AlterniaFM
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Check your IPDASMARTPHONE and learn who is in charge of this stupid place.

Smart phone? You don't have one of those, and you probably never will. You're not sure how you'd use it to find out who's in charge in this place to begin with. Maybe someone made an app or something.

Nevertheless, you pull out your relatively intelligent phone and turn it on.
Panel #1
No service. Stupid smart phone.