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Panel #1
A young man stands in his bedroom. It is CHRISTMAS AFTERNOON. Despite having completed all your classes for your degree in SOCIOLOGY two years ago, you believe you will only receive your degree now, due to a HORRIBLE BUREAUCRATIC ERROR that was IN NO WAY YOUR FAULT.

This is not your BIRTHDAY, which is not important and will likely never be revealed in the future. It definitely does not coincide with any OBSCURE NATIONAL HOLIDAYS, and you don’t take kindly to any UNWARRANTED CONJECTURE on the subject. You have STOPPED CARING about your birthday a long time ago as you are now TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD.

Your name is BRAD KIRKSON, and you have a variety of INTERESTS. You have a strong passion for RANDOM TRIVIA, and you have been known to wind away many days at a time by playing ONLINE CHESS. You enjoy DARK HUMOR, and listen to NATIONAL PUBLIC RADIO on PARTICULARLY BORING WEEKENDS. You have also been known to enjoy occasional EPILEPTIC SEIZURES and FITS OF MANIC DEPRESSION. Your MEDICATION makes you very tired, and your NATURALLY LATE WAKEUP TIME can easily wrap around to the NEXT DAY when taking it. As a result, you often go UNMEDICATED. You wear a lot of BLUE STRIPED POLOS, not because you like them, but because your mother buys them for you, and you don’t care enough about how you look to spend your DELIVERY BOY SALARY on new clothes.

You are expecting a NEW COMPUTER GAME as a CHRISTMAS PRESENT, but you have not opened your gifts as you JUST WOKE UP.

What will you do?