Go Get a Roomie!

Jhonen: Update Equius.

Panel #1
Equius used to be your neighbor.

And he is pretty much the most awesome guy you know.

Well, besides Daivat. But Daivat is awesome in a cool way. Equius is awesome in a hot way.

He is the kind of guy that you think would be totally perfect as a movie star. Not one of the stuck-up, pretty-but-snobby movie stars, but one of the GOOD ones. A movie star who excels both at performing action sequences and at seeming strong yet merciful. He could be in some sort of movie that involved a good troll stuck in a bad place who has to be heroic. With explosions and plane crashes. Maybe the whole thing could take place on a plane! It would be a really cool movie.

But whenever you mentioned the possibility of acting to him, he would chide you for being "even more e%ceptionally f001ish than usual" and tell you to stop joking. Although you were not joking.

He is just like the main character in the hypothetical movie you think he should star in: a good troll stuck in a bad place. Except the "bad place" is both the low end of the hemospectrum and his own mind. His blue blood means that he will be naturally relegated to manual labor jobs. But his own attitude is what is going to keep him stuck there, when you think he is really qualified to do so much more than that. He should really be like an expert roboticist or something, or whatever you call people who do lots of cool robot stuff.

Or maybe a doctor--you once saw him remove a tumor in someone's brain using nothing but a pickaxe, a box of tacks, and a funny-shaped rock. True, that troll died. But it took four whole nights and the tumor would have killed him anyway.

Or he could be a movie star. Duh.

But seriously, he COULD be anything, and he probably won't. It just makes you feel so bad for him, 'cause he really deserves more. There is not much you can do for him, but you wish you could at least be there for him...

Okay, okay, so you actually have this crazy mad flushed crush on him. No shame in crushing on your neighbor. Even if he has not been your neighbor for almost a sweep now.

But who knows? Soon, maybe he will be again.

In any case, you need to remind him that you are coming to Surrogia tomorrow! You sign onto your fancy new adult account to do so. Oooh, and you get to use your symbol thing that you only use with him, the neat -/\- thing to go with his awesome +--) thing. You are not sure what yours means, but at least it matches his.

jhonenEgbert [JE] began trolling equiusZahhak [EZ]
JE: -/\- hey equius!
JE: -/\- equius?
JE: -/\- did you leave the computer on again?
JE: -/\- hahaha, well i guess you'll see this when you get home!
JE: -/\- i just wanted to remind you that i'm coming to surrogia tomorrow.
JE: -/\- we're still gonna meet in a gold quadrant to have lunch and hang out and stuff, right?
JE: -/\- in the, uhhh...
JE: -/\- black gold quadrant?
JE: -/\- (that's what you call the southwest one, right? i'm trying to learn surrogia's map!)
JE: -/\- i found out all the restaurants that give a discount to clergy so we're good to go.
JE: -/\- and you can finally meet daivat!
JE: -/\- he's my friend that you didn't like the sound of because he hides his color, remember?
JE: -/\- but he won't be hiding it tomorrow anymore.
JE: -/\- and we've met a few times so i already know he's not a sea dweller, so you should be ok with him.
JE: -/\- (personally, i'm almost completely sure he's an indigo blood.)
JE: -/\- (he's into the same weird clown cult as the other subjugglator you always complain about.)
JE: -/\- (gamezy, right?)
JE: -/\- (and he gets angry really easily sometimes.)
JE: -/\- (but i guess i'll find out tomorrow.)
JE: -/\- hey, if we're in a gold quadrant, maybe you can invite your moirail and we all can hang out together.
JE: -/\- i've always wanted to meet her!
JE: -/\- don't worry, i'll be completely respectful.

EZ: oh my cod do you never zhut up
JE: -/\- ... huh?
JE: -/\- ...equius?

EZ: at firzt you were kind a funny but now youre juzt annoyin
EZ: cant you zee the zweaty azzhole iznt on
EZ: zo fuck off already
EZ: jejus

JE: -/\- ummmm...?!
JE: -/\- who are you?

EZ: fuck
EZ: forget it i zhouldnt have even zaid anythin

JE: -/\- seriously!
JE: -/\- who are you and what are you doing on equius's computer?

EZ: i
EZ: im hiz future doom

JE: -/\- excuse me, WHAT?!
JE: -/\- who the hell are you and what the hell are you doing to equius?!

EZ: im
EZ: zarada

JE: -/\- zarada??
JE: -/\- you mean
JE: -/\- sarada?
JE: -/\- his robot??

EZ: ezzentially
EZ: or more like
EZ: im the uninbaited hive guezt

JE: -/\- uhhhh what??
JE: -/\- start making sense RIGHT NOW!
JE: -/\- what do you think you're doing with equius?

EZ: im gobin to do what he did to me
EZ: im latica lacert

JE: -/\- who?
EZ: what do you mean who
EZ: that waz the big dramatic reveal
EZ: you mean he haznt mentunaed me

JE: -/\- uh, no?
EZ: FUCK
EZ: look
EZ: im a fuckin ghozt

JE: -/\- are you trying to say he killed you?
EZ: YEZ nubhornz he killed me
JE: -/\- ohhhh.
JE: -/\- this would have been a lot easier if you had just said that first!

EZ: glub you
JE: -/\- heheheh.
JE: you're a sea dweller?
JE: or were, i guess?

EZ: no fuckin duh jeniuz
JE: ohhh.
JE: that explains why he hasn't mentioned you.

EZ: cod
EZ: youre az bad az him

JE: hey, he's not that bad!
JE: don't say stuff like that about him!

EZ: he FUCKIN KILLED ME
JE: oh.
JE: right.
JE: sorry.