Truth: That is certainly a good question.
God of Truth: And I suppose the answer is:
God of Truth: Keep doing what you're doing.
God of Truth: Givin' up is the worst thing you could do, actually.
God of Truth: That'd just mean never even gettin' to the solution of the problem.
God of Truth: So keep trying with the summonings and such.
God of Truth: Though I wish ya'd find more legal ways to get the artifacts.
God of Truth: However, I figure there IS somethin' else you could do.
God of Truth: Which is to say, you could visit the other gods.
God of Truth: Ask 'em what they know.
God of Truth: I can't get much out of 'em since I'm the "newbie", so to speak, but you fellas could maybe get them to open up.
Acolyte: You think we could do something like that?
God of Truth: Well, no, not really.
God of Truth: It's impossible.
God of Truth: But at the same time, so was gettin' up here, and you folks managed that.
God of Truth: Heck, you're talking to me.
God of Truth: Most members of the Church don't even get to do that 'til after they've died.
Sister Embers: So, let us assume what you say is true.
Sister Embers: In that case, my question is as follows:
Sister Embers: What should we do?
Sister Embers: This has been my life's work.
Sister Embers: Serving my god is what I was born for.
Sister Embers: I cannot simply stop.
Sister Embers: But now there is a chance that all of this has been for nothing.
Sister Embers: So I do not know if any further work would be a waste of time.
Sister Embers: *sigh*
Sister Embers: I'd like to preface what I'm saying by repeating that I still do not believe anything you have said for a single second.
Sister Embers: However, I must admit, you are excellent at social manipulation.
Sister Embers: Based off the things you've said, we have no choice but to listen to you further.
Sister Embers: We cannot simply ignore it and leave.
Sister Embers: You have planted the seed of doubt in our minds.
Sister Embers: If we continue with our current plans, your words will always be in the back of our heads.
Sister Embers: Thus, we must accept what you say.
Sister Embers: Bravo.
God of Truth: Fine, whatever.
God of Truth: So, did you have a question, Sister Embers?
God of Truth: ...Sister Embers?
"Gil: Ask about the mask."
Gil: Alright, my turn.
Gil: Can you tell me how to use this thing?
Gil: Or at least how to disenchant it so it doesn't want to kill me anymore?
God of Truth: Really, Gil?
God of Truth: I can answer pretty much any question you've got rattlin' around in your head and you just want me to tell you about the mask?
God of Truth: There's, like, 50 appraisers in town who can do the same thing in 5 minutes for just a couple hundred gil.
Gil: But I want someone to do it right now for free.
God of Truth: Fine.
God of Truth: It's a standard ceramic golem mask.
God of Truth: Made by followers of Stability, those fellas are all into golems.
God of Truth: Stick it on somethin' organic and it attaches itself, formin' a body out of what you gave it.
God of Truth: Doesn't work on people though. Safety reasons.
God of Truth: To change what its' goal is, ya'd have to talk to the person who put the spell on it in the first place.
Gil: Oh great, probably Lefty.
Gil: Well, guess this thing is going in my "useless crap" pile.
Gil: Don't see ever talking to her again.
God of Truth: You really should.
God of Truth: Should talk to all of 'em, actually.
God of Truth: It ain't healthy what you're doin'.
Gil: Hey, if I wanted relationship advice, I'd get it from someone who doesn't live in a literal ivory tower.
Acolyte: Wow, thanks.
Acolyte: ...could I ask another question, then?
God of Truth: Go for it.
Acolyte: The explosion a couple days ago.
Acolyte: ...was it our fault in some way?
Acolyte: Like, did it happen because Sister Embers and I left in the middle of the summoning or because I didn't learn the song or what?
Acolyte: It's really been weighing on my mind.
God of Truth: Nah, don't worry, bud.
God of Truth: It wasn't your fault.
God of Truth: And even if it was, ya shouldn't feel too bad.
God of Truth: Summonings are a tricky business.
God of Truth: One fella with a bunch of runes scribbled in chalk can do more than a whole cult with fancy magic artifacts and chants and such.
God of Truth: Things fail all the time.
God of Truth: In your case, it was an artifact problem.
God of Truth: The key, namely.
God of Truth: Little thing didn't react so good to havin' its' magic used in that way and, well, boom.
Acolyte: So...should I throw it out?
God of Truth: No, no, you can still use it.
God of Truth: Just, y'know, not for summonings.
God of Truth: The fella who "hired" me, so to speak, I later learned was Existence.
God of Truth: Which figures, I s'pose.
God of Truth: He's kinda the leader of the whole gang of us main gods.
God of Truth: We ain't just a bunch of random weirdos, right, we've got a structure here.
God of Truth: Every one of us does somethin' to keep the world running.
God of Truth: Besides also having our own sort of "territory".
God of Truth: Like Logic archives information about the world, Stability keeps the universe, well, stable, I arbiter disputes 'tween gods...
God of Truth: Not sure what exactly Lies, Insight, or Luck do, but I'm sure they've got things going on.
God of Truth: And, of course, there are all the minor gods outside of the universe just itchin' to get in.
God of Truth: Can't really let 'em in, though.
God of Truth: I'd love to, but they can't play nice, y'know?
God of Truth: Just wanna take everythin' for themselves, tear the world apart.
Acolyte: Okay, I think I have a question.
Acolyte: Could you tell us more about the gods?
Acolyte: Like, who was the one that you talked about in your story and stuff.
God of Truth: Oh yeah, I didn't really tell you much about that except the basics, huh?
God of Truth: ...tell ya what.
God of Truth: You keep your question and ask a different one.
God of Truth: This is just general knowledge stuff anyway, probably shoulda told you this as is.
God of Truth: Which means someone's lyin' to either me, you, or all of us.
God of Truth: Which I figure goes against my whole ideology.
God of Truth: So I might as well try and help you folks figure this out, seeing as you're the victims in all this now.
God of Truth: Can't help ya physically, of course.
God of Truth: Strict rules between all the main gods say ya can't boost folks up too much so as to not screw up the universe.
God of Truth: But one thing you probably need right now that I can provide is answers.
God of Truth: As a god, I'm basically omniscient, ya see.
God of Truth: Or if you still disagree with me bein' a god, I just know a whole lot.
God of Truth: So how's about this - three questions from ya guys.
God of Truth: Either individually or as a group, I don't care.
God of Truth: And so as to not be dishonest, I promise no silly buggers.
God of Truth: So no vague answers, no interpreting your question too literally, no taking the first thing you say next and using that as a question.
God of Truth: Just gonna answer as well as I can.
God of Truth: Ask away when you're ready.
Sister Embers: Once again, what exactly did you wish to talk about?
God of Truth: Oh, right.
God of Truth: See, back when you guys first got the Church's attention, I figured I may as well do some research on this Lord Argaleth of yours.
God of Truth: Maybe meet 'im and sort things out without starting a religious war.
God of Truth: But what I found surprised me.
God of Truth: Since your pamphlets say he's the big guy keepin' the whole universe together, I kinda thought he'd be easy to find.
God of Truth: But I've looked through everythin' and asked everyone - human and not - and besides you folks?
God of Truth: There ain't no record of Lord Argaleth ever bein' anywhere or doin' anything or existing at all.
God of Truth: Which is almost impossible for a god, especially not one that sounds so important.
God of Truth: Yeah, don't mind her.
God of Truth: Truthbearin' is a tough job.
God of Truth: Especially when I am her Truth to bear.
God of Truth: Literally, the whole point a' her name is that she can't tell anyone the truth about how I'm up here.
God of Truth: Also, I kinda didn't tell her you folks were comin' over.
God of Truth: So she's been sourpussin' all morning.
God of Truth: Say hi to my guests, dear.
God of Truth: Well, actually, I've been meanin' to talk to you cult people for a while now.
God of Truth: Just never had a good opportunity.
God of Truth: Before you fellas set off that explosion a few days ago, that is.
God of Truth: Boy, that was a big one, both physically and magically.
God of Truth: Even Ol' Lady Truthbearer felt it all the way over here.
Sister Embers: ...so, why would you want to meet us here? You realize the cult has been antagonizing the Church for a long time now.
God of Truth: I did tell you, ya just ain't good at trustin' people.
God of Truth: Anyway, I just thought ya might like to have some water from the Silent Valley mountain springs.
God of Truth: Seein' as you haven't had any in decades now.
Sister Embers: And now I know for certain that you are lying.
Sister Embers: Those springs dried up a long time ago.
Sister Embers: I was there when they closed them.
God of Truth: Just humor me, will ya?
God of Truth: Anyway, sorry, I'm ramblin'.
God of Truth: Everything to you guys' liking?
Acolyte: Red leaf tea is my favorite, actually.
God of Truth: Yep, that's why I picked it.
God of Truth: Gil?
Gil: This is absolutely delicious but I have no idea what it is.
God of Truth: Yeah, ya had this drink in the middle of a 10-day bender like 20 years ago and thought it was the best thing you've ever had.
God of Truth: It's just a modified White Russian, I can write down the recipe for ya.
God of Truth: Sister Embers, how-
Sister Embers: I am not interested in your drinks.
Sister Embers: I do not drink anything besides simple water.
Sister Embers: In addition, you still have not told me your name.
Sister Embers: As such, I am not interested in anything you have to say.
God of Truth: Anyway, this fella and I got to talking.
God of Truth: Turned out he'd been searchin' the world all over looking for an honest man.
God of Truth: Someone to make the world a better place, y'know?
God of Truth: And he ain't found no one more honest than me - not sure how, but alright.
God of Truth: So he made me an offer.
God of Truth: Be a god, help folks out and such.
God of Truth: So I figured hey, why not, right?
God of Truth: Someone's gotta help people, might as well be me.
God of Truth: And one day, when I was gatherin' firewood, I met a fella in the forest.
God of Truth: Strangest-looking fella I've ever seen, but I s'pose it's not my place to judge.
God of Truth: See, most gods are born on the outside 'a this universe of ours.
God of Truth: But yours truly was born right here.
God of Truth: Used to just be a regular fella.
God of Truth: That was centuries ago, of course, before the Church and the cults and all that nonsense.
God of Truth: Back in the day I'd just travel the world, keep to myself mostly.
God of Truth: ...yeah, you woulda been disappointed even if you HAD taken the armor.
God of Truth: Ain't a bit of magic in there.
God of Truth: Just good craftsmanship.
Gil: People always said it was magical.
God of Truth: Well, it ain't.
God of Truth: No idea where folks could've gotten that from.
God of Truth: I certainly wouldn't say something like that.
Acolyte: Right, because it's a lie.
God of Truth: Well, I can still TELL lies, actually.
God of Truth: Probably comes from my human side, I ain't sure.
God of Truth: It's just that I don't, seein' as it isn't honest.
Gil: Wait, human half?
Gil: So what, you're, like, half-human, half-god?
God of Truth: In a way.
Gil: Well, he passed the test.
Gil: This guy may not be the real deal, but he's definitely SOME kind of big deal.
Gil: I'm as surprised as you, honestly.
Sister Embers: What?
Sister Embers: What kind of test was that?
Sister Embers: You merely stared at him, then you exchanged a few words and now you think that he is a god?
Sister Embers: You are terrible at what you do.
Sister Embers: Stop.
Sister Embers: Stop being so terrible.
God of Truth: Alrighty, good to see at least some of ya are on the same page as me here.
God of Truth: How's about we continue this conversation in the study over your favorite drinks?
Acolyte: Uh, shouldn't that be "my favorite drinks", sir?
God of Truth: Nope.
God of Truth: One thing that's pretty great about bein' a god is I always get to be a good host.
God of Truth: Come on.
God of Truth: Well, sorry you fellas are disappointed, but this is just the way my mama made me.
God of Truth: And to answer your next question, Gil: yes, I can hear 'em.
God of Truth: All gods can.
Gil: Wait, so does that mean I'm technically-
God of Truth: I REALLY doubt it.
God of Truth: No offense.
Acolyte: Wow, I didn't know there was such a thing as gods!
Acolyte: Besides Lord Argaleth, of course.
Sister Embers: That is because there is no such thing.
Sister Embers: I may not be too socially fluent, but I know when we are being mocked.
Sister Embers: Whoever this is, he is no god.
Sister Embers: I can feel almost no magic radiating off of him, for one.
God of Truth: Well, yeah.
God of Truth: Why the heck would gods use magic, Sister Embers?
God of Truth: Folks down here already know how to disable that stuff to fight each other.
God of Truth: Would make no sense to be that vulnerable.
Sister Embers: Enough, fool.
Sister Embers: Identify yourself or perish.
Gil: Woah there, Sister Itchy Trigger Finger.
Sister Embers: Embers.
Gil: Whatever, just cool it.
Gil: I know lying and this isn't how you lie.
Gil: A lie would sound much more convincing.
Gil: So this guy is either crazy or this is about to get REALLY weird.
Gil: Either way, let me try something before burning him to death.
???: Ah damn, I ain't good at introductions.
???: Especially seein' as I already know who you all are and what you're here for.
???: Suppose I should name myself.
???: I am the God.
???: Of Truth, that is.
God of Truth: A physical representation of all the virtues of the Church.
God of Truth: Pleased to meet ya.
God of Truth: Sorry about the bath robe, you folks kinda caught me by surprise.
God of Truth: Didn't expect you to get here from Stonekey so quickly.
God of Truth: Still, it's nice to see ya.
God of Truth: We've got some things to talk about.
???: Well, that'd be me, actually.
Gil: So do you just like to suck the beauty out of everything you see?
Gil: Or is it like a thing you can't turn off, like a reflex?
Sister Embers: I am merely making an objective observation.
Gil: Let's just get it and leave so I never have to talk to you again.
Gil: This whole "cult" shtick is starting to get on my nerves.
Sister Embers: Agreed. The sooner we part, the better.
Sister Embers: Let us get to business.
Acolyte: I dunno, guys.
Acolyte: Doesn't it seem weird to you that the golems just opened the doors for us?
Acolyte: Almost like someone wanted us to come here.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, please. You've seen the inhabitants of this tower.
Sister Embers: Who of them would possibly want and help us to come here?
Gil: And look, the Armor of Truth, just like I told you.
Gil: All neatly laid out for us to take.
Acolyte: It's really nice.
Sister Embers: Do not trust the initial glance, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Though it may look good at first, look closer.
Sister Embers: The stonework around it is crumbling, indicating disrepair and lack of use.
Sister Embers: Quite indicative of the state of the Church, I suppose.
Gil: And here we are.
Gil: The very inner sanctum of the Tower.
Gil: Told you I could get you guys in here.
Sister Embers: You have done almost nothing.
Gil: Hey, I created the idea of it happening.
Gil: That's basically as good as making it happen in this world of ours.
Acolyte: ...did you do that, Sister Embers?
Sister Embers: I am...uncertain.
Sister Embers: Still, the door is open now.
Sister Embers: The desired result has been achieved.
Sister Embers: Let us proceed.
Gil: YOU GUYS SAY SOMETHING?
Gil: Damn, man, you got a habit for spills like that?
Gil: You okay?
Sister Embers: ..."to make up".
Sister Embers: Back downstairs.
Sister Embers: You asked if Acolyte had "made out" with that paladin.
Sister Embers: The proper phrasing is, of course, to "make up" with someone, or resolve their differences.
Sister Embers: It's amazing how you claim to be sociable, yet do not know such a basic idiom.
Gil: Well, looks like you're fine.
Gil: Your brain's not affected, at least.
Acolyte: Guys, look!
Frankie: Well, look who called it.
Frankie: Good thing it didn't snap.
Jane: There's no way of knowing it didn't.
Jane: The main cables COULD have snapped off at the main impact, thus leaving us with only the emergency one to-
MacLarren: Okay, Frankie? Janie?
MacLarren: You are no longer allowed to talk.
Acolyte: Sister Embers, are you doing okay?!
Acolyte: It's taking longer than usual!
Sister Embers: Acolyte, I assure you, I am quite-
Frankie: Jeez, that doesn't sound too good.
Frankie: Hope the elevator holds.
Jane: Please, Francine, don't be ridiculous.
Jane: This lift leads directly to the top floor.
Jane: It is the most well-reinforced one in the entire Tower.
Jane: There's no way.
Frankie: Yeah man, I know that.
Jane: Somehow I doubt you do.
Frankie: WHAT I'M SAYING is we've got like 10 people in here!
Frankie: Not even counting the golems.
Frankie: So I don't think it's that stupid for me to worry about the elevator.
Sister Embers: Both of them.
Sister Embers: I recommend you two find cover.
Sister Embers: This may get unpleasant.
Gil: Which one are you gonna go for first?
Gil: Y'know, so we know which one to watch.
Sister Embers: Well, normally I would perform a visual analysis of which golem appeared least damaged and thus more dangerous.
Sister Embers: However, due to the time constraints of our current situation, I shall be more efficient and simply pick..
"Try portalling the siege golems."
Gil: Hey, I've got something.
Gil: How about you just portal 'em out of here?
Gil: Worked with last night's golem.
Acolyte: Last night's golem?
Gil: Oh, I'll tell you later.
Sister Embers: Hmm, perhaps that could work.
Sister Embers: Very well. Let us get into a more manageable position.
Acolyte: S-Sister Embers, I'm not sure if portalwalking is a good idea right now!
Acolyte: I overheard Mr.MacLarren talking and I think they have some kind of anti-magic field set up?
Acolyte: That's just what I heard.
Acolyte: I dunno.
Sister Embers: I highly doubt it.
Sister Embers: An anti-magic field would be quite ruinous, seeing as magic permeates so many aspects of our daily lives.
Sister Embers: The casting of simple spells would fail, as well as the operation of any golems and artifacts.
Sister Embers: And let us not even mention the role of magic in physiological processes such as the seeing of dreams and so on.
Sister Embers: I assume he meant an anti-portalwalking field.
Sister Embers: Those are quite common.
Acolyte: Yeah, probably.
Sister Embers: In any case, worry not.
Sister Embers: I am fairly certain I can overcome any defenses they may have set up.
Sister Embers: I am quite a powerful wizard, if you have not yet noticed.
Acolyte: Oh, okay.
Acolyte: If you say so.
"Gil. I have a idea. One which you are not going to like. Place the mask...on the rusted siege golem's face."
Yeesh, you're right. That is...not really something I want to do. I think I'll try and figure out if this mask golem still wants to kill me before sticking it on something that could definitely kill me.
Speaking of golems that want to kill me, though...
I've got more stuff than this, obviously, but this is just the "Most Recent" tab, so to speak.
Anyway, back to plan-making.
Your robes are spacious and full of useful objects.
And also slightly off-color.
You may have cut that color change spell off too soon, not sure.
The idea of keeping an infinitely large bag inside of your own infinitely large bag is still freaking you out a little.
Gil: Well, great.
Gil: Looks like we're gonna have to use our smarts on this one.
Gil: Good thing you guys hired me or you'd be screwed.
Gil: Heh heh.
Gil: Seriously though, we gotta make up a plan now, I was hoping for the password book and these guys are like two stories tall.
Sister Embers: Very well, not that there's much point.
Sister Embers: This book is encrypted far too seriously for you to unravel.
Gil: "March 26th, Saturday: Had to co-report with Ann to the captain today. Stood there for 30 minutes while she couldn't make out her own handwriting."
Gil: "God I wish Francine would give me some of her booze."
Sister Embers: You see?
Sister Embers: Pass phrases hidden in descriptions of mundane activities.
Sister Embers: Ingenious.
Acolyte: Sister Embers, I think this is just a diary.
Acolyte: For people to write their private thoughts into.
Sister Embers: Do not be ridiculous, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Why would someone ever willingly put their private thoughts to paper?
Gil: Hey, does that password book you nabbed yesterday say anything about these guys?
Gil: Just going out on a limb here.
Sister Embers: Unfortunately, no.
Sister Embers: Though perhaps the answer is still hidden in these pages somewhere.
Sister Embers: These ciphers have been proving quite difficult.
Gil: ...okay, now I'm curious about what you consider "difficult".
Gil: Give me that book a second.
Gil: Okay, okay, I'm fine.
Gil: Here we are, top of the tower, yay.
Gil: Let's just get the armor or whatever we were getting and leave.
Acolyte: I think these guys may have a problem with that.
Acolyte: What ARE they?
Acolyte: They're huge!
Sister Embers: Siege golems.
Sister Embers: We must proceed carefully.
Sister Embers: I have seen those halberds split hundreds of men in twain.
Acolyte: They don't look so good.
Sister Embers: Indeed.
Sister Embers: After the cult was defeated, there must not have been much need in the Church for battle golems.
Sister Embers: Thus, their only duty for decades has been guarding this door.
Sister Embers: Which I imagine contributed significantly to the rust and degradation they are experiencing.
Sister Embers: However, they are still most likely very dangerous.
Sister Embers: Let us not act rashly.
"Some " climbin' " later..."
Gil: Heart...bursting...lungs...filled with fire...
Sister Embers: I cannot believe the both of you.
Sister Embers: How could someone be so out of shape they could not even climb some simple stairs?
Acolyte: Well *huff* it WAS ten flights of stairs, Sister Embers.
Sister Embers: I do not see how that is relevant.
Sister Embers: I have spent over half of my life going up and down hundreds of staircases daily.
Sister Embers: The Silent Valley was absolutely full of staircases.
Sister Embers: If you had to go somewhere, you would be doing it over stairs.
Sister Embers: And yet I am fine.
Gil: Hey look, he's not dead.
Gil: How'd it go?
Gil: You guys make out?
Acolyte: It went alright, I think.
Acolyte: Though we should probably get out of here pretty quickly.
Gil: Amen to that.
Gil: I am sick to death of blue and white.
Acolyte: Did you find anything?
Sister Embers: Indeed we have.
Sister Embers: This old staircase appears to have been used by servants in the past.
Sister Embers: It shall take us directly up to the keep.
Gil: Yep yep.
Gil: So let's get climbin'.
Still, maybe he's right. If that was someone else pointing that sword at you, you could've gotten hurt pretty badly.
Maybe you should try and ask Sister Embers for some training again once this whole thing is done.
A little weird, but nice.
Rick: Remember this as the day your victory became impossible, villain!
Rick: Remember this as the day you became a sworn nemesis of-
Rick: But don't think that I'll go this easy on you next time we meet!
Rick: You better have trained up at that point so we can have a proper fight!
Rick: Or else I'll kick your butt so hard, it'll make your god cry!
Rick: That's right, I'm making it my personal mission to mess up your and everyone you deal with's plans!
Rick: Since you are currently without weapon, I declare our duel suspended!
Rick: Feel the mercy of Truth.
Rick: I will go now.
Rick: Thank the gods that you are still a free man this day, heretic.
Rick: ...wait, do you have ANYTHING to fight with?
Acolyte: I didn't really know I'd be dueling today.
Rick: Well, you have to have something.
Rick: Maybe some stolen powerful magic artifacts?
Acolyte: I just have trinkets, mostly.
Acolyte: Nothing that's really that dangerous.
Rick: Secret familial martial arts technique?
Acolyte: My dad runs a general store.
Acolyte: I can tell you that we have 20% off beef jerky on Saturday, but that's about it.
Rick: Well, that doesn't seem fair, honestly.
Rick: En garde!
Acolyte: Ooh, yeah, I don't really have one of those.
Rick: Ah, so it's a magic on steel duel! Alright!
Rick: Show me what you can do!
Acolyte: Well, I really only have two spells.
Acolyte: One's just for grabbing stuff and I don't know what the other one does yet.
Rick: Let this be our greatest battle!
Acolyte: Oh, okay.
Acolyte: Are you okay?
Rick: I'm fine!
Rick: This has already happened, like, a lot.
Rick: Don't touch me.
Rick: ...hey, wait, where are the rest of your group?
Rick: The snappy dresser and the scary witch?
Acolyte: They kinda left.
Acolyte: So it's just us.
Rick: Ah, I see.
Rick: Just two opponents in a room together.
Rick: I understand what's going on now.
Acolyte: We're finding a compromise and respecting our differences?
Rick: What? No.
Rick: You're challenging me to a duel, aren't you!?
Rick: Well, fine!
Rick: I accept!
"Acolyte: Kill him with kindness."
Acolyte: Uh, actually, you guys go on ahead.
Acolyte: I think I want to try something.
Sister Embers: I do not consider this wise, acolyte.
Sister Embers: This one gets quite...emotional.
Gil: Ah, calm down.
Gil: I'm sure the kid can handle this on his own.
Gil: Let's go look for some stairs or something.
Gil: I don't think the elevators are safe to use right now.
Gil: So, is this the part where you kill him?
Gil: I can turn around if you don't need extra witnesses.
Gil: Or hold him down, whatever.
Acolyte: I don't think we're going to kill him!
Acolyte: We don't really...don't really do that.
Acolyte: Right, Sister Embers?
Gil: You're big bad cultist guys and you don't want to kill anyone?
Gil: I feel like you're in the wrong line of work, kid.
Acolyte: We're not bad.
Acolyte: And I really think we shouldn't kill him.
Sister Embers: Agreed.
Sister Embers: It would merely distract us from the task at hand and waste precious time.
Sister Embers: We can simply leave while he is occupied.
Gil: Hey, whatever, he's your recurring antagonist.
Gil: Do what you want, man.
Rick: *cough* Okay, that was... *wheeze* that was bad.
Rick: But I'm still...oof...arresting all of you!
Rick: Just...just let me...catch my breath...first.
Acolyte: Should...should we do something?
Sister Embers: Not quite yet.
Sister Embers: I am interested in seeing how this ends.
Rick: Well, this is it!
Rick: Our final showdown!
Rick: No lying, no tricks.
Rick: Just sheer power!
Rick: Come on!
Rick: And when you're all in jail and they ask you who finally got you, you can say that it was-
Rick: I knew it!
Rick: Working together!
Rick: I KNEW there was a reason the captain told me to "leave him alone for now"!
Rick: It was so I could find you!
Rick: Truly, his wisdom knows no bounds.
Gil: Anyway, now everyone is here and FINALLY caught up.
Acolyte: Yeah, it's great to finally all be together again.
Acolyte: It feels like it's been months.
Sister Embers: I will remind both of you that it has only been around 15 to 20 minutes.
Gil: Well, it feels longer than that.
Sister Embers: Your warped perception of time aside, it is indeed good that we are together again.
Sister Embers: Now that the disguises have failed as I thought they would, we may need to fight our way out of here.
Sister Embers: Being together increases our firepower.
Gil: Hey, come on, the disguises didn't fail.
Gil: They got us all the way up here.
Gil: It's only, like, 10 floors to the top now.
Gil: And there's no one on them, I'm pretty sure.
Gil: Smooth sailing from here on out.
Sister Embers: Why are you still talking.
Sister Embers: You have already told us this part.
Sister Embers: Stop talking.
Gil: Did I? Huh.
Gil: Sorry about that, guess I got a little engrossed in the story.
Acolyte: Wow, you're already looking better!
Gil: Like I said, man, I heal easily.
Gil: Just...just don't ask me how I fixed my clothes.
Gil: It'll be easier for everyone that way.
Gil: As you recall, while you were sneaking into the Tower, I was distracting the crowd with some of my cutting-edge observational humor about life in the city.
Acolyte: Jeez, you don't look so good.
Gil: Don't worry, I heal easily.
Acolyte: What happened to you?
Gil: Oh man, you will not BELIEVE what happened to me.
Sister Embers: Why? Are you going to lie to us? Why would you ever do that?
Gil: ...right. Anyway.
Frankie: Hey, sweet entrance, dude.
Gil: Oh hey, you guys are here too!
Gil: We're all here together now!
"Alright, it's a pleasure being in your head but we gotta end this flashback sooner or later."
Also, these windows aren't helping at all.
Holy crap! I'm above a concrete floor and some boxes! HOW INFORMATIVE.
THIS WAS NOT A VERY GREAT PLAN.
I did not realize that the insides of vents had so many sharp metal things inside of them.
I guess they don't really expect people to crawl around in here.
"Use the air vents!"
Hey, yeah! Nobody ever checks the vents. I could just climb in, take a nap, then sneak out once things are calmer.
And they even have little windows so I can check if the coast is clear.
What a great plan.
Crap, crap, crap. If MacLarren figures out I'm connected to those guys, he's gonna kill me.
Or ban me from his bar, which is the same thing, really.
Okay, change of plans. Screw the "clients", they're not paying me anything anyway. Let's just find a place to hide until this blows over.
...Didn't think of it like that. That's a "2" and a "0", right? Let me just get that.
MacLarren: ...lost her way, you know? The whole church is stagnating, really.
MacLarren: I mean, obviously it's more peaceful than things used to be, but the sheer amount of bureaucracy is awful these days.
Jane: Tell me about it.
Jane: I have two guys out on a research mission right now.
Jane: You do NOT want to know how many hoops they had to jump through to get approval for that.
What? No, just some random floor. Why? Is the 20th floor better than this one or something?
The way I see it, if I pick at random, there's about an equal chance of good and bad things happening. Can't know ahead of time what'll happen.
Ah dammit, they misspelled it- Uh, no, don't worry about this. These are actually ads I ordered myself.
If you're asking why, it's a double whammy. It gets business from the less scrupulous members of the Church and pisses off the more scrupulous ones. Win-win.
Also, this is another example of a difference between a thief and a rogue. Rogues advertise. No way would a thief have the balls to do this.
Well, great. Looks like SOMEONE got busted. And now instead of a quiet lobby, the top of this elevator ride probably has a bunch of angry guys waiting for me.
Guys with uncomfortable questions like "Who are you?", "What are you doing here?", and "Could you put your hands behind your head, please?".
We gotta find a way outta this, and fast.
Jane: The suspect is a grey-haired woman dressed in blue robes with somewhat tan complexion and red eyes.
Jane: Be warned: the intruder is apparently capable of casting magic on a high level.
Jane: Do not attempt capture or combat on your own if you encounter her.
Jane: Also, I am told that she may be colluding with several other individuals still undiscovered.
Jane: Please remember to not forgo the routine ID checks.
Jane: All purplecoats, report to the main elevator on floor 18 immediately.
Jane: You will be further briefed upon arrival.
Jane: Again, not a drill, guys. Seriously.
Jane: Head Research Supervisor Jane over and out.
Jane: Attention, fellow purplecoats.
Jane: This is an intruder alert.
Jane: I repeat: a subversive element intent on harming the Church in some way has infiltrated our ranks.
Jane: This is not a drill, people, get your game faces on.
Ralph: Alright, I have now scried everyone I know. Bored now.
Ralph: Are we portalwalking or taking the stairs or what?
Geoff: Looks like we may have to go on foot, actually.
Geoff: I can't seem to get my spell to work.
Geoff: It just fizzles out, see?
Ralph: Huh, weird.
Ralph: Maybe someone tripped the defense spells?
Geoff: Yeah, maybe.
Yeah, see? Completely clueless.
Gil: Hello again!
Ralph: Oh, yeah, hi.
Geoff: Yes, yes.
Come on, man, can you really blame me for not trying too hard? Most of these guys are former pig farmers who saved up some money and one day decided to move to the big city and start "serving the cause of Truth".
And now they spend all day volunteering and playing cards and crap. It's not my fault I happened to stumble upon the one guy in this tower with a head on his shoulders.
I'm not a thief, I'm a rogue. Big difference. And trust me, I'm gonna get that guy back.
Sure, it LOOKS like I just caved, but it's how us rogues work, y'know? Wait until a situation deteriorates to the point of almost being unsalvageable, then swoop in and save the day.
Yeah, it's gonna be a cold day in Hell when some chump of Truth pulls one over on ol' Gil.
Jones: Pleasure doing business with you.
Gil: EAT A DICK!
Gil: I can't take this shit anymore.
Gil: You want my money?
Gil: Take it!
Gil: TAKE IT ALL!
Gil: Anything to get away from your sleazy ass.
Jones: Jeez, man, I just wanted, like, a couple hundred gil or something-
Gil: No, shut up!
Gil: I have nothing left to say to you!
Gil: Exploiting common folks like me to get your jollies off.
Gil: You are a sick man, sir!
Gil: I'm out!
Gil: Okay, okay.
Gil: I don't suppose you'd be interested in an almost full box of cigars?
Gil: You can smoke 'em, or just put 'em on the mantelpiece as a talking point.
Jones: I don't smoke.
Jones: And I'm not too fond of talking to people either.
Gil: Of course you're not.
Jones: Look, man, just stop screwing around.
Jones: All I want is a little money.
Jones: I'm sure big-time city thief like you has wads of bills weighing you down.
Jones: And I want to see you admit that I win in the form of giving me one of those wads.
Jones: Simple, right?
Gil: Wait, "sight"?
Gil: I'm pretty sure I just got overwhelming proof that you were blind a few minutes ago.
Jones: It's a figure of speech, dude.
Jones: Besides, I can still SEE stuff.
Jones: Just not physically.
Jones: It's more like I can see the magic that everything is shaped by.
Gil: Fantastic phrasing.
Gil: You should be a poet.
Gil: They say pretty things with no meaning too.
Jones: Whatever, an explanation would just be wasted on your ass anyway.
Jones: Point is, that mask of yours is like staring directly at the sun with actual eyes.
Jones: So no, I am absolutely not taking it.
Jones: God knows what kind of magic is on there.
"Offer him the mask.
Gil: Alright, then how about this?
Gil: Delight your friends and terrify your enemies with this decorative - AND ONLY DECORATIVE - authentic ivory mask!
Gil: Yours for only 19.95.
Gil: Or, considering the circumstances, free.
Jones: Augh! Dude!
Jones: Where the hell did you get that thing?!
Gil: Been in my family for centuries.
Jones: You must have one hell of a family then, because that thing is radiating magic like mad.
Jones: Total brain freeze over here.
Jones: Get it out of my sight before I rightfully throw it out the window.
"You sure you want that bribe?"
Gil: Y'know, I kinda thought that extortion was against at least one of the tenets of Truth.
Gil: Pretty sure some people might complain if they hear about this?
Jones: Not really, no.
Jones: The main principles of Truth basically come out to "spread Truth across the world but don't be a self-righteous dick about it".
Gil: I COULD just tell the Truthbearer.
Jones: Right, because you're so totally BFF's with her.
Jones: I think I'll take my chances.
Gil: Well, in that case, I obviously don't have the money with me.
Gil: No one carries cash with them these days, y'know?
Gil: I could give you an official I.O.U.
Gil: I think I've got a notary license knocking around in my pocket somewhere.
Jones: Please, I'm a wizard.
Jones: If I wanted a useless piece of paper, I'd just check my robe.
Gil: Right, right, of course.
Jones: You wanna leave so bad? Alright.
Jones: Pay me.
Jones: Yeah, you heard me.
Jones: You said the Truthbearer gave you a ton of money.
Jones: And I figure you could spare some of it.
Jones: Just as a little proof to me that what you're saying is true.
Jones: Y'know, because if it wasn't, that'd mean that an honest man like you would be telling a lie, right?
Jones: And that the Truthbearer DIDN'T hire you to do a thing, right?
Jones: But that wouldn't happen.
Jones: I know you're an honest man.
Jones: You said so yourself.
Jones: So pony up.
Gil: Okay, fine, look.
Gil: You seem on the level, so I'll tell you the truth.
Gil: No bullshit.
Gil: I AM here for a certain reason.
Gil: See, I overheard that you're not the biggest fan of the ol' captain, right?
Jones: I suppose you could say that.
Gil: Well, a lot of people share your opinion.
Gil: The Truthbearer, for one.
Jones: Really now?
Gil: Yeah man, she hates his guts.
Gil: Always thought he was suspicious.
Gil: But she can't just kick him out for no reason because he's a war hero or somethin', right?
Gil: So instead what she's doing is paying honest folks like me a pretty penny to keep an eye on him.
Gil: See if he's doin' anything bad, you dig?
Jones: Yeah, I think I see what you're saying.
Jones: Well, I'll admit, you DO sound genuine about it.
Jones: And I WOULD like to see that MacLarren get what he deserves for punching my buddy.
Gil: Right, we're on the same page here.
Gil: 'Course, we can't let it slip that the Truthbearer's hiring lowlife thugs like me, so I'd appreciate it if you didn't say nothin' to anyone, okay?
Jones: Yeah, sure.
Jones: One more thing, though.
Jones: You still awake?
Gil: Oh, right, yeah, I'm good.
Gil: Just spaced out for a moment there.
Jones: You ready to answer my question now?
Gil: Oh, you're still on that?
Jones: Wh- did you think I'd just get bored of that line of inquiry?!
Gil: You'd be surprised.
Gil: This one time I was talking to this guy whose house I broke into, right, and-
Ha, nice. Seriously though, that was really freaky. Is he a burn victim or something, but only in the eye area? I guess it'd be impolite to ask.
Oh crap, he's saying something. Quick, zone back in, zone back in!
That's, uh...wow. That's a little grim, I gotta be honest.
I think I'll keep that idea on the back burner for now. Don't wanna add an assault or possibly even murder charge to this simple B&E.
"Poke him in the eye and run away!"
Yeah, that'd be great, but he's got his big ol' buddy in front of the door.
Damn that dude must work out. All that armor must weigh at least a couple hundred kilos. I don't really feel like trying to mess with him today.
"Oh god, the horror."
Gil: Yeah, my sentiments exactly.
Gil: Oh, sorry, just, uh-
Gil: I just got a little...distracted.
Gil: Could you put on your *ahem* thing?
Jones: Oh goddammi- FINE.
Jones: You big baby.
Gil: Hello again.
Gil: So, is this how you usually spend your time?
Gil: Peeking into men's room stalls?
Jones: Yeah, yeah, you're hilarious.
Jones: What are you even doing in here?
Gil: It's a public restroom.
Gil: What do you THINK I was doing in there?
Gil: Use your imagination, dude.
Jones: If that was the case, you were awfully quiet about it.
Jones: And you didn't flush. Impolite.
Jones: Also, I'm pretty sure this restroom is only "public" to Church members.
Jones: Which you are DEFINITELY not.
Jones: So again, why the hell are you here?
Jones: Yo, you know I can hear you breathing, right?
Jones: Enhanced hearing.
Jones: Kind of part of the whole "blindness" thing.
Is he gone?
He stopped talking.
Oh great, it's that guy from the bar. I hope his friend Mr. "Handcuff Random Strangers" isn't around.
I mean, handcuffs are easy to escape, but it doesn't mean I want to get cuffed, you get what I'm saying?
Guess I'll just wait here until he leaves.
Jones: Man, we gotta get back to Rick quickly.
Jones: I do not want to leave him alone with that MacLarren dude.
Jones: He just doesn't seem all that great to me, y'know?
Jones: First he shows up out of nowhere and sucker punches Rick, now he's got us running around dealing with his problems.
Jones: Not a fan.
Jones: Rrgh- okay, that is IT!
Jones: I can't deal with this garbage anymore, I'm taking it off.
Jones: Damn itchy blindfold...
Jones: I KNEW I shouldn't have used that new fabric softener!
Jones: Alright, sweet, no one's around.
Jones: Hal, stand in front of the door.
Jones: I likes me privacy.
Jones: So, is there a reason we're taking the stairs while that captain guy gets to use the elevator?
Rick: Well, obviously the captain wouldn't want us in the same elevator as him.
Rick: I'm sure he'd get tired of our fanboyish gushing.
Jones: Your fanboyish gushing.
Rick: That, and it's great cardio.
Rick: You always complain that you don't get enough exercise.
Jones: That's not me complaining.
Jones: I take pride in my laziness.
Jones: Anyway, I guess it's for the best.
Jones: I gotta use the restroom anyway.
Jones: Me and Hal'll catch up to you, man.
What, the "the entire universe is just a story" thing? Yeah, sure. It's absolutely terrifying.
But what am I supposed to do? Go tell people about it and be labeled a crazy person? Stay inside and be paranoid someone's watching me for the rest of my life? Slit my throat?
This kind of thing isn't exactly something I can run away from or throw money at, it's just too big. So mostly I just keep at it, y'know? Try and live without really thinking about it.
And hey, sometimes this "insider knowledge" of mine can help out, so, yeah, it's not all bad.
Ah, some of you probably get it. I know you guys have a sense of humor.
Now then, onto the most important thing right now.
Time to wash my hands of all that unpleasantness downstairs.
Get it? "Wash my hands"? Because I'm both literally and metaphorically washing my hands?
Alright, third floor. Should be fewer guards here.
I don't know what maniac architect put a prison floor between two living quarters, but I'm not going to complain.
Man, I don't know. All my life, I guess. I'm pretty sure I just always had you voices coming in and out of my head.
Hell, for all I know everyone is just as crazy as me, they just don't show it. That would be a trip.
Hmm? Oh, you probably mean the fourth wall.
Yeah, I've known all about that for ages now. A lot of you guys are pretty talkative.
Obviously I was skeptical at first, but if you actually take the time to look, you can definitely see the narrative structure struggling to make ends meet sometimes.
Hell if I know, I don't deal with any of this magic stuff, I just steal it.
I'm still keeping the mask, though. If it's actually possible, I wouldn't be too against the idea of a zombie meat slave.
Not for any specific purpose, but it's better to have things than not have them, y'know?
Anyway, enough about any debts I may or may not have.
We're young, wild, and newly free, and we've got two main objectives now.
1 - find the "clients", make sure they're not in any trouble, fix the trouble they'll inevitably be in.
2 - find Gil a public restroom. I REALLY need to wash my hands after that last encounter.
Let's get to work.
Wait, none of you guys know anything about the debt? Huh.
...you know what? Good. Clean slate is always good.
I'm gonna go ahead and keep that a secret for a little while longer, actually.
Some of the more moral ones of you might refuse to help me if I tell you.
Yep, I figured.
Goddammit, how do they keep figuring out where I moved?
It must be the newsletters.
That's it, from now on I'm not subscribing to anymore stupid newsletters.
Alright, let's see what this is all about.
Though I'm pretty sure I already know.
Sorry, Jay. I'm on the clock right now, no time to chat.
I'll make it up to you later, get you a free drink at MacLarren's or something.
Gil: Okay, there you go.
Gil: That's alright.
Gil: Let out your anger.
Gil: Let in sleep.
Gil: Shh, shh.
Gil: You did great.
Gil: We're all so proud of you.
Gil: Now have a nap.
Jay: Hey, there's some kind of tube taped to the back of the mask here.
Gil: Oh yeah, there is.
Gil: Good eye.
Jay: So if these things are as expensive as you say, why was it after you?
Jay: I've always known you as a petty thief.
Jay: Who did you piss off?
Gil: Well, while I'd love to stand here and tell you my life story, I think you're still pretty tired from fighting.
Gil: So I'm just gonna go ahead and put you in a sleeper hold, alright?
Jay: Wait, what-
Gil: The rest is just a bag of miscellaneous flesh it's controlling.
Gil: We had these back where I used to live.
Gil: Having the actual golem be very small makes it more of a quality versus quantity thing.
Gil: Outclasses anything you guys have.
Gil: I just didn't realize it wasn't a dude in a mask until it did that self-repair thing.
Gil: Also, I didn't really think someone would send something that expensive after me.
Gil: Now don't say I never did anything for you.
Jay: What WAS that thing?
Gil: A golem.
Gil: Well, okay, that's the most generic description possible.
Gil: Only the mask part is a golem.
Gil: Aw, what's the matter, buddy?
Gil: Why are you hiding your pretty face from us?
Gil: There's no need for masks here!
Gil: We...love...YOU...JUST...THE WAY...YOU...
Gil: CRIMSON POUNCE!
Gil: RELUCTANT HERO COMING THROUGH!
"Take Jay along too.
Oh, come on. We were having a great escape until you guys just HAD to remind me what an ass I am.
Fine, I'll go save my friend. At least now I kinda know what to do since I realized what that thing is.
Man, isn't running away from problems the best? It's like one moment you have all these problems, and then the next moment they're all combined into one problem of moving your feet fast enough.
No wonder I do it so often.
Jay: Okay, what's the plan, man?
Gil: Well, my plan is "door's open, I'm getting outta here".
Gil: Don't know if you have one.
Jay: Wh- ASSHOLE!
Gil: Sure am, Sam.
Gil: Good luck with the fight.
Gil: Crimson Rogue out!
Gil: Uh, Jay?
Gil: I think we've still got problems.
Gil: I mean, I guess, but that's a bit of a leap between "do something" and "chop a limb off".
Gil: I'm just saying that it's a good thing you weren't around to "take care" of me a couple of minutes ago downstairs.
Jay: Sure, sure.
Jay: Criticize the lady who I'm pretty sure just saved your life.
Gil: Isn't that a bit much?
Jay: You said to do something, man.
Jay: I took care of it.
Gil: OH HELLO MS. "I'VE GOT AN INSPECTION COMING UP".
Gil: HOW ABOUT DOING YOUR GODDAMN JOB FOR A MINUTE.
Jay: What's going on?!
Gil: I'LL MAKE A LIE UP LATER!
Gil: JUST DO SOMETHING!
"Ask Jay for help."
Jay: Yo, dude, what the hell?
Jay: You said you'd be quiet-
Gil: YOU LIKE THAT?!
Gil: COME ON, JACKASS!
"Grab that fire poker!"
go go go go
"Offer the gentleman a cigar."
Gil: Hey, didn't you hear me?!
Gil: I asked if you wanted a cigar!
Gil: Here, HAVE ONE ON THE HOUSE!
OH BOY HERE WE GO SURE AM GLAD I'M DOING THIS AGAIN
"Try to talk but prepare to dodge."
Gil: Oh, hello again.
Yeah, look at this. Guy just jumped down a chimney like it was nothing.
We are SO screwed.
Wait. Oh, crap. This is not a rescue party at all.
This is that guy that ransacked my office last night.
This ain't good.
Here we go, right on cue. God bless plot convenience.
Yep, any moment. If it's soon, I'll probably have enough time to steal everything they have and then go meet up with those two weirdos.
Just hope they didn't screw the whole plan over.
Hey yeah, you're right. That's how this whole thing works, isn't it?
Yeah, I know what's gonna happen. When a big heist is going on, there's no way the protagonist would just get left behind in a cell.
That'd be a huge anticlimax. Yep, any minute now someone or something is going to give us a way out of here. Just gotta wait.
"Steal all the cigars. All of them."
Oh, right, thanks for reminding me. At least I'm getting something out of this whole thing.
...heh. I wonder if "a voice in my head told me to steal it" is a valid legal defense.
Probably not. I'd just get accused of being a warlock again.
See, that's the problem with making jail cells nicer. People don't feel like escaping them, so they don't leave any attempts behind, thus making my life harder.
What a day.
I guess the fireplace leads outside, but somehow I doubt I'd be able to climb what looks like 4-5 floors inside of a chimney.
Not even with the grappling crossbow.
Dammit, I need a smoke. Or a drink. Whatever's closer.
No secrets in the bookcase. Not counting the emergency bourbon I hid in here years ago, of course.
...what? Don't judge me. It's not like anyone's going to miss that copy of "Math and Magic, Volume IV: Exponential Magic Growth" anyway.
"Check for obvious exits."
No loose bars on the windows. View's pretty nice, though.
"What's under the bed?"
Let's see..spare blankets, board games, extra clothes, teapot and teabags...
Seriously? Not even a shank or anything?
I am so disappointed in the prison population right now.
Great, looks like Jay decided to be difficult today.
Fine, I'll just find my own way out of here. I'm a master escape artist, this should be a cinch.
"Ask politely to exit."
Gil: Yo, Jay, I get that you've got work and all, but I've actually got stuff I need to be doing myself.
Gil: So how about doing your ol' pal Gil a solid and sending me on my way?
Gil: I won't do anything illegal, swear to whatever god.
Gil: Pick which one you'd prefer, I guess.
Jay: Sorry man, none of that today.
Jay: With the festival and all, there's probably gonna be an inspection.
Gil: Oh come on, is an inspection REALLY worth more than your buddy?
Gil: You used to be cool, man.
Jay: I'm still cool.
Jay: And I'll be even cooler if I keep my job.
Jay: Now quiet down in there.
Gil: Alright, I didn't want to do this, but you've left me no choice.
Gil: Remember how two years ago you forgot your keys, but I stayed in my cell for the entire day anyway?
Gil: I'm calling in that favor.
Jay: Nope, no can do.
Gil: Seriously? Not cool, man.
Gil: Favors are sacred.
Jay: Yeah, and you already called yours in last winter.
Gil: Really? I don't remember getting out early last winter.
Jay: Nah, that wasn't what you called it in for.
Jay: You were really drunk and asked me to get you water and an aspirin.
Jay: Could've done it for nothing, too, but you insisted that you wanted to call in the favor.
Jay: So I don't owe you anything.
Gil: You're real mean, you know that?
Jay: I also know that it pisses you off, which is hilarious.
Gil: Did you guys actually change the carpet?
Jay: Yeah, people said they were kinda sick of the baby blue, so we mixed it up a bit.
Jay: Anyway, they already brought today's paper in and the crossword is a doozy.
Jay: Like I said, good luck to you if you haven't already done it.
Gil: Yeah, thanks.
Gil: You ever think you guys spend way too much money on your cells?
Jay: Don't knock rehabilitation over punishment, man.
Jay: The Tower's been standing for over 50 years now and we have had, like, zero recorded escape attempts or prison riots.
Jay: Well, except that one time there weren't enough cigars for everyone, of course.
Gil: Of course.
Gil: Well, I didn't expect this.
Jay: Alright, have fun.
Jay: How do you keep not getting arrested for good, man?
Jay: I've seen you steal so much stuff.
Gil: Silver tongue and a light touch, Jay.
Gil: That and a terrible justice system.
Jay: Well, none of that will help you in here.
Jay: Good luck, you're gonna need it.
MacLarren: Mornin', Jay.
MacLarren: Look who's first to be arrested for boisterous behavior again.
Jay: Somehow I fail to be surprised.
Jay: Hey, Gil.
MacLarren: Listen, I gotta go up to the cafeteria, see how Annie's doing with her briefing.
MacLarren: Think you can handle things on your own here?
Jay: Please, it's Gil.
Jay: He's just a big ol' teddybear.
Gil: I would've put it in a less emasculating way, but yeah, I'll play nice.
Gil: Alright, MacLarren, no need to get handsy.
Gil: I know the way from here.
MacLarren: What was all that about Joe's?
Gil: Eh, I owe him a bunch of cash.
Gil: Figured I might as well try and get some free advertisement in there while all eyes were on me.
Gil: Gotta multitask in my business.
Gil: Well, my businesses.
MacLarren: You think you're real funny, don't you?
Gil: Most people seem to agree.
MacLarren: With a few notable exceptions.
Gil: Man, did you think that was weird too?
Gil: I mean, I've pissed her off before, but I don't think she's ever actually hit me before.
Gil: You think she's losing it?
Gil: I'm sure running the Church must be pretty stressful.
MacLarren: Ah, who the hell knows what goes on in that woman's head?
MacLarren: Probably just having a bad day or something.
Gil: Yeah, maybe.
Ralph: I know, right?
Truthbearer: I think I've had enough fun for one day, captain.
Truthbearer: I'll be in my quarters.
Truthbearer: Give this one a couple hours in confinement for his trouble.
Gil: Hey, you can't just silence me by locking me away!
Gil: There will be others!
Gil: I am the martyr of the new generation!
Gil: Incidentally, if anyone wants to visit a great martyr-approved establishment, check out Joe's.
Gil: Great food for low low prices!
MacLarren: The hell...?
Gil: IT'S ON THE CORNER OF SIXTH AND TOWER!
Gil: SPREAD THE WORD!
MacLarren: Ah, shut up.
Gil: You can't keep this up much longer!
Gil: The good people of Veriton are sympathetic to my plight!
Gil: Hey, sure, I've got a fairy tale for you.
Gil: Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I didn't have anything to say to you.
Gil: The end.
Truthbearer: Come on, now.
Truthbearer: You are being very disagreeable.
Gil: Hey, man, I just felt like doing a little celebration.
Gil: Who are you to tell me how to honor the spirit of Truth or the equinox?
Gil: Maybe I wanna honor it by telling a few jokes on stage.
Gil: Maybe I wanna honor it by betting someone I can drink ten beers before you finish your dumb speech.
Truthbearer: Of course.
Truthbearer: As I have told you time and time again, alcohol corrupts the mind.
Truthbearer: You really must stop partaking if it's causing you this much trouble.
Truthbearer: I don't.
Gil: Oh, is THAT why you're such a bitch all the time?
MacLarren: Alright, Gil, that's about enough.
MacLarren: Your routine got old 5 minutes ago.
Gil: Hey, come on, is that any way to treat a local hero?
MacLarren: How are you a hero?!
Gil: What about that orphanage I paid to have built?
MacLarren: You mean the one you covered in advertisements for your stupid "acquisitions agency"?
MacLarren: Yeah, maybe where you're from that kinda stuff is seen as "heroic", but not here.
Gil: Hey, is that the way those poor orphans will remember it?
Truthbearer: Gilligan, I really hope you have an explanation for your actions.
Truthbearer: You know how I love a good fairy tale.
Gil: Okay you guys, I know I've been ragging on the Church a bit, but they're all still doing a great job!
Gil: Protecting the innocent from crooks and such.
Gil: Like me, the self-proclaimed master thief who's been living here for almost a decade now without the Church doing a single thing about it!
Gil: Seriously though, I must compliment the Church on some things at least.
Gil: For one, they all have terrific posture, did any of you notice that?
Gil: Well, for ages the Church kept its' methods a secret, but recently they actually released a short instructional manual on how to keep proper posture the Truth way.
Gil: Step one: find a stick, one preferably at least a couple of feet long.
Gil: Step two: Shove it right up your-
Gil: As you recall, while you were sneaking into the Tower, I was distracting the crowd with some of my cutting-edge observational humor about life in the city.
Gil: However - and this part you didn't see - the friggin' fun police showed up to ruin my act.
Acolyte: Jeez, you don't look so good.
Gil: Don't worry, I heal easily.
Acolyte: What happened to you?
Gil: Oh man, you will not BELIEVE what happened to me.
Sister Embers: Why? Are you going to lie to us? Why would you ever do that?
Gil: ...right. Anyway.
Frankie: Hey, sweet entrance, dude.
Gil: Oh hey, you guys are here too!
Gil: We're all here together now!
Sister Embers: Hmm, yes.
Sister Embers: Quite an amusing aside.
Sister Embers: However, let us return to my story.
Acolyte: ...you still have a story, Sister Embers?
Frankie: Yeah, I kinda figured we heard everything.
Sister Embers: Yes, but I still have not told you how I managed to find my way up here.
Frankie: That'd be my guess.
Sister Embers: Naturally.
Sister Embers: However, I did not tell you which elevators I used exactly.
Sister Embers: You see, originally I merely intended to use the elevator nearest to my position at the time to reach the top floor.
Sister Embers: However, my tactical genius allowed me to-
Acolyte: Wow, he really did that?
Frankie: Yeah, MacLarren tends to go for a little bit of "tough love".
Frankie: He'll be nice to you most of the time, but you get out of line, you get punched in the face.
Frankie: Anyway, that's not the point.
Frankie: I just included it in my story because I thought that guy getting punched was hilarious.
Frankie: No, the point is, all this talk of intruder alerts got me worried.
Frankie: 'Cause I knew if you guys got caught, you'd rat me out in an instant.
Frankie: And then I'd have to spend hours listening to a bunch of people yelling at me about boring things like "safety" and "discretion".
Frankie: So I hopped onto the closest elevator up here and, well, you know the rest.
MacLarren: There. I just gave you a lesson.
MacLarren: That lesson being: I don't care how angry you get.
MacLarren: I don't care how upset you get.
MacLarren: Do not start fights with fellow members of the Church.
MacLarren: These people are meant to be like brothers and sisters to you.
MacLarren: So you aren't supposed to pick fights.
MacLarren: You got that?
Rick: *cough* ...yessir... *cough*
MacLarren: You gonna thank me for teaching you?
Rick: ...thank you sir...
MacLarren: Good, then we don't have a problem.
MacLarren: Now let's go get you that sword.
Rick: Sir, thank you so much for selecting us for this mission.
Rick: We will not disappoint.
MacLarren: Yeah, yeah.
MacLarren: Come on, we still have to make a stop over at the armory.
Rick: ...armory? How come, sir?
MacLarren: Well, I don't see you carrying any weapons.
MacLarren: So I figure if you're gonna help me with this alert, I might as well get you a sword or something.
Jones: What? No. That's a terrible idea.
Jones: Do not give him any weapons.
Rick: Wow, really?!
Rick: Thank you, sir!
MacLarren: And before that, I have something else to give you.
MacLarren: Okay people, listen up.
MacLarren: The intruder alert is real.
MacLarren: But no panicking, alright?
MacLarren: Everything'll be fine.
MacLarren: For now, just put out this fire and start standing guard at the exits.
MacLarren: I'm going with these two up to the purplecoats to call this in.
Rick: WHO ARE YOU TO TELL ME TO-
Rick: I- wh- holy crap!
Rick: I mean, oh my gosh!
Rick: You're captain Charles MacLarren!
MacLarren: Sure am.
Jones: Wait, you know this guy?
Rick: Know him?
Rick: He's one of the Church's greatest heroes!
Rick: One of the fiercest fighters Truth has to offer!
Rick: Sir, I have to say, it is SUCH an honor.
Rick: It's kinda funny, I actually used to have a huge crush on you back when I was a kid.
MacLarren: Really? Usually I hear that more from the ladies.
MacLarren: Still, I'm flattered.
MacLarren: Now then, your friend told me about our intruder situation and I agree.
MacLarren: This must be dealt with immediately.
Rick: YES! Finally, someone who actually DOES things!
MacLarren: Stand down, soldier.
MacLarren: I admire your fighting spirit, but you're not pointing it in the right direction.
MacLarren: In plain words, calm the hell down.
"Talk to him. Use your reputation."
MacLarren: Alright, I'm gonna go try and calm him down.
MacLarren: You just stay here until it's all clear.
Jones: Don't need to tell me, dude.
MacLarren: It shouldn't come to this, but you wouldn't mind if I punched him, right?
MacLarren: Not too hard, just a love tap.
Jones: Yeah, sure.
Jones: Just not in the face.
Jones: He usually passes out if he gets a nosebleed and I don't wanna deal with that.
MacLarren: Fair enough.
Jones: I mean, I GUESS you could.
Jones: Like, in theory.
John: D-don't come any closer!
John: You don't wanna see what I can do with this thing!
John: I have a lot of practice with mops!
John: I always get stuck with cleaning duty!
MacLarren: Okay, well, you were definitely right to come to me with this.
MacLarren: This is a pretty big deal.
MacLarren: Even if it DOES ruin my festival plans.
MacLarren: Dammit, Embers.
MacLarren: But we still can't have your friend over there tearing our cafeteria apart.
MacLarren: We gotta find some way to calm him down.
MacLarren: Could we maybe talk to him?
Acolyte: Hey, wait.
Acolyte: If you already left by then, how do you know what happened?
Frankie: Oh, that's me.
Frankie: I'm telling the story now.
Frankie: I stayed after the dude went bonkers for the inevitable beatdown.
Acolyte: I thought you left.
Acolyte: Right now, I mean.
Frankie: Nah, I ran out of booze.
Frankie: And I can't go back to my room since SOMEONE caused an intruder alert.
Frankie: Thanks for that, by the way.
Sister Embers: I do not see why you would thank me for such a thing.
Frankie: Anyway, any other questions?
Acolyte: Oh, no.
Acolyte: Keep going!
MacLarren: Who is that guy and why is he beating on our firstfloors?
Redhair: Just some guy from Stonekey, I think.
Redhair: I don't know what happened!
Redhair: One minute it was just a regular meeting, but then everything caught on fire and he just went crazy!
Jones: ...yeah, this one was kinda my bad.
Jones: Rick's got kind of a temper.
Jones: If something sets him off, and I mean REALLY gets him mad, he just goes full "rip and tear" mode.
Jones: I guess I just got distracted and didn't notice him getting pissed.
Jones: Sorry, guys.
MacLarren: Jeez, what could get someone that mad?
Jones: Well, actually, if you're some captain guy, I think this might be interesting to you.
Jones: See, a couple of days ago we were out on patrol and-
Redhair: From, uh, him.
MacLarren: What the hell is going on here?
MacLarren: You guys having a barbecue with all this smoke?
Redhair: For your own protection, I implore you to join us behind the makeshift barricade!
MacLarren: Protection from what?
MacLarren: Hey buddy, what's up?
MacLarren: Is the meeting over or what?
MacLarren: No respect from these new recruits.
Jones: So, how are we gonna put this out?
Jones: Can we use water from the waterfalls?
Redhair: I dunno.
Redhair: That stuff is pretty expensive to pump in here.
Redhair: We'd have to be conservative with it.
Jones: Well, it's the best choice we've got unless someone knows any fire putting out spells.
Redhair: Do you?
Jones: No, I skipped that part of my textbook and memorized "Summon Small Animal" instead.
Jones: ...it's about as stupid as it sounds.
Rick: What?! Oh come on!
Rick: That was totally the lady from that alley!
Rick: Did you see her eyes?!
Jones: Yeah, dude, I saw the eyes.
Jones: My point is, we came here to tell people about the cultist activity in our town.
Jones: We did that.
Jones: Our job here is done.
Rick: But...but who's going to catch the heretic?
Jones: This tower's got like a thousand people living in it, bro.
Jones: I think it'll be fine.
Jones: We don't have to be the heroes EVERY day, y'know?
Jones: Other people can handle it for us, right?
Redhair: Oh, y-yes, of course.
Redhair: I'll send an intruder alert to security as soon as we put out this fire.
Jones: Yeah, there you go, see?
Jones: Problem solved.
Frankie: Jeez, dude, that was rough.
Frankie: Are you okay?
Rick: Doesn't matter!
Rick: There's stuff to do!
Rick: Okay, you guys deal with the fire.
Rick: Jones, Hal, let's go.
Rick: We've got ourselves a heretic to catch.
Jones: We really, REALLY don't.
"Do the firey thing!"
Sister Embers: In that case, I shall leave.
Sister Embers: Seeing as you cannot provide a proper debate.
Rick: That's not how this works!
Rick: I caught you!
Rick: You can't just leave!
Sister Embers: Hmm, no.
Sister Embers: I do believe I can.
Rick: Shut up!
Rick: You are done talking!
Rick: You will NOT use your big words to get out of this!
Rick: I hate you people.
Rick: Always thinking that just because you know longer words than me, you can get away with anything.
Rick: Well NOT ANYMORE!
Rick: From now on, no one will ever use big fancy words to outsmart Rick-
Sister Embers: Yes, yes, very well.
Sister Embers: That is absolutely ridiculous.
Sister Embers: You are attempting to begin a witch hunt towards me simply because of my unusual features?
Sister Embers: I am not well versed in social circles, but I know that discrimination like that is highly offensive.
Sister Embers: As such, I must now be offended.
Sister Embers: I demand a full written apology, and also-
Rick: THIS is what we came here to warn you all about!
Rick: Inside the Church!
Rick: Corrupting it from within!
Sister Embers: Now then, I must go.
Sister Embers: I'm certain I have business to attend to elsewhere.
Sister Embers: While our conversation certainly was...something, I believe I shall now-
Jones: Oh boy.
Jones: Here we go.
Sister Embers: As a matter of fact, why don't you keep them?
Sister Embers: As a reminder of our conversation.
Sister Embers: And one day you will be able to have physical proof that you have met someone truly great.
Sister Embers: Yes, well, they weren't my idea.
Sister Embers: I'm quite enthusiastic to get rid of them, in fact.
Sister Embers: Thank you for making me get a closer look at your amulet so they would accidentally remove themselves from my face.
Rick: Here you are.
Rick: Though I'm not sure what you need these for.
Rick: Seeing as it's not...too...sunny...to...
Sister Embers: Hmm.
Sister Embers: Fascinating what kind of things one can attach meaning to.
Rick: Oh no, your glasses!
Rick: I'll go ahead and get them for you.
Rick: Check it out.
Sister Embers: A standard issue amulet of Truth.
Sister Embers: Yes, I also have one.
Sister Embers: They are easily purchasable at any of your numerous locations.
Rick: Well, no, I actually made this one myself since we didn't have the Chuch in Stonekey before.
Rick: Glued some paper to a blue marble.
Rick: But my point is, wearing these amulets and being in this tower means that we are guardians of Truth.
Rick: We live to bring light and joy to the rest of the world and to protect the innocent.
Rick: And we have the privilege of knowing that what we believe in is just and true.
Rick: We never need to doubt anything we believe, not even for a second.
Rick: I think that's amazing.
Rick: And I really hope you don't decide to just throw all that away.
Rick: You're losing your faith, huh?
Rick: That must...suck.
Sister Embers: Indeed.
Sister Embers: And I do not need you here exacerbating my situation.
Rick: ...I'm not sure what that word means, but I just wanted to say something encouraging, y'know?
Sister Embers: Yes.
Sister Embers: You may begin encouraging me by ending this conversation and going away.
Rick: Okay, how about this.
Rick: I'm gonna show you something.
Rick: Uh...sorry, maybe I got something wrong.
Rick: When are you going to tell this lady to get out?
Redhair: Why would I do that?
Rick: Well...she's unfaithful.
Rick: So...she can't be part of the Church anymore, right?
Rick: It makes sense.
Redhair: What? No.
Redhair: Why would you kick someone out just because they lost their faith?
Redhair: They shouldn't be punished for something like that.
Rick: ...I don't follow.
Redhair: Look, people who lost their faith aren't bad, they're just like us.
Redhair: And with a little support and advice, they can get it back.
Rick: So...why are we the ones who have to do all that stuff?
Redhair: Just...just go say something nice to that lady, alright?
Redhair: You Stonekey folks sure have some funny ideas.
Redhair: Yeah, our support group for people losing faith.
Redhair: We have weekly sessions.
Redhair: Here you go.
Redhair: As head of this floor, it's my job to give you this pamphlet, but you don't have to come or anything.
Redhair: Though we'd love to keep you on the team.
Sister Embers: ...very well. I suppose I shall consider it.
Redhair: Our next meeting will be here on Saturday, somewhere around six-ish in the evening.
Redhair: I can give you my scrying frequency if you need to ask me about anything later.
Sister Embers: Pardon?
Sister Embers: No, of course not.
Sister Embers: The very idea is ridiculous.
Sister Embers: Ha. Ha.
Redhair: Yeah, sorry.
Redhair: Anyway, you know what I have to do now, of course.
Rick: Yeah, what we have to do now.
Sister Embers: Naturally.
Sister Embers: It is only your job.
Sister Embers: And I see no harm coming to me from this.
"Argue that the spell is faulty."
Sister Embers: Nonsense.
Sister Embers: I am as faithful as anyone.
Sister Embers: The spell must have not worked correctly.
Sister Embers: The Test of Truth is a very error-prone spell, as I have just been discussing with my friend here.
Frankie: Yo, I am not gonna be a part of this.
Redhair: Well, I'm sorry, but this is the best test we have.
Redhair: And it is usually pretty accurate.
Redhair: I'm sad to tell you this, but you do not have faith.
Redhair: In the word of Truth, I mean.
Redhair: John's spell is only calibrated to our faith, naturally.
Redhair: You could have faith in something else, I guess.
Redhair: Oh great, we've got a negative.
Sister Embers: Bah.
Sister Embers: I have always considered the Test of Faith to be a completely pointless spell.
Sister Embers: Faith is not something that can be objectively measured and determined by spellcasting.
Sister Embers: It is a far more complex thing, shown only by the actions of the individual in the long term.
Frankie: Yeah, I'm sure it's real easy to complain when you FAILED.
Frankie: Nice red, bro! Wearing that to the prom?
Sister Embers: I do not have plans to attend this prom you speak of.
Redhair: Ugh, forget it.
Redhair: This paper is useless.
Redhair: I'm ready to get this briefing over with and go enjoy the festival.
Redhair: I guess let's do a Test of Faith just in case.
John: On it.
John: Really could've used a smaller room, though.
John: I'm gonna get a huge headache stretching this spell over the entire cafeteria.
Redhair: Okay, while I try and make this out, let's give a hand for our two visitors from Stonekey - Rick Verdant and Marty Jones.
Redhair: Here to apparently deliver "news of extreme importance".
Redhair: They're also the sole official members of the Church in their hometown.
Redhair: Great job, you guys.
"Be Sister Embers."
Sister Embers: Incredible.
Sister Embers: I have been listening to briefings since I was 3.
Sister Embers: This may, in fact, be the worst one I've ever heard.
Frankie: Eh, Annie...tries.
Frankie: It's not her fault.
Frankie: She's pretty overworked.
Sister Embers: That is no excuse for such a hideous briefing.
Sister Embers: Also, what are you even doing here?
Sister Embers: From prior context I had assumed you were merely pretending to be a member of the Church to scam others.
Frankie: Okay, first of all: wow, look who's talking.
Frankie: Secondly: I am still a member of the Church.
Frankie: I just like to earn some cash on the side sometimes.
Redhair: "And, of course, I urge everyone to exercise..."
Redhair: I can't read this word at all.
John: But you wrote this speech yourself.
Redhair: Yeah, I think I was, like, half-asleep at the time.
Redhair: My handwriting is terrible.
John: Maybe you need glasses.
John: You keep complaining that you can't read stuff.
Redhair: Well, yeah, but this is handwriting.
Redhair: I'm pretty sure glasses don't help with reading bad handwriting.
John: Magic glasses might.
Sister Embers: After our separation, I decided to join the other members of the Church in the local cafeterium for the daily briefing.
Sister Embers: Sadly, this effort to gain information proved fruitless.
Sister Embers: Mostly through the complete incompetence of the overall presentation.
Acolyte: You're okay!
Sister Embers: Quite.
Sister Embers: You, however, have been struck in the back with considerable force.
Sister Embers: And yet you are still standing.
Acolyte: Oh, yeah, it's no big deal.
Acolyte: My sister used to do that kind of stuff to me all the time when I was a kid.
Acolyte: How did you get caught?
Acolyte: You're always so careful.
Sister Embers: I assure you, this came through no fault of mine.
Sister Embers: I suppose I can inform you of my actions while I recolor my robes.
Sister Embers: Not having to wear these ridiculous disguises anymore is one plus of the mission being compromised.
Sister Embers: Now then.
Sister Embers: Oh, acolyte, it's only you.
Sister Embers: Nevermind, you do not have to tell me any of those things.
Sister Embers: You probably wouldn't even know them when it comes to our cult.
Sister Embers: Other people on this floor. Building schematics. Intruder alert protocol. Now.
Sister Embers: Talk or die.
Acolyte: S-Sister Embers!
Huh. No sign of Sister Embers. Maybe you were too hasty to come up here? Who knows where she could be.
Frankie: Alright, here we are, floor 20-something.
Frankie: Good luck, man.
Acolyte: What if someone asks me for an ID?
Frankie: Nah, there's no one here, this whole floor is a storage lockup.
Frankie: You'll be fine.
Frankie: I'ma go find a nice corner and drink the rest of this horrible sort-of-alcohol.
Frankie: See ya.
Acolyte: Thanks for coming along with me, Frankie.
Acolyte: I really appreciate it.
Frankie: Yeah, well, don't expect me to help, alright?
Frankie: Not my fault your friend-
Frankie: -got caught.
Acolyte: I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner, honestly.
Acolyte: She's got those huge super-obvious red eyes and all.
Frankie: No kidding.
Frankie: What's the deal with those anyway?
Acolyte: I don't know, I always thought it'd be too personal of a question to ask.
Acolyte: I guess they're some super rare magic thing.
Acolyte: Never seen anyone else with them.
Acolyte: Well, except for one guy, but I think he's dead now.
Acolyte: I thought you'd know, what with being magic and all.
Frankie: Eh, I'm not super into magic, I just learned a few spells to heal minor bruises and hangovers.
Frankie: And anyway, there's a lot of weird shit in the world, y'know?
Frankie: It's hard to care about all of it.
Frankie: We've got golems, elevators, portable scryers, electricity...
Frankie: How does any of that stuff work? We just don't know.
Frankie: So I figure there are gonna be a few glowy-eyed people out there.
Frankie: Personally, I'd just stay away on the off chance they're sensitive about it.
MacLarren: Alright, you guys keep your eyes peeled.
MacLarren: Francine, you see anything, you call me straight away, alright?
MacLarren: Don't be a hero.
Frankie: Alright, dad, jeez.
Frankie: Why do you care so bad what happens to me, MacLarren?
MacLarren: Because I want you to be okay is all.
MacLarren: Well, that, and your mother would cut off my pension if she found out I let anything happen to you.
Frankie: You greedy old bastard, you.
MacLarren: Yeah, yeah, you got me.
MacLarren: I'll see you around.
MacLarren: Oh, and, uh, buddy?
MacLarren: I hope you don't think I'm stupid.
MacLarren: I saw you in the crowd with Embers.
MacLarren: I may only have one eye, but it's always watching.
MacLarren: Now, I'm not gonna arrest you now because you seem like a nice kid and Francine picks her company okay.
MacLarren: But I want to make it clear - this isn't me letting you go.
MacLarren: There's no way out but through me.
MacLarren: I'm just giving you a head start.
MacLarren: Remember that.
MacLarren: Oh, and when you meet Embers?
MacLarren: Tell her that she just lost her last chance.
MacLarren: It's back on.
"Say hi to MacLarren again."
Acolyte: Uhh...hello, sir.
Acolyte: I'm new here.
MacLarren: Oh yeah, you're the guy from the bar.
MacLarren: How's life?
Acolyte: Well, um, yeah.
Acolyte: Anyway, I was thinking that maybe I could go with Frankie-
Acolyte: Er, Francine, and check out some floors higher up?
Acolyte: In case she already went up that high?
MacLarren: Francine, what do you make of this guy?
MacLarren: You wanna go with him?
Frankie: Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, sounds fun.
Frankie: What were we talking about?
MacLarren: Well, that settles it, I suppose.
MacLarren: You two crazy kids have fun.
Jane: Alright, guys, listen up.
Jane: First order of business: where the hell is everyone?
Jane: This floor is supposed to have like 50 purplecoats working on it.
Jane: Emergency warnings aren't just suggestions, people.
Bluehair: Well, I know Milo and Kirk have been out on that thing for like a week now.
Bluehair: Geoff's busy with his stand.
Bluehair: And I think everyone else is just out about town partying.
Jane: Well, for the rest of you, captain MacLarren here will be giving the orders for the duration of the alert.
MacLarren: Thanks, Jane.
MacLarren: Alright, we are dealing with a powerful magician with decades of experience.
MacLarren: So the most important thing I can tell you is avoid confrontation at all costs.
MacLarren: I know you guys are big on magic, but trust me, you can't take her.
MacLarren: Let's just focus on establishing her location for now.
MacLarren: Now, Jane's already contacted tower security and they're currently maintaining an anti-magic field around the whole place, so she can't portalwalk out.
MacLarren: Meaning if we look hard enough, we'll find her eventually.
MacLarren: So I want everyone split off into groups of two.
MacLarren: We'll be patrolling the tower in pairs, starting from this floor and heading up.
MacLarren: This ought to give us the best chance of catching her if she's hiding out somewhere.
"Go with Frankie."
Jane: Sir, with all due respect, isn't calling an alert like this too extreme?
Jane: Why would someone break into the tower in the middle of the day?
Jane: To steal the newest issue of "Eye on Veriton" from the break room?
Jane: It's probably just a bunch of drunk citizens from the festival.
MacLarren: Look, Jane, I know this particular intruder and she isn't exactly big on light reading.
MacLarren: Just make the announcement and I'll deal with everything else.
Uhh...alright. Jeez, you sure have a lot of stuff now.
You're not against it or anything - carrying a lot of stuff is the entire purpose of a bag of holding - but you really hope you'll at least use most of it eventually.
Acolyte: Oh jeez, that doesn't sound good.
Acolyte: What do we do?
Frankie: Well, I don't know what you're doing, but I'm gonna go see what's up.
Frankie: You can come along if you want, not like anyone knows it's you yet.
Acolyte: I guess I could.
Acolyte: Would it be suspicious to come?
Acolyte: Would it be more suspicious to not come?
Frankie: Relax, dude, it'll be fun.
Frankie: For me.
Frankie: And if you get caught, not at all for you.
Frankie: About that.
Frankie: Probably should've started with that, in retrospect.
Jane: All purplecoats, report to the main elevator on floor 18 immediately.
Jane: You will be further briefed upon arrival.
Jane: Again, not a drill, guys. Seriously.
Jane: Head Research Supervisor Jane over and out.
Jane: The suspect is a grey-haired woman dressed in blue robes with somewhat tan complexion and red eyes.
Jane: Be warned: the intruder is apparently capable of casting magic on a high level.
Jane: Do not attempt capture or combat on your own if you encounter her.
Jane: Also, I am told that she may be colluding with several other individuals still undiscovered.
Jane: Please remember to not forgo the routine ID checks.
Jane: Attention, fellow purplecoats.
Jane: This is an intruder alert.
Jane: I repeat: a subversive element intent on harming the Church in some way has infiltrated our ranks.
Jane: This is not a drill, people, get your game faces on.
Frankie: Sweet Jesus this is rancid.
Frankie: Oh, I dunno.
Frankie: It's just some thing that Gil says sometimes.
Frankie: In other news, hey, look at you!
Frankie: Still alive and everything, good job.
Acolyte: Well, these guys are kinda weird, but they're not too unfriendly.
Acolyte: Though I did kinda start-
Acolyte: Wait, did you say "alive"?
Frankie: Oh, yeah, I almost forgot.
Frankie: I'm not just here for free unsupervised booze.
Frankie: I can get that at my dorm.
Frankie: No, I also came up here to warn you.
Acolyte: About what?
Acolyte: Y'know, I was wondering.
Acolyte: What's the point of the necklaces on these golem guys?
Acolyte: Isn't it kind of a waste of money?
Purplecoat: Well, besides the obvious use of showing who owns them, there IS a second use almost no one knows about.
Purplecoat: All golem amulets are hollow so that you can keep small objects in them.
Purplecoat: See, there's a popular superstition that if a golem is near something related to its' purpose, it performs much more effectively.
Purplecoat: So, say, a golem made for farming works a lot better if you have it carry a piece of wheat or a bag of seeds or something.
Purplecoat: There's no scientific basis for it as far as I know, but it's cool to think about, y'know?
Purplecoat: Almost like they're alive.
Acolyte: Wow, I didn't know that.
Acolyte: You know a lot about golems, huh.
Purplecoat: Oh sure, I love 'em.
Purplecoat: Ours most of all.
Purplecoat: They're just...neat, y'know?
Purplecoat: All that raw power barely restricted by human orders.
Purplecoat: You just get the feeling they could go wild on you at any time.
Purplecoat: It's pretty cool.
Acolyte: I'm gonna go talk to my other...friend...now.
Sigma: Good afternoon, ma'am.
Sigma: I believe I am able to solve your alcohol-based predicament.
Sigma: With the use of several simple spells, I can speed up the fermentation process of the aforementioned orange juice, thus causing it to become alcoholic in nature.
Frankie: Hey, coolness.
Frankie: I knew we kept you nerds around for something.
Frankie: Light it up, dude.
"What about your culture?"
Acolyte: So, wait, does that mean that Numeralians don't ever argue?
Acolyte: That can't be.
Sigma: No, we have disagreements, of course.
Sigma: However, they are not settled through name-calling, conjecture, and violence like on the surface.
Sigma: We solve our problems using proven facts and cooperation, thus making us superior at conflict resolution.
Sigma: And, as superiors, it is our burden to solve the conflicts of those unable to do it for themselves.
Sigma: You see, this is exactly what I mean.
Sigma: An argument has formed based on something neither party can do anything about!
Sigma: And yet, they will pursue a non-existent solution until late into the night if they so desire.
Sigma: Truly, yours is a fascinating culture.
Frankie: Mineral water, cooking oil, orange juice...
Frankie: Orange juice! Come on!
Frankie: Do you guys not have ANY booze?!
Purplecoat: I think we should just be thankful for what we have.
Purplecoat: Janie fought really hard for us to get a bar in the break room.
Purplecoat: No other floor has that.
Frankie: Why is this place not filled to the brim with alcohol?!
Frankie: You guys are wasting a PRECIOUS opportunity to become the best break room in the Tower!
Acolyte: So, you're a...Numeralian, huh.
Sigma: I come from the country of the same name, yes.
Acolyte: Is it nice?
Sigma: It is the greatest place this planet has ever seen or will see.
Sigma: A true bastion of knowledge and reason.
Acolyte: Wow, sounds pretty great.
Acolyte: Why did you leave?
Sigma: I study surface culture, so it is only natural for me to take such trips.
Acolyte: ...do you miss it?
Sigma: I do miss my home, of course, but on the plus side, I am able to study the rest of humanity hands-on.
Sigma: It is quite fascinating.
Sigma: I am amazed by how impulsive you can be.
Sigma: Well, that was certainly an ordeal.
Acolyte: What did you get?
Sigma: An antique dousing rod.
Sigma: I shall use it to help with my study of surface culture.
Acolyte: ...how would a dousing rod help with that?
Sigma: Well, today I've decided to merely "kick back" and do some simple statistical analysis.
Sigma: In the spirit of the festival and all.
Sigma: So I shall ask several hundred people whether or not they know the purpose of this tool.
Sigma: And if so, whether or not they believe that dousing is a true science.
Sigma: Having done this, I shall ascertain the current surface opinion on this matter.
Sigma: Ah, I am glad you think so.
Sigma: I will require someone to take notes.
Sigma: Please, accompany me.
Acolyte: Well, I guess I don't have anything else to do for now.
Acolyte: Since my...supervisor...didn't give me any instructions.
Acolyte: Might as well.
Sigma: We shall begin in the break room.
Sigma: There is always quite a number of people there.
Lawrence: Hey, cool, you got a waterbreathing one.
Lawrence: It lets you extract oxygen from water when you wear it, like a fish.
Lawrence: That or this is a broken one which transmutates any oxygen you may want to breathe into water.
Lawrence: ...that's kind of another reason why rings are free.
Lawrence: Bit of a gamble there.
Lawrence: Alrighty, that's one astral compass and one portable scryer.
Lawrence: And feel free to grab a ring out of the jar.
Acolyte: Really, I can just take one?
Lawrence: Yeah, sure, rings aren't hard to come by.
Lawrence: I get 'em by the crateload after every enchanting lesson.
Lawrence: It's not exactly difficult to take a bent piece of metal and put a spell on it.
"What's with the dice necklaces?"
Acolyte: Hey, what are all of these?
Lawrence: Oh come on, dude.
Lawrence: Are you from the forest or something?
Lawrence: Never seen a portable scryer before?
Acolyte: Well, once, but the one I saw looked bigger.
Lawrence: Yeah, these are the newest model.
Lawrence: They keep making new ones.
Lawrence: This one is 20 percent smaller AND doesn't even have a keypad anymore.
Lawrence: You just tell it what frequency you wanna call, it's great.
Lawrence: Of course, the sweetest deal would be to have a headband that does everything for you like Sigma over there, but what can you do?
Lawrence: Not everyone can be a Numeralian.
Sigma: That is a very correct statement.
Lawrence: But this is pretty cool too.
Acolyte: I guess so.
Acolyte: I don't really know who I would call though.
Lawrence: Well yeah, it's because you don't have a scryer yet.
Lawrence: Once you got one, I bet your contact list would start filling up.
Lawrence: Tell you what, I'll throw it in for free.
Lawrence: Gotta advance communication, right?
Lawrence: Check it out.
Lawrence: An astral compass.
Lawrence: When you're out portalwalking, it points you to the nearest largest object.
Acolyte: Object? You mean you can find things while portalwalking?
Lawrence: Oh yeah, sure, lots of stuff ends up out there.
Lawrence: People hide things in there and forget, research expeditions come in but never come out, magical accidents drag stuff in there...
Lawrence: Down south, people hunt for treasure in there all the time using these compasses.
Lawrence: See, the little arrow glows brighter the closer you get to a thing.
Acolyte: Okay, that is pretty cool.
Acolyte: I guess I'll take it.
Lawrence: Sweet. One paper bag, coming up.
Acolyte: Uh, jeez, I don't know if I can afford any of this stuff.
Lawrence: Nah, don't worry about paying, man.
Lawrence: This stuff is all meant to help members of the Church.
Lawrence: So I can't charge you no matter how much I'd like to, heh.
Acolyte: Oh, alright.
Acolyte: In that case, uh, do you maybe have anything that could make me stronger?
Acolyte: I'm a little noodle-armed, I'll admit it.
Lawrence: Sorry, all the performance enhancing stuff's been checked out for the festival.
Lawrence: Security needs 'em to handle the crowd when they get rowdy.
Acolyte: Then maybe something with invisibility?
Acolyte: That has a lot of uses.
Lawrence: Not unless you've got a waiver from Jane that says you'll only use it for research purposes.
Lawrence: She got sick of people constantly using that stuff for pranks.
Acolyte: Well...maybe something to do with portalwalking, then?
Acolyte: I haven't been too good with that.
Lawrence: Ah, now there I actually DO have something you might like.
Lawrence: Hold on.
Lawrence: Anyway, welcome to the Tower's one stop shop for artifacts, divine technology, and other assorted oddities.
Lawrence: What kind of thing are you guys looking for today?
Lawrence: Though I gotta warn you, most of my A stuff is perpetually rented out, so, y'know, think less ambitious.
Lawrence: I'm not going to say "bargain bin", but I'm going to strongly imply it.
Lawrence: ...you guys wanted something, right? Let me just hop behind the counter.
Acolyte: But shouldn't we do something about-
Lawrence: No, you know what? I'm done.
Lawrence: Today has sucked so bad I don't care anymore.
Lawrence: Let someone else take care of it.
Acolyte: But it's glowing and giving off heat!
Lawrence: Ah, this room's been through worse.
Lawrence: At most it might singe the carpet a bit.
Lawrence: I'm just going to ignore the problem and blame it on everything but myself if anyone gets on my case about it.
Lawrence: Like a good unpaid laborer.
Sigma: We receive a monthly salary.
Lawrence: We get paid peanuts, Sigma.
Lawrence: Alright, looks like we cleared out a bit of a path here.
Acolyte: Cool. Are we going to push the crate inside now?
Lawrence: Oh, nah, this isn't a crate we can push.
Lawrence: This baby is a golem power core.
Acolyte: I didn't know golems needed power.
Lawrence: Some of them do, the really big ones.
Lawrence: "Golem" really just means "thing animated by magic", so there are tons of different kinds of them.
Lawrence: Anyway, my point being that golem power cores are incredibly heavy.
Lawrence: We'd probably hurt ourselves and get nothing done without any help.
Lawrence: Heck, I'm surprised I got it this far without any significant accidents.
Sigma: Speaking of accidents, you may find this humorous, gentlemen.
Sigma: It seems that someone has glued the "This Side Up" sticker on this crate upside down.
Sigma: I'll bet a postman somewhere is feeling real silly right about now.
Acolyte: How did this happen, anyway?
Lawrence: Yeah, that was my bad.
Lawrence: I kinda misjudged the width of the golems holding a box vis a vis the width of my doorway.
Lawrence: And you know service golems, if you tell them to go somewhere, they don't care whether or not they fit.
Lawrence: And then... crack.
Acolyte: Huh, I always thought golems were indestructible.
Lawrence: Yeah, you'd be surprised.
Lawrence: See, we make our golems mostly out of diamond, because apparently being flashy and throwing money around matters more than common sense.
Lawrence: And diamond, while hard to scratch or chip, is very brittle.
Lawrence: So it can't bend if you, say, try and fit it through a tight hallway and thus ends up breaking.
Lawrence: ...which is what I learned today. Hell of an expensive lesson though.
"Give the man a hand."
Acolyte: Hi. Maybe I could help you with this?
Acolyte: I'm Larry.
Lawrence: Though my friends call me "The Law" because of my strict dorm rules.
Acolyte: ...I don't think I'll do that.
Lawrence: Let's just go ahead and remove this world's most expensive fire hazard.
Purplecoat: Hey, screw you, Sigma.
Purplecoat: You wanna get in here so bad, why don't you help me pull these golem chunks out?
Sigma: I am pulling in spirit.
Purplecoat: Yeah, no. You are pulling in NOTHING.
"A short walk later..."
Acolyte: Uh, excuse me, is this Artifact Storage?
Acolyte: I'm new here.
Lady: Indeed it is, but good luck if you are attempting to enter it.
Lady: I have been standing here for almost 20 minutes now.
Lady: It is maddening.
Lady: Numeralia may have some issues, but if there's one thing I can say about my homeland is that things like this never happen.
Acolyte: They're not letting people in?
Lady: No, there is somewhat of an accident.
Lady: I suppose you may call it human error.
Lady: I prefer to call it human incompetence.
Hey, yeah, that is around here. Might as well check it out. Maybe you'll find something neat.
"Copy it into your book."
Aw man, it's all burnt and smudged. Probably because you set it on fire and then got it wet. You're not even sure what spell this is supposed to be.
Well, the casting directions are there. Might as well write them down just in case.
Well, that was a bit of a bust. At least you managed to grab a scroll while you were leaving.
Angry Wet Guy: OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY!
Angry Wet Guy: What is wrong with you?!
Acolyte: I'm sorry! It was an accident!
Angry Wet Guy: No, mixing acids and bases is an accident!
Angry Wet Guy: This is... I don't even know what to call this!
Angry Wet Guy: Ugh, just...just get out of here!
Angry Wet Guy: And if I see you in here again, I'm calling my HR rep!
Acolyte: Okay, okay!
Acolyte: A-are you okay?
Burning Guy: Right, that's it.
Burning Guy: I think I've been patient enough.
Burning Guy: Dude, what the hell?
Burning Guy: I mean, I get it, we're scientists.
Burning Guy: A fire or two is expected.
Burning Guy: But this really is going too far.
Burning Guy: When are you going to get this under-
OH COME ON!
Okay, gotta think on your feet. Gotta apply some cleverness.
"Use the water cooler."
YES! GLORIOUS WATER WASHES AWAY ALL SINS!
Oh no oh no oh no that just made things WORSE and what are you gonna do now
THIS DOESN'T LOOK VERY REVERSED
Yes, of course! You know this works with stuff like color changing spells, so why shouldn't it work with this?! Genius!
Okay, like this and like that and like this and-
...No. You can't just expect to set a bunch of valuable scrolls and a table and a guy on fire and walk away. You made this mess, you're gonna clean it.
Stupid good upbringing. Never letting you do the wrong thing just because it's easier.
Maybe it would be best...if you just...let this be. Yeah. You should probably go anyway.
Oh crap. This is one of those things you didn't exactly think all the way through.
Ha! It works! It's really really burning your hand very hard, but it works! Sister Embers will totally-
Darn finger positions are complicated. You should probably copy them into your spellbook so you don't forget them later.
Okay, and now you just...
Hey, this looks alright. It's not too showy, it's practical, Sister Embers would probably approve of you doing fire magic stuff...
Let's give it a shot.
Looks like this is the place. Judging from all these scrolls, at least.
Huh, they're just...sitting there. On a table. In a pile. Unguarded.
You're not complaining, you're just surprised. Time to find something good.
Acolyte: Uh, hello.
Acolyte: Excuse me, are you the librarian?
Librarian?: Head astronomer.
Astronomer: Librarian's out partying downstairs, I'm covering for him.
Astronomer: What do you need, dude?
Acolyte: Well, I'm new here, and I was just wondering if there was any way I could learn some spells anywhere around here?
Astronomer: Sorry, man.
Astronomer: Most of our scrolls and spellbooks are usually checked out 24/7 for use in experiments or out in the field.
Astronomer: I guess you could check the unsorted scrolls table.
Astronomer: It's in the back, between Weapon Arts and Yoga For Use In Battle.
Librarian?: ...so she's already pretty angry at this point, right?
Librarian?: So I tell her "Hey, maybe YOU think it's a red dwarf, but how about we get a second opinion from an actual astronomer?".
Librarian?: And she just goes freakin' CRAZY on me, man, it was great.
Librarian?: MacLarren had to throw her out of the bar and everything.
Librarian?: Hold on Ralph, someone's coming, be right back.
"Go to the library first."
Yeah, that's probably a pretty good idea. You might actually learn something useful, who knows?
You know the overarching plan is to get to the top of the tower, but wouldn't it be suspicious to just leave immediately?
Then again, it'd also be suspicious if you started doing a job and it turned out you didn't know anything about it.
You gotta come up with something fast.
You're feeling a little in over your head here.
For one, you're not really sure what you're supposed to be doing.
Sister Embers said to "split up", but there wasn't any actual mention of when and where you'd get back together.
Bluehair: Jane! Thank god you're here! There was an explosion in Alchemy again!
Jane: Oh great.
Jane: I specifically said to prepare the fireworks the day BEFORE the festival so we could compensate for accidents.
Jane: Some people just do not listen.
Jane: Alright, I have to go take care of this, new guy.
Jane: Just take a look around on your own, I guess.
Jane: Don't touch anything.
Jane: And here we are, top floor.
Jane: Well, not really, but this particular elevator doesn't go any higher.
Acolyte: It's a little gloomy in here.
Jane: That is due to the lack of windows.
Jane: Some of our work can be photosensitive.
Jane: Also, many of us simply don't enjoy the sun.
Jane: Alright, I guess I'm obligated, let me give you a quick tour.
Jane: Um, I don't know what Francine told you, but you don't have to wear that amulet around here.
Acolyte: I don't?
Jane: Those things are deadly.
Jane: Getting stuck in doors, getting caught in machinery...
Jane: I've been sending in requests to the Truthbearer to change them to a simple bracelet or headband for years.
Jane: However, it seems people simply do not care about safety these days.
Acolyte: Yeah, that...sucks.
Acolyte: So...I met Geoff.
Acolyte: He seemed nice?
Jane: Yes, I suppose he is.
Jane: He just spent a month in Numeralia on a cultural exchange mission.
Jane: You should read his travel log, it's quite fascinating.
Jane: A copy is posted up on the library message board, I believe.
Acolyte: I will...certainly...try to...do that.
Well yeah, that IS pretty true. Hey, maybe you're not so bad with girls as you thought.
Still no idea what to say right now, though.
"Be the acolyte."
You are now the acolyte and oh boy, you sure are kinda nervous.
It's not that you don't actually belong to be here and it's not that you're lying to someone you should definitely never lie to.
It's just...you have trouble talking to people with such...leader-y qualities a lot of the time.
And so our heroes' paths split.
We will see all of them, of course.
But which one should we pick first?
Frankie: Hey, nice going there, "Larry".
Frankie: You're just lucky you're cute enough for me to bail your ass out.
Frankie: You can't lie for crap, I can tell.
Frankie: Well, enjoy the tour.
Acolyte: I dunno, uh...
Acolyte: ...is it really a good idea for us to split up like this, Sister Embers?
Sister Embers: I don't see why not.
Sister Embers: It will certainly let us cover more terrain in a shorter amount of time.
Sister Embers: You must simply remember to be careful.
Sister Embers: Yes, I believe that will work.
Sister Embers: You go with this "Janie" and I shall infiltrate this floor.
Frankie: Oh man, you get to go to one of our briefings.
Sister Embers: Are they of a high quality?
Frankie: They're fantastic.
Frankie: Like a shining beacon of incompetence.
Frankie: And since I'm forced to go now, I guess I might as well show you the way. Come on.
"Frankie: Ask Acolyte's name."
Frankie: Well, this is, um, well...
Frankie: Right! Larry!
Frankie: He's the new guy, just rolled in from Stonekey or Latchkey or one of those random farming communities.
Jane: I was not informed of any new arrival today.
Frankie: Yeah, that was probably a clerical error.
Frankie: I was just about to get him over to you so you could, y'know, show him around!
Jane: *sigh* Fine.
Jane: But you better get your butt in the cafeteria this instant.
Frankie: Can do!
Jane: Hello, Francine.
Frankie: Oh goddamn- Hi, Janie!
Frankie: Happy equinox!
Frankie: Not out celebrating with everyone else?
Jane: Yes, yes.
Jane: Well, that's the life of a supervisor.
Jane: In any case, I can't help but notice you and your buddies here aren't in the cafeteria listening to Alice giving the pre-festival briefing.
Jane: Why is that?
Jane: Why are you instead chatting it away with Geoff?
Jane: And Geoff - didn't you say you had a stand this year?
Acolyte: I- um-
Jane: You know I gave you time off work for-
Jane: Hey wait, you're not Geoff.
Jane: I've never seen you around before.
Jane: Frankie, who is this?
Frankie: Oh! Uh...
Frankie: Okay, second floor, amazing.
Frankie: You know, in retrospect you really could've just come in with me instead of having Gil do the distraction thing.
Frankie: I'm pretty popular around here.
Sister Embers: Yes.
Sister Embers: In fact, we may require your services yet.
Sister Embers: Your advanced access to the Truthbearer's keep may be the key to our mission.
Frankie: "Advanced access"? Please.
Frankie: I can't even go up and talk to her unless it's a holiday.
Frankie: And anyway, I'm gonna go take a nap.
Frankie: See you dorks later.
Well, it's not much of a story, really. Your parents are just...folks. Sure, they've got some quirks, but they're pretty good at handling you and all your countless siblings.
You respect them a lot for that.
Maybe you should write them again. It's been a while.
Frankie: Heh, pretending to be drunk.
Frankie: Wish I could stay and see my mom blow a gasket, but what can ya do.
Acolyte: You want to see your mom get angry?
Frankie: Sure, why not?
Frankie: It's funny.
Acolyte: I could never laugh at my parents getting upset.
Frankie: Yeah, well, your parents probably never need to get taken down a peg.
Acolyte: I guess.
Acolyte: Well, what about your dad?
Acolyte: Do you laugh at him?
Frankie: What dad?
Frankie: I don't know no dad.
Frankie: Anyway, what's with all the personal questions, dude?
Frankie: I don't ask you personal questions.
Frankie: Don't even know your name yet.
Frankie: Let's go.
Gil: Hey, thanks for warming them up for me, doll.
Gil: Folks, I'd jussliketasay that we've got one HELL of a festival lined up for ya!
Gil: Yessir, you guys can all drink yaselves silly!
Gil: And stick around for nighttime when we got somethin' for the fellas!
Gil: Or for the ladies if ya're into thatkindathing, I dun' judge *hic*!
Truthbearer: Oh, Gilligan.
Truthbearer: Hour two of the festival and you're already drunk.
Gil: I'm only as drunk as yer old!
Gil: Okay, no, that- that wash real meanspirited, I didn't mean it, baby.
Gil: Come on, let's hug it out.
Truthbearer: Okay, that's about enough.
Truthbearer: Of course, while partying is all well and good, we can't forget the true purpose of the equinox.
Truthbearer: Ah, the good ol' days.
Truthbearer: Used to be the entire Church went up into the mountains during the festival to meditate.
Truthbearer: Yes, as always the equinox serves to increase all things magical in the world.
Truthbearer: Who knows what can happen during the tumultuous time when the day and the night are-
"Have a backup distraction."
Gil: Okay, okay, I got it.
Gil: I know how to get the guards to leave.
Gil: Frankie, you go and lead these guys upstairs when I start doing my thing.
Frankie: What are you gonna do, man?
Gil: I am going to make an ass out of myself in public.
Frankie: Oh, dude, again?
Frankie: You gotta stop drinking so much.
Frankie: I know Hector just keeps increasing your tab instead of cutting you off, but that's no reason to be a public spectacle every year.
Gil: No, I'm doing it on purpose this time.
Gil: Check it out.
Gil: Added security for the festival.
Gil: Don't suppose you've learned the passwords for these guys?
Sister Embers: Of course not.
Sister Embers: The passwords we acquired yesterday are used with golems on higher floors of the tower.
Sister Embers: We shall have to do something about these gentlemen on our own.
Sister Embers: Thief, what are you doing?
Sister Embers: You are not being paid to stand around consuming beverages.
Gil: You're not paying me at all, I'm just doing this because I'm curious about you guys.
Gil: And even then, I'm not just standing around, I'm doing surveillance.
Gil: Check it out, looks like we got more problems than we thought.
Frankie: Hell if I know.
Frankie: Death Watcher food is weird.
Acolyte: Death Watcher?
Frankie: Yeah man, never heard of Death Watchers?
Frankie: The really tall pitch black guys?
Frankie: Like good ol' Koth over there.
Acolyte: No, I've never really seen one.
Acolyte: What's the deal with them?
Acolyte: They look a little creepy.
Frankie: No idea.
Frankie: I think they're meant to be some kind of magic guys?
Frankie: Anyway, point is they're not really all there mentally.
Frankie: Koth's been setting this "stand" up every year and the "food" hasn't gotten any better.
Acolyte: ...I think I might eat this later.
Frankie: I wouldn't recommend you eat it ever.
Frankie: Tried some of it a couple years ago and it did NOT taste like something humans were meant to eat.
Frankie: I hear it makes a pretty sweet lamp if you pour it in a glass bowl though.
Acolyte: What is this stuff?
Sister Embers: Ah.
Sister Embers: Naturally.
Sister Embers: I really must stop shutting my eyes while I speak.
Sister Embers: Now then, the best thing to do may be to explore further options in the area.
Sister Embers: Thief, acolyte, examine the perimeter and return to me with a description of any possible exits.
Sister Embers: I shall peruse my memory for any spells which may be useful in this situation and-
Acolyte: Wow, your mom's the Truthbearer?!
Frankie: Trust me, it's not as great as you think.
Frankie: I try not to tell people.
Gil: Yeah, right.
Gil: You brag about it all the time, dude.
Sister Embers: Please concentrate, gentlemen.
Sister Embers: The crowd has been distracted.
Sister Embers: Now we require a plan to set into motion.
MacLarren: Alright, guys, I'm just about done.
MacLarren: I'm gonna be handing the stage over to the leader of the Church, a close personal friend, and just an all around stand-up gal.
MacLarren: Please give it up for the Lady Truthbearer!
Truthbearer: Thank you, captain.
Truthbearer: Excellent speech as always, though I'm not sure that joke about the drunk chef and the piano was very family friendly.
Gil: Dang, I can't believe we missed MacLarren's speech.
Gil: He's got jokes, usually.
Gil: Well, whatever. Looks like a lot of good stuff around today.
Sister Embers: Indeed.
Sister Embers: And while the crowd is distracted by their pointless entertainments, we can sneak in and complete our mission.
Gil: What, already? This festival is going all day. Can't we do it later?
Gil: Come on, Frankie, let's go find some booze.
Gil: Maybe I actually will get you that drink.
Frankie: Sorry, man, no drinking or capers for a little while.
Frankie: My mom's gonna be watching me like a hawk.
Acolyte: Your mother is a member of the Church too?
Frankie: You have no idea.
Frankie: Here she comes.
MacLarren: We've got lots of great people who've set up a lot of great shops in and around the tower.
MacLarren: I hope you'll give 'em a visit.
MacLarren: ...and in conclusion, I'd like to once again welcome you folks to the spring equinox festival.
MacLarren: Great to see such a huge turnout, though I figure that was inevitable.
MacLarren: After all, who doesn't like to get drunker than hell for an actual reason, however thin?
MacLarren: I kid, I kid.
Frankie: So out of all three of you, only one guy actually dressed up in something from the pile.
Frankie: Meaning I dragged all this clothing all the way here for no reason.
Frankie: That's...just great, you guys. Real great.
Gil: Ah come on, don't be that way, Frankie.
Gil: Alright, let's head out to the festival.
Frankie: You realize you totally owe me a drink now, right?
Gil: Yeah, yeah, we'll talk about it.
Frankie: "We'll talk about it" meaning "no", right?
Gil: Pretty much, yeah.
Gil: To the festival!
Sister Embers: I am quite displeased with this.
Acolyte: Wow, Sister Embers, you actually put on something else?
Sister Embers: No.
Sister Embers: However, I am still unhappy.
Sister Embers: Color changing spells take a very long time to remove from your clothing.
Sister Embers: In addition, I believe these sunglasses are dirty.
Acolyte: Does it look convincing?
Gil: Yeah, you look like you could be nerding it up with the best of them.
Gil: Nice touch with the glasses.
Gil: You see alright in those?
Acolyte: Yeah, they don't really have lenses.
Acolyte: What's your disguise going to be?
Gil: A disguise?
Gil: And ruin my branding?
Gil: Besides, I can talk my way into anywhere I want without dressing up like a clown.
Acolyte: Hey, come on, that's not very nice.
Gil: Nah, I don't mean you.
"Purplecoat all the way."
Gil: Damn, nice haul.
Frankie: Yeah, security around the charity clothes bin is a joke.
Frankie: You can just take whatever you want.
Acolyte: Wait, these are charity clothes?
Frankie: Don't worry about it, dude.
Frankie: I picked out clean ones.
Frankie: Most of them were clean anyway, we're pretty strict on what you can donate.
Acolyte: No, I mean, don't other people need these more than us?
Frankie: Well, it's not like I'm giving you all these clothes.
Frankie: I'll put the rest back after you pick something.
Frankie: You guys are kind of a charity case anyway, no offense.
Frankie: Anyway, what kinda thing are you going for?
Frankie: Purplecoat nerds?
Frankie: Just a couple of truth-loving schmoes?
Frankie: Anything's a step up from what you're wearing right now, honestly.
Acolyte: Hi, Frankie.
Frankie: Oh hey, it's you two again.
Frankie: Yeah, somehow I figured this was about you when Gil called me up yesterday.
Frankie: Well, long as you don't do that fire hand thing again, we're cool.
Sister Embers: I make no promises.
Frankie: Come on, you guys can change in the back.
Frankie: So, not that I care, but who did we just lie to?
Gil: Eh, hell if I know, some pricks.
Gil: Probably could've talked and straightened the whole thing out, honestly, but what the hey.
Gil: If you can lie, you lie, that's my rule of thumb.
Gil: Anyway, you got the disguises?
Frankie: Hell yeah, like a whole bag of holding.
Frankie: C'mon, I'll show you.
Jones: Again, super sorry, man.
Jones: We'll get out of your hair now.
Jones: Come on, Rick, let's go check out the festival.
Jones: We're going to the tower anyway, might as well.
Jones: I'll get you an ice cream or something.
Rick: Don't think for even a second that this is over.
Rick: I'll come back later and I WILL get to the bottom of this.
Gil: Yeah, whatever you say, dude.
Gil: Go gel your hair some more.
Acolyte: Sorry about dragging you down here, Sister Embers.
Sister Embers: You did not drag, you pushed.
Sister Embers: I am certain you know I do not enjoy being pushed.
Sister Embers: Both by you specifically and in general.
Acolyte: Yeah, but those guys were gonna see us!
Acolyte: And then they'd tell everyone that we're supposed to be the bad guys here and we'd never get any peace.
Sister Embers: Fair point.
Sister Embers: Though if you hadn't interrupted me, they would not have told anything to anyone ever again.
Sister Embers: You could have even helped.
Sister Embers: You are sometimes inventive.
Sister Embers: Instead of standard practical applications, how about using your grasping hand spell for impromptu strangulation in combat?
Acolyte: ...I don't think strangling someone is very nice.
Sister Embers: I don't see what that has to do with anything.
Acolyte: Wait, I think Gil is getting them to leave.
Acolyte: I'm sorry, could you guys keep it down?
Acolyte: We're kinda trying to not draw attention over here and you're being a little loud.
Geoff: Who IS that guy?
Ralph: That's the guy!
Ralph: That's the guy from yesterday I told you about!
Geoff: No, no, I got that.
Geoff: I mean the other guy, the cape guy.
Ralph: Well, I don't know who that is.
Ralph: Don't think I've seen him around the tower before.
Ralph: Maybe he's some bigwig?
Ralph: Like a general or something, hence the cape.
Geoff: I don't think generals wear capes.
Geoff: MacLarren doesn't wear a cape.
Ralph: MacLarren's a captain.
Ralph: And he's retired.
Rick: But...but they were right there!
Rick: He pointed at them!
Jones: Yeah, sorry about that, sir.
Jones: You know how it is, he found something new to obsess over and now he's connecting it to everything.
Gil: Well, I simply do not know what that man is talking about.
Gil: The only person I currently have as my client is this young lady right here.
Gil: Isn't that right, Francine?
Gil: Tell this gentleman how good of a courier I am to you.
Frankie: Oh yes, good ol' Gil is wonderful!
Frankie: He delivers medicine to my sick mother when I can't find the time.
Frankie: Does it free of charge, too.
Gil: Aw, I just can't stand to see the poor dear in pain.
Jones: Who are you pointing at, man.
Jones: Ain't no one there.
Rick: I- what?!
Jones: Come on, Rick.
Jones: Just because I can't physically see doesn't mean I can't tell what's what.
Jones: I went over this like a million times before.
Jones: See, everything has a certain amount of magic radiating-
Jones: Ah hell, you're not listening.
Rick: Oh, sure, sure.
Rick: Then why are you...
Rick: ...hanging out with THEM?!
Jones: What are you doing, Rick?
Jones: Where did you even get handcuffs?!
Rick: Asked my dad for 'em.
Rick: Isn't this great?!
Rick: Our first arrest in the name of Truth!
Jones: What? No!
Jones: We can't just arrest random people and say it's "an arrest"!
Rick: No, this is a bad guy!
Rick: He's connected to those cult jerks from yesterday!
Gil: Why, I am outraged!
Gil: I have been a proud servant of the Church for all my life and NEVER have I had such slander directed towards me!
Gil: And by an officer of the law, no less!
Gil: I have no idea what you are talking about.
Gil: I am merely a humble courier.
"Rick: Cuff him."
Gil: Dude, what the hell?!
Gil: This is a really weird way to prove your point!
Jones: Oh goddammit.
Frankie: See, this is the place.
Frankie: You were probably just looking for the OTHER Saints Street in town.
Frankie: We have two, one with an apostrophe and one without.
Jones: That seems really unnecessarily confusing.
Frankie: Yeah, people have been trying to get it changed for years.
Gil: But, y'know, it's freelance work.
Gil: Pay isn't great, I just do it 'cause I love the craft.
Gil: So you gotta take every client.
Gil: Working for those guys right now.
Gil: Apparently they're some kind of cult.
Gil: I dunno, just look like a couple of weirdos in bathrobes to me.
Gil: Dude, all I'm saying is the Church uses their money REALLY badly.
Gil: They spend it all on show and none on things that actually matter.
Gil: Like, they can't even pay one of their most famous veterans enough of a pension to afford more seats for his bar.
Gil: We wouldn't even be talking right now if they knew how to use their money.
Rick: Well that's just not true.
Rick: The Church needs all the things it pays for.
Gil: Oh, sure.
Gil: I'm sure the Church really needs a GIGANTIC tower in the center of town instead of, just, like, a community center.
Gil: Meanwhile, our taxes pay for that stuff.
Rick: I really do not believe your claim that the Church is "sucking the money out of the people".
Rick: Maybe it's just that everyone's earning less cash these days?
Rick: Like, what's your job, for instance?
Gil: I'm not sure there's an official-
Gil: Uh, I would say I'm a courier?
Gil: I do freelance work for people.
Acolyte: Uh...Sister Embers?
Acolyte: Who are you talking to?
Sister Embers: Use your brain, acolyte, please.
Sister Embers: No one else is at the table.
Sister Embers: Thus, I am clearly speaking to myself.
Acolyte: Where's Gil?
Acolyte: I don't really wanna stick around here for too long.
Sister Embers: Agreed.
Sister Embers: The thief is at the bar, "chatting it up" with one of his scoundrel comrades.
Sister Embers: This may take some time.
Sister Embers: ...as is befitting to your social status.
Sister Embers: And that is why I believe you have no right to tell me how to treat my acolytes.
Jones: Okay, the stealing part I get.
Jones: A crappy map only worth five gil isn't the best thing to steal, but whatever.
Jones: Thieves need maps too.
Jones: But the apologizing?
Jones: We don't get that in Stonekey.
Jones: This is a weird city, Hal.
Acolyte: Sorry! Sorry! Really sorry about this!
Jones: I- huh- what the hell?!
Jones: Okay, what if we go right from here and-
Jones: No, that wouldn't work...
Jones: Right, what if maybe I use the Tower as a marker?
Jones: Then on this map it would be-
"Magic Hand the map."
Yeah, that's probably a good idea. It's kind of a jerk move, but this IS one of the guys who tried to mess you up in Stonekey, and who knows what he might do.
Better to try and stop him now.
Jones: Hal, quit playing with the nice citizens and help me find this "Oasis" place on the map.
Jones: This map sucks, though, I can't make heads or tails of it.
Jones: I think it's more like some cheap souvenir map.
Jones: At least it has street names.
Jones: Hal, look around, see if you see a "Saints Street" anywhere, that's where the bar is.
Acolyte: Oh, sorry, sir, I-
"Do you have Jamie's mirror array?"
No, actually, you think Sister Embers has it. Probably thought you'd break it or something.
You remember that particularly well because you remember her having trouble getting it in the bag of holding.
Also, your hands were busy giving Jamie a pamph-
Hey, looks like the celebrations have started in the middle of town.
Man, some of this confetti is totally getting in your hair.
You're not the kinda guy who looks after his hair much, but it's just gonna get messy, y'know?
Rick: Big city people.
Rick: Uh, sir, excuse me.
Rick: I'm actually saving that seat for a friend.
Gil: Is your friend here?
Rick: Well, no, but he is coming and will be here fairly soon, so-
Gil: Well then he can talk to me about the seat when he gets here.
Gil: Don't fight your friend's battles for him, man.
Gil: That's just unhealthy for everyone involved.
Gil: Yo, barkeep, gin and tonic.
Gil: More on the tonic side, I got work today.
Sister Embers: For just as the newly-born pup must learn and adapt on its' own lest it meet a grisly fate, so too must we as members of the animal kingdom-
Gil: Okay, I've stopped listening.
Gil: I've heard and given enough motivational speeches in my life to know they're usually entirely bullcrap.
Gil: Frankie's gonna take a while, I'ma go get a drink.
Sister Embers: But I am imparting upon you the wisdom that comes with my age.
Gil: Keep talking if you want, man, it's just that no one's gonna listen.
Sister Embers: I do not believe you understand, thief.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, while completely unskilled, possesses the most important thing in the world - potential.
Sister Embers: He is malleable. With my tutelage, he could become a great member of the cult.
Sister Embers: However, you do not become a worthwhile human being through having everything handed to you.
Sister Embers: So I am merely forcing him into a certain more valuable mold.
Sister Embers: If he had insisted upon going with us, I would have allowed him to.
Sister Embers: But do not tell him this. That is a lesson he must learn on his own.
Sister Embers: I am not afraid of that loud-mouthed thug, I am merely exercising caution.
Sister Embers: And in any case, who's to say that this man is not a spy set up by MacLarren now that he knows of my arrival?
Sister Embers: Oh, this is all the acolyte's fault.
Sister Embers: It is because of him dragging his feet that we have to wait in this hotbed of villainy.
Gil: We wouldn't have to wait at all if you just let him come with us.
Gil: That was a pretty shitty thing to do.
Gil: Do you always treat your acolytes that bad?
Gil: Oh for God's sake, will you calm down?
Gil: He's not even looking this way.
Gil: It's not even the same guy, MacLarren left before we got here.
Gil: You're just afraid of MacLarren, right?
"Grumble about life's unfairness."
Your dad always taught you that grumbling is a waste of valuable time you could spend doing things.
This does totally suck, though. At least they're probably not doing any better, what with that bar full of people that don't like them.
Well, you want them to do well, of course, but the thought is still comforting.
No, this thing can't actually hold your weight or anything. Stupid useless useful magic. Guess you're walking.
Okay, no, you're definitely still hungover.
Gil: See you there!
Sister Embers: Hmm, yes, training.
Sister Embers: Well, consider this your "survival training".
Sister Embers: If you can reach the aforementioned bar without my help, you pass.
Gil: Sorry, kid.
Gil: I'd side with you, but I REALLY don't wanna go to the bar on foot on an empty stomach.
Gil: And hey, portalwalking isn't instantaneous, right?
Gil: How about this: if you can beat us to the bar, drinks are on me.
Gil: Sound good?
Acolyte: Okay, let's go.
Sister Embers: And where do you think you're going?
Acolyte: ...through the portal?
Sister Embers: Absolutely not. You are unprepared.
Acolyte: Wh- oh come on! I already went through a bunch with Grand Master Flame! You saw me do it!
Sister Embers: Yes.
Sister Embers: I also saw you vomit on Brother Chalk's summoning circle.
Acolyte: But how am I gonna stop doing that if I don't go through them a whole bunch?
Acolyte: Shouldn't I keep doing it, y'know, as training?
Actually, you feel alright.
All that excitement must have fought off the hangover. It's been a busy morning.
"Acolyte: Retrieve arms."
Gil: Oh, uh, by the way.
Gil: This is gonna sound weird, but when we get to the festival, could you guys tell me immediately if you see any clowns?
Sister Embers: Clowns.
Gil: Well, not the red nose and big shoes type of clowns.
Gil: Sort of the more acrobatic classical type?
Gil: I guess "harlequins" would be more appropriate?
Gil: Whatever, just tell me straight away.
Gil: Okay, Frankie's meeting us at a bar a bit from here with our disguises.
Gil: It's called "Oasis", I told you about it yesterday.
Sister Embers: We were there five minutes ago.
Sister Embers: If you had told us where the meeting was, there would be no need for us to come to your residence.
Sister Embers: You must work on your communication.
Gil: Well how was I supposed to know where you guys are?!
Sister Embers: Still, if you are being hunted down, perhaps we shouldn't have you on the team afterall.
Sister Embers: You will most likely not be able to avoid any potential assailants.
Sister Embers: What with your unorthodox dress and overall incompetence.
Gil: Okay, you know what?
Gil: Just for that, you don't get tea.
Acolyte: Aw, I wouldn't have minded some red leaf or something.
Gil: Too bad.
Gil: We got shit to do anyway, no time for drinks.
Acolyte: Wow, really?
Acolyte: And here I thought this city was supposed to be super safe.
Gil: Oh, no, this isn't an in-city thing.
Gil: See, a long, long time ago ol' Uncle Gil here got in a bit of debt with a friend of mine.
Gil: Nothing major, just a bit of cash.
Gil: But this guy REALLY cannot let go of a grudge.
Gil: So things like this can happen sometimes.
Gil: No worries, it's just something I can deal with on my own.
Gil: I'm sure you don't wanna hear my life story.
Sister Embers: That is correct.
"Sister Embers: Interrogate."
Sister Embers: I am displeased with this situation.
Gil: Yeah, yeah, I know, I can't find the teapot.
Gil: Just give me a second, I swear it's somewhere around here.
Sister Embers: That is not what I mean.
Sister Embers: From the state of the area, it appears you have been robbed.
Sister Embers: I do not understand how you could allow this to happen.
Sister Embers: A thief who cannot prevent theft of his own property is not the quality we were promised.
Gil: What? Oh, no, this wasn't a robbery.
Gil: All my stuff's here, it's just broken now.
Gil: This was more of a...friendly punch-up.
Gil: Murder attempt.
Gil: Oh, here it is.
Gil: ...oh, it's just you guys.
Gil: Sorry about that.
Gil: Hey, so that means it's morning already?
Gil: Damn, time really flies these days.
Gil: You guys want some tea?
Gil: I'm kinda feeling like tea.
Gil: BACK FOR MORE, HUH?!
Acolyte: Dang, this whole place looks awful!
Acolyte: Like it got ransacked.
Sister Embers: Hmm, indeed.
Sister Embers: Perhaps the thief is merely remodeling?
Sister Embers: He is quite an eccentric character.
Acolyte: Did it look this bad yesterday?
Sister Embers: I would not know.
Sister Embers: Every den of sin like this looks similar to me.
Sister Embers: I am perfectly capable of taking care of any number of foes myself.
Acolyte: Yeah, but what if it's only me?
Sister Embers: Hmm.
Sister Embers: I suppose you would use the survival skills your father has taught you.
Sister Embers: I believe that that is something children raised in families do.
Acolyte: My dad didn't really teach me any survival skills.
Acolyte: I don't think he knows any.
Acolyte: Mostly he just sells people stuff and goes fishing once a week.
Sister Embers: Is that so?
Sister Embers: Then I suppose some beginner training might not be a terrible idea.
Sister Embers: It would help to make you more useful, I suppose.
Sister Embers: I shall think about this as the day goes on.
Sister Embers: Now look sharp, we are almost at our destination.
Acolyte: Uh...Sister Embers?
Acolyte: I know it's not allowed for me to ask you for anything, but, uh...
Acolyte: Could you maybe...teach me some things?
Acolyte: I mean, self-defense and magic and stuff.
Acolyte: We're in a pretty dangerous place, afterall.
Sister Embers: No.
Sister Embers: Learning is for students, and meanwhile you are an acolyte.
Sister Embers: Your mission is to do what I tell you, nothing more.
Sister Embers: Any learning you may gain from that is merely incidental.
Acolyte: Well, yeah, but isn't this kind of an emergency?
Acolyte: There's only two of us.
Acolyte: What if we get outnumbered?
Sister Embers: Two minutes late.
Sister Embers: A couple more and I would have started looking for a replacement.
Sister Embers: Your performance is not very impressive today so far, acolyte.
Sister Embers: Let us proceed to the thief's residence as per our mutual agreement.
Ralph: ...so yeah, we never really got to see anything in the end.
Geoff: Damn, sucks.
Ralph: Where'd you go, anyway?
Ralph: You just left in the middle of the game and never came back.
Geoff: Oh, dude, do NOT get me started.
Sister Embers: ...We shall meet back here tomorrow at 7 exactly.
Frankie: Oh come on, man, that sounds SO LAME.
Frankie: Can't you blow it off and make me breakfast?
MacLarren: Sorry, not my choice to make.
MacLarren: Truthbearer's orders.
Frankie: She's probably just overreacting anyway.
Frankie: There's no reason to ever do anything this early.
Frankie: I mean, it's like 7 AM for God's sake.
Frankie: Yo, MacLarren, my main man.
Frankie: Two hangover breakfasts, make 'em greasy.
MacLarren: Sorry, Francine, you're gonna have to make 'em breakfasts yourself.
MacLarren: I gotta get to the tower.
Frankie: Damn, already? Festival's barely started.
MacLarren: Nah, it's some other thing.
MacLarren: Some kids broke in and stole a golem or something.
"Bitch her out."
Acolyte: It wasn't THAT funny.
Frankie: I dunno, man, did you see your face?
Frankie: I think that was pretty damn funny.
Acolyte: Not to me.
Acolyte: I mean, how would YOU feel if someone did that to you?
Acolyte: Especially if you were waking up after-
Frankie: Oh my god, dude.
Frankie: I am WAY too hungover for this.
Frankie: Tell you what: you quit your bitchin' and I pay for your breakfast.
Frankie: Okay? Okay.
"Jump to the worst conclusions."
Acolyte: Did you-
Acolyte: Did we-
Frankie: Nah, man, relax.
Frankie: I'm just pulling your leg.
Frankie: You're a freaking lightweight, by the way, you know that?
Frankie: Who the hell passes out after two beers?
Frankie: Had to drag your sleeping ass up to a room.
Frankie: That reaction so totally pays for it, though.
Frankie: C'mon, let's go eat.
Frankie: Oh, god, dude, you should have seen your face!
Frankie: You just got baited so freakin' hard!
Frankie: Oh man, aw...that is hilarious.
Frankie: Totally worth the hangover headache.
Frankie: Morning, lover boy.
Uggh. This is why you don't drink. So far both of the times you've done it have turned out awful.
What did you even do last night? You never thought you could drink so much you'd forget things, but here we are.
If it were not for the presence of enemy combatants inside, you would have half a mind to come in there and find him yourself.
What could he possibly be doing?
Yet you have been sitting at this restaurant for almost 40 minutes and have not seen a single glimpse of your acolyte.
Now, your watch does tell you it's only 6:55, but you would assume that due to the urgency of the matter, he would arrive earlier.
Did you say "7 A.M. sharp"? You know you said "7 A.M. sharp".
Gil: Well, that was pretty much a bust.
Gil: I'm heading home.
Gil: Gonna take a nap, maybe sew up my hat.
Gil: Where are you gonna go?
Sister Embers: I shall spend the night memorizing the codes.
Sister Embers: Momentary recollection of them may save our lives tomorrow.
Gil: Yeah, okay, sure.
Gil: Drop by in the morning around 8-ish and we'll sort it out.
Sister Embers: Very well. Then I shall see you in the morning.
Gil: I suppose that explains the holes.
Sister Embers: It is not a very precise instrument, no.
Sister Embers: I believe we should abscond quite hastily.
Gil: What the hell? I was just about to ask those guys where the security codes were!
Sister Embers: Yes, and I am certain they would gladly tell you.
Sister Embers: Based on their honor system, no doubt.
Sister Embers: Now then, we may leave because I have already found the codes.
Gil: Damn, seriously? It's been like five minutes.
Sister Embers: Why are you surprised? It is not a difficult process.
Sister Embers: I have simply used the enemy's own instruments to our advantage.
Sister Embers: I used this service golem to enter each dormitory, then searched through personal belongings until I found what I was looking for.
Noshirt: ...what the hell just happened?
Glasses: I just...ugh.
Glasses: Give me your cards, guys, next round is starting.
Glasses: Ralph, you had the worst hand that round. Let's get those pants back off.
Gil: Sorry, guys, my ride's here, I gotta go.
Gil: Good luck with your game.
Gil: Try and get a lock on the next door you put here.
Gil: Oh, and let's stick a pin in that favor thing, huh?
Gil: In case we ever meet again.
Gil: See ya, fellas.
Sister Embers: Thief. We must go.
Sister Embers: Leave your debauchery and proceed through this area that was formerly a door.
Gil: Oh sweet Jesus.
Gil: Okay, fair's fair, I won.
Gil: Now then, my favor and I'll be out of your guys' hair.
Gil: I'm looking for-
Noshirt: Pretty dramatic for just a pair of sevens.
Gil: Hey, it's more than any of you guys got.
"Put the 7 into attack mode."
*MAJESTIC DOUBLE CARD TRICK OF DESTRUCTION*
'Cause I always have an ace up my sleeve.
Or, well, more of a wildcard, really. Magic stuff like this doesn't work in any of the higher-end poker games, of course, but it's good for fooling saps like these guys.
Yep yep yep. When was the last time I played cards, Tuesday? You guys must be a new set of voices if you don't remember.
See, in my circle of friends, I'm called the "Poker Wizard". Why?
Aaaaand hot garbage. Great.
If we ever meet Lady Luck, remind me to punch her in her perpetually-not-smiling face.
Alrighty, time to play. And before you ask what the hell I'm doing, this DOES actually have a point.
If Lady Luck contends to smile, we might just get these guys to straight up tell me where the codes are.
Noshirt: Maybe we should go for it, Jane.
Noshirt: I mean, there's more of us, so our chances are better to win.
Noshirt: And you DID say we needed a fifth since Geoff left.
Glasses: But only one hand. Then you leave.
Glasses: Now, we don't have any chips, so I'll just give everyone their cards and serve the remaining three immediately.
Glasses: Get a chair.
Gil: Well hey, maybe I won't, maybe I will.
Gil: How about a little bit of a gamble?
Gil: I see you guys are playing poker.
Shorthair: Actually, it's more like strip-
Redhair: SHUT UP JOHN YES IT WAS POKER
Gil: And heck, I'm a stickler for this kind of stuff.
Gil: How about a hand?
Gil: If you win, I leave and we're all good.
Gil: I didn't see you, you didn't see me.
Gil: And if I win, you guys can do me a little bit of a favor.
Gil: Sound good?
Glasses: Who are you?! This is restricted Church territory!
Gil: Well hey there, don't worry about who I am.
Gil: Just a friendly neighbor.
Gil: Shouldn't you be worried more about it being past curfew or whatever?
Glasses: Why should you care if we stay up?
Gil: Well, I don't, but I feel like your supervisors might.
Gil: What room are they staying at?
Glasses: ...you wouldn't dare.
You mean a smoke bomb? Yeah, that was my first impulse too, but look at these guys. They're not a danger, they're just terrified someone's gonna catch them.
Let's have some fun instead.
I didn't really think that any of these boyscouts could possibly stay up this late. Crap.
Well, head voices, how are we gonna talk our way outta this one?
Say goodbye to your wallets, kids. The Crimson Rogue is in town.
Don't need to tell me twice. Well, let's see what's behind door number one.
"Gil: Make sure you look dashing."
I always look awesome. No "making sure" necessary.
Stupid client burned my hat, though. Gonna have to do a lot of needle-and-thread work to get that fixed.
In fact, it appears to not be armor at all, if this notice is correct. This has actually made it somewhat more valuable.
Now to divine a use for it.
You do not believe so. While it is no doubt very effective, it is also far too large to carry or wear.
"Check the directory."
Sister Embers: Well then, it appears we have an issue.
Sister Embers: We have no way of knowing which dormitory of these four contains the codes that were spoken of.
Sister Embers: I suggest we split up and each check one side of the floor.
Gil: Hey, works for me.
Gil: You're boring to talk to anyway.
Gil: Let's get those codes and get the hell out of here.
Gil: Had enough excitement for one night.
Gil: Giving him a pamphlet when he's all in shock like that?
Gil: Damn, girl. That's cold.
Sister Embers: It is what makes the most sense.
Sister Embers: I do not personally believe the pamphlets make much of a difference.
Sister Embers: Actions speak louder than words.
Sister Embers: However, if there was ever a time someone would be easily swayed by a piece of paper, it would be in a vulnerable state such as that.
Gil: Again, cold.
Gil: Not that I care, but still.
Gil: Man, what a shame about that golem.
Gil: Pure diamond, you said?
Gil: That sure must take a while to make.
Purplecoat: Ev-Every golem is ordered a year in advance...
Purplecoat: Oh god...
Sister Embers: Once again, we are sorry for your loss.
Sister Embers: Perhaps this free literature shall help you feel better in your time of need.
Sister Embers: Read and memorize all of it, then burn it.
Sister Embers: Do not show it to anyone else.
Sister Embers: Thief, let's go.
Purplecoat: *sniff* Yeah, the updated list of codes is up in the second floor dorms if you guys need to-
Purplecoat: Hey, wait.
Purplecoat: Who are you guys anyway?
Purplecoat: You don't look like members of the Church.
Gil: Yeah, sucks.
Sister Embers: Yes, yes, we are all very upset here.
Sister Embers: Now then, you spoke of security phrases.
Sister Embers: Does the rest of the tower have security measurements of this kind?
Sister Embers: Please elaborate for us.
Purplecoat: What did you do?!
Sister Embers: What you said.
Sister Embers: I helped you fix the situation.
Sister Embers: You're welcome.
Purplecoat: I meant distract it so I can say the security phrase, not this!
Purplecoat: Where did you even send it?!
Sister Embers: ...Hmm.
Sister Embers: Strangely enough, I do not know.
Sister Embers: In my haste, I must have forgotten to focus on an exit destination.
Sister Embers: It could be anywhere in the world.
Purplecoat: I- wh- but- but- but that was a pure diamond golem!
Purplecoat: Numeralia makes the Church pay through the nose for those!
Purplecoat: The shipping fees alone must've been almost 50 thousand gil!
Sister Embers: Get up, thief.
Sister Embers: In retrospect, you really could have done more to try and save your own life.
Sister Embers: I do not understand.
Sister Embers: Why did the golem react this way?
Purplecoat: When your friend wrote his name on the golem, he activated the security feature.
Purplecoat: Numeralian golems all have a security phrase you must use before you write in a new name.
Purplecoat: Otherwise it will consider you a thief and try to eliminate you.
Purplecoat: You gotta help me fix this!
Sister Embers: Naturally.
Gil: Ah, crap.
Sister Embers: Yes?
Purplecoat: Heard...lock activate...from...upstairs.
Purplecoat: Ran...as fast...as I could.
Sister Embers: Why?
Sister Embers: I do not see how you could possibly stop us.
Idiot. Well, you do what you can with what you have.
Gil: Alright, stand guard while I write in your name.
Gil: ...what IS your name?
Sister Embers: I am surprised you have forgotten.
Sister Embers: My name is Sister Embers.
Gil: No, I mean your real name.
Gil: Not your stupid cult nickname.
Sister Embers: I do not know why people never seem to understand this.
Sister Embers: My father's name was Grand Master Spark.
Sister Embers: My mother was Matriarch Oak.
Sister Embers: Thus, my name is Sister Embers.
Gil: Okay, whatever, I'll just write in...something.
Gil: Keep an eye out.
Gil: Huh, that's weird.
Gil: The owner signature is just a bunch of math.
Sister Embers: That is a Numeralian signature, I believe.
Gil: Ah, that explains it.
Gil: Science fetishists.
Sister Embers: This is quite a stroke of luck.
Sister Embers: By stealing this golem, we will finally be able to start increasing the cult's numbers.
Gil: You could dress it up in a big ol' grey-and-red robe and lead it around, maybe get it to hand out your dumb pamphlets...
Gil: Are you crazy?!
Gil: The Church will go ballistic if they find out someone stole something like this!
Gil: This is the most valuable thing I've ever seen in my LIFE!
Gil: I mean, I can take the heat, but come on, how are you gonna hide it?
Sister Embers: I understand your skepticism, but this is an extremely powerful fighting machine.
Sister Embers: If we take possession of it, we will not even need to hide.
Gil: Fine, but it's entirely on your ass.
Gil: Let's at least see which poor bastard is supposed to own this thing.
Gil: Okay, okay.
Gil: I know what a golem is.
Gil: I was just making a joke, jeez.
Sister Embers: I did not enjoy your joke.
Gil: From what I've seen of you, I don't think you enjoy any jokes.
Gil: Anyway, what are we going to actually DO with this thing?
Gil: Well, I see what all the security was about now.
Gil: Giant diamond statues of naked men go for a lot on the black market.
Sister Embers: This is no mere statue.
Sister Embers: This is a golem.
Sister Embers: Gargantuan humanoid automatons brought to life by magic.
Sister Embers: The Church used to employ them as siege engines.
Sister Embers: Though not actually alive, they can provide a suitable imitation of life if their commander-
"Whatever's in the box: Punch."
Gil: Hey, don't feel too bad about that.
Gil: There WAS a magic lock on it.
Gil: Most boxes don't exactly pack that much of a punch.
Sister Embers: Stop talking and open the crate.
Gil: Hey, good news.
Gil: One of the guards had a bunch of keys on him.
Gil: So you just got your ass kicked for no reason.
Gil: By a box.
Gil: How does that make you feel?
"Hit the weakest link - the box."
Sister Embers: Have you finished failing?
Sister Embers: If so, stand back.
Sister Embers: I shall simply burn away the wood, leaving the insides of the box exposed.
Gil: Yeah, okay, you do that.
Gil: I'll go see if the guards have anything good on them.
Gil: Y'know, smokes or something.
Gil: Well, I'm out of ideas.
Gil: Okay, so you're sure this is a valuable crate?
Sister Embers: Now that we are closer, I strongly suspect so.
Sister Embers: There is a fair bit of magic energy emanating from within.
Gil: Alright, sounds like as good an excuse as any to take out Mr.Crowbar.
Sister Embers: I do not believe that will be necessary.
Gil: Sleeping on the job.
Gil: That's just laziness is what that is.
Gil: You guys are never gonna get anywhere like this.
Gil: Wait, you said this crate has magic stuff in it?
Sister Embers: I believe so, yes.
Sister Embers: Though I cannot be sure without a closer look.
Gil: Okay, great, so neither of us knows what's in there.
Gil: You know what? We're counting our chickens before they hatch.
Gil: How about we get the crate first, open it, then see if we even NEED the thing inside.
Gil: And if we both need it, I'd just sell it anyway, so I'll let it go for...
Gil: Let's say half of its' retail value.
Gil: And 50 gil for hat repairs.
Sister Embers: Fine, if only to make you stop talking.
Gil: Alright, sweet.
Gil: Let's go take out those guards.
Gil: What?! Come on!
Gil: Shouldn't I get by on, like, seniority?
Gil: I've been stealing things in this city way longer than you.
Sister Embers: In any case, it doesn't matter.
Sister Embers: Your deal with us states that you must hand all magical artifacts you find over to us.
Gil: Uh, yeah, tomorrow.
Gil: Right now I'm working on my own time.
Knight: Hey, what did you guys do to-
Gil: Oh dammit, my hat.
Sister Embers: Impossible.
Sister Embers: I have already spotted this crate and claimed it in the name of the cult.
Sister Embers: You are too late.
Sister Embers: Question two: what are you doing here?
Gil: Same thing as you, trying to get into that bigass box.
Sister Embers: You had made it clear you were going home earlier.
Gil: Yeah, and I did.
Gil: I took a nap, it was awesome.
Gil: And then I still had some time so I thought hey, maybe I should go check out the tower just in case.
Gil: I've already been here like 20 times before, but I figured I might as well.
Gil: But now I'm aiming for that box.
Smoking Guy: Hey, you guys can't be in-
"Ask why he'd do that."
Sister Embers: Question one: why did you do that?
Gil: Well how else am I supposed to get your attention with all these guards around?!
Sister Embers: I do not approve of your methods.
Sister Embers: That could have hit my face.
Gil: Oh, right.
Gil: Like you're all that concerned about your looks.
"Don't waste spells on this moron."
Guards, two. One armored. Fighting would create noise, possibly best to distract, maybe with-
Far from ideal exit point. Shouldn't have used second-hand terrain data. Shouldn't have left in a hurry either.
You'll make do.
"Sister Embers: Realize how stupid it was to rest on the roof of the building your sworn enemy is in."
Yes, in retrospect that was a terrible idea. You blame it on your being tired beforehand.
In any case, that is the past. Now is the time to examine this potentially magical artifact.
Yeah, that's Embers alright. If you asked her, she'd say it's because she "never throws out anything" or some crap like that, but you know she's proud as hell of it.
So, looks like the cult's coming back. That was certainly unexpected.
Life's about to get a whole lot more interesting.
Sister Embers: Of course.
Sister Embers: I wouldn't have it any other way.
Sister Embers: However, your words are meaningless.
Sister Embers: No matter what, the cult shall come out on top.
Sister Embers: Now I must take my leave.
Sister Embers: Do not follow me or I shall be forced to kill you.
MacLarren: Yeah, yeah.
MacLarren: I'll tell you what, Embers.
MacLarren: You keep on playing toy soldiers as much as you like.
MacLarren: But if you do ANYTHING to harm anyone in this city?
MacLarren: I will find someone to run the bar, squeeze into my old armor, and make life for you a living hell.
MacLarren: You got that?
MacLarren: So, I assume you're not just here for the equinox festival.
MacLarren: Still number two-ing for your sociopath of a brother?
Sister Embers: Hardly.
Sister Embers: The cult's population has decreased to me and a single acolyte.
Sister Embers: I am here to attempt to right this.
MacLarren: Yeah, I'm not doing too great myself.
MacLarren: Bored as hell.
MacLarren: It's all too peaceful now.
MacLarren: The Army of Truth got disbanded ages ago.
MacLarren: I was captain of the guard for a little while, but that was just a boring desk job.
MacLarren: We gotta face it, there's no place for us old warhorses in the world anymore.
MacLarren: You ever think of giving up the whole cult crap?
Sister Embers: Absolutely not.
Sister Embers: I shall continue my work until I die.
"Make hostile small talk."
Sister Embers: MacLarren.
MacLarren: Gotta say, I'm surprised to see you.
MacLarren: I thought the cult wasn't relevant anymore.
MacLarren: Didn't you lose a lot of people in the siege of the Silent Valley?
Sister Embers: No, we had plenty of time to escape while you were busy burning our ancestral home to the ground.
MacLarren: Yeah, I guess that's true.
MacLarren: Hey, speaking of burning, spark me up here.
MacLarren: There goes my solitary midnight smoke.
This could be useful.
Triangular motives on the lock are consistent with Numeralians - followers of the god of Logic.
Followers of Logic are known to develop powerful magic artifacts.
You may need to take a look at this crate later on in th-
Knight: So, what's the deal with this chained up box?
Knight: More stuff for the festival?
Smoking Guy: Nah, this baby's going straight up to the purplecoats.
Knight: Damn, R & D are working through the festival?
Knight: That's rough.
Smoking Guy: Ah, you know those magic guys.
Smoking Guy: They probably begged the Truthbearer to let them not take a day off.
Still fine. You are not surprised. Acolyte is quite good at fitting into social situations. Chances are you can leave him alone for the night.
"Check on your acolyte."
It is somewhat damaged, but it has sentimental value, so you keep it for emergencies.
In any case, scouting out the city is far easier like this than on foot.
No. Watchful eyes are typically regular eyes simply endowed with magical capabilities through enchantment.
Creating one made entirely of flame is beyond your abilities.
However, you do always keep a regular one in your robes.
Alright. You've had your rest.
Time to see what you can find out about this town.
"Sister Embers: Meditate."
This looks like a good place.
You wish you didn't have to rest. Still, it's nice being on your own sometimes.
Getting tired. Should find a place to rest.
Well, you're sure Acolyte will be fine. These are merely drunken idiots. Not malicious.
Sin. Sin everywhere.
Acolyte: Well...I guess it would be alright.
Acolyte: This one time.
Frankie: C'mon, I'll introduce you to my party crew.
"Have a night on the town."
Well...it IS pretty early still. And you WOULD like to unwind a little bit after all the craziness lately.
And...Sister Embers wouldn't mind, right? Well, of course she would, but not more than she already minds the things you do, right?
Frankie: HEY THERE!
Acolyte: Oh, hi.
Frankie: You're that dude from the alley, right?
Frankie: See, told ya this is a great place!
MacLarren: Ah, leave the kid alone, Francine, you're drunk and he's scared.
Frankie: No way, this guy is new in town!
Frankie: We need to celebrate!
Acolyte: Uh, I don't really know if-
Frankie: Come on, man, let's have some fun!
Frankie: You don't get to have a sweet "welcome to the city" party every day!
MacLarren: Good evening!
Acolyte: I'd like to...rent a room for the night.
MacLarren: Whoa there, buddy, look at yourself.
MacLarren: Might be mean of me to say, but you're not looking so great.
MacLarren: Torn shirt and eye bags and all.
MacLarren: Tell you what, if it's just for one night, you can have the room on the house.
MacLarren: You probably need the money more than I do.
Acolyte: Oh, thank you, that's very nice of-
You didn't really find out about the "saving the world from sin" part until later, but then you knew you had to stay.
You'd really like to help save the world. It's a pretty nice place with pretty great people.
Well, that's not really a super exciting story. You needed something to do once you turned 18 and helping your parents run the store didn't seem too exciting.
Then, one day, you bumped into a guy who gave you a pamphlet for the cult. It seemed like a pretty sweet deal - you get to learn magic, travel the world...
Acolyte: Well, I'm sorry, Sister Embers, but I'm going in.
Acolyte: I really need a place to stay and he doesn't seem like as scary as you say.
Sister Embers: I warn you, acolyte, if he finds out you are a member of the cult, he will tear you from limb to limb.
Acolyte: ...yeah, okay, maybe I should take my robe off.
Sister Embers: *sigh*
Sister Embers: I suppose I can allow a breach of dress code this one time.
Sister Embers: If only to save your life.
Sister Embers: Here is your cash. We shall meet back here tomorrow at 7 exactly.
Acolyte: Wait, if that story is true, how come he's still alive?
Acolyte: Did you guys get to talking and then maybe you found out he's not so bad a guy afterall and let him go?
Sister Embers: I- what?
Sister Embers: No.
Sister Embers: Why would you even think that?
Sister Embers: No, if I recall correctly, the Truthbearer along with the rest of the army rescued him.
Sister Embers: As always.
Sister Embers: Pun not intended.
Grand Master Flame: Now you see, this guy right here is a trooper.
Grand Master Flame: Dude just lost an eyeball and he's STILL talking about "the Truth prevailing".
Grand Master Flame: If some of you were more like that, we could probably summon Argaleth in, like, two weeks tops.
Grand Master Flame: I'm not going to say any names, but you know who you are.
MacLarren: K-Kill me if you wish, Embers, but it won't change a thing.
MacLarren: In the end, the Truth will still shine through your darkness.
Acolyte: Well, if it's been so long, maybe he's forgotten about you?
Sister Embers: I highly doubt it.
Sister Embers: Our relationship was quite heated.
Acolyte: What, that chubby guy with the eyepatch?
Sister Embers: That is no mere "guy".
Sister Embers: That is Captain MacLarren, commander of the 1st division of the Army of Truth and one of the cult's most bitter rivals.
Sister Embers: We have been adversaries for a very long time.
Sister Embers: I would say before you were even born.
Acolyte: Is everything okay?
Sister Embers: No.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, you may stay here if you wish.
Sister Embers: I shall even give you cash for board.
Sister Embers: But I will not set foot inside that tavern.
Acolyte: Oh come on, I know it's a lot of people, but-
Sister Embers: The issue is not with "people".
Sister Embers: Rather, it is with one particular person.
Acolyte: I wouldn't really call this a den of debauchery and sin.
Acolyte: I think I can see a den, but there's no debauchery going on in there.
Acolyte: What else were you saying, Sister Embers?
Acolyte: ...Sister Embers?
Acolyte: Seems nice.
Sister Embers: Yes, I suppose.
Sister Embers: If you consider dens of debauchery and sin to be "nice".
Sister Embers: Furthermore-
Acolyte: Well, this looks like the place.
Yeah, maybe. You've never really had much luck with girls. It's not that they don't like you, you just don't really know what to say to them unless it's just regular talking.
Of course, when you joined the cult after turning 18, you didn't really have time for girls from that point on, so that didn't really help either.
Acolyte: Sister Embers, PLEASE don't tell me I have to convince you to do this too.
Sister Embers: No, I agree with you on this particular matter.
Sister Embers: We should do this.
Sister Embers: If we are able to get this astronomer to join us, improving her research would help us also.
Sister Embers: But for now, let us head to that tavern you mentioned.
Sister Embers: It is getting dark and this entire building reeks of mold.
Acolyte: And -you don't have to or anything- but could you maybe give this a read?
Acolyte: Y'know, maybe- maybe you'll find something you're interested in.
Acolyte: It was written by an astronomer so, like, there could be something in there about stars and such.
Jamie: Well, I should get back to my research.
Jamie: Good luck to you.
Jamie: Okay, thousand gil sounds reasonable.
Jamie: Don't worry about attaching this thing.
Jamie: The bottom's magnetized, it'll stick to metal.
Jamie: I would come with you and set it up myself but I must stay here and monitor the stars.
Acolyte: How far up do we need to, uh, stick it?
Jamie: Well, it's designed to be put on top of the flagpole.
Jamie: But I suppose any part of the tower generally facing east would work.
Jamie: I haven't really tested this thing until today, so I don't know besides "on the side nearest my lab".
Sister Embers: ...what?
Sister Embers: I never explicitly stated we did not need cash.
Sister Embers: Merely that we would not acquire it illegally.
"Join the cult!"
Acolyte: Well hey, sure! We can help you with this!
Acolyte: But- but we don't need a reward or anything.
Acolyte: We'd just like you to-
Sister Embers: One thousand gil.
Sister Embers: Up front.
Jamie: I have a request to ask of you.
Jamie: This is a mirror array.
Jamie: When you get to the tower, attach it to the outside as high up as possible.
Jamie: This shall make my research much more expedient.
Jamie: Of course, I realize you won't just be satisfied by having sped up scientific progress by who knows how much.
Jamie: Name your price.
Jamie: Come on, come on, where is it...
Jamie: Don't tell me I threw it out...
Jamie: You're going to the tower?!
Acolyte: Y-yeah, tomorrow.
Jamie: How high up?!
Acolyte: ...to the top?
Acolyte: I don't know!
Jamie: Oh, you beautiful, beautiful man.
Jamie: I could kiss you right now.
Acolyte: Please don't.
Acolyte: You're more than a little frightening.
Jamie: Wait here.
Sister Embers: I have managed to convince the thief to turn down the offer.
Sister Embers: However, he is quite upset with the situation and has taken off.
Sister Embers: He told us to come to his office tomorrow at 8 AM.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, what are you doing.
Acolyte: Helping Jamie.
Acolyte: This is so cool! I can see the tower up close.
Acolyte: Hey, Sister Embers, you said you needed line of sight.
Acolyte: Maybe you could look through the telescope and portalwalk us there.
Sister Embers: Once again, it does not work that way.
Sister Embers: I need to see the area with my own eyes.
Sister Embers: No magnification devices of any sort.
Sister Embers: We shall climb.
Acolyte: Aw, man, that thing is huge!
Acolyte: It's gonna take us like all day to get up there.
Jamie: Do you see a large pointed star?
Acolyte: Yeah, I think so.
Acolyte: Kinda hard to make out.
Acolyte: I thought it was still too bright for stars.
Jamie: Not that one.
Jamie: That particular star glows throughout the day.
Jamie: Folk tales say it was born of magic.
Jamie: And with the equinox tomorrow combined with the already happening year-long celestial alignment, it is imperative I monitor it very closely.
Jamie: A day of magical significance like tomorrow could cause extreme disturbances in its' operation.
"Help her set up the equipment."
Jamie: Oh, you're still here.
Jamie: I heard you talking to Hector outside.
Jamie: Tell him I don't have his money.
Jamie: And that he should be thankful I spent it on something useful.
Jamie: That idiot was going to put it in a "retirement fund".
Acolyte: Uh, actually, I wanted to know if I could help you with setting up your equipment?
Acolyte: Y'know, maybe you could use a hand.
Jamie: You are unable to "help" me with anything.
Jamie: But if you do as I say, I can get this done much faster.
Jamie: Look through the telescope on your left.
"Do you even need to get gil?"
Well, it wouldn't hurt. You don't have any money and Sister Embers surely doesn't have much left.
Still, making a new friend is probably worth more than a couple thousand. You think.
Gil: I'm not doing this just for me, y'know.
Gil: I'm going to split the money with you guys.
Sister Embers: That does not matter.
Sister Embers: We are here to speak to this astronomer about joining us, not to rob her.
Acolyte: I think I might go talk to her, you guys.
Gil: Oh come on!
Gil: This is easy money right there for the taking!
Gil: I get that you guys are all cult-crazy, but there's NO WAY you don't understand how important money is!
Sister Embers: We have done fine without it.
Sister Embers: In addition, theft from the weak is a sin.
Acolyte: See if maybe I can get her to like us.
Gil: Okay, A: hypocrisy much? You guys stole something literally yesterday!
Gil: B: This isn't stealing! We're RETURNING something that WAS stolen!
Acolyte: Guys? Are you even listening?
Gil: With a small finders' fee!
Sister Embers: That makes no sense.
Gil: YOU MAKE NO SENSE!
Acolyte: Alright then.
Gil: Well hey, sure!
Sister Embers: Absolutely not.
Hector: Well hey, sure, if you want.
Hector: But since you're with Gil, I figure you're cool, I could tell you a bit more.
Hector: See, I've had slightly different motives to checking up on Jamie than just friendly concern.
Hector: That lady didn't just up and leave for Veriton, she also took about five grand of my savings with her to "fund her research".
Hector: Just a little friendly misunderstanding, I'm sure.
Hector: I figure if there's still anything left of it and you guys find it, we could split it, say, 60-40.
Hector: Seeing as I tipped you off to this anyway.
Hector: What do all y'all say?
Hector: Oh, you guys actually kept your end of the promise up.
Hector: And I see you've met Gil, nice.
Gil: Hey Hector.
Hector: Hey, you ol' bastard.
Hector: Ever gonna come back and pay your tab?
Gil: Not a chance.
Acolyte: You two know each other?
Gil: I know everyone.
Sister Embers: Enough of this.
Sister Embers: Barkeeper, we have completed your mission.
Sister Embers: Your acquaintance is quite safe. We have personally verified this.
Sister Embers: This concludes our dealings.
Hector: Hey, what's up?
Gil: Yeah, pretty sweet, huh?
Gil: Had it specially made to match my outfit.
Gil: Okay, it's calling.
"Tell her the barkeeper sent you."
Jamie: This is ridiculous.
Jamie: I don't have time to listen to your babbling, I need to get my equipment set up.
Jamie: The sun has almost set and nothing is prepared.
Jamie: I don't care if you leave or stay, but don't touch anything and don't bother me.
Acolyte: We got...sent by this guy...
Acolyte: Have his...number...
Gil: Oh, you have a scrying frequency you're supposed to call?
Gil: Why didn't you say so?
Gil: I think I have my portable scryer with me, hold on.
Gil: Wo-hoah there, that is a big ol' crossbow.
Gil: And I say that as a fellow crossbow enthusiast.
Gil: Anyway, sorry, y'know, we were just passing through.
Gil: We were gonna ask if you wanted to subscribe to our mailing list, but, y'know, there's our answer right there, eh?
Gil: We'll be on our way now.
Sister Embers: Every word of that was objectively incorrect.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, stop your nap and help me explain how wrong that was.
"Acolyte, she's hot!"
You'd be a little happier about this if your face didn't hurt so much.
Acolyte: Come on now, you two.
Acolyte: You're being overly dramatic.
Acolyte: This door'll open if we just use some common courtesy.
Acolyte: Astronomers are still people, afterall.
Sister Embers: Yes, acolyte.
Sister Embers: That is exactly why we are concerned.
Gil: Yeah, kid, I've been around quite a bit and my overall opinion of humanity is pretty low at this point.
Gil: I'd say about 80 percent of people would not react well if you knocked on their door in this situation.
Gil: So our chances of this ending well are what, 20 percent?
Gil: Those aren't the kind of odds I like to gamble w-
Gil: See, what'd I tell you.
Gil: So, how are we doing this?
Sister Embers: Perhaps stealth is the best approach here.
Sister Embers: I am unsure, but I may still remember some sound-muffling spells.
Gil: I left my grappling crossbow at home, but I could probably climb down into a window from the roof.
Gil: Sneak around and unlock the door from inside.
Sister Embers: Now then.
Sister Embers: We must look through all the rooms in this building.
Sister Embers: The simplest way to do this would be to split up, each person searching a single floor and then returning to-
Gil: Searching, schmearching.
Gil: You're looking for an astronomer, right?
Gil: I would bet my hat she's on the top floor.
Gil: Most likely her room is the one where the door is covered in crazy shit.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, pay attention.
Sister Embers: We have arrived.
Yours isn't very good. You don't really feel any different holding magic stuff or being around it in general.
You're not sure magic sensitivity is caused by anything. It's just something everyone is born with in different amounts.
Acolyte: Sister Embers?
Acolyte: I was thinking about finding us a place to stay.
Sister Embers: I suppose you mean "finding me a place to stay".
Sister Embers: I do not require rest.
Acolyte: Yeah, I guess, sure.
Acolyte: Anyway, what about that Truth tavern we got told about?
Acolyte: I mean, it's weird, but in a way, wouldn't that be the safest place?
Acolyte: There wouldn't be any criminals there or anything.
Sister Embers: Safety in the eye of the storm.
Sister Embers: Very well, I suppose we can attempt this after we are done with this nonsense.
Sister Embers: Though as I've said, I do not see a need to rest, so the whole affair is pointless, really.
Sister Embers: I plan to use the night to explore the city.
Acolyte: Uh, Gil?
Acolyte: Where were you going to go today to drink?
Acolyte: Just curious.
Gil: Oh, uh, it's this place called "The Oasis".
Gil: Nice place. Lots of Church guys there, but if you're cool, they're cool.
Gil: It's on Saints Street.
Acolyte: Is that the place your friend was telling us about?
Gil: Frankie? Yeah, probably.
Gil: We hang out there together sometimes.
Gil: It might sound like a weird choice for someone who's a self-proclaimed professional thief, but it's nice in a way.
Gil: There's pretty much no chance of getting into a brawl or having your wallet stolen, for one.
"Look for the astronomer."
Acolyte: Actually, we do have a thing to do.
Acolyte: We were told to check up on this astronomer lady.
Acolyte: Apparently she lives here.
Gil: Oh yeah, I know where this is.
Gil: No problem.
Gil: Let me just lock things up here and I can show you the way.
Sister Embers: Acolyte.
Sister Embers: Why are you informing this relative stranger of our private business.
Sister Embers: I do not understand this.
Gil: So... do you guys have, like, a place to stay or a friend in town?
Gil: Because I'm not sure how I feel about you sleeping on my roof.
Gil: Even if it is only about 5 PM.
Gil: Alright, I'd say we've got an okay plan going on here.
Gil: Or at least the barebones version of one.
Gil: We can just improvise the rest, I think.
Acolyte: Yeah, this actually sounds like it might work!
Sister Embers: I suppose this plan is acceptable.
Sister Embers: It gives me a chance to demonstrate my warrior prowess.
Gil: Okay, so we're all in agreement.
Gil: We'll get started first thing tomorrow morning.
Gil: We get to the top floor that way and find the armor.
Acolyte: Right. And if there are any locks on anything, we can get them with the key.
Gil: And then we get the armor, we portalwalk out, everything's awesome.
Gil: Say the ruse is found out and we get Church members trying to fight us.
Gil: Then you can just beat them up, right?
Gil: You said you were a great sorceress.
Gil: Put your money where your mouth is.
Sister Embers: Well, I do enjoy fighting people.
Sister Embers: I suppose that could work.
Sister Embers: Very well.
Sister Embers: Assuming we wear disguises - a big assumption as is - what will we do when they fail?
Gil: They won't fail.
Gil: There's like a thousand people living in that tower.
Gil: No one will notice if a couple extra people are around.
Sister Embers: Humor me.
Acolyte: What if we get caught upstairs?
Gil: We will not get caught.
Acolyte: What if we do?
Gil: Fine, whatever.
Gil: We'll wear disguises.
Gil: I can get a couple Church robes by tomorrow, just need to ask Frankie.
Gil: Fine, whatever, easy change.
Gil: We'll just sneak up into the rest of the tower on foot while everyone's listening to the speech.
Gil: I swear, no one pays any attention to anything during that speech.
Gil: Me and the guys got so many wallets last year.
Sister Embers: Many people seem to not understand portal-based transportation.
Sister Embers: The biggest limitation is that you cannot form a portal somewhere you have not been.
Sister Embers: Meaning that we could only use it to, say, exit the top floor once we get there.
Sister Embers: In addition, portalwalking merely shortens the distance between two places.
Sister Embers: It does not completely ignore it.
Sister Embers: So if I opened a portal to the top floor, we would still have to climb up a sheer wall since the exit portal would be directly above us.
Sister Embers: It would merely be a shorter distance than if we tried climbing the actual tower itself.
Sister Embers: No portals.
Gil: We'll be among those people.
Gil: Then, when the Truthbearer starts giving her speech, we can sneak off somewhere and then you can portalwalk us to the top floor.
Gil: Easy peasy.
Sister Embers: It is neither of those things, and I shall now explain why.
Gil: So, the city's gonna have an equinox festival tomorrow.
Gil: They're gonna open up the tower to the public.
Gil: Loads of people will come.
Acolyte: I can cast this hand thing which is kinda neat, I guess, but that's about it.
Acolyte: Sister Embers is real good though.
Acolyte: She does all sorts of magic.
Acolyte: She has that fire she shoots, she has portalwalking...
Sister Embers: Yes.
Sister Embers: And, while technically my production of flame is not classified as magic, I am still quite a skilled sorceress.
Gil: Okay, okay.
Gil: I think I'm kinda starting to see a plan forming here.
Gil: Try and keep up.
Gil: Any of this crap actually do anything?
Acolyte: Well, the 8-ball predicts the future, kinda, I guess.
Acolyte: And apparently the key opens stuff?
Gil: No duh.
Acolyte: No, I mean all sorts of stuff.
Acolyte: Grand Master Flame said it's supposed to be, like, a magic key that opens anything.
Sister Embers: I am inclined to believe his words.
Sister Embers: I can sense fairly powerful magic emanating from that key.
Gil: Oh yeah, I forgot, you're both magic guys.
Gil: You got any useful magic spells?
"Show him what you have on you."
Gil: Wow, good thing you guys bumped into me.
Gil: This is a pretty sad collection.
Gil: A broken useless key, a magic 8-ball, and a bag with a bunch of pamphlets in it.
Gil: No self-respecting god would go for this.
Gil: Excellent question.
Acolyte: ...you don't have a plan?
Gil: Why would I?
Gil: I didn't know I'd be visiting the Tower.
Gil: My plan for today was to fake-save people until 6 PM, then go get drunk with Frankie and the guys.
Gil: But you guys kinda screwed me over on that.
Gil: Besides, I don't know your strengths, the stuff you can do best.
Gil: And if we're forming a plan, we gotta do this as a team.
Gil: Ideas from everyone.
Gil: Don't act like you're not impressed.
Gil: What did I tell ya?
Gil: Ol' Gil knows how to pick 'em.
Sister Embers: I believe the word you are looking for is "impossible", acolyte.
Sister Embers: This is far too dangerous of a task for us to attempt.
Acolyte: Come on, I know it looks like a big thing, but I'm sure we can do it if we work together.
Acolyte: What's the plan, Gil?
Gil: Now then.
Gil: The Tower of Truth.
Gil: Pretty much everyone around here knows about this massive monument to misspending.
Gil: But very few know about its' hidden treasures.
Gil: See that top bit there?
Gil: Stories say that in that bit stands what is the most powerful artifact in town.
Gil: The Armor of Truth.
Gil: I think it used to belong to one of their saints or a god or something, I forget.
Gil: Point is, we're going to break in there and we're going to steal it.
Gil: So it is.
Gil: Yeah, sometimes I forget that the view around here is unflattering to say the least.
Gil: Let's move this conversation outside.
Sister Embers: That is a wall.
Gil: Gentlemen, behold!
Gil: The Tower of Truth.
Acolyte: Well thank you, Mr. Rogue.
Gil: Call me Gil.
Gil: Much faster to say than "Crimson Rogue".
Sister Embers: Oh, I see.
Sister Embers: "Gil" as in the currency.
Sister Embers: How very witty.
Gil: No, "Gil" as in "Gilligan", as in my name.
Gil: Not everything has to be a clever nickname, y'know.
Gil: Anyway, you guys are looking for magic stuff?
Gil: Then I've got one heck of a doozy for you.
Crimson Rogue: Y'know what, kid?
Crimson Rogue: I like you.
Crimson Rogue: I can tell you really believe all the stuff you're saying.
Crimson Rogue: That's pretty rare in believers nowadays.
Acolyte: So you're willing to join us?!
Crimson Rogue: Oh hell no, absolutely not.
Crimson Rogue: However, I AM willing to throw you a freebie.
Crimson Rogue: See just how far this crazy train goes.
Acolyte: So are you going to help us save the world, or are you just wasting our time?
Acolyte: Fine, you know what?
Acolyte: I'll tell you.
Acolyte: We don't have anything to give to you.
Acolyte: Because we are desperate.
Acolyte: I didn't wanna say it, Sister Embers is too proud to say it, but it's true.
Acolyte: We're on our last legs and we are begging you for help.
Acolyte: We're trying to save the world from sin here, but- but we're just two people!
Acolyte: This just isn't going to work unless we get more!
Crimson Rogue: Mmm, mmm, yes.
Crimson Rogue: See, these are all things I already know.
Crimson Rogue: My awesomeness is undeniable.
Crimson Rogue: I'm asking more about what you bring to the table.
Acolyte: Well, I mean, I've got some pamphlets here that explain-
Crimson Rogue: Yeah, no.
Crimson Rogue: I already heard enough about pamphlets from you last time.
Crimson Rogue: My point is: what do you have to offer?
Acolyte: Well, y'know, I just saw you during that key thing, and you were pretty good.
Acolyte: Really fast and stuff.
Acolyte: So I- we thought that maybe you could really help us out with collecting some, y'know, magic artifacts and such.
Acolyte: That would really help.
Crimson Rogue: Anyway, enough about that.
Crimson Rogue: Let's get to business.
Crimson Rogue: Why do YOU guys think the Crimson Rogue should work with you?
Crimson Rogue: Especially considering that you don't have any money and we're not exactly "friends".
Crimson Rogue: Go ahead, really wow me.
Crimson Rogue: Ah, home sweet home.
Crimson Rogue: Yeah, this place has all the modern conveniences.
Crimson Rogue: Running water, electricity - both light and telephone, heating...
Acolyte: Uh... Mister Crimson Rouge?
Crimson Rogue: Rouge? No, it's supposed to be "rogue".
Crimson Rogue: Crap, you probably got one of the typo-ed cards.
Crimson Rogue: Stupid magical copies.
Crimson Rogue: Like 10 percent of them are messed up.
Acolyte: Well, I was just wondering...
Acolyte: What was that thing back there all about?
Crimson Rogue: Oh, that?
Crimson Rogue: Pretty standard stuff.
Crimson Rogue: Frankie leads some tourists to an alley, her and the guys try to rob them, then I come in, pretend to beat them up a bit.
Crimson Rogue: They run away, good publicity for me, and I steal whatever the victims have on them while they're distracted.
Crimson Rogue: Speaking of which, here's your bag of paper or whatever back.
Acolyte: Wow, you really ARE good.
Crimson Rogue: Yeah, I think maybe having more than one button on your robe would help you there.
Acolyte: Uh...speaking of business, could we maybe talk to you?
Acolyte: We...we'd like your help with something.
Acolyte: If you're not still upset over the key thing.
Crimson Rogue: Oh, forget about that, man.
Crimson Rogue: A wise man once told me "holding grudges never pays more than having business partners" and I agree with that.
Crimson Rogue: Anyway, a vague job offer by a couple of strangers in a shady back alley?
Crimson Rogue: I'm down.
Crimson Rogue: Let's discuss it at my place, it's only a couple minutes from here.
Crimson Rogue: Okay you guys, sorry about that whole mess.
Crimson Rogue: I sent Frankie and the rest of 'em off for the day.
Crimson Rogue: Honestly, Frankie's alright, she's just got that youthful kinda tendency to mess things up sometimes.
Crimson Rogue: Great kid otherwise, though.
Crimson Rogue: Oh hey, you're those guys from the museum, what's up?
Acolyte: I- Huh?
Acolyte: How did you recognize us?
Acolyte: We're wearing hoods and everything!
Crimson Rogue: I think you just answered your own question there.
Crimson Rogue: Anyway, yeah, I think Frankie already told you, but no worries, this isn't a religious attack or nothing.
Crimson Rogue: Just business.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, why are you dawdling?
Sister Embers: We are able to slip away while they are arguing amongst themselves.
Acolyte: Wait, Sister Embers, I think maybe we should talk to that guy.
Acolyte: I met him when we went to get the key with Grand Master Flame that one time.
Acolyte: I know he's a sinner, but maybe we could ask him to help us out if we need to steal anything.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, just because he's a sinner doesn't mean talking to him is as safe as talking to all other sinners.
Sister Embers: There is a range of sinners where some are worse than others.
Sister Embers: And this is a prime example of a sinner speaking to whom would be a waste of time.
Acolyte: Look, Sister Embers, you gotta admit I've had some pretty good ideas lately.
Acolyte: Could you PLEASE trust me one more time?
Acolyte: I promise to shut up with my ideas for good if this goes badly.
Sister Embers: Fine.
Sister Embers: But I would still like to go on record as saying that this is a terrible idea.
Hey, yeah. And if you're gonna be doing all sorts of stealing stuff, a thief might be pretty useful.
Maybe this idea could work.
Though you should probably run it by your superior first.
Crimson Rogue: Wh- YOU'RE crazy magic! You're supposed to know that stuff!
Frankie: I already told you like a million times, man, my magic sensitivity sucks.
Frankie: I couldn't tell you someone was magic if they had me in a headlock.
Crimson Rogue: Okay, whatever, but then why is Koth even here?!
Crimson Rogue: What's the point of having him around if he's not even going to detect any magic for you?
Frankie: Well, do you SEE him around?!
Frankie: Dude gets a whiff of a little magic and runs away crying.
Frankie: No chill whatsoever.
Crimson Rogue: First off: Frankie, what the hell?!
Frankie: *cough* *cough*
Frankie: Hey dude.
Crimson Rogue: Oh no, don't you start with the whole "hey dude" thing.
Crimson Rogue: I thought we discussed the plan!
Crimson Rogue: How am I supposed to "save" these guys if they can just beat you up on their own?
Frankie: Well how was I supposed to know they were gonna go all crazy magic on us?!
Frankie: They just looked like a bunch of rubes in robes.
Crimson Rogue: Okay, everyone stop.
Crimson Rogue: I'm going to need all of you helping in order to make sense of this clusterfuck.
Crimson Rogue: ...you...all.
Crimson Rogue: Oh goddammit.
Crimson Rogue: Fear not, dumb citizens!
Crimson Rogue: I, the Crimson Rogue, will save-
???: What's this?
???: A robbery in the town of shining truth?!
???: Not on my watch!
Sister Embers: Hm.
Sister Embers: I was going to recommend that you find something to hide behind, but I suppose that works just as well.
Beard Guy: Wh- no, dude, come on!
Beard Guy: Crap.
Beard Guy: Guys, I gotta go!
Beard Guy: If I don't catch him he'll be running around like this all day!
Sister Embers: Must we really do this? Very well.
Sister Embers: I suppose it is time to show you the power of our lord.
Sister Embers: Now then.
Sister Embers: Acolyte-
Acolyte: Already on it.
Francine: You know how this goes.
Francine: Any money and/or expensive stuff you've got goes to us.
Francine: And, uh, please don't take this as an attack against your faith.
Francine: This is just a "stupid tourist" tax.
Francine: Anyway, yeah, nevermind.
Francine: Good eye on the alley thing, man.
Francine: You would not believe how many people just walk in here after me.
Francine: It's too late now, though, because guess what?
Francine: This is a robbery!
Francine: No, I can't.
Francine: Will you listen to me?
Francine: I'm sounding crazier than an astronomer with this bullshit.
Francine: Ah, good times.
Acolyte: So... what is this place to stay you were talking about, sister?
Francine: Oh yeah, it's a great place.
Francine: It's not, like, specifically a Church place, but it might as well be.
Francine: Our guys are basically the entire customer base.
Francine: The owner used to be captain of the church guard.
Acolyte: I mean, that's great and all, but...
Acolyte: This is looking more like some alley.
Francine: Well, you know how it is.
Francine: The brightest light is always the one after an age of darkness.
Francine: And, similarly, the cleanest bar is always the one at the end of-
Francine: At the end of a dirty freaking-
Acolyte: Sister Embers, I know you'll call me an idiot because I don't already know, but what are we doing?
Acolyte: Why are we pretending to be members of the guys that tried to arrest us, like, three hours ago?
Sister Embers: Do not worry, acolyte, I remember that well.
Sister Embers: I am merely attempting social manipulation.
Sister Embers: This city is the center of the Church.
Sister Embers: If we become trusted within these walls, we will be able to sow dissent within.
Sister Embers: Or possibly pilfer their most valued artifacts.
Sister Embers: We still require artifacts, acolyte.
Acolyte: Okay, okay, I get it.
Francine: Well hey, sure!
Francine: I know a place just down the street that would be great for you.
Francine: C'mon, I'll show you guys the way.
Sister Embers: Thank you.
Sister Embers: We shall be right behind you.
Sister Embers: Come along, acolyte.
Acolyte: Oh, no, sorry, I think you're confused.
Acolyte: We're not- oof
Sister Embers: What my companion is trying to say is that we are indeed members of the Church.
Sister Embers: You have a keen eye to spot us despite our lack of traditional attire.
Sister Embers: We are quite new to this city and would be honored if you could help us find a place to stay.
Lady: It's so nice to meet some fellow followers!
Lady: Not that it's hard to do around here.
Lady: But from your clothes, I assume you're new in town.
Lady: I know it can be scary being in a new place, so I thought I'd come up and introduce myself.
Francine: My name is Francine, second class cleric.
Francine: Is there anything I could help you two with?
Acolyte: Oh, no, we- we like the Church!
Acolyte: Totally behind it all the way.
Acolyte: Love 'em to heck.
News Guy: Yeah man.
News Guy: Leader of the Church of Truth?
News Guy: She lives at the top of that big ol' tower in the middle of town?
News Guy: If you folks are gonna stay here for any extended period of time, you really need to brush up on your local knowledge.
News Guy: Veriton isn't too fun if you don't like the Church.
News Guy: So, you guys are here for the equinox gathering?
Acolyte: You celebrate the equinox?
News Guy: Well, the city officially doesn't, but the Church of Truth does.
News Guy: It'll be tomorrow.
News Guy: They're gonna open up the tower to the public for a day, it'll be great.
News Guy: I hear the Truthbearer is even going to make an opening speech.
Acolyte: I- but-
Acolyte: Sister Embers, a little help, please?
"Go check on the news."
Acolyte: Hey there.
Acolyte: What's the good word around town?
News Guy: Sorry buddy, gossip is for paying customers only!
Sister Embers: Now then.
Sister Embers: As Grand Master Flame liked to say, "time to go save the world".
Sister Embers: Let us divine a good way to start.
Sister Embers: Acolyte, you are in my way.
Acolyte: Oh, sorry!
Sister Embers: Yes, you will be if you do not move quickly.
You're right. If you're going to get your rank back -and be part of the cult in general- you need to step up your game.
And what better place to do this than a new city? New place, new you.
From now on, you're not making a single mistake ever again.
Looks like the Church of Truth is pretty serious around here.
Sister Embers: The future awaits.
Sister Embers: Has my answer eased your mind?
Acolyte: I suppose.
Acolyte: I'm just more surprised you took off your hood.
Acolyte: I don't think I've ever seen you do that.
Sister Embers: Yes, well, this is a personal matter.
Sister Embers: The kind that should not be discussed by faces hidden in shadows using hushed tones.
Sister Embers: Now let us rest.
Sister Embers: But I believe in redemption.
Sister Embers: I feel that even the worst sinners may be saved through tireless work.
Sister Embers: And in the end, they shall thank us for it.
Acolyte: So... everyone else is a bad person?
Sister Embers: No, no, of course not.
Sister Embers: They have no choice but to think of us as villains.
Sister Embers: That is what society has taught them.
Sister Embers: Sin is ingrained in humanity.
Sister Embers: It has rotted it to its' very core.
Sister Embers: *sigh*
Sister Embers: It is good you came to me with this, acolyte.
Sister Embers: To tell the truth, I have also struggled with issues of morality in the past.
Sister Embers: But I can reassure you.
Sister Embers: Everything we do is watched over by our Lord.
Sister Embers: Our actions all lead towards a better world.
Sister Embers: The rest of humanity merely does not see this, for their minds are clouded by sin.
Acolyte: It's just... what that guy said today.
Acolyte: I don't know his name.
Acolyte: Y'know, the paladin guy.
Acolyte: He was really angry and all, but he wasn't that wrong.
Acolyte: People really don't seem to like us.
Acolyte: I mean,we're getting chased around by the police, by the Church of Truth...
Acolyte: And we steal stuff and stuff.
Acolyte: So I guess my question is:
Acolyte: Are they right to not like us?
Acolyte: Are we bad people?
Sister Embers: Good. We shall arrive in Veriton in a matter of hours.
Sister Embers: With ample time left to plan.
Acolyte: Sister Embers?
Acolyte: Can I ask a stupid question?
Sister Embers: I was not aware you suddenly needed permission to ask stupid questions.
Sister Embers: Usually you just do it without asking me.
Acolyte: Sister Embers, seriously, this is important to me.
Sister Embers: Very well.
Sister Embers: What is on your mind, acolyte?
Acolyte: Well, it definitely looks like we're out of Stonekey.
Acolyte: Just looks like grass as far as the eye can see.
Rick: STOP IN THE NAME OF TRUTH!
Rick: I NEED TO ARREST THEM!
Sister Embers: Surely you know that nicotine is one of the most dangerous substances known to man.
Sister Embers: Millions die because of it every year.
Sister Embers: But if you quit right now, it may still be possible for you to see the birth of your grandchildren.
Driver: I- you're right.
Driver: I ain't lettin' no tobacco dictate my fate!
Driver: Today is the first day of the rest of my life!
Driver: Now get in.
Driver: We're goin' to Veriton!
Sister Embers: Driver.
Sister Embers: We have tickets to ride with you.
Sister Embers: Quickly, get in your saddle or what have you.
Driver: Sorry, ma'am.
Driver: Smoke break.
Driver: Ain't goin' nowhere til' this cigarette is gone.
Sister Embers: Did the paladin prove to be any trouble?
Acolyte: No, not really.
Acolyte: I'm pretty used to verbal abuse by now.
Sister Embers: Excellent.
Sister Embers: Come on, acolyte.
Sister Embers: I have acquired two tickets for a carriage leaving right now.
Sister Embers: We must make haste.
Acolyte: I-I'm sorry, man, I have to go.
Acolyte: Maybe we could pick this up another time?
Rick: Wh-wh- you can't- you can't do that!
Rick: Hey! I'm arresting him!
Rick: Listen here, cultist.
Rick: No one wants you here.
Rick: We do not care what you believe in and we do not need you peddling it to us.
Rick: You messed with the wrong town, buddy.
Rick: Because it's the one I live in.
Rick: And I swear that I will NEVER stop until every single one of your kind is behind bars.
Rick: Until even your children shudder when they hear the name-
Sister Embers: Hello.
Sister Embers: I would like to purchase another ticket.
Cashier: OH COME ON!
Cashier: Thank you for using Stonekey Transportation.
Cashier: Now get out of here.
Cashier: Okay! God! One ticket to Veriton, leaving in 10 minutes!
Cashier: There! I got you a ticket without asking where the hell you were going! Happy?!
Sister Embers: I suppose so, though your customer service skills leave a lot to be desired.
Sister Embers: And here is your cash.
Acolyte: Look, seriously, I'm trying to be nice here.
Acolyte: Maybe we just got off on the wrong foot yesterday, we could get to know each other a little better.
Rick: Me? Know you?!
Rick: That idea is so laughable I won't even waste the energy to laugh at it.
Rick: You oppose everything I believe in.
Rick: There is no way I would ever want to know ANYTHING about you.
Cashier: No, look, I HAVE to know where you're going if you want a ticket!
Sister Embers: I do not respond well to extortion.
Cashier: It's not extortion! I literally can't give you a ticket if I don't know where you're going!
Sister Embers: What is stopping you?
Sister Embers: So far it seems to be sheer laziness.
Rick: You've made a big mistake coming here, villain!
Acolyte: Hey man, come on, that hurts my feelings.
Rick: Ha! Nice try!
Rick: I know dark scum like you have no feelings!
Acolyte: Seriously, you're being kind of a jerk.
Rick: I'M being a j- YOU BLEW UP A HOUSE!
Acolyte: That was an accident!
Cashier: ...I'm sorry?
Sister Embers: I should say so, after that previous comment.
Sister Embers: Now get me a ticket. And no more personal questions.
Sister Embers: Hello. I would like to purchase a ticket.
Cashier: Very well, miss. Where are you heading?
Sister Embers: Why should I tell you?
Acolyte: Yep, it's- it's me.
Acolyte: Oh boy, I sure have made a mistake coming in here.
Acolyte: I bet you've got a whole lot to say after what happened yesterday.
Acolyte: Wow, what a funny coincidence, huh?
Acolyte: Life can be like that sometimes.
Acolyte: Oh wow, would you look at that?
Acolyte: It's- it's you! And right here!
He's not even the boss of you.
Actually, when you sent in the request to start a Church of Truth branch in Stonekey, the letter came back addressed to YOU.
So, y'know, technically you're his boss.
"Stakeout is SUPER imp