It's too late for this.

You are ALAN, and your phone has been buzzing for the last five minutes.

You hate waking up in the middle of the night. In fact, you hate waking up, period. You just wish people would let you be when you're trying to give your tired head a rest.

You keep ignoring it. It keeps buzzing.

You finally reach for your phone, mustering every bit of colorful language your dormant brain can remember to answer to your despicable nagger.

Yet, as you unlock the screen and your eyes blink and tear up due to the painfully bright light, you can't help but snicker.