AlterniaFM
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Beelzebr8k.

Panel #1
Your name is Zach. As was not previously mentioned it is your BIRTHDAY. A number of DICKS are scattered about your room. You have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a passion for REALLY GREAT COSPLAYERS, infact, YOU ARE ONE.
You like to anally masturbate but you are NOT VERY GOOD AT IT. You have a fondness for ONLINE EROTIC FAN FICTION, and are an aspiring YAOI SHIPPER. You also like to MURDER CHILDREN sometimes.
What will you do?